Overt+Covert Narcissist in One Person: Self-supply (
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- čas přidán 18. 09. 2021
- Can one person be BOTH an overt narcissist and a covert narcissist AT THE SAME TIME? Learn about self-supply (44:17).
The concept of the unitary self is being replaced with the idea that an internal operating system determines which of several self-states emerges, given internally and externally (environmentally) generated information.
Self-efficacy is the overriding constraint which the system seeks to optimize when hailing forth these sub-personalities or pseudoidentities.
When all relevant or available self-states at the disposal of the system are equally self-efficacious, the system may opt to keep two or more of them in operation (I call it a “state of residuals”). This ineluctably leads to dissonance and internalized aggression.
A collapsed narcissist may evolve a binary system of two residual self-states: an overt narcissist and a covert one, both equally inept in securing narcissistic supply from outside sources.
Such a constellation is geared to generate self-supply in two ways: the overt self-state’s superiority to and rejection of the covert self-state and the covert’s fantasies of overt grandiosity.
The overt’s aggression towards the covert is recycled by the covert into a depressive state (self-directed aggression) and incorporated into its aforementioned sadistic fantasies. The overt and the covert collude in creating a sublimatory channel for the pent up rage, envy, and resentment that the collapsed narcissist is experiencing.
When aggression is channeled via grandiosity, it can resolve into one or more of these speech acts:
Judgmental-contemptuous (I am superior, unequalled)
Victorious (I am unique, for better or for worse)
Merciful-empathic (I pity people, have compassion, act charitably but ostentatiously)
Educational (I am a guru who elevates others to my level).
PILLARS OF EDUCATIONAL VOICE (sublimatory channel) is a chance for healing and is founded on three principles:
Learning vs. Ignorance
Honest communication
Empathy (Zelig, chameleon)
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
Finally you´re back. Started to get withdrawal symptoms.
Lol
@Vibeke I hear you 💯
ahaha
I'm hooked ! Carry on👍
Don't leave us again for so long, Sam! Best wishes from London.
"Beware, secrets are secrets for a reason.
And some do not wish to be discovered.
Especially when the secrets are particularly unseemly."
They hate their real self, and they hate their facade persona. They go empty and robotic in a sort of relief from having to be one or the other. It is weird to experience, like a human lump of wood. He had hoovered post discard for 6 months, and I complied sometimes and didn't comply other times, I can only assume I put him totally off balance. Anyway, he started to idealise and devalue me quicker and quicker, sometimes in the same day. Told him to find someone else - not from revenge but simply because I don't want to spend anymore time on this chaos anymore. Haven't heard from him since.
I did not like this thing you call vacation. Glad you are back.
They are quick change personality artists. Depending on what they want from who…it’s a constant revolving door. Being married to a narcissistic person was hellish for myself and our five children. There was also a drinking problem.he managed to rise up in the academic arena, I’d like to say a film-flam, grifter, con man all mixed together. Talk about a wild ride!!! He would also act saintly. I cried, was abused, I was terrified to defy him, thank God he left me for a much younger women after 25 years.. thanks for helping explain a very, very complicated personality disorder.
I found you yesterday and I cant stop listning to you. At last everything falls in to place. Perhaps there is a hope of heeling and understanding. I start to understand that I cant change or do nothing, exept leaving him in scilence. Thank you.
Professor Sam Vaknin, from all of us interested in this field, thank you. You are a precious gift
You may have been away but I discovered Otto Kernberg has CZcams videos! Welcome back Sam!
I missed you Sunday and was looking for you. Please stop taking long vacations. The world needs your intel.
I have been wanting to ask this question for a good while becouse the Narcissist I know shows both , as if they know when it's best to use one or the other , They are not stupid by no means , the narc knows what they are doing !!! It's a 34 year old female and you can tell they have practiced this a while ! She conforms to what ever is needed when she feels she needs to ,I am not trained in mental illness or other but when you are very close to a couple in a personal relationship watching like it's a movie you can see it very clearly what is going on and all their tatics and this narc does not care who sees or hears she will make the movie the way she wants and the victim is between calling the narc out to trying to please the narc and even defends her at times ! She tells him what the movie was and he acts confused then she moves on to the love bomb and then punishment to extreme , and I hear her tell the story in many different ways different to every person she tells , after the victim fights and runs and goes back you see the mental illness the narc isputting the victim in ,_ it is horrible to watch the victim to fight for freedom then becomes just a puppet to please at any cost to their life , they become unrecognizable to the who they were before they met the narc ,It is like watching a suicide ,I'm greiving the victims death
Such astounding, helpful insight offered. Thank you Sam.
I was worried, but you're back. Thank you Sam💜
Good too see you Sam
I’m glad you are back .. I was getting worried
It’s good to have you back Professor ❤️🌹❤️
💛💛💛I love your sarcasm and wit
Glad to see you back Sam you were missed
Yay hello again Professor, I missed you! Excellent and helpful information as always, many thanks.
You are very interesting ... and very funny. Thank you for your very indepth knowledge and observations. Put into words very nicely. ... nicely articulated! Thank you!
This is my favourite topic re NPD. I really enjoyed that McGill lecture as well. Thank you!
Welcome back Sam
What you do is fabulous
You are doing a lot of good.
Sam Vaknin is Back👏❤️❤️
Awesome topic …Well Explained…Thankyou Professor
Welcome back...
Welcome, Prof. Vaknin! This is a brilliant explanation, thank you. I know a narcissist at this stage after a very serious crisis. He said: "Sometimes I am a garbadge man, sometimes I am a worshiper (he is a Hindu priest), sometimes I am a healer, sometimes I am α volunteer". A dangerous man. A wolf disguised as a sheep. Will you, please, explain to us the next phase? Thank you. *I have just bought your book "Malignant-self" and I find it realy very interesting. Very helpful for understanding the issue.
Kindly post a review on the book's Amazon page.
@@samvaknin With pleasure.
Absolutely, plus BPD and it’s associated self harm issues
Great video! Cold therapy may become the way out of this hopeless condition.
Thanks God you are back x hahahaha
I agree I believe we are built by our environment
So true when it comes to psychologists’ vanity and wanting to be scientists - I say this as a psychologist
Dr. Vaknin, about 2 years ago I was involved in a relationship with someone who turned out to be a narcissist. I have watched a lot of your videos since then and have come to the realization that I am either borderline or a narcissist myself. I realize I have no ‘true self’. My likes and dislikes are very much patterned after other people. When I meet someone I take on their habits, speech pattens, etc. My question is: Knowing this about myself is it ever possible to find my true self? Is it possible to ever become enlightened and strip away my ego? Thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully reply.
Far more likely, and sounds more like, codependency than NPD or BPD. Unless you are splitting it is unlikely BPD. Unless you filter the entire world through how it effects you, and no one else, it is unlikely NPD. It is difficult to determine these things on your own. Try enlisting the help of someone you can trust, try journaling, try watching some videos on codependency. See what shakes loose. You can certainly find yourself. Good luck! 😁
I dont think u have narcissism bc narcissist can't self reflect & u want to find your true self. Borderlines have Identity Disturbance, which means they don't know who they are & battle inside with: Who Am I? They have a chronic sense of emptiness & try to fill it through other people or through inappropriate ways of regulating it such as: shopping, gambling, substance abuse, binge eating, etc..Always struggling to feel whole. Bc u mentioned that u take on other people's traits that makes me think u may have borderline. The good news is that BPD can be helped &/or cured, (unlike narcissism) w/good therapist using DBT Therapy & self awareness, which sounds like u have. Good Luck!!
Very good.
I would like to know more about the operating system.. this is so interesting. Is the only difference between healthy and unhealthy people the self states that the system is able to operate with? Or can the operative system itself also be sick? Now I have some new thoughts to sort out this sunday 😍😅
Would love to see more videos on this topic specifically
en forme - this is pretty groundbreaking:original:cut edge as approach (personality/therapeutic model) - please publish more in scientific journals
Love you Sam, don't take it the wrong way! Lo, lol.
I wonder what Sam thinks about the idea of 'Non-Playable Characters' and wish to hear or read his ideas on Narcissistic Personality and Non-Playable Character's compares.
@@Vanessa-vz3kn Yeah!
What therapy would you suggest most effective?
Wondered where you were Sam!
Hope you had fun in Maser.
We are relational OUTCOMES wow- just prescribed & that says a lot & btw all u victims of narcissism-maybe that narcissist had a horror show for a family & is trying really hard to change & get better & learn & some people win the lottery of a good family at birth not through any goddamn thing they did to deserve it - just pure luck & some people don’t - not that they had any choice or luck either. Wish people would stop MOANING & beating up narcissistic people who actually try to become a part of the human race
Professor - if an individual is able to shift between different states, and bpd patients are able to heal, couldn't a narcissist sort of heal by taking this route? Waiting for more videos too, thank you!
What about if whilst the narcissist was mortified, without his defences, he found that his surroundings were pleasant, secure and loving. Would he still feel the need to reinstate the defences he knows so well? Thank you for your contributions Sam.
@@jh5588 I hadn’t thought of that. My partner would never admit anything to me at all. His answer is always ‘ I don’t know’ so it’s very difficult to know what I’m working with.
I guess my narcissistic boyfriend is a overt-covert.. I was always looking for information about it!!
I did tht put myself in tht situations being from a narcissist family as a black sheep I refused to be a doormat and refused to be grand to find a balance between dark and light .but I let myself loose recall triggering narcissist friend to get in there ..wow I tell you life's . U can really feel bliss at all times .. now to heal my family the grand and weak monster and healer self supply good and bad ..as one unit the cure I was loo k ing to attain during my heros journey I did it ..
Other people u have done this to where they escape goat s in a narcissists relationship via family
You look like you've been on holiday! Got some colour on you 😊
3 weeks vacation, nothinggood lasts🤣🤣🤣
@@aboetarikske thank you 😊
I miss you
Is it possible to be a cerebral covert narciss? Who likes to drink to be more social because he is mainly into his own ideas and interest when sobber.
Love your accent!
youre mainly into your own ideas and interests because ur a narcissist. it is possible to be a cerebral covert narcissist. how heavily do you value your thoughts
@The V word thats not what i said
@The V word im aware
@@moeymisselmany6109 It is a preference that goes beyond thinking about oneself. We have not been in physical contact for two months as he prefers to read articles or watch videos, when I have tried to get close he talks about doing more important things. I don't mean a regular interest in oneself.
I met him at a party and he seemed confident and handsome. But since we were a couple he told me that he considers himself boring when he is sober, I didn't pay much attention at the time but after a few years of an increasingly weird relationship I started to feel that something wasn't right and thanks to Prof. Vankin's videos I started to understand what was going on, I blamed myself for a while and came up with all kinds of theories including that he was actually gay.
Where is your minnie glass ? 😍
How will the narcissist deal with the new supply after I tell her about his disorder? After a while, will he keep trying to prove to her the opposite ? That I'm wrong not HIM , Will he change his plans? , hè is cerebral and somatic in the same time ,
thank you ❤️
Any are you trying to tell her? This is the number one thing they say NOT to do..there’s no reason to tell the new supply she probably will not believe you anyway.
@@essentialvideos7661 I don't care if she don't believe me, it wasn't my goal in the first place, The goal is to plant the seed in her head , Many people have spent years of their lives not knowing what narcissistic disorder is
The biggest mistake !,,, you will regret it, Wasted energy Expect only negative outcome on yourself not on her or him ! You are coming from emotional thinking while you should use LOGIC
@@essentialvideos7661 Yes, right, true but I won't let him enjoy his narcissism Especially on this girl , now He have to works harder, trapped suffocated , I'm satisfied and less angry , Now I can go and focus on myself
@@vivasurvivor Your words touched me 💔 God bless you
Sam vaknin my psychopayh has kids with atleast 5 other women I found out about. I recently got hoovered and nearly went back but with everything in me I turned it down I was replying how I used to reply then I had to snap myself back into reality and remind myself I’m enabling his behaviour. he didn’t care and just hoovered the next victim he dumped after me. I hoped me rejecting the hoover would some how give him a glimpse of hope to change not for me but for his life. Surely these people don’t wanna live like that. I know if he ever will change it will be when he wants to but I want to know do you think psychopaths want to change. There have been people who have killed and turned to religion and changed so you think it’s possible I really hope he can change and not to get back with me but because his life is so chaotic surely it must be a nightmare living like that and knowing how much of a shit person you are deep down.
I don’t get the binary narcissism? A narcissist is created because they can’t self validate, so if they start to start giving themselves validation wouldn’t they not be a narcissist any longer?
There is a fundamental break within the psyche of the narcissist when the original seperation (from his ability to self validate. And it can never be fully corrected but yes, it can be mitigated through self supply, but not fixed.
We Hindu love jews sir🙏
WTF 😂😭
Maybe the healthy will be learned by the attention she is getting at the ministry is giveing her thru her victim ! But the controlling of the victim is so obvious and her flirting is uncomfortable to many at the ministry while others thinks she is wonderful , it is an all male ministry , Females are the ones that spot her over confidence and comeing on so strong to the males dureing visits !
They are strong willed people ! And never get tired it seems ,but are in heaven with all the supply of new people that don't know them ! I'm wondering if they can actually weave a web that they get trapped in ! And how they react to this senerio ?
Hahahahhahaa, "and other forms of low life" :'D
You cover absolutely every single damn issue. Debunk all self acclaimed experts