The uncomfortable truth about your period.
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- čas přidán 21. 07. 2024
- EP #59 - Not for the Luteal Phase + Still Feeling Stuck After Years of Therapy
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Another episode full of lukewarm takes, cyclical insights, and "that's so funny" reactions, this week Jess and Caroline show up with nothing to give but complaints and bad jokes.
First, Jess is no impressionist - and also apparently no standup - as she corporate gulps her way through a series of failed jokes that forced her to quit her comedy class. Meanwhile, Caroline be lutin' (scientific term for in the luteal phase of her menstrual cycle), leaving little room for laughter but a lot of room for spiraling about therapy.
This deadly combo concludes with the reveal of an upcoming surprise, an analysis of gifts as a love language, and a referral to a new form of therapy that both of our hosts desperately need.
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Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5f9AtKs...
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And everywhere else: podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
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And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
@not4everyonepod
@thegoodsitter
@jzdebakey
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This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
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Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts!
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Contents of this Video
00:00 - Intro
00:25 - What is this?
3:15 - Influencer Accent
5:00 - Jess is a corporate ho.
9:00 - pure science
13:00 - Jess's favorite jokes.
24:30 - Caroline isn't funny anymore.
25:25 - The uncomfortable truth about CAROLINE's period.
28:05 - The uncomfortable truth and JESS's period.
30:58 - Jess' therapist confronts her.
36:00 - Feeling stuck.
43:00 - TEXTING PERSONAS.
45:15 - We're musicians.
51:00 - Hot Take Birthday Surprises
56:00 - Caroline's weakness
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends
Caroline, I'm backing everyone talking about PMDD here. For me, my concentration, motivation, and will completely plummet. I have intense anxiety, insecurity, and self-isolation. Every emotion is immense. I have depression, and it truly is a depressive episode every luteal phase. It affects my relationships as well. I want you to know you're not alone and I'm sorry you're going through your symptoms :( I'm glad you're journaling though. That will really help you prepare every month. I have a reminder 10 days before my expected period so I remember to prepare at least a little. Love you 💓
My partner has a reminder 7 days prior, so he remembers to give me space, to not use the chainsaw during that time and to not touch my period snacks / favourite foods. Also don't expect me to take any decision during that phase, no matter how trivial the question - it's impossible. Also don't breathe in my face. Thanks.💘
I too lose it when I’m in my luteal and recently discovered it was PMDD. It’s like a severe form of PMS. Stronger symptoms, terrible mood swings and even su*cidal thoughts.
What has helped me is communicating this to my loved ones and giving myself time to process all the emotions. It takes like 10~ days until I start my period to feel better.
Hope the journal helps, it’s a great coping mechanism ❤️ and a way to get to know yourself better on a deeper level.
EMDR is working really well for me. I pair it with internal family systems. EMDR allows you to widen your window of tolerance for stress by reprocessing memories without your fight or flight responses triggering. It is extremely difficult. My therapist says, “I go deep.” It has been incredibly beneficial.
I always ask myself who I would be when I’m not angry or afraid.
EMDR worked for me. Today is the anniversary of my mom’s suicide and I forgot! It used to rock me and I would ruminate intensely over the timeline of events and wasn’t able to function. It took a few years of treatment to get there, but I literally forgot today was the anniversary until my dad texted me. I never ever thought that would happen.
Hi girls, chiming in with EMDR experience : have had a therapist specialised in it for 10 years. I went very sporadically, basically every time something heavy happened and it became too much (I’m talking 4 cycles of 5 sessions in 10 years). It basically saved my life. Highly recommend finding a skilled therapist that knows what he’s doing and having that in your toolbox when life throws really heavy stuff at you.
Great episode !
Good on you for recording even when you’re feeling subdued, the struggle we face with periods is real. You’re showing the reality of women’s lives by not waiting until you feel upbeat and on form to do an episode. (But scared to use punctuation now though 😂)
I hate getting gifts. Part of it is having to keep things in my environment that are not my choice/taste is just irritating.
Same! I now ask for experiences like a lunch date or coffee date or even just a walk to get some ice-cream… that fills my cup. Although now I zero problem accepting a gift and passing it along if it’s not for me
Im at this point
The “I don’t” Red Hot Chili Peppers had me DYIIIIIING. The second you said it I knew exactly what you were talking about in my gut 😂😂😂😂 and the “and I don’t and I don’t and I don’t” was the cherry on top. You guys are hilarious
For certain mental health issues, especially where its deeply entrenched or long lasting issues, evidence shows that DBT and schema therapy are most effective. They were therapies developed for personality disorders but also have been found to help with chronic depression/anxiety. Schema therapy changed my life. If you're not getting anywhere with your current therapy (esp talk therapy and cbt) its worth trying these approaches.
Comedy when I have my period “It bleeds out”…. Lol
Listening to someone eat while they talk into a mic is the worst
As someone with PMDD (extreme pms) I can totally relate to my period changing my entire personality and it being an issue in my marriage. Luckily my sweet husband is very understanding and supportive. He does remind me that a lot of my anxiety is hormones which is simultaneously infuriating and comforting.
I saw somebody order a tilapia dish at an IHOP in southern Utah, and at the end of it, after eating all of it, he said it wasn’t very good 😂
I’m doing somatic experiencing therapy, which is a trauma therapy, and it’s amazing. It’s based on Peter Levine’s theory. Make sure you check that the therapist is legit certified if you try it out.
I’m a social worker and I’m a real nerd with therapy modalities. If you’re struggling to make changes with talk therapy/CBT, it may be time to try something more somatic or trauma focused. EMDR is supposed to be legit/more evidence based but I haven’t tried it.
Loved this episode! Thank you, friends!
I can totally see Jess doing a Rita Rudner typr stand up. Because you seem so loving, caring, open, wonderful, that the comedy may lay in contrasting that...
Other point: you stay a duo. I think you have amazing hilarious comedy vibes playing off of each other. It's like comedy tennis, shooting the ball back and forth.
(You're both super funny!)
Not me shouting Magic by Coldplay at the screen
definitely sounded like "you oughta know" by alanis morissette to me but the lyrics weren't there. Magic makes more sense.
Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) - best therapy ever. Deals with original trauma. Trauma is like a tree with several branches off the original trauma or there’s layers of it like an onion and that’s why I keep going back to deal with the same thing. Love hearing about what you learn in therapy. Yes, Jess, as I kid I was always dropping my sleeve in my food when going to the other side of the plate for food instead of turning it and now my EE cup verandah catches all the food! After the endometrial ablation all the PMS/PMT went apart from the headaches/migraines, wished I’d known about it 20yrs before I had it after finishing having kids. Getting the polyp removed was also great. Had to look up dry texting. It’s a big no for gifts or parties for me. ❤
Love you both so much❤❤
Do somatic therapy, do EMDR, it will open you up and keep things moving, some of that will really work...And do more comedy, Jess, you are good! ❤
It was great listening to you! Is the song “Magic” from Coldplay? 😅
⭐
It sounds like "Whatta Man" from Salt-n-Pepa to me.
I get it!!! Walking into the therapist and saying how I want to continue talking about what I’m stumped-about or stuck in…. It’s just money 💰 being spent for another hours’ worth of re-packing my problems. 😑
Thank you so much ladies, for this episode. Here 4 the realness❤
Re feeling stuck recognizing stuff thanks to therapy, but not making emotional progress, Agatha Christie's (of all authors lol) Absent in the Spring made me take some serious heart and see the parralel lives one could lead being self aware vs not, even if you never fully "fix" all the issues.
ALSO you guys are awesome, laughed so much during this episode😂
You know why I roll my sleeves when I eat? I'm messy as heck and may or may not have had food fall into my sleeves before. Have you ever felt burrito fillings side down your arm? It's not fun. 😂
NORMALIZE ADULT CHRISTMAS WISH LISTS. My siblings and parents and i all specifically share requests and links of what we want. You don't HAVE to stick to the list, but it really helps those who don't have the time, talent, and energy to procure what you want from the ether
What are you talking about?! *_Of course_* the pillows go under the blanket!!
😂
Great episode.
😃💕
Is the song I’m Not the Only One by Sam Smith? It’s at the end of it??
I have changed mang therapists, and the one I am now told me that if a terapy lasts more than 2 years it means it is not going to fix the problem. Even the worst case should be 100% cured after 2 years.
He is the best ive ever had, ive seen massive changes and i think he was Absolutely right
Man I wish that were true. But I have pretty bad ptsd and have been in counseling for 4 years (combo of EMDR, IFS, and CBT). I have definitely continued to improve immensely over the last two years.
My brain read this comment though and was like, “Whhhhhyyyyyy nooooooooo !!!!!!! Why am I not better yet it must be my fault!!!!” 😅 But yeah, I definitely continued to improve after the first two years.
To be fair though, therapy shouldn’t be doing the exact same thing every session. So maybe that’s what you meant and I just misunderstood. No hate meant. ❤
I love the jokes Jess so I think you should keep working at it ♥️♥️
To everyone with heavy mood issues etc. regarding your cycle I highly recommend checking your levels of both iron and vitamin D3. Iron plays an important role in how your body makes the neurotransmitters called serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine - all of them important in mental health. Vitamin D3 is very important too. I was deficient in both and taking supplements has helped me.
Now I can tell people exactly why I don't have the capacity to own a dog. Wow! Lol. I thought it was because I have a child but I realize it's actually my continual angst. Ahck. -- also, really curious what y'all may find by trying EMDR, would love to hear y'all's experiences. Also -- I haven't been able to do much because finances, only a couple sessions, but have had some improvements / shifts through somatic experiencing / somatic therapy. It's different than EMDR but it is body-based. I think that's probably the key. Anyways I love y'all. Xo.
The song is: Magic by Coldplay ❤
😮Our marriage counselor “graduated “ us last October!!! No kidding!!! “You two are both doing so much better, I think it’s time for yalls graduation 👩🎓🧑🎓 ….
It is a True Story!!!!
By the way…. We STILL need therapy 😂😂😅😊 for real! 🫢😵💫🤐
That “I don’t” song is “Magic” by Coldplay 😆
Not for the luteal phase, here for the period planner. I also could kill or cry on any given day so I just started one too ✊🏼
Lmao occular 😂 - I also have PMDD and have had the journal for years. It’s rough.
Regarding hormonal cycles: there are a few different types of birth control that allow you to not get a period. I take the birth control pill and just don't do placebo weeks, I keep taking the hormonal pill the whole time. This works really well for me and I've been doing it for years! I also get to skip the normal hormonal chaos since I essentially stop my cycle. There's no complications or major risks per my doctor, but obviously talk to your doctor if you're curious. This isn't for everyone but I want more women to know that in this day and age it's possible to avoid a lot of the hormonal/period issues with the right medication!
Hey Caroline...research PMDD....start taking HUM hormonal balance..I felt just like you but no longer experience extreme feelings before my period. Take it on day of ovulation until you begin to bleed. Then stop taking it. This is not a sales pitch- just what worked for me. You're not alone.
why every streaming service, but why not than Deezer too? :)
Gonna watch this today! Yay 😊😅❤❤
“About 28min” lol
I think I'm a dry texter and I'm 39. I would rather talk in person/on the phone than texting, I guess it is the age gap. But can I get clarification on what dry texting is? Is it just using punctuation? Should everything end in exclamations?! 😂
You can end texts without punctuation like this
This 60-year old would like to know what dry texting is...
🤣🤣🤣🤣
The song was With You by Chris Brown 😂 that was a fun game make it a segment!
please don't eat while you are recording
I'd love to hear what you both think/feel about potentially moving in / living with your partners
i cracked up when jess danced to caroline singing
The song - Sensational by Chris Brown??
🤣🤣😂 I roll up my sleeves when eating cottage cheese cause it gets on my sleeves
I wanted more period talk lol, bc it too ROCKS me 😩
Reminds me of ASMR 😂(regarding the gulp thingy)..
“Culture” was the word you were looking for.
Omg I literally had a meeting with marketing last week and it was so refreshing. I’m so tired of servers. Please let me write marketing copy.
Hey Gorgeous! xo
Buy Luke an early birthday gift...a Router! He could do some amazing stuff to your shelves with a router. Not that I'm doubting his genius creativity. But he will take his work to the next level with an actual router.
Love how your support your peeps. I just subscribed to Luke's YT channel :) xox
I legit have a 70 yr old friend and he will text me things like YOURE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON…..
LOL I hadn't heard of corporate gulp before, but I totally recognize it as a thing, and Jess's impersonation is spot on (that last gulp was an excellent gulp). I am always so annoyed with corporate speak and as Caroline said, corporate cadence (and influencer cadence), but I feel like no one else is bothered by it.
I'm currently looking for work, and I can't STAND that all the job descriptions are now written in this nonsensical, runaround language full of vapid metaphors, and everyone's a "stakeholder" and things that could be said in normal, laymen's language instead seem like they're written by a high-schooler who can't put down a thesaurus. As for the cadence, there are soooo many inflections in each sentence, so everything sounds like a question rather than a statement. It's really grating.
Wondering if anyone else is sensitive to this or am I just a kooky kook?
Hahaaaa more singing pls!
I used to call that the teacher gulp
EMDR did not work for me
same it actually had a bad effect on me and we had to stop, gave me immediate and bad ptsd symptom recurrence. As it's said, nothing is good for everyone. My therapist was very surprised to see my reactions and definitely didn't think we should continue. Talk therapy has been best for me so far.
And I don't, and I don't, and I don't, and I don't
No, I don't, it's true
I don't, no, I don't, no, I don't, no, I don't want anybody else but you
(Coldplay - Magic)
Are you on birth control? Birth control MESSED me UP. The PMDD I got was so bad it was like I was being psychologically tortured half the month.
LOL I have accepted that my bed will never be made how I would like.
Congratulations 🎉 Jess for quitting your comedy 🎭 class…. ❤
HAVE YOU EVER SPILLED ON YOUR WRIST 😂
PLEASE lower the audio when Caroline is screaming
Caroline drinking from an orange can >
Laughed so hard at yall singing. The song sounds like I’m Not the Only One by Sam Smith. And totally relate to the part about feeling stuck with therapy
I'm getting strong Nelly Furtado- I'm Like a Bird Vibes
I love you, hater!
☺️❤️
May I just say - at least your bf makes the bed :’’)
I believe over 40 generally text in a dry manner due to lack of time.
Caroline, I'm 40 and I'm a millennial; I think you mean people in their late 40s early 50s now😂 Maybe they were 40 when you were nannying! My aunt texts like how you're describing and I'm too bored to continue conversations with her as a result.