Emotional Unavailability and Delayed Responding
Vložit
- čas přidán 28. 08. 2016
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my CZcams channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology
Subscribe to my channel to be notified every time I upload a new video.
When you like a video, please click the like button, it helps show support for my channel.
Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
__________
Emotional Unavailability and Delayed Responding
In this video, I talk about the subtle behavior of delaying response or creating emotional withholding. This presentation, known as ambivalent attachment, reinforces how a person stays distant.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
__________
☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
☑️ Learn about The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course: www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...
☑️ Learn about Improve Your Relationships Community:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon
www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...
☑️ Learn about Healing Heartbreak Course: Coming Soon
☑️ Learn about my new book: Coming Soon
☑️ Follow me on Instagram:
@alan_robarge_psychotherapist
/ alan_robarge_psychothe...
☑️ Check out my website:
www.alanrobarge.com
☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.
www.alanrobarge.com/everydayr...
__________
Emotional Unavailability and Delayed Responding
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on CZcams. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on CZcams. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
Its when they need you to respond right away because they are in crisis but literally seconds after they get their fix and its your turn, they are busy. Yeah, it's frustrating and leave that person
Good example. Thanks for sharing your reflection. Glad this connected.
Avoidants make you feel like you’re being so intrusive just by wanting a normal conversation with them sometimes. And their boundaries are so unpredictable. Sometimes it’s okay to stay on the phone longer, other times “you should know they only prefer shorter calls”. Sometimes they’re perfectly okay for you to come over and hangout, other times you feel like a brick wall just being around them so you’d rather be alone. I find they can be just as hard to predict as an anxious individual can be.
True. I started begging , looking like a stalker when in reality I am totally not. Just wanted a normal conversation . He texts me, I respond immediately. He goes off. I am waiting. Replies after an hour. Always insecure always guessing. They are NARCISSISTS
They’re extremely selfish and I was getting breadcrumbs by the end. My self esteem was rock bottom. Now that I’m out I feel so much better! I hate to admit it but I was being treated in such a cruel way
One thing I have noticed with avoidants also is they consider it my job to know where the boundaries are at this particular moment.
Erin Berry Yeah I’ve had the same experience. However, avoidants lack a sense of self and boundaries. So they expect you to know the boundaries that aren’t really there, not in a consistent manner anyway.
@@jodam96 with my gf (and myself too!) I see anxious-avoidant behaviors. Lol talk about a nightmare, both giving and receiving!
I am accused of "starting stuff" every time i seek emotional engagement.
T J I Hurd that
T J Omg, so true. My ex-fiancée used to say, “you’re just trying to get a rise out of me”. All I wanted was to engage an emotional connection through conversation or questions. Not even arguing.
Andromeda that’s when it’s time to watch one of Alan’s videos on ending an unhealthy relationship, lol. Seriously.
Every time. Gets to the point where you no longer want to interact.
Ugh, same!
On May 15 I just divorced my husband for this exact behavior pattern. I just thought he was “quite natured”. no. This man would stonewalled me for days. The last time he did it we didn’t speak a word to each other for the entire month of January. I moved out February 2. I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was horrible, it’s abusive, it’s intentional, it’s definitely a personality disorder.
Good on you! I hope you are doing better!
How are you doing now?
@@peopleplacesandperspective5564 I struggle. The divorce brought a bunch of betrayal trauma and anxious attachment and abandonment issues from dad. I am a avoiding everyone and everything associated with ex but I still see my stepkids so they mention things. It kills me to know he moves on quickly from 1 to the next when I have sat alone with my grief all these years. I am bitter today. Tomorrow may be better. It's a lot of self work. 🫶🏼
@@jennmemphis It hurts and I know the feeling.
It's easy to move on when a person doesn't invest too much into a relationship.
It's difficult to understand, and seems like a waste of time. I mean, why bother having a relationship if you can't fully be in one.
This happens especially with texting. We'll be texting on the phone, then all of a sudden, you send a text that needs a response, or something emotional or sweet, and they completely ignore the text or never respond, even though you can see they read the text.. Nothing but mind games all the time. Feel like a punch in the gut.
That’s happening with the guy I’m seeing, but he’s been this way for a very long time. I think he may have avoidant personality disorder. I can’t diagnose him, but it’s just a hunch.
@Deplorable Cat Whatsapp?
@@oOIIIMIIIOo or IPhone
@Deplorable Cat It will say "Read" below the text as opposed to "delivered" etc...the receiver at least SAW the text if didn't actually fully read or understand it.
@@celestecelestial90 I have that kind of guy also, and yes he did it to me, but they dont do it from some kind of hater mentality, they just react different. I had so much problems with him, but when I met his family I realized where is the root of it. Sadly. The best solution is to clear things out.. Good luck.
I take it as a sign I'm being intrusive, am being lied to and am not wanted... so I go on my way.
This is exactly how I feel.
This is how everyone feels
Agreed . I'm at the same point right now . If you're not interested or dont have the skills to play volleyball or tennis I move along . .definitely the right approach to take.
Madness. They have a disorder but make you feel like being the problem. I received this avoidance as cold, blameful and arrogant....just to find out how nice of a person they could be....with others.
Not sure “disorder” is appropriate term
@ Carol Holzman, I hear what you're saying but I think using the word disorder is very appropriate in some cases. I think there is a scale from someone having a few traits to it being a full on dismissive avoidant personality type that would be classed as a disorder as it affects all areas of life and relationships. I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that term is frequently banded around as an attachment disorder.
ACCURATE!
That's the hardest thing to realize being emotionally involved and invested in them. But, yet, if you only "knew them" from a distance you might think they're sense of humor is for your benefit.
I don't understand how anyone could dislike this eye-opening information so eloquently delivered...thank you, brilliant Sir. I appreciate you.
I think those are the people who just got caught in their cruel pattern.
Maybe they feel caught. 😀
My jaw literally hit the floor when I watched your video. I’ve been dealing with this behavior for 24 years. For example... If I ask him a question, there’s no response. If I make an open-ended statement about a show we’re watching, there’s no response. He doesn’t turn his head, nod or acknowledge me in any way. He will only finally respond if I say his name a few times or ask him if he can hear me. His usual (annoyed) responses are, “I was thinking,” “You didn’t ask a question, “what do you want me to say?” or “You were talking to me?” (Even though we’re the only ones in the room). I could go on and on... Anyway, thank you so much, Mr. Robarge. It’s extremely comforting to know I’m not imagining this. 😊
This is unbelievable. Emotional torture. Don t ever set up for this
CallMeBlondie why do you stay
Totally understand and experienced the same treatment. I was going to say "He should get himself a dog", if this is the way he treats you. But then again, even a dog deserves better treatment.
Mine does this too all the time!!!
I’m 12 years in and only noticing this in the past few years. Ugh it’s exhausting and excruciating. I was somewhat horrified to find that Alan didn’t mention there was anything we could *DO* about it. That’s the worst part. You just have to deal with it and they can change or carry on ignoring you. But it’s not up to you to influence it in any way.
This is my entire relationship with my dad. He ignores me every time and pretends that I never said anything. It's frustrating and one of the worst feelings when the whole relationship with your parent is that one painful feeling
You are not alone!
BhavZ being treated with indifference is more painful than being hated.
In some ways this is the worst neglect of all... I was given the silent treatment by my stepdad starting at age 6 for 20 fkn years... it takes a sick individual and a lot of effort and energy to ignore a child... its no accident, its abuse... and in some ways worse than the sudden bursts of violence. 😔
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, childbearing doesn't offer healing to the walking wounded. Help yourself to grow in compassion toward him by spending five or more minutes deliberately imagining the neglect and or abuse he probably dealt with as a little boy. He loves you deeply but his fears stop him from expressing it.
Jul ofDenial he can do better for his own.
My ex did this all the time. I was constantly saying "hello??" because I was never sure if he heard me. One time we were on the phone, I was telling him about my Grandpa's funeral. I had to keep raising my voice because there was noise in the background...I realized he was sanding furniture...when I asked if he could stop for a minute because it's very hard to talk over that, he got angry and said he's capable of multi-tasking and he's sick of having to tiptoe around me....
What a jerk.
Wow. Sounds extremely familiar. Message sent loud and clear; "You and whatever it is you're saying is not important enough for me to give you my undivided attention. Thanks for interrupting my sanding with your problems."
Hopeless
How rude of him 😠
My ex made faces at me whenever I tried to talk about anything about us. He also went from busy to ridiculously busy and kept scheduling me out. Your videos are the only thing that has helped me make sense out of what happened.
Hello. That means so much to me that the videos are important to you and helpful and as you say "the only thing" that has helped you. Thanks for valuing my work. I've created a membership community so we can chat with others about these ideas. Please join us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. Having these conversations is so important. Check out the community here: www.alanrobarge.com/community/ Thanks.
How'd did you over come it?
how did you finally got out? teach me
Same 😢
After being gaslighted for years, I have had delayed responses because for years I was told I was too sensitive or wrong in my reactions. Later emotions come up and then I find myself trying to figure out how to approach things so I can be heard after not being heard or attacked for expressing my feelings.
I wish I could speed up my reactions.
I get it totally. You have been told what you are or told that your responses are wrong by someone else for so long that you are stunted as your own person. Lived with this for 30 years. I've been programmed to have no reaction . No opinion or idea of mine was ever taken seriously. I find about once a year I get very angry and verbally give someone a shredding. I am always instantly shameful and regretful of my behavior and apologize. Their transgression towards me was not worthy of my ire. I think it all stems back to being ignored completely or snapped at for opening my mouth. Also the very pregnant pause featured in this video. A response needed from him was always delayed. I came to believe that it was because he was running through his head how his response would impact him. Any minor help I may have asked him for seemed like such a big deal for him. I have become more comfortable about my taking time to react. Give yourself some credit for being you and don't let others define you. Peace and blessings.
Sherri Dee wow! Thank you for that. I’ve had a similar experience recently & had been questioning myself. I started thinking too much about the best way to respond, and was told I was too sensitive or defensive
Sherri Dee boy who ever told u this is a gaslighted and u should avoid them like a plague just like some of my family is.
Sherri Dee
A lagitimat delay N response time is completely normal when u R N a situation that requires u 2 make a decision, 4 example, "Do u want soup or salad?".....................hmmm
....................."I think I'll have salad"
But there's a serious mental dysfunction on ur behalf when havin a 2 way interaction with another human about a fact based subject N which the person on the receiving end feels like they have 2 drag u around N a conversation that U STARTED N the 1st place, 4 example "Oh really???? &?........??...................................................................................................................................................................................JESUS! Were u able to make the deadline or not!?!?!...........
K, guess I'll just take that as a NO!"
"Yeeeeaaaaahhhh...................I made the deadline................like I always do."
Its even more irritating when they do this long pause that keeps u delayed in perpetual suspension with the intent 2 waste ur time as they figit & divert their attention on 2 anything else & they seem uninterested N satisfying ur desire 2 effectively communicate. I think this is done 2 distance themselves from others just 2 avoid any kind of intimacy &/or havin a meaningful connection with another person. These people have a problem with expressing their emotions, especially the 1's that R genuine &/or heartfelt. It's kinda sad, I guess until now I never thought about how it would feel 2 live life void of these types of emotion. Imagine goin thru life with only basic human instincts that make up the 7 deadly sins😕
Thank you so much for voicing this.
It did hurt when my spouse did that to me whenever we talk on the phone. I got the vibe that he just didn't like me very much. Sad.
Some people do this on the phone because they hate the phone or cannot switch their concentration to their ear and stay focused on what's in the room. If you don't realise this you can assume they are being abusive, not everyone can explain their distraction
My ex did this a lottttt. I would tell him ok I’m going to hop off and go do x, and he would guilt trip me “you don’t wanna talk to me huh?” It was maddening.
What do you do, when he is not responding?
me too when we DID speak on the phone - they sure prefer texting over calling
I keep meeting all this emotionally unavailable guys and they always try to say that I'm being crazy or overdramatic. Someone even suggested to me therapy, over my reaction to their gaslighting me. I just want to be in a healthy monogamous relationship. 😔😣😥
@cj u might be emotionally unavailable as well. It's not the same but feeling like u don't deserve better this is all I can get or broken bird syndrome. I am I feel as if I love zo hard and in my whole life I only got EU men. All my life i'm 38. 😞 just now figuring this out. I can't let go I feel like I am not enough for better. Or I feel sad and I can help them. I can't help them I need to help me
Dealing with the same issues too and want the same thing too but i get these men and it is really frustrating. 😭😢
I'm emotionally unavailable to everybody ... because I find it very hard to trust anyone, not because I don't love them
Obviously you can't care about everybody. But if you have close friends and can not trust them... Not good.
I know it's not good! ... I feel very lonely because of it and isolated.
I know and it's my own severe issues and I am trying to work on it. I have learned I have a personality disorder and am devastated I don't even know if I will ever get to trust because it's very hard for me to turn off my protective side.
I have recognized this is what I need but am fraud to seek help outside of online... I fear people and I ant help it it's very debilitating and isolating. I am learning what has happened and I am struggling to come to terms with the severity of my issues. It's very hard. I am deeply hurt learning this of myself and i am trying to learn more... sometimesnit is very overwhelming and very hard for me to face these harsh realities. Part of me doubts that it is possible to fix... iactualky feel like I am shattered into a million tiny pieces and it's overwhelming and feels like it will be insurmountable to put these pieces back together.
I am reaching out online... I haven't got the guts to go in person. I'm too scared of people in person. Do you believe people with severe trust and control and borderline personality can be truly fixed?
You are not exagerating. Not at all! I've lived through incredibly longer delayed responses, on a regular basis. Thanks for pointing this out!!!! It drives me crazy!!!!!
Crazy making isn’t even close. Freakin excruciating.
I had a lover like that, but he is a good man, although a wounded man, a good man with a good, loving heart.
What happened? Did he ever heal ?
@@daniel_cha It’s a daily work in progress. I talked to the man I’m currently seeing about my trauma behind feeling ignored. He reassures me that he’s not ignoring he has a weak signal or base abs misses messages from other military staff. He apologizes for delays and returns calls and leaves messages. So I just spoke up for what I needed. If he didn’t want to try to understand how important it is for me to feel heard or cared for I was planning to discontinue talking / seeing him. I’m still not out of the woods yet because communication is so tough , and understanding what each person needs. I’m still healing though because other friends are delayed responders or leave me on read too. I tell myself the truth ... I can only control myself.
My ex (with whom I was in a long distance relationship) was never present when we would Skype call. I would sometimes wait for 5 minutes for him to respond or there was no response at all and he was almost never focused on me. He would be gaming or watching television during the call. Or he would repeatedly ignore my messages while talking to other people. It was rude, but I failed to effectively communicate my boundries. I owe myself the greatest apology for putting up with less than I deserve...
What a douche ,hope you feel happy now that your are not entangled with this person and hope that you find the apology that definitely you deserve !!! I'm in some kind of same situation 😣 !!
@@michirista I think sometimes the guy just doesn't know better. My ex did love me and would work on things. But this I just didn't communicate about. I suggest you try telling him how you feel. If nothing changes, walk away or create some distance and give yourself the attention you don't get from him. Life is too short to wait for someone who isn't the right person for you! ❤
Wow. Those long pauses make me slightly anxious and confused.
That sums up the issue..lol
Only one sign of many that I willfully ignored in order to not be alone. Sooo codependent, so desperate for connection. She couldn’t or wouldn’t do it . Four years flushed where I foolishly believed we were lifetime partners in love, in a RELATIONSHIP when she only ever wanted a “companion.” Ugly for sure. Run while you can before they take your hopes and dreams and stomp them without a care.🙏
This was so helpful. This avoidance and slow to respond or no response is what I'm dealing with all the time. To understand that is intentional to avoid communicating with me is helpful to me.
Was it intentional or a defense mechanism?
@@Kiseochan either way its not your job to figure it out, that's the point. Our job in life is to deal with healthy people and protect yourself not train an unhealthy person who doesn't have the capacity to not harm their partner.
@@khloestrong7157 I think healthy people can hurt people as well. I do not think unhealthy people necessarilly hurt people. I think in some cases, they are good people who need help and understanding and help (professional and unprofessional.) I am aware that people who have NPD usually do not want help and it is healthiest to not deal with them.
Listening to this explains why 'woke' people think you are being deliberately abusive if you are tired, thinking of something else, wondering about another direction in a conversation or trying to place their accent. I've had people flounce off in a rage, just because I wondered if they were say South African or sone thing..
By the way, you would find England very frustrating. Tgat ignoring social cues is called 'English culture' English people feel inherently emotionally abusive to the rest of the world
And I thought I was impatient .
No and remember you're not crazy either.
Ha, ha....same here...only now I realise how tough my patience was...
Wow. Thank you so much for validating this actually exists, was not in my mind, is actually a symptom of avoidant attachment behavior, and indicates something is off in relating.
I agree,so refreshing and comforting to know . This does exist
This man knows his stuff , bravo , Steve
This is me, to an extreme degree. I sympathize, at least.
People like this are just so emotionally sensitive, damaged and vulnerable. It has nothing to do with the partner, about whom they probably feel extremely guilty. They need help, but they also need to begin to try to open up. When I see the harsher comments here, it breaks my heart, but everyone must do what they have to for themselves.
The person I know who has this behavior completely ignores comments I make that have any emotional content and when he does deliver a delayed response, it is almost always totally completely unrelated to what I said. This does make me feel very confused and invalid. I don't know how to respond to him so the conversation just dies.
They are trying to invoke you to do the work for them (to become a co-dependent) better to just let it die.
Penelope Lambson same and I no longer feel the need to try to connect.
Penelope Lambson, you have the most beautiful name -- you deserve someone who treasures and attends to you, even if you didn't have such an enviable name.
I ask, if there is a possibility to answer my question, when the answer is important for me. If this works out as common behaviour, I split.
This! Happening right now even though I understand it logically. It's painful but I understand that it must die as well.
"Your level of sensitivity and you're looking for, you're manufacturing ways to feel rejected and ignored. Hypersensitivity blowing things out of proportions. " I call this hypervigilance; looking for where the next blow or the next hurt is going to come from; interpreting the world from a filter of the wounded place of abandonment.
I agree. It sounds like someone with shattered nerves or paranoia.
That's a Fearful Avoidant! Always on high alert
Alan said it's over time and repeated behavior. Not once and again. It's abusive and destructive to accept being ignored over time. If you choose to accept this situation as normal and acceptable, you are part of the problem
No response or delayed response is a response to the other looking to connect, asking a question, initiating something… They don’t want it to be on your terms. A lot of it is calculated. And if they are quicker In there flow of their play, the put downs get slipped in quite nicely. They’ll let you maintain some semblance of thinking there is reciprocity What as soon as you are onto them, the jig is up. They then become frigid.
My ex would withhold often, even play it so I would feel guilty for having expectation for an answer/acknowledgment here.... keeping me waiting was a game too. There are some nasty people out there. Always engrossed. Avoidance, etc. Yes years of patterns. Waited my whole life. I married what I was raised with. I get it now. Wished I had left sooner.
Autumn grace !! YES !!! I'm rather enjoying not playing ball with the bastards now !!! They can only get to you if you let them. but...being around any one of them is so draining !! Best to get the f out !!! x
Unfortunately, I have parents who are like this and I am finally learning and realising what it has always been all along. I am in the process of healing and learning, but I now know that I need to keep a formal relationship with them and leave.
Hear hear
..i set boundaries of expectations and communicate my reason, cause, and concern for any pause
I used to send nice text messages and I’d get one word answers. I’d ask if everything’s okay and I’d get “I’m at work!” as a response. Zero empathy or compassion. But if I sent one word responses she would know something was off. These people are emotionally arrested
@@hellochips it's all a game. My gf does this sometimes now.
19:20 - 'After time, your nervous system reacts to this..." oh man, does Alan Robarge GET IT!! My health is getting shot, i feel it, my body is breaking down as my emotions and my SELF is breaking down, last legs here, glad i found these videos! tell a friend!
So true. 9 months living together and my body crashed. Nearly 5 years now and looking for my out even though this body isn't the same. Back to school since my previous field was physical.
@@itsaplantlife9850 hope you find it in you.
@@mattlehnardt8035 You also, if you're still in it.
My ex would delay in response and also start walking from room to room fiddling through drawers as though he was looking for something, when he was not in order to avoid having to answer any direct question. He also knows that bothers me when he does those things because it's totally dismissive. Never mind immature and abusive. He also lacks any kind of eye contact. Our marriage counselor 30 plus years in psychology, he diagnosed him with NPD. I almost fell off my chair because I was researching him being emotionally inept when I Came upon much more information and I could see that he was a narcissist. I didn't want to call him that because I know it is a personality disorder although the more I truly paid attention to his behavior, the more clear it became
Alan, you are like the only person on the CZcams who breaks this down. Both my parents did this and then I just got out of a relationship with a person who did this. I felt suicidal most of my life until I healed and then got into a relationship with a person who did this and felt suicidal again.. Im glad I am finally free.
Passive aggressive tactics really. Just to push yr buttons...to throw you. To keep you unbalanced. Must take them a lot of energy to keep that up!!! Just get right away from them You're worth more!!!!! x GREAT vid. Ta.
Delayed actions can also be a defense or learned behavior. Like the card game example, i do this unintentionally because of my parents, "you can have fun until..." (And there was always more and more to do before I was allowed to relax.)
My current gf and I have this pattern. I get so hurt, then when we are "okay" I am elated. I just found Alan's videos a few days ago, but I feel that I have learned so much about myself! I had no idea what attachment trauma was, but boy, do I have it!
Thank you, Alan!
Wow. Another piece of my life. I would always wonder why she does this. I thought I was maybe looking into it too much because of her narcissism. Great vid
My ex never responded with expression or emotion. His responses were always delayed and spoke with some wisdom but no expression or heart felt that I could feel from him. I unconsciously became not myself anymore and started communicating with him like he did as i thought that's the best I felt i wouldn't feel awkward or stupid.
sounds like someone in hiding (from their feelings)
Here’s wishing us all healthy, communicative, and loving relationships moving forward.
The narc has no wisdom and he was probably pretending that he did because they pretend with everything. I know my ex has absolutely no wisdom and I only wish he truly was a stupid as he sounds and looks when he plays his manipulative games when I call him out on his BS.
Sounds possibly autistic...
This was my mom on a major scale. I'm very grateful that I am healing from years of this. There's hope!
didn't even realize that I was emotionally unavailable and distant til today tbh this entire time I was used to others being emotionally unavailable to me but I just realized im doing it too!! i sometimes am, sometimes not available and yea I confused tf out of myself bc i don't want to be this way but I think it's a coping mechanism so that I won't get hurt by others by letting others in
Same 😞
Welcome to the anxious dismissive avoidant club 😅🥴
Well my friend is time to be an responsible adult ,is not your fault growing with that attachment style ,but know that you realize it is your responsibility to fix it for your own mental safe first and you significant other,stop being negative ,let people get close to you in a secure way ,not all people is trying to hurt you ,you are smart enough to recognize that and know you have the power of knowing and attachment styles so you are more safe and secure !!!
Same here, I was always wondering why I fall for the emotional distant guys in the first place without realizing it keeps my own unability of being emotionally close perfectly „up“. Instead of working on my past traumas, I‘d run after them, thus running away from myself. It´s a process. They are not the answer, but we are.
If u do it, you do not respect or appreciate whoever you're doing it to. Think of your job - do you show up for work every day? Are you committed to showing up and, IF YOU get sick, calling in sick to make sure you communicate ahead of time you're too sick to appear? You do - right? Even though, you're still afraid you can get fired or laid off, you show up no matter how you feel. You're committed to the job because you appreciate it for money. And you know you might get fired for just not coming to work with no warning. Well, if you want a serious relationship, you have to be committed the same way and show up and put effort amd communicate when you can't show up. If you don't do that - be ready for your partner to fire you eventually. You'll get "fired" from a relationship definitely - it's just a matter of time....
I live in this dynamic and it's making me ill. It fluctuates too. How anyone has time for this behaviour is beyond me. Back and forth all the time. Delays can go on for days and it's absolutely emotional witholding. If I fall into line it stops. What on earth can I do?
Run very far & very fast. Wish I had kept runnin last year but unfortunately I stopped 4 just a second 2 look back & got caught up N the 💩 again. Whsts my effin problem, it's as if I'm a sadomasochist that's starved 4 a beating
Get out. They don't change without intense therapy, healing and then it is a whole new habit of life orientation in healthy relationship attachment.
These type of people are master manipulators, and you will absolutely gain nothing from staying in this type of relationship.
Your life is in their hands as long as you remain. No amount of counseling will fix this, because they aren't neurologically capable of empathy. They are highly skilled in deceiving, even counselors.
@@SteeleMagnolia you're making it sound like their narcissistic. A lot of them have early childhood trauma and just check out emotionally .
Absolutely heartbreaking! I’ve been living like this for over two decades! My partner acts like he can’t hear me..... I know it’s not ADHD because he has no problems responding and interacting with anyone, but me and our kids.
He’ll even distance himself when we’re about to be intimate. I feel like it’s a control thing with him, too. I can be wearing the sexiest lingerie, stockings, heels..... all of it..... he will sit on his phone and play video games, text whomever, or he’ll watch tv...... if I try to get him to engage with me before he’s ready, he ignores me even longer.
Last time this happened he decided he was finally ready, I had gotten undressed and put my pajamas on and went to sleep. I’ve never felt more degraded, Used, and violated....
I stayed far too long!!! There are many other issues....
If you are seeing these patterns in your relationship, please don’t ignore them. Leaving when there are no children involved, or before too much time has been invested is much easier!!!
This behavior messed me up big time without even knowing it cause I ended suppressing all my emotions and getting cut off.
I hope you have healed. The bottling up...I ask myself what else can I do but suppress. Awful feeling.
Why do these emotionally unavailable people manipulate you into loving them then pull away? Why do they pretend to want a relationship when they don’t want any connection??
I think it’s because secretly they crave connection. Because for the most part most humans are hardwired to want that on some level. But it’s like giving a guitar to someone who doesn’t know how to play guitar. They might think it’s beautiful. They may have wanted it for a long time. They may even appreciate it for what I can do. But it’s just gonna sit there until they take the initiative to learn how to play it. It’s the same with people. Once an avoidant person has what they want they pull away. They don’t know what to do with another person wanting to connect with them. They haven’t practiced. They don’t have the skills to handle that kind of relationship. And that’s not on the person they went after, that’s on them. In a perfect world they would handle their issues before getting other people involved. But most people are selfish and shortsighted. They don’t think about how what they do affects other people. Some are just straight up oblivious and lack the self awareness to realize their behaviors. Some are worse. Part of them knows that they are this way and they don’t even care.
They do want connection and love but are unable to sustain it, as they are not healthy adults
THANK God For knowing myself. I'm STILL learning but when you spend some time with yourself and understand yourself, perhaps the DURATION of the NONSENSE wouldn't lasts as long..... Mines LASTED a very short time. I cannot imagine , 5, 10, years of it..... Healing should be a TOP PRIORITY ‼️‼️💯
I really enjoy your content. It's important, well thought out and presented in a non-judgmental way. I like to be a practical student of people and psychology. Thank you for your open service.
Such good info. I'm going down an extensive path in learning about myself, and find information like this so valuable. Thank you.
I clicked on this video because I thought it could help explain some of the constant delayed responses others have to me. And it has. Halfway through, I realized with the card-playing scenario that I have been doing this type of delayed response with my husband to avoid him in some way. His response to me when we discussed this is that it is crazy making. Thank you for helping me to see how this is so! My resolution before I watched this is that I must learn to be direct about certain things instead of making him have to guess and guess to the moon and back about when I'm going to commit to something I already agreed to.
I felt the exact same way as you.
Exactly! My parents both played these games and it was a complete joke to my sibling and I. We always were late to everything. Sucked.
Needless to say my parents were creating their future divorce. When I think about it more closely, my father was a chronic procrastinator and didn't do his basic tasks until everyone was waiting on him to do something else. It was a way to show off his importance, but made him look needy and immature in our eyes. My mother's chronic depression (perhaps from resentment of my father's games) made her put off basics and then when she saw from my father's example time was carved out for doing things, she would have a burst of energy to get stuff done as well. If they were emotional adults, they would have set aside time to do this stuff (like a family chore time) apart from ruining family vacations, being late to other people's houses for dinner, and making their children late to everything.
I didn't even know that chronic delayed responses was a sign of emotional availability ...I always though I was way too energetic and talked too fast .....
Thank you for this
I'm glad that you found this video and now have a new way of looking at delayed responses. It's great that this resonated with you.
Because this one stuck out to you, I recommend looking into my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. In this course, I discuss the varying ways we respond (Poking, Hiding, Running, Submitting) to distress in relationships. The responses are usually the result of attachment injuries or traumas that have not been healed. Understanding how, and why, you respond the way that you do can open the door for healing and better relating to yourself and to others. Take the quiz to find out what your response is: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Along with this, I think you would find my online Community, Improve Your Relationships, very helpful and encouraging. It is a space for people from all over to come and discuss, learn, grow, and heal from their attachment injuries. We discuss various topics with one another, and it's a great place to get started on your Self-Directed Healing Work. We'd love for you to join in on the process; your voice is welcome. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for pointing this out! I've been trying to articulate these behaviors I've noticed and rationalize why it makes me feel the way I do. This is really helpful to me!
If your partner goes off and completes household tasks every time you want to play cards, then play cards more often and you’ll have an immaculate home.
Struck me as funny - really great insight and content in your videos. Thank you for sharing your gift.
here's a simple but hard fact: there's a difference between having a disorder and a person not wanting to be bothered by relationship/friendship with a person----- everything is not a behavior issue...its best to respect other's emotional space... and be with ppl that appreciate rather tolerate you
If they don't wanna participate but choose to ignore and be distant all the time, time to cut the cord on them.
Exactly some people just don't want to connect emotionally. Period.
@@HisaLight2mypath Then those people who don't want to connect emotionally should be very upfront with potential partners and very clear that they are not available for emotional connection. Partnering with someone who does want emotional connection when you do not is totally unfair and unwise. For those of us that want a connected partnership with reliable reciprocal emotional connection, being with someone who does not want to connect emotionally is torture and, I am sure it is torture for the other person as well. I do not understand why anyone who doesn't want emotional connection would bother to partner with and/or marry someone who does.
Some people take one to two weeks to respond which makes me feel very anxious particularly if it is a romantic bond. Watching this video I realized I might have avoidant tendencies as well.
If they are of a romantic bond, cut it off quickly. Even two days is too long! Don't put your nervous system through that, the right person for you will show up consistently.
I think the video is focused on in-person conversation. Some people are fine with slower response rhythms in other kinds of communication. They won't know it's upsetting to your nervous system if you never let them know.
@@twinflamefound Yea, varies by person. For romance, I am a three day person. I am okay with 1 -2 day responders, although I may feel a bit rushed. I have dated people who want constant back and forth (too much for me) even immediately after the date. And of course the delayed responders. It may be just how fast they can mental / emotional process. I think you can be with someone who is at a different speed but it requires communication, self-work. In some cases patience. The more time it takes, the more it says they do not really value/prioritize "the connection" even if that is not actually true.
Omg...thank you for this video! I deal with this issue all the time. I am so glad someone touched on this. I appreciate the information. 🙏🏻😊❤️
Im so glad you made this video! I feel like i have been in a relationship for 13 years and all of these subtle things have been a pattern that i could never explain!!!
I appreciate the feedback. Glad this video spoke to you.
If this video is helpful then you may also like being part of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you for replying to my comment🥰
Thanks Alan. This is the first video that really drew me in. Its the precise targeting of the issues and recommended solution's that provide the most therapy for myself. Much of this education can be too confusing to follow at times.
Perhaps it is just me, but when I am watching tv, reading a book, engaged in anything and someone just starts talking to me it does indeed take me a moment to reorient, comprehend, and then formulate a response.
Maria Murphy thank you! Yes
True for anyone. That is not what is being discussed here.
If they are deep in thought it makes sense. However, many times they are just trying to be dramatic. If you are attuned you can tell the difference. Being shy is another reason people may do this. But if it's chronic manipulation, then it becomes a problem to the relationship.
It is also problematic if someone is shallow-fast-connecting, to completely distract your deeper thoughts ***interrupting cow*** over and over. It demonstrates insecurity. Better to set a time to talk.
That is amaziing Bro, just spent 10 years of a false marriage, and you summed it up perfectly, thanks !!! Just subbed, thanks a million!
Thank you for this video. I wish I had found it when you'd first posted it - but, it's still helping me now. Thank you again.
I can't watch enough of your videos. I can't watch them fast enough. I wish this is all I did for the next two weeks so I could go through your videos 24/7. Unfortunately, I'm in school.
Alan, I feel like you have gone thru what I have gone thru and that is why you are so good at your advise. Thank you so much.
Any reason for doubt is reason enough.
Life is too short to waste time on these broken people. It is selfish and self serving and you can not help them.
Find something nice to spend your positive effort on. Like yourself. Or someone normal.
Agreed. 100%. It's unfortunate there are so many who are broken in this way...what is going on that this is such a prevalent situation in society? In a day and age where access to enlightenment and knowledge is easier than ever before in history...it's so...weird that people have retreated to these emotionally prehistoric, underdeveloped ways of being.
@@annemai1582 Yes. I see it everyday. I have given friends positions and they still do not fundamentally care. Real highly paid software development positions. The common situations are at least for men, seem to be allowed to stay at home past adulthood. You graduate from high school and you go to uni or work and get your own place. This builds the self sufficiency lacking. Being responsible for their own survival demands they also expand their horizon of opportunities.
A common character trait which is not so easy for them to change is straight up selfishness. They only think about themselves. This is why there are so many more cases of obesity, freakiness, and 'i deserve the best' syndrome while they have accomplished nothing, proven nothing, and done nothing -- they deserve the worst, not the best. And that is what they ultimately get. Nothing much is worse than a 30+ year old adult working a child's job at a gas station.
They know they outright suck. they pretend they do not. they try control, even the appearance of trying to control when to talk to someone or insignificant stuff like that are big wins for their failure of an ego. They need to go to fight in a war.
👏 👏 👏
Mental, physical, and emotional health is a choice. I’m currently in the dating pool after 2 1/2 years of relaxing, and enjoying my own company. Since last may I went on 3 dates, great careers, great physical heath, but they where all emotionally broken adult men. Weather trauma from childhood, past relationship or both. I value personal growth on all levels. But what gets me is they always seem so normal for the first 2-3 months, and then the true them starts to seep through the cracks. I always ask up front. “ are you ready to be serious with someone? Are you mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy?” I always get a “YES”. Then weeks later here comes koo koo ka chew. 😅
When there is doubt there is no doubt.
I love how detailed this guy is !!!
Your perspective, analysis and depth are perfect. The best series of videos I have ever watched.
For me, the guy I liked would see my message and ignore it for days then respond another time. I could see him online and not responding to me. I wasn't raised to be rude by purposely ignoring someone so I am glad I left him alone because he was adding other girls. That's who was taking up his time but he made it like it was always chores or other things like cooking and cleaning Etc. Making five minute connections online proved more interesting than I was to him to avoid any emotional connection. It hurt so much while it was happening because I couldn't understand what he was doing or why he was doing it and I have never experienced someone doing that before, but it all makes sense now. Thank you.
Same thing happens to me I will send him a message and then he will reply days or weeks later or just respond coldly or jump over anything I say about feelings and avoid.
I think that he was doing this on purpose to avoid any kind of emotional connection or to be dragged into feeling.
He mentally frustrated me and I kept going back to him on and off over a 2 year period
When in physical space and this is done - I get it. I unplug quickly with said person. I often find that when someone gets mad about it or points it out - those folks are actually the ones who employ the said tactic.
So, with texting, I have figured out a person I thought I was building a relationship with makes it her business to not respond on time. I only noticed this after said person accused me of being "upset if she doesn't respond in time." I thought to myself that's odd - I'm super responsive to folks especially if I have an affinity towards them.
So, since that day I realized she was actually telling me that I should respond more quickly. It was a total red flag when this person was trying to get information. Another defining moment is when they do not answer direct questions. It used to be frustrating, but not anymore - I get it now.
Thanks for this super infromative video
Listening to this on my car right now and being healed as I nod my head. New sub. Thank you!
Extremely helpful as you have a unique way of explaining what has been so difficult for me to put into words!
My husband has a hard time dealing with reality. So me being a woman i want to deal with reality straight up. So the way to not deal with it is to emotionally detach himself. It's so frustrating, I rather him admit that the reality looks scary, bad or whatever and then I could let up and together we could start looking for solutions to the problem! He may even think this is some great strength he posses, being emotionally detached. His mother was abusive so I'm sure it stems from lack of love!
Could be disassociation. Like he goes into a state of detachment to cope.
Thanks for this, I just walked away from a friendship with an emotionally avoidant person, this explains so much and reinforces my decision. However, I’m beginning to see a pattern in myself in tending to seek out emotionally avoidant people for friendships. Why would that be if it also frustrates me and more particularly, usually sends me into a downward spiral of self doubt and loss of self esteem?
@@Alphacentauri819 Beautifully beautifully said. (Thank you).
@@Alphacentauri819 Very kind, thank you... (I'm glad also!)
Sometimes you are trying to re-live a failed relationship successfully. Healing your wounds will change that need.
It is about familiarity
Thank u for this comment i am going through this now. And feel less alone hope all is well
You have a way of being so descriptive of things only known to my eyes, heart and mind. It feels amazing to feel validated. Thank you for everything.
Katey, thank you for valuing my work. That's validating. I am glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution, checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Click on the links to learn more:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you so very much for the links. I was very curious on how to learn more, continue to heal and grow, find support and make a contribution! The dedication and knowledge you put forth is insurmountable. I'm beyond thankful!
Thank you!!!! I am very observant and immediately on to this when people do it.....thank you for putting words to instincts.....
I ,sadly, have a few people in my life like this.....
I always am attracted to unavailable men. Addicts, Emotionally Distant Avoidant Men. Very painful. Just like home!!
You were put on Earth to be a healer or helper... I'm exactly the same. Up until a few mths ago I had no idea... It's why we are conditioned or attracted to these types of people. You should put your energy into helping others ... It's really helped.
@@kacibeaver4540 You are completely wrong! These are signs of codependency. Please read about it and you will figure it out.
@@Out.of.the.Matrix11 yes you are right
Kaci Beaver that's incorrect and codependency at its best. Living life to merely help others will leave you depleted. Live life doing for others AND doing things for YOURSELF! No self love in your comments.
Kaci Beaver serious Kaci !??
Absolutely- you are spot on. Emotional detatchment. I I have seen couples/people actually operate on purpose in this fashion. As noticed in relationships of convenience.
This video was exactly what I needed. Thank you for posting.
I do this all the time because I'm terrified of the responses that I might get. I know it's annoying and others hate it, and i hate myself for it, but I don't know how to stop being to deathly afraid of communicating openly.
Go to therapy, lol, it’s helped me a TON
I like how you clarify and give the caveats. Bc either side of the spectrum can be a disorder. Psychology is sooo intriguing omg.
Exceptional information! You are giving me great tools to heal from past hurts!
I think it’s important to consider not everyone is not responding because they are avoidant or because they are playing games etc. Please consider people who are neurodivergent (autism spectrum, adhd etc...) often feel overwhelmed with “normal” things like keeping up with texting, responding etc. and sometimes miss things because they may struggle with executive function. As someone with these challenges I very much want to connect but sometimes forget, get distracted etc. Also, people should not always expect someone to respond right away. We are not slaves to our phones. If it’s a pattern, that’s understandable and address it with them it could be a misunderstanding and not nefarious.
Interesting hearing this side. When I had a partner who needed continual attention and would interrupt I learned to pause and respond patiently. When someone is just sitting there waiting for me while I complete necessary tasks I might view them as selfish, lazy or thoughtless. Some people are more responsible than others in assuring day to day necessities are taken care of. They could offer to help with tasks so we could both enjoy playing cards.
But don't you think you should ask them to help? Rather than being resentful that your manipulation of making them wait while you show off all the responsibilities you have is not registering on them? Be direct. And don't squander the good time you have planned being resentful. If you need to take time to attend to responsibilities than communicate that and if needed, ask for their help. Also know you are dulling the good time planned by procrastinating your responsibilities and then taking up the fun time showing off how responsible you suddenly are. The way you describe it you sound like a killjoy. However it is circumstancial, like if you are with an avoidant who will only come round for what they want and never for what you want. In that situation they sound selfish, find someone willing to participate. Work on your self-worth and communication skills.
@@SP-li7wn excellent feedback!
You are blowing my mind I love this so relatable and engaging. You're changing my relationship to my self and others. Keep up these videos please... sooo necessary and so god damn interesting. Much gratitude sir.
Brilliant explanation of the more subtle hurtful behavior
You've very well described my spouse! That 'pause' always triggers anxiety
Mercy, Many of us can relate. Getting support from others who are learning as well is very helpful for many people. That is one of the reasons I created the Improve your Relationships online community. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful. I am glad that you are doing your healing work and find this material helpful on your journey. Consider joining in the conversation. You are not alone. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Your example pauses are quite accurately timed. I’m DA. I do this shit all the time. My pauses can be even longer. It’s really frustrating to me that I do this. I do it to my kids, I did it to my wife, I do it to a lot of people. I’m basically deciding that whatever they say to me is less important than the thought I want to finish I my own head before I respond. I’m choosing to place less value on that person than I do on my own thoughts. It’s Fing rude and it’s bullshit because that person is far more valuable than my thoughts or whatever. Being present with another means giving them primacy over what else is going on, whether it’s the small tasks we do while we converse or the thoughts in our heads that might jump in front of listening to them or answering them. Put people first. Value people. Let the anxiety of connection become the hurdle you choose to get over. That’s the task of the DA.
What you wrote makes me think about being gentle with ourselves. Glad this video spoke to you. Thanks for your reflection.
YES! Most people don’t address this thing because it’s easily dismissable! It a like a nuance and a subtlety. But it’s so true, I experienced this very often with avoidant people for example through communication through the phone! Like they always have to have the upper hand and be in control and you’re always left there waiting, unfinished and held onto to. It’s like they leave you waiting forever like very single time in conversations, to be in control and have the upper hand.
Very true
I’ve been tortured by this behaviour for 20yrs!
I’d ask if he wanted a cup of tea.
Silence.
Me: Did you hear me? (after several moments)
Him: I’m thinking! (with a gruff and frustrated tone)
So then I would give longer and longer, up to 30-40seconds. Before I stopped offering.
Now I am leaving and he is more silent than ever.
This is really really hard!
I cannot take the emotional avoidance for one more second, and yet here we are under the same roof still until the place is sold, and I am doing everything!
Thank u so much this is what I needed to hear! So much I'm tired of missing that person and caring for them wen they don't feel the same way about me at all!
I'm in the same boat with you..I agree with your response, because I feel the same way.
What people dont realize or care to, is that no one other than a mother to a child, yes fathers too but they have other obligations they excel at..but no adult "owes" an adult their time, and especially ATTTENTION to their conditions or issues or wants/needs. We do need to hold out for someone who naturally engages us, prompts us by nature to apply ourselves, for their wellbeing. Love is an action beyond sentiments.. l Love how you clear up how there is a flow and tempo. People withhold. People use that hesitation of response to "speak" volumes of disregard, gauged just long enough to get your goat..they know you.. but then reply..and they use the silence and lame reply to claim plausible deniability; that they are being normal, what's wrong with you, you always start problems, etc etc.. Bait and bash success!!
This was my 20 year marriage, day in and day out after my ex-husband decided a financial trauma we suffered (his worst fear) was my fault, and not _our_ fault. I didn't understand these dynamics as Alan so masterfully sets them out, but I refused to go along with this treatment and left for my sanity. It is a real relief to hear this explanation of what my gut was telling me -- thank you Alan Robarge!!!
When the partner is more interested in the television than what's going on in the marriage its time to find professional help.
We either adjust ourselves to the other person's speed or leave them alone.
It went just as you describe.
If only I found your video during years 4-10.
Looking forward now👍🏼thank you
Parker33, One way to do this work is in community.We create a plan of self-directed healing and commit to addressing our history of unresolved attachment trauma or attachment injuries. This is why I created the membership community Improve Your Relationships and 8-week program to explore how we map out a plan of addressing emotional, relational, developmental trauma. You are invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Love this level of detail
💡💡💡 !!! THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! THANK YOU!
Thank you for your kind,and serious altruism. Use to be a simpler world. I needed,could use,helped by all you have put out do far. Thank you.
Thank you. Alan Robaege. 🤗
I have learned so much from you ❤
I love your vulnerable approach to these issues, it's helped me forgive myself and move onto better things
I am so glad to hear this content has been so helpful for you. Thank you for valuing my work. If this content is helpful then you may also want to check out the Improve Your Relationships Community. It is based on Self-Directed Healing which means you get to create your own healing plans. Members have reported learning new relating skills through the conversations. Come check it out: www.alanrobarge.com/community
This is an excellent video! Excellent. Thank you!
This series is very helpful. Thank you.
You gave the perfect example and your delay wasn't too long either. He does this to me all the time, And I do mean all the time!!!!!!!!! Wow