i'm not depressed at the mo :D
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- čas přidán 11. 09. 2024
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listen to Build A Problem here :) dodie.ffm.to/b...
that poem i'm crying about at the end issss the orange by Wendy Cope
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‘I’m pleased to be here’ such a simple sentence to be causing such a monumentous feeling 🥲
God when she said that I burst into tears. If I ever get out of this depressive episode I may just get that tattooed on me
@@Cinema_Treats you will, love. We both will. ♥️
@@Cinema_Treatsif you see this, how are you doing? I’m sure you’ve had lots of ups and downs in the last two years. But I hope the trend has been upwards 💕
hii! subtitles are taking a really long time to process for some reason! they should be with you very soon :)
here's the transcript if it helps!
um. so when I’m going through a depresssive episode my brain tells me to write down notes to convince myself that this is the truth like everything is bad and nothing is worth it and
I just realised like… I’m not depressed at the moment like my mood has been so up for the past few months
Which is wild cause in like January I was sick with depression like I would sit in the dark because i couldn’t see the point in turning on a light
Anyway. I thought I’d try and capture this nice mood as a way to prove to my brain that you don’t have to be depressed
(A note - this works individually- for me I know for myself that slipping into bad brain habits and patterns and cycles can make me feel bad so I need to try a little harder to feel gratitude and look after myself) (which is difficult when you’re depressed ) (and future me who is depressed I know it’s more complicated than that - i dont know what situation you’re in right now this is just a reminder that life is very very long and this feeling cant last forever it has an end and can result in something like this!)
i wrote this as a way to try and communicate it
I am well
and I wake up smiling
The light in my room looks good today. That plant is happy. Could do with some water. So could I!
I quench mr plant and then myself with a big cool glass because we deserve it. Breakfast looks yellow, red, green, tasty, gooey, crunchy. This blanket is very soft. Greta looks beautiful today and I love the way she smiles as if she’s trying to show every tooth. I open a window and I thank god for her beauty. Maybe I’ll call a friend. Maybe I’ll have a bath. Or paint. I’m pleased to be here.
That all might sound a bit fuckin Disney princessy but it’s just so interesting to live in this truth of like
I’m good! Everything is pretty nice. Everything is an opportunity. And I could look deeper but why would I want to ruin this nice mood. I have dark shit all around me to worry about all the time it’s not going anywhere and feeling awful literally doesn’t help anyone. My friend Adam says that everything is always a conversation away and that really soothes my anxiety. :) :D
If you’re in the hole, I know it well, and I’m sorry :( try being kind to yourself. Don’t feel bad if you can’t get here immediately you have to take it baby step by baby step and it’s not a smooth journey you know its up and down all over the place but try and Find one tiny tiny tiny thing you’re grateful for. My mum calls it a positive pot. and the end of the day collect your positive pot and have a look at it. That pile will grow, if you feed it. I promise.
okay! just feeling nice. feels nice to feel nice and you know i dont wanna concentrate on it too hard - i dont wanna be happy i dont wanna be sad i just wanna be! you know? just be. okay. okay bye. Gret just showed me The orange. that sounds weird. every tooth.
dont forget to pin it so it wont get drowned in the comments :0
you are such a wonderful person for doing this
this is the most lovely thing
@@doddlevloggle perfect! "i just wanna be" -dodie, 2021
@@doddlevloggle +
oh, i LOVE the orange by wendy cope- it’s one of the sweetest, gentlest, most hopeful poems out there. “i love you. i’m glad i exist.”
I also love it, despite not being much of a poetry fan- its quite an easy one to understand and the last line is so beautiful ✨
That line gives me shivers every time 🥲
That poem is a guiding light
that's my favourite!!!
It's so good!
I cry....this video is pure and wonderful
Dave, it’s so weird seeing you here, in Brad’s chat on twitch, and creating Fat Stacks. How?!
P.S.: absolutely agree with your comment.
"I'm pleased to be here." A simple phrase that bears so much weight.
living for that nail polish
maybe the dodie yellow era is back
Omg, you look exactly like me :o
And yeees, same :D
Dodie yellow :))
I saw the title of this and was instantly filled with delight I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU EEP
I've never thought of leaving myself "proof" that there are good days. This is such a good idea
I’ve recently entered a period of not being depressed after having chronic depression for 10 years! It’s really fucking wonderful.
congratulations! i'm so, so pleased for you. i hope you're well
If you have a feeling about what helped you reach this moment, never forget it, and always come back to it
“Everything is an opportunity”, very nicely put 😃🥰
The poem :)
I am well and I wake up smiling
The light in my room looks good today
That plant is happy, could do with some water, so could I
I quench Mr. Plant and then myself with a big cool glass because we deserve it.
Breakfast looks yellow, red, green, tasty, gooey, crunchy.
This blanket is very soft.
Greta looks beautiful today and I love the way she smiles as if she’s trying to show every tooth.
I open a window and I thank god for her beauty.
Maybe I’ll call a friend, maybe I’ll have a bath or paint.
I’m pleased to be here.
The impact that this has when u know dodie watches her videos 😭
who's videos?
@@williandalsoto806 her own videos
@@sivzaness what do you mean?
@@williandalsoto806 dodie rewatches her own videos, so op is saying that she will come back to this when she is feeling sad and watch it and hopefully remember that she'll feel better again. It's like a note to herself in video form
@@reharm_reality oh, that makes sense, thanks!
"I'm pleased to be here". A small, simple sentence. And yet it bears so much weight. For us depressed people it's not an easy one. It's a thought that hardly ever crosses our mind. In fact the thoughts that invade our brain are usually the exact opposite. I don't wanna be here. I'm tired. Nothing makes sense. And yet here you are. Saying you're pleased to be here. Living proof that it doesn't always have to be that way. I'm so glad you're happy and able to see the good things in your life. I hope I can get there at some point, it's been quite hard for a long time. I love you. Thank you for this little snippet in your good mood. It makes me happy to know you feel better like it would knowing a friend is doing better. Hope it goes on, god knows you deserve it. ❤️
“i feel depressed today” vs this is very Hell Yeah We Are Reaching For Joy
updating my dodie help playlist after this, that old video is almost like a comfort video for me, and including this one, i might feel better, thank you dodie and to you for reminding me
That jump from a fairy tale poem into swearing at 1:40 has me dead 💀💀
"greta looks beautiful today, and i love the way she smiles as if she's trying to show every tooth" that's probably the loveliest way i've heard someone describe a smile
literally just got out of therapy talking about expressing gratitude during good days
This was lovely X
🖤
faves supporting faves
happy for u sweet x
This gives me Secret Of The Mad energy and I love it
IT DOESS 😭😭
I developed a habit of counting as many of the little good things as I can, even if they're not my things. It's amazing how counting all the little good things can eventually add up to build up memories of good feelings. Love the yellow nails!
This may seem rather silly, but I've been going through a depressive episode too. I'm still a teenager so I don't have as many responsibilities as you or other people who might be reading, but it's still hard sometimes. I think right now I'm in that kind of mood you described and this video helped me not to ruin it by anxiously dwelling and questioning. Thank you so much Dodie, I hope you're doing well :) (I also hope it's not weird that I used your name)
Honestly, I think it is very hard in teenage years as well, as you also are less aware of yourself and things that may help you. At least it was like that for me, so please don’t underestimate your pain, depression is not nice for everyone and you deserve to express your hurt even if someone else is suffering more. Just wanted to check in because it sounds very like something I would say and I was neglecting my pain for a long time. And it is something I would really need to hear. Hope it helps. Sending love and support 💖
I honestly think my depression as a pre teen and teenager was so much harder because I was still so young and much to young to know how to cope with such big emotions my best train of thought it poem or what ever to stop myself from that kind of thinking was “it doesn’t matter if you are drowning in a 7 meter deep pool or in an 11 meter deep pool after a certain point the depth of the water beneath you doesn’t matter anymore that pool could be a 100 meters deep and you wouldn’t suddenly be drowning any harder then you already are you’d still just be drowning, people drown in puddles and they are still just as drowned as the person that drowned in an ocean saying you shouldn’t be drowning because the person next to you is in a much deeper pool won’t change the fact that in your very own pool you are drowning so don’t focuse on how deep or not deep the water is beneath you focus on keeping your head above the water, focus on staying alive”
"I just want to be" is such a good outlook. Don't focus on the bad or the good, focus on the moment you're living in
its so interesting to see the other side of my depression. maybe one day i’ll be where you are mentally. i aspire to be more like you.
You will my luv !
Literally saw this as I was wondering how to fight this depressive episode. My A level results are looming and I'm so sad all the time. And yet I have incredible friends and family, my boyfriend is wonderful and physically I'm very healthy. My anxiety was getting so much better and now I'm being treated both for that AND depression. I'm stuck right now. But I won't always be.
This was such a heartwarming video, having the ability to acknowledge even an ounce of goodness in life is such a lovely feeling :))
:)
"I'm pleased to be here" is so utterly profound and raw and wow I love it I want it written on my brain
The poem you wrote reminds me of something I started, called a "happiness journal". I just take notes of all the tiny things in life that make me smile even just a little bit.
The Orange is one of my favorite poems. It’s so grounding to just sit back and think that I love you, I’m glad I exist. Another poem I love with a similar, although sadder energy is the Two-Headed Calf by Laura Gilpin. There is love and wonder always, no matter what lies ahead. Even if we can’t see it now, it will be there, eventually.
Definitely one of my favourite new mottos: Everything's a bit fucking Disney Princessy.
"that all might sound a bit fuckin disney princessy" got me ahahah
OOF the orange,,,, no wonder u were crying , that poem gets me lol ily dodie im glad ur happy and i hope it sticks around for u for a while
This is honestly a great idea dodie! I'm gonna try something like this soon to try and convince my brain that even if I'm feeling low, there's always a high to come. :) thank you dodie
hi, dodie. thank you for sharing this. thank you for sharing "the orange" too. i feel this very deeply: the dark times, but also the times where you can exist without overanalyzing that basic source of life that keeps you alive (you know, when it's not so heavy just to be a human being in the world) and find joy in the small things. it feels comforting to know someone else feels it too :)
when i was at my lowest in highschool i made a habit of writing down every little thing that made me happy in a day, even if it was only for a moment. it was all pretty minor stuff, like a rain storm, or a cat i met on a walk, or just something dumb my friend said, but it gave me something physical i could look back on so the days didn't seem so dreary. esp w/ my adhd, it helped me remember the little sparks of light in my life. i'm so grateful that i've gotten to a point where i don't need to do that anymore to remember the good things, that i'm finally in a place where it's all around me. i've /built/ a place where it's all around me
holy shit i felt the exact same thing today. ive only felt okay for a few days this past week, but this time around i've been writing down my thoughts in permanent ways (texting or social media or even this comment) so that i have inarguable proof of moments that made me happy that i was alive to experience them. i love you dodie, you being open about ur human struggles has always been so comforting and inspiring to me.
"That plant is happy
Could do with some water
So could I"
Such a cute and hearth warming sentence.
^^
Being in an awful place currently, I can't relate to any of the positive parts in this. BUT I know, logically, that I'll feel like that again some day. I know it's possible, and even very very likely, that I'll wake up feeling okay again one day. Even if I don't feel the hope right now, I'm at least trying to feel it, and believe in it.
It's quite square when you're not there. Linger, loiter, & lounge - I'm glad you're aRound.
The orange is my favourite poem in the world (literally have a tattoo planned around it) I was about to comment to go read it then the end happened and I died laughing
omg I'm also planning on getting a tattoo referring to that poem! but struggling with where on my body I'd want to place an orange hahaha
@@fennalambregts8619 I've had this one planned for like two years now, but it took me so long to figure out where
You educated so much on depression and depersonnalisation and what they meant! My best friend has BLD and suffers so violently from it, and I would always send her your songs or videos when i felt like what she had was similar to some of the things you said. And now, I am so glad I can send her this one, and that it's not just me being hopelessly positive : it can get better❤❤❤
IM PLEASED TO BE HERE - my heart needed to hear that and I don’t know why.
So happy for your dodie! You've had a long and incredible journey and glad you're at where you're at now 😊😊 so nice to see
YES this is what ive been feeling too!! Realizing you love parts of the world again is such a relief and im so thankful for that
this is going to sound soppy coming from a 17 year old boy! but i've been really down this last month and this video really gave me hope..thanks dodie
The way you and your friends love each other brings tears to my eyes. I'm so happy you have ppl around you who see your light, even when you feel it's dimming. ✨💜✨
You're so cute! Be happy at the best you can, dodie! I love seeing you smile
You keep going and then all of a sudden you forget about how you were before and you’re like “oh wait it’s not shit, when did that happen” and it’s really important to look back at the steps you took to get there and then you’re like “wait I’m kind of amazing”
I’ve written my thoughts of gratitude in my notes during times I realized I hadn’t been feeling depressed for a while. Times when I’m back in that depressive state I look back at those notes and at first it kinda feels like talking to someone who isn’t depressed and doesn’t get it but it’s just yourself, of course she gets it! I just look at it as a reason to keep going because I won’t always be feeling depressed :)
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.
-WENDY COPE
I keep forgetting that i bought tickets for me and my girlfriend for your Montréal show in February and i get excited all over again every time, i am looking forward to see you and hear you sing live.✨
you’re right with the ‘not looking too deeply into it’ part. the thing i’ve realised is that it’s nice to be happy as you are now, and you don’t need to be terrified of going back down again. i’ve not had anywhere near as bad an experience as you, i dont have depression, but you know, everyone goes through something. i’m happy you’re doing well dodie, for someone who fills everyone else’s lives with light, it’s good you have light to give yourself too (: the future may knock you down again, and that’s okay, because like you said, life is long, and you will rise up once more.
anyway, long rambling message, love you
During my particularly rough depressive episodes, my trick is to always challenge myself to come up with something to laugh about. Whether it be singing in a stupid voice or remembering a specific moment to find the funny of it, I end up remembering that while my feelings in the moment are valid and that my depression isn't going to last, I come to realize once more that depression, sadness, and life in general isn't a death sentence.
Depression definitely hurts and I outright envy those that claim to never experience it, but at least within its dark familiarity I can still find that glowing ember of memory that I'm a big, goofy dork and people do love, have loved, and will love me for that...but most importantly, I can love myself for that too.
Thanks for sharing, Dodie! 💜
Sometimes slipping into depressive episodes for me is quite gradual, and I tend to realize that I’ve been in a bad place mentally during those more brief moments of clarity where I notice the little things. Gosh there’s a lot of leaves on those trees, that breeze is so comforting, what a nice sound that makes. Sort of like getting new glasses after awhile of wearing an old prescription. You realize just how blurry and dull you’re daily experiences have been recently when you can suddenly feel them more fully and notice the details. I also tend to not listen to much music when I’m not doing well, and only realize once I have a small craving for a certain sound that I haven’t turned on a song in awhile. Lately it’s been your album that bridges that gap for me, so that’s something I’m grateful for. I hope you’re able to rewatch this video now in Feb 2022 while you’re going through some things and remind yourself that contentment is in your future still, as it always has been. Take care, dodie.
currently feeling void and a bit empty uhhhh BUT. im happy you are in a good place rn. it makes me happy to remember that life just is that way sometimes and u just gotta wait for the good feelings. may that be all of us sometime soon.
i love that i watched this on therapy day, where i kept saying how... *here* i am. not entirely happy, not entirely sad or any other complex emotion. just glad to be here! thank you for sharing such a beautiful feeling, hope you have a bunch more of these types of days in your life. also, greta, i love her smile!!! makes me feel validated bc i also smile like i'm trying to show my entire set of teeth.
"i could look deeper, but why would i want to ruin this nice mood?" this. this is beautiful
I'm in tears right now, You have no clue how inspiring you are, I love you so much 💜💜💜
After everything that you've been through, you are full of hope and that makes me so happy ❤❤
I hope you're doing well!
I was in the hole not long ago, and you're so right. My baby steps were calling my mum, spending time with one friend at a time until it was all of them, baking a cake, and meditating. I'm on the tail end of a bad mood that lasted too long and I'm feeling very grateful. I love your vids! and keep well, whoever is reading this! 💓
if anyone is struggling w/ anxiety or depression, writing in a gratitude journal on your phone at the end of the day can be so rewarding. eventually your pile will grow and the regular little things you've never felt gratitude toward will show up in your journal eventually.
I used to work at a psych hospital for teens and I would do absolutely anything to be able to go back and show them this. It's so hard to see a happy future when you're in the trenches but it's times like what you showed here that give me so much hope for them.
"I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be happy, I just wanna be" I think I've just found my senior quote lmfao
this makes me so happy. i’ve been doing so good lately. it got bad again for a few days but i got out of it quicker than i thought. winter was the hardest time of my life and i’m glad to be past it. the warmer months are really helping. it’s just peaceful which is all i really want. am im super excited to actually be able to see family during the colder months to come. and to do festive things with them. i think part of what made me spiral before was not having things to do or look forward to it people to be around. and now i do. 💗💗💗
This wonderful video makes me want to share a technique of my own: I used to be a leader for a body positivity group and one of the things that always stuck to me that we did was going up to a mirror, looking yourself in the eye, and saying "I love you." The first time I did, I found it... weirdly difficult. But it gave me a chance to really just look me for me. It's definitely not an instant revitalizer, but it's something I try to remind myself of every now and again when those intrusive thoughts pop up.
My heart has actually stopped twice in my life. I do struggle sometimes thinking about it. But then I listen to "build me up" and it all melts away.
you and your music helped me SO MUCH years ago and it’s so nice to see that you’re doing better too
I have a life long policy to examine why I’m feeling irritable, anxious, or angry AND to accept every happy, content, and peaceful moment as the joy it is without questioning it. I’m blessed.
I love how you take note of how everything feels (the lights, food, etc.) ! The very fact that you notice it means that derealization is far away :) Good for grounding :))
I felt the light in your room and the colors of the breakfast and the softness of your blanket... Very beautifully put. Today I am grateful for how wholesome dodies videos are.
I haven't been depressed for a long time now. And what got me out of it the last few times was trying to remember that I have had a lot of beautiful and good moment in life before life is long odds are I will have more of them. typing this I realize how hard it is to get to that kind of thinking while being in the blackwhole of insignificant. But like Dodie did it's good to make physical reminders for yourself. Be safe, take care and know that you are loved.
I think Dodie was the one who first made me realize that it's okay to accept your mental health issues and get help and be open about it rather than ashamed. To think I found her over a tea video and she changed my journey with mental health.
“And I could look deeper but why would I want to ruin this nice mood.” You have put into words something I do to myself constantly. I think this a sentence I need to repeat to myself whenever I’m feeling good
The moment you started reading the piece you wrote I started crying. Thank you so much for this. Throughout your time on CZcams, and the years I've followed you, you've been so open and true. You have no idea how much that has helped people feel less alone. Thank you so, so much. You deserve every happiness, and you deserve your own patience and compassion whenever tough times decide to linger about.
Stepping out of depression really does feel like seeing colors and textures and the thing around you for the first time in ages.
I've been struggling with anxiety for the past year, and it's felt like such a cloud of feeling nothing but anxiety and dread. But I feel like I've been doing better these past couple months. Sometimes the cloud lifts all the way and I feel surges of joy for the people around me, and sometimes it lifts just enough that I can get the motivation to write and paint again. I remember being so afraid that life was always going to be foggy and horrible and unknown, but now (though still a bit unknown) I feel better equipped to get through it. The gratitude poem was so lovely, I might do something similar for myself.
thank you for sharing your emotions with us, good or bad. I've learned it helps when those bad thoughts have a place to go other than your mind- usually a good cry is helpful but if you can muster a conversation, a journal, or another form of art, it is quite therapeutic.
I'm happy you're feeling better at the moment. Having this to remind your future self seems like a good idea. Your honesty about how you feel is really helpful, thank you.
i love you so sO much
had a conversation with my psychiatrist a few days ago that just left me feeling utterly hopeless and defeated. you know what i mean? the medicine helps in some ways but its weird and incomplete and i still dont feel good. it's hard to articulate. i dont believe in or deserve happy, but you're right that just being is okay and good. gotta remember that. thanks for the reminder today
I have been doing this same thing for the past few weeks. trying so hard to fight bad patterns and spiral thinking. It truly takes time and not reading too deep into things. Just letting everything slide to protect my own mental.
1) this is lovely 2) the orange is such a good poem that i did a poetry project on the entire book that it's from and honestly? still my favourite poem of hers but the rest are a fun mix of cynical and comedic. very big fan of Wendy Cope now
You're such an inspiration to many, I bet. I'm glad people like you share your stories, they can be very insightful. I love that you came to this realization and shared it with us. Imagine what it would be like if you could put all the happy memories pasted like post-its, all around your mind. And then, burn (or gently discard or lock up somewhere safe) the ones that came from the dark side.
"i don't wanna be happy, i don't wanna be sad. i just wanna BE." this felt life changing
OH GOD WHEN THE ORANGE HITS 🧡🍊 help i have had that exact moment... this is peace and contentment its new!!
The other day my partner of nearly 5 years decided we should split and I honestly felt I'd lost everything, I felt there was no point going on if I can't be with him forever. I haven't accomplished anything In my life as I wasn't able to stay in school (mental illness, not behaviour) and I have had no friends since being with him because of past toxic friendships holding me back from being social. The only people I could talk to where his friends and my own parents, sisters. I feel like I've lost everything. But you give me hope Dodie, along with my family you'll be helping me through this shit time I'm in for. I truly love you Dodie, thank you. ❤️ (The only thing I'm looking forward to this year is seeing you for the 3rd time in Manchester I can't wait to see you again)
i've been trying to be kind to myself these past few days. it actually feels so nice. this video is a perfect way to describe my journey at the moment but not quite completely there yet, which is fine :) love u dodie, & thanks for this vid xx
This video has brought me such joy. I am glad you are not depressed at the moment. I hope that when the big sad returns, you can face it with a strength of resolve that will carry you back here swiftly!
*a beautiful poem of affirmations and love*
"A BIT ALL FUCKING DISNEY PRINCESS-Y!"
the emphasis on fucking was class
Proof that this lady is wise beyond her years. :-) My Soul appreciates you.
i love you so much
*trying* to focus on breaking the negative cycles in our lives when it's the least we could do at the moment is the least can do. life isn't alwaays as bad. we will get through this
I'm grateful for the warmth your smiles brought and that you swore and my life is honestly complete because I haven't heard you swear before and for some reason the first few times I hear people swear it makes me giggle. I'm glad your feeling good 🧡🧡🧡
Thanks for the reminder to take note of the happy highlights besides just letting the negativity become the only outlet.
day by day , night by night , second by second ... the sun always lights the horizon and life is everywere :)
funny cause I'm feeling rather well too at the moment when only two days ago I wanted to just stop existing. I still do, but today i can also see the reasons why i am hanging around here and waiting to see what each day is gonna bring
Dearest Dodie,
I seldom comment videos from anyone, but my heart feels your struggle. I have battled depression and PTSD from my service in the military. Everyday is a challenge, but like you I have found what works for my mental state too. I hope your own words of encouragement can reach Future Dodie when she needs it the most.
Future Dodie, please listen to the Dodie in this video. She knows what she's talking about. Everything will be okay.
Thank you for this comment
You are not alone. Thank you because you are helping me with my depression and now getting divorced. Your music your voice your words all are appreciated. Thank you!
I need to remind myself more often that I deserve basic kindness and care
this is such a comforting video! thank you for making this dodie, and i’m glad to hear you’re feeling happy :)
I am pleased to be here…
Ugggh that cut so deep, I love it!! I am pleased to be here, whether here right now is difficult or not, I’m still pleased to be here! For all the pain and heartache I suffer, I’m still pleased to be here. For the moments I could have missed, for the people I almost didn’t meet. For my nephew and niece who I would have missed loving and teaching, I am so so pleased to be here!!
i am definitely in The Hole atm but these videos over the past few days and listening to bap have definitely been a little bit of positivity so thank you :)