The SUPERFICIALITY of DESIRE: we're shallow and we can work with it
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- čas přidán 12. 06. 2024
- After a lot of consideration, I've come to the conclusion that humans are more or less tragically superficial with respect to their desire and attraction. This can be overridden with rationality and effort, but the default programming seems to be shallow. Both men and women are superficial when it comes to mating and dating -- albeit in different ways -- and complaining about this reality won't change a thing. It's a better idea to accept this situation and learn to play the game successfully.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#attraction #relationship #desire
After a lot of consideration, I've come to the conclusion that humans are more or less tragically superficial with respect to their desire and attraction. This can be overridden with rationality and effort, but the default programming seems to be shallow. Both men and women are superficial when it comes to mating and dating -- albeit in different ways -- and complaining about this reality won't change a thing. It's a better idea to accept this situation and learn to play the game successfully.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
czcams.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#attraction #relationship #desire
One of the best if not best mentors on CZcams. I always appreciate your videos.
That's from compassion. Love it! Agree, I'm trying to balance the wo imperatives, they are like a devil and angel seperated on the shoulders!
Kinda sounds like you don't want men to go MGTOW and should just stay and slave away using money over and over again on useless things to impress women. xD
The content pertains predominately to dating where attraction, as you say is superficial. Yet the attraction here is a watershed process of diminishing attraction or increasing attraction. What of longterm compatibility?
As a follow up video and as the harsh-truth messenger, I wonder if you might project the scenarios and consequences where couples preserve compatibility over superficial attraction and couples (or one of the parties) don’t.
LOL, so true!
" A woman's face is unlikely to improve" That is the understatement of the year.
The number of her chins will certainly improve...
**enters makeup and plastic surgery
@@harrisonakiti5505 or the most egregious of all: face filters.
@@zacharysandberg I almost forgot about that one.
Dude..😂😂😂
She rejected you when you were in the dorms, but she agreed to a relationship when you progressed academically, in your career, and your living situation. This is pure gold! Men you have time to build your value
Same for women who lost weight. I bet you're superficial too when it comes to choose a woman.
@@chamuelolivier1594 I definitely have pursued prior acquaintance women more after they’ve made changes and engaged in those relationships. Yup I’m superficial to some degree, just like you
@@lilbroomstick7914 I'm not too superficial, just a little. My husband had a very old car when i dated him.
@@chamuelolivier1594 I don’t think the weight analogy is comparable because Orion is clearly intelligent and he was also getting an education. The woman showed she is extremely shallow and impatient. She basically signaled she can’t be trusted for a long term committed relationship, because god forbid something happens that causes you to lose your job for an extended period she will leave, or she’ll leave for the next bigger better deal
@ Lil Broomstick - Sounds like a clear case of Beta Bucks needed over her desire for his Alpha Fucks alone. He didn't have enough genetic (arousal) value to motivate her to accept him sexually for the benefits of short term breeding alone, but he tipped the balance when he brought "value add", in this case indicators of a more secure lifestyle. Problem from his POV is she's clearly indicated a red flag. Women have no problem having sex in the nightclub they with Chad 20 minutes after meeting him, despite no indicator he's gone stick around... so whereas the woman determine, whilst locking him down would be ideal, she deems him genetically beneficial to breed with even if she can't lock him down
I can relate to your case.
I was getting my things up, back from Afghanistan(army), attending collage, there was this woman that I’ve had few dinners with, and i really liked her.
Then one day she said I should keep getting my things going, and evolving.. but, she would not keep on going out with me.
Then she went to date others, I suppose, moved with her life, business and all…
Then we met again, at random, we started talking. Stoped by store to drink a cup of coffee, even though I was a little bit hesitant. She was, and still is, doing fine.
I was starting to get a good amount of money, already have my things sorted out… and we talked for a while.
Then a bit of silence emerged, and then she said she was stupid back then… She said we should have dinner…
I literally had to stop to drink water, to think it over, then I said:
Sorry, I don’t think we should.
Explained her why, saying that overall, it took me a fews weeks to recover back then. I wasn’t keen on getting back to it.
Her face looked sad, but, it is what it is.
Most women don't care about men's struggle to level up, they wait at the finish line and pick the winners
U were too kind. Should have told her she was simply unatractive ugly and fat...
"Back then they didn't want me/now I'm hot and they all on me" -Mike Jones! (who?)
You're one of the select few American vets who made good relationship decisions. Thank you for your service to your Kameraden in Afghanistan and, my condolences for futility that strife ultimately proved politi-strategically. It was a doomed mission from the start, all to profit America's geopolitical hegemony and the corporate and private interests above our politicians but, the act of stepping into crucible and being there for one's brothers in arms must always be lauded and I admire you for it. May civilian life be kind to you, soldier.
Leading with your wallet/life style puts a target on your back. Spin plates to learn how women operates. The cream will enventually emerge.
I’ve been telling people this since middle school, but they usually take the opportunity to make themselves feel better by insisting that I’m just projecting my own shallowness onto society. Thankfully I’ve learned to be content with merely knowing I’m correct instead of needing validation from others.
I'll be content when science actually allows people to choose how superficially attractive they are. Then they can try it out and find out for themselves how much it really matters. Until then, people will stick with their copium of sour grapes - pretending the thing they can't have must not be all that great anyway.
i validate what you are saying
I will admit I am superficially attracted to women. I've dated some amazing women that weren't attractive and stayed with some train wrecks because the sex was great. It does seem they lose interest, inevitably. But in know that it makes it easier to play the game every now and then and meet some cool ppl. I still hope for someone that's above all this shit tho.
that quote "women do not care about your struggles, they wait at the finish line and bang the winners" fits here
Men dont care about female struggles, they only see the hot ones, and ignore them if they age, the whole rest is ignored
A similar phase in fitness I read one time: If you don't have a good body, no one will know your good heart.
I think in the case of fitness for men and women beyond their mid-20s, especially those who are above average and barring the odd genetic aberration, it is a very good indication of how a potential partner lives their life long term. One can borrow and buy degrees and lifestyle indicators, but a high level physique takes years of good choices and consistent work.
Sticking with exercise also usually requires a person to actually enjoy exercising. Few people can make the level of commitment necessary to keep exercising if they hate it. I think the capacity to enjoy exercising says things about a person, and they're mostly good things. People who don't like to exercise seem more likely to be into drugs and other bad habits - they're trying to fill the same psychological need that exercise fills, but in unhealthful ways.
So if you met a 37 year woman who people consistently guess is 25, who was a model at 25 but who now is an educated person with good credit and financial stability… someone who was a competitive athlete as a child, homeschooled and intends to homeschool her kids…. Yes or no?
@@birdfridayyes. Who complaining?
@@pickle9703 someone who thinks he’s too good for me. Someone who doesn’t even have US citizenship and is 41, getting a bit pudgy and losing his hair. Someone who thinks he needs to be the richest smartest man in the room and that he will eventually do better than me. He won’t,
wow you sound a bit bitter. What is your interest in this Pakistan or Indian man?@@birdfriday
Enter through the superficial gate to walk on the path towards deeper connection. Physical appearance is a marker of genetic potential and health we all look for. Genuine connection and finding an individual who thinks intelligently and with wisdom is a sign of a healthy mind/higher self which we also desire. Tough reality but such is life, embrace the challenge
Finally a wise comment, among the whining olympics here!
This!
Well said...
Totally true. In my twenties I was ok and had lots of drama. Women had all the power. In my thirties when I was a lawyer well into my career my options went up dramatically. I was dating girls in their early twenties and had far far more options.
"Relationships are not charities. People are not out there trying to discover the real you. They are looking for a suite of traits that they think will be optimal for genetic propagation. If you gain weight, you will be judged for it. If you're scarred because of an accident or injury, you will be judged for it. The false assertion is that, beneath all the layers, there is a fundamental you. So your looks, your outward personality, your quirks and your traits - these are wrongfully believed to be superficial paraphernalia. In actual fact, your looks, traits, personality and quirks are inextricably part of who you are."
- Stardusk a.k.a. Thinking Ape
💯
Amazing quote
Can't agree more
What’s interesting to me is, I found my wife in college. I was 22, she was 23. I had no job experience. She was working as a waitress. Now I’m making over 3 times as much as her at 30. I asked her one day…why were you interested in me? What about me told you that I’d go from nothing to something?
She said that just being in college told her that I had aspirations. Also, our intelligence is similar. But interestingly enough. She said at first she couldn’t stand me. I was narcissistic and a complete asshole. Apparently everyone else thought so too. But apparently she looked at me and saw potential. It’s a testament to her intelligence and foresight.
But she only had one boyfriend up to that point. He also lived at home and was a mama’s boy. My mother died the year we met. There was a big change in how I approached things when she passed. I took on more responsibility. It’s just interesting to me.
So what's your goddamn point?
Nice
@Quincy What a completely refreshing comment versus all the red-pill, pickup, plate-spinning advice out there. I am not saying all of that other stuff is entirely wrong, but it lacks your depth of understanding.
@Quincy I had my run of women before I found my wife. Probably nowhere near as many as you. With her it was different, though. Almost immediately as soon as we first talked we just clicked. It’s hard to explain, but we match on a very deep level. We were friends first. I enjoyed our conversations about art, history, music, etc. It was very refreshing to talk to someone I could verbally spar with, and who was on my same wavelength. There was never really much of a question of “will we marry”? It was well understood that I just needed to say the words.
That being said, we have our fights, squabbles, and we can get on each other’s nerves quite often. It’s just life. If you can’t fight with your significant other…without risking a divorce or break-up, then it’s not a real relationship. We share everything with each other. I’ll often say the horrific things that would make other people cringe. But she accepts it. She’s a rock for me, emotionally…and I bring her back to earth when she’s in the clouds. I have problems dealing with my anger and most other emotions. She had trouble staying grounded in reality sometimes. We help each other.
Almost on point. I've heard women say that they weren't attracted to their now husbands/boyfriends because he seemed to be and "asshole" or otherwise egotistical at first. Turns out they are attracted to that. Had you been a "nice guy" it probably would have turned her off. What women say they are attracted to and how they respond in the real world can be very different.
So right. My therapist says I have lots of room for growth.
Working hard to get a little taller.
Women's superficiality for men's physical appearance often goes understated. Men focus on those characteristics more, but women are more intense with their feelings regarding physical appearance.
Ah, but you see, the magic of female intuition...
An interesting addendum to this, men that look strong are rated as being higher in attractiveness than men who do not.
As a woman I completely agree and freely admit it. Some of this guy's vids are really good but some of them are just targeting men's insecurities ie hopes that women don't care about looks. It's bullshit!
I think true love is about appearance. A woman can marry a man who's rich and nice because she's thinking about the future (children and hollidays in foreign country ) and maybe she can be like him... but not love him. ;)
It's not negative or anything, it's just... We're animals! Intelligent, but we're still animals ! But if I have a daughter, I prefer to be honnest with her, and don't lie "ho love is not physical, try to find a good husband with a good situation blabla", no, the best is a good situation + a good appearance. ;)
Note: I'm sorry if I slaughtered your beautiful language, I'm from Belgium and my current language is French, but I hope you understand!
@@js9273 are you agree with my comment ?
While I absolutely hate this reality about my nature, he is dead on correct. I am hopelessly attracted to superficial things and it’s very difficult to change.
why would you want to change?
Dr. Taraban is like a next-gen Jordan Peterson. This man is based as hell and I like that he's less ideological than Peterson can tend to be. Thanks for being the intellectual big bro I never had, Orion!
The above, and also, he reminds me of Morty. I keep expecting him to come out with an "oh jeeze!!"
agreed and I can actually understand his rationale whereas JP constantly goes off on tangents.
Orion is pretty down to earth. Jordan is always on the cusp of great intellectual tumult that leads to nowhere...
jp is a known transphobic and homophobic enabler.
JP puts me to sleep
Humans are very visual creatures - this is why we are shallow when seeking attractiveness. We lack the ability to see beyond physical appearance and find the inner beauty of a person, or at least it takes us a VERY long time for us to do so.
Some of us are perfectly capable of appreciating pretty things as pretty things, while simultaneously finding other redeeming values in less pretty things. But inner beauty doesn't equate to sexual attraction and vice versa.
I agree with this. I've invested in weight loss and cosmetic surgery to improve both my health and appearance. I choose my clothes carefully and have a local tailor I bring all my ill fitting clothing to so they fit my frame better. I'm improving my eating and exercising habits and basically doing whatever I can do become more attractive, internally and externally. Why not invest in yourself? You'll benefit from the investment and you don't necessarily need to spend a lot of money to do so. We should always be looking for ways to improve ourselves, anyway.
I disagree with your message. Its always good to invest in yourself but you have to keep in might that 1. What looks attractive wont look attractive in 10-15 years. Plastic surgeries is a product of modern times because people get pressured to look like X or to stay at the same age Y. Whats so good about for example South Korea where people gift each other plastic surgeries to look like europeens (eyelid surgery)? We have to understand that life is finite and we as a living being will change over time. Its an endless battle to look always younger.
I am not against staying healthy and fit. I go 5-6 times per week to the gym, I never smoked and stopped drinking completly with the age of 22-23. But I can feel how companies try to exploit everyone of us. We are scared to die alone, to not have a partner, to not attract women/men. We are so easily manipulable and invest in clothes, surgeries, cars and on top of that WASTE a huge amount of time thinking about that stuff.
When I lost weight I not only looked and felt better but I had more confidence which in turn made me more attractive, which is not saying much since I am not the most attractive guy, but I noticed women who were off put by me at work felt more comfortable talking to me.
Weight loss really is one of the best things you can do.
@@gokux75 First of all, we should work on the basics. Thats Body/Fashion. Its like a pyramid the Level 0 (The Fundament) is Body/Fashion, then we have. Hair, Skin, followed by more superficial stuff like having a GREAT body and the last one level 4 having specific face feature (full lips for example) using plastic sugeries, height lenthening, nose, jaw you name it. The problem is everything after Level 3 is just plain unnatural and toxic to apply.
Some beauty standards have a evolutionary background, like hip/waist ratio, height blabla. But please dont tell me anti aging, botox, eye lid, nose shape blabla is natural. Its pure scam and toxic for the mind and soul. Busineeses try to make money with you and adding more and more pressure to the society. 100 years ago nobody gave a fuck about your jawline or what angle your nose is. I am aware that there was always some type of beauty standart see leonardo da vinci but the history of human kind is so long. Primary we look for someone who can provide for a child in terms of strength or breeding everything besides that is just pure scam
@@Nadox15or anti aging just get a red LED therapy bed fillers and surgery don’t have any benefit besides looking better physically but red LED therapy helps with pain in the body it helps with rosacea and inflammation literally loads of other stuff people should invest more in there health then just looking good
I don’t believe in cosmetic surgery anything can be done naturally that you actually need
Most people have never seriously considered what must-have qualities and what dealbreakers their potential partner should or shouldn't have. That is the big issue.
My husband is 5 foot 1 but he has a huge sense of humor. That and his old soul is the reason I fell for him.
Looks are very important to men. However, men have a very broad spectrum of what they consider attractive. There are men that prefer the larger, plus size ladies and guys that prefer the skinny - skin and bones type. Same with boob and butt sizes, hair color etc. Most women can be in a relationship with a guy that sees them as his first choice. I don't see women having the same kind of broad attraction spectrum. There is no "we prefer shorter guys" club out there (if there is please point me in that direction). As a shorter guy (that has got my act together) - I have been in many relationships but they all seem to make a point of letting me know that they prefer dating taller guys, essentially saying they are settling. I interpret that as them saying I am not their 1st choice. When my ex-girlfriends would talk about their rich Ex's - I channeled that frustration into starting my own business and becoming successful myself. I no longer hear about richer Ex's. I have worked at everything I can but at some point, you need to accept that your genes are not wanted in future generations. I have hung my dating boots up as there is no way I am going to put my life on the line trying to protect someone who sees me as their 3rd choice. Their 1st choice can take the bullet for them. It blows my mind when female friends complain about men not finding them attractive because they are too fat. I wish I had such simple, easy to solve problems. They could fix it quickly but choose not to. You try growing 6 inches in height.
A very clear eyed analysis!
Broadly speaking, the average woman is more attractive to men than the average man is to women. They therefore typically have more sexual options than men, so they tend to exercise those options more often.
That is not female nature, though - it is human nature. Exactly the same option-exercising pattern emerges with the (much fewer in number) attractive men.
However, a couple of counterpoints. Firstly, lots of attractive-enough women can hardly be a bad thing for us. Women have to sort through lots of not-attractive-enough men to find one that is acceptable, and often waste their time chasing the same small group of attractive men - who themselves have a great many options.
Secondly, because they are generally better looking, women have massive competition that we simply do not have to face. This leads us to Dr T's conclusion - that if we do make an effort, as you clearly have, then acceptable outcomes are entirely achievable.
The mistake is not to be superficial, but to have unrealistic expectations; again, you have been wise enough to accept reality. Many never do.
I've had the exact same experience. Interestingly enough, most women do not comment on the fact that I'm losing my hair, but they will _always_, without fail, comment on my lack of height at least once.
@@lamentate07 Yeah in my younger days I thought they were shit testing me - so I just ignored all height comments. It gets progressively worse if you don't address it. If you do address it - then you are insecure. They start with something mild like "It is nice dating taller guys, but it is not everything!". I will reply with "Yeah I know exactly what you mean, it is nice dating smarter/prettier/thinner (choose one) women, but it is not everything!" Then you will see them blow a gasket PROVING how charged they intended that statement to be. Thier comment is always a compliment and mine is the biggest insult ever. I would carry on dating them if they could handle their own medicine. No person is worth you trying to figure out what they were actually comparing (security, sex, dancing, changing lightbulbs without a ladder) and start second guessing yourself.
@@whocarescrapsa Yes, never argue with a fool! All they go by is their feelings, and the logic of your reply only generates feelings of hatred. From then on, that is the only thing they will ever associate you with. It's never that you said something in reply to something they said - only that you said something they didn't like and that makes you bad. No accountability and all that.
@@MrMatthewhg I was wondering if our fathers and grandfathers silently put up with this? I asked my 85 year old mother if she ever tried this with my dad. She said never. She chose him so why shame something he has no control over, she said she would be insulting herself if she did. You are a fool if you get into a relationship with someone and you don't like something they have no control over. I suppose a lot has changed in 85 years.
I think this strategy would turn out like an arms race if adopted by all - the competition for beauty would still end up with men wanting the most attractive woman, even if all women are more attractive than before. On the other side, as men improve their status, there would still be the highest status male women would desire. It would be as effective if everyone tried less hard, or if we stayed the same. The acceptance of our superficiality is a great place to start - the next step would be to realize we are ultimately as disappointing to others as they turn out to be to us, and therefore our expectations could be set much lower. The question then would be "is it better to just stay single" - which I think in many cases is the answer.
Agreed. It's net zero from the point of view of a 'fairer' exchange between the sexes if it's practiced at a population level. It makes no odds whether people try harder or less hard, the dial just shifts accordingly to a new median.
Outside of that you can obviously make the point that-from a societal perspective-it's better if people try harder than less hard.
As individual advice it has greatest merit. Ultimately however it's still only really worth it if it's done for your own edification principally rather than to "boost your attractiveness" in the eyes of someone else.
@@sammyb1651 what an erudite, well-considered response to my comment - thank you!
I hear your point, but I'm not necessarily sure it's accurate.
The way I like to think about it is if we frame overall attractiveness on the classic 1-10 scale, I need to find a woman who is "effectively" a 10, not a literal 10. In other words, someone who meets your preferences, compatibility, and superficiality so sufficiently that to level up beyond that would be unreasonable.
For example, I don't need a supermodel who fits "my type", I just need a woman who is attractive enough and maintains that attractiveness so that I never second guess why I started sleeping with her.
Similarly, if a woman starts dating a guy with a really nice apartment, and she knows that is sufficient to her needs, it would be unreasonable for her to expect him to buy a mansion. She should have established that within herself before beginning the relationship if that's what she truly wanted. A man with a nice apartment should be an effective 10 to a lot of women.
I think we have to balance this against another angle implied in the video... Which is when people dismiss superficiality and therefore think it's not important to meet reasonable standards of superficiality. They might think they are capable of being an effective 10, or that they are sufficient. But they are actually insufficient, or an effective 0.
For example, because a woman might think her looks are not important to a healthy relationship, so she might avoid taking care of herself and therefore become less attractive then her reasonable potential. This not only goes against her potential in dating, it works against her personal development in terms of health. It simply does not work in anyone's favor.
Similarly, a man might think he doesn't need a nice apartment, so he doesn't feel the need to get a good job, which in turn affects his overall station in life. Again, it goes against his dating potential and his personal development.
@@stevensolof7058 it would be nice if it were as you say, but women aren't looking for "what they need' in general, they are looking for "the best" - this is well illustrated by the saying "A woman is never single" - in other words, having what they need isn't sufficient - a woman is driven to attraction to someone "more" - if it is possible for her to acquire that man, she may leave the previous one. If she's done the best she can and she knows that, then she'll be content. We could all actually survive quite well in small huts as our hunter-gatherer ancestors did, but now no woman would find that adequate. At one time, the best hut built by the best hut-building person was the best any woman could do and that status in comparison to the other huts was a win. Unless our biology changes, this won't.
Before reading your comment, I was about to write my own, raising the question of why not to go MGTOW (men going their own way). In my teens, I was a hopeless romantic with the associated expectations of relationships. So, when I learned what women desire if they stop lying to others and themselves, I was initially angry. Later I realized that we, as men, are not so much better in our superficiality. So, I don't hate women for what they are. Friendships with them can be as valuable as with men. But we must stop lying to ourselves.
But what I want from a woman is - besides the obvious superficial points - still more anchored in the delusional romanticism I had as a teen.
With that in mind, I believe a relationship would not provide me much value.
Otherwise, a considerable portion of me still thinks that the MGTOW lifestyle could bear psychological sickness, at least for the average person, since sex (and everything that entails, not just pure living out of lust) is wired deeply into our psychology. So... I don't know if the race for women could be worth it.
LOVED his video. Bang-on!
I got a nose job and a chin implant a few years ago and it utterly transformed my life, just like I knew it would. I was excoriated for the expense and 'lack of necessity' at the time but boy, has it made my life better. Best investment I ever made.
Like the doctor says, play the effing game and develop yourself at the same time. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Upping those styles, hairdo’s, makeup, and body never hurt anyone!!!! I love it!!!
Talking like a Father and a Therapist! Men need this talk! Awesome job!
Some of the best advice from a very clear, concise and qualified source. Been loving this channel!!
This channel is an absolute goldmine. thank you for sharing!
I love this channel it puts into words what I think on a regular day basis that I can’t articulate myself…. And I appreciate the analogies …
Love hearing your thoughts. They are refreshingly realistic about human nature.
I love your channel 🤎 the authenticity and solid advice is unmatched! I love how you make everything simple to understand. You’re greatly appreciated,
Thanks for this video! You took most of the words right out of my mouth.
This has got to be one of Dr. Taraban’s greatest talks‼️
Love your perspective, my man. It's always refreshing to me to hear an intellectual discuss alternate views of an idea, especially when that intellectual is smart enough to postulate as a question rather than a statement of fact. Keep it up!
When a woman marries down in her opinion, which is the majority of cases, she will treat that man like rubbish forever once he has been caught.
Thank you for these crystal clear and helpful videos. Keep it up, good sir.
You are beginning to cement your position in this space. Good job.
I appreciate your down to earth, common sense approach to relationships. The more I listen to you, and other therapists, talk about the difference in the way men and women think, the more thankful I am that I've learned to think about my thinking. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm single and I'm ok. So, thank you
The content stands on its own, but the efficiency of communication is SOOO good, I think people should subscribe simply to learn how to communicate, even if the subject matter is not of interest. I subscribed because of the content, but if he couldn't speak so efficiently, what he's saying will not be received... if that makes sense. Kudos Orion. My wife looses me more often, not because of what she says, but because she's not efficient at saying it. If it takes one person 1 min to convey a point, and another 10 minutes (on and on and on) which will you understand ? Add to that, that I have ADHD, and you have a recipie for disaster, because she'll think I understood the point when I didn't. It increases the probability for verbal conflict... no bueno !
💕This is my favourite psychology channel on YT! Thank you for sharing Dr. Orion
Brilliant, one of Orion's best
I can’t wait to be able to afford to tip you for all of this golden information. Truly life-saving, thank you.
Love the passion you share in this video Orion - thanks
If you cannot get over your superficiality, you will never have a real relationship - even if you get what you “desire”
I totally agree with you
I agree. I don’t think wanting a woman to love you for who you are is rejecting the world/situation. I think it’s very important to love each other for your minds and values
I agree. If a rich man gets a woman you can never be sure she loves you.
The best look is happiness. It looks best on everyone. Even 'unattactive', if you are happy, and maybe have a gorgeous smile, you are very attractive. A look from my partner of 25 years melts me at any moment. Not to say it's easy though. That's why I'm here listening and learning
Thank you Dr. I think this insight is the kick in the pants I needed! You're doing excellent work! 👏👏👏
The main aspects of fitness and health are mostly controllable, and they closely coincide with sexiness. Being attracted to fit, healthy people makes a lot of sense, since real fitness drives mood, energy, sexual well being, health and lifespans. There is a lot of apparent fitness out there, but someone who really understands metabolic fitness can spot it in a heartbeat or at least it's deficiency.
It's true that people are generally superficial. It's good to take care of ourselves, and the ones that do not only are more attractive, but it also speaks to a certain kind of discipline they have about them, which is NOT superficial.
It's ok to look at the outside superficial, but when a person completely gives into that and makes their decisions mostly based on superficial things, that is when they tend to have issues. That woman who rejected you due to you not having an apartment couldn't see your value, because she was so focused on a superficial aspect of you. You were a man in college actively pursuing his goals and her not having the discipline to look at other things besides the superficial caused her to miss something that wasn't superficial and was actually awesome. So she actually filtered herself out of your life, because you don't want someone that only knows superficiality anyway.
It's similar with a man focusing only on a woman's beauty, and completely missing all the red flags as a result, then complaining later when she treats him bad. So eating right and keeping oneself in shape is not insignificant or petty at all, because it says a lot about a person. It just isn't the only thing that matters, and focusing ONLY on the superficial things on the outside causes problems for us.
Very well said my friend.
great summary bro' ; totally agreed
Your view is balanced.
Superficiality IS a red flag. I’m one of those men complaining about being treated bad The prettiest girlfriends have been the worst without exception. Beautiful women live on another planet. I had a friend that was especially pretty that used to talk about how friendly everyone every time she traveled abroad.
“Oh the men in France were incredibly sweet and helpful? You don’t say. “
Also the beautiful women I’ve known didn’t have any discipline. They just didn’t overeat. That’s it though. No gym or anything.
Isn’t that great, Orion, that you now have this big platform to answer back some of the interesting (to say the least) comments people make? You make sense. I like your point of view. 😊
Absolutely amazing and real analogies here!
The majority of the population is already doing what’s mentioned innately.
Women advertising their fertility
Men peacocking with their wealth
Doing it without understanding it
Yes, to go with the flow is often simpler
If all your life is about comfortable decisions 😊
Once it’s understood, then it’s a choice,
no good or bad choice
Just causality
I believe the pursuit of greatness often involves difficult choices
Bravo well thought out and explicated.
“Just keeping it a buck”
You absolutely are my man! Love these videos ❤
one of your best so far
Thank you for the video. My answer to inflation is adaptation through the lens of self challenge. So it's less about the women and meeting their needs for them but moreso for meeting these needs to challenge myself.
Yet most women on dating sites ask you first how tall are you ? Thus explains why relationship and marriage are breaking up . Cause the qualities they should be looking for they put on back burner.
All women love a tall guy…. It’s just evolution. They select for the feeling of safety and security a tall guy gives them. It’s just a fact…. They’re not evil.
@@Infoseek777 it’s an indicator of higher GENETIC quality and STATUS. That’s why. The moral standing of this would be considered amoral, but these same women whine about any preferences men display. It’s the women who’ve moralised these dynamics, wouldn’t you agree?
some of us are fine with 5'7, 5'8...
@@Infoseek777 They not evil. Just very untethered from reality. In the past, as long as the guy was taller than them, that was acceptable. Today, a 5'2 women think they deserve a 6'5 guy. If 80% of women think they deserve men who account for less than 1% of the population, 79% are going to be disappointed and THINK they are settling. If they THINK this way, no guy in their future is ever going to be their 1st choice. You will know this because they will tell you 5 times a day.
@@whocarescrapsa when I was on dating sites one of the first questions I got is how tall are you ? This shows you how vain modern women are. They don't care if your kind or loyal they overwhelming care about a man's height which dictate zero percent on success of relationship. This is why most modern women should stay single.
Great points, thanks for spelling this out so clearly
thanks for keeping it real, i truly believe truth heals mental illness and no one is telling the truth these days
If we can bypass superficiality, we all will be monks & nuns.
If we can bypass superficiallity we can create some real good lasting frendships, because we are more interested in who a person is, rather than just what we can get from them, and stand to gain and learn aspects of ourselves we wouldn't otherwise be aware of. If we can only be bothered to talk to people who we feel deserve our attention, (How arrogant and self absorbed of us!) We will be emotionally, morally and intelletually bankrupt, and will in the end have nobody else to blame but ourselves for an empty vaccous existance.
@@rosiemackenzie5976You just described the mentalt state of the American population. :D
Operational, tactical and strategic way of dealing with this rollercoaster called relationship. Wow, yet another thing to add to my tools...
This is life changing advice, thank you!
What you look like does determine attraction - posture, clothes, hair, etc. What you say determines the relationship.
4:17 a psychologist quoting Chris Rock doubles the amount of respect I have for both of them.
This Video! Is soooo honest! It took me a lifetime to accept these realities! ❤💭🧠
I like this guy he keeps it practical
I agree, invest in yourself for yourself so you can show your goodies to those interested in you.
I had to accept it too even tho i don't like it. But it's reality, it's how people are. Hell looks still do matter, it's not the most important tho. Looks just get you attracted to a person at first but personality keeps the person.
I think you're right. Great content.
The video was good, but the conclusion was awesome! Great work
I've read that on the females with the height thing it's actually about 4 to 5 inches taller. I'm 5 ft 3. I have a strong preference for men who are 5 ft 7 - 5 ft 9. Like.... every guy I date. So guys.... If you're shorter than 6 ft don't fret. Look towards the shorter girls. We'll be attracted to you!
Yeah, I'm 5'9 so I tend to prefer women that are 5'4 or shorter, preferably shorter. I never thought of height preference as an exclusively "woman" thing, considering that most men want to date women smaller than themselves just as women want to date men bigger than themselves.
I think a problem with this is that a lot of women say "6ft only" because it's a nice whole number and the guys get discouraged to the max. but in reality, a lot of women would be okay with a guy her height or just a couple inches taller. I think young men should go out and make more friends and get to know more women who would have simply swiped left on an app because all they could see are the pictures and not his voice or his demeanor or his charisma. Basically, we should all touch grass lol
@@chadhayag9171 apparently the shortest women want the tallest men.
You literally just have to be taller than her. It’s mostly relative. Just be taller than HER by a few inches.
Thanks for the insight, Dr. Taraban! I have ultra-specific though superficial dating standards: ethnicity, hair color, skin color, facial features, age, etc. If she doesn't meet that, she's automatically discarded. So, from the get-go, at least 85% of women out there are unattractive in my eyes. So I must rely on systematic and recurrent efforts to meet the women I desire, even though this kind of woman is not necessarily the one you commonly see on magazine covers. However, I'm far from immune to another three-year drought, and when I complain about those droughts, some friends even say I need to be more flexible to enhance my chances to find a suitable partner. The problem is: if I don't lust after her like a crazy dog, she's just a friend, and I don't need female friends. My ultimate goal is to hunt quality women amongst those few I find very attractive. I know it's hard. It might be counterproductive, but that's how things work for me. It's all or nothing at all.
You're basically the same as the average woman, not finding most men attractive and then struggling to find a partner.
What kinda women are you into? Not criticizing at all, I begrudge no man his personal taste and it's unlikely we'll ever be competing for the same woman so it's no skin off my nose and I hope you find what you're looking for, I'm just curious because I don't really have strong preferences beyond she should have a pleasing figure, warm personality and not be overweight/crazy/an addict.
@@xxxxxxxx8903 u r absolutely correct.
@@doomguy9049 I don’t think most men can afford to have strong preferences outside of what you listed
I don't have any of that consciously formulated in my head and don't think I have many subconscious standards in my head either. Look: There are SO many woman out there you don't know why you might be smitten with them, because people are all so different, physically too. You have a list of what attracts you but you can't even know what attracts you, because for that you would need to encounter each and every single human being first to make that assessment. Your filter however will continuously be challenged, because you find yourself attracted to someone despite your criteria OR you don't notice the attraction because your criteria numb you to noticing it. To sum this up: A premade conscious limitation makes no sense: You don't know all people out there and thus you don't know your reaction towards them and thus you don't know what you're attracted to to the fullest because of that.
Always excellent content. Thank you
I like these thoughts - motivational, fun and stimulating
Yeah. I will never be able to get to grips with the interplay of desire/attraction and love. Selfless love, agape, whatever you want to call it. The superficiality goes even further in all that talk about relationships being transactional. All this just makes me profoundly sad about the human condition. I'm like this. Everyone else is like this. The closest I got to my ideas on love is in friendships and animals, lets say, just helping a poor stray dog with nothing asked in return. It moves me profoundly. This is were true love is. A love that's not particular or discerning. A general love towards everything and all that makes you act. Between humans, does that even exist. Are you yourself not in the way of that? And isn't failure ingrained in who we are and there's just no way to surpass it? Truly profoundly sad. And to address what you said about making oneself superficially attractive so why not just do it? That's the crux. I'm now engaged in the superficiality and endeavor in human-human superficial relationships while I already ascertaining, that that just doesn't have anything to do with my understanding of love. So one thus works toward a goal that isn't even their goal? No, man, it's better do things that connects you the love you want. Back to those stray dogs and relieving their suffering, bring some sunshine into their live and just give and care for no reason but love.
I highly believe that true love doesn’t exist, it’s not in the best interests of an individual whom would like to pass their genes to seek and wait for true love, when you can leave this luxury for comfort and peace at least.
I think between 2milion relationships, there’s only one case that can be called true love, where two high quality individuals meet, they have the enough self awareness to actually understand their psyche and ditch it for some good soul out there who are waiting to reciprocate the same level of unconditional love.
@@ker_at6814 Agree, but unconditional love is the key which unlocks the egoic door to transcendence to your true essence/higher self, which most of us rarely opon.
@@oninotsume most people don’t have enough self awareness to actually choose not to open that door.
When you already have higher self you then would be able to open that door. Not the other way around!
This topic makes me think that it's very easy to give love freely to someone or something that you don't really expect anything from.
However, when you DO need something from them, you need them to perform a certain role, then any opportunity of unconditional love is clouded by the question in your mind "are they performing their role as well as they could?"
If you think about it, it is much easier to give generously of your time, unconditionally, if you are volunteering. You don't expect anything except the opportunity to contribute.
But when the job is your livelihood and means to survival, perhaps you have family dependent on this too, then it's only natural to expect your needs to be met sufficiently, maybe even over and above what you truly need. When those desires/expectations are unmet, it is also natural to complain, demand, negotiate, deliver ultimatums, manipulate, etc....basically anything OTHER than provide unconditional support. And for good reason. If you need a certain outcome from a relationship, then your investment in that relationship is necessarily conditional on your needs being met - if they are not being met, then the relationship is up for negotiation. You have to meet your needs somehow and you only have so much to invest, so if your investment in this relationship is not meeting your needs, then your investment needs reconsideration
I agree with everything here, I'm just saddened, that we are so limited. I myself aren't any better. I try to, but I'm not. But I agree, it's easier when two people are trying, not just one.
In a world where we are all in a hurry, our window of opportunity to "impress" someone is very small and appearance is the first thing people look at. I've always felt a little invisible around men and this year I decided it was time for a change. I started gym and diet and I'm taking a body language course. My friends keep telling me how lucky a man will be when he meets me, but how will he guess my personality? 🤷♀️ Furthermore, I have come to think that this man, wherever he is, deserves beauty in his life, so what's wrong with that? We shouldn't treat beauty as something superficial. God didn't make nature so beautiful by chance, did he? Let's look for our best version.
A body language course? Huh. I didn't know such courses existed. Have you gotten value from it? I'm kind of curious about it now.
@@bdtrap The course is very interesting. In this case, aimed at women. So that we can develop "more feminine" movements. For us women, it's a little complicated because the corporate world forces us to be masculine, competitive and tough, so this course would be a rescue of femininity. It would be self-knowledge about femininity and sensuality and what non-verbal message we are sending. This goes from how we walk, how we sit, our rhythm when speaking. At first I thought it might sound a bit mechanical, but it comes naturally when we started practicing 😊
As a guy, because I prefer to see things from an abundance mindset, and being oriented towards wanting a long-term relationship because I don't want to be fragmenting my attention and feelings across multiple women, I do look for a very specific personality in women, and I'm always questioning if behind that face it's someone worth my time and energy when I have nothing else to judge. Only when I'm at my worst that I don't care for it, and I fall for energy vampire woman lol.
😉How you speak, and your body language matters to me, personally, I watch ASMR videos of girls that have that kind of energy, and I notice I can be extremely lenient with my superficiality for looks when I'm focusing more on that. Some of them, I just have been listening to their voices without ever knowing how they look, and I couldn't care less because they are so nurturing and they and can express it so well.
Listen to them too, find the girl asmr artist ones you like best! It takes a lot of mental material to mimick.
One of your best videos.
Thank you Doc, this is gold 👍🏻👌
💯 on all points! This guy is speaking hard facts in all his videos
Accept it for what it is-have empathy for the fact it's an evolutionary hardwiring-don't become embittered by it.
However if you decide to "play the game" and manage to increase your attractiveness through real effort, make it damn clear you're fully aware what you're valued for and what that commands by way of a fair exchange.
Sexual politics have to move on now. We can't accept this binary: men=awful patriarchs superficially attracted to looks/women=downtrodden oppressed saints who see beyond looks and value 'character' nonsense any longer. The internets has exposed it for what it is: a complete fiction.
Shining sunlight on that horrible misrepresentation is long overdue and will hopefully yield a healthier and more balanced view of/understanding between the sexes.
I see people really waking up to what a false dichotomy that narrative is. To be blunt, natural selection will weed out many of the sexual politicians in the years to come. But as someone who is playing the game, it can be a shocker how many people will go out of their way to invalidate you for maximizing and accentuating your health/sexually dimorphic traits, and act as if they're on some higher moral ground in doing so.
My only issue with th Relationship between men and women is child custody and divorce laws.
Stop simping. 0 empathy for females
Well said oryan. You know what I always say don't let your pride get in the way of your pocketbook.
great advice! thank you!
The problem for some people is that they've been told that "they are above superficial stuff" and addressing them look like terrible contradiction.
I agree on this suggestion for the most part. A downside would be, if you yourself don't like you any more it you are changing your appearance or the circumstances. But for the physical fitness it does not only look better but helps you in staying healthy. Even if you don't find a mate, you are in a better position or live longer. This might be the reason for the evolutionary development of these things, making the individuals and in follow up the society better than before. So do everything in this direction that does not disgust you.
I truly, truly feel ridiculous about myself whenever I have to spend time on my looks (e.g. job interviews). It makes me feel very unmanly and like I was some ape. It's as bad as boasting about oneself. I make sure not to look shabby, that's all I can deal with in that department. A random t-shirt and jeans, done.
@@olafweyer859 if you think, the time spent on your looks gives you more disadvantages than it would possibly make a better outcome, this is a true rational decision. One should really make this consideration and not just let it happen. That is all Orion said and on which I agree.
@@jbheselyoutubization That's my problem with that. Involving my rationality, my being calculating, a tactician in that one rarefied part of ones life that's unquestionably geared towards your emotions. I can't. I won't. It's a betrayal of all what this is about. I like to compare this to fiction writing. Nothing good comes out of my hacking into that keyboard if don't completely commit myself to the flow of emotions and what I desire on the page. It sparks up and grabs me, carries me with it and the second any rational consideration interferes it's a dead stop. Letting go is the only way forward. I'm a writer. I'm a master manipulator, I can make you think and feel anything and I know how to do it. That's calculating mind getting involved and there is sort of devilish pride in being able to do this, because I can do it in real life too. I don't want to. It detaches you. It detaches you where the opposite of detachment is what you desire. And to get there you can't scheme to get results. You're in love. You are vulnerable, not empowered.
Your videos are very informative and helpful. Thank you
Your logic is solid.
This is great! In this woke bs day and age it's great to hear someone just be honest 👍
Some of u are just as bad as the woke ppl with ur obsession of bringing it up 😂😂😂 It’s really a fringe of society
@@themarathoncontinues4211 why do you feel guilty? It's ok to bring up anything, to yourself.
It's not our job to do anything about the world we live in. It is only our job to do what we think is right for ourselves. There is no wrong or right because it is out side of you. What matters is what you feel ok with in yourself. You are the judge of yourself.
It's like trying to judge Hitler or the sun coming up. You can't do anything about it. You can only think about it, a it's not important in your day to day
@@datwistyman I don’t think it’s guilt, I think overblowing issues is exactly what the “woke” ppl do. So it’s ironic to do this with the effect the “woke” are having on society as well. It’s like the pot calling the kettle black.
We’ve had multiple counters to the woke stuff, I think at this point it’s on a very steady decline if anything
@@themarathoncontinues4211 A Fringe of society? It is everywhere you go. All over liberal politics. every TV show.
@@kenandrieling5885 Hollywood has always been woke, that’s nothing new at all. They were pushing for legalisation of gay marriage back in the early 90s, way before that was a serious conversation. Same with a lot of other things.
In real life in terms of the general population, it’s a fringe who are woke. People like that can’t operate in real life circles.
well it is not always little effort to change superficial things and often at the detriment of other qualitiies: For example I'm still sharing a flat in my late twenties and I do so by choice: I'm happy to have some inspiring flatmates and share costs at the same time, since the city where I live is very expensive. The money that I save I invest in real estate somewhere else that generates passive income or in ETFs.
Superficial women might disregard me since I neither live in city center nor have my own flat but this is a tradeoff I'm not willing to make because I value my long-term financial stability more than I value one more women potentially coming to sleep with me because of her superficial evaluation of my value.
Good stuff thank you Dr.
Great wisdom !!!
100 % agree and in my case I value kindness and genuine people, but can't get attracted if someone doesn't look good.
No u dont lol. Women love men who have status and with alot of resources. Nothing wrong with that its biology
@@KD400_ Everyone is different, of course nobody likes a man with no purpose and no job, but women are also capable to support themselves 😊
@@nataliab9377 sure because of the way men built the world u get to do this but biology doesn't work like that. Like I said u want men with resources and status. U will never admit it but u will always gravitate towards those types of men. This has been proven statistically. Truth can hurt but its still truth
@@nataliab9377no money 💰 no honey 🍯
10 Most Unique Beautiful People
10 Most Beautiful Men
10 Most Beautiful Women
Just use the f***ing blue pens!🤣 I just wonder how we can reconcile this with marriage. Women get to take their superficial beauty with them when they leave, less what they have lost to father time; The lifestyles men worked decades to build are wiped out. It takes a long time to build a lifestyle in most cases, it's not really a petty small thing to overcome. The answer may be for men to never marry, or allow common law marriages claims to arise, but this just creates a whole new set of relationship problems.
Yeah it requires men to consciously resist what comes naturally to both themselves and their woman with time, and most can't in the long run.
It isnt reconcilable. It's unreconcilable with any sense of romantic love in fact.
That's where it will ultimately meet resistance and falter.
People want a sense of comfort and safety in their lives, including their personal lives. (Possibly above all in their personal lives!). Typically people seek service from others, but comfort for themselves.
We're accustomed to mens preferences being shamed while simultaneously womens preferences are endorsed and lauded. That's a system that essentially seeks to offer comfort to the female while subjecting the male to discomfort.
Dr Orion is essentially advocating for a greater performative burden/greater equity in value exchange. That's fair. But it's uncomfortable.
As the (main) beneficiaries of the illusion of romantic love, women have more to lose in adopting this particular methodology.
The only rational counter argument to any of the above it is to say that there is no growth in comfort. Self improvement should be practised for it's own sake. Here again though this message generally plays better to men than women. Women's preference tends to be for feel good bromides; the sort of thing that praises her for being perfect as she is while being deserving of better in her partner.
It’s funny I thought the same thing he’s saying just write with the blue pen create a lifestyle that a lot of women will want to be apart of but that can take a decade lol that’s not easy to achieve but the woman is just fine as hell instantly at puberty to 35 n some times 45 it’s not fair they’re not doing anything meanwhile our life force is being drained just so we can get dinner with them I didn’t even get to hit it yet still gotta do a lil bit more work before she finally finally lays down and spreads it for me like what?! Lol it’s definitely not the same but whatever time to work until my heart explodes and I collapse on a baddy in doggy style like Kevin samuels goddamn Red Bulls smh
Great perspective my dude! For some time I've had these types of perspectives lingering and I'd reject the ideas because it didn't seem to fit other schema of how socialization works. Starting to see this as an ego over nature thing. Ego with the nature yo'.
Another excellent video
I totally agree with you and to those who go against the grain and have anything against being superficial I would like to inform you that there's also no merit in choosing a partner based on personality because that too is variable, who you fell in love with a year ago is not the same person today, perhaps they don't feel how they felt about you anymore
Rubbish. Personality doesn't change that much over time. It's largely fixed once people reach a certain age.
I have found out dating the same types leads to the same outcome. What's that saying about repeating the same thing and insanity? 🤔🤷♀️
Oh man.. I just stumbled accross this channel and a lot of that stuff is not particularly new to me. But fricking hell - the way you put it makes it sound _really_ crushing 😂!
Orion, appreciate your message & videos. The "hanging out at the winner's circle" comment is painful to my ears. 100% agree, but it burns my soul. Women should be smarter & more patient. As you said, if the guy has any ambition, brains, work ethic, etc. he will grow & improve his life (nice car, house/condo, bank account, looks, style, etc.). Yet she can't wait a few months or years as he works his way up through this crazy world. Sad young women are so delusional at times. Be well sir.
Accepting someone else's pettiness, because it seems insignificant, actually sounds really dangerous. Because it points to what else they are capable of in the future. And compliance to petty standards can be a slippery slope if you are too willing to go along. This can lead a person into very controlling and traumatic circumstances.
Agree
Or corruption. I don't talk necessary about money but sometimes being corrupted happens faster than you think.
This is about bettering yourself. It's about upping your fashion, physique, income, lifestyle, etc. He used the word 'Petty' to make the point. But these things are not petty.
People that call these things insignificant are just looking for an excuse to be lazy and to hate on others who are actually putting in the effort to win in life.
My thoughts exactly. I'm not going to live my life conforming to everyone elses petty desires simply because they are seemingly insignificant on an individual basis. Those insignificant things quickly turn into you living most of your life simply to please them and their petty desires and that isn't insignificant.
There are plenty of other ways to better yourself that have nothing to do with becoming rich, well dressed and beautiful. The idea that you need to do those things to "win at life" is precisely why so many people are miserable. You need look no further than the people that have all the things you mentioned yet are still miserable to know this. Not everyone wants to work their lives away to afford clothes, cars and some unattainable beauty that someone told them they need for their lives to matter and not everyone hates you for believing that you do.
Your videos are educational, Interesting, insightful, mind-opening. The profanity, not so much.
Various linguistics scholars recommend the use of powerful words when deemed appropriate by the user while encouraging audiences to process them as intensity and passion rather than focusing on the social construct of moral codes and signifiers. Many renowned scholars use intense language or even “profanity” in their lectures in college campuses. I assume you may belong to a much older generation.
@@Mrjunkyarddog44
Lots of old people use profanity. The trick is to use it sparingly for greater impact.
You need a podcast!! Your voice is perfect for one
A woman's looks a far from superficial when viewed from the perspective of procreation. A man's resources are far from superficial when viewed from the same perspective. In fact, in both cases they are vital.
That is true to some extent, but I don't think it is true when you go to extremes. A man who makes decent bucks but has enough time to be with his family "should" evolutionally speaking be more attractive than the millionaire who is too busy to go home. Elon Musk revealed in an interview that he sometimes doesn't "have time" to go home and will spend two weeks sleeping on the mattress in his office. I can't help but wonder if that is the reason none of his relationships work out.
I think the problem is that certain traits short-circuit our brains and cause us to behave irrationally. For men, it's often about a woman who is so beautiful he loses his wits with her. I've heard that some of the most beautiful women in the world struggle with relationships because all men are super attracted to them, even the ones that can't stand the woman's personality.
@@xxxxxxxx8903 Good points.
True, that's an explanation.
But do you want to be a slave to what your genes want, or do you want to be in control of your life and choose what you want? Who runs your life, you or your genes?
@@lightworker2956 Your genes.