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7 Behaviors of a Covert Narcissist
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- čas přidán 19. 11. 2019
- In today's video we explore the top 7 behaviors of a covert narcissist. It explains the fundamental differences between an overt and covert narcissist and what are common behaviors exhibited by a covert narcissist.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and CPTSD. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness about narcissistic abuse. She is also a certified Narcissistic Abuse Recover Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse and parental alienation.
If you are interested in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching, please visit her website linked below or send her an email at theenlightenedtarget@gmail.com. She conducts face to face meetings over the computer or over the phone. Many times getting the help and support from a professional who has lived through this is a necessary step to healing.
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For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Additionally, The unwavering support and dedication demonstrated by BarryInvestigation@gmail. com have been pivotal in my journey to uncover the painful truth surrounding my partner's infidelity. From the moment I first reached out to them, their professionalism and unwavering commitment to assisting me in finding the answers I desperately sought were readily apparent and highly commendable. Through their swift action and meticulous investigation, They presented me with compelling evidence that left no room for doubt. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I confronted my cheating partner with newfound courage, reclaiming my self-worth and paving the way for a future filled with renewed hope. Throughout this emotionally challenging process, Barry's expertise and unwavering support served as a constant source of strength, offering invaluable guidance and empathetic understanding when I needed it the most. I am profoundly grateful for their unwavering assistance, as it has empowered me to move forward with unwavering determination and newfound resilience.
The hardest thing for an empath; is actually accepting that people are capable of this behavior.
Devastating and traumatic.
Still trying to understand it
Amen !
I must be an empath!
I don't know you, but I get you completely! The truthful attempts at open conversation are so often derailed to insults or gaslighting, that I can play out a scenario in my head and know exactly what each person will say, and at what point I'll give up in trying to make a point that sticks.
Is anyone else as grateful for these internet sources as I am? I am 55yo. Without these sites, I would have lost my mind in leaving the narcissist! What did people do before this kind of support? THANK YOU!!
B Johnson, they lost their minds. 😥😥😥
Suicide rates because of this exact situation, have been mislabeled or "swept under the rug" & only NOW is this reality actually being recognized. I know because I almost became one of those "hidden suicides." Please sign onto LilithsLaw.org ....to finally legally hold the narcs accountable for the damage they cause, educate courts & police on narcs, & FINALLY get us targets the medical help we so desperately need, but somehow have managed thus far, to survive without...💜
@@catherinerhea6336 for me about the. 7th year married to my covert narsicist Jezebel wife...of course didn't know that at the time..i was very sick
..autoimmune...and wanted to die...this is very. common for those attacked by the Jezebel spirit ...covert narsicist npd r controled by Jezebel demons ...
@@mreloo Hope you are doing better, health-wise, now...
From what I have watched first hand, narcs watch ppl... They are like predators hunting... & they will deliberately target those with health issues, weak emotional states, disabilities(mine is spinal), because they believe we represent less of an opposition to their objectives. Isolating & dividing those who do surround us furthers their primary objective of usurping anything good from us, then devalue & "take out the trash" right in front of, & with the full view of those who used to be "our tribe"... The destruction wake is devastating... Little wonder so many targets end their pain in suicide...💜
@@catherinerhea6336 that is so scary..that they look for not only inner hurts but physical hurts...i met my psychopath/covert narsicist Jezebel at age 21 she was 21 also.... we r now 63 years old ...together 42 years..me awake only one year...i was a seriously self love deficit disordered empath...this year i have grown and see how i was reactive no boundaries just a mess and she has smoked me for 42 years with my help...it started with my childhood trauma of unworthiness oh the pain...anyway ...our 2nd meeting she told me about this close friend she had in middle school thru high school ( high school is training ground for narsicist)...and how this friend got cancer just after graduation and blamed her for the cancer .. wtf...red flag...this friend disowned her and died within ten years ...i didn't put that together till this past year.....this friend was sickly ..cus my covert wife would talk about her over the years...one time she said "we were like an old married couple"...oh my...i "can" imagine what torture that poor girl went through....i have been physically emotionally, spiritually and financially smashed in this fake relationship... thats why im still with her...praying for a miracle....my boundary is she has to go through deliverance to expel this Jezebel principality demon of control and rejection... by the power of.Jesus Christ ...and specialized Christian (npd Jezebel) counseling ...if she want's to remain together .... which means its highly unlikely she would agee to that...but all things r possible with God....if not , i will leave by Gods grace....also she never had a true friend after the one from high school....but she sure had tons of admirers and fans ...a real supply train....oh boy was i blind
"Covert narcissists go to great lengths to cover up their bad behavior." --so true. If you expose a covert narcissist, all hell breaks loose.
They will lie, deny and distort it when caught. GET AWAY NOW. That's the only option with them.
Susan Wight
Holy moly..... a female friend suddenly changed in a short time after years of friendship, she suddenly started behaving horribly, then got REALLY pissed off when I asked another female friend why such a marked change had occurred. She got really angry and said I’d betrayed the friendship..... I had to stop going around to see her because she always set up “scenes” of hellish stress when on her own. She only behaved badly when we were alone, in company she was her usual self. Then it got so much worse to the point she started being vile towards me in front of others if she had the slightest excuse to do so.
I wish I’d known this back then.
Every time I had a success she demeaned it. Dismissive to the nth degree.
Replying to Russell very true I had a very good friend who one day exploded at me out of the blue. I decided that’s it I don’t want to know you anymore. She has messaged me asking to meet up and for her to explain I’ve no intention of listening to her lies
Yep
Oh yes, i know
Your "gut" is your "second brain"... always follow your initial feelings when meeting someone for the first time!
Right On and the Most Excellent Comment of the Month.
@Pedro Ivan Sanchez Amen, well said.
Some would suggest the gut is the first brain.
judging someone after one meeting is just so wrong
@@elgen13 NOT WRONG, if red flags are waving! Narcissists disclose themselves in the beginning... IF WE ARE LISTENING we'll hear the lack of integrity! The sooner the better, before we get attached and likely give them the benefit of the doubt! ❤️🙏❤️
What is truly shocking is their sense of entitlement, and their willingness to lie and manipulate to get what they aren't entitled to in the first place.
Looking back, I thought it was really weird that after only coming to.my house once, he started walking in the door without knocking. Definitely felt entitled to my personal space.
@@beatrixbrennan1545 Omgosh yes 😳
Covert Narcissist are the absolute worst! God help them. They are some sick creatures 😡
My gut told me to stay away from him-that he was trouble. But I gave him the benefit of doubt. Boy was I wrong!
That's my problem at times - giving people the chance - the benefit of the doubt. I've given a hand to "friends' to get it bitten
Be polarizing if you see anything being off! Yes sources like these help a lot. Also check out Dr. les Carter, Dr. Grande and Dr. Ramani.
Benefit of the doubt nearly destroyed me I gave it one too many times
Horses are horses, snakes are snakes and rats are still being rats
I tried and wait for so many years to rats become and behavior as horses... But that's not possible, It's been an important and so hard lesson to learn in my life.
the fake humility is strong one, I jumped to help, build their self-confidence and they just eat it like a ice cream and wanted more and more...
Yeah they do
Yes, they fake compassion. Miserable creatures.
They have this way that what they are saying is the truth good actor they steal cheat , liars everything is what they look like on the outside because on the inside is nothing empty, no empathy jealous his own father cut him out of the will and phone me to say T has stolen money ,I thank God every day that this evil man is out off my life ,
Karma I know is real xxx
mrazik131 got a relative like this executor of parent estate.Bought the estate this executor stole copies of will but made a huge mistake left all bank statements behind .BUSTED!
And gave NOTHING back in return!
Wont thinking doing it either!
Anytime you find yourself giving an excuse for someone, say this instead, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER! GET OUT, EXCUSE YOURSELF AND JUST LEAVE!
...don't even think of excusing yourself...just live...live...live
Yes!!!
@@lillysnet9345 He was referring to you making excuses for their behaviour and protection from exposing the truth of what they do that you know that they ought not to do! and that could be anybody! Your preacher! or anyone you think you must obey! or protect! or save! or whatever the excuse for excusing others especially at your own detriment! We all need to learn to love ourselves better! and remember who we are! God's child, not any man who cannot ever replace the true God who really loves us enough to really care! all to way to Eternity!
Run away
Red flag red flag lol hear them with there words
Passive aggressive, argument baiting so they can act like your the one that starts fights when they prod you over and over.
oh my god yes. The prodding is relentless
That feeling of uneasiness is the higher power or God warning you absolutely!
Yes! For a long time I couldnt figure out why I would immediately get so fatigued and feeling faint and low self esteem whenever I was around my "best friend"
These behaviors are actually like the malignant I know. The two coverts don't care what others think, never apologize, and certainly don't act moral. They just pretend to be your friend until you are of no further use to them.
Just happened to me girl. So called friend at work. Fortunately i called her out, stopped talking to her. We made up but just for work. Then 1 more time she decided, poor her, her back hurt and im nit even gonna call the boss. That abd her constant neediness, fired! I feel bad that i feel good about it but the environment is less toxic and more gets done in less time and the boss is happier
Sounds like a psychopath you are dealing with
That uneasy feeling is the Holy Spirir
Agreed. God cares about us more than we can ever know.
Yes it is 💯 the holy spirit
Amen!
That smug sly smirk on their faces when they have scored a hit.
I saw that smirk many times.
Rings true, I have seen it.
Oh yes. Every time.
Conniving...
YESSSS OMG
Everything you say is 99% spot on. 1% you missed is they fake extreme politeness towards new people.
This is why I find prayer so vital. God is always on my side.
❤️
All of what you say is true; however when crack their mask, or perceive a slight, then you will get to experience the Narcissistic rage. Its intense and scary.
I have been in an abusive relationship for years. The Covert
Narcissist Jekyll-Hyde experience is a nightmare.
Violate their image in public in any way, their wrath is out of this world.
The Covert Narcissist will walk all over you image in public and more.
Behind closed doors, my wife became extremely aggressive and would confront me on any perceived discretion. Publicly you will not see this aspect of her.
Covert Narcissists are masters of the silent treatment, triangulation and gaslighting.
Your experiences are spot on. The CPAN is a very evil, ugly, and tormented creature behind their mask. The are extremely selfish and self absorbed energy sucking vampires without any empathetic concerns for their targets and victims. I was being bled dry to the point of near death and my soon-to-be ex-wife CPAN only concerns were for me to hurry up and die so that she would have complete control and inherited everything.
Get in touch with your intuition. It really is an empath's super-power. You can immediately read a person's sincerity (or lack of), automatically know when something is wrong, and be able to sense when someone is lying to you. Narcissists will have you confused, gaslighted. and doubting yourself. Don't forget your power.
It took me a decade to realize what I was dealing with in my x partner. The subtlety of the devaluing stage that went on for years almost destroyed me. I'm out of the relationship but still dealing with the loss of the illusion he created and working thru that pain. Your video was more informative than most I've seen on this subject. Thank you.
nifwit 420 these relationships cause trauma bonds. And those are so difficult to break. Stay strong and remain committed to your recovery and before you know it, you will feel a happiness, independence and freedom you have never experienced before. My thoughts are with you.
nifwit 420 Same here but took me 19yrs before I gained the knowledge...I filed for divorce 2 weeks later. Hang in there and keep moving forward...we WILL fully heal! ✨😊
I was so ashamed it took me about 6 years, now I see it happens to all of us.
Me too 14 years
Narcissist: "You're successful because I helped you."
true
I agree!!!!!
My mom
Boom
Mine told a bunch of people that he paid for my education. I was a nurse 4 years before I met him and I paid for school as I was going.
I ignored my instinct. I didnt like the way he angrily stared at my dog. That was a red flag that I ignored. The look he had mad me feel uneasy
Mish'ael Survivor, never allow them around pets. Never.
I’m learning g to trust my intuition, it’s hard when your whole life was around Narcs!
"Trust No One", Ben Franklin, Versailles France, circa 1783.
Last 4 years ive had this "gut feeling" about my mother, and kept having dreams about her being really awful to me but in the physical world she was not like this at all. This is when i started to look deeper at our relationship and now I see it all, so clearly and wondered how i missed it. Years of emotional abuse and sabotage from her.
Omg do you know my NARCISSIST of 35 yrs. you explained him on every topic... I could just feel my blood pressure going up...
I'm new to your channel and your GOOD ... THANK YOU FOR YOUR HARD WORK TO HELP US EMPATH'S...💜💜💜
My ex friend once told me she had no money so I gave her 100$ when I myself barley had $, then all of a sudden she says her bf gave her 500$ after she just said he didn’t give her any $. I was done w/ her after I lost my dad and she talked crap about him literally a few months after his passing , called me fake & even had the audacity to say I don’t deserve a friend like her ? Lmao I said you’re damn right I don’t & I blocked her. She tried to Hoover several times & messaged me saying she has “cancer” as if I’m supposed to give a s**. I had to change my phone #. These ppl are so sick & twisted.
I went through a covert relationship, omg what a horrible experience, felt trapped, worthless, thats when i i certainly started too listen to myself wow ,i started to go with in ,the horrible waste of space is gone ,honestly they suck the life out me ,so i decided i was worth more ,then the healing started 2 years now i feel absolutely fantastic, im so very happy and grateful for the narcissist journey i got to see my value self empowerment, self worth ,i accept it happen ,i now know about cognitive dissonance, i didn't know i was suffering from now i do ,learning to trust myself, i understand myself now ,being the woman ive always ment too be ,i listen too me ,enjoying who i sm ,as for the narcissist aww i just laugh at them now ,am so blessed am not that type of person, for any future narcissist be aware meeting me you'll meet the gray rock too .
I gave my last girlfriend (unbeknownst to her) the 40 question narcissism test that you find online. I just told her “let’s play a personality test and I’ll ask you questions and we’ll see how you do”.
So I asked her the 40 questions and she answered a or b to each. She scored 22 which is a full-fledged narcissist. Worse, she really didn’t care about the results nor the significance or meanings of her answers. She had already moved onto her next agenda.
Omg, I did the same to my narcissist! His results said to immediately consult a psychiatrist as he was displaying several serious disorders, NPD being only one! He was delighted! I left soon after this as I was getting educated on the damages done by these monsters.
Good for you both!!! Dodged a big meteorite!!!
Where can I find that test?
@@Katrn30 where do you fine the personality test for nacissist
@@judevucovich7068 I found the test online that psychiatrists give...it’s quite long.
You’re good at this. It makes me sad to see these characteristics in every relationship I’ve had so far. I must have a sign on my forehead that says sucker.
There are many videos out there explaining how certain behaviors, character traits and interpersonal dynamics act as narcissist attractors. Figure out what it is you do, then figure out why. Talk to a therapist.
I mustn't be come decoded cause I confided in officials now I don't have any option but to defend my churches
I’ve just recently realised that a “close “ female friend is a covert narcissist and I have completely cut myself off from her thanks to these fantastic sites I would have never realised what was wrong and I was beginning to think it was me being a horrible person. Unfortunately, no one else we work with seems to have realised what she is like, but that’s fine. They will eventually. These sites have helped to stop me feeling so alone and that it’s not me that’s crazy. Thank you so much! 🙏
Ali Bali I’ve had the same exact experience. I was close friends with a narcissist who also has mental illness and a problem with alcohol (she doesn’t drink all the time, but when she does drink it changes her personality). I got tired of being abused and being made to feel like I was a horrible person. I finally realized I’m not the horrible one - it’s really her. She also liked to play the victim or the martyr. Everything was always someone else’s fault - never hers.
I’m so glad to be away from her.
Oh my gosh. I ran like crazy. Gods discernment. You dont sleep with people you dont know. You just know when you meet them something is wrong. They come on too strong. Very scary. A lot of them are allready married or living with someone.
This is absolutely spot on. You might as well be speaking about my ex.
offthegrid1013 it’s amazing how narcissists all exhibit the same behaviors. It’s like they all use the same play book.
When I was younger my mother say the movie “ mommy dearest “ and the only thing she got out of the movie was that the mother did not lose her business!
Sad for you.. Yes, they have no capacity for nuance, art, deeper meaning... Only siphoning off those around them for cues..
My ex started out covert in our relationship but the last year, especially last months of our relationship he was out! He was screaming and throwing tantrums, verbally abusive exactly like an overt. But you were spot on about his depression and his being the victim.
In my experience and from what i have read once they know you are done with their BS they will start to act more overt. Mine did the same thing where when i asked for a divorce he was yelling, standing outside my door begging for another chance, they kind of blow their cover they are so enraged at loosing their supply.
Guys, I would leave it to the doctors to diagnose people with personality disorders. The rest is pure speculation.
@@cheryllees8441 considering they do not possess the ability to see their faults they rarely seek treatment.
Same
@@cheryllees8441 speculation till you actually experience it .. when you look for help and find out how little many therapists or doctors actually understand it
So true,they can sometimes give you a false sense of security,its so they can destroy you,especially if they think your trying to get away.
Excellent Point and may I introduce the Hasty Ambush and or the Counter Ambush.
I agree with alot you stated. I do believe a Covert Narcissist at times can turn into an Overt Narcissist and their Rage can be very dangerous to everyone around at the time of their Covert-Overt blow up!
I agree the one I finally got away from was overt in private & covert in public! They're extremely dangerous
@@kikib7310 they are destroyers wicked, and evil
Covert-overt blow up? Lol who is coming up with these buzz words?! Are they actually scientific/medical words?
Thank you for this video! I’ve never thought my ex was a narcissist until I saw this video for the covert. When you said about their image and church was an eye opener! My ex of 5 years left me for a “family friend” who goes to his church and I found out they were seeing each other through her Facebook page. Pics of going to Orlando with her kids is what I seen and that’s a trip I was planning with him. All taken while we were still together. His narcissistic qualities came out more after that when I started questioning him. Definitely trust your gut instincts because mine told me something was off, he was a player and that there was someone else. ALWAYS trust you instincts!
Wouldn't you know I married a girl just like my Mom, Both being covert narcissists. I admit I feel dumb not seeing what was happening all around me. My mom told lies about me my whole life and by the time my mom died she had succeeded in turning my whole family against me. Being smeared by my mom my entire life it was easy for my covert ex wife to win them over to her side. There is some good news without my Mom, Family and ex wife around anymore, LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN SO GOOD..
Hi David...my mouth fell open when I read your comment. I am 59 and recently found out that there was a name for what my mom's 'problem' was(besides the name I called it!)...narcissism. My mom has lied about her 3 kids our entire lives and we basically have no relationships with any family members because of her. I have one daughter who doesn't have a father or father's family who will be all alone when I die because of my mother working our whole lives to see to it that she controlled what everyone thought of us. Nobody would believe anything we said so nobody will ever know what she was like when others were not around. My brother had an extremely short marriage to someone just like mom except the ex-wife was overt. I have never heard anyone make the comment about the rest of their family being alienated before so I wanted to let you know that I understand. I don't think I will ever be free...I'm sure I will die before my mom. How do you deal with knowing that everyone has swollowed the lies about you and how do you get passed wanting her to exposed? Wouldn't it be great if we could produce secretly recorded video and make the family members all sit and watch it...what I wouldn't give!
@@cindyleastorch194 Video would be nice, The question is would they watch it? I have telephone recordings, E-mails text messages etc.etc.etc. Nobody was even willing to even look at it. And there a reason why they don't want to see it. To do would change there entire reality and would have to look at themselves and admit they were wrong
@@cindyleastorch194 One more thing narcissist"s Triangulate and will play kid against kid. And if this has been done those kids will never be close or trust each other.
Sounds so familiar .. I know for a fact that she lied numerous times to me about very serious things .. what she did or did not say to my 6 siblings is unknown because many of not most of them still view me as the black sheep and will not discuss with me what they discuss amongst themselves .. even though the parents are gone ., the pattern is continued to the next generation and I see the ‘pass down’ to their kids
@@johncorson6599 Their are people that could do the same for me you know that knew my mom and who had talked about me. If your the scapegoat and I bet you are the others will blame you for everything. They have to because without you they would have to face the truth and its easier to blame you, You are the reason why your siblings if they are married are still married. I wish their was something I could say to make it better for you I know the stress of it has got to get to you it does me. And the fact that your pretty much alone. The holidays are a lot different are the not?. And all this Bshi# it will have a impact on your health. Good Luck to you and I hope things get better for you.
I have started to realise that narcissism is often generational. It is passed down from parent(s) to child to grandchildren and so on. Some of us are lucky because even though we were victimized by our family we escaped being bit by the zombie that would have caused us to turn. Keep up the great work Jill. Your videos are informative and concise and up there with the best.
The scapegoat ‘gets it’ in families in my experience
So hard and release the path of the scapegoat. I hope I can heal definitely one day from all the harm and emotional abuse experienced.
You have perfectly described my mother. It took me a lifetime to see the truth about her; she is an evil and perverse creature.
I gave the benefit of the doubt to a former neighbor who is a covert narcissist just as you describe. I am so glad that she had to move out because the owners of the unit she was renting were going to sell it. She uses her "pity ploy" to get people to feel sorry for her and then she manipulates to get what she wants from you. I am so very glad she is no longer my neighbor. I am making a promise to myself that I will listen to my gut instinct that told me from the beginning to stay away from this covert narc neighbor.
So true, there where many times I told my husband “I feel something is wrong with my older sister” he told me YEARS long “yours sisters lacks empathy, she doesn’t care how you feel” I never saw it like that and never listen to my gut feeling when felt something is wrong with her. Till she broke me completely after years of abuse - I was blind cause is your loved one, your sibling and I always found an explanation for her behavior in my mind- we victims really fool ourselves- so yes, listen to your gut feeling- I learned my lesson
Yes dealt with the same thing with my sister for years. She overplayed her hand a year ago and I never looked back. She will never hear from or see me again. I’ve made peace and sleep well at night. These people like to kick you when you’re down and sweep everything underneath the rug. You will never be happy with them in your life.
Yessss... definitely trust your instincts. I didn't and it took me several months until a brokeup. Guess what: she said to people she ended me or that it was mutual. Know I understand why. People, really, trust your instincts. I always saw that something was wrong, that something wasn't right.
There is an intangible "perverseness" about these people. Even when they do and say all the "right" things......
I am getting out of a covert narcissist marriage after he almost killed me. I’m recovering right now. I am physically, mentally, emotionally healing . Still need to file the divorce it is in process. Because of these videos I was able to understand what was happening to me. Thank you! Thank you 🙏🏽 also, meditation from Joe Dispenza, Abraham Hicks and Gregg Braden blessings to all of you!
Natalia Jorden, Neville Goddard is also a good one. Very inspiring
From my experience the covert Narc is very controlling, frequently puts you down, often in a subtle way. Most importantly, you can never trust them. For example, they are chronic cheaters with no shame, regret, nor remorse!
Right on regarding the drama and fake concern. When I bought my first house, my covert narcissist older sister called me and said that they are “worried about me!!”. 😂😂 Instead of being happy for me.
When I was little, I dreamt that my mother’s head was full of snakes. 45 years later, I watch this video-and I finally “get it.”
I dealt with these seven points during my relationship with a covert narcissist. So recognizable.
Totally agree about the gut feeling as my first date with my narc was perfect but there was something that made me uncomfortable all day and I just couldn’t figure out what it was ... probably too perfect to be true... I just wish I had listened to my gut feeling, I wouldn’t have wasted 4 years of my life.
💕
I love what you said about the importance of LISTENING TO THOSE GUT FEELINGS. If I would have, I could have spared myself 7 wasted years with a flaming CN. It's something I'm really focused on, and am proud to say that because I did listen to my instincts recently, I've already averted what could have been a disasterous experience with another narcissist who was trying really hard to talk to me...it felt so good to pass on that!!!
Can you please do a segment on covert narcissists in a business setting ? I know a "Steve"- who is NPD (covert). He is a family member of my husband. He chooses scapegoats of which I was one. Other individuals think he's the nicest of guys! It took years for me to understand how covert he was/is. When I caught on I contacted another individual who had apparently gone no contact with him. My hunches were all correct. Years prior he did to her what he was trying to do to me. So, like her, no contact was the only way I was finally able to deal with him. The years (decades!) of me trying to maintain a healthy relationship with him only seemed to enable him to take more advantage. He would use covert retaliatory actions when we weren't behaving as he wished.
I thank you for your wonderful channel. I wish I had it during the years of dealing with his toxicity. Now, I am working on not being angry with myself for allowing such a "jerk" to have emotionally abused me for all these years.
No more!
Thank you !
U are so wise ... I can relate to the act of pathological envy that was pushed onto me by narcopath mom and dad . Both hateful of me wanting to have any success at all and did their very best to sabstoge anything good in my life . The hatred dad Displayed to me when he heard me say in seventh grade I mean I was a child hearing other friends discuss their goals in life their jobs they wanted and I happily shared those things with my family only to have them seethe with hatred yelling at me how dare I think I can go to college ( they really were saying how dare you think you can be better than me or have more than us you don’t dare think you can be successful ) to the point they forged my signature on student loans and grants to use up all the money themselves to prevent me from having access to funds . If I had a job they would come take the car In the middle of the night . Not to mention all the domestic violence they never got charged with : they make me so sick and what makes it even worse are all the thepsists I saw that were personality disordered too and would make excuses for their behavior or minimize it . If people can’t get a grip and counsel others due to their own narcissitic behavior we need to have a central place where we can warn other victims to not waste their money on these more non empathizing lunatics taking money then leaving you more confused for their lack of concern like this is normal behavior to make your child destitute before they reach 19 years of age and want to make your own child homeless . I mean then lawyers and also people in the family courts all need a central place to warn others these are people that will support your families abuse . These are flying monkeys and enablers : when your own family never stops abusing you but then uses “ the system “ as a tool of abuse or secondary abuse by proxy wow we really need an overhauling in this country to stop them being hired in these fields . By all means become an attorney as a narcopath but no one should allow them anywhere near family law to be used as secondary abuse thirty years later when your narcopath family wants to begin a smear campaign so they can be the “ Winner “ what makes me so sick is the lawyer that is in touch with my mother wants to use her as a tool against me in court and I have not seen her nor spoken to her in o er five years . This is the level of sickness of people we are hiring in courts and people wonder why there is such a large amount of narcissits now in society . Each healthy parent wanting to get free of abuse and keep the kids free from abuse will come agisnt more personality disordered people that just want to “ win “ at all costs and will laugh about child abuse as it occurs . My daughters gal called the physical abuse she went through when she was wrongly separated from me as “ a training issue “ and of course a judge that is a narcopath won’t care and won’t investigate it especially when he has my own parents talking bad about me . I have not lived in the same state as my family since 1993 that was the last time they ever was around me and after that they saw me maybe once every five or six years literally no and low contact . That some lunatic lawyer thinks it’s funny to abuse the system becuse he can this is our system now . No oversight and a single judge gets to decide your and your child’s whole life . We need to change the laws and get juries involved in family courts . And until that happens we will continue to see more and more kids being taken from healthy parents and they either become the scapegoat or the perpetrator . Nothing but that comes out of a narcopath family but damaged people or sicko perpetrators . Until I found out my famiky were cluster b disordered I could not recover : I am glad I found out : and it’s so criminal that we don’t let our children in schools know about this disorder so they can begin to protect themselves before they become adults .i want to raise such an awareness and help educate people : sorry my response was so long : I just seem to resonate well with how your experience has made you so helpful Thankyou for this
Stay strong Stay away! Ive been saying the same thing about the courts and children and attorneys and cyf and pd, and judges and.......!
I came out ok in my high complex case spanning two counties, over ten years, over 7-8 judges, countless attorneys, arbitration, pd, hearing masters, this and that dragged thru the mud all for narc just not wanting to pay support. WHAT A JOKE THE SYSTEM IS. And their was a child to consider who I kept out of everything to protect. Unbelievable! Point is: just steer clear of narcs, not even once a year contact! Stay out of the system, courts, lawyers etc. Its a waist of money and time. They want your time, money and just another story to talk about to each other.
Exactly thanks . It’s about a year from my child being able to say where she wants to go and she has remained strong thank goodness she has my strong center if being she can’t be tricked into hating her own mother unfortunately that I couldn’t say for my son he doesn’t hate me he just keeps copying what he sees others doing and. Only three others . If he would practice what he sees his little sister doing he would be okay . I still love him it’s not over yet I’m still alive and fighting .
Hi, Im sorry tou went thru this. I too, stepmother and step sister, so envious of my bio mom and who she was famoys locally and toured the US but I was so young I did not understand why they were treating me this way. Today, Im connecting the dots bc I really do think they received counseling back then and it was their therapist most like that put me in danger with their envy!!! Their therapist probably did nit know or think they would or could ever hurt me. I received an apology from them well into my adulthood but sometimes I think it was to save them from me suing them. Therpaist need to EXIT that field bc they do not know the danger they could be putting someone else in that family in!!!! So many questions I can answer now from going thru this now. Blessings to you. We are here!
Clients who are seeing Therapists who display Narcissistic traits, should Fire them and find a shoe that fits. Clients should also Report the UnprofessionalTherapist's behaviour to the Board that over sees the Licensing of Therapists.
@@marlacarlson2586 I agree. Most times, especially if its a first ofense or first report, they get a slap on the hand and thats it. Nothing happens if its just difference of opinion.
I’m so pleased you showed up in my feed😊 🙏 Thank you for wise words Jill
Thank you so much!
I watch enough of those house wives on TV by choice but when I invite it in through my phone makes me a schysoprenic
Earth Angel Me to
I agree
Absolutely spot on with most of these traits with the covert narcissist in my life. Consumed with how they appear to others, desperate to be seen as a valuable, helpful and high-achieving person, but never with the substance to back it up. Instead, engages in avoidance, manipulation, desperate validation-seeking to the point of being embarrassing, evoking pity in others in order to escape consequences......that’s just a small glimpse of the many tactics and behaviours at play. A noxious insidious person.
Not all covert narcissist use just victimhood or martyrdom. Mine uses those and fear and rages when mad also
My first husband was an OVERT Narc, my ex boss was OVERT.... but this recent friend was COVERT.... and the biggest red flag, she told me she had no friends. I asked her why? She didn't know.... I should have ran. BUT.... I am a very strong person because of the first two and the second the abuse started, I went no contact.
This is true, when a female states that they have no friends, it’s a flag. I went through this with a coworker. They are very sneaky & covert. She wanted my job so she was in cohort with my supervisor who was a narcissist as well. I eventually quit that job. It wasn’t worth my mental stability.
@@leolovelife777 Hi Leo👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? you can text me your mail so i can message you. Thanks God bless you….
Well educated miss and hit the nail! There can not be enough of this chanels! Spread the knowledge!
Totally agree! More and more channels should spring up flooding CZcams existance.
This video is GOLD. Stirs up memories of people who I couldn't stand, but I couldn't quite put my finger on who they were because I never got to know them well. THANK YOU.
Thank you. You described my mother (I'm her scapegoat) better than anyone has ever described her. Literally point by point. I'm in my 40's but sometimes I just need to feel that I am not crazy or bad or self-centered, a disappointment or just "rebellious". It helps knowing I am not these things (Specifically rebellious) . I just knew her behavior was abnormal from an early age and she hated me for it. But I like me for it =)
You lucky because it's now at 28 that I acknowleged things about toxic and narcissistic traits of my mother and .... wow thats sad and sick to know that you're not disrispectful or other flaws they made you believe that because they love MANIPULATION
SUPER accurate and clear video. Eyerolls were one of the continuous things, she literally couldn't help herself. When she'd realize at some times that I caught onto it, she'd even covertly eye roll by "picking something non-existant out of her eye", followed simultaneously by a really deep eye roll.
This is better and more accurate than Sam Vakrin. 10/10👌🏻
My ex husband is both malignant covert and overt at the extreme.
Everything he does is guided by a “what’s in it for me “attitude.
He’s also an alcoholic so his mental and physical abuse are intensified
He creates destruction and then makes it worse by blaming me and smearing my name or others for his guilt. He is diabolical ,pathological liar ,vindictive,morally bankrupt and has had numerous infidelities
Abandoning me and my young children leaving us penniless to move out and lived with a married employee. He complained about using protection with the various people he slept with as it was inconvenient for him therefore I now have a lifelong incurable std he gave me while I was pregnant
He is an evil ruthless monster and so dangerous and destructive
Nancy ,I feel you, these types. Will give you something also on purpose because some are so nasty,and vindictive they want to see you suffer,especially the malignant type,they wanna destroy your life,they did the perfect murder without going to jail!
He sounds just like my ex ! It's hard to believe these people excist.
Nancy Elizabeth Grady - Same thing here. My soon to be ex of 30 years is both overt and covert and yes, gave me a sexually transmitted disease called HPV which actually turned into cervical cancer. I was in my 30’s at the time and could never figure out how I would have contracted an STD. I do now that’s for sure; his infidelities/constant cheating, that’s how!!!
YakkateeYak he also gave me HPV
7 years into marriage. I had to have surgery from the complications
It’s so sad and scary to think
I was married to my worst nightmare/ enemy only out to destroy mine and my children’s lives
Nancy Elizabeth Grady - You summed that up perfectly when you said: I was married to my worst nightmare/enemy out to destroy both my and my children!! So true, so true!!! I look back and can see clear as day now every time he opposed me, went against me, provoked me. And yes, same here - two biopsies where they had to go in and take out the cancerous cells while the moron was at my side acting like he cared. They truly are our enemies and don’t ever want us to succeed. I pray you are/were able to get out. I’m still in the thick of things however we are divorcing. I have so much anger in me towards him that I don’t know if I will ever be able to let it go. I guess at one point in my life I will have to for my own sanity but for now I hate him as much as he hates me. My two now grown children hate him too. So he not only lost me but them too. PS- You know what eff’ed up? To this day he will look me dead in the eyes and tell me he never cheated and he believes it too. Well I sure didn’t give myself HPV - HE did and for that, it’s going to take a miracle for me to forgive.
Thank you so much for your videos. You literally discribed my wife to a tee. Been married for 20 years and I've done all I could do as far as prayer. Now I need to focus on taking care of me.
You explain better than Anyone I have viewed.
You give the best examples about these people.
I didn’t know much about a Narcissist and now I realize that I have been living with one for almost 10 years.
Covert Narcissist is exactly what I am dealing with.
I would really like to know how do they become this way.
I had a successful Naturopathic practise and as soon as it began doing well, my covert narc ex decided we had to move to the coast. There is very little work available here as there are so many natural heath professionals. Just another example of me following His dreams. Losing my career has been the most devastating thing. I studied so hard and now I don t have the funds to start again.
Covert narcissists make the BEST Fr-enemies!
my older sister
Perhaps but never ever Underestimate them. The C.N. can go beyond drama and worse.
My narcissist got upset when I signed up for 2 classes in college later in life after the kids were grown. I mentioned it to him that I was excited to schedule 2 classes & he was like well you do anything you want anyways..why does it matter you tell me.
that sounds familiar
So di mine ugh
When you find yourself praying to the Most High for protection you know it’s time to end it!! The guy was just wrong and so weird. Always listen to your instincts... please don’t waste 30 years of your life like I did ... after the first sign of weirdness/disrespect.. kick them to the curb.. they show you who they really are eventually. Listen to yourself before it gets that far❤️🙏🏾
This is my parents. They're still getting away with it. I think about outing them all the time, but never do it. A letter to all extended family telling the truth, but I don't want to deal with the backlash and flying monkeys.
Thank you for breaking this down and helping us victims cope with the abuse from these disgusting people.
Thank you so many for the video and clarity.
Keep up the good work.
Lots of clarity after this watch.
God bless
20 years married to a covert narcissist. Since I’ve worked it all out .ive left. And never to return.what evil people .
I have strong suspicions my father is a covert narcissist, he does a lot of the things described in this video and gets extremely jealous very easily, and he has this really annoying smugness and arrogance that's hard to describe.
I'm currently dealing with a covert who has become 'besties' with my wife and likes to play mind games with me.
She does/says inappropriate things around me and the children which either my wife doesnt see (she's out of the room) or have plausible deniability. If I say nothing she wins (because we both know she got away with it) and if I talk to my wife about it my wife won't accept that friend is playing games. She thinks I've gone mad.
This week my wife finally admitted that she has seen friend 'play silly games', but says friend is just being an innocuous idiot and I should just ignore it.
Unfortunately it's looking very much like the marriage is over now. It's not like things were problem free at home before, but friend has exacerbated the situation and made fixing things much harder/impossible. Again, wife doesn't accept that and says we would have ended up here either way.
Not really sure what, if anything, can be done at this point. Anything I say just seems to confirm my 'madness' or infuriate wife, but I do worry about my wife/kids being involved with friend, even if things are beyond repair in the marriage.
easy, ask your wife to deny her, say "no" to the shared fantasy, covert will expose themselves because they cannot stand disagreement.
Yes there is always this creepy uneasy feeling about them I always felt tired around this guy that I used to be friends wiised up and cut him off he started to stalk me but I managed to elude him
Glenda Gleaton, yes!!! I had one like that too. He would just drain all my energy. He talked constantly too.
Oh they are very envious!!! They set themselves up to be in positions of power or authority like a teacher but a good teacher is happy with their student’s success while the covert narcissist teacher will be envious of their student’s success or rapid learning and find ways to put them down. They can’t even feign happiness for you...their body language gives it away.
So good. I've experienced all of these traits in my narcissist. There is no depth to them. They are very well-dressed monsters without a monster hair out of place. FU monster !
They sure are " a special and unique kind" that need recognition.🙄
Narcs are the devil incarnate
It seems like the narcissist in my life is mostly covert but can be overt at times.
They are both
Yeah they can be both . I don't think its all covert or overt
Excellent video!!! I shared with my daughter. We both have gone through this situation with narcissistic family members. Extremely helpful! Thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you,for helping all of us to realize it isn't us, that needs the help! They make us believe that we are the problem!
A human being consists of body mind and soul. A Narcissist consists of body mind and non accessible soul
Brilliant
You are totally right, Jill, obeying my gut, has saved my life, way more than once, including 2 attempted abductions (at ages 3.5, and 12yrs).one at knife point and chase. I try to always be quick to point that fact, at every moment of necessity, with friends, who are looking to run something by you, to have more than one perspective, on which to draw from. Thank you for this reminder, everyday we need to be awake and alert - while sidestepping our 'potholes', we need to always keep in mind, someone who loves you, would never dig those holes in your path, to slow you down to a stop, or break a foot along the way, so they can laugh at the pain they caused... How insidious + evil. May the Universe, and our Source Energy, bless all of us by means of heeding your counsel, Jill. Again, with gratitude, and love for life, and with hope for all oppressed by NPD prisoners - listen up, GET FREE, SAVE YOURSELVES AND YOUR CHILDREN. LIVE. LOVE. LEARN. BUT DON'T GO BACK. RUN FAST AND RUN FAR.
WE LOVE YOU.
XXXooo
Very accurate description👍👍👌💯
Thank you for your work Jill
Your video is priceless ❤
You have described the covert I knew to a T. Better actor than most in Hollywood. But once you know these signs you can leave when you see them - which is EXACTLY what you should do!!!
When a female covert flies into a rage and attacks, gets arrested, they still play the victim, just saying
Yes and presents False Testimony.
"2 of them turned out to be narcissists, and one was a sociopath." Nice! Like a horror movie. "Two of them turned out to be poisoners and one was an ax murderer. " :D
You're absolutely right. I learned the hard way
brilliant video - smiled at the 'fishing for compliments' bit, reminded of a hilarious tale or two...
I think that adult children of narcissist may confuse that motherly glare they got as a child, when doing something wrong, as something that should continue into adulthood. No it shouldn’t. That, too, may be the sign of a narcissistic parent.
Even prior to me learning about narcissism last year, when I’d get that glare, I’d lean in and make mockery of it. I’m a woman. Not a child. I don’t get intimidated by my mother. I guess that’s why I’m the happy scapegoat. I hope my younger sister wakes up and finds her way out, as well.
The scapegoat or invisible child has the highest probability of escaping with mental health somewhat intact. I gave up on my sister some years back, since i lost any empathy for her when she decided to actually throw her mask in front of me, because i refused more of her bs victimhood for supply, she finally realized i had her figured out(took her long enough) She was somewhat the scapegoat for my father, she was golden child from my mother, but something switched when parents got divorced and my mother was left without steady supply, it got seriously ugly for everyone. I was golden child, but somewhere along the line, shit was just off, so i went more and more invisible. I'm battleling hard with at least 4 women ive had something with, have been covert narcs, one some weird overt/bpd mix
Kyle it certainly makes you look at people differently because it can take some time to learn that you’re entangled with someone that’s got some real problems and there are a lot of people out there “appearing” normal. My mother was the most beautiful, respected, and loved person - until her mask hit the floor 2 years ago. She hasn’t seen me in person since and I live 15 minutes away.
@@privateprivate8366 yeah. When all supply fails it gets really ugly and desperate and easy to see. Overt narcs are often good looking, ye. By now its not too hard imo. Its like being conditioned to see it early before any entanglement now. Don't worry, the more knowledge you aquire now, the healthier people you'll choose to interact with instead
To NM you're a child and they expect you to have the intellect of a child even when you're grown up. I don't think you should even challenge her on that or try to prove yourself they will never change their perception of you because it's a way for them to feel superior to you.
@@Nokss87 Sure it is. But once you have the tools, you should never let them berate you any longer. It's not about challenging them, it's about standing up for yourself.
Its hard to see your friends interact with the covert narc, you know there is no way they would understand. But for us, who have been burned by one and have necessarily schooled ourselves at narc university, its clear as day. Your friends are like muggles. The narc knows you know, its really uncomfortable to have your hightened intuition screaming at you 'run!'. They are just insidious.
I think this is the best channel on narcissism
they’re short and very informative
well done
Melissa
🌳👁🐝💦🌎🍄
I recently ended a friendship with a covert narcissist. She’s not introverted or shy at all, and she can be incredibly sweet and generous. She also suffers from depression and anxiety, so I realize she has her demons. But she most definitely plays the victim or martyrdom card. She never owns up to her actions or behavior. It’s always someone else’s fault. I was sick of being abused and I’m so glad to be away from her now.
I’m so happy I ran across your channel! I love your energy! ✨😉💜
Aw, thank you! I’m so happy you found this channel also. We are all in this together.❤️
Hi Mermaidlorelei 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? you can text me your mail so i can message you. Thanks God bless you….
My mother is a covert narcissist. My brother is an Overt narcissist. I’m in need of major recovery coaching.
Thank you for emphasizing the importance of listening to our gut instinct! Every time I ignored that, I got into serious trouble. Never again.
Hi Ruth👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? you can text me your mail so i can message you. Thanks God bless you….
Thanks sweetheart ❤️ this really helped me!! Going through this now!!
Are you a new channel? Really awesome content so far! So much here I can relate to, unfortunately
Every now and then I question if I am a covert narcissist because I relate to some of the traits, but, I don’t think I am because I don’t want to hurt or use anybody. I’m usually the ones being hurt and used, but then do I sound like a victim if I say it out loud? I am highly sensitive and I can swing down into depressive states, etc. I wish that there was no such thing as trauma.
I guess I’m on the same boat
I know what you mean, so here's what I do. Reality testing, for example, when the narc tells a lie about me I'm enraged, if I hear it from someone that person will hear me yell...however! I'm not the narc, I didn't tell a lie about anyone. I didn't declare myself the authority on their life. I didn't invade their relationships. I didn't go after their professional life or their kids. I am objectively the victim. They have not suffered at my hand, I have not attacked except in self defense literally ever. I would very very happily never speak to them again if possible. Test the reality. They lie a lot, and they purposely harm people, it's easy to use their lies as a way to ground yourself, for me especially, the fact that I can prove they lied, helps remind me that I'm not the one with a mental illness
Omg you nailed it so well 😲 thank you so much! My mom is a covert narc & it's not surprising that I have unknowingly always fell for/attracting narcs into my life. I have been to therapy & I'm working on healing myself now.
Perfect Video!! On point 100% dead accurate!!! God Bless you!! Wish I knew about Narcissism before. I am so glad I was only in it for 3 years. My gut told me something was not right!!