How To Spot A Toxic Narcissist, featuring Dr. Kerry McAvoy
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- čas přidán 11. 09. 2024
- Dr. C recently recorded an interview with Dr. Kerry McAvoy, author of Love You More, and she shared a keen understanding of the telltale signs of narcissistic toxicity. That interview is uploaded here for you to learn.
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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., a psychologist and writer, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured on Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. She offers trauma-related advice on TikTok, Instagram, CZcams, and the Breaking Free with Kerry & Tara podcast.
You can learn more about Dr. Kerry McAvoy on her website, kerrymcavoyphd.... Follow her on Instagram at / kerrymcavoyphd and on Facebook at / kerrymcavoyphd . Dr. McAvoy also has a podcast, which you can find at breakingfreewi....
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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One of the first things I look out for now is the "too nice" new neighbor, coworker, etc. who seems like a really genuine caring individual but invariably turns into the narcissist. They will be the first one to show up, all smiles, bringing gifts, saying all the right things, inviting you into their inner circle, and of course letting you in on the "inside info" of everyone and everything. When dating it's the one who likes to humble brag. In a toxic family it's the one who leaves your stomach in knots and then wanting to throttle them within minutes of being near them. 😄
they have to give you their idea of who they are before you get the truth from others.
The one who brags about their humility - their badge if honor worn with pride.
Spot on!
This exact thing happened to me when I moved into my new neighborhood smh
I agree ~ I have come to be leery of the first person to approach you at a new job or any new situation. They are usually just fishing for information as the resident snoop/shit disturber.
Cheers
That sense that we “ are all human “ , my empathy , has kept me in the relationship. I’ve tolerated too much.
God bless you, sir!
you are a magnet for a narcissist, they love empaths. Although narcissists are "human" physically, they are actually demons.
They are young souls having not yet learned the necessity of ethical rules.
@Daisy Lane As you think, your world will manifest.
@Daisy Lane So, let me understand your logic. Claiming to be a narcissist, [your words here] " I think the point here tho us narcissists generally dont care to learn those rules.." then thinking you get a pass on learning ethics because your focus is on how you suffered for 32 years?
So those thoughts focused on your suffering does indeed manifest your world.
The toxicity of a narcissist is really harmful to anyone it touches.
Once active wisdom is learned, they become a harmless joke.
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 DON'T COUNT ON HARMLESS.
@@belindawise3196 They are a harmless joke to me.
You can think about not however you want.
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 That's why you live in Wisconsin, enjoy your farm..Buckel up gonna be a rough ride from here on. Guess what... They have all been unleaded on earth. The tide has come in. NOW watch them go into full throttle. The table has turned and the EMPIRE HAS FALLEN INTO THEIR CONTROL. MUST RESPECT...THIS AIN'T ABOUT A THOUGHT PROCESS....ITS ABOUT CONTROL......BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS....RIGHT.👀🕵
Narcissists are like a chocolate Easter bunny. Sweet and pretty on the outside. Hollow on the inside.
I will never look at the Chocolate bunny the same again. Great description though
Perfect description...I often say the narcissists I have in my life is an empty bucket of nothingness...
Good one☝🏻
But it's not chocolate, it's 💩, flavored with that good vanilla and artificial sweeteners, inside an enhanced package/ mask. LOOK CLOSER. CAREFUL ATTENTION TO DETAILS 👀.
@@belindawise3196
SweetNLow-vanilla-laced
sh*t bunny…i love it!
Finding out I wasn't alone, gave me some light at the end of the tunnel.
This is so validating. As a licensed mental health professional, it was really hard to accept how I ended up with a narcissist, it was like “how did I not see it?” They are very good deceivers…
Wow. I think I really needed to see this. The fact that a clinical psychologist could fall victim to this is validating and speaks volumes. Narcissists are clever, and cunning. And when your whole life revolves around manipulating people to survive, you get really good at it.
Yes and it’s a nice challenge for Them to win!! Such awfull sadistic jerks!!
@@tathe3786 Yeh. I expect they would see that as a victory and validation of their manipulation skills. Jerks is definitely the word.
To me a toxic person makes you feel awful after being in their company. They say mean things totally out of context and insulting you.
Confused is another one. They almost always start off nice in my experience. The later insults are so nonchalant that you don't even know whether you should be insulted. They try to change and control you.
@@jordanferguson2254 So true! They seem so nice at first, and you're right, it's so confusing! You're not really sure if they are insulting you, because it IS so nonchalant. They love it when you're confused, and second-guessing yourself!
Very True. You walk away feeling bad. Yuck!
Yes,
This is appsultly true. But what goes around comes back around. 🤔
This speaks to me as well. I'm a clinical psychotherapist, though I haven't practiced in years. I married a man 4 years ago. I am beginning to understand that I have been victimized and taken for a ride. I am discovering everything was a lie - and I have become so accustomed to taking all the blame for every martial problem we had. Thank you for speaking out Dr. Anna, Dr. C thank you for continuing to bring this toxicity to light! 💔❤️
Same, graduate degrees in psychology.
I noted red flags very early and psychologists were supportive of saving the marriage, however, it almost destroyed me. Now, older, chronic illness, financial abuse , etc. I am at Peace despite dealing with my reality now.
Get Out while you can
It is a long arduous road to wisdom.
The most fearless ones take this road on the Galaxy's singular world of building spiritual muscle.
Wow, your a doctor and was taken in? They are smooth, slick demons. Get out
Yes, my ex-husband once told me that as a kid, he used to stir up trouble between younger boys, and then wound stand back to watch them “duke it out”! How sadistic! I was shocked, and have never forgotten that.
Reminds me of that pink panther episode with the devil making the neighbors fight 👹
Leaving a 27yr marriage with a Narcaccist, and I finally know what I've been dealing with. Thank you🙏
Being co-operative,caring and conscientious is an Achilles heel in this society.
Narcissistic neighbors is extremely tricky to be around. Practicing ahead of the situation is so helpful. They are predictable and stupid.
The narcissistic person exudes nothing but negativity. They know they aren't wanted, but refuses to leave.
it's amazing, but the more I immerse myself in the topic of narcissism and how to recognise it, I am able to spot narcissism more easily, even without meeting them, but just hearing about the characteristics they display. They truly are demons, no empathy, no conscience, liars, and in some cases capable of murder.
So if you just hear about their characteristics, how can you be sure you are not being played by a narcissist who projects those stories onto the person you are hearing about?
I have been played that way.
Thank you for sharing that! Because some might indeed be capable of murder!
Having a child with a narcissist is the worst. This podcast was exactly my kids father. I keep everything private so that he doesn’t know how happy I am in my life. This kind of situation grows you spiritually, emotionally and mentally. So, there is a beautiful side of going through the pain. You become the strongest person you always knew you could be. Regardless of the daily harassment, blame, etc. I’ve found that ignoring them works the best. Don’t stand up for yourself. There is no need.
That is so smart of you to not let him see how happy you are. That would open the flood gates.
I like what you're doing here, Dr. C! You're mixing it up a little. We never know who you're going to collaborate with next. It's fantastic! I'm all ears. 👂
More to come!
I also went to college and studied this personality type. But when I met my Narcussist I was at a vulnerable state and didnt realize what I was dealing with. He was such a good actor. Very manipulative. He even got his parents to call me, to say how good there son was. Etc..I eventually married him and he flipped like a light switch. NPD, drugs, etc. I feel like I need to write a book. Fourteen years later, I tried to helo him It turns out I wasted my life. He died of a drug overdose 8 months ago.
Congratulations on your survival. I am sorry that you had to endure that abuse. But you outlived it and survived and his dysfunction caught up with him in the end.
Me too my Partner dies 2 years before i Met the narc… i knew him 20 years and thought knew him well, but Never warted to ne with him or have Dinner or a Date, He appeares in This weak Moment and could Stepp in my needy Heart… but that is Not my fault He Realy knew what He is Doing… what an awfull Coward Person… i Stuck with him 4,5 years… 3 discards and it allways got Worse… in the end He Named me the toxic one!!! What a Dirty evil man….
@Tathe I am very sorry. I am trying to heal too. I hope you stay away from that person. It will always end bad and it will always be your fault. They cant accept responsibility. Would love to talk more.
@@bonniekesic8040 👍
This was an especially great interview. Dr. McAvoy described the nuanced difficulties of toxic relationships so well. I loved the anecdotal stories (your cake Dr. Carter), and the well articulated examples of gaslighting, lack of empathy and simple inability to relate to others. Honestly, I feel sorry for narcissistic people, but still keep them at arm’s length. I am happily divorced and free of that soul-sucking dynamic. I give thanks for that every day.
I'm free for four weeks now. Insane people!
The second coming of Rembrandt comment made me laugh!
Deep involvement with a narcissist is an offering of your undoing. Once you escape keep going, embrace your undoing and build a new you.
It is the most loving thing you can do.
So True tx 🎉
I was born to 2 toxic narcissist parents. I write for a living now. I begin my personal story (lead-in hook) like this: "I was born into darkness and, for the next 8 years, darkness was all I could see."
Does that make people want to read on and discover how I found my hope? I DID find hope.
I was born blind and everyone in my family hated me for it; they said so. I was born into the darkness of hatred as well as the literal dark.
My dad had been forced into Jugendlich bei Hitler (Youth for Hitler'; I was born 31 years later) and Hitler hated everything that didn't fit with his idea of what "a perfect, Master-race world includes." Certainly it didn't have BLIND people of any degree below 20/20 vision in it, and my dad worshiped Hitler.
I don't understand how such toxic narcissists get so much attention for the BAD they do.
If you are blind how did you write here in the comment section, then come back and edit the comment?
🙏🕊️❤️
@@iraqiimmigrant2908 perhaps speech editing, braille typo? 😉
@@iraqiimmigrant2908 I'm not 24/hr. b\lind & computer programs for people with low vision te,l, you if there are mistakes in your writing.
Buj I had 3 operations to restores my sight but I'm still not allowed to drive.
One of the programs is called "Be My Eyes,' but there are also AI programs. The Internet has been a God-send for people with low vision or 24-hr blindness
@@VickiBee Thank you. I’m glad you can use the internet. I wish the best for you and your healing journey ❤️.
A toxic person can only have power because people let them. Usually people side with the more powerful, dynamic person.
If you are targeted by that person and the group doesn't defend you, you don't stand a chance. It happened to me in my family, my foster family, at school and university, and the workplace. Fighting it has only made it worse. People sense of you are a bit soft and vulnerable. And generally, bystanders don't defend you.
I had Assets that I worked hard for and he wanted them. He had no love for me which became obvious. One day while I was crying, he watched a hilarious movie and Laughrf Out Loud, drowning out by tears. Never came to comfort me, ask questions, offer anything.
Totally ignored me. I did everything I could to prepare to leave but it was too late, my health failed before I could leave. Be very careful younger people, you cannot even imagine what they are capable of, Get out as quickly as possible, never live with them.
🙏🕊️❤️
🙏🕊️💕 Thank you for sharing! Dr.Kerry! A true inspiration! I know that self help knowledge is useless if one isn't practicing to apply it to help oneself! There is a treasure trove of wisdom and knowledge here on this site to help anyone help themselves here! 🤗 And I am empathetic to what you shared Dr. Kerry, because it's truth that even a psychologist can fall prey to a narcissist because the narcs are sometimes so masterful at hiding their true selves...as they reel victims into their wicked webs!
Absolutely. No one is exempt. Take care🙏
@@amandaliverpool3374 People are people and human before they are any profession. So true. Everyone wants to be loved and secure.🙂
Cheers to you.
@@marieldavison5121 Sure, this can happen to anyone! Take good care 🙏 🕯 💕
So true. Narcissists do all the talking!
The competative reply of 'I love you more', always made me asked, how on earth does one even quantify that to know or say that as truth... Those same people seem to tick a LOT of the boxes that equal npd; So that's an interesting connection.
Another greatly infomative and encouraging discussion in support of all dealing with this.
What a pleasure hearing Dr Kerry McAvoy and you Dr Carter it gave me comfort. I would love to hear both of you again. Thank you both for your help.👍👍👍👍👍
This is so real. Even an experienced person can be caught out. Thanks to both of you for being so honest.
A "toxic" narcissist? Narcissists are toxic by default. Looking forward for this content.
The extent of their toxicity is horrifying,way beyond
your average narc. They will plot to destroy you any way they can.
Maybe its “next level” toxic, with psychopathic tendencies. Cunning, committing crimes and fooling the world. I met one of those in my lifetime and she scares the living hell out of anyone not on her side.
Truth!
Yes we all can be toxic at times but ALL narcissists are TOXIC all the time!!
I was thinking the same
My covert, vulnerable ( malignant) narc ex was, I sadly observe, driven the whole time by jealousy. I find it hard to wrap my head around, still. I used to say: “ It’s not a competition,” or, “ it’s not a zero sum game” and still, I fell for it. So did our kids. I’m dealing with that now. I live now from my center: this is me, and I like who I am. Love is my life.
Regarding the talking. I remember once my mother was really upset about my sister and her husband. She complained about it incessantly during a 3 hour drive. When we arrived at our destination she lay on the bed in the hotel room with her eyes closed and continued complaining. I did a whole lot of washing, pegged it on the line, and when I returned to the room she was still in the same position complaining. She didn't even realise I had left the room.
It was like steam of consciousness. Ok by me, I just let her get it off her chest.
But the funny thing is that she was the first to tell you to shut up and stop complaining if anything ever bothered you.
They are chronic fault finders.
I agree Dr Carter, they do self loath, despise themselves. I say that because I was raised by an all in one narc. Watched him with my mother, his wife, and the lady after my mother died, and myself before he died. I also divorced one and encountered 9 yrs with another and they are empty, they over compensate and they do as they please regardless of the consequences. They seem to have ability to avoid consequences for their actions until on their death bed. I loved my dad and we were close, he didnt put all that on me until I estranged myself from him and boy, did he ever put it to me in attempt to get my attn. Heartbreaking.
Hey Dr. Les Carter, amazing collaborative video. It’s so interesting that even a therapist can fall for these toxic people and comes to the understanding after liberating themselves from the relationship. It shows how covert this truly is. I have submitted my case to the ACLU and I hope that my case and your work can shed real light on how psychologically dangerous it is for the abused, especially if they are children and especially when the children are isolated from the healthy parent.
I'm hearing you loud and clear, Michael.
Thank you for your courage! The part I rarely share about my story about my psychopathic/narc ex is that I am also a therapist. I cannot describe the degree of shame I felt when I discovered that he had an entire secret life and I had been totally fooled. I still struggle with it. It shattered me. And I felt like such a fraud, even though my specialty as a therapist is treating people who suffer from acute schizophrenia and are incarcerated. But still, I will always carry a lot of shame because I was duped by a narc/psychopath no matter what. I am so grateful to Dr. McAvoys candor
Forgive yourself ❤ otherwise he still has power over you. ??
Your videos are so healing & educational! I’m still in absolute shock from the amount of narcissistic abuse I’ve been through. It sure does hurt. Thank you for such a wonderful, healing channel. It’s comforting to see in the comments, I’m definitely not alone. May the Good Lord heal us all.
Thoroughly enjoying the Tuesday collaborations, Doc C! Keep 'em coming.👍
Thanks! Will do!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Ditto here Dr C.
It's awesome getting to be a fly on the wall when two kindred knowledgeable spirts are chatting.
me, too!
I'm with you on that one ❣
Wow. This was, at times, very deep but much needed. More knowledge = more empowerment. What a lovely lady ❤
I've been watching her on youtube for quite a while she comes at the subject of Narcissism from her own angle but I learn from her every time.
I was so happy Dr C invited her on ~ I wasn't expecting that collab.
Take care Amanda ~ I love the empowerment idea!
@@marieldavison5121 I've not seen/heard of her before. But, like Dr.C What a soothing voice! Cheers Mariel 🤗 Take care 🙏
Two superstar doctors = Supernova! 🌟 Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge.
Excellent description, getting the Thrill and Hiding. Definitely, a second life with online affairs with women in foreign countries; no true regret, remorse. Goes for Blame instead. No interest in Counseling. I had a red flag when sibling was placed in psychiatric hospital, much later diagnosed with personality disorders. That is when I wanted to cancel the wedding. Always listen to your inner voice despite the pressure from others. Yes, they enjoy seeing others harmed. It is tragic ruining another person's life.
Hello from California Drs. Carter, McAvoy, Gus and Team Healthy. We appreciate you sharing your story with us Dr. McAvoy and thank you. Just don't let anyone steal your life because they will do that if you let them. True, so true, a narcissistic person just doesn't get it and they love the way they are. Thank you so much for a wonderful session Drs. Carter and McAvoy. This was so very helpful.
I think we all know people who enable the Narcissist. Hard to convince them there's a problem when that is going on. Another reason they don't want to change is the enabling (rationalizing, accepting, fear-based). You are not just fending off the Narcissist, but the enablers as well. Insightful conversation! Thank you!
...they see us as stuffed animals, this means, something (not someone) they can pick up and put down whenever it pleases them.
Just a doggy chew toy ~ spit you in a corner and expect you to just sit and wait till they come back and feel like chewing you again.
A person I know always has a problem with everyone, they just have to put the person in their place before they get out of hand. Their friendships and relationships are never lasting and they are always angry. So long as you don’t challenge them they’re somewhat calm or silent. It’s scared and it’s a difficult situation for all especially you live together.
Thank you so much for this!! So extremely educational and the general public definitely needs this kind of education!! Stay blessed 💜💜💜
My husband did a good job of concealing his narcissistic tendencies until he started playing video games. He played online with people around the world. He basically abandoned his family to play these games. Once in an argument about his game playing, I said you spend more time with your virtual friends than with your family, is response was “at least my friends think I’m great, or something like that. That started 17 years of narcissistic he’ll.
It is very interesting that you said that they are so unaware that they do not know that they are dominating the conversation. I have run into this, where someone talked for > 30 min and when I interrupted to ask for my turn, they said that I had a turn (30 min ago) and they had just started talking, so don't interrupt. At the time I thought they must know they've been having a monologue, but maybe not. It does seem to be one of their tactics to count running ut the conversation clock as a victory.
17:33 And when you are betrayed over and over you become angry, and get labeled both by narcissists and also misogynists, neither of whom allow you space for what is rightfully yours, after encroachment, violation, negation, silencing, bullying, mind games, defamation... and it never ends, except with all of it piled on you, when YOU DIDN'T DO THIS, START THIS OR WANT IT. YOU GOT IT, AND THE IT YOU GOT WAS YOUR LIFE DESTROYED. FUN FOR OTHERS TO WATCH, JUDGE, AND HAVE A CASUAL GOOD TIME OVER.
Let’s see what we can add to our knowledge, thanking you in advance Dr.C and DR.Kerry McAvoy!
Wow . I know of someone who also used to say: “ love you more”. A fascinating conversation.
GREAT Podcast! Thank you so much, Les for keeping this channel going. I've escaped a narcisistic relationship about 2 years ago but need to keep tuned up and your channel does that. Like an emotional workout. lol Much love and gratitude!
Never would have known about the full video without this short, sometimes people are cruel and we need to protect ourselves
Narcissists can't change because they refuse to admit that there is anything wrong with them. I went on a hunger strike to try to get my narcissistic ex to get therapy. I lost a bunch of weight and she never got therapy.
Let go trying to get her to change, and focus on you being your best version of yourself.
There is no safe place with a malignant trait.
Thank you, this is a very helpful conversation!💜😇
I used to be nasty to my cat. I was the bottom of the pecking order in my household but it was one being I could be nasty to. I remember one day making a conscious decision to stop being nasty to the cat. It was like a switch. I grew up I guess. I consider myself an empath and I believe my experience of being abused and being an abuser have given me a deep understanding of how damaged we all are. The problem is when we refuse to acknowledge we are.
My experience, you don't know narcs until you fall in the rabbit hole and find yourself in the fight of your life with a toxic person. If you survive it, great learning experience. "Think we met a person but we meet just a shell and then we're being manipulated and exploited..." exactly.
I'm glad she's differentiating between children and adults. Children are ALL narcissists. Adults are supposed to be more mature. It's when they don't or can't grow up emotionally that they earn the label of "narcissist."
Congratulations Drs McAvoy and Carter. I resonate with every point made in this video regarding my interaction with a toxic narcissist. Your combined wisdom and knowledge are invaluable. Thank you.
You're quite welcome.
Fabulous presentation. Thanks to both of you. Your understanding helps us all.
I was also very disturbed by those videos of kids being lied to by parents about their candy & for the sake of a video post. ‘Broke my heart for those kids. How will they trust a parent like that!
The other thing they do is lia about you to people and family, long time friends discard you Not them. It is Amazing to see this, it is hurtful and results in no support. My Ex lied to police that I threatened him, that never happened. I was the spouse reading Conscious Uncoupling, of course, that cannot work when the other is at War and lies and cheats and steals; I still did not get it until after the divorce. This is how my life is ending, I can hardly believe it. But, I am at Peace, I am healing and I feel safe now. No Rage Attacks now. Thanks to Dr Carter and others here I learned what I was dealing with and about the trauma bond.
🙏🕊️❤️
This was a fascinating conversation! Great questions and answers too. These interviews are great. I was glued to every word. I agree. It’s important to be informed and to learn how to navigate this world of toxicity and beauty.
We were badly emotionally abused by our mother from very early years.....I have memories from infancy. We were not allowed to feel. She could but we were not allowed emotions.
This seems so common. We were also not permitted emotions. Dad could rage and get angry but we had to be mute.
So sickening.
@@marieldavison5121 That resonates with me, my father a frightening man, rages and went off the deep end and other stuff. Just awful. My mom allowed all this to go on but one foot out of line from me and it was the cold shoulder and silent treatments and trying to make me into who she wanted, with shaming and guilting when that didn't happen. Definitely a jealous person as well. Low or faux empathy. It's all very odd and toxic.
@@bereal6590 Agreed ~ then we are expected to leave the prickly nest and have successful relationships somehow. Not to mention Parent our children in a more healthy way. It's a life long healing journey I think ~ it never comes to an end.
Cheers to you I appreciate your comment.🙂
@@marieldavison5121 agreed and I appreciate yours too, it's a lifelong thing....
Furthering my knowledge on managing such damaged characters.
I would harm animals on our hunting lease. My cousin felt sad for participating with me. Ever since I was able to understand and think, "Oh shoot, what am I doing?" I'm grateful for that insight..
I've been married to a man with narcissistic traits for 5 years, and the competition is real. One time we got into a heated argument, and he didn't want to be "wrong", so he ended the conversation by shouting at me, "At least I'm louder!" and stormed off. We resolved nothing. And with communication being an ongoing issue in our marriage, and me having physically left for some time, my husband is finally trying to fix our marriage by going to marriage counseling and individual therapy.
He's going to counseling....big deal, don't fall for it.
My ex once ended one of those with, "You're the one with the weiner".
Ostensibly being male made one automatically wrong.
Gender "loyalty" is such a joke.
One of my older brothers was like that with his attitude toward women, but he did change that in the second half of life.
Should have just left to be honest. I'd be careful because people in general but narcs especially don't really change. They either get better at hiding or become more refined. Narcs will say and do anything to reel you back in and eventually go back to themselves. Things go in circles and you realise you wasted even more time than before. Sometimes the second round is worse. But who knows 🤷🏻♂️
@Helen, Yeah, I wouldn't either.
Dr. Carter always finds the best people to interview.
you’re outdoing yourself with these videos every week. Dr Carter, could you talk about finding inner-strength after a narcissistic relationship. I had one and I found that I really needed to talk myself into being strong again.
Thank you for inviting this informed and educated professional to speak with you Dr. Carter. Together you make so much sense. I really appreciated Dr.’s perspectives and insights.
Excellent dialog on this subject matter. Well worth listening to this video. Thank you!
This is great thank you so much. And thank you for the links to get help from your organizations too. This is the therapy I need. So glad I found this video. :) almost bringing me to tears to hear something so similar to my experience and to hear you two see through the fog.
Brilliant teaching video Dr. C and Dr. McAvoy! Thank you!
Thanks!
@@SurvivingNarcissism You are very welcome Dr. C! So grateful to be associated with your expertise, experience, strength, and hope! As I listened to you both earlier today all I could do was nod my head in agreement, as I identified with so much of the very detailed and very accurate descriptions so freely offered to Team Healthy! I also kept referring back to a recent teaching video, maybe last week, where you said that the entire pattern of narcissism is based on an "irrational foundation" which puts eveythmg we keep learning into proper context and perspective, way past the particular nuances of our individual journeys, situations, and circumstances, whatever they may actually entail. More food for thought and reflection as we move forward and continue to grow and heal.
I really enjoyed the discussion and seeing how another expert sees the problems of narcissistic relationships, especially the different terms she used...
I was with a malignet narcissist for almost 3 years. She once threatened me to throw me against a wall. Broke up a lot of times, I once went to her home to get my things, she had a 9mm pistol on a recliner arm. Now you know what kind of person does that. She could care less what people thought of her, she told me that. No regard for the law, or really anything else. I broke up, blocked her, her kids, freinds, flying monkeys, anyone associated with her. Dangerous demon possessed people or demons. Stay clear of them, I now look at other people if the have narcissist traits. I see some with minimal traits, we all have traits to a degree. But we don't try to do harm to others, cheat, just bad people. My first experience, and last. I know who I am.
Glad you got away!
Well, it has happened. She started a smear campaign through a member of my church. OF all things, attacking the church with lies, and they fell for the bait. I'm fine, I know the truth. She always went to church with me, just a cover for her agenda, no true worship. God knows the intent of our hearts. To use the church for her own will, is blasphemy, God will reject that motive. She lives in Tn, myself in Al. It would not surprise me for her to show up here uninvited. I may get a restraining order against her. God doesn't want us in a relationship with these people. Stay strong survivors.
@ Roger The ex husband is malignant narc too so I know exactly how you feel. They are unhinged and have psychopath traits.
My children and I feared for our safety because we never knew what he was capable of. He was religious too. Everyone thought he was the pillar of the community, always helping everyone and thought he was the perfect husband and father. Little did they know he was a monster at home. Good riddance to them. Live your life in peace and tranquility.
@Sanj Malik Yes they are better actors than Hollywood. I know what your saying, my female narc appeared the best in public. Us alone, mercy. I left her, and made a mistake I didn't know. I texted her exactly what she was. She then started a smear campaign in my church. She lives in another state. I never knew a narc existed, I done a lot of research so it won't happen again. I didn't know people could be that bad. I can't imagine in a marriage with children. God bless you. If I met a male narc, I might correct his jaw. It makes you want to get revenge, which I did. It just caused issues. She is hovering me now, with no contact. I blocked her, her family, freinds, flying monkeys, everyone associated with her. Now uses fake FB accounts to try to contact me. How stupid they are to think they can get back In your life? Good luck to you survivor, stay out like me. I appreciate your strength to get out. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to be involved with a narc. Mine was a malignant narc. We are good now, free, do as we please. Take care of yourself. Let me know your progress. Roger
@@rogerwoodard7867 the ex did a smear campaign on me also. He sent nasty audio messages to my family and children about me accusing of all sorts of illecit behaviour, he then tried to poison the minds of our children against me using dirty tricks and manipulation. He nearly achieved it but the Almighty saved me and our children and he ran off like a coward when he realised no one believed his lies.
Yes Roger we both dodged a bullet, they are really nasty people. I never knew what a narc was until last year then it all made sense, his behaviour, his nastiness, the meanness towards your children. Who can hurt their children 😢 only narcs can.
I am living a peaceful life now and so are my children. We endured his chaos and destruction for too long we needed to exit and keep them far as possible and make them irrelevant. Don't ever feel sorry for her Roger, I did that and I really regretted it. They take your kindness and forgiving nature as a weakness and only get more nasty. I wish you well, I hope you find someone who is worthy of you.
Batman w a sidekick... good one!!!! And McAvoy saying "they are sooooo well defended" I Agree, yes ma'am INDEED.
Narcs hate
it if you say thank you! Why.. They get annoyed with decency and politeness.
They feel like punishing such irritating individuals who are respectful! Why?
“Their team is a team of one.”🎯
Wow, I'm really enjoying this interview! So many points and I'm only part way in. The video game violence phenomenon: totally agree. Young kids playing grand theft auto (I know there are worse things now), but-people I knew- the parents of a kid who kicked a head teacher allowed their kid to play that game....the child's mind doesn't have the maturity to process that, one of the parents also had issues, the other too naive, but the kid had learning issues too. Probably end up in prison, sadly. And the tiktok etc crazes of making jokes at others' expense: seen recently unconditionally loving loyal dogs being confused by their allegedly loving owners in a "prank" where the owner films themselves calling their dog's name whilst the dog is sat right next to them, and pretending not to see the dog: a horrible abuse of power, confusing for the dog that wants to be good, and essentially gaslighting the dog, I think. It's cruel!
...right...the only team there is, is their own reflection in their own pond...
This was a really good interview from beginning to end. Thank you.
The best articulation of the child to adult journey of a narcissist; why they want us but can't keep us and must try to control us and be superior. The stage analogy works: we aren't allowed on it, we are objects for use in their stage performance only. I prefer the interpretation that their wiring is wrong as there are otherwise a lot of awful parents out there if it's learned behaviour.
I need this, I’ve married two.
I stopped at marrying one after being raised by one!
So two under my belt too.
I have had more than enough.
Cheers.
I sooooo resonate with the hokey pokey word picture! He never put his whole self on!
My own mother is a very toxic person hence I have a very estranged relationship with her. I suspect that that she had border line personality disorder. I am not talking with her at this time because of her behaviour. I really enjoyed this online view and can very much relate to what you had to say. Sad that people are so hurtful towards others in a world that unfortunately says that it's acceptable. My own kids don't want to speak to their grandmother because of how she acts.
When once, you had no problem explaining things, and were received by others as fully human, try the shame of others refusing to believe you, while you know you are in it, and no one will help, because of all they've already buried you in, laughing some of them, and how you were unable to find the bandwidth to even live normally, once covertly group-attacked.
Dif between maladaptive coping and a personality disorder is (self) awareness.
This is So Spot On describing my experience with Ex Narc.
Kerry, so sorry that happened to you (losing loved one, then having a toxic relationship). Dr. C and Dr. M, thank you both so much because videos such as this one have helped me tremendously. Subbed to your channel as well Dr. M.
The comment made at 28:43 by Dr. McAvoy was absolutely beautiful ❤️ And VERY insightful!
Yes This Imperfektion Makes the Unique and lovavle one….
Dr. Carter, I have a question for you. I know a narcissist that died from an Autoimmune Disease. She never told anyone that she had this disease so her death was a shock to everyone. Why would a narcissist keep this to themselves?
Dr. C, have you thought about having Professor Sam Vaknin on your show? He changed my life in accepting the reality of my husband's illness. Thank you for all you do.
Well put. That's exactly what they are! + They're Bad for you!
VERY BAD.
They will tell you what a great person they are. They'll tell you they don't ever lie and thats the first lie. Everything bad that ever happened was everyone else's fault. Then they start telling you how you should act, feel and what to do. Later everything you do is wrong.
“On your stage
A show that you create
All by yourself
I am nowhere.”
Towards the end of my 6 month long relationship with the ex-sociopath Everytime I left his presence or house, or any interaction I would have anxiety! He was getting physically abusive at that point because I wouldn’t do what he wanted. Of course every issue in the relationship was my fault and I stopped catering to his gaslighting demands. We broke up shortly there after, and then two weeks later he started the love bombing! (As best he could because he literally had zero empathy so it was fake)
Interesting about the childhood traits of anti-social behavior. He was cruel to his dog in front of me more than once, set things on fire as a kid, and was arrested multiple times for fighting people when he was also a young adult. Confirmation of the sociopathic observation.
I have 2 in my life. 1 was born blind in 1 eye and the other was always overweight. I think they're just unhappy because they weren't born perfect. The both were spoiled children. I think they need overwelming attention and couldn't always get it from others so they push their way in. Like they say about cats, they'll do good or bad things as long as they're getting attention. Makes me sick. Except about the cats. Love them.
The Narcissist enemy is self. Do they have saving graces? Jury is deliberating.
When they talked about how when you start datinf a narcissist and how your success was once a extension of them and now its a place of competition it reminded me of my recent narc ex. I definitely believe she was jealous of me and mad at how successful i was and how much more well off i was then her. And there a specific time right before she basically told me she wanted break up, Where she asked if i wanted to go to the bar with her for st Patricks day and i told her id love to be there with her. When we got there she was already in a poor mood and she wouldn't talk to me really and she was cold. And so i decided to talk to my friends who i haven't seen in a while. For once in our relationship dynamic i was the one talking to friends and having a good time and getting attention. And I really think that pissed her off and bruised her ego because the next day she said she wasnt happy anymore with our relationship and she basically instigated the breakup.
Thank you Dr. Carter and Dr. Kerry
Her name is Dr. McAvoy.
@@Spock_Rogers thanks
Very good perspective on the topic
Used to live in Austin! Ran a garden shop. I remember Barton Springs and Chuy's restaurant across the way. What a great place!