Divorcing a Narcissist: Helping Our Children Feel Empowered
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- čas přidán 25. 08. 2022
- This week’s topic: How do you help your child feel empowered - when your hands are tied legally. I’ve seen this question come through with a variety of spins on it and --- I can feel the helplessness behind this question. I know those feelings well because I have been there and I have walked this path.
Whenever I am pondering these questions for our time here together, I naturally see the question through my lens of personal experience however, I am also looking at it through the wide-angle lens of the cases that I've had the opportunity to view over the past 13 years.
Fine Print: I'm not an attorney - always consult with your attorney. Your attorney is (and should be) your voice and advocate in the system.
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Thank you so much for the work that you do. I can no longer change the outcome of the court order, however this content is still valuable for my personal healing and ongoing connection with my son. It has become very clear to me that there is no justice to be found in family court or social services in the UK which is rife with corruption. And yes, I am grateful that during my son's early years, I was able to prioritise him and we have a strong connection. I have kept by a lot of your principles advice throughout my court proceeding and I did sometimes wonder whether if I had not kept to my principles, the outcome would have been different. But I now know that it is the longer term wellbeing I would like for my son, and for me to remain true to my own values.
I've had the exact experience here in the Canadian system. I was 16 when my child's father became involved with me- he was 28. One judge told me that we are adults who decided to have a child and have to stop fighting. You know, that "high conflict" bullshit label. Despite his criminal charges against me.
Now that my son is 10, he's had enough of his fathers abuse and wants to talk to someone about it in order to stop access, no one will listen to him. Child protection said, "there's no need for their involvement", the access centre staff, "he doesn't need to do that", family court refused to have a child lawyer do "voice of the child". At 10 years old, he's already experiencing the systems failure.
Meanwhile, the father is doing everything that he's accusing me of. He's never been held in contempt despite disobeying every single order and yet I've been for my "anxiety".
I regret ever stepping into this system.
Co -parenting with a Narc is sheer torture. If you as an adult can't handle it than you know your babies are suffering. I gave up child support to get rid of mine.
In the end, that is one of the ways I was able to terminate printal rights. Forgiving $100,000 in child support. I would have paid him $100,000 to go away even if it took me 30 years to pay it off. Worth every penny. Congratulations on your peace.
He has left Indianapolis Indiana (( I think)),I now have all 47 DCS reports, I can’t get a clear answer on what to do.
Mine does like my daughter to talk about me around him and his wife and the therapist and mediator believe that is ok. Oddest thing. He abuses the system and has drained himself financially that he was almost taken to court because he owed his attorney and then few months later went to free mediation to say I'm talking bad about him which he cannot prove. His wife is his flying monkey.
I need help. My 6 year old sons father says things to him like, "your mom stole money from me", "daddy will have to sleep in my truck", "your mommy is going to take you away from me"... We just went to court and i was awarded sole. A week after he received a proposed order from the judge, which stated his minimal timesharing, one Friday for a number of hours No overnight, and the following weekend Saturday the same. So on Friday he said he was going to pick him up from afterschool care and keep him until i pick him up at 8pm. The judge specifically told me in court (dad had already walked out) the he needed a cool down period because of his behavior in the court room- and his timesharing wouldn't begin until Sept 2. I told him that- he didn't care i picked our son up from school and he didn't go to afterschool care. Dad showed up at my work as we were trying to leave 10 min early- for that exact reason. He parked behind my car, was saying thing in the parking lot, gave our son a hug and told him, "daddy was suppose to pick you up today but mommy is keeping you from me" He had also the previous week went to our sons afterschool care, spoke to our son and told him, "hopefully i will see you next month". As of the last couple days he is now saying he will not be picking son up, and that he guesses he won't see him until he is 18, and that now i have stripped him of his father and now he won't have a father. Sept 2 is coming soon, and either way- if he doesn't get our son, me son will eventually be hurt and miss seeing his father, and on the flip side if he does pick him up- he is going to say damaging things to our little boy. Any advice? please
I highly recommend connecting with a child therapist for advice on this topic. And document everything.