The weird truth about BURNOUT.
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- čas přidán 20. 12. 2023
- EP 53 - Not For Wearing a Mask + What We Got Wrong About Burnout
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Jess and Caroline are workin’ 9-5…kind of. They talk all things jobs and money in this episode, from redundant ads to savings accounts to burnout to applying to jobs you think you’re not qualified for. If bros at the golf course do it, you can too.
Plus, Jess adds some of her world-famous thots to this episode: a new museum experience (!!), a complaint on couples, and how she’s not accepting new challenges, thank you very much. Looking for a happy story in the media these days? Not For Everyone has you covered.
SHOP OUR MERCH: not4everyonepod.myshopify.com/
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Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5f9AtKs...
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
And everywhere else: podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
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And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
@not4everyonepod
@thegoodsitter
@jzdebakey
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This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
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Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts!
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Contents of this Video
00:30 - Our confirmation names
2:40 - Receiving redundant ads
8:45 - Intriguing consumer habits
13:00 - All things saving and investing
19:22 - The truth about applying to jobs
25:20 - What would we do if not our current jobs?
30:55 - A new museum experience
36:25 - Jess thots: new couple annoyances and no new challenges
46:00 - Job burnout
57:30 - Should the media tell happy stories?
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends
“I’m trying to know less, I’m trying to unburden myself of knowledge” Caroline being funny while simultaneously saying something profound
forrrrreal
please someone take all this knowing away from me
Best sentence ever.
Okay, I'm a generation older than you, and back in the late 1970s I had a very cool Social Studies teacher who made us invest in penny stocks so we could learn how to read the financial section of the newspaper, he made us learn all the countries that existed prior to the USSR which seemed weird, AND THEY CAME BACK, and he made us learn how to do our taxes.
I relate so much to the ''mask'' of caring about the things you do at the job and how much it can damage your mental health. Because you take the responsability of ''showing you care'', but since it's not true it becomes so tiring. It's like betraying yourself everyday. Thank you for sharing
it becomes such a huge weight, and a very strange part of the job in many situations
As a creative person the biggest draining thing that burns me out is making work and not seeing the results or how it impacts anyone. Even if I get financial compensation for it, it still feels hollow not knowing if someone even liked or enjoyed what I made.
For the first time in my career I have a boss that encourages us to work to live not live to work. It’s huge. It’s so important for the job market to recognize the benefits of empowering their employees to live fulfilling and peaceful lives outside of work.
oh my gosh it is HUGE! and bigger yet when their actions match their words. i had a great boss like this in tech and she had a hugeeee influence on me
Oh my gosh, I talk all the time about the practical life skills that they should offer classes on in high school. How to do your taxes is #1 on the list! In fact, high school seems to get less and less relevant to daily life--wish I could have taken home ec, wood shop, and auto shop, but my college prep school didn't offer those things. And allergies are absolutely the unspoken pandemic. Can't wait for you to find the cure for allergies, Jess!
I’ve been looking for work for a couple months now and your tips were really, really helpful. Y’all are always so helpful.
aw i am so glad. it's a numbers game! totally, totally normal for the hunt to last months - it did for me in tech. know your worth, negotiate salary, and apply for things even if they're a reach!
Book tip: Rolf Dobelli - Stop reading the news
Great book, really enjoyed it!
The word you’re looking for in regard to burnout is alienation
Not that anyone asked, but St Teresa and St Therese are actually two separate saints; Teresa was from Spain and Therese was from France. Therese chose her name as an homage to Teresa. Both were Carmelite nuns, and both are honored as Doctors of the Church. Therese is the patron saint of the sick and florists (her nickname is the little flower). St. Teresa is the patron of migraine sufferers and those ridiculed for their faith. Religious history note of the day! :) Either one, a good choice of saint. (P.S. St. Luke is patron of physicians and painters)
This video came as a miracle. It’s pure destiny. I’ll explain- all day today I’m thinking of asking Caroline on her personal channel to maybe talk about getting hired in the tech industry without prior experience but I didn’t want to “burden her” considering she isn’t into it anymore. Also, earlier today I spoke to my husband about the subject of waiting to meet the job criteria like a 100% before applying and now you ladies come up with this video 🙃 whaaaattttt????? I’m in the process of applying for jobs in the tech industry so…😅 I felt all of this 😅 also, thank you both for being very normal and cute!
loveeee this kismet :) short answer is i did a coding bootcamp (Flatiron - in DC) and then emailed, called, linkedin'd for 3 months until i got my first offer. it was entry level and the pay was low, but i got in and built from there!
I just retired after 28 years with my company. I'm so relieved. Its like being on parole after being in prison for almost 30 years. If you can retire early, do it.
I HATE spending money on things like clothes and food. The joy I get back is so fleeting or small, compared to spending it on my pets, getting nice things for them, or buying more animals. I always want more reptiles! My life is pretty lonely and animals have always been there for me, so they give me the most emotional reward by FAR. 😊
loved the stuff on career.... ive been having a career existential crisis for the past year now... finally been spat out of uni (finished my masters degree in philosophy) and now working full time in a job i hate and feel so lost and hopeless because it feels like what i actually want to do is so completely out of reach. but yeah, you guys talking about your career tribulations is really comforting so thank you
Jess, I am so in it - the allergies! Taking Zyrtec/Cetirizine every day twice a day. Can you also take care of migraines? Please.
ima make her jump on it
I think that when it seems like they advertised something to you that you've only every thought about, what is really happening is that the real reason you spontaneously decided you want the thing is because they've already been showing you ads for it. You just don't remember the ads until after you've thought about it. The desire for the thing is manufactured.
ok highly possible yes
You two are absolutely adorable! I wish you the happiest new year and many opportunities to be your favourite self! ♡
Jess you can get sublingual immunotherapy for allergies! There are a few companies that will ship allergy drops to your house and you put them under your tongue daily for 3-5 years. I don't think it's a cure but it does reduce how bad your symptoms are. I just finished my first year and I'm a lot less allergic to my cat than I used to be
What company do you use? I need to check this out
I use Curex :)
Yes, LDI or Low Dose Immunotherapy. I found success with a Naturopath.
I really needed the burnout talk, so thank you! I'm in a position where I don't work many hours at all, fewer then most people probably. And still I wake up and feel dread. It's actually very much like Caroline's situation, I am an artist stuck in tech. Thank you for validating that burnout is not always about long hours, because I am feeling extremely guilty whenever I complain about my 32 hour work weeks.
This video helped me more than I thought it would, so thank you guys so much - you covered a lot of things I've been thinking about and going through lately. I graduated college almost a year ago, and in the midst of applying for jobs (and not getting any calls back) and trying to work on my entrepreneurial projects, I fell into burnout which turned into a difficult place of low self-worth and insecurity. I have this fear that nothing's moving forward, but in reality, I have skills, hobbies, goals, dreams, and interests, and I keep trying to tell myself that the right opportunities will come. I'm just trying to focus on wellness and hope in all aspects; thank you for the realness this video provides 🙏🏻💝
really appreciate this talk! even as a small beginner youtuber i have been feeling the "i'm not being myself and idk i need to be myself again on camera or i cannot even turn on the camera to film"...also, i used to be the oversharer emotional ranter on IG stories like you talk about briefly, and found it hard to not do once starting, even though it would often make me feel icky to do it--so, i simply quit IG! cold turkey. if i i go back, i find it too hard not to go back to that old habit. it's embarrassing and shameful but sometimes your negativity can get the best of you and i'd turn to IG stories when i didn't feel like i had anyone else to talk to. and somehow it feels less intrusive to broadcast it to 100s of folks than to burden one friend with it. even if no one responded, it might bring some relief sometimes, but overall was a bad thing to do for me. anyway. my two cents on that topic, not that anyone asked for it :)
i really like hearing this very honest and very human perspective. i love and appreciate it, and of course at the root is someone who is just looking for connection. i hope you have found some more of it
Hahahhahahahhahaha ads are so funny right now. 😂😂 in the weird stalker at the pier way.
My husband's first choice was me. and It worked. I had other failed relationships before my husband. It's a sweet and beautiful story! 🥰
Where did you get your cardigan(s), Caroline????? I love the colour of the one you're wearing. About allergies: check out James Nestor's book Breath, particularly the chapter about nose-breathing. Nose breathing helps relieve a lot of issues, including allergies.
Great episode as always but why does it say #54 on the thumbnail 😀As a dedicated fan who listens to every single episode in a chronological order I was really confused for a while lol
I take a daily claritin 365 days a year. I'm here for you solving the allergy crisis!
I highly recommend getting tested for dust mite allergy, food allergies, and really as many allergies as possible. My partner was experiencing bad allergy symptoms, and getting tested revealed several allergies that were multiplying the inflammation responses. Eliminating those allergens from our home and diet has made an amazing difference.
So where are the cardigans from? 😂
Yes! Came here to ask the same.
Looks like the Sézane Emile Cardigan
ok wow good call yes. Sezane! i am hoping they'll do a youtube sponsorship with me on my main channel because i am really into their stuff
@@Not4EveryonePod Sézane has such beautiful stuff 😍
You, too??? I'm 65, have had 3 nose surgeries to diminish mucus producing tissues and each time, tissue grew back!!! I have air purifiers throughout my home and classroom (I'm a high school English teacher), avoid those things I know that will trigger mucus production and sinus pressure, but get this...I now respond similarly to airborne particles but now I feel sinus pressure from changes in temperature. I am the canary in the coal mine, and I feel like I'm dying nearly every day. Your pain and discomfort deserves more serious consideration and research by your medical team professionals. I'd like to tell you that it will get better with age, but it does not, and in my case is far more severe and debilitating than it was when I was in my 20s and 30s.
I feel you Jess we in the same boat so please solve it quickly 😂😂😂
I can't get to your merch site! I don't see a link here, and the one on Spotify doesn't work for me. Help?
Could you please link the cardigan? :D
Re: people who overshare on social media: I used to be friends with someone and after years of ups and downs I got enough and stopped associating with this person. She recently got divorced and the woman is using her instagram stories as a therapist. She told everyone about how they decided to open their relationship, how her husband had only ever had sex with her before, how he then fell in love with the person who was supposed to be a friend with benefits during the open marriage. She went through his phone and filmed while she was scrolling through his conversations with this other woman, and then smashed his phone. Like... I'm not supposed to know all of this! And girl you committed a crime when you spread his private conversations! Please just share the sad songs and keep it pushing!
I work in higher ed, and financial literacy, information literacy, and civics are 100% the three most important courses a high school student should take, but virtually no high schools offer them, let alone make them required courses! And colleges/universities aren't really any better.
Also, *everyone* should know that it is illegal for your employer to forbid you from discussing compensation with your coworkers - you have a right to discuss remuneration, and the only person who stands to lose is your employer who is probably fleecing you, which is why they don't want you to talk about it!
Sorry for the rant, but it's so insane that people aren't shouting about all these things 24/7!
There also is definitely an allergy crisis - far more people have them than ever have in human history, and things like mast cell activation syndrome are all over the place (and if you think allergies are bad, imagine allergy roulette where you might be allergic to anything at any given moment, and when you are, it might go away or it might suddenly be a threat of anaphylaxis for the rest of your life - it's loads of fun).
If you've ever been on vacation and had street sellers bug you for a mile straight...that's basically online advertising...but they follow you home 😳
There's a product that is expensive that I bulk buy on Black Friday when I know they have the biggest discount (30% off) because I know I'll use it all year so I might as well get it at it's cheapest. The second I've been on the website the ad then HAMMERS me for months from every direction offering me 15% off 🤣 it's exhausting!
lmfaooooo Creed
Yes allergies to everything. Cologne, perfume, cleaning supplies, sanitizer, all the pets, floral, dust, mold...
oof. hearting the commiseration, not the misery
For positive news, I recently subscribed to a weekly newsletter of positive news called The Happy Broadcast. I heard about it from the podcast Creative Pep Talk, which is another great source of positive ideas.
The last part about the *good* news was EXQUISITE(said in Jenna Marbles' voice)
ALLERGY GIRLS UNITE!!! I have 62 confirmed allergies (probably more, just tired of testing) and asthma and eczema and UCTD. It costs so much because you need to take medicine everyday but then people will tell you you can’t take them long term so then you’re prone to suffer. I feel you girl I WISH THERE WAS A CURe
girl!!!! i can hardly wrap my mind around this but i do want Jess to solve for u immediately
Photobiomodulation is showing some promise!
If you guys want cute happy feel good stories of life, the CZcams channel “Green Renaissance” is pretty precious.
Also. You guys often refer to your therapy experiences. I was wondering if you guys would be willing to talk about it more in depth. It seems to have been very effective for the both of you and so I’m very curious as to how it helped you guys in specific areas of your life and what things or obstacles it helped you to overcome or learn from. Obviously speak only to what you’re comfortable sharing but I feel you’re both pretty open about therapy on here. I just feel like I’m stuck in my therapy process and don’t know enough about other people’s experiences to know what is normal and how they were able to make it work for them. Also, a therapy pitfall I’m really struggling with is not filtering what I say to my therapist. Sometimes it’s bc she’ll say something and I’ll go along with it bc I want her to feel good at her job 😂 other times I think it’s bc I’m really trying hard not expose myself. Okay sorry, long ass comment.
this is a great recc and a greatttt request. i think this could make a great episode
Invest!!! Nobody talks about it, probably because they prefer to pretend they're wealthy. I'm debt free in my senior years, not wealthy, but I have no stress of money hanging over my head. Saving was worth it.
Okay I’ll ask! How much do you earn?!
Make sure your financial advisor is a fiduciary!
You should never pay a percentage based fee to a financial advisor, according to Ramit Sethi
Parkinsons law, for the win :) Thanks for a great pod!
k googling
ohhhhhh ok haha that's what it's called. THANK YOU
I’m a severely allergic bitch too!!! I have the triad of asthma, rhinitis and eczema PLUS the bonus of food allergies and sensitive stomach. I eat Zyrtec like mints. My eyes are a fountain. I go through tissues like nobody’s business. Anti-dairy tablets? I got em. I got em all.
Don't insult me! I definitely pay attention on your channel (yt)!
😅
It's close to stalking even.
Caroline, financial advisors that take a percentage are a ripoff, 1% may not seem like a lot but it’s a compounded 1% every year which over a lifetime can equal ~28% of your returns. Find yourself an advisor that takes a flat rate or hourly fee. Facet could be a good starting place
PROTO WOKE!!
k bless
what does it meann
@not4everyone @carolinewinkler the news articles that you are describing are literally front page headlines of Hello Canada magazine