The truth about dating someone YOUR AGE.
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- čas přidán 6. 12. 2023
- EP 51 - Hot Takes Only: Baby Talk, Age Gaps, and a Parental Dilemma
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Jess and Caroline get absolutely HEATED about this week’s hot takes-but first, you know they had to add another scientific data point to their continuing conversation on dogs and sexuality. The research community may say that animals can be gay, but our Resident Scientists have more to say on the topic.
Then, get ready to get SO mad: J and C talk age gaps in relationships, when baby voices are appropriate, Apple watches ruining formal wear, a multitude of bathroom woes (hot girls have IBS), the correct way to sit on his face, parenting your parents, and why thongs and lingerie are just kinda…mid. Plus, humble brag: they know what “meniscus” means fr fr.
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Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
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And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
@not4everyonepod
@thegoodsitter
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This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
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Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts!
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Contents of this Video
00:40 - A new addition to dogs and sexuality
05:50 - Are dogs gay?
10:15 - Age gaps in romantic relationships
20:00 - Baby voices
23:20 - Apple watches as formal wear
28:50 - Public bathroom woes
36:50 - The best day of Caroline's life
44:40 - How to sit on his face
50:15 - The best sandwich
52:05 - Parenting your parents
1:07:15 - Thongs and bullsh*t lingerie
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends
My now deceased husband was 15 years older than me, and the first “older man” I dated. He was a game changer! Amazing, mature, sensitive, thankful for his blessings… like me! lol. I was 28 and he was 43 when we met. We had two amazing children and a great life together. He died at 55… and I often wonder how I would have felt when he was 70 and I was 55… I think I would have struggled a little… but in the end; he was a hottie and I think he would have aged well. I am grateful for the 12 years we had together; he was the love of my life.❤ Attraction and respect trump age every time.
lovely story, so sorry for your loss but happy you had this time together. That is a reality too-we could die at any age and if we like someone then maybe we should just go for it because we don't know how life will turn out anyway.
I am so sorry for your loss. Life really is unpredictable, I wish you had had more time together ♡
Caroline, you gotta get a protocol down with Justin and your IBS. I remember being newly married and living with my husband for the first time, and all I had to say was "I'm getting crampy" and he immediately turned on the stereo and moved to the opposite side of our apartment from the bathroom. I loved him so much in that moment.
i LOVE this!!!!!
i was almost in tears laughing at the sitting on his face part. that whole entire segment had me pause my workout while i just sat there giggling 😂 i can normally continue but it was literally unsafe 😂😂😂
😂😂 I was cleaning and had to stop to watch and giggle along. OMG! 😂😂
Sometimes I go out the door without my phone and it's fine, no disasters are happening.
The conversation about parenting parents was so interesting to me and I appreciate you taking on the topic. I'm 66 with two grown daughters (31 and 36) and I admire them so much and value what they have to say, I can't imagine turning away from any advice they might have for me. I trust them. They would never take advantage of my openness or knowingly steer me wrong. Which is why it blows my mind when I see so many of my peers (the dreaded Baby Boomers) discounting the opinions of their grown children. Acting as if, forevermore, *they* are the ones who do the teaching because they are the parent and have more life experience.
But if you have a 60-year-old with decades of life experience but a closed mind, and a 30-year-old with much less life experience and an *open* mind? I'll seek counsel from the 30-year-old, or at the very least, be interested in their opinion.
I'm 27, my sister is 31 and our mom is 61, and she has a similar attitude to you. She often comes to us with questions, sometimes looking for facts and sometimes just looking for our thoughts and opinions. She's never lost her openness and curiosity and in the past 10 years it almost seems like she's grown out of some friendships. Some of her friends have had their feet firmly planted in one spot since they were 25, and my mom has realized that some of them refuse to learn new things or think in new ways. I'm pretty sure my mother has a better relationship with her children than those people do with theirs, because she actually values our thoughts and knows that she can learn from us the same way we have learned from her.
@kisikisikisi I love that for your mom ... and for you! I think any relationship is better when people respect and are curious about the other person and their opinions. I know that I have had a better relationship with my daughters because I listen more than I talk. My ex-husband, their father, is more frozen in Instructor Mode ... like he is the fount of information and the "best" way to do things, and consequently it's easy to see my adult daughters not being quite so eager to go visit him.
I think your mom and I are the lucky ones.
Intimacy to me is feeling safe. Being vulnerable is hard but when you get to a place of mutual openness and acceptance of faults and difficult issues it is really beautiful- whether this includes bodily functions or not lol
The toilet paper layering is not for peeing. As an IBS queen it's not even so others can't hear the stone falling into the well (it'd be just bragging at this point), it's about:
Splashing. You don't want the unholy water caressing the parts where the sun doesn't shine.
As the (potentially) rare male listener, I want to say that this may be the best episode yet!
Parenting parents... I think I largely agree with both of you. Maybe it's something that works with genuinely open-minded, growth-focused older parents, but I'm 40 now, and I know every opportunity my mom seems to give to have those sorts of conversations is just a trap to flip the discussion on its head and make my siblings and me feel guilty for levying ANY criticism of her "after all the sacrifices" she made for us (and completely ignoring the fact she was physically abusive when we were children), so... it's best to steer clear.
As for the discussion on face riding, it does give the person in the superior position control over pressure, which, I think, is the appeal - and honestly, as a man, I admit I'm also a fan. A woman I once dated (who, coincidentally, was a bit older than me) said that increased pressure and decreased speed made her Os last substantially longer or come in multiples, so I understand why she would prefer it!
I was married for 28 years and we never left the bathroom door open. 😂
I'm here for this
I just want to say how much I enjoy your guys' podcast! I love the randomness of each episode and how you jump from one obscure subject to the next, it's funny, comforting & just feels more real and I love it! Congrats on your first year!!!
i'm so glad yt recommended this podcast, i really liked listening to all the topics, and i feel like i learned some things
Going out in public when you have severe IBS can be a NIGHTMARE🥴. Something about being 37 and having to MAP OUT where all the bathrooms are makes me wanna just hang it up, stop dying my hair, buy 5 pairs of coulottes that I rotate throughout the week, and stay home and watch Murder She Wrote😅
I prefer being the older one by a number of years. Something about dating guys that are older than me but are still somehow more immature is a huge turn off hahaha... I can forgive it more if they're younger? ;)
In my opinion, something happens around 40 for pretty much everyone and you kind of crystallize and stay more or less fixed as the person you are in your 30s (especially dudes), so for that reason it REALLY stops mattering what their age is as long as you love who that person has crystallized to be.
Any dating advice after a long bad marriage and knowing when you’re ready to trust again would be great. Haven’t been single since 1990. Done a lot of healing but can still be triggered. Jess I’d be more worried about security cameras in someone’s house rather than the dog! I’d also be worried the dog would jump up and scratch my legs. Parenting my Mum was impossible even though she needed help with so much. She appreciated it but it never sunk in. Someone else could say the same thing I’d be saying for years and she’d listen to them instead.
I consider myself a professional get-sick-in-the-bathroom-of-nice-restaurants scientist so I just fell a little bit more in love with Caroline 😂
I am always looking forward to Thursdays, just to listen to this podcast ❤️
So interesting to hear your takes on parenting your parents, because for my family, it means actually parenting, like caring for them, in every way, to the point where it's not possible anymore due to the level of medical care required. It never even occurred to me that there's a whole other way to interpret that phrase.
Two stall bathrooms are totally fine with strangers, but spare a thought for the office restroom. I worked with like 15 other people and our office only had one women’s restroom. Co-workers would gossip about who took different shits, bodily functions, forgetting to flush… it was a nightmare.
Women after complain how nasty men are but I’ve been in women’s restrooms for cleaning and way nastier. The only the about men’s restrooms is most can’t piss in a receptacle hanging on the wall without getting it on the floor
I’m in a 16 year age gap relationship. I’m 48 and my boyfriend is 64. This is the best relationship I’ve ever had, truly. Besides any health issues either one of us has, I don’t feel like the age makes any difference. We get along so well. We’ve been together 3 years and never had even one argument.
Came here to comment on the long version of the podcast since I can't comment on Spotify.
You had me laughing out loud in my verious serious gym surrounded by people when searching for "Meniscus". 😂😂😂
And just all the way through.
Thanks. It feels like hanging out with friends to listen to you. ❤
"I'll let the hover drop a little"😂😂😂😂 same here girl, same...
Would love to hear your guys’ thoughts on setting boundaries with family-while in a relationship. Mainly focusing on the family/parents trying to be controlling with huge things such as moving away, how to raise kids, religion, etc.
Happy you're back ❤❤❤
There are toilets that you can buy that will make noise when you press its button (as it were) so no one realizes you are performing a basic bodily function in the room designated for that activity.
I looooved this episode!! ❤
dudes, y'all both look great today
I'm so team anti-apple watch at formal (or even just slightly dressy) events. I think there are even like 'fancier' looking straps that you can put the watch face in? those would be ok
“THAT’S exactly why you do it”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don't hover, sit, full weight, that's the whole point of it. The heavier you are the better. Once in while you can give him some air.
Happy one year, Kooks!
My first husband was 16 years older and my second husband is 15 years older, BUT! I married my first husband when I was 18 and my second marriage I was 34. See the difference? I consider the first situation completely bizarre (even though we've lived for 17 years and there was plenty of happiness there). The second marriage is a blessing and yes, I realize I am going to take care of him as he gets older and sicker, but so far we are super active and I feel great. I feel young despite not being young anymore really. My husband does look younger than his age though... So always depends I guess. I have a friend (woman) married to a guy seven years younger then she and they've been together for 25 years plus
I was screaming meniscus, 10 points to Winkler! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Science always 🤓✌🏻
My wrist tan is more horrendous trust me so I will keep my watch on thank you v much xoxo
The dog conversation got me laughing! I think, it would creep me out not having clothes on in front of a strange dog.😅
Almost fifty here and eleven years plus older than my life partner 😊. The last guy I dated before LP and I went monogamous was seven years older and that legitimately felt more like an age gap to me. Probably helped that I never wanted kids though as I doubt we would have hit that stage at the same time.
the bathroom part is so funny im more worried about people hearing me go #2 then #1 and if i can do #2 in your house that means we are the best of friends lol and i dont like to fart in the public bathroom with people in there or in any other room. but i will if i have too 🤣😂😅
I literally had this moment this morning as I'm housesitting for three dogs. 😅
Nice how you both match your microphones in your outfits....
Amen on the Apple Watches ❤😂
Fur on the field, go fetch. 😂
IBS can be improved with a whole food plant-based diet
The poop privacy was totally preserved until I gave birth! The next day, I was much more eff it.
Now I'm confused. Can y'all go read the comments under Hannah Berner's "sit on my face" bit with 1M views and report back?
So I came here to calm down my anxiety.. and here you are talking about dogs in all kinds of inappropriate contexts 😅 yeah, bad decision of mine
Y'all are weird but I enjoyed the rest of the podcast outside of pedo dogs LOL
I agree about the age difference thing too tho I'm someone that would definitely not wanna date a younger guy in theory. I'm 29 and I think if I'd be dating I'd probably have my age range at like 28 - 36. Probably 30 - 36 tbh idk. But yes I think the older you are the less the age difference really matters, tho I don't think I'd wanna date a 60 year old at 40. Being in the same life stage and maturity is really what's important and a 60 year old is getting ready for retirement lol. In general I think keeping the age difference no bigger than 10 years is probably for the best. probably no bigger than 5 when you're younger than 25.
“Are animals gay?”
Hon hot coffee almost came out of my nose!
My partner is 18 years older than me. He’s 54 and I’m 38. Been together since I was 27 and he was 45. It’s kinda fun getting old together. He makes fun all the time that, “Oh YOU will get to experience [insert cool thing]. I’M going to be in a diaper with drool hanging out of my mouth.”
I had to do the math, so he's 16 years older than you? I wish you two many great years together!
@@biteofdog oh 16! Yes that’s right!
I have to say ladies, usually a fan of the podcast, but this was a bit too gross of a start even for me. Maybe put stuff like this at the end rather than the beginning. I made the mistake of sending the link to my bestie who hasn't ever listened. A bigger mistake, though, was watching on my laptop versus on my phone with earbuds in. My neighbors already think I'm the weirdest most unhinged resident in the building--who knows what kind of rumor mill gold they'll spread overhearing this lol
I'm a big fan of Caroline, but now I feel a little bit shamed by her. It's hurtful to follow such a conversation, to be honest. I am one of the people Caroline judges here so harshly. I was 22 when I met my husband, he was 41. She says that these types of relationships seem sus to her and she proceeds to say what the problems are. But it's just not true. We, my husband and I, are together since a decade and happily married. We love each other more everyday and I am honestly tired of judgmental people out there bashing age gaps. :(
This is just a comment I wanted to make, please don't see it as an attack against the podcast or Caroline and Jess. I am just here to defend the reality I am living.
Aw friend, I don’t want you to feel shamed! I know 3 or more couples with this same age gap or more! And they are amazing couples. (By the same measure, I know countlesssss couples of similar ages to each other who are terrible couples, so age doesn’t have a lot to do with it). I think I wasn’t very clear - when I say “sus” - I mean that I’m picturing for example my younger sister who is 23. If she brings home a 44 year old then YES in fact I would be surveying that guy a little extra. BUT that doesn’t mean they can’t be a great couple
your anecdotal experience is great and if i were you, id count my blessings and be thankful to have met such a great guy but it doesn't mean that a big age gap isn't ever going to not be a red flag. it always will be for legit reasons.
it wouldn't be logical or rational to dismiss such a huge age difference and not be cautious about someone who is twice one's age. just like how old people can be preyed on for their lack of knowledge on new technology, younger people can be just as preyed on due to their lack of life skills etc.
just like how there are people who had to mature quickly due to whatever life threw at them, there are those who didn't and are still maturing at whatever rate their body/brain/environment allows them to so barely being of legal drinking age and meeting someone who is well seasoned in life, financially set, etc can attribute to factors that they can use to your dis/advantage.