Job Sucking the Life Out of You? You Need These Boundaries - Terri Cole
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- čas přidán 7. 06. 2024
- Does your job exhaust you?
Do you feel like you need to respond to your colleagues as soon as you receive a message from them, even after you’ve ended your workday?
Do you say ‘yes’ to tasks you don’t have the capacity for? Or agree to take on work outside of your job description?
Many of you have told me you struggle with work boundaries. In this episode, I am sharing tips and tools you can use to make your job work for you with more ease and less frustration.
Grab the guide for this episode to do the work inventories here: www.terricole.com/job-boundar...
Want to learn more about how to have healthy boundaries? Check out my signature 9-week program, Boundary Boss Bootcamp: terricole.com/boundarybootcamp
Time Stamps
0:00 - Boundary issues in workplace
3:55 - Time management
5:03 - Self-confidence at work
6:33 - Communication in the workplace
7:00 - What do you want at work?
7:55 - Unspoken rules at work
10:30 - Toxic or negative colleagues
11:47 - Speaking up at work
13:44 - Resentment inventory
14:28 - Gaining clarity + being proactive
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About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
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Resources
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Insight Timer: insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
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I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
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#terricoleshow #settingboundaries #boundariesarehealthy #professionallife
Tell me about your experiences with boundaries and work below. Which area of your career do you think would benefit from boundaries? Have you ever set a boundary at work before? How did it go? Download the guide with the inventories here: www.terricole.com/job-boundaries-guide
I'm very porous boundaries wise in general according to all I've learned in your book.
I've already made my resentment inventory and it's not looking good. My job description is being created on the go, I can't make a clear schedule because my boss always appears with new priorities and it's always urgent (according to her) and the way she barges in the office doesn't help me focus. She changes instructions from one day to another and tells me later on that she didn't that particular instruction. And if the instruction was written, she tells me I must have misunderstood what she meant...I have too many tasks to do and my colleagues and I often ask ourselves who has to do it. I love the tasks but she is always breathing down my neck and micromanaging everything.
These last 3 months have been just wild. Lots of urgent things to do and no way of delegating tasks. So I ended up chipping on my NO WORK AT HOME boundary. I made workshops with my team and also worked day and night for almost over a month so I can deliver a quality result on time.
In a meeting, last week she told me I'm not a team player, that she doesn't know what I'm doing and came back on some of the tasks she assigned to me but that I couldn't take care of because of the ever changing priorities of these last months. I've done the work of the 3 Qs and I know I've been activated by the circumstances so, I kept my cool even though I wanted to react very badly. I didn't get a chance to answer because she didn't let me talk, saying she was late for another meeting. She renewed my trial period as well unilaterally and I signed the contract without paying attention to the words. We have discussed before and decided my trial period would be prolonged by the amount of time I was on vacation.
I'm very resentful and angry 😡. I had to write her an email to give her the responses I would have wanted to give her during the meeting.
I'm tired and even though I love the job, I don't know how much longer I can take this situation.
I try my best to use the scripts, choose the best moment and all but she doesn't let me talk. And sometimes I kind of think it's a good thing because I have no filter when I "explode" after building up all the resentment and I'm scared I may lose my job over it.
So @terri_cole, help please 🥺. Don't want to get to a burn out before I do something this time around (last time was less than 2 years ago).
PS : I'm an empath and high functioning codependent.😢
Dalia
Just got my first proper job after working on my mental health, a library job which I love, for which I'm so grateful and my lovely boss. I'm still learning how to put boundaries in place with people that come in, as it is for the public but sometimes they have wants I can't fulfil, a lady asked me recently if I could teach her the english language. I feel bad saying no as she does need help but it's not my job and I don't want to get into legal territory. Still working on things like that, as I do want to serve the public to the best of my ability but sometimes I just can't do what they want. This video came at the perfect time! Just bought your book and can't wait to read it❤you are incredible.
Thank you so much, Penny, and congratulations on your job!! It sounds like you are setting the right boundaries. ❤️
Supervisors need to watch this too. 😅
Mine isn't a corporate office job. I am a disability support/care worker - my organisation assigns me high needs, non verbal clients, and there may be behaviour issues. I am also administering medication and assisting in feeding, where there is a risk of choking because of swallowing difficulties. When I was called in for extra shifts that would make my week unreasonably long and I was feeling tired, I used to make excuses like 'sorry, I have an appointment this afternoon'. Now that I have healthier boundaries, I find it easier to be more honest with myself and others and simply explain that I am not recharged properly and I'm running on empty at present. The message becomes clear and a competent administration will understand that they'd rather have their workers rested sufficiently and that in this job, it's not serving the clients any good if their supports are burnt out and could be more prone to mistakes. It might be inconvenient to have to find somebody else when it's my day off, but it would be more inconvenient if I had had to take a whole week off because I was burnt out.
I love this so much, way to go!! 🙌🙌🙌
A supervisor called me yesterday at midnight when I was asleep. Clearly she was unaware that I was off work yesterday and didn't bother to check before calling at an extremely inappropriate time. This lack of competency in management is extremely common in my workplace.
Yikes! That is awful. So sorry to hear you're dealing with that ❤ Are you required to have your phone on to answer work calls like that when you're not off?
@@terri_cole I work for the post office. There is extremely poor communication between many in management (not all) and the mail carriers. It is a pervasive problem.
@@terri_cole No. I'm not required to answer my phone when I'm not working. And considering that I have to get up at 6:45am each day and that I often work 10-12 hour days, it's extremely irritating to be awakened when I'm trying to sleep... which isn't easy for me.
Technically, I'm not even required to answer my phone when I am working. That's what the package scanners are for.
@@terri_cole This stems from the way people are promoted at the post office... based on seniority rather than competency.
Thanks Terri ♥️♥️
I had a hard time saying these things because of disordered boundaries, like you said. I knew it would hurt people around me to ask for quiet time in the a.m. because the culture allowed gossip , it was basically encouraged and seen as value adding, more “knowledge”
I’ll look into the chart! Thank you
Thank you for sharing your experience 💕 Work culture and normalization of these things is real, and it can be tough to go against it. But it is your right to set boundaries, especially when done with kindness and the goal of getting your work done!
@@terri_cole thanks for the support 🥲♥️
Thank you so much Terri. I feel the empowerment and value add to deal with all of this at work. I better get cracking on the guide!! ❤
🙌🙌🙌
GREAT video!!! 🙌 🎉 👏 😊
Glad you enjoyed it ❤️
@@terri_cole 😍🤩❤️😌☺️