ADHD Burnout | Why Does This Keep Happening? 😫
Vložit
- čas přidán 3. 03. 2022
- Yes, ADHD burnout is thing. It's actually a BIG thing and if you've ever felt like you always seem to end up here, then you're not alone. Burnout is cyclical and unless you're aware of how it starts, you'll never get past it.
In today's video I'm talking about WHY ADHD brains get burned out, how it's different than typical brains and most importantly HOW to stop the cycle of burnout!
If this video resonates with you, and you'd like support creating stratgies for solving your own burnout cycle, then consider working with me as your coach. I work with adult women with ADHD and the "ADD-ish".
Learn more about ADHD Life Coaching here: itsadhdfriendly.com/coaching/ - Sport
The shame of not being able to juggle as many things as neurotypicals definitely keeps me in the burnout cycle. When I feel like I’m my own worst critic, other people tell me I’m not doing enough or tell me I shouldn’t feel exhausted by my workload/social commitments/etc.
There is ZERO shame in not juggling multiple things at a time. The brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so trust me - no one else is winning at the multitasking game. And besides - no one gets a hero biscuit for doing a bunch of things poorly, but faster.
You do you!
Stephanie, I used to be the same: anxiety and shame would fuel me until… adrenaline burn me from the inside out.
Big caveat is that after a burnout (as diagnosed by clinical psychologists), it extremely hard to go back to a functional rhythm…
I encourage you to be kinder to yourself and try to avoid the breaking point.
Love from a fellow ADHDer 😉
I feel this except I feel like I used to be able to do all things but now struggle with what I feel is half or a quarter of what I used to do so then I get frustrated, my therapist tells me I’m to hard on myself but as a SAHM of three and a pt worker in the weekends I don’t see where I can set the balls down bc they still need to be in the air or stuff will build up not getting done.
Relatable
You are not alone 😢💕
I get paralyzed by the shame and guilt of not being able to do what neurotypical’s can do so effortlessly.
why compare yourself? Your energy would be better spent finding what you're good at and what you enjoy.
@@CarenMagill “Old habits die hard” especially the bad habits lol. I have started to build on that now and oh man does it feel good. 💪🏾😊
and they don't understand at all how difficult it all is.... My partner shames me yet I think he has a hidden issue he is in denial about as well. which complicates things. The funny thing, is that I don't require endless praise.. just a little can go a long way. I just barely get any feedback or support AT ALL... No connection or self care validation. I know we all have been brainwashed to say "don't look for external validation' but the reality is.. WE NEED IT AT TIMES!. I felt like I was going crazy when I would get ghosted on comments, ignored, I feel invisible and not important enough for folks to make commitment's with me.. It isn't enough for me to endlessly say "I am important and love myself". If I am not getting external validation.. I need to do a self check. YES maybe that means I am not around the right people.... but it still is important..
Same. Haven't been diagnosed but the symptoms are there...its a struggle everyday and I have a literal list of steps to do get through tasks and it took years for me to write them because I didn't even know there is something called ADHD..struggled at school besides my efforts for years even now.. and I don't want to tell anyone at home
Hope you truly get better❤️
Thank you for including "i have to go to the bathroom" as a ball that is sometimes difficult to manage when there is too much going on.
In corporate America we often don’t have a choice. They load project on top of project on you and expect for you to not just juggle them but excel beyond normal human limits. 🤦🏽♀️
Oh I know this very well. I spent my entire career in that environment and I'll never go back.
I think what resonated with me the most was that freeze is the most common thing before burnout occurs. I've been experiencing freeze with my job for the past 6 months or so and I'm starting to hit a wall. The burnout is REAL right now and it's so frustrating because it's not that I don't want to do the tasks but I just sit and can't mentally make myself function. Also it does impact the rest of life... I struggle to sleep because I'm worried about work; which then further worsens my struggle to work because on top of being burnt out, I'm also exhausted from lack of sleep. Working out and taking time for myself in the morning then also becomes a struggle because I'm trying to use any precious time to sleep. Then it turns into oversleeping on the weekends. It's just a complete mess at this point. SO. one of my questions is, how do you know when it's your job vs a "you" problem?
Yes!!! You described me!!! Ugh this cycle alone is exhausting….😩😩😩😩😩
I like you question, essentially "is it a 'me problem', or a problem with the system in which I'm working (job, family, culture, society, ect)? I'm a therapist that specializes in burnout and compassion fatigue, and I can say over the last fifteen years the foremost researchers/experts on burnout (like Dr. Maslach) have focused more and more on SYSTEMIC issues that drive burnout. Many people wrongly carry too much self blame and assume that it's a 'me problem'. Of course improving self-care practices is usually a good thing, but rarely does it actually help reduce or heal burnout. They might take the edge off, but they don't get at the cause(s) of burnout. An analogy might be a runner that develops a stress fracture, and believes that improving nutrition, meditation, ice baths, and stretching more will get rid of the stress fracture. Nope. Those are all good things, but the primary thing they need is to stop running for several weeks and get a boot/brace to incubate the fracture from continued stress long enough for the bone to heal. Burnout is an injury, an injury from chronic stress that outpaces our ability to recover on a day to day basis (not sustainable). So, what does make a difference for burnout is to actually reduce, or eliminate, the stressors in your system (that caused the burnout) long enough for you to heal. That usually means making difficult decisions about how you navigate the larger systemic pressures that are hurting you. These stressors usually fall in the areas of (1) workload/quantity of stressors, (2) stress from lacking control in your environment, (3) not experiencing enough intrinsic or extrinsic rewards, (4) stress from lack of community and/or not feeling a sense of belonging, (5) stress from a perceived lack of fairness, (6) stress from a mismatch in your values and the way you are pressured to behave. Most people would love an easy answer to burnout that they can do on their own, but in reality it usually means some difficult conversations with a boss, spouse, friends, family, and other key players that can support you in developing (and following through) with a plan to reduce, or eliminate, these stressors for a significant period of time (we're talking several months...not a week or two). I hope this is helpful. I too often see people stuck in the assumption that small self-care practices will do the trick (meditation, getting more sleep, saying no to a few things) but that usually only prolongs burnout and deepens the injury. Instead, you need to be empowered to pull out some "big gun" self care practices that will change your system (quitting a job or reducing to part time, finding a new job, hiring a nanny, "breaking up" with toxic relationships, taking a long sabbatical from church or other commitments, etc.). Best of luck in your journey to heal from burnout!
@@nathanienathanie thank you! Your information was soooooo helpful!!!!! I had a gut feeling my burnout would require much more than me just exercising and getting better sleep. Yes it does take the edge off but you’re so right I quickly fall back into that exhausted and dreaded burnout feeling.
@@melissaguevara724 Awe. Thanks for the kind message. Glad it helped. Hopefully you can get some more traction to get permanently untuck from your burnout cycle.
This comment resonates with me sooo much right now. I’m concerned and I know I need to do something about this.
Stuck in burnout year 3 and counting….. worst it’s ever been, I literally had to go to a local hairdresser to have my hair de-matted last week cry😢shower/bath? Pffffft house chores?? Pfffft self care? I don’t even know how anymore. I’m accomplishing nothing while working 24/7 100mph
Your comment broke me. I'd love to know how you're doing. Blessings to u!!
I’m in the same boat 😢 i don’t know how anyone is surviving
@@lexa_powerIm climbing out of mine after 14 months. I set one tiny goal each day. Today it is to clear a coffee table. I also say one thing that is good about me. E.g. "I am a kind person." Or "Despite my challenges, I have survived."
That moment when CZcams shows you exactly the video you need to see when you need to see it.
Literally welled up at the mention of the word "shame".
I believe I'm undiagnosed with ADHD and ended up dropping out of my masters program because I was so burnt out from all of life's responsibilities (or my perception of certain things in my life being my responsibility to take care of). I wish I'd had you channel as a resource when I was younger. Thank you for doing what you do!
My life in 3D
I dropped out of uni the first time, went to college, went back to uni, nearly dropped out again, had a full on meltdown, got a job, back for my post-grad while working full-time, had multiple meltdowns.
It's fucking difficult.
@kg-gg8rl please don’t give up on your studies for good. Take some time to get a handle on your condition-and ADHD therapist can help- and then with management and tools you can achieve your goals.
I know this is a 3 month old comment, but yes. You nailed it. My perception of things is where it is at.
Good talk and suggestions, especially, "I'll check my calendar and get back to you." I'd like to add a note about habits: Those of us with ADHD typically use our active executive function energy for deciding to do things that neurotypical people have as reflexive habits. We have to actively make decisions at every single step of a supposedly singular task. Proximity and complication are key factors in addressing this challenge. I try to eliminate extra steps and barriers between me and my goals:
For example, I wash all laundry on cold and don't buy special-care clothes. On rough days, I'll go to my mom's to do laundry, because her laundry room is next to the dining room, where I can work at the table and have visual reminders to switch laundry, instead of forgetting it in my basement washer until I run out of underwear. It also eliminates two sets of stairs, which are tough for me physically, not just my distractible brain.
Taking a shower can involve 12 decisions and brushing one's teeth can involve 5 decisions, for example: get up from chair, go to bathroom, get out toothpaste, etc.
I find duplicates of items helpful, so you don't have to go to another location: a broom upstairs and down; deodorant in bedroom, bathroom, and back pack; paper plates for days you don't have the energy to do dishes. A pair of scissors next to the oven, for opening frozen pizza wrappers, and scissors in the cupboard by the kitchen door for opening incoming packages.
I set up my environment for success, taking my advantage of when my brain thinks, ooh, I want to do this thing right now! I leave extra hair combs in the shower with my soap and shampoo - I'll go to pee between tasks, realize I have the spoons (energy) to shower, and get straight in there to wash; then decide I have the energy to wash my hair; and when I'm done, sit on a shower chair to comb my hair.
Any one of those things could have been done individually or grouped by energy level, and since everything is within arm's reach, I've reduced decision making and fatigue. As you said, it's not all or none. It's somewhere in the middle.
My mom has jars of dental picks and pre-pasted single use mini toothbrushes in her shower and by her TV remote, so most days she has at least two opportunities to say, oh yeah, I can take care of my teeth right now!
I've tried time blocking for these self care tasks, but it didn't work for me. Now I've set them up as enticing distractions with no prep time, instead of a required chore at a certain time of day, and I accomplish them more often with less stress.
Brilliant! I've unwittingly been doing some of these, too. It's a good way to deal with the "out of sight out of mind" problem
sounds so nice! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing!! I paused the video to read so I didnt miss any but could still soak in what you were sharing. The Deodorant thing I started doing recently, one up in my bathroom so I can use it right after a shower, and one in my purse in case I forget, or didn't shower that day so I don't have to go upstairs, and have something if I'm out and realize I need some. Same with dry shampoo and brushes. I always wear a scrunchy on my wrist so I always have it accessible.
Definitely need to use more of these ideas though. I've only fairly recently realized at 33 that I for sure have ADHD and RSD and am hypermobile, which I didn't realize was connected to ADHD until today lol and these three things explain pretty much my entire life and the differences I felt but couldn't articulate, and that made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I always felt like things were just so much easier for other people, like I had to work so much harder just to scrape by, and I felt so guilty and ashamed and lazy for not being able to manage everything.
I have two kids now and the shame and guilt when I'm in burnout and just can't take them outside or do things with them that I want to, or when my emotions are heightened and I yell, is intense. Some days I question if I should have had kids at all, but I can't imagine life without them. I just feel so guilty that they got me for a mom. I try so hard and love them so much, and I have so many people tell me what a great, loving mom I am... but I don't feel it. They don't see behind closed doors how much of a mess I am most of the time.
I just want to be able to live. To be able to do the normal every day basic necessities like basic hygiene and keeping the house reasonably tidy and doing one fun thing with my kids a day at least and being calm and patient with them. But when the RSD is triggered (which kids trigger in a way like no other), it takes over my entire body. It feels justified.
When my 7yo AuDHD son was running out into a parking lot, not stopping when I frantically yelled to stop, and continued to sprint away from me laughing as I continued to yell to stop, I felt so helpless and out of control that when we were home 5 minutes later and I was trying with everything in me to take deep breaths and calm myself, my whole body was on fire and I couldn't stop myself from stomping my foot so hard it injured my ankle, and screaming out loud. Not at him, but within sight of him, and then with a shaking and angry voice telling him that was NOT ok and explaining why but I can't even describe the rage that filled my body in a way that feels strong enough to relay the intensity of it. And in the moment I couldn't talk myself out of it. Now I can see that there are ways I can talk to him calmly to explain why that isn't ok. But in the moment it felt like showing intense anger about what happened was the only way to get the message across to keep him safe, especially because I have tried so many times and so many ways to explain why that isn't safe and that he needs to listen to stay safe. And he gets it and feels bad when we talk but then not long after it happens again, and laughing like it's a game again while I'm yelling and clearly terrified and angry. It feels like it just doesn't get through no matter what I do or say. So I feel helpless to keep him safe which is probably the worst feeling ever as a parent, and also likely feel the sense of rejection from him ignoring me when I am yelling for him to listen. But them also don't want to cause him to feel like a failure for not being able to control his impulses or be aware of his surroundings and feel so guilty any time I get angry in a way that might cause shame. Then there's the guilt of not working while my husband is working so hard at his job and I can't even keep the house clean while I'm home alone all day not working 😓 but SOME days I have tons of energy and get so much done in the day which brings up the thoughts of "why couldnt I just do that every day which I know aren't reasonable but they still hold a ton of emotional weight.
Ugh. Anyways, big ramble! But basically, thank you so much for this comment as it is super helpful! 😊
Thank you for these tips!
Show me a single parent who isn't burned out 🙃
I'm an AuDHD single mom. Overstimulation from my kids + cluttered home actually lead to more intense burnout, even if work is okay. (But burnout from kids + clutter leads to burnout from work eventually.)
This feels like listening to my therapist go off for fifteen minutes lol, thank you for the great content 🙏
Edit: "If you don't take care of yourself, your body will stop you. Full stop." is so powerful and true
Glad this is helpful!!!!
I did a lot of this juggling and over extending in college full time, started real estate investing, working a full-time job, raising my family, & life in general. It wasn't until I went to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack that I finally decided it was time to slow down. Turned out I had so much cortisol in my body I was having physical reactions to it.
I actually teared up watching this video. I’m in the midst of intense burnout and this hit me so hard - mainly a sense of sadness at how I have ignored every red flag from my body and mind.
Your tone is so genuine and empathetic which is incredibly comforting. Aside from the solutions, just feeling that level of empathy withou judgement is so healing - especially when feeling so much shame from my “shortcomings”
Thank you so much for making a video that perfectly articulates this experience.
Send you virtual hugs. I know exactly how you feel.
I’m so sorry. 💔 It TRULY is a LONELY FEELING. Being understood makes me extremely emotional as well.
I just had the worst melt down. My son is taking a cold shower, cause he didn't know where I was, I was taking a ride to cool off and I didn't bring my phone. Seeing him so upset is breaking my heart😢
I feel terrible all the time. I've hit the point where I can't recall the last time I had a day that didn't involve some sort of pain management, whether it was just breathing through it or taking advil/tylenol/ect.
All I want to do is my business but I can't even seem to figure out how to run that and I constantly feel like I need help but then I feel so ashamed that I can't open my mouth.
And when I have and I got help, I feel both blessed and GUILTY, "why can't I do this? Everyone else can figure this out so why can't I?" Or "why can't I make myself do this anymore?"
I'm so tired... and my body itself has shut down twice and I can tell it's trying to yet again and so I AM trying to prioritize my health and my body so I can keep taking care of others, but I still don't have answers or directions, and this brain fog I've been dealing with for the past 3 years is just taking it's toll. I feel so dumb and stupid all the time.
All I WANT to do is write my book, work with my clients to make them feel better and improve their lives, make videos about the kind of work I do and self care, but how can I even think of making videos when there are already so many of them out there and who would want to look at this ugly fat chick giving them advice to improve their lives when I can't even do it for myself?
I just want to stop everything and start over, isolate and be alone for a year to get over myself.
Gods, I hope if anyone else is going through this that you know it will be okay, that, somehow, we will get through this, even if we don't yet know how! 😭👐💜
It'll get better! I promise. How are you now?
You are right,@@Madeliefschram, it does get better. I'm not... in great condition, but I am getting better. I am making plans on videos, writing down my ideas, and trying to keep a positive outlook.
It's hard some days. I fall back into old patterns pretty easily, but I at least have the strength to keep making efforts to change myself for the better.
@@WhiteRoseNeko that sounds good!
I love a professional saying she's at her best between 10-6! That is totally me, but I feel like it's "wrong." Thank you for this video!
Yes!!!
I've been unable to work for 5 years due to my body completely shutting down. I was bedridden at a point due to pain and no energy. I have made some progress but it is like swimming upstream and if I stop the things I'm doing (therapy, physio, massage, meditation, supplements etc) I get swept downstream and have to start from the beginning all over again. My doctor was treating me for fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety for years before she diagnosed me with adhd and that's when I started to make good progress in healing.
It feels like I've been "powering through" a burnout for over a year or 2. I want to curl up and not move. My uni deadline is close but I feel nothing😶
I know that feeling so well. I'm routing for you.
When she's talking about things falling off the top shelf and gesturing, I had this mental image of things falling on my head from the shelf above me. SO accurate.
I've noticed that when I focus on tasks I enjoy. For example I like making music. I can spend up to 3 - 4 hours doing so even after working all day. I'll do this for a week maybe longer. Then crash. Don't pick up my laptop, work ethic goes out the window. Mood swings etc etc. Feel like your description in this video explains what is going on for me. So it's time to manage my time better and find more balance. Thank you.
Trapped right now in this… everyone is so proud of me for having a full time job after a lifetime of untreated adhd and severe depression.
Except I’m slowly drowning and feel like I’m grinding myself down to nothing. I have no idea what to do and the prospect of asking for less hours at work makes me feel like a biggest failure
What are you doing to take care of yourself outside of work? Why would advocating for yourself by asking for fewer hours make you a failure? Personally, I think that makes you a badass who's not afraid to ask for what they want/need.
35 hrs/week is still legally considered full-time! (if that helps)
I had to ask for less hours. There was a lot going on outside work, some issues at work, and I was tap dancing on the edge of a nervous breakdown 😅 which is/was not fun because I generally love my job and used to like going into work! It's kinda neutral right now
What happens if you burned out several years ago and can’t dig out? Even with all of the ADHD meds, therapy, etc.?
Kristie, what was the source of your burnout? Was it work related or broader? The answer to reversing burnout is often buried in the details. My best advice is to pay attention to what gives you energy and what drains it, then start making super small changes to adjust to your new awareness. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it actually works. I'll do a video on it. Feel free to add more details if you would like me to address your topic specifically.
I have this and everytime burnout is stronget, longer and common. Its really frustraiting
Yes I hit a horrible burnout in 2018 and had to quit work and school just to start to function normally. I still feel behind or like I can’t catchup or stay on top of things. Everything I’ve tried medically and in my real life has only bee temp fixes till I decend once again.
I have experienced success of coming back on track when I set smaler goals than the ones that crashed me. I mean i chop the goals in to smaler pieces, like taking baby steps. And it’s been more important of what I do rather than how much I do. But that insight comes with a lot of acceptance and it’s hard to accept it sometimes and I have to be my best friend to let myself do it in my tempo. Good video thank’s ❤
@@CarenMagill Thank you so much I have learned it a few years ago and have made adjustments. To put it in a few words, study all the responsibilities and details about you job for example, and think and imagine whether you will be capable doing all these things. If you will manage with 80 percent of 70 I guess go for it as you will do things and assignments that encourage you or give you joy and then you can rely on these ones to motivate you and help not to burn out I truly believe that the key is to know yourself very well, your strength and weaknesses. This is taking responsibility of your own life and self love in my opinion. No test will show you your true colours in different circumstances. Only you know yourself the best. Make a list of everything. All of them. Hope it is relevant and helps someone
this is so on the money. a lifetime of this hammers ones self esteem
I know.
Sounds similar to Bipolar Depression when in a manic state, with regard to not sleeping ,eating , then crashing.
It was a real eye opener to watch this. I believe I do have ADHD but I think it was self-induced from long-term amphetamine addiction. Or I had it as a child undiagnosed .When I was on it my life was in order .I was building a life that was foreseeable beneficial and obtainable. I feel I was moving forward. Since I've been off of it, everything is falling apart. I've been told I have bipolar, ADHD, which they tried to give me a non-stimulant medication to help but it didn't help me. Just made me kind of fuzzed out. I practice mindfulness as much as possible to get my ambition back without medication but it sure is hard
That's me every time I have went back to graphic design. I used to love graphic design. Now I'm working as farrier, and although it's super demanding physically, mentally it is super simple and immediate. Works for me! I love horses ❤
I was a graphic designer and same thing happns to me. I went back 2 horses. Now I look after my sick father and burn out is back as well as my emotions everywr
@@traceyvyver1392 I wish you all the best. Keep your flag up high!
The issue for me isn't that I've bit off more than I can chew, but that the absolute bare minimum is too much :/
I'm 31 and just discoverd my ADHD symptoms. My sister has ADD diagnosed. I can not tell you how much your videos are meaning to me now. Thank you so much!
I have identified (for me):
* interesting + requires high concentration = great (more please!)
* boring + requires low concentration = OK/ tolerable
* boring + requires high concentration = one way ticket to burnout
Started watching video, started reading comments, stopped video, got a message regarding an invite, did a deep dive into travel planning to answer a message, remembered to finish the video, ads, finished video.
1 hour gone on a 14min video.
No wonder i dont get anything done. 😂
It really hit me when you mentioned getting sick. This happens to me about once a year or every other year, where I get so overwhelmed and burnt out that I feel my body start to shut down and I get sick for 2-to-4 days and I feel much better afterwards. I know I need to listen to my body, it’s just hard sometimes
I think the adhd has collided with perimenopause and I’m in never-ending burnout while trapped on an emotional rollercoaster of hormones. Holy moly.
Oh, i know this one very well!!!!
Oh WOW, this sounds just like the episodes I find myself in about twice a year. It's almost as though somebody unplugs me from the electric and that's it, game over. I've just gone through an episode that lasted 10 days and the real frustration comes from me knowing what will fix it, but feeling paralyzed and not able to instigate those things. Thank you Caren.
You're welcome!
I'm in a perpetual state of burnout. Stay-at-home that also homeschools two kiddos. I went last week to get tested for ADHD and will be getting my results this coming week. You're video was helpful and gave me some ideas. ❤
I know this is a few months ago but just curious did you get a diagnosis? How are things now?
@@jclyntoledo My Dr diagnosed me with ADHD (mild). Also, depression, anxiety and PTSD. I started therapy, Adderrall which I have since quit. My physician had me start on 5mg for 7 days and then slowly increase by 5 mg every 7 days. He wanted me to decide what dose i felt best on. Adderall isnt for me. Made me feel way too stimulated and was messing with my sleep. Perhaps another med might work better. I have also started weight training again and eating specific fatty foods that are good for the brain. I am feeling better. I see a little of my old self peaking through. Sorry for the rant. 🥴
@@jclyntoledo Forgot to answer your question! I went to a Psychologist who does ADHD testing.
I’m 65 and just learning how to manage my ADHD. I repeatedly burned out throughout my career and wish I had known that , one, I had ADHD, and , two, that it was causing the burnouts! Better late than never I guess. 😒 Thanks for the advice you are sharing now to help people like me lead more balance and peaceful lives.
Exactly the same here. 💜
I feel this so much. My biggest shame is wanting to be reliable when I commit to a project but getting sick and overwhelmed and them I’m an unreliable flake. But I absolutely can not follow through as in show up to a function if I have issues just leaving the house and getting into my car. I will stay awake for nights before I’m supposed to do the thing.
Good suggestions.
if I do think about it I overthink and then panic freeze and ghost from any response so I do try to agree to things that I know I should offer to do or I won’t ever do anything at all.
But I do work better with structure and become overwhelmed by the not knowing exactly what goes into each moment. As in I was writing a detailed scheduled list starting with wake up, wash face, eat toast etc by the time I was 9 years old. Lol.
My schedule fails in any place by something unexpected.and my brain panics
This video made me laugh! I am constantly managing burnout (especially at work) because I put everything on the top shelf. Whenever my body revolts - it reminds me that I need to pause what I’m doing and take a break.
The fact that I don’t try and force myself to work anymore and instead address the feelings I’m experiencing has helped a lot in the long-run.
I'm burnt out but do nothing significant all day. Its insane.
Burnout can come from boredom.
🤯🤯🤯
Thank you for making me realize I'm not Bipolar 🙂
I wish doctors would be more investigative, would have saved me 30 years of BS..
Literally squirmed and teared up when she pulled me in close to tell me to take care of myself or myself will stop me.
I've been at home due to burn-out since February '22. I just recently realised that it's just that much harder because of my ADHD and I now understand why I kept falling into burn-out. The thing is I now what I should be doing, it's just really hard and I am still struggling.
Totally relate with having a top shelf of high-priority, and everything else is in another room, with no second or third shelf.
I was making progress getting out of my burnout from 2020 when my father passed away in 2021. We were really close and my family lived with my parents. So losing him has been devastating on us. I think this has put me in a consistent in and out of burnout phases that Im not sure how to get out of. 😮💨
He was the one I wanted to make proud and show off my achievements to. It is hard to motivate myself to do anything major in my life, and I think it is because he isn't there to see it or call and speak to about it. I can clean and do house duties all day, but admin paperwork stuff, job searching, creativity, and keeping up with friends socially are just not happening or are super delayed. 🙇🏼♀️
@@SarahSagasounds like me writing this down. I’m exactly in the same boat. Lost my dad to COVID in 2020 and I’ve tried all sorts to pick myself up unsuccessfully. Lived with him nearly 37 years and would still visit daily as I wasn’t far. He had high expectations for me compared to my other siblings 😢 but now I’m all teary writing this up. Lost all motivation .
So sorry for your loss. Have you found Megan devine? She has stuff I've found helpful for grieving. Fellow neurodivergent soul here, so I validate your experiences.
Wow thank you for your video! You have no idea how big of an eye opener it was for me to watch this. I’ve noticed this pattern in myself where I do amazing working for like 6 months then suddenly I just can’t for a while and I’m tired and struggle with self doubt.. I was diagnosed with adult adhd recently and this really hits home
Everyday is a burnout even if I'm not employed anymore.
@florentina I understand that feeling. I encourage you to pay attention to what drains you vs what gives you energy, then star leaning into the energy enhancing activities. The key is to start super small and do what you can with where you are at.
The biggest problem I have with making to-do lists/writing out tasks on a job/making a calender is that I don't know how in depth to make it. And it leaves me frustrated when something comes up that I need to take care of, but can't slot it in because I locked my day up already
This was fantastic! You are the only person who described this in a way that i could totally relate to. You were talking about me and you also helped me to identify the signs of burnout!
Thank you Caren, this is the second video I watch from you. I appreciate your tips very much, and you style, just down to earth and natural. I agree, regarding not taking enough care of myself. Having a hard time finding a rhythm that works when living alone since I things are so much easier when having company. I have to be my own engine for everything. I wish you the best and please continue with your excellent content.
I am so glad I stumbled across this video. You are so great to listen to, and it’s very apparent that you’re really knowledgeable about this topic. I really haven’t made any effort to manage my ADHD beyond just taking the medication my doctor prescribes, as if that fixes everything. It helps, but these strategies you discuss will make great strides toward truly managing it. Thank you thank you!
Stumbled upon you and this, at a time of great burnout, so am especially appreciative of your video and this conversation. Thank you.
This is incredibly important for me right now. Thank you so much for sharing.
My pleasure!
Your awesome ! Your videos are so helpful and make me feel less alone 🙏🏽
I'm so glad!
An illuminating, eye opening video for me. Thank you so much!!
Thank you, Caren!! Seriously, thank you!
ok this is the video i’ve been looking for in such a long time, especially about the non-professional burnout validation
incredibly informative and it really hit home when you talked about the time available to each of us in a week. That speaks volume!! And time is the one thing you CANNOT get back.
I gave up the shame game a long time ago and never looked back. Still working on the planning piece and time tracking because I can get analysis paralysis to get tasks done. I use a timer for chores and it really changes things. I set 10 min segments for 6 specific tasks at home and just move on regardless and most of the time, it gets done!
This video is the most perfect analogy of absolute BULLSEYE. I don't think I've related to a video more in my life, this was beyond helpful, thank you!
Finally an answer I understand. I've been struggling with this but I'm misunderstood and it's frustrating. Freeze is a great term I'm going to start using. I was stating that I've mentally snapped and just can't get it together but the freeze I feel puts it in better perspective. Also the planning, I struggle with it but I've been trying to be better. A day at a time...
What a brilliantly worded video! Lots of food for thought!
The shelf analogy is perfect.
I needed to hear that about self-care!
Good! it's SO important.
So helpful ☺️ you've made me feel so much less alone x thank you 💗💗
glad it was helpful for you!
Thanks for sharing our predicament, with solutions.
I love how “taking of clients” and “putting on pants” are in the same category!! 🤪🤣💀💜
I need to listen to this every Sunday night. Thanks !
I'm currently recovering from burnout, there was an emergency in my family and i had to do way more chores while they are away for 4 days, and once it was over, my body just surrendered and i slept for more than 9 hours last night. Before watching this video i used to have a negative perspective on "self-care" because it feels like a selfish thing to me, but i realized that if i dont have proper self-care, then i wouldn't be able to help other people because my body would be too tired to move! So i'm working on that. Thank you!
Since ive realized that i cant take care of anything if i dont take care of myself. No simply flows off my tongue as naturally as over extending myself did.
Thank you! I just subscribed, awesome and helpful content!
Thanks so much for your feedback!
Literally so helpful thank you so much for breaking down the steps to burnout. Now I understand what I'm doing wrong! (And more importantly how to get back on track!)
I'm so glad this resonated!!!
I’m impressed her desk is cleared. Mine is a disaster!! I just keep stacking stuff on it
Thank you! I just found out 2 years ago, after dealing with depresion off and on my whole life, that the actual cause of all the craziness was actually caused by my ADD. I still wouldn't know if it hadn't been for my son. He was diagnoused with ADD (which shocked me, because he wasn't hyper) and suggested I might want to get tested. I've always been open with my kids about my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It was almost a relief when I found out I had ADD. I was 69 at the time, 71 today. I really could slow down my brain and sleep. Then, confussion. Has my entire life been a lie? Still working on that one. This video deffinately helped me, because you explained the whole burn-out situation. I have dealt with this so many times in my long life and it would throw me in to that deep pit of depression, because I couldn't understand what was happening. Visous cycle. Then the brain numbing anti-depressants. To this day I can't figure out how I managed to do some of the things I have. It sure does explain why I have done and worked so many unusual (for women) jobs before I retired though. Thanks again! 🌻🌻🌻
Same for me, at 65. Mindblowing
I really struggle with having a rigid schedule as well, that seems to be the quickest way to burnout for me. How do you weekly plan while accounting for flexibility in the schedule? I would love a followup video showing a sample of your weekly plan, always helpful for me to have a visual representation. I have slowly reorganized my life with more flexibility, more novelty and variety in what I'm working with (keeps my interest) but means time blindness is really amped up because I'm not doing the same thing over and over again to be able to time anything. =P
Thank you for this video! Very well-organized and clear. Cooling off before committing is a good tip that I've also found to be helpful.
To me the cynicism is an underappreciated part of burnout. I've been struggling with burnout and lately I've been looking long and hard at where my cynicism comes from. I've had to 1) process anger and disappointment I haven't processed in the past, 2) develop a way of looking at the world where things aren''t either meaningful or bullshit i.e. less black and white thinking and more humility, and 3) give myself time to get to a point where I'm ready again to risk disappointment again.
Because that is ultimately what cynicism is: it's an armor we put on to prevent ourselves from becoming disappointed again. It works, but at a great cost. Putting off that armor is hard, but it's the way forward. It's allowing yourself to be vulnerable again.
Thank you for sharing this information.
This was a great video but I MUST be a child and comment about the ball analogy. I cannot be the only one that found "juggling balls" so funny. 😂
All jokes aside but this is a great video. I always tell people I will never go past my physical limit anymore. It's not worth it. The burnout can be really dangerous if you struggle with depressions and addiction. Thank you for this .
"I'll never go past my physical limits anymore".... I love that. Thank you!
The description of the shelves was perfect. 😂
Caren you are amazing. Thank you for this video 💗
You are so welcome! Thank you so much for watching it.
This is such a great video, thanks for sharing your insight and expertise! What you said about prioritising and over-committing is one of my biggest issues - I'm currently in overwhelm as a result. I have too many passions (singing, fitness, dancing, surfing, yoga, spirituality, filmmaking, presenting, acting etc.). I either have them all as a top shelf priority (resulting in overwhelm and not enough time to do them properly), or I hyper focus on just one (with unreliable commitment, before I move on to the next passion). I'd love if you could do a video on this specifically - especially as it pertains to career and which projects to move forward with. It's an ongoing issue I've never been able to resolve. Thank you x
I have a few on that already, but happy to expand on it. Lots of people struggle with this.
I struggle with this too! I have some ideas of my own that have helped me. Maybe I should also make a video. 😁
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. But my dad said he didnt believe in that stuff and that it was technically bullshit. Ive had a hard time believing ive had ADHD ever since. Even though medication turned my life around completely. Im currently not on meds anymore because they don't do anything for me anymore.
So this was the first video I watched and it's hit home as I watched 3 more of yours after 🙏 I recently burned myself out yet again at a position I took that I wasn't aligned with. I quickly started staying later at work to get more done, stopped eating for days at a time and then sleep went out the window with racing thoughts of what I could or should be doing more of. I became numb and felt disconnected from my husband and baby. I told my husband I needed a leave of absence so I have 6 weeks off work and feel overwhelmed with where to start. I have been misdiagnosed as bipolar and I'm pretty sure it's because I have burnt myself out with 3 jobs now. The over compensating, taking on multiple side projects, social media hustles, creative projects etc... I dont resonate with being bipolar but this resonates more than anything else. My question is where do you start if you're so lost you feel like you can't pay attention to anything anyone says... you're in your head...brain fog and cooking a meal for yourself seems like the absolute hardest thing to do. My house is a wreck and I want to throw everything away. I have no routine so it just feels like it becomes heavier and heavier. On top of not feeling like I can pay any attention to anyone talking to me...my world feels so weird at the moment. Hopefully this rant made sense to you, im going to see a doctor this upcoming week... im tempted to play your video and say "THIS" lol this is what I'm going through and I don't even know where to begin gaining control back in my life.
Hi Shelby, I wish I had answers for you, but I do hope your Dr. can help. If showing him/her this video helps, do it!
Good luck! Hope you get the support you need.
With a house to take care of and a baby and husband your life is already pretty full. I know because I have 2 kids. Maybe setting realistic expectations like hiring help at home when you work or staying at home with the kid until he/she goes to school. But doing everything at once is a lot. AdHD or not. Or hubby most of the does the chores around the house
This made me feel not so alone. Thank you
So exited for this!
I'm not a professionally juggler, I'm a professional procrastinator😞 The shelf analogy made me laugh. It's so true!
Very helpful and validating
SUCH A CRUCIAL topic !! 😮👏👍
Your Hotel California reference sold me! Subscribed and I haven't even reached 5 minutes yet 😂
This really was good. Thanks
That definition of burnout the WHO gave just happens to be remarkably similar to Marx's definition of alienation under capitalism. That's kind of interesting to me.
Mind blown with so many light bulb moments! Thank you
Hey. How are you Caren, I checked your channel and content and subscribed. I do research for my 12, and 14 year old daughters and myself regarding adhd and traumas , and 2nd neurodivergence seemingly present in them and from before I got full custody. You are a pleasure to look at, listen to and learn from.
I’m a 49 year old male born with severe adhd that had my family and drs believing I was actually deaf but I wasn’t paying attention. If I was focusing you could drop pots and pans beside me and I never noticed. I’ve exasperated my born adhd and sent it into overdrive after 4 closed head injuries (mild-ish) & 24 concussions. ( tall and don’t pay attention)3 of my older Christian friends are stuck on prayer as almost the sole solution. Get told I suffer because I stopped attending church but not any practical advice. My brother belittles me as a person telling me I need to focus a listen more but won’t help by trying any way else. The big ignorant pink elephant in the room is that he claims to have it just as bad but doesn’t even have it, but says if I can’t do things his way I’m an idiot, and in getting him to implement a zero tolerance for shame and anxiety he seemed to have a good grasp and ability to be empathetic and purposefully be patient. He was really good with them. They at a few points said and did show their problems just like got me reemed out viciously working with him. So I told him I was impressed and proud of him and he was doing well with them, I “why do you have 0 patience when I do the same thing. And then he whipped out his stupid. Apparently my daughter actually has it because she was born with it. We share most symptoms but he says I’m just lazy and don’t listen because my adhd isn’t really adhd after the head injury. He even knew I’ve got every symptom and side affects plus. So if all the symptoms say one thing it doesn’t matter or count because it’s aquired and just lazy and don’t try. I burn out for a day every week or two for over 24 hours. Sucks. Your CZcams is awesome and knowledgeable. Ty
It took me to burn out to start approaching life in this manner. I can still overcommit but I actually say "NO, SORRY" now!!! Still working on clearing that top shelf.. it's still crowded.. but... one step at a time.. and any forward momentum is progress!! Stay strong and healthy, everyone!!
So glad I found your channel
me too!
I have soo many tabs opened right now.. it's ridiculous. In other day I closed +20 and saved in bookmark some. The idea was to clean my browser and have just one or two tabs open. Once I start opening and getting interested it's a loop. Never stops. I want to watch all the videos, read all the articles, search for author, buy book, watch, read, learn, watch, read, learn, watch,,, I feel crazy but understanding ADHD is making it easier for me.
I regret to report I missed the first part of the video because the moment she mentioned the hotel California lyrics I hummed the guitar solo to completion
These adhd videos have been so helpful
Thanks for sharing!
thank you!
Thank you so much for this video. It’s helped massively! I’m currently in this situation where I’m noticing the burnout cycle happening. I’m going to try the things you’ve talked about😊
You are so welcome and thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I hope you find some relief from burnout.
Thank you so much for this video. I subscribed to your channel, helpful video
That’s insane. I have burnouts all the time. Especially if I start a project and it takes longer than it should then I get overwhelmed with not finishing things. Then I start feeling bad for neglecting my pets or other aspects of my life. Than I get “burned out” I have to literally lay down what ever is in my hands and walk away. I will say that sometimes if I’m talking it out with someone or getting positive feedback it will help me out some.
This might be weird but my boredom with my job morphed into feeling like I’m burnt out.
Not weird at all! Boredom can absolutely lead to burnout, especially for ADHDers!
This use along with my depression has most definitely put me in a bad place where I started to self harm just to get through task especially when I was at work l.