Why I divorced my wife.
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2023
- Though divorce is extremely challenging there are several things that can be way less challenging. One of those is taking memes and performing them as a monologue. These are not original jokes. If you know the source of any of these jokes beyond the meme, please let me know so I can properly credit the writer. Dead Dad by @nicknemeroff2124 #dadjokes
- Komedie
I called my son and said, "Listen, your mother and I are getting a divorce. Forty-five years of misery is enough!" My son said, "Dad, what are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?"
I said, “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer. I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this! Call your sister and tell her." Then I hung up the phone.
Shocked and worried, my son called and told his sister. She said, "Like hell they are!" She called me and said, "You are not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, do not call a lawyer or file any papers. DO YOU HEAR ME!?", and hung up the phone.
I turned to my wife and said, "Honey, they’re both coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own airfare!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 omg
😂😂😂
WOW😂😂😂😂😂
😂😅🤣
😅😅😅
DID NOT REALIZE THIS WAS A JOKE AT FIRST. HAD TO LISTEN TO IT TWICE. GREAT DELIVERY.
I caught all the other ones except for the "who ray" (hooray) part I had to hear that part😂😂😂
Same 😂
Oh, thanks. Esa no la habría sacado nunca xd
Y me diste la idea de solo escuchar lo que decía, entonces pude entender lo demás 😁
You and me both. This was very well done and I truly hope it's his original bit. If it's joke theft, then shame him straight to hell. If it's his, 9/10 for corny dad jokes 👏🏼👏🏼
I was about to call it mental illness. I'm a nurse but guess I'm slow. 😅😂 🐌🐌🐌🐌
It took me ENTIRELY too long to realize this was satire 😭😭😭
What is a satire?
@@emilio_s6735 Basically something that sounds real but it's actually like a joke for humor purposes!
Lol
😂😂😂😂😂
Perfect delivery! 😅😅😅
Ok, but some people are really this dumb...
My dad said "I need to go by the store on the way home"
and I replied, "You can afford to buy a store???"
It keeps me up at night.
Thankfully my husband is very patient with me 😅
Good one! 😂
Huh
Just casually buy a store on the way home.
4-20-24
Patient with you? What does that mean?
@kcorrr he doesn't yell at me when I make mistakes, he just patiently explains what he means if I don't understand
Who, ray? = Hooray!
Why July? = Why did ya lie?
these went RIGHT over my head.
Just the who Ray= hooray for me. Thanks.
@@juanitagartley937 np! took me about 5 re watches 🥲😅
Thanks for the help!
Thank you
Thank you for that, watched it several times
Dude seriously just single-handedly conceived, created and won the 'Dad Joke: World Championship'. 😎😎😎
Conceived is too much credit. I merely created the story. The jokes were either inspired or ripped off from memes. But thank you 😊
Ima go w/ CONCEIVED
He got the Dad joke diseas a bit too early, most men start to show symptoms the moment that strip turns positive, sadly for this man symptoms happened before a child was created to stabilize the disease 🦠 sad tale, please support these non dads by just saying “ok dad” because they really need it 😢
@@javiarcamaro7178 Why is everyone assuming her doesn't have kids? I think he has two daughters.
@@Timmybarroni mack you late eh jack late i son ?
1) Confusion
2) Confusion
3) Oh my god
4) 10/10
I didn’t get it until the “10 is too many” punchline
I see a dad jokes professional here
Bro took misunderstanding to a new level 💀
@@rozannayiannakis477my dad is dEd. I’ve been pronouncing it wrong my whole life 😢😂
Definitely
She was not human just had the face of a woman
𝘔𝘮𝘩𝘮𝘮… *L🤭L*
miss understanding
Dad Humor Level 3000😂😅
I need to process like a calculus before I get the Dad joke. 1. Who Ray? (Hooray!) 2. 10 (drinks), tomorrow, 3. Dad (Dead)
I didn’t realize it was a joke until the end, great acting man
Bruh i caught on at the first one 😂
Yoo. I'm feeling sorry for him😂😂😂😂I'm like damnnn I glad you got rid of her. 😢😢😢😢😢
U.sumb
Wait this was a joke? I was about to go nuts on this guy 💀
😂
It's not just the great puns, it's the genius dramatic delivery!
Nice job. Jajaja…Oddly, there are people like this person in the pun. They take everything wrong.
Unbelievably true.
Unbelievable
Can we be friends
This is called intelligent satire.
Sat. Tire.
Can we be friends?
He looks like he is about to cry. Amazing delivery
Bruh, his delivery made me think he was serious at first. He’s good
For the those who don’t understand:
1. He thought the wife said hooray.
2. He thought his wife said Why you lie?
3. He thought the doctor called his dad, ”dead".
4. He thought tomorrow she was gonna drink ten.
Thank you for number three. I've watched and watched and couldn't figure out that one. 🤣😂🤣🖖💕
My manager likes to start a meeting with corny dad jokes. Everybody laughs. I don't get them. Someone always has to explain to me. So thank you.
no worrys guys
Thank you
Thank you. I now understand what the trouble was. The only one i understand was the last one about 10.
😂 the fact it took me a few times, then I checked the comments then listened again and then finally got it 🤣🤣
👍😂Yeppers ya got me! I didn’t realize this was a joke. 😆🤣😂
This guy sent 10 of his best puns into a contest, hoping one would win, but...
No pun in ten did.
ahhhhh hahahahaha!
🤔......👍🔥......😅
Lmaooo underrated comment
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
WHITTY AF!!!
Man I thought he was serious at first 😂
The first line went over my head at first; probably because we had a neighbor named Ray who died.
But I got it on July; why'd you lie.😂😂
Damn, the execution on this was pretty much perfect. I normally pick up on these, but you got me up until the end 😂
I can’t believe so many in the comments didn’t realize this was a joke from the very start. 😆
Husband: Our neighbor died
Wife: Who Ray (husband hears: "hurray"
Husband: Not appropriate cheer at that moment.
Husband: When I told her my favorite month was coming up.
Wife: Why July (husband hears: "why you lie)
Husband: I didn't
Husband: When my dad passed away. He was at the hospital. I couldn't make it before his death. And when I got there
she told me that the doctor said that my dad was pronounced dead. (Husband's understanding that the word DAD was mispronounced as DEAD)
Husband: There's no way I've been mispronouncing it (from DAD to DEAD) in my entire life.
But she kept defending the doctor.
That's the joke which cracks my head how to analyze it. 🤯🤯
That make sense awesome... I can't understand, now I know. Thanks
This was so helpful😁... by the way, such an underrated comment
Genius!
I appreciate
Τhank you i finally understood 😂😮
I had to watch this 3 times to get what was happening.
Me too!
You are not alone😂😂😂😂
Nah bro
Same
1. "Hooray?"
2. "Why'd you lie"
3. He thought she was telling him how to pronounce it
😂😂😂😂😂 omg sounded serious at first you got me
"That's way too many 💀
My neighbor actually goes by Ray 💀
Mannnnn she divorced YOU!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂
Looks like she had enough 😂
Dude, I had to watch a second time to actually grasp the humor. You're a genius.
Yes, he is. His looks and voice are perfect to deliver these straight.
It took your comment for me to realize. I was like, " What did she do, that so horrible?" Because I didn't see it.😅
I laughed way too hard at this. Thank you needed that 😂
10 drinks? That's should had been a red flag 😂😂
The fact he kept a straight face like everything actually happened made it that much more funnier
True 👍🏽 ✔️
Even his voice a little upset about his Dad.
More funny
I stopped watching when I saw painted nails.
@@illbeyourhuckleberry6484q@@q
How could he say this entire thing with a straight face?!
The funniest part of this joke, aside from its delivery and timeliness, is that people are commenting on something they don't get or understand; but there they are contributing their grain of sand to the betterment of humanity!
Kind of scary, huh?
The dad jokes that you don't realize are dad jokes the first time through lol
You had me up until that first punchline 😂😂😂 these are some good dad jokes! Great delivery.
A divorce is probably the best thing you've ever given her.
😂
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
But he is funny!!
😢😂😂😂😂😅
It’s supposed to be a joke
@@dantoinettetaylor1663
It was actually REALLY funny!! But he's good, because he keeps a straight face!!!
When I finally got the "mispronouncing dad" my ass cracked
It was dad joke when I caught on, then the drink joke came right behind. This was a clever play on words and funny.
Having to watch this the second time made me realize I wasn't as quick witted as I thought 🤣🤣🤣
this is why you listen when ppl talk to you
This is the bloke you dread to sit next too in a quiet bar.
This got me good took me 6 times to realise he was just fucking around haha
Very well done! The end was the best! “…how about 10, no that’s way too many” clever wording 👍😀
What does that mean ....
Bro took misunderstanding to a whole nother level💀
he even cried 😂
It can really be like that too with some people
I thought those were the bad reasons to divorce her. Then I'm like... oh.
I had to the comments because I knew this was a joke but when he talked about his dad and got emotional I thought it wasn’t a joke anymore😂
Had to listen a second time to hear what I was missing.
Same!
I had to read the comments to figure out what was going on.... I'm still trying to get some of them. I'm overthinking them. 😕
Same 😂
Had to hear it and not read the text on a couple of those.
I’m still not getting it😖
After watching this twice I finally got it🤣 this guy's straight face and acting skills are so good I believed it was real until the second time!!🙀😹
I still don't get it
Think about her answers
Her: who ray?
Him hearing: Hooray
Ok, when I saw this header I thought, “Why would we care and why would anyone post that? But my curiosity get the best of me. Well played.
Oh my god!!! You got me good! I thought I was having a stroke. Like what? 😅
What a crackup! Who Ray? Not hooray! Why do you lie? Not July! The doctor pronounced the dad’s name dead!” Not just some drinks today but tomorrow 10 drinks!”😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks to you i can finally understand the joke 😂😂😂
Me too! I was wondering what was the whole message about?
😂
Is still don't get it 😕😵💫
Hahahaha now I know,😅
Jeez dude. I listened to this 5 times to make sense of the last thing, then realized this guy has the most gutwrenching style of joke telling ever. Legendary 😂
We are reaching tiers of dad jokes that shouldn’t be possible.
Oh my ! I had to listen to it 3 times before realizing it was a joke 😂😂
Dude, you did her a favour 😅
He’s literally the funniest man on CZcams with this video. The fact he was able to deliver individual jokes, with their own punch line, into a story is awesome.
I felt terrible initially, got confused in the middle, and then laughed at the end. LOL.
Lol me too 😅
I'm still confused after watching it twice 😭
@@ZC-hi8ir "Hooray", "Why you lie?", "Dad" should be pronounced "dead", 10 (drinks) tomorrow.
@@soachanh7887sorry Im still confused,, I'm reaching out to a lawyer 😂😂😂😅
@@ZC-hi8ir She said, "Who, Ray?". He hears it as "Hooray!". "Why July?" He hears is as "Why you lie?"
"Dad was pronounced dead", he interprets it as "Dad" should be pronounced/called as "dead"
She said, "How about 10 (o'clock) tomorrow?" He interprets as her saying, "how about 10 (drinks) tomorrow"
I caught everything from the start, and I'm rolling😂😂
Who? Ray? > Hooray
Why July? Why'd u lie?
Pronounced dead (dead sounds like dad)
How about 10:00? How about 10?
Not gonna lie. You almost had me. 😂😂😂
Why July!?? 😂
You’re a GENIUS, man. A freakin’ genius….. and with a straight face. AMAZING
Right!!😅
Still don’t get the daddy joke lol!!!😂😂😢
Fifteen minutes passed before I realized that he was joking.
Thanks for this chuckle! I needed it just now...
Communication is key to a successful relationship.😂
Sooo true....Ppl divorce most often, bc of miscommunication, until there is no connection, anymore.
Or people watching this not getting everything he says has its own punch line. Who Ray? Not appropriate to cheer (Hooray!). Month, why July? (Why’d you lie). Pronounced Dad Dead ( He’s been pronouncing dad wrong his entire life). 10 Tomorrow. (10am not 10 drinks).
Seriously, what kind of wife pronounces "dad" as "dead"? Good riddance to her.
I've only read a handful of comments but 3 in a row trying to explain number 2 got it wrong. What he hears is "WHY'D you lie?"
I was like, huh?? I literally had to listen twice😂 Well executed, sir!
Confused jokes, but funny, after I add up the words.
Hilarious!!! His dadpan delivery was perfection! 😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
You wasted my time being nosey. I'm perfectly fine with that 😂😂😂😂
Yoooo lol shit went over my head I felt stupid when I realized all the jokes 😂
It's all in the delivery. Well done, my dude. 👍
Thank you
Got chills on the second punchline as all the pieces fell together. Subtle delivery was brilliantly executed.
I'm afraid I am going to add these to my dadabase...
I had to watch it twice before I realized I got dad joked
😂😂😂😂😂. When we got to “Why July” I got it 😂😂😂😂
I dont get it, can u explain?
@@whitemanbaydlag1871cuz july
@@Average_human_being. thank you above average human being
@@Average_human_being.Why did he lie about what?
Same here; then I had to go back and listen to the first line.
Bro I listened to this video 10 times to finally come to the conclusion The way you introduced the plot twist 😅 brilliant.😅
I was about to say that those were pretty dumb reasons to get a divorce, but I got the jokes at the end haha
I didn't realize it was a joke until the end LOL
I thought it was serious not until I heard "the doctor pronounced him dead. I know I pronounce it right." 😂
OMG! Why did I have to watch this twice and focus waaaayyyy too hard! 😂😂😂
Didn't laugh once, realized it was satire after the first line, however, I did see the most important message. Always get the last laugh. Thanks for making my day man.👍
I came here by searching for divorce support videos and landed here. This is freakin hilarious. Thanks for the laughs
I had to listen to it more than once to get it...
Same
I am doing same.
Me too
Ooofff.. I am not the only one...
Well here is another one ☝️. I thought: well , maybe because English is not my first language but , now I know that’s not the reason 😅
I seriously had to listen to this twice before I got it. Good job
It took me a long second to figure it out but I haven't stopped chucking since. Lmao
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂boy your crazy a$& has me going for a minute. I was obviously not paying attention
this is a great video, really makes me rethink the meaning of love
Did you miss that he's just making puns?
@@e.t.2914 💀 whats next, youre gonna try to tell me that monty python isnt a serious movie? you obviously dont know what youre talking about. this video was 100% meant to be deep and inspirational.
I guess you got it 😆
bwahahahahaha!
“How about 10, tomorrow?”
Oh, that’s wifee!🥰
sorry i don't get this joke if this video a joke at all.
@@saariaaigner I didn't get the joke either..... I didn't understand anything. lol
@@saariaaignershe meant how about 10pm tomorrow they get drinks. He thought she meant get 10 drinks tomorrow.
@saariaaigner she meant how about 10pm tomorrow they get drinks. He thought she meant get 10 drinks tomorrow. When he told her the neighbor died she said "who ray?" He thought she meant "hooray!!" As in cheering that the neighbor was dead like hip hip horay
@@sydneypompilio5359 ahh ok. thank you
This took me way too long to figure out it’s a joke
took me half the video to realize he was making puns
You did well to end that abusive, alcoholic relationship.
It took a few watchings...and reading the comments. Good job on being so serious. You couldn't have done that in one take. If so, you deserve an oscar.
She's curious.
DIVORCE HER.
I cook for him everyday, whenever he is hungry. I do my best to make sure he has clean, nice clothes. I try to spemd tine with him. Tonight he's decided to disappear while "going to the chippy". The pub is right next door. Why not just say "I'm going for a pint" rather than returning 3hrs later from the "chippy" half cut and with cold food. I told him it wasn't ok. As usual he got defensive rather than just apologising for his blatant shit. Then, he said be was "going to the shop". That was 2hrs ago and he's still "at the shop"... He does this regularly yet claims I am the one with the problem. He has to be aware of the shit he pulls as no one can be possibly be that stupid.
I didn't get it until the last one, then I had to listen all over again. Nice
😂
I cannot understand you enough. You've done her a favor. You'll be driving her insane!
If you can’t understand jokes don’t be here lol.
Sometimes we need a good laugh…. Have a great day.
🤦♀️
🤦♀️ 😂
A moment of silence for the 116 people who liked the comment😂😂😂 suprising to know there are so many people out there who dont get jokes
Bro I actually thought he was being serious
As non English speaker, it took me awhile to understand... Don't worry i got it😅