Tell Me You Have ADHD Without Telling Me You Have ADHD - The Signs Everyone Missed Growing Up
Vložit
- čas přidán 20. 09. 2021
- Thank you to Understood for Sponsoring this video. To learn more about how to get support for your kids, visit: u.org/HowToADHDYT #LetsTakeNote2
I recently asked my community, "What were some signs you had ADHD that everyone missed?" Let's explore some of these today!
Support us on Patreon: / howtoadhd
Check out our website: howtoadhd.com
Follow us on all the things:
Twitter: / howtoadhd
TikTok: / howtoadhd
Instagram: / howtoadhd
Facebook: / howtoadhd
Our Merch Shop: shop.howtoadhd.com
I think the "but he/she has no problems paying attention to videos games" phenomenon (*see also TV, Sports, music, legos, etc) has done more to keep kids from being diagnosed by well meaning parents than probably any other thing.
It really is a bummer they call it attention "deficit" disorder instead of something more accurate.
It should be called something like "ARD" for "Attention Regulation Disorder"
It always feels like the name describes what neurotypical parents/teachers are frustrated with, not the actual experience of the person with ADHD.
@@rosieleaverton 100%. "Attention deficit" sounds like if we just acquire more attention points (or brain RAM, or whatever) we'd be fixed.
We have plenty of attention, dang it, we just can't aim it as well!
@Sawyer Sweet Art haha yep love that. "we can't aim it as well!" 😂
I've had it explained as *Attention to Detail Disorder,* which is not really a disorder; it's a *superpower.*
"wait I missed what they said"
* rewinds 60 seconds *
30 seconds later:
"wait I missed what they said"
ACCURATE
@@HowtoADHD it's like watching video's in reverse, it's so frustrating
Ugh. I use to borrow people’s notes from lectures I attended just so I could fill in the gaps from when I stopped paying attention (even though I was trying to pay attention). So frustrating.
It can take me up to an hour to watch a 15 minute video, especially if the topic makes me want to look something up. Google and smartphones have been both the best and worst inventions!
Especially when I don't make the video full screen. If I can see the thumbnails of other videos, I MUST read the titles, thus missing "what they said" yet again.
“Tell me you have ADHD without telling me you have ADHD”
*watching hours of videos on ADHD while I have 37 other things to do that I can’t focus on*
And then reading comments too!!!! 😉
Lol
This is me literally right now lol
Yes
Skipping the video every other 5 seconds
Finding out that I was never lazy or messy and I actually just have ADHD felt almost traumatic.
Like, I’ve been struggling for 20 years, and instead of listening to me and helping me I just got called lazy. It’s hard not to be mad.
I know when I was growing up, ADHD was still only something little boys had, so I try to keep that in mind when I get mad about this. But on the flip side, how many adults did I have in my life who watched me struggled in almost every aspect of my life and instead of saying "something is off here" decided the "nah, that's her fault" shaming was more appropriate than just figuring out how to support me? As you said, it's hard not to be mad.
Same...
When I was a kid ADHD was diagnosed as "punishment deficiency."
You're not alone
@@LittleHobbit13 dealing with that now lol, finally got my mom to take me to the doctor, but the only reason she's doing it is to prove me wrong and that I don't have it. (I literally have every single symptom of adhd and has had every single symptom since long before I was 12)
It’s really hard to find out you have ADHD at the age of 79! But it’s also comforting to know I’m not crazy!
I’m 70 & only just figured this out.
I am 66 and same same
63 and same.
53 and same. Literally the only definition of it put out there back in the day was of a naughty misbehaving hyperactive boy who couldn't sit still in class! That wasn't me!
Sending love your way. I just found out now at 35. I couldn’t imagine much later.
So, who else was “listening” to this while reading the comments, because you wanted to see people’s reactions to what Jessica was saying, but then realized you missed half (or more) of what she said and had to rewatch it? 😜
Is that a sign. I wasn’t paying attention 😅
Just at me next time
Always.
Yes 😭
Busted!
Oh here’s one: I downloaded a game today and I’m currently ranked 12th worldwide.
Ok that's not only adhd, that's skill
Behold, das flex.
I literally got rid of my Xbox because of this. I would hyper focus to the detriment of the rest of my iLife
Life, not iLife. But that’s a funny typo
downloading a new gacha game, researching the bet units to reroll for, spending and afternoon doing just that, powerlevelling, looking up meta guides and future units to watch out for, building a team that works and crushing through the ranks, then uninstalling the game a week later when it becomes a daily task rather than a sudden rush.
One of my history teachers in high school told me he was disappointed in me at the end of the year because "I could have done so much better if I had just tried". I think about that a lot. Watching your videos makes me feel less alone but also lonely at the same time. I hope anyone reading this knows I understand you, and I am proud of you.
Maddy, I’m sorry that you experienced this
@@davidfleisch4163 That means a lot to me, David, thank you sm.
"If you had just tried" is one of those phrases that still hurts. When you really, genuinely care, and you put your everything into something and its not good enough, and people treat you like you're letting them down for not having done more... it leaves a mark.
My school reports were full of these comments every term. I used to want to reply that they should try to make things interesting or teach better!
I didn't notice until I grew up, but I tried SO HARD in school. So hard. And I never got to where I wanted to be. I was always behind. Even though I probably spent more time on my studies than 90% of my classmates. And everyone (including me) always said, "you did so well without studying, imagine how well you could have done if you'd worked harder"
"Getting distracted is NOT a moral defect." My FAVORITE thing you've said thus far!
When you said “you have so much potential. Why don’t you just try harder?” It hit me like a ton of bricks. 😭
Me too!
Me too. My whole life I've been label as the bad kid in the family. I haven't been diagnosed but I have every symptom for ADHD.. Sucks cause now I'm 32 with no job cause I feel like I'm a lost cause..
yup.
me too i remember been a high achiever in the classroom and then how disappointed my teachers were after every test and exam. I just couldn't concentrate and focus on tests/ exams
Or "stop trying. Just do it!".
POV: You're an adult that has never been tested for ADHD and can strongly relate to 80%+ of these
I feel like these are specific yet broad points. Do we know if a "normal" adult should relate to a decent amount of these? Idk how this channel even showed up on my recommended list but curiosity had me click it lol. Maybe CZcams is trying to diagnose me.
If you're relating to that much of it, I'd recommend getting tested! ADHD frequently goes undiagnosed and then people go on thinking they're just lazy or not trying hard enough, and that everyone struggles with these same things... when in reality their brains just work differently than neurotypical brains.
@@thedoctordb5765 yeah me too! i was watching random videos on instagram and then videos about adhd started to pop out and then i realize most of the things fits me. right now i am thinking to going to see s psychiatrist to be sure i have adhd.
@@AnnaReed42 im currently working to get tested because of doing research and discovering that what im going through is not "normal" and i relate to almost everything in the video. my husband and i believe i have misdiagnosis of anxiety and depression thats actually ADHD
@@simmersabi Nice! Yeah anxiety and depression are often comorbid with ADHD, but the symptoms can look the same so I can see how it could be a misdiagnosis.
When i was younger my mom thought i had ADHD but the doctor dismissed the idea because i was able to "sit quietly and watch tv". Now as an adult with a daughter whose showing signs, i realize more and more how much signs were missed for me. Im hoping to get my daughter help so she wont have a hard time growing up like me. As well as myself.
same here….i see so many signs in my daughter and started research and only just realized that i might have adhd as well…
Same with me. I understand completely.
I really need to get my daughter tested. It's a long wait for most adults, but kids can get in faster.
The signs & symptoms of ADHD r diff in girls than boys that's y girls r so often misdiagnosed
I have read that women are more likely to be attention deficit non-hyperactive.
For years and years I would always ask myself (many times in tears) “why am I like this?”, “why can’t I do this?” “Why does everything come so easy to other people and not me?” I always felt “abnormal” somehow but didn’t have a clue as to what it could be. I know I have anxiety and I am 99.9% sure I have ADD as well. It just makes perfect sense. It Literally describes everything I’ve been going through my whole life. It’s negatively affecting my work and personal life today and I’m wondering if it’s time to seek professional help
i am EXACTLY like you! ( minus the anxiety, probably) hope we both get the professional help we need and deserve!
2am wondering the same. hope I feel as confident in the morning to actually and finally seek help. hope you did and are already feeling better (sorry for bad english, not native speaker)
I started noticing symptoms and tried to get help as an adult and they rejected me because "it needs to interere with my social skills and work life" which I told them it did but I got rejected anyways. Anyone I ever tell about my struggles says I'm making it up, using it as an excuse to be lazy, saying it for attention etc. I'm tired.
My doctor was so supportive and enthusiastic and I was actually happy and excited that I finally took the step to seek help, only to get a devastating gut punch by the rejection letter.
That being said, you should definitely seek help. I wish you luck.
Self diagnosing just 'because it makes so much sense' isn't helping anyone, especialy not yourself. That said “Why does everything come so easy to other people and not me?” is a human thing. No one is truly normal. Comparing yourself with others isn't helping either. Get diagnosed.
What you said... EXACTLY!!!
I think my “giftedness” is what has been saving me from being absolutely useless the whole life, like thanks to my intellect I can achieve at least something like a normal human being
Eyyy, my man, I feel your pain
I think a lot of the time it can prevent people learning study strategies when young
@@joejo4549 oh, absolutely, when you can't and don't need to study you never learn how to
Same. If I was of average intelligence, I don’t know what would have happened to me.
@@tropicaldisaster8135 Your school most likely has programs available to check in with. You no longer require your parents to take you seriously. You can adopt the responsibility for yourself! It's definitely hard. But don't wait for them to hear you to seek help.
“Re-buying things because I forgot where I put them.” I FEEL SEEN LOL.
Omg this 😭
Ive misplaced my glasses and lost them about 8 times its a nightmare to keep buying glasses
I have purchased at least 8 complete exacto kits in the last decade.
I cannot find a single one...
@@everyporism There are websites where you can prescription lenses super cheap (They're just basic plastic frames). I ended up just buying 20 pairs. Now whenever I put them down randomly and can't find them, I just pick up one of the 19 random ones sitting around the house.
Or re-buying things because you’ve forgotten you already bought them…
My housemate pulled out some butter from the fridge the other day like “you’ve put this in the door pocket - be careful you’ll forget about it and buy ano-“ (notices the second new butter pack at the front of the fridge) “yup, there we go!”
I’m glad to have a housemate that understands me and knows it’s ok to keep reminding me about stuff over and over 🥲
Oh my god the "wasted potential" speech pretty much every adult gave me, everyone calling me lazy, "the minimum effort genius" really hit hard during childhood and teen years. It's amazing and incredibly sad how we seem to struggle with stuff that is so similar if not identical. Hope the future is brighter and easier for next generations, at least we got eachother!
This. The wasted potential speech still pisses me off in retrospect.
Could apply himself more was always in my school reports. It always came as a punch to the gut as I thought I had given everything I had, plus it made my parents talk to me about how I could do better which just made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. Also my older sister always did really well at school and made it hard as they expected me to be similar.
“Not only are we having trouble focusing, but we’re having to bear the guilt and shame of having trouble focusing.” This is the feeling of chronic failure that leads to depression for so many. It’s not a moral failing.
I got chills all over my body when she talked about people talking about your wasted potential and assuming it’s a moral failure. Thanks for saying it out loud!!
I memorized that speech from my parents because I heard it so often. I still hear it echoing in my head on bad days.
Yes, reading in the corner around extended family! That was me.
Every school report I ever got said some variation of 'is a bright girl, very funny and a pleasure to have in class, sometimes easily distracted. Has a lot of potential, she just needs to apply herself'.
As I got older, teachers would often trot out 'You could be a straight-A student if you applied yourself' and my retort became 'or I could continue to put in no effort and still be in the top 5% of my year group'.
Always buried in a book, in English class we would read the book we would be studied out loud as a class (THE WORST THING TO SIT THROUGH). I would read ahead so I finished the book before anyone else, then be reading my own book under the desk, I'd work out which page we would be own when it was my turn to read in advance so I could jump in and read my pages without anyone noticing I was doing my own thing the rest of the time.
I was a 'gifted child' also. I've been assessed twice for AHHD and told I don't have it.
This and the disorganization got me caught in a 1-2. Fighting for my life xD
Yes, I was a good student but I made lots of "careless" mistakes, didn't understand how to direct my focus (seemed like overachieving to others) and was always told I could be so exceptional if I just tried a little and well, I tried my best and just never understood why I can't try harder
I was just told I should try caring about school a little by paying more attention at class
“The thing that i want most from the world is for people to stop getting yelled at for things that they struggle with.” Damn….
Sooooo true. This is something I want my family and even my spouse to understand. Like I literally can't help it and I'm trying sooooo dang hard, so getting yelled at for it makes it even more difficult to be successful. Like each little thing I do complete is a victory for me
If only...
@@kendranieuwendorp5511 So relatable. What I hear a lot when I try to explain a symptom, is that it's an excuse.. or the "everyone has that **sometimes**".. But the struggle is real and it never goes away instead of suffering "**sometimes**". So instead of explaining the pattern and having the other recognize it so they can help, it ends up in discussions usually ending with the other saying "I just don't understand you/it, how can
@@Brandon-bc5um I agree 🥲 I’ve finally ditched my last nt friend and my family because I’m done with getting marginalised and judged on my adhd traits and never seen for the actual amazing progress I’m making - by now, if they won’t take the time to understand me better, I’ve realised that they probably never will and I’m hurting myself if I continue on with these relationships, so as much as it hurts right now, I feel like this is a key to unlocking a brighter future for me
@@autumn5852 hang in there 👍
I was beaten almost every day when I was a kid because I couldn't focus. Unfortunately the last time gave me a brain injury so now I have terrible memory problems. I hope and pray for anyone that needs help, that they receive it.
😟 That is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. 😔💛
Oh God, I am so sorry that this happened to you. No child ever deserves to be beaten. 😢
wow so they gave you worse memory problems for not remembering 💀😍🤡
Loved learning, loved talking to the teacher. Never did homework.
" he has many good ideas, but presentation gets in the way of understanding them"
Same 😅😢
Please please please PLEASE have a shirt made that says “This is me trying.” I’ll take one in every color.
You could add “so hard” to that. Everything is such a struggle, and in the 60s, they treated it like a behavioral and even a moral failing. It was so painful.
@@bethmoore7722 I’m so grateful for Jessica and people like her making an effort for life to be less painful for this generation and the ones to come. My only hope is that there continues to be a growing compassion for people with disabilities who don’t know how to do any better than they are already doing.
I need this shirt so bad right now, so I don't have to repeat it to my mom a million more times
I would buy one too. 😎
Look for taylor swift merch. Its a song from folklore and its probably a shirt somewhere
Interviewer: *"Describe your life in five words."*
Me: "Either Now or Not now."
ZAP!! ZOOOM!! POW!!! CRASH!!! ZZZZZZZ!!!!
Either now or not.
This is literally me
My elementary school librarian was considered a strict, mean woman. She was one of the only three adults in that school who actually put time in to try and understand me, because she saw me in the library, so devoted to reading the books that I chose, rather than the assigned stuff. She saw every time I "lost" or left a book at home and knew it was because I was reading or rereading books that at that point were several years ahead of my grade. She talked to me, helped me focus, gently reminded me to redirect my focus. She still greets me excitedly, asks about what I've read, a decade and then some later.
The other two were a teaching assistant who had been helping kids diagnosed with autism for half a decade, and my fourth grade teacher, whom had a child diagnosed with adhd
And I've always described my thought process as "Explosive" because it starts at one small point, then goes absolutely everywhere.
And my college public speaking professor loved me for it, cause it meant I could put very shorthanded bullet points and still took up the expected time or more
Being a music major with ADD was...fun. Being in a quiet small room to practice all alone....nightmare. Im now a piano teacher and I have empathy fory ADD students. I give them strategies that work for our crazy brains. 😊
Another ADD pianist🎉 I think I practiced 80% of the time by heart because getting the music sheets out of my bag was "too much effort" for some reason I still don't understand. And I still do this a lot😅
The hyperfocus when practising for hours on end helped a lot for music performance assessments or exams 😅
I never practiced until the day before my lessons, and it always turned out good😅 i have a very good feeling and needed some help from my teacher to make me stay focused on the music sheets. And then he always told me that i could play that part very nicely. Doesnt really help with the idea that i had to practice a lot more😅 but maybe it was alright like that.
Hey! Adhd guitarist that wants to learn piano here; you mind sharing some of those strategies, recommendations, or good starting points? I've tried self teaching from a book, and learning from online lessons and apps and I don't really find it stimulating enough to ever stick with long term..
@@Jazz-nm1kf how long did it take you to learn guitar?
This one really hit home. Wow. I was diagnosed at age 35. The "gifted", wasted potential, moral problem, social awkwardness, expert in procrastinating, reading in the corner and so much more.
Yep. At 30, I'm just now at the point of 100% sure myself I need to get tested for ADHD after not being sure what has been "wrong" with me my whole life. It is very reassuring to see you were diagnosed at 35 so there is still hope if I do have it, it will be noted. I just wish I hadn't missed so much time by not knowing because being "gifted" has gotten in the way of understanding or noticing my hindrances from the outside. But it's nice to know I may find an answer still
You are simply perfect just the way you are!
Wasted potential is for the dead. Think of it as if it's in queue, waiting to be unleashed. It's never too late to access your tools. ✌️
@@MrKeychange that is actually a really great way to put it, I like it and I’m stealing it! 😅
@@MrKeychange that's a cool way to look at it
As I’ve stated many times before… conversations like this:
“You ‘forgot’? How?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know.”
Live footage of a conversation I had recently. 🤦🏽♀️
ohgod i had a whole 'i don't know' war with my mom and older sis(basically 2nd mom lol) for years, to the point where I couldn't say IDK as a response to anything. Caused an extreme emotional/physical withdrawal from my family for me that messed me with my overall emotional regulation reaaaal good. I wasn't able to have a good relationship with the two of them till I went to therapy and started to learn how my brain worked.
That is an absurdly unfair question.
"What do you mean 'how did i forget'? How do you remember things?!?!"
I’ve had this exact conversation with my mom several times when I was a kid. She accused me of using “I don’t know” as a cop-out answer, and insisted I really DID know and didn’t want to tell her. It was very frustrating. And many of these conversations happened AFTER I was diagnosed.
I don’t think she had a good understanding of ADHD when I was growing up and thought symptoms only included inattentiveness and hyperactivity, so she didn’t recognize all the other symptoms I had. I don’t think she meant to cause me so much harm, because she was a really great mom otherwise (and still is). But those kinds of comments were quite damaging to me, and my self-esteem has suffered greatly from it. At 29 I’m still trying to pick up the pieces. It sucks.
This is probably about 75% of the conversations I had with my parents growing up. I would get in trouble for forgetting, then for crying about being yelled at. I've developed a severe-and-getting-worse aversion to anyone being angry, especially men who yell.
I’m 74 and joke about the patchwork of jobs I’ve held throughout my life. Heard about my “great potential” through out my school career. Thanks for this.
I'm 58yo and I often describe myself to others as "the classic under-achiever" because I have many skills and talents that are obvious, and yet have accomplished so little with them, because I can't organize my thoughts in order to get/stay on track and achieve goals.
7:17
i’m not diagnosed, but i’ve been crying the whole video
and that just made me sob
The idea that hyperactivity isn't always physical was really reassuring. It also explains my entire childhood.
Meeeeee
Mine, too. Clumsiness, talking constantly, constant jitteryness, eating to calm myself...
Same here
Samesies!!!
I was hyperactive.
My life was cool.
Hard to not get mad that nobody noticed any of the obvious signs as a kid. The more I learn about adhd symptoms the more they line up with how I am and how I was, and the more frustrating it is that I'm the first one to notice or care.
My mom knew, she just didn't want me on pills because she doesn't trust them, so she never got me tested/ diagnosed.
Same. I can acknowledge that my parents had good intentions (and they did some things very right), but that doesn't change the fact that I struggled needlessly for most of my life and I'll probably be suffering the repercussions forever.
Yea going trough something similar right now it's completly understandable that feelings of anger resentment grief etc come up. There is a fantastic video on this channel about the five stages of grief of finding out later in life that you have adhd. The five stages of grief: denial anger bargaining depression acceptance. Haven't talked with my mum about it yet (she is a teacher and gave two recommendations for the parents of kids in her class that they have adhd and they did) but i guess it's harder to see in your own kids. I'm pretty certain my mum has adhd too ...the more i watch of this awesome channel the clearer my past and present actions/behaviours become understandble through the lens of adhd. It just feels great to finally understand myself. And to be more forgiving with myself.( my selfworth has definitly risen since) But of course there is quite a bit of resentment and anger that i hve to work trough. My mom is a waldorf teacher and is a bit alternativ so i understand why she didn't figure out she has it or that i and two of my 4 siblings prob. also have it. Btw i am 23 and apprenticing to become a farmer. It is interesting how many Neurotypical people are becoming conventional farmers and how many more neuro diverse people are on the organic and regenerativ farms.
Well just had to get this out... hope this helpes with not feeling alone in this situation.
@@jeng6786 the movement of stopping kids from getting labels as kids did more harm than good in my case. I think an early diagnosis would have helped me so much. Now waiting to get tested at 24.
@@saal0 yea. I just got diagnosed and on my first try if pills at 26. I didn't know I had it.
I watched your TEDtalk and it made so much sense that I finally decided to look for help, and I was diagnosed. I suspected I had ADHD, but having it confirmed by a specialist was a relief. I didn’t think being diagnosed would make a difference, but it did. It’s as if I had spent my life wearing shoes two sizes smaller than my feet and feeling guilty for it…I just needed bigger shoes
I found your videos about a week ago, and can’t stop crying. Everything you describe feels exactly like my life. I am now 44 and I don’t even know where to start to find a “Fix” for my brain.
“Literally forgetting everything that wasn’t attached to me as a kid” is one of the worst things about it.
Yes! In adulthood too! But ‘a place for everything, and everything in its place’ + trackers has helped me so much
Still dealing with this..I lost 2 phones this month, ear buds, chargers, wallet, etc etc
I’m better (not good, just better) at keeping track of things now, as an older adult, just by forming habits (over decades) about where I put things.
As a kid I must have lost at least ten sweaters a school year. We didn’t have much money so, a new sweater was a big deal. Several times I lost a shoe during recess. ONE shoe!
That's why my purse and my keys are literally chained to my belt.
It's worse as an adult
The crazy amount of times I cried feeling like a failure because I couldn't do the simple things everyone was asking of me. People telling me I could be brilliant if I just tried a little more as if "trying harder" was that simple
That hit right in the feels.
Jeezz IT hurts remembering
Still makes me cry. I was recently diagnosed, in my 40s, and I think my diagnosis road is still not done. Reliving the trauma is tantamount to torture.
Very relatable. I feel like I am alway putting in twice the amount of effort to get similar results to others. Oftentimes, I get really positive feedback, but also negative comments (or marks taken off in school/uni) due to seemingly careless mistakes, even after spending all that extra time trying to get things right.
There's that J-word again!
I was labeled a “brat” as a kid. My friends parents rarely liked me. I “tried really hard” my entire life. I’m in my 50’s now, I was diagnosed at 36 years old- so much made sense! I had been using ‘CBT’ most of my life without knowing that’s one of the things I used to manage my ADHD.
The last one hits home most for me. When you're young, being disorganized or messy seems amusing. As an adult, it just begins to hurt more and more. Losing things, forgetting to pay bills, not being able to focus on work, etc.
"getting distracted is not a moral defect" Holy crap that hit me in my heart.
I cried.
I needed to hear that so much!
Definitely the biggest sign for me was reading. My parents literally had to tear books out of my hands to try and get me to eat. Time was (and still is) nonexistent when I read. But because reading is thought of as a good thing for kids to do, no one really noticed.
I would panic and do assignments the night before, but still do well on them. I would scream and cry about having to do dishes or call someone on the phone, both of which felt physically painful for me to do.
Mine is the opposite...I have the hardest time focusing to read. But I can get really into organizing and sorting things and easily lose track of time... So random I know
When I was a kid I always had my nose in a book. These days I struggle to find one that keeps my interest long enough to finish it.
Oh no. This is so me. The dishes were and still are the bane of my existence
I also lose time when hyperfocused on reading
same! my parents used to turn off the power to my room so I wouldn't spend the whole night reading, also I was not allowed a flashlight so I used my Nintendo DS as a light bc the battery lasted for ever xD
By the time you stated "some of these are making me feel things"....I was in tears. Every single tweet said something you me that I totally understood. And I'm 68 years old. Was diagnosed at 36 by 2 clinical psychologists (husband and wife team). To this day it's comforting to her others speak about having ADHD. Thanks for putting yourself out there. I will be listening to more, for sure! I'm grateful and I'm betting there are many, many others who feel the same ❣
I totally do the jumping around in conversations, forgetting what I'm actually saying at the moment, and forgetting what the question was. I also jump before the sentence ends. So spot on! These are such amazing videos. Thank you!
“I don’t understand….why would you use a pencil?” These were the words my law school professor wrote after grading my blue book exam. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my adhd had always made it difficult to transfer ideas in my mind onto paper in a quick, coherent and organized manner. With time restraints as they were, I needed a way to edit as I wrote, and ink doesn’t erase. I ended up dropping out of Law School after the first semester, believing I just wasn’t smart enough to cut it.
Twenty five years later, after my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I finally had the real answer to my professor’s question.
Wow, this is exactly me. Never done a dissertation without writing it first with a pencil
I prefer to type rather than write because my thoughts and sentences change so rapidly. Editing typed words is so much easier. The most I ever write at one time these days can be contained on a post it note
whats wrong with using a pencil?
@@Kris-wo4pj it's considered unrofessionnal, and you give the impression that the one whose going to read you doen't really matter. Pencil is NOT easy on the eyes to read.
I’m the same way, plus handwriting for me is insanely sloppy with pen vs pencil
A speaker at an ADHD seminar called ADHD an "intention deficit disorder". This is very relatable, since often times I know exactly what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to do it, but my intentions don't translate to actions very easily.
Dr Barclay said," you don't have a problem knowing what to do, you have a problem doing what you know." That was an eye opener for me. That's when I knew that this guy knew what he was talking about.
I've been told my whole life that I have a motivation problem. Then, when I was in the process of finally being assessed properly to get a diagnosis, every single professional I spoke to told me "well, you're clearly HIGHLY motivated." I learned to explain that motivation doesn't connect to action for me. I think motivation and intention are two sides of a really weird coin, and my brain doesn't accept that form of currency..
I was told recently by an instructor that he had never met someone who had so many intentions and so little execution.
Plans and dreams for days, but no way to put any of them in motion.
yeah I've watched that too and it really resonates!
I think "attention displacement disorder" would feel pretty accurate
I do not have ADHD, but I LOVE your channel and your content. It's really well done. Just this weekend, I recommended your channel to a niece, and I have watched your videos trying to help my own (just grown up) kiddos with their own struggles when their dad and I didn't feel like our school system/mental health system was quite giving us the type of support the kiddos needed. I really feel inspired that there are resources for adults to get what they need to live life feeling good and productive and building a life.
8:55 I relate to this so much. I was called "random" in high school because I kept jumping back and forth in different topics and I felt so misunderstood back then. Every time I tried to explain how I felt or meant, the teasing from my "friends" became even worse. Now at 25, I'm finally getting tested for ADHD and my mom says she doesn't believe I have it due to her idea of ADHD in children (because she's an elementary teacher). I've been trying to explain to her why I need this certain medication because she refuses to even search about symptoms in women. I've been also told by a psychiatrist that I have bipolar - but it keeps me wondering if it's just a misdiagnosis for my ADHD or if I potentially have that also - I'm still getting tests done with my psychologist so it might take a while. Nevertheless, I'm glad to have found this community to read more about it and how others struggle with the same thing that I do!
I was always in my own little world, and didn't fit in anywhere.
This hits home and is still viable today. Only people i really "fit in" with are other people with ADHD and/or Aspergers.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s not that YOU don’t fit in, it’s that others don’t fit in to your world.
Same! But for me, I didn't even notice. I wasn't paying attention to it. Go figure, I guess. 😅
Are you me?
oh lawd, the "being gifted but only ending up as an 'average' student" describes me to a 'T'. Like, my standardized tests always put me at the 97th+ percentile in subjects that I thought were cool, but things I found hard to focus on were always average at best.
A while back I was helping my Dad clear out our old house to sell and I looked through all my report cards/progress reports and 95% of them had some variation of "does not work to potential" "is incredibly smart, but doesn't try" or "seems bored during class".
It's kind of a miracle I even made it out of high school untreated.
...'could try harder' 🙄
I had the same story. But 40 years ago, there was essentially no one who understood it or could diagnose it. I'm surprised I made it through high school without losing my sanity.
I got the potential lecture directly from teachers... It was hard to watch them sincerely want me to be my best but not understand it would take involvement other than telling me to just do it...
I feel you. I literally had a teacher give me extra points because I made the exam 5 times and continued to get a low grade. I would study with a group but the second my mind wandered, I forgot everything.
I was the opposite. I could to the school work and get the grades, but the standardized tests were nearly impossible. I never had enough time and would only complete about half the questions. It wouldn’t take long for me to be bored out of my mind and find it extremely difficult to focus. The end of the ACT was just looking at graphs but I couldn’t even do it because I was so burnt out. They really think 1 5 min “break” is enough. This is why I absolutely hate the fact that the ACT and SAT are used as a way to show intelligence. What it really is is a way of showing who can go the longest without losing their mind.
I read a book once that stated that Attention Deficit Disorder was neither a Deficit nor a Disorder, but rather a personality type.
"oh it's 7pm, I haven't had lunch yet"
A psychologist once remarked to me that "ADHDers are forever cursed by the one time they get it right". One of the signs that parents don't know how to track is this "hit/miss" rate of basic task completion, like putting dishes on the counter, or picking up toys. Parents don't know what a neuro-typical response rate might be so tend to default to "if they did it once, they can do it again". Which is logical, and is also something that ADHDers can't control on their own.
!!! I was always so proud of getting 100% in an assignment or a test (pfft, it didn't happen very often) but now that I think about it, why did I think that 100% was the base minimum for achievement? Genuinely, anything less and I was like "Well... you screwed that up."
Ok, this articulates that issue so well, as an adult achievement actually can bring on a panic attack because I will now have this standard to uphold.
I can't upvote this comment enough. I'm 100% programmed to aim for perfect or it's automatically a failure. It also makes it that much harder to get started on things that are difficult, not interesting, not urgent, because I'm dreading every step of the process towards a most probable fail and disappointing myself and the people in my life. How do I even figure out how to reset my programming when I built mine since I was a toddler? 🤦
Exactly!!
Wow, this is so true! So many people say to me, you did it such and such a time, why can't you do it again?
“We’re not flowers, we’re bumblebees.” Woof. This whole video hits me right in the trauma.
That is so me, a social bumblebee :)
could not agree more very social bumble bees buzz buzz oh look something new great now i have 2 dozen new hobbies face palm
Exactly Stacy! I'm great at bringing people together and am seen as a social butterfly but it is not an accurate characterization. When I get home, I'm exhausted.
i like bumblebees :D
they so fluffy :D
Same
One of my favorite moments in life was having a proper topic skip conversation with another ADHDer who not only followed my skips fluently, but also added in their own skips and we just got more and more excited as it went on.
Beat part was the bystander watching and veing confused and asking what just happened lol. 🤣🤣🤣
❤
I am overwhelmed by this video by how many symptoms of inattentive ADHD I had as a child went unnoticed or were considered moral failings. As a 42 year old dad, I am only now realizing the impact this has had on my life. There are so many dreams and goals that I have been unable to reach despite being very gifted and working very hard. I feel such a combination of sadness and immense relief watching this video that it brings me to tears.
I am so grateful for your channel. Thank you so much for this.
I'm with you, friend. I'm in my mid-40s, undiagnosed, and considering people called me "gifted" and "lazy" in my youth, I eventually learned there was some kind of neurodivergence happening and learned to work with it. Until the last few years (I've always tried to pay attention to the way I go through my life) I never had any specific definition for it, but I'm certain it ADHD (I've never been well insured enough to explore it).
As I realized it, I learned I could minimize the bad symptoms and optimize the super powers. I would always refuse dextroamphetamine (Adderall) and methylphenidate (Ritalin), so I'm gonna have to keep navigating on my own anyway. Some talk therapy with an expert would be nice though.
@geraldframinghammer2626 thanks friend. Right now I'm just looking for any help I can get.
@geraldframinghammer2626 I know what you mean about the super powers. I built my wife a whole new kitchen by hyperfocussing, but in two and a half years I haven't finished the last bit of crown molding!
The phrase "It's either NOW or not-now." hit me so hard. I use to procastinate on so many things until suddenly at a random moment I have the biggest urge to do it NOW! RIGHT this moment!
If I don't it will take ages or never happen...
I just did that yesterday. I hadn't sorted my paperwork since mid 2019. But I HAD TO do it right then. Took me not even two hours and the normal question would be... well, why didn't I do it sooner...
I have the same moments, I can literally feel my brain being different and know if I don't do it now and the feeling goes away I'll not get it done the next days/weeks
A friend of mine describes it as there being 2 times; now and never. That is why it is so hard when I have to tell my daughter with ADHD that she can have or do something later. I have learned how to phrase things better for her, but sometimes I forget.
"The thing that i want most from the world is for people to stop being yelled at for things that they struggle with that they're trying not to struggle with"
Oof that hit me like a truck.
I'm having that trouble with psychiatrists right now, like please stop being like 'we're canceling your apointment' for things that are very hard for us aghhh
+
😭😭😢😭🙌👏👏👏
Same
Yeah, totally relatable
A lot of this hits for me! I'm 38 and through my son being diagnosed with ADHD I've come to learn so much about myself. I'm left with crippling anxiety at times and known as 'quirky' by my small trusted friendship group as I don't do people. The peaks and troughs of my motivation cause problems with jobs and life management. Thank you for this video!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making such a thoughtful, honest, real, and welcoming channel on this topic.
I'm 40 years old. I've struggled with a WIDE variety of issues throughout my entire life which have lead to me losing jobs, losing friends, and even losing life-partners along the way. I've never felt "understood", and had resigned to just being a "difficult" person... a failure, as this video mentioned.
I found this channel yesterday, and can't stop watching it. So much of what you've described rings true to me and my experiences. It has both bolstered my own self worth and given me cause to seek professional diagnosis to determine what, if anything, might be an underlying cause of my own struggles.
Please keep being as genuine, kind, and helpful as your videos show you to be. Thank you
Yes, TIME BLINDNESS! I was a “gifted” kid, too, and a perfectionist about little things no one else cared about (sign #2). Also the kid with a book everywhere. And I had to go get diagnosed myself AFTER struggling with school and work for years. Oh, and drifting off in the middle of conversations or reading when I could have sworn I was paying attention… And oh my god, procrastinating on going to the bathroom! I thought I was alone on that!
I am aware of time but i calculate what time it should take. Then wait - then have to force myself to do it or forget just before i should have
Especially being a gifted kid in school when you’re younger and so your teacher just excuses you not doing homework because you’re smart so when you actually have to do homework you’re kind of screwed
I could have written a reply almost identical to yours!
That bathroom thing.... I'm glad I'm not the only one who's body doesn't recognize literally any physical signals for anything when I'm hyper-focused on something.
At 70 I can tell you that the bathroom delay doesn’t go away; it just gets more dangerous! 😳
I'm inattentive-type ADHD, so my symptoms were missed until I was almost 27 and accidentally found an article about ADHD in adult women. Daydreaming, having incredible difficulty focusing on tasks that were boring or high-executive-function, rushing thoughts, terrible working memory... but because I could hyperfocus on things I *did* enjoy, my parents and teachers took it to mean that I *could* focus and was choosing not to. I was also always losing things, struggled with having a desk/backpack that was super messy and disorganized.
My experience exactly.
This is my experience.
exactly what I've been going through till now
Why am I in this comment...
Same. My psychologist says I have both 🥺🥺🥺
A full year late to this video, but the stories here hit so hard that I finally decided to get tested and I officially got diagnosed a couple weeks ago!
The diagnosis has honestly put so much of my life into perspective - and really strengthened my relationship with my parents now that we're finally on the same page about what's going on in my head 21 years later.
Just discovered your channel. I'm old but I was diagnosed as hyperactive back in the 70s. No real tools or help but so many of these comments hit for me. Somehow I managed to make something of myself but struggle daily with so much of what's described. The anxiety, the shame, the failure, the distraction, the disorder, the relational issues, etc.. They just put me in the learning centre for everything.
Whoaaaa the “I thought everyone hated me”/“multiple friend groups” tweet really got me. I never knew that was an ADHD thing. That almost makes me want to cry, reflecting back. Woof.
Same. We moved when I was 11, and I was 16 when I made some friends.
We moved to another country when I was 3. After that I thought nobody liked me a lot. I actually was surprised that in 1st grade I got an invitation to a birthday party, as I couldn't understand that it was for me too.
I thought I was just shy.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a real thing !!!
It helps me so much to know that it’s not ME - it’s a common response to complex trauma. You’re not alone.
Oooh, I really feel this one.
same i felt like my friends weren't really my friends in HS and often felt so left out when they did activities and didn't include me in them.
“We’re not flowers, we’re bumblebees.” I started crying..... I was called a social butterfly as a kid, but I never felt like that quite fit me... A bumblebee makes so much more sense.
I was a bumblebee too. Thankfully, I found my hive
This was such a good analogy. I relate to it in every way.
I came here for this comment :) and just Googled it to be sure, but butterflies are pollinators as well 🦋🐝. Loved the analogy!
@@estherbliek4734 Yes but bees are flower-loyal, which means they can have favorite flowers and that's why it hit me so hard
Your channel is a lot like poetry to me: I tend to avoid things that make me feel the vulnerable emotions, because just like trying to clean a room or pack, it feels like picking up one item leads to lifting the entire world. Thank you for sharing your insights, encouragement, and your vulnerability to remind us it's GOOD to show up authentically. ❤
Yooo... love your content in general, but hearing you not just cover tips and perspectives but having a break to get very real about the injustice of how the world treats ADHD folks was very real and cathartic. Thank you for sharing that.
I would stay up all night reading because I would hyper focus and “forget” to sleep.
In my 40s and still do.
Yeah, my mum always gets/got mad. “How can you forget to sleep!” “It’s not that hard to just put the book down”. She also got mad because I couldn’t sleep, theres 100 different thoughts zooming through my head each and every night and she’s like “just close your eyes and count” like I forget what number I’m on because I hit a certain number and a memory related to that number comes up and now I’m thinking about that.
Yes! Then I slept in class cuz that's when my body would shut down.
I do the same!
I am currently doing this by reading the comments on this video. I didn't watch the video because I told myself I need to sleep, so now I've been scrolling the comments for 10 minutes. I have a suspicion that I may relate to this video! I will watch it tomorrow
“I should watch this because I’ve probably been faking my ADHD this whole time” I say even though I was diagnosed years ago and am currently procrastinating on 3792 projects. Additionally I’ll probably have to rewatch this because I got distracted reading the comments lol
OH MY GOD I PAUSED THE VIDEO THINKING "I'M NOT EVEN LISTENING I'M READING THE COMMENTS" REALIZING I'M ACUALLY READING YOURS
HIT HITTTT
Thanks for snapping me out of it hah
"I should watch this cuz I think I might have adhd but I could be faking it."
*3 minutes in
"Oh no"
Literally doing this right now!
Rewound 3 times so far…
"We're very 'now' or 'not now'. Things are 'now' or 'not now'. And if they're not now... they'll probably never be now."
i just laughed out loud at this part. this is exactly how my brain has been processing things since i remember. very frustrating whenever there's something you need to commit to for longer than a week, you just... fizzle out and completely lose any interest.
I wish this channel was a thing 18 years ago when I got diagnosed. I've had a very long and lonely journey on my own.
I'm an adult and I'm told I'm just using my ADHD as an excuse when I'm trying to explain why I have difficulties with time management, organization, listening and more.
Same here… words spoken by people who just don’t understand. 🙁🤷🏽♀️
Always… 🥴
I would be so mad omg
Face Palm! .. And fury
My older sister just tells me I need to try harder. We're in our 40s and she still doesn't get it.
"We're very now, or not now" -These few words literally brought me to tears because it is fundamentally my entire existence. Every single thing I do in a day is either throwing something figuratively so far in to the future that it's out of the way, or dealing with so much urgency that nothing else matters. My prioritisation is completely off the chart, I have no way of structuring tasks because I create so much urgency over the thing that is either the most rewarding or consequential at the time, rather than what fits in with a schedule.
s a m e
This is literally me. It's exhausting
I’ve always been super disorganized, like a complete mess. I’ve literally gotten up in the middle of the night before with a serious urge to ‘find that thing I bought the other week why can’t I remember where I put it’ and in that moment it seems like the most important task in the world. Then when I have real, actually important things to do, I can’t bring myself to even start. Until of course it hits me an hour before the deadline. It’s like my brain can’t figure out what’s actually urgent and what’s not.
😭 Me too…it’s so overwhelming. My body can’t take the stress I put it through knowing I can be so much more organized and efficient.
@@gwynpeters6029 Agreed. 100% same boat.
I'm really glad I stumbled onto this channel. Insane to feel so understood by single posts from random people I'll never really meet when no one around me ever seems to GET it. Hell, I've been looking into asd because I feel so different from how everyone else seems to function.
I got diagnosed at 27, 4 years ago. This video made me emotional. Super validating. I spent so much life thinking I was making "moral failures." I still do to this day, but this vid and your "How to Get Stuff Done..." vid from 7 years ago are so incredibly helpful. Thank you 🙏🏼
That Gifted VS ADHD balance each other out kinda hit me like a brick. I used to coast through school without doing jack and then it got to a point where I'd have to actually learn the stuff in class and pay attention and my grades plummeted ´just as I was trying to get it recognised that everything was too easy for me and I got bored. My parents didn't believe it because my brother was also bored but kept getting amazing grades (diagnosed autism, no diagnosed ADHD).
I'll be getting an assessment in the near future and can't wait for it to happen
This was me. Up until grade 9, school was effortless. I didn’t study and got good grades. When school was a bit more challenging, I had no idea how to study and my grades plummeted
I was constantly told if I just did the homework and maybe applied my self just a little I’d get strait A’s, still pretty much got strait B’s yet a few subjects did bad yet was just completely uninterested like in history periods of time just didn’t care about almost failed and the others did well
Yet than in college was horrible couldn’t do the work outside the classroom
Same..
Good luck 🤞 you deserve to live life knowing your limitations and gifts without the hindrance of other's assumptions. Rock your life the way YOU were meant to.
Me, constantly: Either ADHD/ASD people need to stop being so relatable or I need to talk to a psychiatrist
LOL it's me
I'm just like:
(I relate 3/4 of this signs... Maybe... I have adhd?...)
NO, I HAVEN'T, STOP SELF DIAGNOSING!
(But maybe... I have....)
NONONO I HAVEN'T >:( STOP TRYING TO BELIEVE...
(:c Yea... Maybe I don't have... But.. I relate 3/4 of these signs)
>:0 EVERYBODY HAVE THESE SIGNS
[Yeah my mind is in a constant war because my parents don't want to send me to a psychiatrist to discover if i have it or not ._.]
@@henriquehaither7192 Right?? The self-diagnosing is my hang up too, because I don't want to be That Person™️
@@henriquehaither7192 I feel you. Sometimes i feel like I have ADHD, or anxienty, or even depression but I don't really know because I gust cant go to the doctor. I am 19, and its not my parents thing, but at the same time it is ( because in Russia there is a stigma against mental things, and even if my mum is ok w me seeing psycologist she freaked out when I talked about seeing psyciatrist JUST IN CASE, just because I want to be sure that I am ok and overrreacting )
The funniest part: my lil half-brother has some form of ADHD. So it is huge possibility that i have it too because even if we have different mothers, out father is the same person, with his own problens and a brother who is straight up hikkimori and sociofobic. So yeah.
@@henriquehaither7192 i have been called out
D o n ' t y a c a l l m e o u t l i k e t h a t
2:28 holy sh*t, I think I really do have ADHD. I've been wondering about this for a while, my Girlfriend suggested I look up some videos, and now my life makes SOOOO much more sense. I have been told I am "Exceptional" and that I am destined to do "Amazing" things my entire life. Yet I was constantly told I was lazy and wasting that potential. I mesh well with almost every group of people I meet, yet I can't stick to anyone for too long.
Right now, I'm trying to learn blender but can't focus on the long examples.
I'm not sure what to do right now, but I think I'm gonna go see my doctor.
Are you generally disorganized like your room or study materials? some ADHDers lose a lot of things if they don't have a "spot" to always put them.
You should look up videos on types of ADHD because there's several and some are obvious (the hyperactive ones usually) whilst the primarily inattentive ones are mostly hyperactive in their head, specifically their ability to focus for long periods on mundane things (this happens to hyperactive ones too they just have to cope with having crazy hyper amounts of energy).. the strictly.inattentive ones isually slip under the radar and are always told they're lazy, how.can you do x so well and smartly but.can't organize a binder for the life of you.
Best of luck
I am literally bawling, for the first time in my life I'm finally understanding why I feel the way I feel. Thank you so much for your content. ❤
I remember telling my brother when we were in high school that I noticed "I don't have a circle of friends, I have a friend from each circle"
Didn't know others could relate
Oh my god this was the one thing in the video that I didn’t think applied to me, but when you phrase it like that it’s exactly how I’ve always been.
"A friend from each circle." Me too. My son, doubly so.
Yes I was the same way in high-school
THIS!!! YESSSS! I always wanted to have a group of friends, but that has never been the case! I have tons of friends that ate scattered everywhere from different groups!
Same !! I'd never have thought it was because of ADHD ! I feel like a whole new version of my life has been offered to me, and in this one I am not "too much to keep around". What a change !
Today in class, I was pulled aside by my professor. She said “you don’t need to play this whole forgetful act just because you’re embarrassed. I know you know it because you did it earlier so dance properly please..” and it just got me so upset because I’ve just started on meds and I was really proud of how well I was remembering all of my dances. She knew I had adhd and I really wanted to tell her that I have a hard time remembering and I wasn’t embarrassed, I was actually trying really hard but I couldn’t because of my social anxiety! It made me so mad at my adhd!!!😡 I just had to get that off my chest because I haven’t told anyone about it- sorry for the long speech! I feel a little better now!😅
Thank you for sharing. Your words, or rather hers, reminded me of situations I still hadn't attributed to ADHD.
If you feel comfortable, please tell them your ADHD can affect your memory sometimes. They probably don't know.
Sometimes imagined childish retorts can be the best/oh so fitting! Like in response to your ignorant, insensitive and unfeeling teacher, I imagine my Monkey cuddly toy rudely blowing a loud raspberry at her then turning his back to submit her to a view of his "Monkey Mooning Dance". Just pure disrespect! Hugs!
Thank you for this...
I am JUST learning that I may have ADHD and when you read the comment that got you upset about the person who said they were yelled at for things that ADHD caused...it hit me because I have children and it made me reflect on how I respond and the things I expect from them when they don't do their chores or remember the last thing I told them...
Thank you...
You've hit the nail squarely on the head. The unorganized and chaotic struggle is really real. And, as such, becomes inexplicable to others. I felt everything you were saying as if you were telling my life story. 🎯
"Getting distracted is not a moral defect." I almost started crying. Thank you
I've had an abusive adoptive family constantly tell me that I was a bad kid and lazy. It's taken me years to understand that I'm not bad, just wired differently.
Could I have permission to use that quote in a tattoo?
Having an abusive adoptive family sounds horrible and I'm glad you got through it. It surprises me a bit, since that's not the picture I have in my head for families that adopt. Do you mind me asking if it was a relative taking you in or if it was through an adoption agency?
I feel you. Please know that you are not alone and also some biological parents treat their kids like this. I know this because mine did :)
same.
hey, i'm ALSO adopted by an abusive family, more specifically an abusive mother. when i was 12, i told my mom i thought i had adhd, and she snapped at me that i was FINE and nothing was wrong with me. i was lazy and not trying as hard as i should have, etc.
@@cadekachelmeier7251 they didn't reply yet, but i was adopted by an abusive mother and it was through the foster care system. trust me, you would think that anyone who adopts is doing it because they are prepared to love and care for the child(ren) they're adopting, but that just isn't true.
The whole part about not fitting into a single friend group hit way too close to home. I always feel like I’m at the center of a 3-circle Venn diagram that doesn’t quite intersect. It feels lonely.
Edit: While it can definitely feel lonely at times, what really helps is taking advantage of any alone time. Sure, you may find days where you feel isolated from everyone and thinking about it only exacerbates that feeling. Instead of getting stuck in a mental rut, I highly recommend finding a hobby you can enjoy on your own. You'll be able to utilize those "hyper-focused" spurts towards something that can feel really rewarding and provides a sense of fulfilment. Hopefully this optimistic spin can help anyone feeling left out.
Yes!!!! I always feel like a spectator with friends, as opposed to being a part of the group.
Oooh the Venn diagram hits
same
I'll be your friend buddy
I found a friend group where it actually works but I kinda feel like the other two also have adhd and aren't diagnosed lol
I was diagnosed as a small child (4? 5, maybe?) but am now 57. I want to share that recent and hard life challenges IMMENSELY have exacerbated my ADHD, to the point where I have had to restructure my life. Most points hit home for me in this video, too! and I can fully understand the frustration you feel with the "moral failure" assumption of ADHD. I'm still dealing with that, myself.
Good video!
Long term Diagnosis. Recently got help for my symptoms. Wow such a night a day difference like I can finally feel like I am myself, and function in society. Your channel is a bright light on a sea of misconception. Thanks for this video - really hit home.
"we're not flowers were bumblebees, we pollenate, we bring things from one group to another" That is so uplifting and reassuring and I didn't know I needed to hear that. I want that tattooed on my hand or something to remind me that every time I feel like I don't belong, I really just am bringing something different to the table.
That was a great visual for me.
Bees, indeed!
Here's an ironic take on bees that seems to apply here (credit to Karl Smallwood):
'So, around 80 years ago a scientists or mathematician of some sort made a rough, mistake filled calculation that claimed bees couldn’t fly. Fast forward almost a century and scientists today are still trying to erase that mistake from the public consciousness with increasingly complex experiments to prove the simple fact that bumblebees can, in fact, fly, and that this doesn’t violate any of our understanding of the laws of physics. The fact that they even had to bother doing this when they could have simply pointed out of the nearest window, with their palm firmly planted on their foreheads, at bees flying around, perhaps says a lot about the gullibility of our species.’
Agreed :)
I've been told by partners / close friends that I have a grasshopper mind, or a butterfly mind. Grasshopper because it jumps from subject to subject - butterfly because it flits from subject to subject.
I have a huge variety of interests because of it, though.
I did this in school. My friend group was everywhere lmao
I was a gifted kid with ADHD. It ended up meaning I didn't get support for either. My parents think it was a moral failing to this day, and I thought they were right until I was 40 and had a life full of unexplained failures.
Sorry about that! I am sure lots of us relate! I know I do!
Any tips on moving past the grief and anger over a life wasted?
@@gypsypath1 No, not yet. I finally like myself (which seems like a good first step), but this realization was only the month before the pandemic. The grief and anger are still at full force. I'm not even diagnosed yet with COVID making everything harder.
Read 'the drummer and the great mountain'. Realise that you're a hunter in a world geared for farmers. There are a million things i wish i could go back
To change. But now I know what I am, what 'we' are, I'm free.explore and enjoy your strengths, be aware of and better your weaknesses and see life through a clear lense
It'll make more sense when you read it!
As a 59 year old, I have coped through ever demanding jobs, but particularly struggled and had to drop out of a few really senior roles because I struggled with not being able to focus and at times over focusing. Your reference to being very bookish as a child really hit home. I’ve beaten myself for years for not trying harder (because that’s what others told me), about not knowing what I really want (everything, nothing, scary, full on). Also holding on too long before going to the bathroom. Procrastinating. Starting lots of things, but struggling to complete everything. Gosh. Would getting diagnosed be a good thing? Is that even possible at my age? Love what you’re doing and would be keen to hear your thoughts. Thanks.
It is possible to be diagnosed at our age. I was, but I’m so used to myself I declined medication. I have managed to have a reasonable life despite jumping from career to career - as soon as my interest waned even a little bit I lost the hyper focus and found each job unbearable. Even when having what I consider a dream job in my early 20s which I still regret leaving when I’m in a darker moment.
So you might indeed be offered medication. I said no, too little too late for me. But everyone is different. If I was still miserable about it I might have gone for it but I’ve found other tools. Meditation, lots of therapy etc. The meditation was particularly hard but I stuck at it and now I can do the guided ones - and it helps. Even things like meditation and therapy change our brain chemistry so can (emphasis on can) be as effective as medication. I hope you get some serenity.
I wonder about being dx'd for ADHD, ASD, and other learning disabilities such as dyscalculia etc. I am not sure where I go. Will doctors dismiss my concerns because I have managed this far? I will be 60 in 2 weeks.
I am likely going to skip an opportunity to move up in my work because I can see myself struggling. I'm already struggling where I am for external reasons and the thought of not getting the job (rejection) or getting it and failing because I'm already having a hard time has shaken me up. I'm considering seeking a formal diagnosis because I have so many signs but have never been considered as having ADHD because I "do so well".
I was just diagnosed last year at 62. I’m really glad because it’s helped me understand my relationship problems, loneliness, and why my marriage struggled and finally fell apart last year. I take a mild dose of bupropion which has helped enormously. Now I can get through an entire hectic workday without feeling totally exhausted. There’s a lot of grief when you realize that things could’ve gone quite differently (better) if I’d known years sooner. But now I’m more forgiving of myself, and have a better idea of the life I want to live going forward. Take care!
I was diagnosed in my 40s, but some professionals deny the diagnosis because I wasn't formally diagnosed in childhood . Scary being denied treatment by such boneheads .
I recently found your videos trying to narrow down what might be up with me... Not only is this so relatable but you literally talk me...
I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD myself (I'm 24) after being a gifted kid all through school, and the hardest part of my diagnosis was convincing people that I actually have a diagnosis. The most difficult to convince has 100% been my mother, who has a bad relationship with mental health care and thus has always called me lazy or selfish. To this day, she views my almost life saving medication as "drug seeking" even though I've avoided most things with a possibility of addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc) because of my known addictive personality. The worst part of adhd isn't just the symptoms, it's the stigma.
I feel you. I'm 34 and finally took the step of seeking a professional diagnosis from a psychiatrist just this week, and she diagnosed me with ADD. I suspected I had this when I was 17, and the person who had a visceral reaction and immediately shot me down was my mom. I'm now waiting on the official scoring that comes with the diagnosis to see what level I'm at, and with that I hope to break this barrier of denial that my parents have since I brought it up 17 years ago.
@@thismissivemisfit Hey, good luck with that! I hope you get the support you need, even if it doesn't come from your mom!
A lot of the boomer generation refuses to believe in mental illness. They just chalk it up to attitude adjustments. They come from the end of war stricken para militaristic society where literally everyone was expected to just do as their told. You don’t question things, whatever an adult tells you, you do it and if you don’t, then you better grab the belt for your dad to straighten you out with. To have a mental disorder back then you needed to be someone who talked slow, or required a straight jacket.
That has to be so hard. The quickest way to rile me up is to insinuate that ADHD isn't real and I'm just not trying hard enough. We try so very hard, and it's so hurtful when we're accused of the opposite. I hope your mom comes around, but know that you're not making anything up and your struggles are valid. I hope your new diagnosis provides freedom through being better able to understand yourself and the way you work.
My gosh bro what on earth that’s literally my situation except I have a problem with the green need to quit but it’s hard cause it stimulates my mind and nicotine too
We had a special class in my high school back in the early 90s for "troubled gifted students." Looking back I wonder how many of us were just undiagnosed and untreated?
They still had it cuz I was in it till I finished school in 2015
It was called Learning Lab in are school in the early 2000s
This video literally makes me know for sure i need to go get tested for a possible adhd diagnosis. I resonated with so many things in this video and it seems now that the older I get the harder it is to cope. I love your videos!
This is hitting in so many ways! Not only resonating with my childhood (only just realised in the last few weeks that I could be adhd) but also with my 7yo daughter. I'm so glad I found this channel yesterday.
I never thought about the fact that I had friends in lots of groups and could get along with pretty much anyone, but still felt lonely and “not fitting” at times could be part of ADHD! Wow 🤯
THAT PART!
is there any science that support this statement? Bcs I feel this too
Bruh I think finding this channel is gonna save my life 😭
I felt this so much. I am good at putting a face on and talking to lots of different people but get so frustrated that other people don't connect with friendships as much as I would like. I used to think it was because I was unlikeable. Now I just joke.the people I make friends with are just emotionally stunted. I still struggle with the having friends but still feeling alone.
Literally, I've got bullied and have been struggling with loneliness since kindergarten until around 10th grade. In about 10 years or total about it. My first ever diagnosis by a psychologist was that "Everything seems normal except your loneliness is in really high state" and I was like "Tell me something new". But now when I'm in my 18's, I can get along with a lot of people and are in different groups, but still feel alone. Like being in a middle of dnd game, but losing focus, because I wasn't ingaged. (OOP Jumping topics ) xD
I was gifted and overly emotional/sensitive. I was a perfectionist with no drive to actually do anything to perfection.
this is me..... exactly. "I was a perfectionist with no drive to actually do anything to perfection." .... *tears*. I feel you 100%!
I'm with Drew...that phrase perfectly describes me.
The oxymoron of being a perfectionist with no motivational drive to do anything perfectly, perfectly sums up my life
Ditto kittos.
The part where you explain it shouldn't be considered a moral issue that we're not able to focus, really made me feel validated. I started tearing up and i just have to thank you for speaking up for this community.
I've gone through a really hard time at this 9-5 job, a lot of shame and anxiety I've felt for not understanding/remembering the policies of the job task. I plan to leave soon, so hope everything goes well for us Adhd-ers.
I read in a corner all the time. But I read because my hyperactivity is my mouth and I can keep my mouth shut unless I read. Even alone, my mind continues on the conversation, reading relieves the mind racing. The comment about "if you would just try harder" I was abused for not "knuckling down and just get it done"
I was the weird, smart kid with emotion regulation issues. Overexcitable, loud, bad at boundaries, easily frustrated. I was constantly doodling in class and not paying attention, always doing homework last minute, but it got overlooked because I always managed to do well on my work.
Absolute definition of my high school experience
yea pretty accurate.
I just need everyone everywhere to watch this.
I'm actually in tears. After years of wondering, I'm finally starting paperwork to potentially get evaluated for ADHD in a year or so through my university. To this day, I describe myself as that one kid in school who was "everyone's friend, but no one's best friend." This video is helping me realise that I'm not alone in that experience. Of course, there's way more to it than that, but a vast majority of these statements are hitting home for me, and I can think of specific examples from my childhood that correlate with a lot of these statements. Thank you so so so much for posting this video; if it weren't for this channel and some of my university friends, I don't think I would have the validation to seek answers about myself. 💜