Stop Putting Women On A Pedestal, Too Nervous To Talk To Girls & More Struggles For Men
Vložit
- čas přidán 18. 03. 2022
- In this video, I give my advice on some of your entry form submissions. If you'd like to participate in a future video like this, be sure to give me a follow on instagram and fill out the google form on my "Need Advice?" highlight.
CONTACT/ FOLLOW ME:
Instagram: @courtneycristineryan
EMAIL/COLLAB: courtneycristineryan@gmail.com - Jak na to + styl
I remember this one woman I was interested in going out with who said that she thought I thought she was perfect. I said what I thought made her far from perfect and said _"I don't put you on a pedestal, I'm just polite!"_ she responded with _"And you're still here anyway"_ with what looked like a tear in her eye and then she gave me a giant hug. I think I look at what could be in addition to what is. Maybe too much. I also had a strong attraction to women who saw potential in me back when I was broke, my business was failing, and I didn't have a successful CZcams channel. The people who saw and admired my future potential more than I did left a lasting impression on me.
That did not work out for a number of reasons, but it was a very interesting experience for me.
thats werid i was just watching one of your videos
@@christian7535 seek therapy
@@christian7535 You okay dude or
Louis Rossmann! Huge fan. Good too see you in random YT comments, makes my day :)
@@zoc2 dude gets no bitches if hes watching this
There’s never a need to put anyone on a pedestal, women and men all have their own issues, fears, and insecurities regardless of how perfect they may seem! Have learned a lot about people in the past year and a half just by having more conversations/interactions with no expectations of them liking me
I just watched a video of 10 YO me and I've wondered where did that stud go lol.
Had I maintained some of that personality type might have saved me alot of heart ache by not caring about too much what people think of me
True, especially after you learn how most people want to be someone B word. You learn that spiritually and psychologically. Another thing to remember is mean girls, every girl has something they're insecure about, it's what makes them lower themselves, so the key is to treat everyone as the same.
@@alansundqvist9462 you wanted friends so you changed to get them, you wanted approval, we've all been there.
Yeah it definitely feeds into 3s 4s and 5s thinking they're 7s and deserving of an 8, 9 or 10
@@alansundqvist9462 which is the whole idea of mental point of origin being you. You know yourself best, and should think of yourself in an accountable way, letting other be wrong when they're more likely to project or bully so you don't stay above, or rise above them.
Here is a thought for you guys out there. NEVER confess your feelings in print to a girl you're interested in. I know there are a lot of women out there that want you to express your feelings, and I'm hear to tell you, overall that is the diametric opposite of what they really want. It's like a trap or a shit test, and if you're gullible enough to fall for it, you tank your attraction fee fees to them. Don't do it. Be a man of action. See what they are like and then ask to go do something with them. And if she shoots you down, cut her off of everything. Be prepared for that. Especially cut them off when they state how you're too much of a friend or more like a brother... you've just uncovered what they really want you around for. And once they know that, it will be used against you. Barring that, she says yes, that'd be a good time to make a good impression, but not at the expense of being fake. That always comes out later.
Your dead right Leasing is a better option joke !!
🗣
Yeah I agree expect disappointment life is no fairy tale and there no happy endings
@@danwarner7816 shame one can't lease them for 2 years !!! with an to option to buy!!
And that's exactly what happened to me recently. I'm going to be myself, but I'm not going to open myself up. My dignity and my emotions are far more valuable than any woman out there.
your latest youtube video got removed, and it reminds me, i saw the part where you got a question from a guy who says he's 33 and never had a girlfriend before, still a virgin, that made me mad and upset, because it reminds me that guys, men, are far more likely than women are to end up like that
im 39 and like that. only relationship i had was an online one. about 30 percent of men in their 30's are still single. i think people dont realize that its a lot more harder for men to get into relationships than women.
@@danjones6702 they know they just don’t care 🤷🏾♂️
“Are you being what you want to attract”
love it.
A month or so ago, I got sort of a compliment from this young lady (a receptionist) about my personality. It basically started off by me reading her and telling her that I think she's youngish, around 25 yrs old. She agreed I got her age down correctly. Then she followed by saying "I think you are an asshole, not in a mean way though." Hmm. I took it as a compliment, but it did shock me some. I asked her to repeat it so it stung less. Sometimes when ppl especially women make a "negative" remark about you, us guys who aren't self-assured take it personally. It's like she hasn't walked away or threw a drink in your face, so maybe she isn't turned off by you and you should just go with it. Once you change your emotional state to fit into someone you are not, game over. She won you over and conquered your personality and internal emotional state. You put her value above yours, and that's not good.
No need to be doing these things. Just talk to every woman casually, see the red and green flags about them, then make your move. Also be what you want to attract. If you're young like me, start looking for a job, hit the gym and meet new people. You'll gain a lot of confidence just by doing these things instead of sending emails to girls expressing your feelings. I've expressed my feelings to women numerous times but never via email. That's kinda sus. Stay strong kings🤟🤞
What if she’s outta ur league since she’s cute
Men are no Kings and Women ain't no Princesses...
@@fergoka You are no happy.
@@TheEliminator1992 That's right. Everyone today wants to be kings and queens as pathetic as that sounds.
@Kevin Samson every man has the capability to optimize himself for optimal attractiveness to women. But you've gotta put in the work. Being physically fit and getting your life together to the best of your ability is not easy, in fact it takes a hell of a lot of discipline.
Thank you Courtney for sharing and helping men boost their confidence when interacting with women. Its great listening to young women like you whose also an expertise in the dating lifestyle.
This is very true. You put her on a pedestal. She will put you as an option instead of a priority and won’t take you serious. Also she starts valuing you less and it goes downhill from there unless you pull back and change your mindset and actions.
Often what is thought of as nervous is actually closer to phobia, but a phobia that deep down stems from low self esteem, and lack of clarity and knowing yourself
Simply putting yourself out there isn't enough to overcome this because something deeper needs to be dealt with first.
Pushing yourself while in a far gone state makes you look creepy and it spirals out of control because everything is being done effectively blindfolded, and the fear just gets worse.
This is why some people go insane or end up suicidal, they don't know what to do but may be putting themselves under ridiculous pressure to "work" to overcome it, which in turn makes things even more pronounced.
I do agree with pushing the comfort zone but that is a very different thing to what I'm talking about. Some people quite simply need deep healing before being able to push their comfort zone effectively
This might be good for me right now. I'm still coping with losing a female friend due to some misunderstanding. Despite my efforts, she doesn't seem to trust me as much anymore, and I'm rather shaken by it. So seeing new things from you might help me cope.
I hope this helps. Hugs! ❤️
That sucks man.
I've been there bro. I had a female friend who I really liked and I made wrong decisions and pretty much lost her trust. Now when I talk to girls I don't really care too much about the outcome. I don't even compliment them anymore which is what I use to do.
Sometimes the best thing to do is move on. But, there will be others (and that goes for friends and lovers).
Hang in there!
It seems that your friendship had no foundation to begin with.
It's better this way. You will eventually move on.
As for talking to women you don't know, speak to them like you have known them for years, like your old friends, like she is your kid sister, or you are already sleeping together, that way you'll be much more relaxed and at ease, and they will mirror your vibe.
Also if you cannot think of what to say just comment on the environment, the situation, or the girl herself, what attracted you to her. Was it her happy energy, her sense of style, her goofy laugh, tell her that. Just say whatever is in your head (non-sexual), be unfiltered to a large degree in your words, but don't be sleazy, women don't generally like that.
You will also have to project sexual interest and intent, google that, or else you will end up in the friendzone. Try to be upbeat, happy, positive, not always easy, try living in the moment, it helps. Keep the chat light and fun.
"Hot Mess Express" lol also thanks for the reminder because I was putting a woman on a pedestal that I dated last year and reconnected recently but energy is not reciprocated again.
When you put women on pedestals because you are attracted to them, I think its a sign that you aren't ready for a long-term commitment. I honestly think physical attraction matters for the vast majority of men and women, but let's be honest. There has to be many other things, like are you nice? Are you funny? Do you work hard? do you like kids? Are you Christian? Do you argue will? Do you have the same values, ect......
Yeah doesn't it say in Bible your should be married before having sex or kids
Edited: isn't that putting women on pedestal in. A way
yes. but that is not how attractions works. attraction an moral correctness are totally disyuntive
Come on guys! There are millions of fish in the ocean. Quit trying to worry about that “special one.” That is Disney crap and is not reality. I’m an old man now, but there was a time I used to run through women like women run through toilet paper. I found they responded best to humor and dirty talk…sometimes both at the same time. Being direct shows your not afraid of them and that you are in control, which is what they want. I’ve always said, “ If you can make one laugh, you can make one get naked!”
I'm not afraid to start a conversation anywhere, anytime, any subject with anybody. But a large percentage of people are in their own world or are an empty suit unable to keep an intelligent conversation going. That is their problem, not mine.
and pretty easy to tell too, when they give u a 1 word answer, its a clear sign that they aren't interested in talking
+
same problem I have...they are either zoned out in their touch screen trance with self induced ADD or can't hold a decent conversation, never mind one that's interesting lol
@@CanucksxDream if she just texting "lol" and never engage in the conversation it's over 😂
It's because most people are worried about what that got going on in their own life. The reason they don't converse is because they don't care and honestly people like you who just talk to talk and think they're being charming is annoying a/f. As a guy people who make mindless conversations and think they're being charming are creeps to me. No one owes you a conversation.
@@drmvp21 if someone doesnt wana talk then move on? Lol, it’s that simple and its not that deep.
We are a reflection of our own reality. as Aaron Doughty rightly says, 'Fill your own cup first. Learn to love yourself, as you are, right now. Not what you could be, but what you are right now. Make a list of your good points. Envision where you want to be in your life and get into the frame of it being your actual reality. And remember, you are worthy. No matter what anyone else says or does, thats their issue. YOU ARE WORTHY!
I can’t think of a better way to make sure a girl will never be into you than sending her an anonymous email expressing your feelings. Good God.
Totally agree. As a child I did it and it never worked out. I've been put on a pedestal too and that didn't end well.
As for the rest I'll say this. As guys we will pour so much time and effort into other things and ignore ourselves. Take a break from working on your car, on your video game, etc and level up your social skills, physical, etc. Not necessarily for women but it will make your life better and simply as a by product women will take notice.
This was just what I needed to hear thank you so much!!!
Been there, done that. Now I just focus on my faith as my top priority. Secondary is being confident about myself.
Be Positively Indifferent To All Women. 💯 Never put women nor their vaginas on pedestals. 💯 Have self respect for yourself as a man. 💯
girls say they are tired of the dating field being so much complicated, confusing and so sick of men thinking that they have to play mental games for dating. but men are already aware that this is what produces succesful results. i mean, men never wanted to play these mental games but they are noticing that is the way to go to have any chance for a girl to be receptive and respectful.
Great video Courtney as always, but it would have been great as well in this video to talk about women who a guy puts on a pedestal Who had a crush on him 1st or who has shown interest in him in the past past before he ever knew. This would be a girl who might have made the 1st move on him and for whatever reason he didn't hit it off with her because he didn't put the effort in but then later goes back and feels like he has the need to put around a pedestal because he realizes that she was a much bigger catch than he originally thought she was. Then starts to feel that she is somehow better than he is, either better looking than him or more popular having more friends, more goal oriented and strong willed or Empowered than he is, etc.
The moment a guy cold approaches a girl, SHE already feels like she's on the pedestal, even if he doesn't put her. This is one of the so many reasons cold approaches are rarely if ever a good idea. One must be very good at interpretating a girl's vibe in order to see if she will take it as a good person and finding a legitimate opportunity.
School, jobs and sport environments are the best for establishing relationships with a context. Throughout the days, there are subjects for conversations given the environment, thus making a viable and appropriate option for interacting with a girl.
Once a guy has established a relationship with a girl, he should never **submit** and ask for her to be his girlfriend, because: it can still put her in the pedestal, he can still be rejected and it can appear to the girl that he doesnt value himself and is not focused on himself (which is a turn off to most girls). A girl will ultimately see herself as the prize, and feel like she is better than you, or that you're lucky in having her. And possibly cheat.
Only if the girl shows that she's truly attracted to a guys personality and truly sexually attracted, he could consider it going for it. But even then, the girl should be the one to submit, otherwise, it is clear she doesnt have strong feelings for him.
Why? The establishment of a relationship is very dependent of the girl's consent. If a guy shows a fair amount of interest, he probably likes you, but this is not the same for women, they do it because they want to be nice or to get by. Thats why men need real and verbal approval.
Further exploring this point of view, in most relationships, a guy tends to show consistent interest if he truly loves the girl, but girls dont reciprocate much because its very rare that a girl feels true love, except for a Hollywood celebrity or in her fantasies.
Don't believe me? Ask yourself this question: do you think there are more male simps or female simps? More rejected guys or more rejected girls in the world? Exactly.
In resume, dont put women on a pedestal, show balanced interest and let her come to you or see if she can indirectly express how she feels about you. Just play it cool. You can't establish a honest elationship if she doesnt make it clear that she likes you. This is paramount.
This is my opinion and analysis, feel free to reply. I have a big playlist about relationships on my channel for anyone that is interested.
you're speaking a whole bunch of truth here. I would however say that if you have sufficient value and confidence it's totally possible to cold approach women. It is in itself a sign of confidence in fact, and as such raises your SMV, not lowers it. HOWEVER if you are over complimenting, over investing, going for big dates early on, that's where you are going to come unstuck. So it's HOW you approach that's important.
You are very much correct that as men, we should never be the first to ask for commitment - that's the woman's ask. I'll contend this holds true all the way to marriage proposals. If the dynamics of the relationship is correct and the attraction is there, women should be asking men for marriage. Indeed historically this WAS the case for the majority of cultures. after all women are hypergamous, they want to marry UP. Back in the day women (or their families) approached the high-value men for potential partnership. The dowry went from the woman to the man precisely because of this value and power dynamic. But societal and religious mores, feminism and popular culture has subverted this dynamic in the last 150 years. Doesn't mean as men we have to buy into this though. I have my own example of this. My wife asked to marry me. That's what it is to have value. Create sufficient SMV and you'll be surprised how much women will pursue you. And at the end of the day, that's what you want, a woman who feels lucky to have YOU, not the reverse. It's very dangerous for a guy to ever be in the situation where he's the lucky one.
@@jleano609 Thanks. I appreciate the feedback and the insight you gave
Everything you've typed here is a fact not an opinion.
This topic was timely. Thanks Courtney.
That guy that did the anonymous email definitely put the fear in her and I'm glad she figured out it was because I would definitely not feel comfortable at home having windows if something like that happened to me (even though I practice the 2A, a man's gotta sleep). If you're not direct, she won't see you as a leader and she'll walk all over you, or walk away from you.
Ouch, I don't agree that it was a bad idea to put himself out there even if it was anonymous. Maybe next time he will have more confidence
Oh yeah definitely keep putting yourself out there. I mean I awkwardly stumbled like that for years burned alot of bridges bit it's the only way to find your confidence.
You can like them, love them, and appreciate them, but never pedestalize them!
These videos just drive someone like me who’s struggled to attract any female attention my whole life, further into depression. Tried everything and nothing works. Some guys just aren’t looked at as more than a friend no matter what you do.
What types of women are you trying to get attention from? Look outside your areas of interest. Consider women you wouldn’t normally date or be initially attracted to. There is someone for everyone if they want a relationship, and there *are* women for you.
If your strength isn’t in the looks department, that’s okay. You’re a person, so you’re multifaceted and more valuable than just your looks. Consider building skills like conversation volleying (going back and forth at a good flow), charisma, if you’ve got a genuinely charming personality it can outdo looks by a margin. Focus on some hobbies and new goals. You will find someone, and probably when you least expect to!
@@Jocelyn_Jade well that is the most
ridiculous reasoning
there is someone for
somebody
well no if it was the case
everybody would reproduce
well not everybody reproduces
the statement isnt
right
The secret to talking to girls and women. They both are just people, just like you. People are people. We all have flaws, and we all want to be accepted and treated with respect. Yes people sometimes put up fronts, but that's to hide insecurities. Just be friendly, but don't be over friendly. Just be yourself. If you happen to really like a someone, its going to show. They will either be interested or they won't. If not move on. Its not a life or death situation.
Agreed but you need to show interest properly and not by being overly friendly and a push over to do things for her. I give girls I like the chance to do things for me too to gauge their interest and to build investment from them. Treat all women you like as 5/10 regardless of how hot they really are
@@lanikinlywalker4596 75/150
Woman ❤️ other female becauces they don"t ladies special ; however women basically don"t want to have sexually intercouse / date other woman it not them same:: married men or men with a partner : getting a date isn' t their life
If you act needy...clingy....desperate...thirst....no abundance....it equals...NO CONFIDENCE...NO LEADERSHIP ...NO LIFE!!! ...There are over 8 billion people out there!!!... Remember....When you " miss" the bus, there's ALWAYS another one coming around the corner!... Trust & believe in yourself because at the end of the day...." Nobody else will!!!"
A platitude for every occasion.
I needed this
Thank you court, great video🥰
I’ve been with my girl for about a year and a half. Right around 9 months I started falling deep in love. That was the beginning of me putting her in pedestal. She treats me very well and loves me ALOT. So at least it’s equal. But I find myself being obsessed with her. I love her like I’ve never loved before. For the first time in my life I want to get married. But I’m really struggling with this idea. I need to bring her back down to earth.
This "too nervous to talk to girls" (in person) is only going to get worse w/how generations are now being raised with so much virtual contact. Kinda scary for the future of dating
Isn't this what women wanted?
I had learn that over the years. Putting women on pedestal when half Damm time they don't deserve it. It learning process but I don't do it anymore
Yeah you definitely don't want to put any women on a pedestal bc your going to quickly come to realize she ain't perfect at all 🤣💯
Oh god, your eyes bugging out at 6:07 totally CRACKED ME UP!!!
Putting women on a pedestal is very easy to do especially if u have zero to little experience with women. That isn't something that u can fix overnight. Just accept that u will simp for certain women when u are starting out and u will be fine
Simp means being taken advantage of or giving up everything for 1 woman. By trying to communicate or get a girlfriend isn't simp thing to do.
All 3 of my grandmothers tell me that I am a catch. No one is interested in me. I am 35, been single almost 5 years. No friends and dating is non-existent.
Came on CZcams looking for the next Courtney video and here it is 👏
Courtney what’s you’re opinion on being friends with a girl first? So many CZcamsr s say to avoid the dreaded friend zone, but most of the girls I have slept with or got into a relationship with started out as friends. In fact, my ex had a crush on me the entire time and thought SHE was friend zoned by ME, which wasn’t the case at all, I was just doing my thing and enjoying the company. think it’s important to distinguish between friends with a girl and being friend zoned. If you’re friend zoned, she doesn’t see you as a potential sexual partner at all and she most likely doesn’t respect you. But being friends with a girl is really just enjoying each other’s company without any expectations, without any ulterior motives, without chasing the girl or anything, just normal connecting. In my experience, it really works. Because she develops an emotional connection with you while at the same time really respects you. Like I said, pretty much every time this has happened, we ended up fucking one night randomly.
Dont listen to these youtubers man if it works for you do it i deff feel what your saying
Use friendzone to your advantage lol
That's a beta male move. Approach her and be up front. Move on if she turns you down.
@@bengalboypaco3140 beta move
@@markquinn1216 Don’t really care what’s “alpha” or “beta”, i like results. And I’ve gotten the best results when I do it my way. You are much more likely to get her to have feelings for you if she has a connection with you first. This is how I met my ex, this is how I’ve gotten laid in my life, also my step brother’s wife is his childhood friend. She will never leave him because they have 15 years of history being friends. She is so in love with him it’s insane. I’m telling you, a woman needs an emotional connection. If she doesn’t feel an emotional connection she will have no problem forgetting about you immediately.
@@nickp3949 Meanwhile, more confident dudes banged her in way less time.
Regarding Courtney's second question, how odd that women are supposedly oppressed when she receives many, many mesages from men who are almost too afraid to actually talk to them, and I was there many years ago. Exactly who is oppressed?
Nobody is really, at least in the U.S.
Men are these days! All the suicides brushed under carpet, and no such thing as wage pay gap, utter bs! Females never had it so good! They just want their cake and eat it too!
Hey Courtney! I appreciate your content. You cut right to the chase.
When you mention previous videos, would you mind putting links in the description? Thanks in advance!
Also, over the years I’ve always been nervous as hell approaching women. It doesn’t matter that I’ve had incredible success in the past. When I was in the best shape of my life, it helped my confidence a lot. However for some of us, the terror of approaching is extremely real. Another channel suggested 500 approaches before the nervousness goes away. Guess I’ve got my work cut out for me lol!
That's weird, I was just thinking about how you shouldn't do that. Great timing
Lol 😂
Guys the truth is if you’re working on yourself and building confidence then you don’t have to worry about being nervous, because the right girl is going to be attracted to you. If a girl isn’t reciprocating attraction then just forget it. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t chase or be desperate. Bring your best self and have something exciting to offer.
I don't put no woman on a pedestal they're all equal in my eyes Courtney Ryan you have an awesome video as usual another thumbs up very helpful
"Don't put them on a pedestal"
"Don't be too nervous"
"Don't talk to them too much or too little"
In other words...don't try at all
No doubt with the 90 - 10 rule in effect. Approaching any woman can get you the 'creep' label or simply 'rejected' as a non starter so a very thick skin is required or better just do not approach unless you receive a 'signal' first. For most guys those 'signals' will be far and few between so it's best to just get on with your life and not worry about the 'mating' market place' such as it has become. For those that insist just remember that a woman is a flesh and blood person just like yourself with all the same emotions but run on a completely different set of software programming....especially in today's world. For myself, I'm not 'out' of but I'm not 'in' this game of tryin to find someone of the opposite gender to share life with.
What I did to overcome oneitis was just start conversations with women I had no romantic interest in. Although, in my case, I have dual Australian and American citizenship, and for some reason, a lot of American ladies love Aussie accents. I also speak fluent French and have experience playing guitar, so it helps to have different skill sets.
Iam currently 17 and half years old and i really appreciate the way you get the point through... not just in this video
Everything is so clear and Iam able to learn so efficiently
Ty for the support ❤
I couldn't agree more! They are not celebrities and they are definitely not gods. They are human beings, nothing more and nothing less!
Hahaha “Hot mess express!” I’ve never heard that and it’s hilarious. Haha 😂
The thing is some men only feel nervous when they talk to the woman they're attracted to. I think they're so afraid they'll get rejected. They need to think in their mind she is just another woman and need to see it that way and hopefully talking to a woman would be easier like talking to a woman they're not attracted to.
the problem is, most American chicks aren’t down-to-earth, therefore not approachable. So of course you gonna get nervous to talk to someone unapproachable
That is a mistake, from an evolutionary standpoint, missinterpretation aswell. If you feel "nervous" that is the set of psychological and biological signals that you just recognized your potential partner. Next move, logically is to do steps to make that woman your partner. Videos like this just assure idiotic theories.
You should be happy that nature did its job, and go and talk to her, sure be realistic. Not being affraid of lol.
@@ajw_3153 what are you saying?. American girls are litreally the easiest to approach. Insanely easy. Compared to other parts of the world
@@wenky_facewenky6257 hasn’t been my experience. foreign girls are down-to earth and not as conceited and nasty, and im not just saying that- i’ve experienced it
I’m no expert but I’m trying out here thanks professor Ryan I’ve got some notes down 👍🏽🤓
I have the opposite of one of the things mentioned here going on. The vast majority of my friends are women. But for some reason I can't get a relationship to save my life. I do put ones I am romantically interested in on a pedestal which is probably the issue but I can't help it. I can't just pass off or treat somebody like crap just to "play the game" that I truly care about.
Great tips! You should never idolize a woman or put her on a pedestal - that’s not what she wants.
She wants you to act like a man, that’s what a real man does.
If anybody should idolize anyone - it should be her, not you!
Men are supposed to be leaders, if she’s the one leading, it’ll just be a matter of time before she leaves you for another man - who knows how to lead!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Hey Carlos, I have been catching the eye of women at the grocery store, target, the mall (everyday places one goes) but what do I do next?
If we are walking towards each other and both lock eyes... what is my move? It feels so unnatural to turn around and run her down :/
I am new to a city without friends, I also don’t use social media so meeting people has proven to be very difficult. At the end of my day I look back on the opportunities I missed, but I have no clue how to change it in this situation... It is so defeating. Any tips would be appreciated!
Thank you!
@@johnyohonson6367 I hear ya! Lol The way I became confident, and basically able to talk to any girl I like is by talking to everybody.
So the way I would do it is: get used to talking to anyone you see, boy or girl - that way when you finally see that girl you want to talk to - it’ll just be second nature to you.
Not everybody is going to like you of course, it’s a numbers game - you win some, and you lose some, that’s life! That’s how I would go about it at first, baby steps! Cheers!
@@carlosverde-datingtips7001 Thanks for the advice and replying to me!
How would you - Approach the woman you just walked by but going in the opposite direction as you were walking. Turn around and run her down? how to do this gracefully?
Awesome video Courtney.
Could you do a how to style video on approaching women? ( at say, the grocery store, a mall, every day places one would go) I have been catching the eye of women but what do I do next? If we are walking towards each other and both lock eyes... what is my move? It feels so unnatural to turn around and run her down :/
I am new to a city without friends, I also don’t use social media so meeting people has proven to be very difficult. I would have done the submission question on your instagram, but like i said i don’t use social media. I hope this finds you anyways.
Any of you guys experience this too? what are some tips?
thanks everyone!
Holy smokes, that last scenario...... 😬
Pro-tip for tackling a pedestalization complex:
Look for "flaws" and quirks in her. This isn't shifting to a negative paradigm, this is supplying your idolization with a balanced perspective which will break the spell she has over you. It's only after this point can you treat her like a human being.
Do you have flaws and quirks? Yes you do. Does everyone? Yes, everyone. So for example, you might make a mental note about tiny quirks in her personality, or some innocuous observation about how her nose wiggles when she's nervous-these things don't have to be negative per se, it could be something you could describe as cute and adorable. I worked with a girl who laughed like how a guinea pig squeaks. One day, I asked to her off the cuff when she laughed at something where she keeps her pet guinea pig hidden... because everytime I work with you I hear a guinea pig crying out to "feed me". And knowing she wasn't a particularly insecure person that might rub her the wrong way, she thought it was funny and endearing. Even if she might take issue with it, you can file that fact of her laugh in the back of your mind as evidence that she's human, and therefore have a case for treating her as one and not as an angelic unicorn.
Sorry, going to disagree somewhat here. In part what you're defining is surface level behavior (that IG phenomenon) that Courtney has discussed before - the "Icks". The example you've cited - though very surface level - was also with an acquaintance (coworker). Stakes will be higher with a romantic interest. Using such tactics may backfire.
It's really simple - surface level issues are things that can be fixed, including & up to certain physical features. It's character issues that cannot be fixed. That should be the discovery goal when assessing a romantic interest.
@@michaelsimpson8010 If you're afraid they'll backfire, you don't have to bring it up in conversation. Anything you'd pick out is a counter weight to a pedestalization complex someone might have. And these things are harmless observations. Things that are large character flaws or even anything that inhibits physical attractiveness aren't things to ignore. It isn't suggesting if she behaves vehemently objectionable to just brush it off as being human. What I'm suggesting are tiny things that can be given a passing glance. It's all a means to an end. If you don't pedestalize women, then you don't need evidence against a perceived immutable immaculatness on her part-you can treat her like shes human. But I'd you can't take the rose colored glasses off, you may need to put a crack in one of the lenses. You don't have to overthink it during an entire date. You just need one tiny moment of awkwardness, which is part for the course on a first date, to get that evidence for your lizard brain to latch onto.
I think every guy needs to spend a year working in a customer service job. This would solve a lot of these problems
Yeah it’s true man. Working in retail forces you to interact with all sorts of people on a daily basis and a lot of the time it’s women because they tend to be the ones doing the shopping for their families. You become comfortable in spontaneous conversations with everyone where you’re asked unpredictable questions about where a product is or them making a complaint etc etc.....it helps boost your confidence, charisma and sense of humour. You get better at dealing with difficult situations and people and learn to shrug it off after handling things well.
I won't lie I have this issue, its like I have a friends category and a attracted to one. If I'm friends with one i just act like myself and frankly in a lot of cases they start to like me. If I'm attracted to one I overexaggerate and try too hard which generally doesn't work.
Some people think I'm nervous to ask women out but honestly I just don't make a move until I know I trust them. 54 percent of the population are women so I'm not too stressed. Thanks courtney
🙌🏼
I don't women on pedestals I talk to all women even if I'm not trying to get with them.. its a way to build ur convo skills and confidence. But you have to build ur confidence with ur life first. I armwrestle, I wrestle and I love to work out. This is what helps me too
Assuming that most if not almost all these entries are from Americans, it's ridiculous how so many don't realize it means you don't know what you're doing for one thing or another. No offense but a lot of this should be common sense, and she repeats these tips over and over again yet people still do it anyway, even if they forgot. If you have to memorize this, you're likely to forget at some point even though it shouldn't have to be "what did this person say again?" when faced with a certain situation, like memorizing for an exam only to forget the information tomorrow. As Bruce Lee one said, you need to be like water...be flexible and go with the flow.
As for the pedestalizing, being to nervous to talk with girls, sending an anonymous email, all of these cases show a clear lack of confidence. It's surprising how many people never think before doing something. If you're too nervous to approach girls or send an anonymous email revealing your feelings, what do you expect is going to happen? Confidence is something you develop on your own; no one can tell you to be confident because you need something to be confident in the first place. It's time to develop some skills. That's worked for me and probably will for you too, but which ones are for you to figure out.
Sometimes I feel as though men see marriage as a business contract, which it is also, but forget they are also looking for their best friend. When you have someone who is your friend you're never afraid to talk, she's your friend.
I remember the hives! >:) Great advice Courtney!
I stopped the pedestal thing in my early 30’ and it worked quite well.
I wish CZcams was around in my 20’ though lol.
FOR MY BOYS OUT THERE.
listen the answer to nerves, talking, being with a woman, is found in the work you put into yourself.
woman sense and know if they are around a man or boy and can feel your emotions. If your confident and know you're the alpha man. That will rub off on her. Also don't chase. Let your special one come to you.
approaching females out there just be friendly say hi pretend there just another friend at first which can ease tension and then as your talking have the mindset of seeing if she is someone I`d even want to get to know further as Courtney mentioned. You can be interested but not sold. Like looking at a new car at the dealership you're interested in but not sold you're just seeing if it`s worth the purchase. Keeps you in a more laid-back and empowered position where you feel like the girl is coming to you and if the girl appears interested she will usually start qualifying herself to you. Trying to impress you. Which is a good sign.
At best it's a dance where she shows interest and qualifies herself then you can tease her a bit and just have a pleasant conversation and just go back and forth where it doesn`t have to be so serious all the time. Girls like to chase. Why they get bored of the one-sided nice guy act.
Sometimes imperfections work in our advantage, because she feels safe to show her imperfections too. Sex and fantasies have many imperfections and humor etc help a lot with that
So many are mistaken of what they need and want.
Once you tune into their fantasy mindset, and play with them is so much fun.
Less resentment about their results after investing so much in gyms working clothes etc.
Stupid and naked , having fun together. While other loose their time searching the wrong answers
When some questions like how you like it have you tried to or so make connections instead of mere toys of Barbie’s and kens that get boring after playing with them for a bit.
I can show you many games, so many options.
Love the advice about telling guys to find female friends. I think the problem with a lot of the red pill community is that it's just a bunch of guys always around each other with no interaction with women and it's why so many struggle despite claiming they've finally become "red pilled" and they then still proceed to complain and not realize they're the problem.
I think that constantly telling men that they are the problem is the problem.
@@p1nacle80 I think that constantly telling men that everyone else is the problem is the problem. That's what most red pill channels do, they don't hold their viewership accountable and want to just blame women and society all the time. This is less about telling men they are the problem and more about having them look Inward and ask themselves what they could have done differently, where can they hold themselves accountable, etc. .... for example, if she cheats on you, that's clearly a bad thing and speaks to her current state of character but instead of the guy just saying it's her fault and calling it a day and end up getting cheated on again, he should also assess how it got there. Such as he might have stopped showing her attention and love etc over an extended period of time. People, men and women, will eventually bounce if you keep that up. .... we often oversimplify things saying women leave men because of hypergamy and never dive deeper. If a guy loses his job and his woman leaves him, he complains she left when things got financially rough but he doesn't admit that he became a winning little bitch always complaining about not having a job and that's actually why she left. She didn't sign up to date or marry a toddler, which is how many men behave with temper tantrums when they are dealing with financial struggles. These are just some examples, but both men and women don't do good enough jobs around self awareness. We need more focus on that.
I think it all comes down to subconscious programming and early life, why we feel certain way towards women and for some (most?) of us putting them on a pedestal is sort of automatic, why would we talk to them in the first place?
I go to a coffee shop every Friday, i read a book, i see plenty of women that i wanna go up and talk to, im holding myself back by not just going up and talk to them
Hotmess Express...never heard that one before lol
I guess that means your channel is aging gracefully
😂😂😂
Yeah that got me a good laugh
Such a delight Courtney...
Fellas: the girl you don't get today...IS THE ALIMONY YOU'LL SAVE TOMORROW!!!
What I’m about to say may anger some people. The truth is men get lost in the beauty of specific women. It’s hard because men go by what they see.
When a man is attracted to a beautiful woman, most likely that woman will have makeup on, have her hair done, dressed up, etc…. The image is that woman is very high class, she is very hard to get, she probably always looks like that, etc. Yet take the makeup off and all the other fufu and then what do you have…a regular person. You probably won’t even be too afraid of speaking to a woman who isn’t caked up and dolled up. But when a woman does this it gives you a false sense that she is way out of your league and unattainable. Problem is women know this, hence why most women hate being seen without makeup.
How can you say have an "abundance mindset" when reality proves you otherwise? If there truly were an abundance, then you'd just see women chasing you, it would be self-evident. We have a scarcity mindset because when we look around, our reality reflects scarcity - most of the women we meet are either married or already in a long-term relationship, and many we find completely unattractive just happen to be single.
And remember women go after guys other women want. You either have loads of women chasing you or no women at all.
@@mlctv6547 Right. This advice is basically asking you to delude yourself. And the reality is that if mindset alone caused these amazing results (à la "The Secret") we would all be handsome multimillionaires.
All I cant tell you the worst simping I saw on IG:" Can I sent you 5000$ ?" from some guy to a girl posting her photos taken from weird angle. WTF. I immidiately recognise it as red flag. The problem is other girls see bs like that and they think of themself that they fart magic sprinkles and that everyone should worship them eventhough the reality is far from their disney phantasy and they often realise that when its too late. Nobody wants the expired milk. If they want the knight in shiny armour they have to act modest, obidient, if they want 1950s style man then they have to act like 1950s housewifes. It takes two to tango.
I don't want to get into a whole gender war thing, I'm not in favor of either incelism or feminism personally. Honestly, it would be better for society if prostitution were legalized. Then these games would disappear because men would be able to trade their market value (i.e., money) for female sex. Gets rid of the pretense and makes it transactional as both sides want it to be.
@@SamianHQuazi Im against prostitution. Imagine the spread of STD. Imagine one day if you have a daughter and she becomes one🤢🤮. The moral boundary of the people needs to be returned. No more stupid games, no more bs on social media. Those who do things like that-punishments. They censor, condemn and remove other things but allow spread of immoral actions. Also im not about practicing any "ism" to absolute extreme ways.
Remember that we are but mortals. No one is perfect. We all have our flaws and inner demons.
If someone looks at you as an option instead of a priority, pedestal or not, they aren’t worth any of your time anyway
Yikes. Behavior that resulted in the woman going to court for a no contact order, which, BTW, is not an automatic process at all. It means there was a court hearing where a judge or commissioner heard what the OP did and determined that he did in fact engage in threatening, harrassing, or stalking type behavior, which is behavior that made the woman feel in fear for her life, her or her safety.
So the restraining order was ordered after the judge or court commissioner heard the evidence and gave the OP an opportunity to defend himself.
Honestly Courtney, OP should seek professional help, because this is pretty serious stuff. I have represented individuals who became obsessed with someone, and eventually served jail time for it as well.
I would say most guys sending emails just mention what is convenient to their situation. It happens in all CZcams channels of this kind w/o exception.
Exactly if your not even close to girl. Don't advance her in any form other than in person. Has he even met this girl?
Can PLEASE we take a second to appreciate how you clearly speak? In a world, filled with youtubers that NEVER enunciate, this is a breathe of fresh air. You're amazing Courtney, bravo!
you mean speak clearly
I was a shy kid raised by shy parents.... it was hell when I was a teenager and my 20's in social situations.
Sending an anonymous email revealing your feelings to some girl...really dude? What did you expect would happen? And what's the point of hiding? Serious cringe bro. However she found out it was you, she must have thought you a coward and a figured it was creepy of you to send an anonymous email. No wonder you got a no contact order. Serves you right
Great advice. It’s almost like she knows what it’s like to be male having trouble talking to women. (Sarcasm)
Eveytime you feel like you are gonna to simp the crap out of yourself just ask that girl to fart loudly in your presence.
Romantism will be gone and you will realise that she is just another human
What happened to today's video 3 20 22?
I think people were not happy with her friend. She was looking bad talking about red flags in men considering she had some less than convention attributes.
@@grecojones oh ok thanks
@@grecojones That's the second video Courtney has deleted with that girl in it.
@@Rick_Cleland I dont think she's a good influence/good for the channel. It'd be interesting to know how this plays out. They dont appear like they would really be in the same friends group or have simular life outlooks/goals. At least not based on how CR represents herself here. We've all had those friends we outgrew/grew apart from. /shrug
How can I get a girl to like me? Also it can be hard to talk to them but thank you for the advice!!!
As crazy as it may sounds. It feels like you have to manipulate them in order for them to fall in love with you, lol. We are creature of emotions. Men have emotions as well. And it should be okay to share your emotion with a women you desire to be with. But if you do, she loses interest. I don't get women's ideology. It's so fucked lol
Love you Courtney lol !! Keep being you
Most women give terrible dating advice. Courtney is the exception. I am SO tired of women telling guys to simp out over a girl they like.
Men, don't avoid rejection or negative experiences. It's part of collecting life experiences and growing/learning from them. What's important is how you handle it, learn from it, and grow stronger.
Yh I kno you learn from it. I find it creates sort of anxiety within me. Where Idk if next chick comes along will crush me or if there's a connection
I am creasing at the anonymous email 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 what was that person smoking to think that was a good idea?
I used to be like this for many years. Not now of course, because it took me forever to realize that women either like you or they don't. It's not your job to get her to like you, it's your job to be yourself and not worry about what she thinks about you. Not in an arrogant way, but like Court said you can't put them way up high and yourself way down low as in you're trying to super-impress.
Yeah... but it took my quite a while to understand that the option "likes you" doesn't exist for me
Ha ha, dude, if she blocked you messed up already big time (if she is normal human and not crazy)
If girl blocked you it's loudest no that she doesn't want you talk to her. Don't even try to contact her if you don't want restraining order or something like that.
Take time to chill, get great male friend group.
Don't look for someone special. Watched too many Disney movies? Look for somebody normal and reliable.
Looking for someone special is sure way to end up with broken heart or in toxic broken relationships.
0:56 "scare-city". Like scarce, not enough.
The fact is most of us Men cannot stop this, Just like Women cannot stop finding Confidence Attractive.
In regards to the title of the video. I have no problem talking to women, BUT I have noticed something very peculiar. I've noticed that the reactions I get from different age groups are night and day. Keep in mind that this is all in general terms, neither is 100% of the time. In my experience when I speak to a woman over the age of I would say . . . . . 30 (give or take a couple years), they respond normally. If I am nice they're nice, if I'm not so nice they're not so nice to put it in simple terms. The conversation is a normal conversation 90% of the time. Now, women under 30 (the younger the more ubiquitous this is) is a completely different story. I would say that 75% of the time I talk to a woman under 30 if I'm nice and courteous as a well mannered man should be, they look at me like I have a second head growing out of my neck and the interaction quickly gets awkward. I've pondered on this and the conclusion I've reached is 2 fold. Conclusion part one is that I think the majority of younger women believe that all men who speak to them are only trying to get into their pants and that's the only reason they would have to talk to them. Perhaps that is the case with low quality men with no morals, but not all men are so. Conclusion part two is that they really aren't all that comfortable with face to face interaction. I think they're more comfortable with digital online/phone interaction, with the whole texting and swiping thing. Only interacting with someone's thoughts in print form, and someone's appearance from a perfectly staged photo on their online accounts. This all pertains mostly to casual everyday normal life, not overtly obvious romantic social settings or circumstances. Of course there may be other factors that go into it, but I believe that those are the two major ones at play. The offshoot topics from this particular one may lead down some very deep and interesting "rabbit holes", or it may all just be hot air, who knows . . . . . .
It is VERY important for a man to have a woman he can talk with and confide in, HOWEVER it is VERY hard to find a woman who can tell you EVERYTHING and not "hold back" in an attempt to avoid hurting your feelings. I have a lady friend and she has become,e like the big sister I never had who I can talk to about anything. Priceless relationship.
Temporary I cut off fuel line so pedestal no functional ,I just play flute music practice,do exercises let see who will like to be my friend.