How to ACTUALLY Get Happier: The Science of Fulfillment | Arthur Brooks x Rich Roll
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- čas přidán 5. 06. 2024
- Returning for his second appearance, Harvard Professor & Atlantic columnist Arthur Brooks shares neuroscience-backed tips on cultivating happiness, finding fulfillment in work and life, and how to build a better future. To read more about Arthur and peruse the full show notes, go here👉🏾bit.ly/richroll781
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FILMED AND EDITED BY BLAKE CURTIS & DAN DRAKE
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00:00:00 Intro
00:00:32 Happiness Defined
00:02:11 The Three Macronutrients of Happiness
00:04:11 The Biggest Confusion About Pleasure and Enjoyment
00:08:32 The Struggle for Joy
00:14:52 Reverse Bucket List
00:16:16 Metacognition Defined
00:18:14 Choosing a Better Reaction: The Importance of Time
00:22:18 Developing Self-Awareness and Metacognition
00:25:06 The Limbic System's Response to Threats
00:28:20 Ad Break
00:29:26 Making Uncomfortable Decisions for Personal Growth
00:35:20 The Evolution of Happiness
00:36:12 Reconnecting in a Relationship
00:40:32 Arthur's New Book with Oprah
00:45:12 The Function and Purpose of Negative Emotions
00:48:35 The Neurochemistry of Schadenfreude
00:49:43 Guilt and Shame
00:53:35 The Genetic Basis of Happiness
00:54:43 Understanding Positive and Negative Affect
00:57:39 Different Profiles and Complementarity in Relationships
01:02:36 The Negativity Bias and its Management
01:04:36 The As-If Principle and Changing Emotional States
01:09:31 Depression, Rumination and Creativity
01:12:04 The Fear of Losing Oneself
01:13:59 The Crisis of Meaning
01:20:41 Finding the Answers
01:24:35 The Four Pillars of Happiness
01:32:00 Holding Opinions Lightly and the Attachment to Opinions
01:38:27 The Revolution of Love
01:41:15 Creating Happiness Teachers
01:45:01 Work as an Opportunity to Serve
01:47:03 The Importance of Serving One Person
01:49:25 The Magic of Love in Little Acts
01:51:07 Making a Public Commitment to Virtue
01:56:16 The Importance of Consistency and Values
02:00:27 The Role of Choice and Compatibility in Dating Apps
02:05:08 Finding Love on Dating Apps
02:06:46 Misconceptions about Happiness
02:11:27 Balancing Friendships and Family
02:13:53 The Temptation of Opportunities
02:15:54 Teaching Happiness
02:22:18 The Importance of Neuroscience and Psychology in Career Trajectory
02:22:50 Closing Remarks
* * * * *
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Hi I'm Rich Roll. I'm a vegan ultra-endurance athlete, author, podcaster, public speaker & wellness evangelist. But mainly I'm a dad of four. If you want to know more, visit my website or check out these two the NY Times articles:
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Everything spoken on this podcast is speaking to me. I am learning so much at this point of my life and I am grateful for that. I see things differently now. I desire to give happiness freely to others.
0:00: 😊 Happiness is not a destination, but a direction.
11:11: 🧠 Dopamine is a neuromodulator that gives us motivation to do things and is responsible for the anticipation of reward.
22:26: 🤔 The first step to developing self-awareness is to recognize and understand your default behaviors and their consequences, and then create a blueprint of alternative responses for different scenarios.
45:17: 😊 The process of engendering more happiness in life doesn't involve denying unhappiness, but rather experiencing the full range of emotions and processing them in a healthy way.
33:54: ! The danger of dedicating oneself entirely to superior performance at the expense of happiness.
1:19:11: 👨👧👦 The speaker's children embrace his ideas implicitly, even though they may roll their eyes at times.
56:01: 😅 The speaker discusses the characteristics of a population of people who have strong opinions about everything and are difficult to be around.
1:52:27: 🙏 The speaker discusses the importance of faith as one of the pillars of a fulfilling life.
1:07:03: 😊 Smiling is a purely physiological response involving specific muscles, and having crow's feet can indicate a happy life.
1:29:39: 🔑 Decades of patterning can override mindful responses in challenging situations with family members.
1:40:55: 🌟 Creating more happiness teachers throughout society is important for promoting healthier choices and well-being.
2:03:24: ! People tend to choose partners who are similar to them, even though they may not be attracted to them.
2:14:12: ✨ The speaker loves saying yes to opportunities and going on adventures to spread happiness.
Recap by Tammy AI
Thank you so much
Wow yes thank you indeed you have made me very happy to have written and explained all this made it much easier for me to understand i seriously appreciate it again thank you very much for your kindness 😊
Great summaries time stamps. Saved me from watching it all. 😊👍
“Anything that brings you pleasure that you do alone, look out. It’s not going to bring you happiness” OMG! Are you serious?!!!! You’ve literally made this all up. You don’t ALWAYS need other people to experience happiness and pleasure. Moving on…..
😂
He did mention that there are some exceptions such as spending time in nature.
Taken out of context...😵💫
He said anything an individual can abuse while alone - doom scrolling, alcohol, food, etc.
Can’t be happy alone? Other people don’t make me happy, I make me happy.
My #1 podcaster with my #1 guest! Let’s go!
😊
Who is he to say what makes someone happy
This is all advice for psychological balance. Nothing wrong with that, as that is essential. Happiness , however, comes from the consciousness of bliss, which a person finds by focusing within one's self, on the source of their existence, rooted in the breath, not in all the mechanisms this guy is describing. And that indeed does not involve other people. It requires dedication, and the reward doesn't come from struggle but from letting go to that bliss that is in the breath all the time.
I was thinking of this too when he said it MUST be with others. I'm like that can't be fully true. But I appreciate the breakdown tho
Can it be both/and instead of either/or?
@@jasongravely7217 I would say that psychological balance is essential to being able to focus on the bliss within, while immersion in the bliss is happiness.
Amazing. My husband and I are always saying how much more stimulating it is to socialize and travel. Makes sense now
Wow! Amazing!
My story: I have Multiple Sclerosis. I have problems with walking. However, rehab I’m doing is slowly improving my abilities.
However, it marks my life turning point. I applied for a green card in US. I will be working remotely and live in a van (I’m 46, specialist able to earn good money living in Europe). Now I think my health problems were blessing. I became more disciplined and I know what I want. I started saving money, spend much less. I feel like I’m becoming a new person.
Absolutely uplifting to listen to Rich Rolls and Arthur Brooks
Love these very observant explanations to understanding the path of Happiness
Such wisdom and open heartedness thank u both for your amazing words
Blessings and live 🙏🧘❤️keep shinning ur light ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I had a hard time going through my work day while I listened because I needed to stop and write notes over and over. This one is just priceless! Thx Rich!
I could listen to this ten more times❤❤❤
This has been incredibly helpful to my psychology. Thank you
I truly enjoyed this chat/intv. It felt familiar when talking about addictions and feeling sort of lost and without an identity when trying to calm down and be in touch with emotions, which at some point for long for a long time believe it was impossible to erase from my memory who I have always believe to know, energy flowing through my pores 24/7, I was wrong.
I’d watch this video over and over again ..
Not to be annoying because I know he said there are exceptions, but I really enjoy being alone at home spending a day reading, cozy hobbies and intellectual pursuits. But these are all alone?
I am also totally miserable with other people. I have like maybe 3 hour of socializing in me and then I need to go off and be alone for a couple of days. Most of what they have to say on this show is recovery/junk science propaganda.
I am the same as YOU. Thanks for sharing 🤗
I live alone and have for decades, enjoying two glasses of red wine with my dinner every evening.
judging by your language i assume you share a similar mindset to me, which is deep down you would like to tolerate more social situations but actually find it mentally or emotioanlly challenging to.
when i was in therapy i thought i didnt want to be around people. turns out deep down i do and i fantasise about being more social but i struggle to manage
i say this cos you use words like "need" and "totally" which are both indications you feel helpless. @@AlwaysUp-uf9dl
😊😊
🙏🏼Thank you for making this rich lecture video 🙏🏼 extremely deep and rich ❤
This is great.
Thanks for making this for all of us to enjoy and learn from for free. 🙏💪♥️
As a Yoga Therapist working within a Bio-enviro-psycho-socio-philosophical model of care I appreciate the mention of practicing meditation (listening to God & or the Universe & Everything) and prayer (talking to God & or The Universe & Everything) when for spirituality can be known as a philosophically and or theologically happy blissful spirit sustained by prayer and optimized by meditation (dhyana)🧘♀️
The idea that you can’t find happiness and enjoyment alone is ludicrous. Some of the happiest most enjoyable memories I have involve going to the movies by myself. One size doesn’t fit all and I wish this “self help experts” would finally understand that.
That’s temporary happiness. I think they were referring to long term well being, in which it’s impossible to be happy alone if you are an average person. We were born to socialize, a lack of it breeds severe mental illness.
@@Nisowyd that’s my point though not everyone is like that. “Normal” doesn’t exist. Ever heard of social anxiety? I have no desire for continuous social interaction or living with anyone. It doesn’t benefit me.
@@Nisowyd oh and my issues with mental illness started when my social interactions significantly increased.
He also mentioned if these activities done alone are potentially addictive in a harmful way
Taken out of context...geez 😵💫
Great podcast. Paradox of choice was very insightful.
Grateful a good friend shared this with me.
This should be a required listen for sad people, happy people, and everyone in between! I'm very, very familiar with Rich's incredible ability to conversationally navigate any topic but Arthur as a guest was a great blend of technical knowledge, humor, and real-world application. I don't give many 2+ hour podcasts a second listen but this one will be played multiple times. A big thank you to both gentlemen and the teams behind the scenes that got this out to the world.
Ultimate Happiness comes by wanting or needing nothing anymore and that is only possible by being fully awake present in the moment as long we are pushed in a illusionary past or future our happiness will always be fake happiness like pleasure, addiction etc these are just products created by mind and memory for true happiness we need to go beyond these creations by becoming more conscious being able to be in control of creation instead of controled by creation. True happiness is more about peace and freedom more than satisfaction or reward.
Generosity, kindness and selflessness is key to a happy life.
You Can't Choose Your Emotions, But You Can Choose What to Do With Them
So much insightful knowledge to ponder and to make a plan to playfully practice. “Happiness is a Direction”. Golden nugget. Thank you Mr Brooks and Mr Roll🙏🏾
TRYING to be happy will never make you happy. It’s an oxymoron. Just appreciate the moment you’re living, moment by moment and BE happy. Grateful to be alive. 🙏🏽
It's all about being awake and consciousness much more then reactive. Reactivity is all about survival. Survival is a product of not feeling whole lack and the reason for that is the inability to stay present in the moment. We are conditioned that we have to be someone to become happy. This is the ego. The stronger our ego. The more difficult it is to experience oneness and true happiness without stress. Stress always comes from separation. The idea that there is something we need to protect or feed. Life is always fully abundant here in the now. Only when we project something in the past or future we are placing our self in a position of lack .Only when we are able to be in the moment and enjoy that fullness we are able to trust to let go as opposite to be or become someone or something or to control something. Letting life unfold like it is without wanting in my opinion is absolutely the greatest happiness.
Such a wonderful video!
Rich Roll's interviewing skills are amazing. He always draws out the salient idea, cuts through the blah blah blah.
Rich will be impressed with your word salient. We all know Rich is a walking dictionary.
maybe i should have come up with a better term for 'blah blah blah' then@@TechOutAdam
Great way to put it
@@TechOutAdam glad to know that I’m not the only one who is impressed/notices Rich’s vocabulary😂
He talks too much, no need to repeat what the guest said. I don't like this interviewer
Hollup! you say you need people..? but I am truly happy and ok with being alone
My radar went up on the O reference. She is all about herself and money.
Thank you 😊 💓
That interview interaction is Up there with the best … thank you to two greats…👏🙏
Great, thank you!
I think "the anticipation of reward" is what people who obsessively clean houses/cars get....so for me when I feel frustrated or stressed out, i clean and tidy my house, or wash my car and I get that sense of satisfaction....which gives me a hit.
True here too! When I'm not sure what to do, I clean. If I lose something I clean or organize. Works well!
"The problem is not that we have unconstructive emotions, but it's that they are mismanaged." - What a gem by Arthur. One of my favorites. Thanks for the incredibly informing discussion.
Anything you do alone and you enjoy doesn't bring happiness? Are you shittttiiiinnggg me?
I think this was discussed in concept linked to activities that have an easy pass to addiction behaviours that are damaging to human mind and body. You might heard that common as a "blanket" statement and as result it courses the reaction you had... Actually, the do say that there are exceptions and mentioning a silent walk in a nature along.
I give A to Zoya! She is dealing with a lot of parental stress but remains reasonable in dealing with it. She almost seems to be getting bullied most of the time. This is coming from an Indian daughter whose parents had similar approach as the Gargs, became an adult in this country and is now in her 70s. Parents don't always know what's best for their children. Making mistakes and learning from them is not an awful outcome! Let your children be , parents don't own them and raising children is a responsibility given by nature ( once we decide to have them). Children don't owe us security and definitive outcomes.
Muy bueno este libro ❤
Amazing, thank you 🙌🙌💓💓💓💓
Whenever I listen to Arthur Brooks I feel like I should take notes but I know that I’ll end up writing the whole conversation down.
I simply give up and listen.
Just loved this show. Thank you so much
Very informative and enlightening episode. Another problem with dating apps is that the abundance of choices diminishes the value of each person. In addition, it feeds the male biological drive to copulate and procreate as much as possible in order to pass on his genes. This is one of the reasons why it's a convenient means for short-term mating strategy as many users who aren't looking for commitment use dating apps. In fact, my male friends say they can't imagine having sex with one person for the rest of their lives. Last but not least, the novelty of meeting and interacting with a new person activates dopamine, which develops into an addiction.
Faith. Family. Friends. Work that serves
*Happiness is a project.*
Get balance and abundance in
- *Enjoyment*
- *Satisfaction*
- *Purpose*
Pleasure (while being alone and not creating memories) will bring you addiction.
Also: *WANT LESS❣️*
The idea that “pleasurable things are only ok if you do them with other people” is so invalidating to introverts!! Introverts would often RATHER do those things alone; it literally would not increase their happiness to have other people there.
Introvert =/ asocial. You can be an introvert and love social interaction, most humans enjoy having a good time with friends and family.
It's more nuanced than he put it. U can absolutely have some joy n find fulfillment with solo activities and me time. I do but I do understand his overall sentiment. I think it's more about us just being social creatures in general n also being of service to people n that can come in all kinda forms
I really really really enjoyed this episode. Thank you Thank you Thank you... thus kind of content feeds my soul.
One thing that we know is loniness is rampid right now, i dont know if he is right or wrong but i know im happier when i take the time to present with my family and friends.
Enjoyed this interview very much. Purchased Arthur's audio book and look forward to that as well.
Are black Tshirts the uniform for all wellness podcasters? You too Stephen Bartlett
How is it that this guy is considered an expert? Sure, I find happiness in the company of others but I also find great happiness in a solitary yoga practice, sitting on my patio enjoying my morning latte while watching the sunrise over the mountains, going for a sunset run on the beach with my dog, reading a good book, creating art, crocheting blankets to donate to seniors in need, concocting a new recipe, immersing myself in music, taking a leisurely walk in my neighborhood park watching the cute squirrels scampering about while I listen to a Rich Roll podcast! I could go on and on. He says “anything that’s pleasurable that you do alone is not going to bring you happiness”. Rich doesn’t even challenge this. And he says yeah, there might be an exception here and there, but he really discounted that when it shouldn’t be discounted at all because there are countless solitary activities that greatly contribute to happiness and a satisfying life. Maybe this is just semantics here and he’d say the things I describe are pleasure and not happiness. That’s silly. I pursue all kinds of things, by myself, that contribute greatly to my happiness so I don’t agree with what he’s saying. He also states you can’t get joy without struggle. That’s an absurd statement. For someone Rick finds worthy of his platform, this guest lacks insight. I wonder how happy he is?
Completely agree. There has to be a first time I walk out of this podcast after 10 mins and this is the time.
It's also easy to say "just have less" when you had more.
The subject engaged here is much more complicated than what is offered here, which still makes the solutions proposed valuable for a certain kind of people.
I also had an issue with some of what he was saying but I would give the whole podcast a listen as there is some really good insights in here amongst the other parts.
I agree and I stopped at 7 mins to check out the comments in this respect. I don't understand why he says that other people are needed to create enjoyment. I get lots of enjoyment from similar things to you by myself. I find that when others are around, it can detract from the enjoyment sometimes. People usually want to talk and more often than not, people talk about the issues they are going through. This means that your attention is on them rather than the activity you love. This isn't always the case of course, some activities can be done with others and can be enjoyable. He also says that things like drinking alone can be damaging but from I've experienced, so is drinking with friends. Just because there are people sharing the experience with you, it doesn't make it OK if you are bingeing or an alcoholic. Many people drink irresponsibly with friends.
Brooks was more nuanced than what you say. He is fine with meditation, solitary walks, etc. What he said you shouldn’t do alone is activities that can be addictive (drinking beer alone rather than with friends). We tend to be too quickly critical these days.
@@myroslavabasladynsky4937 Yes, I went back - right when this confused be, to check if I had missed something - and yes, I had missed the "activities that can be addictive part" the first moment. This not listening closely can be quite misleading.
Wow - every man is the whole world- makes diving into service so approachable. Thank you 🙏. This is no about scale, this is about people.
When did this Bucket list come in. I am in my 80ties and never had one. would not want to carry one around.
Wow what a great in depth interview, I came to this after Chris evans read it out in his radio show in England. It made me cry as I puppet to all the 10on the list. Having spent 35years being housebound and bedbound through chronic illness, has given me insight into how social isolation kills!! In may I was able to emerge back into society through walking and my world has exploded… giving me such an appreciation of everything mentioned. I cry when people say just say “morning” as to be starved of daily human interaction affects you so deeply. Thank you for a great podcast as always Rich. A listener because of Chris evans. Hope to maybe met you next year if you do carfest again! X
You may be surprised that it took you so long to discover your current profession and the increase of happiness you have found, but you must understand that some forms of service are required to balance certain karma. When the karma is balanced, you are free to move on.
Satisfaction. Otis Redding.
Something about the smaller table made this feel and sound so much more intimate and in depth. Love it!
great observation. so true :)
I recognized the smaller table straight away also and liked it. Of course, great interview and topic.
I think he turned it. I like it much better. More intimate.
First thing I noticed too. Allows for different more intimite camera angles. Like it (and the rest of the discussion of course).
The reverse bucket list..? I think he means the fuck-it list
I look at life from the one source we all come from. This way we can not becime lost in our iwn play of life just by conscious creation
Alcohol doesn’t magically become more healthy if you drink it with other people. I say this as an extreme introvert who occasionally loves drinking a few beers at home alone and relaxing. I know drinking is not healthy, but it wouldn’t be more healthy if I were forcing myself to socialize to “justify” it.
Ugh...he didn't say having a few beers... he's talking about pounding twelve paks alone...
Any chance you can pin a link to the book. I cant seem to find it on my Kindle?
The energy that you share together is in itself....filled with joy and happiness. Thank you both for this delightful, insightful and truly inspirational podcast. You both make the world a better place, know this, always 😘😘
Hey Rich, you mentioned around the 1:42:16 about this happiness material being in like every high school. I have been listening to you for years and so much of what I have learned on your podcast through your discussions with guests have found itself into my classroom. For example, from your previous podcast with Arthur, I took the "What's Your Idol?" game and shared it. It definitely helped some of my students be a little more aware of what may influence some of the decisions they make. Thanks for all that you do.
Hello Sir Nice to meet you
Phenomenal episode! Thank you!
Please, can someone help me find out what test they were talking about in the minute 55?, thank you.
Another legendary episode. ❤
Rich, Arthur, RR Team, proof that you're doing a good thing in the world... This episode hit me exactly where I needed it to hit, and precisely when I needed it. Thank you all.
If we could all delude ourselves like Brooks with this gobiligoogaga 😢
what about couples who can't afford to do what they always wanted to do. How do you rekindle the relationship after the kids leave.
If you're not already, start with going for a daily walk in nature .
Where can we take this test ?
Perfect podcast to watch when feeling melancholic. Thanks a million!
To be happy just be
What is the name of the study that tested Tylenol use to treat affective pain? TIA!
🙏
good
Balance is the key but you have to have the environment to help you create that balance, otherwise you just have the theory without the practical path to become physically and mentally balanced, some meditation retreats have that environment where you have balanced meals and physical and mental exercises to balance the mind then after about a week you start to feel happy, calm, peaceful and balanced because your mind and body's system is more at ease and you've put it into practice instead of compulsively thinking and analyzing the state of your wellbeing anymore.
Happiness is transient, like all thoughts & emotions, aim for contentment..
You guys knocked it out of the park with this one. So inspiring, energizing, fun, and funny 🙏🏼
@19-minutes in this video Arthur talks about the 30-seconds delay before responding. It's similar to what I've heard caring mentors discuss with inner-city gang members when they are thinking of (or about to) shoot/kill someone, that is to imagine what your life will be like 30-seconds later when the heat of the moment begins to cool and 'life' comes back into focus, but now with an action that just changed the world for the worse for many people, especially yourself and your family. Strong stuff ...
Also, he sounds frenetic, he travels all the time…can’t help but wonder what emotions he’s running from.
This guy is jacked !
Sorry for not watching the whole episode, but parts I watched - I liked. Reverse bucket list and other ideas seem great. One thing that is difficult to comprehend is being married to be happy as half of the people are divorced and I think this is something natural. To spend your entire life or even half of it with one person drives me crazy.
Incredible info definitely getting the book
Wouldn't it be beautiful if everyones focused on a "Love Revolution"
I don't think doing things alone cant make you happy or joyful. Reading, Taking a walk with your own thoughts, paying attention and sitting and doing nothing sometimes...these are all I do mostly alone. The problem is when you get the dopamine hit without effort, say the alcohol part (which is not good for health).
Being Happy is sometimes overrated. Being Joyful or Finding Joy is not talked about much.
After 60 some years of thinking and reading about happiness I have finally realized that it’s far less complicated than all the theories would suggest. Happiness/peace/joy is part of our true nature and available to us at any time. The activities that we engage in are all fleeting and may give momentary feelings of this or that but they do not create lasting and durable happiness. Getting in touch with our true nature is often best done initially alone but then once established can also readily be done in the company of others.
Happiness is the release of hormones due to some stimuli. Could be natural or prescribed. Once a person wants to become happy always~ that’s become a problem leading to REHAB.
A sad man came to the Buddha and said “ I want to be happy”. The Buddha responded “Remove - I want to be- and keep only happy in your mind”
Love this episode. The idea that our happiness is what we have divided by what we want has been hugely helpful for me. When I find myself on the hedonic treadmill, I try to practice gratitude and remind myself that I have enough. Intentionally trying to reduce my desires by being grateful for what I have has made me happier.
Great podcast! Very enriching. Thank you!
Ok. This guy is great. Cool stuff. But once Oprah was brought up. I’m out. I.e dr Phil and dr oz. Keep it.
26:38 not to be that guy, but maybe someone will be confused also and wants an answer to that, DEFCON one is the most severe level
Timestamp: 01:09:33 Poets and comedians represent.
So if compulsive behavior (shopping addiction, binge eating, drinking) is done in the company of others then it’s not compulsive? Lol
Exactly. I think it's more nuanced regarding being able to have happiness, joy n fulfillment etc. I absolutely believe u can have pockets of time doing all that alone bit over time yes u prob need some degree of others involved and you being of service n all that
I really enjoy this conversation. Thank you!
Amazing episode Rich❤
35:50: No, the happiness situation is precisely the other way around! Without following the human - animal - path, without living the human lifestyle, a human will never be fulfilled!
What a conversation ... Thanks to both of you