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Oh, so sorry. Is he doing sponge baths instead?

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice he and his wife both have dimentia. I'm her friend, neighbor, and helper. He and I don't speak much. He is paranoid. She's pretty high functioning but I ask her, how does he stay clean? She says, I don't know! His toenails are about 2 inches long. He honestly looks extremely ill. He bosses her around. Makes me cry. It's such a bad situation but I don't know how to help. I've called the police and family services. Family members are several states away. They don't really believe me when I tell them how bad it is. Like you said, when they talk to a family member on the phone, their adrenals kick in and they behave like normal!

Hmm, I DID say in the video that these are not to be used in place of standard grab bars. I'm guessing you didn't really watch the video. But, thanks for your opinion.

Thank you for sharing. And yes, it is so amazing to me how many judge others when they have no experience themselves. I suppose in some ways it's human nature but it's still so very disheartening. Take care of yourself.

Oh I think your mother is so very lucky to have you! Seems like you're doing the very best that you can. I wonder if installing a heat lamp over the shower would help to at least make the area warmer for her? I know it can be so uncomfortable to take a shower but it feels so good afterwards. Keep up the amazing job that you're doing!

You sound like my mom-in-law! She was extremely active and energetic in her 80's. It's an amazing gift. Thanks for sharing.

That's a great tip! Do you have a particular brand and scent that you use?

Hmm, I don't remember any stinky kids in school. I can't wait for others to respond to this!

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I'm not expecting anyone to admit to it.

Oh you are so wonderful to be helping your uncle and I do hope that some of my suggestions help. Every person is so different. I think you may be right, an outside person may be a better fit to help him shower. Consider contacting a home health agency or even Hospice to see what kind of help they can provide. Many people think that Hospice is JUST for the last few days of your life but there's much more to it than that and the truth is, they can provide services for years sometimes so it never hurts to ask. Plus, it's all paid for by Medicare. Best of luck!

Well, aging CAN be terrible depending on the person who is aging, the family they are tied to and the circumstances. That's why it's so very, very important to take control of your life and situation as soon as possible. 1) Take care of your health. Eat right, exercise moderately. 2) Set up your home to be as safe as possible by following the rules of aging in place and universal design. 3) Don't ignore your mental health. Speak to therapists if needed, get out and socialize if that helps you, etc. 4) Be productive and purposeful. Keep working or consulting or mentoring or volunteering. Something that brings meaning to your life. 5) Do for others more than for yourself. 6) Stay positive - let go of the negative. After 12 years of working with the geriatric population, these are the 6 lessons that I learned and I live by them every day.

Wow, thank you so much for this information!! I agree with the use of a bidet - I absolutely love them and I think every home should have at least one. I have never heard of or tried Miral - I'll check it out.

It sounds like your husband is in good hands. Thank you for sharing this.

I do agree that a full shower is not necessary all the time - especially if it results in arguments and problems.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. You raise some excellent points about the challenges of showering for those dealing with chronic illness or disability. You're absolutely right that exhaustion and energy limitations can make full showers difficult, and sponge baths can be a good alternative in many cases. I appreciate you highlighting how factors like water temperature, room temperature, equipment weight, and surfaces can all impact comfort and safety. These are important considerations that caregivers should keep in mind when assisting with bathing. You make a great point that difficulty with activities of daily living (ADLs) due to disability is not the same as depression, and inability to manage household tasks isn't necessarily hoarding. It's crucial to understand the root causes of these challenges. While showers can have some benefits over sponge baths in terms of thoroughness, your feedback reminds us that individual needs and limitations must always be the priority. For many, sponge baths may indeed be the best option for maintaining hygiene comfortably and safely.

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice it matters what you do in the shower. It’s not magic. Also there is a big urge to resist progressive disability and resulting denial that feed the need to insist disabled “at least try”. Why? To make the caregiver feel better. Not to benefit the disabled. Acceptance is a thing. It is also not depression.

Thank you.

ohhh, thanks for the tip. I'll have to check it out!

The Five Wishes document and an advanced directive are related but not identical. The Five Wishes document includes personal, emotional, and spiritual preferences, while a standard advanced directive focuses more on medical and legal aspects. Also, the Five Wishes document is not universally accepted in every state, whereas advanced directives are legally recognized in all states, though the specific forms and requirements can vary. I hope this helps! :)

You're welcome, I'm glad it was helpful.

Yeah sorry, lots to say and it's difficult to cover what some know and some don't. And yes, we all get old but we don't all get dementia and that's what this video is really about. Either way, take care of yourself.

I get it. Wouldn't stickies on the shower floor be better for you? I'm concerned the hand towel could slip. Any of these should work. - amzn.to/4caVcRj

That is an average I think. My mom-in-law's assisted living was $6000/month in south Florida. That's why aging in place is so very popular but of course, even that has costs associated with it. Making a home safer can be expensive depending on what needs to get done. But then again, if you don't have the support system in place to help you (if you live alone) then there's not much point in aging in place either. I would recommend to speak to a Geriatric Care Manager who can help you make these decisions based on your situation and needs.

Oh thank you so much for sharing that story and I'm so happy that you have such a wonderful support system there! It's so important isn't it??

Well, dementia isn't a psychiatric disorder, it's neurological so yeah, a psychiatrist won't help. Dementia is such a very difficult disease and it's personal for each and every one that has it. I recommend to anyone who is caring for someone with dementia or has someone with that in their family to join a support group. The information that you gain from that could be so very helpful.

Well, I don't think we can generalize an entire country or any area. I'm Sicilian and my entire family is in Sicily and some shower every day, certainly during the summer and when the weather is colder they may shower less. I'm sure when it's hot in Australia a shower is needed every day. I know when I lived in South Florida I had to shower every day, sometimes more than once. The heat and humidity just demanded it.

Well, it all depends on the HOA.

That sounds like a plan! And yes, drying is more work sometimes. I wonder if sitting on a towel and then drying off would make it less tiring for you.

Good plan!

It makes sense that if you're not out and about or very active that a shower is not needed. The majority of reasons older adults refuse to shower no matter what is dementia or other cognitive decline.

My mom-in-law used to say the same thing!! She would need a nap after taking a shower.

Yes it does, you are right. Well, don't think of it as lying. With anyone who has dementia or Alzheimer's it's important to enter their reality and if you are in their reality then you are not lying. But if they mention a person who has passed away then segway into a story about that person. Ask your mom about him or her. That's what she really wants. At least that has been my experience.

Absolutely! My mom-in-law lived in Florida by herself and I live in Georgia. So she would call me and I would stay on the phone while she showered. It made her feel safer and it made me feel good that I could help her in some way.

It's the government - I don't think they rush decisions on anything, sadly. I found this on another comment (our viewers are wonderful1) - hopefully it will help you: "The key is the VA Medical form, have every civilian doctor fill one out, you keep a copy the doctor puts original in your civilian file (VA will request all civilian records, but you know how it all works). But of course, your Aid & Attendance is always “Mishandled” first, as is most everything, by unwritten design. See my other comments. Mild dementia, macular degeneration, heart conditions, bad knee. If the veteran is elderly, just on social security (low income) served 1 day inside the designated time periods (which are extensive including pre-Vietnam advisors stationed for 1 day in Vietnam while it was still in war as a French territory 1955-1960). The key to VA benefits is knowing they will mislead you. That’s why you qualify for free medications first. You do not have to be housebound, just the usual elderly problems, my dad had mild dementia and a botched shingles nerve block that impaired his leg nerve, and he needed to walk with a cane. He had already qualified for free medications with the 2x a year medical appointments, based on service (WWII) and income (just social security). He didn’t know about the aid and attendance pension with 3 levels, I found it & helped him, (VA mishandled it for 6 months, I wrote his Senator along with the entire file, See My Comments on this post, and VA immediately shaped up and worked it properly). He qualified for level 2, and it doubled his income, allowing him to stay in his home." She also noted: "Also, contact Veterans Organizations like VFW and NAVF for help. Send a letter to his U.S. Senator with all correspondence between the VA and yourselves. The letter must ask his Senator to “investigate the mishandling” of _________. (Fill in the blank, Disability, Aid & Attendance, whatever) Make sure he is getting VA Medical benefits, also. Mishandling is routine for the VA. They will respond to a Senator starting a Senate Investigation (per U.S. regulation)." I hope this helps!

Oh, I think mental illness has a huge stigma attached to it no matter what age. It's ridiculous really. In my experience, older adults have a higher chance of developing anxiety and depression and of course it can easily manifest in physical symptoms. I do hope that I live long enough to see the medical community and society finally accept mental illnesses as easily as they accept physical ones.

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice UK We are really getting a handle on it over here compared to even 25 years ago which is great. Of course it's not perfect but when famous people talk about it it moves acceptance forward. And all my doctors have been fantastic

Yeah, isn't it funny how just having a famous person or family talking about something propels acceptance and changes society. Wish it didn't have to be that way.

Agree 100%.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I felt like it took FOREVER to heal, but she should start getting more use out of her shoulder (and a little less pain) at around 5- 6 weeks, so she's almost through the very worst of it. It took me close to 5 months before I could say my shoulder was back to about 80 percent (a year to be at about 95 percent). Physical therapy helps a lot, especially if she does her exercises at home, as well. Good luck to her!

Oh I am so sorry. The best thing I can recommend is to find a support group for dementia caregivers. You can get a lot of great insight and advice on what to do and how to help. If you can get your grandmother to go with you that would be even better. I would also recommend that, if possible, to get someone to come in maybe once a week or so and give you and your grandmother some time to go out and have lunch or anything just to step away from the stress for a little bit of time. It's so important for caregivers of anyone with dementia to take care of themselves and getting away from the situation, even if it's just a couple of hours every now and then can really help.

Ugh, it is a very difficult decision, I agree. And I applaud you for beginning to take the steps towards this next stage. I am so grateful for the service of Uber and Lyft, I use them quite a bit for night events and most especially when it's raining at night. Thanks so much for sharing and your comment. Take care.

I'm so sorry! They're still learning about long Covid, but I found this from the University of Nebraska from June, 2023: "Scientists are now sharing a first look at the data they had collected from adults with long COVID-19 and they found some interesting patterns. Among them, thirst is a common complaint among long haulers." I know you're not simply thirsty, but maybe the study that is referenced in this article would help your doctors believe you? Wishing you good luck in finding an answer! Source article: www.unmc.edu/healthsecurity/transmission/2023/06/20/long-covid-19-can-make-you-thirsty-a-first-look-at-the-data-showing-us-what-scientists-have-learned/

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice They will not believe me at all they are not interested in help me or others because until now they’re not a medication they could prescribed and that’s the only thing they know they haven’t even tried to even think that if I am complaining for so many years about a condition that I feel like maybe I am not lying and work something with me right now I can’t even go to an ER because as soon as they saw they do everything very quickly and I wil be out of there in record time they kept saying like all my blood work are better that them. They don’t look at me my age and health condition so for now is a waist of time I found out a place where I have to pay but is legal and when I have money I go there and get my IV is not very expensive but transportation is expensive because they are located far away from me but at least I found them thank you so much for answering me so soon

So very true - thanks so much for sharing!

Oh, gotta say that gave me a chuckle. Yes, I suppose those are great bargaining tools - as long as the senior's cognitive status is good enough to recognize that and to remember that. But yes, good tips - thanks!

Well that is very true. I'm technically a "senior" albeit a younger one, and I certainly recognize that my stamina and overall strength is less than what it was in my 40's and 50's. But yes, for anyone who hasn't experienced what your body is like in your 70's, 80's or 90's, it's difficult to comprehend. That's true for just about any life experience I think. I think perhaps another video is in order to address that very issue that you mentioned so I thank you so very much for your comment.

Yes, it's really debilitating. I was very lucky to have my hubby to help me. I have no idea what I would have done if I was on my own. Wishing you a quick recovery!

Oh thank you for your comment! I do hope that it was helpful for you.

Scared of having dementia or scared of living and helping a loved one with dementia? Either way - please look for a support group to help you and of course, speak with your doctor.

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice scared for my parent. I think there are early symptoms with paranoia. Your video was really helpful. I will look for support

I get it. It's so hard to see your parent dealing with any illness and dementia is just a very difficult one. I do think, to some degree, it's worse on the family than it is on them. But yes, seeing how others are dealing with it (and there are many) can really help you and your parent. Take care of yourself and all the best for your family.

From the Jelly Drops website: "A serving size is based on the amount of food you typically would consume in one sitting and with this in mind, that's 1 individual flavor selection pack." I hope this helps. :)

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to support your husband, and I commend you for your dedication and compassion. I know that dealing with dementia can be incredibly challenging, and what works for one may not work for others but if you haven't yet joined a support group I would highly recommend it. There's so much that you can learn from others in your same situation. One approach you might consider is integrating the bidet into his routine gradually. Sometimes the unfamiliarity of a new device can be overwhelming for someone with dementia. Here are a few general suggestions that might help: Introduce the Bidet Slowly: Start by using the bidet yourself and demonstrating its benefits. Seeing you use it might reduce his resistance over time. Create a Calm Environment: Ensure the bathroom is a calm and inviting space. Sometimes adding familiar items or playing soft music can make the experience more comfortable. Positive Reinforcement: Offer praise and encouragement when he tries something new, even if it’s just a small step. Positive reinforcement can go a long way. Just be careful with this. Depending on your husband's personality and level of dementia, positive reinforcement can sound condescending. Consistency: Try to establish a consistent routine with showering and using the bidet. Consistency can help reduce anxiety and build familiarity. It's understandable that these changes take time and patience. Believe that you're doing a wonderful job, and it's important to also take care of yourself during this journey. It's very, very important to care for yourself.

I seem to remember a lot of my patients doing that as well. It's something older generations did growing up. Thanks for reminding me and sharing.

Thanks for your tips!

Do you mean can someone with dementia be dangerous? The answer is yes, someone with dementia can indeed be dangerous, both to themselves and to others. Dementia affects cognitive functions, leading to various behaviors that can pose significant risks. They can wander and perform unsafe tasks which can be a danger to themselves. They might accidentally ingest toxic substances like cleaning fluids or overdose on medications due to memory loss. Dementia can trigger violent mood swings and outbursts. Patients may become physically aggressive, hitting or pushing caregivers and loved ones. Dementia can cause individuals to become suspicious or paranoid, sometimes leading to violent actions to "protect" themselves from perceived threats. Remember, dementia affects the brain. As such, behaviors change. If someone you know has dementia and is demonstrating dangerous behaviors, please seek the help of your physician / neurologist.