Interview With A Parent Who Hates Video Games
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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Timestamp:
00:00:00 - Interview start
00:06:27 - Changes in son
00:11:28 - Lose-lose situation
00:19:05 - Homework
00:20:58 - Positive affirmation
00:26:56 - Taking an action
00:34:30 - Understanding his perspective
00:39:42 - Video game adicction requires a sophistication of communication
00:44:36 - "Do you want me to force you to do your homework?"
00:49:25 - Uncomfortable questions
00:52:35 - "Is school important?"
00:54:07 - Working together to fix the problem
00:56:29 - Essence that we set for our parents
01:12:57 - Interview end and Q+A
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Everyone in comments and chat being mean to the mom need to understand that just by being willing to talk with Dr. K about this stuff means she is doing more than most parents ever will.
100% Saw many comments in the chat like: "Get her Dr. K!" and "She's lying!"
She deserves major props seeking help since she is aware what she is doing has an effect on her son and is not working.... the way she wants it to at least.
@UCeCE-h9Q8OThyHBIOgXKnaA comparing murder to bad parent is a long shot smh
Also watching the video, she's clearly been doing more than just "Do this because I say so". She's trying to communicate and understand and even if she's not getting it 100% she's doing a great job.
I mean… everything will looks good if you set the expectations very low.
Exactly. How many parents would scoff merely at the idea of getting criticism at parenting better or asking better questions for their kid. Most (mine in the past) wouldn't even humor the idea, because they're the parent and what they say is what goes period.
"My Son tells me everything" is the exact relationship where the son/daughter doesn't tell their parents everything
Nobody tells someone everything. If that's what your aiming at, what you are really doing is generating pressures that make someone tell you "something" to satisfy and abate those pressures. So now you are exchanging misrepresentations of yourself and each other, not tapping truth.
@@1Plebeian No lol, I'm just stating that in a relationship where someone says "my son says everything" is exactly the relationship where it is easy for one person to assume some characteristics about the other person which most of time isn't beneficial to their relationship. Until asked or digged into, one will always be under the assumption that the other person opens up 100% with no room for error in that number
'I know you through and through.'
Me: _confused glance at my mother, because she knows the extremely bare, carefully curated 'monthly bullet list of a summery of 3 months ago, with lots of padding so she won't suspect I'm actually talking about the weather in 20 different ways of phrasing'
Also one thing that having such a relationship with my parents has taught me is to never equate what someone is saying, with what their thinking or feeling. Because I would skirt around the edges of 'Mom Approved' material to cough up when asked, but in my head I was doing something completely different.
It's tough sometimes, though. Some people are just inappropriate or rude, and 'I can't look into their head so I have to make do with whatever it is they gave me,' only goes so far.
@@paisleesheppard5629 Absolutely
This man's ability to communicate is on a whole other level
agreed. Sometimes my sentences just get mixed up because my tongue moves too fast for my slow ass brain and then i end up stuttering.
@@deltasquad1759 Not just that but like actually converting your thoughts into words in a way that people can understand, I find that very challenging
I think that he had a lot of practice and is genuinely interested in understanding people.
@@bloothechronosapien4288 There's a saying that goes something like: "if you can't explain something to a child in a way they could understand, then you don't really know as much as you thought about that subject."
Truely! 🙌
*To any parent, if your child responds with, "i'm not dumb,"* take that to be a warning sign that they are _feeling_ demeaned/degraded by you. If you imagine one of your adult friends expressing such sentiment, you can understand that adult would likely stop regarding the opinion of the other in their life.
Right, wrong, authority, love, care - regardless of these, *if the present interaction pattern is continued you will lose your ability to speak into their life.* Being the responsible adult, it is up to you to recognize and alter the course.
I didn’t get a chance to respond like that because a parent would explicitly call me dumb instead of subtly suggest it with their actions lol
I told this couple times to my dad(me 23) because he is regularly telling me about basic stuff that an 14 yo is able to think. Like a beginner tutorial dialogue I am not able to close lol. He teaches to couple special kids at early high school grade last couple years. That's the biggest cause and I am both grateful and bothered with it. Seeing him happy when he talks about the work&creations of the kids that everyone else thought to be hopeless makes this worth it
The problem was easily mentioned before the interview even started. 5:10 kids dont understand what parents go through. with out watching any of the interview. The kid is 14 years old, doesnt understand how jobs work, doesn't understand responsibilities, doesnt understand money. 14 year olds are jsut as stupid as 9 year olds. The mother needs to learn to be a mother.
It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to teach the new parent how to be a parent. This mother needs parenting classes just as much as this kid needs to be taught what the world ACTUALLY is. All they know is they go to school and get told what to do, then they come home and get told what to do
i remember the last time i said this i got a slap to the face lmao
@@unnlucky333 To all who are trying to tell their parents this, that's why I as an adult external to the situation am telling them.
If they don't respect you, then they aren't likely to listen to you. If you are in this situation, they are demonstrating a lack of respect for you.
You can ask them what their goal is?
Is your goal that you want them to be thankful for you having been their parents, and to love coming over to see you and want to take care of them when you get old?
Because right now, you are on a course that seems more like your goal is to disrespect your kids as the humans they are, until not only are they not friends with you, your kids are ready to angrily leave the home as soon as possible, and never want anything to do with people like that again.
Then depending on their reaction, you can say, well at least I know your decision, and that is settled and known. I can stop worrying about valuing your opinion anymore, and I can move on to joining the mutual goal of getting away from you as soon as possible.
Then you disengage. If they want to show respect and _try_ to change, then react positively. If they want to be harmful, show the relationship apathy (not anger). If you don't value it, then you don't care what it is. Check out of that insomuch as you can and invest that care in other relationships.
not letting the person finish what they are doing and disabling the device is a great way to get your kid to hate your guts
But so many parents do it!
There's no worse feeling for a kid than letting their friends down having to leave a multiplayer game early, for no actual good reason just "my mom doesn't like me on the game."
@@CogniVision im a parent of two sons 5 and 6 and my premise on gaming is lets them play as much and as longs as it needs them to understand that everything is basically the same and boring. I did that for myself and it worked. Gaming will never be as fulfilling as a successful life and I know that. The emptiness in gaming will catch you and that's where the turning point naturally happens. When you over moderate the time in an early stage that realization will happen way later in life and thus have a severe impact. I want my kids to understand at least in their twenties that games are not what they promise to be.
@@CogniVision I really feel this.
Its like one moment, everyone in the party is laughing and having a good time, and then suddenly you are told to go off the device. You can just tell how much the mood is dampened as they are saying goodbye to you.
@@greatbullet7372 I’m just gonna tell you that most people and possibly your kids too will not agree on that, it’s like saying a football player will suddenly just quit because winning a game doesn’t have the same feeling as going to a 9 to 5 full time job, they are not comparable in the slightest and working is not a fun past time for the large majority of people
When I was in middle and high-school, late 90's early 00's, I loved skateboarding with my friends and was out morning until night with my friends skating. I constantly heard I needed to stay home more, why don't I play all those games I got for Christmas, why do I even pay for internet, etc. I think many parents will complain no matter what because their kid isn't doing exactly what they want their kid to do even if they are outside doing an activity.
You just can't win sometimes, huh?
I myself have been spending more time indoors, sleeping for longer, or rather staying awake for longer, then sleeping for 7-8 hours when i finally fall asleep at 6am. It's bad, it's unhealthy and i hate it. I hate waking up and finding outside to be all gray and no sun, and thanks to sleeping for so long it's gonna be night again. It's horrible.
If you spend time outside whole day then your parents will have problem. You need to have a balance, you need to do what you want but you should also do what your parents want. If you study and do homework all day, your parents will still have a problem with that. Sometimes it feels unreasonable but they just don't want you to be addicted.
i was told i needed to get out more. i did. i was then told i should spend more time at home as im always at school or out with friends. you are 100% correct, most people will never be happy unless you can read their mind and do exactly as they want all the time.
You can’t please them all, they think you can but you can’t, most of the parents today grew up during 50s to 90s and they’ll be in some ways emotionally dependent on their children’s success, it’s not really their fault since they’re not taught how to deal with their anxieties, especially in Asia.
@@kasikasivendjinn5345 can't deal with anxieties? Lol
I played video games constantly as a kid. My parents and siblings would always tell me to stop and do something else. So i'd ask them "what else is there to do?" and they'd say that was proof of my addiction....but never provide any alternative activity to do. As far as i can tell my parents hobbies were stare at the wall and my siblings hobbies were drugs. I was perfectly happy to put down the game and do something else but we lived in the middle of nowhere, had very little money, had very little alternative things to do.
I do suppose that it turns you in to a consumer of something that gives a sense of achievement which does satisfy you so you don't feel the need to imagine and create.
At the same time, is not just that alone. Also school as a whole and even parents are factors that discourage initiative.
I remember being little and wanting to be around and take part on whatever work parents would do and be brushed aside and told to go play because it's not for me to be there or that i'm not good enough and such.
Later at about 12-13 years old, had some colleagues who found a place to work washing cars for the summer and wanted to attend too. Figured i'll make some money to buy some sneakers that were expensive but cool and anyone who was anyone in school had them. And my parents didn't let me go work for someone else and said if you need money you can ask, for the summer you can go help your grand parents with whatever agriculture field chores. But when asked for those sneakers we have no money for those or are too ugly and you wear what i get you and such.
Also stuff like, want to go out and play with kids around the block, you can't if you didn't finish your homework.
Then later on get annoyed why i'm not going outside and stay inside to play videogames, why don't you have initiative and make something and whatnot.
Kids are curious and willing you just have to support those inclinations and make them grow, if you snuff them, then are kind of gone for good.
Write, draw, read a book, go for a walk, or a jog, learn arts and crafts in general.
@gefehede7783 honestly school kind of ruined most of those activities by forcing kids to do the most boring version imaginable and making things like reading or writing a chore
@@gefehede7783 because doing these things all day long is something a teenager will find fun. uh huh.
@@Brigtzen People who list things off like this don't seem to realize that not everybody is interested in doing those things - even adults. Like for example, I like learning things, but I wouldn't get any enjoyment at all from learning arts & crafts, just like I wouldn't get any enjoyment by going or a jog or drawing.
I'm stupid
yeah, most parents wont even know who Dr. k is and much less know how to contact him / use the platforms for online discussion
also she can pause devices from her own device, Sheesh.
she honestly seems great. maybe a little overbearing but her concerns are 100% valid, even dr. k agrees. she just needs to learn how to communicate and as someone who can relate to her son its not easy for a parent.
He is texting his friends and that is a problem. She is taking no steps to offer him something else just don't like his choices. She punishes.
@@jessicamacallister9272 oh fair point
The only part I disagree with was when he said "He doesn't fight you because deep down he knows you're right..." He doesnt fight because it's a not a fight he can win. There's nothing to gain. A higher power is telling him he's wrong and he has no where to go and nothing to say to fix it so he just needs to shut up and accept it regardless of how he feels. He can yell at her all he wants, but she said she ignores him when he does so there's really no point.
thats what i was thinking too, its bottling up his frustrations not getting over it
Legit me vs my mom
I could have the most logically solid argument but if she doesnt want to listen theres absolutely nothing I can do
I've learnt it's better to not say anything its saves a lot of energy and stress
He did address this kind of, didn't he?
At some point it gets to where I no longer care what I might lose.
@@1mphulse I just agree with them, and never physically do it. If they come back to me I'll just ignore them like they did to me. Cry harder bozo. If they have any love for me whatsoever they will realize they aren't getting anywhere and try to sit down and have an actual talk. That's how I get into an actual conversation. By being the person with nothing to lose, that's how I win.
It's actually mind-numbing how good Dr.K is at talking to people
True!
It's almost like he does it for a living!
@@mYcRiSpDiScK "almost"
Numbing? Don't you mean mind-stimulating lol?
Wouldn't expect anything less from a practicing Harvard-level psychiatrist who's found a second home in the realm of Twitch. People don't realize how much of a treasure it is to have someone like Dr. K out here helping people for free, even if it's not technically therapy.
This mum is seriously on the ball, nobody is perfect but being able to listen to the right advice without getting all defensive is a VERY good sign that her and her son will be just fine :) wish them all the best !
No just no
@@friktogurg9242 why do you think that
@topo3773 personally I feel like she did get defensive In a different way, and I will admit it sounds like she is lying about some things.
That being said, I respect her for getting on and talking
@@blueangels111The brain is wired to resist changing views, and I really feel like this mom did not resist much at all. She may paint things positively (I don't think it was a lie), but thats just her brain being defensive
Is this guy a parent?
This woman is doing way more than my mom ever will to understand me
your mom gets an F-
This woman gets a D-
Passing grade is C+
Shit or shit with glitter, what's the difference? A failing grade is a failing grade.
Be grateful you have a mother who is there. Dont fall into entitlement. The world owes you nothing
@@BrendonCap ? A parent has a responsibility to be the best parent possible. They brought you into the world, even unintentionally, they need to prepare your for it.
@@intrepidferret6704 The world owes you nothing.
@@BrendonCap so? your parents are not the entire world, they are people who are responsible for creating life, and thus responsible for nurturing and caring for it. just because you are some sort of edgy nihilist, that doesn't mean other people are
Kudos to this mother willing to come on and do this. The perspective that we viewers can take from this is that, in most cases, your parents genuinely want what is best for you, but don't know how to make that clear to us with such a drastic social paradigm shift due to technology and other factors. Mom here recognizes this problem at the very least and was willing to reach out for help and admit that what she is doing now isn't working.
Absolutely. I was really impressed with her.
Big kudos to her. I think a lot of people would wish for such a parent that really cares.
I really dont think its a issue brought about by technology at all. Most parents I have met still think they can just order their child to do things once they are past the age of 10 with no explanation, when around then is when they need to start treating them as human beings and not things to just bully and order around. If you are still telling your kid to brush their teeth when they are past 10 or so, youve messed up, they arent annoyances to order around anymore, and they are no longer stupid enough to think you are an all knowing god that is always right that they should never question. 'Teen angst' people seem to think is so popular, has always seen like a nurture issue when parents cant control their mini unthinking automatons anymore.
@@IncubiAkster "If you are still telling your kid to brush their teeth when they are past 10 or so, youve messed up"
You see, the trick here is to give up on them and let them ruin their teeth so you can then go full "I told you" mode because you need to be in the right at all costs
At least depression doesn't exist so that can't possibly be what's causing them to be unable to do it
/s
Oh wow I didn't know u watched Dr k. Love ur custom warcraft campaigns
I understand video game addiction is real, but parents seem to not understand that the new generation builds true connections and friendships with people online. Playing video games for me is not "playing video games", but rather "socializing with my international friend group". It is actually kinda toxic to deny this from someone.
Edit: typo
This needs to be understood. The bonds I've build with friends online are no different than the ones I have in real life. These are people I've socialized with daily about numerous topics such as dating, sex, suicide, abuse, depression, being lost in life, and etc. The outlet that video games allow some children to have literally saves lives. Even without the social aspect, video games if used right and viewed correctly can make very productive and responsible people because whether its a video game or not being able to wake up day after day and pursue a goal for hours, weeks, days, to months is something that takes dedication, discipline, and usually strategy and intelligence. The term "video games" or "games" has such a bad name that it really leads people to undervalue the true value that one can get from games.
You can understand her mindset from near the beginning when she is listing the things the son could be doing instead of playing games like hanging out with his friends. I don't think she understand that most of his friends are most likely playing video games inside. He is hanging out with friends and socializing but not in a manner that is understood by the older generation.
That doesn’t even account for the fact that maybe I just want to play games and blow off steam whether I’m with friends or not.
Is it their fault that they don't understand? When they've been raised in a completely different way? Also she seems like an immigrant, and gaming is very likely not a mainstream activity when she's from, whether that be country, culture, or class.
It's not just that they're a different friend group, they're often a better friend group in every way. The real-life friends you make in school is just a bunch of random people you've forced to see every day, with no guarantee that you're even compatible at all. The friends you meet online are the people you chose to become friends with in the huge sea of people you didn't choose to be friends with. You're also not meeting the same barriers you meet in real life for making friends, like your appearance or your social status at the school.
Part of the conversation I'm not hearing in this though: there is a difference between an addiction and just an activity. This doesn't seem to be hurting his schoolwork, sleep, social life, etc. and he doesn't feel a disconnect in his desire to play games and the NEED to play them. He clearly enjoys them, doesn't want to change, and it isn't negatively affecting anything (other than either the mom's ego or the amount of time with her not being up to her expectations which could be a her thing). I wouldn't say that is an addiction... I think people throw around that word and some others like "obsession" and it's more of a projection of their own view of an activity in general versus the outcome of that activity. For one person that enjoys something it can be their "passion" or their "hobby" while in the eyes of someone who doesn't like those things they are doing it is simply and "obsession" or "addiction" and there is no conversing with that person when they show their colors like that.
I was waiting the whole video for this. What exactly is the problem? He gets good grades, has friends who he connects with and talks to outside of school, and has a hobby he enjoys. I wish I could have had a childhood that balanced. But maybe this is a good enough first step - if this sticks, it will change the mom's paradigm from commanding and forcing her son to see her way, to instead asking questions and mutual understanding.
I'm a late 90s kid, and therefore grew up without any smartphones or tablets, and they only got mainstream to me in my teens.
I love tech, and playing with the first generations of touch phones, and later actual smartphones was awesome.
However, I feel like I'm very against smartphones for kids, and fear that most teens have a very unhealthy relationship with their smartphones. I rarely use my phone, and avoid most social media, and I still think it takes up way too much time for me. My phone can ruin all interest and passion for any activity that would bring me much more enjoyment and feelings of accomplishment. Everything you do on your phone is just pure consumption. It's sad to see kids with so much potential just spend all their time doom-scrolling social media. Applications and interfaces that are designed to be as addictive as possible. If my kid was consuming drugs regulary, but still managed to balance that with their homework and friends, I would still be worried as hell.
@@novideohereatallThat's great, but I'm don't think the conversation was about phones
@@hughmungus431really, You seem unaware about the general social concensus and Even cliché of parents not being find to their kids playing music all day lmao
@@vhroom3436it's a really close one, videogames does that top, and a Lot of videogames can be played on phines (in fact the majority of the current "gamer" market it's on phones) so yes, it totally aplies to videogames too, specially online games
props to her for being so open minded and looking at herself in the mirror when she noticed what she was doing wrong
I really respect her for that and for her talking about this in front of an audience
the issue I feel like with a lot of parents, is that they only see the online world as a tool for business or school. not as a platform that people can make friends on, make a living from, or have entertainment in. like, I play videogames with friends, but rather than seeing it as "playing those damn games again", it's "socializing and upkeep of social contacts". ofc there should be something outside of the online world, but the online world is way more than just a tool
I actually kinda see your perspective in reverse where if parents saw the potential careers and experiences from the online world they could be opened up to it via that route too. When streamers like Ninja went mainstream some parents perspectives changed as they saw Esports/Streaming as a potential job.
Online friends can't be real friends
@@galek75 I'm sorry you feel that way. They can 100% be friends.
@@tulersmeesh4077 Haha thanks for the fake news. Do you even know what a 'friend' is?
In their defence a lot of the parents come from an age where gaming was a solo/isolationist activity. It may be hard for them to understand that the activity that led to being isolated has changed to the complete opposite type of activity. A lot has changed with the quick reliable internet connections of today
This reminds me of when my grandpa asked me frequently about whether or not I even cared about school. I would always tell him "yes" and he would ALWAYS do the "then why don't you-" thing. Eventually I was convinced that I really didn't care about it, so one day I said "No, I don't care about school" and he just got pissed at me instead of asking anything about it
some grandpas are just not wise enough to keep a legacy
@Lapota Junior lol
@Lapota Junior yes the "I gave birth to you" excuse
@Lapota Junior I tell her how much it hurts to live. I tell her how much it hurts that she gave birth to me into this kind of life. For every bit of physical pain you endure, I endure five hundred times the mental pain *_because you gave birth to me._*
@@lingroire2556
Tell her that you did not ask for it.
At the end of the day parents decide if they want to have a child for themselves, and bringing that up in a reproach is downright rtarded.
As a mom of a 14, 11, & 5 year old children who came from parents who saw zero value in the internet, games, etc. this is very insightful for me. I have a good understanding and relationship with my oldest two children but the internet really scares me with not fully understanding the consequences of long term use. So fascinating.
Seriously though, I’d love to join this teaching, I’m always open to learning/growing. Let’s hope I can find it! 🙌🏼
your parents sound like they don't value the concept of leisure time, which can be found elsewhere besides the internet and video games. and the only thing scary about the internet is coming across creepy people if not outright monsters, so i think being able to teach your kids how to think critically and not get suckered into a total stranger's unusual requests (especially if they're a lot older) would be a prudent first step.
as for video games, it can be hit or miss when it comes to overall time spent playing it, the difficulty levels, and genre. even if the ESRB ratings are quite accurate on what kind of content to expect, it's leagues of difference when it comes to something action-oriented (Kirby, Super Mario, etc.) or a simplified simulation (Story of Seasons, Rune Factory, etc.) and how much of a learning curve it can present. this is why i find Let's Plays damn useful when gauging whether or not it's worth the time and money to spend on certain titles.
@@Echo81Rumple83 Censorship and ratings for video games are nonsense and idiotic furthermore that is not the only scarry thing about the internet, data protection & privacy are major issues.
Yes the Internet is scary but i really strongly suggest not trying to wrestle or moderate their access to it in the ways the mother in this video does.
While yes the Internet is scary, it is *absolutely essentially* for current day youth. It is the way they communicate, express themselves, find community, and find entertainment. (Especially in suburban settings where there isn't much to do without a car and friends might be too far away to walk to) the Internet is not only a way for young people to entertain themselves, its also a way for them to develop interpersonal skills and grow their social skills.
I understand that to us older folk it may sound weird but my nephew put it to me this way:
"Imagine if the only way you can talk to your friends, outside of work gets taken away because your boss thinks it would make you better at work"
w mom
If its not 24/7 gaming to the point theyre sleep deprived all day or barely eat then you dont need to worry. I used to be kinda like that untill i got less free time and started finding what i enjoy (boxing, gym, math). Just please dont let the 5 year old take an ipad and watch tiktoks all day. Also idk abt your kids but i personally am 15 and gaming isnt all i do on the computer. Theres movies, reading(includes comics), hell i even watch math and physics videos to learn bc its genuinely interesting for me.
She honestly seems like a great mom who just had some gaps in her knowledge. When I saw the title I expected her to be way worse. But she sounded really nice, caring and genuine.
This. I entirely expected a technophobic Karen (like my ex). She is clearly both able to learn and grow and cares deeply about her child.
Her willingness to listen to the advice given and really try to understand it shows that she knows she doesn't have the answers and is willing to seek them out and accept them.
All the best to Layla and her parenthood journey!
She is dodging the "how does it make you feel" questions quite hard. She is so focused on her "the screens are bad for my kid" idea, and i love to witness how Dr. K takes his time to help her seeing her communication from a different angle.
It didn't really sound like dodging to me. I think there were quite a few misunderstandings happening in the conversation, maybe because Dr. K frequently switched context between the mother-and-child dynamic and the mother-and-Dr.K dynamic, or maybe because of a language or vocabulary barrier.
@@MondSemmel I think a huge problem was the language gap due to her first language not being English
Also dodging is a pretty loaded term, perhaps it was a language barrier or perhaps she just isn't super in-touch with her own emotions. So when asked "how do you feel" it's like "Well I don't really understand the question so let me explain the situation again" I find this happens a ton with my family. Nailing my dad down on any emotions he is feeling is pretty hard xD
@@carlriggs5413 Anyways she is right about screen time.
@@ceoherohub2584 No shes not 4 hrs is not alot especially if on a mmo gets you nowhere and the whole order thing sounds like she got narcisstic traits
Just watching this man talk to people makes me want to implement "what do you think about that" into my vocab much more often. it feels like it pushes communication to another level
It also will probably help you reach a greater understanding of how other people process their thoughts and in what order which will probably help you emphasize with how others feel in a much better way
Yes!!🤔👏👏👏
This actually got me a bit emotional as a 22 year old that was in the same position as the kid. I wish my parents tried to understand in order to move forward in a better direction.
The way this man communicates makes me realize how much room for growth I have with communicating.
Same! I find myself being a way better communicator directly after watching a video of his. I ask more questions and am more considerate of what other people want, where they are, how they feel. I’m like right now my wife was stressing about her grades and I asked her “are you in the mood for advice or should I just listen?” And she said no, give me advice.. and I was like “well no, it’s ok not to want advice, I get the feeling you just want to vent, why don’t we wait until you’re ready for the advice.” And She started venting and I just let her. And I would NEVER have asked her those questions had I not been listening to this video lol.
@@joelman1989 That's amazing to hear!
@@joelman1989 i dream of a world when at least 60% of ppl tried to get better by doing small but powerful actions like you did, and tried to apply them to their whole lifestyle. Sounds a bit optimistic, but maybe even governments wouldn't have to have Earth destructing weapons to coexist on a balance this fragile.
Honestly just taking some counselling skills courses, even if you can go online and search some active listening/basic counselling skill course is great. It helped me greatly in my life.
@Foxy hello there
I'm trying so hard not to judge this lady but like.... she's describing a normal teenager ... communicating with his friends the only way he can... doing activities with his friends the only way he can.... this kid seems to have made the best of the pandemic in my eyes.
She says "after school at 6" so the kid is at school until 18:00 - that's brutal and not normal. School should be from like 9-14 at that age. Anymore is just wasted on kids. If I had only 4 hours in the evening for myself, I would also only game.
@@Lancor84 where i live there's 2 school schedules you can choose, 7-12 or 13-18, the latter is probably her case
@@Lancor84 There's a lot more that can play into this. Some schools have different timetables maybe to deal with the weather, or it may just be increased work like you think. Though there's also travel time. School would end at 4 for me on mondays and tuesdays, 3 for the rest of the week, and it would take an hour or more for me to get home. Between waiting for the bus to leave, to travelling home, to then walking home. So I'd get back at around 5 every day, maybe even 6 if there were delays.
Pretty normal for schools in Europe.
My schooling in France had more breaks and school starts at 8. Lunch is an hour and Wednesdays are half days.
In high school your schedule will depend on classes and you'll end up with days that end at 4 or start at 10. If you have a good class you can often end up working with teachers to rearrange the timeslots so you end up with 2 hours of time around lunch time. Plus the dead hours between classes.
@@ferinzz I never had ANY breaks or dead hours between classes wtf?
Watching this video makes me realize how broken my relationship is with my mom and how much room there is for understanding because she absolutely couldn't care less about anything I say or feel if it means me not doing what she wants. This mom is freaking amazing for doing this because my mom would scoff at even the notion that she should change, because why should she? She has all the power, she's always right, she'll always get her way, and I'll always end up doing what she wants, so why should she ever want anything to change?
Yeah
I got the weird threat of murder that moms think is appropriate. “I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”
@@FullyautomagicEven by the standards of abusive parents, that is abnormal and you should never interact with that person if you can help it.
yeah most parents are narcissists and think their always right and can do no wrong
From the get go, I felt like the mom's issue wasn't that her son was "wasting time" playing video games instead of being productive per se, but that her son viewed video games as a reward/goal, instead of a side hobby. And she thought that viewing video game time as a reward to work towards was inherently bad. And as a result, when her son *was* willing to do chores and study in order to "earn" video game time, that was actually doing more harm than good, in her eyes.
The result she was really looking for was her son being like "video games aren't worth this much work, so I will do LESS chores and go play outside instead".
Happy to see you got her there in the end.
"Mom, why are you watching TV? You could be *doing chores right now* "
Uno reverse card parents! They make up something when you say this or just ignore it if it comes from their children.
Hates her kid being on the internet but is using the internet to talk to Dr. K.
HMMMM INTERESTING
@@nena_nezali I know you’re joking and all, but his screen time is too unhealthy and also cripple him in other tasks, while her isn’t.
"Stop looking at your screen and come and watch my screen". The amount of ads, unoriginal shows (copied from other countries or with some stupid twist) is baffling
@@phamdung3884 Does it though? His grades seem to be holding up decent from what I gather, and he gets his chores done on time, so for all intents and purposes he's hardly crippled at all.
Props to the mom for being able to be judged in front of the high council of thousands of gamers LOL
i doubt she fully grasps that concept anyway. People this old fashioned that still have issues with screen time over a few hours, severely underestimate how vast and brutal the online enviroment rly is.
@@kklap3219 I mean regardless, it is quite tellign that she is trying to understand and improve her relationship. throughout the conversation, she is slowly realizing her way is not the best or even the correct way. It is huge when someone, especially a parent, admits that the approach they are taking is wrong. From what I am hearing is that she genuinely loves her son and wants what is best for him, but is doing it the wrong way.
@@coolyeh1017 i dont care, thats not what we are talking about in this thread.
@@kklap3219 lmao what
I've been this woman's kid, had friends who have been this kid, and I've gone through periods where I wasn't like him. I 100% understand her concern. 1 or 2 of my friends really messed up their life by coping with games at the expense of EVERYTHING else. 95% of the cases I've seen are nowhere near a big problem, but if you don't know if someone's gaming is a problem, it's pretty easy to catastrophize and assume the worst case scenario (from the mom's PoV).
Fully agree. I also have 1 friend who (still) games too much, but other than for him it wasn't a problem in other friends
My ex quit his engineering associate's because he was so addicted to videogames, he averaged 23.5 hours a day grinding apex and ovewratch rank, competetive team fortress, world of warcraft, it ruined everything (Ex for a reason) but he's on a great track right now after realising that being a pro gamer is more than just having the fundamentals down, and that it's a full time job that pays pennies. He was able to break free and now he's planning on moving out with his significant other he's been able to hold for a while. It's possible to break yourself free, you just need to find a motivation. I figure his motivation was me leaving him, but it could have been something more personal. Either way, I'm happy for him.
@@Sweet_Reverb Happy for 'im also =)
@@Sweet_Reverb Pays pennies? You realise esports pros can earn six figure contracts along with prize pool winnings on top of that. Not too mention that if a pro player is smart he'll make content on the side which is much easier to start because he already has eyes on him from esports. Your comment makes me think he was not a professional player but aspiring to be one. Don't know why you're making assumptions
@@Heatwave9000 sounds like he was trying to go pro, not actually a pro
u can do chores
u can have a hobby, but not this 1
>play outside
>come back home
no, thats wrong, its late
>spending time with your friends is wrong - u need to pick up basketball instead and make new friends
>and once u make new friends, u need to drop that hobby to make new friends
Goddamn that absolute transparency with rigorous attempts to respect privacy at the start there strengthens your already tungsten-strong integrity, Dr. K. Haven't watch the video yet but i'm sure literally everyone would benefit from watching and understanding this video.
Also just a great way of illustrating consent for most situations
I can't take these kinds of videos. Fremdschämen is too strong for me.
Yup this guy is a freaking amazing person. I can't even think it's possible to be more private, transparent or integral with another person.
@@imnotusingmyrealname4566 what's cringe about the person's behaviour?
@@speedfastman To a healthy person maybe nothing. To me, everything. I've been plagued by this for quite a while now.
This parent is much much better than what most people have. At least she's willing to understand and get their child's perspective. Mine just absolutely hate video games, and I get to play on weekends only, that too for 1 hour. Video games were my only escape and coping mechanism, it's all just sadness now. I'm Indian so that must explain a lot. I'm not allowed to be in relationships, no privacy, no nothing. Everything and anything that's not study related is useless in my parents' eyes.
100% , 99% of people don't have the privilege of being able to do that in the first place.
Hang in there bud, I am an Indian too and had to go through that in my teenage years. The first console I ever bought was from my own money. I would say just don’t let that bring down our self esteem. And try and not be jealous of other people too much, because it gets toxic very quick.
@@roopam2849 thanks for the reassurance. I've come to terms with it though, as they fulfill all my needs and necessities. Till the time I don't become fully independent, I can't complain. Just agree and endure.
@@roopam2849 How did you get your own money? I offered to get a part time job in middle/high school to buy an Android and the parents freaked out on me. (My friend's bf had a job. :/ )
@@mkdesu yupp, that's a valid point. But it's very rare to see someone not have access to video games or electronic devices these days. Or at least in my circle it is.
Man, I wish I was as understanding and patient as Dr. K. I've worked in customer service before and that absolutely killed my patience and empathy for literally everyone, including my close family.
Lacking empathy does that, funny it's the same though process those people have with others
I get you. After 20 years working in a bookstore and some traumatic events in my private life, my body just shut down and I started to panic out of the blue. Then I felt resentful against everybody. Except my daughter. She’s young. But all adults! I started to give a s*** and was surprised by myself sometimes.
I quit my job and starting something totally different after six months off any service job. I worked online from home and gave classes. On my terms. I so needed that!
It might be worth your time to work out what your triggers are and figure out what is sensible for people to learn to stop doing and what is sensible for you to do trauma work for.
Elements of customer care can absolutely be traumatic so if you have triggers, you should work through them.
Working in customer service throughout my career has only increased my patience and empathy for people. The way to show empathy is ask good questions and listen with intent.
At the 31:00 mark he asks what does the son say when she asks him why he's always playing video games. His answer was "There is nothing else to do". This makes me think that the kid is more than likely growing up in the suburbs where this is actually very true. Unless you have a car you have no ability to go around and make your own fun. Anything worth going to is probably a 15-30 minute drive away and is unreachable by walking, and down right a death sentence to ride your bike to because of the way people drive. In some ways this is also a product of where the parents chose to live. Now she said that she has put him into all of these sports classes and he likes it, but these sports classes are all very structured and lack any type of agency or autonomy for the kid. Kids need unstructured play to be able to not be bored, and video games simulate that in a lot of ways.
I grew up in a rural town but almost all of my friends were a 10 min bike ride or less away, and we had the luxury of some cool places for kids to go to and hang out and play. A lot of kids these days do not have that freedom. They are beholden to their parents for transportation. So what do they do? Them and all of their friends play video games. I also played the ever living shit out of, Battle Tech, Mechwarrior 1&2, C&C Red Alert, Diablo, Team Fortress Classic and Starcraft, but since myself and all of my friends lived so close together and it was safe to ride our bikes, we would also regularly go outside and play street hockey, hide and seek, Warhammer, and D&D.
This is a very good point!
Lol I love how whenever the person he interviews starts to get into that argument mode, or defensive state, he will start complimenting them and it usually relaxes them.
Wish I could be that socially skilled.
He has a degree in that details the complexities of human interaction and this is his job, of course he is better than this at you.
@@john.d.rockefeller2538 I love your aggro reply to someone mentioning how good he is at dealing with aggro people.
You are doing a good job.
It’s not to hard to learn the skills, he’s demonstrating them for free. Just gotta start and stumble around. It is also kinda a free stat point in a sense, any practice you put into communication is going to make your life automatically better in multiple facets.
If you can recognize this, why don't you just do it yourself?
@@john.d.rockefeller2538 You're great at being passive aggressive in response to a positive, enlightened observation. You're doing great.
I read John's reply in an encouraging tone tbh. 'Don't beat yourself up for just starting to learn this, while this man has had over a decade of formal education. The fact that you can recognize these patterns at all shows that you have the potential to grow this skill too.'
Props to this parent. She's willing to look at what she might not be doing best and admitting that she wants to learn to parent her son better, and she's willing to learn from those things too. She's awesome, I hope they can start getting things figured out too!
Yessss! This is actually dope!
Wq
Interesting how frustrated I feel with the parent, just like my own parent. I like how Dr K points out communication is often lost and good to have between our generations. My fury is deep
"I want him to be friend of me, not be scared of me" something my parents should have taken into account.
_The questions you need to be asking your son are the ones that you don't know how he's going to answer._
~Alok Kanojia, 2021
Imagine asking a question you know the answer to haha
@@DeadpoolPlayz I'm pretty sure Dr.K does that a lot though? More insight to get what the other person thinks/believes etc.
@@mkdesu well i think thats to let the person hear themselves and see it from a bit of a different perspective
@@DeadpoolPlayz people do this constantly
edit: to the extent that it has a name: rhetorical question. A question that requires no answer, because it's not an actual question but a statement.
@@DeadpoolPlayz My parents. Basically.
I'm late to this, but i have to say something about my situation about this very topic.
I used to live in the capital city of my country, but me and my dad had to move away. We ended up moving to a small village 250km away from everyone i knew. My friends, my family, my hobbies and the places i loved to hang out.
I ended up going to a new school where kids hated me just because i was from the big city and i had to deal with bullying, shaming and a lot of negative behavior. I didnt even have a place to hang out and do my hobby (Street Parkour) because there was no place to do it. I didnt have a chance to play group sports since noone wanted to play with me so i had to get used to being by myself and entertain myself. I didnt just want to waste time and do someging to expand on myself. I asked my dad for a computer and over the years, because of games i got to meet lots of great people that are now my best friends, i got to learn and perfect english with my new friends who didnt speak my language, i learned how to strategize and to plan, i got better with time management because of the different games i used to play, i got to find a great job after school because of my games, friends and my English. I also got to excersise because of youtube - how to excersise at home effectively videos helped out a lot. Hyping myself with mx friends to do more than usual (if we lose we do pushups, planks for a minute, pull-ups ect.). My life got SO MUCH better than it otherwise would be if i didn't have it. I used to be depressed, angry and annoyed becaise of how other didnt like me so finding myself woth new people and things to do through a PC was a life saver.
My parents were always super understanding of me playing video games and would never shut of the internet or confiscate my games but they were also very insistent on my doing what I needed to. My parents really nailed the balance.
It's so frustrating when I see other peoples' parents mess it up so badly but this mother clearly could see she was doing something not quite right and wanted to learn which is amazing.
Seems like she thought she was right but her kid didnt get it
I think the main issue is parents don't see the internet as just how we socialize with friends now. The fact that she's totally okay with him socializing outside but not over the internet tells you all you need to know.
also, a lot of people actually learn team building skills lol.
I mean her issues are valid but her reasoning isn't. Being online all day when you have important responsibilities is not good. And not learning to deal with those responsibilities will not set you up for future success
@@skelip - But did you hear her? She admitted he fulfils the deadlines given to him. She just doesn't like it when he's on the phone and leaving everything for the very last minute. This is a her problem, not the kids.
@@GPS08 But it is the kids problem. He only does the homework when she nags him. Its his only priority in the way the she is telling the story. As someone that is just like the kid, if he ever goes to college he will struggle severely.
@@skelip - I mentioned this in a comment I made here, I don't think the mom is being 100% honest. We're really only hearing her side of the story when every story has at least 2 sides. She nags him when he's on his phone, listen to her words carefully. She sets a deadline and what bothers her is the kid leaving it to the very last moment to do it and not that he won't do things asked. She wants to control what he does with his time and is using this chores and HW stuff as an excuse. She simply cannot understand why he uses the phone so much and would prefer him going out and doing things outdoors.
Her story just doesn't make sense. She admits he does his HW and chores. She admits that he talks to her a lot and doesn't give 1 word replies. To me that would be the logical behaviour of a kid stuck on his phone, yet he doesn't behave that way. She sets a deadline for his HW at 10pm but at 8pm she's already nagging him? Yeah, her telling of events is very inconsistent and illogical and just seems to be against phone usage when she wants him to do other things with his time.
THIS IS GENIUS! Great idea getting the parents perspective.
Too bad she is an ignoramus
@@dejojoo At least she's seeking help to be more informed. Just like you.
@@dejojoo well, someone here have a superiority complex
Well I wouldn't say GENIUS. There's only two perspectives in a parent-child relationship. It is very helpful though.
and pointing out why their kids dont want to listen/talk to them.
I thought... maybe I wanted my mom to properly listen too...
After watching this video, I now appreciate that I had a good mom who was relatively rational and logical even more. And I'm also glad that I could prove it was not a mistake that she listened to me and respected my thoughts by living a life I can feel proud of.
I used to hate that other kids could take their gameboy to the restaurant and I couldn‘t. Now I am very thankful. Still, Covid got me so used to talking to my friends online that it has taken until the end of last year to get back to my original social behaviour. And I‘m 26 now. I can‘t imagine how horrible this all is on people who were in school during covid.
The son literally explained exactly why he’s gaming; “to hang out with his friends”.
Be alone and isolated, or socialize with people you like in an interactive virtual environment… this isn’t a hard choice.
Socializing is a fundamental human need and that is how he’s getting it, and at no point did the mother mention JOINING HIM and playing with him.
I play video games with my kids all the time, it’s a great bonding experience full of laughs and cooperation.
Also, turning off the game when he asks for 2 minutes to finish? Omg that is the worst thing she could do.
If you don’t give him a chance to finish and save, you’ve just wasted all the time he just spent meaning he’ll have to start all over again.
If he playing online, he’d be exiting a match midway which lets his team down in the same way taking players out of a sports game would, and often times the game will penalize players who don’t finish by making it harder for them to join lobbies or dropping their rank.
I tell my daughter 10 minutes in advance that her time is up so that she has time to prepare and finish properly.
"There is nothing to do" "You can do chores" is exactly like saying "there is nothing to eat" "Just eat a fruit" lmao.
But on a serious note, I felt like in multiple points of the conversation she might have realized something she thought was right was actually wrong and huge respect for her dealing with the emotion of finding out to be wrong.
More like ''just eat sand'' lmao
@@sidyT9 more like just eat dirt
I can get pretty full off a big fruit salad
What do you have against fruit?
@@danielevans7439 Oh nothing. I personally don't like it and eat very very little of it, so when i am hungry eating a fruit is like doing a chore
Holy shit, this is my childhood. This made me realize why i don't feel close with my parents. Since we were never on the same team. They were always attacking me for being on the computer a lot growing up, something i loved.
Same. But worse, mine could always be found in front of the TV on stationary. Not that I accuse them of hypocrisy, I was just baffled how 'stationary anything' and 'stationary internet usage' translated into different thing of them.
@@paisleesheppard5629 Oh I definitely accuse mine of hypocrisy. They will sit staring at Fox News all day, but I spend time with my friends killing dragons and it's the worst thing in the world. Hypocrites they most certainly are.
@@paisleesheppard5629 Omg this always bothered me. if i came and watched with my parents it was ok, but if i played online with my friends i was on a timer. i just really don't like watching television because I feel like it's lazy but yeah sure, the PC games are why I'm the lazy one.
True. I wish back in the day they had games like Pokemon go that way I wouldnt be so upset about going out and taking my phone with me since I would always need it when they called me at 7
@@korchansan well they had things like that with Pokemon.
For example, i think pkmn black and white had a PokeBall accessory. You could clip it onto your pants and walk around, and it would count your steps.
There was also a step counter for the 3DS which gave you coins.
I’m so impressed how he gathers information without showing his bias and his own opinions to avoid arguments. It’s actually inspiring
God damn I'm learning so much just about how to communicate with people, if anything else. You can clearly tell the mom's words and what she actually means don't exactly line up, and it would be insanely difficult for me to be in his shoes, but he just handles the situation with such sympathy and poise. Wow
Just the voice is giving me PTSD. My mom would listen to the parts where someone like Dr. K would say maybe your child could change this ____ and would stick with that and ignore everything else he said.
I'm sorry for you. I hate these kind of parents too. Their intentions and actions don't align and they have a lot of ignorance in them.
@@manumusicmist More like:
- a lot of desperation,
- sense of being a failed parent,
- not understanding the digital transformation the whole world is undergoing AT ALL
*having extra trouble by not understanding/ bad knowledge of English, the language of the internet,
- nobody teaching them (or us) how to recognize our emotions & thought patterns, let alone how to manage them
- not knowing how to effectively build alliances, listen & communicate with anyone (& your kids, as well)
probably other things as well... and I'm the kid here, this is just what I see from the outside. ^^
Parents who say they want to improve the relationship you have yet fall painfully silent when you ask 'Okay. Is it possible for you to ask me one question, without having an answer that you want to hear in your head, before the question is fully asked?'
About an hour in - this woman reminds me of my own mother. The values are there but the understanding and communication are not.
In my mother’s case, it was never her fault, it’s all learned behaviour from their own parents. Things arent as simple as they used to be, especially from rural immigrants.
**
Finished it - thank you to this Mom for going through this - learned a lot.
Parents are still responsible though, regardless if they grew up with other beliefs or whatnot. Just the way mine handled gaming was a large factor in our relationship decaying to a point of no return. They taught me that if I need/want to do something that they don't approve of I need to do it behind their backs, as well as always be vigilant in case they walk by so they can't see what I'm doing, whatever it is
Oh also don't forget the fact that it made me be unable to open up to them about anything, especially preferences. Not the worst parent-child relationship out there but they didn't do me or themselves any favors by acting the way they did
I feel sorry for this woman because I think most of what he said is just washing over her head and not getting absorbed, but, not as if she isn't trying, just, it's a lot and I get the impression she doesn't have the intelligence to soak up all this knowledge at once. I totally respect her for trying, though. But I'm betting she's copying how she was raised, and at the time it was good enough because life was simpler then. She probably didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents, at least, probably the same problem she has with her son, but, life was different and the problem was absorbed and adapted and she learned to just get by and wonders why her kid doesn't.
Glad she seems to understand somewhat.
@@furiousdestroyah9999 This, is my FUCKING LIFE. worst part is, I'm physically disabled and it's not really practical to leave home, so I'm in my 30s and am stuck here. Fortunately, threatening to tell a social worker that my parents are keeping my fucking Xbox that I bought even with my own money, finally scared Mom into giving it back and finally getting some respect around here, and finally treated like an adult!
It's a long story of drama and crap, but basically, this conflict is why I failed college and developed bad habits, got depression and lost all discipline. I only just realized I was still struggling to do things on purpose because of a lingering, unknown trauma response resisting the way she tried to control my freedom ever since my early adult years.
I'm finally recovering and finishing growing up, but man, I wish I'd found Dr K a decade and a half ago!
This video made me extremely uncomfortable because it reminded me of my parents. While my parents are very loving and do try to understand sometimes, they are extremely rigid people, and so to this day I for example can't talk to them about my political or religious beliefs.
@@TheGuardDuck Yeah that sounds really bad. I hope you manage to succeed in whatever it is you're pursing
at 1:01:07 when she asked if she could continue the course...
I just instantly teared up. It all aligned in my head, I felt it all. The pure despair and deep love for their kid this mom has. it hit so hard. She is as lost as her 14 yo if not more. She just wants to do good and wants to learn to do it best. I had the biggest compassion wave.
So much love for you, anonymous mom. This is very great. Your love is endless and your steps here now are an example.
Godspeed
The request vs order confusion was a big problem between my dad and me. It took years for it to become clear to me that he rarely made requests.
Then he further complicated things. Once I understood that his requests were actually orders and immediately went to fulfill the order he would say, "Don't do it right now. Don't interrupt what you're doing. Do it when you have free time." But then he'd complain later when the thing wasn't done by the unspecified time that he thought it should have been done. It was soooo frustrating. I finally had to repeatedly tell him, "Don't tell me to not do something right away unless you don't want it done. If you say, 'Don't do it right now,' pretend you're saying, 'Don't do it at all,' because you're giving me conflicting messages. If you want something done by a certain time, tell me what that time is. And if I decide to do it right away, don't get in the way of that."
It was so difficult to get him to communicate clearly. He always went on about how communication was important but never could recognize or take ownership of his own weaknesses in communication even when they were pointed out.
OMG my mom was doing the exact same thing :(( How could she expect me to do things when I had no idea what is an order and what I'd be doing fo4 myself... Do you also have a problems in relationships and can't do things you want cuz you don't know what it is? :(
I disagree with you. I think that what you're actually asking your dad to do is for him to do all the work as to decide when you should get something done. I think what your dad was trying to do was suggest that you should have more free time to do things in a reasonable amount of time. He wasn't satisfied with how you were scheduled things. I think that there is a reasonable amount of time that you should take to do a certain thing. Trying to get a specific time for when you need to get something done. It's all part of your own time management. If you're really struggling to get that done, then I think you should have a conversation with your dad about how you can better manage your time. That's a real question on a real way forward , and it would be better if your dad had discussed that with you.
@@KManAbout wish I had a dad
27:42 man it feels terrible to be on the receiving end of this situation as a kid or teenager. Sometimes parents just can't understand that you've put a significant amount of time and effort into accomplishing a goal that's important to you and that you need a couple extra minutes to make sure you don't lose all your progress.
It feels devastating when there's an outside force that can invalidate your hard work for arbitrary reasons and you just can't bargain with it in any way. That stuff scars you for life and plants the seeds for future insecurities and breeds a deep rooted hate towards authority.
Exactly.
She should understand how all of this works.
Lets say i'm in a Comp game and its 5 minutes left. Let him play to the end and them ask him to go to bed. Stop Destroying all he did for 40 minutes just for you as a parent to destroy it all in seconds
@@monkaSisLife exactly why i dont play comp games when parents are in the house
ADHD exasperates this feeling exponentially. Because you have a harder time breaking out of hyper focus and Can get very frustrated when your attention is broken. At the same time “just a couple more minutes” is never just a couple more minutes with ADHD lol. Because you don’t have a concept of time when in Hyperfocus. It’s tough man. Lots of kids with ADHD have such a hard time with this.
@@joelman1989 I don't have adhd but i relate to this so much
The truth is: life is full of outside forces that can invalidate you for arbitrary reasons (or no reason at all) and you can't bargain with in any way
3-4 hours a day of "screen time"? These are rookie numbers!
wait till you work 9-5 jobs in an office! screentime until your eyes are done!
You need to remember the is right after he gets back from school to hes bedtime so it may seem like not much but when your kid immediately goes gaming after school the parent dont have any real time the there kid for anout 5 day and it might be worse on the weekend im a heavy gamer but try to look at it from the mothers perspective
@@sadisticspirit1460 I know but that’s schools fault for having a bad system
@@sadisticspirit1460 theres a thing called a sentence. Use it.
@@sadisticspirit1460 What are you trying to say?
It's really interesting and validating to see this kind of video. There's an age gap between me and my younger siblings, so I've been on every side of this conflict. First, I've definitely been the kid who'd spend hours on video games, sometimes to the exclusion of things I needed to do. My mother was generally really frustrated and confused with this among other things, and definitely saw a lot of my behavior as laziness (it turns out I had ADHD, but wasn't diagnosed until pretty recently). There were times I was banned from the computer and playstation, and there was at least one time I had literally everything that could be construed as fun removed from my room. I don't think that ever had the intended effect...
As the perennial babysitter a few years later, I was on the other side, trying to make sure my siblings got their homework done, actually took turns on the consoles, helped out with some housework, and got outside when the weather was decent. There was an instance of:
"Hey, when you finish this round, you've gotta get off the playstation (to do homework/let sibling on/etc)"
"okay"
[fifteen minutes go by, I check on them, they've just started a new round]
"[sibling], I told you to get off after the round was over"
"but I just started!"
"yeah, because you didn't get off when I told you to. I'll let you finish off this round, but when I come back, you need to be done"
[come back, they have literally just started a new round]
"alright, it's time to get off"
"but I just started this round!"
"I asked you twice before because I know stopping in the middle sucks, but I can't do this all afternoon. You get off now, or I'm turning it off"
"No!"
So I shut it down, [sibling] threw a tantrum, that whole thing. Probably could have dealt with it more effectively, but they all tended to get off when I asked them to after that. Turns out, 2/4 also had ADHD, and I think they often just forgot that I told them to get off by the end of the round without extra reminders (which I was kind of bad at because I was fifteen and had ADHD and was trying to make dinner/help three other kids with homework). Of course, by the time my parents were off work I was burnt and didn't do my own homework, so I was still the kid always on my phone!
Now I'm in college and have to tell myself to stop playing Civilization to do my homework, clean, and do my [part-time, very flexible] paid work. It feels like I'm parenting myself all the time. Alas.
I really empathize with parents who have trouble navigating that line, where they want to be respectful and encouraging of their kid's hobbies, even if they don't 100% get it. But on the other hand, it can be hard for kids and teens to monitor their time and make sure they're meeting their obligations and doing a variety of activities, because videogames are somewhat addictive (even more so if you have some underlying risk factors for that sort of thing).
So much respect for you, sounds like you really had it rough; but I’m glad that you were already conscious about how educate children even more so than other parents. More power to you!
This is such a good compassionate post
this was brilliant. I'm an avid gamer, my lil bro is 18, has autism, ADHD and ODD.... he's got a bunch of additional help for getting him to college but my Mum has real trouble getting him to turn off the xbox at night and actually make it to college and his placements the next day. He recently did voice to my Mum about his frustrations with not succeeding at that.... and this video just lit up the lightbulb of a way to try and talk to him. I've sent this to my Mum, hope she can find enough spare time to watch it, but either way I'm summarising this as best as I can to her to hopefully talk to him. hearing how he worded it to my mum about his frustrations is... very worrying to me... but this has helped massively. Thank you. hearing how he worded it to my mum about his frustrations is... very worrying to me... but this has helped massively. genuinely, thank you.
She doesn't even know what she wants him to do.. Not understanding your kids problems is a huge problem in itself. ':|
Doesn't she clearly want him to have less screen time? She says he want her son to do something more than only wanting to use the phone/computer/xbox.
I agree she doesn't fully understand the kid's problem. Maybe the kid doesn't even know. And I think asking her son more question will help them unravel that. They got into that around 50 min in.
I smell gamer
She is right that there's more to life than scrolling tiktok, things like art/music and reading or sports are very healthy, fun, and good for you
As a 22 year old it’s painful to relive this life again through these convos without a lot of frustration but I’m gonna have to raise a little gamer some day so I better push through it
Well, you don't have to 👀😌
Well they got games nowadays like Pokemon go... Wish they had it back in the day that way each way my mom told me to go outside (which I'd always have my phone anyways) I'd still just be gaming lol
@R E V E L I S They never said they’ll have to have a child they said they’ll have to raise one so they have probably already decided they want to have a kid of their own volition
Well u don’t have too
that kid will be a gamer god
I really respect this mom for finding this kind of help. It shows how much she cares about him and the effort she is going through to help him. We need more parents who are like this.
The chat is painfuly honest... i love how everything in these conversations is just pure honesty... we need more honesty in this world
More like painfully childish lmao
When i was living with my parents, i sort of had the same issue of them asking me to "pause" the game or do something suddenly mid games. The way i dealt with it is to sit down with my parents and talk with them, try to communicate my side when we were all free and we basically agreed on simple solutions, that involve communicating with each other. I told my dad that im in a round of CS, and if he needs me i can be there in 10 minutes (if were in the final stretch) or in 40 minutes if we just started. Also, there were occasions where I knew my parents would likely ask me to do something (usually dinner time / lunch time / etc... ). So when that time came around, sometimes i just asked them like, "Hey is it cool if i do a round for 30-45 mins? or will you need me to do something?". And this worked wonders on my family relationships, and both sides were kept accountable to some degree. We both understood each other's limits.
What kids (and parents) have to realize is without communication between the two sides, things won't solve themselves. The parents have to be open to the idea, that there is an entire world out there that they are completely inexperienced in, and what kids have to realize is, that they can't expect their parents to fully understand their hobbies by default. Overwhelming majority of parents are nice people that want the best for their kids, and are honestly concerned for the things those kids are doing.
PS: Twitch chat has the avg age of 16 probably... Like wth you guys are so mean with this woman, for absolutely no reason. No wonder Dr K tells people to ignore chat during these.
Thank you for this comment.
Chat was seething because they are the son lol
Its great that you were able to commincate healthily with your parents like that, i know in a lot of cases if a kid tried sitting with the parents like you did the parents might take it as the child challenging their authority which for them never ends well. we need more parents like yours in society
@Jeremiah Hicks I agree, i also know some parents now that are very conservative in their ways and they see any critical discussion as a challenge of power..
Still, kids are just as responsible to try and facilitate conversations as parents. One thing that im sure helped me was my good grades in general. So they didnt exactly have complaints about my "underperformance" at school as munitions.
I think what sucks is the fact that most of the time the child will have to initiate these strategies.
Bro I was so ready to see the mom as the bad guy, but halfway through a video, I realized how lucky the kid is for having her as a mother.
She's smart and sophisticated enough to even contacted a professional, and following through all the conversations.
She is a parent who is willing to get help and listen to other people on how to comunicate with her son.
She essentially gets it, that she have to recruit her son on the same team.
My dad doesn't even listen from his mother about anything. Nobody in his family, older or younger, can get through his thick skull.
Therefore I have been doing EVERYTHING bad for my life just because it counters my father's perspective.
just so you know I think youve done a lot right to get to this point and your father is wrong about it even if he will never see that.
Can you elaborate a bit what you have done that was bad for your life? Hope it is nothing like dropping out of school or other big things like that.
I've spent thousands upon thousands of hours on youtube for the past 11 years but never learned anything actually meaningful until I started watching these
Fr
wow! What a video! I feel like I’ve gone through every emotion positive and negative. It made me so angry when she was describing how she attempts to deal with a situation but relief kicks in fast as she learns and expands her understanding. I’m so glad we have ppl like Dr K who are patient enough to help kids and parents in these situations
I feel like a lot of parents get lost in what it even means to be on the internet. She said someting about for example she'd prefer if her son made art go outside etc. But taking art for example, there is no better place to make and learn that, than the internet on your computer or ipad. The internet is so much more than just time waste, and I can't even comprehend how much worse my general knowledge would've been, would I have had no internet. And my english too, i speak fluent english and i learned maybe 75% of that all by myself just being on the internet. I understand that videogame addiction is real, and there is also a lot you can waste your time on, but there's also soooo much actual useful stuff you can learn on the internet that you wouldn't have had access to otherwise. My parents always understood this, and maybe they were a bit too generous with my screen time, but completely isolating your kids from all internet is much worse than they realise.
I relate to you on the English bit. I leaned English by watching english TV shows with subs. Cz we didn't have internet. Amazon prime is really helpful for that. Also, books. It's not illegal to download copyrighted books for personal use here. Aww long as you're not selling them.
Same here. Mostly self learned English and also kind of started to understand some other languages
true. half of the things i do, the skills ive developed wouldn't have been possible if it weren't for the internet.
Yeah, I still got in trouble for drawing, and I would be in front of my computer when I was doing that. Couldn't win
This is true for almost all things in life. It's how you use the tools that matter. A knife can be used to stab people and it's mighty handy when chopping vegetables.
lots of parents see the 'push-back' of teenagers as being rebellious and some even go as far as verbal abusing and humiliating them (though those parents could already have been verbally abusing their kids from when they were 6) and not many seem to understand this process of a human finding their own meaning in life and this is truly crushing to those aspiring teenagers
there's a balance though, because this teenage rebelliousness is how people find limits and understand what's acceptable and what isn't.
When parents accept anything, you end up with an adult that has no limits and thinks anything they decide to say or do is okay, because that's how it always has been. And then the other adults end up with having to work around these broken adults.
@@MadsterV that's a myth. Nobody is being "rebellious" nor is it just a "teenage" thing. It's simply them finding new things out and learning how to navigate it. Don't dehumanize people
@@mariomario1462 it's not a myth at all. It's rooted in ape behavior, which we are. It's been studyng plenty, happens every single time, you can measure when it starts via hormones and denying it is just blinding yourself.
Yes it is "finding new things out" but this behavior is regulated by hormones, like it or not. Trust the science as they say.
Yes they think rebelling simply because of their age while completely ignoring the reasons behind it, especially when they are a huge part of the issues teens face.
@@MadsterV I know this is an old comment but I think the point Mario was trying to make is that it's not rebellion for the sake of rebellion. Idk about ape behaviour but I'll take your word for it, but even ape behaviour is not without rhyme or reason.
This was beautiful to watch. I think this mom genuinely wants the best for her son, and Dr. K teaching her how to better connect with him is perfection. I give both the mom and Dr. K props for this. ❤
I've never watched and of your interviews before, they're just way longer than some of your other content and I usually don't care to hear other people debate in a discussion I'm not apart of, this video just was in my recommended and I clicked on a whim. And from the very beginning, the way you slowed down and walked through your thought process with the parent was absolutely amazing to see. You weren't dismissive, but you also didn't sound afraid of stepping on an eggshell and upsetting her. It feels like an amazing methodic middle ground of opening communication and I appreciate it. Might have to start binging some more.
You've got to admire people that are willing to ask for help instead of doubling down when their methods start to fail.
Admire? The deserve a lot more than just admiration. They deserve respect.
Since she thinks that everything but videogames/internet is good, I believe her issue is with what she perceives as being a productive activity or not. I.e. "Stuff that brings you forward in life" ; basically something to put on your CV is fine. Like every parent she wants her child to have a relatively carefree life in the furure.
There is a thin line between being restrictive and hindering the growth of your child and letting them be autonomous and face life on their own. It is difficult to trust and let go.
We all live in trying times and parents feel our worries, even if they dont understand them. They want us to take the safe and socially accepted approach. Many times, because it is what they did not do and they belive that hurt their chances to be happy and sucessful.
Children, adolescents and young adults need time to explore themselves. Parents want us to have the benefit of their "hindsight" and experience. The thing is, children want to live their own life and not someone elses. It is a dilemma that will be with us as long as our society takes multiple big leaps forward like it has does in the past century.
I hope this made sense. Have a nice day everyone.
"Children, adolescents and young adults need time to explore themselves. Parents want us to have the benefit of their "hindsight" and experience. The thing is, children want to live their own life and not someone else."
I am saving this. As a 20 something year old I am the point where I can understand both points. The child-like desire to be different, even if it is worse. And the paternal desire to be safe.
@@shinobi_endure Glad you liked it! Have a nice day
@@shinobi_endure I'm in my early 30s, and I think it's one of the greatest contradictions of the human condition. We want to pass on everything we've learned so our children have an easier time, but the problem is that true learning can only happen through experience. I think there is some needless suffering that can be prevented, but there is a degree of unavoidable suffering that's intrinsic to the human experience.
That's why I think parents are there to facilitate, guide and support their children, but at the end of the day it's not their life to live. There comes a point when you have to simply have faith in your kids and their upbringing and trust that you've done your best by them. At least that's how I feel from where I'm standing right now. Ultimately children are their own people and while it's natural for parents to always feel like they could have done better, they can't take responsibility for everything.
Our technological progress is changing society at an unprecedented pace which renders a lot of the parent's "hindsight" obsolete. They may think they know better as they lived longer and accumulated more experience than the kids, but when it comes to modern problems they are mostly clueless if not outright wrong (can't blame them as they grew up in a completely different environment)
the key thing is that parents don't have enough deep discussions at scheduled times about these things. they just impatiently tell their kid tondo something or not do something with very little explanation just telling them why
What a sweet conversation. Much love to all the parents coming to the table to listen and learn how to support thier kids. The world needs this
Really appreciate your politeness and how calm and well-spoken you are. Not to mention understandable and respectful. Nice man👍
My favorite thing about these interactions is when Dr. K asks for the other person to elaborate more on the things they say such as when she said "I give him a couple of reminders". You can really feel her think about what those couple reminders are, and it almost feels like she's rethinking if they're good or bad reminders.
I have a feeling she's not exactly telling it exactly how it is, be it because of the language barrier or doesn't want to so she doesn't paint herself in a bad light. She's also avoiding to express her feelings on this situation and not really seeming to fully understand what Dr. K is explaining.
@@Relhio or maybe you're just not hearing what you hoped you would be hearing
@@AiR1DaN No this is cope. It's quite clear that she was having trouble understanding what Dr. K is saying.
@@Relhio exactly why dr.k kept reminding her that he isn't judging. He would suggest alternatives but never did he once tell her do that exactly.
Listening to this makes me realize how much my parents just let me run wild. No homework checkups, no bedtime checkups, no bedroom cleaning checkups, it was like sink or swim. Thankfully they still had high expectations and I eventually saw the bigger picture about school other than just following my parents orders.
They let you think, they let you fall, that's how you learn.
You really should be thankful your parents didn't micromanage your life and I am sure you turned out fine!
I think they had the right idea. What better way to teach a kid responsibility than to give them freedom?
That's exactly how I was raised! "Hey mom I'm going to hangout with friends tonight!" "Okay dear be home before dark please". I'd normally get home just at dusk or as it's getting dark and I wasn't reprimanded my mother was just thankful I made it home for bed to go to school the next day. Wasn't forced to study or do homework either, didn't really struggle with school beyond homework which I solved later on maybe a lil too late by completing assignments by getting to school early in the morning and taking an hour to complete the work before classes started. I love my mother, she messed up here and there, but I thought she did a fantastic job raising such a resistant son with little to no help from father figures and even my own bio dad.
Rn it's just leading to be butting heads with my significant other because I was raised on freedom where she was raised on strict helicopting. So we argue about how to handle certain situations, where I'm more open to communication and educating when I can about things as they pop into question and simply let them learn on their own especially dangerous things like fire, electricity, responsibility, etc with appropriate supervision. Her aversion to my point of view would be to shelter the child entirely from those dangers till they're practically 16. Maybe a talk about it and why it shouldn't be done but nothing hands on like I would do with my son and explain AND show why we don't or do certain things and I can see it in my boys eyes he really appreciates our dynamic of trust and verification.
Maybe I'm doing something wrong but I'm not on the sidelines waiting for things to go wrong I'm on the sidelines so that in case things go wrong I can help my child learn better from those mistakes ig...
Thanks for reading, please have a wonderful day ya'll, I'm just venting! 😅 👋
@@randomdude64yt yeah but when addiction pops up which is almost inevitable with life, you can go off the tracks and need to be put back into reality
yeah well that goes along with ADHD topic "oh youre so smart" so lot of parenting is like that, but that has great pitfalls like too much DIY stubborn attitude can develop
I was raised fairly free form. I was told that i was responsible for waking up and getting ready for school, doing homework, sleeping enough etc. there were no limits on tv or games (which i did all the time). i didn’t think much about it until i realized in high school with very bad grades that i was in a sink or swim moment. If i didn’t do something about my situation, there was no one who was going to be there to help me. No one. I had to make a decision and i did. It was the most pivotal point in my life.
I know this channel is to address gaming addiction, but this kid doesn’t seem addicted. He was online during the pandemic, but now he’s at school till 6pm, then doing homework, chores, or exercise until 10pm, then has the expectation to go to bed. It sounds like he gets no free time to himself without fighting for it.
Ooh damn. Props to this lovely women for being brave enough to come on as like, a representation from the mom side. She's asking for help and it's awesome.
Absolutely, I think the comments here should be a bit more sympathetic to her doing what she can
Parents have to understand that the internet is not a "thing" or an "activity", it's actually a tool that you use to do other things that you can't do in any other way. When you're on your phone talking to your friends, the "on your phone" part is the method itself, while "talking to your friends" is the actual thing. You can't say that doing that is wrong because you are doing it through the internet, because that is just how you do it, you would have to say that the wrong thing is talking to your friends, at least that would be honest. But most people can't admit to that, they won't just tell their kids "you can't talk to your friends", it's easier to be like "get off your phone". Being on the phone can mean a bunch of completely different things, you can't demonize it all as one general bad thing.
There are a few nuances to that. While the kid might be having healthful conversations with his friends, he could instead be fishing online for “likes” and “karma,” which could be really damaging if a kid does that all day. I don’t blame the mom for not knowing what exactly he’s doing.
There are also more benefits to talking to friends in person. We millennials and onward tend to forget how important it can be to read nonvocal cues or provided undivided attention to friends when they need it. On the flip side, staring at bright screens can be damaging to a person’s mood, which is why blue-blocking glasses are so popular now.
And finally, in this case, the mom talked about needing him to do other things, like art. I think that’s the real crux of the conversation. She might feel better if she saw him doing more healthful activities on his phone, or if they broke up his time into different hobbies.
I’m still working through the video, so I could be missing important context. I’ll try to update this if needed.
@@danielevans7439 You got a point, yes, but whatI'm trying to say is that the phone itself should not be the focus of the situation, as it's simply a means to do other things. While yes, it IS better to do some things in person, some of them have become rather difficult especially wuth the pandemic. People in quarentine/lockdown can't really be out in person with their friends as often as they could before. Even if we ignore that, the internet allows for something that simply isn't possible without it, such as speaking to and developing friendships with people who live in a completely different country in a rather immediate fashion. I mean, look at what we are doing right now, we wouldn't be able to have this conversation about this topic if it wasn't for the internet, maybe we wouldn't even have any sort of interest on this topic at all.
What I'm trying to say is that while yes, the phone as a tool has downsides and upsides, it is by itself neutral, and the things you do with it can either be good or bad depending on it. Being something you do on the phone doesn't make things inherently bad.
@@MrBrunogiachetti Yeah, totally. I think the Internet has its place and is nothing short of amazing, but I also think some things are important to do in person.
For example, my wife and I were in a long-distance relationship at one time, and it was one of the most straining things we ever went through. Short of quarantines and lockdowns, friends IRL are vital to a teenager learning how to be social.
I imagine the ideal kid of this generation would diversify his hobbies and relationships in both physical and virtual manifestations.
@@danielevans7439 That's why communication is important. My parents know I NEVER "fish for likes" on the internet, they know I'm chatting with my friends or checking F1 news (yes I watch F1 lol).
@@danielevans7439 "learning how to be social"?
Thank you for your amazing work Dr. K, and also big shoutout to the parent. It takes guts to open up for a therapist and sharing it with strangers even more so.
Dude I swear i'm starting to LOVE your videos, they're SO relaxing and this one was wholesome, specially because you never judged the mother, I just love how you don't judge anyone actually, it just makes me feel i'm in some kind of safe space even if i'm not really there. Thank you for existing, your work is great!
Well this is going to be an interesting one.
South/East Asia, parents-kids conflict, you’re not wrong
Lel
@@kasikasivendjinn5345 shut up
@@kasikasivendjinn5345 cringe
Dr K is fucking GOATED holy shit. The way he's able to get someone to understand the way they feel WITHOUT THE PERSON EVEN KNOWING THAT THEY FEEL THAT WAY. It's just fucking insane.
I can only hope to be as good as you one day
I feel like with a normal level of empathy you can feel pretty early what someone else really feels or which intentions/feelings are behind their actions.
But the way Dr. K brings that to surface and mirrors those thoughts to his clients, while being incredibly understanding and polite, is a great skill. He really is one of a kind.
There is a lot of training (as he is a psychiatrist) that contributes to it.
@@bradschmitt1990 you know the "almost became a monk" thing probably is a big aspect in it. Or just his personality. Too many people here and in chat reducing his skills to "standard psychiatrist training" as if there aren't many other psychiatrists with boatloads of trainings and not enough walls to cover with degrees who are bad professionals and could never engage with their patients like this
@@alvareo92 I'm just going off of what I know of him. Geez I just started following the channel give me a break
@@bradschmitt1990 his professional background is definitely a part of it, but to have his level of empathy is honestly a gift, though maybe it can be learned. Most people lack the patience and connectedness with other people to communicate like him. There were some moments where I personally felt frustrated listening to her and I wouldn't have had the empathy to see it from her view like he did.
It’s kinda funny my psychiatrist plays video games too. When I switched doctors, he told me I had to go to a psychiatrist to continue my adderall prescription. The evaluation we didn’t really do anything but talk about video games. I left thinking that was cool but wth he didn’t do his job. It’s been about 10 years now since I still get my adderall from him and a evaluation every 3 months. It took me a long time and thinking about it to realize how much of a genius he is and how skilled he is at the art of psychiatry. I’m usually really good on picking up on peoples real intentions. But it took me years to realize he is so good and was able to appear laid back and not care while having a great conversation and give me a full evaluation.
Moral of the story. If you go to a psychiatrist, make sure he is into video games because he will be a great doctor who won’t miss anything haha.
This dude is an S tier communicator
I do sales for a living on the phone selling marketing software to businesses and I’m taking so many mental notes on just now he navigates a tricky conversation.
He would be such a good salesperson like could be in the highest level of sales closing multimillion dollar sales with ease
Omg, this lady reminds me so much of my mom. She loves her kid fiercely but is also oddly unsentimental about the daily routines of parenthood. I respect the hell out of this lady caring so much that she'd come on a live stream to learn how to be a more effective parent. Some mothers won't do that because they take very personally any critiques to how they care for their child.
"Requests can be denied" SLAM DUNK
To be fair, the mother doesn’t seem like a native english speaker though…
@@trevorjamesconsideracion1982 Thats true, makes the communication and understanding a lot harder. I think Dr.K did a great job regardless, hopefully it helped the mom!
wow I had this exact conversation with my mom as a kid. After I hammered in the difference, she started being clear about it.
Another convo we had was: does it really need to be done right now (as in: we need the trash taken out right now because it's full vs tidying up the room today) or can I get it done later? estabilish clear timelines so I can organize my time accordingly, because I do have homework and yeah, leisure time, and I do have an idea of what's getting done when.
In the end I think it's about knowing how to coordinate with other people properly.
It's nice to see her perspective. She comes from a place of love and concern and not hate, so props to her
This video sold me on your channel. I've watched a few minutes at a time for some time now but seeing this interaction really makes me want to check out other things you've uploaded.
A lot of people in chat were kind of shit-talking this lady when in reality she’s doing what a lot of mothers won’t, trying to change her ways. Too many of y’all are trying to be unaccredited psychologists analyzing every little thing and stating that analysis as fact rather than interpretation
This interview couldn’t have come at a better moment lol. I’m writing an argumentative essay on why video games aren’t bad and this is a perfect source
Games aren't bad if not overused, social media wouldn't be bad if they weren't ruined by human greed, tik tok wouldn't be bad... actually that one IS bad no matter what. But overall most things can be good if used correctly.
I feel like people forget the video games are good for your mind (depending on the game) but not your body, and for physical games it’s the inverse
@@matthewswart1845 I could play devil's advocate there and say that there's evidence to support that being physically fit is also shown to have a positive effect on your cognitive abilities. I think gaming has benefits but as with all things in life there should be moderation. I say this as someone who's been gaming since 3 years old and played competitively for years, so I have a lot of mixed feelings on the subject, lol.
@@AmberyTear how is tiktok always bad?
@@Harkz0r Don't a lot of professional gamers exercise? Don't know why you would be playing devils advocate ;)
shout out to the mom for not being devoured by her ego and reached out to dr k
I wish I could show this video to my parents... Sadly she doesn't speak english.
15:00 As a teacher I can tell that you must be very clear in your wording, specially with adolescents.
Whenever I say "please" they are allowed to decline, if that's not an option, I just give the instructions, and that is only done when its something that really can't be declined, never, ever, if you don't get things straight, hoping that a kid does it is silly.
Everything can be declined. Kids have to understand how much power they have in the choices they can make. Choices = responsibility. Seriously, becoming aware of all the choices that I make unconsciously was extremely empowering for me.
@@faithjolley6034 Not everything can be declined. "Get off your colleague." Can't be declined.
@@arthurrosa9403 "would you please get out of the house, the kitchen is on fire. "
When they're toddlers yeah..when they're older then no. They aren't dumb
@@mariomario1462 It's not about being dumb.
I honestly respect her for saying doing art because a lot of people think doing art is useless but I ended up liking drawing so much now that I don’t even really play video games because I’m so passionate about it and there are definitely career paths for it
Good on ya mate.
I love how much effort he put in not antagonizing mom, encouraging her, that is part of the miracle, the very process the therapist put in the mom, excellent demonstration of teaching by example
I love the way you handled the parent and you now got my interest. Just subscribed.
I'd say from 46:40 to 49:40 is the best part, where we really have no idea when we simply communicate without noticing how aggressive language we are actually using. Thx for the video
+
That action/order thing is so funny. My dad used to always ask me like, “Hey do you want to help me fix the car?”
“Uh. No thanks.”
“Alright.. don’t ask me for anything.”
You asked if I wanted to help.. No I don’t. Working on cars sucks. Will I help you? Sure.
Working on cars is fun as a car guy but probably not as a kid being forced to
@@GamerTim3 I’m big into cars. Just not hugely into working on them. I do it more out of necessity.
Besides, growing up and “helping” on the car was usually “hold the flashlight”.
Being older now, I learned to take charge and lead a bit more and it does make it more enjoyable.
Phrasing is important on that one. Don’t ask about wanting, ask whenever they CAN help you. Want implies the emotional state, can inquiries schedule and ability. Also it’s just less invasive and/or personal.
@@GamerTim3 90% of the time it's holding a torch and trying to aim it the right way, and handing him certain tools. Not really invigorating.
I wish my dad asked me to help him with things more often, as long as we spent more time together, the little time he wasnt working, and now we live far a way and dont see each other that often.... value the time with your parents, appreciate the time you get with them.