Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- Learn much more about the importance of speaking your truth in relationships in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge9
To find out if you have CEN, take the free Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest
To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and how to improve your relationships, check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
In this video, how emotional neglect impacts your love relationships, I talk about some of the main aspects of Childhood Emotional Neglect or CEN that make it difficult to make the decisions that are needed to choose your partner. I’ll explain how the wall that’s blocking your emotions can also block you from giving or receiving real, genuine love with another.
Then, I’ll describe what it’s like to be the partner of someone with Emotional Neglect. Because, sadly, the CEN pain is usually felt by both parties. Don’t worry, I’ll also tell you some ways that you can change all of this and heal your relationship while also healing yourself.
CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
• Emotional Neglect: How...
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 4 S...
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 5 W...
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Wha...
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Use...
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Lac...
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Jum...
00:00 Introduction
00:57 Choosing a Partner
4:00 Watered Down Love
6:10 Discomfort With Emotions
8:50 You Can Heal
I used to help my mum with housework and listen to her problems and concerns from a young age, she used to confide in me. When she said that I was incorrigible I asked what that meant and her response was, ‘look it up’. She was, I believe, projecting onto me but how on earth would a 10 year old know that. It was all about her.
A very interesting and insightful video, but I think it's important to point out that people with CPTSD may run into problems when they try to 'feel their feelings.' When in the grip of PTSD flashbacks your feelings may be no guide as to how your life is right now because you may be trapped reliving or re-feeling things from the past.
That is a very astute point. I relive my childhood every minute that I’m awake. I’m working on changing that.
@kayhathaway6956 Thank you for your reply. I'm afraid there is no easy or quick fix when it comes to CPTSD. It is one day at a time.
I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD relatively recently. I am in my early sixties. I have never been able to have friendships or relationships. I have only ever trusted one person, (a parent.) I now know it has been because I have never felt safe. I am working on this but I can't afford more therapy at the moment. I also have Prolonged Grief and an acquired brain injury.
I hope to get Somatic Therapy and more EMDR in the future. EMDR has been amazing for me previously. Things are very hard right now.
Best wishes to anyone reading this.
Thank you!
Emotional neglect may be the only negative in a childhood for some kids. I believe it seldom is the only problem a kid faces. Spouse abuse, divorce, abandonment, serious illness of a parent, financial issues, death of a parent, and authoritarian parenting style in addition to lack of being seen and developed emotionally wreak havoc on a child. Imagine being told you don't matter and having to face other toxic qualities in your family. So I appreciate Dr. Webb's insights to CEN but feel that these other negatives make it all so difficult to overcome.
I agree, it does take a lot of work to overcome all of those things. Fortunately, each piece you heal makes every other piece easier to heal. It's like a cascade of positive movement that builds on itself.
@@DrJoniceWebbphdso encouraging! Thank you 🌝
I’d feel lucky to even have a partner. At 51 I’ve only dated 3 men and none of those relationships lasted more than a few months. I seem to be incapable of opening up and trusting someone enough to be myself whatever that even is. On top of CEN I think I have also been negatively affected by my parents bad marriage. There seemed to be more hate than love between them. I feel doomed to spend the rest of my life alone.
I hope you will choose a good CEN therapist from my list and work on opening yourself up. I think opening up will be crucial to your future well-being.
@@DrJoniceWebbphdThank you for the reply. I’m working with a therapist now but I don’t think he’s working out for me. I’m going to ask him to go to your website and see if he would be willing to learn more about CEN.
She doesn't trust any man based on her response. @@ronda176
Same thing here. My relationships are simply non existent,
Never give up hope 🙏
If you grew up in an emotionally neglectful family, not only do you marry someone "just like dad/mom", you can also feel revulsion when someone starts in on how much they love you.. and that's really destructive of a 'romantic' atmosphere.
A technical note: I wear headphones when on my computer, and I watch 'tons' of CZcams videos. Yours is the only consistently CZcams subscription I watch that is in Monaural (audio only comes through one headphone, in my case, only the left ear). Just a 'heads up.' Otherwise, Thank You for your videos. They are helping a lot.
Hi Jonice, Clinical Psychologist / Somatic Psychotherapist from Australia here, Ive watched 4 of your videos this morning (and just visited your website). Thank you for your wonderful content. I will be referring my clients to your work 🙏🌿👏
❤
In the video you're giving advice as to what we should do to help our partners, and while that may be helpful for those who have found a partner, I think a lot of people with CEN (myself included) struggle to get a partner/get into a relationship in the first place due to our CEN, which makes it hard for us to know how we are feeling about the person we are dating, and whether they are right for us. In my experience, it is also hard to get into a relationship because most people find it difficult to understand someone with CEN - they probably don't feel like we are expressing emotions enough etc and misinterpret that as disinterest. Could you make a video giving advice/tips on that? I.e. How to date and find the right partner, and steps to actually get into a relationtionship, if we have CEN?
Very apt point, here. My longest relationship was 10 months and that was 20 years ago. How anyone finds and stays with a longterm partner/mate has always been one of life's biggest mysteries (for me).
Ditto. This video was very, very informative for me. It explained a lot of why I'm still single at 34 years old.
Thank you Dr. Webb 🙏♥️😘
This is why am a still single at 57. I joke that my picker ( my ability to chose a good/compatible mate) is broken. I would like to overcome this CEN issue but it seems such an overwhelming task. I know that I can not do it on my own, that is for sure.
You can check the Find a CEN Therapist List on my website! There are lots of great therapists listed there.
I have found cognitive behavioral therapy as hugely helpful - better able to acknowledge my emotions…. Good luck!
Thank you for this video. I appreciate what you share and am a bit astonished that many of your tips are things I started doing intuitively a long time ago just to survive. I moved from one emotionally neglectful situation to another when I married. It took years, but once I put distance between both situations I began to see some of the value I had even though it took several more years before I saw myself as a valuable person and knew my feelings mattered to me even if no one else cared. I've done so much just by intuition and internal guidance and I know hearing your tips will help me continue on a healing path.
I suffered CEN. Here are some consequences…. I know my partner loves me but I don’t believe I deserve it. I am definitely conflict averse.
I fear sharing my deepest feelings because I’m afraid of rejection. I view strong emotions, whether positive or negative, as “bad.”
Working on it.
Thank you so much Dr. Jonice❤
Thank you ⚘
I just discovered this channel and find it very beneficial, especially for me since I grew up in a home where I was emotionally neglected. I am learning important information for my healing process and growth, thank you very much! 🙏💫
Hi Dr. Webb, I am really benefiting from your videos! Thank you for making them available. Can you make a video that covers the challenges that arise when both spouses came from a background of childhood emotional neglect?
Thank you so much for writing your CEN books! Hubby & I have worked thru two of them. So healing! ❤❤❤
Very insightful series, thank you Jonice! I find that CEN can be differentiated further - that it sometimes only impacts certain feelings, especially the negative ones. Its like you have internalized the parent's voice that says "you shouldn't be feeling this way", meaning that you feel bad about having certain feelings, especially the difficult ones. Of course, not being able to feel negative emotions or switching to shame or guilt if you do hampers full emotional expression. What's your recommendation for dealing with difficult emotions and getting in touch with them without feeling bad about them?
I had a thought come to me during an Ayahuasca journey: 'women want a guy who makes them laugh because it shows he isn't hiding anything that might eventually hurt them'. That mirrors what you said at 7:50.
I can really relate to that. I’ve discarded so many who were really loving towards me because of that.
I really appreciate the content your sharing Jonice. I look forward to more of your videos!
I enjoyed this video as I do all of your videos, Jonice, but I literally am at a loss for what to pay attention to (re: your recommendation at 10:19 that we pay more attn to our feelings.) Looking forward to the next video.
To your feelings, every day. Try to recognize when you're having a feeling and name it. You can do it.
Thank you so much for this! I've been struggling and grieving the distance between me and my family.. I thought they were scapegoating me (may still be) or that they just don't care about me at all. I even brought the issue up to them, trying to be gentle while expressing how lonely I felt, but only one person engaged with me, and even they were defensive..
I stopped holding back my emotions a long time ago but I still have a lot of trouble regulating them and it seems this has put even more distance between us. I really have grown a lot, I still have a long way to go, but these vids have really helped to frame things in a less depressing light, so thank you again!
I think if you can turn inward, attend to your feelings, and start letting yourself consider your feelings and work through them you can make huge strides. I hope you'll do it!
@@DrJoniceWebbphd I admittedly have trouble doing that lol.. thank you so much for the reply! I'm making lists of things to do for healing, maybe I'm still avoiding actually doing it tho.. but I just started seeing a therapist so I'm hoping he can keep me on track. I was actually thinking about showing him your videos and maybe he can help me implement the work you share. I'm so grateful for you taking the time to help others with this, It's a blessing. Thanks again so much💙
When you grow up with emotional neglect you are not aware of your feelings. Emotional neglect is normal as you don't know anything else.
Yes, my husband often tells me he feels lonely. I feel so terrible for making him feel the way I was made to feel. I am working on it, but it's a slow process.
When he tells you this, what do you say in response?
I have told my husband this and he doesn’t seem to care. There is no real response. And when I tell him I need more attention from him, he says that I don’t and I wouldn’t like it if it did.
He never explains. That’s all I ever get.
I'm having a lot of anger issues. My husband has been the target and I'm not sure why. Small things are setting me off.
What do I do if my feeling is sadness about some thing I cannot change?
I love the idea of thinking about emotions as a rich resource. They are there for a reason. Are you familiar with the book feelings buried alive never die?
Learn to suppress feelings and don't learn to identify them
This is me to a T but my partner also does not talk about feelings or deep things and is uncomfortable if you even try to talk about your feelings to them😩
Learn much more about the importance of speaking your truth in relationships in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge9
To find out if you have CEN, take the free Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest
To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and how to improve your relationships, check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
How do you allow someone in? My wife says I block her.
Do you have any information for people becoming so codependent that they quit school and spend every second together including work at a restaurant? First loves ...
Soo How many people in the world actually Did have a good emotionally connected upbringing? Really all humans are infallible hmmm 🤔
Can only hear through one speaker not good
I tell myself…almost daily, to avoid expecting my husband to display self-LESS affections towards ME. I say this, “He is an emotional mis-fit’. As derogatory as it sounds, it’s basically true, he seems to feel nothing, he’s an empty shell. He’s 65, diabetic, and dependent upon pharmaceuticals that have made him numb! I don’t ‘feel’ connected to him…well not sure if I EVER HAD,..truly he’s always been quite SELF ABSORBED. the family narrative has been, “Oh he’s an engineer, oh he’s an introvert”. Always making excuses for his lack of doing things did others, Oh HE DOES a lot. He’s obsessed with his ‘to do’ list, but only because when he completes his tasks, he then gets praise. His to do list is SELF serving.
Raised by an Aquarius mother and I'm a Taurus. I have SO much emotional neglect from her.
I have never been in a meaningful relationship.