The Incorrect History of Milk
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- čas přidán 22. 05. 2024
- Today Ted tells The Incorrect History of Milk
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About Ted Nivison / JehBerDeh:
Ted Nivison is a CZcams entertainer/Filmmaker/voice actor/comedian based in New York. He creates comedy videos on CZcams making commentary videos about various funny topics and poking fun at ridiculous people on Facebook, CZcams, and Instagram. He's got some sweet moves as well. - Komedie
The amount of times I forgot this was a joke whilst watching this and thought “no way”.
Good to know that i wasn't the only one
nah man it's all true. history is just fucking wild sometimes
Actually, it’s mostly what is accepted milk history. He just threw in conjecture.
I have never heard of this guy before. My kind of humor!
Okay. He admits he started making it up at 3:25.
CRAM
Theory: Ted is a direct descendant of Creamtime.
Evidence: Nivison is actually an anagram for Creamtime, if you shuffle around some letters, remove a couple, and add a few more, than you get Creamtime.
Ted 'Nevison' Creamtime
"Remove a couple, add some more" that's not how it works bud. You see, if you get a photo editing software and use it to copy paste some line strokes from already existing letters in "Nivison" (e.g the Straight line in N turning into t in Creamtime with some editing) you get a proper anagram.
@@uhoh7545 Of course, how could I be so stupid?
Lion von Adern he is so fucking strong... he propably is the only one who is able to drink the milk of the golden cow, that might be why he is so strong!
Lion von Adern big Lion is too powerful to have descendants. No human body can hold the sheer power.
@@uhoh7545 imagine not knowing what a joke is
He sounds so sure of himself, I'm actually inclined to believe him.
@V S 😐
@V S you seem like, and apparently are, the kind of annoying ass person to constantly bring your view of politics into everything despite the fact that nobody cares
when i watched his pizza one i was so confused because i honestly wasnt sure if it was satire or not 💀
Ok
damn it. thought it said milf
The hardest part of being lactose intolerant is having to wake up at 5am to milk the almonds
imagine milking oats.....
True
Thats a joke ur uncle would make, good job
That’s rough
Agreed
This is Ted’s “A tribute to Minecraft”
Tru
this video will get ted into sMp (survival milkplayer)-live
Magellanic Oh boy I hope he streams it :D
Nah, this video is actually good.
a tribute to milk
Not gonna lie I didn’t look at the title completely and didn’t realize this was a joke until the nazi opened the portal to hell
What do you mean this all actually happened
DaBaconAnton band kid Carson looking php.
@@Charlie-hv3dh you're right lmao, its an old picture tho
Not everything before this?
Dude you know this actually happened right? It’s all entirely canon. Read the college history books.
When he said “read it and weep Samantha” that scared the shit outta me
Oh your name is Samantha. hahaaaa that's funny
Good
same
@@kadiquiggins4458 this comment was so funny it almost made me choke on my milk
@@libsyates2426 Good
If I ever become a history teacher this is what I'll be putting on on April Fools day for class
My sister teaches middle school, and I will beg her so much to show this for April fools
im going to college to study history with the goal of being a history teacher so i promise you ill put this in the syllabus
@@ekclapper339 add some sam o' nella too
@@lhoward1309 so how'd that go
@@lhoward1309 how did that go?
I feel like about 8 lines of this are scripted and the rest is just whatever came to him at the time
aengus topping not at all. everything is historically accurate and true.
liz jean ted just has big brain
aengus topping I feel like he just had notes and went from there
kuros6ki
he means that ted is so bigbrain he remembered the entire history of milk
He could write for interdimentional cable
I’m gonna show this to my kids and call it “Ted Talks”
That’s genius
A better ted talk in my opinion
Look I like that this isn't just the same type of "I'm going tell my kids..." but its still a version of
"I'm going to tell my kids..." so I'm gonna ask you to up fuck shut the
If Ted makes this a series he has to call it that
Ted do be talking
“what’s your obscure comfort video?”
mine managed to become the pizza as a pirate video
I can’t believe that Shimshaw Creamtime lived minutes away from my hometown
How is no one talking about how Friedrich Litcheralyanazi is basically the modern day pandora
Sidvin Sivakumar Wait it’s not the 1940s?
@Sidvin Sivakumar modern classical music started around the 1900s. It's all relative
Lol he literally is tho. Hey freid, why did you have to take the freakin milk dude
“We’re talkin... big guys”
Schlatt: _Ill take your entire stock_
Every time he said “big” and paused, he thought for a second about adding “gay men” to the end
Big hot sweaty men fucking
Big Hot Steamy Men
Only 10
Nah Schlatts using his Harvard education and His YouTooz money to develop a time machine so he can slip back in time to the hell portal and get his big men on
I love the fact that he essentially encountered a home intruder and just went into a whole seminar on milk history
when the background is higher quality than Ted is
Plot twist; Ted is actually shimshaw creamtine and just hasn't died yet
He lived off of milk his whole life to stay alive
it makes sense
I’m convinced he’s still high from that 400mg edible
Fr but also imagine watching this while high💀
@@pizzaman-ct5ld oh i am and it’s very fun
@@pizzaman-ct5ld bro i am so high rn, nothing mkes any fuckin sense and my mind is melting
@@slabon6091 nothing making sense kinda makes sense no?
@@badernera7497 bro I was zooted
“I’m not rhyming with jest, I’m rhyming with fear.”
I love how he says “this is where things get a little crazy so bare with me “ right after he just talked about technologically engineered mega cows that have no limits of milk producing
Alternative Title: Ted abusing the power of the greenscreen
What do you mean he was in his house the whole time
Utilizing his environment*
do you mean to tell me he wasn't in Egypt telling me about the golden cow
hey we both have mabel pfps nice!
Ted finds out how to chroma key
Moses is FUMING after Ted called Fiji water ‘shed water’
is that a picture from the most brilliant movie ever made, dr. suess’ cat in the hat starring alec baldwin?
Moses is definitely fuming
IM FUCKIN FUUUUMIN MATE
@@ilarocks I was going to ask the same thing
@@ilarocks You best believe it
"factually true and real history with ted nivision" needs to become a series
guess it is now
New FIH dropped today
Ah yes, such famous historical figures such as Cremetime, Literallyanazi, and Ratman
"Don't shoot the messenger"
Jschlatt: the game was rigged from the start
aidanovv i thought u were me
And I thought that you thought you were me
And you me.
Wait holy shit did this blow up? It was just a fallout new Vegas reference
(Got what you were after, so pay up.) You’re crying in the rain pallie... (Guess whose waking up o’er here.) Time to cash out... (Can we get it over with.) Maybe Khans kill people without lookin’ em in the face, but I ain’t a fink. Dig? You made your last delivery kid. Sorry you got twisted up in this scene. From where you’re kneeling must seem like a 18 karat run of bad luck. Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.
When you didn't do your homework, so you make it up on the spot.
What are you talking about this is all true
I’d get an a lol
A+ on creativity f for facts
This comment is no good
@@bradymeehan951 no u
Ted "I don't write the history" Nivison
"oh hello, you scared the shit out of me, how did you get into my home?"
Fucking gets me every time
pov: a 6'4" man who is the embodiment of chaos kidnaps you and teaches you the history of milk
reddrriot vic with a green screen*
@@somepastalovingbastard9534 no he's just in the void
Magellanic what’s the void?
@@somepastalovingbastard9534 where do you think you are right now?
bruh damn
I can’t tell what is fact and what is fiction and I’m scared to google it because Ted would tear out my spleen
then he would crush it so completely it would be akin to milk, to fit his brand
PyresWrath it’s all facts
I'm sold on the hell portal, but I don't know about the origins of the milkman uniform.
This is pretty much how I imagine Stan lee wrote his comics
Little did we know Ted was a time traveler who went back in time to document milk and this is all absolutely correct
Can you say Hi to Garfield for me
Ted could convince us the moon isn’t real
it was the b i r d s
Matilda W-H pffft, you believe in birds?
Maxiboy 642 they could be listening, it wasn’t the birds, it was the bourgeoisie-
Ha! What a bunch of moon truthers! Nerds!
@@matildamwh bro, the bourgeoisie is just a distraction from the fact Atlantis is actually the civilization spying on us smh. It’s the bees that are watching us
the people that disliked this were the historians that lost their homes, jobs, and kids.
its the fiji men
They lost it to fuckin Big Lion.
there are 21 more
Update, 21
Update 28
Imagine breaking into a house and this happens
Damn, for a hot minute i was really thinking "Wow, Charles is such a beast"
The best part about this is, I don’t know exactly where he started lying...
My peepee Itchee at exactly 13:28
What do you mean...lying??
The fool in me wants to say that he started lying around the time he mentioned creamtime, but the scholar in me knows that this is all factually true
are you saying our lord and savior ted “the milkman” nivision is lying
he DIDNT LIE
Ted was definitely that kid in school who never did his presentations on time, and winged every single one of them and always got A’s.
Caitie jackson jeez this is kinda accurate doh
@@TedNivison hey shut up
@Sore Cheeks hey shut up
ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
@@samstewart4830 no, fuck the shut up!
"You scared the sh*t out of me"
*immediately subscribes*
Only OGs remember Peyton Manning and his impact when he was on the front lines
I genuinely forgot this wasn’t real until he started talking about the hell portal
unhoes I was hoping I wasn’t the only one
This is real
Yeah until he said “crunchy men” I remembered it was a joke
Wow a hell portal denier , I hate it when people stop looking at facts and just go off shity beliefs . NEWS FLASH TVE HELL PORTAL HAPPENED and like he said a class 6 hell portal
666th like
“The German army had been researching artifacts of power in order to gain a footing in the war”
Ok I think I got this one
“One of these artifacts was a man encased in a pillar buried a thousand years ago”
Jojo and his friends used the power of milk to fight the pillar dudes
They also researched some weird golden arrows
@@benjaminj4535 i think you mean jojo and the jobros
awaken intensifys
True story, trust me
I firmly believe that Ted would actually be really good in a legitimate documentary. Like I would watch the heck out a show about him talking about the ancient Greeks
I recommended this video to my health teacher and he said he might watch it for fun
Did he?
“I could start a country where everyone would have to drink milk as their only food, and I wouldn’t commit any human rights violations. That’s a win in my book.”
-Ted Nivison
A true genius
"Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into a calculator, it makes a happy face."
~Cave Johnson
I hate the fact that it's 100% true AND 100% possible
@@davedelirious2180I love the fact it's 100% true and 100% possible.
I can think of way, way worse things than only drinking/ eating milk products, for example, starvation. If you include the ability to eat the dead cows, or for that matter whatever animal you're milking, you literally have the majority of a cheeseburger and if that's a bad country you don't know what bad is. Imagine drinking milk all day and having ice cream for dinner every night, does that sound that bad to you?
Until you said "Fredric Litterallyanazi" I believed all of this.
Oh c’mon, you could’ve at least questioned at the Taj Mahal part?
He said everything was fake at the start, so I never believed him the whole time lol
It was george washington that threw me off
Wait it’s not real
What are you talking about its all true
if i ever need to write an essay on the history of milk i will exclusively use this video as reference
0:42 the background is the glensheen mansion in Minnesota. My family used to go there all the time. I couldn’t even focus on what he was saying bc the background was so familiar then I realized that I was standing there 6 months ago. That’s all just a fun fact I guess.
Fun fact:The Milk War was an actual conflict in 2009 between Russia and Belarus.
actually it was a conflict in 1775 between thee water mercenaries and the milk man legion
Thank you Tronald, very cool!
@@liamwoodfield5310 oh you're right,my bad
*milkman stands and salutes*
On the topic of dairy related wars, there was also the ice cream turf war in Glasgow over ice-cream trucks. (The trucks were selling heroin)
I can’t believe this all happened
Shits crazy smh my head
How can you not
Sans Peter
sans griffin
@@epicgamer2571 smh my head makes me uncomfortable.
Absolutely brilliant. Historians should be shaking in their seats, because the ideological bar and mental demand of historical review was just raised far beyond what this mans peers could ever hope to rise above.
I appreciate Ted teaching us about milk before not teaching us about milk
He should have a series called “Ted Talks”
wow that's already a thing
@@chesterwallace2271 NO REALLY
r/woosh
haha i get it cause r/woooosh is a subreddit! 😂 LMAO!!!
HeckoTheGecko reddit moment
I’m scared that Ted has the power to take over the world with his “milk”
don't say it like that
why did you emphasize the "milk"
I’m thrilled
Cuck Lord wdym
Ted semen ted sedmen
Id like to imagine that Ted is reading our mind in the intro when we break in, and that's what snowballed into the milk discussion because we read the title before watching the video.
ted would be a great history teacher everything he says somehow makes sense
ted is rlly getting good use out of his green screen
John Green screen for true history
that is not a greem screen, he is in the place he is. he traveled around the world, and traveled inside a windows computer
What’re you talking about he didn’t use any green screen
I can’t like the comment because it’s at 666 and I can’t be the one to take it off of that
nicthetic ASMR oh shit ur right
POV: you broke into his house and he’s now telling you the “history of milk” (everything is totally correct by the way)
take your POV back to tiktok, fiend.
@@lookhowfastiam9831 The POV meme isn't from tiktok, friend
@@hatemails Its a joke, friend
What?
@@lookhowfastiam9831 fuck you, friend
10:10 should've shown a picture of Dwight from The Office.
8:57 this part really reminds me of that episode of rick and morty when there was the two brothers ad
I dont care
@@huckleberry2053 its almost like its a public comment and i wasnt talking to you
Ted Nivison teaches a robber about the history of Milk, with a green screen.
No green screen, time travel and teleportation. Everything here is true
Everything he’s saying sounds so believable
Because it's all true history, obvs
thats bc its true u tard
tiddy fuk tha police yeah my bad I’ve never seen a stage 6 hell portal I’ve only seen a stage 5 so my mind was kind of blown
yeah, and it doesn't help that at this point in his career he looked like a trustable guy who's just researching milk for a school project or something
*Licherallyanazi*
This is my comfort video I come to whenever I'm sad. Genuinely one of my fav videos on the site
thanks man! from this ive gotten a full 9 on my History GCSE on the history of the dairy industry!! i love crash course
My mother walks in and she said “Is this your school work?” I said yes...
As would anyone else
It most certainly is. He is our teacher.
Extra curricular history
Godspeed soldier
Im already taking notes
Ted has the perfect personality of a high school version of bill nye, he should do that.
romespeana this is scary accurate and I need this to happen
romespeana FACTS
I forgot that this was called the Incorrect history of milk, so I looked so many things up along the way
“I bet I can film this video before the edible kicks in”
20 minutes later:
Here’s the thing... Ted isn’t real. At least in our universe. He actually lives in an alternate timeline to ours and his videos are being leaked into our reality. Everything he said in this video is actually true in his universe but not ours.
B U E N O ohhh that makes sense
How can you prove that this didn’t happen in our universe?
Were you there?
B U E N O how much do you know
keep this on 420 likes and even though I know that won’t happen
or is it?
I feel like Ted was “that” theatre kid
He is "that" theatre kid. It's a fact.
This feels like the plot to a Metal Gear game if Kojima just really got into pasteurization and dairy farming
My favorite part of these videos is when ted just makes demons for 60 full seconds
He didn’t use a green screen he’s just in the void
the pictures are cardboard cutouts moved around by people in white suits
he stared at the yandering abyss for too long.
Nah that's milk
@@rgbfall5124 milk isn't _that_ shade of white. only the void is.
@@somemagellanic Maybe it's the fabled void milk
This feels like a school project from a kid who is having way to much fun
zack c lmfao it does 😭😂
Zack how dare you say he is having fun this is a very serious project to enlighten the unenlightened
it kinda is
love how he actually knows some history 6:21
Damn it if we don’t get a “factually true and real history with Ted nivision” series idk what I’ll do tbh
You should’ve called the water mercenaries the “aqua marines”
Kellburger he can’t change history
Yes. I love it.
LMAO
That’s literally just marines.
It’s not like he can just change their name, that’s what they were called
If they wanted to kill Charles they would've needed Big Lion since Charles is just a Neutral Good.
Big lion would’ve drowned in a tide of milk
The amount of crash corse videos I would watch where Ted just changes the facts to just random stuff but it still in a way tells accurate information
Man.. this came out THIS YEAR?? This feels like it came out in 2019
These are the only Ted Talks I'm watching during my quarantine.
Underrated^
Original^
Milk^
Dog^
Mmmmmm slurp^
This is like drunk history but more drunk
And less history
Drunk on milk
Maggatrix precisely
@@pissapocalypse drunk on kefir
This is like drunk history but it's not alcohol it's lsd
I love how “milk land” is the silhouette of Lithuania
This needs to be made into like an HBO original show.
Ted, I showed my girlfriend your video on milk taste testing. She had no prior knowledge of your content. She now calls you "That milk guy." I think you'll agree that this is a success.
Girls run from me in fear😢
Gavin Lambdin nice
@@Lavaguava27 same, like they start to walk quickly away from me and when I begin to catch up they straight up run. And when I start running behind them they start screaming for help, what am I going wrong?!
@@barackobama1381 thank you for your anecdote, former president of the United States, Barack Obama
@@barackobama1381 Your problem is you're running behind them, you've gotta run around and make sure you're faster so that you end up in front of them and they run into you.
Teds like the school funny guy and the school bully.
And the teacher..
And the milkman
Ted is one. Ted is all. We are ted. Join us.
luraxium I feel funny
Someone say CRAM
Thanks for having me on your video!
First of all, love this, secondly, some of the small things such as the glass of milk filling between each cut of the intro so it's most full at the end are small details that most wouldn't do
Gonna tell my kids this was John green
I come to watch the history of Milk and 5 minutes later Ted is telling me how Friedrich the Nazi opened a portal to hell
as someone who has taken ap history and who’s father has a masters degree in history, i can confirm that this is all historically accurate
Fun fact: cowboys get their name from just being big fans of shimshaw creamtime
“Charles produced more milk than other cows.” Your picture of Charles was a bull. That wasn’t milk
Even better
Good
Your point?
William Sue let’s just say that charles had a pretty good time
Point Break oh... OH
Several Fact Checks:
Humans cannot actually live off of traditional milk from cattle. Human milk, however, does produce the necessary nutrients to live of exclusively.
There are no other corrections to be made everything else is completely true and to be taken as scientific and maybe even gospel
That's just one fact check...
@@Foeisudhxj that's the joke
nobody cares because that was the only fact that was wrong
nice, titty milk is canonically the optimal milk
The fact that the gallon of milk in the thumbnail is from my local dairy is sending me. I am deceased.
Ted, you need to make this a series
It sounded weirdly real until the war.
Shed water? Believable.
Insane milk cow? Yep.
Hotel?
@@marin-ss1sw Trivago.
Which war?
I believed the cow because ubre blanca existed and also because Tarrare existed.
@@konpeitojellie The war
Ted Nivison
Ted Nivison
Noodle Hops Ted Nivison
Ned Chivison
yes
Bed givison
"A Nice Warm Glass of Milk" i had to replay it to make sure i wasn't hearing him wrong