7 Things You Need to Know When You Don't Feel Good Enough
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- čas přidán 6. 10. 2022
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We all go through times when we don't feel good enough. When we wonder if we're lovable enough, valuable enough and worthy enough. We all struggle with our self-esteem in this way at least from time to time. Here are several things to remember when you don't feel good enough - and the more you remind yourself of them, the better you're going to feel about yourself and the more your self-confidence will grow.
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I think part of the problem for many of us is that we were not praised or recognized for doing something good or right but only criticized for doing something wrong.
Therefore we tend to do the same and we are not aware of things we have done right.
I like an expression I heard the other day. " Even God waits for the end of times to judge humanity". I grew up with the distorted interpretation of this. Even God was used against you like a form of thought police or a constant judge. But now when I listened to this expression I saw the completely different meaning. It's not that God is waiting in the sense of expecting to judge you but the precise opposite, God wouldn't judge you now, wouldn't use one single mistake to judge you. Independently from if someone believes in God or not ( totally valid and respectable) the distortion has been impose to a lot of people, modelled parenting and cause trauma , it's internalized and reproduced.
This is an amazing talk. I wish i had you as a voice in my head instead of the negative one I was traumatically raised up on.
Myself -dealing with serious mental illness. Its one of few crosses to bear. We cannot all be CEOs , someone has to sweep the streets . it doesnt make me any less valuable :) . So trying to do my small bit , by being there for people, with people I know , that are in my life, while being well aware of my limits. thank you for the video Julia
Hi Julia!
Senior Shifter Chris here!
I am feeling very sentimental here and I hope you see my comment but I want to once again thank you for being here for me, being my coach and never giving up on me. You are the first person that has really made a difference in my life for making me feel better. I am encouraged by your words but also appreciate that you had taught me that I can make myself feel better by reminding me of this inner work.
I really love these reminders.
One take away, however, is I freeze when you say Life is Short. Because I know it is. But even that stops me because then I feel like I have so much I want to accomplish, not because I need them to feel good enough about myself, but to live a fuller life...but you are right. We don’t even know when our time is up. I have a family member who is ill and that is putting that perspective in me.
I recently heard this from someone (can’t remember the name) but it goes something like, “We don’t have to be good enough - we just have to do the work.” I love that because it takes that pressure away that we don’t have to worry about being good enough. Just do the work. Be it this inner work, or what goal you want to live a fuller life and like you said, it is for that reason and not to prove that we are good enough, worthy or have value.
Here are my quick notes:
1. When you compare yourself to others, know that there will always be someone with more or appears to be better. Don't compare.
*What is that goal or thing that you think is going to make you finally feel good enough? We don't need anything or accomplish anything to feel good enough!
2. Thoughts are not truths. Recognize the distorted thoughts.
3. Our mistakes, failures and shortcomings do not define us.
4. Life is short.
5. We are all average and that is okay.
6. Good enough is NOT earned. Worthiness is NOT proved. We are worthy because we were born. That is the only prerequisite.
7. You don't have to make big and splashy things to make a difference in the world. Small things can make a big difference for others.
Good enough is NOT a destination…it is a decision.
To anyone and everyone reading this - you are a worthy and valued person. ❤
Love this!!!
@@alison5009 Thank you!
I really appreciate your knowledge and compassion for us Julia! Personally, I use a comparison between water to plastics. Water is liquid and natural while plastic is solid and artificial, and I think to myself "water does not need to become plastic to be good enough. Water is good enough just the way it is. In fact, I'd rather see less plastics in the world." I also water plants on public property that are dry due to the dry spell we are having in the west coast. That made me feel good that anyone can do too
You're good enough. More than good.
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I immediately calmed down after watching this.
Your talks clears my thought distortions instantly. Your tone of voice is not only convincing, but very comforting too. Thank you, Julia. 💖
💖
Hi Julia, hope all is well with you! Always great to see you post and to be helping people! We need more of you in this world! Massive Respect and Love for ya!
This popped into my CZcams recommendations today and I really needed it, really needed to hear these words. I cried throughout this video.
Having learning difficulty way back in high School which means I always get the jobs at the bottom never moving up or being a supervisor now at 55 I am working for Goodwill for some 5 years at part time work...
Julia, as usual you speak the truth. Sobering and incredibly helpful. I got the most from the truth you shared that we're all average and no matter how much one achieves, we're still human. Achievement won't make us worthy. Thank you!!
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Thankyou! I really appreciate hearing that I am normal! My family hold me to absurd standards, especially my sister (71yrs) who tells me I am too kind to others while she also feels entitled to be rescued by me. Catch 22 all the way lol
Thank you Julia loved this. Always enjoy your videos.
Thank you Julia, this blew my mind! Thank you for reminding me that I AM good enough! ❤
Wow, Julia expertise describes me absolutely exactly without a doubt for a second, I need Julia to help me. When not watching, I am reading the most awesome my DARN BUS book!
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Keep feeling Good Julia !!
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All my life i felt like that but i am different now 😃
This video is immensely uplifting and full
of words of wisdom! Thanks JK
i always look forward to your videos. Thank you, Julia!
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I've been doing a lot of self-inquiry work (I swear I'm using up all my pens!) and you talking about the shame connected with not feeling good enough is very validating. I had the realization recently that pretty much all my negative beliefs/feelings/situations stem from some form of "not (good) enough"-ness. Also realized I was feeling a LOT of shame due to feeling like I've messed up a lot lately - and that the shame was rooted in my not feeling good enough.
I've also had the realization that the not good enough program is so engrained in most of us and that we often take on the meaning that we're not good enough based on someone's actions/response to us, when in reality THEY were feeling not good enough which is why they acted the way they did. But since we're so conditioned to think we're not good enough, someone else's not good enough-ness becomes a statement/reflection on our own not good enough-ness. But we don't recognize that the other is feeling that way - we think it's just us.
I had a HUGE aha years ago with a friend. I always felt she got all the attention when we went out and I felt like the invisible loser. I mentioned it to her one day and to my shock, SHE felt that I was the one who got all the attention and she was the one ignored. We were both extremely surprised that we felt the same way because we were both absolutely SURE the other got the attention. So that was an eye-opener in that we really don't know how others are processing the same situations.
Basically, just about everyone feels not good enough but we think everyone else doesn't suffer that like we do.
Damn that negativity bias.
Excellent.
Hearing this today made my day!!
Mucha appreciated. Thank you so much.❤ Ana
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I so enjoy your talks about life. The positive in put helps me to grow closer to my inner being
Thanks!
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So true! Waves and troughs of emotions ❤️
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I think it helps to understand that the world is full of people who don't think you're enough for whatever reason. This video validates the fact that you don't need to let anyone defeat you with this. Don't make the myth real.
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Excellent!
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Thanks 🙏
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Thank you posting this. This is something I have been struggling with professionally from time to time, and I needed to hear some truth here. Bless you for sharing videos that remind us we’re all worthy of love.
Trying to get to link to meditation, but it keeps saying it’s a non private/unsafe link. Thank you for this video, it’s really helpful!
All of us can do small things that can make a big difference every single day.
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I am 55 have been working for Goodwill for some 5 years at part time work
92 26:25 % 🇬🇧
Excellent work 👏
Thoughts are not necessarily true!❤
I always think I'm not good enough😢 but with dbt i have been slowly leaving that state of mind
My issue? Even though I have some gifts to give to the world, I feel like second banana to my husband. He is a former Marvel artist and people find that SO fascinating that they all want to talk to him and not to me, even with my own friends and family. It makes me feel not interesting enough. Comparison, I know. It may be because I want to be interesting in my own right but I’m on medical leave for burnout right now so I’m pretty low key these days. I feel so boring! Going back to my old job isn’t an option, it is simply,y not the right fit for my temperament. So, I want to start my own business. SCARY!! I keep procrastinating, what if I fail? The old brain brain begins to come up with all manner of catastrophes that could happen. Julia’s book taught me how to get out of THAT, thank goodness. But - what if I’m not good enough to pull this off? Second issue? I’m overweight and have never ever felt pretty enough. This I feel is rooted in truth - overweight people don’t look good no matter what they wear. My face is ok (gravity is not a friend) and I’m working on the rest, but that won’t happen overnight. Anyway, enough for now, thank you Julia for pointing us in the right direction.
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What I dislike about mental health is there are no fixes, no destinations, only this long, drawn-out journey. Yes I know I have a bad attitude and it's been here most of my life. I have no problem giving to someone else, I fall short with myself. I a little more than a year from being 70.I have one thing I can do I guess just as a hobby but I keep running into this wall of "Why bother?". This is where I am these days. All this information wasn't around during the 60s and 70s, then again I probably whould have asked for help anyway.
Hi to Julia....most attractive therapist in the 🌎. But also smart.
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Smart
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Thank you,but it is not as easy. I dont want to be loved by anyone because those whom I expected to embrace me as family have let me down.
Hi Julia.... I think that your videos are so very helpful. As I would love for your videos to be as perfect as they can be and I don't think you would reject positive feedback, I would like to share an observation. I assume that you are using very high quality equipment for your videos. When it comes to your mic, your message comes in pretty clear but what also comes in clear is your breathing at each pause. It could be a little distracting; like a nail on a chalkboard. I notice it in your older and new videos. I am one that can focus on the message and tune out other things as the message is most important but the breathing is just a lot sometimes. But, I am just one viewer, use this message as you see fit. Enjoy your videos.
I think its just you. I , as another viewer havent noticed anything. You might be listening to the video through the earphones in that case you can sometimes hear planes flying by and cars going past on other youtubers. But I know what you mean if you have a sensitivity to that.
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I had no idea that my Wife felt this way. I was completely oblivious to it. She ended up self destruction. I felt like she didn't Love me but now I know it's the complete opposite. She loves me more than I could ever imagine and she always felt I was too Good for her. So she degraded herself and self destructed. I was completely Tuned out and she had an affair. I had quit having sex with her before that. I didn't show her affection. I thought the she had an affair because she felt I wasn't good enough. When the reality is that she felt she wasn't good enough for me. She suffers from terrible low self esteem. I left her, got a new Girlfriend for about a year. Divorce process started. Now I started talking to her again. She keeps pushing me away because she feels like I am going to wake up and come to my senses. She is struggling to believe that I love her and want her. She refuses to believe it so she has her guard up and pushes me away. She doesn't feel like she deserves me.
Hi julia pl do a video on how to deal with persons who have OCD but do not agree that they are OCD
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Got a busy day planned. Saving this for later.
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Goodbye.
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😂
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:)
The story about the friend without kids is kinda off putting and gross. You make it seem like people without children are less than and need to act a certain way to impress you
You're annoyingly attractive
As long as I can remember I have literally hated myself, I despise myself, I feel like my wife is 100 stories above me…….man I wouldn’t wish these internal feelings on my worst enemy.