The most DANGEROUS thing for a RELATIONSHIP: why success is harder than failure
Vložit
- čas přidán 17. 08. 2023
- The general consensus is that relationships tend to fail when one person in the couple begins to struggle. Maybe they stop putting effort into the courtship; maybe they stop putting effort into their own growth and well-being; maybe they become addicted or comfortably numb. And while this can certainly happen, this isn't what I typically see in my practice. In today's episode, I discuss the most dangerous thing for a relationship: when success comes to one person.
Social Media
Facebook: profile.php?id=1...
LinkedIn: / orion-taraban-070b45168
Instagram: / psyc.hacks
Twitter: / oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: • Enrico Deiana - Orion'...
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: / @grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
/ @psychacks
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consulta...
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-...
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #marriage
The general consensus is that relationships tend to fail when one person in the couple begins to struggle. Maybe they stop putting effort into the courtship; maybe they stop putting effort into their own growth and well-being; maybe they become addicted or comfortably numb. And while this can certainly happen, this isn't what I typically see in my practice. In today's episode, I discuss the most dangerous thing for a relationship: when success comes to one person.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: czcams.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/video.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
czcams.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #marriage
wow system theory... my research area... I love it.
bordem
Improvement isn't the problem, envy is! My partners gain isn't my loss. It's also my gain. Life isn't a zero-sum game. Your literature doesn't realize that the loss of those traditional roles as society changes is the cause of the increased suicide. Humans need roles to fill, so we know who we are. Humans need boundaries, so we know where the limits are. Complete freedom makes humans freeze and not know what to do. I read that Jews view the ten commandments as the fence around a playground. We have them to keep kids safe, not to oppress or control them. Rules and roles are good for us. Doc, you again have a shallow view for reality, do better. I have no hope for that, though, as you veiws seem to completely align with the leftists but are directly opposite. Which is just as bad and weaksauce.
Adult high school & college is available for free in Sweden, used by many who interrupted school/studies when very young. These are sometimes nicked-named "divorce-schools". Every student learns "agency" in addition to diverse subjects, adding merits to their CV. It is not always supported by the student's spouse. Taking turns wouldn't be that bad, would it!?
It is wonderful that for example CZcams and libraries provide videos/books with insights into the dynamics of relationships and other lifehacks so that the hazards of being male can be countered. Keep it up, Dr Taraban.
How do boys/men react to being challenged in their hearts of hearts? How can that predisposition be useful for improving their life-satisfaction?
When you said high-functioning successful people are omnivores....did you mean they can be in a successful relationship with a Koala?....Are you saying that damaged people shouldnt be afraid of being in a relationship with a healthy person?
A gym trainer told me years ago, when she sees a married women coming (late 30's kids in school) and starts getting in better shape, she knows that she is on a path to marital strife.
She's planning to get back out there on the sexual market place. It is interesting to see how earlier some people start planning for divorce.
Yes, she's not doing it for her husband...
@@georgeelder8415 Funnily enough my ex wife did workout and get in better shape for me. But she did it with me by hiking and working out at home together.
I straight up told her I wasn't finding her as attractive and she took it seriously.
But I agree with the OP, if a woman is joining a gym on her own, she's likely going to call it quits at some point in the future. And it may not even be preplanned or anything.
It's branding... to get more attention.
The years of expecting and breastfeeding kids, and trying to make a home and provide a good upbringing for them through those crucial year, takes a hard toll on women, so without sleep and time for themselves, they know that body and mind have "sagged" - the marriage has not been to her advantage; her husband watches whatever screens he watches. It is sad. The advice she gets from all over the media and more, is that it is her fault that he doesn't give her a helping hand, show some romantic attention, or any appreciation. She should get in shape, be attractive, make sure she is not a bore - and no nagging for heavens sake. She knows talking doesn't help, she has tried that a hundred times. He just sulks and avoids.
So this mess is a problem she has to fix alone, again. Either he will be rekindled or he doesn't care, but her shaping up, finding a job, fixing day-care, is her last resort and her last attempt. The last test for him, too - if he doesn't pass, divorce will follow, she can't handle a child-husband on top of all demands on her from all directions. She had hoped for a hero-husband, but she concludes that she was wrong and has to face it: a life on her own. But she is a hero-mum, and she'll make it, other men will hardly help her much, maybe take advantage of her. It is sad, too. If we don't die from hardships, we'll get stronger. Remember that.
63 years young, 1 year ago I took up the Keto diet, hit the gym hard & took classes learned new skills & got a higher paying job. With new attitude, clothes, fit & trim body suddenly my wife's friends were hitting on me & that sent her into panic mode. Nothing triggers a woman more than when other women want their man so I am happy to say after a 10 year sexless drought my wife has lost weight & is back in bed giving me some lovin again. All because I decided to change for the better.
It’s a shame it took her jealousy of watching her “friends” hit on you to give you that lovin.
I agree. I was getting complacent and the sight of other women hitting on my husband was a call to battle
It isn't jealousy, it's genuine attraction. Her friends weren't hitting on you they were encouraging you, it's what women do.
What. I’m just wondering why you’d think 10 years in the desert is fine in any way?
I mean there’s some with ED or medical conditions which I guess I understand.
I guess if you can speak on why that was acceptable to tolerate with you? You did say you weren’t pulling your weight though as well which should be a mark against you but ten years. I’m just trying to understand why
My rule is every other day or she can find another millionaire to buy her those bags. Jewelry. Trips. I just lay out the expectations. She does as well and that’s the verbal agreement.
10 years of spanking off to the hub?
Yes, a friend said that when he and his wife went in for therapy, the counselor said that if the therapy was successful, it might result in divorce. His wife decided to stop therapy.
Very common actually. The wife ends up not liking therapy when accountability is presented on both ends.
@tavar16 Therapists rely on women's lack of accountability to stay in business. Women are generally the ones who force their partners into going to therapy, and if therapists equally held both parties accountable and not place it solely on the man, they'd be out of business.
She made the right choice. A good therapist wouldn't suggest the possibility of divorce before understanding whether or not both people have compatible values and long term plans. "If I do good work you may get divorced" is not something to throw out carelessly. A good therapist would help them both grow together so they themselves figure out what course the relationship should take
I feel you missed the point.
@@man-observing-world if two people are married because their dysfunctional natures have brought them together, then curing their disfunctions might cause them to divorce. Sometimes this is called "growing apart".
Doc in my observations, most relationships fail due to wives having very high and unrealistic expectations for their husbands. They want a best friend, a lover, a provider and for this man to be able to generate deep emotions in them. Not only this, they expect a man’s lifestyle and monetary value to be increasing at the same time, an average man can’t balance all of this. In the beginning of a relationship some men are motivated to fulfill this role, but overtime they get burnt out and it becomes to stressful and unsustainable. When they realize the man they expected to full-fill all their desires and wishes is unable to do that, they mentally check out and actively start seeking ways to monkey-branch, or exit the relationship. My advice to men entering relationships is to be wise, a woman’s hypergamous brain doesn’t stop, it’s always looking for an upgrade, to a woman, a relationship is a means to an end. The average man just isn’t able to fulfill all of these expectations, and they’re checking out in great numbers.💯
I can see that happening.
Media is so gynocentric and has given women unrealistic expectations of what their partner is supposed to provide.
They keep thinking there must be more, more, more and inevitably it’s the man who they blame for not providing it.
We have always been the scapegoat.
When a woman blames all the men she has ever had a relationship with for her unhappiness, and declares all men are trash, she never looks in the mirror and sees the common denominator in all those failures. Since our gynocentric media tells her she’s perfect, she’s a ten (no matter how flawed she may be) she, of course blames the same scapegoat as always.
Men.
Basically, what it used to take a tribe to provide, is now in the hands of a single person. There is no way for one person to deliver in all those areas.
Nobody wants to admit that men have to take over the dating market and have standards.
Most women are still LOOSERS STILL SINCE MINDKIND BECAUSE that particular man have multiple women. Those men have children with several women since forever. Modern western women feminism just try to catch the alpha but cut his integrity to himself day by day JUST FOR NOT BE MENTALLY BALLANCED AND MAKE BABYS WITH ANOTHER WOMEN.
@@greatnesspersonified9676 Yeah, the problem is the low standards.
For every guy who doesn't capitulate to the high maintenance of a regular relationship, there are 10 down bad dudes who would sell their soul for it.
I learned this in AA. Many times the person who gets sober will be out of their current relationship within a year.
why?
Is it due to the fact that they don’t find their partner suitable for them anymore?
@@JacobPangthey explain in the vid
crab bucket@@JacobPang
The explanation that I heard was that the partner who was caring for the alcoholic doesn't need them anymore. I agree with MrAces reply.
Started working out when I was dating my ex. She never expressed support for this decision, instead she literally told me “Now you’re gonna leave me for some hot gym girl.” Crabs in a bucket.
Did you leave her for the hot gym girl?
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
― Fyodor Dostoevsky
It's not true though.
The point is that relationships are to build families and building families is not a fun or happy experience. There are moments of joy but most of the responsible parties have to reasonably sacrifice some of their own immediate happiness for the children and elderly within the family. Its called duty, relationships used to be built on that and I’d argue those relationships were far more successful, as in, they had a higher likelihood of maintaining through old age where the support of another is essential.
Tolstoy 😉
this is from Anna karenina by Leo Tolstoy btw, one of the greatest books ever written (Dostoevsky wrote crime and punishment, another of the greatest novels ever)
@@severussin Thank you for the excellent explanaton.
Great video. This is something rarely spoken of, but the truth is that a lot of relationships are based on pathological/toxic/codependent needs of both partners. And when one of the partners starts to heal, it's like he's receding from the unhealthy "contract" upon which the whole relationship was based.
😮😢- scary revelation, yet you truthfully state the fragility of our interconnectivity.
This comment needs to be pinned
if i could put a wig on this comment and fuck it.... I would
Best comment on the video.
My husband and I are always self improving. I'm always on top of my beauty routine and my husband asked me to go to the gym w him, so now I'm going 4xs week.
He recently got his dream job and meeting tons of new people. I'm happy for him, and working on my own goals too. However, our goals and striving are building a life together w our kids. We are both always striving to be our better self, but we do it in different ways
This makes me feel so grateful to have a sane, stable wife. Reading these comments is a real eye opener.
The amount of child abuse in America and the PTSD it causes are astounding.
Warning: I used to think the exactly the same thing until 2 months ago.
Keep one eye open when sleeping.
I felt the same UNTILL I got better, saner and fitter. That's the first time I felt envy coming from her, she diminishes me and my qualities. Damn..... DAMN! Modern why are so messed up in the head, even the good ones :'(
For now...
It's actually worse, as long as there's a steady imbalance with the man slightly higher, it's all good, if for whatever reason you allowed her to get above you, or even worse, you pushed and helped her get it, you will get monkey branched.
Took a while to learn that the hard way
Also don't tolerate, or support mediocrity, they surely don't
You definitely have something to consider.
100%
lol I observed relationships around me, all the relatives whom helped their woman to achieve independence (some even paid for her degree), they all have been replaced by their wives.
Hypergamy is undefeated
How do you perceive a woman getting above you, are you imagining that a woman climbing up through a corporation etc makes her more attractive? If so that’s not true. This is presented to women as the way to be perceived as higher value. Same with going to university as a signal of higher value. There are plenty of stupid people who go to university. Her main source of attractiveness and power peak at 18 so really it’s more to do with her ACCESS to men who are successful ‘the winners enclosure’ so to speak or even someone who she perceives as more successful than her husband as close to that age as possible. Sadly it’s often via the husband that she gains this access. That said, my Mum had an affair with a man who was significantly less successful and was a carpenter working on our house. So I would say there are no guarantees but from observing and thinking about my Mum and Dads situation my Mum was attracted to the personality traits that got my Dad to where he was, because he had a
Kind of agility, was self motivated so no need to nag, etc. With the guy she was having the affair with she could see she that although he lived a life that made him more available to her really it would have been a lifetime of nagging to get him where she wanted to be in terms of lifestyle whereas Dad already had that. It was a combination of personality and lifestyle. Although I think she was physically more attracted to the carpenter.
Very true. This also applies to friendships as well. Ive seen myself when one friend does better it increases the feelings of inferiority in the one who has remained stagnant or unchanging so to speak. Over time this breeds envy, resentment and a desire to see the other person fail. This is one of the reasons people read gossip magazines. They like seeing celebrities who seem to have perfect successful lives knocked down a notch because of scandals. Gore Vidal once said " I die a little each time a friend succeeds" and another saying is " people don't mind you doing better, they just don't want you doing better than them" both are sadly all too real.
The disposition of the people involved also matters.
When you're someone who doesn't measure yourself against those around you, you can celebrate their success and help in their times of trouble. Your opinion of them and yourself doesn't change in either case, because you're not in competition with them.
But I've found that if they compare themselves to others, they'll start to look down on you when they're doing better.
In this as in many other situations, your perspective on life drives your attitudes and behaviors.
@@Susurro very true
True. When I see my friends stay stagnant. I move on. Really. unless they need helps like moving. And they can move on too if they think I’m not successful enough for them. No hurt feelings.
So childish lol. It feels good to feel good for others success and it is inspiring and shows you can do it all too
Raise your friends up with you.
This video explains why ambitious people can never have a healthy relationship unless they find someone who refuses to compete with them. The more capable and ambitious I've become through the years, the more difficult it was to find compatible people.
I noticed that women tend to break up with me only after I've shown them multiple interests of mine. I think this ends up intimidating them because they figured they could not prevail in any area.
They weren't happy for you? You felt they were trying to compete with you or something? Can you explain more?
@@evolutionbe7150I guess that intuitively xx.s alike do register aspects of inferiority, and their solipsist narcissism is triggered. Even if this isn’t sought - eg in in 9:47 mediocrites is the emotionalist turn, as there’s nothing to grasp explicitly and they retain last word… see eg s.i.g.n. language manipulations. yes, I’m utterly tired of all that | and those.
It sounds those women didn't like to have a more successful partner.
Get you a waitress
You should screen for obedience.
You girl shoukd be your assistant and secretary. But somehow people nowadays refer to their girl as a "partner". Partnership implies equality, equality implies conflict. And a woman will never be a man's equal, nor is she searching for an equal.
You do make a good point here, but I'll also point out that sometimes when a woman starts going to a therapist, the therapist becomes an ally in criticizing the husband and/or telling her she "deserves" better, all while never hearing the husband's side of the story.
That happens with men too...i started therapy after a breakup, and my therapist since the beginning was on my side "against" my ex. The truth is that the therapist had no real right to take parts, not being part of the relationship and not having the possibility to know the true dynamics between me and my ex.
Or even worse the wife drags the husband in and then the therapist discovers that the wife is the problem!
@@scorpiocurse7969😮 it's like their job is to provide you help and not unbiased person. They are they are to help you get back on your feet not be equally good. It's different when couples therapy happens
Correct. Female therapists are horrible.
Women shouldn't have professional jobs. Not joking.
This bit about success really puts into perspective how my marriage fell apart… during a period of great professional success and status increase my ex sabotaged everything… even using the kids to knock me back down and force me into a box. Fascinating.
Yep she was scared to lose her rare Pokémon
Mine basically made me come back to weed after she criticized me for years for smoking weed. I told her I was as addicted to weed as some people are to cigarettes or alcohol.
Now she seems happy again for having the higher moral ground. Fuck !
@@altname4742 Dude, you gotta quit smoking that shit!
Why the hell would you marry someone like that?
9:27 "Dysfunctional relationships tend to be specialized in their dysfunction" - genius!
This explains why social media is making people depressed and suicidal. They see pics of their "peers" jet setting and grow envious..
This comment is 💯% facts. People are getting jealous of each other's highlight reel.
That's true what you say of social media but that is not what Orion is talking about here. He is speaking about the dynamics inside a relationship not about comparing ourselves to people outside the relationship.
Comparison is the stealer of all joy. The Bible speaks on this.
Women often tend to belittle, emasculate their current partner and begins to think she can do better when she starts to out earn.
I kinda agree with this. I think it is much less of a problem if the husband starts doing well as the wife has more spending money which will probably make her happy. And normally women choose husbands who they see potential in, and therefore are happy when the husband realizes his potential. It may back fire if the husband spends too much time working and then starts to neglect her. Its a fine line between working hard, but not working too hard.
Actually they always do statistically. It literally makes the men and woman into two men.
@@johnnonamegibbon3580 yes! in my marriage there were definitely two husbands. lol
They start to belittle and emasculate on second date😂
I think you just made me understand what went wrong with my last relationship. When I started dating her, I was almost on the verge of getting out of the abyss.
3-4 months before I finally get out of that dark place, the relationship went to shit. I suspected she was the problem, now I understand why I had that gut instinct.
You just defined my last relationship. I was grieving the loss of multiple loved ones who died in rapid succession when I met my ex-girlfriend. As I started to come out of the depression, she grew increasingly hostile towards me. I started going to the gym, lost weight and got promoted. She gaslit me, smoked tons of weed and launched into regular temper tantrums. I loved her but ultimately ended the relationship because she used every sober moment as an opportunity to pick a fight. Wish I had this content sooner because I had no idea what was driving her dramatic change in behavior. Excellent channel. Keep up the good work.
Very sorry for your dreadful losses compiled.
She had PTSD. As long as you had it you smelled right. When you lost your PTSD (and the gym work) your body chemistry changed. You didn't smell right.
@@msimon6808pseudoscience
This is partly why I'm done with relationships. I naively thought I could have an equal, mutually beneficial relationship with another mature, stable adult. How I was wrong! I have learned so much from you about all the power plays, the testing, the manipulations and dishonesty. Now, this. So someone improving himself/herself would cause the other person who supposedly loves him/her and SHOULD want what's best to...leave? That's so f***ed up. I'm too idealistic, logical and rational for all this. It's best I don't participate anymore.
The world of relationships is an entirely different one than we'd been led to believe. No doubt about that.
Yep. Those marriage vows are complete horseshit. And I mean COMPLETE. Hypergamy, tough times, health and sickness - blah, blah, blah. It’s a fucking trap.
Idealistic and logical 🧐
I think you got the wrong idea from the video. It's the improving partner that leaves. But I can see how both would be stressed and destabilized by only one of them improving.
@@bearclaw5115? I didn’t get that impression. I thought he was saying that one that didn’t improve left.
This is why codependency is nourished and perpetuated. This is why I usually say all relationships have a shelf life because all people change and many times change in opposing directions.
Well said.
I can attest to this being true. I was in a relationship and began working on myself physically, mentally, and career wise. The better I did, the more depressed my girlfriend became. Eventually she told me that I must think I was better than her and was extremely jealous that my improvements would attract another woman. I'm the end I had to break off the relationship because she became so degrading and depressive towards me. It was an incredibly tough and very sad time in my life because I truly loved her and had planned on marriage.
We watch you from Russia, it is so internationally true even though we are from different planets in other aspects.
8:42 to 10:15 is PURE GOLD! That whole piece perfectly encapsulates why my ex-high-school-sweetheart, who I was with from age 16-25, ended up in such a terrible relationship. Her and the guy she is still with (from what I remember from school and being in Scouts with him) both had dysfunctional situations growing up, and that's all they probably know. She literally told me once "He might be a garbage human, but he's MY garbage human." It always baffled me how her new guy could leave contusions on her wrist, throttle her, and cheat on her for four months with his ex, and she could just sweep it under the rug with a "I'm not letting four years [with him] go to waste. It can't be for nothing!" mindset. It really drives home the mantra I try to repeat to myself when I'm feeling vexed at the longevity of their relationship: not everyone in a relationship is blissfully happy, and not everyone who's single is miserable (not to mention that the longevity of a relationship is a poor indicator of its quality).
1:13 😬 glad i started watching this. My inner accountability voice is ripping me a new a-hole right now. If I don’t get it together, my relationship will end this year.
WOW, what an amazing episode. I think you literally just described the end of my 20+ year marriage.
Sadly, I can identify with you on this one. This helped me understand some of the factors involved
This is true. It's also because their dynamic change in that the person with more success doesnt feel that they need to any longer work for your approval. Now, on the other hand, if a man or woman who is being left behind just learn to DO THEIR OWN thing, they will be able to weather the storm. Success is honestly an illusion. What a person needs from you is inner strength, care, and autonomy. Do not be a burden to anyone except parents.
My first marriage failed because my X made it impossible for me to do anything I enjoy at home. She made me feel like a stranger in my own home.
First....you married....and second, you allowed her to do that.
@@johngalt6838you're absolutely right and the OP is trying hard to make themselves sound like an innocent victim. A relationship is a two way street which means two people influence it.
Seems like entropy is a thing...Time breeds complacency. Your wise and insightful analysis hits home. Well done, sir.
Was Entropy ever in doubt? I'm pretty sure it explains everything if you really understand it...
Whole point of life is to stand up to entropy
This is one of the most insightful videos I have come across on CZcams on the dynamics of relationships... very uncomfortable, but spot-on!
Very true. One partner began to eat right and exercise or quit drinking/drugs. The other if not stepping up, would cause imbalance and conflict. It would come to a point when a decision has to be made. Should I stop improving to keep the partner or leave to save myself instead? It is a hard one. As much as love is strong, it cannot save a loved one who doesn’t want to get on a right path.
PTSD changes how you "smell". People with it have an affinity for each other. They can smell out a simpatico.
Thanks! Love your advice, communication style and strategies. Been married for nearly 30 years and the journey is like travelling the world. Sometimes you're on a beautiful sandy beach with an amazing partner and other times you battling the monster snow storms of a Himalayan mountain. Thank you so much for your objective perspective.
What a profound episode! Thank you for all your efforts Dr. Taraban! Your work is really of significance!
Exactly / this is a very complex topic with lots of scenarios explained with precision and nuance. It’s delivered with coherent communication skills: understandable with concentration.
Dr Taraban hits many nails on the head here and it’s a topic I desperately needed to hear. He lays out the pitfalls and landmines - but a follow up video would be appreciated on solutions.
I’m left wondering if it best to leave a dysfunctional relationship alone rather than intervene?
Also their must be a solution to avoid chaos and suicide when the effort and success is made for betterment. Compulsive repetition of mutual hardship and toxicity shouldn’t be so comfortable in it’s crazy way that a break-through for a determined party is a fragile outcome.
I can agree with this and the end of my marriage.
I believe in part it was because she thought of herself as doing better and me stagnating or even going backwards. And I did get jealous and controlling when I saw her changing.
And her seeing other men as a better option. Men she hadn't even seen before when she only had eyes for me.
I think marriage is going extinct for this reason. More and more people are realizing relationships are a short term thing, and in a long life, it makes sense to divorce and change or upgrade in partner (or maybe even downgrade in partner if they find this easier and less stressful).
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 I don't disagree. I think a lot of people still desire a long term commitment though.
But I think social media and the plethora of options out there is really messing with people.
Additionally even myself before my marriage had wondered if really long relationships made sense. And that was 30 years ago before social media was a thing. But we lasted 26 years.
Do what they do allways have another girl on the back burner problem solved.
@@ivananderson141 if not a woman on the backburner, always stay on top of your game so you can quickly recover and won't put up with disrespect from your partner.
Congrats on all your success! 200k by September 💯
He's going on Fresh and Fit tonight. So you are probably right. He probably will get to 200k by end of September.
I love how he shines light on a tragic, frustrating, or ugly part of the human condition and then says "if you like what youre hearing consider subscribing"
-Subscribed
This is the most informative video I have ever seen on youtube. An incredible amount of insight. Will have to watch several times to digest.I feel I owe you money!
We can donate to his channel
This is one of your best videos and they're all good. Can't wait to see you on Fresh n Fit later tonight. I've been waiting for that collaboration.
Wow, that was truly the most amazing truth, yet which I’ve believed the opposite my entire life! I just went thru this and my 17 year relationship ended. I started becoming much more social as a result of a new hobby and 6 months later we split. I didn’t find someone else. She just couldn’t handle the change.
You just keep puttin out solid topical descriptions. Thank you
Your information has been enlightening. Keep up the good work.
Awe man…what you’re saying makes so much sense. I remember being in a relationship for 4 years. The moment I graduated college, got a career and was surrounded by other successful people was when the shift in our relationship changed. I deeply care about him, but we didn’t last.
I also saw this with my best friend’s parents. His mother became “hot.” Like she was in her 50’s and had an amazing bikini bod. Became a fitness instructor with a huge following base. After her popularity she divorced her husband which shocked us all. One person becoming successful in a relationship truly is a dangerous thing.
I expect my partner to be or become a success..
Your case is rare but the one of your friends parents is common.
@@in.edieudonnesworld3167 isn’t it the same situation? We both became more successful then our partners
Because you women see men as provider.If you are more successful or more respectful you can easily dump (without any emotion) any man who is less successful than you.Rather the fact of how deeply you cared about him.
I'll do the same. Stay on top of my game and replace my wife with a younger chick when the wrinkles start to show.
Dr. Taraban, the audio has been coming through only one channel on recent Spotify uploads. Always enjoy listening! Keep up the good work, I hope this channel is just getting started.
Dr, I think this advice works for most narcissistic people. They hate to see your success. Unfortunately the world has too many narcissists.
Sucess is destabilising to relationships, it's even threatening? That's exactly why both partners need to heal their trauma on their own terms and not expect their partner to "fix" them. Both have to improve themselves. Both for themselves and their relationships to prosper.
That's also the reason why I prefer people who are capable of unconditionally love. These people are genuinely kind and supportive. When you fail, they cheer you up. When you succeed, they are happy for you. A healthy relationship goes both ways.
This is absolutely incredible. NEVER realized this insight before but it explains so much, both in external observations and my own subconscious what-ifs
This is clearly one of your best episode. by far.
Excellent, counterintuitive yet deep down I see that it’s so true.
That’s really profound, and I think that’s exactly what happened in my last relationship, where I was the one feeling like the problematic one (even though people close to me would say otherwise)
Look at your growth, Doc. Wow, been here and from the beginning. Good for you brother. 👏🏽
The phenomenon described occurs often in the weight loss surgery (WLS) community. One relationship partner takes greater responsibility for their health, loses tens or even hundreds of pounds of excess weight, and the relationship often as not destabilizes (to use your word). It's macabre, counter-intuitive to laymen, and definitely common based on stories in groups/forums.
You change your body chemistry - your smell changes.
If you don't smell right - the "chemistry" goes.
Wow! Mind blowing and seems true to my life. I think this applies to all sorts of relationships including close friendships as well. I’ve noticed on my path to self improvement, a very good friend going the opposite direction in life has been undermining and trying to sabatage me. Even though I tried to help him onto the path of self improvement. Fascinating. Thank you Doctor.
Man this realization is really harrowing, it's been years now since I've become aware of it, but it never gets easier to accept and deal with; especially when you're meeting someone new and you're aware of all things that can go awry. It's just too much for me to hear this, it leaves such a bitter taste in my soul.
This channel is brilliant. Shared this video with a friend of mine who is working on improving himself, and finding that he has to separate from his wife to do so.
The way you explained this was very informative. Thank you
Whew you nailed it. This message was very enlightening.
Sir! You are brilliant! Dazzling content and very insightful indeed!!! Bravo🍻
When he said "Sorry for the clickbait-y title but...here you are" that made me chuckle and hit the "Like" button. Lol. Well played, Orion.
At the moment, i think this is my favorite video i have ever seen from this guy. I love it i totally agree.
Fascinating. Great points. Thank you
Once again your insightful wisdom provides a light for us to navigate our relationships in the “real, not idealised” world!
I've watched like 30 of this guy's videos now, and he seems to have a Hobbesian view of human behavior; he seems to lean on the more primitive impulses in the human brain as being the ONLY impulses. In reality, human behavior stems from a whole cocktail of impulses and motivations, which themselves stem from different and often contradictory regions of the brain. It's true that our more primitive impulses are probably exclusively self-interested and antisocial, but the more recent evolutionary adaptations in our brains lean toward pro-social behavior, altruism, empathy, and dare I say, love.
I'm not sure that Doctor Taraban's commentaries fully appreciate the full bredth of human motives.
Not everybody is using everybody else for a better seat.
Not even in general.
Have you been online trying to find a mate?
You wrote a full paragraph of nothing.
He explicitly said he's here to help men learn and get better this psychological field is filled with women making stuff in their favours. He's making sure guys get know what's actually happening.
It's all probabilities in life your wife may leave or not may cheat or not.
He boils down concepts to specific...well, concepts. That's the point of his videos, not to be a a holistic therapy session.
@ryancox5097 People are blind to the advantages of any privilege they have. For example, very attractive males will never understand the struggle or short ugly men. Those born rich will never understand living paycheck to paycheck. So if you already have everything due to genetics, birth, family background etc, you never need to be "Hobbesian" about anything because life is just so good. For the rest of us, luckily we have Dr Orion Taraban.
@@chengmunwaiexactly privilege is invisible to those who have it
An amazing insight. Bravo!
Thanks Dr. Taraban! Wishing I was as eloquent as you!
That was a very good episode. I just wish it were longer. I would love Dr. Orion to comment further on the dynamics of disfunctional relationships and also that of envy.
This is a long one for him. I love that his videos are not too long. He makes his point and gets out.
Helpful analysis, thank you
Another excellent topic❤
This can explain why the codependent relationships I've encountered are highly unlikely to change. The need to feel equal to your partner, the resistance to allowing the other person to change and the inability to relate to a new relationship are large barriers to growth and an improved way of relating within the couple.
Spot on. Success for one while the other struggles = the end
Yeah I've always been supportive of my girlfriends, celebrating their small victories, and verbalizing mine. Rarely do they celebrate mine though now that I look back, nor do they participate, because my victories of self employment are very gradual and are a slow burn of overall success, particularly when considering how turbulent modern economy is.
Thr last girl I was with was 13 years younger than me, and it started because I took her under my wing and gave her self confidence, she then started getting invited to parties after I introduced her to girls I knew in the area, and from there she just saw how much I work and was uninterested in partying. I never wanted to be in that relationship, it simply was two traumatized people, one mentoring the other in a way that trauma bonded us really close, really fast. I had to pretty much talk for both of us because she was so bad at communicating and I'd have to point out her body language to get her to spill her thoughts, very disfunctional.
Success means different things to different people. Americans always seem to be obsessed with money.
You made me think if in Latam we have the same perspective about money.
I like your content more and more. You're speaking truth.
Wow, that’s an epiphany, thank you so much.
Man, Great video after Great Video. I can't believe I have not seen your channel before.
This is one of your best videos.
I know the red pill stuff is super popular now, and I enjoy those, but this is excellent information.
Thanks again.
I had never thought of this! Fascinating!
Regression is less change and status quo is no change. Positive change has huge potential for paradigm shifts!
Fascinating video and applies very much to the collective too
Thank you! Very interesting insight!
I have been there many times and it’s very painful situation to be in, but it created a huge space for me to learn a lot about human behaviors on that matter.
Very interesting. It would be nice to see a part 2 with the solution that you recommend to your patients. I saw a channel in which real life cases are discussed in the videos and the therapist says what he would suggest to improve the situation. It was very interesting too. 😊
This is the best and clearest episode I've seen.
What is implied about our nature is not very palatable - even for omnivores I think.
Solid gold. Thanks dude
I love Orion! People use my addiction all the time to feel morally superior. I don't care anymore. Let em eat cake. Meaning they are spiritually poor.
Great podcast Dr. Taraban!
A great book that deals with this subject is "The Human Magnet Syndrome" by Dr. Ross Rosenberg.
I have read it a dozen times and highly recommend it.
Keep up the fantastic podcasts Dr. Taraban 🙏
What a good video. I’ve experienced this in action
The longer a relationship goes on for, the more problems it will encounter, e.g. boredom, someone deteriorating / improving, cheating, mental health problems, arguments about the kids / family life, etc. Solution: stop expecting romantic relationships to last 50 years. It is just unrealistic in this day and age. "She's not your girl, its just your turn".
The opposite is true also: Traditional married couples can appreciate all the hardwork and good things and growing family connections a marriage can bring...
@@commentarytalk1446 I see what you are saying. But you are talking about the minority of people. Most people either 1. don't get married, 2. do get married but get divorced, 3. are in unhappy marriages.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Yes stats for Western people in Secular society. Not so for other traditions and cultures however. I'm not religious but the structure clearly improves the quality of marriages compared to secular Western culture for comparison. There's also Asian cultures which are not religious but have stronger family culture and again that helps with the success and satisfaction of marriage. The West with the social media, materialism and then the legal and economic perverse incentives and lack of family culture or value systems all conspire against successful marriage.
I appreciate your intelligent reply and witty username.
@@commentarytalk1446 But the wives are often not at all happy. When they have a choice, a chance to divorce, they'll take it, if the husband isn't an exeptionally good one, but just relying on traditions. We see it all the time here in Sweden, and all the Nordic countries, in fact. Women prefer a lesser economic standard to a traditional husband, regardless if these women are form an Asian, Muslim, Catholic, Jewish or whatever traditionalist culture. It is about oppression versus human dignity, man!
Excuses.
This is an impressive insight on my current situation. Thank you so much. These were things I noticed about my soon to be ex. Taking the plunge now that you helped me organise my thoughts. Thank you!
I love you man. Thank you for your work
Maybe your best episode yet!!👍
Agree.
Well done. Thank you !
Very smart analysis
So great video!! I know many guys to send it, but i am afraid that they are not ready to understand... this video is so powerfull like a bomb... 😢
A good one ! Thanks
You are simply doing great sir ❤
Damn this is so true! speaking from experience…
Thank you for the answers doc
I think everything you said is pretty much correct.
Very interesting in so many ways that I'm not sure where to start right now.
Well, at least I'm forewarned about possible challenges around my planned self-improvement in the coming years.
Dr O...a little insight men can relate to about change in a system is....if when driving, a balanced wheel loses its lead (wheel balancing) weight, the driver will immediately notice rhythmic wheel bounce, accompanied by vibration in the steering wheel, and if not corrected, eventually other problems, like loss of steering around corners. You have great insight and i am referring your videos to the many men who need help with the women in their lives. Keep up the good works.