The Narcissist & Time Patterns
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2023
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A narcissistic person tells on themselves through time that kind of behavior ain't normal for a grown human. Break the trauma bond. In your time you can do it!!! 👍🏾
Yup, don’t ever try to test how firmly a narcissist believes in the delusional reality that they crafted and convinced themselves its the absolute reality
My narcissist ex always gets a fancy car, lures in a woman, lovebombs her, marries her after a short engagement with a fake and/or used ring, then downgrades to a crappy car, devalues and discards the woman. I was wife #4 and only learned of his exes after I fled him with only the clothes on my back. He kept my ring. He is currently shopping for a sports car. And the cycle will repeat. I feel bad for his next victim. Also, he’s an alcoholic which makes it all even worse.
Sorry to hear that you went through this with him. It is so weird, confusing, maddening, crazy, crazy making and simply the worst types of people that we end up getting involved with. The fact that they repeat the cycle over and over but don't self evaluate and look for help to not keep doing this....
@@faithanddevotion it’s truly pathological. I’m just grateful I escaped with my life in tact.
Most of them drink...it takes away the chronic shame
Sounds like a hustler or con artist
@@trogers7312 pretty much. He lies about almost everything!
I cried when u said they would do it around our important days to let us know how insignificant we were to them. He did around my birthday. My heart cannot process it, how people can be that cruel , that our pain is their joy
My sister would not speak to me and refused my holiday visit. Again I called New Years Day and and she refused to speak to me,I was told she didn’t want to speak to me.
The reason why us survivors are the significant one's and they aren't is because they have to go to these crazy lengths to devalue us, but we don't have to do this to people to feel better about ourselves. They need supply, we are just craving love and depth. I thought mine was capable of weight and depth, but they were only capable of the depth of a child. Just remember, when they mirrored us, we were seeing our good qualities reflected back at us, not theirs........
Well said✌🏼💗
Great comment..
Yep! 👍🏾
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Perfectly put. I feel now that I realized that I dated a chameleon. And the discard was so heartless and cold, nothing before could have been sincere.
She would ruin every holiday for me and her children by being withdrawn and always on her cell phone.
Truth about holidays, birthdays. DRAMA. NO JOY. A TEASE. CHAOS. REJECTION
I was discarded at the beginning of winter and I knew it was coming as she behaved erratically leading up to it.
Coming up to 3 months since I was put on the trash heap and over a month with no contact.
The last contact I was assertive,not nasty, and made sure she knows I've umasked her for who she truly is. No going back for me I destroyed any chance of that for my own protection and benefit as I cannot live with that insanity anymore.
Did she try to come back
Yes you were put on the trash heap but your not trash my friend your a beautiful person just like everyone else on here. A narcissist takes everyone for granted they throw everyone under the bus but the bus of life just keeps passing them by!
@@mgaleoutdoors No as I made it clear I'm aware of her behaviour and the masks she wears. I actually called her a fraud and her life a facade. I wanted to make sure I can heal and move on.
@@chriscole5990 Cheers.
Even tho you make it clear and might be assertive they will still try to come back. They are notorious for recycling old supply.
The cycles were so obvious in the end. Always a discard around early Summer then a hoover in October- when the months are darker and quieter, fewer chances to hit up some other girls!
Exactly!
OMG YES!
Exact same pattern - but I noticed this over the years and when he started this again this year, he started acting funny again in late June. We had massive row in July.
He discarded me and I told him I know your patterns and I’ve seen this before - I told him he was wicked and nothing but a user and a narcissist.
He tried to stop me from going, but I told him I heard enough - left and blocked him in my car. Got a text popped up on my iPad cos my phone was linked, but it was a tester and I knew it was, so I blanked that too.
They are messed up!
No contact is the answer to these socio-pathetics.
Great word!!!!
Yes, yes, Yes!! They are a " big show"Then they turn evil to bring you down before they discard. Its too much for them to actually wait until they are discarded. They just disappear and that shows just the last step of their plan . Thanks for explaining the steps so well.
Yup,my husband of 12 years discarded me after 12 years,the day prior to Mothers Day and im a Bereaved Mother
My ex narcissist time pattern was every 5 weeks. That vicious cycle went on for 16 months. She finally found someone after the last discard and immediately started lovebombing him. I am so grateful for that man. He doesn't know it but he saved my life..
My Goodness. You truly deserve a standing ovation for this. I can't believe this could be so bang on. This narc man didn't wish me on my birthday even when the entire group of friends kept pouring in messages. And I was shocked.
Not shocked anymore though. Thank you 💛
That happened to me last year he didn't wish me on my birthday and I confronted him but he said it not a big deal but this person is someone who was planning surprising some on her birthday
@@ruthcharmie It's hard to accept such people are for real. I confronted him too when he came back just after a week of my birthday (after ghosting me briefly) but I didn't realise how smoothly he brainwashed me because he wanted something from me :(
My ex never wished me happy birthday either and tried to ruin my birthday, that’s what they do they hate us being centre of attention. I am 16 months out of the relationship now. I walked away best thing I ever did, they are pure evil.
I'm a survivor because of these videos
I've been through 3 Narcissistic Marriages. The Pattern is real. All three pretty much evolved into the same horror. This video really resonates with me. When they lose control over you....they have no use for you. They just go to the next victim. Same result.
3!!?????
Three narcissist ex wife’s? How long did you date them? Feel so sorrow for you but I myself don’t want to find myself with a new wife who is a narcissist.
@@Meii652 : Don't laugh. I've had two. The first one, I discovered what a narcissist was. My family doctor told me what was going on and said the nightmare is over, when she left. The second, I brought here from Russia. We must have dated during the "love bombing" period. After we married, nothing she did made any sense. After five years of abuse, she left without a word. That was a year ago. She has since contacted me about every two or three weeks, for some reason or another. She's unstable and probably possessed by an evil spirit, given her insane mood swings.
Through Anoushka, I've learned quite a bit, until now I can practically predict her behavior. She shows up unannounced and walks into house without notice. I have thrown her out of the house the past several times. I'm focused on NO CONTACT, which seems to work very well. When she "stops by" I tell her to get out, until she leaves.
The things she did to me in our marriage were evil, yet she has no remorse or guilt. She needs me for some things, but I refuse to even speak with her, FOR ANY REASON, until I receive an apology and explanation. That pretty much keeps her away.
Being destroyed once is enough for me bud. I won't be marrying again. At this point, I doubt even being in a relationship with anyone else let alone uttering vows.
Each to their own though and I hope you find peace in the future 👍
@@J87513 they are cunning....but I'm very educated now. They all sucked me in by their "victim" stories...
Mine would be goof for a few weeks after i left and came back. Then slowly fade back into the monster she was. And we would discuss it. She would say "i dont know why i cant get it right" kept me addicted to hope
I'm stupid, I took 25 years of this cycle...I was confused, and kept making excuses for her behavior. October I told her we were done....Almost a whole year later we are finally going our seperate ways. She finally sees I'm not controlled anymore by her manipulations.
I'm too strong for the Narc, he always reminded me of the strong woman I am!😂
I keep my secrets in a ladies draws
Did you tie him up ?
@@comparecards5688 😂😂😂 for what?
@@madmesh978 🫣 what do you mean?!?!?!?!
@@ZonyWestlike you hang him up from his feet or something!
So Beautiful. WOW I am an Empath and learning on NPD and toxic traits . Thank you for sharing . Blessings!! Love & Light
So sorry! Stand strong! Be happy you are outa there!!
I almost forgot about my narc and who she was literally 25 plus years later when I received a text. She acted as if all the horrible things never happened. She literally told me “God forgave me” and “My friends and family are just beginning to trust me again” That was enough. I wrote her parents explaining their daughter might be in trouble and I finally told the truth about what actually happened 25 years ago. They knew.
I had a narcissistic ex contact me after 10 years as if everything was normal. I soon made it known I was not interested. They are mad some of them never leave you alone.
It kinda seems that the world is growing at a rate of 10% per annum in regards to covert narcissist. I am seeing more and more.
38 years of his selfish childish crap & not another day.
Save yourself because they will never change & will destroy you-YOU ARE WORTHY
They WILL destroy you. Yes. It is an energy suck.
This is so hurtful..my husband is a narcissist and I've been dealing with this for 13yrs it took me about 4yrs to figure out something is wrong but I always feel so bad for him and I know he's sick and I forgive him. He has alot of childhood trauma from his mom treating him like garbage. I love him I wish he would change but your right he will never and he won't. I need to leave him for my own health. I developed high blood pressure in this marriage and bad anxiety. I can't save him but I can save myself.
So True, I'm a native NY'er. I learn how to read in Pre-K (the books didn't have words just pictures)
The teacher used to ask what I saw in the picture. I was trained at a young age to observe. So I always use my eyes.
"""It's Boring"""
So I rather look at the Heart 💜 and the only way to do that is through CONVERSATION.
YOU can see a person's HEART ❤️ through their CONVERSATION.
AND YOU WILL SPOT THE NARCISSIST
❤ from Australia 🇦🇺
Yep, I was 11 O'clock and he had a cycle of 3 months.
Yep. Exactly what happened to me. Though through the devalue stage I smelled a rat. Anyway when she left me she never tried to hoover. Now I know why. Thanks again Anoushka
Wow !! Thank you for these videos !
Been going through this for the past 30 years . Recently retained a lawyer for divorce. This video is my wife to a T . Every couple years she flips the switch , and it usually last for a couple years . From serving me raw food to pointing a lazer on a fire arm at me . I told my family if something happens it was her . I think it’s time I seek therapy to start to heal . This is pure craziness
You have to remain in control of your emotions… the moment they devalue YOU discard… never let anyone have you enough to disrespect you …. At the first sign of disrespect…. Discard them !
This was one of the best explanation thus far
Is this why I keep randomly hearing from her every 2 months? I swear a few months go by and she's either contacting me through one of her friends, or contacting one of my friends with random ass questions.
Det er jeg enig med dig om Anouska jeg ved godt hvad du snakker om, ka du ha en fantastisk dag 😉👍
Thank you. ❤ I appreciate this help so much!
Yes it's been nearly a year for me now, l been though every think you said, so a big thank you for explaining explaining the time frames. You are speaking the truth, God bless you and watch over you and keep you safe. 😇🙏🙏🙏🙏
This video is extremely help ful!!! I have it saved in my library!
wow! you do a tremendous job explaining exactly what i have gone through
Yes this is amazing information! I realized as a young young child, maybe around 4 that key family members displayed NPT traits. At that age I didn't have the vocabulary to deconstruct the behaviors. I noticed the self centered performative display of communication. I was looking for reciprocal purposeful relationships, they were manipulating people into a compliance role. I also discovered no matter what I did, even agreeing with them the temper-tantrums and smoldering disapproval were still present. After that I went into avoiding ignore mode to reduce the interactions and hopefully the victim of their validation seeking!
He gave me closure after discard.. He told me I wasn't enough for him..that he wanted more and deserved more
Sadly as I discovered, the patterns are also so the narc can play the field
Thanks for your video It has taken me about 15 years to realise this and now I must do something about it Wish me luck 💜🤞
A little late to wish you good luck, but since it's a long term battle I'll still say good luck. It's been 2 months since your comment, hopefully things are going okay with you.
I had faltered - wanted so badly the happy family thing so badly- but am back on track now Registered a new business name on Friday- it’s complex when you run a business together Thank you for your kind comment it’s appreciated 💜
Omg yes !
Yep, going through this now, i believe I'm more the wiser, and I'll let her take her toxicity someplace else.
Keep strong. I’m two years in. Brutal on the nerves. Currently healing and doesn’t happen overnight..
In my case the narcissist goes very quiet (during this time he is scheming and plotting), he then does something to cause waves - sometimes this upsets people and he apologises - then he goes away and lies low again. He leaves it a little while, going very quiet again (during this time he is scheming and plotting) and then he repeats the whole thing again. Does anyone else have experience of this??
@penijoni1316 Doesn't surprise me about the apology - I think the narcissist I know is actually rare in apologising - and he doesn't mean it because he does the same thing again
They hoover decade's down the line from what I've learned. I get strange numbers calling my phone from time to time but I don't answer them. But if I do I rather hear a bill collector than a narcissist anytime. 😉 Lol
Why would you be talking or caring about hoovering if really you are not sick still??? Get a new identity, thank GOD that you are free from that darkness everyday...nobody cares about hoovering from those monsters by the way they are agents of the devil.
LMAO 😂
I'm from the United States ❤.
They’re trapped inside their heads. Youre just a bit player. They’re the star and you are easily replaced. They have to stop and try to remember your last name. That’s what you are. Won’t change
Mine never said my name! Ever. I was nameless! Haha
Yes.. i notice this cycle after 2nd strike she did to me. She devalue me n i went silent now. I search about narcissistic and i found your video. Yes she is narcissistic confirm. Base on your explaination about narcissistic. Now i go for no contact. She tried to get me. Using her mind game tactics. I ignore her.
Yes master lol
You're so cute so pretty, thank you:)
8 months was all I could take, so long to her B.S. . I love my freedom again.
my NM has been ruining completely my Springs and Summers for years now. Impeached me to have my own kids (so I'd be perma available as her slave), now that I got a garden, I couldn't see my flowers grow - and I worked all year round to see them bloom in the Spring. For her to hoover the F outta me and deprive me from my flower-kids. Again. My bday is in days now and I might turn phone off. Last Christmas she shattered my heart and threw it to the dogs. I could go on
How can a person who was born in Kalahari desert apply the same behavior patterns of narcissistic abuse as a person who was born in New York, London etc.? They are from a fully different world and reality and they act amazingly the same way, why?
They are people that have disorders…
Enviroment and habitat contribute to create and form one's personality. How can they live in a so different places and display the same behavioral features? I meant do exactly the things when addressing to their target?
@@kikataye6293
Because a narc is a narc.
Let's rationalize it. Habitat and enviroment model aperson's personality. What is the connection between who is born in NYC to whom is born is Burundi?@@cynthiajohnson1914
because this disorder has it roots in the mother-child relationship and regardless of the location, mothers tend to be same / show similar bahavior. In the end it's a power-dynamic-game which the child tend to loose and now, growing up sees every relationship under the same patters as it did when it was a child. It always tries to resolve it to their favore thats why they discard you, you are the bad mother which now loses.
The passive aggressive narcissist will phone you as late as possible in the evening to wish you happy birthday and claim they almost forgot it followed by this emoji 😂 My honest thought was that i wish they had. Sadly i did not say it.
👍
⏰⏰⏰🎯🎯🎯‼️
And I'm not a narcissists I had a ex-girlfriend who is and wants to blame me for her wrong doings and her irractic actions and behaviors.
Last year on my birthday he pushed me out of his house in the morning with the excuse to host a friend for the night ( it was true but ...). During my holidays he used to disappear or go to his family on the riverside without invite me.
This year he stayed silent throughout the day and in the evening he came to my house told me that he just went to a birthday party of an old friend 😢 who knows if it was true?
💯😳💯😳💯😎
You improve the sound by cutting the treble a bit, and removing echos.
Going through the worst break up ever with a narcissist.. I even had to put our dog down our baby dog … the worst and even now he still thinks there is a chance ????? Help
So what goes through a narcissist's mind when you devalue them or make them think that they don't matter to you?
My narc is not in control! I could bring his world crashing down with 2 phone calls
My sister inlaw gave me the silent treatment while having to see me 5 days a week(being in the same room)...for 6 months last year...why? I held her accountable 😂
I wonder how come these creatures dont have empathy when they know exactly how their prey desires and can act that out.Also what kind of abuse they went through in their childhood which made them like that as i myself went through some serious kind of abuse as a child but wasnt even aware that people like these existed on the face of earth
I want to ask a question about these circles narcissists follow.
As far as I' ve observed my Narc partner, I ' ve only clearly noticed two main stages: love bombing, devaluation and discarding ( or they are actually three stages?) - I can't tell the difference between devaluation and discarding- it seems the same to me. Love bombing actually never appears again.
Yes, sometimes he is more affectionate towards me but it is definitely not the bombing stage. And, as time passes, he becomes colder and colder, there are lots of quarrels, arguments, yelling. And still he doesn't want to separate with me...He says he loves me when I want to leave him. It is very, very strange to me cause he even doesn't want me physically, he doesn't need me as a woman, he doesn't notice any change in my appearance ( or if he noticed, he wouldn't say anything about this)- I dyed my hair blonde and he didn't tell me a word about it. When my son asked him if he had noticed this, he somehow muttered 'Yes, I saw some change...but I think your mother has recently dyed her hair ,hasn't she?'.
And that ' recently ' was ...a year ago. And the colour was different.
So, my question is : is it possible for these stages...to be only two, or three or is it possible that they don't appear repeatedly?
And why does he look miserable when I tried to quit him when it's obvious that he doesn't express any feelings towards me? 6:46 6:46
He won't discard you as long as you're still a useful supply for them. He won't reciprocate any good deeds from you because he only loves himself.
This was the third time for me but when it happened the second time a year ago about the same time I took counciling because I thought I had abandonment issues but when I explained to my counselor she confirmed she was a narcissist when met on a date from a dating site I I actually opened up after just getting over PTSD she had only split from her husband 5 weeks my own fault really but I had a lot of red flags a lot of gas lighting Christmas and birthdays I got nothing I left on 8 July
Mine said when she broke up I know whats comming next and I don't like it... wtf
Do any of you question if you are actually the narcissist? I do feel the ex is a narcissist and the way our marriage ended appears to be very in keeping with narcissistic behavior, right down to they already had a mutual friend to move onto and have isolated me with I am crazy, I have issues etc and the smear campaign but although I have kept my circle very small, I would say I done my fair share of smear campaign as my marriage ended in my eyes as I asked then to tell truth about something (stealing cash from a charity) and said if they didn’t tell truth I would, the rest as they say is history, but clearly I have told my circle the reason the marriage ended but then someone said I was reactive abused and then around 5 people said ex is a narcissist. Are we both to blame?
They did contact my friends like hours later, saying we split and don’t tell me they been in contact or I would think they were manipulating the situation, which they were and all the lies continued. They offered to go couples counseling, which we went once and then they canceled further appointments.
No, he's gas lighting you. You are not the narcissist. You are not smear campaigning when you are stating the facts for your sanity
@@janm9610 I have now watched them lie to not only authorities but also to the judge of which I caught them out both times and was able to prove they are lying. As time has gone on, I have seen more and more traits of a narcissist and have entered into therapy as think only way to heal is to find the old me and try to rid my mind of all the messed up stuff they places into with all the manipulation and gaslighting. I now know I have sown things I need to work at, I know there are things I thought I was to blame for but infact it was reactive abuse, but I don’t want that to define me or what people remember me for, so working on that also. It’s a long road but sooner divorce is over, the faster my healing will be
The more I learn about the things she did in the end actually being on purpose, the more she disgusts me. I honestly feel bad for the dude she went to.
I think they act weird even on their own birthdays
Will his new relationship survive? He has 2 kids from two different women now and plans on marrying one. He dumped me right after I had a miscarriage.
No it will not survive, no matter how it looks now. They are not capable.
The are disgusting human beings..black heart
But why does she have the eyebrows lol
The moment I thought enough was enough is when he said why don't you ask after me instead of your own problems . I've been going down my brothers for years not asking much. I have supported him emotionally through his life but get this hostility from him. We lost our mother at an early age . My brother went one way and I went another.
I would like to hear more on response we should give to the narcissist?
After looking back over things, she had a 4 month cycle over the last 2 years of the discard, and make up crap, I seen it coming this time and she got violent as I stopped playing and told her we are done