ADHD Tips: Dr. Barkley Six Steps to Manage Emotions
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- čas přidán 13. 05. 2018
- www.digcoaching.com. Jeff Copper is an ADHD coach and host of Attention Talk Video which is part of the Attention Talk Network, www.attentiontalknetwork.com.
Attention and emotions require a person to self-regulate. This is a bit of a challenge for those with ADHD. In this video ADHD coach Jeff Copper (digcoaching.com) shares Dr. Russell Barkley’s (russellbarkley.org) six steps to managing emotions. We encourage you to watch our first video with Dr. Barkley as he defines emotion ( • ADHD: Dr. Russell Bark... ). This new video walks you through the theoretical steps that are key to regulating emotions.
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1. Meds
2. Don't put yourself there, avoid routine triggers
3. Now you're in a situation. .. Look away talk to others or leave a few mins
4. Deploy your attention away from irritant
5. Change how you think of situation. Don't be insulted by jerks
6. Modify the emotion. Breathing
Exactly. Easy to say. hard to execute. That said, executing stats with awareness!
@@AttentionTalkVideo My adult child. I'm researching how I failed him.
@@cmo_rocks do the research to learn and move forward. If you loved you adult son and did the best with what you knew be kind to yourself.
@@AttentionTalkVideo He has a twin who finished college and never caused problems or got in trouble. They were treated the same. I was accused of favoring the troubled child if anything. No guilt here, I'd do everything the same and maybe have stayed married longer but I need to deal with this now to have a relationship at all. Thanks for your kind words.
This is really helpful/insightful information.
As someone with ADHD, I find myself getting sucked into my emotions to the point where I end up being pervasive. I simply can’t let it go regardless of my intent. I will provoke the person/pursue the event until I’ve exhausted all parties. In my mind in the moment, I do this because I seek to immediately resolve the issue or eradicate the threat. It truly feels like “hyper focusing” on the conflict. Once I am sucked in, it is highly difficult, if not impossible to self soothe and to walk away. Sometimes this occurs irregardless of me being aware; I can, in the moment, recognize that I am inappropriately yelling at someone, or engaging in other impulsive behaviors but somehow the impulse to keep pursuing the arousal does not get overridden. I end up embarrassed and humiliated by my impulsive and immature behavior in the moment. For sure avoidance is the ideal scenario, but i feel like i can go from 0-100 in no time at all given the right circumstance.
It’s the ability to pause to reach a point where cognition is even possible and to actively pursue self awareness that require the patience and “slowing down” I seem to lack. But I accept full well that I am responsible, and I am working towards it everyday through meditation and being less hard on myself. Instead of focusing on the embarrassing predicament I created for myself (NOT absolving myself of the bad behavior) I am actively working on self assessing after the fact, when I am in a more patient state (or simply medicated, ha!). I find that it is better to accept my behavior and actions, and ask myself how I could have recognized arousal sooner? What could I have done differently? Etc. I accept that I cannot change what I have done. But i can change myself in the here and now and work towards a better future self with some patience, self awareness, and self forgiveness.
I am so glad to see this being talked about. I had no idea the emotional aspect was such a huge aspect of ADHD. Thank you for posting this!
What an amazing post! You have the right attitude by owning it.
as an ex athlete consider this... what would it be like if you were able to create an environment (with the help of someone) that you would step into that would set you off and you practice catching yourself and calming down. Kind of how an athlete does drills to build a skill. In other words in a controlled enviorment you would practice it.
note! as a athlete you can build a skill but if you stop practicing your muscles atrophy or you skill begins to degrade (people seem to look at ADHD as if you can do it once and your cured... no you develop the skill and you keep practicing it to keep in shape).
thanks again for your post... kept owning it and working on it!
THANK YOU for articulating how YOU feel during your emotional episodes so clearly. My boyfriend has ADHD and emotional dysregulation challenges, and I strive to understand him better. You have helped so much! God bless!
People love to provoke and lets question those who just hang around to feel better or take countless advantages of adhd people by asking for it! Taking advantages to be promoted or putting down others to cover up for their lazziness or going around being mean. I heard it milion times. Their own ego gets in the way and usually those who are happy when they see others suffer, they just love to do it all over again and these scumbags are looked after because they can keep their cool but still they will always be scumbags
Well, i experienced the like to love jump far too often.
And as soon as i experienced crushes for happy children, teens and some kind of strong smelling animals and even for flowers, a pulsating shower, nightcore-music and basically every long-term friend-
Since then i was sure about the too-quick-feeling part within my life.
The thing is, i don't know how to handle that, even during my meditations. I do have some rpg-methods about all my feelings, but they tend to not work sometimes and they are only there to reduce my social anxieties, if needed.
That i developed social anxieties and more specialized compulsions are just a byproduct of it.
Just amazing reading this response. It's like someone anaylized one of my outbursts... Holy crap, I'm not kidding. The "I'm trying to resolve this" thought driving the impulsive need to keep pushing, yelling etc... The way you articulated this was so helpful. It was like I could now see all sides of my behavior in that moment that I just can't always see. I can usually analyze some of my behaviors post outburst, but not what led up to it or how it triggered or kept it going. Thank you!
Emotion/Motivation tips:
Meds can help some adhd emotions
Select right situation and don’t put yourself in wrong environment.
If in wrong situation look away from the source and change the structure of the env by moving, leaving, looking away etc.
Cognitive restructuring or rationalising Or rephrase the thinking associated with it.
Breath and focus on breathing, heart beating, muscle relaxation.
The earlier stage better the result.
Summary:
Meds
Choose situations wisely
Modify the situation
Deploy attention properly
Rephrase importance of situation
Stress management, breath etc.
thankyou @ Pharlap (God) Bless 🐎🐎🐎
God bless you. Thanks 🙏!
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If you have a necklace or something like that to fidget with when you are going to a social event and if emotions comes along you can just focus on the jewelry that you wear. You will look great and professional and have something to help you get by.
Very clever!!!!!
thank you jeff copper and russel barkley.
russel barkley ph.D seems like the final boss of adhd crusher
you are welcome!
I suppose he is the final boss in some respects! Certainly when it comes to ADHD and emotions. Funny, Dr. Barkley and I just spoke at same conference in Kansas City, and he wasn't too bossy with me!! Great video @Jeff Copper!!
Thanks for explaining the steps of how to control emotions in such detail. For me, emotional response usually happens so fast, like in a split second. All of a sudden I find myself in a vulnerable or undesirable situation, and flooded with self-destructive feelings. Awareness and avoidance can prevent most of the grief. But thanks for the steps to modify and down regulate situations I couldn't anticipate. That understanding and those Specific, Useful tips are so necessary for me. It is not obvious to me with ADD like it might be obvious to other people. I listened to this several times to take notes, and immediately identified several different recurring situations where I can apply these steps. Thank you. The Details are so Necessary, and immediately helpful and useful for people like me.
Glad it helped. Consider watching my video on fight flight or freeze (search you tube for attention talk video fight flight or freeze). You also might consider listening on a podcast i did on it with Sesame Street (we talked about pre schoolers but the concepts are the same). Just google attention talk radio sesame street.
I can’t tell you how helpful these videos are. It’s completely opened up my understanding of my ADHD issues and how to live better through the challenges.
I'm grateful you are finding value in them. Thanks for taking the time to post.
This is awesome. I attended the 2011 CHADD conference. Dr. Barkley put my whole life up on the board and never met me. His quote,"emotions are the conductor of executive function" sums it all up. I am ADHD dyslexic and I am very happy to see someone who gets this! Thank you for what you do!
I was at that conference. I echo your comments!
Thank you so much, this has been really helpful.
awesome!
Thank you so much!
You're welcome!
Such wisdom to be remembered. Thank you so much.
thrilled this resonated with you.
Thanks Jill. Yes, knowledge is power.
Jeff thanks for all the tips. Your work has helped me. Even our talk helped in learning to redefine things. I read a book called The Power or TED. I have been applying those principles too and that has helped the internal dialogue and self forgiveness. Thanks your work helps put it all together.
God Bless
Awesome! You are so welcome.
Great and informative vedio. Hav ADD , depression, social anxiety so much frustrating. But with these techniques feep much better. Thank you doc.
Elated you find value in our interviews.
I appreciate your passion phrases time and experience to give the best possible way to cope and for anyone's partners or family member's that don't have a clue what you are about and able to cope with thanks a girl from Australia 🇳🇿 Perth 🙋 WA 🦋💜
you are very welcome.
thanks for taking the time to comment.
Another great video! Wow! One has to be very mindful and deliberate to manage emotions/anxiety, ADHD or not It seems. Practicing self awareness helps me immensely. I appreciate hearing what has helped others. I've jokingly said emotions can be like wild horses carrying us away to places we don't want to go. You've helped by affirming the actions/practices I've adopted to maintain my self control and manage anxiety. My faith encourages taking every though captive and "making it obedient to Christ." This is a wonderful exercise for someone with ADHD who is a believer... at least it's been great for me. I hyperfocus on my thoughts and am able to calm myself to more accurately interpret a potentially emotionally challenging situation. As I get older I am much more aware of mental self care. If it becomes difficult to maintain my current state of self awareness I would consider appropriate medication and follow up with counseling. This discussion provides so much encouraging information and strategies! It's very reassuring to hear it is perfectly reasonable to avoid situations that might cause great anxiety, loss of self control and possible self loathing afterwards! Why bring that on myself?😂 It feels good to feel good about ourselves! We are responsible for our own quality of life. I'm thankful help is available when we find that quality is compromised! Thank you for providing help with this vital "ministry!" 😃I'm really blessed by your channel! Keep up the great work!
You are very welcome. It's interesting I've coached a few pastors/ministers. All talk about how there faith keeps them grounded both spiritually and from an ADHD perspective.
Thanks for posting and articulating you experience. I hope others read it and get inspired.
Thank you. I’m new subscriber
Great! hope you find value in our content.
great tips 👍
Glad you think so!
”Look out the window, close your eyes if you need to” 😨😲🤣
If it works... it works.
Sudarsan kriya and osho dynamic meditation,and osho no mind meditations are wonderful meditation s
For handling emotional rollercoaster
I can’t focus on meditation at all. Not possible for me to «blank» my mind enough
I was able to retain 80% of this video👍
excellent
Number 2, I was able to loose weight and avoid candy and beer in the super market, because I forced myself to look the other way, physically turn my head in other direction. It was the only sure way to make the trip without walking into the alleys of calories
Booya! Self-awarenss, emotional self regulation, and activation collide = you are able to self regulate. What a great formula. Thanks for posting.
I have a question why coud i get realy angry to the point i whant to rip someones head off for no reason when i whant to do my homework and study why ? And when i dont whant to do my homework i get instantly tired like puding like a truck ran me over smthimg like that ? ( and allsow if you have this problem i found my self tearing a magazine to pisces (it helps) while studying because of this problem so yea idn ?
Wow! Tearing up a magazine helps? So long as it isn't someone elses magazine great. if it helps it helps!
As to your question... i have some thoughts but am really not qualified to answer the question. I will say this situations and emotions can be complex... there are concrete things and intangibles (invisible things) that come into play. Forgive me for the default answer but the question is best for a qualified professional.
thanks for asking the question... again i love the magazine thing.
i can get realy salty if someone is killing me in a game and just laughing in my face how bad i am so yea
awareness is important... if you curse and get in arguments but are not anrgy... that is good awareness but it is better to realize the other person might not be interpreting it that way. In the long run it is helpful to pause and override the urge for the sake of peace and help down the road.
it is hard to self regulate with others push buttons!
I do have a question. I dont have ADHD but i do have frontal lobe epilepsy and surgery. I have a lot of ADHD symptoms (probably just overlooked diagbosis). I dont have anxiety or depression. So, would that (off hand?) be sonething i ask my nuerologist about? Not sure if anyone other than a psychiatrist can perscribe ADHD meds. Nothing indepth.
Yes i'd discuss with a neurologist or experience psychiatrist. Note, your situation is unique so to help you... you might need to meet with them a number of times to sort things out.
Thanks for posting.
I wish I could listen to this while listening to my music.
could elevator music in the background work?
I need a tip on how to pay attention into the guy that starts the video.
what was distracting you?
Situation selection sounds like ignoring life.
It can feel like that sometimes , but it also depends on the severity of our reaction. There are some conditions that could be a comorbid condition called avoidance personality disorder I believe. But situation selection is not the only tool for this issue. :)
I see it more as establishing personal boundaries. If there are people who provoke a negative reaction in you, the most effective solution is to not associate with those people. However, once you have built up mechanisms to handle emotions/aggravations, perhaps these situations could be handled differently.
You need to get a basic script outline if you plan to do more of these.
It ends up being difficult to follow.
sorry about that.
@@AttentionTalkVideo you're good. I was a bit tired when I wrote that. I apologise as it feels a bit harsh compared to how I meant it to come out.
Shortly:
Take a deeeeeep breath, leave the situation, in your mind or physically.
Not always easy, it took me 50 years, but I had to figure it out myself. That took around 45 years, and then I didn't count my first 10 years 😂
And, yes, medication does help. A silly situation like walking through that kind of turning doors when you're going in to/out from a mall or something, that always are so slow it feels like it stopped. With Elvanse (Vivanse, I'm Swedish) it's no problem at all, I just slow down, nothing more. Without 🙄, BEFORE I'm even inside the doorway I have increasing heartbeat, feeling like I need to push that "wheel" to make it go faster, but I don't, that would make it stop instead. That's not even 10 seconds, and I am a wreck after passing it. I always use the emergency door beside instead if I'm off Elvanse.
At least we have emergency doors beside the turning one in Sweden, I don't know about the rest of the world.
And when that other person who irritates you at work sits nearby every day: look for a new job.
And wonder how other people don't seem to be upset while this person does it on purpose. 🤔 Yes
that's the trick right? To let go. Easy to say... hard to execute.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Yes. Also your friends saying: "You aren't going to quit your job just because you don't like a person".
I am a bit allergic to people who act like everything is normal, always, in any circumstance. Like the day the Queen was visiting a company next to ours, and she walked past my window. If there wasn't glass, I could have touched her shoulder, that close. Boy, I was so exited.
Than I heard him saying: "Well, a Queen is just a person too."
I thought to myself Why do you always have to normalize everything. For me it feels like something positive is being turned into something negative.
I am curious if there are people who also dislike those reactions.
@@johnroekoek12345 There are billions of people out there. We are not all the same... so by definition we are all different. That said... in the big picture we'd like to think we are analytical... at the end of the day humans are emotional. Pick any topic and you are likely to find polar emotional reactions so... does everyone "feel" like you. No! Is it possible some feels the same? Highly likely.
thanks for posting.
To me, this just sounds like avoiding and/or suppression. I very much respect Russell Barkley but I just don't think this is something you can do every time you get upset. Perhaps I am overlooking something.
Basically he is just defining things... easy to say. The execution is the challenge. At the end of the day humans are emotions. Emotional self regulation is more difficult for many with ADHD. While you might not be able to manage emotions every time... the more you can do it the more in control of your life you are.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I appreciate the response. I agree, strong negative emotions are difficult for me to control sometimes depending on the environment. I mainly have that problem around people I am very close to. If I am around acquaintances or anyone that I am not close to, then I am able to hold it in and not externalize everything.
yea it can be hard around those close to us... i suspect because they are a safer audience.
not there is the other side of emotional self regulation... can't help but get over excited when you are passionate about something.
I'm writing about my feelings and perceptions compulsively within that times. It doesn't help that much, but at least i've something else to do. The ultimate shift would be another feeling, something towards my own characters. Only these may be strong enough to compete with anger, sadness and frustration.
But: i'm screwed if the main reason becomes a sexual feeling. Then i need to shut off everything via humming or specific music, until i fall in trance or something. Same applies to some kinds of overloads.
I like my sexuality, but please don't be a dick
@@cobalius I'm not a therapist I'm a coach. From a coaching perspective i like your mindset. When you are in the emotional state what can you shift your attention to in order to crowd out anger, sadness and frustration in the short term to down regulate your emotions and bring your thinking brain online. What works is as individual as a snowflake. Here are some examples of others i've coached. One would dunk her head in a bucket of ice water (kind of shock things out of her), another found drawing and doodling, another playing piano, another sprinting 1/2 mile, several i've coached turn to god and pray (note i'm releasing an Attention Talk Radio episode on this in a few weeks). Finding what works is a self observation journey. Often i ask people when was a time you were off the charts emotionally and then all of a sudden you calmed down. If they can recall that time i ask what was going on that enabled you to calm down (that is how the bucket of ice was discovered)... the idea is something worked... what was that something.
Don't let your situation selection turn into full blown avoidant personality disorder. That's what I did, and it's not great...
Thanks for sharing your experience. Avoidance isn't an effective strategy.
@@AttentionTalkVideo But this is what doctors and coaches are for. Which situations will have to be faced squarely at some point, and which should we avoid? I like the barroom scenario, because there is no law that says we have to go to bars, but what about others' real needs and perfectly fair expectations? This is especially important when the patient has children, who do not elect to be anybody's nuisance.
@@celticandpenobscot8658 I agree in that it can be helpful to get help from a professional
Difficult to do under fire.
Yes it is. You can practice down regulating. If you are a trump fan watch CNN. If you are a Biden fan watch FOX News. As you watch practice letting go.
@@AttentionTalkVideo HAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣👍👌
I'm Swedish so I don't bother too much in American politics, but I understand what you mean 😂😂😂, it's terrific idea! 😂😂😂, Can't stop laughing!! 👍
That's what i'm doing natutally and still tests tell me having moderate adhd xD
Eh the behavioural things. No meds please
ADHD is an issue of self regulation. It will always be lurking in the background if you take your guard down.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Well.. What if i tell ya i've had feeling towards children and teens? (while being an adult man)
I had also ocd-reactions about this topic and still don't know how to handle those situations properly. It's okay for like an hour or the fist two days. But everything else would be something to meditate about, so that i reduce these immediate counter-reactions and to not get mad at myself in the long term.
@@cobalius Managing emotions is VERY effortful for those with ADHD. Think of it like a skill. The more you practice the better you get.
Have faith and keep plugging.
Fix the autoCaptions. They are in Dutch, instead of English
i believe the caption issue in on your browsers end. maybe you hit the wrong setting?
If I know some situations will cause a problem then avoid these areas. Situation selection
2 modify the situation. Sit away from person, don’t listen to person, don’t look at them. Turn and look out window. Attn deployment.
Cognitive change. How I think about this emotion. Well this is not important to me...he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,
Modify emotion ...itself focus on breathing, think about a location that relaxes you. It’s all how u think about things.
Mindfulness (how you think about things) is HUGE.
Mindfulness is using your thinking brain to override the automatic brain (primitive brain). It takes self regulation to override the auto brain... a huge challenge for those with ADHD.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.