ADHD Tip: What Doesn't Work for Those with ADD

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  • čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
  • www.digcoaching.... Jeff Copper is an ADHD coach and host of Attention Talk Video which is part of the Attention Talk Network, www.attentionta....
    Knowing what works for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is just as important as knowing what does not work. Some of the tactics you use might not be helping. In fact, they might even exacerbate your symptoms. In this edition of Attention Talk Video, host and attention coach Jeff Copper interviews David Giwerc (www.addca.com), founder and president of the ADD Coach Academy. David reviews his list of key things that do not work for those with ADHD and identifies a few strategies that always work.
    Attention Talk Video (www.attentionta...) is a part of the Attention Talk Network, which includes Attention Talk Radio... Your ADHD Information Station! (www.attentionta...), Attention Talk News... Your ADHD News Source! (www.attentionta...), and Attention Talk Video... Your ADHD Talk Show Station! Follow us on Facebook at / attentiontalkradio .
    Attention Talk Video is the leading video resource providing educational information and support for those with or impacted by Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Educational information is intended to help our targeted audience made up of adults and children to manage their symptoms to enable them to function at work, in school, at home, or in relationships. If you are frustrated, overwhelmed, or stuck or if you procrastinate, are not organized, or struggle with time management, consider subscribing to Attention Talk Video at www.attentionta....
    Thank you for watching. New videos are released weekly, so subscribe and tell your friends about us.

Komentáře • 127

  • @LinkII08
    @LinkII08 Před 5 lety +22

    Story of my life: putting off a big paper because I was too busy being a perfectionist reading every book and article on the subject. Although I keep promising myself that I’ll never do that again, I only end up letting history repeat itself

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 5 lety +3

      Often people refer to being a perfectionist. That is true. At times i find it is about the endless number of perspectives. Is the glass half full, half empty, just a half a glass of water, the density is half the volume (i'm not a physics guy... i hope that was kind of accurate)... the point is many search endlessly for a better way of looking at things. in the end it is the same glass with water in it.
      That said! thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  • @RobertEWaters
    @RobertEWaters Před 4 lety +9

    "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." I find that an incredibly helpful rule to live by. And "perfect" is the enemy of "good."

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 4 lety

      I've never heard that before... defiantly can see the brilliance in it!

  • @michelletulumello661
    @michelletulumello661 Před 8 lety +30

    I was pressured my entire life because people said I "wasn't reaching my potential." the curse of people equating high IQ with ability. Just because I can solve a word problem or do a puzzle doesnt mean I can plan something and execute it efficiently. Now my motto is "Show up and get a C" and I find that with a more realistic way of looking at my abilities, I am more willing to try things. when we set the bar too high for people they just give up because they never attain any of their goals and then they believe those things people say about them regarding being lazy and so forth and it reduces the desire to try.

    • @JeffCopper
      @JeffCopper Před 8 lety

      +michelle tulumello you might find our interview with Dr. Thomas Brown of interest on Attention Talk Radio when we discussed ADHD and high IQ. It really validates your comments.

    • @MsKingwa
      @MsKingwa Před 4 lety +1

      @Michelle, this is so beautiful, I'm going to adopt that approach. "Show up and get a C"

    • @TurboSilke
      @TurboSilke Před 4 lety +1

      my motto became, il try to live trough this school thing and see if things get better after that.

    • @idfk5379
      @idfk5379 Před rokem +1

      I bloody hate iq! I decided to challenge mine depending on my mindset or ability to focus. If I am in the ideal focus situation I my score was 145, so pretty good, but in the most challenging environment the score was 110. Seriously 35 points less! There’s so much more to people’s ability than their dang iq. Drives me nuts.

  • @AttentionTalkVideo
    @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 11 lety +14

    Weightedblanket...I agree with you. ADD is not an excuse. It can be an explanation. As for working under pressure... thanks for your comments as clarification is needed. Pressure can propel individuals in areas they excel in. It can paralyze in areas where they struggle.

  • @MochaDvineClutteredMind
    @MochaDvineClutteredMind Před 9 lety +33

    As an adult living with ADHD, it feels like someone is in my head with a remote control and they keep changing channels right when I get to the good part of the show. I'm so unbelievably relieved and ecstatic that I found this channel. For years, I always thought something was "wrong" with me. I wish I could forward this to my boss so she can see that I'm not crazy. #NewSubbie

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 9 lety +3

      +Mocha Dvine (Cluttered Mind) Booya! we do what we do for posts like this. You are not ADHD... you have ADHD... just like people are not bad eye site... they have bad eye site. Hope you enjoy the channel and please share. that said might I suggest watching the video we did on working memory. it puts you in an experience for you to "get" what WM is and get a sense why those with ADHD struggle with holding things top of mind!

  • @Eann007
    @Eann007 Před 8 lety +19

    Wow!! I feel validated watching these videos!!! My old boss always put me down saying i didn't Try hard enough, that i wasnt thinking the way she needs me to, she told me i dont ask appropriate questions or what i ask i dont retain and ask again. She said coworkers thought i was difficult because they felt i was argumentative when i would try to help them understand why i found something confusing that they did not.. The more time that passes i realize how mistreated i really was there and it makes that i was laid off even more hurtful... I want to write them a letter now that ive began to really learn about my adhd and tell them they are nasty cruel people & that i am not an idiot!! My whole life ive been different and people lose patience with me or single me out as so silly or unique or eccentric... Its really been hurtful and realizing that im actually not dumb makes the memory of it all so painful.. I wish adhd were more prominently acknowledged and taken seriously. I dont care if i had to be officially classified as having a disorder by insurance companies.... I am just so sick of defending myself.. I really am and of course i carry anger and frustration around for it..... 😷🙏

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 lety +5

      Thrilled these videos validate you! Please share them. The more people understand the quicker we remove the stigma and ignorance sourounding things!

    • @toddchamberlain782
      @toddchamberlain782 Před 2 lety +5

      I can relate. This is a cruel world full of people who think everyone is supposed to think like them and act like them...and these people are so surprised that there are those who are wired differently from them, and they think it’s okay to treat them like shit.
      It’s not right, and it happens too often.

  • @jazk3992
    @jazk3992 Před 7 lety +9

    Wow .I'm so relieved to hear this.I can relate to everything that's been said here.I am a 46 year old single parent ,mum,who has struggled with so much.Iv struggled with following societies ' norms' of achieving success, perfectionism and this has caused chaos and devastation, many failures and breakdowns all my life.Im a survivor though and I fight to get through things.Im exhausted though😢 my kids have the same issues.they are both super intelligent but struggle with focusing, concentration, boredom etc.They are both great kids.It's been hard work bringing them up, such a struggle but I did it and they make me proud.There is definately light at the end of that very dark tunnel☺

  • @artteachermissmarie3155
    @artteachermissmarie3155 Před 8 lety +4

    Thank you for this video! This is so true. As an adult with ADHD, and an artist besides, I cannot stand being in a boring environment. I have never been much at decorating my home until recently, but I am starting to notice what a difference it makes to have things visible all around my home that I like and enjoy. Hopefully this will lessen fleeing my home everyday and going shopping out of boredom!

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 lety +2

      +ShinyObjectWatcher Agitated boredom is defined as the physical discomfort where one is motivated to escape the plite... i.e. motivated to go shopping and do something exciting even when purchasing something might not be in your best interest. Managing this comes to managing self regulation! If it were easy those with ADHD would have done it by now.

  • @treewalker1070
    @treewalker1070 Před 5 lety +2

    Wow, what he says at 2:30 so much applies. Having a task and focusing on the result, which will be so superlative that it actually becomes intimidating to even start the task in real life, better to just keep fantasizing about how great it will eventually turn out.

  • @phylr3983
    @phylr3983 Před 8 lety +17

    These guys get it!

    • @JeffCopper
      @JeffCopper Před 8 lety +1

      +Phyl R That complement made my day!

  • @music2obscureyou330
    @music2obscureyou330 Před 6 lety +6

    I'm in tears. OMG. Described me perfectly. 😣

  • @lgoehl777
    @lgoehl777 Před 3 lety +2

    Your channel is so on-point and clear. In my experience, one of the top ten ADHD channels You Tube!

  • @3boysrus2012
    @3boysrus2012 Před 9 lety +3

    I'm so glad I found this!!
    I am an adult with ADD, a mom of one 18yr old w it and my youngest boy with severe ADHD/ODD.
    I have experienced several meltdowns just trying to clean and organize my house.
    I know I have to do it and it's just extremely over-whelming to look at the whole picture (yes, I have been listening to that other voice).
    I am a full-time homemaker with an empty house during the day so no excuse..
    I have tried to section off parts of rooms like I have been adviced but that only leaves me frustrated when I start in my bedroom cleaning and end up throwing another load in the washer and folding stuff from the dryer. Yep, I totally forgot where I was in the beginning.
    I have tried to organize by setting a to do list but that ends up not all getting done and I am frustrated and quit.
    I really want to get organized to show my youngest son that it can be done but I'm really starting to feel defeated..
    I really like the stop and pause and I am going to try that.
    It will also help my youngest son with his saying things without thinking..
    You have made a great point about classes that are boring..My youngest son has been sent out of one of his classes for disrupting the class while she was teaching.
    I am a new subscriber..

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 9 lety +1

      Rebeemaried Welcome! we are thrilled you are a new subscriber. We have a bunch of content you might find of interest... much of it is PAUSE, PONDER, PROCEED based. My favorite show are illustrating obvious solution people have found that work for them that might not be obvious to you. I like them because they are true stories but they help others get creative... to PAUSE and pay attention to what works for you! Thanks again!

    • @DaveE99
      @DaveE99 Před 9 měsíci

      The point of todo lists isn’t to do all the things. It’s to do as much as you can at that time. Completed todolist =perfectionist pressure, it’s just about moving forward. Not moving complete.

  • @sl5311
    @sl5311 Před 5 lety +3

    Waiting for all these things to be aligned. I laughed out loud. So that is where that comes from.

  • @Jc22ny
    @Jc22ny Před 7 lety +6

    Sounds so familiar! I feel like im being described. Thanks for sharing the wisdom and knowledge about Adhd. Education is key to improving quality of life.

  • @jazk3992
    @jazk3992 Před 7 lety +4

    Thank you so much for these videos. You are helping so many people who need this support.Cant thank you enough

  • @MWong2005
    @MWong2005 Před 6 lety +2

    These are great explanations that shed a lot of light on ADHD struggles. What is hard to find in videos are effective, proven strategies!

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 6 lety

      thanks for your post.
      "proven strategies"... if there was a 1 size fits all list of proven strategies there would be just one book in the self help book store. the fact is everyone learns and processes differently (BTW, learning is about filtering organizing and filing information). What works will depend on how you process information. I'll try to illustrate... take a task list. A list of 10 tasks on a sheet of paper works for some... it doesn't for most with ADHD. for some their task list is a table with things that need to be done sitting on the table. Others need auditory alarms... others need auditory alarms where the sound reminds them of the task (i.e. a bark on an iphone to remind them to feed the pets), others need to draw a picture to the task on a sheet of paper... one time i worked with a woman who was smell based (yes crayons have different smells).
      If you understand statistics think of it like this. A to do list is a proven solution for everyone within one standard deviation of the mean. That covers 62% of the people. There is another 32% where the proven solutions don't work. That is often those with ADHD... those are the people i coach.
      what i've found is awareness, and tangible examples of what things look like help people better witness how they process, how they already organize and to recognize what works.

  • @ksfishchannel
    @ksfishchannel Před 5 lety +1

    It feels so nice to have my brain explained

  • @JAMamation
    @JAMamation Před 8 lety +3

    I wish my boss understood my ADD, he told me that he thinks "meds are bullshit" and that I could easily just train myself out of it instead, even though it's a deep rooted neurological condition. Incredibly frustrating... especially considering he has dyslexia, I could quite as easily turn back at him and tell him he should "just train" himself out of dyslexia, however that would certainly land me in trouble.

    • @Mockduck2020
      @Mockduck2020 Před 3 lety +1

      Well, you could tell him if it was that easy, doesn’t he think you would have done it by now?

  • @davidgiwerc1873
    @davidgiwerc1873 Před 8 lety +1

    Jeff I am with you. The acknowledgement by Phyl R made my day as well. Thanks.

  • @sethjg3d
    @sethjg3d Před 3 lety

    What not to do is important. Just relaxing and letting life happen to you in some sense has helped me immensely

  • @DenizKupanaha
    @DenizKupanaha Před 2 lety

    I’m seeing the videos on this channel only now. What an amazing channel.

  • @chillxwolf7248
    @chillxwolf7248 Před 6 lety +2

    Im always in these type of boring jobs that forces me to perform in 'their way" and i usually quit after a few months, yet those jobs are the ones that pay decent abt/ above minumume wage.. . Everything said i endure. It sucks, my depression & anxiety go through the roof looking for ways to change and support myself that suits me. Along with showcasing my art /music..

  • @CrashTheComet
    @CrashTheComet Před 7 lety +1

    This does help greatly. I can't afford health insurance or therapy, so this is the best kind of stuff I can get. Thank you for putting it up.
    But how does being that close together not make people uncomfortable? I need at least a meter wide buffer around me to talk with people? Like, if someone can stick their arm out and touch my face, that's too close.

  • @davidgiwerc1873
    @davidgiwerc1873 Před 9 lety +1

    There definitely needs to be a greater understanding and awareness of ADHD in the workplace. There is very little understanding of what ADHD individuals, and those with other challenges, need (accommodations) in the workplace to experience more success. However, a study conducted by the Job Accommodation Network (JAN), a service of the U.S. Department of Labor’s Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP), reveals that workplace accommodations not only are low cost, but also positively impact the workplace in many ways.
    The research also shows that: "Employers who made accommodations for employees with disabilities reported multiple benefits as a result. The most frequently mentioned direct benefits were: (1) the accommodation allowed the company to retain a qualified employee, (2) the accommodation increased the worker’s productivity, and (3) the accommodation eliminated the costs of training a new employee."
    If you would like to review the JAN research you can visit: //AskJAN.org/media/LowCostHighImpact.doc I hope this helps and encourages you or those you know with ADHD and who need support in their working environment to contact JAN askjan.org/

    • @toddchamberlain782
      @toddchamberlain782 Před 2 lety

      Best thing to do is not tell them you have add/adhd and pretend you’re a neurotypical. You’ll be discriminated if you don’t.

    • @KatinkaHope
      @KatinkaHope Před 2 lety

      Living on the continent of Africa, to be more specific, living in our beautiful land Namibia, spoilt by an untouched Mother Nature, I have many reasons to be grateful! The flipside of the coin is: ADHD awareness not to speak of overall workplace accomodation (except for wheelchairs) is a real scarcety. Experianced ADHD Experts, not to mention ADHD coaches are non-existant here. Every little detail about what's to know, tipps & insights about ADHD, I got from the Internet & You Tube. A sincere & from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU to all info, presenters and contend on the Internet & You Tube. Without you, I probably would not be where I am today. All the blessings to you.

  • @MrFoolD
    @MrFoolD Před 9 lety +1

    i completely agree i live with adhd and working at a job that is boring and repetitive is psychological torture for me i become very depressed angry motivation is completely gone and i just wanna leave ive left jobs after a few days because i couldn't take it

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 9 lety +1

      Research suggest those with ADHD struggle with boredom more than others. Research also suggests those that are bored report higher incidents of depression. ***** MrFool D... the key is to find environment that are stimulating! note always easy but at least you know what to look for!

    • @MrFoolD
      @MrFoolD Před 9 lety +1

      Yes Thank you

  • @ZuffaLtdDanaWhite
    @ZuffaLtdDanaWhite Před 9 lety +1

    I wish there was an Adhd awareness letter put out by some companies H.R. dept. It may help others understand some people.. without prejudice.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 9 lety +2

      ZuffaLtdDanaWhite there are letters like that out there... it issue is getting people to post them!

    • @ZuffaLtdDanaWhite
      @ZuffaLtdDanaWhite Před 9 lety

      I'd like to review an example letter. There are days where I'd like to send the letter to management from an anonymous e-mail. Just to get them thinking outside the box.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 9 lety +1

      ZuffaLtdDanaWhite have you tried the adhdawarenessmonth.org website? I think they have matrials there.

    • @ZuffaLtdDanaWhite
      @ZuffaLtdDanaWhite Před 9 lety

      I'll check into that now. Surprisingly that site didn't come up on my google searches. Thank you very much. -Ian.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 9 lety

      ZuffaLtdDanaWhite your welcome

  • @RichardsWorld
    @RichardsWorld Před 3 lety

    Whoa, I learned a lot about ADD. All of what you said applies to me. Just be aware of this will help me. I think this is one reason I like to travel a lot and not stay in the same area very long.

  • @tacotruck7995
    @tacotruck7995 Před 3 lety

    This is great! Thank you. It’s weird I’ve never heard “done is better then perfect” that alone helps tremendously.

  • @tyylit
    @tyylit Před 3 lety +1

    my left ear enjoyed this

  • @NoelleMar
    @NoelleMar Před 5 lety +1

    I am so annoyed lol. Many people's solutions for those who don't perform well under pressure is to *increase the pressure.* Frustrating. I did fairly well in school and (usually) enjoyed tests, but that was because for me the pressure was mostly internal. It was something I wanted to do. However, the perfectionism really did get in my way and cause procrastination. This also helps explain why I can't convey to many people the extreme frustration I get in jobs I hate due to unfair systems, lack of explanations and creativity, and boredom.

  • @goodtimeeric
    @goodtimeeric Před 4 lety

    Your videos are great. Bite sized and no 60 second long intro

  • @rogeraguilar1274
    @rogeraguilar1274 Před 5 lety +1

    What are some great jobs for people with adhd

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 5 lety +1

      Great question. I encourage you to search you tube for attention talk video fellman Career. Click on and watch the one titled "Where Can I Get ADHD Career Help? How Do I Know They Get It?"... i encourage you to listen to the entire video but if you want to cut to the answer to your question skip to the 2:00 mark. Wilma's response is very very insightful.

  • @anitanapp6759
    @anitanapp6759 Před 3 lety

    I have messed up so many things, you name it! I guess I’ve always tried to hard to make something perfect or at least decent. The more I try the worse it looks. It’s hard to stop trying so hard, cause I mess everything up! Every dang day!

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 3 lety +2

      It counter intuitive. Some times the harder you try the worse you preform. I discovered this as an athlete in college. When i tried to hard I put a lot of pressure on myself which was exhausting. When i relaxed i preformed better. I find the same thing applies to being creative. The more i relax the more creative i get.
      Maybe experiment with letting go a bit. Keep the faith.

    • @anitanapp6759
      @anitanapp6759 Před 3 lety +1

      @@AttentionTalkVideo thank you! Nothing can touch my faith 😊......

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 3 lety

      @@anitanapp6759 Booya!

  • @InspiredUno
    @InspiredUno Před 5 lety

    Awesome!!! Thank you both!!🙌🏾🤗

  • @MuffinstoMangos
    @MuffinstoMangos Před 5 lety

    I havent been interested or engaged for 7 yrs or so after quitting something that did interest me. Now nor working but caregiving for parent's. I love my parent's but apparently, late dx'ed @ 50, Im suffering fr this an its causing depression an anxiety an I cant handle it anymore.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 5 lety

      based on your last sentence i really encourage you to find a mental health professional. Coaching can often help but when one is at whits end other interventions might be needed.
      Again, i encourage you to seek help.

    • @MuffinstoMangos
      @MuffinstoMangos Před 5 lety +1

      @@AttentionTalkVideo i see a psychiatrist

  • @Eann007
    @Eann007 Před 8 lety +3

    Also i meant to ask what is the apprporiate response when someone without adhd says oh well shoot noone likes working or being bored.... And takes an attitude that adhd folks are just whiney and think they are special.. Because i hear that 📣😤😭

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 lety +5

      you might have to word smith this a bit but my favorite response to ADHD negativeness was by Dr. David Teplin. He and Rick Green were on a canadian TV show talking about ADHD. There was a caller who called in and started off about... how it didn't exist, how it was an excuse, etc. Rick Green said he froze... then Dr. Teplin replied "that is what i used to think" and then went on to refute the claims. What is cool is he didn't engage or argue back but just "that is what i used to think"... kind of identified with the guy and then the redirect. Hope this gives you pause to brainstorm something that will work for you.

  • @tamanna..369
    @tamanna..369 Před 2 lety +1

    I make a to-do list because I forget things a lot.. And then I forget I made a list 🤷‍♀️

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 2 lety

      you forget you made a list or you forget where you put the list?

    • @tamanna..369
      @tamanna..369 Před 2 lety

      @@AttentionTalkVideo I forget about making a list. Then I remember about it when I walk to my table where I usually put it. I'm a forgetful person

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 2 lety

      @@tamanna..369 is that forgetful or self awareness? In other words did you forget you make lists or not self aware to go look at the table to see if you had made a list?

    • @tamanna..369
      @tamanna..369 Před 2 lety

      @@AttentionTalkVideo ohh no it's not any kind of memory loss or not being able to remember the event. It's just not being self aware to go look at the table. sorry for making this confusion

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 2 lety

      @@tamanna..369 yea, self awareness is a challenge. The more you become aware that you are not self aware the closer you come to managing it.

  • @shizukesajdm
    @shizukesajdm Před 3 lety +1

    YES!!!!

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 3 lety +1

      hope that is a good yes.

    • @shizukesajdm
      @shizukesajdm Před 3 lety

      @@AttentionTalkVideo Hit the nail right on the head. This is exactly how I feel. After being on a 3 YEAR waiting list to get treated for ADHD, I know these feelings only too well. Thanks for making the videos you make! :)

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 3 lety

      @@shizukesajdm you are very welcome.

  • @Slettingenbretsen
    @Slettingenbretsen Před 3 lety

    Remember the meter!!😅

  • @toddchamberlain782
    @toddchamberlain782 Před 2 lety

    Ha,ha, reminds me when in college being forced to listen to lectures and feeling like I’m gonna die...so every 20-30 min I would leave and do pull-ups and pushups in the bathroom. Then come back and to the lecture, then back in bathroom for push ups and pull ups.
    Church is the same way painfully boring.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 2 lety

      Totally love you post. What a lived experience. Hope others read it to be validated. Love how you didn't judge yourself... you did what works for you... BOOYA!

  • @VictoriaSuger
    @VictoriaSuger Před 8 lety

    And this is why I fail everytime and never stay at one job longer than 2 months.. And people don't understand.. They think I just "quitt" they don't understand all The presure I have to go to.. And how hard it is to stay somewhere for 8 ours and you cant escape you have to stay .. Well Sometimes a just ran haha and never came back 😅 thanks for this video

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 lety

      +Victoria Sun thanks for your post. In reading it i pictured a lion pacing the cage... an unsettled animal trying to escape... i agree... i don't think most neurotypicals understand.

  • @stahpitt8531
    @stahpitt8531 Před 5 lety

    How do you deal with a micromanaging boss who sees all of your errors as a means to define your overall performance? Example I perform my job fast and keep up with everything at work which is not hard considering it's a grocery store, but still the little errors i'll make is all he sees. How the hell do you get promoted when all he chooses to do is focus on the negatives and refuses to give you any more responsibilities because he's convinced your a dunce who will fuck them up.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 5 lety

      Great question. As an attention coach i've learned you can't control someone's attention. If the are open to looking at things differently great. Most often they don't want to be confused with facts. That said, there are indirect strategies too numouris to write but i'll share one... focus on understand where he is coming from... what he is looking for... ask him to share his experiences (not his advice) on what he found that works. The idea is to understand more where he is coming from and adjust the best you can. note this won'r work the majority of the time or 50% of the time... maybe like 20% of the time. that's the thing... if there was one solution that worked in this situation every time you would be asking the question.

  • @colleendeis928
    @colleendeis928 Před 2 lety

    Progress not perfection!

  • @DaveE99
    @DaveE99 Před 9 měsíci

    Pressure to perform= socially prescribed perfectionism. Not helpful or adaptive. You need to have your own standard that matters more that you seek to go after. So when they reject you, you can look at that and see how you really did.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 měsíci

      You have a point.
      That said, i often challenge people... what is rejection? A difference is styles isn't rejection it is a difference is style? Difference is assumptions? Difference is perception? Difference in intrepretation? For most of these it isn't rejection just a difference traits or assumptions. Often it is more about agreeing the people disagree.
      Any... just sharing a thought. Thanks for posting.

    • @DaveE99
      @DaveE99 Před 8 měsíci

      @@AttentionTalkVideo yeah the way I heard the “healthyGamer” CZcams channel explain it, that type of perfectionism is actually a type of brain adaption, and the turning away from what you can’t be perfect at. And he pointed out a lot of perfectionism advice kinda sucked but that’s roughly what needs to happen. I think the hard thing too is what you do when your stuck in a situation with somebody else that uses what ever the THING is to regulate their own trauma and feelings of chaos feelings and nothing you do feels good enough even after creating exhaustive checklists and trying to do everything on it only to see no effort ever recognized. It’s like yeahi know this is a toxic situation. I know it prob isn’t healthy. But to some degree figuring out how to motivate/heal regulate my self to do that THING that I’ve developed a fear of failure shame cycle around and just feelings of not even worth trying. And it’s like I’m trying to figureout how to do the thing while existing in an enviroment that constantly shames me. It’s like that’s the answer I want to figure out. I get there are differences in perception and all, mixture of traits , states, attatchment styles, brain types and even genders/sex. It’s like I’m trying to figure out how to stay motivated in enviroments where I’m just tiptoeing around other peoples triggers.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 měsíci

      @@DaveE99 Wish i could help you in some way.
      That said, i've never liked the word perfectionist. It is a feeling based observation and to me misdirects ones attention. I've been called a perfectionist. Often i'm searching for the right way to pay attention to something (i.e. what exacly is a perfectionist). Other times i've coached people who don't realize not everyone is going to "get" it... meaning... they are writing something and they want everyone to see it thier way. On some topics that will never happen because of others beliefs. Other times people don't realize they are on a learning journey... that they need to push something out as is knowing they will build on it. The list goes on. My point is from my perpective there is a root cause. When a person uses the label perfectionist the have given up on understanding the driver.
      All that said, thanks for engaging.

    • @DaveE99
      @DaveE99 Před 8 měsíci

      @@AttentionTalkVideo I see it less as “using my the label of being a perfectionist” but rather understanding the shame based response that perfectionism, especially as it’s often tied into fear of failure shame dynamics that adhd people typically have. Even if they don’t use the word or label to describe themselves. There are 3 types of perfectionism , self oriented perfectionism (drive to succeed) , socially prescribed perfectionism (drive to succeed due to percieved pressure from others or society, social comparison involved too) and other oriented perfectionism (trying to control others behavior roughly). Understand the types of cognitions and behaviors and beliefs that drive these and occur with these can be helpful. I think what you’re getting at is a bit where people almost kinda identify as one, in a sort of positive yet deprecating way at same time. Or how in the world I’ve researched a crap ton of how human nature works and there are just people who because of how evolution designed us not to actually even operate in these contexts, it ends up existing in an odd ignorant simplified negativity bias deontological (rule based ethics) filled with judgement. Like I had to admit to my therapist the other day that part of he resason I have an absolute hate for right wing authoritarians, isn’t only did I grow up in a family like that, but because all my research on personality’s beliefs and behaviors and cognition, it’s like those are the very type of people I would expect to screw up in front of and expect zero understanding or compassion. It’s like you try to learn conolflict cuz let’s be honest you were a bit odd as a kid and realize you need to learn to fight healthy and productively. And oddly I ended up even going as far as trying to understand intractable conflicts (beyond intractability is a wonderful blog put together by conflict and peace phd’s) and yet it isfrustrating realizing that everything from morality/religion/ideology/politics/ etc are all just one giant aggregate evolutionary mating strategy. It’s like the part I go to figure out is how to have some hope in a world I’ve perhaps learned too much about. Like it felt like the only option I had was to find a way start a buisness. Though I likley got to heal a bit more till I get that that point. Likley self efficacy and stuff.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 8 měsíci +1

      @@DaveE99 Wow! To date your response to the label "perfetionist" is the most detailed I've gotten. Clearly you are thinking through things... if manage properly (i.e. manage emotions around it) leads to self-awareness which is highly correlated with success in life. In other words, keep reflecting.
      Dave as always thanks for posting.

  • @asahk7419
    @asahk7419 Před 3 lety

    "That's why when you see a kid or an adult in a boring situation do an impulsive act"
    FLASHBACKS to my middle school self throwing chalks at my math teacher who was obese and didn't feel the chalks. She would turn around routinely because others were laughing... I was sooooooooo bored. We would also dare each other to stand up on chairs and dance while the teachers had their backs to us. oh the good old days were I was just a "silly energetic kid" and no one knew, cause girls didn't have ADHD !!!

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 3 lety

      I'm thinking there are a ton of people who would read what you wrote and go... OMG! That was me to!
      Thanks for posting.

  • @jbreeasyd5315
    @jbreeasyd5315 Před 9 lety

    I can't hear anything

  • @weightedblanket
    @weightedblanket Před 11 lety +1

    We have a number of ADD employees and I disagree with some of this. Our employees work quite well under pressure and we need to be careful not to use ADD as an excuse.

    • @Mockduck2020
      @Mockduck2020 Před 3 lety +1

      The right kind of pressure and atmosphere we can thrive under, but pressure to do things in ways that put them at a disadvantage, it can literally feel like your brain freezes up and you can’t think at all!

  • @MuffinstoMangos
    @MuffinstoMangos Před 5 lety

    What if you cant afford a ADD coach.

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 5 lety +1

      For many ADHD coaching is a calling. Many coaches have a sliding scale or have a slot or two to do coaching for those in need. It is a bit labor intensive because you have to call around but help is possible.
      Another alternative is to reach out to the ADD coach academy. Often they are looking for people to refer new coaches in training to. They are not certified coaches but it is an option.

  • @TurboSilke
    @TurboSilke Před 4 lety

    I call bullshit on the perfection part, we get stuff done, but yeah, we might never finnish the things...

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před 4 lety

      would you call it constant improvement?

    • @TurboSilke
      @TurboSilke Před 4 lety +1

      @@AttentionTalkVideo nah, just that we do get things done, a bit... XD

  • @user-sn4ue6ex4b
    @user-sn4ue6ex4b Před rokem

    Why did you keep so close to the guest and it seems that the guest is not comfortable with that 😂

    • @AttentionTalkVideo
      @AttentionTalkVideo  Před rokem +1

      Great question. I used to shot videos at conferences. This was a challenge due to sound (backgournd noise), lighting, and height. I'm 6 ft tall. When guest are say 5' 6'' I have to spread my feet like 4 feet a part to get lower. I need the mic to be close and we have to fit in the frame of the camera.... often there are things in the backgound that are distractions and i have to reduce the field of view.
      Thank for posting.

    • @user-sn4ue6ex4b
      @user-sn4ue6ex4b Před rokem +1

      @@AttentionTalkVideo i appreciate the reply.. always great content 👍👍