Extremely tough a lot of confusion, very strong emotions of sadness, lack of control, fear, insecurity. Is what happens to me and it's very frustrating because I need to choose what to do but I can't understand what I even really want because my emotions are pulling me in many directions.
For many i coach (not everyone) it is helpful to understand a persons values, dominate learning modalities, character, and core beliefs... in other words coming to understand "WHO" you are and writing such things down and in some cases prioritizing things. Then use the list as a filter to make decisions when emotions are running wild. Conceptually the idea is to externalize fundamentals and to go back to them as a source of clarity. Again, this isn't for every body but i share in hopes it sparks an idea that might work for you!
Your comment brings to mind the enrolment officer at USC asking me what, actually did I want to study before I chose my Degree. I changed three times over the course of four years! Eventually, I left because there were so many subjects that interested me, and where I could find healthy employment, that I could not focus on one. Also, because I could not sit at my desk long enough to complete an essay. I often focused so intensely on one subject that I completely overlooked other assignments that were due. My emotions then predominated my intellect and I felt ashamed that I couldn’t complete my subjects as they became due. The stress that put on me caused me to pull out and go back to being a chef (physical work). @Attention Talk Video - those suggestions are wonderful, thank you 😊
This explains the tunnel vision I get every time I get into an argument or get criticized by someone I’m not close with... Fight, flight or freeze in full effect
feeling threatened is like a trigger... boom into FFF. When in that state of mind the thinking brain is off line. The trick is to notice yourself, then pause and down regulate to bring your brain online to think. Yes! so simple to explain... AMAZINGLY difficult to execute.
So thats why everytime I have argument about emotional stuff, especially confrontation my brains freeze. I can never awnser back. If I try it's just a burst of anger and emotion because my brains stop computing. I've simply learned to avoid these situations. Now I have such a hard time connecting with people. Even when Im with people Ive built up such a hude emotional wall that I still fell lonely and it constantly Hurts.
The brain in infinitely complex... but in simple terms yes. Understanding emotions is step one of managing them. Being awareness of them when they start is step two. Step three is down regulating them so you can think step 4. How this is done is for everyone. If you want to learn more listen to my interview with Autumn Zitani from sesame street on attention talk radio. Just google attention talk radio sesame street and it should come up.
@@skyt3265 ... my hope is that you won't think your crazy but realize there is some biological logic as to why you do what you do. Knowing that you are preprogramed a certain way can help take the emotions out of managing emotions. Thanks for posting.
I can relate with what you’re saying! I stopped completely. For many years. Only recently have I started posting online here and there, but even then I’m careful. Because the hurt can hit just about anywhere. It’s ironic isn’t it? We learn to stop living, because of our brain. So to it’s core, our brain tries to save us from dying but in reality it’s killing us.
I like to think of the emotional brain as a reflexive brain. You feel threaten and you have a reflexive reaction. Takes effort to calm down and think. Hope the video gave you an awarness to manage your emotions a bit.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I'll try not to take too long. I'll answer now, in order to not procrastinate. Just for the sake of context, a few events. I hit people hard in the past for playing pranks. My step dad, a person i loved very much, i punched in the face por simulating a snake bite in the woods. I crashed my working chair on a rubber spider. I punched cabinets for hitting my head on them. I flipped over my car to avoid a possum. I tore an exam apart in front of my teacher. riscked my life in stupid arguments which i escaleted. So "managed it" may be an overstatement. I'm now 47, father of two boys, one of them an ADHDer. I married an angel who has the greatness and patience to remind me "inhibition, honey!" every time she senses i'm over reacting. I'm very well medicated by a professional. I'm still on CBT, and i'm still discovering new angles for my symptoms. I meditate and i pray. I practice martial arts as an outlet. I run. I avoid conflict. I remind myself to not get angry before meetings, or in my bosse's office. I practiced making jokes in the traffic. If i can't think of a joke, i yodel sing. My kids love that one. In short, i'm vigilant, supported, treated. Sorry for the long answer! I just felt that video gave me that perspective of survival instincts, and it felt great, man. It's a reassurance that ADHD is not a failure of normal. Maybe we are wired to catch the distractions same way we catch manaces beyond campfire lights. Who knows? Anyway, thanks!
@@martiuscastle so so very grateful for your post on two levels. First, that you found it validating. More importantly for others to read. To be validated by you. To understand managing this isn't easy but there is hope. You are managing it and continuing to improve. I hope as many people as possible will read what you have written. Again thanks! I'm grateful.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Definately a remarkable turn of events says the possum. Lay that beast down at the campfire before stoking the coals. All the best with family and personal inspirations 🙏 Time for me to watch the video...
I have social anxiety along with ADHD, so often when people ask me simple questions like "what do you want to eat?", my brain freezes and I have no idea, so I usually say I don't know or don't care, or that I don't want anything, even when I do. It really sucks because people are annoyed that I'm "indecisive"
Maybe brainstorm with someone around coming up for a few responses... like... what do you have a taste for... what are you having... when it comes to food i really don't have a craving so how about you pick. notice in the first three suggestion you are asking for their input to give you time to think and narrow your options down to what they say.
I’ve always been perceived by people as timid or helpless due to the constant anxieties and cognitive delays from this ADD brain. I’m a friggin target!
I’m 27 and I’ve only just figured out I have ADHD, the more inattentive type after finding out my dad has it as well. I’ve struggled with social anxiety for years and this truly resonates with me regarding the freeze. If anyone says something to me or about me in a social setting that upsets me, all I do is freeze and act like a zombie. The anxiety is so strong that I can’t even keep up with conversation or think rationally. Thank you for this video, I am looking forward to learning more about my condition
are you me? haha its unbelievably relatable. im also 27 and diagnosed with add 6 months ago. I also react in the same way. All this feels like im meeting myself for the first time and getting to know what am i like. I want to wish all the good luck for you!
"You can't remember what works". That's it!!! That's why I forget to look at my paper where I've written down my helpful thoughts. That's why I don't eat or drink. My body shuts down. I don't get signals that tell me it's time to eat I freeze when I quit smoking and now I know why! So now I can ask my ADHD psychologist to help me tackle this.
If you google attention talk radio emotions... i have lots of interviews on the process of managing emotions. Also google attention talk radio sesame street. Sesame street is for kids but the process is the same for adults.
Yup, totally relate...My brain literally shuts down when I’m nervous or when I’m in that “fight or flight’” phase, it’s like I’m mentally drained and can’t explain or express anything coherently
If you totally relate I'm hoping you realize your experience is common. The trick is to practice pausing... taking a few breaths... down regulate your emotions/relax to bring your thinking brain on line. Yes, i realize what i wrote sounds easy in reality it is VERY VERY difficult to execute. There is no simple way to manage emotions. The key is to practice and let go of the pressure.
My family refuses to learn anything about ADHD. But they get angry with me and annoyed with me every time my symptoms make me do something that is seemingly easy (like remember what I did when I'm being yelled at, or do the same task every day) I'm supposed to make dinner for my siblings (age 16) when I'm home, but I got stuck in a drawing project and became hyper-focused. When i finished, dinner was way over. I tried to explain that I had wanted to do the task and have been doing it for days, but it was honestly that hard to stop drawing. As always, no one believed me. My family think I'm lazy, useless and uncaring. They don't know how desperately hard I'm trying every day. But will they find out? No. Will they read any of the resources I send them? No. They'll just accuse me of 'hiding behind the resources. Because apparently, upon finding out you have a disorder I shouldn't research the hell out of it to find strategies to live a normal life. They don't want to find out a single thing about ADHD, but they're perfectly content to judge and lecture me about how I need to 'stop this nonsense'. My 16-year-old brother went to a medical seminar at his school and heard one expert say ADHD was highly treatable, then took part in a debate about whether ADHD could be likened to the common cold. I'm not joking. Now he thinks he knows all about ADHD and is so annoyed with me about why I behave this way when my disorder is as treatable as the common cold. I must not care enough. I love this video, but I wish my family would bloody watch it.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm confident many will identify with it. Wish things would or could change. I have coached a few people on this. It is very hard. It comes down to mindset (as you can't convince people who don't want to be convinced)... your mindset. Many have found it helpful to forgive their family for their ignorance. Understand that what i just said isn't a moment in time. One must practice this daily for a extended period of time for it to take hold (not an easy thing to do). For those who did it... they found a bit of peace.
That one sounds true...family won't believe how hard it's for me...mofos think I'm finding a excuse...maybe ur right ...for my peace I have to forgive these pieces of shit,,,😜
Makes so much sense! I’m a 29 year old college student, just diagnosed with ADHD, depression & anxiety 3 years ago. I study SO much and even have extra test time with accommodations. But when I start the test I blank out and can’t remember anything! It takes me over double time for testing compared to everyone else and I still barely get by with C’s. I’ve always wondered what it’s like for the people where school comes easy to them. 🤯🤔
Thanks for sharing. A thought. What comes easy for you? Note i've learned over the years a clue that something is a talent is when a person does something... it comes so easy to them that they think everyone can do it.
The school system (and especially taking tests which is just a memory test) is really not built for us neurodivergent people. But we have other superpowers and it's time the world acknowledges those.
Wow this was incredibly insightful. Public speaking, job interviews, and anticipating a stressful event like a boss asking for an unexpected meeting. If I haven’t prepped for it then I get that deer in headlights moment and everything goes blank. On the plus side I’m really good at prepping for things and usually have a thousand different ways I’d handle Something if it happened.
God this explains a lot. I go into that even in just tense situations where conflict may arise. I can hardly speak, start shaking and freeze up like a deer in headlights and the people around me get annoyed. Especially if they're trying to calmly address something I've done wrong and they think I'm making it about me - obviously something I can't help, but makes me feel like crap and guilty anyway. Wanna be able to express my feelings or work through my problems with the people around me without completely escalating the situation every time, but can't yet afford a therapist. :(
Start to notice how your body feels in those situations. As you notice it practice pausing and taking a deep breath. Practice letting go and calming down before you think about what is at hand. Practice like an athlete practices. Over time you can build the skill.
@o. t. Managing emotions comes from the inside out. It starts with awareness... notice the triggers and to use your thinking mind to be more analytical and override the reflexive brain. I know it is easy for me to say... and is the most difficult thing to execute but more or less it starts with self awareness and comes from the inside out.
this makes so much sense whenever I get in a confrontation with authority figures (such as my parents) I freeze up and can't talk or make eye contact. which my mom always gets mad about which makes me feel even worse. awful cycle
wondering if over time you have developed an emotional reaction that you anticipate and issue with your mom and kind of shut down before interactions even start. If that is happening be aware that there might be innocent interactions but the are negative because you were emotionally shut down and defensive from the get go. Being aware of this can sometimes help you pause and not go to a negative place giving things a chance. Thanks for posting.
At 53 I sooooooo relate! That’s how old I was when I finally had an adhd diagnosis. I am now properly medicated and endeavour to use my DBT skills I’ve learned over the last year and a half. Things are NOT perfect but WOW! I understand WHAT was going on was not my fault. I now understand that I’ve been overreacting. Now that I know better I do better. Yes, it’s an effort! But as you do it, it gets easier. Thank you for you video, understanding is healing for me.
This is amazing, thank you for these quality videos. I recently found out that I have ADHD (23, M) I had been confused and stressed for most of my life, because I couldn't pay attention in school and couldn't get my self to do mundane activities. As I watch more and more of your videos, I'm finding answers and it's very helpful.
Tee Vice! thank you for taking the time to comment. such words inspire us to do what we do! Note i did a radio interview with Dr. David Nowell on this topic that will be released on Attention Talk Radio in about a month. Dr. Nowell is an excellent interview. if you like this video you'll even like the radio interview even more!
I have recently self-diagnosed myself (with the corroboration of my wife) that I have combined ADHD. All of the manifestations (minus a few on the hyper-active side) are there and have been my whole life: trouble in school; constant daydreaming; not listening; hyper-focusing on an ever-changing series of topics or projects; never finishing anything; messy room/house; shaking my leg constantly(my wife hates this); not being able to sit for long; intense physical discomfort when having to focus on some kind of art or craft (like when I recently helped my wife stencil our dining room table!); several jobs; questionable job performance; not following through; forgetful; poor time management; etc. etc. etc. I'm 40, so grew up before prevalent awareness of the disorder. Watching videos and reading about other peoples' experiences is so very familiar. It makes me feel a whole range of emotions (good and bad) to be making this discovery. My wife and I are trying to decide if we should face this on our own or seek professional help to get an official diagnosis and possible medication. Any advice?
Not sure i'm qualified as a coach to give you advise. i will share my thoughts. At the end of day it comes down to the unique individual person. That said, getting a diagnosis can help make sense of things in general. Most don''t realize it but sixty percent of the time those with ADHD have another condition (OCD, LD, Dyslexia, etc.). Getting a proper diagnosis can help you understand what you are dealing with. if you are open to meds they can help and for that you need a professional. hope this helps
once a guy jumped me as a joke for a second i was like ohh ok cool, then all of a sudden i flew into a murderous rage and threw a punch with all the force i can muster. thankfully i misaveraged his location and just grazed him... thank goodness i didnt have anything in my hand or that would've ended much differently. the thing is i never react to jokes like that(which is why he did it) all other times my emotions were out of whack i managed to conceal it but this was the first time in public and everyone treated me differently from then on(walking on eggshells i believe is the sayin) it's so frustrating.
wow! my guess is others can identify with your experience. It can be very frustration when one realizes when their emotions take over in a sense a person isn't in control. Awareness is key. Thanks for your post.
Watching this I was wondering whether adhd increases the risk for ptsd and makes recovery harder due to the strong emotional response? I was exposed to the same traumatic event as others but i had been the only one with adhd and I am the only one among them that developed ptsd... Could that be due to the strong emotional response because of my adhd? After the event I felt paralyzed, couldnt neither talk nor drive, while the others did so...
I'm not qualified to really comment... my uneducated opinion would be it is very possible. It won't answer your question exactly but i did do an interview with Dr. Charles Parker on attention talk radio (just googel attention talk radio ptsd) on ADHD and PTSD. You might find it insightful.
@@assemblycr - I agree. The famous Pete Walker book "Complex- PTSD .From Surviving to Thriving " states the same: that many ADHD person's have PTSD. I; personally believe ; following my own diagnosis with Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia and visual stress ; that the Comorbidity of ADHD MSKES it very hard to seperate one state fròm another. ..that they co-exist. But if does seem both ADHD & PTSD share similarities.
My immediate (non-professional) though is YES - having ADHD and experiencing trauma, you're going to be more susceptible to what it does, because being emotionally abused, for example, it will become both a drug and a life threat. The intense emotions and confusions present in all abusive relationships are going to be even more intense and severe for a person with ADHD. One year was enough for me to almost take my life, whereas some people stay for 5, 10, 40 years. I personally would have been dead from emotions now. Also, I partially feel like a recovering addict after just that one year (ended three years ago).
Interesting video. In a true crisis, I am emotionally flat and can cope with what is happening really well. I had a ladder collapse under me and had the presence of mind to grab the seruring rope ( in order to not be stranded on the roof) as I reached for the parapet with the other hand to pull myself onto the roof. I pulled the ladder back up, seated it properly, climbed back down and then fell apart emotionally. In a fairly normal situation though, I easily get so stressed that I can't do anything, even understanding what people are saying can become difficult. I often wish that my crisis persona was my norm
There is a saying i've heard in different places. When the world is in crisis the ADHD brain is calm. When the world is calm the ADHD brain is in crisis. We don't have research on this but many believe there are a disproportionate number of people with ADHD that are first responders. Thanks for posting.
This put perfectly into words what happens for me when I even feel slightly overwhelmed with tasks. I completely freeze, only making things worse as I can't get anything done in that state.
if you identify with it consider googling attention talk radio seasme street and listen to my interview about how to down regulate emotions. Yes, on the podcast we are talking about the muppets and prescholars but the same concepts apply to adults.
I have always gone in the order of Freeze, Flight, then Fight. Fight is extremely hard of to get out of once reached and it might take a long time to get out of fight over whatever subject/person and generally takes a lot of personal intention to come back from.
yea thats what just happened to me a so called friend critizied me and he was wrong so I fought and Im sure he is over H but its already been over 24hrs And I just want to stay safe In bed and I keep going over H its brutal to get out of fight mode
How meditation becomes the most stressful part of your day. HHeck, flight (avoidance) or freeze can occur just because we switch our sleep cycle back around. I ended up doing that not long ago. I meditate about every morning. Issue is when you are more than groggy and end up going from waking at 2pm to waking at 7am it kinda throws your body for a couple days. At least. Thus you wake up feeling UNPLEASANT. Then you find your body is physiologically aroused as to wake up from that state to a loud abusive alarm, so your heart is beating really fast and you don’t feel good at all. The function of physiological arousal is to be like “HEY!!! What ever is in your working memory at this present moment or thinking about, Its important!!” What happens then when I think of doing my meditation after eating my breakfast and thinking what to do next. My heart beats -> I feel horribly unpleasant, and I see my meditation pillow and start thinking of doing my meditation.(meditation is in my working memory) Thus the concept or idea of meditation in my head fuses with the unpleasant feeling and the high arriusal. It as a result becomes something that I end up avoiding all day because now it’s paired with that body state. I only realized I was doing all this because I read “THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN”
Totally AWESOME. if you like it... then you'll really like an interview i did with Dr. Nowell on the topic (more in depth) that will air on Attention Talk Radio later this month. if you can focus on audio look for it.
I found out at 55 that I had ADHD. I was always accomplished from childhood through to 50 years. Although hyperactive, I was able to be organised and found ways to stay on task. Probably due to a controlling mother and Germanic schooling in Texas. I worked retail, was a lineman for SWBell TelCo, a SCUBA Instructor Trainer at NASA, Boat Captain - sailed across the Pacific, chef for 35 years, and more. Parenting at 40 grounded me but also left me with fewer outlets to escape personally. I focused on perfect parenting. I found maintaining relationships difficult throughout because of misunderstandings or perception of their interests/needs. This and boredom probably the factors in why I changed jobs so often, moved country twice and found it hard to settle. When things became difficult was when my husband suffered greatly from ADD depression and dissociation, I was raising two young daughters, had an injury and wasn’t able to meet my exercise needs - which were very high. Depression alternated with hyperactivity and I became more agitated and less stable. I reacted to almost everything, criticised anything not within my scope of understanding, became angry, became fearful of my own anger, froze in stressful events and ADHD responses seemingly became worse or unmanageable. I cracked up somewhat. The past few years have been intense with the early death of my husband at 60, two rotator cuff injuries reducing my ability to work and have as many outlets for exercise (SUP paddling, swimming, walking and hiking, cycling, dancing, etc) Now I’m seeing my young adult daughter experiencing what I went through at her age. She is the reason why I’ve found your video and begun to understand the entirety of my life. I don’t want her to suffer the ways in which I did. I’m looking for strategies to help me and also for her to learn early in life. Mental health and well-being are essential to quality of life outcomes. I’d like to hear others experiences and strategies in which to manage.
I'd love to help. I will share this. What i've learned in 13 years as an ADHD coach is... it isn't so much about tips, tricks, and strategies as it is understanding ADHD, having awareness and understanding your own ADHD, and problem solving around it. Between my podcast attention talk radio and this video channel i have like over 800 interviews/video's on the internet. The most powerful ones focus on working memory (google attention talk radio gps) and understanding ADHD as an issuse of self regulation. The trick is to work with your ADHD not against it. Very sorry you can't exercise as much as you used to. If they could put exercise in a pill it would be the ADHD drug of the century. Keep the faith and keep learning.
I was recently diagnosed with depression. The doctor prescribed me a serotonin. This serotonin, though constantly made me feel anxious and out of my body. The littlest of things would send me in the flight or flight for example, backing out of a parking lot made me freak out. Also, talking to people made me very anxious. I was then later diagnosed with ADHD.
My voice starts to quiver and my hands start shaking when I'm confronted with an angry or confrontational stranger. I'm kinda embarrassed that I have such an extreme response to those situations. I feel like I should be able to be level-headed and calm during an event like that. So yeah, my flight response is in overdrive. Thanks for making this video. It really helps me understand myself more and how ADHD affects the fight of flight response.
My hope is by understanding what is happening and why you can catch yourself... realize it isn't "you"... rather it is brain wiring baked into you and you can detach yourself... calm a bit and more thoughtfully respond. Keep building awareness!!
This explains so much for me before I knew my ADD, I was always automatically on a super stressed stage everytime seeing my boss for no reasons or even when she's not there but I knew she would be there in a specific time. She'd be like not yelling at that moment but I didn't understand why my head was full of what she had yelled at me during hundreds of previous meetings and I was like in a life and death situation. Now I know that it's not her, it's me.
The trick is how to manage it. Consider googling "attention talk radio sesame street". In that interview we talk about how Sesame Street addressed emotional self regulation with preschoolers on their TV show. While we talked about kids the same concepts apply to adults.
@@AttentionTalkVideo thank u, I'm from VietNam and my English isn't good but I'll try to follow. One thing I'm confused is that I feel like I was doing better before I knew abt my ADD regardless it was always there and caused lots of trouble. I wasn't even upset myself thinking that I was too stupid or too slow and just tried to make it up by spend more time on work, simplify my life, ignore what people thought of me and trying nonstop. But now that everytime I face obstacles when trying to learn or do something I realized that it's because of my brain and I just either procrastinate or give up then feel guilty, self-hatred but continue to just...stop trying.
@@monicatrinh407 If someone were to say... what ever you do.. don't think of a pink elephant... most would notice they instinctively picture and elephant in their mind to know what they are not supposed to think of. My point it self awarness can put a spotlight on things. The key is to be aware and think about how you can manage it.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I'm trying to meditate and be more mindful but my memory is getting worse, I'm clumsier than ever, that's the reason I feel frustrated, give up on things and distance myself from everyone. Looking back my childhood I had all symptoms of adhd: inattentiveness, distractibility, disorganization, impulsivity, even hyperactivity and I'm a girl, i used to climb on every single tree in my neighborhood all day. I used to study 3-5 subjects a time even during the teacher's lesson then I was punished for it but I couldn't explain myself why I kept doing it. I also had low self esteem, eating disorder, hypersensitivity to the environment- especially light and noise, I talk fast without thinking, constant worrying and obsessiveness. But I had never have problems with my memory like I am now. I'm only 28y old but worrying I might get dementia or Alzheimer's or Parkinson disease like my mom does
@@monicatrinh407 Meditation is good. I'd encourage you to also be mindful of your emotions. Regulating emotions are a big part of ADHD. If you read your last post understanding emotions you might see how your emotions are showing up as a negative influence. Given all the symptoms the question isn't what can't you do but rather... given what "is" what can I do! That is an important mindset to help you move forward.
I had a mental breakdown just yesterday and I was definitely hurting myself and I found relief in my hurt. I want to cry right now cuz of the fact someone else is clearly stating everything with great detail of what I was feeling all day yesterday. It was so bad I had to call in and right now I’m debating with myself to call in again. I know I’m not 100% but I also don’t want to lose my job 😢
Holy crap! Thank you for this. I've conditioned myself to barely react when startled most of the time, or at least delay a response for a bit or default to freeze rather than anything drastic. I've wondered why more people don't do this, as it wasn't really that hard, and it's a handy "habit". Thinking about it after watching this, I think it's really that I regard too many things as being stressful or shocking to the level of emergencies, so I have to be conditioned not to freak out for a conversation, and extending it to actually startling things isn't much of a stretch. This is the same way I'm able to do public speaking and such, too: it's only marginally more stressful than any conversation with someone I don't know well.
My guess is your level of awareness is better than most. The single hardest thing i coach is just to have person be aware they are in an emotional state at the time they are becoming emotional. In other words... for them to notice in the moment. It's that pause. If you can't pause you can't inhibit your reactionary responses. Kudos to you for having the awareness and to develop that habit.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I feel like a poser or hypochondriac unworthy of your reply as I've never been diagnosed with anything and have known many people with more evident symptoms. But I really appreciate it and agree completely for my part. I've only lately realized / admitted how much I struggle with executive dysfunction and it seems increasingly likely I just never got evaluated for ADHD. Either way, these sorts of videos have really been helpful. Here's hoping that anyone out there who has similar struggles is able to find answers and some kind of solutions.
I have tried to communicate this with my primary doctor. I've been referred to see a therapist for a possible diagnosis of ADHD. I toggle between some high functioning anxiety for months and then pure mental paralysis, brain fog, confusion, extreme emotions and physical reactions to stress. I have had headaches everyday as early as 12 years old. I'm now 32. The trouble with being referred to a local mental help physician is that they don't have any availability until 4 months. I reel with anxiousness.
@@AttentionTalkVideo thanks for replying! I'm not sure. I think I took on too much at once; a new role, a new move, a newish relationship step. I'm having trouble tackling small tasks now. I feel overwhelmed. I did more today though than I have in weeks. I feel thankful to come across your helpful channel. Thanks for the knowledge drops and support!
@@kateykurzawa5419 Change isn't easy. It takes weeks to automate things (i.e. knowing where the staplers home is as an example). The process takes more effortful thinking that people discount. Thinking or burdening yourself with... ugh where is the stapler takes mental energy away and stresses people out. Let things settle down. Let's see what happens then.
I'm glad you finally brought this to attention. I have adhd and survived numerous traumatic experiences I can remember as far back as 4-5 yrs. old. I've been my own parent, friend and family member since I was 16. My response for the 16 years has been to fight (my birthday was the 13th and I'm still going to say I'm 30 till I'm 40 lol) and flight if you will. Life happens, and happened quite often for me so my first response was to acknowledge, find a solution, and keep on working toward my life goals. The first two, acknowledge and find a solution was the same when it came to bad situations (mostly relationships), then get the you know what out of Dodge as quick as possible. In 2015, I started taking ADHD medication again. Working two jobs and running 4-6 miles to get that my brain and this "wheel of energy" to work at a steady pace was too much when I start college again. Night and freaking day difference! My boss even started to get job or hierarchy insecurity I was preforming so well that the CEO and VP noticed. So, she tried to break my everyday but I would just remember it's not worth and at the rate I was going with school, she'd have to start actually doing work again instead of trying to hack into my computer throughout the day (to bad I was the one always pushing the green button on the printer for her at the copy machine after composing my laughter listening to her have a tech meltdown LOL! Now to the "meat" of my long comment. She finally got to me April 1,2015, when she used the right trigger words that immediately made me feel threatened and unsure about my future (scary shit when it's just me, myself and I paying the bills). I felt like I was about to have a panic attack, but this one felt different very aggressive. I went to the restroom to work on my breathing but still white as a ghost and my entire body was shaking to the point I couldn't walk without slow steps and holding onto the wall. while driving home I began to have what they told me was a dissociative non-epileptic seizure. I was one off ramp from home but had to pull over a call 911, because I then began convulsing in my car while try to talk to here on speak. my jaw was frozen shut so she was very good and letting finish my sentence and then helped me breath. After sleeping for three days straight, my fiancé handed me the phone and said,"I know your brain is fried, but I have confidence you can tell your boss to, "go to hell!" in your cunning but extremely professional manner. The past year was school, school and more school.... but it wasn't. my meds felt like they stopped working. I had daily panic attacks around 3:45pm when I was trying to find a place to hide because I knew he would be home soon I literally got nothing done. The panic attacks got so bad I wouldn't realize I was having one when walking around the house and feeling like my feel were going to break if I wasn't careful. I stayed in my study/room all day I was so afraid I was going crazy. In October 2016, after 2 bottles of red wine, three Benadryl and still no relief, my hero (fiancé) picked me up off the bathroom floor and took me to the doctor. Severe Complex-PTSD was hijacking my prefrontal cortex for an entire year before I got the stubborn scared out of me, finally. That bully amygdala wasn't letting the normal assessment of danger or no danger from the prefrontal cortex work. I was having flashbacks and blackouts for the past few months and didn't even realize it. Nothing would stop the level of hijacking besides medication- not freaking antihistamines like atarax-- please Dr. Gyunn. My life story would have you all finding some sort of ADHD and trauma victim purple heart. I've done a lot of research on how to make my ADHD my super power, but the calm after the storm (after having to be a warrior of life in general) brought out the worst comorbidity anyone with ADHD could have. You are a prisoner of you're own mind and body. Paralyzed trying to figure out why the hell you are so anxious and hypervigilant to the point I couldn't leave the house by myself. If I did it was after dark to stores I new would be open late. It literally felt like everyone saw yet another failure when they would just glance at me if I tried going to the store during the day. Going from passing 16 cu's my first semester, to 3cu's and then 0 cu's last semester. When I started back on them as an adult two years ago, it felt like everything I had planned or dreamed for my future was possible. I was able to comprehend my course material and turn off Netflix to get homework done. Having that feeling of hope and positivity I hadn't felt since 5th grade when I was shocked to be the first done with the in class assignment and ALL answers were right; and that was the class every obnoxious boy or class clown was thrown into. My first hyper focus moment:). Now that I'm taking a small dose of klonopin TID, and vyvanse (which I can't wait to swith back to Adderall XR's next week because vyvanse just makes me sleepy, but that's how despirite I was to find my "mojo" again ) ;) It may be great for some but I also tried Ritalin and same thing; plus it made me PMS like those jokes where the guy keeps his distance while throwing chocolate at the woman foaming at the mouth in the corner lol! Hopefully you're still with me, but the moral to my story is ADHD makes things difficult enough. But, when you're medication stops calming you down even when you get anxious or nervous, don't wait because if it is CPTSD or PTSD, not a single CNS stimulant will work and you're going to lose it trying to control those amplified symptoms as well as the comorbid ones. I know feel better can remember what I did yesterday and the day before and even though the vyvanse makes my eyes so freaking droopy it's nothing a red eye coffee or dirty chi coffee can't fix ;) Thank you for you're time and I would like to see more awareness on this comorbidity with ADHD. Anxiety, is one thing but I was able to find no pharmaceutical ways to deal, but C-PTSD or PTSD with ADHD is one of two things: be escorted from your home in a David Blaine style white jacket. Or, my greatest fear a one way ticket to "Hotel California" :( Thanks again for reading, but I understand if you forgot to take your meds ;0) I hope you don't mind, but I have include to video links that finally snapped me out of denial and then made me remind myself that hindsight is always 20/20 Thanks again Jeff Copper!!! I hope you don't mind that I pretty much wrote a short story and included the two video I saw before and after I finally switched doctors and got help. Oh, and two quotes I made a picture out of for my desk when I get tempted to surf the internet (Ulta and kohl's mainly) for sweet, sweet deals instead of sticking to my homework and reading schedule for that day :) "Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." - Author unknown "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit czcams.com/video/gmwiJ6ghLIM/video.html (Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety -Dr. John Kenworthy ) *** This was my "aha moment" after stumbling upon it a few days after seeing my Dr. --- Like I said, Hindsight *** czcams.com/video/_qIAZcOryl4/video.html (COMPLEX PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder | Kati Morton) *** This video gave me the strength to get up off the bathroom floor that Sunday afternoon (when my fiancé literally broke in the bathroom and said, “I can’t watch you go through this anymore. I’ll style your hair if I have to, but we are going to your new Dr. Today!) I said only if you watch this and make sure I don’t sound crazy or argue with her if this is her comorbid diagnosis making my ADHD non-responsive to my medication or why I felt like a frozen statue most days… we were in the car within 10 minutes. SHOUT-OUT to Kati Morton!!!!!!!!!! Honey, you literally saved my life that day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart sweetie:)”
The details you delve into regarding ADHD, PTSD and anxiety all mingling together is quite important, and often, extremely difficult to begin to untangle. For someone completely paralyzed with these co-morbid symptoms, what would you say to them to literally get them out their front door to seek help..?
I have add. Diagnosis came today. Been watching videos about innattentive type, which I yielded the most symptoms of, and been fretting deep down that despite relating to a lot, if not all of the anecdotal and medical descriptions of the disorder that the test would come back negative
It's been an immensely sobering, elucidating experience. I pursued the possibility after my twin brother was diagnosed and prescribed due to trouble in school/work. Now that I know what the behaviors are, I see them overwhelmingly in my brother, myself, and especially now, my parents. They are not fond of their children drawing "conclusions" about how their poor organization, cyclical and forgetful dialogue, and their unconscious self-medication with caffeine (to promote focus, emotional/temper control, and coordination in simple to more difficult jobs or conversations) are all things tied to their very apparent ADD.
Holy shit, you are the first person I've heard describe this freeze response to stress. That is why I can't drive a car. I could handle the distractability, but the fact that my brain freezes in a stressful situation makes driving impossible. On the other hand, I don't think my brain actually freezes under stress as much as goes into very slow motion, which means that in an emergency situation that unfolds a little more slowly (say, a burning building vs an imminent collision) I can be calm and rational and practical while normal people are freaking out and panicking. I think that may be the other side of the "freeze" coin. (But beware the series of one.)
there is an old saying. when the world is in chaos the ADHD brain is as calm as a cumber. When the world is calm the ADHD brain is chaos. Interviewed a formula one race car driver with ADHD. He said the only time he felt calm was doing 180 MPH. The world finally speed up to the speed of his brain!
Exactly!!! I'm cool as a cucumber during a wreck or accident. It's like I'm in my element and home amongst the chaos. When someone's hurt or upset I can help them and fix the situation no matter if its my daughter or the neighbor up the street. Thats also why I do my best work under pressure. I hate my brain when everything is calm around me and internally my mind is a wreck! But I pride myself when everything's a wreck and I can be cool headed and calm when the situation calls for it. It's wild!
I really resonate with the thing he said about anticipation. I often find myself asking why I'm so anxious at just the thought of sth without it even existing. If there's God he really subdued all ADHD sufferers
Thrilled it resonated. My hope is it will help you understand this and deal with it more effectively. Know it is a challenge. It will take practice but don't loose faith.
Now makes sense why I was freezing or having too much difficulty in terms of remembering the info at hand when I was being questioned by my superiors.. I was a foreigner to myself and I had no idea what was wrong with me. Especially under pressure my mind shuts down and I can not recall anything properly or give nonsense reactions which undervalues me.. What is more, i kept questioning myself all these years and I felt ashamed. Because I also had doubts about me in terms of my roller coster success. After watching some videos and being diagnosed, I feel so relaxed. This video also explains a lot. Thanks a lot.
This excellent video touches on the most missed presentation in ADHD-Land - actually a manifestation of Executive Malfunction in the PFC. The keyword is *OVERWHELM.* When overwhelmed it becomes an executive function challenge of decision making and a complexity of variables not-adequately-sorted cognitively leading to a temporary developmental arrest. This problem is a thinking problem even tho encouraged by emotional disarray. Frozen thinking is just that: Cognitive Arrest derived from *Cognitive Anxiety* - which is NOT in the DSM-? because, while you may suffer from it, the 'science' has not evolved to document and target cognitive anxiety as a fixable malady. The good news: once identified it is quite treatable: See this video: corepsych.com/thinking
Dr. Parker, I always love when you share your insights. Thanks. The one thing I'd like to add. To begin I don't want to represent my opinion as fact. I want to be clear I'm sharing my experience and opinion. Often people come to me wanting coaching on things when the challenge isn't the thing but rather the emotional regulation. They are looking for a tip, trick, or strategy. The majority of the time such things don't work. Why? Because we are dealing with emotions. What I've found works is helping people set up their mind (mindset) to own managing emotions. Managing comes from the inside not something like a reminder. Yes managing from the inside is effortful. So is going thought life overwhelmed. Either way it will take work. Hope this help those reading this give them pause to think. As always Dr. P... THANKS
Hello Dr. Parker - I am intrigued by the concepts of cognitive anxiety, cognitive arrest and overwhelm which are new to me, but sound very consistent with my experiences /symptoms . I'm working my way through your channel, if you could point me towards more content in this areas, I'd appreciate it! Thanks
Our daughter who is 11 and a half has ADHD and anxiety issues, I can relate with what you were saying. Sometimes for us as her parents, that sometimes she just won't share her feelings, she keeps them inside until she explodes.
yikes! it's a challenge to help kids manage emotions. Not sure if it would help but i did an interview with Autumn Zitani of Sesame Street on attention talk radio around how they used the muppets in season 43 to help preschools learn to manage emotions. Just google attention talk radio sesame street and it should come up.
That's because your asking her the wrong way. You need to give her space to explain in her way what she feels. Otherwise you are interjecting your own feelings and that doesn't reflect her own.
@@AttentionTalkVideo not literal strife for 10yrs. But absolutely one of the central causes. I have ADHD and I had a ton of shame for shutting down never knew why I did.
I am just figuring out after 45 years that I might have this ADHD stuff. Everything you just talked about (7 years ago) matches how I feel almost all the time. I knew I was not quite normal but this nailed my life experiences. It makes my life very difficult. I know if I could control this I would be wildly successful at whatever I decide to do.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I have an appointment on the 17th. I hope she can help me out. I appreciate the video. It has helped confirm I need some professional help and that it is treatable.
Imagine some bad things stuck in mind so i can’t focus to stop. Because you can not control it, it become bigger turning to anxiety attacks like struggling with breathing and fast heart beating. You feel useless and depressed start crying. Damn it is really hard sometimes. In my country, which is Kazakhstan, doctor tested that ADHD is not problem and there is no right medical treatment(((
I realize this is easy for me to say... difficult to execute but... education... awareness... and mindfulness is key for you at this point. The more you can kind of work on stepping out of things (pausing)... witness without emotion the situation before you act the better. Again, easy for me to say... very difficult to execute. Keep the faith!
Explains why I got into so many fights when I was younger.the second I felt the threat I would go for it.i still get it now and little jump scares happen alot to the point I throw whatever is in my hand or go to punch.this is even before I register what is happening....so this explains a lot.
This video helped me understand what was going on. This explains why all I could do was mostly draw blanks during arguments or confrontations. They turn into pissing matches with no point getting across because I'm flustered and the other party is normally just being an ass. I try to take some deep breaths and it helps but I don't always remember.
Thanks! I certainly know it's there, and it is and always has been a huge issue for me. I have not seen it directly tied to ADHD before, though...it can be hard enough to find discussion of emotional dysregulation in ADHD, given that it is still not part of the DSM. So it's the first time that I've supposed it could be other than a comorbidity, of which I have a few. I also appreciate that you describe the perception of danger, rather than danger itself, and that this can arise out of the extreme emotional responses that ADHD can cause. In the US we still don't have CPTSD as a diagnosis, and a PTSD diagnosis centers on a single event where you either were in mortal or physical danger, or had legitimate reason to believe you were in it. This leaves out so many situations, in particular the anticipation of a recognized stressor that you dread. Neurotypical people can get CPTSD this way, and it is the principal behind psychological water torture. No danger there, just the growing dread that comes from wondering when the next drop of water is going to hit you. It's the repetition and anticipation that get you in the end. I'm going to make one addition to fight/flight/freeze (and fawn) that is my own observation. My very worst occurrences of fight/flight/freeze have felt like my brain at war with itself, and are possibly autistic meltdowns -- I'm diagnosed AuDHD now. If I find myself in a situation where it feels like there is no way out, I can thrash around like a cornered animal. Which I eventually realized is what it was: I think my brain is cycling between flight and flight, and feels like neither is an option. Run or fight? Fight or run?? So I now think of this as fight/flight/freeze/fawn...or trapped.
Jim... thanks for watching. Thrilled you found value and validation in the video. That said your post was very articulate. YES... the perception of danger is as real as danger itself. The trick of it all is to pause and think... to realize most preceived threats are not threats... in fact if you are feeling threatened and are a deer in the head lights that is what creates issues. Reminds me of the Roosevel quote... there is nothing to fear except fear itself. Thanks for posting.
i'm finding out about my adhd test results tomorrow, and so im just gonna talk as if i think i have it bc yeah now that i've been in quarantine with my family i've been having so many more temper tantrums then normally and just screaming and idk why but i think that's it yeah it also was common before corona but like my family is here noticing it now lol
That's the idea. The trick is to pause... take a deep breath... count to calm down... then think. That is the magic formula. Understand i realize it is easy for me to say. Difficult to execute.
@@handmade3681 First responders are under a ton of pressure. Often life threatening pressure (i.e. a marine). Their life depends on pausing and not panicking. They practice pausing. In real life pausing and not panicking is the difference between success and failure. I realize it feels like you don't have time but my guess is you actually have more time than you think.
There are 5 "Fs" when it comes to responses to intense stimuli; Fight, Flight, Freeze, Flop, and Friend. The difference between Freeze and Flop - Freeze is a kind of paralysis, but Flop is a result of being so over stimulated that the body starts to shut down, and looks a lot like falling asleep. Friend of course is getting support from someone, or being able to be a friend to yourself in that difficult moment.
I get the flop.... not sure i understand the friend. the key point of feeling threatened is that it is a reflexive response. There is no pause, no thinking, just a reaction. Thanks for posting.
For me like in the middle of a normal conversation while I'm talking i maybe get exited and get goosebumps and get overwhelmed that i pause then continue the conversation cannabis helps me personally with regulating emotions
@@Femboys4ever I encourage you to google attention talk radio cannabis and listen to my recent interview with Dr Olivardia on the topic. He goes into more depth on things like how cannabis can help calm things down short term... relive anxiety short term it actually negatively impacts ADHD over time and increases anxiety.
That happened to me when driving unmedicated. I saw a car pass by another in the other lane as I was coming over a hill, I just froze. The other car got back into his lane fast, at least my car slowed down because I didn't have my foot on the gaspedal. Thanks for this clarification about emotions. I thought it was just cowardice that made me freeze and not fight or do the appropriate thing in a situation. I've loathed myself for not standing up for myself in fights, and just freeze or run.
Don't loath yourself. The FFF is a reflexive response to survive. The trick is to be aware of it and override it. Hoping this video and your lived experience makes it more tangible for you to catch yourself in the moment. thanks for posting.
Amazing way to describe the disastrous inability to recall the pieces to the puzzle required to answer, solve or otherwise produce a solution to a problem! Adderall XR does wonders for my mind in this area but does it yours?
I know this is off-topic, but is this an ADHD thing? Sometimes when there's an assignment coming up that I really don't want to do, my brain shuts off and stops cooperating with me. I _want_ to get the assignment done (despite not liking it), but for some reason there's some sort of mental blockage preventing me from doing it. It was somewhat like this when I was a kid, too.
You descriptions is very similar to many with ADHD. Your brain could be shutting down over an emotional reaction or the material is boring and it won't engage. Could be a combination.
I am going through a really hard time with not only my adhd, but also my boys. I was never taught how to self regulate as a kid. My parents and i didnt have what is the understanding of what was going on with how i reacted and gave me the original medication for adhd. Im currently going through therapy that is long overdue to try and break the cycle. Im begining to understand where things went wrong as a kid for myself and teach my boys before they develop the same issues i did with depression anxiety ptsd etc.. Thank you for the info
I’m not diagnosed but yea confrontational and intense moments make me freeze and most times I do the same in life threatening events, even just fell backwards when someone pulled a gun on me
Mine was fight, flight, and freeze. Each response at a moment where they were most destructive I am just now learning about managing mine, still struggling. I'm middle aged, and got tired of it- that feeling that I could be so much more than this is constantly tugging at me. ADD is not a gift- it is a curse.
It certainly isn't something that you'd wrap in a package and gift to a friend. That said, with proper diagnosis and help you can live a fulfilling life. Regulating emotions isn't easy but you are learning about it and gaining awareness. More awareness increases your ability to pause and down regulate. The old Pause, Ponder, then Proceed.
@@AttentionTalkVideoTrue. I've been diagnosed for years. When I accepted the dx, the way my life had gone made sense- going all the way back to grade school. I have a long way to go- on meds, and using the benefits of meds to work on cognitive/executive training. The destructive habits die hard. In adult life, it is procrastination- avoiding ( stuffing the important stuff into dark corners ) until everything collapses- then: exploding, panic etc. Stuck in set perseveration is another. Wasting time boiling a problem down to its final dust spec- as if you can solve things living in your head. It costs you. Sorry if my responses seem negative, I'm frustrated.
@@AttentionTalkVideo just read your last sentence. Working on that, too. Impulsivity is my worst enemy- shit, I jumped on typing back to you before I even fully read or thought it through- I've a ways to go.
@@jrosner6123 I'll let you in on a little secret. The majority of procrastination is rooted in ambiguity. Don't know what to do, don't know where something is (the internet isn't clarity... it is infinite), don't know how long something will take. Part of getting past procrastination is to identify what isn't clear and solve for that first.
I relate to this completely! But how does this differentiate from anxiety? I’ve tried to get diagnosed with ADHD a few times now & I keep being told “oh that’s just your anxiety” so I’m being treated for that again which really isn’t helping my issues get better overall 😔
This is my perspective (not necessary scientific fact). Feelings, emotions, anxiety are invisible... as a result there are a lot of interpretations. To me an emotions is a reflex that manifest as a feeling. Anxiety is a feeling. If you are confronted with a task that you struggle with you have a reflexive feeling that manifest as anxiety. In my mind when we have an emotion we escape thinking. There are lots of quotes that illustrate this. thinking is difficult that is why people judge is the only exercise you get in a day is jumping to conclusions. Anxiety is a symptom to many things... you can have anxiety due to ADHD, or autism, or environmental factors. Mental help professionals make observations and classify the symptoms to arrive at a diagnosis. Some are good at this others not so good (i.e. i've heard people say their physician said they couldn't have ADHD because they have good grades). Weather you have ADHD or not the key is to be self aware and own yourself in a way to mange yourself. Again. this is just my perspective. thanks for posting.
I'm definitely flight and freeze. For years I attributed this to my depression that would creep back in from time to time. But now, at 26 years old, my doctor thinks I might have AD(H)D. Getting tested soon and hoping I can get treatment ASAP.
It is harder to deal with something when you don't know what you are dealing with. Hoping you get clarity and can address things knowing what is the root of it all. thanks for posting.
When i have emotional conversations where i need to answer honestly, my brain starts overthinking of responses that would be adequate, then gets stuck in a loop, then i get asked why im not responding, which triggers anxiety, and then i forget what we where even talking about and make the situation even worse, this has ruined my relationship, not being able to speak.. i feel like theres 1000lbs of pressure in my throat and i can’t decide on anything to say, and as time goes by in that scenario, it get’s worse and worse..
Ah yes... putting pressure on yourself. It paralizes. At times i ask people to make me laugh, make me laugh now, come on what is taking so long make me laugh. Then i say... notice how your mind is blank? How you are paralized? They say yes. Understanding and managing pressure is the key. This is what athlete do... practice calming down and thinking. Easy for me to say... difficult to execute... but better than just being paralized.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thank you for the response, i feel hyper aware of it, i guess it's just going to take time to implement the right thing to do.. it definitely feels like my brain shuts off, just have to think of a way to bring myself back and say something.
I tended to freeze as a bullied kid. And now as I’m 23 years old I’m becoming more aware of my fucking head. And it’s crazy realizing how crippled I am compared to what seemingly normal people see and feel. I can walk into a Costco with out sensory overload! There is to mush shit in the store to pay attention to!! And the stress eating, no it’s no eating from stress, it’s stress from being hungry kind of like a hunting instinct.
Thank you!! I have a hard time with paperwork and I say all the time that I feel paralyzed when it comes to getting this done. Any tools you have to help me overcome this problem is welcomed.
Emotional self regulation is a process of just calming down. The second challenge once you calm down is regulating your attention (focus). Paperwork is a challenge cause it is boring... but if it taxes your working memory it is really hard (paperwork on line can be really hard). What works depends on the situation. Sorry i don't have a one size fits all answer... still it starts with calming emotions down and trying to make things tangible and easy.
@@AttentionTalkVideo *Mark.9:* 21Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. 22“It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” 23“ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” 24Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” *Philippians.4:* 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Trance techniques may still work. Finger playings or some quick sentences you may say to stay awake or getting you to awake again. i often felt like some of my more intense focus moments were similar to that of a deep trance like after 15-20min of meditation. Little control, total awareness and sometimes fragile (like a flow).
Very unique shy sensitive child with my own interests (never typical) Started having untriggered panic attacks at 19, so bad I’d see double. I was in college I also dropped out. Persistent anxiety and panic attacks for years and years. Bad choices. Highly sensitive to rejection or perceived deception. Focus issues. Hyper sensitive to music. Non confrontational. Don’t stick with a job or path for more than a year or two. Struggled with essays and projects. Procrastination. Don’t always know when people are joking. Silly and spontaneous. Over thinker. Thinking outside the box. Rational but scared of everything. Smart but forgetful. Cry at a drop of a dime. Easy to anger. Been different my entire life just trying to fit in somewhere. I wanna achieve big things but don’t know how? Knew something was wrong but didn’t know what. depression set in finally. I reached out for help. Emotional regulation got worse n worse. Diagnosed adhd at 36.
@@Megdracula Makes sense on one level. On another does it help build immunity? Are you getting help to make good choices? Getting help learning to read social cues?
In class when I'm asked questions if I'm aware I haven't put much effort on this subject.. I'll panic and therefore even if the question is simple my brain just stops functioning.. It's as if I'm watching them asking me question I'm hearing them but it's not reaching my brain
I was a good pupil, and a very good student. But I totally failed as a worker and PhD candidate, because I could not fulfill the bosses' tasks. And when they tried to enforce results, I froze or panicked more or less. Funny, cause I love to physically fight, spar, box, workout. I just feel weak and useless when bosses want me to do things.
I did an interview on Attention Talk Radio with Dr. Thomas Brown on ADHD and high IQ (just google attention talk radio IQ). you might be interested in listening to it. He does a great job about framing out the difference between learning and execution and how those with ADHD struggle with the execution part.
Wow! Many with ADHD could identify with you comments. The trick is the self awareness and the ability to self regulate so as not to get in trouble. Easily to say... not so easy to execute.
I feel that by becoming aware I can now accept myself for how I am. It's hard to break certain patterns of ADHD behaviour - such as staying awake past my bedtime when I get hyperfocused on a project - so I just now say, well, it's how my brain works and if it didn't do that then I wouldn't get certain projects done. I think in some ways it helps me to realise that I've got to keep myself in certain environments in order for my special ability to thrive, rather than being in environments which are tailored around other types of people.
You wrote: I think in some ways it helps me to realise that I've got to keep myself in certain environments in order for my special ability to thrive, rather than being in environments which are tailored around other types of people. That is a big Aha! I'm not a mental health provider... just a coach. Over the years i've found those with ADHD to be very environmentally sensitive. The key is for them to step into environments that make it easy to self regulate. Looks like you now GET IT! Booya!
AttentionTalkVideo it's when other people try to coax you into the wrong environments, that's when I find myself struggling to get myself together. I often forget my powerful identity realisations so wind up allowing myself to be pulled back into unsatisfactory environments because I let myself be swayed by the outlook that I CAN be like everyone else, or I HAVE to be like everyone else, but I just gotta try and focus on reminding myself every day what my ADHD/hyperfocusing brain is trying to inspire me to do... a lot of the time its very confusing, coz it flits between wanting to me to follow one route to wanting to follow another on some days, right in the middle of a task as well. 😖 But its not really a problem I suppose, just very odd haha! It's about letting yourself be spontaneous. It's almost like being Spider-Man, because you sense things differently and your body reacts differently, and it helps you do incredible things, yet you feel bad for having these weird super powers, because it makes you act abnormally and you don't have the life that another human being might - but why the hell wouldn't you want to climb all those walls and fight those monsters to save the world?! 😂
That is very interesting! When I was 13 years old, I came home from school to find my neighbor's house on fire, which was a very traumatic experience for me. I remember a window breaking and hearing all the alarms going off inside the house as I felt a sudden rush of heat and smoke, which I now know was a backdraft or flashover (smoke explosion). What was my instinct? DANGER!!! RUN!!! Put it out!!! That's exactly what I did- I ran to the neighbors houses and told them to hose down their properties before running home to safety. The other day, I heard a loud beeping sound that was the same pitch as a smoke/fire alarm, and, even though the fire happened 14 years ago, I immediately went back into that same fight or flight response, but was able to breathe and think, "What is making that beeping sound? My fire alarm isn't flashing, so, it's not that. Oh! It's a backup alarm on the garbage truck outside. No big deal. Whew!"
What videos do you have dealing with boredom. I feel like I am coming apart when there is nothing to do. I take methylphenidate 3 times a day every 4 hours. Thank you sir
search you tube for "attention talk video boredom" and you get a video i've done on agitated boredom that you might like. I have also talked about it on Attention Talk Radio. Did a presentation on Additude Magazine on boredom that you might find of interest.
Going on with 25 years without medications for this Brian disorder. They think its bipolar disorder, but I was told as a child that its adhd. So, I'm confused, does adhd turn into bipolar disorder later on in life.
ADHD and Bipolar are two separate things. You can have both. If you have both the ADHD is often caught first and the bipolar later in life. I'd encourage you to listen to my two interviews on attention talk radio with Dr. Olivardia. He does a good job of explaining things. Just google attention talk radio olivardia bipolar
My problem is that I always respond with fight, but the thing is I never go out without my gun... and when something like this happens I simply shoot... sometimes when its not the best option...
But why ADHD? Can I say the same thing for Bipolar II? The depressive state is somehow playing dead or freezing? How is it different from the ADHD brain? Truly curious.
ADHD is an executive function impairment. Self-regulation is a major EF. Two things you need to regulate... attention and emotions. At some level everyone struggles with emotional self-regulation. Those with ADHD tend to struggle with it more. As for Bipolar II... i'm not as versed in it but at some level they would struggle as well. thanks for posting.
Now apply this to what order the ADHD kid is born. A study would be interesting. I wonder if the first born would be more likely to fight (usually being the independent one) and if the youngest of a family would run since they usually are more of a follower not an independent leader. (General statement for the average family of course)
@Attention Talks Video Hi I’m 45 and just getting started on pursuing a likely ADHD diagnosis. I have low- income insurance. I did find the Mental health department of my “Medi-Cal “ health insurance, it’s called Beacon Health. I’m in Northern California. I’m apprehensive about securing a proper Diagnosis. I really appreciate any advice out there on how to take this on. How to keep fighting for myself, and to get help. Maybe it won’t be as challenging and a drudge that I’ve heard about. But it’s already been 2 weeks and not heard back . I have an extremely difficult time making phone calls. But I better, these systems are only getting worse and making daily life more problematic. Thanks 🙏🏻 So much!
Congrats on owning the courage to get a proper diagnosis. As for advise... to me mindset is how your mind is set up to think. I find those who have ADHD and are successful shift their mindset The set up their mind to think differently. There is try harder or try different. There are a lot of people who know a lot about ADHD but they don't own it. Here is a simple example. Neurotypicals talk to themselves in their head (verbal working memory). We can't hear them. Working memory is an execuative function and is impaired for many with ADHD. As a result they talk to themselves out loud a lot. Others think they are talk to them or say that person is full of themselves. Again in reality they are thinking. Not to talk is not to think. I've helped people realize this in coaching call. They go Oh... yea that's me. Then they go home and try to think in silence.(try harder). Those that own it do things like find people and ask if they can talk out loud or if someone would help them think through something. Again, shift your mindset to do things in a way that work for you not how you think you should do them... and own it. Very grateful on this thanksgiving day that you posted. Best of luck.
Uhhhh my God!I am a teacher who knows what isadhd and I just realised in my 35 that I have this brain structure! I had signs since childhood! I didn't know what was wrong with me! I am going to get diagnosed as soon as possible!
This is interesting because years ago doctors were hesitant to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I probably do have that but it sounds like, when considered with other symptoms, I have ADHD.
Diagnosing is tricky when it comes to mental health. I did an interview with Dr. Sarah Cheyette on Attention Talk Radio on the topic. She really illuminated the issues. Basically symptoms are classified into groups. Problem is many symptoms part of many diagnosis. For example "anxiety". People with autism, depression, and ADHD can have anxiety. Just because you are anxious doesn't mean you have all three diagnosis. The key is to find an experienced professional. Not always easy to find but it is usually worth the effort looking. thanks for posting.
"perceived" is the key word. you perception could be right. it also could be wrong or worse... it might not be a threat at first but it turns into a threat based on your reaction. Emotional self regulation is challenging and can be a self fulfilling prophesy. The key is to engage the thinking brain to engage to identify what is really a threat and what is not that you can engage with to your advantage.
This so difficult to control. I have just started the process of being diagnosed for an issue that I have been fully aware of for a very long time. This emotional response causes me to completely fog up and shut down during an argument to the point where I don't even remember why there was a disagreement in the first place.
Some times i have client put themselves in a simulated situation to practice calming down. For example, before the election if you were a trump fan i'd have you watch CNN. If you were a biden fan I'd have you watch fox news. The idea is for them to notice their body as they get emotional... to pause... take a few deep breaths... and focus on calming their body down. The idea is to practice this in a safe simulated environment to practice for life. Understand one must be careful as to what they choose to put themselves in. It needs to be emotional but not trigger any trauma. Hope you are getting help to manage things. Thanks for posting.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I never thought about that. I will definitely try that. In most situations it's hard to step away to regulate my emotions because when in a disagreement with my partner, she assumes that I am ignoring the issue and walking away which of course I know is not the situation. Maybe this video will help explain the to her. Thanks!
No one around me understands the fear that overwhelms and all come at me just pushing and pushing..im at the point now where im about to lose everything ive worked for..ive been seen a counselor for over a year and she avoids the adhd topic so im not treated for it..ive been trying to get help for years and years and no one is treating me properly..can someone please direct me in a direction to where I can get help.im 47 and accomplished alot however it always comes crashing down becoming paralyzed with fear anxiety,overwhelmed..im atvthe end of my rope and dont have the fight anymore..this is a miserable existence and finally want to walk away from this war inside my head..my brain never shuts down..im all over the place,I try to hide it but it always exposes its ugly self...I would never put my number online but im really in desperate need of help..please,please if anyone can offer me some advice or point me in the right direction I'd be forever grateful to you...I live in St.Augustine Florida..Myke..904-814-9226..
@@AttentionTalkVideo hey there thank you for reaching out..Im sorry I missed the call I will empty my voice mail out this evening..I really appreciate it
Emotional self regulation is probably the hardest issue for many with ADHD. The process sounds simple but it is hard to execute. Basically you have to notice when you are in an emotional state when it is happening. For some learning to listen to your body... if you feel a flooding feeling or a pit in your stomach, or other such things... it is the signal to pause. When that happens you breath. For many it is best to step out of the situation or count to 10 to distance yourself from your rush of feelings... then you brain storm with others. other ways is to rehearse what to do in such situations. I did and interview with Sesame Street on Attention Talk Radio about how the puppets model this for kids. Melissa Orlov and I talked about it in another interview. the marines and first responders practice what to do in different situations. Really it comes down to noticing yourself, and kind of detaching yourself from the emotions to move forward. In coaching it varies from person to person but I've had success with people noticing, breathing and dunking their face in ice water, or going for a fast 1/2 mile run, or playing the piano for a bit. Again what works depends on the individual. The first step... the key is awareness. Again, all this was easy to say... but know it is a challenge to execute... especially for those with ADHD.
Hi...I'm Ryan and I have ADHD. I tend to freeze in stressful situations. So I try to think rationally of what I need to do so I can get sense of direction. Then when I try to execute my course of action I realize that my body is stuck and doesn't do what I want it to do. Very annoying.
Is it possible only developing hdhd ir ONLY realizing it até 40 years old ...i belive once o had this mental breack down i developed Sever depression.. anxiety, and social fobia...i was fine i could live a normal life ,but know i dont live the house ..cant make any decisions..not even going to the doctors or fix my teeth or cut my hair ...this arent even decisions its things i need to do ...i can understand the fear of going to the doctors becouse i never felt i needed to go Soo last time migth have been 15 or 20 years ago ...but know that i have depression or whatever this is i need but Im paralized ...my life is ruined couse i dont work ..and i feel Im not capable of working and it sucks , i totally Lost my self confidence and self esteem and self worth ,to the point that i feel i cant BE Alone ..and not always in life we gonna have some One Next to us ...
I'm definatly hearing you have lost self confidence (SC). SC is challenging in that one becomes guarded and less apt to try something which is the very thing that is needed to figure out a path. I know what i'm going to write is easy for me to write and hard for you to execute but it is helpful to focus on what you can do, have done, or have been successful at to move forward. Dwelling on what doesn't work keeps you stuck. Hoping you are getting help. Thanks for posting.
Managing emotions comes from awareness. It is a process not a tip trick or strategy. For more on details google "attention talk radio sesame street" and listen to my interview with Autium Zitani. While we are talking about preschoolers the same principals apply to adults.
For me. It's like I'm always expecting to fight to the death. For example if I'm home watching tv. And something makes my front door creek. Even if it's just a gust of wind doing so. I'll typically instantly stop watching tv and start watching the door. If the sounds continue for long periods of time or get louder. I'll often grab my 9mm. I have gone through allot of life threatening situations. Many at an early age. So I'm sure that mixed with my ADHD is why I tend to be ready to fight. But honestly I wouldn't get rid of it. Life is unpredictable. This "flaw" of mine might actually save my life one day.
Extremely tough a lot of confusion, very strong emotions of sadness, lack of control, fear, insecurity. Is what happens to me and it's very frustrating because I need to choose what to do but I can't understand what I even really want because my emotions are pulling me in many directions.
For many i coach (not everyone) it is helpful to understand a persons values, dominate learning modalities, character, and core beliefs... in other words coming to understand "WHO" you are and writing such things down and in some cases prioritizing things. Then use the list as a filter to make decisions when emotions are running wild. Conceptually the idea is to externalize fundamentals and to go back to them as a source of clarity. Again, this isn't for every body but i share in hopes it sparks an idea that might work for you!
I hate when my boss is a jerk and I can't think of what to say. 😡😡😡
AttentionTalkVideo yes. Great advice. I notice when i am on my way to act on emotion and stop myself.
AttentionTalkVideo- sounds like a good system!
Your comment brings to mind the enrolment officer at USC asking me what, actually did I want to study before I chose my Degree. I changed three times over the course of four years! Eventually, I left because there were so many subjects that interested me, and where I could find healthy employment, that I could not focus on one. Also, because I could not sit at my desk long enough to complete an essay. I often focused so intensely on one subject that I completely overlooked other assignments that were due.
My emotions then predominated my intellect and I felt ashamed that I couldn’t complete my subjects as they became due. The stress that put on me caused me to pull out and go back to being a chef (physical work).
@Attention Talk Video - those suggestions are wonderful, thank you 😊
This explains the tunnel vision I get every time I get into an argument or get criticized by someone I’m not close with... Fight, flight or freeze in full effect
feeling threatened is like a trigger... boom into FFF. When in that state of mind the thinking brain is off line. The trick is to notice yourself, then pause and down regulate to bring your brain online to think.
Yes! so simple to explain... AMAZINGLY difficult to execute.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Very difficult to execute! Thank you for the reply and the video!
@@sesh3508 you're very welcome
Effect
@@daddybadbad my b usually I’m the grammar nazi
So thats why everytime I have argument about emotional stuff, especially confrontation my brains freeze. I can never awnser back. If I try it's just a burst of anger and emotion because my brains stop computing. I've simply learned to avoid these situations. Now I have such a hard time connecting with people. Even when Im with people Ive built up such a hude emotional wall that I still fell lonely and it constantly Hurts.
The brain in infinitely complex... but in simple terms yes.
Understanding emotions is step one of managing them. Being awareness of them when they start is step two. Step three is down regulating them so you can think step 4.
How this is done is for everyone. If you want to learn more listen to my interview with Autumn Zitani from sesame street on attention talk radio. Just google attention talk radio sesame street and it should come up.
I’m with you, brother. It is crazy to realize there is a reason why I do these things.
@@skyt3265 ... my hope is that you won't think your crazy but realize there is some biological logic as to why you do what you do. Knowing that you are preprogramed a certain way can help take the emotions out of managing emotions. Thanks for posting.
same! I have ADHD and because of trauma it's super hard to open up especially in confrontations
I can relate with what you’re saying! I stopped completely. For many years. Only recently have I started posting online here and there, but even then I’m careful. Because the hurt can hit just about anywhere. It’s ironic isn’t it? We learn to stop living, because of our brain. So to it’s core, our brain tries to save us from dying but in reality it’s killing us.
I’ve often wondered why I freeze up in an emergency! Also, forget my own name when paralyzed with fear. I hate bad tempered people.
I like to think of the emotional brain as a reflexive brain. You feel threaten and you have a reflexive reaction. Takes effort to calm down and think. Hope the video gave you an awarness to manage your emotions a bit.
Yes, thank you. Nature is a wonderful thing! My brain tells me to take a deep breath, and take one step at a time!
Jill Young Me too! I also forget my name in those moments, I will even get my sentences mixed up. This now makes a lot of sense.
To me it has always been fight. I always over react. Usualy in an agressive manner. Took me years to manage that.
Wow! If you have time it would be great if you shared how you came to manage it.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I'll try not to take too long. I'll answer now, in order to not procrastinate. Just for the sake of context, a few events. I hit people hard in the past for playing pranks. My step dad, a person i loved very much, i punched in the face por simulating a snake bite in the woods. I crashed my working chair on a rubber spider. I punched cabinets for hitting my head on them. I flipped over my car to avoid a possum. I tore an exam apart in front of my teacher. riscked my life in stupid arguments which i escaleted. So "managed it" may be an overstatement. I'm now 47, father of two boys, one of them an ADHDer. I married an angel who has the greatness and patience to remind me "inhibition, honey!" every time she senses i'm over reacting. I'm very well medicated by a professional. I'm still on CBT, and i'm still discovering new angles for my symptoms. I meditate and i pray. I practice martial arts as an outlet. I run. I avoid conflict. I remind myself to not get angry before meetings, or in my bosse's office. I practiced making jokes in the traffic. If i can't think of a joke, i yodel sing. My kids love that one. In short, i'm vigilant, supported, treated. Sorry for the long answer! I just felt that video gave me that perspective of survival instincts, and it felt great, man. It's a reassurance that ADHD is not a failure of normal. Maybe we are wired to catch the distractions same way we catch manaces beyond campfire lights. Who knows? Anyway, thanks!
@@martiuscastle so so very grateful for your post on two levels. First, that you found it validating. More importantly for others to read. To be validated by you. To understand managing this isn't easy but there is hope. You are managing it and continuing to improve. I hope as many people as possible will read what you have written.
Again thanks! I'm grateful.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Definately a remarkable turn of events says the possum.
Lay that beast down at the campfire before stoking the coals.
All the best with family and personal inspirations 🙏
Time for me to watch the video...
Castelo Thank you for sharing this valuable information with us 🙏🏽
I have social anxiety along with ADHD, so often when people ask me simple questions like "what do you want to eat?", my brain freezes and I have no idea, so I usually say I don't know or don't care, or that I don't want anything, even when I do. It really sucks because people are annoyed that I'm "indecisive"
Maybe brainstorm with someone around coming up for a few responses... like... what do you have a taste for... what are you having... when it comes to food i really don't have a craving so how about you pick.
notice in the first three suggestion you are asking for their input to give you time to think and narrow your options down to what they say.
@@AttentionTalkVideo That's a good idea, I'll try that. Thanks!
I always say “what are you going to have”
I'm the same
@@finity9316 Love that!!!!
I’ve always been perceived by people as timid or helpless due to the constant anxieties and cognitive delays from this ADD brain. I’m a friggin target!
I'm not disputing some have perceived you that way. Question is when you feel that way is that feeling 100% accurate?
I’m 27 and I’ve only just figured out I have ADHD, the more inattentive type after finding out my dad has it as well. I’ve struggled with social anxiety for years and this truly resonates with me regarding the freeze. If anyone says something to me or about me in a social setting that upsets me, all I do is freeze and act like a zombie. The anxiety is so strong that I can’t even keep up with conversation or think rationally. Thank you for this video, I am looking forward to learning more about my condition
thanks for posting. hope you find the content in our other videos helpful.
are you me? haha its unbelievably relatable. im also 27 and diagnosed with add 6 months ago. I also react in the same way. All this feels like im meeting myself for the first time and getting to know what am i like. I want to wish all the good luck for you!
"You can't remember what works". That's it!!! That's why I forget to look at my paper where I've written down my helpful thoughts. That's why I don't eat or drink. My body shuts down. I don't get signals that tell me it's time to eat I freeze when I quit smoking and now I know why!
So now I can ask my ADHD psychologist to help me tackle this.
Awareness is step one. With that awareness you can work on figuring out how to remind yourself to remember what to do.
@@AttentionTalkVideo This video is awesome. Thank you for all the insights, and for your reply. That's very kind.
Interesting I recently was diagnosed with having ADD. Often paralyzed by my emotional reaction.
If you google attention talk radio emotions... i have lots of interviews on the process of managing emotions. Also google attention talk radio sesame street. Sesame street is for kids but the process is the same for adults.
Yup, totally relate...My brain literally shuts down when I’m nervous or when I’m in that “fight or flight’” phase, it’s like I’m mentally drained and can’t explain or express anything coherently
If you totally relate I'm hoping you realize your experience is common. The trick is to practice pausing... taking a few breaths... down regulate your emotions/relax to bring your thinking brain on line.
Yes, i realize what i wrote sounds easy in reality it is VERY VERY difficult to execute.
There is no simple way to manage emotions. The key is to practice and let go of the pressure.
Me too
My family refuses to learn anything about ADHD. But they get angry with me and annoyed with me every time my symptoms make me do something that is seemingly easy (like remember what I did when I'm being yelled at, or do the same task every day) I'm supposed to make dinner for my siblings (age 16) when I'm home, but I got stuck in a drawing project and became hyper-focused. When i finished, dinner was way over. I tried to explain that I had wanted to do the task and have been doing it for days, but it was honestly that hard to stop drawing.
As always, no one believed me. My family think I'm lazy, useless and uncaring. They don't know how desperately hard I'm trying every day. But will they find out? No. Will they read any of the resources I send them? No. They'll just accuse me of 'hiding behind the resources. Because apparently, upon finding out you have a disorder I shouldn't research the hell out of it to find strategies to live a normal life.
They don't want to find out a single thing about ADHD, but they're perfectly content to judge and lecture me about how I need to 'stop this nonsense'. My 16-year-old brother went to a medical seminar at his school and heard one expert say ADHD was highly treatable, then took part in a debate about whether ADHD could be likened to the common cold. I'm not joking.
Now he thinks he knows all about ADHD and is so annoyed with me about why I behave this way when my disorder is as treatable as the common cold. I must not care enough.
I love this video, but I wish my family would bloody watch it.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm confident many will identify with it. Wish things would or could change.
I have coached a few people on this. It is very hard. It comes down to mindset (as you can't convince people who don't want to be convinced)... your mindset. Many have found it helpful to forgive their family for their ignorance. Understand that what i just said isn't a moment in time. One must practice this daily for a extended period of time for it to take hold (not an easy thing to do). For those who did it... they found a bit of peace.
That one sounds true...family won't believe how hard it's for me...mofos think I'm finding a excuse...maybe ur right ...for my peace I have to forgive these pieces of shit,,,😜
Makes so much sense! I’m a 29 year old college student, just diagnosed with ADHD, depression & anxiety 3 years ago. I study SO much and even have extra test time with accommodations. But when I start the test I blank out and can’t remember anything! It takes me over double time for testing compared to everyone else and I still barely get by with C’s. I’ve always wondered what it’s like for the people where school comes easy to them. 🤯🤔
Thanks for sharing.
A thought. What comes easy for you?
Note i've learned over the years a clue that something is a talent is when a person does something... it comes so easy to them that they think everyone can do it.
Hi Jessika. I am a 26 year old college student with the same circumstances. Could we maybe get in touch?
The school system (and especially taking tests which is just a memory test) is really not built for us neurodivergent people. But we have other superpowers and it's time the world acknowledges those.
Wow this was incredibly insightful. Public speaking, job interviews, and anticipating a stressful event like a boss asking for an unexpected meeting. If I haven’t prepped for it then I get that deer in headlights moment and everything goes blank. On the plus side I’m really good at prepping for things and usually have a thousand different ways I’d handle
Something if it happened.
Thanks for posting.
Some are great at preparing. Others are great thinking on their feet. Me i'm a mix. It depends on the situation.
I hate job interviews. And if I get called into sit down to talk about something by a boss. I assume I screwed something up or I'm about to be let go.
God this explains a lot. I go into that even in just tense situations where conflict may arise. I can hardly speak, start shaking and freeze up like a deer in headlights and the people around me get annoyed. Especially if they're trying to calmly address something I've done wrong and they think I'm making it about me - obviously something I can't help, but makes me feel like crap and guilty anyway. Wanna be able to express my feelings or work through my problems with the people around me without completely escalating the situation every time, but can't yet afford a therapist. :(
Start to notice how your body feels in those situations. As you notice it practice pausing and taking a deep breath. Practice letting go and calming down before you think about what is at hand. Practice like an athlete practices. Over time you can build the skill.
@o. t. Managing emotions comes from the inside out. It starts with awareness... notice the triggers and to use your thinking mind to be more analytical and override the reflexive brain. I know it is easy for me to say... and is the most difficult thing to execute but more or less it starts with self awareness and comes from the inside out.
this makes so much sense whenever I get in a confrontation with authority figures (such as my parents) I freeze up and can't talk or make eye contact. which my mom always gets mad about which makes me feel even worse. awful cycle
wondering if over time you have developed an emotional reaction that you anticipate and issue with your mom and kind of shut down before interactions even start. If that is happening be aware that there might be innocent interactions but the are negative because you were emotionally shut down and defensive from the get go.
Being aware of this can sometimes help you pause and not go to a negative place giving things a chance.
Thanks for posting.
At 53 I sooooooo relate! That’s how old I was when I finally had an adhd diagnosis. I am now properly medicated and endeavour to use my DBT skills I’ve learned over the last year and a half. Things are NOT perfect but WOW! I understand WHAT was going on was not my fault. I now understand that I’ve been overreacting. Now that I know better I do better. Yes, it’s an effort! But as you do it, it gets easier. Thank you for you video, understanding is healing for me.
You are welcome. Thrilled when we can help you make sense of it all.
This is amazing, thank you for these quality videos. I recently found out that I have ADHD (23, M) I had been confused and stressed for most of my life, because I couldn't pay attention in school and couldn't get my self to do mundane activities. As I watch more and more of your videos, I'm finding answers and it's very helpful.
Tee Vice! thank you for taking the time to comment. such words inspire us to do what we do! Note i did a radio interview with Dr. David Nowell on this topic that will be released on Attention Talk Radio in about a month. Dr. Nowell is an excellent interview. if you like this video you'll even like the radio interview even more!
Tee Vice same here Im finding this all out now at 30. Been rough but things are starting to make sense after learning more about his stuff
I have recently self-diagnosed myself (with the corroboration of my wife) that I have combined ADHD. All of the manifestations (minus a few on the hyper-active side) are there and have been my whole life: trouble in school; constant daydreaming; not listening; hyper-focusing on an ever-changing series of topics or projects; never finishing anything; messy room/house; shaking my leg constantly(my wife hates this); not being able to sit for long; intense physical discomfort when having to focus on some kind of art or craft (like when I recently helped my wife stencil our dining room table!); several jobs; questionable job performance; not following through; forgetful; poor time management; etc. etc. etc. I'm 40, so grew up before prevalent awareness of the disorder. Watching videos and reading about other peoples' experiences is so very familiar. It makes me feel a whole range of emotions (good and bad) to be making this discovery. My wife and I are trying to decide if we should face this on our own or seek professional help to get an official diagnosis and possible medication. Any advice?
Not sure i'm qualified as a coach to give you advise. i will share my thoughts. At the end of day it comes down to the unique individual person. That said, getting a diagnosis can help make sense of things in general. Most don''t realize it but sixty percent of the time those with ADHD have another condition (OCD, LD, Dyslexia, etc.). Getting a proper diagnosis can help you understand what you are dealing with. if you are open to meds they can help and for that you need a professional. hope this helps
once a guy jumped me as a joke for a second i was like ohh ok cool, then all of a sudden i flew into a murderous rage and threw a punch with all the force i can muster. thankfully i misaveraged his location and just grazed him... thank goodness i didnt have anything in my hand or that would've ended much differently.
the thing is i never react to jokes like that(which is why he did it) all other times my emotions were out of whack i managed to conceal it but this was the first time in public and everyone treated me differently from then on(walking on eggshells i believe is the sayin) it's so frustrating.
wow! my guess is others can identify with your experience. It can be very frustration when one realizes when their emotions take over in a sense a person isn't in control. Awareness is key. Thanks for your post.
Jumped you?? Are we thinking of the same definition of "jumped"??
@@kee7374 he gave me a fright
Someone jumped you and everyone started treating YOU differently for reacting in self defense??? That's fucked up.
Watching this I was wondering whether adhd increases the risk for ptsd and makes recovery harder due to the strong emotional response? I was exposed to the same traumatic event as others but i had been the only one with adhd and I am the only one among them that developed ptsd... Could that be due to the strong emotional response because of my adhd? After the event I felt paralyzed, couldnt neither talk nor drive, while the others did so...
I'm not qualified to really comment... my uneducated opinion would be it is very possible. It won't answer your question exactly but i did do an interview with Dr. Charles Parker on attention talk radio (just googel attention talk radio ptsd) on ADHD and PTSD. You might find it insightful.
Great question there are some studies if you research adhd linked to trauma. In example: Trauma was present before the adhd.
@@assemblycr - I agree. The famous Pete Walker book
"Complex- PTSD .From Surviving to Thriving " states the same: that many ADHD person's have PTSD.
I; personally believe ; following my own diagnosis with Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia and visual stress ; that the Comorbidity of ADHD MSKES it very hard to seperate one state fròm another. ..that they co-exist. But if does seem both ADHD & PTSD share similarities.
My immediate (non-professional) though is YES - having ADHD and experiencing trauma, you're going to be more susceptible to what it does, because being emotionally abused, for example, it will become both a drug and a life threat. The intense emotions and confusions present in all abusive relationships are going to be even more intense and severe for a person with ADHD. One year was enough for me to almost take my life, whereas some people stay for 5, 10, 40 years. I personally would have been dead from emotions now. Also, I partially feel like a recovering addict after just that one year (ended three years ago).
Interesting video. In a true crisis, I am emotionally flat and can cope with what is happening really well. I had a ladder collapse under me and had the presence of mind to grab the seruring rope ( in order to not be stranded on the roof) as I reached for the parapet with the other hand to pull myself onto the roof. I pulled the ladder back up, seated it properly, climbed back down and then fell apart emotionally. In a fairly normal situation though, I easily get so stressed that I can't do anything, even understanding what people are saying can become difficult. I often wish that my crisis persona was my norm
There is a saying i've heard in different places. When the world is in crisis the ADHD brain is calm. When the world is calm the ADHD brain is in crisis.
We don't have research on this but many believe there are a disproportionate number of people with ADHD that are first responders.
Thanks for posting.
This put perfectly into words what happens for me when I even feel slightly overwhelmed with tasks. I completely freeze, only making things worse as I can't get anything done in that state.
if you identify with it consider googling attention talk radio seasme street and listen to my interview about how to down regulate emotions. Yes, on the podcast we are talking about the muppets and prescholars but the same concepts apply to adults.
I have always gone in the order of Freeze, Flight, then Fight. Fight is extremely hard of to get out of once reached and it might take a long time to get out of fight over whatever subject/person and generally takes a lot of personal intention to come back from.
Emotional self regulation is part of ADHD and very challenging. Question is do you surrender to it or become self aware to manage it?
yea thats what just happened to me a so called friend critizied me and he was wrong so I fought and Im sure he is over H but its already been over 24hrs And I just want to stay safe In bed and I keep going over H its brutal to get out of fight mode
How meditation becomes the most stressful part of your day.
HHeck, flight (avoidance) or freeze can occur just because we switch our sleep cycle back around.
I ended up doing that not long ago. I meditate about every morning. Issue is when you are more than groggy and end up going from waking at 2pm to waking at 7am it kinda throws your body for a couple days. At least.
Thus you wake up feeling UNPLEASANT. Then you find your body is physiologically aroused as to wake up from that state to a loud abusive alarm, so your heart is beating really fast and you don’t feel good at all. The function of physiological arousal is to be like “HEY!!! What ever is in your working memory at this present moment or thinking about, Its important!!”
What happens then when I think of doing my meditation after eating my breakfast and thinking what to do next.
My heart beats -> I feel horribly unpleasant, and I see my meditation pillow and start thinking of doing my meditation.(meditation is in my working memory)
Thus the concept or idea of meditation in my head fuses with the unpleasant feeling and the high arriusal. It as a result becomes something that I end up avoiding all day because now it’s paired with that body state.
I only realized I was doing all this because I read “THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN”
I find this video especially answers questions I have about myself and my family has about me. Thank you!
Totally AWESOME. if you like it... then you'll really like an interview i did with Dr. Nowell on the topic (more in depth) that will air on Attention Talk Radio later this month. if you can focus on audio look for it.
I found out at 55 that I had ADHD. I was always accomplished from childhood through to 50 years. Although hyperactive, I was able to be organised and found ways to stay on task. Probably due to a controlling mother and Germanic schooling in Texas.
I worked retail, was a lineman for SWBell TelCo, a SCUBA Instructor Trainer at NASA, Boat Captain - sailed across the Pacific, chef for 35 years, and more.
Parenting at 40 grounded me but also left me with fewer outlets to escape personally. I focused on perfect parenting.
I found maintaining relationships difficult throughout because of misunderstandings or perception of their interests/needs. This and boredom probably the factors in why I changed jobs so often, moved country twice and found it hard to settle.
When things became difficult was when my husband suffered greatly from ADD depression and dissociation, I was raising two young daughters, had an injury and wasn’t able to meet my exercise needs - which were very high.
Depression alternated with hyperactivity and I became more agitated and less stable.
I reacted to almost everything, criticised anything not within my scope of understanding, became angry, became fearful of my own anger, froze in stressful events and ADHD responses seemingly became worse or unmanageable. I cracked up somewhat.
The past few years have been intense with the early death of my husband at 60, two rotator cuff injuries reducing my ability to work and have as many outlets for exercise (SUP paddling, swimming, walking and hiking, cycling, dancing, etc)
Now I’m seeing my young adult daughter experiencing what I went through at her age. She is the reason why I’ve found your video and begun to understand the entirety of my life. I don’t want her to suffer the ways in which I did. I’m looking for strategies to help me and also for her to learn early in life.
Mental health and well-being are essential to quality of life outcomes.
I’d like to hear others experiences and strategies in which to manage.
I'd love to help. I will share this. What i've learned in 13 years as an ADHD coach is... it isn't so much about tips, tricks, and strategies as it is understanding ADHD, having awareness and understanding your own ADHD, and problem solving around it. Between my podcast attention talk radio and this video channel i have like over 800 interviews/video's on the internet. The most powerful ones focus on working memory (google attention talk radio gps) and understanding ADHD as an issuse of self regulation. The trick is to work with your ADHD not against it.
Very sorry you can't exercise as much as you used to. If they could put exercise in a pill it would be the ADHD drug of the century.
Keep the faith and keep learning.
AttentionTalkVideo Yes, thank you. Perfect punchline in that last paragraph. Exercise has always been the best medicine.
I was recently diagnosed with depression. The doctor prescribed me a serotonin. This serotonin, though constantly made me feel anxious and out of my body. The littlest of things would send me in the flight or flight for example, backing out of a parking lot made me freak out.
Also, talking to people made me very anxious. I was then later diagnosed with ADHD.
Are you off depression meds? Hoping that helped.
My voice starts to quiver and my hands start shaking when I'm confronted with an angry or confrontational stranger.
I'm kinda embarrassed that I have such an extreme response to those situations. I feel like I should be able to be level-headed and calm during an event like that.
So yeah, my flight response is in overdrive.
Thanks for making this video. It really helps me understand myself more and how ADHD affects the fight of flight response.
My hope is by understanding what is happening and why you can catch yourself... realize it isn't "you"... rather it is brain wiring baked into you and you can detach yourself... calm a bit and more thoughtfully respond.
Keep building awareness!!
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thank you for that helpful and thoughtful response. I really appreciate it. ☺
@@jacob2431992 my pleasure. I hope you find value in my channel.
This explains so much for me before I knew my ADD, I was always automatically on a super stressed stage everytime seeing my boss for no reasons or even when she's not there but I knew she would be there in a specific time. She'd be like not yelling at that moment but I didn't understand why my head was full of what she had yelled at me during hundreds of previous meetings and I was like in a life and death situation. Now I know that it's not her, it's me.
The trick is how to manage it. Consider googling "attention talk radio sesame street". In that interview we talk about how Sesame Street addressed emotional self regulation with preschoolers on their TV show. While we talked about kids the same concepts apply to adults.
@@AttentionTalkVideo thank u, I'm from VietNam and my English isn't good but I'll try to follow. One thing I'm confused is that I feel like I was doing better before I knew abt my ADD regardless it was always there and caused lots of trouble. I wasn't even upset myself thinking that I was too stupid or too slow and just tried to make it up by spend more time on work, simplify my life, ignore what people thought of me and trying nonstop. But now that everytime I face obstacles when trying to learn or do something I realized that it's because of my brain and I just either procrastinate or give up then feel guilty, self-hatred but continue to just...stop trying.
@@monicatrinh407 If someone were to say... what ever you do.. don't think of a pink elephant... most would notice they instinctively picture and elephant in their mind to know what they are not supposed to think of. My point it self awarness can put a spotlight on things. The key is to be aware and think about how you can manage it.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I'm trying to meditate and be more mindful but my memory is getting worse, I'm clumsier than ever, that's the reason I feel frustrated, give up on things and distance myself from everyone. Looking back my childhood I had all symptoms of adhd: inattentiveness, distractibility, disorganization, impulsivity, even hyperactivity and I'm a girl, i used to climb on every single tree in my neighborhood all day. I used to study 3-5 subjects a time even during the teacher's lesson then I was punished for it but I couldn't explain myself why I kept doing it. I also had low self esteem, eating disorder, hypersensitivity to the environment- especially light and noise, I talk fast without thinking, constant worrying and obsessiveness. But I had never have problems with my memory like I am now. I'm only 28y old but worrying I might get dementia or Alzheimer's or Parkinson disease like my mom does
@@monicatrinh407 Meditation is good. I'd encourage you to also be mindful of your emotions. Regulating emotions are a big part of ADHD.
If you read your last post understanding emotions you might see how your emotions are showing up as a negative influence. Given all the symptoms the question isn't what can't you do but rather... given what "is" what can I do! That is an important mindset to help you move forward.
I had a mental breakdown just yesterday and I was definitely hurting myself and I found relief in my hurt. I want to cry right now cuz of the fact someone else is clearly stating everything with great detail of what I was feeling all day yesterday. It was so bad I had to call in and right now I’m debating with myself to call in again. I know I’m not 100% but I also don’t want to lose my job 😢
Emotional self -regulation can be very challening. I'm hoping you are reaching out for professional help. .
Holy crap! Thank you for this.
I've conditioned myself to barely react when startled most of the time, or at least delay a response for a bit or default to freeze rather than anything drastic. I've wondered why more people don't do this, as it wasn't really that hard, and it's a handy "habit".
Thinking about it after watching this, I think it's really that I regard too many things as being stressful or shocking to the level of emergencies, so I have to be conditioned not to freak out for a conversation, and extending it to actually startling things isn't much of a stretch. This is the same way I'm able to do public speaking and such, too: it's only marginally more stressful than any conversation with someone I don't know well.
My guess is your level of awareness is better than most. The single hardest thing i coach is just to have person be aware they are in an emotional state at the time they are becoming emotional. In other words... for them to notice in the moment. It's that pause. If you can't pause you can't inhibit your reactionary responses. Kudos to you for having the awareness and to develop that habit.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I feel like a poser or hypochondriac unworthy of your reply as I've never been diagnosed with anything and have known many people with more evident symptoms. But I really appreciate it and agree completely for my part. I've only lately realized / admitted how much I struggle with executive dysfunction and it seems increasingly likely I just never got evaluated for ADHD. Either way, these sorts of videos have really been helpful.
Here's hoping that anyone out there who has similar struggles is able to find answers and some kind of solutions.
@@nameforcomments4092 Here's hoping others find their way as well!
I have tried to communicate this with my primary doctor. I've been referred to see a therapist for a possible diagnosis of ADHD. I toggle between some high functioning anxiety for months and then pure mental paralysis, brain fog, confusion, extreme emotions and physical reactions to stress. I have had headaches everyday as early as 12 years old. I'm now 32. The trouble with being referred to a local mental help physician is that they don't have any availability until 4 months. I reel with anxiousness.
What is the epicenter of the stress? Too much on your plate?
@@AttentionTalkVideo thanks for replying! I'm not sure. I think I took on too much at once; a new role, a new move, a newish relationship step. I'm having trouble tackling small tasks now. I feel overwhelmed. I did more today though than I have in weeks. I feel thankful to come across your helpful channel. Thanks for the knowledge drops and support!
@@kateykurzawa5419 Change isn't easy. It takes weeks to automate things (i.e. knowing where the staplers home is as an example). The process takes more effortful thinking that people discount. Thinking or burdening yourself with... ugh where is the stapler takes mental energy away and stresses people out. Let things settle down. Let's see what happens then.
I'm glad you finally brought this to attention. I have adhd and survived numerous traumatic experiences I can remember as far back as 4-5 yrs. old. I've been my own parent, friend and family member since I was 16. My response for the 16 years has been to fight (my birthday was the 13th and I'm still going to say I'm 30 till I'm 40 lol) and flight if you will. Life happens, and happened quite often for me so my first response was to acknowledge, find a solution, and keep on working toward my life goals. The first two, acknowledge and find a solution was the same when it came to bad situations (mostly relationships), then get the you know what out of Dodge as quick as possible.
In 2015, I started taking ADHD medication again. Working two jobs and running 4-6 miles to get that my brain and this "wheel of energy" to work at a steady pace was too much when I start college again. Night and freaking day difference! My boss even started to get job or hierarchy insecurity I was preforming so well that the CEO and VP noticed. So, she tried to break my everyday but I would just remember it's not worth and at the rate I was going with school, she'd have to start actually doing work again instead of trying to hack into my computer throughout the day (to bad I was the one always pushing the green button on the printer for her at the copy machine after composing my laughter listening to her have a tech meltdown LOL!
Now to the "meat" of my long comment. She finally got to me April 1,2015, when she used the right trigger words that immediately made me feel threatened and unsure about my future (scary shit when it's just me, myself and I paying the bills). I felt like I was about to have a panic attack, but this one felt different very aggressive. I went to the restroom to work on my breathing but still white as a ghost and my entire body was shaking to the point I couldn't walk without slow steps and holding onto the wall. while driving home I began to have what they told me was a dissociative non-epileptic seizure. I was one off ramp from home but had to pull over a call 911, because I then began convulsing in my car while try to talk to here on speak. my jaw was frozen shut so she was very good and letting finish my sentence and then helped me breath.
After sleeping for three days straight, my fiancé handed me the phone and said,"I know your brain is fried, but I have confidence you can tell your boss to, "go to hell!" in your cunning but extremely professional manner. The past year was school, school and more school.... but it wasn't. my meds felt like they stopped working. I had daily panic attacks around 3:45pm when I was trying to find a place to hide because I knew he would be home soon I literally got nothing done. The panic attacks got so bad I wouldn't realize I was having one when walking around the house and feeling like my feel were going to break if I wasn't careful. I stayed in my study/room all day I was so afraid I was going crazy. In October 2016, after 2 bottles of red wine, three Benadryl and still no relief, my hero (fiancé) picked me up off the bathroom floor and took me to the doctor. Severe Complex-PTSD was hijacking my prefrontal cortex for an entire year before I got the stubborn scared out of me, finally. That bully amygdala wasn't letting the normal assessment of danger or no danger from the prefrontal cortex work. I was having flashbacks and blackouts for the past few months and didn't even realize it. Nothing would stop the level of hijacking besides medication- not freaking antihistamines like atarax-- please Dr. Gyunn.
My life story would have you all finding some sort of ADHD and trauma victim purple heart. I've done a lot of research on how to make my ADHD my super power, but the calm after the storm (after having to be a warrior of life in general) brought out the worst comorbidity anyone with ADHD could have. You are a prisoner of you're own mind and body. Paralyzed trying to figure out why the hell you are so anxious and hypervigilant to the point I couldn't leave the house by myself. If I did it was after dark to stores I new would be open late. It literally felt like everyone saw yet another failure when they would just glance at me if I tried going to the store during the day.
Going from passing 16 cu's my first semester, to 3cu's and then 0 cu's last semester. When I started back on them as an adult two years ago, it felt like everything I had planned or dreamed for my future was possible. I was able to comprehend my course material and turn off Netflix to get homework done. Having that feeling of hope and positivity I hadn't felt since 5th grade when I was shocked to be the first done with the in class assignment and ALL answers were right; and that was the class every obnoxious boy or class clown was thrown into. My first hyper focus moment:). Now that I'm taking a small dose of klonopin TID, and vyvanse (which I can't wait to swith back to Adderall XR's next week because vyvanse just makes me sleepy, but that's how despirite I was to find my "mojo" again ) ;) It may be great for some but I also tried Ritalin and same thing; plus it made me PMS like those jokes where the guy keeps his distance while throwing chocolate at the woman foaming at the mouth in the corner lol!
Hopefully you're still with me, but the moral to my story is ADHD makes things difficult enough. But, when you're medication stops calming you down even when you get anxious or nervous, don't wait because if it is CPTSD or PTSD, not a single CNS stimulant will work and you're going to lose it trying to control those amplified symptoms as well as the comorbid ones. I know feel better can remember what I did yesterday and the day before and even though the vyvanse makes my eyes so freaking droopy it's nothing a red eye coffee or dirty chi coffee can't fix ;)
Thank you for you're time and I would like to see more awareness on this comorbidity with ADHD. Anxiety, is one thing but I was able to find no pharmaceutical ways to deal, but C-PTSD or PTSD with ADHD is one of two things: be escorted from your home in a David Blaine style white jacket. Or, my greatest fear a one way ticket to "Hotel California" :(
Thanks again for reading, but I understand if you forgot to take your meds ;0) I hope you don't mind, but I have include to video links that finally snapped me out of denial and then made me remind myself that hindsight is always 20/20
Thanks again Jeff Copper!!! I hope you don't mind that I pretty much wrote a short story and included the two video I saw before and after I finally switched doctors and got help. Oh, and two quotes I made a picture out of for my desk when I get tempted to surf the internet (Ulta and kohl's mainly) for sweet, sweet deals instead of sticking to my homework and reading schedule for that day :)
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." - Author unknown
"If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit
czcams.com/video/gmwiJ6ghLIM/video.html (Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety -Dr. John Kenworthy )
*** This was my "aha moment" after stumbling upon it a few days after seeing my Dr. --- Like I said, Hindsight ***
czcams.com/video/_qIAZcOryl4/video.html (COMPLEX PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder | Kati Morton)
*** This video gave me the strength to get up off the bathroom floor that Sunday afternoon (when my fiancé literally broke in the bathroom and said, “I can’t watch you go through this anymore. I’ll style your hair if I have to, but we are going to your new Dr. Today!) I said only if you watch this and make sure I don’t sound crazy or argue with her if this is her comorbid diagnosis making my ADHD non-responsive to my medication or why I felt like a frozen statue most days… we were in the car within 10 minutes.
SHOUT-OUT to Kati Morton!!!!!!!!!! Honey, you literally saved my life that day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart sweetie:)”
Wow! I did read what you wrote. Your welcome. Have to say it is inspiring how you keep plugging away!
Thank you so much
The details you delve into regarding ADHD, PTSD and anxiety all mingling together is quite important, and often, extremely difficult to begin to untangle. For someone completely paralyzed with these co-morbid symptoms, what would you say to them to literally get them out their front door to seek help..?
+Matthew Blum I would like to know that too
I have add. Diagnosis came today. Been watching videos about innattentive type, which I yielded the most symptoms of, and been fretting deep down that despite relating to a lot, if not all of the anecdotal and medical descriptions of the disorder that the test would come back negative
What is it like now to better understand your plight?
It's been an immensely sobering, elucidating experience. I pursued the possibility after my twin brother was diagnosed and prescribed due to trouble in school/work. Now that I know what the behaviors are, I see them overwhelmingly in my brother, myself, and especially now, my parents. They are not fond of their children drawing "conclusions" about how their poor organization, cyclical and forgetful dialogue, and their unconscious self-medication with caffeine (to promote focus, emotional/temper control, and coordination in simple to more difficult jobs or conversations) are all things tied to their very apparent ADD.
Use the awareness to manage yourself positively and as a means to better manage your attention towards your intention!
Holy shit, you are the first person I've heard describe this freeze response to stress. That is why I can't drive a car. I could handle the distractability, but the fact that my brain freezes in a stressful situation makes driving impossible. On the other hand, I don't think my brain actually freezes under stress as much as goes into very slow motion, which means that in an emergency situation that unfolds a little more slowly (say, a burning building vs an imminent collision) I can be calm and rational and practical while normal people are freaking out and panicking. I think that may be the other side of the "freeze" coin. (But beware the series of one.)
there is an old saying. when the world is in chaos the ADHD brain is as calm as a cumber. When the world is calm the ADHD brain is chaos.
Interviewed a formula one race car driver with ADHD. He said the only time he felt calm was doing 180 MPH. The world finally speed up to the speed of his brain!
Exactly!!! I'm cool as a cucumber during a wreck or accident. It's like I'm in my element and home amongst the chaos. When someone's hurt or upset I can help them and fix the situation no matter if its my daughter or the neighbor up the street. Thats also why I do my best work under pressure. I hate my brain when everything is calm around me and internally my mind is a wreck! But I pride myself when everything's a wreck and I can be cool headed and calm when the situation calls for it. It's wild!
I really resonate with the thing he said about anticipation. I often find myself asking why I'm so anxious at just the thought of sth without it even existing. If there's God he really subdued all ADHD sufferers
Thrilled it resonated. My hope is it will help you understand this and deal with it more effectively. Know it is a challenge. It will take practice but don't loose faith.
Now makes sense why I was freezing or having too much difficulty in terms of remembering the info at hand when I was being questioned by my superiors.. I was a foreigner to myself and I had no idea what was wrong with me. Especially under pressure my mind shuts down and I can not recall anything properly or give nonsense reactions which undervalues me.. What is more, i kept questioning myself all these years and I felt ashamed. Because I also had doubts about me in terms of my roller coster success. After watching some videos and being diagnosed, I feel so relaxed. This video also explains a lot. Thanks a lot.
I'm thrilled. Awareness and understanding often helps people down regulate the emotions by letting go... and then activating. Thanks for posting.
I’m a mix of all three depending on the scenario.
I usually fight. Then freeze then run away.
Good news is you are aware of it. Question is are you trying to manage it or is it managing you?
This excellent video touches on the most missed presentation in ADHD-Land - actually a manifestation of Executive Malfunction in the PFC. The keyword is *OVERWHELM.* When overwhelmed it becomes an executive function challenge of decision making and a complexity of variables not-adequately-sorted cognitively leading to a temporary developmental arrest. This problem is a thinking problem even tho encouraged by emotional disarray. Frozen thinking is just that: Cognitive Arrest derived from *Cognitive Anxiety* - which is NOT in the DSM-? because, while you may suffer from it, the 'science' has not evolved to document and target cognitive anxiety as a fixable malady. The good news: once identified it is quite treatable: See this video: corepsych.com/thinking
Dr. Parker, I always love when you share your insights. Thanks.
The one thing I'd like to add. To begin I don't want to represent my opinion as fact. I want to be clear I'm sharing my experience and opinion.
Often people come to me wanting coaching on things when the challenge isn't the thing but rather the emotional regulation. They are looking for a tip, trick, or strategy. The majority of the time such things don't work. Why? Because we are dealing with emotions.
What I've found works is helping people set up their mind (mindset) to own managing emotions. Managing comes from the inside not something like a reminder. Yes managing from the inside is effortful. So is going thought life overwhelmed. Either way it will take work.
Hope this help those reading this give them pause to think.
As always Dr. P... THANKS
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thanks Jeff for all you do. Regarding emotions and ADHD this a playlist to help target options: corepsych.com/targets
Hello Dr. Parker - I am intrigued by the concepts of cognitive anxiety, cognitive arrest and overwhelm which are new to me, but sound very consistent with my experiences /symptoms . I'm working my way through your channel, if you could point me towards more content in this areas, I'd appreciate it! Thanks
@@briannabanks3029 This is my most recent TOC in PDF - Table of Contents: corepsych.com/how
Overwhelm is the story of my life. What you both are saying makes so much sense.
Our daughter who is 11 and a half has ADHD and anxiety issues, I can relate with what you were saying. Sometimes for us as her parents, that sometimes she just won't share her feelings, she keeps them inside until she explodes.
yikes! it's a challenge to help kids manage emotions. Not sure if it would help but i did an interview with Autumn Zitani of Sesame Street on attention talk radio around how they used the muppets in season 43 to help preschools learn to manage emotions. Just google attention talk radio sesame street and it should come up.
That's because your asking her the wrong way. You need to give her space to explain in her way what she feels. Otherwise you are interjecting your own feelings and that doesn't reflect her own.
Great video! Pete walker also identified the fawn response in his research into complex ptsd
thank you.
Wow a decade of marital problem just flashed before my eyes!
Wow! I'm speechless
@@AttentionTalkVideo not literal strife for 10yrs. But absolutely one of the central causes. I have ADHD and I had a ton of shame for shutting down never knew why I did.
@@arhansen85 Ok... hope this helps. Maybe get some help with it?
I am just figuring out after 45 years that I might have this ADHD stuff. Everything you just talked about (7 years ago) matches how I feel almost all the time. I knew I was not quite normal but this nailed my life experiences. It makes my life very difficult. I know if I could control this I would be wildly successful at whatever I decide to do.
I hope you are getting help to manage it... and thus be wildy successful!
Thanks for tuning in!
@@AttentionTalkVideo I have an appointment on the 17th. I hope she can help me out. I appreciate the video. It has helped confirm I need some professional help and that it is treatable.
@@SirFency excellent. Good luck!
Imagine some bad things stuck in mind so i can’t focus to stop. Because you can not control it, it become bigger turning to anxiety attacks like struggling with breathing and fast heart beating. You feel useless and depressed start crying. Damn it is really hard sometimes. In my country, which is Kazakhstan, doctor tested that ADHD is not problem and there is no right medical treatment(((
I realize this is easy for me to say... difficult to execute but... education... awareness... and mindfulness is key for you at this point. The more you can kind of work on stepping out of things (pausing)... witness without emotion the situation before you act the better.
Again, easy for me to say... very difficult to execute. Keep the faith!
Explains why I got into so many fights when I was younger.the second I felt the threat I would go for it.i still get it now and little jump scares happen alot to the point I throw whatever is in my hand or go to punch.this is even before I register what is happening....so this explains a lot.
Great! The trick now is to manage it.
Thanks for posting.
This video helped me understand what was going on. This explains why all I could do was mostly draw blanks during arguments or confrontations. They turn into pissing matches with no point getting across because I'm flustered and the other party is normally just being an ass. I try to take some deep breaths and it helps but I don't always remember.
Love it when our content helps people understand, articulate things, or validates their experience.
Thanks for watch this channel.
I have been diagnosed with dyslexia but the description of ADHD matches my situations a lot.
Many people have both.
Thanks! I certainly know it's there, and it is and always has been a huge issue for me. I have not seen it directly tied to ADHD before, though...it can be hard enough to find discussion of emotional dysregulation in ADHD, given that it is still not part of the DSM. So it's the first time that I've supposed it could be other than a comorbidity, of which I have a few. I also appreciate that you describe the perception of danger, rather than danger itself, and that this can arise out of the extreme emotional responses that ADHD can cause. In the US we still don't have CPTSD as a diagnosis, and a PTSD diagnosis centers on a single event where you either were in mortal or physical danger, or had legitimate reason to believe you were in it. This leaves out so many situations, in particular the anticipation of a recognized stressor that you dread. Neurotypical people can get CPTSD this way, and it is the principal behind psychological water torture. No danger there, just the growing dread that comes from wondering when the next drop of water is going to hit you. It's the repetition and anticipation that get you in the end.
I'm going to make one addition to fight/flight/freeze (and fawn) that is my own observation. My very worst occurrences of fight/flight/freeze have felt like my brain at war with itself, and are possibly autistic meltdowns -- I'm diagnosed AuDHD now. If I find myself in a situation where it feels like there is no way out, I can thrash around like a cornered animal. Which I eventually realized is what it was: I think my brain is cycling between flight and flight, and feels like neither is an option. Run or fight? Fight or run?? So I now think of this as fight/flight/freeze/fawn...or trapped.
Jim... thanks for watching. Thrilled you found value and validation in the video. That said your post was very articulate. YES... the perception of danger is as real as danger itself. The trick of it all is to pause and think... to realize most preceived threats are not threats... in fact if you are feeling threatened and are a deer in the head lights that is what creates issues.
Reminds me of the Roosevel quote... there is nothing to fear except fear itself.
Thanks for posting.
i'm finding out about my adhd test results tomorrow, and so im just gonna talk as if i think i have it bc yeah now that i've been in quarantine with my family i've been having so many more temper tantrums then normally and just screaming and idk why but i think that's it yeah it also was common before corona but like my family is here noticing it now lol
Keep us posted on how tomorrow turns out. Hoping what ever the outcome is... is helpful.
This explains why I freeze up when my teacher yells at me
That's the idea. The trick is to pause... take a deep breath... count to calm down... then think. That is the magic formula. Understand i realize it is easy for me to say. Difficult to execute.
AttentionTalkVideo I’m usualy under too much pressure to apply these things. I have less than a seccond to respond most of the time.
@@handmade3681 First responders are under a ton of pressure. Often life threatening pressure (i.e. a marine). Their life depends on pausing and not panicking. They practice pausing. In real life pausing and not panicking is the difference between success and failure. I realize it feels like you don't have time but my guess is you actually have more time than you think.
There are 5 "Fs" when it comes to responses to intense stimuli; Fight, Flight, Freeze, Flop, and Friend. The difference between Freeze and Flop - Freeze is a kind of paralysis, but Flop is a result of being so over stimulated that the body starts to shut down, and looks a lot like falling asleep. Friend of course is getting support from someone, or being able to be a friend to yourself in that difficult moment.
I get the flop.... not sure i understand the friend. the key point of feeling threatened is that it is a reflexive response. There is no pause, no thinking, just a reaction.
Thanks for posting.
For me like in the middle of a normal conversation while I'm talking i maybe get exited and get goosebumps and get overwhelmed that i pause then continue the conversation cannabis helps me personally with regulating emotions
Your awareness is great. Be mindful of the cannabis. It can help many but have negative long term impacts.
@@AttentionTalkVideo what are the negative long term impacts and in what ways does it help?
@@Femboys4ever I encourage you to google attention talk radio cannabis and listen to my recent interview with Dr Olivardia on the topic. He goes into more depth on things like how cannabis can help calm things down short term... relive anxiety short term it actually negatively impacts ADHD over time and increases anxiety.
life saving information.
thank you very much
excellent
Yeah.....what did you say again.....I can’t remember......I think you need to use visuals or something....I am ADD.....
Booya! Shot a video the other day with just that. it should be released in a few weeks. hope you like it.
I second the need for visuals:)
Lol. Me too
That happened to me when driving unmedicated.
I saw a car pass by another in the other lane as I was coming over a hill, I just froze. The other car got back into his lane fast, at least my car slowed down because I didn't have my foot on the gaspedal. Thanks for this clarification about emotions.
I thought it was just cowardice that made me freeze and not fight or do the appropriate thing in a situation.
I've loathed myself for not standing up for myself in fights, and just freeze or run.
Don't loath yourself. The FFF is a reflexive response to survive. The trick is to be aware of it and override it. Hoping this video and your lived experience makes it more tangible for you to catch yourself in the moment.
thanks for posting.
Amazing way to describe the disastrous inability to recall the pieces to the puzzle required to answer, solve or otherwise produce a solution to a problem!
Adderall XR does wonders for my mind in this area but does it yours?
That's interesting. Adderall really helps some with emotional self regulation but not in everyone.
I know this is off-topic, but is this an ADHD thing? Sometimes when there's an assignment coming up that I really don't want to do, my brain shuts off and stops cooperating with me. I _want_ to get the assignment done (despite not liking it), but for some reason there's some sort of mental blockage preventing me from doing it. It was somewhat like this when I was a kid, too.
You descriptions is very similar to many with ADHD. Your brain could be shutting down over an emotional reaction or the material is boring and it won't engage. Could be a combination.
Dude, i can't even focus enough to watch this video without rewinding it.. 😭😭😭
what's distracting you?
I am going through a really hard time with not only my adhd, but also my boys. I was never taught how to self regulate as a kid. My parents and i didnt have what is the understanding of what was going on with how i reacted and gave me the original medication for adhd. Im currently going through therapy that is long overdue to try and break the cycle. Im begining to understand where things went wrong as a kid for myself and teach my boys before they develop the same issues i did with depression anxiety ptsd etc..
Thank you for the info
You are welcome and thank you for pausing and sharing your kind words. Keep learning, keep gaining awareness, and keep the faith.
No really, sometimes you really can't remember your own name. Esp if you also have long term CPTSD
it is a challenge!
I’m not diagnosed but yea confrontational and intense moments make me freeze and most times I do the same in life threatening events, even just fell backwards when someone pulled a gun on me
FFF is a survival instinct. It is hard to override it. It takes a lot of self-awareness.
thanks for posting.
Where is the follow up video? How do you work through the Fly Fight or Freeze?
search you tube for attention talk video ADHD Tips: Managing Emotional Self-Regulation
Mine was fight, flight, and freeze. Each response at a moment where they were most destructive I am just now learning about managing mine, still struggling. I'm middle aged, and got tired of it- that feeling that I could be so much more than this is constantly tugging at me. ADD is not a gift- it is a curse.
It certainly isn't something that you'd wrap in a package and gift to a friend. That said, with proper diagnosis and help you can live a fulfilling life.
Regulating emotions isn't easy but you are learning about it and gaining awareness. More awareness increases your ability to pause and down regulate. The old Pause, Ponder, then Proceed.
@@AttentionTalkVideoTrue. I've been diagnosed for years. When I accepted the dx, the way my life had gone made sense- going all the way back to grade school. I have a long way to go- on meds, and using the benefits of meds to work on cognitive/executive training. The destructive habits die hard. In adult life, it is procrastination- avoiding ( stuffing the important stuff into dark corners ) until everything collapses- then: exploding, panic etc. Stuck in set perseveration is another. Wasting time boiling a problem down to its final dust spec- as if you can solve things living in your head. It costs you. Sorry if my responses seem negative, I'm frustrated.
@@AttentionTalkVideo just read your last sentence. Working on that, too. Impulsivity is my worst enemy- shit, I jumped on typing back to you before I even fully read or thought it through- I've a ways to go.
@@jrosner6123 I'll let you in on a little secret. The majority of procrastination is rooted in ambiguity. Don't know what to do, don't know where something is (the internet isn't clarity... it is infinite), don't know how long something will take. Part of getting past procrastination is to identify what isn't clear and solve for that first.
I relate to this completely! But how does this differentiate from anxiety? I’ve tried to get diagnosed with ADHD a few times now & I keep being told “oh that’s just your anxiety” so I’m being treated for that again which really isn’t helping my issues get better overall 😔
This is my perspective (not necessary scientific fact). Feelings, emotions, anxiety are invisible... as a result there are a lot of interpretations. To me an emotions is a reflex that manifest as a feeling. Anxiety is a feeling. If you are confronted with a task that you struggle with you have a reflexive feeling that manifest as anxiety. In my mind when we have an emotion we escape thinking. There are lots of quotes that illustrate this.
thinking is difficult that is why people judge
is the only exercise you get in a day is jumping to conclusions.
Anxiety is a symptom to many things... you can have anxiety due to ADHD, or autism, or environmental factors. Mental help professionals make observations and classify the symptoms to arrive at a diagnosis. Some are good at this others not so good (i.e. i've heard people say their physician said they couldn't have ADHD because they have good grades).
Weather you have ADHD or not the key is to be self aware and own yourself in a way to mange yourself.
Again. this is just my perspective. thanks for posting.
I felt this video in my soul. Honestly I have so much to say but to much to type. Thank you so much. ❤
You're so welcome!
thanks for posting.
I'm definitely flight and freeze. For years I attributed this to my depression that would creep back in from time to time. But now, at 26 years old, my doctor thinks I might have AD(H)D. Getting tested soon and hoping I can get treatment ASAP.
It is harder to deal with something when you don't know what you are dealing with. Hoping you get clarity and can address things knowing what is the root of it all. thanks for posting.
Wow, knowledge really is power! This was very insightful and eye opening
excellent
When i have emotional conversations where i need to answer honestly, my brain starts overthinking of responses that would be adequate, then gets stuck in a loop, then i get asked why im not responding, which triggers anxiety, and then i forget what we where even talking about and make the situation even worse, this has ruined my relationship, not being able to speak.. i feel like theres 1000lbs of pressure in my throat and i can’t decide on anything to say, and as time goes by in that scenario, it get’s worse and worse..
Ah yes... putting pressure on yourself. It paralizes.
At times i ask people to make me laugh, make me laugh now, come on what is taking so long make me laugh.
Then i say... notice how your mind is blank? How you are paralized? They say yes.
Understanding and managing pressure is the key. This is what athlete do... practice calming down and thinking. Easy for me to say... difficult to execute... but better than just being paralized.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thank you for the response, i feel hyper aware of it, i guess it's just going to take time to implement the right thing to do.. it definitely feels like my brain shuts off, just have to think of a way to bring myself back and say something.
@@EatPsilocybin Emotional self-regulation is HARD... often the hardest challenge around ADHD. Keep plugging, be patient and keep the faith.
I tended to freeze as a bullied kid. And now as I’m 23 years old I’m becoming more aware of my fucking head. And it’s crazy realizing how crippled I am compared to what seemingly normal people see and feel. I can walk into a Costco with out sensory overload! There is to mush shit in the store to pay attention to!! And the stress eating, no it’s no eating from stress, it’s stress from being hungry kind of like a hunting instinct.
Anyway I’m going to end it there cause I found something else I gotta do lol
Also who else fall into depression after relaxing for an hour or 30 minutes even tho you just got done biking 15 miles in the morning?
Sounds like you are really struggling. Hoping you have reached out for help. Figuring how to navigate the world is easier with help.
@@AttentionTalkVideo life Is aye okay in fact Im finding that CBD and delta 8 fix my problems as a reset at the end of the day.
Thank you!! I have a hard time with paperwork and I say all the time that I feel paralyzed when it comes to getting this done. Any tools you have to help me overcome this problem is welcomed.
Emotional self regulation is a process of just calming down. The second challenge once you calm down is regulating your attention (focus). Paperwork is a challenge cause it is boring... but if it taxes your working memory it is really hard (paperwork on line can be really hard). What works depends on the situation. Sorry i don't have a one size fits all answer... still it starts with calming emotions down and trying to make things tangible and easy.
@@AttentionTalkVideo Thank you for the reply. I appreciate the information
@@dannyl2598 you are welcome
i was recently diagnosed with adhd but i was still confused as to why i freeze but now i know... thnx
you are welcome!
*2Timothy.1:* 7The Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
Yes but one has to regulate to tap into it. Sometimes that can be a challenge.
Thanks for posting
@@AttentionTalkVideo
*Mark.9:*
21Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
“From childhood,” he answered. 22“It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23“ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
24Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
*Philippians.4:*
12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Trance techniques may still work. Finger playings or some quick sentences you may say to stay awake or getting you to awake again. i often felt like some of my more intense focus moments were similar to that of a deep trance like after 15-20min of meditation. Little control, total awareness and sometimes fragile (like a flow).
interesting...
Very unique shy sensitive child with my own interests (never typical) Started having untriggered panic attacks at 19, so bad I’d see double. I was in college I also dropped out. Persistent anxiety and panic attacks for years and years. Bad choices. Highly sensitive to rejection or perceived deception. Focus issues. Hyper sensitive to music. Non confrontational. Don’t stick with a job or path for more than a year or two. Struggled with essays and projects. Procrastination. Don’t always know when people are joking. Silly and spontaneous. Over thinker. Thinking outside the box. Rational but scared of everything. Smart but forgetful. Cry at a drop of a dime. Easy to anger. Been different my entire life just trying to fit in somewhere. I wanna achieve big things but don’t know how? Knew something was wrong but didn’t know what. depression set in finally. I reached out for help. Emotional regulation got worse n worse. Diagnosed adhd at 36.
Wow! When and where are you most comfortable?
@@AttentionTalkVideo home
@@Megdracula What is it about being home that is comforatble?
@@AttentionTalkVideo no danger and no judgement. comfort. My space. My alone time.
@@Megdracula Makes sense on one level. On another does it help build immunity?
Are you getting help to make good choices? Getting help learning to read social cues?
In class when I'm asked questions if I'm aware I haven't put much effort on this subject.. I'll panic and therefore even if the question is simple my brain just stops functioning.. It's as if I'm watching them asking me question I'm hearing them but it's not reaching my brain
Great articulation of your experience.
I was a good pupil, and a very good student. But I totally failed as a worker and PhD candidate, because I could not fulfill the bosses' tasks. And when they tried to enforce results, I froze or panicked more or less. Funny, cause I love to physically fight, spar, box, workout. I just feel weak and useless when bosses want me to do things.
I did an interview on Attention Talk Radio with Dr. Thomas Brown on ADHD and high IQ (just google attention talk radio IQ). you might be interested in listening to it. He does a great job about framing out the difference between learning and execution and how those with ADHD struggle with the execution part.
I usually impulsively fight, and if i cant fight i flight, and if i feel i cant flight, I freeze and panic. 😂😂😂
Wow! Many with ADHD could identify with you comments. The trick is the self awareness and the ability to self regulate so as not to get in trouble. Easily to say... not so easy to execute.
I feel that by becoming aware I can now accept myself for how I am. It's hard to break certain patterns of ADHD behaviour - such as staying awake past my bedtime when I get hyperfocused on a project - so I just now say, well, it's how my brain works and if it didn't do that then I wouldn't get certain projects done. I think in some ways it helps me to realise that I've got to keep myself in certain environments in order for my special ability to thrive, rather than being in environments which are tailored around other types of people.
You wrote:
I think in some ways it helps me to realise that I've got to keep myself in certain environments in order for my special ability to thrive, rather than being in environments which are tailored around other types of people.
That is a big Aha! I'm not a mental health provider... just a coach. Over the years i've found those with ADHD to be very environmentally sensitive. The key is for them to step into environments that make it easy to self regulate.
Looks like you now GET IT! Booya!
AttentionTalkVideo it's when other people try to coax you into the wrong environments, that's when I find myself struggling to get myself together. I often forget my powerful identity realisations so wind up allowing myself to be pulled back into unsatisfactory environments because I let myself be swayed by the outlook that I CAN be like everyone else, or I HAVE to be like everyone else, but I just gotta try and focus on reminding myself every day what my ADHD/hyperfocusing brain is trying to inspire me to do... a lot of the time its very confusing, coz it flits between wanting to me to follow one route to wanting to follow another on some days, right in the middle of a task as well. 😖 But its not really a problem I suppose, just very odd haha! It's about letting yourself be spontaneous. It's almost like being Spider-Man, because you sense things differently and your body reacts differently, and it helps you do incredible things, yet you feel bad for having these weird super powers, because it makes you act abnormally and you don't have the life that another human being might - but why the hell wouldn't you want to climb all those walls and fight those monsters to save the world?! 😂
well articulated.
That is very interesting! When I was 13 years old, I came home from school to find my neighbor's house on fire, which was a very traumatic experience for me. I remember a window breaking and hearing all the alarms going off inside the house as I felt a sudden rush of heat and smoke, which I now know was a backdraft or flashover (smoke explosion). What was my instinct? DANGER!!! RUN!!! Put it out!!! That's exactly what I did- I ran to the neighbors houses and told them to hose down their properties before running home to safety.
The other day, I heard a loud beeping sound that was the same pitch as a smoke/fire alarm, and, even though the fire happened 14 years ago, I immediately went back into that same fight or flight response, but was able to breathe and think, "What is making that beeping sound? My fire alarm isn't flashing, so, it's not that. Oh! It's a backup alarm on the garbage truck outside. No big deal. Whew!"
so grateful you shared your experience. It is an awesome example of what I was trying to share. Thank you so much for posting.
What videos do you have dealing with boredom. I feel like I am coming apart when there is nothing to do. I take methylphenidate 3 times a day every 4 hours. Thank you sir
search you tube for "attention talk video boredom" and you get a video i've done on agitated boredom that you might like. I have also talked about it on Attention Talk Radio. Did a presentation on Additude Magazine on boredom that you might find of interest.
Omg the whole comment section is my kind of ppl😭.. We could get through it🥺
Isn't validation great!
Going on with 25 years without medications for this Brian disorder. They think its bipolar disorder, but I was told as a child that its adhd. So, I'm confused, does adhd turn into bipolar disorder later on in life.
ADHD and Bipolar are two separate things. You can have both. If you have both the ADHD is often caught first and the bipolar later in life. I'd encourage you to listen to my two interviews on attention talk radio with Dr. Olivardia. He does a good job of explaining things. Just google attention talk radio olivardia bipolar
My problem is that I always respond with fight, but the thing is I never go out without my gun... and when something like this happens I simply shoot... sometimes when its not the best option...
What would server you as a better means to manage things?
Yes! Absolutely yes
hoping it helped
But why ADHD? Can I say the same thing for Bipolar II? The depressive state is somehow playing dead or freezing? How is it different from the ADHD brain? Truly curious.
ADHD is an executive function impairment. Self-regulation is a major EF. Two things you need to regulate... attention and emotions. At some level everyone struggles with emotional self-regulation. Those with ADHD tend to struggle with it more. As for Bipolar II... i'm not as versed in it but at some level they would struggle as well.
thanks for posting.
Now apply this to what order the ADHD kid is born. A study would be interesting.
I wonder if the first born would be more likely to fight (usually being the independent one) and if the youngest of a family would run since they usually are more of a follower not an independent leader. (General statement for the average family of course)
interesting concept to ponder....
@@AttentionTalkVideo that's what I'm saying. LOLOL. Now to fund the study.............😒
Very helpful to me, thank you so much.
you are so welcome
@Attention Talks Video
Hi I’m 45 and just getting started on pursuing a likely ADHD diagnosis. I have low- income insurance. I did find the Mental health department of my “Medi-Cal “ health insurance, it’s called Beacon Health. I’m in Northern California. I’m apprehensive about securing a proper Diagnosis. I really appreciate any advice out there on how to take this on. How to keep fighting for myself, and to get help. Maybe it won’t be as challenging and a drudge that I’ve heard about. But it’s already been 2 weeks and not heard back . I have an extremely difficult time making phone calls. But I better, these systems are only getting worse and making daily life more problematic. Thanks 🙏🏻 So much!
I meant these Symptoms.
Congrats on owning the courage to get a proper diagnosis.
As for advise... to me mindset is how your mind is set up to think. I find those who have ADHD and are successful shift their mindset The set up their mind to think differently. There is try harder or try different. There are a lot of people who know a lot about ADHD but they don't own it. Here is a simple example.
Neurotypicals talk to themselves in their head (verbal working memory). We can't hear them. Working memory is an execuative function and is impaired for many with ADHD. As a result they talk to themselves out loud a lot. Others think they are talk to them or say that person is full of themselves. Again in reality they are thinking. Not to talk is not to think. I've helped people realize this in coaching call. They go Oh... yea that's me. Then they go home and try to think in silence.(try harder). Those that own it do things like find people and ask if they can talk out loud or if someone would help them think through something. Again, shift your mindset to do things in a way that work for you not how you think you should do them... and own it.
Very grateful on this thanksgiving day that you posted. Best of luck.
@@AttentionTalkVideo 👌Great advice, Much Appreciated ! ☮️
Uhhhh my God!I am a teacher who knows what isadhd and I just realised in my 35 that I have this brain structure! I had signs since childhood!
I didn't know what was wrong with me! I am going to get diagnosed as soon as possible!
Understand what is happening. Gain awareness and you can live with more intention!
This is interesting because years ago doctors were hesitant to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I probably do have that but it sounds like, when considered with other symptoms, I have ADHD.
Diagnosing is tricky when it comes to mental health. I did an interview with Dr. Sarah Cheyette on Attention Talk Radio on the topic. She really illuminated the issues. Basically symptoms are classified into groups. Problem is many symptoms part of many diagnosis. For example "anxiety". People with autism, depression, and ADHD can have anxiety. Just because you are anxious doesn't mean you have all three diagnosis.
The key is to find an experienced professional. Not always easy to find but it is usually worth the effort looking.
thanks for posting.
I tend to shut down when the perceived threat is coming from another person.
"perceived" is the key word. you perception could be right. it also could be wrong or worse... it might not be a threat at first but it turns into a threat based on your reaction.
Emotional self regulation is challenging and can be a self fulfilling prophesy. The key is to engage the thinking brain to engage to identify what is really a threat and what is not that you can engage with to your advantage.
This so difficult to control. I have just started the process of being diagnosed for an issue that I have been fully aware of for a very long time. This emotional response causes me to completely fog up and shut down during an argument to the point where I don't even remember why there was a disagreement in the first place.
Some times i have client put themselves in a simulated situation to practice calming down. For example, before the election if you were a trump fan i'd have you watch CNN. If you were a biden fan I'd have you watch fox news. The idea is for them to notice their body as they get emotional... to pause... take a few deep breaths... and focus on calming their body down. The idea is to practice this in a safe simulated environment to practice for life. Understand one must be careful as to what they choose to put themselves in. It needs to be emotional but not trigger any trauma.
Hope you are getting help to manage things. Thanks for posting.
@@AttentionTalkVideo I never thought about that. I will definitely try that. In most situations it's hard to step away to regulate my emotions because when in a disagreement with my partner, she assumes that I am ignoring the issue and walking away which of course I know is not the situation. Maybe this video will help explain the to her. Thanks!
@@justincasey3516 good luck
No one around me understands the fear that overwhelms and all come at me just pushing and pushing..im at the point now where im about to lose everything ive worked for..ive been seen a counselor for over a year and she avoids the adhd topic so im not treated for it..ive been trying to get help for years and years and no one is treating me properly..can someone please direct me in a direction to where I can get help.im 47 and accomplished alot however it always comes crashing down becoming paralyzed with fear anxiety,overwhelmed..im atvthe end of my rope and dont have the fight anymore..this is a miserable existence and finally want to walk away from this war inside my head..my brain never shuts down..im all over the place,I try to hide it but it always exposes its ugly self...I would never put my number online but im really in desperate need of help..please,please if anyone can offer me some advice or point me in the right direction I'd be forever grateful to you...I live in St.Augustine Florida..Myke..904-814-9226..
tried to call you but your voice mail was full
@@AttentionTalkVideo hey there thank you for reaching out..Im sorry I missed the call I will empty my voice mail out this evening..I really appreciate it
@@flyme2themoon720 ok
That happens to me.... and it's really an ugly feeling, what can i do....?
Emotional self regulation is probably the hardest issue for many with ADHD. The process sounds simple but it is hard to execute. Basically you have to notice when you are in an emotional state when it is happening. For some learning to listen to your body... if you feel a flooding feeling or a pit in your stomach, or other such things... it is the signal to pause. When that happens you breath. For many it is best to step out of the situation or count to 10 to distance yourself from your rush of feelings... then you brain storm with others.
other ways is to rehearse what to do in such situations.
I did and interview with Sesame Street on Attention Talk Radio about how the puppets model this for kids. Melissa Orlov and I talked about it in another interview.
the marines and first responders practice what to do in different situations.
Really it comes down to noticing yourself, and kind of detaching yourself from the emotions to move forward.
In coaching it varies from person to person but I've had success with people noticing, breathing and dunking their face in ice water, or going for a fast 1/2 mile run, or playing the piano for a bit. Again what works depends on the individual. The first step... the key is awareness.
Again, all this was easy to say... but know it is a challenge to execute... especially for those with ADHD.
Hi...I'm Ryan and I have ADHD. I tend to freeze in stressful situations. So I try to think rationally of what I need to do so I can get sense of direction. Then when I try to execute my course of action I realize that my body is stuck and doesn't do what I want it to do. Very annoying.
You body is stuck or your mind is stuck?
Is it possible only developing hdhd ir ONLY realizing it até 40 years old ...i belive once o had this mental breack down i developed Sever depression.. anxiety, and social fobia...i was fine i could live a normal life ,but know i dont live the house ..cant make any decisions..not even going to the doctors or fix my teeth or cut my hair ...this arent even decisions its things i need to do ...i can understand the fear of going to the doctors becouse i never felt i needed to go Soo last time migth have been 15 or 20 years ago ...but know that i have depression or whatever this is i need but Im paralized ...my life is ruined couse i dont work ..and i feel Im not capable of working and it sucks , i totally Lost my self confidence and self esteem and self worth ,to the point that i feel i cant BE Alone ..and not always in life we gonna have some One Next to us ...
I'm definatly hearing you have lost self confidence (SC). SC is challenging in that one becomes guarded and less apt to try something which is the very thing that is needed to figure out a path.
I know what i'm going to write is easy for me to write and hard for you to execute but it is helpful to focus on what you can do, have done, or have been successful at to move forward. Dwelling on what doesn't work keeps you stuck.
Hoping you are getting help.
Thanks for posting.
This is so true i tought everyone felt like this wtf
i think they do... just to different degrees. Many with ADHD are more challenged than others.
Xpert_Destroyer 4 ditto. My reaction seems so disproportionate to others. Luckily I freeze or fly. I rarely fight.
thanks, but you didn't tell us what to do to help us?
Managing emotions comes from awareness. It is a process not a tip trick or strategy. For more on details google "attention talk radio sesame street" and listen to my interview with Autium Zitani. While we are talking about preschoolers the same principals apply to adults.
For me. It's like I'm always expecting to fight to the death. For example if I'm home watching tv. And something makes my front door creek. Even if it's just a gust of wind doing so. I'll typically instantly stop watching tv and start watching the door. If the sounds continue for long periods of time or get louder. I'll often grab my 9mm. I have gone through allot of life threatening situations. Many at an early age. So I'm sure that mixed with my ADHD is why I tend to be ready to fight. But honestly I wouldn't get rid of it. Life is unpredictable. This "flaw" of mine might actually save my life one day.
Wow! Thanks for sharing your lived experience. My guess is others have similar stories. Hope this post validates things for some.
Thanks
you are welcome