DANGER: Crazymaking Drama in YOUR Relationship!!!
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- čas přidán 7. 04. 2023
- Dramatic-erratic behaviors are indications of mental illness: personality, mood, anxiety, psychotic disorders.
Narcissists, paranoids: grandiosity+paranoia
Borderlines: vulnerability+aggression
Psychopaths: invulnerability+coercion/reactance
Histrionics: attention+fantasy
Bipolar: mania (affirming unrealistic projects)
Psychotic: hyperreflexivity (externalizing interior processes)
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Yes, the drama. I think the narcissist provokes with passive-aggressive behavior to get you react in order to justify the chaos and drama. Then blames you for the turmoil.
Spot on!
And feigns awareness of what they're doing; shirking any accountability for the provoked reaction.
Yes and they also do smear campaign which is why people know about your personal stuff and that's why l always feel l don't have privacy ( which leads to me feeling disrespected quite a lot)... Also they love exploiting you which leads unnecessary attention as well ( that's why my anxiety is bad )....and they tell you are crazy ...
They get a hit off of your reaction. Then they go off in different tangents to confuse you. You aren't even talking about the issue then. Evasive answers, pointing finger at you, eye rolling, head shaking. It's their game. When you get away, you really see how manipulative and strange they are. And the nonsense that went on again and again.
@@lindawise5546 I love how you worded this.
In your closing you say, "You become collateral damage." Bravo. Only when I understood that it has nothing to do with me, could I emotionally get past my OWN victimhood.
Thank You. It's not until you get far far away and observe functional people and families do you realize what a dysfunctional crazy making family you escaped from. Usually only a few are able to break away from their family of origin for a different perspective and break the generational curse.
I feel 100% the same about my family. It's heart breaking to realize this, and to moan and grief the connection and relationship with your family you never had. I personally haven't cut contact but reduced to a minimum and within distance, as soon I get close or visit them I feel automatically disregulated and entangled in their drama... 😢
First my mother - a yard sale- then a narcissist husband for 30 years. But now I’m free. Don’t hear his voice. Going to court and feel chill. I now feel untouchable by him.
This video is very helpful! I am 1.5 years out from a relationship with someone with BPD and credit Sam’s videos and working with a counselor for my own recovery. I was convinced I could help or save her and it took a lot of work to realize I could not. The relationship was highly stressful and took a toll on me including my life and work. I am happy now and don’t miss the continual drama episodes.
@@fooled_twice4668 hang in there! Thank you for sharing. I had a similar experience to yours with what felt like addiction withdrawals and the fog.
Take care!
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I'm amazed at how much crazy making I have observed over the years. I've noticed a lot of women love to make digs at their guy in public too
I wish they would all be recognized and put separate from Us on an island.
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You are an utter genius and your insights absolutely blow me away!
OMG!! I'm going thru that now!! I'm trying to get him out of my life for so long!! Always a DRAMA, CRISIS or CHAOS!! Thank you, I really needed to hear this, right now.
100% spot on. I wrote recently that I am so pleased to be free of the chaos of the narcissistic relationship (11 years), and how contentment and feeling safe sure does feel good!!!
Very educational! Those who want to live in reality need this knowledge. Thanks for sharing.
Professor Vaknin, thank you
Professor, your final words make me think of Berne's description of Underworld Games, where (paraphrase) people end up in jail, in the hospital, or in the morgue.
Collateral Damage, ... Thnx prof. Sam, so important to hear from a professional.
Such a great video thank you Sam I’m still watching and am going to rewatch. This answers so many questions. ✨
I would love to know why the narc wants to create crazy making drama. Very well explained. Kudos! to you for doing a jab at big narc Alec Baldwin. Luv you Sam Vaknin.
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Oh YES, Hollywood is Based on Narcissists.
Liars, they lie for a living. 👍
@@tinyproject6388 I can imagine. I've heard horror stories, complete psychopaths with a lot of money.
They create the drama and then they blame you for the drama. On top of that, the drama serves as a convenient excuse for any of their failures. So basically, it’s a way to make you responsible for everything wrong. If you try to reason with them and point out any inconsistencies in their logic, they will deftly change the subject and refocus the discussion so many times you’ll be spinning and forget what point you were even trying to make and maybe even what you were arguing about. Until it happens again.
In The Wall by Pink Floyd, the scenes deplicted during the song Comfortably Numb nail the process of the individual "Getting themself together" the wrong way for the wrong reason, which is insanity. Excellent Movie.
People like to change the subjet when it suits them. Some where in the past these emotional outburts worked for them and with time they learned to fine tune these rants to specific audiences that will tolerate thier nonsence. Keep teaching !!!
You help so many❤thank you for helping me understand what is so hard to understand. Bless you
Always feels like you're pointing right at me, Sam! As someone trying to discover my damages and repair them (aka I show symptoms of BPD/ADHD/HPD and/or extremely covert narcissism - have done therapy but decided against medicine), I actually appreciate how frank you are.
I no longer lean into any of the victim mentality that can come along with these symptoms though and don't allow myself to make excuses or hide behind something that I know I can control (and in turn, improve my life) if I can learn enough about it and put in enough effort..
My own "struggle" is part of why I relate but the bigger picture here, for me, is that you just explained my crazy-making-parent to a T.
I have seen symptoms in them of BPD, NPD, HPD, ADHD, DID...it is really tough to pin point (which is how I feel about my own "diagnosis)..
We just had a...mmmm...3 week reconciliation (after 2 years!) that lasted 3 visits. 2 out of 3 visits ended in crazy-making after hours of smooth sailing.
The first visit, they said "I never want you to leave my life again! This is your home!"
The last visit, they said "Get outta my fucking house and don't come back. I'm done with you!
The thing is, on day one, I knew that day 3 would come. Just a matter of WHEN...
Since 2011 I think we've been estranged on and off for, I'd guess, 10 of the years..
I will recover and she will die alone, or scarily close to it. She said she wants it that way. Pretty f*cking sad!
They wish to die alone. They pass the point of wanting anyone they have Fd over to be looking down on them, holding their hand. They desire no comfort or love. My mother is a Psychopathic Narc. Now I understand why I had such an ease accepting abuse from people who were just "abusive." Because in 46 years .....she's the baddest bitch of all. Mirror mirror on the wall. She acts out life like a fairytale/nightmare and definitely a criminal.
@Rebecca Bejenaru thank you for replying. Even though, on videos like these, I leave comments so that maybe I can find connection or validation, I'm still always disappointed every time I connect with someone who understands exactly what I'm talking about.
One sad dimension to all this is that I can relate to her wanting to die alone..
The torture of, at times, seeing the abuser in yourself.
Anyway...come back to this conversation if you ever need a stranger-friend...in the meantime, be well, okay?
Once you know, you go.
Brilliant!
Tenx so much Professor for explaining all the p.disorders deeply & clearly and how they manefest themselvs.
This is really the only rational explanation I can find for a man telling me he wants to marry me and have a family with me, and then threatening to abandon me if I didn't abort our child, and then abandoning me anyway after I reluctantly aborted. Worse experience EVER. Would not wish it upon anybody.
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Hi Sam! I love you!
Brilliant.
Please do full on bi-polar video
Very well described, thank you very much. 🙏🙏
Prof Vaknin, I would like to add some humble info, what yofvsdsese so called actions, I know i have to work harder, nevertheless, I am improving little by little my behavior, I am so glad about that. These save my chaotic mind after tons of work and less drama
Great video
Paranoia and narcissism overlap, but that doesn't mean that they are the same. What about schizophrenia? If someone is having audio and visual hallucinations about the CIA, telling them that they are just narcissists isn't going to help much, is it?
@@tammyfitzgerald5336 Schizophrenia is a chemical imbalance. No need for a mythical being like a devil.
Keep inspiring ✔️🎶
Wow Sam - what a nice smile Who knew? Great topic btw - my antisocial neighbor and his borderline girlfriend......arrrggghhhh
"Behold! A Paleblood sky!"
I know you get some negative feedback, so let me throw in that I find you quite likeable, Sam.
I just took a bait and I am sorry I did. My covert narc came home from running errands acting passive aggressive. I asked “what’s the matter?” His favorite shopping bag was missing. Foolishly this codependent offered help in finding it. Like a good detective I tried yo gather some info about the favorite, now missing, bag. This was impossible task casing me more frustration. Does not remember color nor anything beyond “some letters. To make the long story short: he found it! Guess who stole his favorite bag? I did! He went yo my car and found it ! Now, after found himself to be victimized again, he is taking a nap. I am furious at myself for falling for this 90 min. Drama 🎭 What is real reason for his anger? Our grandkids are coming but our daughter does not know when, because flight cancellation. Narc anticipates loss of control over his schedule. His anxiety usually advises him to find something he can claim, he lost or cannot find. And the wild chase begins. It is always one suspect and it is me! So exhausting. Got to make a note to myself: don’t try to help narc to find anything he lost, before anticipated visit…😢
Grey rock all the way. You'll learn to do it naturally. Or walk away. Life's too short to live this way.
@@God_Leads_My_Way 🎯🙏💕
I'm Dangerous
Save the drama for your mama🎉
Could the trauma of mania and psychosis cause a personality disorder later in life?
No. A personality disorder is developed early. You can show symptoms of PTSD following a traumatic event which can look similar to Cluster PD symptoms.
@@savannahm9943 damn, I just have both then haha
@@savannahm9943 I keep trying not to blame my parents. But I can blame them for mania and childhood trauma at the same time.
@@TheVampireChristianaI understand what you’re saying and I am very sorry to hear.
Why a female on the thumbnail?
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cuz females love drama
@@miafi8340 Projective identification? 😂
Thinking about sending this video to my husband “here, you have been warned “ 26:17 😅