Overcoming Guilt & Inceldom | Dr. K Interviews
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- čas přidán 20. 03. 2020
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In this video, Dr.K explores the feelings of guilt and inceldom with Paul from our last interview with him regarding being an incel. Check out that interview here: • Talking with an Incel ...
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My God, I really hope this guy finds love. I don’t see an incel. I see a hyper-analytical, overly self-aware, overly self-critical, not ugly at all, and simply very lonely man of sound principles without a woman to share those same principles with in his life. Best of luck to Paul. If you really pay close attention to the entire video, he’s a moral man. Just lonely and in pain with that loneliness.
What astounds me is that he thinks he‘s overweight according to the first stream eventhough he‘s normal weight. He actually looks good imo. Ofc he‘s not a supermodel but he looks normal with a dad bod and most women tend to prefer that anyway. Btw I don‘t know why men think that balding is automatically considered unattractive. I‘ve been attracted to bald/ shaved heads all my life. It just looks neat and adds a lot of character. What I also like about Paul is that he seems very thoughtful and kind. I really hope he can overcome his insecurities and that he‘ll find someone special.
Over-analytical, totally not self-aware and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Most his problems came from his inability to look on the bigger picture.
He constantly looks for excuses for why he is single (ugly, not confident, wouldn't smile).
He is just not a happy person and unfortunately no one wants to interact with unhappy people. First thing to do in life is to learn how to be happy with thyself.
Being single is not a burden or curse and people need to realize this, relationship will not fix anything and even so, create more problems.
Learn to be self-sufficient.
@@j.d.o5709 I don't know man. He looks just like a regular guy.
@@j.d.o5709 found the incel
@@MayJade001 Most women hate dad bods, even women who are morbidly obese hate dad bods.
It's nuts how much Paul comes across as a likeable guy without realizing it at all.
Blackpill confirmed.
You could see the sweetness in his face when Dr. K's daughter interrupted. The smile in his face and eyes were genuine.
Paul seems so amazing. 100% analytical mind. I love it...
But why did he tell the girl he had feelings if he knows the boundaries and was going to pushback if she was not willing to pushback. It sounds counterproductive.
@@Abdullah-yr4tv it hurts you more to not be transparent. Then you let those feelings build up with no outlet.
Idk if anyone else sees it, but compared to the first session, he really became more ‘receptive’ and less ‘defensive’ - which really makes me interested in a third interview to just see his progress…it’s a bit inspiring to see that he’s changing in real time and just looks…happier…even if just a little
There won't be a third interview. Paul and his issues aren't popular on YT (small view number) to keep going.
@Taskent Lutsow Its got 400k views what are you saying 😂
Absolutely, the difference hit me right away. Very happy to see he put his guard down a bit.
@@taskentlutsow2110 I 'd be fooking grateful if my vagabond videos got 400 views nevermind 400 k! 😏
@@taskentlutsow2110 I disagree with all of that, and I expect we will see Paul again
The fact he put a “pearl” on the wall, despite dr. K saying that was not the point of the interview last time is hilarious. Paul has a great sense of humour
thats also taking alot of momentum out of it. laughing at your biggest insecuritys and fears. it was just really authentic thats why it connects so deeply
"Your face is a good face. I like your face"
Awesome comment
xD
Haha, that was a beautiful moment.
KappaPride
@Abhay Patel dude I'm a average looking guy with a very cute girlfriend. Prior to finding her, I was an incel (not self identified). Through humor confidence and charm, at age 25, I seduced my now girlfriend of 5 years.
@Abhay Patel im 5,8 forsure man, im not a handsome guy I'm about as average as the guy in this video. good luck man
I really like Paul and hope he keeps coming on because I really want to see his problems fixed/ helped
Yo what's your pepe frog's name ?
Same! I'm rooting for this guy.
subhuman africancel and your probably just trolling or very stupid
Indeed. I can see myself in him. Even though I'm 20 and have had various sexual relationships (weird flex)
@@wilhelmh7777 very cool Afolf, thank you
HE PUT THE PEARL ON HIS WALL. PAUL YOU ARE SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL. I BELIEVE IN YOU PAUL! YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR SELF DOUBT AND HESITANCY. YOU'LL FIND THAT GIRL ONE DAY
Are you saying to him or yelling at him.
@@rajanlad Cheering at him :)
@@rajanlad xqccheer
I am glad you are happy about that, as I am. I JUST (3 yrs late) watched the first interview.
When Paul said "This is pointless, I'm not exactly going to put that up on my wall"
I stopped the video, and commented you FUCKING SHOULD!
NOW, I click over here and he DID IT. THAT tells me SO much. I was beaming that's so cool
@@rajanladyelling. We are SCREAMING at him what a legend he is.
Can we have Paul back please? His issues and cognitive biases I could really relate to. This was like vicarious therapy. Thanks Paul and Dr. K 💖
AOE healing!
100% want him back too
The guy ain't neurotypical. Give him a break. Social life isn't for everyone. Plus he is below 6 in looks so it never began
@@keylanoslokj1806 You are commenting on the wrong channel. The selfabsord channel of shallow attentionwhores is elsewhere.
@@keylanoslokj1806 what makes you say social life isn't for everyone?
He's actually a pretty good looking guy, shaving the head definitely helps. His problem is he thinks too deeply about things and is not confident in himself.
@SUCKRPUNCHED nah, he'd have to be aware of, and eventually change his thought patterns, just like he does now.
@SUCKRPUNCHED He would probably be faacing a harder challenge, but even the ugliest of fuckers can find love, there are plenty of people out there that care much more about aspects that arent looks
@@friendlyanders9225 I'm not sure about this, but I think blaming solely your looks for your lack of relationships is a defense mechanism, like "I can't get a girlfriend, there is nothing wrong with my mind, so it must be my looks"
SUCKRPUNCHED he’d definitely be more fucked
It's like Dr. K said: he gets in his own way. Imagine if he was a D&D character with a high Intelligence bonus, only it gets inverted into a penalty to his Charisma checks and Will saves vs. despair. Geeky as hell to explain it that way, but I think quite fitting.
Paul - "I'm not keeping track of time".
Dr. K - "Neither am I."
Dr. K is such a great person.
It's insane how much rejection can just destroy a person
Yes. I can relate
my family is based on that concept, can confirm
Yep. Got rejected once. That was my last attempt
I think an interogation was the most intense here, not just rejections.
@@jensebermann4735 bro seriously I tried it once and now I'm like fuck it that shit hurts
His story about how he smiled at the girl who he was buying bread from made me tear up. Keep up with the good work!
❤ haven't gotten there yet.. Looking forward to that.
The beautiful thing about that story is while he was right that she might never have offered him half a loaf instead of the full loaf if he had been standoffish and looked unwilling to talk, even just him realizing that his smile made the interaction better was so wonderful and positive. It made me very happy for him.
I got that, and that girl I bought bread from drew hearts in my notebook, I fell so in love, and it ended in a tragedy :(
omg after listening to the end, felt like he was talking to me, that Im looking for her forgivness,
Can you timestamp when he told about this story?
Sure that bigger "content" streamers give more views, but please do more sesions with Paul. Its better than getting "views"
Views = money. He wants money.
@Naurius fuck yeah dude
@@mandokir im in
@@mandokir you act like the majority of people dont want money, if not all.
From a pure views perspective Paul's 1st video is like top 5 of his channel though. I agree that new streamers would get more views still but I don't think Paul's vids would do bad. Especially considering they have the word "incel" in the title lmao
Dr. K: "Do you have a pet?"
Paul: "Well, not anymore."
Me: "Fuck."
poor guy
My exact reaction. Like well shit.
I burst out laughing at that. I thought it was an elite troll
@@spigney4623 what the fuck is wrong with you
i scrolled to this comment right as this interact happened hahaha
GET HIM BACK I WANNA KNOW HOW HE'S DOINGG
Only big name streamers from here on out.
YASSSS me too
The only thing making him all incelly is that hopelessness that keeps creeping up. He says no one wants him and I find it hard to believe. He's definitely attractive. He comes across as intelligent and introspective enough for me to guess he'd be a considerate person. His flat looks like he is at least okay at adulting. So it's his defeatist nature.
Goddangit, Paul. Just be Paul and smile the Paul smiles.
Yeah that intelligence is so sexy imo. It would be interesting to get to know him personally
Was looking for this comment. He is in fact attractive, and his level of intelligence is an absolute plus. He's actually adulting better than me tbh. He's seeking help when needed. I in the other hand will let it burn and say, "this is fine."
Y'all don't care that he harassed a woman at work because she went to lunch with him for two months and promised to bake him a cake? And after 15y he still hasn't figured it out that this was wrong. That's neither considerate nor intelligent.
Maybe we will all smile some day.
Yeah, right? My first thought after hearing him speak was "Wait, how is this guy an incel?". He's smart, he doesn't look bad at all. And theeen he got so defensive about being unlovable and hopeless and I thought "Ah, yeah, okay. I wouldn't want to deal with that either."
Although I am sure he can figure it out. He went there and unearthed his trauma. Someone who can do that is the opposite of hopeless in my eyes.
When Dr K's child entered the room, genuine smile from Paul right there.
That smile was contagious
An unburdened smile PogU :)
1:09:50
I hope you have this guy on a 3rd time. I know you said it's his turn to find a pearl on his own, but I think it would be cool if you had a follow up at least one more time some time in the future, maybe after he's had some time to figure things out on his own.
yeah I'd love to see a one year update
He seemed way less burdened here (probably also because he was less anxious than the first time).
@@HunterBelkiran if you watched the "Why people lie" video Dr. K has you will hear him talk about a major reason that Paul is more comfortable here. To be brief Dr. K during the last conversation got past some of Pauls control mechanism (which are in place because, as he talks here in the early video Paul tries to control how people see him.) Dr. K got him to be more of his real self and when that happened it wasn't as negative an experience as Paul expected, it might even have been "positive" as Paul said. That experience lessened the terror of being himself and the anxiety he was taught by the "thousands of conversations" he had in his mind.
100%%%%%%
Was there a 3rd session with Paul?
On the off chance Paul ever sees this comment, I want to say thank you for being so damn brave on the internet. I cried when you cried and I could not have let go of my own pain that way without you doing it too. Years later, your tears aren't something to be embarrassed of, they're a gift to this world
I wept like a baby on the first discussion because I felt so happy and sad for him at fhe same time. I went through thay emotional roller coaster with him. I may be wrong but I feel like he felt seen in that moment and that someone reqlly understood him and it was both beautiful and sad at the same time. I'm rooting for Paul. I've got lots of friends who aren't too far away from Paul in both looks and demeanor and all of them have found people to love. I am sending Paul all the love ❤
Why does this have so many likes? There's dozens of comments like it that don't.
@@mandokirbecause when a comment gets some likes, it is prioritized and shows higher in the feed and thus gets more likes.
Because people tend to not explore every comment only the ones on the top.
It's been 2 years. Can we get an update on Paul? How's he doing? Did he heal?
Same I really want an update
Yeah he's my favorite person Dr.K has interviewed
Same!
Can we get much higher?
Dr. K is still frustrated so he didn't invite him back
paul, don't feel shame for crying, i cried along with you, crying is powerful and needed, and you might not see the pearls now but you will soon, just like the previous session
duman173
I wish I could cry more. Something Dr. K said from Paul’s last visit in here was “the laughter of children is so beautiful.” And you know I’m pretty active on YT, and especially with online comment debates and the more I see the more I’m upset at the state of the world. Even when I go out I see some of the stuff I read and debate about in my real life and it really upsets and even angers me. I’m so tense at all time if you stuck coal up my ass it would be a Diamond within a year. When you hear a kid laugh and you listen to how genuinely care-free and happy it is.... it makes you think maybe not everything is done for; perhaps there’s a chance after all... if I could just cry and forget I would.
@@RedVelvetBlackleather that was really powerful 😭💕 children truly are such blessings.
I was right there with ya. Tears are beautiful, it's sad society wants us to hide them
Same!!
@Negopi Lirshar Crying is just a healing mechanism in the human body to help release stress, pressure and emotions. It is like a mental first aid kit. It's necessary to cry sometimes in order to assist healing.
"Smiling is OP" might be the truest statement in regards to human interaction I've heared. There is literally no one that can resist a genuine and sincere smile.
A blind person can’t see a smile
@@FryedPidgey you just had to go there and at least from what i know the born blind able to perceive other through their tone and voice
Zack fiat I went there. I was being dead serious. The post said “Literally no one” when there’s exceptions. How exactly can you perceive a smile through tone and voice? If you’ve never seen a smile before. I’m genuinely curious about that.
@@FryedPidgey i see,well from what i know people who born blind pick up social cue with their ear. just like its hard to fake a smile, its hard to simulate your voice to hide your mood. like if youre angry your voice automatically tenses because your mood subconsciously tenses your lung, like most social cues happen in the subconscious and if you genuinely smile, your voice lighten up. well that the case for me at least from my own observation
@@FryedPidgey Not blind myself, but over voip, friends have called me out for smiling while saying something cheeky and they have never seen me. Humans can be stupidly randomly perceptive about arbitrary shit. Look up humans being able to tell the difference between hot water(steam dampening the sound is my guess) and cold water being poured, so many things we can pick up on, its amazing.
It has been 3 years. Has anyone heard from Paul? He seems like a genuinely good dude who has just been knocked down a lot. I relate to him so much, I wish him the best for real! Paul if you see this, give us an update on how you're doing! We're all rooting for you.
He is still alone
@@medicenelpepe how do you know?
@@acojone6110 paul
Suicide ?
@@cristianm7097wtf man....
You can tell there's so much authenticity, self-expression and just general awesomeness hidden in this guy, yet he is so wrapped up in his "I'm not good enough" mindset and I just wanna scream at him because he's such an amazing guy.
I feel like last time we saw a caterpillar engrossing itself in its cocoon... This time we're trying to nurture the cocoon, yet Paul is basically a butterfly that's too hesitant to hatch and spread its wings.
and its so unfortunate because he’s been convinced his whole life that the caterpillar is the only stage the whole time, that the butterfly doesn’t exist.
Hey guys, so this is a reupload of Pauls interview part 2, I cut some stuff out for privacy reasons. This is an oversight on my part as the editor, sorry about that!
Here are some wholesome comments from the previous upload:
He shaved his head! Good decision.
Takes guts to be vulnerable like this... fairplay mate hope you find some progress.
Straight off the bat I know that he's concerned with approval or saying the right thing. Apologising for being a bad patient is proof of that. What is a bad patient anyway?
I speak from experience. I see a lot of myself in how he acts, particularly how I used to be when I was a touch younger
Congrats to Paul for having the courage to get a follow-up! The original video was visibly intense for him, and for there to be a 'next time' is a big step up.
The shaved head makes him so much more attractive
I LOVE YOU PAUL
This is so awesome. I love this so much.
You misspelled the title this time
Is it inceldom in the title instead of oncledom ?
Hey Dr. K, just wanted to let you know i think you forgot to blur out his info at 16:41. I don’t mean to get people to see it, i just thought you would like to know since you took the previous video down for that reason. Keep up the great work!
Tysm for keeping the old comments, i love those lol.
Since most people have their first relationships at a younger age, they won't suffer the same kind of serious repercussions as Paul did for breaking it off in an 'immature way', as Dr.K put it. Having your company and HR involved in one of your first "break-ups" must've been really rough.
@Jeff B Nah. Take the red pill homie.
Julien I second this
@Average Mo You guys need to stop with the self pity, improve yourselves and figure it out
@Jeff B Well it happened for me at 19 what now?
Too be far, she acted far more immature than him.
7:24 He literally just said the meme of oh no I'm going to get a bad grade in therapy. Something that is not only possible to achieve but normal to fear.
Can we see how Paul is doing now he's my favorite!
K: "... when I smile at you like an idiot, ready?"
K: "How do you feel?"
P: "At this point it's getting a bit creepy"
LMFAO that was so funny
loooool
that broke me lmao
This guy hyper analyzes everything. Very active thinker, so much to the point he stumbles over his own thoughts. There's so much stress built up in this guy that I think an early AM exercise before work would make his days SO much better. He's starting to see the bigger picture but has a hard time letting go. Having a good outlet for stress is super important for this guy.
@Qs Rt An exercise in the morning. Morning time is also referred to as the 'AM'.
An example would be an exercise such as a morning jog or walk, or even a quick workout at home such as bodyweight exercises or yoga, before starting the day.
Underrated comment.
It's all about long term habits.
Yeah he does and he seems emotionally unintelligent to a certain degree, very self critical too
I believe it to be quite the opposite@@shoots_austin
Like “YE”
That workplace psychiatrist stitch-up is like something out of a Kafka novel. That sounds horrific. Anyone would be rattled by that for a long time.
Ikr
I remember my first time with a councilor I started having a panic attack and he just told me it's okay and I immediately started bawling so hard. It sounds dumb but I was so high strung from living with abusive parents that an adult showing me even a small amount of kindness made me break down. It was several years after I ran away from home, too. It's weird how you carry these sort of painful memories with you.
I think one of his biggest issues is that he sees himself as objective and unemotional, when clearly he's battling with emotions and wanting to appear a certain way constantly. I think this only makes the negative sides of those emotions even worse.
I think his logic and cynicism and skepticism has kept him “safe” from hurt but really has only kept him from being authentic and pushes people away. He’s smart so he can overanalyze and criticize everything but it results in him being too much in his head in the end. I think there’s a lot of dudes like this who have been crushed and disappointed and disrespected and their hyper-rationality is the only thing that keeps them feeling capable and powerful
@@awsambdamanYES. i completely relate to this. i think it’s a cope from being inadequate anywhere else (particular place or not), so the only place they can’t beat you is where they can’t access, your mind. so, you increase intellect and awareness to the point it makes you miserable because all that’s taking up your brain power to actually experience things, is being used to *think* about what you’re feeling and if it’s correct or logical to get good results, or prohibits you from seeing it in the first place.
@@0piumaeternumwhat's the solution?
@@astrotrain3332 you’re asking the wrong guy i’m still trying to figure it out for myself😂
Dann I feel that Paul. Insane how such seemingly innocuous and arbitrary moments in our lives can hold such a strong weight for so long. Feel that. Not invalidating it.
I wouldn't call what happened to him innocuous.
@@Methylglyoxal Yeah, but we tend to be dismissive of the impact it can have on us. Like "that was so long ago", or "I don't even think about it anymore"
@@Methylglyoxal also I said "seemingly innocuous". Even to some extent despite his feelings, Paul could see the ridiculousness of the importance he was giving this story by making fun of certain aspects about the situation. The only reason that "making fun" of the situation did not work entirely (apparent in that Paul carried this all these years) is that he believed more in the negative aspects of it rather than the funny statements that question that same story.
And how the other person involved in the memory that messed with your head for most of your life hasn't even thought about it twice
@@nicholasmiranda6013 that's what really messes with me. How something like that can be so uneven is so unfair
Paul spends an hour dancing around the conversation using despair as a shield to protect the ball of pain he keeps in his gut. The pain is a precious thing. Circle, circle, circle. He's very good at fencing.
He should have joined a PUA bootcamp like RSD.
@@debanikgoswami4834 hhahahah
@@Derplanwagenwhat is the joke, what's pua?
@@astrotrain3332PUA means pickup artist
Love how he didn't just pull back when dr K asked if frustration was okay. He could have easily just said "yes" and moved on, but instead he explained his reasoning which lead to a productive conversation
Thanks to Paul for coming on and being vulnerable. Really amazing stream, personally helpful for me
me too
A-fucking-greed
Isn't it? These conversations always have things that other people can relate to.
I've never experienced such a turn around of my feelings towards someone. At the beginning of the last session, I was getting frustrated with Paul. Now I have nothing but compassion for the guy. It shows me that I should never judge.
Taking very long to answer questions, processing them over and over, trying to answer what he thinks he shoud answer instead of what he actually thinks made me think Paul was either stupid or dishonest. Wich is probrably not the case. This explains (i think) why people in the past have thought i have been dishonest or dumb, when i haven't (that i know of).
@@alainerookkitsunev5605 Back when I was trying to manage people's thoughts and emotions, I was considered "quiet" and "standoffish." It's hard to talk when you are trying to think both sides of the conversation! And it is impossible to connect with people.
@@ColinFinkle absolutelly
Colin Finkle i just had a revelation because of these comments, Jesus Christ.
@@ColinFinkle Yeah, I would say that one of the keys to get out of that cycle is to leave assumptions at the door. Like, if you come up to me to get to know me, but you already made an opinion in your mind, what's even the point? Come with an open mind and people might surprise you.
Paul went Bald and is already smiling way more in the first 2 minutes than he did in the previous video! He already looks so much warmer, the way hes talking is so much different to the last time 😊
Im so routing for this man. I hope hes doing well ❤
I think he did exactly what Dr K told him. He took his insecurity of going bald and embraced it/laughed at it by shaving everything off. Now he appears more confident. And now he has to do the same with his psychological insecurities 😄
He's actually an attractive fella. Especially when he smiles. Loads of love to Dr.K for helping people.
As soon as I heard him say he went to a single-sex school it clicked. Exactly the same situation that I was put in. That shit messes with a pubescent boy's head so much. Mental abuse if you ask me. I thoroughly resent being separated from the opposite sex during my teenage years. Shit should be banned.
Oh okay what's the excuse for the other millions of incels? Why did all the other boys in his school get laid by this age? Yeah, nice try reddit.
Well me too
@@raghavnamasivayam5098 me too as well
@@wilcoxtam810 well single school doesnt mean i support intermingling and all that i meant school were both genders can converse however i dont support some warped view of gender and sex studies in modern schools
@@raghavnamasivayam5098 I came to the conclusion recently that a teenagers “social grades” matters much more than his/her academics. Parents need to pay more attention to how their children are faring socially especially with the opposite sex. Incels are a thing because a generation of parents failed their kids
The shaved head really works
"In those conversations, what were we wearing" I laughed so hard at this lmfao.
Careless whispers plays in the back.
"Sometimes its kinda sad because we give the worst versions of ourselves to the people that we're closest to, and we give the best versions of ourselves to strangers" Wow.
It's interesting that after he let the story out, he started mentioning being a troll and the OT and that was the most genuine I've seen him be in the 4 hours I had the priveledge to watch him.
Paul, you're the man. You're super attractive naturally (you accidentally got girls with boyfriends into you TWICE), you just stopped trusting yourself after you've been hurt.
one of them got him fired
I think this behavior stems from his childhood, where he had to move constantly and he studied in all boys school, so he had probably seen lot less about interaction with women.
It's crazy how much of a different person he feels like in this video compared to the last; Keep going strong Paul
A testament of dr K skills
@@qweasd9153 A testament to what good introspection and guidance can do for people, most of the worst off people, especially incels, only need to find out what they're thinking and how to address it.
Dang, the way he opens up and relaxes after he cries is incredible.
You can actually see him grow in front of your eyes.
I cried a little watching it. There's still healing to do and growth to be had, but it's like a parasite being removed. A major inhibitor is gone.
I saw this guy stands up; he's not overweight. He's smart, has a beautiful smile, dresses tidily, seems to have a neat home, and looks great. I hope he processes his issues so he can see that too.
The pearl on the wall is heartwarming
This dude was actually a good guy. It seems like he was trying to do the right thing and he got smacked in the face for it. I wish him luck in the future.
dude the way you speak seems like he passed away, expect for the last part.
@@luisantos1996 tense maek a no sense
I'm really happy there was a follow up with Paul. I wish him the best
I'm a woman but heavily relate to Paul in so many ways. It's only now in my late 30s, after finding some really supportive friends, that I finally started to properly accept myself and actually love how I look.
Throughout school and my careers I NEVER had anyone show any romantic or physical interest in me, and it was really heartbreaking to see friends get 'popular' with boys while I was always kinda seen as the weirdo. I was even bullied for my looks. When I tried to seek advice I was just always told to change who I was as a person, like "wear make up" "dress in a pretty dress" "act more feminine" etc, but I always felt so uncomfortable doing those things, and I knew deep down that wasn't me and I wasn't happy to do it.
After decades of that, you just grow to accept "I'm ugly, I'm the problem, obviopusly no one likes me, just look at me." It really really fucks with your self esteem.
I dunno how I really crawled out of it. I still struggle with self esteem to this day, but I just slowly started to look at parts of me that I liked in myself, and ever so gradually it became self acceptance. I think age helps a bit too; I've always stuck to my guns, but definitely as I get to middle age I've very much grown into my period of "well I like this, so fuck anyone elses opinions, and if you like it too then awesome."
I really hope Paul can get to a point of self acceptance some time... I think one of the greatest things he can do for himself is step away from the dating scenes, and instead look for groups in his area that share similar interests. Find a walking group, craft/art group, board game group.... whatrever he enjoys, and share his enthusiasm with like minded people. That's when they'll see the real him, and its where he'll see his true self.
He needs more interactions with girls. platonic dates, casual conversations- just interactions without expectation
So does every man on the internet taking time to comment on videos.. Cry me a fucking river...
Michael Angst u doing ok bro?
Michael Angst that’s literally you LOL I’ve seen your comments all over the place you fucking loser
We gotta get this figured out. Because young men and young women want to spend time together very much. It's only natural and beautiful that they do. But men are socially clumsy and accidentally scary, and women's ability to reject causes men primal fear. What can be done?
@@michaelangst6078 Name checks out.
It really feels like his mind is fighting so hard to preserve his view of the world/himself...
Once an identity and set of beliefs hits critical mass, it becomes a heroic task to change. Because your mind cannot stand the void that would be once you lose everything. On top of that, if it envolves being at fault, the weight of responsibility is icing on the cake
@Username Some people don't work that way
@@lizs606 those people don't have a strong frame of mind for whatever they are learning about
@@LucasRibeiro-po4pb a good psilocybin trip would help this man 100 percent. So effective in breaking that cognitive loop that many have dealt with. It's so hard to break free of something you don't even realize you're in.
@@LucasRibeiro-po4pb that hurt to read
Absolutely weird world we live in. I'm not going to unload all my baggage here in a CZcams comment section, but I have an eerily similar story to Paul's in my own life. I mean absurdly similar, around the same age, incredibly traumatic and changed the way I feel about intimacy probably forever. But I'd like to think I've worked through most of it today.
That’s really, really cool! Thanks for sharing it
Can you share it?
I am only 13 minutes in and so happy to see the change in Paul. Totally different then last time. I would really love to hear how things were going in between.
I have never been so invested in the welfare of a stranger before. Please do more videos with Paul, a ton of us would love to see his progress.
All 5 of you.
@@mandokir Do you want all episodic sitcom stories? Plenty of people enjoy a good longer arc, especially if we can relate to it and learn something from it. Paul's story is reflected in some way by every single person who has seen this video and struggled to find a partner. This is such a central story to the human condition that it's practically lowest common denominator, if lowest common denominator was a nourishing feast full of vegetables and proteins. You say 5, but it's more likely 50,000, based on the video's view count.
@@johannhowitzer I'm sure writing all that in CZcams comments will really make a difference.
@@mandokir What's that even supposed to mean lmao
@@mandokir Damn dude you got some fuckin issues
I genuinely think Paul is my favorite person out of all of these sessions I've been watching. I really, really hope he comes back for more, I want to know how he's doing.
No way its actually you Xtrullor. The goat shares the same niche interests as me
I agree tbh. Definitely one of the more interesting people in this show, he’s able to challenge what’s being told to him which most people are not. I see that as a good thing in most cases but idk what others feel about that.
I would LOVE to see Paul back for a third session! I find him super endearing, and just a lonely, uncertain, overthinker trying the best he can in any given situation. He’s not unattractive at all! He kinda looks like a cool artsy dude, I could imagine him with a black turtle neck and a baker’s hat haha he seems so sweet. Heck if I was older I’d go on a date with him, and I’m sure it’d be lovely! I hope he finds what he’s looking for, I know he has it in him :)
^^^^^ he seems sweet man, i hope he finds someone
He actually reminds me so much of Moby with his new haircut! Definitely cool and artsy vibes.
He is adorable when he smiles. :)
@@classicattack9316 So we are all like moby when we bald? Moby is not a role model.
Now that he has some backstory you all like him suddentlly And find him attractive.
The revelation that we aren't taught how to stay connected with friends that aren't in our vicinity really hit home for me. I feel I know how to make friends to some extent, but I have no idea how to build on, maintain or rekindle friendships when the person is no longer in my vicinity. My mom and my partner are both quite good at building and maintaining connections with people and It's something I envy for sure.
“Be you and let them pick.” This is so apt. The amount of thought you have to expend when you have to manipulate a whole other persona on top of actually dealing with whatever is going on is massive. You’re recursively simulating reality in real time to achieve optimal result. Like playing a game in a virtual machine, the experience is worse than playing the game on the normal system. If you can recognize when this starts, maybe you can start to let go of it.
^^^^
100%
2:04:55 "Paul with his colored shirts and trollish qualities...it's the girl who can appreciate that who will be the right one for you."
In complete agreement.
Best of luck Paul. You are a good man.
Emptiness is more scary then having negative toxic feelings. So we don't let them go. I cried so much when he cried.
Can we have Paul back on stream soon possibly? Would like to know how he's getting on.
Thanks!
Only big streamers from now on.
Yeah, I would love to see him again
yes!!
BRING PAUL BACK
4 things. 1- I love this channel. 2- I genuinely like Dr. K, his authenticity is much needed. 3-Paul, as a total stranger, I'm proud of you and I'm sending you my best wishes. 4. Please bring Paul back on, his continued sessions on this show are doing good things for everyone. P.S. Paul's and Mitch's episodes have been so amazingly cathartic for me. After watching one of the Mitch episodes, I decided to quit smoking cigarettes and to keep a daily bullet journal which would help in the quitting process. I'm 26, I had my first smoke when I was 9, smoked regularly since I was 15, I haven't had a smoke in over a month and it's been a breeze pretty much. I can't remember where exactly, but I broke down during the Mitch episodes and decided it was time, not to "try" to quit but to just quit, full stop. Peace out everyone.
Iron Side why do I get a inauthentic vibe from him?
AOE healing
Poggers big papa ironside no smoke let’s gooo
Yes.
when i met my husband he also really liked bright clothes, weirdly enough he also has social anxiety. I thought it was kinda funny, but it was also endearing. It just added to his authentic character. There was a girl at my work who told me to be careful because he seemed gay solely on the fact that he was wearing a wind-breaker with some floral patter on it. Guess what katie? we're both bi and dont care what you think.
@@Unknown-kh9ug we met on omegle, kind of embarrassing but whatever lol
@@tamietocheri7991 damn, thats sounds rare. Love on omegle congrats!
Kevin thank you! We often talk about how crazy it would’ve been if one of us had just skipped each other haha. But coming up on our 3 yr anniversary and I couldn’t imagine it happening any other way
My husband told me early on in our dating (texting) relationship that he hoped I didn't feel threatened by his femininity. He likes to wear bright colours and jewellery, and bought a pink hat from a fair on one of our dates. This is one of the things I love about him. 💖 He is straight but I'm so glad he doesn't care if people think he's gay.
I'm a socially awkward person married to a chess player. I can relate to a lot of Paul's comments and emotions. I started dating in my middle 20's and didn't marry until my forties. Paul you're not an incel. You're just scared of failure like most of do.
This guy has blind spots and latches on some ideas but I really like how he formulate his ideas, with precision. It makes it easy to follow compared to other guests. I also like that he doesn't shy away from showing his skepticism or misunderstandings
I am so proud of this guy. He has come so far in such a short time because he was open to it even though it was hella uncomfortable. I hope he kept going and is leading the life he wants.
I wish he could know how helpful his vulnerability is
I really hope there is a third time. These two sessions have been very transformative and informative for me, and others as well I'm sure. I relate a lot with the feeling of hopelessness Paul has: the doubts, the anxieties, and the rumination that he suffers from are things that I have struggled with and still struggle with. The absolute courage this man has to even go on this stream is a true inspiration. Paul you are a great guy.
Oronk i feel the same about this
Do we have an update on Paul? I'm curious, and I'd like Dr.K to talk about the all boys schools with Paul.
I think Paul is actually a huge romantic and full of heart. He doesn't want to change himself just to find love. He wants to stay true to who he is and find someone that will like him regardless, but he also knows something isn't right and it needs to change. That's a lot to try and balance and as someone that has the tendency to overthink, it's a nightmare. I hope he's able to be patient with both himself and others as he learns and grows as a person.
When he started crying I just wanted to give him a hug. You're lovable Paul and I hope you'll be able to see that one day!
“Think about how silly and crazy I am”
“...I don’t think those are good adjectives for you”
It's strange to think that one positive interaction like just a smile can make someone feel better about themselves for several days after
We need more from Paul. I’ve not gone through any of his experiences and yet I find myself related to him so much, and hearing your conversations with him genuinely make me feel almost cathartic. Thanks Dr. K keep it up.
Again man. The video begins and im like "lets see how long it takes lowering down his defense this time."
But im not gonna lie. Paul is the one guest i can relate the most to, because im in a similar situation.
Thank you for sharing your story! I can imagine how much courage it took you
I think it makes sense considering his environments of an all boys school, and then working in software / IT. That defense is so necessary in these circles... but there comes a time where people want to make a change. Glad dr K can facilitate that and also this great comments section with everyone sharing such thoughtful comments. It's amazing that somehow, we all care so much about this guy, just from him sharing his issues, wanting to improve, and show that vulnerable side
Took about 25 minutes for them to make progress. After that it was great, very helpful discussions imo for everyone.
@@_e8a definatelly some bullying involved aswell. In many places all schools are all boys and all girls schools and they dont have that much of incel issues as "mixed" school countries often do.
I wish Paul was more of a regular on the show. I really wanna see him get better and the AoE healing will be massive, we all have to deal with guilt/regret and it's ramifications to some extent.
He's so articulate with his thoughts which is great for those of us who relate to him
He looks so friendly and amiable and attractive when he genuinely laughs. I hope he finds someone that tells him that
As a person who is very alone myself and basically the same age as Paul, I need to see a 3rd appearance from this guy! I really hope his life is turning around for the happier!
There's no way for me to know, but I hope K and Paul have had some behind-the-scenes sessions since. If not, I really hope there's a third session, because he is an incredibly rare case of someone willing to bare themselves to the world in the hope of getting personal help.
I like dr K in this episode. He seems very calm and patient which I believe was missing from some of his other vids
Horses for courses. Sometimes he needs to be that way to make progress with people, here that is always met with disapproval from Paul. So he chose patience and more silence. Paul wanted him to be in control and seemed very put off when a plan changed from week-to-week, so Dr K threw that back and put him almost completely in control for times, but needed to be calm to allow Paul to gain leadership without realising it (like holding a kid on a bike and letting go without them realising, and they're riding on their own).
I genuinely feel so bad for Paul, I hope he finds happiness forever in his 40s and many years more
This was very educational. It had helped me think deeper and I struggle with getting deep into topics I'm unsure about. It's uncomfortable and difficult but here I am questioning my core beliefs and what I can do to be better and by that I mean working on myself and changing my self centered beliefs and perceptions on other people. Thanks for the interview Dr K and Paul!
Damn that "self-hopelessness" is real 51:50 You can see his face, attitude, demeanor and voice all change in an instant when Dr.K mentions they have a lot problems to address. Hes been telling himself for way too long that theres no hope. I wish the best for this guy.
Mannn that actually made me laugh so hard. We go through this huge emotional thing and he just says ehh she probably wasnt even that good. Man i feel that so much , now i guess.
Paul is actually such a sweet guy, I really hope things work out for him.
I'm really glad y'all had a second session, because wow what a difference already. I'm happy to see he actually managed to digest some of the things and work on it, because his demeanor is a lot softer and open this time. Even though he's still his overly logic and overanalyzing self, and he still sometimes gets a bit argumentative, it's with a much softer tone, and he's not as defensive and closed off. He decides to listen even though it maybe doesn't make the most sense to him immediately. He seems much more open to the conversation this time. And laughs a lot more, which exactly gives him a much more pleasant and approachable attitude.
Paul seems like such a genuine guy. Levelheaded, smart and good sense of humor. I really like this guest.
this guy reminds me so much of myself when I was alone and hopeless. Wish him all the best
Glad Paul shared his story. Even if your own story is not the same, there are definitely things to take away from the two interviews. One is that early life experiences DO in fact have lots of impact on your future. Thing is, this can take time and effort to recognize. For me I only recognized the power that traumatic events hold over current you after going to therapy for depression, and then started noticing that current me had never fully dealt yet with all the events that happened to me. Looking at most of the events that happen individually makes them seem like non-issues, but over time, cumulatively, you will have built up so many bad experiences that unwittingly your brain will create defense mechanisms like being hopeless.
Another big thing to take away is that the things people suggest if you're unsuccessful at something are not always the right advice for you. Everyone is different after all. If you wanna meet someone to be friends, soulmates or partners with you should be no one other than yourself. Never try to be someone else. People will either notice it right away, or find out later anyway.
This is truly some amazingly valuable and helpful content. I praise you both, especially Paul for his courage to be so vulnerable live; the moment that where he cried was very powerful and beautiful honestly. Thank you both so much for this.
Hey Paul, thank you for authentically going through this, because a lot of people have your problems too and so seeing the Dr K go through them with you is helping a lot of people.
This was an awesome video. Paul seemed less stressed and was less defensive. I relate to him a lot. I hope he’s on again
Man, when dr.K asked him smile, think about happiness and he replied “happiness…what is happiness..” that hits me hards and feel sad for him at the same time 😔😭
Doc, you opened a hardly locked door in my head.
The door was realizing when you have negative emotions and overcoming them, changing and challenging myself.
I noticed light in my life. I don´t know if it´s just a boost for my motivation, but I am genuinely smiling at work and enjoying my time.
Only if I could afford, I would support your channel.
Motivated enough to go and do hard work for the rest of my shift.
Love you doc!
I love the genuine smile Paul has when you were talking to your kid. That's the smile I love to see! You are doing great work man!
Watched the two parts back-to-back. I wasn't expecting to shed a tear myself at the beginning, but fuuuuuuuuck... the two hour mark got me on this one. I might be on a binge-spree now.
Paul would honestly be OP if he were confident. His mind is extremely sharp. I don't want to make judgments because I don't know if he has any kind of medical condition, but if he's worried about being overweight, getting in shape would help his mental as well... He's also quite charming when he can actually laugh at himself.
It’s funny because he’s so hard on himself and thinks he’s so unlikeable but everyone in the comments sees someone who’s kinda charming, average or above average looking, and very smart. No one sees the Paul that Paul hates. We really are our own worst enemy
He comes across as a genuinely nice dude. I hope he’s doing alright.
Dear Paul, I just watched both your videos with Dr. K. Thank you for doing these streams, and being open to talking about really personal things in a forum like this. It's pretty amazing to do that; not everyone can even talk about their feelings with close friends. And thank you for crying on screen. I know it's embarrassing to cry in front of people (I do it way too often) but it's kind of huge to be an example of how that has to happen when it has to happen, and is actually really important. You gave everyone who watched this video permission to cry as well, and it sounds like many people did. I can relate to many of the things you have talked about here (perma-singleness, being afraid of rejection, holding on to things from the past, resentment of being used, having to forgive my younger self, etc) and I think MANY people here can. I hope you have been able to process the second relationship that you didn't get to talk about yet, and that good things came from that. I've never been to therapy really but I have talked stuff through with friends at length and have felt the freedom that comes from actually getting over stuff! (Like, being able to look back on guys who once ruled my emotions and REALLY knowing that they were no good for me anyway, what an amazing and liberating thing!) I hope you have found some reasons to smile more in the year since this video. We all wish you the best!