The Truth About Mother Wounds & 3 Ways to Heal - Terri Cole
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- čas přidán 8. 06. 2024
- Do you feel like your mother or mother figure is never satisfied with what you do in life?
Does it feel like something is off with your relationship?
Or do you simply wish you had a better relationship with her?
If you are nodding along, this episode is for you. I touch on how the mother wound is often a painful, invisible scar, break down the most common symptoms of the mother wound to identify if you have one, and give you three ideas for how you can start to heal.
Grab the free guide for this episode here: www.terricole.com/self-parent...
Check out the Mother Wound course here: terricole.com/motherwound
Time Stamps
0:00 - Introduction
2:35 - Feeling like you're never good enough
5:03 - Common symptoms of an unresolved mother wound
8:29 - The mother wound is invisible
10:30 - Journaling through your feelings
13:37 - Self-soothing
14:40 - Intentional self-parenting
16:07 - Your sense of worth
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
• 6 Ways Mother Wounds M... - 6 Ways Mother Wounds Manifest + Impact Your Life
• Do You Have a Mother W... - Do You Have a Mother Wound?
• Self-Parenting to Heal... - Self-Parenting to Heal the Mother Wound
• 7 Steps to Start to He... - 7 Steps to Start to Heal the Mother Wound
• The Art of Self Soothi... - The Art of Self-Soothing
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
Instagram: terricole.com/ig
Community: terricole.com/vip
FB Page: terricole.com/fb
FB Group: terricole.com/fbg
Podcast: terricole.com/itunes
Resources to Check out
Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com/
Understand and Transform Your Mother Wound: I created this course to help you break free of the insecurity and confusion that comes from having a mother wound and learn how to prioritize your preferences, your pleasure and yourself. www.terricole.com/motherwound/
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricoleshow #motherwound #childhoodtrauma
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Did this resonate with you? Do you feel like the mother wound is an invisible scar? Which healing exercise are you willing to try? Remember to download the guide here: www.terricole.com/self-parenting-heal-motherwound-guide/ and check out my mother wound course here: terricole.com/motherwound
When I became a Mother I was so heavily criticised and felt unworthy always tryin to be perfect but failing... Then my kids witnessed this and continued seeing me as a failure until one day after spending a year and a half assisting my daughter with my grandaughter she came home drunk and beat and kicked me to the ground in front of my grandaughter. This has totally shattered my being and reinforced me as a failure and not good enough to exist just to be used
Thank you for the links! ❤
They are all worth trying out,Thanks especially the self soothing one. I am mostly too hard on myself and even seeking positive impact from my maternal impactor. I believe it will help me the most with forgiving her truly and making peace with the fact that she might have not known any better or was overwhelmed as she was a first born child catering for every one of her siblings,close to 9 in total.
Definitely resonated. Thank you,
I have done things to heal the :mother wound but over the course of my life, it “keeps resurfacing. I think the key take-away for me is that I must learn to self-soothe and reparent and not just for a few years but as a commitment. And ... support groups or friends that can help me be accountable are preferable to isolating ;-)
I've had a mother wound for years, my mother is narcissistic and had everyone in my family thinking she was a great mother and I was the ungrateful child when she really thought as long as she gave the basics like clothing, food and shelter it was enough. I could not depend on her for anything else and I was made to feel like I was never good enough because I was born a girl instead of a boy she always wanted. We still have a strained relationship. I was forced to grow up faster than I should have and became very independent and self sufficient.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Woah that’s my story too! I wasn’t born a boy because she wasn’t born a boy. It’s a generational wound.
Great...not exactly what you want to hear at age 50. 🤦🏼♂️😖
I feel you sis ❤️🩹 same story, I’m the ungrateful daughter of a narcissist mother and it’s like it never gets better no matter what I do…
praticly the same story for me!
I’ve known about my mother wound for some time. My mom was not a great nurturer and I remember feeling like I wasn’t worthy of her love
My mother was very critical.. Told me I have no friends, I was unlovable, and a brat. Then she wouldn’t allow me to do anything with the friends that I had. I later realized she was jealous because she felt crappy about herself and she was unable to do what she wanted in life. My father was and is a control freak and verbally abusive.. My parents are a double edge sword. They love bomb us one minute the next minute, we were no good..
I grew up always feeling like shit! To this day, I push people away and don’t trust anyone. On a positive: My mother is a fantastic cook, she a wonderful host, she is very loving when she feels like being loving.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Ramona ❤ Thank you for sharing.
@@terri_cole Thank you for the kind words! Means a lot to me ♥️🙏🏻
How do you heal and be happy out again. I’m suffering so much because of this. Thankyou
Both of my parents were extremely immature and traumatized themselves. I’m only recently learning about all this and it’s been liberating to cut ties with mom (3 mos now). My past has so much pain but I’m married to a fantastic partner, 10 years, and finally feeling safe enough to face it all and heal.
I am witnessing you with compassion and also joy for feeling safe enough to heal ❤️
@@terri_cole I appreciate your kind words. Thank you.
It’s sad that you have to go thru this with your mother but the good thing is that you have your partner which helps u and makes u feel stronger. For me, this is my issue, I have not found anyone and partly is my fault maybe. I am starting to give up on the idea of finding a partner. I cant imagine what a partner would think of me that I dont speak to both if my parents.
@@emabella1000 honestly, I don’t think I was truly ready for a relationship until I was completely alone and okay with it. I was 41. It’s been an incredibly painful past year and on every recent I’ve ever had actually. I hope you find that peace that is beyond or beneath the layers of multiple sufferings. Sending unconditional love and support.
Now i understand, why everytime i tell to my cat " you're a pretty girl, you are such a pretty girl, i love you" and then i kiss her.... it really makes me and my cat happy😊❤
Same. Have the most love for my orange tabby ❤
I have always felt like an orphan. I raised myself, while my mother and siblings tried to break me. I was taught to hate myself and the criticism I received from them nearly destroyed me. Only my Dad ever showed me love. The pain I live with is too deep to mention. I have always felt alone in the world and it is terrifying. I don't have a family; I have relatives 😢😢😢
oh my goodness! This is me!! I knew I had an inner child that was put through a lot of depression and rejection but I never knew how to heal and it caused me to not be as loving a mother as I should be because I just didn’t know how. Thank you for showing me that I am worth being loved and that I can treat my inner child like my beloved and treat myself by self-parenting. I am NOT A MISTAKE! I am loved and lovable…
Yes, you are loved and lovable! ❤️
You brought me to tears with the self parenting tip. Just cut off ties with my narcissistic mom 2 weeks ago and it’s so hard grieving someone that’s living but knowing it’s time to put yourself as a priority and heal that little girl inside whose been craving to be seen & heard for 37 years 😢thank you for this video ❤
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love 💕
My Mum is very artistic and intelligent and a great educator
Guitar playing self soothes
As a child I would get blamed for things I had or hadnt done to the point I would confess to thingd I hadnt done just to cut to the chase of blame and punishment
I am witnessing you with compassion, Cheryl ❤
@@terri_cole Thank you and bless your kind heart 💞🙏🏼🌈😇
Thank you so very much for this! ❤
As a member of a larger family, with both parents displaying different forms of narcissistic traits, as well as two siblings with very similar styles of living, its been a few decades of unpacking, gaining understanding, healing and releasing. I am the only one (of the 7) that actively tries to heal. My father passed at Christmas, my mother is facing the last weeks/months as well. I'm finding facing the loss of our parents brings up much more than i expected in myself, but more so with my siblings...which (as in childhood) is being brought back towards me as well.
THANK YOU for sharing your knowledge, your wisdom, and your beautiful grace on this channel. I feel like I have "unpacked" decades of "stuff" in the last 2 years alone from your gifts & wisdom. It ain't easy work, but your help and guidance has been life changing! I can breathe again, as odd as that sounds. ❤👏
This makes me so happy to hear, Stephanie ❤️❤️ I see you and feel you on this.
My stepmother taught me how to be strong and resilient. I learned a lot from her modeling strong work ethics, providing for our family, keeping a roof over us and food on the table and managing money. After she died my dad wondered if she ever really loved him, hell, I wondered if she loved me or any of us kids because she didn't show it, except towards my youngest brother. She couldn't be vulnerable, she had a lot of pain that we couldn't understand but knowing what she had to put up with, with my dad, I don't blame her for shoving her emotions down. I learned that from her too, it's a coping mechanism in a turbulent marriage with an angry, controlling, abusive husband and/or father.
Thank you for sharing with us ❤️
THANKS! It makes me feel good to hear you say that. I talked to a cousin about why I had to cut contact with my parents. I hadn't spoken to him in years, we have a 20-ish years difference and I cut him off my Facebook last fall. I spoke to him, since I found out his mother died and gave him my sympathies. And since he's getting a certificate in psychology, he was trying to diagnose me vs. my parents, before I even told him why I wasn't talking to them anymore. And when I told him more about the situation, he said to me "why do you say that about your parents, they are good people." Our mothers are sisters, his mother had more serious psychological problems than mine, or it was more visible I should say. for a few seconds, I questioned myself. then I stopped and think "hey, I know the facts very well, it was me who experienced those facts, not him." What is his problem? he even told me that my mom told him that my father would like a boy like him.... I never felt accepted from my dad. and my mom told me at 7 when they were separated, that my dad try to kill him self the day I was born... they got together again sometime after that. and so much more stuff, but... why my cousin tells me this and then, oh! your parents are not bad people... oh! yes, they didn't burn my hand on the oven, or something physical... I saw a therapist who helped me a lot. She never juge me. She told me that I need to respect my self first, they never will it seems.
You saying "I know the facts very well, it was me who experienced those facts" is so good 👏👏👏 Your experience is yours to own. No one can take that from you. I'm sorry your cousin tried to invalidate that, and I am glad you had a therapist who helped you see that you are worthy of respect ❤️
I am a mother of one awesome daughter who passed away from stage 4 cancer 2 years ago at the age of 36. My covert narcissistic mother is in her mid 80’s and has dementia. My ex-husband’s mother (also very narcissistic) is 104 years old and also has dementia. The point I want to make here is the extreme unfairness I feel in this world. While my young, very giving and loving daughter died so young, while these two selfish and covertly destructive grandmothers of my daughter are still alive and sucking up all the attention they can. Neither of them j is my daughter was sick and passed away because the are being cared for by family members who did not want to tell them this bad news because it might “upset” them. It is amazing how narcissistic mothers are able to manipulate people so that their feelings are always consider over everyone else’s. The message in the family where a narcissistic mother is present is “Gotta make momma happy”. Everyone puts the narcissistic mother’s feelings first and foremost if for no other reason than to avoid momma’s rage or passive aggressive punishment. I held my daughter’s hand as she took her last breath. I stayed with her during her 14 month’ battle with cancer. Yer, I feel guilty because I could nit do more for her, especially take away her pain… which was not only physical so, but also emotional. It is hard to grief your life at 36 years old. I will never forget what she had to endure, and yet if my mother did know my daughter was sick and dying…, I don’t think she would have been able to comfort me or my daughter. Looking back on my life, the only time I delft love from my mother was when I was giving her attention or when her I interaction with me was to get attention. Anytime I tried to set healthy boundaries with my mothers their was some sort of punishment that would follow. Either the silent treatment or the covert “behind my vack” smear campaign. Unfortunately I have a sister who is just like my mother. She also has 3 daughter’s line my Mom. And she “used” her daughters and their children routinely for narcissistic supply and to be her flying monkeys. The destruction that my Mom and this sister (and her flying monkeys) inflicted upon our family when my father passed away in 2014 would curl your tooth. Both of these narcissistic mothers have been very destructive (sometime dangerous) in their lives…. But they’ll probably outlive the good people in this world. My daughter certainly deserved more than 36 years.
I am so sorry for your loss and am witnessing you with compassion and sending love ❤️ I am also holding space for the unfairness you feel.
I am so sorry for your loss and for the extreme unfairness of this. ❤️
This is heartbreaking to hear. I have no words 😢
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. ❤❤❤
I have listened to this video twice now and it's hard to absorb all of it. My mom always supported my making an effort to do things (in fact, insisted) that she wished she had excelled in. But whether I did well or poorly -- even if I was superb in the effort -- there was never any comment from her afterwards. I am guessing her unwillingness to comment kept me working even harder toward HER goals for me, hoping to eventually get that mother/daughter communication going. So now I see I'm repeating this with other people, too. Like "did I do okay -- did I do okay?" And waiting for external validation instead of patting myself on the back. That's what my depression feels like too. That empty hole that is never filled.
Thank you for sharing. I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love your way 💕 I also want to acknowledge it's powerful to be able to recognize that pattern of behavior.
My mom was very physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. I know she also did not receive a good childhood because her mom was an heroine addict and overdosed when my mom was 13. But the pain and trauma that all of that has caused me has been very painful, difficult and devastating. I have been mourning the love, support and care that I didn’t receive for many years now. I’m still on my healing journey and it definitely is an invisible scar/wound. That others try to understand, but can’t fully comprehend because they did not experience the trauma theirselves. Thank you so much for this content. ❤️
You're so welcome, and I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ And you're welcome!
I cut ties with my parents and they are traumatized people with low emotional intelligence and failed as parents. I learned about inter generational trauma, scapegoating abuse, family system abuse and trauma, emotional neglect and emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse. Also parents who are psychic/emotional vampires and I finally understood what happened to me. I’m healing and in recovery and I’m glad I’m free and learning about the mother wound. I learned about attachment trauma and I never bonded to my mother as an infant and the pain is starting to make sense. You also need to look at the abandonment and rejection wounds and the pattern being played out.
How is your process? Are you in therapy? Looking for pointers for my own journey 🙏🏽 Thank you in advance
My mother is very resilient and has a very good work ethics
That was so nurturing. I love how you don’t blame parents with the statement “We are all human” Terri. Will you be offering the course in 2024 at all? Australian/ Brisbane time zone?🥰Gratitude.🙏🏽Lee
I'm so glad you enjoyed it ❤️ As of now, I do not have any plans to teach the course live this year, but you can still take it- it will have the Q&A recordings from last time!
I’ve done this journaling practice and it is so helpful!
So glad to hear it 💕
I have alwaya felt like a reject.. I suffered all kinds of abuse and never felt like I was worthy... I watched my Mother protect and nurture my siblings but I was left to it.
Same for me dear! To the point that I never mention to anyone about the brutality I experienced because none of my siblings can relate. It was anything from spitting in my face to brutally beating me until someone came to save me. This continued to when I was 8 and she passed away. I wished to die. Anyway, it is what it is, let's focus and heal my dear one! This world is weird but I pray that we break through.
@@lilyumwiza715 bless you... I pray yoyr life is muxh improved now and you are able to heal 🙏🏼🌈💞🕯️
@@cherylleezack1260 let's just say that this is why I am here. With prayer and psychological help I will get through it. However, it's safe to say that I am grateful for all the material succeses. Relationship-wise, it's been a bumpy ride. We look to God though, because only He is able to make sense of these things.
@@lilyumwiza715 yes prayer is important. I find it's my survival tool and really helps.. Glad you are coping and gettin the support you need 🤗🕯️💜
I love your vids serious mommy energy that I never got 😅
I got you ❤️
This is such a great video. I really appreciate the sensitive way you covered this very complicated relationship issue. Helping us to focus on the good things we got from our moms as well as what was missing. In a lot of ways my own mom was a great mom but things changed drastically as I got older and wanted to be "me." She became hyper critical of literally everything I did and so many things became a competition?? in her eyes. I have made peace with it over the years, partly because I saw how her own mother treated her. It was awful. Males were more important in her family and unfortunately that mindset bled over into my upbringing. Such a delicate topic and you just did an amazing job sorting through all of it. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Denise 💕
Thank you, it`s truly invisible wound and a taby-topic in many ways in our society. What I resent in your video is that the first healing exercise you suggest is - what I am grateful for, what good did I get from my mom. Even though you mentioned that you do not personally identify as having a mother wound... I was prohibited for criticizing my mom in a slightest way for decades, by her, other relatives and society in general... And when the first thing you say I should do is to be grateful it`s really triggering
I am holding space for you and witnessing you with compassion ❤️ There is no need to do that exercise if there is truly nothing to be grateful for (which can certainly be the case). I would focus on journaling about what you longed for and *didn't* receive. ❤️
@@terri_cole thank you:) there are things to be grateful for, of course, still for me it is not the first thing I want to start with... I am listening to many authors, including Pete Walker Complex PTSD, and I found working on grieving and accepting my mom with all her deficiencies helpful. As you said, what I didn`t receive. And it is not only in the past, she is still like this, not willing to accept me as a person and constantly dismissing me.
I absolutely love your videos. I feel that you are describing what I have been feeling for so long but I am unable to express or explain. thank you for everything you do! Je t'adore ❤🙏
Thank you so much 💕 I'm so glad to hear my videos are helping!
Thank you, Terri. I have been dealing with childhood emotional neglect issues lately from both my mother and father, (but especially my father). This term is new to me at my age of 77. My therapist has disagreed with the word neglect, “extreme.”
Tonight I followed your two sessions on the mother wound from four years ago and from this year. I took copious notes. I have the scar. I intend to self-soothe my inner child, as you suggested. She needs love and affection, touch and praise. Your book is on my list this week. I appreciate your empathy and strategies. Bless you!
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, and for watching these videos ❤️ I'm so glad they're helpful for you, and I am cheering you on as you soothe your inner child!
Awesome Podcast topic👏🧿
I started bawling about halfway through the video... I knew my relationship with my mother was messed up, but this video helped me realize that, even though I haven't talked to her in over a year, I'm still hurting.
I'm the 2nd oldest of 7, and I was the accidental pregnancy that got my parents to marry each other. Growing up, my mother seemed to resent me simply for existing, and she was always treating me differently from my sisters, even my older sister. My dad always claimed that it was because I was "too much like her" that she just couldn't stand me, but everyone else in the family had no idea. Even my grandparents on my dad's side, who constantly took me to their house to give me a break from my mother during school breaks, had no idea what her problem was, but they were the only ones who at least had an idea as to how bad things were at home.
By the time I was 16, I ended up with an ED, and I was fighting tooth and nail to not only get a job but to not graduate a semester early because I didn't want to spend the 8 months between 1st semester senior year to my 18th birthday being at my mother's mercy. I was 24 when my grandfather on my mother's side died alone in hospice, and I finally snapped and went NC with my mother due to her blaming me for years for him being alienated from the family when it was her fault, but, like an idiot, I spent 11 years believing her. When 2020 hit, she threatened me when my older sister told her I thought I might be pregnant, and I had a miscarriage due to the stress. That same year, I ended up with COVID, and I called my mother simply because I was scared and wanted to be told everything was okay, but she told me that I had better have my life insurance policy up to date and hung up. To this day, I still struggle with my reputation despite spending my entire childhood being bullied not just by my mother, but by my classmates and coworkers, simply because my mother was so obsessed with her reputation and, as a result, mine that she would punish me for "attempting to ruin her reputation" or "trying to turn people against her."
Thankfully, my mother-in-law has stepped up since we met, and she has deemed herself my "mom." She's defended me from my other in-laws, helped my husband and I get out of horrible financial situations, and, when I was sick with COVID, she stepped up and came over to take care of me until I was better. She's been there for me through all my miscarriages, and even helped me patch up some relationships with my extended family that my mother tried to destroy.
This all just scratches the surface, but, ever since my grandfather died, and I went NC, I thought I had come to terms with everything that happened, but this video made me realize that I'm nowhere near healed from everything my mother put me through over the years.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love 💕
My mother wouldve been happier if she didnt have children. Shes in her 70s and none of her children including myself are close with her and keep conversation on a superficial level. I wonder if deep down she now realizes good parenting is more than housing, food, paid bills and material gifts in lieu of emotional security.
So interesting thx for sharing
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
your words are soooooo soothing xox its like I drop into this relaxed state of feeling okay with myself...its so sweet, there is no pressure to be .. just receive
That makes me so happy to hear, thank you ❤️❤️
Thank you, Terri. These are very good suggestions with clear instructions on how to do them and why they help. I've saved this and will be sharing it. I hope you had a beautiful day today.
So glad it resonated with you, Jill ❤️❤️
Brilliant video, well done, and a huge thank you. All bells rang for me, and your process is actually what worked for me. I somehow I learned to be thankful for what I did learn and gain from my mom, as you say - and I used my drive for perfectionism to develop these gifts to a very high level, leading to my career :) I am far less of a perfectionist now, and in times of feeling traumatized, I feel the fear but then focus again on the gifts. This is so important to us to acknowledge our love, the love we wanted to share, and to find some peace and connection to the world through these gifts. Fortunately, your third journaling topic is where I excell, having found so many joys in life. I think and feel that I've become my own good parent. Mostly. There seems to be lingering hardwiring that crops up, but I am aware of it and now have ways to address it, usually - some deeply ingrained nerve development response to trauma, neglect, being a latchkey kid adultified far too soon. Your journaling process is wonderful, what I stumbled on myself after my mom died, but I wish you had been around many years ago as I probably would have healed much faster with your insights and compassion. Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing how these techniques worked for you ❤️ And good for you for finding ways to heal!
I’m going to start this last part of reparenting to journaling to heal the wounds. I’ve been on this journey for a long time.
As a 63 year old I’ve tried letting go and lovingly giving myself the compassion to live on my own terms.
I am worthy and so grateful for the tools to make what is left of my life to truly be free.
Thank you Teri.
I’d love that, hopefully have the funds. 🤍🌌🕊️🕯️
You are SO worthy 💕 I hope the journaling exercises are helpful!
Your videos are so helpful. My whole life all I heard was “Your parents are so lovely.” No one had any idea what was going on behind closed doors. It took half my life to see the reality of the neglect and the emotional and verbal abuse and how it impacted me. I still often forget and get pulled back into it spirals of shame and self-hatred and have to keep reminding myself that I’m not that little boy anymore. I’m allowed to feel my feelings. I’m allowed to be angry. If I don’t let myself be angry at them then I get angry at myself, so I have to direct it outward and know this is part of the process of moving through it. I’ve cut off ties with my family for this reason, so I can give myself the space to keep going through it without being told to “just get over it.” ❤🙏🦋
You are allowed to feel your feelings and be angry ❤️ Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
@@terri_cole 🙏
I literally have tears in my eyes bcz I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Everything you said has hit home. I’ve had trouble with imposter syndrome and being seen. I always felt like I had to be perfect and with creating my own course I always am focusing on the 15-20% that went wrong. Creating I think self sabotage in who I want to be in this world. Wowwwwww I felt so alone bcz I didn’t truly understand the depths of a “mother wound”. Ty for creating this video ❤
You're so welcome 💕 And you're not alone. I recommend checking out this video on self-worth as well, as it ties into some of the points in here: czcams.com/video/Wksa1ulAIOo/video.html
I ever fantasize that my mother will available for me. But, in 30years, nothing change between our relationships. I feel loveless, not worthy enough. My mother just my only family member that I have. But, its painful to longing for mother love that missing in my childhood.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your pain ❤️
Thank you very much Terry, I really inspired by the content you create, and I want to ask your permission to make your video one of the sources for my content about motherwound in for my subscribers in Indonesia? Thanks for your attention Terry. Love from Indonesia. ☺🙏
Thank you so much, I appreciate you asking ❤️ If you link to my video in the description and cite it within the video that is okay. I would just ask you not to re-upload it on your own channel in full without adding to it.
I struggle with trusting women because of my mom
My relationship with my mom is hideous. I just went no contact. It’s a to challenge to face every single day!
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I had a brilliant mom who was honest, kind and gentle. But was also distant, cold and seldom acknowledged my existence. I don't hear much about this type of mom.
That sounds like the hot-and-cold mother- I briefly touch on it in this video: czcams.com/video/GELhIF7Qn14/video.html 💕
@@terri_cole thank you for replying. I feel seen ❤️. I watched the linked video and the hot and cold, unpredictable, having to walk on eggshells mom sounds more like my dad. My mom was luke warm to mentally and physically absent.
💕💕💕
Thanks so much, Our beloved Terri. I only got to realize my mother wound recently after the conception of my 1st born daughter (though 2nd child) which has intensified recently when I git to see the truth as it is. I tried mending walls but my mother was super defensive and narcissistic about it. I was hurt but glad I have the truth blunt to myself. There's no hope of fixing the martenal bond yet grateful I have a daughter to share it with and myself to begin with. I am However as a result of such an upbringing,as I suffered neglect and so much despise from both my biological parents have a husband who is truly controlling and altogether narcissistic. I have started working on myself but it's so not easy to stand up for myself and completely heal since I am seemingly in a continuous cycle. Is there a definite way I can cope and be effective with all my healing even in such a toxic environment?
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is controlling and narcissistic. Healing in a toxic environment is very difficult. It can sometimes feel like the wounds you've begun to heal get cut open again and again. If you can, I would seek out professional help in navigating this situation. ❤️
★★★★★ This information is so much more on the mark than the stuff that was taught to us thirty years ago by people like John Bradshaw, Thomas Moore, or even Claudia Black. The "mother wound" is a better descriptor than just shame. Belief is a good term but ideation is better because the ideation is a belief that is that profound, and because it probably originated before the child had the boundaries to know or understand that he or she didn't cause the lack or problems presented by the mother. Like the movie GOODWILL HUNTING, that it was "not your fault." Thanks, Terri!
You're so welcome, glad you found it helpful! ❤️
Hi I’m Emilia and I hope your doing well xxx I’m here to reprogram my mind and my Uber mother towards myself
Hi Emilia, welcome to my channel ❤️
I guess its impossible to assess how long it normally takes to heal from a mother wound? I suppose its different from person to person? 🤦🏼♂️😖 Been struggling from this my whole life....50 years of internal damage. 😢
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Healing does vary from person to person, but it is possible. ❤️
Gawd yes
❤
The mother wound is profound in that it can affect all aspects of life, but fortunately it's not insurmountable with time and commitment to healing. I have been no-contact for years from my entire family. I have undergone several types of therapy and several therapists throughout my life. I'm now considering trying IFS as a modality. My mom has strengths and I see those alongside her struggles. She has her own unresolved mother wound.
Thank you for sharing 💕
how do I fix and heal the mother wound?
There are suggestions in this video- you can download the guide for more prompts: www.terricole.com/self-parenting-heal-motherwound-guide/ I also have a course on understanding and transforming the mother wound here: terricole.com/motherwound 💕
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Your definitely describing my mother all in all.
Add a Religious Sadistically Catholic twist to the story.
Im near 60 & she's 85 years old n evil healthy...
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Oi amem❤😂
My mother died when I was very young…but I learned from her to care for what was mine. I’m an avid gardener like my mother was as well as the many women neighbors I grew up around. I also love animals and I strive to always be classic and timeless with my clothing ensembles as my mother was. But still…big mother wound around all those things that I admired about her - because she wasn’t perfect. Where I got into trouble was with my MIL. That difficult relationship was far more damaging as a young adult than the death of my own mother as a child. And it is clear that my husband was massively impacted by his mother but will never admit to her shortcomings probably out of embarrassment. This has been a source of discomfort in our marriage.
Thank you for sharing. That does sound like a difficult situation with your MIL. ❤️
Yeah something huge way off!
Hi dear
I m dujah
Welcome, glad to have you here ❤
I find the name mother impactor terrible, it sounds awful. I understand it means mother figure, someone who had a role of mother, but in the context of mother wound, is it appropriate? Only a mother can hurt you like that, no one else. The same words said by another adult in the role of a mother would not hurt as much. A child can say You're not my mother. Motherhood carries more weight, in my opinion, but I can be convinced otherwise.
From my 25 years as a psychotherapist, I have to disagree. I have had clients with mother wounds that were caused by people like aunties or grandmothers or close family friends who essentially raised them. I purposefully use the term "maternal impactor" to include these folks because clients have asked if they can have mother wounds from someone other than their mother, and the answer is yes.
thank you for this video 🩵
You're welcome 💕
My mom was abused, she became a toxic person, she was extremely controlling, and abusive. She pushed everything on my sister's and I. She was diagnosed with bipolar depression. She would rage and abuse us, horribly. I learned to stay away as much as possible. But she would never show up to any performance that I was involved in. This resonates so much. On a recent conversation she told me she wished I would stand up for myself more. But we would get punished severely if we did, that fighting was bad, being selfish is bad, and she changed the rules all the time.
That sounds incredibly difficult. I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️