Why Restricting Video Games As A Parent Is Actually Damaging
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- čas přidán 3. 06. 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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0:00 - Reddit Post; "Teenage son addicted to video games..."
4:14 - Language Analysis
8:25 - Learned Behaviours and how they're applied
13:38 - Engage with your child
15:07 - Psychosomatic Symptoms
16:28 - The kid will always win
17:34 - Mistrust as a default is toxic
18:36 - Helping without 'fixing'
19:39 - Alliance Building
21:53 - Super OP question technique
23:55 - Restraint over restriction (teaching self-regulation)
28:40 - Let your kid learn how to fail
32:15 - Producing a manchild
34:38 - Old parenting styles are obsolete (societal changes)
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#parenting #parents #videogame #teen #videogameaddiction #healthygamer #healthygamergg #healthygamer_gg #drk #doctork #dr.k #alokkanojia #therapy #therapist #family #familytherapist #addiction #dopaminedetox #dopamine #mychild
!["New Directions in Psychoanalysis:..." [Full Title in Description]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3O2n1W_R9XY/mqdefault.jpg)
"My son is depressed so we isolated him from his friends and it got worse. How do we exorcise this demon?"
BASICALLY, YEAH.
Exorcise by giving everything back and admitting your mistakes
@@user-cv2my8ck5d and try to ask him
thats how my parrents do
“My son needs a therapist so I threw out everything that gives him joy. Why is he not fixed?”
@@DeathnoteBB "fixed" LMAO, such a bitter truth that many parents thinks their child is not a human being.
I was told all through my teenage years that "you're addicted to video games" and "you couldn't even go a week without screens". I was gaslighted so much about my alleged "addictions", that I felt the need to "test" them. I went a full week without games, told my friends I couldn't play, and found other stuff to do, but was very bored. After an entire week, I hop on games for less than 30 minutes, then my mom comes into my room and says "why are you always on these games?? You're so addicted". My brother knew about this, and just looked at me blankly when she said this. It's not that my mom doesn't care, it's that she misinterprets the issues, and thinks a hobby is going to cause all the other issues (which I didn't really have, regardless).
If you read books for hours they don't care, but if you play games for hours they act like you're a drug addict.
My parents were the same. They at first limited me to hardly any time to Game, Then I and only I of My 4 other siblings i Lived with had to For several Hours iN the day after school write The alphabet in Cursive to "better My penmanship" instead of wasting my time on games. Now cursive isnt even taught in school and Many cant even read My writing cause its damn near permanent Cursive. later in Life due to all the "you cant go even a day without playing games" challenge even though i often did and just didnt interact with them much choosing to stay away from them in the comfort and safety of my room. i went days to weeks but it didnt phase me at all cause i wasnt a so called addict. i just looked for an escape from being blamed for everything wrong in the house.
That’s gas lighting? Well know I know
I think you're lying. Your mother knows best, hence why she says you're addicted to games.
@@grindsauce3017 doubt it
I was a video game addict as a kid. When people would object and ask my mother why she allowed it, she replied "Better being addicted at home to the games than out and about getting addicted to booze and drugs." Pretty much everyone in my family had a booze and/or drug problem, so she felt pretty fortunate it was games in my case, which is kind of sad, but makes sense. I did get over the addiction eventually when it became impossible to be a completionist in games due to how game monetization shifted.
Its strange to hear somebody get over their videogames addiction when the monetisation has become more and more vicious over the years (to the point that some european countries had to bad lootboxes and the like)
Guess what i was a bit addicted to games, a lot less now cause of work taking time from it, but now I got the bonus of alcohol on top, i like abuse it a bit while gaming and i should really stop...
Good luck to you all with your addictions, stay strong.
Kinda doubt it was due to monetization my friend... if you're poor you can get a lifetime worth of games for next to nothing on GOG if you are willing to go a few years back. Hard to say why just from this, but I would bet you just grew out of it, and found more satisfaction through developing other parts of your life? Maybe frustration with monetization was the trigger, but I doubt it's the root cause. If you were determined enough, you wouldn't let a silly thing like monetization keep you from your passion.
For me personally, I know the way I have consumed games has changed a lot. When I was a kid I was a completionist because I didn't have many options for games and they were all shiny and new. Nowadays, if I don't get significant enjoyment from a game, I drop it faster than a hot potato, because I know there are other things I could be doing.
Just don't play badly monetised games. Play single player games like Persona 5 etc that are FANTASTIC and require NO additional payments.
A'least video games don't massacre your liver.
As someone who’s entire body **BROKE DOWN TO POINT I WAS IN HOSPITAL** in sophomore year of high school but they couldn’t find anything “medically wrong”, that line hit SO HARD.
The nothing “medically wrong” especially. It turns out, all of that was from my horrible horrible anxiety that my parents didn’t treat seriously. Sure enough, when we transfered out of that high school I got SO much better.
My body is still feeling the effects from that time period, and I’m 22. Take! Mental! Health! Seriously!!!
I hope that you're doing better
@@rodolfo9876a I’m doing a LOT better. I won’t say everything is sunshine and roses but I’m in better place. The effects my body still feels aren’t too serious: just things like my stomach being worse than normal etc
@@farawayxgalaxy Good to know
@@farawayxgalaxyoster care years back caused me to have severe stomach problems for years. Stress causes high levels of cortisol and your seratonin plummets. 80% of your seratonin is in your stomach. Honestly I started microdosing with psilocybin mushrooms in the mornings, (very small amount) and that's increased my body's production of seratonin and my stomach tends to work much better now. Either that or maybe Celiac's disease?
Gives me the same vibe as "sociology isn't real science".
Somehow, many people think it stops being real once it affects the mind.
They also often think that "social constructs" aren't real.
"Being strict with your child doesn't stop unwanted behavior. It just makes them better at hiding it."
Strict parents make sneaky kids.
This is like "The more you know that your parent knowing your secret, the better you hiding it too". This also goes a same to me when I was sneaking and watch CZcams past a bedtime.
Yoo I got to give this comment it's 69th like (I have screenshot)
Where there’s a will there’s a way
70% agree, but this is not considering how they feel about their options in response to strict attitude. If you are strictly supposed to handle something a certain way and you feel capable of doing it you might instead strictly ignore the reason for doing things another way. For example if you strictly have to deal with boredom with homework you will ignore the fact that there's something homework isn't doing for you, and it may set you up for failure that way. If you can only deal with an issue a way you're not allowed to, then yes you have to be more commited to hiding it
That awkward moment when this kid is suddenly 25 and doesn't understand why he always has a bit of anxiety while gaming and realizes that he had just grown accustomed to always being at the risk of getting caught.
Bro I've gotten my heart checked for this exact reason. It's psychosomatic like Dr. K said, the docs didn't find shit in my chest. The only moments I feel comfortable at home is when I know that no one will come bother me, I can breathe. That situation was years ago but my body learned to be jumpy like that, I still struggle working with it. Good to hear I am not the only one.
This is spot on, the anxiety of getting caught ended up combining with my social anxiety and now I can't play online games like I used to so easily. Also my overall enjoyment of gaming isn't the same.
Now that you all mention that. It’s funny, I’m a grown ass man and stuff from past still hunting me. I can only relax if I’m alone in my apartment without anyone monitoring or restricting me. Don’t know if you guys can relate.
@@averagegymenjoyer absolutely. You're not alone.
absolutely, feeling guilty when gaming to much, because someone used to judge you for it. Not being able to enjoy what you love sucks.
Was super depressed and then in the bathroom before school I felt this increasingly amount of pain in the center of my chest. Had to lay down. Then I started to salivate a whole bunch and mouth tasted like salt. Went to urgent care, nothing medically wrong. Psycho somatic isn’t a word for a lie a kid tells, it’s a very literal feeling that the body has
I hate when people refuse to believe mental health and physical health are very connected when you have the catalouge of all of humanities knowledge at your fingertips
my mother would tell me that psycho-somatic stuff is real. but the problem was that she would use it against me... she would tell me that "its because you are so lazy that you feel sick all the time" :|
That sounds like stuck rage (repression) of sadness and fear trapped behind the paracardium, the protector of the heart, and so much terror in your body you taste salt which is kidneys. This is body memory. Very real.
But it still has to do with the mind hence the term psychosomatic
@@matthewbates9629 It does but the term is used to shun somebody suffering as hysterical. Body and brain healing must meet in the middle. Honouring both Yin and Yang.
As a child video games were demonized by my parents and eventually completely banned from the household. Even the knowledge that I had played with a friend's gameboy at school would come with swift consequences. Every time I got any video game time, it was like having a manic episode. Nothing in life made me feel more excited. My relationship with friends was strained because they accused me of hanging out only so I could play with their video games.
When I finally got to college, I found my self for the first time actually having unrestrained video game access in my own bedroom (via my roommate). It was a complete and unmitigated disaster; I had never learned any sense of self-control or even gone through any kind of processing or therapy on why I was addicted in the first place. I eventually learned how to be moderate on my own, but the college years were not the ideal time to pick up those skills. I still have trust and shame issues associated with my parents, and our communication remains poor as a result.
I agree about having the lack of understanding how to control video game time. I almost flunked out of college. and its not that my parents were necessarily anti video game, I gamed at friends houses, they just didn't want to buy one for our house. I eventually developed my own self control as I aged out of a lot of that, but its something I had to teach my self.
Every kid deserves parents, but not every parent deserves kids
I agree, college is not the time to learn that. I was very restricted, just an hour or two, which was simply not enough time for me to enjoy the time with friends. As a result, in college, I only studied for an hour, maybe two, and used the rest of the time on games. I felt happier not having someone over my shoulder telling me my grades were lowering "because of video games". But the neat part was my grades were better in college when I was enjoying my free time and able to study in my own way.
Btw, if my grades ever went lower than a "B" I would lose electronics. Not just games, btw. Music too.
exact same with me.
Yup, Me in 1995, "Dad, I want to program computers when I grow up!"
"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard of, what you gonna make fucking video games like a loser?".
Well....
"My kid is suddenly living in isolation, showing lack of motivation and has unexpected mood swings. Also, I just divorced his mother and COVID just hit.
How do I fix his problem with video games?"
My parents were like this too when they divorced. Its mind-boggling how many parents just assume splitting their household is going to have no effect on their kids.
Granted its better to have divorced parents than parents with a toxic marriage but these things still effect your kids, you can't just ignore that reality and pretend that its completely inconsequential to their lives.
The "mood swings" are probably predictable if he actually paid attention to his kid.
Honestly yeah, I'm kinda going through the same thing, I basically gave up on school because I wasn't doing that well in the first place eventhough I revise about 4 times a week for an hour for 4 years (Asian family, but honestly not that strict.) My parents haven't had the best time during the pandemic aswell(close to divorce), I also grew too far away from my friends so video games was a way of escape for me. Thankfully my parents are the best, they put away their differences so that they can put me and my brother first and spent time trying to help me out (they also took time to work on their relationship aswell.) I'm still not doing well in school and I will be going to college soon so I've got lots of exams to study for. It's really stressful but I'm able to stay hopeful now and am most of the time happy.
How do i teach him to not be manipulative when every single thing I do arises from my mindset being to manipulate people into doing what I want? Every single thing that dad said is manipulative and childish. What a great role model.
@@danielpar4850 best of wishes to you
The worst nagging that my parents did: I would sit down at the piano and play/practice for 10-15 minutes. Then I get up to do something else and immediately hear "that wasn't 30 minutes, we agreed that you would practice for 30 minutes every day!" So guess what, instead of practicing 30 minutes each day, I practiced 0 minutes every day.
sounds like you didn't agree, they just told you how long to play, no discussion and I'm guessing there wasn't any discussion on why you stopped either, just yelling and blaming
@@jaimebibelot4398 in retrospect, there were a lot of times when I felt punished for doing the right thing. I didn't hate piano, but I did hate that just playing a few notes would remind my parents that I should practice and they'd nag me to finish a full 30 minutes. Plenty of times too when I would be moping in my room and then come down for dinner only to hear a gloating "well, well, so good of you to join us."
I just hope that people learn to reward their kids for good behavior, instead of nagging or gloating when the kid starts to comply with your wishes.
@@jeremyc4811 I hate gloating like that. Is a "Are you feeling better tonight?" or a "How are you feeling today?" too hard?
@@Sammysapphira Parents should also learn when not to ask the question. Growing up, I'd probably have been more willing to answer it with more than a shrug if I hadn't been asked it constantly.
I never got the forcing music on your kids thing. I love doing music but it really shouldn't be forced, and if someone doesn't want to or doesn't like to do it then they shouldn't.
I think it's possible that the bad sleep schedule may be caused in part by the antagonistic relationship between the child and the dad. I used to stay up late because that's when my parents weren't awake and I felt like I had more breathing room. (Also relate so much to the example about martial arts-I love my martial arts practice but when my mom tries to force me to go it feels like I'm losing control and I end up pushing back harder)
I have the same but with chess. Man u have no idea how it feels to finally win a game after a few hours of hard work. Frankly it's the only thing that gives me fulfilment at this point
I wish parents could experience life being stripped of power and agency like they do to their kids. And then when they go "okay, I get it, this isn't funny anymore," it doesn't stop. Because they have no power and agency here. How soon do you think they'd call the cops because they're being held hostage? How soon they'd cry "this is abuse!"?
Also I 100% relate to staying up late to avoid my parents. My personality and interests were always satanic. Not good enough. Not welcome. I didn't like them and what they were about, didn't like their attitude, didn't like their creepy beliefs and pressuring ways. I wanted freedom. And I got that when they were unconscious.
Don't forget the circadian rhythm. Forcing a late sleeper to go to bed early and wake up early isn't going to help anybody.
@@alexia3552 seriously i dont understand why parents lack so much empathy and are unable to put themselves in their kids shoes, how would they feel being demonized for doing something they enjoy and then having that thing be taken away from them and never getting a say in any of it, i swear most of them are just narcissists that love to power trip and take their anger out on their kids
Exactly! It LITERALLY feels SO relaxing to be awake when everyone else is asleep. I've never felt such peace before. I LOVE staying up late. I stayed up all night a few nights ago until I heard my brothers morning alarms go off. In my room of course, I'm not supposed to leave my room past bedtime unless for the bathroom or medicine (if sick).
My video game limit was a half hour every day. When i was young and only played Minecraft, this was fine with me. When i started playing more games and wanted more time to play, i asked my parents and they talked about it with me and increased my time limit. Im happy with my time limit now, and i know that i can always talk to my parents and they will be understanding. Thanks mum and dad for being supportive (:
the good ending
Parents need to understand that kids need some sort if engagement they like, if they take away games, they can't be absent, they should be actively bonding during that time, even then, its better not to keep them away from their hobbies and passions, you should join them in theirs. If they like soccer play soccer with them. If they like boardgames, play boardgames with them, if they like a certain TV show, keep an open mind and watch with them. If they like games play with them.
Parents I think too often only want their child to end up the way they envision them, when kids are their own people. Some parents don't want their kids to play games but their kids do, restricting them from it isn't going to make them better, it'll just make them do it in secrecy.
I don't think some parents actually care about life but appearances. They want their kids to appear a certain way, in front of them or others, they even admit they can't control them 24 7 so they should know its futile.
Of all things taught in school, I'm surprised, parenting classes aren't required.
Honestly setting a reasonable limit is so much better than a hard ban.
My dad legit loves gaming so that's nice, but I need to do a shit ton of stuff to do video games and I've gotten extreme nausea 2 times both I went to the toilet and hung out for a few minutes in case I vomited. It was fine but I'm scared that will happen more often
I only take away the video games when my son starts neglecting reality (ie disassociation); because after doing it myself as a teen and young adult; I learned there are better ways to cope when life is overwhelming than just tuning it out for hours on end. And we teach him these skills. A few hours of gaming is fine, but if you skip meals for the game, its not going to end well. Especially when you're the one who's supposed to cook.
if a child's first concern when they screw up or fail to meet expectations is "my parents are gonna kill me" or "i can't tell my parents about this", you have failed as a parent
100% true!
0% understanding and 100% punishment
Why does this shit hit 🗿
And the "fun" part is that sometimes parents aren't that strict. I'm in my ear... who am I lying to? I'm in mid 20s. By russian standards I'm still a kid, most people of my age still live with parents, I'm not a black sheep in that sense. I really struggle with my university. I kinda lost interest to what I study (electronic engineering) and I don't even know what else I wanna learn. Higher education is a must here. My parents never grounded me badly, they did beat me as a kid but the last time was probably over 15 years ago and it never was for failing school. I actually used to be very smart, I even was 6th on the regional physics competition. Recently I was expelled for the third time (I study for free because I did great on school exams) and long before that, when I struggled with university exams, I almost completely moved to my girlfriend's place because I knew my mom would ask about exams, ask why I don't do my homework, etc. And I would not have answers. I'm not a kid, I know she can not take my phone away or something. And she never even did that except for a couple minor cases like 10 years ago that didn't last lond. But I'm still scared to tell her about my fails.
Ok, I know I would like to learn automotive journalism but
1. I will never pass history/literature/social studies exam required to enroll.
2. I'm just 1 year from getting bachelor's at engineering. Just enough time to drink some tea by my standards (I mean it's like nothing, I count time in tens of years)
3. I'm 25 and my best paid job was at Burger King's cash register. I can not wait another 5 to 6 years to get a correct degree.
4. In Russia it doesn't matter that much what you studied for, you basically need just any degree + skills in what you're applying for.
5. My girlfriend... No, f**k her. I'll break up with her if feel I need it
@@ldmtag But you could be that just as Vlogger.
It's 2021 - you don't need a diploma for some jobs at all ;-)
Get a "real" job and be an automobile vlogger as a hobby. If it will pay well - drop your main job.
He probably doesn't want to tell the dad about his problems because when he does he's chastised about the main thing he's passionate about
Even if they have a dialogue, the father maybe not listen and still blame the vgames
what is the main thing he is passionate about?
@@joaop3268 apparently gaming according to the dad's post. Seems to be the only thing the dad knows about him
Is my kid going through some bad stuff?
No, the video games are the problem.
this is really relatable yeah
"Even if the parents wins the parent loses" is a great quote. The kid will always win because the kid can't be expected to be rational or to be the mature adult because they are a child. They aren't going to be rational or care about consequences, they are going to do whatever they can to just cope and get through the day by whatever means necessary. If that means setting a fire or hurting themselves, they will do it, because you made them feel like they have to do something that drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice that they are hurting.
@@SimonWoodburyForget They are, but they are the ones that have had the time growth and experience, children dont. They are the ones that made the choice to have kids. The kids got no choice in the matter. Adults have the ability to understand consequences. Whether or not they choose to act like it is a matter of coping skills or character. But adults should and HAVE TO be held to higher standards. Children's brains aren't done developing, they don't have the same capacity to reason or control impulses as adults do. Adults can choose to be reasonable and patient, kids are still learning that, and it needs to be modeled by their caregivers.
"You made them feel they had to do something drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice they are hurting" is a line I strongly resonate with. Just to be clear, I've never set fires or hurt myself. But what I do resonate with is a general demonstration to indicate pain. I've frequently resisted this demonstration, at most just being angry or unhappy in the same room, but that was me containing myself as much as possible. I'm supposedly at the age of maturity, but really I'm at a crossroads for learning consequences and basic social cues and learning challenges (I mean for all people, not just those on the spectrum) and appealing to an angry child in me who hardly understands the world and its pressures, but knows its angry and probably has good reason to which gets difficult for me to decipher because I'm expected to just know the problem and resolve it in the same moment, or at least that's how I feel a lot of the time.
@@dontseemyprofilepic3157 I feel like that's a very natural thing to do, especially for those who have had dismissive or neglectful parents. I know my parents wouldn't pick up on my pain unless I was literally bursting into tears. And it gets even more difficult when we grow up, having never had caregivers who took the time to teach us how to manage emotions and communicate our needs in a healthy/effective way. I know I still have a lot of resentment, and my siblings do too. On the one hand, one doesn't wanna throw a tantrum at a mature age, but we also don't have the tools to communicate distress in more productive ways and it leads to a bubbling cycle of resentment under the surface. And thats horrible to have to deal with.
I hope you are doing well on your journey of navigating your emotions and communicating those feelings.
@@koolkel00 thank you for your concerns. I hope you're on your way to better managing and treating these complex emotions yourself. I'll say I'm extremely lucky to have my siblings who are older than me and have had enough experience in life, seeing it for what it is. If it wasn't for my brother, I would've still been ignorant about the need to articulate my emotions. There is an incredible CZcamsr who works at a professional therapist called 'TheraminTrees'. He largely deals with criticising dogmatic ideologies in the fields of religion and politics, but at the core of his content is helping people navigate complex psychological abuse. I know, I kinda sound like an ad, but while I have been watching his content less recently, his videos have been an absolute help, especially in taking my brothers advice with one particular video about 'faking emotions' which tackles the subject of how our model of our own emotions may change and morph to abuse, sometimes to where happiness may be embedded in guilt or even to where emotions nullify altogether. Again, I don't mean to plug the channel (though I definitely understand if it seems that way), I just wanted to share my more recent experiences, which that CZcamsr has played a large role in where I largely live with my parents who make it impossible to have deeper conversations about emotions and the complexities of problems even just at the academic level (not out of deliberate abuse by the way, just more out of genuine ignorance and simplistic responses which happen to dismiss my problems far more than they seem capable of understanding with regards to another person)
The comments on this video are odd. Kids aren't expected to be rational or understand consequences? Why not? How do you teach someone about consequences? By giving them consequences for their actions. Every kid is a little different and you have to adjust your parenting to a degree, but by the time my kids were 10, I expected to be able to sit down and have a pretty reasonably intelligent conversation. I can explain myself and what I see, and allow them the same. I can set expectations and know they are able to understand what I expect, and the consequences for not meeting my expectations.
Kids are a lot smarter and more tricksy than what people seem to give credit. There is a healthy amount of narcisism in teens. In order to grow out from under your parents you have to be selfish, think about, and prioritize yourself a lot, and for some reason kids think parents don't understand them. My dudes, we went through something very similar, we have a pretty good idea. The internal focus teens have make it hard for them to identify with their parents and have empathy because.. as it turns out, parents are just people too.
My oldest son has come back to me now that he is an adult and apologized because he looked back critically on how he acted as a teenager and realized, we weren't mean and evil for removing some of his benefits when he was doing poorly. He understands that we were trying to push him to be better, and to achieve his goals, that HE told us he wanted to achieve. He even admitted to trying to turn his mother and I against each other for his benefit. Not to say his feelings at the time were not valid, but feeling bad doesn't get you out of consequences. How can you learn to handle emotions and how to control yourself if you don't have any push back on your behavior? When and who else is going to teach them these things before they venture out on their own? You HAVE to teach your kids consequences for their actions, even if those consequences make them angry or sad, this is the only time in their life they have to practice this in a situation with someone who truly loves them unconditionally.
I would love for my kids to like me, but it is far more important to me that I teach them the lessons they need before they get out on their own. If that requires me to take their game systems away until they start doing their school work or ground them from getting to do things they want to do, so be it. Life sometimes means you don't get to do what you want, and while they are with me I will do my best to get them what they want as long as they do the right thing. The consequences of not doing what you need to do are much more unforgiving in the real world, and it is my job to prepare them for that, not just let them do whatever so they can be "happy".
For some parents it's about power, winning or just being right.
Some magically expect their kids to just "act like adults" - like they should just know this automatically some how.
The ignorance I've seen is astounding.
Something I heard a therapist talk about in relation to Narcs is "the Narc sees a child as a selfish adult." I will never forget that. And it's so true.
My dad treats me like a child but expects me to act like an adult lol
@@TwofacedPlace My parents treat me as that as well, while expecting me to act like an adult
@@ryantherabbid7832 at least you know you're not the only one going through it
This made me remember a quote I saw “The problem with being a teen is everyone treats you like a kid and expects you to act like an adult.”
I feel like a lot of us can relate. Our parents don't talk to us, they talk *at* us.
exactly
yep
Fucking read my mind, I got a lecture about me being controlling and uncompromising (when I'm not) when I told her that when I talk about my Misophonia, I get nothing but shit. All after she learned that I have mild depression. The first thing she said during the car ride home was "Mild Depression, huh? Guess you need to spend some time away from you're computer." In a very pissy tone. I suffer in silence daily because I have little to no outlets to vent about this shit.
along with talking down on us
@@jacklamborn8810 if you want to vent im down bro
Honestly, I feel like the worst part of this was when the dad *explicitly states* that their son has always loved gaming, but still somehow decides that gaming is the cause of these *new* problems that have come up. If he's been playing games for years and the problems haven't arisen until now, then it's pretty fucking obvious that gaming *didn't* cause those issues.
Exactly!
@@xxraptorsc0pezxx Bot.
@@prime_optimus Not.
@@xxraptorsc0pezxx Then how much are you getting paid to advertise religion?
And the dad knows that by taking away video games he's taking away the one thing his child loves doing
honestly the story at the start hit me hard. i was exactly that kid... but it wasn't because i was "lazy" or "addicted to videogames". i had undiagnosed autism and severe adhd on top of anxiety and ptsd. i literally *physically* could not make myself fall asleep at night thanks to the adhd and anxiety, and even when i slept, i got woken up by horrific nightmares because of the ptsd. i couldn't focus on my schoolwork because of the adhd. anxiety and autism made being in a school environment incredibly stressful - i was a lonely and isolated kid. videogames were an escape and actually provided me with the stimulation i needed to focus, and helped me make friends. i am now in a much better place - medication, therapy, all that good stuff. but my mom's response was punishment, not getting me help/understanding.
I always heard that I was lazy or addicted to video games, and I believed them. I had undiagnosed depression :p thankfully they aren't asses and they understand now
Well I mean they did offer him therapy... but he refused.
They tell us "oh go do an activity! go interact with people!" and then we do that, and they go "no not like that"
What was the trauma?
@@drdesten would you go to therapy if they told you "admit that your in the wrong and then you decide what punishment you deserve for being a bad person!" who in their right mind would fucking go to therapy
From my memories of being a teenager and my dealings with teenagers as a young adult, I have two significant philosophies regarding teenagers.
1) Teenagers are almost adults and should be treated as such. They deserve respect, they are capable of reasoning, and they feel like they're pretty smart.
2) A teen who wants their independence will get their independence,. The question is whether they do it with your help, in open defiance, or behind your back.
The tricky thing about being a teenager is that your rational faculties are pretty well matured and your sense of right and wrong, but they find it more difficult to inhibit behavior for neurological reasons and they are also just barely beginning to gain personal experience in adult matters (though they've probably learned about it online for some time, which is a mixed bag).
In a sense, this makes adolescence the most dramatic/epic years, in that it takes a lot less to throw them off. What an adult can shrug off without hardly a thought will hit a teen hard. This I think is one of the biggest reasons for adolescent rebellion: they get talked down to for not agreeing with adults and/or not being able to resist impulses that adults genuinely think shouldn't be hard to resist.
I want independence but I'm so tired of fighting for it. I've honestly given up on it
Yeah but to play devil's advocate, the human brain doesn't fully mature until one is in their early to mid 20s (some neurologists claim late 20s or even early 30s, but that's just absurd)
@@youtubeshadowbannedme to be completely honest, I think the significance of a fully matured brain is a bit over-rated. Obviously it does matter to treat young people in a developmentally appropriate way, but remembering my teen years, as well as interacting with teens now as a 25 year old (and thus theoretically fully matured brain), their ability to reason and make decisions based on that is pretty good. They lack life experience to inform their reasoning, and likely order their priorities a bit different than adults would, but that's where a good trusting relationship with parents comes in, so it can be explained to them WHY a decision may be a bad one. Though perhaps my experience with teens is a bit skewed since I've mostly dealt with kids from fairly stable families.
@@youtubeshadowbannedme right but you need to practice being an adult before you actually become one. You won't get anywhere being babied
Many parents nowadays prioritize grades over health, and I don’t need to be the one to say that it doesn’t work like that.
The entire education system prioritzes grades over health and as soon as you're out of school nobody cares about those numbers/letters on a piece of paper anymore
Parents prioritize grades while schools prioritize standardized test scores.
So true man. Back in high school and even now in college. Every time the school year starts, I want to be excited for school and looking forward to “learn” but instead I get anxiety. My mom was like the typical tiger mom that would monitor how I’m doing academically back in high school. Every time she gets an email from school, it’s always under the assumption that I did something bad and she didn’t even read the contents lol. I’m glad that in college she became less restrictive but man college or school in general has made me less creative and more concerned with my grades. I’m doing fine academically but at the expense of my mental health. For now my part time job is the only thing that gives me a purpose to keep pushing and I love my coworkers (most of them are around my age and we resonate with each other when it comes to struggles). On the bright side, I’m a senior now and I’m about to be ready to graduate. I know I still have a lot ahead of me and I hope the world will still allow me to learn and make myself a more well rounded person.
@@diamondfrieza5391 W h a t. Learning how to do basic maths is more important than learning how to do martial arts, because you most likely WONT become a master. Bring down your expectation jesus christ.
@kshamwhizzle I'm so glad I go to a genuinely good high school because we have 10x the freedom here compared to my middle school (although there is still a degree of control because yeah we have to be orderly).
I remember in 8th grade, I corrected my health teacher about what the function of the appendix was, because he said it was "completely useless" (anatomy and physiology has always been a special interest of mine) and he told me "if you think you can teach this lesson better than me, get up here and teach the class" so I called him on it and started drawing diagrams of an appendix and intestines on the board. He got really angry about that and started sabotaging my tests, erasing answers I put down and saying that I didn't answer the questions at all. My grade eventually dropped to a D+, and my parents grounded me for the entire rest of the year (9 months total) by not letting me talk on the phone, play games, use the internet or visit my best friend because of that. She was pretty much my only friend and I'm still extremely bitter about the entire ordeal. I remember them saying "only an idiot would fail HEALTH class, how could you manage that?" and that's always stuck with me. I tried to tell them he was treating me unfairly, but since my mom is a teacher she decided that teachers were incapable of doing bad things to their students and dismissed it as me lying or making excuses. I still don't like spending time around her.
I'll be honest. If I were you. I would outright have told my mom.
"If you're too lazy to actually acknowledge your children's issues, when I leave, I'm gone. No text. No phone calls. No holidays. Don't expect anything. And you will have be the one to force me to make that decision for my mental health."
@@cherrycoyote55 yea same tbh
Glad I can relate to someone, I fucking hate my parents man.
Entirely made up story because you want to cry
What a disgusting story, that teacher was abusive for you being knowledgeable? And your parents sound like the kind I would not keep in my life. They just buried teacher abuse of a student because of their ignorance and cruelty. I would not tolerate that. And I was in an abusive house as a kid. I didn't tolerate it, got out at 17 and never looked back.
this hurts me. it's awful when parents do the same their parents did to them. they seem to forget what it's like being a child
And then they pull the “I was also your age, I know what’s best”
The thing about the nagging, too, is sometime you're just tired and need a bit of a break to collect yourself. Bugging someone every few minutes about something they already know they need to do can in some cases be like waking someone up every few minutes, all night long, and then calling them lazy when they're too tired to get out of bed. It can actually unintentionally sabotage someone.
please, please this. genuinely i love doing little things like taking out the trash, putting boxes in the recycling outside, and unloading the dishwasher (music helpsss.) but when i get reminded of it a bunch i literally stop wanting to do it !! 😔
offtopic THERES A JELLYFISH EMOJI 🪼 AAHAJSHAKH I LOVE IT
@@twotruckslyricsyes, it's annoying but you could of just done it and got it over it.
@@Mikinaak2023 since my old comment ive found out im autistic 🤷its annoying so i dont do it for a bit but then i forget and its a cycle
@@Mikinaak2023 suppose you came after a 12h shift, tired af, fell on the bed asleep within 5 minutes of coming home, couldn't do anything at all. Now every 10 minutes someone wakes you up and reminds you of all the stuff you need to do right now. But you do not have strength to do it since your body yearns for sleep. Now calculate how many times that will happen throughout even a 6h sleep. 36. I'd be mad at them after like 8th or so.
My parents in a nutshell:
"Why are you always hiding in your room and never come talk to us?"
Also them whenever they talk at me: *Judge me, critsize me, guilt shame me, make me feel like crap just because I dont behave according to their expectations*
“You don’t understand, you have to LET them do that to you because they care about and love you and only want what’s best for you!”
@@jomaq9233 I agree, you have to really let them do that to you. Perhaps you're the problem, kid.
@@grindsauce3017 wtf
@@grindsauce3017 i hope you're being sarcastic...
@@alivingdagger9915 i dont think he is
Dude, your kid isn't a game addict, he's DEPRESSED, and your solution is to take away his comfort/coping mechanisms instead of deal with the fact that he's depressed.
I wouldn't wanna do therapy either with someone who refused to talk to ME about my behavior and just took the word of my dad and tried to force me to admit that my coping mechanisms are the problem.
This really hits home with me because I was severely depressed through childhood, and my dad also tried to blame it on "videogames", and to this day he blames all my health problems and migraines and other stress-related problems on how much sleep him IMAGINES i get or how much games he IMAGINES i play.
He never cared to ask what was wrong, and even when I said I was depressed, he straight up told me i WASN'T, and told me I was lying to get out of chores. The only therapy my family EVER suggested was "anger management".
Maybe if the child were to do his schoolwork like hes told, he would get his games back. You seem to be under the impression the literal child has an authority.
😢😭
@@dannypatrick9361 People like you are the problem. Children may have a weaker judgement, but they should have a level of authority. Children are not just slaves or robots to be thrown around and told what to do. This guy is clearly depressed and using gaming as a way to cope. Taking that away and not addressing the core issue is negligent, ignorant, and flat out bad parenting. God forbid you have or have had children. By far the worst take I've seen today.
Truth has been spoken
@@dannypatrick9361 "oh, you're depressed? Well get over it and do your homework Jimmy I'm tired of hearing these excuses" -you to your child in 15 years
Do you not know what depression is
This entire video hits so close
I used to be the exact same child you kept talking about in this video, my parents would always nag me every hour of the day about studying to the point I have gotten sick of it and going into the mindset where I was thinking "They don't care about me, all they want of me is to study even if I was on my death bed",
which resulted in me trying to push my parents as away as possible, I didn't care if I needed their help because if I asked for help I would just admit defeat, and whenever they'd try to restrict something, I would just have another thing/console to do what would get me away from studying
And they always acted so confused towards me whenever I tell them that I feel suffocated, but they would always antagonize me of being too "sensitive" or "Not being a man" which would make me get away from them more and try to get them out of my life, even if it meant ending it
Right now I am better, but those times are a nightmare, and I would GLADLY, not do the same thing to my kids, I don't want them to go through all of that
Same thing I’m going through rn, I honestly dont know what to do, and they don’t think gaming is a real sport (I’m on the esports team for my school district) and they don’t care, they want me to Study until my eyes fall out, they want me to never have an opinion or share any constructive criticism of their ways, they’re so controlling. I have to deal with this while my biological father is trying to force manipulate me into forgiving him for for pushing me around, ruining my confidence, PHYSICALLY, pushing me into walls and down talking me, and PHYSICALLY hitting me thinking it’s a joke but it seriously hurts even though I tell him to stop. And after all of this I can’t just play a damn video game when I want to. I’m 15 btw
I want to try to help you but i’ve never tried any of what I am about to say so please don’t think these are flawless ideas, they might even have harmful side effects or something I really don’t know
Some ideas could be:
Trying to convince your parents to get you therapy (I’m currently in one and it’s definitely helped me out especially with finally getting out all of what had been building up over the years)
Showing them this video (though it also sounds risky because I don’t know how rational your parents are…)
Calling a support line like childline for example or whatever is locally available (though this does need a phone, if desperate maybe try to use your parents phone or something)
Once again these are just ideas and please make sure to try to be safe i’m not really experienced with helping people out with this kind of stuff.
@@HyperNova808 Thanks I'll definitely try these out one day, but when it comes to games they aren't very rational about them
They don’t exactly sound like they even parented you.
This sounds like my life with some small twists…
@@ilikedragons6710 I'm older, and I had no idea that schools had eSports teams now! What games do you guys compete in?
As someone with narcissistic and strict parents this is too relatable it's painful to watch. Sadly there are plenty of similar parents out there and surely more ruined children.
Jesus I'm 30+ now my dad is still not approval of me playing videogames.
@@eyadmosleh2009 nah it's alright, I grew out of it (for the most part). Just hope there are more ppl like our good doctor here so more parents learn the correct way to educate their kids.
“The son has a headache that never went away”
The headache is the father, obviously
Literally millenials: I have never done anything wrong, everything wrong was done to me.
@@nitroneonicman to be fair, age really doesn’t matter in terms of doing wrong things, everyone makes mistakes and screw ups regardless of age
And to be fair maybe there are times of where the parents might be in the right but the father ain’t doing the best job here
@@nitroneonicman we are talking about bad parents, they can be from ANY generation. Most of the kid that are the subjects in this Reddit are gen Z anyway
@@cantthinkofaname5046 The premise that restricting video games is a byproduct is bad parenting is directly correlated to a) millenial mentality (since we are the first generation to grow up playing video games) and b) victim mentality.
@@nitroneonicman first, it’s not really victim mentality if it can be backed up by evidence. Secondly, gen Z is here too. Calling out bad parenting is progress, not a victim mentality
Its sad that "build an allience with your kid" actually needs to be said. How is it not normal. How are parents so stupid.
parents before them, it was sadly the norm because they "turned out well enough"
humanity in general is stupid and shortsighted a lot, and although it has its moments it is generally hard to be even an ok person because of billions of reasons, and with this world being so varied it's so hard to resolve all these problems
Because parents think “being their friend” spoils the kid somehow… They don’t realize a good friend isn’t just a constant enabler, a good friend sets boundaries and limits.
Because the parent doesn't see the solution as a collaborative effort. The parent "knows" the problem and they "know" how to fix it. Why ask the kid's input if they already know how to solve the problem? All the parent has left to do is force the kid to implement their solution.
The parent never even considers that they might be wrong. And they can't even comprehend that they might be the problem or they might be making things worse.
as a parent that tries to be self aware, it's a combination of being extremely tired from working and raising that kid, combined with wanting a quick solution to things. idiot parents love scapegoats, because it requires no actual work to get to know the kid, their issues and what they need. that would be work and they sure as fuck dont want to work more.
I try to treat kids like tiny adults. I physicaly can not do baby talk and talk down to kids. I have to talk to them like I would talk to anyone else.
it’s almost like taking away one of the last forms of socialization during a pandemic from a kid who’s already very clearly depressed is a horrible idea
I would know. During the pandemic, when I was 16, my motivation disappeared, my grades dropped to almost straight F’s for two years, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep every day and play video games.
It’s a miracle I passed HS. I’m in college now, pursuing music, thanks in part to my parents getting me help; though very late it’s better than never I guess. Strict parenting only leads to kids getting crafty in terms of hiding their rebellious nature very well.
My dad was so strict when I was 15-16 to the point if I had one missing assignment everything I own (gaming consoles, Legos, even books) was taken from my room and put in a toolbox with a padlock. He would even pick the worst foods from the fridge and leave it out for me to eat while he was at work. He put a chain around the fridge and locked that as well. If I still didn't "behave", he would punch me in the gut and then kick me in the head. Attempting to call child protective services or 911 only added to my beatings. I am 17 now and I live with my grandparents. I am grateful that I have such caring grandparents. Because of him, I now suffer from PTSD. I go to therapy every week and take medicine to calm me down. I wouldn't wish even my greatest foes to have an experience like this. The only thing that got me through it was thinking that it could've been a lot worse.
I'm very sorry you have to go through this hellhole... You don't deserve this abuse at all. your dad is a evil shithead. I really hope you recover from PTSD. god bless your soul and I hope you have a nice wonderful day.
That's so awful, I'm happy that you are now doing better friend.
I remember my parents enforcing a “screen time” as a kid I just snuck time and found ways around it, this led to me being very secretive with my parents and didn’t help me stay off screens at all.
Hello me
It was the exact same, I managed to figure out their hiding places and just hiding that I figured them out.
literally me lmao
Oh hey I didn’t know I had a clone! :0
I literally guessed the password to my parents safe and became a mostly good liar for this EXACT reason
Yeah same.. Those times waking up at 3-5 am just to play games silently without them noticing......
Rare undercurrent of actual anger from Dr.K running through this one and I'm here for it.
Its Shaun Spalding!
Yeah, first time I've heard it like this.
Hes angry because this parent isnt letting go of his child, as progressives usually want so they can indoctrinate and molest them without fear of parental reprisal.
@@dannypatrick9361 ?
@@dannypatrick9361 lmao ok bud
As someone who went through this punishment a lot, times where I deserved it, times where it went too far, and times when it was taken away from me for a "better cause", and has a lot of PTSD from it because of how depressed it made me feel when I was younger, I could tell you this is very damaging. I just think you can't be one to give someone every and every reason to say bad things about you, but get upset when they actually do, parent or not. It just felt like years and years of my life was taken away from me because of this parental dynamic alone. It just feels like they can't accept how little it takes to make you happy, or they just aren't one bit satisfied with your existence alone when they do all of this. It hurts.
This is helping not only the children but also the children of future generations because a lot of parents don't realize how important it is to establish trust with their child which then leads the child to trust what their parent teaches them (hopefully good principles and basic good parenting) and an overall good relationship, but unfortunately a lot of parents today realize this too late and try to repair a relationship when their child is already a young adult which can work but will take a lot longer to build that trust again
Best comment, I have a great relationship with my family being also the youngest. Really I think it’s a literal skill issue with the parent of today.
This is a very familiar situation. The terms "screen time", "privilege" and "manipulation" are super super memorable lol.
Oh this hits home to me too.
The funny part is that my English is very good thanks to videogames, Minecraft to be exact. And English is my third language lol.
Yessir
@@Bearical same but with final fantasy and its my second language
@@Bearical I also made many friends because of Minecraft being something we could bond over
Reminds me of my mothers hatred for my gaming when I was a teen. Honors student, active and healthy, didn't drink or do drugs, yet she couldn't stand I spent my time playing video games or even watching anime on the weekends because she thought these things were for much younger children so automatically there must be something wrong with me. She didn't understand these things were actually created for people in my age group lol. I remember just feeling uneasy anytime I heard her walk by my room because I just knew she would try to belittle me for it. She was also convinced playing video games would give me a mental illness, make me violent or ruin my life lol. As an adult I questioned a lot of her paranental logic but I've come to realize her controlling habits probably came from a lack of control in her own life.
i feel for ya
That hits a little too close to home; my mom belittles my gaming hobby too. I feel for you, dude.
@@celestec.6480 she won’t get it don’t let her get to you. I graduated college and have a career and she still makes comments. Literally can’t win no matter what we do so might as well enjoy ourselves.
my parents tell me gaming is for kids then I tell them about 30 year Olds still gaming and M rated games and they literally can't come up with anything else besides "you aren't them". Then they also make comments comparing me to friends who do afterschool activities, loads of AP classes or sports. Wanted to compare them so long with other parents who actually support their child's hobbies so they can see how demeaning it feels.
Definitely something similar with my dad. Nothing I do really pleases him, and he expects me to be like him and go above and beyond. He hates that I’m into stuff he isn’t, and says the amount of time I play Video Games and read fantasy books is truly “disgusting”. It’s gotten to the point that I’m afraid to talk to him over the phone or even text, because I finally feel like I have a good balance between my new job, exercising, and even video games, and talking to him might just destroy all of that.
It’s not like I hate him either. My Dad made a lot of mistakes, but he was still my Dad and I know he loved me, just like I love him. But… I guess I wish his love didn’t make me feel like I’m disappointing him with what I enjoy, and what I love.
Anyway, thanks for the place to vent, I actually feel a lot better. XD. Hope you guys are ok, and live your live the way you want to live them.
My daughter had a brain tumor when she was 13 years old. She had headaches and a stiff neck for awhile. My husband and I did take her to the doctor for each thing, and she was diagnosed with eating too much sugar, acid reflux, or in need of a new pillow and visit to a chiropractor. We gave her medications and changed her diet. When things were not helping, we didn't believe my daughter any longer. It wasn't until she was throwing up after every single meal, that we finally did get her a proper diagnosis. I carry the guilt and shame of the world for not believing my daughter right away, that something was seriously wrong. She knew and no one listened. That guilt feels like it wont ever go away. I agree with Dr. K. Listen to your kids. Always, no matter what.
I definitely should go get an MRI scan, not like my parents would even care enough.
Is she ok? I pray for your family
@@Aaa-vp6ug If you think you have symptoms of a brain tumor, you need to go get a MRI. The results of not getting it taken care of could be catastrophic. My daughter was on the verge of going completely blind and losing her ability to speak.
I care, and I want you to get a MRI.
@@sleeper6548 Yes, my daughter is ok. Thanks to an amazing team of doctors at Children’s Hospital. It was five years ago and the tumor hasn’t grown back and shows zero signs of developing again. Thanks for asking. And for your prayers.
@@reneenyberg4832 I would, but my parents only ever brought me to the hospital out of obligation, when the school demanded I go because my arm was broken and I was writhing in pain so hard that I started seeing with weird lines over my vision like those old VSH sets.
My parents were like this. It basically turned screentime into forbidden fruit and I didn't learn to self-regulate my impulses until well into adulthood, because I had always had overbearing parents deciding (literally) how every minute of my day was scheduled and exactly how much of anything from TV to cookies I was allowed.
The first year (or three) of college was *rough*.
forbidden fruit.... Guessing they were also religious haha... relatable.
As a teenager I am both appreciating how well my parents handled issues like this, and also mentally bookmarking this video for when I get a family.
I’m jealous that your parent actually gave you the tools you need to be a good parent in the future. I don’t think I’ll ever have kids because I turned out too much like my dad, but at least I’m aware of those flaws unlike him.
@@graffititurtle11 I honestly think that the final year of high school should include a mandatory parenting class. Not only just knowing how to look after a baby, but also learning how to treat a kid, and how to help them deal with issues. Because it's honestly really saddening to see so many kids being mistreated, but slightly reassuring that there are also so many tales of people trying to be better than their parents.
@@rohankishibe6433 I agree completely. I know my dad never should’ve been a parent, in fact he’s told me several times that having kids is a mistake lol. Unfortunately having kids is often seen as “the next step” for the older generations, regardless of whether or not one is emotionally equipped for it. Luckily we seem to be growing out of that mindset, so I’m grateful for that at least.
yeah i also want to make sure i’m a good parent when the time comes, will forever be grateful for my parents even with their mistakes, i’ll just try my best not to repeat them
Can we trade pardnts, please?
“His brother has better grades and extra curriculars” is such a dumb argument imo. Yes, it shows extra responsibility, but at the same time it’s also damaging to the other kid. I always felt bad when my parents brought up my grades to my siblings and how I was performing better in school- it really doesn’t matter, grades don’t necessarily measure how smart or responsible you are.
A friend of mine always had the best grades and he always told me that grades aren't a reflection of intelligence or responsibility, just effort.
Grades aren't everything anyways
@@TheOfficalAndI Grades aren't just "not everything", they're actively nothing.
You get good grades by regurgitating arbitrary information.
The education system is a joke.
Nothing hurt me more than my parents comparing me to my brothers. I never understood why they thought that would be a good way to parent
The education system is a complete farce, grades are meaningless.
It was invented to churn out a diligent work force, not make people more intelligent, there is nothing valuable In school.
The very first thing that jumped out at me was the divorce, and parents couldn't agree on a consistent approach.
A child's parents breaking up is already a big stressor, why isn't that treated like a valid factor? it really stands out that the dad latched onto the one thing he could control, instead of acknowledging that the divorce and pandemic and possible psychological issues and god knows what else could be problems that are leading to these negative outcomes for the kid. Because only what you can fight against and control are real, right? It's uncomfortable to feel helpless but it's so often the reality, you can't respond in an effective way to the situation if you don't acknowledge that life is big and chaotic and you can't control everything.
@@alexia3552 dad seems like a narcissistic control freak that thinks everything should go his way and abuses the only power he has in his life on his kid
Also as a parent who wants to do better for his kid, thank you! I think we all know so much of this information, but hearing it explained like this is an amazing resource that I hope will help me, and other parents, to better help their child to succeed
sometimes i want to grab parents by the shoulders and tell them
"your childs symptoms still exist even if its inconvenient for you"
"It's a game you're not going to win."
Very potent words. That was basically what I experienced at 13ish. I realized my parents weren't going to engage with me. They had a totalitarian rule over the house. There was never any ground to be made.
They would lie, falsely offer rewards or exceptions, and do lots of things to try and control me. But when I realized at that really age that they only wanted to be pleased, I realized I had no power but to strike.
So that's what I did. I did enough work to graduate, to stay healthy, to set myself up for after I moved away. But that was for my own sake. Everything else was just enough to keep the belt at bay. Any "goals" of "rewards" were never met. I never, for nearly 9 years, did anything to satisfy them. Because I had already been too burned. I was never going to stick my hand in the fire again.
I realized a while ago that my dad's parents are very controlling. When I don't do anyihmg they agree with, even listening to music I like, (mostly electronic) they always say 'no' and 'this music suck' and such, and My grandpa asked last year I look up gaming addiction, 'cause i played games every Day. Maybe it has something to do With the fact that I finally had time?
Yeah i had this same story happen to me with my mom, and she would be mean self-destructive. Taking me to a doctor to tell me my issues and give me meds that helps me wake up good and go to sleep fast. Yet it doesnt help me with my relationship with my mom, as she has been yelling at me more times that i can count, and having problems at school made all of this way worse. I had to graduate from highschool and tell my mom that im living with my dad as that makes me happy.
And i been living a life of peace ever since.
@@thebruteforce125 I'm glad you're outta there. How are you now? I know problems don't go away immediately...
@@lordbanetheplayer8844 doing good, having my own peace and enjoyment away from my mom. Yet she tries to add me in her life after all she has done. Taking me to church and getting me dinner.
You are wise.
The Indian accent part was so so so funny and hilarious. I laughed so hard. It is so refreshing when someone is able to make fun based on racial stereotypes and do it in a good way, from point of understanding, compassion a care. You are absolutely brilliant on that.
Bwahahaha... Exactly... especially when he was playing doting mommy... 🤣🤣🤣
Right, it made my day.
My mother was strict with me too. The biggest negative impact I still feel as strongly as ever, 10 years after leaving home, is that the period of time around 11pm-3am feels like "me time"; some kind of illicit opportunity to indulge. Even when I could easily just go to sleep and start again in the morning if I want!
This was literally me and my dad when I was 14 holy shit.
It really cuts deep.
Same
same
too true
Same
Same, it's like a trauma I have, every time my dad gets behind me while I game, I get anxious, I can't play good, I stop typing on the keyboard and turn to CZcams
To be honest, this sounds like me when I was in Grade 9. Except my parents gave me 100% freedom and never took anything away. My 'bare minimum' at school was still the honor roll, but I didn't do homework or study at all. I slept horrible hours, didn't have a social life that I liked, played halo 3 / reach until 2am, went to school late almost everyday, was sick a lot, and had anorexia/bulimia (6'3, 127 lbs).
I don't know if there's anything my parents could've done, because I wasn't even quite sure what the problem was at the time. But as it turns out, I just hated my social life and how my body looked. As soon as the summer came around, my dad had a stroke that left him fully paralyzed, and that kind of 'jolted' me to wake up and not waste my life... try new things, change, improve, learn, because you never know when that can all be taken away.
I started eating more, working out for the first time, played games with friends, and by grade 10 I had put on about 30 pounds and was in great shape. I was way more confident and started playing games less. I never put in effort into school even afterwards, but life was much better.
And the moral of this, is that the video games were not the problem for me. They were a symptom.
I had the same revelation except it was grade 10 and my parents were threatening divorce and my mom had choked me in anger after seeing me fail most of my courses the sophomore fall semester
@@ethanspicer3471 Good grief! Please tell me your mom had a wake up call due to that and went to therapy for her anger management issues at the very least! Or that you stayed with your dad after that!
@@ethanspicer3471 Literal child abuse. Hope you got that resolved and are living your best life.
Both my brothers dropped out of school and just game all day. Nothing else. That's what they've been doing their entire lives and both are in their 20's. They haven't ever had a job, they have to ask my family to pay hundreds of dollars for their games and consoles. I honestly feel like sometimes it's an addiction, and there needs to be something to intervene. Nothing huge even happened in their lives they were just lazy and didn't want to do schoolwork and would rather game.
Edit: Nothing big happened in their lives to start this. They've been gaming since they were 8 years old or younger. My parents don't stop them. They sleep during the day and game all hours of the night. They have TOO much freedom honestly. Don't do chores or anything, just play video games.
I'm a gamer myself but play at a healthy level (a few hours a week). I think it can be a huge problem for some people and they won't change it because they're too comfortable to. I'm glad that you managed to turn your life around and hope others in your situation can too.
I had a similar problem/story, with an abusive father and hardcore depression/anxiety, but the video games was actually my way to cope and keep me sane from the constant struggle in my social life. Without video games for me, I would’ve been dead by 17. Without staying up late at night keeping myself occupied or actually talking to people I met online playing halo that actually listened to my problems, I would’ve done something stupid that night. Feeling like I was actually in control of something loading up the sims or firing up RuneScape to grind away on coin. Video games taught me how to manage my emotions, process, and learn to play in real life.
This is very insightful. I am one of those ppl that always thought games were bad for you seeing my younger brother-in-laws go through “laziness” so didn’t want to have any video games at home. Once I became a parent, I do restrict to only weekends but I think I might need to readjust after watching this. Thank you so much for posting this. Parenting is so hard and these videos help guide me to be a better one.
As someone who experienced this as the child, I had struggles in school and it was exacerbated by a turbulent home life. I had not only my video games and tv taken away, but it got to the point where I lost my stereo and all of my music and instruments (cds, cassettes, vinyls, guitars)
If you can’t guess, it didn’t work. And I dropped out of high school and got my GED the same year (a year before my graduation was supposed to happen) and even lost my bedroom door for a time.
Some people aren’t going to finish school. All of these potential problems aside, from my own experience, I had undiagnosed ADHD and potentially more. I have treatment resistant depression as well. It makes focusing and studying for school extremely difficult. And instead of having motivation to do better in school to get my privileges back, I was instead despondent and wanted to rebel more and do less in school. I had lost a lot of my emotional outlets and felt like I was trapped in a cyclical problem. Where I would struggle in school but wouldn’t get understanding because I’m apparently “too smart to keep failing” and would continue to be punished no matter the effort I tried to put forth.
The realization that your kid is his own human being and not an extension you can make do whatever you want is something that every parent needs, preferably before they get a kid. Though I suppose I'll have to see if I learned that lesson myself when I do get one.
Parent here. The problem is kids are really fucking stupid. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean it as a matter of fact. They know very little about the world and at the same time have a massive sense that they know more than anyone else.
The other day, it was a school morning and my kids were getting ready as they usually do. The younger one (7 yo) was getting spun up crying and frustrated on the floor. I asked what the problem was? She tells me shes going to have a bad day. I ask why will you have a bad day? "Because my shoes don't fit!" I can see that she picked a pair of shoes that we bought just last week and in fact fit perfectly but they are also the ones with shoe ties and not velcro. She can tie her shoes but its a challenge and today she forgot. So I offer to help her and she says to me "You can't help me! The shoes don't fit!"
So, Imagine dealing with this kind of person for year after year. It's easy to develop a sense of superiority to your children because you are indeed superior to them. I think the challenge is that over time your kid grows and as a parent you have to have a strategy to slowly unwind that sense.
It's not easy though and its not a sudden realization either.
@@pussnuts Yeah you're right. It seems like it comes down to parents needing to recognize and accept their children's maturity instead of just micromanaging them forever
@@pussnuts Word! And many parents wont ever be able to unwind that sense completely, even if they know they should. Nice awareness tho always great to read about thoughtful parents
@@pussnuts I mean, they are inexperienced, not stupid. That's why we should guide them with questions. If you actually ask them questions and help them figure it out themselves you'll see that they're probably not that stupid at all.
@@pussnuts Dr. K said that problems of kids were easier so parenting was easier in the past. But maybe that worked because people didn't go to school. Think, in the past you would probably just working with your children so you could observe how much progress they do in the job that you yourself where good at doing. Eventually you would see that they are almost as good as you, and you would trust them more. Eventually they would be as good as you or better and then you KNOW that they don't need supervision. And be aureola effect maybe you would think about them that way in other areas. But now they go to school and you don't see the progress that they make. Only grades ... and they don't change... Like: B+ in 1st grade doesn't look different than B+ in 8th grade even though it is harder to get it. In fact the grades probably gets worst over time.
So anyway, probably the only way to protect yourself from that is to somehow do something together with your child... which ... will be harder when they will become teenagers :/
Gonna be real when parents want you to “admit the problem” all that really means is they want you to admit what ^they^ think is the problem .
nice pfp very good flag same here
EXACTLY
fr fr, I was missing school over just general social anxiety and depression from dysphoria, parents took my phone, games, internet access, etc away, I ended up just shutting down and sleeping for the entire day at home and still missing school.
Sighs what I got most of the time from my parents were lectures.. Sometimes they lasted up to like 2 hours. Even after finding out I had ADHD, still got lectured. They wanted to help, aka pay for a psychiatrist and medication, and then for some reason they used that as ammo against me for why I'm not getting better? Like I just found out I had ADHD after 20+ years of my life and you're already expecting me to get better and then get mad when I don't. Like where's the emotional support? The empathy? Even now I feel like I can't talk to my parents about how I really feel.. They're not abusive. But they're also not supportive in the way I want them to be. And it's so hard to talk to them about things like this..
They want to win. That's it. They feel like they're being disrespected if they don't get their way.
Like Dr k said. "oh YoU CanY buLlY mE"
Parent always confuse obedience with respect.
My parents constantly hate on me for wanting to spend more time with my girlfriend than them, saying that she's manipulating me to do so, making me want to hate my family, and that she's 'isolating me from everyone'
For a very, VERY, long time (and I've expressed this to them before I started dating my current girlfriend [of 2 years]) I've wanted to move away from the people in my life, especially my family. They're draining, mentally and physically. They pick on me, call me fat and constantly tell me I need to eat better just because I have more than 1 or 2 snacks in a day, then denying this altogether.
Telling me I should go outside more during the PANDEMIC when I'm DEPRESSED and playing video games all the time. Taking me out of my public school for their own political beliefs and then BLAMING ME for falling behind on a shitty curriculum (of Khan Academy and random textbooks they could find, no teaching hands on) for Homeschool. Then asking me if I wanted to just fake my A's and not even letting me go to public school, but letting me go to virtual school because they can "see if I'm being brainwashed or not."
Any compliment they give to me is a stab at anything else that doesn't have to do with them, or just directly supports something THEY APPARENTLY DID.
"I feel awesome about these modding commissions I'm getting, I feel like I'm getting really good at game development and that field, I'm really proud of myself."
My mom: "Yeah, you got that from your dad, you're really blessed by us, you should be thankful and grateful that you have parents with money."
From all that I just said, does any of it have to do with my girlfriend? Does me not liking my family have to do with my girlfriend?
They blame her CONSTANTLY for no reason and it drains her. They can't be in the same room without my parents or siblings shedding some drama or petty comment about something they don't like about her.
My parents are both textbook narcissists. I'm sick of it, and seriously cannot wait to leave. I hope someone here sees this and can relate, because I feel pretty damn horrible, despite having a job, and my entire life ahead of me.
that's sad. There isn't anything wrong inherently with homeschooling, but it requires significantly more effort on the parents' part and unfortunately, most parents won't put in the effort. Its like home cooking or being vegetarian. You can do it but its only better if you put in the effort to do it correctly.
Very similar story here, I'm almost 12 and I have to hide most of my problems from my parents. I spend alot of time watching youtube, punishment, I spend alot of time gaming, lecture. and then when my grades aren't a's my mom always makes me feel terrible. I've been suicidal for the past 2 years and I was dating a girl for a while. MY MOM WOULD RESTRICT ME FROM GOING OUTSIDE TO GO TALK TO HER.
if there are any parents reading this, please use your fucking brain.
Damn, I was heavily restricted back in the day, and all that happened was that I got really good at sneaking around and now I have a multi thousand dollar PC.
Thanks parents. You did nothing but cause stress.
“The kids are going to win that game”
Yup. I haven’t spoken a word to my parents in four years and I have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.
Yeah. My parents divorced when I was 10, & my parents had a lot of ups & downs about who I spent more time with. Recently, my father decided to stop picking me up with my brother because I would only spend the weekend with him, instead of the whole week. The reason for this? _It's a waste of his time & gas to go back & forth so frequently._
God forbid I spend some extra money to spend time with my child. *_I don't talk to him anymore._*
Smart move you guys
My father also divorced when I was like 2. We used to meet yearly but for the past 3 years we havent met due to his job problems and pandemic. Now we text every once in a while. Whenever he asks what I do I say gaming. And he starts ranting about how its bad for me. Im like.. ?? Wtf do you know about whats good for my life if you arent here?
@@CaptainCFalcon I don’t understand how you can agree to split up when you have kids, but complain about the consequences of visitation schedules. It’s like unnecessarily cutting off your health insurance plan and then whining about how much money the medical bills are. Very surreal.
@@layonduff I’m just confused about why it even matters to him what’s bad for you. You’d think if he was concerned about your well being, he would have made different decisions up till now, no? LOL
This hits home. As a kid I moved 15 times by the time I was 15. Had no opportunities to visit friends, because no one was living near me and my mom restricted my gaming access, eventhough it was the only thing I enjoyed while living in nomans land. I'm 26 now and neither me nor my siblings will ever talk to her again. She has no empathy for our lives.
Anyways, I turned out to become a Game Developer and am working in the industry for 5 years now.
hope youre doing well homie
We got your back mate!
Power to you dude. It's dope that you became a game developer when it got taken away from you. Just one thing though.
Sometimes parents and people in general do scummy things but when it comes to their kid... even if it's in their own messed up way they try to do their best (in most cases). I don't really know your story and I don't have to know. I just hope you won't regret it later on. Just talking, well listening really, to what the other person thinks and feels without you saying anything, just listening and swap roles after that, goes a long way. My parents loved the living sht out of me, they did (and still do)... but their parenting just sucked ass. Like my dad used to say stuff like "do you want to stay dumb" or "you're never going to get there like this" (there's alot more to it, just an example). And in his mind it's a way of motivation, he thinks: if I beat my kid down (with words) he'll get stronger by fighting back to get up. So when I call him dumb, he'll study more so I'll stop saying it. And even though this is through and through fucked up, he didn't mean it badly. It's the way he was raised so he didn't know anything else. On the other hand he took his time everyday to help me study even when he was home late. Does that mean he did a good job or can he use that as an excuse. FUCK NO! But you know... I used to be in your boots and right now I'm glad we took the time to talk it out. My relationship with my parents is actually pretty great right now. This vid did indeed hit the nail on the head.
Well maybe this doesn't apply to you. Wanted to share a little anyway :D
Congrats dude! i hope life is good for you. I don't know much about your relationship with your mother (or what other abusive behaviour she displayed) but I really hope you can mend that bond at some stage in your life. Do you think she was restricting your gaming access to spite you? Anyway, im glad to hear you've moved past this
I really hope that you have a nice life and a better chance for your dreams. I'm 28, and thinking to get into the game industry myself.
"When the mind suffers and has no coping mechanism or outlet for that suffering, it manifests in the body"
My parents "fixed" me straight into a drug addiction by continuing to take every single thing I was able to extract any joy from as a teen until that was the only route to dopamine for me
I was going through a very, very strong depression due to so many problems at school and at home when I was 16. I was suspected (now confirmed) of being on the spectrum. Videogames were the only thing I could do to distract me from everything and one of the few interests I had. Despite my parents being the root cause of many of my problems, they still found a way to make truce temporarily just to agree to take away my videogame consoles and not allow me to use the computer for anything other than school work.
They then wondered why I started having meltdowns and shutdowns every day of my life until they finally gave up and realized they had made a terrible choice.
Damn… this hit home fucking hard, wow.
I'm also on the spectrum. My mom yelled at me like a few days after I'd gotten out of a mental hospital
"Wow, my kid has a poor coping mechanism, what do I do about this? How about make them unable to cope whatsoever!" - an unfortunately large number of parents
You can't blame your parents for everything dog.
@@chef4025 okay but sometimes it is their fault lmao
I think the media skews how parents look at videogames as well. I was told consistently that I was addicted to videogames and that it was causing me problems, so I went to the numbers.
My Steam account recorded 50 hours total playtime in 2 weeks, around 3 hours a day on average. That's not addiction, that's having a hobby I enjoy in my downtime from 9 pm to midnight.
you have a point about media. my mum was more of a gamer than myself when i was younger, she'd play our PS2 games while i was at school, and her name was on all the record/leaderboards, her account would be like close to 100% completed for every level, if my bro or i were stuck in a game, we had to ask her for help...
She complains whenever she sees media ads, articles, or just in tv shows, older women being game-dense, or if media starts being negative towards games...
Her thinking from like 20yrs ago had been "videogames are training future skills anyway".. so she's annoyed with how games are portrayed and complains every time lol
@@Nezumi-- oh my.... I think this is the perfect parent ! 😍
@@Nezumi--
Your mum sounds so cool!!
You know the stupidest part about the Columbine movie?
When the shooters were playing games with each other and one of them said, "If only this was Columbine."
Keep in mind this is a Christian movie, where most of parents' experience with school is what the media or pastor says because they don't go to school with their kids.
@@Nezumi-- Please don't take this the wrong way but you're mom is kinda hot.
I noticed this! When I'm alone, I'll drive far better than with my father. I may speed a bit, I've had some near misses, but we all do. I've learned that the near misses happen, and it's how you respond to them that makes you a good driver. But I'm more relaxed and more in tune with what's going on around me, rather than my father's potential comments (and vocalized comments). Same with anything. When I'm on my own, I am able to develop my own routines, free from my father's need to remind me or complain. It's just natural to put stuff in the sink and clean it and put it away immediately, rather than leave it there. There's also no junk lying around, so you aren't tempted to leave more stuff because, subconsciously, who cares? It's messy already. It's like a big reset. At 27, I'm tired of having my father breathing down my neck like I'm 16. It's severely stunted my growth mentally. Fortunately, I've been moving ahead. I need to moveout, but I'm willing to continue putting up with this nonsense so I can get my degree and have a good foundation. I'll own two homes, my first being purchased cash as a rental, allowing me to save up quicker for a second home, also cash. I'll probably be mid 30s by the time it happens (graduating with my BSN and Bachelor's in public Health in 2026 at 31), but it'll be worth it. I'll have a nice house, and a backup I can always afford. I'll be independently thriving. I love my dad, but my god is he annoying, and I think man is only meant to live with his parents for so long.
I can vouch for that statement that kids will always win. I was living with a very abusive relative at this time while my parents were abroad for work. At that time they helped me run away from that house by helping me rent a small room near my school but I still didn't feel safe because it's not like I moved away from my small city, but at this same time I just so happened to find a Christian organization that helped me through that by being people who would listen, help me cope and make me feel safe while I was still reeling from my experiences in the old house, something my parents couldn't provide because they were away. My parents found out and they didn't like it because they were devout catholics and wouldn't want me associating with other churches so they threatened to take me to another relative who would monitor my every move which I considered to be just a repeat of the same cycle, so I cut myself off from them for a while and started living on my own for a few years. I won't detail how we got back together and all the other stories that lead up to that but my point is I can see myself in what Dr K is saying when a parent wants to both punish and fix the kid's problems the kids are going to have their way.
I was raised in this strict "fixing you with a side of punishment" household my whole life and it really fucked me up socially. I now have a daughter (7yo) that I strictly refuse to take that same approach with. I make every effort to talk with her, understand her feelings and encourage or support as appropriate. My family still judges me and claims I am giving her what she wants or being to easy on her. I just tell them they were never the best example of parenting and their opinions are not welcome.
Your doing the right thing please don’t stop your parents clearly haven’t learned anything
HA that response is perfect. their parenting was NOT a good example and you are doing an amazing job
Their parenting was a good example of what not to do
good job on breaking that cycle!! you’re doing great :)
(A very late comment) Keep breaking the cycle! You are doing right by your family ❤
Interesting how dad could have flipped this to be a bonding experience for him and his child. Some of my favorite memories are my father staying up late with me to play counter strike source. I remember people in our lobby being shocked when I referred to him as “dad” telling me how cool that is. As a 13 year old that made me feel so cool and empowered. I played that game so much until I was damn good at it, and that’s because I wanted to make my dad proud. Instead of punishing the kid by taking it away, maybe turn it into a system where if the child can have some success with a tutor or something, they can run fortnight duo lobbies after every night before bed.
you probably had the coolest dad in town.
Thats wholesome af
Kiss your dad noe
thats so nice dude wish mine was like that
Fuck you man, that's way too fucking adorable bro. I just feel like having a even shitier dad :(
My younger brother (20) is going through a very similar thing, and right now, he lives with me and my grandma, always cooped up in his room, playing video games well into the night. I’m trying my best to be empathetic and give him the space he needs to work through whatever he’s going through, but our traditional, Vietnamese grandma is fed up with it and is far less patient about what she thinks is him throwing his life away. I keep trying to remind her that he’s an adult, that no one can control what he does with his life, that all we can do is try to let him know that he can talk to us, and that we can’t force him to change his ways when he’s not ready to. He has to want to change, and the effort we spend trying to force the change is better spent on helping ourselves cope with his decisions.
It does make me worry that he’s neglecting his physical and mental health (his ADHD and possible OCD exaggerate his moods). He refuses to find a job, seek therapy, nor even keep any of the family (me, our grandma, our mom, nor our stepdad) in the loop about what he plans to do with his life in the near future. He’s expressed that he’s planning to move back to NJ (currently in UT) to hopefully find his own place to live, but he’s yet to share any of the details, either because he doesn’t feel safe to do so, or because he hasn’t figured them out yet. It’s hard to know because he literally does not open up. Even when he and I play games together, he does not willingly have these conversations with me. Now I’m just focusing on my own shit and just hope that something changes soon before he passes out from malnutrition, emotional exhaustion, or other issues that I can’t help him with until he lets me in. I’ve told him my concerns, but he’s not taking them seriously.
Thanks to anyone who’s read this far, it’s been difficult to come to terms with the situation, but any advice for me or my grandma would be really helpful.
The fact that lot of Parents are like this, then when they talk to other parents and ask each other why their sons or their daughters don't talk to them much and being rebellious.
And these same type of parents are raising teens to be very resentful, most of them even develop trust issues in later years because of how parents treated their teens. Most teens now were never taught to engage in positive way when experiencing failures, they instead treat it with reward and punishment.
Despite with their good intentions, they never engaged in a healthy communication, no understanding, just rules, punishment, and rewards.
They say children's these days are manipulative, some are true but most of the time, a parent who forces their belief and value into someone including their heirs is same thing as manipulation.
A parent is a role model, if a parent acts in a manipulative manner, the child will naturally follow and inherit its traits. As a parent you should never start a war in the first place, home is a place of security and safety, not a war zone of mental challenges you have created by yourselves.
In fact I'm more worried how the society today will form once these teens who were emotionally gets neglected reach adulthood.
The fact so many people commented about their experience in this video is even more worrying as it shows how many people have began changed their views about humanity because of the way they were treated.
"Restrain instead of restriction" is so important because the parent's influence and control will only decrease over time. You have to help your kid develop the ability to regulate themselves because you can't possibly do it for them forever.
Teach your children responsibility, and that the lack of responsibility has real world consequenses, not just household consequenses. Is also very good.
Parenting is hard. My son is 7. Doing it right is exhausting. I am a tutor as well. I had a 7th grader who was so sweet, so sociable. He used video games to interact with friends and cousins. Then he took his tablet to school and got grounded from it. His grades went up, but his demeanor was heartbreaking to see. He was the youngest of three children of immigrants. He was doing well to earn his stuff back, I think.
IDK...he really did need to improve academically, but the cost seemed so high. I missed his smile. He just stopped smiling. I felt like a torturer or the instrument of punishment.
I hate when parents think nothing can be wrong in your life because they’re your parent.
Aah yes.... blind arrogance
"How can you possibly be sad? You had everything I told you to want as a child!"
@@swine13 "how can you be sad? I only Half traumatized you and obsessed about my own wants and needs"
Why are you troubled? You haven't lived as long as I have or have as much issues as I have, therefore you can never have any issues.
@@reachlol1 damn, this hits home. They all talk about how hard they had it but isn't that the point of technology, politics, and shit? To make our lives better and easier?
It's like that one Ellen DeGeneres activity where they let teens fix a clock or use the old telephone and laugh at them for not knowing how to use it but at the same time, they're clueless about how to turn on a computer lmao 💀💀💀
I identified with the kid a lot and i was wondering why until you said "maybe he has adhd" and then i realized this was the issue. At some point a bit before the pandemic i basically gave up at school, i only wasted my time at the computer watching videos or playing random games, i thought i was addicted because i hated everything about my life when im not doing something, my mother died not long after my 13th birthday and my father is an alchoholic i'm only living because of my grandma and my uncle who does the minimum, i don't even think i have the skills to live as an adult, im a 17 yr old living in the middle of nowhere is brazil with no skills and im becoming 18 this april, i aslo forgot to mention that was diagnosed with adhd a while ago, or at least my dad said one day while he wasent drunk. I was also going to edit another thing in here, but i forgot, i only remembered that i wanted to say that my pc only has 2 gb of ram now so i'm only playing whatever can run on this which isn't much.
Here's the thing, I'm special needs with severe depression and ADHD but when the pandemic hit. I gave up on school because I couldn't pay attention, the school refused to accommodate, I couldn't talk to people before or during it so I used video games to talk to my friends and get away from the constant bullying or other issues. This would lead to me breaking off from the world and them only adding more and more restrictions which still applies but it only makes it harder to do my school work and enjoy myself. I've brought it up to them in a respectful and kind way but they don't listen or change their minds about it. I even held a job and I couldn't enjoy myself or relax because I only work through the time I had to use.
OH GOD my mom is a "fixer", this hits home for me. She kicked me out of the house because she couldn't handle my depression & didn't communicate with me.
Try to find someone who understands you.
Sadly, parents are not always those people, so you should find someone else (as sad as it's sounds)
You may even post your thoughts here: some people would joke around (ignore them) but others would try to help you ;-)
Dude, if you can't handle your kid's depression you find them help with someone who can help them manage their depression and teach you how to help them manage it. The choices some parents make are insane, I hope you're in a better place now.
She kicked you out for being depressed? That's terrible.
Kids are actually one of the most talkative and open kind of people but because they’re kids and their opinions aren’t as valued, they are ignored instead of being listened to. Parents need to understand that at that age, they need to be more loose and guide them instead of forcefully shoving them in a direction. In high school I was heavy gamer.Freshman and sophomore year I was overweight 5’8 180 and no muscle bc growing up I had no opportunity to go do sports or anything. I came home did homework and played games after and repeated. High school came and I still played games, still got good grades, but I noticed my physique and ended up wanting to change. Usually games aren’t the problem themselves…. It’s the situation they’re in and gaming is their coping mechanism until something changes and which it’s possible. That summer I lose 40 something lbs and put on some more muscle that summer, played football, did track, played basketball, and guess what? I still play my fucking video games lol and I still get my shit DONE. Games are rarely the reason for failure. Games are just seen in a negative light.
Absolutely not.
I’m thankful I learned discipline as a child despite hating it as I grew up. Too many kids today resort to whining and protesting INSTEAD of solving problems themselves.
This dad sounds like my dad growing up. It’s always been that he gets an idea in his head and that’s it, no discussion. It was always frustrating to be taught as a child to question everything, but when I just ask my dad a simple “Why?” he would shut me down and say “Because I told you to.” I got diagnosed with ADHD at 21, which explained a lot growing up, but when I asked my dad why we couldn’t have gotten me tested for it as a kid, he told me it wasn’t real and that I just needed to see a psychiatrist. Was I addicted to games growing up? Maybe a little, especially my GBA. But mostly I’ve always used them to get away from reality. Didn’t help that I didn’t have siblings or was never allowed to hang out with friends. That kid in the post has much older siblings, one has a child even, and the pandemic hit so he couldn’t even hang out with his friends anymore, so there was no one else for him to talk to. I sympathize with him so much.
My dad is like this. My therapist even called CPS because of my dad’s neglect and “punishments,” and he cut her off and told me that I’m manipulative. I’m just trying to find out why my dad feels like the number one enemy. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I’ve gone through this before him, and I want to save myself again.
i grew up with my parents only allowing games on:
-Weekends (Friday, Saturday and Sunday)
-Days when school is cancelled (Holidays or Parent-Teacher Conference Days)
-Long Trips
-When Friends Carpooled Over
i lived with these rules from like before 1st Grade through Highschool. it was immensely hard to focus on schoolwork when my mind was on the game and waiting for Friday to come. you can't get a weeks worth of gaming down in less than 2 days. i tried calculating how much playing time i'd get and it was something like:
(12 hours of daylight on Friday - hours at school) + (12 hours of daylight on Saturday - (x) hours spent on chores) + (12 hours of daylight on Sunday - Church hours) and it was less than a day
compared myself to my best friend who could get gaming out of his system with no restrictions and made high honor role, even becoming valedictorian.
it sucked.
I even made a PowerPoint Presentation to tell ny parents one day after my mom raged at me. Why? For asking for some more time before doing dishes. I was in a Competitve Overwatch Game and its not like i could pause it. She didn't get it. Dad didn't get it. So the PowerPoint was made.
It worked. Only problem was, i made it too late. Literally made it after graduating highschool. They understood where i was coming from as i explained all the points previously mentioned AND the downsides to having me leave mid game to do something (i used a joke like "why was Hawkeye not in Inifinity War? Because he was AKF") . I now can game whenever i like. I have gone days, weeks and even entire semesters without gaming on my own volition now.
That’s really not unreasonable at all IMO. An entire day of your life spent gaming per week wasn’t good enough for you as s kid? Did you expect to just be allowed to play 24/7 or something?
This was standard for me for all of elementary.
It was lifted in high school, but was largely a non-factor as sleep requirements and the threat of work eating away at free time kept me from getting myself to play.
@@bluecannibaleyes i think it's more of the gaming being the stress reliever, and not getting enough of it.
I kinda see how much OP is being stressed on with his 'approximately' time chart. it's not healthy at all.
@@VantasticJackson My parents are exactly the same. Do you still have that PowerPoint? I'd need it.
Oh man, I remember when my mother used to punish me with all sorts of things and accuse me of god knows what, because I've had headaches for weeks, literally 24/7, and "obviously" that must have been my own fault. She didn't allow me to stay home from school because "she has headaches too and also has to work".
Well, turned out I had a nerve infection in my freakin' head. My doctor was not amused about the fact I was running around like this for weeks without treatment and it constantly getting worse.
Holy crap, did you get better?
Need an update on this, OP, even if you're a demon. Your health is very important to us here.
it's been 9 months, are you still here?
@@cloudian975 he's gone bois
he is already gone
I am currently at lunch at work. I work as an electrician. For most of my life, I've had an interest/passion for politics. I wanted to be a lawyer or, later on when I actually learned what it was, a sociologist. I was never really able to learn good study habits or healthy self-regulation, and I've always been trying to communicate with my parents (my dad, specifically) that I wish he would just meet me where I am and help me fix my own problems instead of always stepping in and fixing things for me/punishing me for things I didn't feel I had control over.
For most of my life, I was dealing with undiagnosed ADHD and major depressive disorder, and that, alongside my interest in politics and my lack of athleticism, made me a prime target for bullying. Going to school felt terrible, but it was better than the only alternatives. I had nobody I could go to where he wouldn't find me, and if I just didn't go, he would have either wrangled me there physically or whooped me with the belt or whatever else he was using on any given day. I know this because he did so for things a lot less minor.
I have spent the last 15 years of my life, basically from the moment I could have a semi-coherent dialogue, trying to get him to understand that something else was wrong. That it wasn't the video games or the getting into fights or anything like that that was the problem. That there were other things going on. By the time I figured out the language to say it, I was 15. Even then, he still talked over a lot of it. Even after I got my diagnoses, my symptoms were still met with punishment after a brief six month period where they tried cooperation, and because results didn't come fast enough, he ditched it. I didn't really feel like I had a place where I could just be myself, so I didn't have a place where I could learn to cope with my issues in a healthier manner or attempt to resolve that which could be resolved.
I'm 21 now. I mostly try to avoid my dad just to keep conflict down so, even though I live in his house, we don't really talk much. Even when we do, it rarely goes deeper than him telling me about this new cool piece of military tech. Even though the punishments don't really come much anymore because he just kind of gave up on most of them by the time I was 19, I still don't feel safe. He has repeatedly threatened to kick me out because I'm a socialist, and when I finally puffed out my chest and called their bluff on "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it", my dad attacked me as if I was threatening my mom for telling her to "do it then". Let me just repeat that. Me calling my mom's bluff on her actual death threat was what my dad called a threat and physically attacked me over.
I've spent the last 20 or so minutes crying and trying to emotionally recover enough to go back to work after listening to this one and the video about gifted kid burnout. It hurts. It hurts so much. I've been trying to tell them these things for almost a decade and a half and now that I've actually been able to find somebody with the academic authority to back that up, it's too late. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm 21 and I'm an adult and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or how to even start figuring that out and, barring the invention of a time machine, I can't go back and show them this video and I can't relive my childhood. I am an adult and I have to go back to work in literally under a minute and I'm still crying because I don't know how I'm gonna do anything for the next however many years of life I have left.
At least I know I was onto something.
Your late segment starting around 34min was so important. So many think the “back in my day we did blah blah” train of thought but today isn’t back in the day. There are new threats and lures and troubles that need new methods.
I was born in 1965 and "back in my day" we played videogames! Pity I was never a parent.
I remember my parents would "help" me with essays and school projects by looking over my shoulder and making sure I did everything right and occasionally doing things for me so I didn't mess it up. I grew up feeling like I couldn't do anything right and if anything goes wrong I can just wait for someone else to fix it.
And if they said anything like "if you get this bad grade we will take away your phone" I reacted with more of a "guess I'm losing my phone" rather than "better not get that bad grade "
When I was writing essays for boarding schools, my family(especially my brother) would constantly either overestimate my abilities, or say that everything I've written is trash, and how I'm "not putting enough effort into it." They ended up locking screentime behind the essays, and for a few weeks, I looked forward to anytime I wasn't with my family. I had to adjust to getting screen time more than halved even after submitting essays.
I let my dad read this comment. He said in his day you wouldn't have gotten one bad grade. Said he failed a test his daddy told him not to and got a horse whip used on him. Needless to say he never failed another test or really anything.
Well that's relatable. As a kid if my parents ever threatened to take away my computers or prevent me from going to d&d that week (my two main ways I coped with depression) I just thought oh well, and changed nothing.
For me It wasnt my parents helping with anything. They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade. this might sound really good BUT because my parents work at banks they and because im the middle child the "They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade" part sounded like they wont pay attention to me unless i get a bad grade .And i think you can see how that can go wrong. That was the FIRST problem that wasnt fixed just became less of a problem (i still am loud and weird just to get attention). Onto to the second problem. because i was "Gifted", in the early years of school i just passed time not learning how to learn just doing everything because it was so easy that i didnt need to learn. This became a problem in 7 grade because things started to get difficult and i had the studying capabilities of a 4th grader. The problem became even bigger because i felt like trash (the same feeling you get when youre the best at something from your group for a couple of years and then suddenly you start failing hard going from a top dog to a average in a matter of months)and parents had a "Video game bad" mentality. And since before 7 grade everything was so boring video games were the only thing keeping me intact and not going into a full depression. So parents took away video games so my grades fell even lower and lower until they realized that video games werent a cause for the falling grades but my mental health and the constant need for attention that was only suppressed by video games. Very glad that they actually helped. Im currently in 12th grade and doing fine.
Related to this a FUCK ton
I feel like I’m the only one in this sea of people who had parents like this, and I can say fervently that the other option - talking to the kid - works wonders. I was diagnosed with ADHD two weeks before my freshman year of high school, and my parents tried to help me. They talked to me. The pandemic hit halfway through the school year, and my parents correctly figured out that video games were the only way for me to interact with my friends. How? By asking me. They let me talk to friends. The pandemic still hit me hard as hell, being recently diagnosed with ADHD with nothing figured out. I didn’t know what ADHD was, so when I talked to them, they told me and helped me figure things out. Now, two years later, I can successfully do stuff that everyone else can like read a textbook. I’ve mostly got through that dark time of my life where I almost failed every class due to missing homework. That’s another thing: they let me fail. They actually let me fail hard. I got Cs and Bs, I had mountains of homework, etc. eventually, I got tired of having bad grades. My motivation was back, but this time it was from within. They stopped reminding me when I told them not to. Because they didn’t need to. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing. But, as a Junior in high school, I’m back on the right track. Thanks Mom and Dad for actually being there for me.
I'm so happy for you💖I really wish all parents were like this.
I am kind of in the same situation, but even after I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and more, my parents still make stupid excuses for why video games are ruining my life, and when I try to use facts on how video games are the only thing I enjoy and understand in life, they just disregard it as an excuse, and take them away. I am glad that you got the good ending of parents.
on hi Danny Devito
That's really amazing and I want to be this kind of parent to my kid one day 🥰❤️
I also have parents like this, and I feel so left out when everyone has parent issues. Thank you to my parents for always being there for me.
During covid I was in high school and my grades plummeted. My parents had always looked at me through the lens of my grades and I too started to connect my value to my school performance. I felt so incredibly depressed and video games were my only outlet. When they took them away I was too tired from school to feel anything about that, so I just did nothing all day. I think what that father doesn't realize is that his kid isn't trying to get his games back because he's too tired/doesn't care enough to think about. He feels empty.
I wish more people looked at problematic behaviors as forms of communication and/or attempts to ease suffering or solve a problem.
Also, it's so incredibly depressing for all parties concerned when therapists get shoved into the role of the bad cop and/or private eye. The therapists who attempt to resist or transcend that role usually end up being disregarded or fired.
Also around that age, his body is SUPPOSED to work that way, to stay up late and wake up late, that's just teenage circadian rhythm. There's actually a deep rabbit hole here, about how the school's start time system is flawed all because of a change in the 70's where instead of multiple buses taking students to school at around the same time, we now have one bus that takes different students to school at different times, this change completely ignored our circadian clock resulting in teens that needed more sleep has to wake early and kids that can wake early start school at the latest time. From that point on our culture and media have portrayed teens staying up late and snoozing in the morning as being lazy and rebellious youth.
Another overlooked factor is how this change in the 70's affected the world as well and not just the U.S, I'm not living in the U.S and my country pretty much has the same school start time, and I've always struggled so hard with my sleep schedule and always hated waking up early, I just didn't understand why and for the longest time I thought I was just a bad student until I came across this info about my circadian rhythm realizing it wasn't me that's messing up my academic performance, it's the time the school demanded me to wake up on, really hate the fact my country straight copied a system that is flawed.
If anyone reading this are struggling with their sleep schedule for school just know it is not your fault, you are right and the entire system is indeed against you.
Not only that, but the change in circadian rhythm fucked with the development of the brain associated with critical thinking that is supposed to happen in adolescence
@@XiELEd4377 Yup, thanks, I didn't go too in depth into what circadian rhythm is and the consequences of messing with it because i didn't want my comment to be an essay, people can feel free to learn more on the net, plus the vid is mainly about video games and bad parenting.
@@eldrielle6327 it's also incredibly frustrating. When you have a circadian rhythm disorder
Just absolutely UGH
Because people don't believe That's real
I didn't know this... glad for the info, thanks.
Some think that part may be intentional, a means of making a more controllable and compliant populus.
This is exactly what my parents did to me as a kid. I was really good in elementary school, but started struggling hard in middle/high school. I played a lot if video games during that time, so of course my parents assumed that was the sole issue. I told them multiple times that I was extremely anxious all the time and found it very hard to make friends, and that playing video games made me feel like I could be anything I wanted. I could do everything I'm not able to do in real life. I was struggling with basic things, but when I beat the final boss in a game, I felt accomplished. I had achieved something. I still vividly remember the time i beat Starfy on the DS for the first time. The last fight with mashtooth was exhausting but after many attempts I finally succeeded. I cried watching the cutscene at the end because it shows Starfy saying goodbye to his friends. MY friends. The people(?) I had just gone on a fantastic adventure with and had grown to love. It was bittersweet, because I was happy that I completed the game, but sad that there wasn't any more to be done with with same characters.
In the real word, I was strange. I didnt have many friends, didn't really talk, and I still wore shoes without laces. In video games, I was the hero. I had friends I could count on, I didn't have to worry about what I was going to say because it was all written out for me. I could wear whatever shoes I wanted because shoes with better stats are objectively better than shoes with low stats. I played video games more because I felt so disconnected from the rest of the world, but to my parents- I was disconnected from the world because I played too many video games. So they took them away when I started to struggle. If I missed an assignment I was grounded for a week, of course it just made it harder to succeed because I had lost my only coping mechanism, so then it was "You just dont care enough" and grounding for even longer.
Eventually they made me get a job to force me to get out of house. That was quite literally one of the worst times of my life. I was working incredibly late hours on school nights at an extraordinarily fast paced job. It was rare that I didnt have a breakdown when I got to my car after my shift ended. Of course, I wasnt allowed to quit, because obviously I was exaggerating or something. Finally, after 6 years of begging my parents to listen to me, they took me to a psychiatrist. At 18 years old I was diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. My parents acted like this was something they had already suspected, but I question the validity of that due to the fact that I was constantly told that I was exaggerating or being dramatic. I barely graduated high school in 2019. I had spent the last few years of my life just trying to make it through the day and wondering what was wrong with me that I had no idea what to do next. I looked at different careers and colleges but I wasn't interested in anything. My anxiety was so bad that I couldnt even answer phone calls. And there was definetly no way i was going to be able to afford college (I have to pay my own college fees). So whatever I pick has to be the right one otherwise I'm thousands of dollars in debt just to start over again. I never got any kind of help with my mental health or any kind of specialized learning plan and my only coping mechanisms were taken away from me whenever I wasnt meeting expectations so I never learned how to deal with my emotions. I never learned social skills or how to make friends. But I'm damn good at catching pokemon.
I turned 21 last month, and I'm pretty much in the exact same place. I dont know what I want to do or where I want to go and i dont even know what my interests are. I have a counselor now, but we bounced between a few because my parents thought they weren't fixing me fast enough, and I'm getting tired of explaining this over and over again, especially since I'm awful at explaining things. I'm on several medications to manage my anxiety and depression, but I still lack any kind of social competency. I have very few friends that I barely see, and I'm finding it harder and harder to make friends online because I can often come off as rude or uninterested because of the way I naturally talk. Trying to fix it results in me sounding sarcastic so people just assume I don't like them and move on.
I'm miserable. I have no job, no friends, and the social literacy of a dead beetle and I am trying very hard to figure it out but for so long I was made to believe that that's just how it's supposed to be and I need to stop being dramatic. My state has basically no services for people my age so I'm running out of options very quickly. My counselor has introduced me to some individuals who might be able to help but I have no idea how to explain anything to them if I can even get over the barrier of opening up my mouth to speak. I'm at a point of hoplessness and desperation and I'm giving it my everything just to hang on for one more day.
My point with this comment is to explain that if you are a parent, please listen to your child. Don't make assumptions and then try to "fix" you kid based on those assumptions. If they have a certain hobby or habit that you think they do excessively, ask them what they like about it. Don't take it from them when they mess up. Trust me, we know when we mess up and we feel bad about it. It doesnt help to take away the things that, even if its temporary, make us feel a little better about ourselves. When your child asks for help please help them. It can be very hard to admit you need help so please don't shrug it off as drama. I don't want any child, neurodivergent or not, to end up in my position. I don't want any kid laying in bed at night unable to sleep because they're desperately trying to figure out what's wrong with them and why they can't fix it. I dont want any kid to still be jobless and friendless at 21 years old. Please please please treat your kids better than your parents treated you. Teach them how to talk about their struggles and be patient with them. Never assume you have the answers. Ask what you can do for them and consult a professional. Teach them that they arent alone and they arent broken. Dont leave them to fend for themselves because all that they learn from that is that they dont fit anywhere and just being alive isnt worth the exhaustion.
To those of you reading this with a similar experience, first off, thanks for sticking through it to the end, and secondly, I believe in you. Sometimes it feels like you're walking backwards up mount everest just by existing but I'm so proud of you for doing it. Not everyone can walk up a mountain backwards but you sure as hell can, and that's something to be proud of. You might not be able to see how close you are to the summit, but there is a summit there somewhere. Keep holding on to that ice pick and make sure to ask the sherpa if you're unsure of anything, and you'll make it to the top.
I don't know if this could help, but I would humbly advice you to save this comment and use it as a tool to explain your situation to doctors, councelors or those important to you
I feel like you just gave a pretty great explanation of what you have to go through and why you may struggle socially. I think it may help, at least with those people that care enough to seriously read it.
Thank you for sharing this and for your words of encouragement
I cut both my parents out and it was the best decision i ever made. I only have a younger sister now who I cherrish. I slept in my car many times, and my brother, if you make that decision you will too. But its okay. You have to be your own biggest fan sometimes, do it for yourself! It sucks they aren’t giving you the tools you need to succeed, but stop counting on them…. Go out there and go get it yourself! You can do it!! Even if you have to pop a blanket in your trunk for a week, lots of jobs can’t hire people fast enough right now. Just remember you are helping yourself and take comfort in that. This is what has helped me anyway. I got a wonderful girlfriend now who has helped me more than i even deserve. I have faith in you champ
Please, leave your parents
*sending virtual hug*
But for real though I hope it will get better for you i know how hard it is to have such parents
Hey man do you have discord?
As someone on the Autism spectrum my mom would take away my videogames more than once. I had restriction after on and off not having good grades in school. Honestly school sucked for me. Before my freshman year of High school just a few weeks my mom and later stepdad took away my videogames. I didn't get them back till Graduation day. My stress levels were only getting higher and I didn't know about my Aspergers diagnosis until I was 17 years of age. I was rebellious and more than once arrived late. My mom and stepdad didn't say great things like how after having had 2 seizures my stepdad said to me that he had to pay $10,000 for my ambulance and hospital time. Then said if I had a 3rd seizure I'd pay it out of pocket. My mom coddled me and even into my 30th birthday she and my stepdad talked down to me like I was 15. Why do parents do this to their children.
I have chronic headaches that doctors cannot explain. I relate to a lot of the things this boy has, mainly the unpredictable sleeping schedule. I try to be awake in the day, but it is hard for me to want to go to sleep at night for some reason. I have been diagnosed with delayed sleep phase. I have an on and off video game addiction. There was a period of my life when I felt like I couldn’t live without video games. This was during a very stressful part of my life. My parents were understanding that I was going through a lot (I have a lot of health problems, and school was hard for me) so they didn’t really regulate me. At some point they decided to pull me out of school after I had a mental breakdown so I could just focus on my health issues and mentally healing. Eventually I got into jewelry making, and then video editing. As I got into hobbies and had the stress in my life reduce, my urge to play video games slowly evaporated. I went months just without wanting to play them and ended up uninstalling a couple of them from my computer as they were taking up space. Now just a few weeks ago I started school again and my video game addiction has come back with a vengeance. I don’t know why, as this is much easier school than I did before, and I know now that I am expected to just pass and don’t have to get all As (My parents used to want me to get the highest scores possible, but have eased up over time), but I still get panic attacks about it. I think I might have some kind of PTSD surrounding it. Does anyone have any tips to help me?
Maybe you have some triggers related to school and assignments? Or mental blocks stressing you out that are associated with that environment. Try out therapy, regular talking, art therapy, maybe even CBT. If your school has good counselors, work with them to figure out a doable plan.
"The kid is gonna win this game"
Of effing course he's gonna win. I've seen a lot of parents like this and the kids just fucking go the Sasuke route; become really successful and powerful and spite their parents to the grave. It's a very sad thing to watch.
They deserve it though
He's a gamer, his dad isn't. The victor here is obvious
Does that mean I can strive to be the video game artist I want to be in collage when my parents kept telling me each time "It's up to you but you'll most likely not be able to find a job in that field" which unintentionally scared me away from doing it to begin with.
@@darthestar8791 yes, it's possible. If it's your passion and you see and feel something special when it's the topic then go for it. I have a lot of hobbies and interest and I kinda envy my younger self for having only a few interests but is willing to do it with passion and master the craft
Of course you need to be realistic and find out what kind of world you're entering but don't lose hope. And just in case, have a back up plan
Muhammad Ali said that becoming a boxer was his best decision but that doesn't mean everyone should strive for it juts because he did the impossible. He told people to finish school first and get a job because the chances of becoming a boxer that gets paid well is 1 in a million, so have a back-up plan
You're passionate about it but remember that other people are also passionate about it which means you have competition. I suggest looking up some things about it before you go to it but if you're already in it and you're feeling confident, have no second thoughts, go full ape shit on it and work your ass off to get to the top
Or the itachi route, break, and throw out the whole clan.
"you have to let go of the illusion of control"
-Master Oogway
So fitting! It refers to how Shifu must stop trying to turn Po into another Shifu, and instead turn him into the dragon warrior. He needs to work WITH Po and work from his strengths, not try to control him by constantly reminding him of his weaknesses
@@mr.s6661 Po’s impression of him: “Work hard panda , and one day, you’ll have ears like mine!”
Did he ever said that I don't remember 👀
This hits like you wouldn’t believe. I went through this and ended up with exema, POTS, and quite a few other physical manifestations all stemming from mental health issues. That shit is real, I never complained about any of it or really talked about any of it to anyone… I figured out myself it was a mental health issue but it took YEARS, and POTS straight up is a death loop of elevated heart rate > anxiety > repeat. Still keep Atenolol on me to this day… the amazing thing about all of it is I didn’t even realize how anxious I was all the time (was playing CSGO at ESEA A level, running an IT support business, and playing pool (billiards) competitively in league). Got so used to being in a permanent state of “good” stress that I didn’t notice the bad stress at all. Top it off with it all being adderall infused and lack of sleep… 20-27 was a real wild ride. Chilling out is impossible for me now at 33 because I’ve trained my brain to operate at that level since I was probably 14. Still trying to fix it, but much better now! Identifying the issue is half the battle.
I really appreciate you your stance on this and that you made this video. I am 38 years old and was just diagnosed with ADHD. My stepfather was a lot like this man but on a more extreme level. He was emotionally, physically, and psychologically abusive. He meets all the criteria for (and believe he has) NPD. For most of my life, I have blamed myself for the abuse. He has also blamed me to my face. I developed PTSD and went through a lot of therapy, then embarked on a long healing journey when I became a parent myself . I stopped blaming myself for his actions years ago, but since my diagnosis of ADHD, I am really struggling again. I feel like I must’ve been a really difficult child and every that happened was my fault again. All the old feelings have come rushing back and been a really difficult time for me. I have been searching for answers because I know cognitively what happened to me was wrong. But it’s different when you know it in your heart. That’s when you can start to heal. I could hear in your voice how much you felt for this boy and hearing your feelings and thoughts, it was very validating. What happened to me was not OK either and I needed help, not more and more extreme parenting, “fixing”, and blame. Thanks for taking the time to share your professional and personal perspective.
And yes, yes, yes about psychosomatic conditions. I have been diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases, IBS, POTS, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, basically, every vauge syndrome you could imagine with no answers found in testing. I finally figured out it was due to narcissistic abuse, and then began the long road to healing.
My father actually sold everything game related whenever i didn't do well in school. He would also always say some religious BS saying games are evil, which is weird because he's the one who introduced me to gaming in the first place. I got out of that household 3-4 years later. But because of my upbringing in the long run, i don't enjoy gaming as much as i want to. I had a passion for gaming, and I want to stream as a career, but I spend most of my time at work. Purposely. To temporarily forget these memories. I've been taught all my life that if you're not working you're lazy. I have a twicth channel, but i rarely post, mainly cause I'm always depressed. Nowadays I look at my webcam and think "I should just throw this away. Along with my games." I'm not sure what to do by this point, but I understand this video to the fullest. If you've read this far, thanks for reading this mini rant. I just had to get this off my chest for once.
Don't do that. Don't tarnish your stuff you spent money on because of your dad. Screw him. Screw his rules. You do what you want. Don't waste money on the stuff you earned yourself. Please, start out with a tiny stream. Maybe minecraft or something that won't get spoiled for you. Maybe you could get some steam games, like tf2, raft, void train. You can do what you like. But please, don't feel like you should throw everything you spent your money on away. I don't know how much your setup cost, but if it's over 500, then no, it's not a great idea to scrap or sell it. There's no guarantee you'll get anything back if you sell, and most places don't use electronic scrap anymore. You do what you want to, what you're comfortable with. Start out small as a test. If it's not for you, then, well..just know you shouldn't give up.
My bro, this soubds like something you go to therapy for. Not being able to enjoy something you know you like sounds like some sorta mental block
If someone can make you don't enjoy games someone can make you enjoy them again, therapy
One day, you will be dead. Everyone you know will be dead. Everyone they know will be dead. We have, apparently, already passed the halfway point of our species life expectancy which is a blip on the cosmic scale, so chasing things like fame, etc, and worrying about things like "how I got my money" and "how I lived my life" really don't matter as long as you can live with yourself. Find your happiness however you can and don't worry about what other peoples expectations tell you about being happy. One day, they'll all be dead and so will you, and even the records of us, and the most famous folks of all time will inevitably vanish as our entire species ceases to exist.
What's your Twitch Channel name? I''m always interested in finding new streamers!
"I tried punishment, it didn't help! What should I try next? I know: more punishment!"
Reminds me of my experience growing up, particularly in high school, I was extremely depressed, struggling with school, my stepdad's solution was to ground me from all video games and computer for the entire duration of every school year. Literally, however many months that adds up to be - no video games, no computer, nothing. I did the same as this kid - played on school computers or at friends' houses, sneaked my sister's gameboy - my parents tried taking me to a therapist exactly once, and specifically wanted it to be a therapist who would "be hard on me" so wasn't someone I felt comfortable talking to at all, big surprise that didn't last long and nothing improved. Years later as an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD.
After a certain point you'd think there would be a realization that "what I'm doing now isn't helping, I need to try something else instead of intensifying the same thing" - and parents need to see their kids as people who are struggling with problems, not the kids AS problems to be solved.
This 😔
Thank you I have depression and have played video games that did not stop for years, I finally realized why when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I needed the video games to spike my dopamine to normal levels so I wouldn't feel as crappy.
We should have like a standardized test for people who want to be adults to ensure they actually know wtf they're doing.
It's because most parents are lazy
@@rusi6219
Not just lazy, many don't have time, energy, or the practice at being aware and considerate, sometimes they're underequipped to even communicate properly because they too were treated like this...
Many don't see kids as people who are growing, they're something to be molded into an extension of parents' will.
Man, seeing you getting mad for a kif you don't even know brought tears to my eyes. There are people like you that actually try to get people to understand themselves and each other better and I love it. Thank you, it really helps !
I had a strict upbringing, with tuition for subjects every week, after school and weekends. I had an addiction to the internet and my phone, which were for escapism due to stress. All I remember was the stress and how depressed I was from tuition combined with sleep paralysis and exploding head syndrome. My parents were not that helpful since they didn't bring me to a doctor. I would say they didn't try to communicate or understand why I was acting like that or try to solve my issues.
"His mother and I are divorced"
"Right when the pandemic hit"
Must be them vidya gaems!
I had foster parents that just took away everything repeatedly. It was almost entirely over school grades. I spent so much of my life after 12 with just nothing. There were times when the "grounding" was so severe that I only ate PB&J for months and all that was in my room was next day's clothes and bedding. I lost complete interest in earning anything back, and everything I earned I understood was just another thing I could lose. Every once in a while they'd be like "Okay, let's reset, maybe you just need a taste of what you lost" and I'd have a videogame for a week.
Now I'm an adult and I know now that I'm autistic, have ADHD, with type 2 bipolar depression.
Holy fuck I've seen drill sergeants kinder than what you've just described
@@specimenx4139 A drill sergeant has to know when to not push too hard, after all
Yeah pretty much the same for me. They just took and took from me until i had nothing. Eventually i stopped caring. Couldn't see friends, Couldn't keep myself entertained and Couldn't grow up and mature in life. Everything sucked. Left when i turned 18 and never looked back.
Jesus that’s neglect and abuse. My parents hounded me over school and I had multiple breakdowns- damn I was gonna say “At least they didn’t take my stuff” but my parents weren’t super helpful either
this sounds like it meets the criteria of torture.
This brought me a lot of insight. As a single parent of four I had to look at their views not because of wanting to be strict and tango around each other, but realizing that I was from also divorce parents, strict parent and the other not at all, had no voice, and etc. I have mental and physical disabilities can not ever be an excuse on my part, because when I did use it, it back fires. I notice symptoms on some children for things I have so I try my best to start teach all them methods for different areas whether it’s needed or not. This vid was big insight. I’ll most likely rewatch later and see what I can better add to my tool set.
Having learned both personally and professionally about depression, addiction, controlling families, relationship trauma etc: I couldn't possibly agree more with what you say ♡