Why You Feel Unlovable | Viewer Interview
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- čas přidán 28. 07. 2024
- All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00:00 Intro
00:00:25 Not Invested in His Own Life
00:08:40 Feelings of Narcissism
00:15:50 Traumatic Family History
00:58:48 Not Feeling Liked, Being Unlovable
01:25:13 Romantic Relationships
01:32:32 Derealization and Depersonalization
01:41:16 Being Unlovable, Closing Thoughts
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
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#unlovable #depersonalization #psychology
"When I hear people laugh I assume it's because they're making fun of me"
Man that brings back very bad memories.
Wait.. that's not _everyone's_ assumption?....oh dear :D
Hits close to home
My brain automatically goes to that place even though I KNOW they don't
@@alegria1813 same
its even worse when you know people are making fun of you
It's both scary and interesting how a ordinary looking dude that seems like having a successful and casual life can have so much tragedy in his past.
Where did you get your profile picture? It’s so pretty. Does it have a name?
idk bout ordinary lookin he kinda fly 😅
It's the reality most people have, they hide the pain so well, that one would ever expect it. Until you dig deeper and realize how awful they had it going.
I know this feeling because it's how I live by daily. I act so natural that no one really thinks that I've gone through some heavy experiences until I mention them.
@@sirtangerine1465 I thought about this recently. In my country people share after hanging out for a while things that you wouldn't expect. Tragedy is everywhere and I hope everyone gets the healing they deserve.
I have the same issues this guy has... but im ugly af, my smile is horrible, social phobia, socially awkward... and no way i would have the guts to show me on a youtube video. This dude doesn´t look that bad in social situations just as me or any others who aren't the cute ones with the great smile many girls would get in love just like this dude... he is easilly at least an 8/10 looking
"I'm the type of person who would rather clean your room than my own", I can relate to that.
Same
Me too
This resonates with me alot lol.
The thought I always resort to that his comment seemed to be in a similar vein of was “I’m excited for other people who achieve life’s milestones or dive headfirst into their journey of fulfillment but I don’t know how to find my own fulfillment so nothing I ever do is enough.”
I’m a Caregiver for my grandmother and that gave me a sense of purpose until she passes someday (: Our fulfillments could be very little things, like parenthood, helping others/animals, adventuring, or something! Don’t knock yourself down, we have many days to live on this earth and we shouldn’t set fear/sadness for ourselves eventhough it’s very hard not to do sometimes! Do stuff you enjoy! It’s not a selfish act since others are doing it too!
I’m no gamer but this is by far the most healing channel I’ve ever found.
Me too.. Not a gamer either
Me either... Why is this channel called health gamer I still wonder
@@slothochdonut3099 the guy is a gamer. The name has a ring to it though thats my opinion
its generally aimed at a gamer audience, using gaming terms and anecdotes/comparisons, and covering issues, illnesess and adictions for and in the gaming comunity@@slothochdonut3099
For those of you wondering he explains it once in a while
It's called healthy gamer because he wanted to help people who he had felt are thrown to the side and the biggest group he found was "gamers" because he noticed how much society piled on people who so called themselves "Gamers"
You don't have to be a gamer for his help to apply
Maybe he has a video on it somewhere that explains it better
I love the interviews with “ordinary” people. Even when the experiences are wildly different, there is always something relatable. Thank you for sharing.
Couldn’t agree more - I think having relatively “ordinary” people helps showcase the breadth of the issue and allows for most viewers to relate, almost as if they’re in the same seat talking with him.
Yeah, it's tough to relate to streamers who make 100k a month and have a perceived easy life
@@boggeshzahim3713 definitely. Not to say people with money do not have problems, but it seems like streamers often hover around the same issues.
@@boggeshzahim3713 it's hard to relate to their income, but that's basically it in my opinion. The issues are still the same as you in regard to social anxiety, etc. I promise you, making more money isn't a sustainable method of happiness and is short lived.
I was essentially homeless before going to college and had less mental health concerns back then. I have a great job and own a business as well, the mental health concerns are as persistent as ever now. Mental health doesn't have a specific look or socioeconomic preference. It impacts everyone in the world. Cheers, brotha.
don't you guys think it would be more productive to have the guests not showing their face on stream like that? I feel like they get too self-conscious and can't relax properly to think through the tougher questions.
Talking to you was great Dr. K, although Id like to apologize for that brutal mana drain haha
oh...the name makes sense now
@@ur-mom-gay its just a dumb name I thought of when I looked at my on-screen keyboard, where the key under the “Dock” key said “Fade” haha.
it’s funny how everyone spells it Doc now haha
Lmao the nickname
Thank you for sharing your story Dock
Hey man, dr K isn’t doing his work to have a fun or relaxing time. If he wanted to have fun then he’d be taking a bubble bath instead of doing his job. So it’s okay for you to be ‘mana-draining’, I’m sure he was glad to listen or help you in a small way in your journey
I think he’s afraid of people disliking him too even now like I feel like someone disliking him could also be a trigger that takes him back to the nightmares that he went through cause he’s worked so hard on this new identity which he convinces himself is authentic but is just a product of his trauma and to cope as well. I’d imagine that if someone dislikes him it’s hard to deal with because he doesn’t even like himself either so seems like he always has to have some sort of validation from other and he watches how he presents himself or he’s not going out in fear of messing up and being disliked. I think it takes him back to that seat in his classroom
I know it's 2 years late but I just hope that he has found some peace and he is on his healing journey. If you are reading this 2 years later, please know that from one abuse survivor to another, you are a damn hero. Your story, your speaking out, saved many people. That's the stuff of heroes, for sure.
He's one of the most "sane", self-reflective, and rational survivors that I've ever heard.
I’m glad you have that perception of me, thank you !
@@OurWonderland I think there’s a very important lesson to be learned in life. And that’s How to not let others opinion influence your self worth. Being open, question your actions, calibrate yourself through interaction of others. But your self worth is separate from that. Constantly trying to remind myself to that. I can relate to a lot of things you said. Und ich bin auch als Ausländer in Deutschland aufgewachsen. Hab viele Marokkanische Freunde, aber marrokaner können oft auch sehr unangenehm sein - vor allem Männer 😅 das interessante ist, auch wenn du dir vielleicht alleine vorkommst, es gibt Millionen von Menschen, die ne beschissene Kindheit hatten. Will sagen, Du bist nicht allein.
@@OurWonderland Seriously man, it's incredible how much you went through in your life, how much suffering and hurt you had to endure and yet you haven't grown bitter and joined the dark side, but you are clearly full of kindness and love even if it's sometimes hard to feel. And you very apparently have enough hope inside you to actually be brave enough to try to heal, so seriously, if anyone has a right to feel proud of themself it's you. I have so much respect for you and there is clearly a light in you that no one managed to put out. I wish you the best luck in life and I am 100% convinced somebody with your balls and resilience will find an exciting main quest and live a life worth living. Viel Glück und liebe Grüße nach Deutschland aus den Schottischen Highlands!
@@OurWonderland You are one of the strongest and kind-hearted people I have ever seen. Stay strong brother.
He got a lot of bad RNG but also got a very good one - he had a sister that he had to take care of and protect. He has a very high sense of responsibility, sometimes unhealthy (like if you blame yourself for almost everything bad that happens) but still very admirable and desirable than having that whiny victim mindset bs. RESPECT. You are a Survivor, a Warrior. You live to tell your tale. But live the fullest by playing your main quest. You will leave a dent in the universe, no doubt about that.
About the part he says he's a narcissist who hates himself , I feel somewhat like that , my self esteem is purely based on what I think about myself , and it fluctuates a lot , sometimes I feel like I am the king of the world and everything I do is awesome , but other times I feel like I'm less than garbage and everything I do is shit ...
Same man
same here too
same
Y'all need Jesus
i think you can have bad days, but its important to always love yourself as you are (and still be able to tell if you can improve and better yourself, i dont think its conflicting, you can do both at same time)
Wow, no wonder he has a hard time telling this story in a way that doesn't ovewhelm people. You look at this guy, listening to him tell a story and you wouldn't even suspect he's been through all that. For a solid 50 minutes the story just got darker and darker. I try not to judge at all, but like 3 times I thought "ok, that sounds pretty serious, this could be the root of his problems", and then he tells something even worse. It's miracle he's as sane as he is, survivor doesn't even cover what he is.. I can't help but admire people who can stick to the light side even when their life was so dark.
It may sound cheesy but I guess my jealousy for people with a "normal" family / private life has never turned into hatred, just ambition.
It's something that a lot of people have talked to me about, asking if I'm very religious and similar because they don't understand how I am not a complete nihilist.
I guess on the inside I am, on the account that I don't really emotionally feel much of anything anymore, but I still feel -something-, and I'll hold onto that for dear life.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and sorry for the very late reply !
Do u feel at peace when numbing out ??
@@OurWonderland Well jealousy is normal when i lost my mom and seeing older women than my mom with their kids I would just cry and say, why do they have their mom and I don't. Like i would talk to GOD and tell him am i that un lovable that you took my mum when I am 23 and everyone having their mum at the age of 50 or 60 but after 1 year when I accepted her death that mindset looked foolish but that was my wounds and hurts talking.
Every sentence I was just going "hahaha ha ho, oh, oh no. Dear God it keeps getting worse"
@OurWonderland sometimes I feel like there are people who have no resilience, and people who have high resilience. And then I'm someone who has an incredibly high resilience to having low resilience.
Like I don't have the gritty determination kind of resilience where I keep on going, unhindered in the face of overwhelming adversity.
I'm the guy who got easily beaten down six years ago, and am incredibly hindered and overwhelmed in the face of overwhelming adversity. But I don't give up, I kept going after being beaten down by life, kept going despite being down. Like, some people resist getting knocked down by life and go headlong into the storm both feet firmly planted on the ground. I got knocked down almost immediately and then in that knocked down state I am crawling forward.
Barely clinging on, but still going. I'm repeating myself because it's such a hard feeling to convey properly. But I feel like it's the difference between someone who has 100 hitpoints and can completely resist the first three hundred damage they take, and someone with 100 hit points who can resist 500 points of damage _after_ they got easily knocked down to 1 singular hit point. Like you can hang on a long time but you're clinging to that last single hit point on the edge somehow despite getting half the world thrown at you every day, and you're still just there with 1 hitpoint despite it, rather than shrugging everything off everything going on at a full undiminished capacity with full health until they get knocked down.
I envy that, because even though I might have gone through twice as much as them and am still hanging on, I did it at rock bottom scraping my face along rock bottom pressed into the ground. While they made it through the first half at full capacity and feeling good about it, and enjoying the challenge rather than suffering from it.
Ya know they broke after doing law school in two years and burning out. And sure I survived twice as much, but I'm here like "I took two classes this term, and I had enough energy to brush my teeth and form complete sentences".
Some people are getting to burn the candle at both ends, I was melted and heated at a high temperature without oxygen so I just kinda sat there as a sad puddle decomposing into carbon without the cool double hot flames.
How pathetic those teachers are to bully a helpless kid for the misdeeds of his parents?
That's a special type of being monstrous.
Severus Snape disliked this
@@starwarfan8342Best comment😂
Those types of teachers don't deserve to live to begin with
Everyone has different perspectives,we can't always understand.their behavior. Trauma can shape us into ugly people.
My uncle did this to me while my dad(my abuser) was dying. Yea my dad wasn’t that great but it didn’t mean I wasn’t going through hell.
Videos like this are so helpful for people struggling with similar issues of not feeling “like-able”. It’s always great to relate, even if it’s to a stranger. Cheers
I completely agree
yes
We all are in this earth together and we wanna find out who we are besides the influence of people. If you are different than average we are so ashamed of ourselves. How are we suppose to be authentic when I know me being me won't be accepted.
@@randomshots2023 There will be someone who likes you the way you are. And the other are maybe not your group of people and it is okay. Same here. And I know many people, men and women, like this.
Doc is actually a great storyteller; sad story but very interesting to hear
I wish I hadn’t been so nervous, I think i was talking pretty fast so I’m sure many people had trouble listening at some point, regardless, I’m glad you feel that way ! :)
I try to tell my experiences in a way that almost disconnects it from me so it’s more enjoyable to listen to rather than just uncomfortable so it’s good to hear it’s working (until I cried haha)
@@OurWonderland it was great to hear, crying did not detract from how you presented yourself at all
@@OurWonderland Thank you for telling your story here. It might sound a little weird when I say inspirational, but I found it interesting. Lots in common, it took me about 10 seconds to guess that you only grew up with a mother. I come, also from Germany. Same, past, traumatic experiences, except that I wasn't confronted so strongly with death. The urge to help others and feel responsible.
The feeling of playing a different person in front of others in order to be more compatible.
Good to know that there are more chameleons running around.
@@OurWonderland Congrats bro, you´re a real survivor and you should be really proud of it (I think all of us think the same). Keep it up!
He was so good that in this episode Dr. K actually spoke very rarely, I think I never saw Dr. K just listening for so long. Usually people need some additional questions for them to tell relevant information, but in this case Dock knew what to do
I don't have spiritual beliefs, but somehow I instinctively prayed for this dude. He deserves love and respect
As do you, thank you man it means a lot, truly
It’s because God has put it in our heart to reach out to Him for prayer and justice. Thank you for your comment. I pray to God for his healing and for all blessings for him and for you as well in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen. 🙏🙏
This is nice :)
@@OurWonderland they definitely do
This guy sounds like the male version of me. My trauma was sexual and physical abuse, abandoned at 14, parents were alcoholics, etc. The way he discusses the trauma and how he talks about it nonchalantly I completely get because I do it too. It's a way to take control of a situation you didn't have control over at the time. I get the feeling of watching yourself in the third person. When the world treats you like shit, no matter how positive you try to be, it's hard to shake the feeling that that's the truth. I hope he has found some serenity.
And I hope so have you, I also have come to associate negative outward emotions with alienating behavior so it’s hard for me to not dissociate when I feel them coming.
I wonder if you’ve experienced something similar (I.e. not wanting to cry or even appear sad or upset because you know those around you will not know what to do and get uncomfortable)
@@OurWonderlandI know exactly what that's like. Your uncle sounded just like my aunt. And I had another experience where I was alienated by people because I talked so much about my worries and traumas. But, you need support. So, it's important that you have someone you can be honest with and communicate that to without fear of abandonment. I was fortunate enough to find someone like that in my life. I hope you have someone like that too.
I had that. Then it was eventually proven to me that I am the least desirable. Don't know why... I thought I did well :( I also think that they really are just pathetic apes. Nothing that wrong with me.
Streamers will get clicks but these are so much better.
Nice profile picture
true.
100% agree. This is more like a real session and actually the first one I watched beginning to end. very likeable guy and I felt alto of compassion for his story. its seems like a great achievement he became such a genuinely nice person even though all his role models seem to have treaten him poorly
@@schigeraXD i think you are being too harsh here, you can still have problems while being rich
@@schigeraXD aight, can see where ur comin from
"give me a second coz now i gotta figure out how to help you stop crying" while laughing is actually him helping the dude stop crying... so sneaky
also made it "ok" for him to cry with his own fake drying tears with the tissue. dr. k is a bastard lol.
@@oscarlohens8586 you really need a therapist lmao.
@@telmobrito519 he’s got some major trust issues lol
“The internet was my friend” - that spoke to my soul.
almost always I notice that people who laugh a lot while talking to you about serious stuff are really insecure about the situation, themself, what they say etc. I find myself doing it a lot, when I’m in a new group of people. also really telling: when you start babbling about personal things. like, when someone asks you what your hobbies are I chew their ear off. i guess it’s a part of trying to impress with a lot of information in the hopes of building rapport.
That's interesting. I have a thing where I can start desperately babbling too, especially when I am tired or nervous etc. I always imagined it being "afraid of silence", even thought I didn'treally know why, but the way you describe it sounds more accurate. Trying to throw everything in there all at once in the hope that they will find 1 interesting thing in there. Which means that I'm already expecting that none of it will be interesting. That explains some things for me, thanks!
@@YesJellyfish i guess there’s some truth to it either way. like, when you’re afraid of silence it’s not the silence itself but rather the thought of ppl - during this silence - realize you’re boring. so u fill the void with just anything to not let that happen.
@misterduke yea you're right. Even though ironically it makes the conversation more superficial, when people don't get a second to think about what we say. Not sure what to do about this yet, but I guess awareness is the first step!
@@YesJellyfish damn I've written an answer before but it got deleted for some reason, so let me try again: currently we're more and more living in a world in which people are eager to tell you how great they are and lack listening skills. to make yourself more valuable try to train yourself to listen more and answer only the needed amount that is necessary and try to filter out all the fillers that u might use. if someone asks you how you are , you don't for example respond with "yeah well I'm okay I guess, just yesterday my mother said ...... " followed by a long monologue about your past couple of days and your thought process to kind of "explain" why you didn't say "I'm great". but rather you answer with just how you feel at that moment. and btw, it's totally okay to wait a few seconds before answering so you notjust babble whatever comes to mind but you really think about how to respond. the more you say as a filler to fill the silence, the more you "present" yourself to others and the more you "give out" to others even tho nobody asked for it. what this does? it undermines the value of what you say. ever had a friend who never really opened up in a conversation and just said the bare minimum? you might feel you want to know more but you don't get that info so you're eager to keep on trying cause it seems what this person could tell u might be interesting. the reverse way is, that you might know someone who talks like a waterfall and what that sometimes does to us is like "oouuukay well, nuff said, let's try to make him stop". so they aren't that interested in what you have to say anymore. hope that makes sense to you. :) btw. ppl fill the void usually themselves with stuff. when someone is lying to you and you just respond with silence and look at that person, chances are they explain further and further cause they don't feel comfortable with the silence. try it out.
ADHD
I do find the interviews and discussions with people NOT in the limelight a lot of more digestible and relatable. Maybe I need to start practicing to be more empathetic towards those are famous/popular...but when regular people talk to Dr. K I feel much more connected to the conversation. I'm more able to apply the advice to my own life. Always appreciate the goodwork yall have been doing!!
I feel like it would be much more productive to NOT have the person on camera though, just the voice sound. I believe the guest would feel more at ease and would be able to relax more, for the tough questions or meditating sections that require focus. The doc need to see their face though, to read their reactions of course, but just don't show their face on stream. My two cents anyway, I could be wrong
@@FeelingShred I feel like it kind of depends on what you mean by productive. Because for the interviewee, it may be "more productive" for it to be offline. But as an audience to be able to see and connect a reaction and the emotion.
I would suggest try both only listening to an interview, and watching one with focus (not multitasking).
I have done both and found value and understanding in being able to see there face.
@@FeelingShred Well if this person didn't want to be on camera, im sure he would've asked to not be on camera
Streamers know they still have an audience so keep their facade to a noticeable (to me) degree. The last handful of steamers have revealed very little of anything truly vulnerable unless it’s couched in something like, I’m so busy with my successful endeavor and it’s causing issues. Pretty admirable problem in capitalistic society so it doesn’t count
Normal is relative to your perception, remember that.
My father was murdered when my mother was pregnant with me. Seven years later she also died. I was seven years old. One morning I found her dead in bed. I can relate very well to a lot of what he said. In my experience, it is the guilt that has haunted me the longest. Now it is better, I have dealt with it for a very long time and also told the little boy from that time again emphatically that he could not have done anything, that it was not his fault.
That sounds like a lot to deal with. You're right though. It's not your fault. Thank you for sharing
Keep going strong, man, you’re incredible
My father was also murdered when my mother was pregnant with me. My mother commited suicide last year. Didn't think I'd ever see someone with a similar story.
So sorry to hear that
@@shinjite06 why was he murdered
The way he kind of laughs everytime he brings up a bad memory just makes me so sad for him.
I can definitely relate to that-- ivr grown a weird habit of always laughing a lot of things off just to ensure that the person im talking to doesnt feel too bad
It's like a constant battle...im constantly trying to make sure they're not gonna run away or something ..
i got so emotional at the end when he was talking about how much he loved his friends. genuinely compassion and he seems so happy to know them
they visited me every day and instead of just offering to talk about it and making things awkward, they treated me just like they always would, they'd ask about what happened and how i felt but they wouldn't go out of character for it, and they wouldn't stop being themselves, they brought normality into my broken daily routine and really saved me from the darkest of thoughts, I will write their names on my grave, I'm almost crying as I'm writing this, I really love them, you're right haha
@@OurWonderland thank you for putting yourself out there, your courage to tell your story on here has changed my life and many others, sending a virtual hug your way
I just want my therapist to call me bro so I feel like Dr. K is there
not advertizing or anything just giving my opinion - Try Healthygamers coaching , my coach calls me bro :D we have great proffesional relationship + it works :)
@@Bibituu can you tell me a bit more about the coaching program? I do have a therapist so idk if I’ll actually sign up, but I just want to know your perspective as someone who uses it :)
@@Bibituu I would be interested too. I was thinking of signing up for coaching for couple of months now
More ordinary people and less youtube millionaires please.
FACTS!! I actually laughed out loud at this 😂
I agree without a doubt but why not both?
That way we see the sheer amount of exact same problems, whether rich, mediocre or poor money earner ^^
@@simonshura9144 Thats why I said "more" and not "only" :)
Fewer
guess what lol
It seems as though he's scared to look forward to anything, to truly feel present in his life and take it by the reins because he doesn't want to lose it all like he lost one of the people who mattered to him most. What an amazing guy and I wish him healing.
Wow that statement really resonated with me. I'm actively working towards just enjoying the moment and loving life rather than being too scared to enjoy anything. Its hard to do after having so many things feel as if they just left to the wind. Well stated 👏
All we have is the moment. It’s hard to accept
Every cell in my body just wants to wrap my arms around this beautiful man and hug him forever…there is sooo much light radiating from this person who has suffered so much and I wish he knew 😔
Girl get up. Do better. He has all the resources available
Edit: I've come back to this video after a year and I now realise that maybe I was probably projecting a tad bit because I was so moved by the story. He doesn't appear as "small" as I assumed he was. I hope he's doing well regardless wherever he is.
You can tell by how he carries himself he's been beat down a lot. He seems quite "small" and has a super quiet energy. To think he has come out the other side still wanting to be a light in this world is a testimony to human strength and kindness.
Imagine if you're wrong about him, where does your courage to judge fellow man come from?
It's not that deep
Do you talk of your struggles with your head held high and a loud voice? If so, you are special. Most people have trouble talking of their struggles.
Alaine Rook Kitsunev If you talk about anything with a loud voice and a "head held high" you're fucking special lol
@@LordFakmorIII He told us his entire life story in the video.
Hits hard. I'm glad I don't have a history of trauma like Doc, but everything else resonates - the bullying and having felt like you're not worthy of interest, the resulting chameleonism to avoid that, the depersonalization, feeling unlovable, trust issues. You're a tough guy and it seems you have a lot of good people around you now, wishing you the best!
yeah, same. i don't relate to his traumas but other problems he mentioned felt so close to home. i hope everything always will work out for him.
What am I supposed to do to escape this abyss of despair, self-hatred, darkness, loneliness and depression? I have no escape, no paths out that I can see. I have been TRAPPED in a hell for at least the last 5 years since high school ended. I have nobody and no purpose. I have nothing going for me, no career, no prospects. I haven't had a romantic relationship since high school and I've lost everyone I ever felt feelings for, and they don't care about me remotely. I feel hollow.
@@dawn-blade No joke, reread your comment, if this is what you are thinking, that is the first thing you need to change! You are still young, friend.
Being bullied is definitely your own childhood trauma, dear commenter!
@@dawn-blade Turn to Jesus Christ. I'm serious here. Faith is the only reason I didn't go mad yet. God has everything under control even when all is falling apart around us. I got bullied, infatilised, have health issues which render me useless at times and yet, thanks to Jesus, I can still have hope. I can keep on going and living my life regardless of how worthless my issues make me feel. I don't try to force the faith on you, I only ask of you to at least consider to try. Believe me, you'll lose nothing and honestly you'll gain more than you may bargain for. May Jesus Christ bless you! Hope you'll live a good, fullfilling and happy life.
What a special human being. The opposite of a narcissist, so self-aware, no wonder you feel removed from this shallow world. You've overcome so much! I think you suffer both from CPTSD and PTSD. You deserve all the love in the world.
He is in his healing journey though. He is good
Damn this one hits close to home. I literally spent most of my college years helping others pass their classes. Never motivated to pass my own. Doing little in life that impacts me, but vastly impacts others. Revolve my whole existence to helping my family, my significant others, friends, etc.
This is gonna be a rough night for me.
❤❤❤❤
The people who have it the worst always try to play it down by laughing about their misfortune. You have a beautiful soul, stay strong brother.
When you’re so self aware that caring so much about others makes you feel like a narcissist.
I mean, that comment right there sounds like a humble brag, which i guess can be narcissistic
... my mind is very unhelpfully supplying "but making them happy makes me happy and fullfilled so im selfish no?"
@@moonsaer the good kind of selfishness, we wouldn't seek relationships if they didn't give anything back to us. Those aren't friendships if it's only one way give take situation.
It's not a matter of less or more self awareness at that point though. He has heavily biased self awareness, not objective self awareness. Which still translates into Lack of self awareness
it does kind of come off as a brag, but I think self awareness is as much as curse as it is a blessing.
Man I wish I had the opportunity to talk with Dr. K. He seems way more genuine then most therapists I’ve encountered. I bet he could help me too. I’ve learned a lot from watching his CZcams especially this one. His guest says and feels a lot like how I feel.
He's not that useful if you don't want to join his religion, join his online cult, then buy his lead pills.
50:00
To hear the police takes one hour to respond to a homicide call is just something I can't wrap my head around.
Technically they responded in about 10 - 15 minutes but they immediately retreated the moment they saw the corpse, I’m guessing they didn’t believe me and came unprepared, then sent a new team..
@@OurWonderland I can relate so much to how you are and how you have been shaped. I have same very naive male attention focused mother, my father a bit violent and narcissistic. Not even close to what you've been through, but i came out very similar - I can't really find a goal except of kind of service to others and such a deep hole of being unlovable.
I need some follow up - please let us know how you doing!
I’m from Brazil. There it could take more. Unfortunately only in America I experienced police showing up fast
Doc is tough as a diamond and seems like a great guy to have as a friend or partner. Wish him the best of luck!
Holy fuck man the stuff this guy's been through. Much love to you, Dock.
This guy is so kind, gentle, sweet, honest, generous, and intelligent, not to mention very handsome, that it’s a tragedy to see him experience so much pain from believing he’s unwanted and unloveable. He seems like a wonderful person who could be easy to love, emotional scars and all.
I'm not doing well nowadays, going through a rough patch in my family life once more, so I went back to this video to read through the comments, and yours made me cry.
Thank you, I can not see myself like this but it still felt good to read.
I notice now, more than ever, that one of my biggest problems is that I seek for approval constantly, but fail to accept or internalize it when it is given.
So many people have been so incredibly kind to me in this comment section, you especially, that part of my brain sees it as a fact that I have likable traits, but it's like there's another part that simply denies me from being able to actually believe it on an emotional level.. Sorry for rambling, it just felt good to type it out haha, I hope you're having a wonderful weekend, thank you so much for your kind words!
@@OurWonderland are you doing fine? Has things got better?
@@OurWonderland Dock, I hope you're doing okay and hopefully still in therapy. Please know that even when things are rough, you are still a valuable person. I hope that you recognize that, just by being present here, by being vulnerable, you likely helped a great number of people who watched this, helped people realize that they can get help, that there are others like them with "unbelievable" stories, and know that someone out there understands. Your willingness to be vulnerable is an act of kindness in and of itself. Please take care and I wish you the best
Yeah he looks like a chad.
@@OurWonderland ich hoffe es geht dir besser, ich war schockiert wie viele schlimme Sachen hast du erlebt. Ich hab gemerkt du lachst immer wenn du erzählst über Menschen und Situationen, die dir am meisten weh getan haben. Das ist so zu sagen nervös Lach, wo du versucht deine Emotionen zu unterdrucken, anstatt zu weinen. Allerdings ich wünsch dir alles bestens, ich hoffe du bekommst Hilfe, die du brauchst. LG
I'd be filled with rage and sadness if I lived a fraction of Dock's life. I feel nothing but empathy for him. Life is random, yet we share a common humanity. In Dock's case, life is notably cruel. Dock, if you're reading this, I hope the best for you and your healing process. Thank you for sharing your story; your composure when telling it is a testament to your resolve.
Oh man, so many of Dr K's videos lately have been addressing problems I'm seriously struggling with in my own life. I feel like I'm being simultaneously attacked and helped 😂
Breaking down your mental hurdles with a sledgehammer made of words
Sometimes therapy is quite analogous to surgery.
Sometimes you have to get cut open so someone can fix what's inside, and it takes a bit to recover, but in the end it's for your betterment.
@@ZephirumUpload that's a wonderful analogy
Algorithm overlords knows you better than anyone alive. I ended up here for the same reason.
Heil Algo 😂
Same here 🤷🏼♀️
I really relate with the chameleon thing. When you have to manage two or more homes, you learn all kinds of diplomatic techniques from a very young age.
You put that really well!
This man has been abandoned by everyone in his life - emotionally and physically. No wonder he is struggling so much as an adult. Trauma, shame, coping, misplaced guilt, socializing, and trying to build relationships. I sincerely hope he is getting consistent therapy. I believe his story and his pain is real.
I feel him, laughing after saying something sad really shows that he tries to ignore the pain. I truly hope he finds happiness❤
He's doing what I do when I have talks with my therapist.
If something he says feels really uncomfortable he is smiling/laughing a bit, just to try to hide the pain that's inside of him. I can really feel it. I hope he's doing better in future and that he can get over his past, like I try to do so.
Ich fühle jedes Wort, aber du bist nicht alleine und es gibt immer Hilfe (das habe ich auch lernen müssen). Du bist ein starker Typ! :)
Thanks for the Video. :)
Kenn ich leider.
I got the sense it was very important to Doc that people could relate. I also got the sense he didn't believe people would be able to relate. I think that is drastically untrue. "laughing through the pain" is a great example of something people would be able to relate too.
Extremely uncommon among reptiles
@@aokiri3064 You. I like you.
Same here and I hate how obvious defense mechanism it is but I do it automatically :d
"It feels weird to be the best friend of your moms murderer." That hit me like a ton of bricks.....
Frrr
Exactly!
She made her choice, and we know what she wanted. Should we hate the murderer?
I don't know. Because it's a giant morally grey area.
@@lumberluc you would hate the muderer of your mom
@@lumberluc why should we hate murderers in general? I think hate is not the right emotion for this
Speechless. Too many thoughts, but still dumbfounded that he felt so unwanted. He seems like an amazing friend to have.
I started tearing up when he said “I see a survivor.”. I wish I could give doc a hug. I was having a bad day myself and hearing his story was all I needed to be completely pulled out of my mind and put back with fresh perspective. So much love to you and everyone, we are not alone ❤
ganz ganz liebe grüße aus hamburg bin immer so so froh jemanden aus deutschland hier zu sehen. du bist unglaublich stark keep your head up!
Danke dir für deine lieben Worte, ich weiß meistens nicht wie ich auf so nette Kommentare reagieren soll aber ich schätze sie ungemein haha
Deine Story hat mich echt berührt! Ich wünsche dir auch das aller Beste! Du verdienst es!
Hey UnderDock, ich fand es auch voll cool deine Story zu hören, gib uns mal n Update wie es dir jetzt geht.
Grüße aus FFM
@@OurWonderland ganz liebe Grüße auch von mir. Wurde auch für mich emotionaler als ich dachte. Danke für teilen und ich hoffe dir geht es gut!
Doc slips in casually: "My mother was murdered, like in front of me"
Me, random listener: "Whaaa...say that again :o?!"
What-
that caught me off guard as well 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
he's a very very brave soul.. I hope life's kinder to him and he's happier
This interview was so meaningful. I have so much compassion for Doc. He's almost a hero in my eyes. I love how Dr. K finally made him feel like he could also show the sadness he experienced. The only thing that bothers me is around 1:24:00 where Doc finally breaks down. It so incredibly hard for him to do that and the first thing Dr K does is raises his eyebrows like 'What are you doing' and then says do you want to stop crying. I thought there was a meaning behind the question but then he was also at a loss. Now i'm not getting at the point that Dr K didnt know what to do at the moment, that's totally fine. But what got me is that when Doc finally at last completely let his emotions shine through and i feel like dr k kind of blocked it when it is so important for doc to finally cry for maybe the first time ever.
I felt the same way but maybe Dr. K. was worried about him completely dissolving so they couldn't continue the conversation. I don't know.
Or maybe he could tell that he would feel uncomfortable crying based on what he said earlier. Like he said. He didn't expect him to say yes, but maybe Dr. K was thinking, "im going to give him the option, even if I think he will let it happen."
I felt the same but Dr. K. is just a human being like us and sometimes you are overwhelmed by the situation. Dr. K. is a very smart, great person. A great Dr with a big heart, I think that's what makes him so valuable. ❤
“I don’t know why I feel the way I do” *starts explaining a whole laundry list of trauma*
I mean that in the kindest way possible, there is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings and past experiences are real and it’s necessary to acknowledge them
Sometimes it’s hard to..
I’m not really scared of coming off as weak, as much as I’m scared that if I get too negative about these things at times, people just won’t want to have me around anymore haha..
@@OurWonderland It's you who is injured and in pain, it's you that needs to be taken care of not us doc. It's you who needs to be treated gently after all the trauma you've been through, it's you who needs a big hug and a good long cry. None of what you've been through was your fault, it could've happened to any of us here. But look at you, you're worried that your trauma will make people feel uncomfortable? what about you? feeling uncomfortable is the least of our worries when YOU doc went through all of that. Some of us wish we can share some of your pain to lift a bit of that heavy weight you carry.
The way you feel about your sister, the way you want to take care of her and protect her is what you deserved too. How beautiful it is that after all of that pain and trauma you went through you were able to still be there for your sister and your friends. Not only did you survive but you were still able to provide and protect and be the father to her that you never had. I don't know if you realise how beautiful you are doc, you're a beautiful human being. You're like a gem that's been carved from a stone by all the hardships of your life. Sorry for being cheesy lol. But that's honestly how I feel. I hope you realise how precious you are. You already are a gem, you don't need more hardships and carving so you should enjoy the second phase of your life.
The RELIEF I felt when he said that he has friends around him that are important to him was amazing. To hear that he has support was like letting go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. I know Dock said he thought some people might think he wasn't telling the truth but that didn't cross my mind once nor did my high opinion of him waver. You are an incredible man, Dock! Thank you for sharing your story. Time to heal up. Praying for you!
This is the hardest I cried at one of these. I didn't expect to relate quite so much. I didn't go into this knowing THIS would be the one where someone is grieving and traumatized by their friend perpetrating a murder-suicide which is something that happened to me. In my case I also had an abusive mother and other issues with my mental health long before the murder-suicide, and the person my friend murdered was not even someone I'd ever met, so very different stories in some ways. BUT. The power of being able to relate to elements of this is really something else.
❤❤❤❤
Wow. What an insane life. I, too, suffer from Depersonalization and Dissociation, but at the same time have 'too much' self-awareness. So relatable. Of course, the level of trauma he had to endure supersedes my own, but the childhood feeling of being unwanted has borne his strength and masking to survive. His laughing to cover up and tamp down feelings made me feel uncomfortable, because I know I do that. I cringe at myself. Sending any healing I possibly can to this dude.
This interview hit me so hard. I also come from an abusive upbringing, very different type of abuse and entirely different circumstances so I could not relate much to his experiences of abuse and tragedy, but I could very much relate to the pain and heartache Doc was displaying here and believing you are unlovable. I just want to give him a big hug. 😢
around 7 billion people are living their own lives just like you. It's great to have a small peek into at least one of them
what an absolute trooper, the fact that he's gone through all this and still manages to keep going is truly incredible. This is the definition of strength, I hope he sees nothing but happiness in his future. This goes for all of you, the shit we all deal with on a daily basis and decide to keep going in spite of it. Keep going and stay strong kings and queens
Lost it at “that’s not the main quest” 😭 I’m a female stateside and I’ve been through very similar experiences. I didn’t think I’d be able to relate to this one but wow. Thank you, Dock, for opening up here. I know how hard it is to talk about these things. I was often called a liar because people didn’t believe it. Also, the defensive laugh is like being ticklish. Ticklish is a physical defense to protect tender, vulnerable body parts. A defensive laugh does the same for our trauma and pain.
1:22:20 was the most surreal part of this, and I found myself laughing and on the verge of tears at the same time.
Such a touching interview and I echo what all the other comments say - the non-streamer interviews are really so much more relatable in a strange way. Wish I could have given that guy a hug.
I know exactly what part you're referring to, without clicking the timestamp. What an incredible moment...
man i felt pain and happiness at the same time. like a wild river that was so fun to float on
I'm fairly new to these videos, and it was this moment I said to myself, this guy is a genuinely good person. I liked him already but this moment really spoke so much about who he is for me.
this conversation will be an eye-opener to many people that haven't noticed yet how important the relation between a man and his mother is when it comes to a man's love life.
I'm 27 and I've been through enough life for 3 people. I'm finally looking for help and seeing the way you interact with people has gave me some peace to hold on to that I'm not as alone as I make myself self. Thank you for opening yourself up to so many people to help.
I understand his pain so much. The feeling of being unloved is....excruciating. For me, it has gotten so bad that I even start doubting my friendships because they never reach in, they never just message me to talk to me. To make matters worse, sometimes I sleep on the floor instead of my own bed. I've been alone in my heart for far too long, and so when I feel particularly anguished I just cannot sleep in my own bed or anywhere comfortable....I have the unfortunate skill of being able to imagine touch and body imprints, so being in bed and not being able to cuddle the person you want, the one you love is.....painful. too painful, it stops me from sleeping, so I go to the cold hard floor, no pillow, no quilt, and I just close my eyes and just barely manage to sleep.
NEVER EVER neglect people. Never take them for granted. Your job might be long, your hours might be tough and you may get little time for yourself, but that one message that one bit of reaching in, can make all the difference. Show you care, too hell with your pride, show it.
Human love is overrated, in real terms it has less value than dog shit. Instead you should love material things. The dire circumstances of my birth, and subsequent experiences have toughened me up to the point where I don't need human love, all I need is IMMENSE wealth and possessions
@@PSYCHIC_PSYCHO Then I feel sorry for you.
@@adventofknowledge It is YOU who needs sympathy for being EXTREMELY mentally weak so as to need human love.
I can really relate with everything you said. I have a plan on how to try to climb out of this hole, I just hope I have the strength and resolve and courage to do the things I must.
@@PSYCHIC_PSYCHO a fitting username if nothing else. Let us know how that works out for ya. Trying to feed an endless pit. Word of warning though... its never gonna be enough. All that wealth, those fancy cars, lavish homes, the adoration of your lessers, respect of your peers, acknowledgement of your betters. It will never be enough. It'll all disappear into that endless pit of a soul you've dug for yourself as a defense mechanism. An endless hunger that'll end up consuming you.
If I were you (and I kind of am) I'd go for the heart of the issue. Long ago you were deprived of that human "something" that we all need. So you convinced yourself you were above it all. (You're not) "Fancy Stuff" isn't a replacement for it.
I get that it's scary to open up and trust someone else after being hurt and betrayed before. But what other choice do you realistically have? The enternal grind of wealth isn't really an option. Because it doesn't end well
I just want to give Dock a hug, he's so lovely and he doesn't know it. I hope he's doing well, he deserves happiness. And he's cute!
Impressive how controlled the conversation stays even with the intensity of the thought.
What a couragous man for sharing this with all of us. I'm sure most of us appreciated him talking so honestly and open about things many of us try so hard to avoid thinking about from our own lives.
Mad respect to you Dock.
From what I can tell, feeling like a narcissist and being humble enough to admit it and 'feel bad' about it is generally a good indicator that someone is self-reflective enough that they are definitely not a narcissist. Feeling guilty about feeling good about yourself is just low self esteem, not narcissism. That's what I think at least.
Yeah, it sounds more like superiority complex to compensate for feelings of inferiority.
@@bombkangaroo how to not feel guilty when i feel good, and develop real self steem/self worth
@@bombkangaroo thats literally called vulnerable narcissism though
@@j.2512 he doenst strike me as a vulnerable narcissist, he doesnt seem to envy other people or having them in their life with toxic behaviours
@@j.2512 Even if this comment is a few months old, I'm going to put this here as I am one of the people who relate to this video and has had this being a theme going on in my life
In my opinion and experience , this isn't a fair, and possibly damaging thing to just resort to
Narcissism as a disorder whether vulnerable or grandiose has a single common element, being a disregard for other people
I've found that some people are very quick to assign this label without actually knowing anything about what is going on. And if you have a low self esteem you're less likely to defend yourself and it just perpetuates when these people make up their mind and see you as a monster
Ironically with little regard for the person who has been assigned as a manipulator
This is the exact reason it should be left to a professional
Dude, I wanna give this guy a big hug. He IS worthy. I hope some day he believes it and gets to live it.
This was such a wonderful discussion. Hearing what he went through really made me feel grateful for the genuine love I've always received from my parents.
I just want to thank Dock for being so open and allowing himself to be vulnerable in this way. While his experiences are uniquely his, he's not alone in how he feels. This interview was very helpful for me and I appreciate the effort on both parts.
I could relate so much to Doc about his early childhood. I was also raised by a single mother and my grandparents after my father abandoned us. I’m so sorry that he had to go through that super traumatic experience of witnessing his mother’s murder. I can only imagine what that feels like. I can tell he has such a deep kind heart. He’s been through so much and it’s amazing he’s remained such a nice likable person. I really hope he gets the help and support he deserves. 💗💗💗
man whenever he laughs after saying somethings its his way to hide his pain
I kind of do the same thing.
Even my "emotionless" relatives see that as abnormal
is Dr. K
a chiropractor for your emotions? lol
@@therearenoshortcuts9868 ?
The sad thing is he doesn’t hide it for himself, he feels compelled to hide it so we’re not uncomfortable.
I actually done this in therapy all the time to the point my therapist told me she had to make a note not to laugh along with me. She kept catching herself wanting to chuckle along before she realised it was just enabling a defence mechanism I had of laughing off bad shit. She said she still struggled sometimes because it can be infectious and instinctive to want to smile and laugh back. I think, for me, even if I’m open about how awful I feel, part of me wants to laugh about it to keep others comfortable around me.
The amazing thing with something like this is if you were just looking at this guy on the street, you'd never even guess he has all this stuff going on. Its very important to open up about personal stuff like this. Speaking from experience, I started speaking with a therapist earlier this year and its one of the best decisions I've ever made. I always tell people even if you have nothing "wrong" going on, its still helpful to have someone who can to talk to who will fully listen to everything
I wonder how is Dock doing today? Has he allowed compassion, love and nurturing to heal his wounds? ❤
any news? i truly hope he's doing well for himself :)
Talking about abuse you experienced as a is so hard cause you don’t really remember what you felt because it’s constantly being reevaluated as you get older..constantly getting updated. But I feel this man…not being able to complete a sentence without editing it so it can apply to the correct audience. You’re a survivor my man. And you can heal! This is your life. You’re not unlovable..you’re just damaged. Don’t “fix” yourself..learn to heal..and Love yourself first..and the rest will fill in as you go
You're gonna make it Doc. If I may get literary for a second, you're the archetypal hero in the "Hero's journey". Doing the side quests is great for leveling up, just don't lose sight of the main quest. All the best.
Beautiful comment 💚
beautiful way to put it
"An hour later the police came" wow man what the actual fuck. You could have a full on war in street before they showed up, yikes.
they probably came sooner but it felt like an hour to him. this is his subective memory, after all.
@@aednil I’m the one being interviewed, police theoretically arrived 15 minutes later, however they didn’t believe me and thus only sent a standard patrol car, when they saw corpses in front of our entrance, they drove back and sent more police men with the big guns.
@@OurWonderland ah, ok. thanks.
@@OurWonderland hey man appreciate sharing this overwhelming yet moving story you had to live through. Hope the rest of your life turns out great.
i was in detroit and i called the police and i got no answer, so yeah some places are just fucked, still love detroit though but you cant count on police for nothing here
I am 63 and have gone to different counselors throughout my life, three recently. All but two were not very good at listening or seeing me. He is so good at what he does. Even though it is not me he is talking to, it REALLY makes a difference when his only focus is the person he is communicating with. It may be hard to believe for some, but I totally get the "gamer" reference, and it helps to see things from that angle. Sometimes, when a person has gone through something really difficult, they don't want sympathy but empathy. So many don't understand the difference. This CZcams channel is so healing.
The degree at which i relate to this guy is insane and i appreciate enormously the fact he managed to get on and do a video with dr. K.
Thank you so very much “Doc” and K
Doc your story brought me to tears, you seems like a wonderful guy and I wish you the best. Hearing you talk about your life and your trauma makes me feel a bit less alone.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Doc. They were tragic, yes, but seeing a human share their sorrow and being able to relate and cry with them is really special. Wish you the best!
I cried my eyes out watching this! Much love to you man. And not because of ur story but because ur in the place u are and the person u are despite all of that. I hope u take dr.K's advice cuz i see ur spiritual potential as i see my own. And your in this postion after going through all that. I don't ever think i could be as advanced as you if I went through all that. Truly a survivor and an inspiration! Sending you all the love.
I just found this channel and honestly have never been so blown away, I'm in tears
I love the interviews with people from the community, I relate to them a lot
He seems like a really sweet and intelligent man. I just hope that he doesn't keep tucking away his own needs for others too much to the point where it gets too much for him to handle. He deserves better. I hope he's doing good while working on his psyche.
Just found this channel... this is incredible. Dr. K you're a blessing.
Doc, my heart goes out to you. I know what it’s like to have so many details to the story. And, the way you are able to tell your story when you know people care and are listening, is so beautiful because it takes so much courage to accept this as your story.
If I ever see this dude Imma hug him so damn hard
Edit: I just realized how wrong that sounds given the context of his story
I seriously appreciate it either way!
Couldn't help bust into laughter from this, Dock your story is ridiculously relatable, especially the part about no one even believing what you've been through or knowing how to react, I wish you all the best!
his level of objectiveness after all of this is so high that it is almost weird. most people would start to delude themselves at some point. if he finds a good therapist, keep his family and friends close he is going to be fine in the future.and if he becomes a teacher there's no doubt that he will be a great one.i'm sure he wouldn't let kids go through what he has gone through at least.anyway these videos help us with our problems as well. so thanks!
It’s grit. Some people have a lot of it and others have less. Dock definitely has a lot of grit which let him reflect a lot more than most people.
@@ordinarypigeon6918 LOL it's not grit, it's a coping mechanism brought about by years of severe childhood trauma.
Thank you for sharing your story Doc. It really hurts a lot to hear and its so nice to hear that you still can work after all this. I hope you mange to continue your main quest.
Way more relatable than "famous" interviews.
Sad story, strong dude. Hope he'll do good.
This was so tough but also fascinating to listen to. This man is truly a survivor and I hope things turn better for him. So sad to see what he had to go trough but his strength is admirable. The conversation/interview was also very geniune and empathetic while being practical and helpful.
This doctor is so intuitive he seems to really genuinely care which is unusual for a doctor I've never seen this before
he's truly one of a kind
This is amazing, this has been such a profound experience finding these videos and learning about this community. Keep on being amazing Dr. K
I laughed and cried with you guys, I felt so much different emotions just by watching this. Really an amazing interview.
Praying for you doc. Hope you live a great, fulfilling life from here on out.
He is just so strong wow and i don't even know him but i just feel so proud how he has come this far all on his own. I hope he gets all the love AND MORE which he always deserved.
Mad respect, Dock. That was extremely brave to talk about your trauma. As someone who struggles with some of the stuff you've described, this really hit me right in the heart.
I can absolutely relate to this guy. Not so much on the family tragedy stuff, as I have never ever experienced anything like that, but in regards to not feeling liked and being unlovable, I experience those feelings everyday, because of a lack of friends, estranged from family members and no partner. I've long since come to terms with it though, and am quite happy to just be left alone to see where my life takes me. Putting all your self worth in the opinions of others isn't healthy anyway.