MOST DETAILED guide to choosing a partner | Based on relationship science
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- čas přidán 22. 05. 2024
- I’m Shridhar, a Counseling Psychologist. Relationships are a lot of work, but that work can become smoother if we can choose the right person for us. Watch this video to understand what attachment is and what relationship psychology suggests about minimizing the chances of ending up in the wrong relationship with someone.
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0.00 Intro
0.41 The problem
1.07 Why attraction is not a good criterion?
3.00 Halo effect
4.14 How to prevent attachment to the wrong person?
4.46 Understanding attachment
7.50 First recommendation
8.08 Second recommendation
8.27 Third recommendation
8.40 Fourth recommendation
8.55 Fifth recommendation
9.47 What are the assessment criteria?
9.56 Approach to take with the criteria
11.22 Division of criteria
11.44 First criteria
13.05 Second criteria
14.42 Third criteria
17.01Second category
17.18 First criteria
18.00 Second criteria
18.29 Third criteria
19.17 Fourth criteria
20.31 Fifth criteria
21.29 Sixth criteria
22.01 Bonus principles
22.05 First principle
22.29 Second principle
23.03 Third principle
23.22 Conclusion
22.34 Need counseling from Shridhar lifeschool?
I ruled out so many red flags that I ruled out everyone
Haha. Well single life can be good too :D
@@Shridharlifeschooling yeah really..
@@Shridharlifeschooling please make a video on single life for people entering or above 40s and road ahead with no marital prospects...
@@Shridharlifeschooling hmm maybe but it’s very lonely you don’t even have an emergency contact
😄
The importance of a single life can only be understood after getting married. And hence the single life is understated.
When he says; run away when partner treats you inferior! And he is absolutely right.😂
😂😂😂
Avoiding the wrong person is far better than finding the right person. I hope people understand it sooner. You won't die if they who you think to be right don't come to you. You might think of dying if they who seem right at the beginning come and later leave you.
we should avoid the wrong ones while searching/waiting for right one
@@shilpirana9568 The first one is a priority, a necessity so that one's life doesn't become a living hell. The second one could be a luxury, a wish fulfilment even without which living is possible and even better with social services as people need knowledge, awareness, enlightenment, spiritual susceptibility more than a significant other in the time of growing number of humans vs resources.
best advice🤗
@@poonambairagi2809 thank you🙏
So, Looks is not a actual criteria to choose the right partner...
Attraction is most important. Always remember that. You are choosing a romantic partner n not a flatmate, guardian or just friend. Attraction is not always looks.
True… Attraction is more towards personality and how we feel with the person.. if we are attracted to someone we can spend 5-6 hours easily.. however if we r not attracted we can’t even tolerate the person more than 1 hours.. I feel we are even attracted to our friends.. there r ppl who we can’t even talk to
in genz lingo vibes
1. Attraction not good thing select partner
2. Assement first attachment later
3.Avoiding red flags way more important than collecting green flags
4.2 categories are important to assess person
Relationship outcome levels
High important traits
Relationship outcome level
1) Positive
it protects you from tough situation if they have
2) synergy of dreams and desires
Ask their short term, middle time,long time goal check cohesive with your goal , it shouldn't be opposite end ,if its it again red flag
3) negative
How well both of you managing emotion during conflict? To solve problem
Through listen to partner
Accept mistake
Try to resolve
Dont allow
High negative emotion
Inability to resolve conflict
High important traits
1.Equality of status
Rules for both of us
2.Unconditional respect
Are they treating you with respect
3.high priority for you and your Relationship
1st priority it determines how much time and energy they are giving on you
4. Loyalty
Are they loyal to you ?
Know their past ?
Why they will be loyal to you ?
5. Commitment
Are they saying I will break up ,or they have some tolerance
6.honesty and transparency
Are this person is liar
attractiveness is not bad but it should be reciprocated. else sex life will suffer. i have had two girls confess to me but I didn't find them attractive. now after many years, I do. so a woman is fine if shes shows equal interest in you
We can't say that taking time to choose a partner always leads to successful relationship, so many relationships are successfully going for years with their acceptance in maximum 1 week only if they had really met their perfect match , it’s like a magical bond that never breaks❤😊
I trusted my brain the first time and my marriage still failed. Second time around, I'm trusting my gut feelings, and so far so good. There are challenges, but we love each other enough to make it work. I think love is the foundation you need, and the commitment that you will stick through.
What should you choose love or money for marriage?
What's ur suggestion for how to choose partner
@@jayeshbhagat4754 You both should share the same belief system 80% of the time.
In your case it's was hit and miss scenario, and it's doesn't prove anything.
Those days love conquers all. Today, compatability conquers all.
Just two days back, I got cheated on by someone who was looking for all these traits in me whilst himself being an absolute pretentious man with a habit of compulsively lying. This video is truly amazing tho. And when Shridhar says “don’t forget your deal breakers”, it hit home. It’s no shit. Before going into that relationship I was well aware of my needs and boundaries but as soon as I caught feelings, everything started to become hazy. Anyway, it’s sad we can’t undo what’s already happened. Although I am deeply hurt right now, I know I will be fine in a couple months/years. If anything, this was a huge lesson for me. Love and strength to anyone else who is going through the same pain right now. Just know, it wasn’t your fault, you’re not alone and this too shall pass❤️
This too shall pass
Yes ...it's very hurtful
Coz we are loyal at their back but later came to know from years he was cheating u
Don't worry u will be fine..
Yes. And you're doing great. Stay strong
Most of time we don't or can't choose our Parents, Teachers, Boss, wife and friends etc in life...but we feel and proudly believe that we have chosen one...
basically communication is the most important skill in relationship and marriage
There is nothing bigger than destiny
Rules for men:
1) Know yourself and be honest in expressing yourself! Don't try hard to impress! You cannot be that impressive person lifelong. Don't put efforts in this phase where you are trying to getting to know each other!
2) Similar ideas or common goals with respect to finance means your relationship has already scored 50% marks.
3) Excitement fades, monotony prevails and committment only saves. Stay committed to your partner! This is where you need to put in efforts. You will experience a different version of love when you just start caring for each other and be peaceful with each other's company.
4) Choose your partner who is attractive for your eyes but not for the society's standards! Physical attraction is essential to engage in physìcal relationship, especially if you are a man. You have a visual stimulus that triggers the neural system and makes your little boy stand. You cannot fake to make your partner happy.
5) Accept that you cannot have it all. Be a little bit of stoic here!
I'm really stuck at the 6) points you made. Physical attraction is important because as a man I need to feel excited about physical stuff. Any guidance on how to look at this requirement in an arranged marriage? Two girls with almost the same nature but one is okayish looking with a good salary and the other is good looking but has an average job. I should be looking at long-term stability as well but at the same time confused if I can ignore the looks.
@@VG-ew4cnPhysical attraction is important but you need to understand what physical attraction is for you, it could be a tall guy, short guy, fair, dusky, curly hair, straight hair, etc. But do not rely on the social standards of looks- fair only, tall only, etc. Find out what your heart truly desires and what you truly like.
@@VG-ew4cn no you shouldn't ignore looks
It is the only thing makes a man fall in love with his wife
Choose the girl whom you find attractive
Salary of the girl have less importance
You need to love her first
Otherwise you will fail to love her and then she will have to live a miserable life where her husband doesn't feel any kind of attraction for her
It is most painful situation for women
( coming from a woman)
I have been thru a failed arranged marriage. I can vouch for all that you have said to be true. But will add one more point, not giving in to attachment stems up from having a high self esteem. No amount of knowledage will work otherwise. To be able to love yourself alone and not only when validated in a relationship.
Relationship outcome level:
1)Positive
2)Negative
3)Desire of outcome
High Importance traits:
1)Equality of status-feelings,wishes etc.
2)Unconditional respect
3)High priority for relationships and you.
4)Give higher attention, and are loyal to you.
5)Ask the reasons for every answer they give.
6)Commitment for life.
भौतिकवाद भोगवाद बाजारवाद स्वार्थवाद गलाकाट प्रतियोगिता "मेरा जीवन मेरी मरज़ी मेरी ख़ुद गर्जी" के दौर मे इंसान का खुद से रिश्ता सही नहीं है तो भाई दोस्त पत्नी सन्तान ससुराल के साथ क्या खाक सही रहेगा.......
Attraction is very important in a relationship.. It is very difficult to form a connection without attraction.
We can learn to reduce its importance. Not zero. Just less.
Attraction will spark your interest but it won’t maintain the relationship.
Very true,if attraction isn't important why do you need to have a relationship with a girl/woman ,this guy is just stupid
In my experience, attraction can develop over time. Like u find a guy visually unattractive at first but then you start finding them cute once u get to know them.
OMG just amazingly described ♥️
The way you explained…hats offf…Thank you
What an Amazing Video Sridhar- this comes at the right time and your first point on attraction was so apt. Loved watching the brilliant tips.
Thank you 🙏
You are a gem who saved so many😢 i really wanna thankyouuuu. I have tears😢 thankyouuuu so mucchhhh ❤
Upto the mark explanation, really a psychological, scientific and rational approach. Thanks clearing thaught process.
Very very useful & explained in a way that's easy to digest. Absolutely loved the content & structure
So perfectly explained. Amazing !!! This is giving 100 % clarity
I think some level of attraction is required in a marriage. Otherwise it feels like a business partner
True without attraction I don't think u love someone unconditionally .... it's not a different kind of love ...not a friendship ... looks don't matter
mrrg and relationship are wymn's business.. it's kind of transaction.. where men have to pay like a fool while she may or may not have s3x
Very well sketched and super professional. Thanks
Sir, most of your videos are superb, but this one is gold. Take a bow.
I wish we had something like this earlier..
Omggg!!how well u explained and covered all topics !!I have watched tons of video regarding this topic but couldn't find as informative as this video.lol❤️🤗
Very good advice. Clear and easy to follow. Thanks for this video.
Posted at perfect timing, thank you 🙏
Thank you so much ❤. It's a beautiful video. I watched this at the right time.
I would definitely tell after watching this video... It was a complete plate with all dishes ❣️
I have never come cross such best video. Super work.
I cant believe... This is absolutely True
I am grateful that I can consume this entire contact free. This video has a great deal of information that will retrospect your every decision.
Trust me …you are such a amazing person sir ..thanks a lot for giving such good content …🤟😀
Thank god I came across this video ❤️ I'm 26 and single. I hope I will find someone better 😌
This is really the best video on choosing a partner I have ever seen
Thnq soo much sir🙏
I will always be grateful that I found your channel 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Wow!!! You just saved me brother. Thanks a lot.
I really want to thank you for putting out this video✨
Your videos are so insightful..can relate to it so much❤️❤️
Ultimate speech sridhar sir, ur good in knowledge talks, i really liked ;helped me alot this video 🙏 ❤️💚💛💙💜thank u
Excellent choice of subject!
As I work on myself, I am attracted to values in a person, also how loving accepting they are to themselves
Feel lucky to be born in the era of CZcams where this kind of precious information is available at my fingertips.
Fantastic video.U just cleared all of my doubts..❣️
Perfect video...on how to choose a partner or a life partner.
OH MY GOD… This is need of the hour.. ❤❤❤
So far the best video on this topic, how easily he summarised and explained alllllll the concepts. Loved it
Saw a thousand videos on dating, but no one has explained the stuff precisely the way you did. Thank you so much for this video✨🌸
Watch @shwetabh gangwar ,u will find other perspectives as well 👍
@@saswatupadhyaya410 that will confuse her
He makes men specific videos
Explanation is top notch....i have suffered all those things in toxic relationship...you have to be mentally strong to overcome trauma and rejection...and i after few years i not regret my decisions
Thank you so much for useful tips.. Actually I fell in toxic relationship ignoring Red flags & bearing consequences now. I have 2 teenage daughters who need this message to find genuine partners.. 🙏🏼
Excellent video message!
Good analysis.. Mostly decisions are impulsive .... One need to learn commitment....Temperament suitability is to be checked
After watching this video I subscribed your channel. I liked too much this video. You explained everything clearly which will helpful in the way of choosing someone perfect ❤️
I would say this is the Best video on choosing a partner
Thanks for this valuable suggestions. Really very much helpful.
Amazing work sir! This has helped me a lot. Sometimes we just forget the red flags and just get connected because the opposite person is attractive but I understand the importance of not letting go of the red flags! Thank you
God bless you Shridhar 🌟
Its Really Helpful Brother. THANK YOU 🥰
virgin couples love & try to know each other like new born babies ,they are new to opposite sex emotions, feelings, bodies, and thus have lots of butterflies , anticipation, and goosebumps even while holding their partner's hand. They will do lots of mistakes with each other initially and there the fun lies ,they play with each other like rabbits . But if one partner is non virgin then he/she will laugh at his/her partner and cannot love back in the same way. That's why a virgin deserves another virgin
Amazing. This is really very helpful. Thankyou..
Amazing work brother.
Such brilliant principles
Spent the best 23 mins of my life
The best video on this topic ever
Very well explained, thank you
After reading the caption, I am forced to comment that we have no clue but it is not us who chooses the partner. It just happens.....btw you are doing a good job👍
Very very insightful video sir. Thanks for making this video.
Wow Amazing topic, thank u sridhar sir,
Best n amazingly explained...
One of the best video I ever watched
Best vedio in this matter well explained.. thankful that i came here
I dont think calculation can make a relationship work..but may be help in getting better..without emotion a relationship is just a,deal..
Superbly explained
Wowww..great video to move on from my ex 😅❤..thank you soo much.
Superb video. Thank you so much. Much much much needed one. 1 request please speak slowly. I understand very well but the one who can't will miss important message.
Again excellent work.😊
Very well explained
Very accurate
Thank you so much
You explain very well.. if we talk a person for 4,5 Times, slowly we feels connection ( sigreet habit) but it doesn't mean we are competable .
Nice 👍 explanation,nice research 👍
Blessed to this channel 😀
Well explained and dispart lot more clarity.
I am soo soo glad I heard this 👍🏻
Ultimate Sir..❣👌👌very informative..👌🙂
This is great insight ...
You speak wonderfully sir . I watch your videos as they are very interesting . My daughter is MS OBSTETRIC AND GYNECOLOGY . Selecting the right person becomes difficult when you have two to three choice .Dilemma to choose . Arranged marriages very difficult to decide because very less time to assess. Ultimately it is big gamble i feel as a mother of a girl. Whatever homework one does risk remains . Only God helps us if our karma is good. I cant stop admiring your personality sir .
Best videos i saw on relationship
That honesty line is 💯 correct.. one cannot find peace when the situation is like we need to assess the other person's words everytime like a detective
By the end.. we want to be a partner not a detective ✌️
Each ans every word makes so much sense
Amazing one ❤
learnt alot thanks dear
Thank you, this is very helpful.
Very insightful.
Amazing video ever I have found. U r great
My god! This was so accurate
Great advice..
Awesome video ❤
It’s almost impossible but worth it to try.
Assessment first , attachment latter❤
Wow.... Amazing 😍💕