Why Do Narcissists Like To Use Passive Aggressive Tactics?
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- When narcissists become angry, they are capable of all sorts of openly aggressive and bullying responses, but most will also resort to passive aggressive tactics. Why? Dr. Les Carter alerts you to their patterns, then explains their presumed logic behind such choices.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his CZcams channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
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Passive aggressive tactics are insidious. Sometimes you don't even realize you are abused. 😨
@@yukio_saito until you have been bitten on the ass!
I didn't know what a covert or vulnerable narcissist is. After I learned it, I realized I dealt with many of them.
@@yukio_saito Agreed 👍 Then you find a huge chunk missing out of your bum!
@@amandaliverpool3374 BUmmer!
I know! Sometimes you rationalize it as something else, like you really hurt them inadvertently with a comment and they make you feel guilty, when all they are doing is trying to get the upper hand in the relationship. They aren't interested in mutuality.
Main traits of passive-agressive people:
1. Rarely express hostility directly
2. Uncomfortable to experience
3. Unreasonable to deal with
4. Repeating their deceitful behaviour over time
All through this process, they
try to convince you, why it is
you who is of such low and creepy
character, it's still all your fault.
It goes on & on & on ...
@@garlickebagg My narcissistic father would argue with me and I remember during an argument I told him he wasn't listening to me. He says that he agrees with me that he's probably not listening to me. If he was proven wrong in the argument, instead of saying I'm right, he would say 'remains to be seen.'
you met my Family of ORIGIN.
REPEAT...😂
Pleading ignorance and pretending to be the victim is a narcissist's only defense.
Sickening
It’s the loser/ coward buffet
And then they look who can they blame.....
They will never take accountability and would rather blame someone else. Its never their fault.
U forgot the feigning anger while diverting to a semi-related topic. They all do that at the exact moment you strike a nerve by saying the truth. 🙂
You questioned me, you held me accountable for my actions therefore I'm going to ignore you as a punishment
There are many forms of passive-aggressive tactics:
1. Backhanded compliments
2. Procrastination
3. Playing the victim
4. Excluding people
5. Keeping score
6. Sabotaging (gossiping, withholding important information)
7. Exhibiting sullen behaviour
8. Saying yes, when meaning no
9. Silent treatment / Stone walling
10. Pretending not to understand (i.a. wordsalad)
11. Pushing your buttons (projecting their aggression onto you)
12. Blaming you (shifting responsibility onto you)
I also found never turning up on time (all the time) is a form of passive aggression
@@Agheel963I'd be careful with that one. They are often late due to a narcissists manipulating it.
Also they will talk over you to others who try to talk to you making you feel invisible.
#1 (of Dr C's 6 tips in dealing with a covert narc):
Know what you're dealing with.....
#2
My mother’s favorite tactic was ruining my birthday as well as holidays ❤️🩹 such sick thinking on the part of a mom whose last card on my birthday was about her impending death 🤦♀️ finally I went no contact two years before she died & it was a relief 👩 then she stuck me with sick siblings who all of a sudden began to wish me a happy birthday! Just another way to hurt me from beyond the grave…
Micromanagers often use passive-aggressive tactics at work. They are inept in management, but skillful in bullying. 😦
I despise micro-management.
Working govt job, then
get blackballed from
working anyplace else.
If the only way that you can get control in a situation is to remove yourself from it, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
Passive aggressive is basically agression and we must bear that in mind. Narcisists are aggressive people and behave like entitled toddlers throwing tantrums. I would rather be somewhere else than in their presence. Their behaviour is ridiculous, ugly and boring. Thank you for your invaluable help and support dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤
Dealing with narcissistic people is tedious and wearing. And the passive aggressive stuff wears you down really quickly. Often, you don't even realise it's happening, but become emotionally dysregulated anyway. By the time you realise what's going on the damage is already done.
I think they use passive aggressive tactics because they’re weak cowards, so if you call it out, they have room to convince, and if it doesn’t work, there are still options on the table before you even figure out the game is back on.
It's a common tactic of many of the Lessers and Mid-Rangers (in HG Tudor terminology), though it seems to me as though these tactics are associated with the stage of life in which the narcissism developed. So, for example, many of the Mid-Range narcissists enjoy using their fingers to make gestures and also like to play dress-up and "make believe". Why do you think they are unconsciously engaging in these behaviors?
@@Kerry.moynihan.intellectual Yes, sounds like that’s the development stage where they figured out how to play in a way that made them feel anywhere from good to not bored (negative attention is still attention), and the next stage of socialization was too complex and did not always make them feel as good as readily as the current stage, or level of game play. As we get older, the stages/games become increasingly complex (I want a (second 🤫) bottle -> I don’t want to be a loser kid at school -> I should have the hottest girlfriend -> I deserve that promotion -> I want…), and there are higher expectations for proper game play, so the delays in gratification of increasingly advanced objectives, either by virtue of the goal itself or at the intervals of play where they lose confidence in their ability to achieve the goal (especially if someone else momentarily has a better shot), encourage risk-taking ranging from subtle rule-breaking (put-downs, set-ups, lying (make believe), bragging (dress up), passive aggressive stuff (fingers)) to full blown meltdowns and tantrums (black eyes). They can get so immersed in rage that they forget why they got angry. After being caught breaking the rules or outright erupting, you might see a last ditch effort to stay in the game and away from time-out. I didn’t do it, and I’ll never do it again. Spend enough time getting dirty looks as a little kid and survival will force you to figure out another way to stay in the game and get the gratification hits you need to keep going - even though you believe you have no real chance of winning. Jordan Peterson says if kids aren’t socialized by the time they’re four, you can forget it. I believe him.
Yes, Sulky, silent, dismissive which is very painful.
"I never said/did that!" Sums up all the passive agressive tactics these narcs use. 😐😐😐
Yes, agree
This is one of the last things I ever heard my mother say before I went NC
Call their bluff
turn the tables on them
and smuggly & smartly,
say Yes you did, don't tell me
that you don't remember,
then lay down a line of BS
to make your point. They love
the gaslighting, but they can't
stand a good dose of their own
medicine. This trick actually
works sometimes, but ya gotta
stick with it.
Sometimes, you can start to think that they have amnesia! Or maybe during one of their rages, do they have blackouts like a drunk!?!? 😮😭😩 It's really very hard to believe! My husband couldn't even understand why the poor cat would hide under the bed when he came into the room! 🙀🙄🙀
Or. Remember? I told you that!!!
As Dr. Carter said in another video......"Let's make this permanent".. I heard that loud & clear. I left that person alone shortly before I came across that video some years ago. Anyone can get it now. The foolishness is no longer tolerated over here ✌️...I love this place called peace ❤
Love it!
@@SurvivingNarcissism
THANX DOC 💛👍.
GUS IS SO KOOOL.
I love the peace too. Its strengthened mu resolve and my relationship with my SO which the narcissist tried to sabotage. They hate when we're successful and reaching for a better future bc it doesn't fit their narrative.
@@daniellucas6831 Sadly, it must be true! No goals or anything that really moves them. They seem to hate everything though they can NEVER admit that to anyone, or even themselves.
Capitalize on your need to connect. Bingo! They don’t negotiate, Bingo!
Dr. C. Is killing it today.
💥💥💥
Gus is so sweet!! ❤Love how he is curled up & relaxing! When my dogs & cats curl up like that, I call it the Crescent Roll. Lol
The loud sulky sighs and huffing and puffing, with side eyes drive me crazy. So reassuring to know I’m not weak for this driving me crazy. Thank you Dr C !
Yes! If we keep acting like they are just "a toddler on the floor), "screaming and crying" (without actually saying anything), we can walk right over them and be like Teflon. They don't get to treat us that way. They don't get to have the intended result and supply they want. Nope.
Let them embarrass themselves as we continue to be healthy people not playing into their toxic games.
Yep. He huffs and puffs to the point I can almost hear the negative narrative he has going in his mind about me as he is the eternal victim.
Knowing this at my senior age is like being able to relive almost my entire life with my parents and brother. Man oh man, and I was the family scapegoat too. My folks are gone now. Brother is still here but it's NC with him. At least I can understand it now.
It sure was an interesting and bizarre time in my life. I'm so thankful it's all in my rearview mirror now. I've actually never been as content as I am now.
Good for you!!! You deserve some peace!!! 😊👍😼
Ditto. I'm 73. 😅 Figured it out - better late than never
They lack courage integrity honesty and maturity.
Because they are age 5 basically.( To be honest)
5-year old CHILDREN behave better than NARCS.
And FULL OF ANGER.
@@CROSS-Examine anger is what shows up on the outside. It's the shame, inadequacy, inferiority, hate and envy on the inside that you're really dealing with! Hence the mask of pride and superiority to cover the crap up!!
#1: Recognize it for what it is.
#2: Know the covert narcissist also knows we (you, I) have a need to connect.
#3: Do NOT plead your case!
#4: D.R.C. DIGNITY. RESPECT. CIVILITY.
#5: Choose how we're going to act when the narcissist is misbehaving.
#6: Find another source for affirmation.
Thank you for making the list. 🗒✍
Coz they're not courageous enough to be direct. They prefer the sly dig!!!
They escape from the truth anyway.
Lack of COURAGE 💥
This is why I akin narcissism to the Wizard of Oz.( The GREAT oz behind the curtain)
And when you're done with them you need a new 🧠
@@sandrathomas2893 That's exactly what I feel like at the moment 🤯
However, you've made me smile 🤗 Thank-you for that 💕
They'd rather feel like they are in control than being direct. They know it is painful and uncomfortable to their target and is a form of punishment. It doesn't even matter to them if what they are being P.A. about is true or not. They wouldn't even think of asking the person for clarity before assuming. They're only interested in how they feel and perceive. They are aggressive by nature. They thrive in toxicity, drama, and gossip - Like a pig in its own crap.
@@CROSS-Examine They thrive in chaos for sure!
For me, (not a narc)....i find myself using passive aggressive digs when absolutely nothing else works. I dont like it, but it happens when i feel angry, unheard & desperate. It's not like you dont learn these things along the way in life. Sometimes you just inadvertently pull something out of your cache of experience - something that has been used against you before - and hurl it at your person in a 'hail Mary' attempt to wake them up. I dont plan to do it, but it does happen since my ability to stand up for myself in life is sadly underdeveloped and immature.
Intuitive 💯
I mocked a 77-year-old man who was viscious to me the other day. I regret it, but I felt overwhelmed by his insults.
@@melindalemmon2149 you're human!! 💖. We've all been exposed to 'styles' of expression that we fall back on, and then they get used sometimes...good or less than 🥴☺️. It really hurts to be treated badly. It Does deserve a response! It's just knowing which type of reaction makes you walk away feeling good vs. bad. I've been there too 🙃
The key is you don't like it. You aren't trying to do it. They however love it and are. I'm not saying we shouldn't keep working on ourselves. But the intent isn't there like it is with them.
You should be embarrassed of being passive aggressive. Just weak, desperate, attention seeking, also low vibing. You should take control over your own self and learn to work on your own problems.
I was in a relationship with a passive aggressive covert narcissist. My anger got far out of control for many reasons, but one reason was when the narcissist was behaving passively aggressive towards me. It felt like a form of punishment. An evening after a nice dinner, he would rather give me the silent treatment after I said one phrase at the dinner table he didn’t like. I tried so hard to seek connection in these times and when it didn’t happen, I got angry.
I had to come to terms eventually with the fact that this was a man that did not know how to do relationships well, and eventually it became easier for me to delicately detach from him. I’ve been no contact for over a month now and I feel wonderful.
Thank you for another great video, Dr C.
So happy for you!!
They piss on your foot and tell you it's raining 😮
They steal the nose
off your face, then
dare you to say
anything.
Good one 😂
@@user-rj2id7zu8l Rarely I've heard such a clear explanation 😅😂🤣
...great analogy!!! 🤭
The challenge is realizing the passive aggressor is not truly passive.
The passive aggressive type IS awfully sly…
The persist by remaining just under the radar… true!
Cunning game players, yes.
It seems to me that the perpetrator is looking for "plausible deniability" ...example: "You're taking what I said in the wrong way".
My neighbor fits this. I just ended our friendship because she was using my mental health issues against me in an argument. When I told her that what she was doing was abusive and that we weren’t friends anymore, she did the smear campaign. Except, I’m not friends with any of her friends. So their opinion of me didn’t matter. My neighbor went on to try to provoke me by claiming she was going to get me kicked out. She was all proud of herself for “catching” everything on her doorbell camera. I refused to be intimidated and filed a police report. When I got back, she was standing in her driveway on the phone with someone talking about me. Saying I was crazy. I told her that I filed a police report because she was threatening me. She tried to say she didn’t, but I told her to check her door cam. She hurriedly got off the phone. She hasn’t bothered me since. There is no way our friendship can be salvaged after what she did.
I have bad neighbors too! It can’t be fixed so just go on with your own life and block them out! Can’t reason with nuts and narcissist abusers!
As a victim of Narcissistic aggression I find I often use passive aggression myself...to respond openly with justifiable anger is to bring on an all out attack from the narcissist.
Passive-aggressiveness is a very hidden form of aggressiveness and therefore it can be very subtle, escpecially when you do not know all the different shapes.
Excellent! Everything you talked about in this video is familiar to me. I ONLY had over 4 decades to figure it out! In our couples and years of individual therapy narrisistiam never came up. Once in a couples therapeutic session, after I shared a 'secret' my Narrisists jetted out of the room never to return. Still. There was no mention of what or why to this behavior. I just kept stumbling along the best I could in a lop-sided, (unbeknownst to me toxic relationship) often remaining depressed, the loser and the butt of the 'joke'. I understand now. I finally saw the light...almost too late (thanks to videos like this one). I have HOPE now, not in my narrisists but in life in general: My friends, my faith in God, my church. Life is not over until it's over! I also have faith in my eternal heavenly home to come some day. Here's an enormous shout, "HALLELUJAH"!
Amen!
They live in another world altogether a world where they are superior the smartest person in the room entitled smug and cruel
I wish I had known what I was dealing with at the time. I am glad that I have been made aware now though. Thank you, Dr. C!
Passive Aggressiveness is another way to keep the focus off the narc. Another "deflection perfection" tactic they use to gain supply! Stay Healthy! And pass on their aggressiveness!
Yes. Cut supply off.
This session was just making me angry. You have very good points on responding, or not, to a narcissist, but wouldn't it be nice if we could just all agree to completely ignore them and move on. (I wish it were that simple.)
Great point. We shouldn't be here indefinitely. I'm seeing an awakening in this area and gray rocking, which continue the abuse.
It would be nice if it were that simple. It is the "close" family member situations (siblings, parents, etc.) that are the hardest to navigate.
I was silent in wake of the violent outbursts. I wouldn't engage in the verbal and physical conflict. I stayed in my room when I could. The passive aggressiveness filled in the blanks in between outbursts. The agression consistsed of doing the opposite of all my needs and preferences in the relationship and around the house. There was no need engaging, as then he claimed I had never stated my preferences at all. All this while clinging loudly to his claim to fame - that he would do ANYTHING for me.
It sounds like you found freedom. It is better than losing heart.
Thank you for this! They exploit others' needs and desire to connect by stonewalling and avoidance (emotional terrorism). Also, their feigned victim mentality can be insidious, as it projects the villain/harmful one onto individuals who are empaths and interested in mutuality. You have to know who you are and are not because it's similar to walking inside a Circus's Fun House with warped mirrors and being clowned when around these people. One has to be vigilant about not identifying with their projections.
When you confront them, they become passive aggressive and do shady things behind your back. Ignoring is hard but works best, they squirm and hate it when you do not give them any attention. Hard if you live with these kinds of folk...but ignoring and being away from them is the best. Do not argue, do not give any munition for them to use and abuse you...😢
Thank you for helping us, i have learned so much from your channel!😊
I'm not sure if my nex was passive aggressive. He was just aggressive, but only with me. Any attempt at communication was met with a kind of snarling, smirky reply. Even remembering it depresses me a little. It was so melodramatic and it got so, so old.
Learn this as early as possible in Life !
I watch a lot of channels on narcissism. My two go to's are Sam Vaknin for those deep deep dives and the other is the good doctor right here, Dr Les Carter and his trusted side kick Gus.
Pleased!
Check out little shaman she does good vids
I divorced my ex…
And he’s STILL diagnosing me and trying to change my decisions 😩
Like, PLEEEEEEASE go away 😅
I used to be amazed that some will preach one message - an ideal - then violate it on screen with confusing double talk. Gaslighting, projecting, game players deluxe, not as healthy as they purport. Perhaps it’s their way of trying to live up to a standard they set, realizing they never can. I choose to be in my place of peace. Thank you for your wisdom & support
Two times my mother stonewalled and ignored me, in passive aggression, for 6 months to a year, were when I had a baby soon after my 17th birthday, and ten years later when my husband and I emigrated with our young children. She didn't say why, but I felt her displeasure and unavailability keenly. It was painful and confusing. As a teenaged mum with no driver's licence and my baby in ICU, I had no way of getting to the hospital for 3 weeks, to see my baby and give the milk I expressed, but a kind stranger, whose baby was also in ICU, went out of her way every day, to take me to the hospital with her. Thank you, kind lady .... I don't remember your name, but I remember your caring and kindness.
They're total cowards. Gotta do it behind your back. Its sad this behaviour takes up alot of their life.
Enjoy playing dumb and ignoring them. Its fun once u get going 😅 yes do what Doc says be separate!
Bless you Dr C 😇
Personally, i think you are the very best in terms of a therapist on line: profoundly human, offering so 'easy, atteignable, down to earth' advices and them being still very tactful and wise, while trying to remember our deep value, a legitimate value as individuals. If you knew only what has been my own course in life but i am getting there, slowly, one step at a time ! One obstacle at a time 🦋
Sorry for my english.
Thank you !
Dealing with a person on a management committee where i live- she has so many subtle undercutting methods she used against me to discredit me & silence my voice.
I was aware all along, but she had no idea i have a far better memory and very logical brain, plus strong intuition.
It was annoying and a a downer to have to manage her.
Recently, she overstepped by setting me up & then ridiculing me in what she thinks is such a subtle way, no one sees it for what it really is.
I blocked her number after that, and am feeling very peaceful!
She's a highly experienced, manipulative monster who fakes being the nice lady. She's extremely controlling and can't accept criticism.
Thanks for addressing this, Dr. C. It really helps me remeber that anger is the base for all that passive aggressive behavior to achieve dominance. Silent treatment was a big deal in my former household. I just got to the point where I figured that the trash was taking itself out. ;)
Nice Irish name. 👍.
Whatever will work. No external rules, except to get what they want while not being caught or stopped. Any tool that works. Even though we might call it lying, bullying, cruel. Our terms have no meaning.
When the urge arises in your mind To feelings of desire or angry hate, Do not act! Be silent, do not speak! And like a log of wood be sure to stay.
Śāntideva
STOIC 👍.
Wow!! Dr.C, this describes my marriage exactly.
My narcissistic husband complained that being married means living together as a couple. But when i moved in, that's when he changed. I noticed he would sometimes come home irritated and angry that i was alive and breathing. Why?? He became the "game player deluxe", passive aggressive, the triangulater and blame shifter.
Our marriage became so toxic, im seeking divorce to save my mental health. He made it clear he doesn't want to be with me, but is fighting the divorce to drain me financially. He has to jab me one last time and twist the knife to inflict as much damage as he can. There is no winning being married to a narcissist. Its always going to be heart break and pain. They cant be happy.
Same. He changed when I moved in.
I think I mentioned this before but I will mention it again.. I always that they wanted me to release their anger.. I had this revelation that they want to justify their anger and to remain angry.. There is a difference between being angry and angry people.. If my dog gets hit by a car I will be angry but that is part of the grieving process.. Narcissists are angry people.. They do not let go of resentment..
The other thing that I will mention is the saying "Misery Loves Company" I have changed to "Misery Demands Company" and that goes with the passive-aggressive Narcissist..
@@darinsmith2458 I agree. My nex seemed to have a deep need to be angry and always wanted to have something to complain about. It was like he enjoyed being miserable, and he just needed a new reason or new outlet every day for his misery. It was insatiable.
Hard to not to get sucked into the anger especially when you are trying to explain how they have hurt you! Never do they accept that they had anything to do with it, and always they become the victim! "You are bitter listen to yourself" My feelings have now become the reason for his anger! DAMN!
Why do narcissists procrastinate so much?
IMO, I think it's because due dates & deadlines are associated with following rules and policies. The narcissists in my life are definitely procrastinators and they think the rules apply to everyone else. NOT them.
Game player deluxe 😂😂😂good one dr c
Subordinate Yes!
Thank you timely message.
Passive-aggressive behavior such as the silent treatment can actually break us empaths down quickly if we allow their distorted and false perception/reality of us to take center 🤦🏽♂️
Planning pre-trip shopping (while this premieres) with Sis before we both head out from Wisconsin. But definitely one I want to see. Hoping I'll be all settled in at home before Wednesday's live.
Hope you're having a good trip, Aaron!
Hugs to you Gus and Dr. C.
I pray God‘s angel armies around you and your family always dear Dr. C
Also, thank you for your videos.
From Cynthia n JANESVILLE, WI
You're so kind, Cynthia.
Whenever I have a different opinion and the narc. starts to the usual aggressive attitude, I just say: well, we are allowed to have each our opinion- and then I just start talking about something else.
I just ordered your book!!
Nothing can stop me, I’m all the way up! 🎵🎶
all my siblings and relatives are this way. Growing up around them was really exhausting.
My husband always corrects everything I say. He wasn't always like this but now that we are older he corrects me all the time. I fear he's losing 3:22 his mind and making me lose my mind. If I say it's red well yes maybe but it's not the shade of red I said it was . He can find a way to belittle me no matter what do I have pretty much stopped talking. Whatever I say will be wrong and I may get a long lecture about what is right and why I'm wrong over something that wouldn't matter either way . 🤯 he will shut down if I get too much attention from our kids etc.
Summed up ALL ingredients Of anger coming out of him. Years of it!
Narcissistic relationships are instrumental based rather than identity based.
I'd just like to say I'm forever thankfull for you DR. You have taught me so much and how to fix not the narccist but myself,thank you so much.
You are quite welcome. I'm pleased to be on the path with you.
Thank you, Dr. C! I think I’m finally convinced that I WAS in a relationship with a covert narcissist. I like to see the best in people and didn’t want to believe that he was a narcissist. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Have a wonderful weekend!
You are so welcome
Thanks very much DR C... Appreciate you and your knowledge and wisdom more than you know. Hope you're having a great summer 🌞
Said out loud he needs me to trust him! After several trusts were broken. He said he was sorry…,, but he didn’t change.. ( demands I be subordinate)
I must give up to him…
I ran. We ran . They ran.
No one left to boss around and judge? It’s not going to happen with him.
I Disconnected!
How do you make peace with that extreme judging angry person?
You dont cuz ya cant,
they don't want oeace,
or any flavour of Happy.
Misery demands Company,
always got shttt to stir,
of they can't find it, then
they'll make a new batch.
My husband will never just answer a question outright. He will respond with another question, an assumption, or some ambiguous answer. Eventually, I started responding to his non answers with, "Nevermind. I don't want to know." Oh boy, does he get keyed up then! He will answer the question then with an angry tone as if I'm the a-hole and it's a chore to tell me some facts. He especially likes to give ambiguous answers like, "It's not too bad" when I ask if I have food stuck in my teeth, dust on my butt, dirt on my face, and other questions that require a mirror to find the answer. It's a yes or no question - answer it as such. He gets a power trip off withholding information no matter how trivial the information is. He does all the other passive-aggressive things, too. His favorite form of punishment is the silent treatment.🙄
Absolutely understand that! Ugh, how are they all so similar in so many ways...They never give it a rest either. Sorry, hope the vids help 🙏😔
Anything for a reaction. I don’t play games.
I deal with a brilliantly covert narc coworker. Uses all of these tactics to dismiss my department. So sneaky, but not unexpected at this point in my narc education.
Well done my man ! I learn things every time I watch 🧐 🙏
Psalm 109:5. And they have rewarded me evil for good and hatred for my love.
Thanks Dr. C for another inspiring video letting those of us with good temperaments can see those narcos for what they are. I choose to remain healthy in mind, body and spirit, thankfully I don't need to work to full retirement age, and by golly I can't wait.
Dr. Carter, please clarify your description of who fall into the defiant individualism role by “doing what they want to do separately”, make plans separately, seek pleasure without including you (all to be controlling, passive aggressive and abusive) VERSES the non-narcissist who you’ve suggested to “choose your way”, be decisive (“you don’t have to get their permission”), “stand in my own resolve to be separate and distinct” and “don’t be desperate for their company” (all as a coping tactic)….. there’s the resolve to practice the latter suggestions for the non-narcissist but they seem very similar to traits of the narcissist. Confused. Thank you so much for your insights Dr. Carter.
Thank you ❤👍🏼
You just described my EVIL monster husband to a T!
And, there is no PEACE when you live with a narcissist!!!
EVERY day is a battle!
That's true....every day is a battle and usually don't see it coming with the coverts...until you figure them out
Ex is definitely passive aggressive. If she can hurt me she will try.🤮
yes Yes & YES! 1,000%
Dear Dr. Les... do you wonder why there are so many narcissists in the USA? So many angry people - especially men? Forgotten, buried trauma, forbidden to speak of in 'polite society' might be at the root of the vastness of the narcissist population. How does an infant process the trauma and betrayal of circumcision? How does one mature out of that degree of intense pain and ongoing suffering, through days, weeks and months - for some, years -- of recovery? First, the harm has to be recognized. Most of us will admit that the adults involved - parents who allowed it and medical personnel who actually performed it - made a mistake and can be forgiven. After all, parents were under tremendous pressure to do it - from society, from relatives, from the ho$pital, etc. The main problem is that it is suppressed, ignored, unmentionable - a secret, silent gaping psychic wound that adult men (and women) are shamed into not thinking about, as if it is not worth mentioning. Until this wounding practice becomes a public topic - seriously, Les, parents, doctors and even counselors shame adult men for regretting their circumcision - not much progress will be made in the area of conscious forgiveness and letting go of the past. Narcissism will continue unabated. The narcissist is screaming for control because it was proven to the baby that he was, that he was powerless, that "resistance is futile", that the world is a cruel place, and so on. He is screaming for love because the unhealed child in him is furious that he was betrayed in that unfortunate way. Oh, and by the way, they used to circumcise little girls in the USA - I was one of them - a WASP in KS... "We're not in heaven anymore, Toto." My book, "Female Genital Mutilation & Circumcision in the USA", emphasizes that the real wound is not the physical cutting and loss of physical sensation, but the trauma and betrayal. I am grateful to have discovered my condition because when I did, a lifetime of fear and anger finally made sense and I was able to let it go. It was good that I was also a past-lives therapist and understood the value of discovering the historic root of current psychological conditions, so they could be recognized and released. Thank you for your very interesting and informative videos. They have helped me make sense of a lot of things that I used to scratch my head over... including my mother's behavior toward me. Best wishes to you, always!
I know exactly what you are explaining. Passive aggressive is my ex spouse. He also brought in the third party which unfortunately is our children. I e parental alienation
Don’t in gage with them ignorance can be bliss
Atty Little was Passive Aggressive against me.
Is it really wrong to give the silent treatment or be passive aggressive to narcissists and those who actually mistreat you? Not for immature reasons like the narcissists do, but for legit reasons such as lying, tricking you, being emotionally abusive, angry for something ridiculous? To teach them a lesson and to give yourself some space?
Can you make a video on "sociopath" is it a official term? Can a narcissist be a "sociopath"? Is sociopath the same as psychopath...
Put the word sociopath in the search bar on my channel and some videos should pop up.
Gus always uses the silent treatment during these videos....
The Gus has
outsmarted
us all.
Gotta luvv him.
😊😊😊❤️👍.
and uses body language instead......usually curled up comfortably, listening, or doing a relaxed stretch.....
3:09 Yes
You have collected this insidious behavior into a nut shell. Thank you for this exposure of black behavior. ❤️🔥 This video is a keeper!
Glad it resonated!!
I witnessed under line of anger from Atty Kevin Little When I pressed and inquired on the status of my case.
I straight give them the silent treatment😂
I feel like no one believes me…they see my partner as kind, fun, funny, understanding, helpful….but with me, our sons, he is moody, angry, demanding,
etc.
He present as charming, sweet, so helpful, funny…friends and family have a hard time believing me when I say there is another side.
I feel like I am going crazy. I am on anti anxiety and anti depressive meds…helping but still…
My family and friends ds think that my hormones are out of whack bc of menopause, etc.
I have always been a super happy, motivated, someone who is taking initiative and loving life…
I feel like I have to compensate all the time, I front of family members and our kids.
I put on a smile and sing as to pretend that I am okay.
I don’t want our boys to worry or be anxious.
I work from home as a therapist bc my son says he is afraid of daddy’s moods.
I will interfere and interject when I hear something.,,.my husband “appears” afraid of me and will tell me if he and our boys got into an argument. He wants to “admit” first.
Our boys will tell me when daddy isn’t okay but slowly starting to hide it from me.
I get angry.,.I will confront and yell at my husband …I look like the reactive one, the crazy one…daddy will say he doesn’t understand and that he talked to and explained to kids…
I can’t even imagine my husband being a narcissist but still…there xo is a drop of ?
When he met me, I was a bodybuilder, doing competitions, and he was so proud. In the last few years, I have a hard time getting out of bed.
I am thinking that my menopausal symptoms are out of whack, and must be reason I am feeling the way that I am.
Two days ago, we went to a friends place and had a great time but on our way back, my husband was angry and shut down, he did not look at me or talk to me.
I think that he drank a lot, and was under the weather… Anyhow, next day, he asks if I am OK 😮
I don’t know….i feel like I am all over the place.
What are your thoughts?
I love him and if you met him, you’d love him more than me or anyone.
He is funny, sensitive, humble, hilarious, caring….with “that” other side.
So they don't get caught by others...or YOU!!!
The noises in the background made me jump/paranoid
Been trying for years but when they try too hide their passive aggressiveness towards me it can be difficult sometimes too detect.
I tried to look at the Anger Games information, but I could not see it on my android phone (I could only see the right 1/3 of the screen and it would not scroll). Is there another way I can see the info?
"Whatever do you mean???? I was just........." Yeah you were just being mean to me while playing victim.
SAM VADKIN!!!
I have heard that Narcissist get with people they can control. However, I believe my ex is a passive aggressive narcissist but seems to get with women that are strong willed like him. We live in a small town, and I know myself and 2 other women he has dated in the past. We now are 70. But I and the other 2 are very opinionated and may not always call him out but have no problem in doing it when we feel the need. So, is this really a narcissist if we will call him out and fight back at some point? He does have all the narcissist traits, like controlling all your time- constant texts and calls all day, my way or no way, rigid, not open to growth, stonewalling, cut you off and go silent for days - months, very cold when things are not going his way. So a little confused if this is a narcissist or not>
They want to break you down. Strong women are a special target for them.
If the only way that you can get control in a situation is to remove yourself from it, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Le's, How nasty and horrible people can be , Because they don't like the truth, Peace, love and respect to you Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high :-) Jesus is king