Married But In Love With Someone Else - Pt. 2
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- čas přidán 28. 11. 2018
- This video was created in response to our first video: “Married But In Love With Someone Else?” Viewers commented on the first video wondering if Dr. Beam would have different views on marriage if his lover hadn’t left him and they ended up together.
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In this video, Dr. Beam explains what really happened once his lover left, how his feelings changed, and how he changed. He went from idealizing the situation with his lover, to viewing it more realistically. Dr. Beam wants to encourage us to reach beyond feelings we have at the moment in order to make the right decision.
Click here to read the full transcript (for videos one and two) on our website: marriagehelper.com/i-love-you...
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It's better to be single and wish you were married than be married and wish you were single.
Flavius Maximus true, one reason I am never getting married again.😀
Amen
👉
Yes I have an ex lover that has been marry for only two years and he seem so unhappy ..but he use to wish he could find a woman that was as ready as he was to settle down. He left me because he said I didn't take the idea or him serious enough.
This is true.
Never leave a marriage for your lover, leave because you can no longer stand life with the person you married, only then can you make life changes that lead to a better future for all conserned.
Teresa Cartwright-Foster i greed 100%
Absolutely 💯!!!
Do you want to be married or alone should always be the first question. I always remember the advise, "Would you be better off with or without them"?
@shahista banu .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help
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The day my parents got a divorce it made my life way better. I had to deal with them yelling and screaming at each other every single day. Although it was weird at first, things got so much better because I didn't have to deal with this trauma. You can't just put everyone into the same box.
Tell that to kids who are left alone while mom has to work 3 jobs to make ends meet. My parents fought, but stayed together and that was the best!
True
Spencer why were the fights so heated and regular? Do you know the true reason as to why they fought? Infidelity involved?
Valiant Woman what??? Divorce is worst than abuse? Now that is something that 100% disagree with. Divorce is traumatic yes but witnessing abuse is far worst
@@SaanichtonMinistries - " The Best " for who ? Can't put everyone in the same box .....
You are better off being single than staying with someone who is evil and secretly causing confusion and instability in your life
love is like a flower, attachment is like a plastic flower...it looks like a flower but it's not alive
😮 this blew my mind.
Love yourself and you'll never be abandoned.
Dont want anyone staying with me out of pity.
@Syl syl Each case unique as he said. Depends on the Reconciliation Process. Your choice is Your choice and I understand your thought and feeling without judgement. Every Spouse knows their Spouse and what makes them accept them back or refuse the proposal. All Marriages are based on FORGIVENESS, LOVE, TRUST & RESPECT
@@janemuller2066
9
Love isn’t pity.
Lets be honest a great deal of people marry the wrong person and for the wrong reasons, then you cross paths with the one, things happen organically. You feel it in your spirit theres a degree of knowing, but you don't want to hurt the one you are with. Thats not reason enough to stay.
We need to stop jumping into marriage just to be married, grow up, mature and be wiser in making a life long decision.
Good comment.. theres a good saying.."we often meet the right person at the wrong time"..dang i can relate to that now..sucks
I agree but thing change and people change your heart wants what it want you fall out of love sometimes if you never been in that situation you don't no what a person is feeling sometimes you do wrong when you want to do right so have Mercy
@@brownpunk1794 i total agree i feel you
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It’s not that your first wife was your “soulmate”, she probably wasn’t but you spent a many number of years with this person, raised children together, built a life together. She is familiar and safe. This is why you return, especially if you are later in life. We all feel safe in the familiar even if they are not your true soulmate.
There is no such thing as a soul mate. That is the problem when you think this way. So many get married young believing in these tales.
Your 'soulmate' is the one you choose to nuture. The dopamine addiction feelings will subside.
@@aminsandra9059 lol
@@elikorn7418 you’re sooooo wrong ... it never subsided ... if it’s your true soulmate... maybe you never met yours
This may be a good explanation of why so many long term marriages are ending. The reasons they married and stayed together for 30 years are now no longer relevant and the divorce rate for seniors has shot up. Even in the church.
Sometimes divorce can affect kids in a good way if one of the parents is abusive and won't change....
I’m blessed that my mother left my father and her second husband and eventually married her third husband. It was hard during those years and when she was single but, we had an amazing stepfather who changed our lives and affected us in a great way. Abusive and controlling relationships ate not good to stay in.
I was sally sue for 6 years. I am so ashamed of myself. I since wish I could turn back time and get my self esteem back. It was my choice. I gave up my life for 6 years . Everything this man says is 100% true. Anyone here who thinks a married man is going to make your life better, you are lying to yourself. I did love him but I always knew I was not going to be with him. I accepted this crap. I can’t blame him. It was my fault too. For any women who thinks this is going to work out... you are wrong ! Believe me. 6 years of my life down the toilet along with a little bit of my mental health . Please move! Xx
True,,I was in your position too,I thought my decision to leave my husband for another man that I love like heaven is true...but I was wrong,,we have a lot of dreams and plans in life together but those only in his tongue,he says he love me more than anything but those are all lies,,, when I came to work as ofw,unknowingly he also seeing another woman,his highschool sweet heart who is also a married,,,it broke my heart,and I regretted believing all his lies,,believe me it will not stay long
I never really thought about the long term consequences... my sally sue makes me feel incredible and in love I can’t stop thinking about her. Life isn’t fair lol ... but Im in limbo right now ... maybe I just came here to see if there were others in the same boat too .
I have been a Sally Sue myself. This lasted for several years. It isn't a very easy thing to say, but after his spouse died..we married. The marriage didn't last. He still loved her. I was always a option never a priority.
D. Jean Freeman sorry to hear
D. Jean Freeman feels good at first but down the road I guess reality hits .
Great respect to Alice, your wife, for taking you back. Many women would have lost all faith and trust and said, "Good riddance!"
Alice is definitely an amazingly strong woman isn't she. ❤
@@MarriageHelper My heart goes out to Alice because she has low self esteem and You went back with her because she was available and maybe you felt guilty for her being at a financial deficit or it was cheaper financially for you to go back. Alice knows you don't love her the same as she does you. I hope she can travel abroad or do something by herself that makes her happy. I wonder would she have taken you back if she was financially stable?
@@BlkOnyx0508 thank God, finally someone keeps it real. Key word: FINANCE
I’ve watched a few of these as a conflicted object of a married woman’s limerence, and I have to say I greatly appreciate how you ground this wisdom. It’s in no way judgmental. You lay out what’s going on and why you know it, and then you leave it to the viewer to decide. There’s really no better way to do it. Thank you for caring about your fellow man enough to work to help others learn from your mistakes.
Words of wisdom. Brain vs emotions and fantasy and pain. One of my uncle divorced his wife for 30 yrs. She became depressed, the lady who is like a model before became a mentally challenged person person and prescription drugs killed her. If your think your spouse is a good person making a mistake.
When she passed away her ex husband was very remorseful and blamed himself for everything but its too late.
Fight for your marriage
Please do a video about why you went back to your wife. I’m interested in knowing what led you back to her and how she was able to forgive you!
I think Alice really loves him and understands how that could happen to him. Maybe she has experienced the same thing secretly, but chose to stay with him, so she understands how he was in the infactuation stage because she experienced it as well.
@Gabriela Martinyukno he had other relationships after the affair partner and that went on for 3 years until he went back to his wife
Marites ESTRADA well his wife must have really loved him to take him back after all that
And what about if Alice might have gotten married as well while he was with his lover?
The lover dumped him
This helped me so much.God must heal our spouses who treat us wrong,ignore us,walk away from us.They must know that ill treating your spouse will open room for the devil to destroy the other.Thanks again you saving lives.
It happens. Sometimes people get married just because of a kid, or some other non-love reason. Just be honest...with whomever. If a man/woman really did not want to cheat...they would ignore advances and would not look twice at another person. Period.
@L.K The fact remains there was a reason that caused you to marry. So what makes you leave the responsibility for that reason after you married. If Abuse happens after marriage then for your safety & sanity you need to separate yourself from the situation and try to the BEST of your ability to resolve the issue to the Best of Your ability in an imicable manner. This will reduce the guilt and pain I think
@L.K cheating comes from losing connection & Forgetting The Commitment Vows for Selfish reasons. Looking twice is the gateway for a third party in your marriage
True commitment is a personal choice so is separation
@@janemuller2066 I agree. Indeed. That goes with what I wrote, I would put that just above it. Thank you for the addition.
@@muthoni9128 Yes and the individual choice to get married is what the focus should be on. Many individuals are just not willing to put the work required in to create a lasting happy marriage relationship. The Word of God says in the last days people will be lovers of Self, lovers of pleasure .....So we should not be surprised when these things happen coz The commitment made before a Holy God and honouring God for Who He is is shifted out of the way.
It's so chill to listen to his voice😊
Experience is really a good teacher. Thank you for sharing
This talk is about people who are not mature. A mature person knows what works and may find that divorce is necessary. The new person, if is mature, with a mature partner will build solid marriage of happiness and love forever.
Yet...it usually doesn't work out. You think everyone is immature? And you're the exception?
That's life ,You can never tell what's ahead of us
I agree
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You are 💯 , the regrets the guilt the secrecy of an affair is so hard to live with. Like a heroin addiction the affair grips you deeper and deeper and everyday you want to end it but as easy as it looks it's the hardest thing.
So true
@@miamooshi9589 .
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@@aminsandra9059 thank you
One thing is... sometimes ppl marry someone they think wife material according to their standard... but that kinda person is actually not their best match... ive seen this happened a lot aswell
He has an amazing voice, should be on radio or tv
Exactly🙌🙌
Have you thought of that, Dr B? Or a podcast?
That's is the reason I started playing his video now I am trying to take his advice in real life
Well he's on CZcams😊
Yes i agree
Don't cheat. You are only thinking of yourself. If your spouse is abusive then leave. But if your spouse is a good person then under no circumstance deserve to be cheated on. If you don't love them than be honest and leave. But don't leave for the cheater.., why, if they cheat with you they will cheat on you. How in the world can you ever trust a cheater? Cheating is the most narcissist thing to do. He is so right the effects are not worth it. Plus think about what your children will think of you? Your reputation. You will hurt yourself trust me. Don't do it!! and if you have leave the affair partner you can't trust someone who didn't respect your marriage or vice versa. Karma will happen.
Love your comment.
What about a case of domestic violence?Pls don't stay in a bad marriage just bc of kids.The kids need peace too.That's not a conducive ground for the kids...Trust me.Better separated and happy,than married,sad and miserable.
Id hate to be the,Alice, in this situation. So vulnerable-always wondering if,Sally Sue is gonna come around and take my husband-AGAIN!
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Understandable. They way he said he was deeply in love with Sally Sue makes think they have feelings for eachother still.
Well u merry me I m alone ❤❤👧👧🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷
I’d hate to be the sally sue always wondering if he’d go back to his wife and if he had regrets and blamed me. Once the shine has worn off and you’re no longer exciting youre just the person that he gave everything up for.
It’s almost like he’s narrating my current life. This has really helped and I thank you for your advice.
what did you choose??
I chose to end things with my wife because no matter what road I tried to take, it always led back to the same outcome which was the decision I made. I love my wife deeply but I can’t deny the way I feel.
Made
@@NegotiableHemingway How has it worked out now? (I'm asking this sincerely)
@negotiablehemingway how is it going?
It makes me think not to married again
I'm in that situation. I'm divorced to my husband the father of my kids with whom i was together for 10 years. Now i'm with my lover for 13 years and i'm much happier with my lover than i ever was with my husband.
I stop the affair because iwas afraid that i would one day hate my affair partner for ruining my marriage
It all begins with your thinking. Adults are often selfish and inconsiderate. There is a way to do everything, it’s not about us and if the parting is going to make us a better person, then it makes us a better parent. Therapy is good for everyone...this is why we must teach one another and at the end of the day we are free to make a choice. 😇❤️🙏🏽
I'll pay attention because this man is sharing some serious experience and wisdom... thanks
This man is spot on, life is always this complicated and it is only arrogance to believe that life is simple and easy.
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Please explain?
No thank you bro
This is absolutely true. We feel like we are in relationships for passion only and it does fade and come back. My spouse and I had the love of a lifetime. Trials, children, struggles and family issues fades love. It becomes sacrifice. At our lowest time someone else came into the picture. He rekindled his passion and forgot ours. He blamed me for it all. I watch our young son and see myself fading. I cannot have more children. I am left working and watching our kids without the support of my husband. There is no one to tell at night, hey did I tell you how your son did? Our son will never know security of two parents. Passion fades in and out. The truest passion is love for others, not just yourself.
@Truthseeker The Almighty sees and knows every heart. Each one will have to give an account for our actions. I suggest Pray for him. God CAN CHANGE a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. What is IMPOSSIBlLE for US is POSSIBLE for God. In YOUR struggle & Pain Remember the guilt the presenter spoke about. He can behave in one way for some reason, BUT at the end of the Day YOU don't know what thoughts he might be struggling with. Let The Almighty fight this Battle for YOU. May You get DAILY STRENGTH through this Pain & still Rise up & be the BEST Mom YOU can possibly be under Your Circumstances.
It’s a miracle to see this video for me right at this very moment.. to receive advice from somebody who actually had gone through it themselves and not just theory is really comforting to my currently deeply saddened soul.. and also the stages i will need to go through in the next few days weeks mknths years ahead .. oh God please help me
Great thought, great advise!!
I would love to see his opinion on a relationship that developed when the "cheater" decided to have an affiar out of neglect and both physical and emotional abuse from their spouse.
Thank you for this video idea! We will add that to the list. Sorry you have gone through this and we appreciate your comment Kim. Neglect is often one of the first stages people go through that lead to having an affair.
Cheaters always make excuses ... No excuse can justify cheating ! Who knows there is abuse
Very well put.
Another excellent video. Thank you
These are excellent workshop videos to watch about relationships scenarios. This one is exactly what I went through and still am going through. I’m having a hard time getting over our relationship. I’m extremely sad!!
Me too!!! It’s been almost 2 yrs since we ended it and I still think of being with him every day 😞
My advice to you is to get out with ur self steem and dignity while you still have them. Learn about yourself, educate yourself about narcicism, and leave as soon as possible !
After 7 years, every time feels like the first time. Explain that...why hasn't our relationship changed?
@S Gr I've never heard of this. That's a very interesting concept.
I could add so much to your video...by adding life "ever after"...even when love "lasts until death do you part".
When you are "in" love you don't think about the pain you cause your families when you selfishly chose to end your marriage because "you are in love" with other than your spouses. Choices do carry consequences & regrets.
Love this!!!! Thank you so much for your honesty. 👍🏾
I see only two possibilities.
- give it a try risking on the long term consequences
- believe you and stay in a relationship with the doubt forever
You choosed the first, how could you convince anybody to choose the second. What you are today is the result of you choosing the first option ... all in all you are a beautiful result
Marco Casamassima well said bro!
I love this
If we truly in love with our wife/husband I don't believe that we can fall in love with another person.
We can feel admire to another person I guess, but not totally deeply in love.
A New Love Official that's a nice idea, but not true. Doesn't mean this other person is "meant to be" but it means there's something off emotionally to fall in love with someone not your spouse whom you do love your spouse
A New Love Official that's a nice idea, but not true. Doesn't mean this other person is "meant to be" but it means there's something off emotionally to fall in love with someone not your spouse whom you do love your spouse
@New Love Official True Love is how the marriage Relationship "should" start off with and it needs to be maintained. Think people don't Realise this until calamity strikes and the one thinks the grass is greener on the other side
@Janine Sasser-Grafton What motivated your affairs? Not once, but twice. I believe someone without Firm Marriage Boundaries can fall in & out if live with someone other than their Spouse. Cheating is Painful once discovered and True Love does NOT HURT or have expiry dates. One CANNOT have your cake and eat it. It boils down to RESPONSIBLE CHOICES. Marriage is not child play. It's for Mature, Honest, Loyal & Committed Individuals. If You CANNOT offer these qualities then people should not step into marriage. It is people like this that makes a Mockery if something which is sacred and can be so beautiful if Valued.
I don’t know if that is true. You can be in love with your spouse at first and then fall for someone else if you let it happen
I think that every situation is totally different! Everyone know their fellings people deserve to find the way to be happy !!
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Thanks again for your divine insights and grand advice. This has been so helpful for me right now. People should slow down and think things through very carefully. Expecting perfection in marriage is entitled and selfish. Love never fails.
all hope not lost I urge you to contact the greatest relationship expert he can put a smile on your face I'm a living testimony
+²³⁴⁹⁰⁷⁷⁰⁸¹⁰³³
All he said were true. Until now my husband and I are working on our second marriage. Since I discovered his infidelity, I have changed. I learned to love, accept and understand myself. He told me he regretted what he did in the past. He missed the old wife who loved him dearly. I told him I need space and work on myself first before I readily trust, love, accept and forgive him. He has seen how I and our kids deeply suffered/hurt by his wrong actions.
There is nothing like a wrong person or right person. Understand what real love truly is and be honest to yourself. If you're with someone because of material things, you shouldn't come here saying you were not happy and you had to leave. Understand yourself and know what you're looking for before you get to understand another person and chase them
Thank you Dr.Beam , you are really great .
Life after an affair can be difficult but not impossible, its taking prayer and commitment to God. The other person became an idol and when God asked if I love the other person more than Him (God) I had to walk away from the other guy and really follow God and commit to my marriage. It hasn't been easy at all but the peace God has given me surpasses the hurt I caused myself and my family. The feelings I felt for the other person were indescrible something I'd never experienced but it also caused me much torment and tears. I've often compared it to a drug addiction it was a difficult habit to break and I experienced many relapses but I kept getting back up and praying and having an accountability person and determined to be honest about my day helped me to walk in deliverance and victory.
Thank you for your talk about this common situations
Very very good advise..... And analysis. Some needed to hear this...
I guess my questions are:
Why did you go back to Alice and did you go back because you knew she still loved you, you knew you could, or because you didn't want to be alone? My question to your wife is why did she remarry you?
You said you went back because you realized your mistakes and that you were a better person. That's fine. You would've gotten better for somebody else. You've gotten the best of both worlds. You left, laid and played and then went back.
Felica Wells yep. And now he is making money out of it on CZcams too. Must be nice!
What I get from his session is,, Whatever you decide, you will always have regrets.
@@annawimpey5307 The question is, do you want to regret giving up on your first attempt, or do you want to regret that you didn't try to make the life you dreamed of? All relationships require work. Some just aren't worth the effort.
@@Milehighsnake98 No one wants to have regrets. We do allow our 20/20 hindsight to get the better of us though.
Do you really think he’s capable or willing to answer that question? I think not.
These videos are very good and eye opening. Thank you for these!
There's a price to pay for everything in life, every single decision you make, just think about that! Not just whether to leave a spouse for someone else. You cannot generalise because everyone's circumstance are different. If I had been your wife I definitely wouldn't have had you back.
The interest lasts only until youre unavailable. As soon as u become theirs the relationship falls apart. People arent really looking for a committed relationship if this happens. Pls be weary if its just you who is looking for a real serious life while the other just wants to go with the flow.
One being married the other being married is usually rare. Thus dont overlook if all the other person is looking for is a taste of u coz they cant be married
Some just get married for status quo and benefits
If you are miserable cuz your spouse changed or you fell out of love then it’s better to leave. Don’t both people deserve to find true happiness?
It depends what you mean by "true happiness". It's possible that the thing you think is true happiness doesn't even exist at all--that maybe happiness lies elsewhere.
I agree
dave bertaud I was referring to a happiness where both want to work on moving forward. If one does not put in the effort then the other just goes thru the motions. It can be very draining and unhealthy. True happiness should be moving forward ..whether together or apart
Grass is not greener at the other side, you have to water your Grass and make it green on your side, if you can't, then history repeats... Where there is will, there is a way....
@@kathipressley4193 That is where I am now, my wife has changed, agrees that she has changed and told me, "this is the way it is now, get used to it." My marriage is like having a roommate that doesn't like me. I can't continue to be rejected for the rest of my life. It is becoming more than I can bear. I am so tired of being the only one trying to make it work.
What a very well said thought.
marry the one you love，don't just jump in without knowing the other one well enough
diana zhang let me tell you : that love doesn’t necessarily last (unless you are with the crowd that said love is a verb and to ignore feelings)
@@thewrongshoes thank you
In my opinion you should never leave your spouse for someone else.... there is a reason why you are married. Why you asked her and why you said yes. If somewhere along the way you loose each other and it’s not working out because you grew apart, that’s a total different story. But an infatuation should never ever be a reason to leave someone. This is what I believe.... from a point of view where I’m in love with someone, who is married and who I don’t pursue since I love him so much, that I don’t want to cause the pain to him, his wife and first of all his children.
True indeed.
What the difference between an infatuation and falling in love with someone else because that new person give you more of what you want and need?
I agree partially: one shouldn't leave a spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend for another person, ever. They should leave them because that relationship isn't good enough for them anymore, it's not fulfiling, whether there is a third person involved or not.
@@MariaMedina-lj4kt But when you say "not good enough for them anymore" let's say because the woman goes through horrible menopause she no longer is interested. At all. And says she can't anymore. Do you leave someone for that?
@@slowburnpersonaltrainingst4586 I can't think of a better reason, except for abusive relationships. If it's something that's temporary, then they should work this through. If it's not temporary, then they should separate.
I agree with every single thing you said!!!
When you are in an abusive marriage and your partner refuses to get help, you sometimes escape into an affair. You know that it won’t last but the affair helps give you strength to leave. It’s foolish to think that someone who is supplementing your needs as a married person, will be able to meet all of your needs once your spouse is out of the picture. It’s an illusion. But some people are miserable in a marriage for years and putting in the time until all of their children are adults, the marriage is long dead, they should not feel guilty if they meet and fall in love with the right one a little before their scheduled departure from the marriage. Divorce is a very painful decision with decades long consequences and should never be taken lightly without counsel, deep thought and resignation that it is the only alternative.
Omg u explained my life in these lines. I've been in abusive marriage since 7yrs. I have a 4yr old daughter. Two yrs ago I met a guy online whom I've never met yet. But we have said love you to each other. He wants to stay with me forever. But I've been stuck with a saddist husband who will never see wrong in this talks or acts. I've been out of love with husband cz of enormous amount of torture he has given me. Everyone around me see me wrong cz I wanted to take divorce n many stopped talking to me too. Im staying with him cz I cudn't afford to keep my daughter n stay in rented house. N tat poor guy is waiting for me yet thinking il meet him. I'm really in confusion wat should I do 😭😭😭😭
@@pavithra9221 if you are in physical danger you must leave, take your daughter and get a restraining order. If it’s emotionally abusive, begin to lay a path for your escape. The situation I described was transparent. The parties had already agreed to divorce, had a post nuptial agreement with separation of assets and lived in separate parts of the home. What you are describing is a messy and unhealthy situation and you need to fix it with counseling or move on. In the situation I described, the spouse who found love was honest with the soon to be exspouse and had already left the family residence. What you are describing is not a mutual transparent agreement to remain in an unhappy marriage until the youngest child reaches majority but deceit.
Thank you for the advice
my husband told me that he's not happy in our marriage, that's because he's inlove with someone who is also married. It hurts to hear him say that we should just give up on our marriage. I wanted to work on our marriage, but i know it'll hurt me more if I ask him to stay with me and seeing him unhappy.
Just know you're not alone im in the same situation except he wants us to work it out which is harder bcuz he's with me physically but i feel the distance between us he said he love her and he gonna go be with her i can't stop crying but today i realise u can't force someone to love u and its best to let go than to torture yourself just looking at the person u love so much love someone else... letting go is the first step to your healing process and as i write this I'm gonna do the same thing, its not gonna be easy nor does it get easier but God will heal our broken hearts and we'll find love again, believe it and believe in you im just 29 and i spend 10 years loving the father of my kids and he didn't even love me back...
@@joyromain9207 i feel you :( it really hurts so much..he even bought a ring for the woman because they plan to be together..i told him that once I'll be able to get a job, I will move out so i can move on.
@@ylegnac.6213 told mine the same thing too i actually start job hunting already... i can't lie to you i literally feel my heart ripping every time i look at him...he sings a random song abt love and i flip out cuz i know he singing abt her but i still love him and im questioning myself why do i still love someone that hurt me in the worst possible way
We gonna get thru this together
@@joyromain9207 let's be friends..let's help each other to move on :)
Although my situation is unlike what is being discussed, it is still a relationship involving a married couple and a 3rd party. In this case, Im the 3rd party, but she walked out on him and their 4 yr old child 10 months before I met them. Recently, she went into rehab, will be out of it 8 months from now, and he has decided to take her back and let her move back home for the sake of the child. There are a multitude factors and issues too lengthy to expound on, but bottom line is I am devastated! Also, I am much older than he is, and the child is now almost 7. These videos are very helpful because they make me realize lots of people are in lots of seemingly unique situations, but actually, all so similar because there’s always someone making a decision that hurts someone else, and the someone else is usually devastated. I just dont know how I will work through this!
How are u?
Marriage is never a perfect relationship as a result no one should expect perfection. At the same time sharing true love can be a solution to whatever weakness or challenges that are likely to arise and these can be settled amicably. Also the most important thing is to do what makes you happy at one time or another. Since same exam with same sets of students doesn't give similar/same results some will failed while others will pass...I think it is a matter of choice. The discussion was so insightful.
Love/ marriage;are for strong selfless people.
Love and marriage are two entirely different things.
@@onlyforme8453 Agree The one goes not necessarily together with the other and vice versa.
I think you need to teach people about what love is. The problem is that you don’t know what love is. Love is not about sex or passion. When you had your affair. That was for sex . That’s why it didnt last for you. Marriage based on sex alone doesn’t last. If you don’t get along with your partner. It will never get better. The arguing in the relationship doesn’t go away. I’m happily divorced.
Mid life crisis affairs are not about sex. They are about an emotional connection built more on childhood hurts.
This man doesn't know true love and only returned to his wife because his love left him. He doesn't know how hard it is to find true love!
Family will never cease to be family by having its members no longer living together in the same house.
The children will grow and go their way. The one who gave up his happiness will bear the guilt eternally for never feeling complete and will feel the emptiness in the heart for giving up his happiness. He who accepts the spouse knowing that he loves another person has no love for himself or for the partner, because he holds him for his children. This isn't love, that's ownership. Life passes very fast and what we take of it are the moments that we live. Love needs to be free and not a prison! Only those who have truly loved will understand this. The love can't be selfish.
Fernanda XIMENES perfectly stated. Thank you 🙏
Your are correct in the fact that he never really knew what true love is. That's why it's so easy to thing an infatuation is real because their mind goes back to a time when they thought love was about those "feeling" that are more about themselves and how that person is making them feel. It wasn't ever about the person he thought he was in "Luv" with. @@fernandaximenes7804
Love isn’t passion but it’s hard to live without passion forever
He's a verry wise man I agree with him 💯💯 💯
He is bias. Please listen to Esther Perel's books, videos and podcasts!
Good video!!
This man has INSIGHT I cannot fathom.....OH, MAN !!!
How about when you already had made your decision to leave your spouse before this person that you are madly in love with comes into your life?
Azucar Muneca every case is different. Sounds like you did made your decision.
Azucar Muneca If you’re asking the question you already know the answer
I fell in love with a CZcamsr I sang with over 10 years ago... we've hung out for 10 months straight, almost every day. She is married, I'm married (but separated)... anyway, best times of my life, I truly loved her, and still do. But, ultimately, she was never mine, or mine to be... she is still trying to be with someone that she feels has an inability to have feelings show feelings of real love, etc. She still chose him over me, and I understand it. My heart was broken, and will take forever to mend, but one day I will find the right person for me. But my goodness, the amount of love I felt for this woman was intense, and I still love her immensely till this day. But, my hands are tied, and I refuse to be her side guy for another day.
Whatsaap him"**
Thank you so much thank you!!!!!
Amazing video, thanks for giving it for free
Thank you so much Mauricio Garcia. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on CZcams. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
Blessings,
Soulmates are often put in our paths to teach us lessons. So my question to you is.....did you recognize these changes long afterward and did you grow as an individual? Thanks for sharing your story ❤
I hope my husband can watch this.
Man, Idk if it was the the elaborate hand gestures, welcoming body language or the perfect intensity in pitch, volume, and speed of your (should be if not Insured) voice in both part 1&2 or if it just that Damn fine Jacket here in part 2 accompanied with your serious, Life lesson teaching, Always got candy for the grandbabies Awesomeness G,pa style that you got going there!!!
....but you have explained my relationship of my "one true love or soulmate" (aka-the "married" woman with children.) To why I feel and do the dumb S**t I've been feeling and doing.
My first love left me right as I was a boy becoming a man. . Hormones flooding in and mom..washed out.. Being my 1st relationship and in my now, New opinion the most important one I use it as a step by step guide to how all future relationships will be. . I go through many years blind to the fact that I am emotionally hurting my partners with a defence mechanism gone haywire and forgotten for a couple of decades.
... I hurt the ones I loved like the first one who loved me hurt me...
Now that I'm aware of this... I can fix this. I can be better man for a good woman one day.
Thanks for explaining it in a Zero Fear Zone kinda way Awesome_G,pa. That took real talent from my point of view. Bravo.
Sincerely
G
Thank u so much
Thank you kind sir...
Very strong words.... It's an insight
Love is what makes it to last.
Thank you so very much for doing these videos..I was cheated on by my ex husband we have 2 beautiful girls and he did say mean things about me things that are not true just so he can convince himself that by him having an affair was doing the right thing..its been 2 years now and the wrongs that he did to me and our kids still affects me and my babies to this day.
How are you now? Reconciled or moved on ?
So true, how can somoene talk about love when he is causing so much pain.
We often mirror each other and these women was acting out everything you were not aware of or wasn’t brave enough to express. The truth is you never was comfortable with losing your family and going back to your first Wife was what you needed to do to feel whole. Thanks for sharing...
I'm 34 but you seem like a good guy. I wish we could be friends in real life.
use the law ofattraction in my bio for fast result
@@HelenaHart_SPELLS actually helped me save my marriage with this , thank you
Thank you
The lover you talking about was first love for her and obstacles came their ways that ended the relationship and she ended up with a wrong marriage. The love will grow more with the first person.
Wonder if a person who has an affair is the type of person who would be self aware enough to watch this.
whenthestarsfalldown ...If they are serial cheaters/overlappers, then I’d say no ...Most likely they wouldn’t be seeking this wisdom...
Well, I am a terrible person, I did this, its my fault and I know it's horrible, I just want to step away and I have from both persons, I'm friends with "Sally" we both know we messed up, I still care for both of them but I feel I need to stay away, this feeling isnt great, I have alot of lonely dark nights that I deserve.
@@desperationno5 You're wrong there, sorry.
Great video very helpful!
Thanks...super helpful. I am separated and have fallen deeply in love with a much younger woman, but I am really seeing the fallacy of this and planning to give reconciliation a chance and hoping for a miraculous event with God's blessing.
One year since this comment, I’m wondering how things are going? I hope things worked out
@@drpamelamozingo4079 My wife and I have worked things our and are doing better than ever.
How are things now ? Do you miss the person you were in love with. I am currently working on the same. Giving my marriage of 10 years a chance. What did you do to fall in love with your spouse again ?
thank you
You are so right. I was not married, but committed to a man for a number of years. He was very controlling, verbally abusive at times and figured that he had me in the palm of his hand. I got tired of his crap and the last time he walked out, I let him.
While we were together, I met someone and the things we had in common astounded me (him, too). We were just friends but there was a lot of attraction. After he found out that A and I were not together anymore, he told me he wanted to be with me - he offered me everything I had wanted that A refused me: marriage, a home and family. He was a nice, quiet and gentle man. We were completely sexually compatible (unlike me and A).
But after a few months, I started to have 2nd thoughts. B could be stubborn, silent and unforgiving. He coddled his adult daughter. He was pressuring me to move across country and away from my family (after 2 months). He was passive aggressive. And he didn't make me feel like I was protected - or heard. I let him down as nicely as I could but he got very angry.
After I left him, a relative told me that A had been looking for me. He was desperate to find me. (I'd broken off all contact). I answered a letter he wrote and he called immediately, telling me he was devastated when I cut him out; that I am the love of his life and he doesn't want a life without me in it. We had nearly 10 yrs of history together and I decided to give him a 2nd chance.
It's been 5 months and we've sat and talked (and he's listened) more in this time than in 9 yrs previously. We've had one disagreement, which we worked out. He has not been verbally abusive or controlling. We have a real relationship now and I am SO grateful I didn't leave with B (who has already replaced me - twice). I truly love A, whom I know - and who knows me - warts and all. I thank God I decided to stay.
AT Ogena wow good for you, God bless!
Thank you for sharing that story
AT Ogena wait a year and you’ll see. My ex did the same.
A lot of people due go through a growth period if you let it work on your maturity. We can be very stunted from childhood until we face ourselves.
Plain adultery no excuse
Thank you so much!
all hope not lost I urge you to contact the greatest relationship expert he can put a smile on your face I'm a living testimony
+²³⁴⁹⁰⁷⁷⁰⁸¹⁰³³.....
My problem is I thought I was in love, but that person didn’t care a jot for me.
@Angela Shock the Bible says the heart of man is deceitful. Very Disappointing and sad when Love is Not returned or given Somewhere Else instead of where it belongs at home
Thanks Dr once again.. Just amazing and very very helpful video..
Keep posting
Warm regards
The UnknownManCub 👍😎
Thank you for putting my perspective into the right perspective...x
I stopped seeing my AP over 2 years ago. Today I still think about him every single day multiple times a day. Still want to be with him someday done the road at the right time. We are both married with kids. We did the right thing and did not go through with divorcing our spouses to be with each other.
OMG that's really rough. Are you in love with the memory of how it was between you or the real person as he is today? Do you feel you did the right thing to stay?
Honest thing to is divorce your husband and let him move on with his life without you. Let him have all the assets for misery you have already and will bring upon him. It is cruel to him that you lead this secret life knowing you may hurt and dump him in the future. Do you have a heart?
This is awful I feel so sorry for your husband.
24 minutes of "it didnt work for me and it wont for you either!"
I had an emotional affair. My wife betrayed me many times. Like you said I felt that I would change; that I would have sacrificed my morality. I gave myself to this other girl. I felt selfish so I self sabotage the relationship. This was 2 months ago. Problem is I don't love my wife. I am married because I have a responsibility to other people like my children. So I remained marry for them and even to "save my soul" and not lead another astray. 17yrs and never before did I do this; even when i had to forgive over and over. Some think i am a fool. But I think about what if Jesus treated me like i would treat my wife. Makes me think what if Jesus left me. So I stay because every time I ask her if she will stay or leave she chose to stay.
Im sorry, that is so sad...
So you don’t want to sin, but put that responsibility on her shoulders to turn around and say she did it ?! If you are miserable, prepare to exit by creating life for them where it won’t affect them much except for you being absent.
We can say we don’t love someone, but it is good to know what love is first, so we can then see the love not the feeling. It takes most a lifetime to discover loves true meaning.