r/Bestof My Ex Wants Me to Raise HER Baby
Vložit
- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
Patreon: / rslash
Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:11 Calling it off
4:30 Family planning
12:11 Divorce
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Second Story:
Husband: We will be better than the parents of your friend, that focuses on taking care of their disabled child
Also husband: plans on taking his kid out of school, moving houses and dropping him off at grandma's...
You already showed what kind of parent you will be...
Thank you for pointing this out.
THANK YOU! I was thinking the exact same thing
I heard story 2 before. A lot of people agreed that op’s husband is over romanticizing their unborn baby’s life. Yes, I believe that he, like any parent, would love their daughter regardless but she would be pain for most of her life.
Story 3: What is wrong with op’s family? He said that he didn’t want kids, it’s not his job to be a father figure because the ex fiancé’s baby daddy is a deadbeat.
I could easily see it as grief making people do stupid things, but man... sounds like hell on both of them...
That's what I was thinking too regarding story 2. Like he forgot or ignored the child would be on constant pain for her entire existence, and by the sounds of it, would also lack the comprehension to understand why.
My friend's brother's wife had a pregnancy that was full of birth defects. Both decided to go through with the pregnancy. That poor sweet baby boy did nothing but suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer. An operation after operation after operation. In hospitalization after hospitalization. He lived five years of nothing but pain and suffering operations. The pain would be so bad from the birth defects in his legs. He would scream in pain. Literally from the day he was born to the day he died there was times he was screaming in pain. It was awful. Then when he wasn't screaming in pain he was so medicated from pain medication. He just slept. But at least the sleep was peaceful. He cried and he cried and it was awful.
That's what they did. They romanticized what it was going to be like to have this child. The reality is always way worse than what you imagine. They got divorced. They both are chronically sick from diseases that are related to stress . They're both depressed. Both have severe PTSD.
Honestly, sometimes the best thing is when we're talking about at least the kind of birth defects their child had. The most humane thing would have been to do is to take that child out of suffering. The minimal and I mean minimal amount of joy that child had was greatly outweighed by the pain, the suffering, the screaming and the crying. Honestly the only joy he got was from medication because it took the pain away. Then the medication comes with its own set of complications. He finally died right before covid because his little body couldn't take anymore. Just being next to that situation and trying to help as much as we could. Was traumatic just talking about it makes me upset.
If the doctor tells me that my child is deformed or has birth defects. We will not be going through the pregnancy. I know a child suffering from birth defects is not always the case. But what if it is. You don't know the doctors don't know. Nobody knows until the situation really happens. I mean the doctors can make educated guesses but they don't really know. If that's what you're willing to do to yourself and a child will then you have at it but it's not something I'd be willing to do. No judgment.
Edit love is not enough to save this child from the amount of pain or the destruction on the family this type of medical illness will bring. That is the sad reality of the real world. Honestly, the husband's being incredibly selfish. I understand he's grieving but he's not being fair to his children nor his wife. Not to mention the damage it's going to do with living child. If he thinks love is going to be enough to protect that child from the incredible amount of pain it's going to go through he wrong. Grief is a funny thing. I understand that, but this is way too much.
The husband in story 2 doesn't love anyone but himself.
He just wants to have a "daughter" and doesn't care how much pain that child will be born to. He only cares that his "daughter" has been born.
Sometimes we humans are just normal animals. That if you don't want to be in pain It's better to let it die in peace. To be alive is like dying anyway.
Exactly, had it been another boy he'd have been fine to spare the child suffering in the name of trying again for a girl.
The second story is so sad... the ex was 100% not taking into account the impact on everyone else. Their son, the actual daughter who will live an uncomfortable and painful life. Love wouldn't change the fact that she would be in pain almost constantly.
i find it funny in an infuriating sense how he had the nerve to say how OP's friend's parents were idiots to have a second child when the first was severely disabled not seeing that he'd be doing the same thing just in a different order
@@Riftdancer527I had to rewind that part, because WHAT?!
While the intentions were pure of the husband wanting to keep the baby alive, that was one selfish bastard!
@@Riftdancer527 I was looking for a comment pointing this out, he heard that story, went "I'd never do that" and didn't realize he had just listed off doing something similar to his own son. Bet his excuse would be "He's young he won't know the difference"
Story #2 The husband was narcissistic- knowing the baby would be in excruciating pain and for him to want a baby that has not been born to be in the world like that is CRAZY!!!😔 I WISH the dad had 2 broken arms and 2 broken legs- than I say life is fun at amusements parks- So let's ride all the fun and happy rides with your broken arms and legs while you're in agonizing PAIN !!! is anyone getting my point? ??😢
@@novemBURRbbytotally agree 💯
That first story is so horrifying. Cutting someone’s hair, beard, etc literally alters their appearance, and in a sense identity, permanently. Nobody deserves to go through that.
I don't think it's horrific but it is disrespectful.
@@Simipourfangirl I mean, it depends on how sentimental those features of your body are to you. He grew it out for over 8 years, so I feel like he might’ve been pretty invested in it. Imagine waking up without your eyebrows, hair, etc… I’d be horrified.
@@Simipourfangirl It is also assault in most jurisdictions
That relationship is also considered domestic abuse
I wonder if his ex kept that lock of his beard to remember him by.
That abortion one is... Rough to say the least.
I get where the husband is coming from, he was excited, he wanted a daughter, so on so forth. But... It's the job of a parent to give their child the best life they can have and a life spent in pain and hurting is not a life that most people would want, if given the chance... You shouldn't let your own wants and desires be the reason your child is living in constant pain...
You also shouldn't let your desires and wants be the reason your child dies. It _is_ the responsibility of the parents to give their child the best life possible, and the operative word there is *life*. The OP chose to kill her own daughter rather than give her the level of compassion she would've needed.
@@jimmygarza8896you are so wrong. She didn't kill anyone. Also, I have a child with a. Extreme condition. I got lucky their life is great. My twin on the other hand has two children with the same condition and their lives are utter hell. Compassion and your job as a parent is for the best for the child. There wasn't a best for OPs child. None at all
@@jimmygarza8896this is not the place to make your pro-life stance. she wanted the baby, but it would’ve either died during birth or died young and lived a horrible painful life
Compassion is the key word. Compassion for a human being that would've suffered the moment she breathed to her last breath. Compassion for the daughter means being able to ignore your own feelings on the matter in favor for what's best for the unborn child. Namely not living a life that is torture beginning to end.
Why are you so keen on seeing a baby suffering just to feel morally superior? @@jimmygarza8896
@@jimmygarza8896 someone living with chronic pain for instance is more likely to take the easy way out so to speak. Many of those people, even if they don't self-end, want to. And that hurts more people in the long run.
The condition was a death sentence. As in "every waking moment is painful". She was going to die sooner or later, and it was a mercy kill if anything.
2nd story hit kinda hard. my older sister was born with very severe brain damage, as in had to be in a wheelchair and had ambulances called on her at least once a month for seizures. my parents didn't find out until after she was born. while they made sure she lived as fulfilling a life as possible, it was still incredibly hard on everyone, up until she died peacefully of a seizure in her sleep when she was 9. taking care of a disabled kid is far easier said than done, and I don't fault op for not wanting to deal with it. it's easier to say 'I'll love my baby no matter what!' until you're the one dealing with meltdowns, administering medication and training yourself to sleep light so you can hear if anything's gone wrong in the night.
That’s awful, I’m sorry you guys had that happen. I can’t imagine a world where I would want/be okay with my child having to live with that just to die so soon.
Story 3: the siblings are dumb. Having kids when you don't want kids is a horrible idea, he made the good choice.
I think the ex claimed the child was his to get them on her side.
agreed I got a feeling OP sister never like OP fiancée and she want OP ex back with him and they think she a witch that whole family it crazy
No matter how hard you try kids are amazing at picking up on things like the fact that "daddy didn't want them..." which is awful to do to a child... I bet that the ex is the type that went into the relationship wanting kids and thought they could eventually "change" them so it is her fault for knowing he didn't want kids and sticking around when she could have spent that time finding someone who does! She doesn't want her ex because she loves OP she wants his support in raising her kid and helping financially making her the real gold digger here...
@@SailorMyaand to add that it's someone else's child on top fhat? I'm perfectly find with adoptions or blended families, but for OP who had clear boundaries, a divorce, and 16 years separation? unreasonable to expect OP to be capable of being a loving father to that child.
And to tell him he should’ve tried it out? You try out curry. You try out Zumba. A kid isn’t something you try out.
That relationship in story one is not healthy dude. First of all, NEVER try to change your partners appearence, it's theirs not yours. If you don't like it, date someone else. Second of all, Lexi getting physically aggressive OVER A BEARD isn't just a red flag, it's a whole red circus tent. Glad OP got out of there.
Would she still call him a a-hole if the sister slit his throat...?
@kristinebryant9038 " why didn't you let my sister kill you how dare you defend yourself a hole" Op disgusting ex....
And even if it had nothing to do with appearance and instead it was discomfort when they were intimate, did she ever SAY that to OP??
There are exceptions, if your married and you see your partners health is declining because they either are over weight or under weight then its the partners duty to help get them healthy. This will change their body, but for the better.
Like my husband is playing an active role in my health journey to gain muscle from being underweight due to parental ignorance in regards to nutrion.
But demanding someone change their hair or facial hair, or anything nonhealth related due to personal preference is wrong.
Also her reasoning tho 😂 like there are other ways to fix that, communication for one. But gurl goes right to copying a drake and josh episode 😩🤦🏾♀️
@kristinebryant9038 or took his eye out. It's definitely assault to cut someone's hair against their will, and in some places it's even considered assault with a deadly weapon.
Story 1: they should be grateful he could have call the cops on them for assault and harassment. At least you got out before it was too late.
He did filed a police report on Sally in his 5th edit. Those two are absolutely insane!!
Good to know! That is absolutely unhinged. @@alsanova
My first thought. This was assault. Crazy ex and her even crazier sister in law. Right to the curb. I had an ex-bf as crazy as this.
@@giancarloc1985 - Charge would be Assault with a deadly weapon with it being a razor, one wrong slip doing that could have been extremely bad for OP due to the fact she was shaving where she was doing it. On top of that, it can be viewed as a hate crime when involved in some societies, such as Orthodox Christians and Muslim. OP honestly should have immediately gone to the police when they left and shown the damage done and had her charged then and there.
2nd story: The husband reminds me of the stories about relatives who just won’t allow their loved one to die peacefully, even when they are in horrible condition, because they are not ready to accept the loss. Like they insist old grandma to eat and drink and be kept in machines as long as they can, when the poor woman has basically left already, has no appetite, and is just in more pain. This kind of feels like a situation where the living family’s emotional pain and will goes over the patient’s very real physical pain. The father is selfish.
No one knows how they would play life's shitty hands. It's a bad situation from all angles. The father is just not mentally equipped to handle this grief, and he needs love and compassion, as does his wife and son. He shouldn't be condemend because his mind can't or won't react to grief well.
@@gavingross2174 I mean you're right, he shouldn't be condemned for that, but he should be shamed for abandoning his family. He ran and hasn't reached out to his wife in days (if not longer), plus OP said she had her mom looking after their son. So this guy didn't just ditch his wife, he also left his 4yo son w/o warning or any indication of coming back. I get that he's in a lot of pain, but so is his family, and yet he so readily abandoned them
That's similar to the case of my grandma. At 92 years old she came to a point of dementia where she couldn't remember anyone, not even my father. She basically couldn't function at all in everyday life without help, even for toilet needs. One night, she tries to get up and go to toilet on her own, which ended up with her falling and breaking her hip. Family friend doctor told us that she won't live long at this point, so it would be best to just stabilize her hip and kill the nerves in the area, so she at least won't be in pain in her last months, as she won't be walking again either way. Just make her as comfortable as can be.
Nope, aunts couldn't accept it, they just wouldn't see reason, and got her to another doctor who convinced them to make her go into surgery to replace her hip with implant. Most of the family protested, but they were the ones looking after her, so into the surgery she went. We all thought she wouldn't wake up from the surgery, and that would have likely been preferable, but it actually went well enough.
Even so, being so old and rife with ailments, coupled with her dementia, the wound healing was extremely hard on her. As she didn't know what was going on, she would constantly pick on the surgery wound. She also couldn't walk and scream every time she tried to move. She simply could not understand why she was in pain at all and would repeat actions that cause her more pain because she simply couldn't remember what she shouldn't do. Her last two months basically went on like that, it was pointless misery for both her and aunts looking after her, who also ran themselves haggard. Just because they couldn't accept the reality of her very limited time left...
@@gavingross2174 I call BS - the father is selfish!
@@N0xietynot the same- your grandma was already born - so definitely not the same! PLUS your grandma didn't live an ENTIRE LIFE IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!
2nd story is a prime example of people being in love with the idea of someone overshadowing the real people that are actually alive.
The guy abandoned his family because what wasn't even alive yet couldn't be born into suffering.
Not exactly as his daughter existed and was alive, but he couldn't let himself grasp the idea that it might be better to take her life while it was still legal to do so rather than allow her to live for possibly years in constant suffering. I don't envy anyone that choice.
@mariposa9506 life begins at birth, she was an idea and wasn't a person yet, only in her parents' feelings, not fact.
Once actual children that are fully formed with consciousness and lives of their own are treated as precious, then kept away from this cycle of trauma we find ourselves in.
Then you can try all you want to extend goodwill to fetuses, but for now, if they're still inside the mother's body, they're a part of her, like an organ.
It doesn't get autonomy because that's not how the world works.
@@RavenHaili Life begins at the first heart beat, 22 days after successful conception. It concerns me that you treat a foetus like an object instead of a living being.
Concerning your first comment, while i hope that you never have to experience this personnaly, i would suggest that you work in a maternity ward specialized in pregnancy termination, so that you learn empathy for BOTH parties, not just the mothers. This kind of mercy killing was, is, and never will be easy for both parents, and different persons deal with the grief in different ways.
I will tell you about my experience. My then girlfriend and i made a mistake, i got her pregnant, and we had no financial stability whatsoever. We decided to terminate the pregnancy, and i can tell you that, even after 10 years, and our relation dying out, we still bond other and grieve the fact that we had to kill our own blood to spare him/her a life of misery.
@blazerjack117 I had to do so as well due to being very young and poor.
I wanted it, but I couldn't. It would've had a miserable life, and we would've been stuck in poverty our entire lives. Because I had no family or support, with no apartment. Working for 8/hr and couldn't even afford food and rent in the same month.
Not to mention I was living with fresh trauma and was nowhere near mature enough to start raising a child.
I do know what it's like to make that choice. It wasn't easy, and it still hurts to think what person that could've been, a person I grew.
But some don't have the luxury of living outside of reality, my point still stands.
Life begins at the first breath, they are citizens with rights once they are born. Not while they're still dependent on a host to survive.
Independent creatures get rights, not clumps of cells or a parasite by nature.
@blazerjack117 I know it was tough for you, and I'm sorry for your loss.
However, these creatures don't grow inside of you. It's a different feeling and especially terrifying if you don't want it.
Something growing inside of you and breaking down your body (your life support system) to create theirs.
If you want and love the baby, it's a wonderful experience. If it was forced inside of you, then it's a type of hell on earth.
If you want it but have to get rid of it due to external circumstances, it's heartbreaking.
There are billions of humans on this planet with zillions of different situations and circumstances that require nuances.
Abortions should be legal due to certain circumstances and when you try to say that life begins at conception, you open a whole can of worms that affects people at the bottom.
I did love the idea of what would've been my first born, a human born from love. Me and my bf would've been such affectionate and wonderful parents.
But the circumstances would've ruined it, we would start getting extremely stressed out due to bills and no sleep. Working 2 jobs each to support ourselves, leaving no time to raise our baby, for an indefinite amount of time until we became bitter, angry and tired.
Sounds like a family straight from one of those drama TV shows.
Where they end up with family issues and angry neglected kids and a bitter marriage.
I terminated my pregnancy because I saw that was their future, because I was 19 and didn't get any time to prep or even finish growing myself.
Now, I'm alot more ready mentally, but I'm still struggling financially.
Sometimes it's better to wait
Story 3: I’m child-free and I believe that kids are not something you “try out” to see if you like it. They are real human beings and shouldn’t be “tried out” like a random hobby. OP is right, the family and the ex are nuts.
Story 2. My ex and I had to terminate our first pregnancy due to the baby having severe birth defects. It was the hardest decision we ever had. If the baby had been born alive, it would have needed 24/7 care, simply to be in a chair, with a ventilator, probably never even aware he was alive or existed. In the end, freeing our son from a life or suffering was probably the best option for his sake. Your mother and I miss your deeply little one.
Story one: I wouldn’t be surprised if Lexi was cheating and got pregnant
Or could've been a manipulation tactic.
I’d be more inclined to believe that she was wanting to baby trap him when asking for sex “one more time”.
Yeah same
I bet more money that she got pregnant by someone else and try pin the baby on OP to
My first thought was: she's lying...
Story 2: i don’t think that the husband can even begin to imagine how much energy both mentally and physically it takes to take care of a severely disabled family member. To see your loved one suffer through life or not knowing if they suffer because they can’t communicate that is pure hell at times. And he talked about them being better parents than ops friends parents, but he already planned on shipping off their son to his parents to be cable to focus 100% on their daughter, and that would’ve been for her entire life assuming that poor girl lived long enough to see the world.
I grew up with a severely disabled sister, and I love her to bits but I grew up learning that my needs would never be as prioritized as my sisters cause she needed my parents more than I did most of the times. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were great and they did the best that they could, I wasn’t mistreated or ignored, I just learned that my parents didn’t have the time for me the same way I saw my friends parents had for them.
I think OPs husband is grieving and that’s understandable, but he seems to believe that he’s alone in that and that his wife is just an evil person doing this “to him” or something.
And at first he talked about taking extended leave at job but how soon do you think if they kept the child that he would instead work more hours and demand OP be a SAHM and provide round the clock care?
I wonder if this is how many anti-choice people think. A completely unrealistic fairytale notion of what pregnancy and childcare is. Defects with the fetus sadly happen more often than what people think, because it’s kept private. It’s tragic and no one’s at fault. I do beliebe that if you already have a small child in your life, you do have a responsibility to ensure you have the time and resources to properly take care of them. Poor OP took the least worst option imo.
Story 1: I am surprised OP's parents actually sided with OP here, because usually the parents will be livid at OP for cancelling the wedding over a "small matter" and wants them to do what the bride wanted to "keep the peace". Good on them for seeing the truth and supporting their son.
adult nurse here, and my best friend works in neonatal ICU, so I’ve had a lot of discussions about the situation in story 2, and here’s what I think:
if your sole purpose for having a child is to fulfil your own desires and wishes, with no regard whatsoever for how much that child may suffer, you don’t deserve to be a parent. a tragic fact of life in this world is that sometimes, death (or in the case of OPs daughter, never living) is the best path. that goes for foetuses, neonates, infants, children, adults, and the elderly.
I’ve seen families have to make these heartbreaking decisions for their loved ones, and it’s so unbelievably sad. but if your reason for keeping someone alive (or choosing to birth them) is because of your feelings, you are being cruel and selfish. it’s devastating and so difficult to make these choices, but if you are ever in the position of deciding if a loved one’s care continues, I beg of you to do what causes them the least suffering and pain, not you. I know it will hurt terribly and the grief feels overwhelming, I know that. but don’t be the reason your loved one suffers
I know I’m 5 months late to this comment but it made me cry. Thank you for being so compassionate.
@@nopenope9118 you’re welcome lovely ❤️ wishing you the best ☺️
2nd story hits close to home. My older brother is a paraplegic, has a feeding tube, and a ventilator because he can’t breathe on his own. We love him to death. But we all acknowledge that caring for a child with such severe disabilities essentially ends your social life and limits everything you can possibly do. That alone is a long list of limitations, but that doesn’t even include the emotional turmoil and the unavoidable sense of guilt you feel at all times. The guilt of being able to do things the disabled person can’t. Eating lunch with friends, being able to go to the grocery store, being able to drive a car. To this day my brother thinks that I don’t have a drivers license and that I dropped out of college bc my mom is afraid of him feeling jealous of these simple achievements..my mom cannot be away for more than a day or two out of fear for an emergency happening. We have caregivers but they hardly alleviate your anxiety especially when your child has so many medical issues. My mom would die for my brother. But her life revolves around him 24/7. If my mom could speak to OP, she would tell her to terminate the pregnancy for everyone’s sake, including the baby.
I’m so sorry your family has to live like that. I’m sure many will see this as insane thinking, but if your brother was born with such bad conditions and it was known he’s require a machine to breath and eat I find it insane hospitals even allow the parents to decide to take the kid home.
It sounds like such a miserable existence for him.
I am glad you were able to give your brother somewhat of a happy life, even if it is borderline riddled with suffering for both them and everyone else around. I have nothing but the deepest sympathy.
Going to a new restaurant is something you try out, ax throwing is something you try out, listening to a new band is something you try out; having a kid to see if you like it is not something you try out. Yes, maybe it turns out you like being a parent or you could end up resenting the mother for forcing it on you and hating the child for existing.
A better way to “try out” having a kid would be to get a job or volunteer for something that involves some form of childcare. You get a feel for what raising a child would be like without the long-term responsibilities.
"Yeah, why don't you try out being personally responsible for the growth and development of another human being for roughly 20 years? What would make you think that commitment would be difficult?"
my mom always plays the "thats what the two older girls said too." genuinely i would hate myself til i gave birth and then hate the child. why would i do that to a then living thing? its about the same as adopting a dog and never showing it love, why get one then?
@@animeotaku307or even babysitting, but for a full day including feeding time, bed time, etc.
Not kids, but cats.
We wanted and agreed on 2. Then she wanted to add another for the tom to have a buddy since the girl was more into humans.
Since she was such a smart girl she got an old tom as play partner for a youth, so she wanted a fourth cat - I'm still on board, reluctantly.
Cats 3 and 4 die due to liver problems and FeLV. So, she wants to go back to the shelter. There she took in a scaredy cat and I demanded we take that black one as well.
It was ME who got the scared one to accept being petted, and she demanded a FIFTH cat. I told her fine, but if she decides to want a sixth, it's splitsville and divorce.
Then she decided she has missed too much in life and wants out (all restrictions have been due to her doing it, not me demanding) and she wanted to take the girls, only the girls ... one of the first two and the black one I decided we take.
I refused, simply because I knew what kind of person she is, and she would neglect the cats to go partying, as if she was half her actual age.
I don't resent her, but in my mind, she has NO right to these animals anymore.
After reading a good number of comments, I want to say something about story 2:
A lot of people are forgetting to mention how this situation would impact the already living and healthy son. He would have to grow up watching his little sister suffer, and there is not a single thing that can be done about it. He would watch his parents suffer too. He would live however many years his sister had, with his needs always being second to his sister's needs, because his needs are not life-threatening.
I can't imagine how it would impact him, but I'm convinced it would not be good.
Story one: that’s called controlling behavior, and enmeshment with her sister. I’m so glad you ran because my advice was: run. That’s literally assault. If it was physically detrimental to your sex life that could have been a conversation. This is textbook abusive controlling behavior.
It’s also domestic abuse to a degree
Story 2: Op's husband was definitely going to neglect his son for his daughter, he was making plans on how to neglect his child!!!! Op made the right choice there, hope the husband can grieve and receive some psychological help and hopefully realize what he did and take accountability
What gave you that conclusion?🤨
@@KarmaTube5 it's pretty obvious
@@GiordanDiodato How?
@@Hiimreggie read the story again.
@@KarmaTube5the fact that the father even said himself that he would take his son out of his private school?? Therefore away from the community he knows? Like, what about that does not show he is already shoving his son to the back of his thoughts?
The story with the unborn child- I think OP's marriage is over. She needs to divorce and file for full custody. Her husband never thought about anyone but his own wants and wishes. Everyone would have lived in shambles till she passed, to only be retraumatized with the similar grief they felt with the diagnoses. Then for the husband to say they would be different with raising their son then the parents in the OP's story... how really? She is going to need constant care and their son will also miss out in life. The OP thought about everyone and not just herself. Then the way she was treated after getting the process done shows even more selfish he is. I have a feeling the husbands grief will taken out on their son because he isn't sound and mind. I am concerned of him becoming unhinged. Right now OP your son is important and you have to protect him.
Story 2: Choosing to abort the baby that you want is incredibly hard, the grieve and the heartbreak. I think op made the right choice not just for the baby but also for her and op's husband and more importantly op's son. When op laid out the reason why aborting the baby is a good idea the husband came up with all sorts of terrible excuses. Like if their financial situation is really as good as he said, why the need to sell their car. If they're going to be a good parent to both kids, why suggest pulling him out of his school, and suggesting putting him under his grandmother's care. Even in the planning, it's not looking good.
Not to mention that child is going to suffer even if it survives the pregnancy. You can try to give them the best life you can but what you can would still not be enough. Your love wouldn't stop their pain and suffering. The husband needs to get a reality check.
Telling her to f- off is probably the nicest thing you could've done. Please sue them.
Story 3: wow that just sounds like a bunch of people who believe divorce is something that people should abstain from, divorce isn’t always a bad thing ESPECIALLY if the two half cannot agree on a life path
Though OP and his ex should have figured out how they felt about having kids before marriage, I agree. Divorce was the best option when both sides are divided over something this major.
But that would mean by their standards, the ex cheated. And what does the good book say to do with adulterers?
@@animeotaku307 OP did state that initially, both were iffy about having kids. It sounds like they agreed at first.
Story 3: It's unfortunate that conflicting ideas like "I want kids VS No kids" can break a relationship.
BUT, the ex trying to force the kid into OP's life after all this time is pretty awful, not to mention the ex insulting OP's fiancé, calling her a golddigger, and trying to break the relationship.
Just…no. She's delusional and needs to go away, and the family members aren't that much better either
Perhaps if she put this much effort with pushing responsibility on to the actual dad, things would be better for her. Or I don’t know? Aim for guys who have more going for them than having baby batter!
Odds are OP's ex-wife has driven herself crazy pursuing the life she wanted. Slowly getting crushed by the burden of reality, when not a lot of men want a single mother, and single motherhood is extremely tough... then she remembers how everything was better when she was with him, and decided to make it his problem.
I was thinking that the fiance lied to the family about hooking up with OP after officially splitting, so this was OP's child
The sister in story 3 literally neglected her children and used them as a way to manipulate others
She should be thankful the fiancé didn’t threaten to call the cops for harassment and child neglect.
Oh yeah by the way - what a great way to tell someone "you should have kids and take care of them". While standing there with yours in a freezing cold just to prove a point. She's nuts.
Remember folks : if someone tries to use the "If you don't do that thing for me, I'm gonna off myself" on you, block them, call the emergency and tells them so they go to their place.
If they're lying, they deal with the mess they made, and if that's true, let professionals deal with them because, and I need you all to remeber this, IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSABILITY. So many times I see people feeling guilty because people threaten self harm, but let it be clear, you are not their mental health manager so it is not your responsability to deal with that.
Story 3: the ex and everyone who supports her are out of their minds. OP was absolutely right in going no contact with all of them.
The way this story went, it seems the ex manipulated everyone for years, so she could try this massive intervention to get OP back.
Story 2 my personal opinion is if you know your child is going to live a life of suffering and you dont terminate then YOU might as well be the one personally torturing a child and should feel bad for your decisions
Story 3 why did you get married before having a discussion about kids that seems like a huge topic that needs to be brought up and your ex wife is also psycho and so is your sister
They were both on the fence about kids when they got married but, it sounds like as soon as OP knew that he truly did not want kids, he started that conversation with his then wife. Quite rightly.
For one doctor's are not always right. And for 2 better hope your never in that situation. It's not that easy.
@rdevin220 I've had a vasectomy so I would never have to be in that situation
@@Ski-xlxyeah cling to the 5% chance that two separate doctors were wrong
@@chronobretz9511 I hope you’ve gotten it double check cause often time a vasectomy will reconnect within a year of the first procedure if men don’t get it checked that’s why I believe there’s a year later appointment
Story 2:This was for the better,If the daughter was born,The son would've lived in neglect and the daughter would've lived in hell
I have a lot of empathy for the man in the second story, he had his heart set on something and threw himself into it. That's said, why did he leave her hanging at the hospital like that. He had to have planned to do it, if not he would have arranged another ride for her. He was punishing her, and trying to hurt her because he couldn't deal with his pain. He should have spoken to a counselor or therapist. sometimes marriages do not survive the loss of a child but that's fairly heartless considering she was suffering too.
What gets me is that he insisted they would not ignore their son and love and care for him just as much, then just abandons him.
I kept thinking he would say he would drop her off instead of picking her up. Then he sneaks out at night on hopes to make OP miss her appointment and he can convince her not to terminate. If he couldn’t convince he would pursue legal action to delay OP being able to terminate during the time window.
@@wingracer1614he was also already planning on taking their son out of private school, he seems too irrational and immature to handle such a difficult situation
is it possible he said he would do it and wanted to be there but in the end he just couldn't? I have a lot of sympathy the husband, feeling so powerless in the situation. he gets no choice and he can't do anything for his daughter. if he had stayed that marriage would have never been the same. He'd only be staying for his son.
@schultheisstudios but now he’s not there for his son AT ALL. whether he wants to admit it or not, he did choose one child over the other. he abandoned his kid.
Story 3: I divorced from my ex husband for the same reason OP did his ex wife. At the time, a lot of friends and family got on my case with what basically amounted to "A woman's sole purpose in life is to pump out crotch goblins". I went NC with everyone who said that crap. My mom and one of my sisters eventually came around and NC turned into LC.
If my ex showed up on my doorstep wanting a mother figure for the kid he had with another woman, I'd laugh and slam the door in his face. Anyone who started up the old debate would once again be blocked. That's insane.
Its not the woman's purpose and man to give birth to children when they get married. They can spread the joy and so much when having kids whenever you do which yes it can be. But it comes with huge responsibility. You have to be prepared physically and mentally when you want to have a job because you can't just say I'm going to leave this kid because it became too much especially when saying, you want kids which sadly most do that.
So you the right decision. As for the people that side with the ex, they are just dumb for it. Minus the ones u said who went from NC to LC
Story 2: OP’s husband was romanticizing the idea of loving his daughter and caring for her. He is totally unaware of how agonizing it’s going to be, not just for the daughter, but for him and everyone else around him. He going to have to watch his baby slowly die a terrible death or struggle to live a happy life. He was already making moves to neglect his son, to take him out of private school and ship him off to his grandparents. He was already making moves towards not being able to work by getting extended paternity leave.
How would he have been like after his and OP’s daughter died? The medical equipment would’ve been expensive, the baby’s healthcare would have been constant for a few years. Would he be able to get over his daughter’s death? Would he have become one of those parents who forever mourn the loss of one of their children, making everything about the deceased? Would he have marred his relationship with his son? Would keeping the daughter have put the family in debt? Would resentment have developed?
He destroyed everything for a selfish fantasy. I hope OP finds her own happiness with her family or finds someone more understanding. It’s kind of a relief that it was over fast and now instead of dragged out during the years her daughter was alive.
God, I can't put into words how disgusting OP's future EX is in all of this in the second story. I'm hoping OP can talk with him but all I can see is him refusing to talk things through. You have to remember that he *lied* to OP over accepting her choice and instead took the chance to bail on the entire family than accept the harsh reality that if their daughter was born, there would be no happiness for anyone. I'm hoping she can find someone right for her and her son because I'm being honest? Chances are he might leave her for someone to bear him a daughter with how out of his mind he was about it. And again, he's willing to abandon his *whole* family over this and lie, there's no reason to think he can be trusted with their son.
Did he really lie though (I genuinely don't know)? Or did he just have a mental breakdown. I feel like that might've happened - he seemed to be rational about the first abortion; understanding that if they we're flat-out broke then they wouldn't be able to give the child the life it would've deserved, so abortion was the best. Yet having a child who'd die soon and whose whole life would be unimaginable suffering and pain seemed like not the cause to abort to him? This really feels like he was in total denial, hoping for a miracle and as I already mentioned, experiencing some sort of severe mental breakdown.
While I felt like I hated him it first it made me think and though he definitely didn't act reasonably or fairly, it is an all-around horrible situation, so depending on what he does next and if it was indeed a mental breakdown, I might understand.
Grief is a very powerful thing and will mess you up mentally. When grief hits rational thinking goes out the window.
That first story reminded me of a myth I heard once. Loki, god of mischief, once thought it was a great idea to give Sif (a beautiful goddess known for her long golden hair) a surprise haircut while she slept. Royally pissed, Sif called her husband (the god of thunder, Thor) to beat Loki’s ass.
Instead, Loki promised he’d get Sif an even better wig for her to wear while her hair grew back. Of course, being Loki, he attempted to scam the Dwarves into giving him all sorts of cool stuff plus the magical wig, with the wager that they could take Loki’s head if they couldn’t make cool enough stuff. One of these things was a hammer with a handle that was too short by normal standards, but that Thor loved.
Everyone got exactly what they wanted - Sif her hair back, Thor the cool new hammer he dubbed Mjolnir, the dwarves got paid for their trouble, and Loki got to keep his head: he reasoned they had not asked for his neck, and so to take his head off it would be a violation of terms. Odin agreed and said Loki should keep his head- provided the Dwarves be allowed to sew his mouth shut.
Sounds like OP’s girlfriend (and her sister) got off light compared to the story.
The heck is wrong with everyone in that one guy’s life? He owes his ex nothing. Her kid is NOT even close to being his responsibility!
About the second story, does he honestly think openly resenting the daughter later down the road for everything caused by the birth defects she never asked for is going to be any better than ending her suffering before it begins?
And already planning on pawning off his son all while claiming he won’t neglect him like what happened to OPs friend.
@@lorilancaster5917 There are too many stories where that was the case. I guess he was either too stubborn or not educated enough.
@@mostar1219 or...and this may be a little farfetched here, he was going through an unbelievable amount of stress.
I dont get these comments going about the situation logically, when clearly he wasnt thinking logically. Hes absolutely in the wrong, but this is one of those situations where you'll obviously be able to see it more logically and predictably from the outside, trying to call out the logic makes literally no sense.
Its not that he isnt educated enough or that hes too stubborn, its that he overromanticized his unborn baby and is now dealing with the consequence.
Comments like these man, i just dont get it.
@@ninjdraw8305 he absolutely would be the AH if he just ran away forever and left his wife high and dry. He needs to come back after he accepts what happened cos leaving forever
@@ninjdraw8305they're treating him like that because he abandoned his family. And even if he couldn't forgive the wife. The sons blameless. Sometimes stress makes us do crazy things but no you don't get a pass to be a terrible human being because you're grieving. I get where you're coming from but I completely understand the comments too.
Story 2: Dude. OP has the best head on her shoulders, *and* understands the gravity of bringing a life into the world. It's not just 'hey welcome everything will be sunshine and roses while we parents care for you~'. Love can only go so far, and so can medicine.
So OP has the right of it. Pro-choice or pro-life, how fair is it to bring a life into this world when that life will be subjected to pain for its entire existence? To surgeries just to continue to exist, to *develop as an infant* when most of what you know is pain. It's cold comfort but OP made a responsible and loving decision here.
That being said...I can't truly fault OP's husband. I understand the other half as well, or at least I can get the gist of it. It's...beyond emotionally charged. I can only hope the husband remembers that there's still a son involved.
Well said
I call BS on this story as did hundreds of others on Reddit. The OP got literally DESTROYED for not getting a 2nd Opinion and guess what, a week later in her update, she and her husband got a 2nd opinion but yet, everything was exactly the same.
When the OP was asked to elaborate more on the "birth issue" she refused. The OP said it would "out them" and everyone would know it was her. So she was asked to give some "technical info" on it which would not "out them" and once again, she refused and made a comment that either she or the mods deleted saying it doesn't matter what the birth issue is or even if there isn't one, it is HER BODY AND HER DECISION to have an abortion and people on Reddit need to STFU. Which was odd since THAT was the very reason she went on Reddit with her story LOL. She was accused of manufacturing a fake birth issue to justify abortion and she stopped answering after that LOL.
That isn't a life well lived. If a person is only sentient when they can function completely on their own then technically the child wouldn't even be sentient.
@@thomasjoseph5876i’m not disagreeing with what you’re saying but i feel as if there’s plenty of reasons to justify OP’s responses.
first of all, she went on reddit to vent, not get advice (trueoffmychest). secondly, random strangers on the internet do not have any right to get someone’s medical information. if OP did not want to share, that is perfectly normal and acceptable. also, OP probably saw she was getting advice to get a 2nd opinion and that’s why she mentioned it in the update? it’s also not impossible for a fetus to have a birth defect that will cause a short and painful life. lastly, if OP is telling the truth she is grieving and hormonal. she’s obviously not going to be in a place to be defending herself against random strangers on the internet, and if i was in her shoes and i not only lost my baby but my husband, i would also not spend my free time arguing with people about whether what im saying is true or not.
again, im not trying to say i know for a fact she’s telling the truth. i just think there are some important things to note about her reactions.
@@corinna_d All of what you are saying IS TRUE .....
HOWEVER, if you are putting it out there for the public to read and comment on, you pretty much have to give ALL of the information for people to completely understand the situation. You can't Cherrypick what you want others to know where they can't make a completely informed response.
If people are putting it all out there for the public to see, they ARE by default asking for people's opinions otherwise, why write it and post it online???
“Why don’t you try it?”
“What if I’m right? What if I ‘try it’ and it turns out that I’m right and I DON’T want kids?”
This wouldn’t have worked because the kid isn’t actually the issue, it’s control.
For story 2, even though it’s painful, if I found out my unborn kid was gonna die young and suffer until then, I wouldn’t want them to. It shouldn’t matter what stance you have on abortion, your job as a parent is to help your child and give them the best life possible. Letting a kid be in constant unneeded agony just to have that kid isn’t right.
2nd story is so awful. I get that the husband was devastated about hearing the news about their child and wanting to keep it. I also hate that he just ghosted her because of OP'S decisions.
I hate what the husband did on story 2 as well, but really... I can't blame him. This was a dream for both of them, and it was cut short with something they had absolutely no control over... It's just sad and devastating all around
No one knows how they'll play lifes shitty hands. And this father was dealt one of the shittiest. We can all judge him, but realistically none of us have been through something this hard, and none of us would react the same way. He needs support, love, and compassion, just like the wife does. It's an awful situation all around, the man should not be condemned because his mind cant conprehend how to deal with the grief.
@@darkmega24ifywe actually can blame him though, he’s an adult grown ass man. Not a child. He was being selfish about the situation.
@@gavingross2174Dawg he was being selfish the entire time. He’s a grown ass man, stop babying him. There’s having compassion for people and there’s not calling people out. He is 100% in the wrong here.
@@junemichaels680it’s so nice that YOU get to make the unilateral decision that the guy who’s life got turned upside down is in the wrong. Someone you never met.
Have some fucking compassion.
Oh that’s right…..he’s a man, so he’s automatically wrong.
Yeah Lexi and Sally are certifiably nuts
And they should be thankful OP didn’t contact the authorities!
Heaven help the next poor man that comes along; he’s definitely going to need it.
@@melissaconnellyjones2622he’ll be in a relationship with two women. Both whom are missing a few screws.
@@lorilancaster5917and if they get pissed, he may go missing. They sound like they're going to have mugshots on the news sooner or later.
Story two- I have a chronic illness. The good days are regular good days, but the bad days are often and so painful that they cause suicidal thoughts. OP made the hardest choice of her life in order to protect her daughter. To let her avoid a life of misery and pain. Even if OP and her husband love the child with all their hearts, it’s not enough to ease the pain. OP’s son would be, as she said, moved to the side in order to care for the sick child. I’m so sorry that OP and family had to go through that. Shame on the husband for backing out of what he said he’d do, everyone else is grieving too. He’s selfish.
I feel OP on the second story. She would condeem her daughter to a (short) life of pain , suffering and envy, faced with the reality that she won't be able to do other things kids can do with ease, while for her are either impossible or extremely painful.
She won't have the same opportunities and will be discarded very easily. Love won't fix a lifetime of pain just for existing.
And let's not forget the impact this will have on her son. How do you think he's going to feel watching his little sister, that his dad is so excited for and talked so much about, live a short, terrible, painful life, and then die. He will watch his parents suffer, and grieve, and possibly argue over their decision, on top of his own fear and grief. It's just misery all around.
But man, do I feel bad for everyone. This is a no-win situation. The only thing they can do is keep loss as low as possible.
@@Lopitra Oh right I even forgot: This may cause the parents to spend so much time on the daughter that they forget about their own son, he'll end up resenting her because ''stole his parents'' , maybe even forcing their son to make his life all about her, So by the time she has lived ( and suffered) and they resume being a trio, he has already disowned them as parents, so they would be losing two kids for the price of one.
Story 1: NTA. It’s assault to cut someone’s hair without their consent
Story 2: It’s a noble act to spare your child from a lifetime of suffering and pain no matter how much you want to keep the baby. It’s just a sign of how much you truly love your unborn baby
2nd story : OP's ex was incredibly selfish. Their daughter would be unlikely to survive to term, their entire short lives would be filled with nothing but pain (yes, they could have some positive moments but when pain is all you know, the good times are harder to enjoy), not to mention the medical bills (if in US), the time needed to take care and time would be taken from the son, as much as ex would claim it wouldnt, etc ON TOP of the medical issues it would cause OP and he ignores everything, EVERYTHING because he wanted to love her. But he's loving her so much that he can't understand that maybe the way he needs to love her is by letting her go. And to lie to OP, have her cancel her ride for after the procedures, when standing around waiting for an idiot is very ill-advised, made her think even though she was losing her baby, at least her husband would still be there, this guy sucks.
I think he's just processing his grief poorly. People in the comments are being way too harsh on him
The only thing OP did wrong in that first story is not pressing charges for assault, but I've seen how pressing charges can also go wrong. I'm happy for the guy now that he's away from that nasty family.
I want to know what kind of drugs these people use to think that raising your ex-wife's child that you have no relationship with is completely acceptable. And calling the current fiancée a gold digger and wanting the OP to shoulder the monetary responsibility of his ex-wife and her son is pure hypocrisy.
Story 3. Man OPs family and his Ex can all join the club of "we are all physopaths together"
Sheesh. Theres something wrong with those 2 sisters...
Story 2: Quite the shitshow fate threw that that poor couple. Goddamn... No idea what condition this baby would have been born in, but i can say i do support Quallity of life over Quantity, and it sounds like this baby wouldnt have had either.
That second story is.... painful, nobody should ever have to go through that kinda situation. I hope everything goes well for both the husband and wife.
Story 2: terminating is love in many cases, not forcing the child to have a bad life. Forcing isn’t love. It’s selfish.
Tell those taking your ex's side saying you should raise the kid that they should help raise them then
Story 1 : NTA... call off the wedding and file assault charges against the ex fiancee sister..
Update: Yeah its a decent ending still shouldve filed assault charges against the ex sister..
Story 2 : This is a lose lose lose situation.. This whole story is just awful..
Story 3 : NW.. i dont want kids is a full sentence no argument needed.. not changing minds.. No means no For god sakes get a clue op ex..op sister and the sister husband completely lost the plot and their marbles..
Update : Time to move towns op and go no contact with your entire trash family op.. Your sister is trash for forcing her beliefs onto someone who doesn't buy into it.. op trash sister was hoping to throw a Proverbial grenade into op relationship with his current fiancee so he goes back to his ex..
In the second story, OP's husband said that he would be there for OP but the moment OP aborted the child he abandoned them. If OP gave birth, he would've left the same note the moment he realized it won't be sunshine and flowers while raising that girl.
I don’t know. He’s already proven that he favored this child the moment he knew it would be a girl. He had no problems with the previous abortion.
@@lorilancaster5917 were you trying to make a point there?
The husband believed that the power of love and friendship would solve the day and taking care of a child who needs machines to survive would be all sunshine and flowers.
He wasn't taking it seriously at all and he abandoned OP, his wife who he told he would never let down.
If he didn't keep his promise to stay with OP, why would he keep his promise to father that girl for the rest of his life?
@@ElkiaStellarmy point was that having a daughter is the only thing that matters to him. Not OP. Not their son.
@@lorilancaster5917 yeah, that's 100%
Story 2: it’s not fair for the child to be born and be in pain for their short and miserable life. It’s not always about you so people should consider how the child would feel.
Man. The guy left his wife and son just because he couldn't have a daughter who he was okay with putting in pain for her very very short life. The epitome of selfishness.
I'm concerned that the husband in the second story un alived himself while the wife was getting the termination.
Happy 5 years on CZcams RSlash! 🎉
Also geez these stories today were a rollercoaster.
Story 1 reminds me of the old joke: Jim Bob and Bubba were fishing one day. Jim Bob says "I'm thinkin' of gettin' a divorce. My wife ain't spoke to me in three weeks." Bubba says "Hold up there, a woman like that is hard to find." 😆
Story 2: NTA
As someone who lives with a disabling, but unseen, birth defect involving my skull that creates a myriad of endless symptoms, least of which is chronic pain - it is cruel too subject another person too it if preventable.
The amount of times I’ve actively felt I was dying? The pure suffering?
Not too add the troubles with keeping up with health insurance, doctors, traveling far distances to find qualified specialists, the medications, the inability to function in a non-understanding society? Add that OPs situation would have included 24/7 care for the child’s entire life plus setting up care in case of something happening too the parents?
Literally everyone would have suffered detrimentally had she continued.
Story two hurts, that child wouldn't have even actually lived, and that son would have been mostly neglected because of it, and now instead of ruining one life, he might have ruined 3
For story two, it came down to: the mom thinking about the DAUGHTERS quality of life, and he thought of HIS with HER IN IT. Both people loved this baby, but the husband was too wrapped up in having the child in his life to think about whether or not she would have a good quality of life. No matter how much love and attention and resources you give her, she’ll still be in constant pain. Loved by her dad, and hurting every second. He’s not considering that aspect of the decision
Story 2: Y’know the saying “If you love something, you have to let it go”? That is exactly what OP’s husband should’ve done. If he truly loved and cared about his kid, while he would still be heartbroken, he would’ve understood that his kid would suffer for its entire life, and that the merciful thing to do would be to prevent such suffering from ever even happening. OP’s husband is incredibly selfish and just plain ignorant; how could someone in good conscience want a kid bad enough that you’d let it be born knowing it’s life would be painful and agonizing? To add to the fact, OP’s husband sounds like he doesn’t even comprehend the huge amount of mental/physical/emotional responsibility of caring for a kid with such a severe disability.
Also love the fact that OP’s husband was “pro choice” until OP actually chose to do something with her own body. Smh 🤦🏻♀️
(Btw not ableist I swear. I have my own issues, so I unfortunately know a thing or two)
Beard story: Cutting someone's hair against their wishes is considered assault in many places. If the OP has proof of them doing this premeditated he could have pressed charges. But it's nice to know he at least moved on with his life, even though he lost his beard.
Disabled baby story: He was way too invested in the fantasy of a having a daughter to even consider reality anymore. He threw away a potential future healthy daughter with his wife because he was too enamored with the idea of a disabled daughter they could have NOW to realize that situation would've be a massive drain on their emotional, mental and financial stability. Also it was nearly guaranteed they would end up outliving that poor tormented life anyway. Either way they went it would've been a disaster for him, the OP could not win this one because of his selfishness. At least she chose long-term stability.
Crazy ex story: I bet that OP's crazy sister was convinced by the crazy ex that the baby is OP's, because the ex is probably too ashamed to admit to having had a fling with a 20-year-old who ditched her afterward. Combine that with OP's fiancé being seen as a 'witch' and it only helps them dig in and campaign with OP's family. I wonder what would've happened if OP had asked for a DNA test between him and the ex's child. I bet if it came back as 'not the father' quite a lot of those people who'd been on the sis and ex's sides suddenly changed their minds.
But obviously that will never happen since it requires too much contact and might feed into the delusions. I don't blame the OP for avoiding contact and not feeding into their delusions since it is the safest way to go about this.
Last story: Concidering how much crazy he has in his life it's a miracle OP cane out sane.
Story 1: reminder that the sister was lying when she said “why OP should shave.” If that were the reason, she would have said so at the offset, because why wouldn’t you?
This is about control, plain and simple. This is abuse and OP escaped.
Story 2: Sorry not sorry, but it's selfish AF to make a child live a miserable and painful few years of life just because you want a child. You're basically torturing the kid because "I want kids". WTF???
Okay so where does aborting disabled children stop? I understand this child would being a great deal of pain for the time it was on Earth what say somebody finds out that their kid is going to have autism or Asperger's or something like that and wanted to terminate would that be okay also?
@@GreenKnight1982I get what you’re saying but right now that’s not what they’re talking about. We’re talking about a kid who will be in pain until the day they die. Do you seriously believe a parent would want birth a child they know will basically be suffering the moment they come out of the womb? Of course not.
@@GreenKnight1982
1) Comparing autism to this really does not work. A child being in constant pain is not the same as a child being autistic. That's not the same.
2) Yes, a parent should have the right to abort their child because it is autistic. Yes, that would be okay. Would I agree with them and their reasoning? No. But abortion should ALWAYS be an option, no matter the reason. Even if it's a disgusting reason (ex: racism, ableism, etc.). The right to abortion should never be taken away.
@GreenKnight1982 stuff like autism and aspergers are manageable conditions that people can live full lives with. The condition in Story literally gives a child a few years of a painful, horrible life that will kill them in a few years IF the baby even comes out alive. That is unmanageable, unlike autism.
@@GreenKnight1982 People can be happy if the world makes a few concessions for them to be so. The healthiest person in the world still needs concessions or else they'll die and suffer from famine, disease (the type that's not genetic), abuse, tons of stuff; but not that many in comparison to others. Someone with autism needs the same concessions plus just a couple more, and many would argue it's not even more, just different ones, so it's still super realistic to attain them, assuming they live in a kind society that values and cares for them to bother giving them those different concessions. Someone with the diseases that person would have had had they been born would need concessions that nobody can give no matter how kind, no matter how much effort is put. That's where it starts. If the world can't give the concessions for them to live happily. But nonetheless, I also agree with beeppboopp, abortion should be always a right, though I am also okay with criticising misuse.
Story 2 for me is: love is also knowing when to let go, thinking about loving a child and make her live in pain and discomfort when there is a path for her to not to is not on the same side of the coin
Story 3 I don't want to justify abandoning kids but it sounds like the kid's father was manipulated in one way or another to have a kid before they came to their senses, especially considering the age difference.
Certified baby trapper
I’m not surprised Rslash said anything about that as he usually goes for battle if the man is older, but he goes lightly if the woman is older, only reason I’m complaining is either it’s all good or none of it is (can’t condemn one then disregard the other) I believe in equality
@@stuartwalker9597 iirc it was towards the end when he (and I assume most watching) already made up their mind about the ex but yeah both OP and R/ did seem to have an undertone of dislike for the father when even if there wasn't an age gap I don't know if I'd blame him considering how OP was treated but with it in consideration it makes them even more likely to have been manipulated.
I’m confused where the comments got the theory that the father of the kid was 20 when he was born. I missed something. Lol
@@guitarbass22 was at the end, rslash occasionally mentions additional edits or clarifications without showing them and the kids father was 20 it’s in the video o less rslash deleted that
Story 2: It's like that marriage was bound to be destroyed, and there is no one to blame. It's a conversation you can't prepare for because many people assume they will have a healthy child. Arguments can be made on both sides for selfishness and the sake of the child, and they would all be legitimate. This is the saddest story I've heard on this channel, and the worst part is that there is no right answer. The parents agreed to disagree, and it was over. Their daughter was going to lose no matter what. There is no fault here, no finger can be pointed, there can only be pain.
I'm gonna go cry now. This one hurts that much.
Story 1: OP did the right thing breaking up with that woman, there were so many red flags with her.
Story 2: I understand it's hard to have to make that choice, but honestly, willingly bringing a child into the world you know will only suffer is cruel, and that man definitely cared more about his dream of "his baby girl" than for her wellbeing.
Story 3: OP is being guilted by the social pressure of the Christian nuclear family staple and in no way should he cave. Being child free is valid!
In story one OP was only and AH to himself after Lexi confided in her sister a secret of his after he told her to stop.
@@lorilancaster5917 being a Best Of episode, I decided not to give anyone scores, but nah, OP not knowing that was a red flag & even a common sign of abuse isn't his fault, let's not victim blame when we live in a society that teaches that kind of behavior is "normal" and we should forgive our partners when they don't show us basic respect.
For Story 2, I think the husband put his desire for having a daughter above that daughter's suffering. Which just isn't right for the daughter at all. It's real sad OP wanted to terminate but, the child would be in constant pain and suffering for what could be a very short life. It's not fair on anyone. Plus, what would this do to the son? It would destroy him too.
I feel like maybe he had a mental breakdown. He seemed to understand and rationalize that if they were flat-out broke, the child would suffer, so it wouldn't be right. Yet having a painful and fatal condition is at least a million times worse, but he just can't seem to accept that. I think he was is/in denial, hoping for some sort of miracle or god knows what. While I am a woman and think that it's the woman's choice then I can also understand how hard it sometimes might be for the men to have no say or control over this - obviously OP chose the best option, but I can see how it might have made him feel hopeless and scared which in fact might've driven him closer to a mental breakdown (again, not OP's fault at all, just saying I can understand that - it's all around a horrible situation).
@xLostInFirex honestly, I agree with you there. He did come off as a bit "our love will fix all or maybe they'll find a cure while she's alive." Either way, it's not fair to everyone involved.
@@dragonsteamworks6675 absolutely. I hope that they can both get the therapy they need and heal enough to be in each others lives, even if they do break up, so they can both be there for their son.
7:15 what an incredibly selfish man. He wants to force a child to live a short life of misery just because he wants a kid. I hate people like that
Story 2: If he couldn't handle losing the daughter this young he would have left if she died at any point in time. The situation sucked, but I really believe no matter the out come he would have left. He wasn't coping in anyway or form.
Story 3: Showing up to someone's house with your kids while it's cold with no jackets? That straight tells me everything I need to know about this family (using children to manipulate people or just straight up not seeing to your children's needs screams red flag). Add that they want OP to be responsible for another persons choices? Yeah, they chose her over him long ago, so glad he dumped the crazy part of the family.
I thought that CZcams was being hard on rSlash again because he said "am I wrong" but no, to my surprise, that's the subreddit!
Story 2: This was brutal. I think the husband already had fantasies and goals for his daughter. Life just dealt them an unfair hand... I don't think Op was wrong in her decision. It would've felt selfish to bring the daughter into this world knowing that she'll only suffer, both physically and mentally if she was the small percentage that lived long enough to understand what's happening to her. This sucks but I can understand both sides here.
Last: I get delusional but this takes the cake for me. Is the ex lying to the family about who's the father of her child?? That's the only way i can come up with to justify the sister's ridiculous claim of Op being "tied" to his ex.
Story 2: There are several genetic disorders that are like the one described here, and all of them are a Hell on Earth for the child and the parents. You have to realize that this little girl would be in immense pain every day and every moment of her life. The only sleep she will get will be as a result of being drugged or because she is so exhausted from the pain. She won't be able to do anything because everything will cause her pain. This little girl would never know true joy because everything is colored by the pain. And the parents have to live with the guilt, remorse and heartache that even the act of stroking their daughter's face or giving her a kiss is going to cause her pain. And the sibling will have to live around all of that, too. It was a horrible decision that had to be made, but ultimately it is her and her husband's decision.
Story 2: My sister was told that her second child definitely would be born with Down's Syndrome. Newsflash - he wasn't. He now has honours degrees in both Electrical & Electronic Engineering.
Okay and? I'm glad your sister got lucky, but OP might not have. They got two opinions and both said the exact same thing.
@@Lady_SongbirdMy point is - opinions are just that. They are not always right. She was strongly recommended to abort.
1st story: My guy dodge not 1 but 2 bullets. And yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if Lexi cheated and wanted to baby trap, and I am 100% sure Sarah knew it.
And even if the whole baby trap wasn't there, it still mess up!. Why tf would I tell my sister about my s.ex sessions?!. Now add on the fact Lexi throw stuff around, that's abuse signal 101
2nd story: Man,that was a very delicate and ugly situation. And I get why the husband felt like that,but he just develop it from bad to worse to 'holy sh-t'
3rd story: OP is clearly the wise one of his family. The rest are the dumbest people I have ever heard off. Like,let me get this clear, you want someone who does NOT want kids,to have kids, with someone who is more than happy to go to a married man after a 16 year old divorce?.
In fact, it sounds more like OP's family cares more about the Ex than OP himself.
Story 2 the husband is incredibly selfish. This isn't about the daughter its about his need and wants and he's not thinking about the baby, his wife, and their son. The baby would suffer and he's too blinded by his wants to see that.
Story 1: Those sisters are 2X crazy 🤪 Get out of there OP.
Last Story: Even more crazy, smh
Sally and Lexy are psychopaths!! OP should get a restraining order!!
The husband did not love his unborn child, he simply wanted a daughter no matter what. He was okay with possibly torturing another person which is especially disgusting since it's his own child, he tried to gaslight his wife by pretending to support her decision and then he abandoned her when she had the abortion. He is a despicable being!!
Since op broke up with her because he didn't want to have kids why did she think that he woul be okay to help her raise a kid she had with another man?? Also why did the sister and her husband say that op should be the "father figure" of someone else's child??It makes no sense
Story 3. The sister is nuts. I think the ex is the witch and has put a spell on the sister. 😂
I’m thinking sister was already at her level of crazy. I’m getting the feeling that sister is the kind of person that assumes that when a conflict involves members of the opposite sex, the male is always wrong by default.
Story 1: not only was it selfish of his Ex fiancée to act like that over some facial hair but it's also assault to cut anybody's hair without consent.
Story 2: the husband says they'll do better than OP's friend's family but also stated pushing the son away by saying his mother would need to babysit the son more often which is basically what that friend's family did. ultimately in that situation better to end it as the kid's life will be nothing but torture and the son will end up resentful cause all attention will be on the daughter while he's ignored at grandma's house.
Story 3: he didn't want kids they separated because what they wanted didn't align now, she keeps pushing for OP to be a dad to her son (more than likely just looking for child support via taking a role in the kid's life route) which he holds no responsibility for Op's sister and Her husband are dumb for attacking him like that. Kids are a personal choice if you don't want them that's your call.
*1st Story:* In most places, what the future ex-sister-in-law did would be regarded as assault and she should be grateful that OP didn't go the legal route for that. OP was also smart to get out when he did because if his ex-fiance was crazy enough to allow another person into their home to commit an act of assault like that, who knows what else she'd do when she didn't get her way with OP! _[Shudders]_
2nd story: I feel for the parents and the hard decision. But the quality of life is much more important than quantity.
Man, my heart breaks for OP and OP’s husband in story 2. It really is one of the worst situations you could ever find yourself in :(
I wish her husband didn’t leave…but at the same time I feel so horrible for them both. I do agree with OP: it’s selfish to force a child to live in pain like that
The second story. I get it seems horrible to kill your child, before they even get the chance to live. But this baby would’ve been in pain, probably constant crying, neglecting the son. Impacting his life as well, not just in less attention but seeing that his sister that he was excited for, crying in constant pain, as well as seeing how drained his parents become. He could grow to resent the baby for multiple reasons. The mom could develop post Partom and that would make the situation worse. And if the baby ends up living to be old enough to comprehend anything. All they’ll know is pain in some form. Maybe they spoil the kid or resent her. If they spoil her she could grow up learning that she deserves everything because of her condition. Or if they resent her, that would make her already physically painful life worse. Yeah they could actually try to even out their love and attention, but in my head, how can you love someone if you want them to live in pain for your own selfish reasons.
Story#2: I was told my daughter had a chance of coming out with a chromosomal disorder. I researched the disorder non-stop and listened to lots of interviews with females who had this specific issue. Though the complications varied from person to person non seemed to have a low or negative quality of life. My husband wanted me to terminate and I refused. We went to a high risk specialist and they had me see a generic counselor who told me that the chances went from 50% (according to the other doctor) to 5%. I was overjoyed that I stood my ground. Just after birth we had her tested and she did not have any genetic or chromosomal disorders. It’s definitely a difficult decision and not one to take lightly. Even if he did romanticize the baby - that’s his daughter. If she made the decision to keep it and he wanted to terminate would he then be justified to leave?
My body, my choice? My actions my consequences.
That's right. I'm so glad for you, that every thing went great. I think it's always the mothers choice, because SHE carries the baby! The father does one small part at the start of the pregnancy, but it's the MOTHER who carries the baby up to 9 month and she is the one who suffers the pain of birth and the risks (in case of a high risk pregnancy). The problem is, you can't always be 100% sure if the risk of disability is there or not, not until the child is born. But I think OP did the right thing, for her, and the girl. Because yes, not every disability is cruel. Some chromosomal disabilities (like trisomy 21) are not that intense and you can live a good life with them. But I think, if a doc would say, my baby would be in CONSTANT pain, IF they even survive the birth, i would rather abort than giving birth. Because I think, it's not fair to this small living beeing to come into this world feeling immense pain, live some years always in pain, and then, some day, die still in immense pain. 🤷🏾♂️
Story 1: the op did the right thing and leaving that crazy woman.
Story 2: it's a pretty terrible situation but ultimately I'd say that the original poster was pretty smart about how they handled the situation and ultimately made the right choice.
Story 3: why does the op need to step up for a kid that's not even his? Why doesn't the kids mother step up and take care of the kid herself since she cares so much? Everyone in the original posters family is just being stupid.
Story one is crazy cause it's like Lexi is using Sally as a proxy for abuse. And sally is NUTS. What kind of sister in law has a whole meltdown and even assaults/ batters a person over something like this?
Story 2: husband says OPs friend's parents were dumb for having a second kid after having a disabled one. And that was autism, not something that shortens the kid's life expectancy dramatically. What is the difference in what he is wanting to do? Whether the child comes first or second, it will still need the same amount of care and will still struggle just as much.
2nd story,as someone who is chronically disabled,I found out later in life when it put me through so much pain I didn't want to be alive anymore. I'm still always in pain,even with surgery to help,every day I'm miserable. If I had a baby that I knew would be in the same amout of pain or God forbid even more? I could never do that to them. I understand it's a difficult choice for both of them, but the husband has to realize that it's not about them and what they can afford financially and emotionally,it's about the baby who's life would be nothing but pain,it'd be horrible for everyone but especially her. People get so wrapped up in their own feelings for the baby they worked so hard to make,and I get that really I do,but the baby's comfort is what matters here. If she's going to have a short,painful life,it's not worth it for anyone.
In the Family Planning story, I'm sorry to hear that her husband couldn't support her. It must have been very difficult for both of them, but I think she did the right thing. It's not fair to the child to live in constant pain for maybe a decade before dying because one parent is being selfish. I hope they can both get support from family or friends, or go to therapy if they need more help.
Story 2: the suffering of the unborn fetus ALWAYS trumps the parents desire to have said child. They could be billionaires and give the unborn child everything it needs, it would still not be enough. The child would suffer every second its alive. That is more important.
Story 3: “taking a chance at having kids” is exactly not a reason to have a child - it’s not a new car or changing service providers.
Also wtf is wrong the OP’s family? His ex made her bed, now she’s got to live with it. I feel sorry for her son though. The ex seems like she went to try and baby-trap someone immediately just to have the baby.
Story #2: I'm 100% WITH OP!! I'm sorry for her and I hope she can recover from this horror, and she and her son can live a wonderful live. Screw the husband OP! You did every thing right here! You explained your motives, you thought about the pain, your baby would go through and you decided to take the hard and complicated way. I wish you the Best!
Sure they might have the finances, but it's not only about that! It's always a risk for a woman to give birth, it's always ultra painful for the mother, so if your baby is severely ill already, even before the birth, and the mother knows this BEFOREHAND, SHE gets to decide if SHE wants to go through with the pregnancy. NOT the "sperm donator" who just STANDS BY and feels NOTHING of this pain! If it's a disability, where the child still has a comfortable life and the chances of surviving are good (like with Trisomy 21) , then sure you should consider giving birth! But when the statistics already say that chances of SURVIVING THE BIRTH are slim, AND the doctors say, that the child will be CONSTANTLY in pain and agony, than it's SELFISH for the parents to put the child through that just because they want to be (in the dads case) selfish because they want to say "I love her, and she is my whole live despite her disability" or "Look at us, we decided to care for our baby".. Yes dude.. It's not FOR the child, it's just for YOU and your "good conscience".