Scars Created By The Narcissist And How To Soothe Them
Vložit
- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- You can't have long-term exposure to narcissists without some psychological scarring. Dr. Les Carter gives a 12 point checklist so you can determine the extent of scarring to your psyche, then he highlights ways to heal as you determine that the narcissists will not have the final say about who you are. You'll find an article with this title on www.SurvivingNarcissism.tv.
To read more on this topic, go to survivingnarcissism.tv/scars-....
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/drcarter for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
If you have any questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are licensed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation model, check out this FAQ: www.betterhelp.com/your-quest...
📣 Dr. Carter's new course, Anger Games, is live! 📣
Learn more about the course and register at: courses.survivingnarcissism.t...
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his CZcams channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has three other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarcissism.tv/free-t...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Ready, Set, Connect: Strengthen relationship skills; live authentically survivingnarcissism.tv/ready-...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other CZcams channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-...
1. Anxiety - all forms because of unsafety
2. Depression - the anger has turned inwardly
3. Hypervigilance - strong trauma responses (fight-flight-freeze-fawn)
4. Emptiness - loss of your identity
5. Intrusive thoughts / strong inner critic
6. Cognitive dissonance - inner splitting
7. Doubting yourself - low self-esteem
8. Feeling confused, numb, disoriented - the trained helplessness
9. Ruminating over and over again - not able to let go
10. Feelings of shame / guilt
11. Flashbacks / nightmares / insomania
12. All sorts of health issues because the body has "forgotten" to relax
You nailed it with this list! Incredible how much we suffer at the hands of abusive individuals, some of whom raised us to be conditioned by trauma deliberately ❤️🩹 my biggest stumbling block has been searching for that truly safe person so I can relax, but never having felt what it’s like to be loved, I simply return to someone who re-enacts that bait & switch routine. Is this what you identify as our inner cognitive dissonance? Black & white thinking seems to be ingrained in my psyche, probably instilled by those types to infiltrate our minds & infect us with their thinking too
@@caroleminke6116 Hi Carol, yes, indeed, the black and white thinking is a major problem when you have been raised by abusive people. For me this is the main issue for the splitting inside of you. You are not able to integrate inner conflicts like a healthy individual because you were a constantly witness of perceiving action and spoken words that did not match. The result is the cognitive dissonance, which for me often feels like not beeing able to perceive an integrated reality, which means I often feel like an observer of my life instead of the actor because mind and body are not on the same pitch. Biggest key for healing for me is listening to your body in order to understand what your needs are. These are little things, like when you are thirsty, then drink etc. When you are able to fullfill your needs on a more regular basis immediatley, your body can relax more often because these gaps fall apart. I think when you fullfill your needs like this, others won't perceive you as needy because the neediness is a condition that rejects healthy individuals. Feeling safe with yourself first ❤ 🥰 is the supposition to feel relaxed with others. 🫂 I know that this is easier said than done. 😉
Yes to all of the above: 😢
The ruminating and resentment is what has plagued me for 20 years. The deception, the betrayal, the lying, the emotional abuse, and just realizing how evil he really was. And sure enough, when the ruminating subsides, he pops back up again. It’s like scratching a scab off a wound.
Oh man. I resonate with the entire list.
My scar is that I was and still tolerate way too much abuse..
This video has me yearning for a hug from someone that loves me. Speaking truth.
If I could I would.
I will wrap a beloved 'throw' (blanket with a love message or beautiful motif) around me for a while. Sometimes I wrap my arms around myself and hold myself, then maybe do it a different way. Sometimes I Just Dance for a few minutes in front of a mirror, however I want to move, just for the enjoyment of it.
🫂
I pray for your peace strength comfort and safety in the name of Jesus Christ can't no one love you like being in a relationship with Jesus Christ I have been through physical and mental abuse I am still learning to love my self I am still a work in progress I am middle age I had to forgive myself for being so gullible and forgive the abuser I realized it is ok to be my self sign Cynthia Smith
Virtual hug to you!!! You have a community here! There are people who absolutely do understand. One day you'll be hugging someone else who really needs it because if what you are going through now. That person is out there now waiting for someone to understand.
Signs you have scars from abuse
1. Sense of love/goodness has been drained
2. Taking too much responsibility for others agitations.
3. Learned to distrust calm moments.
4. Lots of internal rules and regulations.
5. Carry resentments and bitterness.
6. Feel the need to justify and defend your actions when it’s unnecessary
7. Carry annoyances/intolerance to differences.
8. Asking unnecessary questions.
9. Reluctance to reveal mistakes.
10. Fall into self sabotaging behavior.
11. Taking on shame and judgement that doesn’t belong to you.
12. Indulging in extreme thoughts of closeness/distance with another person.
1. I’m stronger than the narc says.
2. My past doesn’t define who I am today.
3 My pain is my teacher. I’m going to learn from it.
4. Dignity, civility, and respect are choices we can make.
5. I get to determine my values, preferences and standards.
Great summary!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Information I plan to review and use. Thank you.
@@mariehughey5390 This info is great!! Thank you for sharing. Having a grateful heart has helped me alot!! As a cancer survivor who just had my 22nd surgery, when something goes wrong, I ask myself, what can I learn from this. I call them "speedbumps" in my journey. They may slow me down, but they will not stop me. I have a hard time with change. I'm learning, change is inevitable. 😊
Thank you for the summary. 🗒✍
Lets drink this in everyone! ❤ Know that you were created for a better purpose!
So true!
Absolutely
Yes!!! 😊
So looking forward to this. Recently went no contact with my sister, her daughters and my brother. Parents are gone. All were, are narcissists, I am an empath. Can't sleep, sleep too much, shake, cry, overhelmed with depression. Can't stop thinking of their cruelty, false accuasations, their no accountability, their screaming and tantrums, cutting words. Ruthlessness. I want to be free of the memories and hurt. It's overwhelming. To be the target of so many in a family is truly debilitating. I am 14 years younger then my sister, 12 years younger then my brother. My dad didn't want me...mother suffocated me...
I don't understand why I was born into such a family.
Glad you could go no contact! Keep on keeping on. I think your life will improve enormously. And hope you can find some new loving friends!
You are not alone 😭, I rescued a squirrel baby that no one would take, during Covid and he loved me so much and that love healed me so much. 😭❤️
Listen to Dr. C, his words are so helpful! ❤
Well, that does look bad, I'm sorry, here in Texas, state your name, I flipped my wig, got fed up, with my sister, my community is encouraging you peace and harmony, our Doctor rules, he has good people in his circle, thanks community, the comments, the questions, so much comfort, for just normal carein, go team healthy, don't mimic ugly please dont
Linda in Texas, I'm listening, thanks go team healthy
These damaged narcs cause major pain to work through. There are so many of them too. They aren't welcome here anymore.
I think I’ve done pretty good on healing my psychological scars, but I had to remain no contact with the narcissist. When the narcissist would call or send a message, I found myself falling back into the same unhealthy patterns and it always ended up with me feeling bad about how I reacted and regret for making contact with that person. Since staying no contact, I focus on loving myself and I’ve started surrounding myself with healthier people.
Emotional and psychological scars:
1. Sense of love/goodness has been drained
2. Responsible for minimizing other's agitations
3. You distrust calm moments
4. Lots of internal rules and regulations
(outward performance)
5. You carry raw bitterness and resentment
6. Defending yourself when it's not neccessary
7. You carry annoyance, intolerance toward differences
8. Asking unnecessary questions
9. Reluctant to reveal mistakes
10. You fall into self-sabotaging behaviours
11. Receiving shame and judgment that does not belong to you
12. Indulging extreme thoughts about being close with people
Affirmations to soothe your scars could be:
》"I am stronger than the Narc thinks."
》"My past does not define who I am."
》"My past pain will become a teacher."
》"I determine my values, standards and preferrences."
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
❤that is where I finally am thanks to doc Carter and youse guys
Thank you!! 💛🌻
Thank you for taking notes. 📓✍
@@wulv1013 💛
@@NopeNotTodaySatan You are very welcome 🙏💛🙏
We should constantly pause and give credit to those who have keen narc radar and who altruistically stand up for those whom they silently understand as having been wounded.
*calm pain wishes and being heard dreams*
had visiting fam last week try forcing contact with Nsis. i tried to explain what they dont know about, also reaching out for help. they made excuses, dismissed me, stayed at Nsis house. im the problem or scapegoat, cornered, isolated in the country with Ndad. kinda missing my tent in the woods back when i had strength to try surviving disabilities without their annoyed highly controlling “help”
@@ljjae1648 I feel your pain from this recent experience. You have the knowledge of what you are dealing with. They will never have any remote clue. Hang in there. Sorry.
I have an extremely difficult time letting go of the traumatic emotional violence. I'm still stunned that people that were supposed to love me treated me like that. Things I would never do to anybody , not even a dog.
I'm having the same problem - the same pain.
I have tried to imagine doing the things that they do and it's terrifying and disgusting. I can't grasp it.
Trusting at face value (no evoking)
Being heard and believed (no excuses)
People who give you scars should be held under surveillance and not be allowed to have any access to sharp items.
I've recently gone NC with a narcissistic relative who was like a father figure to me. I'm just starting to see how toxic he is, and am starting to realize just how scarred I am. Thank you for helping me on my healing journey. Peace and strength to us all.
I've have written off a whole group of people. But I don't feel safe when I see them. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but I can't let them get next to me.
@@icalotdonthide2646 My stomach turns when I'm around them . 😔
Same with me. It’s really difficult. Hugs to you ❤
You have the right to protect yourself. Good job!
I’m so tired of stuffing….
Dear Doc C., today I looked at a photo of me from back in college. I'm about your age now. I said to that old photo, "I finally know what was wrong". That minute felt so good! I thank you so much💙💙💙
I wear my scars proudly as a badge of what I have overcome, and reminder of how great freedom feels. If only they could sustain "scars of shame" for all the damage they do. Almost like a Surgeon Generals Warning label. Stay Healthy!!
I wish I could say this, I hope someday I can.
You are beautiful Bara 🫂❤️🩹🌹
@@An-meiI believe you will. Every step forward is progress! I am here with you!
@@An-mei When we are in it, still connected to the game and toxicity, it is hard to see past it. All we can ever do is what is ultimately best for us and leave the rest. You have made very healthy connections here, for one, and you are so giving of yourself. That is your shining glory. My prayers are with you, for you to have the oppression lifted. For you to reconnect with that self worth inside of you. And for you to know that your day will arrive. Anytime you need a reminder of your awesomeness, you know I am here. Take care, Teresa. You ARE worthy! 🫂❤❤
“Chicks dig scars….” - Keanu Reeves’ character in The Replacements movie. Still waiting for proof, lol, but still hoping.
Grace to you, Bara. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
And you as well, Aaron. The only way out is through and to keep going forward. Keep 'em laughing my friend.@@aaronkwolfe
The first law of healing is the law of vitality. First, removing what injures, followed by the natural tendency to begin to heal if left alone. Don’t pick at a scab. Broken bones, once set properly, will heal stronger. The scar over a cut (however ugly) is tougher than the original surface, especially if the wound is kept clean.
Hi Dr Aaron, and what do you do with shattered bones or 3rd degree scalds???
@@roxymovie3938 A skilled professional is needed, of course, but the body is already trying to overcome damage: blistering over burns begins immediately, white blood cells invade the region, etc. Some/many scars never go away, but someone with skill can reduce long-term damage.
@@aaronkwolfe Do you know, why I am asking? - Because I have 3rd degree scalds and I was in a specialized hospital but my skin has not become thicker but thinner!!!
@@roxymovie3938 So sorry to hear about that, Roxy. As for wounds, I was actually thinking about cuts that scar afterward. I have a few of those, myself. And the body’s immediate action is to protect and begin healing.
@@roxymovie3938I'm sorry
This is the first time one of your videos made me cry. I can relate to almost all of these but feel stuck now. I’m 61, gave up almost everything of MINE when I remarried, have made cigarettes my “companion” and really don’t have many dreams anymore. I’m lost.
Just a hug from Gus 🐾 🐶 would heal me! 🥰 ⭐ A dogs love is the Best unconditional
Gus thanks you!
@@annbolton5626 my dog is my best friend. We are always together and it really helps me with my mental health struggles.
The moral of the story is.... Success is the best revenge❤ Don't be moved by their drama and insecurities!
Always Focus on yourself ! As long as you focus on yourself, you don’t have time for those nonsense !
Yep, I definitely didn't trust good times or calm times and had difficulty trusting good people for a long time! And I used to get angry so easy! I experienced most of the things mentioned here. But after everything I went through, the best things that happened out of all of it, is my independence and resilience, am truly grateful for that!
God Saved me from him and I Thank Him Everyday! 😊❤
Thank you for what you do, by helping people who have emotional psychological mental verbal & physical abuse I say physical because their actions cause high blood pressure, anxiety & other deadly diseases. Again, vThank you❤
Best wishes to you.
Whatever scar you get from a narc monster: just run and stay away..never look back. Let the narc be and stand on your own feet
What if it's someone in family w grandchildren 😢
Congratulations and thank you so much for your 1000th video! This was exactly what I needed to watch today 💗
You are so welcome!
Scars heal over time, they may cut deep then they turn raised, purple and bumpy but over time they level out flatten and are barely noticed. Peace all and thanks Dr. C
Sadly, it doesn’t work that way. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I used to be lively and fun, but now I’m “dead” inside.
Been there. It takes time. Connecting with TH does help. Wishing you the best.
@@aaronkwolfe TH? Therapy?
@@ro7547 TH is Team Healthy.
@@ro7547I hope you find a good therapist to help along with Dr Carter.
My nex wasn't "all that", and I did have a certain amount of pity for him in the beginning. I felt he just needed someone to really care for him, so I did. But, it backfired on me. To think he thought he could disrespect me, make demands, make up lies about me, shout, yell, and push me around, etc., still makes me angry. I gave my all and he was really just a big jerk. I'm still licking my wounds, and no longer trust my judgment.
It takes time to lick wounds ❤️🙏🌸
@@amandaliverpool3374 Love you Amanda. I hope you're doing well.
@Hatbox948 Ah. What a lovely thing to say. I love you too. I'm muddling though. thanks 😊
@@amandaliverpool3374 Hang in there!
We went through the same thing. It’s hard for sure. Make your friends your family and keep busy. When the siblings and family come to mind try to push them away. If they cared for you they would say sorry or let’s try to work things out. So if they don’t that means they don’t want you and you have no choice but to accept it. It’s them, NOT you. They are miserable unhappy people.
Thanks I so need this. I now have panic attacks.. Never had them before. Until very angry at my abuser.. Now that I am set free. Have these wierd panic and anxiety.... So very sad. They truly do know how to abuse your mind.
I have listened to this session several times. For me IT IS BANG ON. I realise I can be triggered and my pain can resurface. The words that jump out at me are ‘they make it all about you’. Wow that is so powerful.I am slowly processing what you are saying, because it is very deep and powerful. My bottom line is I can’t understand ‘their ‘ logic.and there lies the problem.I don’t understand how a narcissist thinks, and it is doing my head in trying to understand. My narc has lost 7 jobs through shouting,he has no friends, and it clearly is upsetting him that I am not bothered by our fall out. I am getting on with my life. He is now trying to muscle in on some of my friends. They don’t want him, not because they are MY friends but because they don’t want him.!. And then he will say…’well I gave them some apricots and invited them for drink, but they didn’t come’. So it becomes all about THEM. He simply can’t see that after 5 years he still has no friends. You can see why trying to find logic when there is no logic is doing my head in. Thank god for your sessions. Judy from uk
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, & 10ish(when the depression hit) are my scars. Healing these scars and seeing a noticeable difference in myself can only have happened having gone no contact. Number 3 is my biggest obstacle and has been for so long. Like when you’re 10 yrs old and do something you’re proud of and your N father slaps you in the face and tells you what you did was all wrong. I’m finally seeing glimpses of trusting the calm and I’m like “oh that’s what that feels like”. Moving forward and having learned to recognize all this thanks to videos such as this. Thank you Dr. Carter.
Thank you Dr. C..... I soooo very much respect and appreciate you... your work has changed my life... again... Thank you!
Unfortunately, I have new wounds that are being created at the moment. I can only use past healing experiences to reduce the impact like a damage limitation!!! As always, I look forward to the video.
May you be safe 🙏❤🧡💙
@yukio_saito Thank-you. I got over my divorce but didn't expect it from my son. It's a different situation and needs to be handled appropriately. Sorry to be vague but I have people looking out for me and the support from the Team Healthy is amazing and is giving me strength 💪
Amanda, very sorry to hear that you get retraumatized!!! I really hope your son will move out again with his girl-friend, the sooner, the better. 🏃♀️🏃🏠 I am thinking of you and praying for you 🙏💛🙏 Big hugs ❤🫂
@Teacher369 Thank-you Karen 🙏 I hope you are well❤️
@roxymovie3938 And the dog. Thanks Roxy. I appreciate everyone's support. Take care 🙏❤️
Well, I also realize that I cannot rush these stages. If I’m still mad about a recent bout of abuse, I can’t rush to the next phase of inner peace. I have to let myself feel the feelings first in order to move through them.
Blessings for this insightful and empowering message.. !!
My healthy scars are my radar..😉
I recently took Dr C's Anger Games course. Great source of help! And I printed the written information and homework so I can review it from time to time. Thank you Dr C!
Great to get this feedback. Keep learning!
No talking with/seeing/dealing with Dad 222 days now and strong!
6:21 Over explaining is a huge sign of having been repeatedly gaslit by someone in your past. It used to be a very bad habit for me because I used to think people wouldn’t understand or believe whatever I was saying unless I convinced them to.
Self sabotaging behaviour has being the worst for me. I’ve just read two books recently after fifteen years. I never complained and had high tolerance of others and kept myself well but my honesty has become like a constant complaining.
The scar of mistrust I was left with later cost me BIG TIME - when I prematurely dumped the love of my life for no real reason.
Thanks doc❤🎉🙏🌈💫
I have found your voice and presence and words very soothing . I have realized I have come through all this with consequences yes. However I realize I am also wiser for it and have always been more powerful and resilient than I ever gave myself credit for. I believe and am witnessing my life enhance and improve and expect it to continue and be wonderful. I am working on being ready for another intimate relationship in my own time- perfect timing for me.
I really look forward to experiencing a truly loving, safe, secure, fun and enriching relationship with a true love.
Love to you and your listeners❤☔️🎡
Moved many miles away to start a new life with my son , but behavior of a single man living next door points to him being a covert narc and his behavior has been documented and shared with others who need to know.
There is a fox sleeping outside my windows just like Gus.
If Gus was there, he’d gladly take care of security detail.
They are criminals . That is what the behavior is . They should some how be accepting always . All of them . They just get away with it because of
No accountability . That is
not Justice . They do alot of harm that cannot be removed or reversed . They
are able to ruin a person's LIFE . They need to be held accountable . Laws
I hope will change the way victims are left having to deal with all their lie's, abuse . All the different ways they abuse . They LIE. about ANYTHING.
They never care . I hope something changes for better care of the victims .
♥️😇
In some countries bullying is illegal. Why is it acceptable in the US?
I have dealt with many of these scars, but some still remain. As I am coming out of a toxic work environment (my boss is retiring and I am stepping up into her job in August), I am constantly reminding myself of the poor behaviors that I despised from her. I have already asked a co-worker (who worked with the boss for almost double the time that I have) to please keep me in check. I will need to find a balance between being laid back and being too firm. I was severely held back from my full potential under my old boss (even though she wanted me to take more initiative), and I will have to keep her voice out of my head. I dealt with similar treatment from my in-laws, so these two journeys have brought me to a better place. Finding a balance, learning from mistakes, and accepting that change is inevitable has been key to my healing and moving on. Thank you for this video! Keep up the good work.
Never let yourself be in a dependent situation if you can.
Thank you, your words are inspiring.
Pleased!
I can look at this person and know when there will be turmoil. They don't have to say a thing, and you know they are trying to start a fight. Also, becoming annoyed when all they do is apologize, I'm sorry I am waiting your time, I know I am always wrong. So now I have to be aware to have patience when someone apologizes a little too much. It goes on and on scars? Oh yeah, but I will work past this no matter what. Especially because they hate when I am positive even when they say I am negative .
Remember that narcissists do not love, they use.
I have many of those scars but not all. Anger ar those who hurt or didn't help my children, slow to trust relationships, suspicious of others' being narcissists and hurting their partners, and wanting to help them, angry at myself for not seeing something coming, looking for feedback that is not controlled by the narcissist so I could improve myself in a true way rather than narcissist's distorted view of me, not wanting any narcissistic pain ever again.
Amen 😊
Thank you Dr Carter, this gave me peace and hope whilst watching it. I am 2 years out of my last (and not my 1st) narcissistic romantic relationship. It really knocked me for six and the pain very much still lingers. I am in the no hope stage of ever being in a healthy relationship but so want to heal. This gives me hope. I really appreciate your videos and how you give us dignity and respect that we can adopt moving forwards ❤
Thank you, Dr. Carter. You've helped me is oh, so many ways. I know you are retired from practice and all, but I appreciate your new job that you give 100% of your focus to now......."God's Work"😊
Stress and problematic relationships caused me great distress throughout almost my entire life. Only now can I see that my nervous system had become dysregulated and that I had been trying to regulate it through sheer will.
I see now that I can finally relax and gain a little resilience. I don't know if I will ever fully recover, but at least now, I think I can see and feel that it is possible.
I see that I don't need to regulate others in order to feel better myself: I just need to acknowledge dysregulation. I can only ever be responsible for my own actions. I can see that it needn't necessarily even be possible nor even my responsibility to fix them. I can see that I may even have to let them be and realize that it isn't necessarily a reflection upon me even when their vehemence is directed my way, that remaining calm may even be the best response available offering a freedom and the space to act and/or be.
Thanks again for your advice. I remember with my husband the days before he passed away I was getting to the point where I was always second guessing my decisions and answers to people. Enjoyed this and continuing to heal.
Dr C, I would like to 5hank you for all your help, over the last few years, helping me make sense of my marriage, and family life.
I now feel I need to let the Narc, ex husband go from my head, as it's been two years since I left.
I need now to focus on me, and try and figure out, how to go forward on my own, for now anyways.
What makes me, me.
My positives and negatives.
And figure out a new road map for my life.
It is with sadness that I'm unhitching from our lovely group here.
But it's time to forget about my Ex, and to now focus on ME .
Thank you all. ❤
I can sense the wheels turning in your mind. Keep learning, and thanks for including me on your journey.
Thank you so much for your validation, invaluable help and support dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤
You are so welcome
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you 🙏 so much
God it’s never ending. It’s every interaction with my sister. And she has our elderly mother living with her now.
Such awesome video AGAIN.
I’m just so glad I know Jesus he is such a help so so much.
I don’t know what I would do without Jesus, because he is the best to run to for sure.
He certainly is always there and never abandoned and is an awesome mighty God and healer.
Thank you and God bless you.
From JANESVILLE, WI
Great checklist! Thanks Dr. Carter ❤
Glad it was helpful!
@@SurvivingNarcissism going through checklists like this have actually changed the way I address narcissistic abuse/baiting/hoover tactics that used to really work on me and get me in trouble due to my reactivity . In effect teaching me to apply methods that might not make me "narcissist immune" but close, which to me is a miracle. Bless you!
Thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊
I’m so messed up on every level at the moment. What you’re saying in this video I’m experiencing at the moment.
I healed from a decade long marriage from a malignant. Single for 7 years with intensive therapy then ended up being with a covert narcissist. OMG. They’re so different (some similarities). I’m destroyed on every level. 2 months out. It’s unfortunate that I was only believed bc he physically assaulted me. Black & blue for 5 weeks. People don’t take emotional/verbal/psychological abuse seriously. 🙁
I'm grateful you got out
@@An-mei - Thank you!! 💜 The ironic part is that HE called my parents acting like the victim. So he actually did me a favor. When I realized that he was on top of me I’m guessing he saw something in my eyes or face he’s never seen before. He jumped off of me & ran to the car. I’m not a loud person but I went bananas afterwards. I don’t remember too much at the point. I can’t believe people like this exist. I’m exhausted on every level. Just wanted a peaceful, healthy, loving relationship. Not hell on earth, again. No more relationships for me. I’m fine being single. Too traumatized to trust anyone else again.
@@NopeNotTodaySatanI'm sorry to learn of your experience ×2!!! Stay with Team Healthy. D. R. C. You deserve so much better.
@@nancytwigg4631 - Thank you so much!! I absolutely will! Team healthy for life. 🌻💛
You will confused after you leave a NARC, question yourself like how did I not know better especially when you had a NARC before and knew the signs,2 Months was too long,now I just well did feel sorry for the person who's going to be his next victim,I will love to marry or be in a relationship again but no time soon,my favorite line, Single life is Beautiful ❤
I can certainly relate to self sabotage and the need for validation.
I don’t want to be resentful or have bitterness. I just don’t want to see him ever again after the divorce.
Thank you so much, most of these are familiar to me, did not know, that I got them from narcissistic abuse. 😕 Video got me crying. 😓
You are spot on! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for your message of Peace. I´ve replayed your video several times, it´s so good, so instructive!
I feel really jazzed by the continual motivation (aka 'the healthy alternative') to engage my willpower with a resolved internal, "Yes, I CAN." And committing to living this attitude on the daily has blossomed into a, "Yes! I AM." Listening and applying the information on this channel (and 'DoctorRamani') have become as important and valuable to my health/wellness routine as my daily meditation, devotion, and work-out. Thanks for the time, work, and encouragement Dr. Carter & Team Healthy - Let's GO!!!!
Ive decided to go no contact with all of my extended family. They always make me feel bad so no need to go there with them. I will not even go to s family funeral again.
Sad, but I get it.
This video was just what I needed to start my day! Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks, Dr. C! Always a good timing and very informative message. Thank you for all you do, you are so appreciated! ❤
Great advice and counsel, as always. Thank you.
The funny side of this is that dog laying there as if he went through a narcissistic relationship
Perhaps a cat done Gus wrong?
Gus was 10 months when I got him as a rescue. I originally thought he had wiry hair but he was just dirty. He’s 10 now and incredibly loyal.
@@SurvivingNarcissism that's amazing 🥺❤
I not to long heard the word boundaries i never knew what this meant we allow things in our life that we should not have it's some good people in our world and they're mean people in our world i am a Christian so i have to trust God to show me who to trust and who not to trust we don't have to put up with any one mistreatment sign Cynthia Smith
It all sounds very familiar.......
10:30 With all the love and respect towards you mr. Carter, but directions suggested in "Where am I gonna go from this day forward" are not the answer, are not enough. One can ask, "So what is the answer?". Honestly? I have no idea. World is just more cruel, than we allow ourselves to think.
Oh Lord.. How, why? Please continue to help us. 😢
Awesome video Dr.C and Gus! Very helpful!
Glad it was helpful!
Great video.
Awesome Gus.
This was so helpful thank you!!!
Glad it was helpful!
I can relate to all of the points
I created a Narc series on my channel. My goal is to help others who have been through the narc experience and help make things make sense. Definetely therapeutic for me as well.
3:27 + the social contract
Dad thinks he's the best, not the truth. I have trouble trusting men because of his cheating on Mom, decades ago. He acted entitled to cheat, he told me not to tell her, he triangulated me and tried to get me to side with him v her(I am still close to her. Nothing like that with him.)
It's right that you took your mom's side.
Great show doc
Excellent advice. Thx doc
Glad it was helpful!
I think I should change the working title of my experiential book "If It Happened To You, Would You Want To Be Disbelieved?"
Good title! I would buy a book like that and give it away as a gift to a flying monkey/enabler.
I have 6, 8 and sometimes 10 😅 11 also 😮 12 too 🎉 not others and even if im critized for those 😂 i am rebellious i thought i was now i see that my way was true 😊
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am just messed up.
Dealt with an overt father who cheated on my mother for 20 years and messed around with women married or not after she divorced him. He would even dare the husbands to do something about it.
Then 25 years total with my ex wife. I believe she is a covert narcissist. She denies any of the abusive behaviors (verbal or physical), denies the dating websites, denies cheating, comparing me to other men, the whole list is sad really because I kept putting up with it.
Most if not all the list is what I am dealing with right now. I despise her to no end because she still is not capable of admitting any wrongdoing. So reconciling is out the window but the new guy she has now is so much better in the bed and with communication. Yes she has intentionally threw it in my face to hurt me for some reason. No I have never cheated on her and still to date have not been with anyone else. I have chosen to respect women in that area.
All true. 😮
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Dr. C. thank You!!!❤
You are so welcome!
When they begin predicting your behavior, what is an appropriate path of communication?
How were you before you were predictable?
Thank you
How old is Gus? Having a good dog is good therapy!
Gus turned 10 in April. I got him as a rescue when he was 10 months, and he went to my office with me each day until I retired. He's a great companion.
I have a question about something if someone could help me?
I was in a relationship with a Covert Narcissist. He did it all. However, in May he physically assaulted me (tackled me like I was a football player, also hit my head on the coffee table.
I think my body is still in shock from that day.
Everything hurts.. Everything. My brain, jaw, neck, heart, breasts, literally everything. Even my teeth from grinding/ Lost 25 pounds, my hair is falling out in clumps…
Is this a normal response to what I experienced?
That's major abuse, criminal,, and yes, it's normal for you to ache physically and emotionally. Please do not suppress it. Make sure a physician is helping, as well as therapy. If you were my family member I would plead with you to leave anyone capable of such brutality. Criminal charges could be filed. for domestic violence. Dr. C
I’m so sorry you went through that. So glad you are past tense w covert. 💐
@@SurvivingNarcissism - Thank you Dr. C for your response & support. I don’t have any medical insurance unfortunately. I’ve been doing my best to actually “feel” everything and then release it which for me is intense crying. Usually it’s in a pillow so I don’t frighten my family or neighbors. My first therapy appointment is July 18th. I don’t talk to anyone about this bc it’s that bad.
To be honest I’m really upset that my parents didn’t help me press charges. That man did a lot more than what I wrote above.
I do regret not going to the police. I can’t drive or else I would go in a heartbeat. I don’t want him to hurt (or worse) someone else. They drove hours to come get me the following day. Didn’t mention anything bc I was so dissociated but when they saw all the bruises on me & his fingerprints on my arms they panicked. I think they were afraid he was going to be there & do something crazy. I’m not allowed to talk about anything so I don’t upset anyone else which is messed up but it is what it is.
I’ve been a long time subscriber of yours. Thank you for all that you do. I mean that with all of my heart. If I wasn’t for you I would be in a mental hospital bc I would have internalized all the awful things he said. Bc of you I recognized many tactics that saved my sanity. The horrific things he did to me in other ways I’m still in shock about. Dark Tetrad type of behavior. He knew I had no where else to go. The worst past is he knew my ex husband was a malignant narcissistic sociopath. Spent 7 years after my divorce to somewhat heal from him.
He intentionally did many things my ex did, in addition to other things I never thought anyone could do. So messed up.
Already have CPTSD with dissociation so this has really messed me up. My heart is absolutely shattered. My soul hurts, but don’t miss or love him anymore. I did for the first 2 weeks which I thought that was so weird. So I wrote down all the things he said/did. Any time I began to miss him, I read it. All feelings are gone. I apologize about the long post. I’m incredibly thankful for you Dr. C.
🙏💛
@@agibby4848 - Thank you so much for the kind words. Makes me not feel so alone. ☀️🌻
I like animals more than people.
Thank you 🎉
I have come so far...i love me ❤️
Wonderful!