Does a Narcissist Actually Like It When You Go No Contact?
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- čas přidán 13. 04. 2023
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
Facebook - profile.php?...
Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
CZcams - / rawmotivations
I went NO CONTACT 8 months ago. I am good happy and healthy. Thank you no CONTACT!!
Me too! What a feeling of freedom. It’s as if they dont exist and life’s gifts are flowing again🙏🏽
There are countless videos on this platform that explain how no contact affects the narcissist. But no contact is not for the narcissist. It is for the self preservation of the person they abused. No contact saved me, and I have not looked back for seven years. I have no idea how it affected the narcissist I dated specifically. But it was not for me to know. The only thing I needed to know was I did this to save myself.
100%
Thank you! 🙌🏼
It’s easy, they don’t care.
🎯💪
Exactly. You took the words right out of my mouth.
They don't care.
They didn't care during the relationship, they care even less after it's over.
Give yourself your own closure and keep getting back up.
It’s easy for the narcissist to say “I love you” when it is meant as a manipulative tactic, to get you on their side. You have to look beyond their words and realize their intent, which is to bend you to their will.
I think it’s so important to recognize that narcissists are constantly fighting against and denying the truth. Regardless of what you still battle with as a narcissist, that is HUGE. That is breakthrough. Every narcissist I know cannot repent, give back, or do better- they simply don’t want to. GOD HAS BLESSED YOU with opening your eyes. I pray for your endurance and resilience through your journey !!! ❤
AMEN!
Well said!!!
As hard as its been, I cut off all contract. Zero checking out social media, nor anything else. Do I think about my ex? Yes, but the amount I miss her diminishes every day.
May you find the ❤ you deserve within & without
This💛💪🏾
I’ve been no contact for 4 weeks now. I made it through the day today and realized I went all day and he never crossed my mind. I’m healing! I knew I needed to go no contact for awhile now, but like an addict…I couldn’t. I always left a door open. Seriously, it is the only way and it WILL get better. You’ll begin to think of them less and less. He’s a train wreck waiting to happen, and I’m glad I got off before it did. Hang in there everyone!!!
How are you today?
Not every narcissist wants you back.
Not every narcissist wants to hoover you.
Not every narcissist is waiting for a reverse hoover from you.
Some narcissists never want anyone to know they ever had anything to do with you whatsoever. Sometimes you are a secret from their past they do not want anyone to ever know about.
Some narcissists never want to remember you ever even existed.
That may be the case for now... But even the most evil narc can't sustain this... They cant warp reality that much...
When you keep secrets from or about the people you love(d), you will always lose the people you love in the future, to the secrets you keep...
Forever is a long time... Even after 10 years, reality of the introject stuck in their minds will surface.
Ya the narc I was with loved her exes…that were dead (suicide for both). She just made up everything didn’t have to do a smear campaign etc.
Don't take it personally though, its usually never actually about you. I discovered they want nothing to do with me now because they look back at the period when we met and they deep down think they were dumb, ugly, in a bad place etc. When, if you asked them back then, they were thinking the same of themselves prior to meeting me and when we met was their "reinvention". Narcissists are always trying to reinvent themselves to escape their mistakes of the past without admitting those mistakes. Their low internal self worth means they are always trying to discard a past version of themselves as it lets them have no responsibility for their past. I remind them of their past mistakes and they can't reconcile with that.
Big facts! I’ve seen that behavior pattern… right on point.
That's all true/truth.
Especially if you caused a Major, major, major Narcissistic Injury.
They don't like it because they feel they have done nothing wrong. They'll even call you childish. On the other hand, they'll block you on social media and call it righteous
And they’ll be the first to say that you’re selfish. That’s always one of the manipulative tools in their toolbox.
@@worldupsidedown1 Yep. I didn't see the passive-aggressiveness when I gave my ex, who didn't even pay his share but ate a lot at mine, one potatoe less than myself. Thinking back, it all seems so clear to me, his gestures and mimics I didn't recognise then...
If a narc did not have situational ethics, they’d have no ethics at all.
The scab will turn into a deep deep scar, a permanent scar if you dont go NO CONTACT. Thankyou Ben. 😊
I went full no contact. I blocked my ex in EVERY way. No other choice. I did this with my family of origin, too. No communication at all. I will never let them in again.
I went no contact 3 months ago and absolutely the best thing I did! Yes, its hard but if I ever get to thinking I should go back..I look at his msgs to remind myself how I felt with him vs before and after and Im good! I recognize I deserve someone who treats me how i treat them💛💪🏾😍
Its so so so painfull.you feel like someone is dead.you cant afford so much pain!!!!let the god be with us!!!!!good luck to all of you guys
My Narc doesn't care if I go no contact at the end of the day, block or unblock because his actions and cruelty prove that. He sees it as a game and him rhe prize. No thank you. I'd rather take the constellation gift. 🍒
Same here, none of that mattered to my ex narc, his Ego is bigger then the universe.
Mine tried to frame it like her behaviour was all just a "misunderstanding" but that she was being "respectful" by letting me leave, and that she wanted to stay close friends. It was all bs of course, when I called her on it I got a whole lot of doubling down on the gaslighting and blame-shifting. Not a shred of remorse or accountability.
Of course they dont care, just live your life
I miss him and what we had,
our friendship, our connection:
WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
But he never really cared about me.
He used me and discarded me.
Replaced me so easily.
Why is she better than me? Why?
What makes her so much more profoundly better than me?
Is he her best friend now?
Or maybe is there even more between them?
Why couldn't he love me like he loves her?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is she just so much better?
He's replaced me with another.
In an instant: just like that.
HE REPLACED ME.
HE SHATTERED MY HEART.
HE RAPED MY SOUL.
I'm all alone and suffering in anguish,
and they are living happily ever after together.
The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me...
Makes it so that I can't breathe.
I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside.
I'm in hell with no escape.
NO ESCAPE.
I need him.
I loved him.
He raped my soul:
brutally viciously violently maliciously.
Every night: nightmares.
Every day: panic attacks.
I want to die.
Every morning I wake up in despair,
desperately praying to die.
I can no longer bear the pain.
I could die from the pain of missing my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage.
My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend.
I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing...
I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear.
I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified.
I'm dying inside. My soul is raped.
He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe!
How and when will I ever heal?
In 5 days, it'll be exactly 5 months...
God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief,
I pray you guide and direct and hold me...
I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!!
It's time to be free: in Jesus's name!
I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%!
REMINDER TO SELF:
When you chase a man,
you NEVER get the man,
and you ALWAYS lose yourself!
He never cared bout you….they can’t. Your love is needed elsewhere…look in mirror and begin there🩵
My narcissist ex acted perfectly fine with no contact when I told him it was probably the best thing for me. This will be the second time we tried at something and I felt the need to block him. I’ll always love this man but I wasn’t healing trying to not go no contact and hanging out with him here and there. I needed this and to say I didn’t cry for a few days would be a lie. I’m learning to navigate my life without thinking of him. Don’t give too much of yourself away because at the end you can end up with a person like this. They leave you feeling like you don’t even know who you are anymore.
Brittany run! If it was gonna work ever….you wouldn’t have broken up.
That’s because you announced the “no contact”. He’s ACTING fine, because he’s trying to save face. That doesn’t mean he is fine. You don’t ever wanna explain your no contact to the narc as it gives them power over you. The mere fact that you feel driven to explain it is actually giving your power to them. That’s why he didn’t fight it. You handed him his power on a silver plate. Next time just… disappear and never look back ❤
Over a year no contact and life is beautiful it was horrible to start off but now I am blessed it began with education then moved on to self development and peace and since then I am growing and glowing ❤
I like this channel bc it’s brutally honest about the mentality. This is SUCH growth. Thank you it REALLY helps!!!
I’ve been in no contact and suffering with rumination and trauma bond. This no contact comes in stages.
When they discard the victim, sometimes the victim will do anything to keep them. It happens in both ways. The narcissist just plays games and evil.
My narcissist showed up three months ago uninvited, unexpected and unnannounced! He drove three hours (not knowing if I was home or with a new partner). He hid behind his son (a narcissist in the making) in order to check out how I was living. He left behind his younger downgrade (a Russian housekeeper), and their new baby in order to sneak off to my house. I realized I needed to stop this insanity, gave him back the gifts he brought saying one word (HERE!) and walked away. When they drove off I immediately blocked his number.
UPDATE: Three weeks ago he reached out again impersonating his son from a mock email address saying thank you for all you have done. And I hope you are well. But I didn't nibble at the bait! I deleted the message and went about my business!!! GO NO CONTACT....IT WORKS!!!
The worst thing you can do is go on their social media. I've tried getting rid of my narc, a week passes and that curiosity comes. It only hurts yourself.
Curiosity eh? Would you be curious about a Musquito? Dont even look back beautiful…. Run
One of my narcs changed their number 6 or 7 times. I finally changed my number after a year. Liberating
My ex-husband actually didn't want to look like the "bad guy" so he didn't tell anyone that we got divorced, so even his family thought we were still married. I had to insist that he tell them. After he moved away, he would still call me to talk about himself and I would ask him, "Are you discussing these problems with a therapist?" and he would admit he wasn't. Finally I asked a friend how to get rid of him and she gave me great advice: tell him you have a new man in your life (although I didn't) and that's it's serious. A man doesn't want to be confronted by another angry man--it's a territorial thing. Well, it worked! Although he later wrote me to say he was disappointed, because he'd always thought we'd get back together. Totally insane! But since that time, he's never contacted me.
The narcissist don’t care if you have a new man/partner. To the narcissist you are not a person, but a object. That is they look at the victim in the same way as a pair of shoes or a toaster. The only thing they care about is if you « work» or not. And by « work», that is you give them narcissistic supply ( attention).
I'm so happy for you that he left you alone, didn't work for me with my ex bf. He kept calling me on private caller saying I should just tell him that I moved on with someone new, since I don't want to be together, and if I did then he would leave me alone once and for all. I finally said yes I have so he could leave me alone, he got upset and said I knew it, blocked me, but then unblocked me and started calling again off/ on. Bear in mind, this was a whole year after I actually left him. I sent him a message saying I do not want to get back together, I do not want to be friends, I do not want to be in communication. I told him that he can blame me for everything if he wants but just leave me alone. I then blocked him everywhere and reported it to the police incase he decides to show up as I will not be taking any contact from him.
It's so scary! Right before the no contact, she actually asked for the list!
“No contact” was coined by professor Sam Vaknin who is now making content on CZcams and will educate you on the psychological dynamics explaining narcissism and all of these ideas. Please check him out as the more you understand the situation the better you can navigate this very difficult situation.
He is one of my favorites.
He acts like he don't care but when I run into him he gives me a dirty look like he hates me. He lives where I work and I see him punishing himself with self destruction.
He hates what he is and projects it onto you - because you are what he is not.
My boost to leave and go no contact (as I m a coodepentent with a narc ex who made our life a HELL so as to leave him) was my son's words : "You know that dad wants to leave us don't you? I think we should let him go mum".
It really broke my heart to see the trauma in my child.
WE SHOULD NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN especially when there are kids involved. 😢
Did you say pain shopping? "Brilliant" You are so honest! You are a SIGMA trait, like myself. Thank You for sharing your Truth.
Ben... You are on a path of generios information and purpose! You managed to tell me our mirrored experiance, but she cheated and started using again and I had to dump her, which killed me! My pain is hard and I'm struggling to move on.
4 months No Contact, ZERO! Dumpers hurt too!
The stuff about the checklist. Man that is dead on. They don't want to be bothered to go deep to think about what they should be doing because that would just activate guilt over what they aren't doing. Just want a check list so they can say look, I mowed the lawn last month when you asked. Now your b*tching again. Your never happy! So many disputes where I have had them look me in the eye and say "what do you want me to say"? I didn't get they were actually asking for the script.
It’s been six years of no contact. It did take years, however, finally I feel happy and whole. He would call two/three times in a row, use different phone numbers etc. It hurt not to answer, Thank goodness I didn’t!
each situation is so different. Never thought I would be viewing much less commenting on a video of this type. Started for me. Iam I the crazy one. I'm a bit mad. You are in counseling ,ya know. Over time you just accept what is happening and then one day, one day things change. Pages are missing from your journal. Things change again. things will change rapidly in front of your eyes. Unbelievable changes. Never a dull moment in Oz. Fun lighting. I felt soothed by it. "Pain shopping" Absolutely. The triggers are very real. I have changed since this no contact. Everything changes. Embrace it and breath. I laughed when you talked about games. lol mine exactly. Thank you
I must have been fortunate, didnt go thru this. Made a decision.
I threw him out, gave him a LEGAL order and deadline to remove his possessions after which all possessions would legally be considered abandoned property.
He tried to make excuses for why he couldn't move out yet, tried to say he needed somewhere to sleep (he'd already set up another place with another victim and i told him i knew that), manipulate when he would come to get them. Repeatedly texted that he would come after the deadline.
Went full no contact after the deadline expired. Changed the locks.
My ex-narc fiancé HATED to lose any games he played on his phone. He hated to lose arguments with me so he would go for the jugular and throw up things in my face that I shared with him in confidence or say something insulting about my daughter to break me down. I HATED that sh!t, but when I realized what he was actually doing, I would be like okay: You want to go to the curb? You want to drag my innocent daughter into this to hurt me? NOW, I'm going to drag you into the sewer with me! 😂 But, unlike him, I didn't enjoy the chaos, confusion, anger, pain, arguments....I just wanted us to be happy, joyful, loving, romantic and at peace...like we were in the beginning. But, that was just a facade of lovebombing, deception and lies. It's been devastating, especially since we are talking about a 55 year old man. I know now that I caused him much narcissistic injury, rage and collapse...without even realizing what I was doing. He ended up in therapy by September 2022. We were supposed to go together, but I suspect he painted this picture like I was the abusive one to her because he claimed that the therapist refused to do couples counseling and told him to break up with me. Now, why would she say any of that and she never even met or talked to me in person? He used the female therapist to run a smear campaign against me, to justify his abusive behavior towards ME and to break up with me. Meanwhile he cheated, lied, betrayed me and I found out after almost 18 months of a relationship that he was still legally married ro his "ex-wife" the entire time; who he cheated on me with and God knows who else. He triangulated me with his own GD Therapist! He discarded me between Thanksgiving and my birthday (which is a week before Christmas). The holidays and New Year was horrible. But, still I rise. ❤
You are a strong person!
Similar here. Just left!!! Prayers for you♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏
I’ve gone very low contact and I’ve learned to not give any reasons. That way they can make up their own reasons to fit their own narrative that makes them look good. And they can say what they want to whoever they want about me - I don’t care.
Absolutely!
Nothing but the truth...my experience completely with my ex husband.
He promised therapy over and over again, but waited for me to initiate calling a therapist, then I was fed up and he said I gave up and wouldn't go to therapy with him!🥴😤😡
No longer am I in the fog or trauma bond because I went no contact, got a protective order, and divorcing him. Needless to say, divorcing a narcissist is a unreal experience, because they don't want to let go and want to stay in control of your life, even with no kids between you and the narc.
***Outstanding video Ben! ***
Thank you!
So true...💯😡
Great video Ben, thanks 🎉
Look forward to this one. Interesting
Spot on
I left, blocked him, new phone, new number, new email. No contact. 3 months now.
Wow! This is incredible! Exactly what happened!!
100%. The bandaid analogy is so true. I have to be in some contact as we have kids. A strong guide I go by is 5 words or less. Many times my reply is, “no.” He sends novels for text messages. There is no point in going back & forth. I put a wall up to break the cycle. He is not allowed to see me or talk to me on the phone. Since those are both boundaries he does not like it. It protects me and I am free.
Can I talk to you further on this?
All 100% true. Each time he would do something terrible, I would say ENOUGH, and "try" to go no contact. I would then be accused of shunning him, using him and tearing his heart from his chest. Then when he'd turn into an angel and beg me back, I would come back thinking he'd learned his lesson. That maybe he really did see what he had. Nope. He do it all over again. But at this point, because I'd given in to him and come back so many times, I was told that I was abusing him by leaving and coming back multiple times. It was then my fault for giving in to his pleas for me, and I was the toxic one. ☹
Dont blame yourself, thanks for sharing it must have been tough. Believe in your strength and never forget that you are worthy of love and kindness.
I’m going through the exact same thing.
this SAME thing happened to me. its mind blowing
It’s irrelevant what the narcissist thinks. Who cares? What matters is YOU, and that is what you are saying when you go no contact.
My narcissist used to play a game and he would encourage me and celebrate my good moves until he understood that I saw understood that I could see under the mask
Then he began to
celebrate my losses
Love
Listening to you. Thank you for your channel!
Thanks for listening! www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough
This is super helpful.
Glad you think so!
This was my so called husband for almost 15 years. He completely sabotaged my life, our family. The kids have suffered tremendously and he still perceives himself as a victim… he’s a delusional monster..
I just had a first and last date with a loser like that. Trust me, good women won’t buy his BS. Good for you for doing the best thing for yourself and your kids!
They are the victims in every bloody story.
Only weeks into no contact and he's starting to txt me to talk, like very short but clear message, i want to talk, i need to talk to you. I know i was wrong. Nothing about me. So thank you for the information that helps us victim of emotional abuse to make decisions for our health and wellbeing and safety 🙏🙌
Thank you for inspiring us to go the right way
It's my pleasure
I cannot go fully no contact with my parallel parent. Even email is a twisted mess. It gets quite despairing at the thought that this will continue till the children leave home. Sigh. 😢
I understand it is a good thing for me. I discarded the person. It was the best thing I could have done. Blocked...
My Narc ExH never played games with the rest of our family. He would come around and start disrupting with our game playing under the guise of being “funny.” It was frustrating. I caught on to his antics and would tell him that we could deal him in or he could join us on the next game but that he could not ruin our fun.
I want mine to smear me, forget me, move on, literally anything rather than stalk me.
The worst part of being with a narc is my love was real and too her i was just a toy
I had to go no contact with my grown daughter. She became so disrespectful, unloving, and ungrateful, that I decided it was best for both of us.
Oh, I have the same thing with my oldest- makes me cry- I sacrificed everything and she is like sayin her life sucks becuase of me.
@@ru.m.6119 Let her live life without you, if she wants to act like a brat. It's what they deserve.
@@brendaleverick3655one or both parents created this narcissist chikd. Let’s not firg t that.
On the button 👍☘️😊
Yes this is what my ex did. She is a stone cold narc. Took my power back, and separated. divorce was complete six months later. Then she played the victim and bad-mouthed me to anyone and everyone she could to "shield" herself from being seen as the abuser. No contact is wonderful!
Hi Ben, yes I think he wants it! I keep seeing all these videos about hoovering and stuff but if it's been 20 years of hanging on i think they just don't give a shit!!! But, it's so painful because you think why can't you even apologize there wont' ever be any remorse and no true care? I still can't wrap my head around being an object only.
It's for me that's it.
I get curious about the people I've cut off sometimes. Because actually I do still love them, and wonder what is happening in their heads. And worry about them, and so on and so forth.
My love ultimately lives on. Which I wish it didn't, but eh. The alternative is to be nuts.
But ultimately it doesn't matter too much. No contact is for the abused person, to protect what is left of their peace. So, I appreciate videos like this, because it does help me scratch that itch without reaching out and putting myself in the bad place again.
But, really, its not about the narcissist at that point.
im in my own reality. trying to get my mind right. i need to know if im the problem .
I was married to it for 23 yrs 25 yrs together, the narc i was married to was trauma bonded to his narc mother, she came 1st he ran off 10 yrs , he tell people i threw him out, he's since remarried a loon like himself, zero contact from me since he left, changed my number and am living in peace.
The only lever of control over my life my aging dad has left is to threaten to cut me off from his inheritance. It didn’t work when I was penniless in my 20s, yet he still tries even though I’m now comfortably retired. Do they really think they’ll receive love and respect by using cruelty and coercion? “Live your life according to my agenda for you… or else!” is probably a quite common pattern with aging narc parents.
Yes. They believe it. They are completely transactional
In my situation, the narc gf was living with me and I told her to move out. She eventually moved out and as soon as she did I changed the locks. 3 months later she showed up to a venue she knew where I would be dating a guy she met through me (revenge?) I feel sorry for him, he's a nice guy and she will ruin him. But, I blocked her on social media the next day and she blocked me the day after. There's no doubt Ben, she was pissed that I blocked her but, at this point I don't care, I moved on and healing. My experience with dating narcissists (not my choice, they seem to find me) one hoovered and one didn't since breaking up. Until she breaks up with the guy she's with now, I'll likely see her in my social circle, not often but likely.
The last time I heard from him, he called me telling me that he and I had some things to discuss...after he came home from a golf weekend and me and the dogs were GONE! Funny, I don't see it that way. I think he had more than enough chances in 15 years of a living hell for me, to say what he had to say. And....he did. He said a lot of very shitty things, belitteling things, etc. AND...have you ever noticed...they want to talk on the phone or in person. They want NOTHING trackable or traced. Just like they treated you in the shit times. All in secret. NO THANKS. Even though I missed his good side (so rare in last days)....I KNOW that Mr. Jekyl IS Mr. Hyde. Forget it. They aren't transparent. They are nothing special. Their FAKE face at the beginning was attractive but it was FAKE and you ALWAYS knew there was SOMETHING not right. Forward we all go! Amen?
Thats w any relationship,
I’ve gone no contact for 1+ yr with the covert narc who happens to be my brother. We unfortunately live together in our late mum’s house. I’ve taken back my power and I’m no longer a viable source of supply. Due to lack of funds, I can’t get my own place. But I am hopeful and have carved out a space for myself in the house. However, I feel that I’m not fully where I need to be cuz we share a space even though I do everything on my own. He doesn’t contribute to anything in the house. Not the bills, the cleaning, etc. it’s been like that way before I realized what I was dealing with. But I am waaaay better than I was.
I first started with limited contact and it drove him crazy. He is so emotionally & verbally abusive and when I let him know I won’t speak to him if he doesn’t address me with respect, he looked at me like I was crazy. He tried picking fights and I’d walk away. The jig was finally up and I’m done with him for life. I’m just stuck in this house. But once an opportunity to leave presents itself, even if it is to house-sit for someone for a limited time, I’ll take it. I grew up loving him and now, I despise that we share the same air. But yeah, I don’t care to reconcile or anything. I mean, when someone throws ur SA in ur face, what else is there to do if not dead that relationship??
Oh no! NARC GF was with me for 4 years. She was jealous that i talked to our newborn son more than her. I dumped her after 2 years as she had been texting her Ex at night when she went upstairs to bed early. She also had issues with gambling and when our son was born. She threw the £500 Child support money on roulette. Had 2 months free where she moved in with her mother. But she was constantly messaging me "I'm so sorry i can change. We can work on this. It will never happen again". Her mum was in the process of getting her a house. So she made me agree to not tell anyone we were getting back together in case her mum refused to get her the new house she wanted. Then she claimed with the council that she was a single mother who was "Vulnerable after an abusive relationship". Her rent and tax bills were all paid off for her. And as soon as she got the keys and started living there with our son. She got bored and came back to my house within the week. But the abuse came right back. She belittled my job. Was bored if conversations weren't about her. We tried to do a boardgame night once a week to have some time together. But once she lost a game of monopoly. She no longer wanted to play anything anymore. Threw a tantrum like a child
Spin the clock forward to The last 6 months of the relationship. The passive aggression was disgusting. Bullying and demeaning comments. Lies about where she had been on nights out. Lies about money. She even lied that she couldn't live at her new place because there had been a break in. Complete nonsense. I found the receipts in her handbag. She had sold the TV and Games console her dad bought her as she lost all her benefit money on roulette (again). But still i looked past it as I thought i was in love. I took our son on a holiday to see my parents last month. She fucked a guy we met at a concert for my birthday 8 months before. Had been subtly dropping his name into conversation a few times previously which I thought was totally insane!
She's gone. So is my son. But I have never felt so vindicated to finally get her to admit to cheating on Monday. The week before i was convinced it was all my fault that she was leaving. "Maybe i wasnt enough? Had i grown old and boring? Maybe she was right when i got mad that she was flirting with other guys when we went on holiday? Am i the problem?"
She could never really express her emotions. She excused her bad behaviour and lies as " Something i don't understand!!" But I understand perfectly. The image i was fed of her when we met is not real. That person was the fantasy she wants to be seen as. But there is never going to be any true love if your not honest. How can another person get to know you. When they are too scared to show their true face and wear a mask everywhere they go.
The "Brooklyn Bridge".
Throw the Narcissist OFF
This is soooo accurate. How do you deal with them flipping the blame?
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How does the person who dumps someone is the one who looks bad, isn´t it the other way?!
Good to know that it hits a nail within them when you go no contact...
And those emails, texts, letters, etc? Keep every one of them. Don't delete. You might need that evidence in the future.
My opinion: the only way to go w a narc is NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER (except when there’s kids).They don’t love you, or care about you or want you for anything else but SUPPLY. Don’t go back, ever.
I agree
Been NC for years but he can show up where I live again, in my yard, do drama like gluing the doors again etc. So there is a small, ever present paranoia. Hopefully he's with 100k and stays with her to pay off the mortgage on his house. I honestly think it's best that he's hopefully with 100k in narcville. Hardest part of NC is not knowing what's up tbh. Have had an ex-friend be calling it dumb that I didn't check his documents and social media, since he is a tech narcissist that maneuvers in that way. If my narc feels like he won, fine, he can live off his supply salary wise, and honestly that is a good deal for him. 100k out earns him massively. He's an adjunct prof and hundy is hard carrying him economically.
You can't reason with these people they will never see your point of view you can't reason with someone who always thinks they are right no matter what then when you go no contact they try to guilt trip you even though you didn't do anything but stand up for your self
I get the point of this video I understand completely I am married to a covert narcissist he is diagnosed. I have kids with him by law I can't go no contact especially with the kids because he's using that against me so at this point unfortunately I can't do no contact
That is so true, he is all about winning and I am trash and his words- " you are not equal to me" I am like of course not fool, I make more money than you , hahaha. But all laughs aside all that you are saying is currently happening to me I broke it off and he just wont let me go- so I have to fight and confront until he just gives up and blocks me for 2 days and comes back all nice, so right now I am at 1 day of him blocking me, :) Word per word holy moly, you are just describing what I am going thru right now. OH MY GAWD!! Yea , he said I was abusing him and I was giving him issues and to pay him $300 for him dealing with me. Hey, why does he call me 20 to 30 times on purpose when I go away? Or ignore him? I place my phone on silent and oh my gawd the calls are insane.
Block him
I told my ex Narc I didn't love her anymore after blowing up on her for all the gaslighting. I messed up by writing her an email that I was sorry and unblocked her. That was a few days maybe weeks ago, and I still haven't heard from her. Maybe she got the point
Nah she just thinks she is winning now and can get u back when she feels like it
@@bigtreecombatacademy2927 you are right, so funny he talks to me like nothing happened after weeks of not talking! He thinks I’m an idiot to believe in this. I’m just playing the game.
My dauger has just gone no contact with me (3rd time)after years of rages or abuse for minor things Im feeling good and at peace.Just hoping I can manage when she contacts me
But if the narc dump they can look good because they're in power and the dumpee look like the bad person that need to leave, and if the narc is dumped they can look good by victimizing themselves too
Soo true thanks you for confirming that 👌he asked me for a list on how he can do better, like really, i then started too and my spirit told me that it was not my job, im not his mother 🤔. Because his sulking behaviour, doing tit for tat games was a child not getting what he wants, then silent treatment like im not existing in the bedroom, or when he can't answer my sincere questions was a red flag 🚩. And Soo many other red 🚩. I even had a dream,one night that was very strange. And it made alot of sense. I was standing outside on the sand beach, and a huge cloud was hoovering over me, coming down to cover me with its smoke, and i literally called out ' in the name of Jesus i rebuke you!!!' i woke up and my husband was sleeping beside me woke up. I had fear and a little cry, and my husband just patted me back to sleep, he didn't understand that my screaming out the Lord for help was, an actual warning. And months after that our marriage was like a yo-yo type of relationship, up and down, good one day and the next worse than ever. That was my sign from the Lord to approve of my leaving process 🙏🙌
Told him I’m leaving your record label told me I love you on a call, and texted love you babe both first time ever after.
My ex husband has WhatsApp and talks to his daughter Sundays at a specific time. When he tries to message or call me in different places I don’t respond. (Took a long to get this far as he has no respect for boundaries). Idk what to do with my mom tbh. I just don’t answer most of the time.
Am a little confused when you say a narcissist wants the innocent party to leave & only wants them to stay in order to not look like the bad guy. It’s always been my experience that they want you to stay so things can continue on as they always have, with them being in control & some strange semblance of what they think is love.
No contact is impossible when you have young kids. They have to be transported back and forth between the 2 houses.
Honestly this didn’t make a lot of sense at all I was totally confused at the end of it.
What if you’re the instructor of a class they are in and can’t go no contact. School says I can’t kick them out.
I can’t because I’m a singer, all open accounts 😔
The narcissist that I'm dealing with is my mail carrier. When she gets mad at me, she doesn't deliver my mail. How can I go no contact with her? I can't just move. I need to receive my mail. Any suggestions?
I’m confused am I the toxic one when I’ve said I’m done he doesn’t try to stop me nothing but when he does it I end up being the one begging and pleading and I’ve done nothing wrong someone help me understand this
My empathy dont let me to go full no contact , i total ignore her but i cant go no contact i fell bad 😊
I found out that my narcissist was not only cruel but also sexually fluid......he really liked MEN.....and hated intimate things with me....and he lied about most things....I have gone no contact....but I don't think he will care.
I had to take the kids and run. He abused them and social services backed me .
Hope you are doing well!
What if they discarded you and then you chose to go no contact. Does it affect them the same way especially if they’ve replaced you?
No it doesn't affect them the same way as you.
They may loop around and try to hoover you in the future. They are usually losing some supply if they suddenly darken your doorway and aim to replace it with you.
If they discard you take as a blessing and leave it at that
So this video is an add for your 15 bucks a month "helpful" app? Thanks for the help...