My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex After Having Kids
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2024
- On today’s episode, we hear about:
• A woman wanting to rebuild intimacy with her husband after becoming a mom
• A man wondering how he can help can his friend who has become homeless
• A woman wondering how to help her former tenant without remaining involved in her life
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I want to jump through and hug this momma! My kiddos are older, but those little years were HARD. She needs and deserves so much support. I really pray she gets it. Good job Dr John. 👏🏼
My name is Brittany…. I’ve also lived through SA. When John said “Brittany Brittany Brittany. STOP…” and just had her sit with the depth of her pain for a bit… I FELT THAT 🥺 big hugs to Britt
Same here.
That to me was so profound.
Gained even more respect for him listening to this.
I recently came across a Reddit of people bashing John for how he asks women if they are safe or in a comfortable environment… those people are at the lowest level of humanity smh
It’s Reddit, are we surprised lol
For anyone to think that is an issue, something is wrong with persons with that mindset.
@@YenShively dear Lord, please rid the world of MGTOW/Andrew Tate mindsets🙏🏽😅
Bet you they’re redpillers
@@YenShively reddit is super left wing
THIS IS ADVICE TO Dr Delaney’s podcast/channel’s PRODUCERS.
IS THERE A WAY THAT YOUR TEAM COULD PIVOT YOUR OWN COMPANY TO REACHING OUT TO THE CALLERS AND GETTING UPDATES AFTER A CERTAIN PERIOF OF TIME?
I would love to see how these people’s lives have evolved and maybe have both parents available to share their feelings and thoughts on your show.
YES PLEASE!!!! 🙏🙏🙏
I was a caller on a different Ramsey Solutions show. They don’t want that. No idea why. I reached out with an amazing update, proof that the advice works, and nothing.
They really should follow up with callers.
I don't think that would be a good idea. Not everyone will be ready to follow the advice given. It would give callers unneeded pressure. They won't all have happy endings, they all have a right to privacy
@drjohndelaneyshow yes yes yes yes PLEASE like monthly update compilations PLEASE
I agree
Date rape was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. Horrific experience Istill relive sometimes, even with therapy. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, Sarah. Therapy does help and we can regain our healthy sexuality with time. ❤ you've been through so so so much, take care of yourself. ❤
Even worse, they get you pregnant
@StormyMonday0896 it's a possibility yes, which is one of the many reasons that abortion needs to be legal. No one should have to grow a fetus created through rape.
Get over it tbh 🤷
I was molested as a young child, and was g”raped” twice as a teen. After I had my I had my son all of it came back with a vengeance. I hadn’t really dealt with my trauma previously and after giving birth I had to face it all. Giving birth brought it all to the surface on top of struggling with post partum depression. It’s a real thing, any past traumas not dealt with will come out. Thank you for opening up this conversation and I hope she finds peace and healing ❤
That must have been horrible. You are a very strong woman
There is a book about this for doulas and birth workers about clients who have past sexual abuse and child birth.
When i read the first portion of your comment I did a double take. I thought I had written this and forgotten at first because this us exactly what happened to me too. Except that somehow for some reason, I have always been able to stuff it back down. I have a lifetime if really awful crap that somehow I have stuffed and reshuffled and sometimes I am terrified that if it ever surfaces I will lose my mind. I'm 53 now and raising my grandsons. I absolutely cannot afford for this dam to burst. My thoughts and prayers to you because I cannot imagine how hard it must be. I actually wish we could talk. I'm curious if we have any other common things. And John if you see this, I have sworn off of dating. But watching you almost makes me believe there is hope of good men out there. I'm just unsure if your an anomaly. A previous video about money issues and the things you understood absolutely floored me. I hope you do amazing on CZcams and never lose yourself or your marriage in that process. Your heart is beautiful.
I am so sorry you did not deserve that. Please stay strong.
@@tracykym9972 thank you for the kind words and I am so sorry you still struggle with this. Please know how amazing of a person you are to take care of your grandsons. You are their angel. You are incredibly brave ❤️. I know how it feels to not be able to stop and work through it because someone relies on you. I’ve always been the main bread winner in my family. I spent a week in 2021 in a psych ward because of a massive break from not coping and using work to hide away. My visit didn’t have so much to do with my trauma from when I was young, not the acts itself but how much I struggled with self worth. I burnt myself out by not wanting to feel the feels when it came to how I felt about myself because of all that. When I had my son it forced me to deal with the realizations that they happened. I was forced to acknowledge the anger I had pushed down for so many years. Healing is a long process and it comes in waves. You’ll deal with different emotions related to the trauma at different times. But having my son opened that door to healing. I hope you can find that for yourself soon as well. One book that really helped me was The Body Keeps Score by Bessel A. Van der kolk. I believe Dr. John has recommended it before too. ❤️
Oh darn, the first caller makes me want to cry on her behalf 😢
Girl I'm crying. Birth is traumatic enough, on top of being assaulted? Trying to have sex after having a baby is ALREADY an exercise in trust and vulnerability. There can be pain and flashes of trauma, and it's hard to get over. And you already have crazy trauma going on down there. Naw. Naw, girl.
Agree it's a sad story, but it could be the husband's problem. Some men do a complete 180 on their wives, sexually speaking, once they become mothers. Just ask Priscilla Presley.
@@alleykeosheyan4779I wonder if it’s any ingrained nature in males as in to spread seed, since this woman is pregnant now it’s time to leave and move on, just a some thoughts
@@Z3sty367you could say that but we have already overrode our biology in so many ways I don’t think it could apply. Unless you find a human that completely uninvolved in societies as we know them. And even some animals keep family units
@@alleykeosheyan4779 she was 13 when Elvis started dating her. He was a creep and would be in jail today.
@@ST-rj8iu Trudat as they say!
Thank you Dr for such understanding and compassion. Rape is a very debilitating event for a woman. In so many ways.
It's so sad that women have dealt with the bottom of the barrel so long that just a guy that wants to take her out and get to know her is exalted. We need an overhaul and a complete undoing of the current way of life between men and women.
@@vigarobugsbunni i think a father is definitely important not only for boys but for girls. Girls who didn't have a father seem to be willing to put up with anything from a man
@@blantz14 correction. Good father. Some fathers are the ones who do the damage. Girls think it is normal to be cheated on and inappropriately spoken to by males.
@@vigarobugsbunni I started crying as soon as I heard her say that. She sounds like she needs a hug
I love the superior level of empathy, and care you provide your callers.
Yes he is a gift. Listening to him feels like a practice in realigning to healthy masculine energy.
@@MFLapin love that you feel that. Same for me as a woman. I need this kind of healthy masculine energy in my life to realign. He shows me what a man is, and should be, and takes me out of survival mode.
@@lesliebean4594 Thank you for sharing- beautiful. 🩷
Yes, me too, as a woman. Like listening to a healthy father or brother figure somehow.
@@MFLapin absolutely this! Like coming home to oneself. Thank you so much for sharing also. Sending light and love your way! ❤️😊
@@lesliebean4594 And love & light to you too❤️❤️❤️✨
These comments are ridiculous, I’m assuming y’all just listen to the first 10 minutes and give your opinion. The first caller has gone through a lot and is calling to help her marriage, not make it worse.
I know right! Some people are being so mean. I’ve noticed that people in social media comments sections in general have been becoming more mean and unhinged over the past several years. It makes me jaw drop sometimes how downright cruel some comments are. We need to bring back the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” adage.
@sws316 then we need to bring back consequences
@@sws316 Those kind of people just enjoy spewing poison
@@sws316 the way social media has progressed has been one of the worst things “we” have done. It’s a disgusting place on social media, almost everywhere.
@@YenShivelyI wish that social media was never invented and that the internet remained just an easy way to communicate and exchange information nothing more.
The first call is the best one in the history of the show
She speaks so eloquently about her experiences. I am hopeful that her husband will reciprocate the desire to move forward.
You are not a failure, don't listen to other people they know nothing. You have a baby and a toddler. You are sleep deprived. This is just a blip you and your husband will get through this, in a blink of an eye your children will be adults and you will look back and think what was I actually fussing about. Don't be harsh with yourself cut yourself some slack. Love from the UK. ❤ love your channel Dr John.
I really think she’s the one that wanted the kids way too close in age!!
43:00 I love that John code switches any time he’s talking to a Texan
Dr. Delony, you were great with Sarah:) Sarah, thank you for sharing your story and God bless you. Positive thoughts and prayers going out to you! You can do this!!
Dear Sarah, Please don't push yourself into things you might regret later, especially not with your sad story. Think about your health, your body & your soul ❤️ Wish you all the best ❤
Show starts at 2:35
A RULE GET A BABYSITTER ONCE A WEEK HAVE A DATE NIGHT. HAVE THE KIDS SLEEP OUT AT TIMES THEN YOU CAN HAVE INTIMACY. YOU MUST TAKE AND MAKE THE TIME.
Sarah, sending lots of hugs your way ❤ You’re a great mom and don’t deserve to be feeling this way.
Sex is a big deal in marriage. If sex is not important to you, don't marry someone that wants sex, or do not get married.
Tell me you didn't listen to the episode without telling me.
Ummm desire throughout marriage has ebbs and flows. Especially after children. It’s not as simple and just marry someone that wants sex or doesn’t want sex!
@@signalfire15 Yes and no. If someone values it, they will find time through it all. If partners are not aligned and kids take over (like most marriages), then you're in trouble.
@@ElimEx1 It’s not just about time! People’s bodies go through biological and hormonal changes!!! A woman’s body goes through a lot after having children and a lot of women don’t magically bounce back like you see in the movies. Even men can go through periods of high stress that affects their hormones. You people need a healthy dose of REALITY!!
@@signalfire15 and the way to increase desire is to practice desire. Which is a hard concept for many since so many people only decide to do what they FEEL like doing in the moment.
The 2nd caller hit home for me. My father has given all of his money to online scammers over the last 3 years. He is homeless and begs people for cash on the streets. Mind you he gets social security but that all goes to the scammers. He was put on a psych hold. He has not been diagnosed with any mental health stuff, last I knew.This is more common then people realize. The best explanation I have heard is that it’s an addition just like drugs or gambling. The scammers reel them in with romance and then promise millions. I suppose addition is mental health but being addicted to online scammers isn’t recognized yet as a mental health problem, at least to my knowledge. It’s very sad!!!
I noticed on the show "catfished" that many of the victims seem to have self-grandiosity and a strong sense of entitlement (like narcissists do). They have no problem in ASSUMING that a HOT, FIT, YOUNG, BILLIONAIRE male or female, wants to give them everything...with no concerns about themselves being fat, old, and broke. They have little to offer...but think that passing the scammer pennies will yield them millions in rewards. So in a way...the VICTIMS are attempting to be the scammers. The scammers are getting scammed. To see it and admit it, means admitting how blind and foolish they have been about their own absurd level of entitlement. That requires self-awareness, and correcting course once they see their errors. But narcissists have an almost impossibly hard time self reflecting, so they can't correct course. I don't think all scammed people are narcissists but I noticed that many catfished victims do seem to be. I see value in people far beyond surface appearance or finances... so I am not implying that fat ugly broke old people don't deserve love or help. But realistically, they should be scanning for partners somewhat within the same range of what they offer. Maybe I am a great cook, so I look for someone who enjoys my food and brings me backrubs. You can both be ugly and no one cares...because you both bring reciprocity to the table. It has to be a win/win relationship of reciprocity. It doesn't have to be a tit for tat purely transactional relationship as love goes beyond that. But there has to be something amazing that both are bringing forward to share together in character virtues, shared values, humor, etc. Question what you bring to the table on a daily basis to know what you could look for in a partner.
@@ChristianOneevery word, so damn true. I feel for some, cuz they are genuinely just really lonely people and seem really sweet, bless them. But the majority, I can say probably deserve it, as they have partners and wives/husbands, and are cheating behind their backs with these scammers.
@@ChristianOneTo your point, I am a 58 year old African-American married woman of 32 years. I have also added a few pounds over the years. I had a chance to vacation alone in Vegas earlier this year, so I did. While relaxing poolside, a young Caucasian lady in her 20’s approached me and said her young Caucasian male friend found me attractive and wanted to know if I wanted to get together. I KNEW that couldn’t be true, so I did not fall for this, in spite of how desperate I must have looked! Sometimes we have to take stock of ourselves, so that we do not fall for scams so easily.
@@melstarr1864 I enjoyed your story. Good to be wise and cautious. I wouldn't put it past a young man to be interested in an older woman sexually or otherwise, so maybe he was really interested. But you were wise to: 1. Protect your marriage 2. Be cautious for many reasons including potentially getting std's 3. Know in advance how large age gap pairings usually end (not well). 4. To take stock of a situation with a realistic mindset.
You don't have to put yourself down or assume you are not attractive, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But yes, wisdom would tell you to be very cautious in uncovering all the motives or schemes involved. Someone can want to get someone alone to mug them, to grape them, to traffick them, etc. It was a stranger.. so never assume anything good or bad...just be aware, realistic, and cautious. Great job protecting yourself and not being narcissistic!!
@@ChristianOne yes you are spot on!
I hope Britney/Sarah gets the help and healing that she needs, because it's long overdue and she deserves it.
I love how you can hear John's inflections and even his accent shift a little when he talks to good ole boys like the second caller. Hope him and all his buddies can find peace somehow, some way.
Makes me homesick for Texas when does that.
Oml…this was so deep I really wasn’t prepared 😢 I’m so so glad that John didn’t let Sarah just skip over her SA bc it’s so easy to treat as one part of the past not the full trauma that it is 💔
First caller hit home. I started crying because I know how hard it is to deal with that. Especially when you’re intimate with a new safe partner and ptsd kicks in. It’s hard not to be embarrassed and feel shameful.
That man is a good and loyal friend. Bless him and their other friends for caring so much and trying their best to help someone they love. Dr. John gave great advice for such a tough situation.
Wonderful episode, excellent advice the entire time. I'm praying for several of these callers. This was emotionally raw.
People underestimate the trauma of birth
So true. I had this experience after an unplanned pregnancy. I was so scared to get pregnant again but I was so paranoid from the pregnancy and birth that I was even too scared to rely on birth control. I just wanted to be abstinent. It was difficult for my husband and I felt sorry for him but my fear was too much.
The truth
By the way, girl, add childhood sexual abuse and parents abandoning you when they found out it was their family member. We are the same and he’s right I love sex now and so does my husband and our marriage almost broke. I have two boys and trauma from both pregnancies and births if you were near me, we could get coffee and be really good friends.
Wow, this is really heavy. Lots of pain and heartache, but not hopeless. Thanks for letting my heart hear this message.
This call just broke my heart listening to her
Oh my goodness, Sarah is such a sweet soul! I wish her the greatest happiness possible! 💖
After 17 yrs. Of marriage not only my wife but many ladies that surround us also still struggle with the difference between the idea of marriage vs. the reality of marriage. They are still enamored with the idea of marriage
Motherhood as well.
@@Gemmarose9012 True, there is a book, that nibbles on that idea, “Promises I can keep - Why Poor Woman Chose Motherhood before marriage” excellent resource.
I just want to say as a woman it's so meaningful to have a male therapist talk to Brittany and reinforce that female and male people are individuals. God bless you for giving that to her.
Nobody talking about the 2nd caller.... he is such a great guy. He's very prideful, but he has a huge heart, and you can tell he is not only willing and able, but also greatful to take advice... great man! I pray for him and his friends! 🙏🏻
Edit: I truly wish I would've been blessed with people like this guy in my life when I was struggling with ptsd, eating disorders, addiction, huge financial problems (for me, all of this started in my early childhood, got progressively worse until I turned 12, which is when I tried to end my life for the first time... and it didn't get better until about 10 months ago...) I'm 31 now, and don't get me wrong. I'm still struggling like crazy. I'm still not at all close to a good place... not emotionally, spiritually, or psychologically... but I'm alive, my debt is shrinking, I've been clean for about 10 months...
Anyways, I'm still highly depressed... very unhappy with myself, and the life I'm living right now. I'm still grieving my boyfriend's sudden death... no closure there.
I do have two very close friends. One of them is my roommate, actually. But since I've learned to lie, and misrepresented myself (and my circumstances) for the better, so well over all these years (almost all of my life, basically)... it's hard to open up to anyone. I've just started psychotherapy about 6 to 7 months ago, and it's great. But I haven't been able to REALLY open up to my therapist, either. Lying isn't second nature to me... it's "first nature". It's what I do.
My roommate can be out hiking with another friend on a Sunday for about 4 hours... and I'd totally break down for 3 hours and 50 minutes... check the time, get myself off the floor, splash some cold water on my face, only to greet him with a big smile when he comes home.
I can be babysitting my nephew (I've been honored to be his godmother)... and as soon as he's sleeping for a little while, I'd go hide in the next room... crying worse than a baby... as soon as I "get it together" again, I'll go on with the household chores, waiting for my nephew to wake up, so I can greet him with the biggest smile ever.
I wish I had just ONE person, who'd reach out... but probably since I'm not living under a bridge, nobody seems to care. Or maybe I'm really such a good lier/pretender, that nobody has any idea how terribly bad I'm doing... and have been for almost all of my life.
So, god bless Hunter and all of these amazing men!
Great episode, best wishes to all the callers ❤ from Australia. ❤
First caller: where were this woman’s parents?! Sounds like these things happened in high school. Also, parents talk to your daughters ( and sons) about sex. Let them know that they don’t have to have sex when they date someone. It’s not what everyone does. And if you hold out and keep your standards high you will find more respectful relationships. *not bashing the caller at all, just pointing out that we need to educate young people. ❤
I am 58 and married now, but I did unfortunately have sex as a high school student, and I must tell you that my mother could not have stopped it. It was not her fault.
Wow that was an incredible session to watch/listen to!
Sexual behavior is so nuanced for so many women. I felt the complexity in Britt's story... violation and love, peace and chaos... I hope she gets the help she needs beyond Dr. Delony.
Thank you for deciding that I am not the problem Dr. D 😭 ❤️
I’m sorry he just always gets me when he says keep it rockin on till the break of dawn 😂
John, you miss one point every time with a women who has just had a pregnancy and is now having issues with sex in the marriage. That pregnancy and the labor and delivery brings back all the issues from the sexual assault and doubles it. Its painful and you are have no control. Just like a sexual assault. Her husband is now one of the people that, even in a planned pregnancy, participated in the renewed of all the trauma from the sexual assault. She doesn't want to feel that way about him, but it's there. That has to be dealt with.
If what you're saying true, she is the one that needs to go to therapy, tells that to her husband and work on resolving that issue. Why have the 2nd child if she know it's gonna be worse? If I'm the husband, by your diagnosis, I would divorce her if my wife is not seeking to resolving her issue. Why waste time with damage, unwilling to fix her self woman
@@huydang813 Your right, she should seek therapy. Marriage is for better or worse. As her husband, you would be a complete jerk to divorce her for any reason other than infidelity. Instead, you should do everything you can to support her so she can get therapy and the help she needs. That includes encouraging her to go, going to therapy with her if needed and watching the children so she can go to therapy and being supportive and understanding to the extreme. Even thinking that you'll leave her if she doesn't seek help makes you responsible for more trauma and threatens the success of your marriage. If you divorce her, it's not her that's quit and ended the marriage, it's you.
@@lorik475 my friend, I'm always supportive to my loved ones. I don't give up on them just bc I they have problems, believe me i will always try and give it time .
However, as a husband I should stay in a marriage with a unresolved traumatized women who doesn't want to have sex with me plus she isn't willing to be honest with me and get help? What's a joke. If she doesn't care to make it work why should I? Bc I'm a man ?
The first caller is well aware of her family future, that's why she called. She knows that if this keeps happening, he's going leave sooner or later. That's called being responsible partner. Why would I, as her husband divorce a responsible wife, who I love. But I will if she isn't willing to jump on board with me to make it work. And that's not only my solution, it's Dr. John's as well. It's better to co parent and find someone else better for you
@@huydang813 If you will leave if she didn't seek support you are not always supportive. You say you are in one sentence and then state you would give them time to go to therapy and if they didn't go you wouldn't be supportive and would divorced them. Based on that, you have one foot out the door already, if things don't go the way you think they should on your time scale. And when someone has an issue they need therapy for, they have to seek it when they are ready. Not when you are. Your lying to yourself about how supportive of a partner you are.
@@lorik475 LOL. I assume you’re a woman. Lucky for any guy who marry you bc you seem like a ride or die kinda gal but most people are not.
Don’t forget the fact that before the relationship or marriage occurs, both are complete strangers. We come together bc of love and common goals in life. Both people are responsible and mean to enhance each other life, reach their common goals and look after each other. What if one day 1 of them stops doing that? What should the other do? Just stay no matter what. Most people would say it’s stupid.
You mistake being supportive with enabling and not having self respect. I know in your world view, you don’t agree with me and I’m not trying to convince you to think otherwise. However, I challenge you to show our discussion to all of the men you know and see their response. And ask the women in your life but switching the genders. Then you will understand.
If you were in this situation and you go to seek advice from your friends and family, most of them will tell you to try and be supportive but if things don’t get better after a period, they would tell you to leave.
The advice is always so great
I'm 47yrs old. $22,000 weekly and I'm retired, celibate for 5yrs this video have inspired me greatly in many ways that I remember my past of how I struggled with many things in life(marriage included) glad to be where I am today!!!!❤️
How did you do it? Do explain please 😯
My family have been into series of sufferings lately
It's Christina Ann Tucker doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
It seems like Christina doesn't just see trading as a way to make money for herself. She's been actively teaching others her strategies and helping them achieve financial independence too.
I do know Christina A. Tucker, I also have even become successful....
How do I get connection to this woman you speak about!!?
I have three kids.... The past 4 years have been rough..... Being a mom is hard. Trying to work and being a mom is hard. And having small children is exhausting. Survival mode stuff. You don't want to be touched. Because you end up out touched. You loose your self and don't know who you are anymore. Your whole world changes. Your body is never the same. You are a different employee. You are a different person. You also have to be a different person. It requires change. And your emotions and life get brought to the surface. 😢
Typing this before she was talking about her past life experiences and that is heartbreaking. I hope she finds a great therapist to work with her on healing.
Bring Nagoski onto the show!!!!!
Always enjoy your show!
Oh, Sarah. You said yourself he wanted to get to know you as a person and not use you. You’re believing a lie that your husband is just “stuck” and “enduring” you. He loves you. But you’re both hurting now. But you can get through.
The c word 😂
CO-PARENTING 😲😲😂😂
Dr Deloney is putting out so many videos. He must be so fatigued. This is a lot of emotional and physical commitment.
He is probably ok. I do the same thing for my job for about 8 hours a week
Who cares if someone calls you a failure if you know that you aren't? Don't let it bother you. Keep doing what you got to do to make things be successful. Make sure you are being honest with yourself and your husband!
She seems immature
Excellent episode. Bravo.
i just want to give Britney a hug. Bless her , i truly feel for her so much.
So much love to you Sarah❤
I don’t understand how every single caller in a sexless marriage has multiple children. Like the 1 or 2 times they’re having sex all year, it’s magically at the perfect time of ovulation, presumably not using protection, and then they use said children as the excuse of why they continue to never have sex. But then continue having children, in miserable marriages
Here's a couple of explanations:
1. You're never getting any, so you're not prepared, and don't want to pass up the opportunity that just showed itself.
2. She's cheating, and sleeps with him to mask the truth. Estimates are that 1 in 3 married men are unwittingly parenting a kid that isn't his.
You make it sound like the first caller didn't want children and had them anyway, and that after having children, they are an "excuse" not to have sex?! Wow. Another one who didn't listen to the whole episode. And btw, I bet there is no woman who can say her sex life went back to "normal," after having a child, at least in the "beginning." And the "beginning," timeline is different for every woman.
@@elizabethg7806 I did listen to the whole episode :) my comment was a generalization in regard to many similar calls. Hope that helps
@@kyrafarkas7058 You said, "I don’t understand how every single caller in a sexless marriage has multiple children." Really? Why generalize about a specific story you say you listened to? You're doing the caller and John's audience a disservice. You're just one of those basic types in this world who loves to complain about "everyone..." Don't generalize.
@@elizabethg7806 it was an observation of a common thread between similar calls that’s all :) hope you have a better day
The Felony Crime - Drugged and raped, by someone you know ('Date Rape'), causes Complex PTSD
It happened to me too.
Thx Dr. John, ur a LEGEND!!!
Sarah it is heartbreaking to hear your story. Please reach out for professional help. You deserve to be happy and enjoy yourself and your family. I send my best wishes to you
Yo I actually read that book. 10/10 worth the read, both if you're a woman or a man. I would also add the book "She Comes First", another gem imo.
Wow this guy can seriously articulate things while being nervous 😮
Wow, I'm shocked that the woman on the third call is talking so openly and with names about how she went about dealing with her tenant on a widely broadcasted podcast. She just gave Jeanette everything she needs to sue her.
People dont understand the first caller at all.😢
I feel for that guy under the bridge- so sad
I love this show!!! ❤
Theres so much to be said about the first caller. I see both points - the woman having trauma and never really getting over it. She feels shame, and after two pregnancies let her go - just calling it what it is. His responsibilities, being how she was out of work, probably went through the roof and couple that with taking care of two kids. And when it comes time for sex - she treats it like a chore, and as a guy (when a woman does that, its not even pleasurable because you can tell something is off). Solution: couples therapy, sort out the past issues; hit the treadmill and lose some weight, and make yourselves attractive to one another
Nice comment sir. Nothing but love for all the women. However, I as a man would vet th woman I'm marrying very careful to best avoid this situation. Some of women with emotional damage, past trauma and unresolved psychological issues are hard to stay in a long-term relationship or have a family with.
The first caller is a prime example. Instead of going to therapy, she lives with all that traumas and her husband is taking the damage from that.
People, marriage is for life, vet your partner the best you can to Avoid this situation
I cant believe how ppl who are so broken, rush into marriage & children without taking time to heal. Its not fair to anyone. Least of all to the kids. Take care of yourself 1st before trying to take care of others.
True!! It’s so much easier to start a new problem than fix the previous one.
I think most people don’t realize they need healing.
It’s because they have zero idea of what a healthy relationship looks like, so a minimal show of “love” for them, is all they need. Of course, they dont know how much work is needed before starting healthy a true loving relationship.
After giving birth and having relationship to change very often men don't talk, they close up and start seeking outside marriage. So many people have so little understanding about relationship and relationship skills.
It lowers your self esteem like you're not enough.. not a good feeling😢
Her husband sounds like he’s definitely the kind of supportive person who will help you through sickness and in health. And when you’re down or depressed will help you get the help that you need. And will take his relationship seriously enough to help support his wife or she needs it. Oh wait….
The challenging moments showing the stamina of people ; should i stay or should i go ….your body knows when It is possible or not
Has she no value to her husband outside of this activity? That’s what I received. That this is all she has to offer him and he doesn’t want it
Landlord. Hire an attorney. Find every text, evermail, every receipt for damages, pictures, anything you can think of. Her next step will probably be to sue you.
Second call dude is in denial…his friend clearly is struggling with mental health issues cuz a healthy person doesn’t do what he’s doing.
You would be surprised. It's more common among older men that didnt grow up around the internet and social media. These scam rings are sophisticated and they actually have women who call these men and speak to them. They will do video calls. The only thing they dont do is actually show up in person.
@@_JEBUS
Still is a sign of mental health instability. A mentally healthy person won’t subject themselves to such situation regardless of age. His friend obviously is struggling with mental health problems.
I would be great to hear Brittney s husband on the call and hear the healing between the two
Narcissists withold sex and intimacy and are good at making you think it's your fault.
Anyone who does anything i dont like is a "narcissist" lol
Stories like this make me so skeptical of marriage. I don't want to be older and deal with a situation like this
Everyone should be. Vet your partner the best you can, learn human nature, learn to ask question and communicate so you can avoid people with problems
Smart. This woman is dangerous. She is a professioalal victim.
Marriage isn’t worth it for the woman. One woman is never enough for the male.
@@toscadonna very pessimistic indeed. You should stay single while I have a big family with plenty of children 😀
😂 C word got me too😅
Seems like a common issue. Been dealing with it at home. Have a 3 year old and 1 year old. My wife has an odd work schedule. The house is full but it can get really lonely sometimes. Been confusing and frustrating because it seems like my wife doesn’t feel the same and I don’t understand how.
Listen to this episode! Women need to have sex in the same head space that guys do. If she is juggling every child responsibility, her body has birthed a bowling ball. Tissues require healing. Our brains send alarms 🛑.
Have a serious talk with her dude. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to talk about. If she's understanding and on board with making things better, good for you. If she doesn't care, time for you to have other plans with your life
@@v-2010 Now I get it. You refuse to se. The need to validate the herpes chic because you aren't getting validation at home. Maybe I should give you your own advice "grow up".
His friend is struggling from something in the mental health area.
Even if you both dont want it yo be different... It is.... And life is always changing. You will always be growing and learning. And that is a good thing. You have memories you can look fondly of and exist in the moment of now and still dream of the future together. And figuring that out with eachother being safe and hearing each other and allowing space for healing and growing in that.
Damn, imagine being in a relationship where sex with your partner is viewed as a chore... That sucks.
Welcome to marriage to a man-child😉
Sadly more common than people imagine.
Why I left my last relationship, was difficult but it had to be done
@@sarahalderman3126sadly it’s waaaayyyyyyy to common from what I hear in marriages 😢
@@sarahalderman3126
John is such a great Dr.❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉 They can try a date night. It's rough being a mother, working, household chores, so much more, especially if he doesn't help. 😢😢😢❤❤❤ Might be someone else, move on while they're young, move on and be happy. ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Third caller was an enabler.
To the 3rd caller:
Treating someone with dignity and respect also means to be honest with them. Because to me, it sounds a little bit as if a lot of the "nice" things you've done regarding her, weren't meant to make HER feel better at all. It seems to me, it was more for your peace of mind... btw, I'm not judging at all! I'm just like you in that way. I'm a people pleaser - at least whenever I feel like someone is in any way weaker, or more in need than I am.
So, you (to use your words) "started to blur the lines"... a tenant in need became a welcomed home guest. I'm sure that she loved that, but was it wise on your part? It seems like you brought a stranger with pretty severe and potentially dangerous mental health issues, into your home... furthermore into your children's home - their safe space.
I know you never meant to harm anyone, but things could've happened.
It seems to me, that you - just like me - almost feel an obligation to give to anyone who crosses your path, who's in some ways less fortunate than you are. It would be interesting to find out where this need - compulsion almost - stems from. In this case, it leads to a sort of closeness between you and your tenant. This progressed to a co-dependency. You literally delivered her dr^g of choice to her/your house.
Still, it must've satisfied a need within YOU! The need on her part is clear. But what did you get out of it? A feeling of superiority? The feeling of giving selflessly something to someone, because back when you needed someone, nobody was there? Are you trying to fix her because you weren't able to "fix" someone else (a parent, sibling, very good friend, etc...) in your past?
So, one part of you, in whatever way, did get something out of this. Even though, you knew that you weren't really helping at all... you probably exasperated her addiction because you became this amazing supplier for her.
I bet that on some level, you knew, that you weren't doing anything helpful for her anymore... and the rush/delight/positive feelings YOU got out of this relationship, started to fade away...
So, logically, she had to go. But since you are the person you are, and you don't want to come across as anything but selfless, and giving... you gave her an appropriate notice in advance.
Additionally, you even wrapped the whole thing in a (half-) lie. At least this lie, you did eventually realize, was mainly meant for you. So you could still be her "hero". It feels good to be someone's (only) source of joy.
After she moved out, she must've met people who weren't as ready as you, to be used. So she lost her new place pretty quickly.
What do addicts do when they feel lost, trapped, or stuck? They reach out to their "best" codependent supplier. So, she texts you, calls you... reminds you of all the nice times you guys shared, and that it was YOU who started this friendship... she makes sure to let you know that you are THE ONLY good person in her life... not because she's done anyone wrong, ever... no, she just happens to only meet evil, mean, bad people... unlike you, of course!
So here you are again... you'd love to help her. Her gratitude feels great for a moment, or two...
But IF YOU WOULD'VE EVER REALLY CARED about this lady's needs, rather than yours, you'd not only have to face a harsh reality about yourself, but you'd know that there is only one right thing left to do:
For the first time since you've known her, treat her with dignity and respect. We don't lie to people who we respect only to make ourselves feel better. We don't ENABLE addicts if we honestly want them to live with dignity.
Whatever she did, and I'm the first person to understand how difficult she can be... she deserves your respect and to be treated with dignity.
In this situation = you have to tell her the truth. Only the truth has a slight chance to help her.
Tell her, the truth about everything of the past. And now tell her, that you don't want her as a tenant anymore. That you are not willing to support her financially, and that you won't enable her use of alcohol, aka. addiction, ever again.
Hand her a paper with contact information of local mental health/addiction facilities, and leave... don't make any promises. Just leave...
If she wants to be a victim in this, she can. But it's none of your business anymore... ok? 🙏🏻
This call with Sara made me realize so many things about myself. Made me realize I was robbed of something so very special. Still have a hard time making connections. As far as what I feel love is, what actually happens, how to watch for warning signs, how to speak up for myself.
My first inkling was that two traumatic births her husband went through with her....1... He's scared of having another baby, 2 scared of getting snipped or losing sensation with a condom...3 you have been self sabotaging due to your prior abuse and doesn't know if he did something wrong or how to fix it. Just my guesses
The weird selfish drive to breed, that I am so happy I have never had, ruins lives
I can't imagine how people can put themselves in such a state with 2 young children. Maybe it was because I came from a large family and we understood that Mom & Dad got alone time. Now I realize that you can't explain this to an infant and a toddler, but you can put them in a safe place and let them fuss while you have sex. It doesn't make you bad parents, it won't damage your children and it gives you a very vital connection. My Hubby went to work with an extra bouncy in his step a lot of mornings. 😀😀😀
I think its the west kinda thing. I'm Vietnamese. My mother love children. I can ask her to take care of them while we're working. We have a big family, they are willing to support us when we need and we do the same for them. As married couple, we need the make time for each other so the connection can remain strong
People won't like it but this is the way
The guys probably overwhelmed with life and doesn't want to have sex possibly because he doesn't want any oopsies to happen. If I were there ages and had all the financial challenges and shiz people / we all do today, I would stay out of the bedroom too possibly if kids keep getting produced and can't afford general life. Life sucks today when you have young kids and struggling financially, etc. It's very tough for young families today and that's what needs to change. Need to start taxing the hell out of the rich.
The amount of incels in your audience is really…scary. Really shows through the comment section.
Stop using that derogatory slur.
It doesn't properly describe the people you are referring to, meaning it's not helpful.
It's only meant to insult and hurt people, it doesn't push people towards an understanding, it's a terrible word used by people who think only they can be right and anyone who disagrees is a terrible person.
You realize it’s just one sad human who watches every show and makes quite a few comments? It’s actually really sad they feel the need to use their time in this way.
@@notfunny3397adorable.
You’re one of us….. sooooo…😂
What the hell is incels mean? You must be someone who FOMO addict
I let my best friend move in with me when she was having a family problem. Unfortunately she could only stay a week because I have a family who also lives here so I had to think about more than just me, otherwise she'd probably still be here. It was hard to see her struggle so much after that but I did what I could then she moved out of town so the help had to stop because I had no way to.
I'm sure the husband means his connection with her when he refers to wanting a return of the beginning of their relationship.
He spunds like a really great partner. And I'm sure she feels scared that he might leave if she cannot get to a place where they both enjoy sex regularly.
I hope she can get help. I hope reading the book can help her too.
they should definitely NOT have more children.
No.
Dr John I want your review of Inside Out 2!!!
He said EVERYONE should go see it!
I think it's really as simple as getting a baby sitter and going on dates. LITTLE KIDS are HARD! it seems like they're burned out and need a little TLC.
A person has to deal with their stuff instead of just hoping it goes away. because it doesnt just go away .. it rears its ugly head and messes up relationships and parenting and a potentially happy future.
Yeah really. Sarah should've gone to a therapist long ago
No one is perfect
I refuse to have children, because, one of the many reasons, I heard this way too often. I wish the lady and her family the best!!! ♥🍀 🕊
mine went the minute i got pregnant, he just wouldnt touch me
Having kids is a completely different amazing thing. It is not sex and should not be compared to it as a trade off.Yeah, it gets less frequent and different and a couple years. Kids are totally worth it, jut saying
Why is her being intimate not issue before marriage and obviously after the 1st kid...as they have another kid...but now they cant remember the last time? And why do sooo many suffer from this even without the trauma?
Ohhh poor Britney!
He's not a therapist
Maslow. Water, food, sleep more important. Away from hate
I have 19 months old twins and about to have another girl in a month. Will have 3 under 2. I am not even thinking about sex and frankly I don't even care and do not think it's a failure. Obviously I had some to have the 3rd girl :) But I never was crazy interested in sex and I never thought it was bad. Yes, it's a part of life, yes, if it's completely absent it becomes more important. But in this season of my life- I actually don't care and don't need it. Same with my husband. When kids grow up a bit, we should go back to it, surely, it would not be good to ditch it completely for life. But now, with nearly 3 under 2? Forget it! Too much stress, responsibilities, lack of sleep for 2 years already and 2-3 more years ahead. We'll get back to it. Don't make it such a big deal at least at that stage of your life when you have toddler and or babies.
Your husband will find someone interested in it.
@@jjkatz nope,we are on the same page, idiot. Get lost.
Nope...never neglect intimacy. Don't assume they will be there eventually. Get babysitters every week and do date nights or date days and make each other a priority just above the kids because you want your partner to still be there after the kids grow up and move out. The kids also NEED you to demonstrate healthy relationships so they know how to do it when they grow up. So if you really care about your kids' needs first...then adress your partnership regularly. If you are both burnt out then use date times to cuddle and nap togetber, but you need couple time.
P.S. My parents were married 65 years, and madly in love after 8 children and running an international company together. They went dancing often, out to dinners, made out on the couch, spent time dreaming and planning goals for their partnership. So I know what I am talking about. Their modeling of a healthy relationship showed their kids how to pick healthy partners and raise families while staying in love.
@@ChristianOneshe was talking about sex, not about intimacy.... there are many other ways to be intimate than sex only...