Not Attracted to My Wife After Her Weight Gain (What Can I Do?)
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- čas přidán 14. 02. 2023
- Not Attracted to My Wife After Her Weight Gain (What Can I Do?)
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I was in the hospital giving birth to our son and hadn't eaten in 36 hours. 2 hours after he was born the nurse offered me hospital food and my husband told me that "i waited until after he was born to tell you, but your weight has become a problem for me. It's time you really focus on losing some weight." My son was 2 hours old. The epidural hadn't even worn off. I cried for hours after that and he had no idea why I was so upset. I never felt the same after that.
I hope he’s your ex husband now.
That's called a manipulator
What a jerk
What a POS. I’m sorry
This was a very significant betrayal. I'm so sorry that you married someone who a) feels that way, and b) doesn't have enough judgment to keep his thoughts to himself. But. If he *does* feel that way? Then the judgment part might be lucky - because now you know. You have important information about your husband, and about the likely course of your marriage if this isn't somehow addressed. The question is - with this information, what do you think you'll do? It may be worth getting some professional support to help you navigate this admittedly very sad situation.
I had five kids in six years and was told my body was disgusting. I weighed 125 at 5’5” and ran a half marathon when my youngest was four. So I dropped 180 lbs all at once with a divorce. 😂
Omg!! You are a champion ❤
Dropped weight and man awesome job, Mama! You're so sexy with confidence. 😍
Yay
180 lbs? How skinny were your five kids?
the easiest and most rewarding way to lose 180lbs fast 🥰
The way John slowly made him realize that it was about him not her was pretty master class.
26 years deep in marriage here, my wife has gained weight, lost weight, had six kids, has dealt with stretch, marks, and body size changes, all sorts of up-and-down. She has never once not looked appealing, sexy or amazing to me. Now she’s dealt with her own issues of feeling insecure about her body, but as the man who married her as the man who loves her forever, she is divine. Her body is angelic at every size, and every shape this sad man has not put on his marriage glasses. He also hasn’t put on his big boy pants.
❤❤❤❤
Yeah you tell em, george. Good on you.
That's beautiful, sir. ❤
I love this!
Yep he doesn't.deserve a wife
This guy must be careful of what he wishes for. His wife may lose weight and gain the self confidence to leave him.
If she's only staying because she's big and lacking options, that's supremely disrespectful anyway. "I'm fat and stuck with you."
@@joyouscynic3363
She wasn’t overweight when he married her so that’s clearly not it.
But if he doesn’t watch how he handles this and is a jerk to her about it, once she loses the weight and regains her confidence she may realize she can find a guy to loves her soul & not her body.
@@UnAnonKnown no matter how you try to spin this, physical appearance is important in attracting and maintaining a partner. She can gain confidence, leave her husband and repeat the same thing with the next man, or have a series of men who want her for one reason. Having kids, the latter is more likely. Few true men will want her and her baggage. She'd better lose that weight, keep it off, and keep the father of her children.
@@texan903 Well the reverse is true as well.
He’s welcome to turn into a jerk about the fact that women gain weight after kids and losing it isn’t always their #1 priority. He’s welcome to leave her and find another partner. But if they have kids, his new partner will also gain weight and it’ll be the same cycle.
So perhaps he should learn to realize that his wife has more to be attracted to than her physical appearance (hopefully … unless he married her for shallow reasons… at which point he deserves what he gets). Or he can be a jerk and destroy the self confidence of the mother of his children and damage their relationship.
@@UnAnonKnown the thing is, this guy can trade in a wife every 10-15 years or when she reaches a certain age all the way until he dies. This woman, by not getting in shape, has a much less chance of doing the same. How they go about this is totally on her. Perhaps he could suggest opening the marriage and hope she doesn't find someone better who actually wants to marry her.
My wife has given me 5 wonderful children and gained 60 pounds since we were married. She’s absolutely beautiful and still makes my heart race. I look at the sacrifices she made with her body to give us children with great admiration.
Good for you. Only men with your attitude about this matter deserve a woman who will bear his children.
@@Aris-Darling agreed.
🙂 that's lovely to hear.
To each there own.....
As much as your proud of her, she probably resents you for it 😂😂😂 and lowkey wishes she could bang another man but stuck banging you 😂😂
This is why I'm single. I don't want to only be valued when my body is in top condition. I'm a real person with real feelings.
What makes you not "valued" just because someone isn't sexually attracted to you? Secondly, your husband was lazy, broke, and a slob, and you didn't like it, could he say "I should be valued for more than my wallet, ambition, and cleanliness" ?
yes because we all have ups and downs lol
Lol. Thats not why your single
Real, mature men don't act like this jerk.
@kings5223 real mature women don't eat like this pig
I’m single and dudes like this make me happy to be that way.
Amen, it's the only way, many men are stuck in hopeless situations
@@suspicionofdeceitshes a chick.
That is one of my worst fears: risking your life to give a man children, only for him to be mad that your body never snapped back, and makes no effort to lighten the load so you can take care of yourself. Good call, Delony. I think you offered compassion and accountability.
Your fear is valid.
@@daretodream...898 No it's not. If the male refuses to make money and is lazy she's outta there right. She betta uphold her end of the bargain.
@@doctorfresh3856 well it wasn't supposed to be a bargain in the first place ..
@@jillmoreno735 Yes it is. It's the unspoken pact of marriage.
@@doctorfresh3856the fact that she isn't thriving is probably because she knows he's more concerned about appearance than actual love .. people generally get less pretty as they age .. he might think he's pretty but inside not so much .. Women that feel loved will do just about anything for their partners
My wife gained a fair bit over 20 years. I think she's lovely. I forget to tell her I think that sometimes, and I'm going to do that right now.
YOU ARE A REAL ONE.
You'd tell her more often if she put in effort.
@@jamesdanton9033 lmao loser.
Bless you, you’re a rare gem, sir. She’s an extremely blessed lady. 🩷
@@andreataylor8186Because if she did, not only would she get compliments but she might also get the attentions of others. Clearly she isn't.
Omg his wife is gonna be devastated when someone who recognizes his voice sends this to her 🥺.
Yes, she’ll be crushed her husband is worried about her and is carefully considering how to speak about a sensitive topic. Just heart wrenching.
@@felixjohnston3402 He didn't sound worried about her health.
@@Mary-cg1slphysical attraction is biologically attached to health. That’s pretty common knowledge we all know, whether he mentioned it or not.
@@felixjohnston3402I know right?! He cares enough to seek out solutions to help care for his wife. What a monster 😱
She already knows. It's impossible to not know when your partner finds you unattractive
He actually doesnt love his wife at all; here's why. He loves the idea of having someone to show off to his buddies. He wants the status of having a hot wife. He never mentions her struggles other than to say shes failing, not that's he's potentially failed her. He doesnt mention her feelings other than being unhappy with herself too. He doesnt acknowledge even once, that John is right when he basically tells him hes creating an unsupportive environment to contain her in the home and not let her thrive. He just goes back to wanting to find a "safe" way to tell her shes fat and unattractive and to step up her game. He has literally, zero empathy on behalf of the fact that she may be severely struggling with a lot. And his version of "support" is encouraging her to do what he wants her to do.
She is not a person to him, she is an object. He has no respect for her. He sees her as something to sit there, look pretty, rock life, and make him look good while doing it. She doesn't have needs and desires and if she does, they need to match his.
Bingo
This is the exact vibe I was getting from him too
I hope she leaves him 😢 this is awful.
I used to wish my husband had social media to show me off, brag to his friends about me, be his "arm candy" etc. But now I realize that the guys who are like that are often egotistical and view their wives as accessories instead of people. Not all the time, but often. Now I'm thankful I married someone who doesn't like to show off and loves his family for who they are.
He's a narcissist.
My husband wanted me to lose weight and I told him that he had to gain muscle. It was only fair.
So what did you do after he gained the muscle?
@@tanizaki he hasn't gained any muscle. I haven't lost weight. This is coming from a husband who was heavily addicted to porn and his view on women bodies was blurred by the porn industry. My husband was comparing me to other "porn" bodies which flawed his view of his wife's body. Just a month ago he told me I'm getting fat and that he is no longer was attracted to me. He couldn't get it up. I was honestly hurt as we were trying for a child. Over the years I had numbed myself from him giving me a disgusted look or making sly comments on my belly. I said it was time for quits. And I decided I was leaving him. After realizing I was truly done he begged me not to leave him. Told me he will change( he's told me he would change 100x before). 6 years going on 7 years of abuse was enough for me. Unfortunately the month of wanted a divorce I was pregnant.
@@HavenGal I am truly sorry to learn of this. I hope your future improves.
@@HavenGalWhy stay even if pregnant? Why continue to stay with someone that’s going to decrease your quality of life?
@@thezu9250 I think it's hard when children are part of the mix. I can't sit here and pretend being a single mother isn't hard. It might make my life actually harder. My decision to stay was really my child. I see a lot of broken families with no father figures and it's honestly the worst. My husband has promised to change for us and our little one. I have only seen progress since. I guess sometimes it takes something big to make people realize that change is good. I give my life to God and try to get closer to him. If I have a chance at a happy family I'll do what I can. Sometimes I can't always be so selfish ya know? I think sometimes you got to sacrifice just a little to get somewhere good. Maybe he'll change only God knows.
Imagine being his wife and hearing this online.
Needs a wake up call. This is very hard to talk to women about and this doctor basically just tried to shame him for not being attracted to obesity and but zero accountability on his wife
@@estarr86who said she was obese
@@powderedsugar9603 he's not calling this show about a few extra lbs...
@@estarr86 telling this guy how to be courteous to his wife so he can avoid ruining his family over aesthetics is “shaming” him… interesting take. This is why the modern man’s social circle is dwindling even faster than most post-pandemic.
Literally
I’m concerned that he hasn’t once said he loves her no matter what.
That is complete BS. She would NEVER love him if he was a fat broke loser dude. And you know that
Because he does not.
Imagine giving your entire body, mind, and soul to bring life into this world and your husband just isn’t attracted to you anymore
Bringing life is not relevant to eating more calories than you burn and stop working out. Kids are not excuses. Sorry for the husband
@@RadiUzunova you failed to realize that hormone imbalance plays a huge part, as well as metabolic slow down, and post partum depression… how are you going to work out when you’re home 24/7 with your kids? All while tied to an unsupportive husband? Try again lmao
@@mals4142amazingly said! It’s saddens me people are THIS uneducated.
@@RadiUzunovaI eat very very little food and am active like a normal person and I am obese. Think before you speak.
Let's not oversell it. She's still alive.
(Hopefully...)
My husband had a catastrophic car accident that left him paralyzed. He was 5" 10" and 120 pounds when we married. He never, ever looked bad to me even after 49 years of marriage and terminal cancer. You don't just love a BODY. You love the whole person.
Amen!!!
You and your husband are so blessed to enjoy real, pure love. I feel the same way about my man of 20 years- there is no way any physical change would change the bond and values and history we share. I hope to enjoy the same longevity and care you have, what a priceless treasure .
Idk
True! But men are different sadly. All they see is a body to be used and abused. They constantly objectify women and it’s absolutely disgusting.
Yeah exactly and this husband needs to grow up. Plain and simple.
My ex husband called me saggy after giving birth. I was 120lbs. Some men just aren't happy and they look for excuses to cheat. I was lifting weights and working out 1 hr a day to try to appease him and nothing worked because it was all in his head. Men I date now say I have the body if a 20 yr old and I'm 43. I've always had a nice body. It's not you ladies, it's the douche you are with.
Did he cheat or not?
100% right.
That's insufferable jeez. Wonder how these jerks get away with it
Yep. It took me until my 40s to realize this.
Thank you!!! Amen!!
I was 44, with a bit of cellulite on my thighs, 143 lbs, 5'7", when my dearest told be that he does not desire me anymore, that I have to do something about it to regain my body from 24 years previous. My response was: well honey, none of us is getting any younger, we are both heading in the same direction... ageing, but if you want a younger body in bed you need to trade me in for a younger model and our marriage is done". I was working full time, three kids in high school so no I had no energy for fittness classes. He never mentioned my
lack of looks ever again. I guess he knew that I was serious and would end this marriage pretty damn quick.
…. You should have ended the marriage in general. If he doesn’t desire you what do you think he’s doing behind your back?
Damn how do u stay around after being told something like that
143 at 5’7” isn’t that bad at all.
@@charlesterrizzi8311not that bad...🤪... you are ridiculous 😅
and then men complain when women do divorce lol they always forget the add the reason WHY
I’m so grateful for my loving husband! After 3 kids I gained 38 pounds. Never once he told me I need to lose wait, he always told me I’m sexy and beautiful and loved my body with all the changes it went through. Now 2 years past after my daughters birth and in the last 6 months I’ve lost 21 pounds! He is still so kind to me and his love never changed! Grateful for the parents that raised such an amazing man!
Never knows if he has mistress. Happens all the time.
My husband said he wasn’t attracted to me because I gained weight. You’re lucky.
My husband did the same thing. We tried for several years to get pregnant with our second and the strain was so hard on my body. He never told me I needed to lose weight but still encouraged me to stay active and healthy. When I look back at some of those times, I could tell he was concerned for my health. He was so encouraging and told me how much he loved me even during the many times I was not doing very well at getting back into shape. He would say things like "You are so beautiful, make sure you take care of this body." He exercises almost every day for the last however many years which motivated me and he encouraged me to run with him around the neighborhood. Whenever I would bring up my love handles or stretch marks and how ugly they were he would say things like "nobody talks about my wife like that" or "They just show me how much you love me." (referring to my giving birth)
@@RadiUzunovathe ones with class don’t cheat.
You actually gained 120 pounds since those 3 kids also count for the new weight in the house. That’s 200+ pounds that your husband have a crunch all, all because of you. That’s how I experience it every day, I cannot believe and am constantly and continuously amazed how that woman did those amazing little friends that we got
Hearing these calls literally makes me never want to get married
Same here bro. I’ve been hearing all sorts of calls and I’m like “man, forget this. I’m just gonna stay single forever. This is too much work”
No one ever said a relationship is easy. If you're BOTH willing to work and properly COMMUNICATE. It is actually easy. That's why we date, to find the best person to spend your life with.
Because it doesn't confirm the lie that you've been told that women are goddesses and men should have no expectations and worship and love everything about them no matter what?
It is frustrating. Especially because everything changes in both husband and wife's lives after kids. Both need to grow up and realize that. But, don't loose hope! There's good and reasonable men (or women) around!
No one calls when things are good
My husband met me when I was 220. He married me at that size. Now I weight 150 and he’s loved me through all of it. My weight never mattered to him. Thank you God!!!
That's awesome!!! 😊😊😊😊
That’s amazing. Which weight does he prefer? Just curious. Something caused you to lose the weight but he loved you regardless. We can love people but still feel differently about the way they look to us.
I forgot to ask, what weight was your husband when you married him and did that change when you lost 70lbs?
my man loved me through obesity all the way to anorexia / bullimia and now i’m pregnant and healthy! the sweetest person i’ve ever met
Yes, your weight mattered.
Loved this quote so I’m highlighting it: “You can’t hate your body into long term change”
People in my life telling me they are noticing my weight gain has only EVER increased my weight gain. It has NEVER helped me lose weight no matter how nicely they said it.
Absolutely! People who struggle with their weight often do so because eating is a coping mechanism. Making someone feel horrible about themselves (when they already do) only leads to more self-hate which often leads to self-destructive behaviors like binge eating, etc.
Me too the more nasty comments about my weight the worse I feel the more bad food I want to eat
I was single and people called me fat. In response I went to the gym, dropped 90 lbs, and was complement in my weight. Relationships followed soon after. Sure stress eating is one way to approach the problem, but have you considered their may be another way?
I got fat and someone called me fat and I immediately went I diet and started working out. It helped me😊
As a former obese person, this most certainly isn't true for everyone. It's not nice to hear that you're fat but in my case, it helped me lose 30 pounds. No hard feelings. There's no glory in being fat
The fact that he CONTINUED to ask for advice on how to bring up her weight to her after getting his ass handed to him 💀
Thought the same. I was thinking "did you not just listen to the answer you were given???". My ex husband left me because I was fat. I gave him 2 beautiful, perfect children. He remarried a young girl. She also called me fat. Guess what??? She is now fat, so he has a fat wife again 🤣🤣🤣. I'm now thin. Not because of what he said to me. I didn't lose weight for the first 5 / 6 years after he left. I lost weight when ***I*** wanted to lose weight. I do take good care of myself so I look attractive to my partner at least 5 days out of 7 😇
He didn’t have two brain cells to rub together literally an empty box of a skull.
He was trying everything but to lighten up her load 😢
@jennebeattie3168 love that for you that's amazing! being a mother is incredibly challenging and also taking the decision to divorce, so props to you 👏👏👏
@@jennebeattie3168not a single word of that is worth bragging about. This is sad to read honestly.
He came on to fix his wife and got an attitude adjustment. GOOD
From a pandering hack.
@@NDnf84 why are you here? 🤡
You must be ok with double standards, his wife needs to lose weight and become healthier and his preference for what he should not feel or be ashamed for what he finds attractive
Hmmm… I wouldn’t take such a simple view.
It would be interesting to know if she gained 10 pounds or 300 pounds.
The guy sounds quite level-headed and self-aware… obviously not perfect but also not a total bastard. He also had the humility to call in and accept responsibility for his issues.
I submit that the wife also has a responsibility to take care of herself, for her own sake and also for her husband’s sake; motivated by her love for him.
A husband leading and encouraging his wife to a healthier lifestyle is not all bad, even if the execution is not entirely perfect and should be adjusted.
@jerryscorolla602 how could there be a double standard? Men can't birth children.
Coming so close to death without dying and sometimes dying. Only to bring new life into the world. Men don't do that.
This is why most men don't deserve children
This call just reminds me of how important it is to be in love with the person & care for their soul because the surface level stuff means nothing 😊
Hearing things like this make me appreciate my husband so much more. Glad he has loved me through all of the peaks and valleys of our marriage.
Some of y’all don’t take the “for better or for worse” part seriously.
It’s a character thing. People change . Attraction is important, you can will yourself to attraction .
True love is not just an emotion. Love is a choice. Love is a commitment. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not self seeking.
Is childbearing supposed to be an eternal excuse? This guy is expressing a normal emotion that is difficult to speak about publicly precisely because people pile on whenever it's mentioned. Which of course leads to many guys trying to find outlets in more clandestine ways.
I think most dudes are reasonable enough to know and understand that their spouse won't look like a supermodel after pregnancy and aging take their natural toll, but to act like both sides of a partnership don't have an obligation to at least make the *effort* to stay moderately in shape and retain some level of vigor is ridiculous.
@@edwardkilgore5748all people change so leaving somebody just cause there are hotter people, is extremely selfish and vain. And will lead to satan
@@SilkyG917you can't snap back a mum tum after the skin has stretched. You can't make breasts fill out after breastfeeding. There are plenty of permanent health changes that commonly occur in pregnancy and after.
Please don't sleep with women until you know how their bodies work. Jeez can't believe I'm having to tell grown adults things they should have known by 12.
I used to worry about my looks until I lost them in a horrible car accident people treated me like a monster even though I was still the same inside. I learned that beauty IS on the inside and I am still beautiful regardless of the scars. My Dad used to tell me that men are the most selfish creatures on the planet and he was right. Miss you Daddy.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Of course you’re beautiful. I don’t agree that men are the most selfish creatures on the planet, though. I’ve raised two men, I have brothers, most of my friends are men. Are men initially visual, yes. But at the same time, when we women need help, wether it’s a tire that needs changing or someone hurting us, it’s men who come to the rescue. Many times they don’t think about the danger it poses to themselves. Try to see the good in men. There is a lot of it. And good luck to you ❤
Sorry for your experience, but maybe you can take solace in the fact that in studies, women find 80% of men on attractive, or is men find about 50% of women on attractive. As a short man myself, I have experienced so much rejection and judgment from women is unbelievable. Short men, among men in general, experience extreme judgment and prejudice from women.
@@user-ms2mr2mc3gAre you seriously trying to say you have it worse than a deformed person just because you’re short
Your dad was a man
Women can be equally as selfish. Just depends on the individual.
He says that she's unhappy with her own appearance already, so he has no need to "open up that conversation" and salt that wound. Opening up the time and space for her to do the things she already wants to do hit the nail on the head
This guy doesn’t get it. He’s still asking how do I tell her she’s fat. That’s the answer he wanted.
100%
Peirce Bronsen aka James Bond, married a model. They had kids, she got bigger, and he still loves her and is affectionate to her in public. He praises her.
Beta. What is there to praise? A fat woman? Dime a dozen.
This is him saying 'I have no standards and neither should you'.
You go on telling yourself the lie.
She has lost the weight she’s no longer heavy. He did stay with her through both
She’s still gorgeous though, at whatever size she is always a beautiful woman.
@@pamelalansbury94This is just you saying: 'There are no standards for women.'
Yes, there are and anything else is pure delusion.
@@jamesdanton9033well duh. There are standards for absolutely everyone.
I stayed fit , had breast augmentation, got Botox and worked out daily . Ex husband still cheated on me .
I put in a lot of work and effort for a man . Won’t make that mistake again
@@starsshine2728 thank you so much! I’m thriving now
@@christinaslate1865you lost a man who wasn’t worth a dime , but found yourself ❤ TY for sharing . I hope you are much happier now .
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you've realized your worth and that men who make these kind of demands devalue women in general and it was never about you. I hope you're happier now :)
@@a.r.8954 I’m MUCH happier now . Thank you so much for your kind words .
You're most welcome
He tried to get him to say “ofc I still think she’s beautiful” and the guy wouldn’t. Real shame some ppl live life’s so unintentionally.
why do you want him to lie though
@@foaly8because if he doesn’t find her beautiful he is in this marriage for looks not for love or companionship and should divorce her and do her a favour
I hate my own body after babies. Stretch mark, c-section scar. I lost my pregnancy weight and some more, but Post pregnancy my stomach didn't go back to being tight. He haz been totally loving the whole time. It's helped me accept my body and keep improving.
THIS is the only comment I support here. You focused on what you could control (losing the baby weight) and your husband still loves you for the things you can’t control (stretch marks/scar)
The people acting like having a baby makes it okay to gain 60 lbs of fat are insane
People forget that they promise to love their spouses in sickness in health and for better or worse.
Letting yourself go when you have the means to do so is asinine.
It's amazing the male point of view is the only one that is criticized by society but if a man gets laid off it's all in the right for a female to take the kids and leave. But when a woman doesn't to lose weight we have to coddle them. When it's the most simple and easiest thing to do and have complete control of. And yes she is lazy
@@humansvd3269 your comment is more, asinine.
Part and parcel of the institution of marriage, of the “for better or worse”, is that your body is no longer only your own, but your spouse’s.
They’re both imperfect, but trying.
I would not be too critical of either one.
@@rolllerfan28No one said it’s alright for a woman to do so, it’s just common. In the same way that husbands often leave their wives when the wife becomes sick. It’s common, but it’s not okay.
My ex husband told me I was disgusting after I put on a little bit of weight after two pregnancies. Surprisingly I didn't feel very confident having a sexual relationship with him anymore....
Good thing there are more women than men.
My bestfriend had some guys over and one told the other that he “didn’t like fvcking her becasue she’s fat” ???? I was thinking.. then DONt-!? Some guys do it to themselves and they deserve it 🤭
words destroy...im so sorry you were told that. That is appalling!
Just wait til he is older and starts gaining weight. His day is coming.
Yeah he is your ex for a reason. Good riddance! Sorry you had to go through that.
My husband use to tell me that if I ever got fat, he would leave me .... because, "if you don't care about yourself, why should I!" Even having his children, he never cut me any slack. Actually, he never cut me any slack on anything. It took me 41 years to realize he was a narcissist. It took me 41 years to realize that I needed to love myself, first and foremost. I knew life wasn't going to be easy, but it had to be easier than staying .... and it was.
Sorry to hear that but glad you've realised your worth❤
Im 23 and have a beautiful girlfriend. Seeing stuff like this allows me to look at our relationship from another perspective and learn from others mistakes so i don’t ever push away the best thing that’s ever happened to me. this is the first video i’ve watched from your channel. I can’t wait to see what else i can learn
You’ll hit a time when you might not find your wife to be the most attractive physically but that’s why you’ve got to have a deeper appreciation than just the physical side of things.
His wife deserves better
Yep, this is the result of porn addicted men who see their wives as objects instead of human beings.
He is getting help though and that matters
Oh yes she sure does!
100%
Even when the host said to him that "you think your wife dropped the ball" SHE HAD HIS CHILDREN! Which he has absolutely no idea about, how are we in the 21st century and some men are still baffled and dumfounded that growing humans inside of you changes your body somewhat!! The types of men don't deserve children if this is there condition in a relationship.
He's not struggling with the fact that he hasn't created a world where she feels safe. He doesnt care about that. He cares more about what other people think than his wife's heart. Yes, he is the jerk.
Plus… in an unsafe world… women put weight onxxx😮
@@wildrosebohemianstudio 💯
@@wildrosebohemianstudio100%
Agreed he’s a jerk
@😅 13:21 13:21 gangoolie68
A nightmare. My husband thank goodness loved me through depression. I’m gonna give him a hug.
i can’t fathom reducing the love of my life to a body. he’s so much more than that. i would love him at whatever weight or whatever physical change he underwent. when you love someone truly, that’s not conditional on factors as superficial as looks, when you love someone you find their soul beautiful and that pours and overflows into everything else, including the outside. ❤
This exact issue ended my engagement. Telling your partner you aren’t attracted to them is soul crushing. There was no way to recover from it.
Thankfully you weren't already married
There is always a way to recover when you realize that it’s really the other person and not you
Did you try losing weight? I feel like that's the obvious solution for everyone. What's the downside of losing weight and being attractive for your husband?
@@estarr86 Because if I'm losing weight "for my husband" that's conditional and transactional and reductive and objectifying. People change physically. That's a normal part of aging. I don't want to be in a relationship where my worth to my husband is judged by my dress size any more than I would imagine my husband wants to be in relationship where his worth is judged by his hairline or his biceps.
@@TheMinimalistTherapist why would you marry someone you're not attracted to?
My ex was more concerned about my vagina returning to normal, when I was in labor with our son, than for my well being. I was in labor for 23 hours. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension and diabetes. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand the degree of disrespect to my life. It took him cheating on me and endangering my life with a venereal disease to understand that he was not worthy of me. He has remarried and is now somebody else’s problem.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Good riddance 🎉
Wow!!! I'm going to bet he was small?!
@@nickdeluca7742 No he was large.
He probably had a pencil.@@nickdeluca7742
you chose that guy, don't tell me he wasn't a narcissist before the pregnancy.
Dr D did an amazing dance with this topic. Cut right to it, sounded like he opened his eyes in particular (un)conditional love and what love looks like for the kids, and gave him tools to work with.
I really love how he addressed it. He called if out as he felt it came across. He really brought it clearly to the light from her point of view.
Ten years and sees her body more than her soul?… divorce him. I’ve been with a real man for 40 years. Fluctuating 100 pounds. At my biggest after my son I hid my body. He said… your body is beautiful but your soul is what I’m really in love with forever. Yes a real man.
You are so blessed ❤ I hope to have this kind of love one day ❤
Where did you get he sees her body more than her soul?
Not a good reason for a divorce
Yes after my daughter is gained so much due to thyroid issues. I felt ashamed i hated my body. Kept being insecure. He said I married you , not ur body. I married you as a person. Not a body. I love you as u are. 🥹
@@heathernaugle6429it is a good reason…
I am so so scared of ever being "loved" like this
The avg pregnancy weight gain is 20-30 lbs. Just don't become a whale. Women use pregnancy as an excuse to gain 80 lbs. Like honey the baby is at most 10 lbs
thank God I never know men like this, horror man to even what he says and how is treating his wife, he never loved her. Pitty how many women choose these kind of men, I mean they should run run away from these kind of man, think of the long run if you choose someone. Everyone deserves better than this man!
Your best bet is to not get married hun. They are ALL like that. They always want a 10 but are bald with gut themselves.
This isn't real love. My husband loved me at a variety of sizes and always told me I was beautiful, sexy and cute. He grew more attracted to me over the years, even as my body became less acceptable to others. When he looked at me, he saw me and not what I looked like. Love like that really does exist.
Find a man who loves Jesus. My husband would never make me feel bad for weight.
Listening to this makes me so grateful for my husband. Sure we have our troubles but good lord he is NOT this, thank you Jesus. 🙏🏻. I’ve had 4 kids I’ve gained back 40 pounds again 😑 I’ve been heavy mostly since we’ve had children. He still makes me feel as beautiful as the day we met when I was barely 120 pds. I hope this woman gets a new husband to be real or this dude gets his head out of his arse.
The call should have ended at 7:30. But the caller wasn't really feeling the "Help her clear time in her day to take care of herself" advice and wanted to keep on the "How do I tell her to get her act together" track.
Wow. When you said, “you might need to leave”, he was so quick to say, “yeah”. Doesn’t seem like he wants to really even be there that much in the first place
That's because Orca can take all his stuff and there is no consequence for her to do that or to gain even more weight.
Why get married?
@@jamesdanton9033there is no reason to marry when you ask why even marry. I married out of love but you don't have to do it. Not a must and you don't have to make anybody feel like they've trapped you
@@annakleopatrabergendy9765Get it straight: there is NO reason a man should get married today.
Women don't love. If the guy is an unemployed, five foot two, overweight ex-garbage man you ain't in it 'for love'. Women don't love, they pick someone who can provide what they need and call it love to assuage the idea (bullshit themselves) that they are in it for provision.
I'm not. I'm 44, six foot, I make six figures, have no debt, I own a farm, my business and an apartment in a holiday town, I'm fit and healthy and I have been married. She left because she saw a flash of emerald over the fence. She was dead four years later cause the great new guy taught her to doctor shop. She was a physiotherapist, now a corpse. I have a 27 year old girlfriend who would drag herself over broken glass to marry me. It isn't going to happen because the state and other women will incentivize her to divorce me for cash and prizes.
Married for love, don't make me laugh.
@@jamesdanton9033 You are a misogynist. Poor thing, I wonder what happened to you.
@jamesdanton9033 Just a heads up: People age and lose their youthful good looks. If you can't handle that either, definitely don't get married.
Shew. I can’t wait to give my husband the biggest hug tonight. Becoming a mom changed me. It changed my priorities. Very little of the time in the day belongs to me. My body is different. My husband has never EVER made me feel bad about that.
Everyone has time to workout at least 30 min a day. If you don’t then you’re bad with time management. None the less good for your husband. You should still make sure to eat right and find time to exercise not just for him but your overall health
He's got a sidepiece so all good
Sounds like you have a man for a husband and not someone that mentally peaked at age 13.
@@davidmason777 This is probably true... on the whole. (I know working moms with disabled kids who really would struggle to find 30 minutes to work out.)
But a 30-minute workout might result in a significant weight loss in some people and absolutely none in others.
I can vouch for this because I eat a whole food plant-based diet, I run and lift. I'm still chubby. (And I won't be taking any weight loss or nutrition advice from strangers on the internet, either.)
@@davidmason777 That's heck of a judgemental answer. Not everyone has the time for everything, specially with excessive work or little kids.
This is why I'm so glad I have my husband. Married for 17 years, expecting our 4th baby (major oops baby & found out our state banned abortions 3 months before we found out) & I'm 38 yrs old. My body is definitely not what it used to be but he still touches me the same way & still loves me the same way. As if I still could fit in my jeans I wore when I was 16 like I did 15 yrs ago. I can never be with someone that thought of me this way.
My husband wasn’t attracted to me when I was 120 lmk and hot. He’s been addicted to porn and doesn’t know how to love a real woman. I spent years blaming myself - even developed an eating disorder trying to be “perfect” for him. He tells me all the time I drop the ball on things. I now realize these are all just his issues. These men are all about themselves and don’t know how to truly love.
It bothers me so much that he asked for a solution and when he was told he needs to take over the household and give her some alone time so she can take care of herself, all he could focus on was finding a nice way to tell her she was fat instead. He wants to make her feel bad thinking itll motivate her which is crazy
Why not add more work onto her?? It's worked fine for him so far so why would he change? He can't be the solution to HIS problem in any way, right? 🧐
THIS!!! He wasn’t capturing his own personal responsibility in this
Clearly not much of the advice was getting through his thick head. Same question, over and over, are you even listening?
Right?! That just makes things worse. Heaven help her when she goes through menopause
This drove me insane. Makes me feel like this is his thinking process regularly, I hear you but what about me. Would drive me up a wall!
Wow this man is the exact reason so many women worry about “changing” as the years go on.
This is why so many women get made fun of for being immature and childs. If a man is required to maintain a certain lifestyle by the woman's preferences, then the man is allowed to have his own preferences as well. You women can't continually have double standards for everything in life.
Yeah! Let's blame it all on the men, then we don't have to change. Right Girls!!
@@DrewsThoughtsAmen!
I guess a person should be happy if their spouse becomes
Obese
@@DrewsThoughts This exactly!
He didn't get the answer/advice that he wanted, but he got the answer/advice that he needed.
I hope he took it to heart. I hope it was not already too late.
What men will never seem to understand is most women spend their entire lives told that what you physically look like means everything and so waste years, decades, of their lives on diets, exercising, makeup etc. These things take up so much capacity of a woman's life that even when they think nah I'm good, I've built a home and a family, I'm doing ok as me. And then those words come in just to slap you back in the face to say, don't be stupid!
You have crushed her, she will never trust anything you say.
Oh man when he said “well how do I start this conversation with her” after being told to do the dishes - I died inside
He is unmature id***. That's why he didn't hear doctor advice.🙄 Simple as that.
I hope she'll divorce him.
He doesn’t get it and never will 🤦♀️🤦♀️
He gave him real easy practical advice and then the man ignored it and asked how to tell her and for practical advice. He was just given practical advice! He’s being really selfish.
@@kara8911but the wife being obese and expecting her husband to be attracted to her is not selfish.
@@estarr86 he never said she was “obese” just that she’s gained weight and I don’t remember him saying an amount. Of course it’s not good to be obese (again it doesn’t sound like she was) and it’s reasonable to not be as attracted to someone who is. People lose and gain weight over time (heck people lose hair over time, and skin elasticity, they get wrinkles, they get sick sometimes chronically). He was asking for help but then kept ignoring the advice given and pushed his own idea that he has to have a “conversation” with her about it. No, he needs to take over around the house, so that she can step away for a moment to herself. Poor sleep, leads to poor diet, stress leads to weight gain. A conversation is the last thing she needs.
“I think you need to do some deep soul searching whether you’re in this marriage or not”
WOW blatant and bold. Love it
I wouldn't be in a bait and switch marriage again.
Don't put up with it men. Thou shalt not simp.
@@jamesdanton9033 bahahahhahahah yup woman hater. Just like I said. 🤣🤣🤣
@@jamesdanton9033you're disgusting
@@jamesdanton9033Get help
I am a woman from Germany, just discovered this channel and I am so grateful for the reaction from the interviewer.
80% of losing weight is what you eat
Keep loving her and start cooking all the meals
This guy seems to think he can cure his wife's weight gain. Believe me, she knows and does not need to be reminded of it every day. I imagine that there is some depression involved now. To all the spouses who love and support their partners, I am in awe of you. Your role model for your children is a sight. Way to go!
It can be cured with good diet and exercise.
It will. She will end up going to a gym where she will meet more masculine and friendly men. She’ll get in shape probably just to impress one of these men. She’ll get her confidence back and will decide the risk of trying her luck with one of these men is worth it. She’ll look fantastic but it won’t be for her husband. She’ll definitely maintain going to the gym with this incentive.
@@edwardrook8146not always.. someone’s it’s hormonal and she needs a hormone to help.. many women are put on the standard T4 thyroid medication when they need T3, never mind all the women who are told it’s all in their head and they just need to eat less and move more!
@@ashleighedwards3575jesus. you speaking from personal experience here? because that was oddly specific.
@@edwardrook8146You HAD to have flunked science. Diet and exercise CANNOT fix hormones nor hypothyroidism. Hormones are produced by the brain; pregnancy also creates a crazy amount of hormones (it varies in EVERY individual).
When the hormones run through the brain incorrectly, the parts of the brain, such as the pituitary gland, then tells certain body parts to function or react. However, when they’re “off” the response of the body AND emotions are very much so off!!! Extra fat is stored naturally (to continue to feed baby), emotions become depressed because of the imbalance, and skin elasticity becomes altered. Some people’s body eventually recover but still won’t be the same, some not as much. Tried to explain this in simplest terms.
I get the feeling this caller understood only about 10% of what was being said to him.
Dr. Delony dealt with this like a champ!!
This sounds to me, and I hope I'm wrong, like a man who is pouting b/c his favorite toy has a flaw in it. If he was able to be a real husband, then he wouldn't have led with "She gained too much weight, how do I get her to change", it would have been "My wife is unahppy and it's breaking my heart. Can you help me find a way for me to support her enough that she gets her mojo back? Because I love her more than myself". Instead its "She has failed me and I want her to change and make me WANT to be with her. And hey, she might even FEEL better after she fixes herself up and I'm happy with her again?"
Does this guy even understand that the weight gain is a symptom of her unhappiness, perhaps at being married to someone to shallow to be decent marriage material? Did he ever think, she didn't gain weight because she is broken, but rather she has gained weight during depression as she realizes she is married to someone who offers the most conditional kind of love?
I think weight gain and how it makes you feel really, REALLY sucks. So I hope she comes to realize that her value doesn't lie in her body or her weight and if someone can't understand that, then they are toxic, not supportive.
When they have their little "I want you to lose weight because you don't fit my ideal", I hope they find their way around to how his character is so much more of a problem than her weight gain.
It’s important to have hard conversations in marriages. I was in this situation as the wife who gained a lot of weight during Covid. My husband approached me from a point of concern over my health and having a longer life together. He never approached me from the “I’m no longer attracted to you” even if there was some truth in that.
He was able to motivate me in a positive way and I lost 45 pounds.
For me, he should've just taken the lead for improving BOTH y'all's health, cooked some healthy foods, set up dates that got you both moving, etc...but never told you a thing, unless you refused to cooperate, THEN say it out loud. That's how women usually do for men and kids because it's more effective and compassionate. That would get my thumbs up, because a partner helps get the work done for the life of the couple/family unit and doesn't need to make someone feel shame or pressured when they are already down, UNLESS the work I described fails imho, then maybe interventions get explored.
I've seen very depressed men and the last thing they need is being told more bad things about themselves no matter how it comes out , but a wife helping add veggies and cut salt and sugar and working on good gut health for the WHOLE family often helps alleviate the whole thing and aids the mental and emotional well being. It's about team work and about deeds NOt words that add burden when someone is manly e down or not ready to hear them or once said can't be undone! Do things, don't just say and expect things, is more or less my preference BUT very Glad you feel healthier and see the cup as half full and a good relationship with you spouse. I'm just being honest and more responsible in my advice to others who such words without at least as many deeds won't be advantageous and might actually be harmful, because that's often the situation. Also, if it's you child you have to model and take certain responsibility for your dependent even if they get angry they will understand later you invested in their health because you loved them....Congrats.
@@amandachilds5290 Oh god this always centric on the woman's feelings crap. No he did the honest thing and did it far more sensitive then some would. Sorry a wife is not god or a child that i should have to tip toe around.
@@mato2047 I doubt you Revere God enough to have a decent conversation since you think you oughta tip toe round Him...but what that has to do with what I wrote or even saying it's female centric when it's true for ALL significant others, men and kids too, is odd? Just doing something good for you both as a unit like healthy eating or exercise IS NOT tip toeing, it's proactive and logical? Doing is BETTER than saying, deeds not words, is just the way I see it and same for if man is fat or not taking good care of himself....women do it ALL the time. We add veggies in the food and cut the salt and sugar. We remind if supplements and meds and Dr. Appointments because we think if we value someone we should help take good care of them. Do you tip toe around your house issues to show it whose boss, I wonder? It's less burden on someone who maybe isn't ready to see it and do something about it or cannot and it's also good for you too to make the changes you want to see in your SO and the world!
I've seen men in depression and last thing you should do is tell them more bad things about themselves! They don't use it as motivation the way some women might, or some women might just add on ten more pounds to spite you too or lose it then divorce you and run off with someone and leave you the kids, seen that one twice after hubby pushes her to get fit and a bazoom job. People rarely get yelled at for cooking good food and planning fun and healthy excursions though!
Gut health really matters and when you can get his OR her gut health improved then that is going to improve the mental and emotional too, which will make the whole unit better!
These are just facts and that's what being a team is. Sorry you don't want to be a team. And if your kid is obese, it is a lot the parents fault and responsibility so can't understand why you'd think otherwise. Oh and Kid's weight is a scream for help much of the time and sticking your fingers in your ears ain't gonna fix that either!
But maybe you misunderstood what I wrote and I then misunderstood you so here's another attempt to make it clear. Peace.
It’s not his job to ‘motivate’ you. Lose weight fatty
That would’ve been a good advice for him.
Stress causes cortisol levels to increase which causes weight gain. An abusive man causes stress which runs up cortisol and causes weight gain.
Men don't care about hormones, they are just excuses to them.
Very good point!
Are we assuming the man on the call is abusive? I wasn't sensing that at all
What? Being in a caloric surplus instead of a deficit is what makes you gain weight, cortisol doesn't come close to affecting what it says on the scale compared to eating too many calories. Eat less food, gain less weight or maybe even lose/ maintain current weight; eat more food gain more weight, it's easy.
Abusive? a bit of a stretch no?
👏👏👏u handled this one with such class! Impeccable! Ur correct i have been married for 20 years and i gained weight over the past few years and my husband scoldme for what i eat . I have always been 110 to 120 lbs and now i have ovarian cancer that caused me to swell so bad that it makes me look fat and i am completely depressed but i am working on it and my husband finally stopped with the comments about what i eat smh
. . . wow.... you are unbelievably wonderful & insightful... I wish my husband would call you for help bcz he has always held his true feelings in...partly bcz, in the earlier years of our 20-yr marriage, my personal experiences & insecurities caused me to become defensive each time he would criticize anthing I did ( very often as he is OCD)...now, I choose to accept his comments as just his way of trying to be helpful, but he still has the need to avoid conflict instead of share feelings ... I love this & hope to get him to watch your vids... God Bless You... 😌
Had kids back to back for my exhusband and he was just like this. I was a married single mother. He never helped with the kids or house work and I was expected to do all of it along with holding down a job. Once I filed those divorce papers I started counseling and now I’m a size 5/6! I was literally overworked, stressed out taking care of everything including his grown behind! Since the divorce I have SO much peace and the kids are on a schedule. I’m not doing as much work, my weight is under control and I’m not even working out as much and the house stays cleaner! Hmmm wonder why!? A toxic partner can be the source of a whole lot of bad in your life!
I bet he felt "blindsided" and "dumbfounded" when you filed those divorce papers. Telling people "it came out of no where, we were so happy 🥴"
Yes!! I was constantly sick, tried losing weight couldn’t do it. Found out he had cheated divorced and all of sickness weight just disappeared. It’s amazing how people can get sick from toxic food and etc but not realizing it’s coming from a toxic person….hes going to regret this and he won’t be able to do anything about it once she’s gone
I grew up as a child of a married single mother. It’s an incredibly toxic situation to grow up in that makes numerous relationship situations as an adult confusing because I’m constantly having to check healthy against comfort (comfort was toxic growing up
Too many people base relationships on looks rather than substance. That is why it's important to find a life partner you connect with on a multitude of levels because as the saying goes "looks will eventually fade."
i completely agree. but i have noticed that physical attraction means more to men than it does women...it matters to some men more than others...and i hate to be blunt but if you want a spouse who is able to maintain her health/fitness (esp if you have kids), it takes lots of support (child care) to free up time for exercise and enough financial means as well...very very few of us are "naturally thin and beautiful"...most of the time it takes at least a little "help" and it does not come cheap!!
@@EadsB7002I also think that but could it be that these men have this mindset because they have been conditioned to only see validation through sex and appearance? Because you know he makes a point that, he’s jealous of other men. Rather than seeking approval from his wife, he wants it from other men. Although you know this bothers him, he doesn’t even have the emotional intelligence to bring it up to his wife.
@@marytudor-iw2dw yes I’m aware of this 😂 I’m a CPT
@@marytudor-iw2dwyou speak a lot of truth, however protein without working out is a detriment but with it helps build muscle. ACSM guidelines for protein intake is 20-30 percent of the first at 1.2-2 g per kg of body weight
@@marytudor-iw2dw well the key for building muscle is protein regardless of weight, however caloric intake is where weight fluctuation comes in. Fat per gram is 9 calories as opposed to protein and carbs which is 4; this is the cause for people gaining weight indulging in fats and spiking up calories quickly. Protein intake should be based on how active the person is so an extreme athlete 2.0 G per KG is good but someone just maintaining what they have .7 Female .8/.9 Male is just fine. Fasting should not be a thing and neither should taking out carbs (which should be the highest percentage of your diet) the opposite of taking it out lol.
Such a wholesome answer. I really don’t agree with a lot of people saying the caller is a jerk. Sure, he needed to get his perspective changed, but sounds like he was open to listening and was just not sure how to phrase things or navigate the issue.
The insight of this man is amazing. Thx Doc!
I gained 35lbs after my second baby. C section and Breast feeding meant I didn’t get to work out or do much movement for a while but had to consume 3k calories a day to keep feeding him and even then I didn’t have enough milk.
My husband never made me feel less beautiful or criticized my weight. I did it myself and he always insisted I don’t say those things about myself.
Eventually I got fed up with hating my body. I asked him to get me a treadmill off of Craigslist and help me with bedtime so that I could workout instead of depleting what little energy I had left getting the two kids in bed.
He got the treadmill.
He handled bedtime every night.
I lost 40lbs.
And that was four years ago. He still does bed time every night even when I don’t work out and our sex life reflects the fact that I have energy for something more after the kids are down.
Added to that, I often tell HIM if he doesn’t make it to the gym before work, call me and let me know he’ll be late and I’ve got bedtime covered so you can have that time. He’s never been more fit than now. We realized we had to create the environment for both of us to thrive. This husband needs to take Johns advice because if he doesn’t, they’ll likely end up divorced and she’ll probably get fit and replace him. Then he’ll really regret it.
Congrats on your teamwork and success.
LMAO , I was with you till the end. If she can get fit and replace him then why not get fit now and save her marriage 😂. Sounds like laziness & spite.
@@LaitoChen I see reading comprehension is something you struggle with. Were you actually with me? Bc you clearly didn’t understand that if he wants her to get fit he needs to foster that sort of environment and make it possible for her to get fit. I can’t go to the gym and work out if my husband doesn’t hold things down for me when I do. Vice versa. We thrive on supporting and encouraging each other. Hope that helps buddy!
@@StoicCaringbutColdandFierceIfN have fun dying alone. When someone gets in a relationship they don’t have life’s trials and tribulations including the changes that happen with age and kids which is why my POINT is to work together as a team to keep each other fit and healthy. A woman can’t get fit and healthy if she’s not in a supportive partnership. Hope that helps!
@@miremarke475it’s an hour workout a day 3-4 times a week and mainly it’s down to your diet. “We don’t have time with kids and stuff” as if the man does zero housework. Look at your double digit screentime, there’s you’re answer. Haven’t got 3 hours for gym but have 17 hours of scrolling on Instagram. 🙄
This is why it’s important to vet whether your partner can PROVIDE a life that allows for time and means to prioritize health. If she’s like majority of married women, she’s managing more than what she’s designed to do and something has to give.
Hire a house cleaner and nanny!
@@labrigful 🤣 The average two income household is making $75,000/year... between housing/child care/groceries/insurance/retirement/gas we're at a point where 60% of American households can't afford a $1,000 emergency... stop being delusional.
They did a program together and she lacked discipline.
@Ellen Cox yeah, but he wants a trophy wife so he needs to pay up. Someone needs to make some sacrifices.
@Cameron he probably doesn't realize that he was free to do the program because she was taking care of the house and kids.
If he was taking time to do a program, who do you think was left to pick up the slack? I know how this works. "I'll give her time" is just empty words. Nothing gets done and your workload doubles
That caller doesn't get it at all. He's chronically shallow. He keeps asking, how do I fix my wife without offending her. He just doesn't get it.🙄
The fact that he needed another man to tell him he was wrong shows how weak he is. I smell divorce
I was chubby and had no confidence when my partner met me. He always thought I was beautiful and never commented on my weight or routine. After about 4 years together I got serious about my health and started exercising. I lost 40lbs and have muscle. I still workout all the time. I love myself. My partner and I married and we’ve been together 7 years now. He always gave me the space to heal and grow from the things he didn’t know about. Having that space, comfort, and love has allowed me to choose the best version of myself and I am forever growing. This man is a tool
Beautiful story ❤
This is lovely and it’s also why I don’t buy the whole “love yourself first then someone will love you”crap.
Women enter relationships all the time while not loving themselves and end up being loved on so much and so well by men who actually care.
Explain why he is a tool, other than the fact he said a woman he clearly cares about could do something a bit better. Are you unable to take criticism?
@@felixjohnston3402He is shallow.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married; your partner has 0 say over what needs to happen to your body. The caller mentioned that she is trying but has trouble with staying consistent. This means she’s very much aware of her situation and doesn’t need her HUSBAND, the one person who is supposed to see into her soul, to “demand” a change because he isn’t attracted to her. He lied during his vows; he doesn’t love her for good or for bad, in sickness and in health. Life is hard, the last thing you should have to worry about is whether or not you’re still attractive enough for your husband. A man that falls in love with your soul will never disrespect you in this way 🤷🏻♀️
My ex husband told me watching me have a kid turned him off. He wasn’t attracted to me anymore and he missed having a hot wife. Needless to say he never touched me again and we divorced a few years later.
He didn’t deserve you. God bless you! Blessings to you!
Omg that’s horrible - I’m sorry this happen to you
This happens to a lot of men. You can't let them watch that, just have them come in right after, to inspect & bond with the baby.
@mariatorres9789 What?.... Why even het her pregnant in the first place if that kinda thing is too much to bear?
@yumiarigama If you like sex, don't gross your man out. It's really simple. Don't push a baby out in front of them. Close the door when you take a dump. Don't change a Tampax in front of them. Etc. Or- you can be stubborn, & wonder why you gross them out & they don't want you, & then cry about it to all your lonely friends & 10 cats. 🤷 Keep it classy.
Wow, you are really smart and honest and ( most importantly) caring ❤
I went from 118 at 5’6” to 170lbs. before giving birth. Down to 118 within 3 mos. after birth. Never forgave my ex-husband for criticizing me for gaining weight during pregnancy.
He criticized you for gaining WHILE pregnant. Did he just think the baby wasn’t supposed to grow?
Glad you dumped him
I'm so glad he's your ex!
As Christ followers, we are commanded by the Lord to forgive. It's a gift for YOU, not the offender. No bitterness.
@@danilaroche1156 you can let go of the bitterness but you can't unlearn what you know about someone. My ex husband was the same way. He said there's no excuse to gain weight while pregnant. A baby weighs 6-7 pounds and you can loose 6-7 pounds to offset it. I didn't hate him for saying it but I certainly lost a lot of respect for him.
I had the same problem after I had our first child, I gained weight and my husband expected my weight to go back as soon as I had our baby and criticised me constantly but eventually I did lose it and weighed less than when I met him and he still wasn’t happy! You should love the person for who they are not on how much they weigh! Made me realise I wasn’t the one with the problem.
It’s hard because a woman wants compliments and to have her man behave a certain way. He engages because he enjoys what he sees. When you take that away, a man has to fake it. It’s hard to fake it long term.
@@natemekis3959 Then don't have kids. Seriously if you want your wifes body to stay the same, don't have kids.
If he lost his job you would divorce his a** in a heartbeat
@@kenandrieling5885 Actually no we’ve been together 20 years. But no bodies perfect and you work it out. 😊
@@natemekis3959 If the man's not keeping up his own appearance, he can keep his comments to himself.
Your women’s appearance is a direct visual board of how YOU as a man have been treating her!
Shaming her into being worthy of your love again, great approach
My husband is a saint jeez. He's seen me fluctuate between 108 to 165 (during pregnancy and after) and hes always told me I'm beautiful.
Did you stay 165?
@@humansvd3269 WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AH
He can tell you anything, but you both knew the truth.
Your husband is not a saint for treating you like that. He likely just actually loves you. Let’s stop making it normal or call things love that are not. It like saying.
I have a good man because he doesn’t beat me.
@@popdaskittles lol.
His wife needs someone who loves her in all her seasons of life
It seems like she has someone like that, but you can't help attraction.
Wait but if he stops working, bringing in money, she would say "wtf can you go to work get a job" and if he complains "love me in all seasons, this is my relaxing season" what would you feel? Exactly, the thing women don't understand is looks do matter to men, and you don't have to lose 100 pounds but you have to show genuine effort (working out, eating better foods) of trying to look more fit than you were yesterday if you do have a weight issue.
@@jameslog3431 Did he stop working because of his ptsd from going to war, or hard labor all his life?
@trianglesandsquares420 I'd say most men stop working cause of the physical labor. But it's funny how you compared it to ptsd😂 like what if the wife just wants to eat more junk food or doesn't want to workout anymore. This guy is a fraud
@@nimbzclowd I was thinking more like what if she's finding it hard to lose the weight that she gained (fat cells don't die, they just shrink) or has hormonal changes after the pregnancy and sleepless nights that make it hard to lose fat or stop eating. The only counterpart for men would be something they can do that requires physical labor. Barring actual complications, ptsd or minor repetitive injuries are the best analogies for what she might be dealing with.
I would love to hear his wife’s opinion of him 🤔
The big red flag to me is he says he never told her to lose weight but then that she didn't "hold up her end of the bargain" what bargain? He's holding her to promises she never made
This man is clearly disgusted by her and masking it as concern
He wants confirmation to leave .
@@deniseeugene1852he didn't call the right person, then.
Maybe he is asking Tate for advice now 😂
@@justmeagain7not gonna get it from a simp who sees women as delicate children who can do no wrong
If a woman called in complaining about her husband she would 100% be supported and told it's ok for her to have standards. The moment a man has a concern he's treated as a villain.@@RevealedFilms
@@monohydrate2I do see your point. Many times, when a woman tries to leave a man, she normally gets pep talks and is told she is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy. I wouldn’t apply that in this case though. If a woman called in disgusted with her man after his body changed for some reason like an accident, I don’t think she would be given the same pep talk about her needing to leave bc she deserves better.
I will say this guy doesn’t seem to be just unhappy that she gained weight, he seems to be wanting an excuse to trade her in for a newer model wife.
”You can’t hate your body into long term change”. That could be the motto for body positivity.
Unfortunately that is not true. There are plenty of people that get in good shape out of spite of their current body. Everyone is different and that has to be respected.
When it comes to weight and musculature you absolutely CAN hate your body into long term change.
You just have to be willing and motivated to putting in the work and/or putting down the snacks.
@@amerlin388No.... you literally can't. It's psychologically damaging to do that. Just because someone is capable of bouncing back a lottle between from the damage doesn't make it a net positive.
@amerlin388
Unhappy people are typically fatter then happy people.
Statistically speaking...the opposite is true: you can hate yourself into getting fat.
This also makes sense, because who is emotionally eating? Happy or unhappy people? Who is going out shopping or dancing? Happy or unhappy people? Who is going to group classes for stuff like dancing or pilates? Happy or unhappy people? Who is giving themselves reward meals? "You managed to stuck it out today!" Is that happy or unhappy people? Who is more likely to stay in and sit on the couch? Happy...or unhappy?
Etc.
@@JyS1991 You are conflating 'hating your body' with degree of happiness. One can hate their weight and be happy in other aspects of their life.
Hating your body IS motivation to loose weight. Hating the weight you had before you reduced to a healthy weight IS motivation to keep the unhealthy weight off.
The most attractive aspect about my wife is her character. Over the course of our 30 year marriage, she has proven herself time and time again. She consistently seeks the best path forward with people and situation. She has a great sense of humor too!!
My husband is so supportive. I had my second over the Summer, and I’ve been trying to lose weight. He encourages me but he doesn’t shame me or make me feel bad, I do that enough to myself.
If he’s not attracted now, how will he feel as she ages? No matter what you do, you won’t look good when you’re old. You may look good “for your age” but that’s very different.
@missmarymac, what you said is so true about aging.
or if she gets into a car accident and disabled. men are statistically likelier to leave a relationship if the spouse gets cancer, btw.
The difference is being overweight is in her control and she doesn't care about her husband enough to make the effort to be attractive to him.
@@amerlin388 Please, men won’t even shave their beards or wash their a$$es to not be disgusting to their wives.
woman are statistically more likely to leave their husband in general so really so much for your statistics. shoving food in your mouth is not something beyond ones control. its on her, sorry that society gives females a way out of some many things.@@jellyrolly
The caller tries to make himself a hero because he didn’t say anything to her about her weight. He’s just silently disgusted that regardless of giving him children she doesn’t have her pre-pregnancy body. What a jerk.
Why's he a jerk? You can't make yourself attracted to someone. As long as he treats her with respect, that's what's important. If you fall out of love with someone, how does that make you a jerk?
@@ahmorganbecause falling out of love because of looks is a jerk move.
@@Shayne_T falling out of love isn't the same as attraction though. Id argue falling out of love due to finances is just as bad but it's seen as acceptable.
@@ahmorgan sorry but if you want your woman to go through pregnancy and expect her to ever look the same, it's just bullshit. If you're not okay with a woman's body after she made another human being, just don't make babies.
@Sonder194 When you choose to have a baby with your wife you know that 1. Her body will never be the same. 2. She'll always be busy, cuz kids come first. 3. She will change mentally into a different person aswell.
A while ago I heard the quote: when a woman gives birth she becomes a mum. When a man becomes a father he is a man with a kid. Woman loose a part of themselves (career, their body, time) in order to bring up the kids to adulthood, while for the man nothing much changes besides playing football with them on Saturday and the father title.
If your attraction and body image of your wife is more important than having a family, then don't have kids. You can't expect her to do all this and stay the same.
Superficial people never really fall in love. They just use others until it no longer suits them.
Wow 1st time on your channel and im just floored by how on point you are ! ❤thank you for trying to help marriages
With friends and lovers like this, who needs enemies? Very sad.