5 tips for dealing with narcissists at work.
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2024
- In this video Michelle provides 5 tips for you to adopt to manage the narcissists in your work place. Once you recognize them in the work place you need to know how to work around their behaviors. These will help you navigate your day, your project and your work life so that you accomplish your goals.
Whether or not someone has a label- the behaviors are present and cause you and others distress & irritation. You want to have peace and productivity. So whatever the issue is- hopefully these will work or give you other ideas and strategies that will!
Not sure if someone is a narcissist? Watch this and see if you recognize the signs. • 4 ways to identify nar...
My tips:
1. Go into every job with an exit plan. Keep applying for jobs even after you accept a job offer. It can take weeks or even months for companies to respond to them and by them you can tell if the job is worth keeping or not.
2. Be the most boring, uninteresting person and quiet quit. This will make you more invisible thus hard to target.
3. Document EVERYTHING. Save every email. Take detailed notes during any interactions. If they have a one on one or a phone call with you, follow up with an email.
4. Don't be afraid to quit. Narcissistic people have the minds of a child and I deal with that enough at home.
excellent tips! thank you!
The best advice is to get out of there... they will constantly be undermining you behind your back....destroying your work.... filling the boss/owner with lies about you... they are infatigable when they are threatened by talent... You won't go anywhere with these people in your office... problem is there are everywhere... maybe start your own business so you don't have to deal w/it
The best advice is to (after killing them) get out of there.....
Leave the f**kers, now!
I think you meant... INDEFATIGABLE, and not infatigable. Never use a word in print unless you know what it means. (Now, you know.)
It’s even more difficult when the boss does not learn the established office ways nor give you your (brief) say.
yes you are right
Compartmentalise them? I want to put them in a box and sail it out to see.
Good plan! If that doesn't work - please don't let them get to you- create space for yourself @expatscoti - keep your peace and best of luck!
I work with one and spotted this behavior early on. Gone full grey rock with this person. Others have also begun to do this with this person. It's making him crazy and he is already on the hunt for a fresh supply.
Hi, Are u an advocate? Very good information
Just fyi its *sea.
It's a tragic thing that anticapitalism gets conflated with wokeology. Wokeology is actually capitalism in one of its darkest forms.
I've never heard a valid argument in favor of capitalism. Proponents of capitalism only ever try to implement gaslighting and/or logical fallacies. Really. Try to have a sane, civil, honest conversation with any proponent of capitalism, and they'll prove my point.
But if you like all manner of products within the capitalst matrix, if you own a business, and have employees. and you still want a much more sane and harmonious economic system, You're Not A Fucking Hypocrite.
Don't let them silence you with that weak argument .
It would be just as ridiculous to argue that one is a hypocrite for drinking city tap water, when they had no other options , and therefore one shouldn't be able consider better sources of water.
Narcissistic personality disorder is an epedemic.
And when they project "well the problem is nobody wants to work. " Ask them what landlords even fucking do . Ask them what the CEO of Starbucks actually does . Etc.
No shade at seasons of nondoership. But shade @ projection.
"so much depression, anxiety, stress & suicidality is caused by capitalism. we really really need to talk about how not being able to meet our basic needs and how giving away 80% of our days to jobs that drain & exploit us leads to serious mental health issues for a lot of people" - Alexis Isabel
This is especially true with narcissist bosses. They will use ANY information you give them to make YOU seem like the one with the problem. All while they are lying, manipulating, robbing their own employees, gossiping about them behind their backs, etc.
They always lose a ton of decent employees because nobody can stand their narcissistic ways. And they are always surrounded by a group of ass kissing flying monkey employees in stark contrast to the employees who can't stand them.
If you work for a narcissist boss DON'T TRY TO REASON WITH THEM. They are too selfish to change. Instead plan your exit accordingly and leave them in the dust as soon as possible! Trust me when I say life is better outside of the narcissist's manufactured corporate hell.
.
The less you're around these vampires; the easier life becomes.
Very true Original Man! Unfortunately their manipulative tactics are misunderstood as some type of leadership skill when the work is usually done by others.
FinelyRevealed That is very true. That's due to the times we live in and the country we are in. This is a fallen society that worships image and money. And narcissists are all about their IMAGE.
Ahaha!
That's so true. The Lord has said vengeance is his, he will repay..Stand clear😱
@@originalman6396 Satan was about image. He lost and has made himself appear as a winner, meanwhile smear campaigning God as a restrictive tyrant. No false idols or images. You understand why God said that, you understand what you're dealing with and what wars are truly about.
Wow, Michelle, this is great:
1. Be calm
2. Be clear
3. Do not engage beyond task at hand and no personal chit chat
4. Keep records and let them see you keeping records
5. Focus by keeping meetings short and on point
Hoping it helps!
People shouldn't have to work this way.
British Miller I agree... I just left a job that I was unhappy with cause I think my boss was a narcissist. It really drags you down if you stay in that kind of work environment.
@@makeupenthusiast7328 I've lost a whole lot of sleep because of a coworkers narcissistic behavior.
Still it is better that deal with they stuff.
I don't want to quit my job because of my "supervisor". He's extremely intense and narcissistic, toxic and his lack of empathy is overwhelming.
I'm tired and I don't want to resign my salary because of him. Finding a new job suck in my country.
I disagree British,
We evolve through experience & this video provides tools to accomplish greater capabilities & the eventual awareness that we can protect ourselves very well indeed & after practice, be happy with how much we've grown. My personal view.
I feel like I am always sought out by narcissistic co-workers. There is always at least one. I always see right through them because I grew up with two narcissistic family members. I think I am Highly Sensitive or an Empath, and it is really hard to me to be around these types of people. It really gets to me. I am dealing with one now, luckily I only see them once a week, but it affects me the whole day when I interact with her.
HI @Mary sorry about that. Please protect your energy before getting close to these people. Take a few minutes and close your eyes to visualize being wrapped in a mirror to deflect. Get your mindset into a positive frame and use affirmations such as 'This interaction will be positive, quick and smooth and my energy is preserved and protected". Most likely they are around because they know they can affect you. After a few less satisfactory encounters for them you will notice they disappear. When you feel bad after an interaction it means that your energy has been taken or you have taken on someone else's negative energy. Hang in there.
I know how you feel, I am also and Hsp, and is so hard for me, one of my boss is a narcissistic, I try go no contact but I feel he talked bad about me and affect my self esteem.
💯hugs💖
Yep I understand what you're going through and tfs it validated s lot of us
I work with a narcissist. He wants my job! He even cornered me once & would not step aside to let me go. He is not very intelligent, but tries his best to manipulate. He lies constantly. He claims to be a pilot, a millionaire, is friends with a high end law firm, etc. But he can't even read the mileage on his old run down car. And he lives in a run down travel trailer.
I have PTSD (not because of him - earlier traumas in life), he triggers me a lot.
I am very close to calling it quits on my job. I've lost sleep, had hair loss, suffer emotional turmiol because of this guy. My boss just tries to pacify me. Who needs this crap in their lives???? Not me!
Thanks for sharing @texcyn hang in there- the best defense or offense with aggravating people is just ignore them- don't react. Try to observe them as if they were some crazy tv show. You'll make just the right job decision for you!
Create a boundary for his ass.. If need be take his ass to the management and sit down with him or her and tell him or her what's going on in front of management.. God bless..
@@dannysims5914 That was a 2 year old post, but thank you for your suggestion. He has since become a little sociopathic. He killed my cat. I've taken it up with the law & he now has a court date. The state took over the case.
He was fired, but I still quit my job.
"Any information you say to them can be used against you."
Thank you, this just confirmed to me that I am dealing with a narcissist. This person weaponized anything I shared with them in a good will.
Hi @Lidu So happy you found an answer here to help!
GREY ROCK
I had my two year run with one of these creatures. We rooted him out of our workplace.
Thanks for sharing @twoturtlegardens Hope he went quietly
Two Turtle Gardens how did you get him out? She is horrible. I made a mistake by becoming her friend
Haley Hansen I need help too. She’s making it seem like I’m harassing her.
Nicccccce!
If you all stick together something can change but many times employees stick to the narc in the hope they will not be picked on by them. It is like school bullying. To avoid the bully join the gang. Doesn't always work though! Narcs have flying rages over nothing. Not easy to keep out of their way.
I’m working fine w/ Mr. N by staying focused, calm and confident in my daily routine. He shows many of the signs of a narcissist but that’s his issue not mine.
Very nice Steven- great example for us!
Thank you for the tips! Lisa Romano said: *Observe don't absorb* they want to get into our heads and emotions to drag and suck out our energy, don't give it to them by internalizing and absorbing what they're saying and doing to you. Never tell them personal info they'll use against you.
I'm really dealing with one and everyone at the work place is miserable!
So sorry Dashan- hope you can maneuver to a safe place until that person is removed or that you can find a better situation.
It's amazing how a boss like this can make the workplace cannibalize itself. I've been watching it for years.
I feel you dude. The boss at my previous job once said in front of my face that another coworker's report was so poorly written that it seemed like a child had done it and that he should shove it up his ass.
He'd also ridicule his own business partner, boast in serious meetings about all his contacts, belittle people's jobs even though he needed them and the list goes on, make jokes about schedules, cheat on his wife (who had just had a baby) with a girl from the company... Not to mention he fired me without warning right when I finally got the company's medical insurance.
The situation at that place was so bad that I've had days in which I'd go home sore and burnt out from shuddering in anger or for being under pressure. It was literal hell, and people actually liked him because he could be oh so charming and talkative.
After 3 whole years working there I've developed such strong anxiety and lack of confidence that I'm considering abandoning my career and starting over. Lost all hope to be treated like a decent being in this area.
@Bella I wouldn't be surprised if he were both a psycho and a narc! I'm positive tricking or making other people miserable made him happy. He takes no one other than himself seriously. My anxiety was so fired up I'd literally close my eyes and think "oh no, he's back" when I heard his voice for the first time after he came back from a trip or something.
@Bella the company I worked for works for the government. I guess positions of prestige lure that kind of people... sorry you had to deal with double trouble too! only people who've been through this know what it feels like.
Companies promote them into management positions, so it's hard to avoid them. Narcissist bosses are horrible, because you cannot get away from them. They favor their friends and other narcissists promote them into management, and advance them. Management is full of them. Says something about corporations and what they want. Documenting things about your dealings with your boss does nothing, since the people above your boss favor them. You're seen as a disgruntled employee.
HI @Gus thanks for the comment- Documenting can help you to explain odd situations and also to help you progress. It doesn't necessarily mean to report them, but to send emails or memos to the other person to show what occurred. Then keep those for your records.
@@FinelyRevealed YW. Why document? Most states are "at will", which means they can fire you for absolutely no reason at all. If you send the narcissist emails about what they are doing, they will get rid of you. You should never let them know you are onto them. Just my opinion...
Sadly you are right. The NHS in the UK is full to the brim of them! The one place people should feel safe and free to do their best to provide a caring environment they encounter hard task masters such as these.
@@ONLYLOVEIZATION Those narcissist bosses will hire an incompetent diversity hire over you, too.
Yep
Too late he already know.
Stay calm. Don't engage. Don't react. Limit communication, NEVER chitchat. Know your tasks, your part
PERFECT advice
I'm having this problem with TWO narcs at work and giving them the cold shoulder only made them even angrier. Like they're really going out of their way to follow me around the office and setting their own work aside just to stare me down smh wtf
Follow the advice here. Freeze them out. Do an excellent job until you find another job. But it's best to learn how to deal with these hollow people because they are everywhere. The 10 percent she talks about is really just those who have been diagnosed as narcissists. it doesn't account for those who have gone undiagnosed. This country is in in the throes of a bumper crop of narcissism.
@@Inkdraft you are so right and true.
I think you should still be polite.
@@Inkdraft Bumper crop lol
Same thing here, this woman follows me around to make sure her focus is not her job, is how to get to me. I am her competition in her eyes now. I did use disengage way to her, not giving her any energy or reaction, let her jumping around like a clown. I know she will be a trouble, but you have to learn to survive in this kind of environment, these narcs are everywhere
This has nursing written all over it. All great advice! I found with one coworker though, that trying to define what the roles would be on that shift led to gaslighting and her and her (coworker) roommate "ganging up" on me. The first coworker contradicted herself more than four times, and each time I asked for clarification I received a belittling, "I told you!...". And meanwhile the other one was interrupting with, "Don't you get it?!..." etc.
It finally occurred to me that the contradiction and not having a plan was part of her control. She intended to make it up, criticize and control as she went along. Having a predictable plan for the shift minimized her control.
Interestingly, when the "roommate" coworker knew her behavior was being documented, she suddenly quit this high paying job that provided her with a captive audience and minimal workload to become a cleaner in a hospital. And I just avoid taking shifts with the one that kept contradicting herself.
Thank you for this video.
Hi @Jesus Happy to help - sounds like you navigated that nicely!
Very good for you.. God bless..
A lack of organization gives the narcissist the perfect playing field.
Best feeling is knowing u don’t need the job.
That was interesting about narcissists trying to get others to do their work. I can see that now with someone I work with.
Happy to help you- now you can maneuver away and be more productive on your assignments!
Yep. Ridiculous.
That is so obvious when you work with them... Try and stay calm and grey rock there ass and focus on doing your /part @ work and give it to Jesus...
@@dannysims5914 Sorry I'm not familiar with that term, what is 'grey rock'? Honestly curious.
@@cosmic-fortytwo narcs always want to see a reaction from you. So they will do crazy things, just to see it. They want to control your emotions. So going “grey rock” is ignoring them and not reacting to their antics….
Currently dealing with a narcissist co-worker she is truly nuts and I hope she quits.
I feel ur pain. Mine trolls me and all the casual women want me to be DS (Deputy Supervisor) instead of her. Im flattered but i dont feel like i could cope, not enough support from higher up
Dealing with these demons are exhausting... I hope she quits for you as well.. Keep your focus on Jesus and your job.. God bless.
Just typed up a novel to comment, but deleted it. I just want to say thank you for confirming what I've been experiencing the past 4 years at work! It's time for a change.
Happy we helped you get clarity. Sorry for what you have put up with- they are difficult characters for sure. Once aware you are so much better off. Onward and upward!
Stay Positive!!!!!!!!
Traci Carpenter I hope that you got away from that situation, I am going through that now. It leaves me so drained that on Saturdays, all I can do is sit on the couch and rest. I am too tired after working to look for another job, but I’m going to see if I have vacation time, because I need to get away from that toxic situation. Thank you for your comments.
Just realized my internal client/director is a narcissist and playing with me for the past 5 months of projects I thought we were working together: stealing my work credits 100%, blaming everything including me for anything that isn’t working, not respecting me but just need me to do his team work, not accountable for anything for him and his manager (his manager is a mini version of him), love to show off and BS on anything for executives/management, using me as his filter for work and scapegoat.
My win win approach at work obviously doesn’t work here. Re strategizing to deal with this Narcissist…. Unfortunately, my priority to get projects done is no longer a priority. Ensuring his accountabilities, making sure management knows work I have done, and protecting myself at work are my priorities now.
You will overcome this nonsense and succeed!
Too late for me. Still, it is a comfort, because they make you feel so utterly worthless and like it is all your fault.
HI This Person- it's never too late to become aware! Sorry for the past trouble but now you can use your experience to avoid it in the future!
My boss is classic Narcissist. It's taken me 25 yrs to come to full terms with it. All these years I thought that I was the crazy one, the incompetant one. It's an ugly situation no doubt. I just wish I had seen it for what it is a long time ago.
@@dennisleporte2327 sorry you had to experience this, Dennis. Just be glad you now understand. The truth will set you free.
I love the word compartmentalise - it is so useful. The narcissist I know is an emotional vampire so it is great to just completely stick to what is essential, No need for anything more. That is the only way to work with a narcissist. Let them feed off their own emotions not everyone else's.
Excellent strategy Lynda!
I have an engineering degree thanks to a narcissist!!! I worked at a job I loved for two years when a female narcissist was hired as a temporary worker. She came in and began flirting with the boss and then sized me up as her biggest competition! She began a smear campaign against me and turned all my coworkers against me as a person with a bad attitude. After three years of that shit, at 28 years old, I quit that job and attended Texas Tech and got an engineering degree. Keep this in mind, I was never college material or college bound, I strictly did it to get away from the narcissist! After I left she stuck a knife in the bosses back and got his job! Oh one other fact, the narcissist had a seventh grade education and had to take classes for two years to pass a GED test to get on permanent, but the boss convinced management to hold the job open for her till she passed the test! I went back to visit my old job a couple of years later and everyone hated her. I told them, “I tried to warn you guys, but y’all thought I was the bad guy!” They all apologized , but I told them no need because the narcissist bs triggered me to get educated and live a better life! They are extremely evil and disgusting and that scum caused me some of the most miserable days of my life!!! 💩💩💩
HI @trailerpark Thanks for sharing - lesson to use pain for your gain!
I’m pursuing law because of a similar situation.
Please people don't forget that they will reap what they sow... Its no way around it. Im happy for you that you were able to get your degree.. Praise and thank God...
They say every cloud has a silver lining. Bet that stung when she found out you did good!
Basically they get away with everything they do because they will gaslight the boss and look like the victim. It’s miserable especially when they send you a backhanded apology that basically points fingers at you.
They can definitely make a mess of things @Wonder Woman - but the less interaction the better for you.
I'm dealing with one now. She was moved from one side of the office (which operates under a different function) to ours, because our administration decided to exchange our units good supervisor for her. She was upset and offended by this because to her mind it was a "demotion." One of my co-workers saw the email from admin, and this woman had worked for her in the past, quit on the spot.
Since then, she has been bullying my other co-worker and me because we can both see the toxicity and both refuse to become a "flying monkey." I figured out she was a narcissist early on and warned my co-worker. She bullied him badly and he escaped. I complained to her supervisor that she was being a bully. After that, she stopped being so bad with me. However, just last week. I found out she only went covert. She got me written up and now I am on a one-week suspension. It is horrible to work with someone like this. Narcissists are sheer evil. I am now looking for an escape.
Thanks for sharing PD and hang in there- you will find something much better!
It sucks really and there is no place where there are no narcissist or sociopaths at work. These suckers are everywhere. I'm so filled with hatred for these ppl that I imagine pulling their hair out of their scalp or burning them right when they are talking in front of me. And they sense it really, anyone can tell how fcked up I'm with these ppl. I tried to help ppl by understanding their pain but those were double faced blood suckers. Now my experience has turned me really toxic to these ppl and I feel like I shud also bcm a narcissist to manage work with them without getting dominated or crushed.
Thank you. we need more on narcissism in the workplace. most videos are on relationships at home. please keep it up!
My whole team is like this. Real toxic. Boss keep a blind eye on it, but other department head notices it.
Hi @Susanna - looks like you have found a friendly Dept Head- see if you can move over there or have that person help you connect to another situation/position.
Excellent advice. It's amusing/ridiculous/pathetic how predictably they push back against all these, especially focus and ignoring their histrionics when they try desperately to get a rise out of you.
Great practical advice... stick to the facts and stay on track, because they will manipulate everything else.
Thank you! I'm dealing with a narcissistic consultant who has wreaked havoc in our company with his poorly planned, impulsive approach to things. I'm in charge of cleaning up the mess he caused (which he has convinced half the people was not his fault) and he is on my team. Your five suggestions are gold.
So happy to help Josiah - you have totally got this!
I'm in the thick of this situation right now. Turns out I've already been following 70% of the advice, but the remaining 30% is very useful. Thank you so much!
Happy to help Olya- sounds like you should be able to navigate around the situation successfully!
Thanks for the great advice. Yes, we have one where I work, and it's important to do your work and keep your emotional distance from them, for sure. I can't leave the job right now and me and a coworker are thinking about going ahead and talking to our manager about it.
Best is not be friend to them just do ur work responsibity... But never be close to un necessary people
A great next topic would be how to deal with the situation when a narcissist has marked you out for ‘removal’. Alternatively what to do when they’ve marked someone else out to get rid of. Rush to their defence? 90% will be too frightened to deliberately join them in front of the target.
Yes Marc- thank you for watching and stay tuned !
Thank you for your helpful information. No longer sharing any personal into with this person. I think by the beginning of next year that person will be on a different shift. In the meantime, will stay as far away as possible. Upset me to tears this week.
So sorry for your pain Ketann! Glad to help you protect yourself. Remember the best reaction to them is no reaction at all!
I hear you loud and clear. I'm still in disbelief of what I have put up with so many years. The betrayal is a horrid feeling.
I don't know if my colleague was a narcissistic, but as soon as I started my job and she had to help me with mine, because I was new at the company, my life turned into hell, she threatened to fire me in front of a supplier, she talked bad things about me to people, even a friend of hers started to send me wrong information, it damaged my job, my boss was fired, she was very pleased with this, you could see it in her smile, especially when she found out that she would be in his place.
Sorry that happened to you Aline. At best she was a manipulator. Hoping things are better for you now.
I’m dealing with a narcissistic client and doing most of these tips already. But when I try to get clarification of requests he gets angry. I believe because having to break down the details and actually make a decision means he might have to take responsibility for any consequences.
Hi @Erica Good for you for hanging in there- your assessment sounds spot on. That means you must document all on your side.
I find laughing at them really works. It confuses them and they can't hack it. Don't forget their egos are very fragile, don't be intimidated by them.
That is ok if the person is not a boss. Lying is a narcs trait. They often tell lies to the boss about you because they feel inferior. They have two faces. People think they are lovely people. Just really they are not!
I used to defend myself, I used to cover my ass better then anybody at work, when she would Target other employees I would defend them or I would do something to draw her eye away from them, I made my self Target, after a while I could no longer put up with her so I left this toxic situation, I just quit my job and walked out one day, it is impossible to defeat these people
HI @Berainish and thanks for sharing- hopefully you are in a better situation now!
I have 4 days left. I have a Mal NARC boss.
I'm working in a small team and there's one narcissist,it's not anyone who has power.
But myself and the boss are empaths.
The Narc tries to control the mood of everyone for the day's work. For the last 4 month's they basically pushed the other staff away as in befriended a new member of staff who's leaving tomorrow 😂
Now the narc is basically going to come back to all of us thinking we'll be glorified in having their aura in their circle again.
Well I used to help the narcissist with lifting what's too big for them to lift. But we're all meant to be phisically healthy for our positions. I knew the narc had a bad back and my empathic side would help her out. But she basically snubbed me all summer there's no logical explanation why she disguarded me. Anyhow untill next March she's going to be lifting and dragging by herself.
It's not in my contract to be an enabler for her lack of phisical strength.
The seasonal worker is finished soon. And I'll gurantee she'll try to wrap myself and the other person on the team around her finger....
I'm going stonewall 😂🤣😂🤣
Hi @hypertension - that doesn't sound like a 'dream team'! Good plan- stick to your assignments and get through it. The boss will have to fire her for nonperformance of she will move along if she no longer gets any energy from the rest of you. Thank you for sharing
hypertension prevention if packaging is a 2 person lift she’s not asking to much to help. I’m 97 pounds the not so liked employee I’m not popular or attractive but my male coworker helps me with heavy boxes and he don’t expect me to kiss his ass either. It’s toxic to deliberately allow a small coworker to hurt herself on the job if a box is half your body weight it’s not a single lift
@@joanbaczek2575 apparently, you didn't see that she said that the job requirement is being able to lift a certain amount. A lot of physical jobs have a number of pounds the employee is supposed to be able to lift by themselves. If a narc treats people horribly and can't do their job for whatever reason, than that's the consequences they have to deal with. The only thing that possibly changes behaviors of people with these personality disorders are consequences.
I work at a local place and a narc that used to work for the company for decades strolls in, and mind you I've never spoken to him before, and starts pushing my buttons. He's good cuz he hit a deep one instantly and triggered me into a rage from 10 or more years ago.
Sorry about that @joyce - Hopefully with this recognition that you still carry feelings about that long ago situation you can now work on that yourself so that no one can 'trigger' you. The only person we can each control is ourselves. Sending you light and good vibes!
@@FinelyRevealed Most def I thought of it as a way to see where I need work, thanks!
I've just had a narcissistic superior reprimand me for several behaviours he took offence to from months ago which I didn't know was a problem at the time because I was never told about it there and then. The whole meeting was the superior gaslighting me and the superior stated at the start of the meeting that I was defensive. So, the whole meeting I couldn't say anything because he labelled it as being defensive. I spent the following few days crying and questioning my self-worth.
Sorry @redvelvetcreamcheese. Hoping you can find another situation that is more positive.
I work for a narc. I found out he was getting into my personal business on the computer I used at work. I never imagined my fitness pal or my bank account information and my medical info would be anything he would be interested in. He would make comments on getting my steps in and make comments about my boyfriend. I was not wise to anyone being able to spy on you on the computer at work. He also has cameras in the workplace and in his home. What a creep. I have never felt so violated in my life.
Thanks for sharing @Debbie. Hope you can make a change to a more respectful position.
These creatures are very, VERY keen at zeroing in on your personal life and information. I say document it yourself for years until they do something really stupid. There's a way you can tell if people are spying on your PC and documents, and the narc type are too stupid to know that's a felony, especially if they happen to stumble on actual business/government records. Trust me, when a narc sees they've got very sensitive info involving government and business, unlike normal, sane people who will back off and try and get out of there asap, they will see this new, sensitive info as a source of new power, and they will NOT be able to contain this secret info, so they must blab about it per their instinct. Some do know it can get them into hot water, but lots of these people have numerous felonies under their belt anyways, so why bother keeping their horrid nature bottled up inside because of a silly felony? Frankly, that's not my problem if they're stupid as sin, just keep that evidence up. Once they snap, (and they will, I don't care if it takes 1 day to 10 years), then display the evidence candy, preferably in court, but if you wanna go all out and display it to everyone via FedEx style (news outlets), and expose them (which they utterly despise), then hey, more power to you. Until then, flat out ignore the pills.
It’s really hard to deal with these ppl. I’m almost out the door cuz I just couldn’t take it no more so now I’m being pushed out. Just trying to keep smiling cuz I kno narcs hate this. It’s not easy I wanna slap the B yet I can’t ugh
Just keep moving forward @plum - ignoring them is the best strategy.
Good luck!
absolutely spot on as far as I can see! thank you for sharing these tips!!! 👏
I’m at war with one at work. I have been able to get her to avoid me and work from home but she hasn’t gone away completely. She manipulates the receptionist into helping her. She’s a liar and a thief.
I’m going through the same. She, is what I identified as a covert narc, it’s been tough but I’m tougher!
Very good video. Main thing is staying calm. We have one at work and it’s a small team. He is quite sneaky but we all just have to keep him in line. Worse is that he is quite slow to pick up things. This may be why he is arrogant.
Thanks for sharing @mike sounds like you guys have it under control.
Still work in progress. :(
I think I’m in a pit of narcissists at my company including the boss. Any advice on how to deal with a narcissistic, secretive, deceptive, lying, lazy, incompetent boss? Would like to quit but can’t right now.
HI Miss- sorry about your predicament. Keep meticulous records on instructions, assignments, authority and deadlines at work and have a copy at your house. Keep all chit chat to a minimum and do NOT DISCUSS YOUR PERSONAL LIFE with anyone at work. Do NOT look for a job on company time or via any company means such as computer, phone, ipad etc. However DO look for a job on all of your free time- keep your head down, maximize your company benefits (check our other video on preparing to quit) and get out of there. Best of luck to you!
Miss Spelled This has happened to me at every workplace. When I try to vent to others, they think I am playing the victim.
I would suggest seeking a non-office type job, find a career where you can have your own office or work alone, or work from home, or your own business.
These a-holes are in every workplace! I am a free-spirited, march to the beat of my own drum type person who likes being around kind people who aren’t too judgy.
We all have bad days and are grumpy sometimes, but for the most part, I think narcissistic people are miserable, angry, jealous, hateful control freaks who will DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THEIR TARGETS QUIT!!
Been there...secretly start looking...and get out...as soon as u find another job...keep low...talk little as u can...go cold rock...save what money u can in case your side strike ya with a fire...take notes...trust me
@@sierrasky2491 not just an epidemic in the US, here in New Zealand it seems to be one in every job, I looked back on my working life and noticed a pattern and when I looked at it closely the reason I left jobs was because there was always a narc, who would hunt me out, befriend me then give me shit sauce every day in front of others and the boss, until I would snap and find another job, I was just blind to see and left myself open every time, now I am grey rock, it has taken me 32 years of my working life to finally figure it out. It is a narc paradise here in New Zealand
I lost my job recently because of a narcissist. I got the job through a temp agency and even emailed her a few days prior telling her I was feeling very off at work and like I was about to get fired because of her. Boom three days later I get fired.
Thanks - still useful. Wow Narcs are such destructive people - really try eating people from inside out.
However, all of the above help - Document / Distance / Calm / Walk away / Witnesses / Never give them personal insight, etc.
My experience is that eventually they get found out - so play the long-game.
thanks this helped me. instinctively I did some of the things you said from the start. I find reducing to talk to them the hardest, because they are always right in your face, and if you don't talk to them, they are offended. But one thing for sure, don't give them any personal info's about your life.
This is really helpful thank you. Dealing with managing an extremely manipulative covert narcissist where I have no power to actually discipline or hold them accountable (we are both union members) and upper mgmt doesn't seem to have the "capacity" to deal with this person at the moment, despite them being written up prior for same behaviour. The gaslighting is unreal , once I started compiling evidence and linking all the instances of gaslighting, time theft, triangulating....it was so helpful because I finally realized it wasn't me, it was their manipulation
So happy to help you Anthropos. You may start noticing these people now that you are aware.
Thank god for you! I have a narcissist working for me. I needed to know this. I subbed immediately thank you🙏❤
When you try to give them advice and they disregard everything you say "that's just your opinion". This do-no-wrong attitude pisses me off so much.
Thank you so much for shedding light and giving inputs on how to deal with narcissists in the workplace. It is such a great help.
You're so welcome @Sabrina!
Thank you for the insight I have been dealing with this co worker that she comes off that way, like very loud when we have our weekly meetings, if I make a mistake she always has some form of smart comment to make against me, and on top of that when I tried to talk to her about it, she literally got really angry and made it look like it was something wrong with me, well she had been told not to talk to me anymore, I watched your other video too
Hang in there @Felicity - you've got this
This lady has been there done that like me .I enjoy listening to her talk
This is so true! After discovering that my colleague is a narcissist, I always send her emails about work and cc our boss, even though she told me that she rarely checks her emails and she prefers me to message her. Enough is enough.
They very very consistently place blame on everyone but themselves. Something is always terribly chaotic about them
even 4 years later...you helped another one..thank you!
Happy to help!
The best thing to do when dealing with toxic narcisist who are verbally attacking you is to remain calm and disengage
they want you to be the main character in there drama there looking to provoke you with any false accusation they impose upon you its all about atempting to obtain narcisistic supply from you
I have to work with a Class A Narcissist. This guy is the number one role model for narcissists. He is constantly gossipping and talking negatively about people. He is extremely manipulative. He is always saying hurtful things to people to get a reaction out of them. He is constantly looking for praise and trying to look important. He loves putting others down. He likes to make people do things and take the credit for it.
What he doesn't realize is people can see this behaviour. I really feel sorry for him that he needs to put so much effort in to feel comfortable in his own skin. Also the fact that he doesn't have empathy for others is really sad. He can say such mean things about people and not feel bad what so ever.
Sorry @Erik - Hoping you can keep your distance.
@@FinelyRevealed Thank you. I actually think of him as my teacher. He is helping me uncover my shadow side.
It goes by how you are graded at your job .I went above and beyond for my grocery customers. My 20 years safety skills that I headed .My grade was At
Hi Michelle,wonderful stuff,I'm going through this w my boss,I did work with her in the past.I chose to work with her again(big mistake).I will be moving on soon,I have been,agreeing and giving lots of praise,& have basically allowed her to make out that I'm a stupid individual.Thank goodness I have many others around me,that treat me with much respect,& whom are treated the same by the boss.I do think that it's not a good idea to confront her,as this would not be wise,as she would retaliate.I think one rule of thumb,is to never gossip with other co-workers.Thanks again 🙂🌷🌺🌸🇬🇧🇨🇦Ⓜ️
Hi Michelle- sounds like you have created a good plan! Hopefully you have others there who can serve as a good reference for you. You are so right on the no gossip (though it's not a good habit anyway) as that will keep you out of her triangulation and related drama. I have been practicing with some I have to deal with in business - if you sprinkle the slightest comment at the beginning of your interaction with the narcissist that they can interpret as a compliment then you can shorten your interaction with them and manage them a bit better. Thanks for your comments!
Great way to present this. Currently working with an extremely toxic narcissist…. Looking for alternatives to work with this,
Linda McNeil,You are beautiful,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....
Thank you! You are so to-the-point, easy to understand, practical. Very life-saving.
Hi @Purple Thanks so much- happy to help!
Yes, I'm stuck at church and church groups with a narcissist who's manipulating everyone to feel sorry for here.
So I guess she's on par with a coworker.
. Don't react or confront
. Best clear about tasks and teamwork, but limit interactions, grey rock.. no chitty chatting personal information because they'll twist it
. Keep records, tick lists , keep track of who's doing what maybe...
. Maintain focus and structure and agendas. Stay on point
..
The first two are mostly important in my situation.
..
It's never going to work confronting or outing a narc.. that's why they're NARCS.. they don't want to change.
They may have a low opinion of themselves and rely in pity to manipulate people all around but there's no need to project it onto OTHERS.
If they're suffering, everything's about them and everyone else must be sapped and tired and worn down, eaten away at and soul destroyed bit by bit for their pleasure rather than them take any personal responsibility and change their situation.
Some become so fixed in that mindset they'll never Excel at anything in life and stay bitter and miserable, never go anywhere and if they did go somewhere they'd ruin everything there too.
Sad people..
My church, next year may start having day trips and outings again.. if I'm stuck on a coach with the narcissist and her narcissistic sister next time, I'm putting my headphones in and zoning out.
I can have a word with my old classmates mum and sit next to her if I need to.. she's trustworthy and will understand and be discreet.
This narcissist doesn't even go to my church but as long as my church keeps giving out free trips, food etc she'll keep leaching ..she goes to this other church that also gives away free stuff. She's not a real Christian, she's a user.
She's currently doing a smear campaign, baiting and hoovering at me at the moment....
I can cope on my own and get on with life.. I can transform and evolve past her and she'll be nobody in the end. After many years of grey rock plus me being mature and her being, well, her... Time will tell.
I'll make sure I have plenty going on in my personal life too, eat healthy, exercise, doing healthy and therapeutic things because that's just good sense, healthy, self care and self respect bur it'll help build up resilience and absorb her hateful energy too.
Same for my mother and brother.
You say in this video they're around 10% of the population.. because I'm an empath scapegoat raised in a narcissist family, for a long time I've been naturally drawn to narcs and 'fixing' them so it feels like they're everywhere.
I live in a rough area of town with a lot of addicts who display manipulative narcissistic behaviour or are just plain narcs..
So I do feel swamped by them..
But if I continue at church, college, better places and eventually move to a better place after a better job then I'll realise not all of people are NARCS... I just fell into a bad phase of being too close around them in their natural environment and hub.
Only around 10% of the population.. that is great news.
My family are getting the grey rock minimal basics too and that glazed over listening and replying... I need earplugs and xanax when I go to my mums.. sad.
But for the rest of the time I can be me and live! ... Hooray.
They have to be them, stuck with themselves all the time.
God cannot magic away narcs and the likes but He can make me stronger, wiser and savvy, resilient, sweet dreams, relaxed social things, conquer my demons and blessed if I ask in prayers.
Narcs are narcs are a bane on anyone they meet.. a BANE!
At my work place I'm dealing with two managers, one of which is gaslighting me and the other one (higher position) is enabling her.
I'm told I don't perform according to expectations and have lower quantity of work output. I can even prove that this is not true by showing facts.
My boss literally told me that facts don't count because the feelings of my other coworker says differently and proving them wrong by showing facts won't change their feelings. This had me speechless.
They also told me they are aware of a particular coworker bullying me, but I am not allowed to bring that on the table because the topic is my work performance - which was brought up by the bully.
I'm not sure how to approach this. Currently I need this job and don't have any other options.
You always have options. Track your performance - write it down and schedule a meeting with your boss. Also document the bullying and have your boss /s/ it for your file.
Love this, very nicely explained. In depth but short and easy to understand. Thank you
Oh thanks MC - happy to help!
I get a different boss about every 2 years! They all have narcissistic behaviors. They want to outperform their predecessors and fight for a good evaluation. We call them bullet chasers! They don’t take time to get to know anyone but that’s good because I shouldn’t be chitty chatty with them anyways, it’s true... they don’t care! Thanks for the tips!
Spot on
That was so good gray rock is the best way to keep your sanity. I have found so are earphones or headphones, if you're allowed them at work so you don't hear those little passive aggressive weird things that they do when they think no one is listening. One issue with gray rock is they will try to use that against you with others that you are ignoring you such as to say you are the one impossible to deal with.
They NEVER have meetings in a group settings either. It’s always one on one. So they can talk about employees behind there back. And they manipulate everyone behind there back. It’s very confusing, deciet and manipulative. Plus there able to lie about what is said behind closed doors
Good info
I'm currently dealing with a narcissist at the office. This person has offended so many other staff members and bullied me. She just gave me a project that is normally done by middle or upper management. I know she is trying to cause problems because that's her job and she just dumped it on me. If I screw up, she will have an excuse to bully me even more. I'm just in a bad position right now since my boss got terminated last week. I don't report to the narcissist, I report to an EVP now, but the narcissist thinks she's my boss. I will take your tips and deal with this person, crossing my fingers.
Best of luck to you @a1228a as you navigate this. Might be a good idea to let the EVP know what you are working on - could help you leap over the narc in your department or transfer to another area.
It almost sounds like some of the abuse behavior that can be used as discrimination under EEOC retaliation law.
Hi @E That is possible depending upon the circumstances.
This vid is awesome! 👍
Spot on advice that has worked for me. Working in finance for years narsasists everywhere.
Thanks for the feedback @AccFinEco
I am sabotaged at every turn.This jealous and evil person turns normal, innocent things into something to get me a write up. I have been coached and written up three times. How do I convince people higher up the ladder to deal with this?
Hi @Ross and so sorry for what you are going through. It might sound backwards but can you withdraw from this person? Do not try to counter their moves. Get out of the game. Stay professional in all of your dealings but do not react to them. We will do another video. Good luck!
A coworker who sits next to me constantly talks and distracts me. I honestly ignore her. She will find any opportunity to avoid work, and gaslight. Instead of owning up to her feelings, she makes it about something else. “That’s not my job” is her motto. She wants to get promoted by doing the least work possible. She asks me for favors to do her work and I do it to be polite. I just can’t understand how a person could be this way. Those are not the worst things. She’s also almost 40 and single, I feel she’s very very selfish
Maturity and age are not necessarily correlated. My narcissistic coworker is 60, waiting for retirement, yet blaming me for all his mistakes. Now I am documenting everything I do, and communicate only by email or in front of other colleagues so I have witnesses. Getting all the credits and not doing the job is exactly their motto. I just email boss to say I've done the job for the coworker, copying the coworker in the email. To the narc who sabotages my work and smears behind my back, politeness does not have a place.
I actually think this is sensible advice. I am dealing with something like this now.
I believe they’re about 50 percent of the population, I seem to be running into them left and right. Every other person I know is a narcissist. I’m a business owner so maybe that’s why I tend to run into them more often. Especially within my clientele.
More of them or could be you're just noticing them more.
Great, detailed advice with heart.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for this very informative and educational presentation. This is very helpful guidance for dealing with toxic personality types at work.
You're welcome. It can be tricky especially when not expected.
What if they've been told by a company director that something is your area and they've ignored it and kept trying to take over? What if they have a job which allows them to communicate with customers and triangulate them from you? What if you've told management that this is going on and that it isn't acceptable and they're sweeping it under the rug?
Hi @Reality ... path of least resistance usually works- find a way out for you. Get or keep copies of all records on what you reported/experienced that you or others created on the situation(s). Then find the shortest path to move to a different project, team, area, department or employer.
I'm dealing with one who turned a lot of people against me.
THanks for the advice!
Happy to help. The real people will eventually realize what was told that was false about you. Time will tell.
Short, sweet, succinct, accurate and quite helpful.
Thank you!
I don't miss work for that, pension has also good sides.I try not to think of all those narcissists who made my life miserable at work to the extend of making me sick. Now I hope it will be easier to follow my train of thought and still learn on subjects I really care about.
I am on the verg of leaving my job. A co-worker is narcissist I figured that out the hard way. She has bad mouthed me and other crew members, she screams and yells at everyone until she gets her way. She manipulates our supervisor (he's afraid of her) not to mention all the bold faced lies. So far the company has allowed her to get away with it. Its a no win situation. God Bless everyone 🙏 stay safe
Brilliant video. Thanks so much!
So happy you found value @bernie!
Yep. Having to work with kne now. I came to suspect that some of the disruotive behaviours were actually tactical.
I have been studying liberal arts and tried my very best at college age, including free practice, a lot of free labor, and finally, when i couldnt get in the field of my study i swapped, well professions. I worked hard, security, labor - with people with only elementary school - becouse nobody would've hire me back then, around 10 years ago or so. The crisis hit hard, yet i know its my poor decisions. I don't blame myself, i am just aware of my posiition and time and place. A lot of my college friends struggle to "catch-up". I have been working in logistics, labor, slowly advancing my way through. I swapped my job once or twice to move foward and not stagnate. I was really really motivated and made more then 110% to achieve my goals.
Now , at the age of 28 i finally got my first office job -as a dispatcher. It's my pride to get this kind of acknowledge and i honestly swear, i earned it all by myself.
Along with me started a girl at the age of 22, hired during being in college. I said - its nothing - security guards are mostly elderly, a lot of my pals are working hard, i can't really say that any of my jobs were derogatory but everybody wants to have a good job, good money, make her husband/wife proud. Nobody pays so much respect to hard labor and people with harsh lives, and i know a lot of people have illnesses, bad parents or just bad luck. Yet insecurities pop here and there becouse i lately pushed myself out of my comort zone - including going to college once again, quitting cigaretess, jogging, meditation, inner-work.
From the first day through she, the coworker was acting bossy, telling me in a concerned way to "be sure to not make any kind of mistake becouse this is very important". We share one job, scanning documents, doing secretary work to feel familiar with the documents and the "flow" of the work. She is spending 80% of the time monintoring my work and not doing any of hers. ANY. Lately, I kept close touch of her actions and she really is doing all in her ways to erase the competition.
She.. doesn't act hostile towards my job progress but she is openly discussing my life decisions, and is "concerend for the company's sake" of the work i do.
This is my source of frustration. You see, I am aware that i am older, have more to lose, a family, less time to waste, but most of my time she is watching behind my back. She is full passive agressive mode. I am grey rocking her and not trying to be provoked, not trying to take it personally but i am cut off of any chances of saying "watch over your piece of cake, please, i can handle mine". I can't think of any kind of way of dealing with this situation.
I am taking the public transportation to work becouse i invested in my education, online courses. She has a suv-van bought by her parents (becouse its her first job, so she couldnt earned it by herself) and constantly bringing up how a 28 old man doesnt own a car.
She is overweight far over the 100 kg limit and looks like a fat snooky. SHe is from a small village and her interest including fingernails and cars. Dont want to bellittle her for me looking for the hero of the situation, but she is really an element to be reckoned with and she seems so confident and so sure in the things she is telling that it feels like cracking up the actual reality and emanating to the atmosphere.
Don't want to say that people that like her are flying monkeys but if i did anything like that, to anyone, even the janitor, at my first week of job it would be my last one. Any job i had. And here, nobody seems to care as far as the "new guys" don't touch any of them with their attitudes. Plus, its entertating.
I don't want to be mixed in a situation when its my opinion agains her. Its not a 50:50 deal when both sides have their flaws. I kept super super sure that i didnt do anything out of the book. The minus side is that my first days of work i look like a shy, silent kind of guy that isnt "success-focused", just on contrast with her. And you know what they say about the first days of work.. they shape the perception of anyone around.
Its hard to adress directly but i just feel.. blocked. Pressured. Stressed. I didnt smile since hour 1 of work and i was asked by one guy, even, how old am i and was shocked and gave me extra 5 years with zero sleep. I just act like that with narcs, my father was one and from the very beginning i just act passively and let things happen to me like a victim. I feel like a leper, i check my breathe, move away from phisical contact, avoid eye contact, slouch and answer questions in a rushed and stressed matter. I feel like a creep.
If i state this situtation to the boss i would put myself in risk of acting "un-mature" of being jelous of a kid, basically. I am not. Open commentary or biting back would bring pressure and she feels like she lives naturally in the state of confrontation.
I can't really move to any other field or places to avoid her and my nerves are getting the better of me, i did fight back verbally today saying "you probably think you could've done it better but here we go" and i know she will find a way for me to feel "sorry" for this behaviour. The last of the day i heard comments about me being "mr perfect" and "well see about your performance in a week, mr i-dont-want-any-advice". I bit my tongue further but she did it for hours intensly and fiercely.
The whole job structure is very ill for me. i've had different jobs but here from day 1 you are thrown on the battlefield. You get a computer and 1000 kinds of documents to remember and no real safe-bubble to slowly learn. From day three i had to stay an hour longer becouse we didnt do all the job we were supposed to do, but the other people in the office share nessesary info about the ways of doing tasks very hesitantly. No book of rules, no open information. You gotta learn your way out yourself. Maybe this is part of the issue here, lack of communication, new office politics including hiring cheap freshmen, on the other hand this poor hr decisions let me get a job, so gotta understand that.
I don't really wanna go into scenarios looking up her bio to see if she has any kind of family in the company or any kind of leverage but nobody else seems to care about her loud behaviour. I constantly check myself if i really earned it or i am so much insecure some kind of ptsd mechanism popped. I don't really have any allies so i can't do a reality check and i don't want to know if i even know how to play the office politics.
I don't want her to leave, lose the job, or feel bad, i don't want to "show her who's boss". I know my place. I just want to keep my face and do my work the best i can.
I don't feel that she is a bad human being. She just doesn't know better. Yet i can't really help the burglar keep my things becouse he could have a child to feed, you know. Gotta have limits.
I dont want to brag about this to my wife or any friend becouse i feel like a miserable human being even of the fact i am so weak and insecure. I just can't afford going back to phisical labor.
Our country has a great economy now, for new people hiring. Every uni has clubs and paid scholarships and i can't really blame the country for doing well for the first time i know, and i know i dont want to generalise. I am kinda proud of 20 year old people in suits, on their way to work. Its quantum years ahead of the times people from the same exact field of study started. My friend was in the top 5% of his year of 2009-2014. Even him had to work in labor for a year, or two to get any kind of specialist position. Now younger people can go to infosys or fujitsu and get bootcamps with additional excel, business english and ERP technologies that are crucial for our region.
Now, i understand how my mother felt when i was frustrated about her struggling with the computer or foreign languages, and how old she got after finishing college int he age of 40. I understand old people remembering the times of the war being grumpy at the youth taking everything for granted. And on the other hand youth has its rules.
Thank you for sharing your story M - You are a unique individual- you are valuable and are here for a reason. Do your best at your job and just be polite to this person but don't engage further. Find out the path to promotion where you are working and see how long that takes etc and what you need to do/learn to get there. Build on your successes each day - they are there if you look. Do not engage with those in a negative mindset or who would put you down. If there are not opportunities where you are working - then search outside of this job for your next opportunity. There are endless opportunities - you will find one either there or somewhere else. Be positive and believe in yourself. Chin up - have a great day!
This is very helpful. Many people say just quit your job,but if you have vested years in company, why should you be the one to cave??? I say use these tactics and may the best win!
What should I do if i am being bullied at work? I have complained to the right people and I have a rep that has done nothing to help. This has been going on for a few years, even when I lost one of my parents they did not stop. I asked for extra time off due to the shock and making funeral arrangements, but my request was blocked. Or should I get another job and leave? As I have been in my job for a long time I also have another option to take my retirement and work elsewhere. I'm not sure what to do, can someone please help?
Hi Barbarella- sorry to hear about your situation. Why would you stay for YEARS and endure this treatment? You deserve better -! Good that you made a report- make sure you have put it in writing and it is in your file for your protection. If the situation was going to get better that would have happened a long time ago- unless someone is moving out and the bullying people are being replaced along with management- things will not improve. Sounds like you have good options. Check out our 'get ready to quit' vids to be sure you make a plan that gives you the maximum benefit. Take care of yourself!
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Thanks very much for your advice.😁
I always stayed on task
1- Be calm , don't engage
2- Be clear
3-limit your comments/ interactions with them . "Anything you say will be used against you,"
4-keep records
5-maintain focus with them to stay on task and stay on track