Are You Married to a Narcissist? Behaviors Shown In Husbands Abused by Narcissistic Wives | NPD
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- čas přidán 6. 04. 2023
- Are You Married to a Narcissist? Behaviors Shown In Husbands Abused by Narcissistic Wives | NPD | Narcissism | Behind The Science
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Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I had twenty five years in this type of marriage, she even suggested I should see a doctor to discover if I had a mental problem. I eventually escaped to a single life and was never happier.
That's very smart. You realized that you deserved better, and aren't willing to settle for less.
Once the abuser leaves the peace is heavenly 👌🏼
don't get married
I spent 26 years trying to figure out why I was too stupid to get what she wanted from me. It turned out she didn't know herself because she was always changing her mind/moving the goal post. She just wanted me to prove that I wasn't good enough.
Same 26yrs with 2 now without happiest and most blissful yrs of my life
I was married to a narcissist. It was tortuous knowing that, when I arrived at the house at the end of a long day of work, that the daily struggle had only begun.
A narcissist won’t allow you to be happy; they will destroy anything good you try to start ; my ex would return movies I rented before I watched them, rip a magazine out of my hand while I was reading it , scream at me for spending too much time doing yard work, scream that I mopped the floors wrong and now our daughter is going to slip , fall and kill herself . She needed never ending drama. I thought having a heart attack and dying would probably be better except for the fact that I have a daughter. It’s constant never ending abuse making life nearly impossible.
Had to check if I'd wrote this. 60 hrs with drive. Met at the door, her screaming. That is when real work began. Only I was exhausted
Yeah, the amount of times i arrived home after a hard days work dreading the thought of her kicking off as soon as i get in the house.
@marka.8535 I have been through it all. I end up sitting alone in a bus station almost every day day or night.
This one touched home... And I'm several years post divorce. Only now do I realize why I truly 'chose' the late nights at the office. You really couldn't have put it better.
But, on the plus side, I've never been happier in my life, and my best years are still ahead.
Hang in there, King. It's going to be ok.
The more of these videos I watch, the more I realise how much trouble I’m in.
23 years.
get out my friend, I was in for longer, The penny dropped and i called time, Now Life is great even though we are not divorced yet, She has no power anymore, You can do it and you will not regret it. Good luck.
Run for the hills. Seriously
Youre not in trouble, in fact this is the beginning of the end of your abusers reign.
Get free by any means. You can do it. Best wishes.
@@HeartFeltGesture Thank you, all the best to you too 💚
Everybody has narcissism within them, not everybody is disordered by it. Too many of these videos can make you start to see narcissism everywhere as if it's pure evil but it isn't. What we label NPD is when a person ruins their life, career, relationships and prospects in order to constantly have the upper hand, their one value.
I was married to a covert narcissist woman for 14 years. The damage she did to both me and our children is truly awful. I was isolated and accused of being controlling and abusive. Then once she discarded me (after cheating on me) she started a smear campaign to ruin relationships with family and friends as well as our children and she also attempted to destroy my business, my sole source of income. My children don't know any of this, 2 of them are adults now and I hope they work it out for themselves. It's now 10 years since she cheated and discarded me and I am still healing and have difficulty a lot of the time. The way she programmed me is very difficult to recognise and try to re-program. I honestly feel like my life will never be happy and that I am destined to die unhappy and unloved. These women are evil and if anyone else is in this type of relationship then please get out now.
This sounds just like what I'm going through.
Hang in there@@Afilliatezero
I'm sorry to here that. 2 weeks ago my wife of 15 years just left while I was at work and moved in with a man she had been cheating on me with no note no nothing. Men need more help, our abuse is mental, yet we look like the abusers cuz we can get physical. God man get therapy I am. I reached out to my sister who I haven't been allowed to talk to for 6 years, cuz my wife said she didn't like her. And my sister sat me down showed me so much on narcissist and the aftermath a man goes through. And it was like a flood gate of awareness. I'm so thankful I reached out to her. Do the same.
@@username25o9 I've had a lot of therapy and I am a lot better than I was. But still have some way to go yet. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and your wife cheating and discarding you. That is the way a narcissist works. I'm glad you have reconnected with your sister and she is supporting you. Have a good recovery my man and a long and amazing life :)
Check out melanie Tonia evans and dr Carter
I was married for 12 years. First 8 to 9 were Hell. She would come across like an angel around our friends so that they thought we had the perfect marriage. But the moment they left, she was a different person. Every single day was a struggle. She was critical, gaslight, always testing me, criticizing the way I did everything. I lived to try and change to please her but it never worked. After 10 years of this misery I lost it, and wanted out. I left her, and she wouldn't let me go so i had an affair to get out, which I regret deeply. But now all our friends disowned me for having an affair but didn't really consider her years of abuse. It's been horrible, feeling so alone and rejected and shamed. For years lived a secret life of pain and addiction, suicidal thoughts and i wanted to die. She told me it was because i was mentally illl, but it was because i was so tired of being put down. When i left, i realised i wasnt mentally ill.The world doesn't care about men being abused in my experience.
I can relate to you.
💙💜
Thanks for sharing.
30 years as a codependent with a narc wife. 10 years in counselling with several different therapists. If a therapist criticised her we found another therapist. You can never satisfy a narc, succeed in one aspect of the relationship and you'll fail in another. She has manipulated my adult children, the courts, our mutual friends, and of course me. I tried for years to fix her with security (put our first house in her name), constantly renovating the house only for her to find a flaw while I was craving approval. You get crumbs of affection, just enough to keep you in the game. I turned to alcohol, was extremely stressed running my own business with 2 kids. She worked 2-3 days a week and did nothing but put down our marriage to anyone that would listen. I feel betrayed by counsellors, when they observed bad behaviour and I pushed for an opinion they "all" said they weren't qualified to diagnose a disorder. The final stab in the back was an FVRO granted against me when I wasn't even in the house (working remotely). Yes I was a codependent craving approval from the devil.
@@fab-riteweldingmaher6215 Psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists are not equipped to honestly help anyone anymore. They have to 'affirm' more mental illnesses according to the psychological authority than they're allowed to help, or else they lose their license.
It's like your job is eating healthy food, but the 'authority' above you says starting now you have to eat a double bacon cheeseburger every day, then a liter a pop, then half a cake, then you realize you're doing the opposite of the job you started out doing. The field is full of either people that want to help but have to hurt to keep their job, people that actively want to hurt others, and those that don't care at all and just want the paycheck.
After years of abuse? We walk on eggshells,are afraid of our own shadows and afraid to say or do anything for fear of offending the dragon we live with!!!🇨🇦😢
just walk away without any notice, even if you leave with nothing but flip flops and a teeshirt you are way ahead. if you can sneak out make sure you find a window to sneak out and never return, never contact or you will suffer some form of personal loss more than you can fathom
Amen brother.
I refer to my first wife as a dragon. Emotionally, she was.
Now I'm 62 years old and feel this way about my second wife. She is emotionally destroying me.
First marriage was 19 years, this marriage has been 24 years.
@@marknice2793 If it helps to have company in misery, I wandered blindly into the same exact type of marriage twice as well. I'm 17 years into abusive lesson number 2. Apparently I am a slow learner....
@@marknice2793 BTW... If your name is really "Mr. Nice" then I want to say I'm sorry that fate is such an ironic A-hole.
Shoutout to anyone who’s had to live with one of these monsters for so long.
I worked with one who tried manipulating me, and for a few months it worked. But when she refused to give back her portion of the affection and kept gaslighting me, I started testing her myself. She failed every interaction with flying egotistical colors. So I completely stopped talking to or even looking at her for months afterward. Anytime I was forced to communicate with her I used as few words as possible, still didn't look at her, and put a healthy amount of passive aggression in. She absolutely hated my guts at that point, but after being led on and manipulated I couldn't care less. She ended up getting fired and I was given her position, as she couldn't talk her way out of the results of her ineptitude, nor could she stop everyone there from voicing how much they disliked her. For years afterward she was complaining and bashing me to others. But funnily enough a lot of that bashing turned against her, as most people can see I'm a kind and caring person, the same cannot be said for her.
Thanks
Solidarity in suffering and trauma.
May these deep scars be a badge of resilience that we kept it together this long.
Extremely important topic. Men are struggling and the majority of domestic abuse programs are for women. Some men refuse to admit their abuse.
There was a man who tried opening a DV shelter for men who was shut down and harrased until he punched his own ticket.
IT goes a bit further than that.
The trouble with narcissistic abuse is that a lot of surviours don't know they are being abused untill they are out of it.
The hard thing for men isn't just admitting that they have been abused (esepcially if they don't know it) is that once they do it's being believed or having to prove it, when all you have is emotional scars...
Majority? How about almost all.
Thank you for not only speaking up, but also for living in the 'real' world Christine!
I tried to get help the the abuse i was getting from my ex. I was told that no one would believe me because I was a male. My ex was emotionally and physically abusive. I just walked out of the marriage just shy of 20 years. Best decision I ever made.
Firstly recognize the situation then accept the fact she will never ever change. She will get worse
Don’t worry about kids. Don’t worry about the money.
Worry about the damage being done to your mental and physical health.
Get out now. God wants you to be happy.
You will never regret leaving.
Sadly, you can’t save the kids. Focus on what you can control and you cannot control anything getting beat down and sucked dry.
No! Ignore anyone who thinks God values your own personal happiness over your obedience. Lead your family and never pick a wife who doesnt believe in submission.
Divorced one of those 25 years ago. She would goad me and push my buttons until I lost control. She did this to build a supply of ammunition to use against me later.
She even had me thinking I was the abuser. I was stupid. After getting divorced, I compared notes with several divorced friends and acquaintances, and found many of them had very, very similar stories. Apparently this is quite common.
It's called feminism.
This guy just said what 2 months of therapy took me to realize!
OK, so I have been married to a narcissist for 27 years and didn't even know it! During Covid, I lost my job and had a rough 3 years with her wanting to keep up our normal spending and living habits and basically draining my entire 401K and stock. During that time all the worlds problems and issues, I CAUSED, at least this is what she made me believe. The only thing on my mind was how to end my life: pool, lake, rope, tie or just speeding truck. My wife gave me no support and caused me nothing but pain, but this is the part that you all need to hear and heed if you are in this type of relationship. One day after a discussion with my psychiatrist she said "I am so sorry to say this, but there are no drugs on this planet that will help you with this issue, your only salvation will be your independence!" I left the next week and now live with all 4 of my children in a huge apartment, life is great and I get hugs and kisses daily, and no drama, negativity or self doubt only love and kindness!
I love this for you and I'm so happy for you! I'm in a ongoing situation now as we speak and have all my things packed in the car
I heard this from a woman and thought it was amazing advice. These sorts of women are attracted to the "nice" guys. You know the overly nice ones who often don't like conflict or usually are thinking of others before themselves. They are magnets to narcissits. It is especially hard on these guys because generally thier very nature keeps them trapped in the unhealthy relationship. Then kids come and further entrap the "nice" guy. So is the moral of the story for nice guys, "be a real a-hole to women", as some would have you believe? No. Be nice, be kind, be generous, be romantic, be giving and all these wonderful qualities but (here it is) be strong enough to tell anyone (woman or man) to F-off if they are not treating you with respect. It is up to you to put a high "mate value" on yourself. Then you will attract the right kind of woman. Believe what you hear and what you see. Your own self-value depends on it. I am not saying that you have to walk around fighting everyone who you think is not treating you fairly. I am saying "just say NO!" and mean it. You have one life.
Definitely some truth to what you are saying. One needs to set boundaries and when they are violated, time to move on to someone better who treats you with respect, kindness, is supportive, communicates with empathy and has integrity. Don't let the fear of being alone or sunk costs keep you trapped in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. I paid the price for that.
I needed these 2 comments, thanks guys for sharing your thoughts
Sorry, I feel you...but women in nature in the West are abusive...so being nice guy gets you nowhere. Me nice guy is gone, never commin back. You go cry in front your girl...see what happens. Tell me I'm wrong. It their nature...
@@darkice7669 You miss my point my friend. I am not telling you to be a pussy. I am telling you not to change who you are if you like who you are. I am a very nice guy to everyone. Most people including women appreciate it. Yet there are some who think its weak. I don't wait around and take abuse. I dump them and move on and find others who do appreciate who I am. Being kind and nice is not a weakness, it is a strength. It is like when you drive a car. Do you engage the reckless, impatient, morons who blow their horn at you and yell at you? I could care less about them. They are only the 5%. Have a good day my friend. All the best in life.
Thanks Guys, Beautiful
I don't think alot of people realize that abuse is not only physical, until they've expirenced being in a bad relationship. Anybody can say they love you, but do their actions back it up?
From life I've learned woman and men have a different understanding on what love is.
@@oldleatherhandsfriends4053 this sounds interesting , I’d like to learn more. Please comment further on this.
Side note: I actually came to the comments and watched this video to reassure myself I wasn’t the narcissist in my relationship. My husband has told me I am one (I think he is gaslighting me) it’s is very painful to be with someone who doesn’t love you and uses words and actions to hurt you. I’m sorry for all the men watching this video and reading the comments because a woman who was supposed to love them instead only was with them to use them. Marriage should be about mutual love and support and giving… not just one sided. It is very lonely when you are in this kind of a marriage.
I never realised that my wife of 26 years was a narcissist. I didn't even understand what exactly a narcissist was until a few years after we separated. It can be incredibly difficult to recognise what is going on in the relationship, even counceling didn't highlight the issue to me. They can twist things so much you think its your fault things are so bad. Now happy again with someone who cares about me and our lives together.
Congratulations! That's awesome news!
I totally relate Dave if u read this anytime soon I'll tell you more
This twisting thing is the biggest weapon they use to control you. In my case, it had even reached to a certain level that if I crack a playful joke, she'll go silent and I will feel nervous that why she's not replying. Although, my joke wasn't meant to hurt her but lighten the mood of the conversation. But since I was controlled by her and she had seduced me, I went back to text her what's wrong and she said it's not something she would accept and I was compelled to submit. I was a fool, but anyways God eventually saved me from the disaster. She can go find another prey and I can have my peace now.
I was and still am married, it took me 17 years to learn and understand narcissism
I am preparing for separation and divorce.
I’m walking on eggshells all the time. She’s never happy. She’s bankrupted us.
Buddy Im here 9 months after your comment because I have the same problem; and im always on guard and defensive, exactly like this video states I feel like a prisoner in my house incase I say or do something that gets her mad(which is very easy to do).
Men also don't leave because they know they will lose SO MUCH in a divorce.
Yep, your right.
Absolutely right. That's exactly the situation.
Yep. That part and its sad that good husbands have to suffer and go through massive stress that can lead him to death but if he wants out he has to give up over half and pay alimony and child support. I'll stay unmarried for the rest of my life I'll live longer and my health will prolong my life
@@therealjeffarmstrong I'm not, was just really frustrated and down a few weeks ago. Thanks for the concern, would you mind deleting this comment?
My husband went through all of this with his first wife. Guys, if you see this early on in the marriage, DO NOT have children with them. Children are just hostages for them. Also, my husband had 4 kids in the narcissistic marriage and never knew how many or which ones or if any of them were actually his.
I'm glad my ex and I don't have kids. There's always a reason why we don't have them. So can't wait filing for divorce papers quick!
I feel for your husband I had 2 kids to a covert narcissist couldn't tell you if either of them are mine never checked either way I brought them up as my own anyway,I'm not with her anymore she past away a few years ago, my 2 kids are coverts now and theirs nothing I can do about that now,they do target your kids to be like them,it's frightening what lengths they go to just to see you destroyed in everyway
@@beskarman38 Make sure you have a Pre-Nuptial agreement, if not, get a post nup before you divorce ..... it will save you a lot of time.
@@billedgar4321 Thanks. I'll be working right on it.
@@beskarman38 Exactly! It's sad when innocent kids are caught in the middle of their parents battles, especially when they are old enough to know something isn't right, but at the same time to young to understand why some parents are better off not being together. Regardless, parents shouldn't stay together for the sake of the kids, if they can't get along, or if they can't provide a stable life for them. It only sends the wrong message to your kids that somebody is better than nobody no matter what the circumstances are.
If there are already problems in the marriage, having kids isn't going to make those problems just magically disappear either.
I walked out on my narcissist wife 15 years ago after a miserably unhappy marriage. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I saw a psychiatrist and counselor. Within days of leaving her, my mood stabilized and I felt better. I filed for divorce, since legal separation is not an option in Illinois. While I am still wounded, I am happy most of the time. She turned our four children against me, by telling them I never wanted children. This is the worst pain. She once said I was 95% responsible for all our marital problems, and mockingly said, "Why are you so unhappy?" Leaving her was all I could do. I pray for her and our wounded children three times daily. It's in God's hands.
That's terrible, and I'm sorry you suffered all that. You MUST tell your children what really happened, if you haven't tried already. They deserve the truth and the opportunity to be freed from her lies.
separation is an option in illinois but it only benefits her. i gave it a year before i filed hoping to get her to come to an agreement over everything. finally got it last month after a 2 year battle, so good luck on yours. luckily she left me and the kids so there was never an issue of custody, but she did her best to turn everyone against me, because it is... as you know... all of my fault. it was my fault she couldnt keep a job, why she drank every night, why she wasted all the money, why she abused me and the kids, why she cheated on me several times, and why she left me and the kids for another man.. yup that was all me. when i complained about any of that, she would just say, "you never left me so, i guess i wasnt so bad."
@heyturnkey One of the classic and favorite lines of the irresponsible. I'm glad you and your kids are out of that hell. Hope you all can get some therapy to help with the healing. Bad parents are really hard for kids to deal with.
@@sbfabtfc1 trying to be a good father. Hard on my own. They know what happened, their mother abused them as well, and they were there when she told me that she is in love with her boyfriend and moving in with him.
@@heyturnkey Kudos to you for making the effort. And it's a good thing that your kids know the truth. CZcams is full of comments from fathers whose narcissist Ex-Wives continued lying to the children turning them against their fathers. And while I have not corroborated this information myself, I've seen videos quoting studies that show that single father households turn out children who, as adults, fare as well as those from two parent households. Those same studies quoted apparently say that single mother households do not do nearly as well with the children, contrary to popular opinion and the way child custody laws are written in the US.
After the cry of her childs pain, the next sound a woman hates is the laughter of a married man.
Joy can be painful for them.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Experienced divorce attorney here. Great video. Get educated BEFORE getting married. Or stay single. Go live your best life.
Real talk....new subscriber
This video has made me realize I am being abused by my wife. 23 years of this BS is enough.
Could not bring myself to see this. My mother is a horrible narc. Still now at 95.My father drank himself to death and died at 56.
Life with them was a nightmare with huge rows every night. I wanted to die even as a very young child. We lived in a one bedroom flat with my 2 siblings. No place to escape. My father never even acknowledged us, the children. Never tried to protect us from her …. Such is life. It was a long time ago in the70s and 80s.
I am a woman. Women can be lethal. Women, and mothers, like men, can be evil. Stay safe and strong. Peace and love.
💐
My older kids came for visitation and got gaslighting b s. A pain to watch but her attention was not at me. With kids no physical abuse but the mental. Towards me mental, and a lot of physical abuse. Tornados are terrible, but you are relieved the tornado missed your house. Don't let either happen to you or family. Get away. Run, don't walk!
Men, if any of this sounds like your life run now do not walk. I tried to save my marriage for over 20 years and have been divorced 4 years now and still have no desire to seek another partner. It has cost me my health mentally,schychologicaly, and physically. I've accepted I'll never regain any of those again am resigned to my fate but I want to help others like you to avoid that. For your own sake seek help and follow through while you still have a chance to regain yourself.
Pretty hellish place to be.
She tried to destroy you. Sounds like you weren't far off death?
Your story reminds me of Boba Fett escaping the Saarlac pit on Tattooine
theres hope ....modern neuroscience has discovered that negative environments develop personality traits that can literally cause disease. Its in your owners manual too. (the bible) he didnt just leave us here, he wants to transform you. all it takes is surrender
I feel your pain. After 35 years you’re looking at a broken man too tired to even bother anymore. I spend 99% of my waking time wandering how I allowed it. How I allowed myself to be treated less than human.
Go ahead and take time to recover. Had to go through a lot of non helping counselors to finally find one who was worth their salt. Others thought just me expressing what happened was all that was needed was b s. Still unmarried after 16 years, but open to idea of marriage with right one. Just haven't found her. Not settling for someone just to be married. Want harmony together.
I was married to a narc wife. Its a bit embarrassing really to admit that I was abused like that. Me and I imagine most men try and try and try and try to make them happy. There is no such thing.
It's only a temporary appeasement until the next thing that you should be doing for her arrives.
@@isaacott3230 you should not be doing anything for her. As ungrateful as she is.
I've spend so much time, energy and money on trying to make her happy... I was embarrassed to tell people, still am to this day really on what sort of things I out yp with that I should never have done so
I was in a relationship with an evil narcissist woman for 4 years, I was feeling miserable and anxious all the time she called me, cause sometimes it was just casual talking sometimes was just to start an argument for no reason, there was no peace at home, church, gym or restaurants, she always acussed me of looking women in a lascivious way, I wasn't allowed to use my cellphone at home cause she says that I was cheating on her ,but she took her cellphone every day at certain time of the day to the bathroom!
It's been 3 months since I left her and it feels like I took a big weight off my shoulders, starting to heal of the abuse that I received for 3 out of the 4 years of my relationship with this evil snake-woman
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾good for you!!
I'm married 28yrs. Finally, after reeling in tears and confused from a meaningless argument that turned into blame and disdain toward me. I was left hopeless and told my wife that I love her enough to let her go and find a man worthy to bring her joy because I'm clearly failing and can't take the abuse and lost identity. That's when I discovered, somehow accidentally, that she's a covert narcissist, and I've been living a ruse to satisfy her. Finally, a week ago, this knowledge helped me quickly begin to restore my sanity and see her in a different way. I feel empowered and no longer walk on eggshells! Subconsciously, she knows it because I no longer live for her approval.
watch out for yourself, it can get pretty ugly (dangerous) if the narc lost his cover and the dark is brought out ... dont want to talk shoit but just watch out for yourself....
Yes, be careful. Don’t confront, don’t accuse, don’t say I told you so. Just disappear as quietly as you can. When you’re gone and unreachable, the loss of your supply will torment them.
Once you realize you were a pawn in her mental game which she manipulated 100% of the time, you can turn from questioning yourself to healing.
So happy for you that you were able to figure this out. Wish my brother could do the same.
👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏿🙌🏿I hope you find someone who deserves you!
Come on. The reason men don't leave these relationships is solely due to the laws and family courts. They know they are going to get divorce graped.
Been married for 17 yrs with last 10 yrs suffering caused by narcissistic wife and in-laws. Now, I'm divorced for almost 2 months. Luckily, I still have regular contacts with my teenage daughter. Her and meditation keep me going for now. Hopefully, will soon start seeing therapist. Stay strong bros 💪
Seek God first.
@@BiblicalFEI sought God, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I never got any answers from God. I still believe, I still pray, but the only answers I have ever gotten was from my therapist who said you need to leave her. Walking on eggshells is not healthy for you. Was the therapist God's answer to me? I don't know. I just wonder, if so, why did it take 38 years for an answer. Am I really that dense, that I just didn't see or hear? I guess I am, after all 38 years is a lot of writing on the wall.
Men are that they might have joy. A man can not follow this scripture of joy if staying in an abusive relationship. I know marriage is to be holly. But has to bring joy in service to God. This can not happen when being abused. Adam and Eve told to be fruitful and fill up the earth. But could not until after partaking of the forbidden fruit. If they did not partake they alone would be in the garden being as little children. I'm glad people were able to be born. Thanks Adam and Eve!
Yep...I am married to one...what changed? 1) I stop giving a sh!+ what she thought and point blank told her that and went to tell her if she wants to leave c-ya...I am no longer afraid of this 2) I was able to focus and make a significant amount of money...thereby one of things she tried to control was gone -no access to my accounts...3) I broke out of her mental cell...I am a vet and we did marriage counseling...the moment the counselor told her she was bad for me as a vet she lost it and lets just say de-nile just isn't a river in Egypt...and the big one 4) She had cancer that destroyed her looks and she was totally dependent on me...she is still slap nuts and has recovered but she knows I am sick of her crap and changed the narrative. She can go anytime she wants. I don't GAS. If she wants to be my wife...she has to play by the rules of our marriage vows.
The latter part of what you said there; it's not like that's anything other than the most basic foundational element of a relationship and that's the same thing I told my wife that is so sad where that is a pinnacle in dream and goal that is others baselines as minimum requirements. I've been dealing with this crap for 18 years and 9 months and I can't believe I've taken this much to where I still give a shit somehow and I pray to my Lord and Savior to remove something as beautiful as love for my heart just so that I don't give a shit anymore so I can go do me without concern and for some reason I still give a shit and I wish I knew what it took but if the things that have transpired haven't been enough I can't imagine what is though?
If you don't mind me asking, how long was it until you hit that point and could you describe how that transition felt or occurred and what it was that made it crack in you to not give a shit anymore? I would understand why you wouldn't want to answer that which is completely fine and excuse me for asking if that's the case. Thank you!
@@JaredKilgore-vy6gsplease pray for Jesus to help heal your marriage for Gods glory
I spent 26 years living this life. I checked every category in this video. It's emotionally and physically exhausting. We have 4 kids that my wife turned against me and now they don't want to see me. I literally have nothing to show for the past 2 and a half decades.
14 years...I stayed for my little girl...
If you can prove Parental Alienation in court, maybe you can prove it to your kids. Do you have any evidence to the fact that she has driven your children away from you? Text messages from her or your kids? Would any of them or witnesses you may have be willing to give you a written or video deposition or descriptions of how she dove them away from you? Laws vary by state, but can be punishable by fines or even jail.
You and I had the same experience. Boys come back sooner than girls. Be ready and don't speak badly of your ex.. Even though she may deserve it. The kids will go through trauma AGAIN and need a safe space with you when they start coming back. I waited 8 years. They have to find a way past her poison. Not all kids do.
I'm sorry brother. The system is broken and needs to be burned to the ground.
27 here
I put up with 36 year's and now I have left her for my own health reasons
I'm 63 and don't know how much longer I can make it.
Please know that the decision you've made was the right one. By now I am sure that you probably cannot believe you've broken away, escaped.
I went through the same thing.
My mental health and physical health went downhill fast.
Prayer got me free. The Lord kept me in peace towards the end, but it wasn't easy. My ex narc wife did not make it easy.
I pray that God will begin the healing process in your life, my friend
It feels that way, yew, it does. But God is gonna be your only help to get completely delivered from the aftermath of it all
Robert, So true bro, see my comment! I am what God says I am. MUST know this SECRET. simple. Plzzz see my comment!
2 years was enough for me.
Do NOT wait too long to take action!!! After 17 years married to a covert narcissist I now take pills for anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and depression every day. There is nothing left of the healthy man I was before she systematically broke me.....
Yes there is. Find out who you are from the one who Created you. 😊
@@silverriver7866that is really presumptuous and invalidating. “From the one who created you?” Could you detail what that process looks like? How does “the one who created you” help him in this situation? Perhaps a better approach would be to acknowledge his hurt, encourage him and propose an actual solution if you have one. We ought to be careful with using religious/dogmatic beliefs to explain away solutions to people dealing with mental health trauma. It does not work and only adds to their pain.
@@dxfactorialI meant for my comment to be an encouragement to look past the abuser opinion to God’s opinion. I don’t mean to invalidate anyone’s feelings. I understand from hard experiences what he means by feeling like you have lost yourself due to living with a covert narcissist. But I hope that none of us will stay in that place but eventually embrace the truth that we are valuable children of God. As for the process of moving away from believing the lies that our abuser has hurled at us to the truth that our Heavenly Father thinks about us, the first step is to ask Him and to comb through the Bible to see what He says about us. Maybe you think that’s presumptuous, but alongside healthy counseling and possibly medication, spiritual healing seems to be crucial to understanding our value.
I was on rx because of the abuse from ex. Now I'm going great. Took a while. But living today and looking forward for a blessed future.
Yes the flashbacks are still there, but I concentrate on blessings from being away from the abuser. God bless you and keep you.
I’m married with a narcissist husband for 44 years I’m the provider for the family he is just causing problems in my business , he can’t say ever anything true it’s ether a made up story a twisted truth or just a plain lies
I fight every day the good fight against this I get mad and tell him straight in his face everything
My kids are grown now they know in some degree that he is a narcissist they said he’s gotten better, they are the reason I’m still here, and probably because our business is in a different house taking turns im by myself most of the time
I regret that I’m still married I was very upset mad pretty often but it never broke my soul , I never feel alone God is with me
These people are almost evil
I’m trying to figure out how to retire and live by myself for the rest of my life
I’m 31 I was with this woman for 10 years and 5 years married. This describes exactly how I lived. I lost my family my friends all avenues of money. I was made to sleep in the back garden the shed the garage and now because I decided to leave I have been homeless on the street for 10 weeks and am not allowed to see my children. I beg anybody please who can see any of these signs to escape before you get to my position 😢
I wish I could help you in a practical way. Seek a Christian organization such as Salvation Army or some other Christian shelter. That can help you get back on your feet. My prayers are with you. I only wish I could do more.🙏🙏
This is your plan to being the man you want to be and having a happy life…
Go to a hostel you need, sleep, food and hygiene to move forward. Offer to clean, cook or dIY to stay longer than normal.
Sign on to benefits you need money to get started again.
Join a boxing gym you need to get fit and the work out will keep your mind healthy too (most important).
See a lawyer you may be owed money from the divorce.
If you’re broke, Buy a second hand push bike you need transport.
If you’ve no other skills to get a job. advertise in the free ads as garden maintenance and decorator you will always find work.
Focus, pray, choose friends very carefully, stay away from drugs, alcohol and gambolling.
As the money comes in buy an old van.
Get a small dog that you can take to work with you.
Do a plumbing or electricians course.
Rent the cheapest flat in the safest neighbourhood.
Save to buy your place.
Finally, always remember we are born male but how we act defines us as men. When you are ready start dating again but never seek validation from a woman. You determine your self worth no one else. Inner strength is always more powerful than physical strength. Choose a women on her character not her looks as they age like milk. Test her morals, opinions and devotion to you. Don’t talk like a victim. Avoid women with baggage they rarely let you raise the other man’s kids how you want to but she’ll let you pay.
Masculinity not looks are the ultimate aphrodisiac to women that’s why feminists hate it as it’s every woman’s Achilles heel. All relationships are a two party contract so set the terms up front don’t waiver and hold women to those terms or finish the contract and move on to the next. There’s about 4 billion women in the world about half are of an age to date… that’s good odds.
Focus and go for it brother a better life awaits the strong. 💪
@billythewhizz8077
Clearly, you have a quiet mind and can think well. That is great advice!
@@billythewhizz8077 Kudo! That’s some legit advise.
I’d add one thing to the list…secure some time for daily meditation. Split it in two sessions if you can once in the morning, once before sleep. Make it a habit like brushing your teeth.
U have a cell phone?
One big red flag these types of gals anyways say is" you only think about yourself". They are masters at projection. They accuse you of the thing they are doing. The problem is these gals will hide this behavior until they feel they have cornered in a relationship. Such as a marriage
Once the ex moved in with me, it was a crap shoot. She had me cornered
21 years ago I moved away from the love of my life who used to scream that phrase. Funny the tears on their eyes the last night I spent at her place after having lived over a place for years because I didn't like my parents anymore because I wasn:t gonna to be around anymore.
I wasn't a schaudenfreude person or anything, yeah I found the irony hilarious. Yes, without me asking her to, I only came out to Arizona from Washington DC with the shirt on my back in 2001. Yet she paid for my rent and I didn't even ask her to. Looking back, she probably just did that to triangulate me with a guy she didn't tell me she was dating (even though we weren't exclusive so she wouldn't have been cheating had she done that or anything like that.)
"She's not yours, it's just your turn!" as the saying goes!
It took me a year to get out of an 23 yr relationship,its been 4 years,my health did a 360,feeling so much better.I never relized how much stress I was carrying until I left.
The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Thank u and might be the most spot on information I've read on the subject as I've read alot about it ever since my wife and I separated. Didn't understand or even know that there were clinical terms for these types of traits till we separated and I was trying to put everything together . I'm not perfect by any means but I also put all my soul and love into her and she would always in some way or another say it was not or never enough . She would always say u was her soul mate and " the one " and how different I was from her previous relationships/ marriages. Huge red flag I ignored and overlooked which I now I completely own up to is I was her 4th husband . I know that makes me look bad and rightfully so but I led with my heart and dove in . big mistake obviously now looking back. She could go to bed happy and saying how much she loved me and our life together and wake up say that she feels that something is off or she feels distant . So many ups and downs to say the least . I married her and she had 4 kids and 2 were living with us 10 and 12 years old . I had no kids and loved her kids like they were my own and bonded with them all to b divorced in the end for what she said all the psychological abuse I had given her . Not physical ! Not verbal ! But psychological abuse ! Never threatened her or put my hands on her nor would I ever put my hands on a female let alone the love of my life . I could even count on 1 hand how many times I've ever even raised my voice to her , as I have never been one to be a yeller or being argumentative .then went onto fb to tell friends n family how I've abused her " psychologically " and made sure to make herself look like the victim . What really happened was she wanted or actually demanded me to make some changes financially and a few other things and when I didn't go through with these demands it was game over for me. because it was always about control for her and the second I didn't give her that then she was done. She would go on to say that I didn't love her or choose her and our family. When I first met her and moved in with her I left my hometown , friends family everything I knew to move to another state with her and her 2 kids and yet was constantly told how I never trully chose her and and our life together which was bs . Altimatly shesaid she was done with me and wanted me to leave. Separated now and havent even signed papers and a month later she already has a new relationship and puts it on fb for everyone to see. It obviously hurts cause I did truly love her and planned on growing old together. Now she has blocked me and basically used me like a rental tool . All the years together and great times and she is gone in the blink of a eye and on to next one .
Feels good hearing the other stories. All of this applied for me. It was also very convenient, a guy she knew since grade school showed up on her doorstep to date her the day after our divorce.
If you're wondering, you probably already know, trust your gut. 28yrs, but the last 16 were toxic because her childhood trauma caught up with her. Always being accused of affairs. She was always miserable. I'm broke as hell, but I have peace.
Mine didn’t even wait that long she started months before I had any clue but as soon as I heard what friend she reconnected with I knew in my soul the marriage was over just a matter of time and this was the third time in our 26 years together that she was unfaithful and deceitful and I turned a blind eye to her behaviour thinking it was me
I found out ex was still married after proposing. Her third marriage was to me. Of course she lied about first two being abusive to her. Continued dating while married through now her seventh husband. Her keeps threatening to leave her, because of abuse, but doesn't follow through
I was married to a narcissistic wife. She decided to leave and try to force me to bow to her will. My response to her was divorce papers. 3 years I am much happier and have a much better relationship with my daughter it is amazing. It was a little difficult at first as she always complained about stupid stuff and saying things weren't fair.
Been living this way for 30 years,now she is becoming physically abusive.I feel to get me to react so ill get arrested. I'm too smart to fight back, but I deserve to be happy even if it's by myself.
Record your interactions...
I'm 14 yrs into my tour
Get out. It's intended to get you to react because she knows it isn't you, but wants to use it against you. Leave. It's not worth it. I got punched in the face twice while holding our child because I was asking her to essentially wake up when it was nearly midday. I got my own apartment, isolated, often lonely, sad and confused, but it's better than the alternative. Who would have ever thought.
Once you see it in them, you cannot unsee it.
Their predictably is just breathtaking.
So true.
My wife was INCREDIBLY covert. She doesn't get angry. She doesn't obviously manipulate or badmouth me. She just got increasingly vulnerable and "anxious" throughout our relationship. She would get sad and guilt trip me, again, very subtly. She wouldn't address things to me directly. I realise now that her constant crying and lamentations about her life were designed to make me feel pity and or guilt depending on the situation. But she'd never outright blame me in a way that would make the guilt trip obvious. Over 6 years she got more and more dependent, while i got more and more tired doing absolutely everything around the house for her. And she'd complain and sulk if i didn't do it even though i was doing literally everything. She used her mental illness as an excuse. What clued me into the narcissism is that she NEVER apologised to me no matter what had happened. No matter how unreasonable her demand, if we got into an argument she'd just cry and have a breakdown until I i gave in. No matter how many ways I tried to explain my needs to her she'd either brush them off, invalidate them, or just say she doesn't understand why I'm upset. It got to a point where i just had to scream "i hate you" and leave. I ranted for hours. Years of anger boiling over. The sad thing is the neighbours probably think I'm the abuser because when I get upset I shout, but she just cries.
Lol...we may have been married to the same woman. This behavior is insidious. The anger it creates inside is very damaging. There is no winning, no concessions to be made, and no healthy resolution to a disagreement.
You and me are exactly alike. When I get angry enough I also shout. My ex of 7 years, wouldn’t cry, instead she would be completely stoic and silent. She would give me the silent treatment. She would never directly talk to me about her problems with me, she would indirectly tell me I’m doing something wrong. Everything had to be about her decisions, her ideas. She never validated or understood my feelings. I shouted at her many time. I got so lost in my anger once that I literally went in to grab her by the neck when I realized as I was walking towards her that I was becoming violent. I was literally going insane with the mental gymnastics she would play with me during our arguments that I got so mad at her that I lost it. I was ready to hurt her physically. Luckily I was able to control myself but the damage against me was done. She used that in court and made me look and sound like the most terrible person on earth and then denied doing so to my face even though she hired a lawyer to talk shit about me to the judge on her own. She plays me for a fool constantly. I’ve since left her and my anger levels are back to normal, but every now and then I remember what happened between us and I play out old arguments in my head and I feel the anger burning again. She got away with treating me terribly. I got tons of debt, I don’t get to be with my son, I pay ridiculous amounts of child support, and she pretty much gets every available tax credit for our son available every year. I get nothing. I don’t even get to have him over night. I can’t take her back to court, I don’t have the money to pay for a lawyer. I’m literally reliant on my own family who are in their 60’s and 70’s to live. I’m beyond frustrated. And I feel alone and guilty. My life has turned into a nightmare. And in 38. I work as hard as I can to get out of this house but I’m just not there yet.
My wife doesn't cry but everything else you said is accurate,very accurate
This resonates so much
@mannyrodriguez3933 it's terrible you're going through that it's the worst punishment you can imagine because she wins every way possible! It's like if you were physically abusive giving her black eyes broken bones and the court grant you half her checks and tell her she's not allowed to see her child and if so it's very limited! I'm going through this exact same problem
No one has ever better described my relationship with my wife than this video . Hell. Pain. Hopeless. Bondage. Cruelty. At my end. 😢
An interesting thing that always hit me is how badly regulated they seem to be emotionally. And when bursts of anger comes, it is our fault that she feels that way. It is like someone trying to possess and control you, that has very little control over themselves.
I many times felt very sorry for her, for being so unbalanced.
But she wouldn’t acknowledge it and try do something about it anyway. But you get tired of being their scapegoat.
The Covert ones are the worst kind, because they start off all sweet and interested in you. They study your likes and dislikes and later use those things against you. My peeve was silent treatment/stonewalling. It made me feel very insecure and anxious. Having abandonment issues from childhood doesn't help matters and I was honest with her in the beginning part of our relationship about this because...well, I was trying to be honest about myself. Tried to let her know I don't hide things and that I'm a trustworthy person. Long story short, after 3 years, she was sometimes making me wait for a response by text for 24 hours or more when all I did was ask her a question. She would always say, "why are you cross-examining me?" (LOL). All I did was ask her why she found it so important to text her ex-husband on my birthday(!) while he was having his weekend with their child. They punish you for stupid shit. By the way, she also future-faked and decided (without telling me) that she didn't want to commit. She lied about wanting a relationship in the beginning only to keep me at an emotional arm's length slowly, increasingly, and methodically throughout those 3 years. I was essentially a "long term REBOUND booty call".
All these are really useful comments. Twas a flashback to my 30 year experience living with a narcissistic wife which twisted reality every day in my life. Thank god I escaped but not without a wound. She manipulated my children against me. It took me 4 years to come close again with my son which is an amazing boy. My daughter though is more like her mother's mirror and I struggle to keep a healthy relationship with her. Thank god my GF is so supportive and helpful and tries to heal my trauma.
I always thought my ex was a narcissist but she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I feel like ppl with ppl with BPD are just as bad and a lot of times more violent
Often people with mental illnesses become very skilled in hiding their illness or avoiding dealing with it by using narcissistic (manipulative) tactics. Then you have both issues.
My ex was BPD and Bi-Polar and she was a Narcissist to boot. They all bleed together in the train wreck
Narcissism and BPD are in the same diagnostic cluster
She’s caused me to be like this in every way. I don’t actually want to go to my own home because I’m so scared.
I can relate. Though I'm not married, but In a similar situation that I can't escape from due to my disabilities. My life is constant & utter misery.
@@mr.nymous6909 you’re not married, you can escape. Ask God for help, He will and can give you wisdom of what and how to leave your situation.
This is pretty dang spot on... It got to the point i would get chest pains just hearing her keys hit the door when she got home. Wound up seeing the Dr, had tests done and they determined I had high blood pressure. Since she left, we'll, aftet a few months, my chest pains were gone - no medication needed, no special diet she made me ear by making snide comments. I was always trying to do anything I could to reduce her stress. Felt I had to always take her side, even when her thinking was extremely irrational. Her whole family, with the exception of 1 brother and sister in law, enable her to no end. Everyone in her life seems to be scared to get on her bad side. Unfortunately, we have kids that she is using against me and trying turn against me. They are the only real reason I keep going at this point.
All true! Been divorced 3 years and dealing with “Parental Alienation” the last two years and fighting to see my two teens (God with us all still healing and suffering from Narcissistic ex spouses) ❤️✝️
Same here Brother.
My one ran off with another woman taking my youngest 4 kids.
Family court, parental alienation proven but nothing done about it.
Got contact orders that the ex has broke and I've not seen the kids in 8 weeks now while waiting to get bk to court.
It's hard mate, try to keep strong.
Me too mate, I’ve been fighting to see my son for 18 months now (he’s almost three) she stopped all contact shortly after separation and has used very trick in the book. Really evil
can i ask yourself & the people below, is this happening due to some of the rules that are in lace in america?? i live in australia, so our laws are different and the court does see that farthers are parents too... i hope you all get the kids back, really breaks my heart seeing people not able to hug their kids when they want
@@MrBluedude33 I'm in Australia buddy
@@trojan403 hi there mate :) what kind of tricks has ur ex used?? surly you have a leg to stand on in the legal system if you wish to see/have custody of your child??
I was married to this type of woman for 14 years and experienced everything you mention here. Her mother and brother were also part of the package deal and did everything they could to stir up trouble between us. Now we have separated she does everything she can to keep our child away from me.
Ex hid my two from me. A super pain in the butt. Search engines are better at finding people now. Run, do not walk away from abusive woman. Don't let her further abuse you with threats concerning children. Make sure to have savings on hand to take her to court for not following court orders. Have in papers of divorce that she can't leave area also.
I’ve had 3yrs in this type of marriage. We are now seperated and just from the moment she left my home the panic attacks stopped. The anxiety is still there but finally knowing and acknowledging the truth in knowing who she is I can breathe for the first time. God was trying to reveal it to me every day and I felt powerless. Hopeless and at some point my mentality was if I just love her enough she wouldn’t cheat on me again she couldn’t right? But she did and it never stopped leaving breadcrumbs of info little things she’d said to let me know she was doing it and I could never prove it. If I just kept my mouth shut and close my eyes everything would be fine. I found my self taking the brunt of all the things she put me through on my shoulders and confessing it to her family. It fueled the fire for her to ramp it up and do it more. I became this person so fixated on finding the truth that I lost my self. I’d come home every day from work cook help the my boys and clean and there would be no love no gratitude no emotion. I was manipulated in to going to counseling because it was a me problem not a her problem. And in that I found my self and the truth and through Jesus I started to see everything that had been happening to me. When she left she destroyed my character and the man that I have always been for my children and my family. She ran my name in dirt. She took my boys from me. I provided for her and them 2yrs on my own financially and I was there with those boys everyday rom the day they were born. Loving them reading clothing cleaning. Play time nap time snuggles. I sang them and prayed over them almost every night. When I found out who she truly was and confronted she hurt me through them by going back and fourth when and how I could see them. 1 is 1 8 months and the other is 2 months and I’m being robbed of that bond with my youngest. I’ve been giving it to Jesus getting therapy and now I am in for the fight of my life to make sure that those boys have there daddy and she can’t hurt me anymore. I pray for them every day because I don’t know who’s she is or going to be with them or for them in her selfish narcissistic desires. If you read this please pray for me. I am the victim of this abuse.
Once you returned to the father he revealed to you that hate is not love.
Stay strong brother God is good just keep seeking the Lord and be still
I’m praying for you and hope that things will work out in your favor. Many blessing to you.
I hate this for us I'm dealing with the same as we speak and on the verge of leaving! When you would find out that she's cheating and confronted her how would she react? Or her reason behind it
I’m going thru all this right now and honestly I never felt more alone and my brutal thoughts are getting more and more intense
Stay strong
not sure how you believe but God Walk'd me Through it,, 26 years and she up n left out of the blue,, hard 10 years before Peace Fell Upon my house,,
I was cry'n out for Help and God Was the Only One that Stood by my side,,
I hav never been happy'r in any time in my past than I am now and it's been 6 years since she left,,
It's time to leave if you haven't yet
Just hearing these other stories makes me feel so much more understood. Feeling like you are crazy or wrong is key to keeping you imprisoned. You are not crazy or wrong.
Yep! This video is right on. I'm not with my narcissist anymore, but the thing that drove me insane is when I would try to find my voice and she would accuse me of the behavior she was exhibiting. Shutting down any hope for growth.
These covert narcissists all use the same playbook. I now sadly shy away from the thought of ever sharing my life with another woman. The abandonment and rejection effectively shattered my trust. Isolation and loneliness is a hard pill to swallow at age 62. 💔
@@johnthibodeaux5287 isolated and lonely?
My Narcissistic Wife separated from me( almost 2 weeks ago) for the 4th time in 3 yrs. The 4th time was the last and I'm getting a divorce...💯💯💯✌🏾
Your Life is about to get Much Better. It'll be difficult for Some time, but at least you'll be able to Relax . 😊
@@carriered4715 I BELIEVE RECIEVE AND CLAIM THIS MESSAGE IN JESUS MIGHTY MERCIFUL MAGNIFICENT NAME AMEN 🙏
Walk away from her and don't look back. See what life has to offer to you...
In my humble experience. When a Narcissistic Women wants a "Separation" it makes them feel less guilty for sleeping around.
@@mistereuro4738 PRECISELY MY THOUGHTS TOO..💯✌🏾
I think the risk of knowing how much worse things could be for the children if this other parent (wife or husband, the narcissist) successfully manipulates control over them is why some people feel so stuck.
Extremely intoxicated constantly is how I stayed and others I've seen do that alot also
I had a 27 yr marriage to a Narcissist wife at the 7 yr point. Her abuse caused me to have a breakdown and be hospitalized for a week. I should have left then but from that point forward she would always claim that I was the one with mental problems and not her. After 8 yrs of therapy I was declared "just fine" but he wanted to counsel her alone and that freaked her out. We never went to any more sessions. She was also a physical abuser and at 27 yrs i finally broke free after our son graduated from college. Fast forward 14 years, she moved 300 miles away to live directly across the street from our son. It didn't take long for her to turn him into one of her allies and now my son has forced me out of his family's life. It's never really over when you have children the abuse merely manifests itself differently.
Then shame on your adult son for not doing his own research and getting your side of the story. Have you tried telling him all this? If not, he deserves to know and to get the same opportunity to be freed from her lies.
@@sbfabtfc1 he lived the nightmare right along with me for 18yrs....he should have known better
@@plnthrd Wow, then he really is one of her flying monkeys. That's too bad. Then it's onward and upward for you on your own path with better people! Best of luck to you!
I guarantee, no mental health professional could see the real person I’m married to.
My ex fooled everyone. I’m so sorry. Run!
@@dustinbyerley7226mine too man. She lied, cheated and stole for 26 years.
No honor and no mercy.
She thinks it makes her hard to be heartless and merciless.
I was with one for 23 yrs., she was a serial cheater, a liar and horrible mother , im still trying to regain my soul and my sanity 10 yrs after being away from her, my hands still shake and i have nightmares about still being with her, PTSD can come from any kind of trauma, i feel like somedays who i used to be was kidnapped, guys if you want to survive, get the hell away asap, and go zero contact, she will slander you to your kids and anyone else who will listen to her lies, she will try to turn any and everyone against you, you have to fight for your survival and your future and peace of mind like your in a war against your worst enemy, because you will be, stay strong and good luck men.
I relate to this video 100%. Been almost a decade and although my life has completely changed, I still regret not having the backbone to leave sooner.
30 yrs of abuse, she wasn't happy until I was unhappy. What I don't understand is what was her end game. Why would she find a nice guy and try to destroy me. She wasn't my partner, she was my adversary. I'm still licking my wounds. After 10 yrs. In all my life I never met anyone so viscous, I stay for my 3 girls. She did her best to turn them against me. With some success, again so hurtful. I did remarry and things are much better.
Thank you for these observations. I had lived with my wife,married for 53 years, and I loved her to bits. But as she aged the issues became very obvious, with her relationship with other men. When I was confronted by one he told me to my face he could service her and make her happy. My wife became so angry, calling me a liar. And from that day on our relationship began to fall apart until on day she bluntly and rudely discarded me. They blame you for every thing, and never apologise for any thing. It becomes hell.
So many men go through this it’s incredible - could it be that this is just the default mode of most women?
exactly...
female nature is narcism at work
Women develop extreme emotional abuse and manipulation skills and because they are raised to not express their anger and conflicts through physical force as boys do. They deploy then withdraw affection or approval relentlessly in order to get what they want. They are emotional and very vindictive. They are also much more selfish than men...an evolutionary trait that allowed them to accrue more survival assets to keep themselves and their offspring alive.
i have to say ive binged a ton of Narcissistic partner youtube videos but this one is the most useful to guys, its thorough and describes the points clearly without fluff. Which is good because this really is a serious issue.
35 years…. Love is blind ….. heart breaking…. But glad I’m still alive …..😢😢😊
Thinking that you can fix her, make things better that she will realise your a good person, a nice guy, doing all the things you think will make her happy, supporting her insecurities by not doing the things you think aggravate her, if you think like that you have only one option available to remedy the situation…………run.
13 years of this, I make a stone of my heart, and enjoy my life she hates the fact the kids hate her
Wow, what a great video. I left my wife of 14 years (3 kids) recently... This video describes my life so well.
Now I'm just dealing with family court because she accused me of trying to burn my house down (after assaulting me, then calling the cops on me).
Lots of crying these days, but time is on my side now that I escaped the prison she built.
Especially horrible when children are involved.
Being one who has recently divorced a narcissistic wife there are still residual long term effects after the separation made.
I kicked mine out 20 years ago and am still getting over the damage she did, not interested in another relationship with a woman, if they are single past 40 there is something seriously wrong with them and no one can live with them.
@@MegaDavykI 68 and single. This must mean by your logic that something is wrong with me, and no woman could live with me? There are a lot of women and men who put up with abusive spouses, or had a great spouse which unfortunately died who are over 40 years old. Find a "good" counselor. A person can not be bitter against all people of the opposite sex. Thanks, and have a blessed life with joy and harmony.
@@richsiler2094 I love my life, I have like 20 hobbies, still work 2 businesses pert time and run a life style farm. If I shacked up with a woman I could lose everything. If a woman is single at 40 or 50 or 60 statistically it is most likely because no one can live with her. No counselor can change that. Its not rocket science.
Men who make the mistake of getting with these women must understand that mistakes can be corrected and do so immediately
29 yrs, can't go out, she hides my clothes, has my bank cards, no friends, and haven't seen my family for over 20 yrs..
lost my friends, family, money, hobbies, pride, dignity, forced into bankruptcy, stopped caring about everything, wanted to die, gained weight, had a heart attack, almost died during emergency heart surgery, and when i was at my lowest and was no longer useful, my first week home from the hospital, she packed her things and moved in with her boyfriend leaving me with the kids.. youre not alone.
You should pity the new boyfriend. It probably wasn’t long before she made his life hell as well
run.
Thank you, so eye opening for me. I'm 62 and need peace in my life.
I was married to a woman 20+ years.
She was difficult from the very start after getting married. She would punish me with silence and withholding affection. I know now that in my early z20’s I had a few nervous breakdowns over her silence and her withdrawal. After these episodes things would be better for awhile only to go back to the same. Today I am on disability and suffer from fibromyalgia. I know it’s from the abuse that I experienced with her. Been divorced 4 years now and my health is better but the scars are still there. Being a male, nobody understands.
That, I know... health went south gradually, problems with heart, blood pressure and couldn't drink milk or eat bread etc (gluten) anymore, stress symptoms all over and my few friends I had left told me I was an empty shell of what I used to be. Still in it, but have an exit strategy ready and I don't play her game any longer.
Another behavior…Feeling like crying when watching this video…
I am in the process of escaping a narcissistic wife right now and establishing a new life for myself- its never too late to break free and start a new life, I'm looking forward to it but it has been very difficult for the last ten years.
Best wishes to you for trying to get away from a Narc wife! I was married for 7 years to a Narc wife, it took me 3 yrs to figure out that I had a Narc wife, I simply did not give her any supply at all, I also went grey rock on her and one day I came home from a long day of work and she moved out, good riddance! I never looked for her or have I talked to her since she vanished. I have been so happy, just me and my 2 cats...
Are you still there or did you find the strength to leave
@@baileysmith6330 I now live in a different country and count myself fortunate. I always knew she needed me more than I needed her but a sense of duty and devotion as well as a (frankly) sexual attraction kept me there. I am having a great time now with family and friends- she, apparently, is not!
@user-rl8kr1uj6c wow I commend you and congratulations!! Everything you said is EXACTLY my problem now with leaving from the devotion to the sexual and I know deep down inside I can be in your shoes if I just take that step. Everytime I try to take that step she tries to manipulate me into staying or cause an altercation by provoking me that'll get me in trouble 🚔! Right now she's in the "proving she's changed and I can trust her again" stage
@user-rl8kr1uj6c what advice do you have from your experience? If you could tell your past self when you was with her what would you tell yourself?
I can relate to many of these things. I would keep my mouth shut in an attempt to keep the peace. Asking questions was pointless. Lies or a silent stare is all I would get. It was so frustrating and exhausting being stressed about her overspending, while also not paying bills that were important. I would come home from work and as soon as I pulled into the driveway, would begin feeling stomach acid boiling up into my throat. She only used sex for times when she could tell I was becoming indifferent. LOL, I even refused sex, those few times that it was offered, to attempt to show her how important it was to discuss all of these things. It was pointless. I was accused of cheating even though I was always faithful. She cheated and jumped to another guy. That's when I got to see the real her but also the current person she pretends to be. The cruelty was all her and the new personality was/is just for the new victim.
There's two things that kept me from seeking help. Shame: Being treated like a doormat made me feel like a failure as a man. If I had shared what my wife was putting me through, I was certain that I would have been called out and shamed, not helped or even taken seriously. Second, Stigma: There is a terrible stigma around the metal health profession. Seeking the help of a qualified mental health professional is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I started seeing a therapist in 2016 and I wish I had started 10 years sooner.
Just left my narcissistic toxic fiancé and moved out of our house, it was an absolute living hell and this video described everything I was feeling and dealing with. The isolation from my family was one of the biggest things she did and my family has told me that’s what she was doing while it was happening. Fellas, get out now if you are dealing with this bc she will try and ruin your life. Us men deserve better than this.
I commend you on your escape 👏 alot of us are still fighting or don't know when to leave or make excuses delaying the escape and it's not at fault but because the abuse conditioned the mind to do so! How things been since I'm sure it's been a breath of fresh air!
There are some very good points and accurate phrases in this piece, such as the narcissist trying to 'cancel' the victim. So true. However, it's only when one comes out the other side can one see what was actually happening. It's a 'can't see the woods for the trees' situation. It's very difficult to decide to end a marriage when the victim's underlying emotion is hope; hope that she, and the marriage, will return to the way things once were. It's almost impossible to leave the marriage in the early stages of abuse as the victim regards it as as a temporary aberration. And after all, all marriages require work to maintain; hence the difficulty giving up. It's only when all hope is lost and the victim realises this that one can start to take back one's life. Throw in the weaponising of children and the victim is totally scuppered psychologically. Thankfully I have come out the other side with deep Awareness and love for others, but...I can't help but think that there is a special place in hell reserved for her. Maybe it's even here in this life and she's living it.
I'm an abused husband married to this type of woman for almost ten years. This is hard to admit so I'm commenting. I'm digesting these videos today on youtube. I need prayer and hope to escape this. I've had a few breakdowns. i don't want to kill myself or die or hurt anyone else but I feel like there is no way out. This video really spoke to me about my situation. Thanks.
How r things brother, my names Cole, if you need to talk reach out. Similar you and i, only I've escaped so I have wisdom to spread.
It's amazing how long it can take for these behaviors to really become apparent and conscious, even if you're acutely aware of narcissism. My partner and I talk about narcissism all the time, because we encounter so many narcs that it's taken getting highly specialized at recognizing it to navigate the world effectively.
I've been with her for over 2 years, and only just now while watching this video did I realize what the relationship has been landsliding into. She had put on an act of being a much nicer person, only to remove that kind loving care piece by piece, so slowly that I could barely notice. When I brought these behaviors up with her, she told me I was at fault for something I said 12 months ago that made her respond like this, or it's something she ate, and she is constantly running around trying to alter diet and blames the food EVERY time and say's she can't help it. The other day she blamed menopause even though she's too young for it, but what I realize now is that she's falling into a deeper cycle of narcissistic behaviors that she can no longer contain.
I just started two career paths in the last week and I'm so proud of myself, but she is like a block of ice, after talking down to me constantly for not having a job lately. She just doesn't seem to recognize the hard work and sacrifice that I've been putting in, she doesn't even seem interested in hearing about my day, or my progression as a person. No support from her, she just insults me for playing xbox for 20 minutes a day instead of working harder.
She has mentioned recently that she does realize that sometimes she has a pattern of behavior that's narcissistic, but I know she'd never admit to any of the specifics. Lately the aggressive gaslighting outbursts have been getting more frequent. Last night she became extremely aggressive and invalidating because I told her I needed a break from hanging out in the same room with her for a bit, based on an outburst she made the night before. So she started saying that if I can't give her company then she needs to go out and find another 'friend', (insinuating she's going to look for another boyfriend) and maliciously screamed insults at me, all because I "didn't give her a time frame of how long I didn't want to be in the same room with her". Then this morning she wakes me up before she goes to work, saying that she's sorry that our miscommunication is failing so much, and then said "it's ok, because you had a really bad upbringing so you can't help but see where your behavior goes wrong". This was classic gaslighting that woke me up to what's happening. She was weaponizing my traumas against me.
The thing is, I don't have a family, I don't have any local friends, and we live together. I haven't spoken to my mum or dad for 5 years because they're both heavily narcissistic, and it seems like no matter what I do, I can't find anyone to live with or love with that doesn't end up being narcissistic too. It's like a plague that seems impossible to escape from.
It seems there is the more obvious, diagnosable and instantly recognizable narcissist types, and then there is the ones who tend to have narcissistic behaviors, but probably wouldn't meet the criteria for a diagnosis - OR they're just exceptionally good at hiding it. I understand why it took me so long to see it, because she did a really good job at hiding it from me for a long time. Oh well, tomorrow I'm going to cut it off with her, but because of economic reasons we'll have to keep living together (we just moved into a new house that we both love and neither of us is gonna give it up), so... wish me luck I guess! I have a feeling she'll bring other guys over as soon as she can to make me feel like sh*t, deflect everything, and generally just make my life a living hell.
You are not alone. Mostly empathic people are surrounded by narcissistic abusers. Even parents, siblings, uncle are sometimes covert abusers, who obscure your mind and affect your abilities to make decisions to leave them. My suggestion is communicate only when necessary, if rage backlash occurs- expose it to neighborhours, or some people adjacent to you. They are all pretty coward. When my wife threatened to beat up our children, I warned her I would call a police to report about her behavior. She was baffled and for sometimes calmed if not scared.
Your not wrong in seeing narcissistic traits in everyone, we all have them!
Just some are wallowing in it.
My wife was nice ,kind ect. She had some traits (hindsight 20-20) like hitting me,throwing things,belittling me, playing it off as a joke. Mostly when others were around. Getting others to laugh at whatever she would do. She got the attention she wanted. Knowing I would get upset, but wouldn't hit back.
All her selfless kindness slowly diminished. She will still be over freindly to new people, give her all to new freinds that listen to her fabrications and lies about how manipulative and abusive I am. My children see the truth. I'm hopeful that we can get her into therapy. It's a long shot,but I did say "in sickness or in health" and it is a sickness she doesn't even see. So frustrating 😢
Sell the house. Eliminate assets as best you can, and get the best lawyer you can. Staying in the same home as her means she can set you up. Create instant distance and make sure there are cameras or witnesses for every encounter with her after you reveal your intent to separate.
lucky u didnt marry her..force the house sale and move on and cut all contact..these people cant be fixed
Has she done the thing where if she wants you to do something that’s more difficult and time consuming than she realizes, and you have a hard time getting it done, she’ll declare that you “just don’t care about [the thing]”?
I was brainwashed for years, the best thing my wife ever did for me was have an affair and lie and lie and lie…I found her journal one day, she..to this day refuses to accept anything is her fault.
I don’t know how this message got to me, I wasn’t even watching a video, just had some audio playing in my earbuds. I was compelled to thank you. You don’t know how much I needed to hear this
I was married to one until a couple of years ago. She started suggesting we go to counseling but I knew it was just a move and that she'd be able to manipulate most counselors. I'd had a lot of experience of therapy before I met her and I just knew she was setting me up. Of course, she declared me the unreasonable one for declining marriage counseling, and who outside of our abusive little set-up would not sympathize with her on that point? You can not win with them, you can only affect your escape. Word!
My wife brings up marriage counseling. We’ve tried it before. She manipulates the counselors. I tell her that’s why I won’t go again. However. I do say we should both go to our own different counselors. She doesn’t like that idea at all.
My wife tried the couples therapy thing. I agreed because I really wanted things to work. Luckily in my case, the therapist seen through her lies after a while. My wife quit of course and now refuses to even go to personal therapy. We are now separated and I am still seeing a therapist. I am hoping to make sense of it all and heal. At this point, I will never go back to her even though I still love her. I simply can't take it anymore as it is just too toxic. Divorce is the only answer, even if I loose everything except my soul.
My brothers life has been utterly destroyed by his narcissistic wife. My dad was so abused he went to an early grave and my mum is a shell of her former self. The narcissist wife is now onto her 3rd husband.
How did he figure it out? Pretty sure this is going on with my brother. She convinced him not to have kids, which is really good if she is a narc, but I want to help him get out so he can get remarried while he is still young enough to marry a woman young enough to have kids. I think he is throwing away his whole life and self for whatever makes her happy, but I know I have to tread lightly or he'll dig his heels further into his relationship.
I’m at an age where starting over is not an option. So there’s nothing to do but stick it out and ask for God’s help in getting through it. Sadly, we must face the fact that we’re not both going to be happy until one of us dies. What a horrible way for life to end.
The older you get the less a life sentence matters.. just saying.
Thanks for sharing Gregory, I,m in the same age boat , feeling helpless and hopeless, becoming depressed more every day and blaming myself for my poor choice of a mate thirteen years ago even though the warning signs were aparent, I took the bait and fell into her trap. I,m too much of an empath, that being caused by my parents mental abuse upon me, I was born unwanted by my mother, my father told me this when I was about 7 years old and he told me later that I would never amount to anything. I,ve struggled to prove him wrong all my life, the same thing I do in my marriage, struggle to satisfy my wife and still try to maintain my entheuseism in general. My health is terrible, I,m old and dont want to be alone without a partner while dieingy. My relationship is like money, only worth anything when you have none. These narcisistic woman are like used car salesmen. Deceptive and dishonest.
@skywatcher6064 Thanks for sharing that. Sorry you’re in a tough situation too. 🙏
@hondaxl250k0 Very True; thank God. Count the days ☹️
It’s small consolation but it appears that there are many in the same situation, myself included. She has me so well trained that follow her commands without thinking. It’s sad to be just counting down the days.
While there was no violence in my marriage, I suffered many of the other situations you described. It’s even more difficult when the narcissist is a shy or covert narcissist. Their vengeance is actually worse. The shy narcissist tags most of the bases here but successfully portrays herself as the victim to all of your friends and family, usually behind your back as well. I didn’t find out until after the divorce, how many of my own friends she’d co-opted.
It’s all over now, she’s out of my life forever, my “friends” are all gone or avoid me. I’m finally in a place where I’m very happy but it took five years of therapy, attendance at ACoA meetings, and the love and kindness of my true friends and family. One doesn’t see the covert narcissist coming until it’s way too late. I recommend an extremely long engagement if you feel you absolutely must marry. Their mask slips after a few years, if you’re lucky.
It’s all so true.
Right on point, all the way til then end.
The hardest part is accepting what is and believing it will change.
Believing you have the strength to heal and change.
Almost 40 years together, I realise now through these videos how trapped I was. First two decades were awful. I blamed myself for everything. When I look back I was bullied but did not understand what was happening. We are happier now, but the wounds remain for me. There is no point leaving now. I don’t want to live alone. It’s too scary. I work hard each day to rebuild my self esteem. She does not really know how I feel because she never listens. Always deflecting back on me. I feel guilty writing this. I love her but?!
But….. you know they’ll never change. Your entire life is to make sure their needs are taken care of. The trauma bond. It’s so difficult to break.
This December would have been 39 years for me. I do not know what the future holds for me. I just know that after recent therapy, that I have reached a breaking point where I had to do something different than stay in my toxic marriage. It nearly ended me five months ago if the hoses I stuck in the camper's propane heater exhaust wouldn't have melted shut from the heat. I had prayed to God so many times over the years to just take me. I guess God's answer was to melt the hoses, get therapy and a divorce.
My dad has been married to my covert narcissist controling rage-aholic mother for 63 years. It's too late for him now. About 12 years ago he asked me out of the blue if I thought he should leave mom. I didn't know he was serious, or I would have told him yes if he felt like it, even though he couldn't even cook for himself. Instead I just laughed it off, "Oh sure".
I'm not sure if they ever truly felt like they had a happy marriage, but if asked he'd probably say it was fine. I've never seen them kiss on the lips, and I don't think they were physically intimate for the last 40 years or so. Lots of bickering and nagging. He also didn't have many friends that he kept in touch with, and didn't have any hobbies, so when he finally stopped working, he started a downward progression that's still happening. He's 87.
But at least she is doing an excellent job of changing his diapers now. 🤷♂
I'm 53 and single, haven't dated for about 4 years, after 2 narcissist relationships in a row. I'm much more aware now at least. But not truly happy either.
Sometimes there are no easy answers. Good luck! 🖖
It was 35 years of pure hell. The relationship shouldn’t have made it past the first date. But reeled in like a fish, too proud to leave, hoping against odds it could be fixed, I finally got the wisdom. The demonic beast would never change. She was a lying cheating evil thieving manipulating insidious soulless narcissist. She was an empty shell of what is a human body. Like another comment above, never kissed or intimate for decades. Just existing in a relationship from hell. Nothing could be done to change fix or improve the situation. Alone is sad, but better than seeing a raging out of control egotistical psycho who never learned accountability everyday. But if someone worked with her they’d tell you she was the sweetest most helpful person. A brilliant act I’d like to tell them. The problem is even if you get out, they’re still in your head. Your mind is now full of anger and bitterness of the wasted time and what could have been. Sorry so negative but giving an accurate representation of what I experienced. God bless everyone and may we have a little joy in what life we have left.
I feel for you…though my wife left after the final impending discard, which apparently is very common with the disorder. The trauma bond is what may keep you from letting go. I have the same issue. I still want her to return well knowing she does not love me in any meaningful way. Ties to a mate are hard to let go of when many men are empathetic to the needs of their spouses. 💔
Ive always taught ive been in this alone because I unfortunately found myself surrounded by a bunch of people who don't understand all this . we have been married for 3 years and its really serious. I usually don't feel like going home after a long days' work. Watching these videos make me realize how much trouble ive found myself in.
Use your lunch break to square up finances in person or on line. Set up where to live, even if it is a shelter or car. Then run, don't walk away. Like video said; they do not get better, but worse. Blessings to you.
I was for eight years.
Lovely in public, projected a twee and amiable persona but just not emotionally available or genuine in any way.
Constant criticism, no support during tough times, everything on her terms and fixated on ruining me during divorce and custody - tried every nasty trick in the book and it backfired on them big time.
A horrible period, so glad it’s over despite it being painful at the time.
The title "narcissist" gets thrown around so much these days, I almost didn't click on this video. But I did. I have been in denial for a very long time. Now what do I do.
Take control of your life. Organise your thoughts. Grab a diary and journal. It’s your journal, you write what you want your way. I did this. At first I struggled to write, then it just flowed. I tried twice to leave. I then went and stayed with my cousins in France for a month (I’m Australian, they’re French). Because I’d organised my thoughts, I knew that when I returned I wanted to have seperated after 12 months. I returned home after four of the best weeks of my life, and I lasted a week, pulled the pin. It’s been a journey. Five and a half years later I’m married to a lovely lady from Romania, we’ve just moved into our newly built house house. I get on great with my two girls, who now live internationally..
The hardest part for me was manning up and taking control of my life. I made mistakes in my marriage. My biggest fault though was that I allowed her to manipulate me. The fault lies with me. But if I stress this one point again, organise your thoughts. Do it your way, just do it. There’s a life to be lived, it just ain’t with her.
I have to add to my 1st comment. Narcissists break you down until you feel unworthy, useless and broken. The exact opposite of who you are, just to make themselves feel btr. Good luck!!
I put up with lot until I got fed up it then stop loving her and done my own thing I couldn't do anything right
This applies with being raised by a narcissistic parent too.
I once broke my arm at home when i was married. My arm was visbibly mangled so there was no denying the severity. My then wife refused to drive me to the hospital. I had to call a friend.
So sorry, they usually don’t show care unless it benefits them in some way.
I’m in this mess. I don’t know what to do
This sounds like my wife and currently going through a divorce. I have one life and I won’t waste any more time on a narcissist.