makayla holcomb hey, this video has almost no relevance in real court. This is super emotionally charged with little to no advice. Sorry. No offense. It court you need to prove your a good parent, food, water shelter, love. Keep your dating life separate. Keep your relationship with him separate and be a bigger person by not cAusing conflict. Be a bigger person by not getting sucked into conflict. In mediation have a parenting plan. Do not attack other party personally. Just say facts that you can back up. As soon as you start embellishments you are at a disadvantage. Put your child first and not your feelings. It’s super super hard and no ones perfect but you can do it. This video is good motivation I guesS.
I‘m family law lawyer. We‘re a recommending county here, but your video is excellent. Don‘t ever give in to manipulative nut cases, like your ex-husband.
I have a lot of anxiety especially after years of physical, emotional, verbal and mental abuse. I find myself physically ill when having to deal with my ex-husband for any length of time in a confined space like a doctors office or mediation. So far we have been to mediation three times and each time he fools the mediator into thinking his concerns are only for our four year old. I am really struggling with taking the emotion out of it. All I do is sit there and cry listening to lie after lie about me and my children. My heading is spinning after leaving mediation with him. Wouldn't a separate mediation be better?
Athena Lokelani I have to deal with that now, currently. I get physically sick when I have to deal with the mother. It’s crazy cause I swallow so much just to go to court over anxiously trying to get my evidence across. I’m a nice dude so I get ticked easily. My fault. Crazy experience, all of it
Advice that worked for me. Also realize that you might be the one starting or escalating conflict. Start worrying about yourself and your life, forget about what he is doing. Identify what the problem is, and learn to combat it with logic. And ration.
I am so grateful to find someone with so much knowledge on the mediation system at this point in my life. I am in Victoria, Australia & I am only at the beginning of the mediation battle for parental responsibilty. I am blessed to have found a new partner who is by my side through this & am supported by a domestic violence team but I still feel so isolated, anxious & overwhelmed at what awaits me. I have met with our mediator once & she has already shown concern at my worries about confrontation & the welfare of my children in his care, despite meeting with him first as HE put the first report in about me. Our next appointment is tomorrow. Thank you. So much. I will be referring to more of your material.
Madalyn Josephs hi there I’m in Australia too and am facing mediation in 5 weeks, I’m nervous because I know his aim is to bleed me dry, how did you go...
Wow, my first mediator felt so much empathy for his victim performance and had to excuse herself because her chin was quivering. I wish I'd had your mediator. My situation was also in the 90's. He's still a narc.
So him paying for the private mediation has me feeling that I won't get heard. The last 3 have been from the government, all have said no due to DFV. But this round has me frightened
Yes it’s shocking how cold these individuals are....after years of marriage and towards the mother of their own children. He’s also turned his entire whole family against me. All the while I have incurable cancer...no one seems to care. It’s like they’re not human. It’s hard for me to understand how they can live with themselves.
lovemagicandroad ok I am coming from a place of love because It saddens me that you have cancer, I am also someone you can talk to. Look up gregg braden cancer cured in three minutes and PLEASE please do not take me for arrogant I am simply trying to help. I’m not saying magic is real, but if I’ve ever seen magic...
Thankyou for this video I am going through this process in Hawaii we have a court date then get sent to mediation. We had court yesterday and my ex has violated a court order in three times in less then 24 hours. I have contacted the police and will be filing and emergency ex parte for emergency custody until we go to mediation and our next court date in March. I was so relived yesterday because finally we had boundaries. Boy was I wrong I spent the day crying and shaking because of his has triggered flashbacks of his abuse
one mom's battle. I have watched several of your videos and it is uncanny how we have had almost the exact same experiences with our ex-husbands. Was totally blown away by how nasty him and his family were towards me after 25 years of marriage. How can a father put the mother of his children through so much pain? My children are still trying to get over it ten years later. Now my daughter has two little ones and she cannot say no to her dad. I never got over the financial part of it. I finally told her that I would not be around him so that means holidays are difficult sometimes. We had a spousal support agreement which he did not uphold. My time in court was so horrible that I have not gone back. The lawyer I had made several errors and lost me money. Women need support legally and emotionally in these situations. It is amazing to me still that he turned on me so spitefully and with so much hate.
One of our family court mediators was finally relieved of his position for abusing women. He once cussed me out for sitting in the wrong chair in his office. He also told me to file contempt one time and it made a mess of my case. He was a HUGE man too. He had apparently lost custody of his own son for being abusive.
I took the course in my county to do early mediation and nowhere is there a time to learn best interest of children, morals, or ethics. There's a formula with steps to follow for the mediation, and the real learning is through mediating. The morals, ethics, true care for what's just or unjust, is within the person not from the course that teaches the process. So if there's a clash in what you see or feel and what you know to be right, please request another mediator. Keep requesting new ones until you're being treated fairly, and quickly report abuse or disrespect to the judge's office and clerk of court. The mediators are arms of the court and they're responsible to be accountable to (at the highest level) the Supreme court.
Narcissist stare is what I call it. It's so freaking scary. I thought he would lurch forward and choke me to death. Then he started saying, NO! NO! NO! STOP! STOP! It was crazy.
Gosh I feel sorry for you. I represent mom in a case just like yours, where the husband is a narcissist lunatic and who has an aggressive lawyer, naturally. Just don‘t be intimidated by either the dad or his lawyer. Fear is the ONLY power they have over you. Stay cool no matter how nutty the dad and/or lawyer is.
Looks like my narc ex will attend mediation via zoom/phone call since he lives out of state. He will attend the hearing. But I wish he’d be in person so they could see him.
I had my mediation in the UK. The first session was great. She wasn't listening to any of his excuses. Session 2 total reversal. He had clearly had communication with her before that session. All of a sudden she was protecting him about why he had never paid child support in 5 years. She told me that I didn't need as nice a car as I had while looking at the fact that he had 2 homes, a car and a boat. Meanwhile I was living in a 2 bedroom flat with 2 children. And the mediator said that we should share the sale of the family house so that he could lessen his monthly costs. Not once did she say maybe you don't need a boat or 2 residences. In fact the mediator said to me, the only reason he has 2 homes is so that the children are exposed to different ways of life. Dear God. I almost became alcoholic at that point. I left the country as I saw it as the only way to get some peace from his never ending attacks on me and the kids.
I have a question. Would a judge see the narcissistic behaviors for what they are during the custody proceedings? I'm taking my son in law to court for full guardianship over my granddaughters. Neither of us can hire an atty so we will both be pleading our own cases. This will be great for me because he's a narcissist liar who manipulates by playing innocent victim about everything. That will be very evident as soon as he opens his mouth. My pitfall would be, if I have any, is my lack of shrewdness in being able to counteract his accusations.
I shake uncontrollably when I have to hear an update from my attorney. There was a recent situation where his attorney had wanted to hire a private mediator, it was going to cost each of us a lot of money, which apparently he didn't have and the person they looked for said it was voluntary for either party to be there. I felt upset that my attorney wanted to agree, so I stepped up and said I wouldn't go through with that considering that I would like to be there in person instead of a zoom call, I don't want to have to pay an arm and a leg out of pocket and I don't want this to be voluntary because I want them to see what kind of person he is. So we'll see what happens next.
All I can say is keep your chin up against these goofy dads and their lawyers! Don‘t ever give them the power they want! They cannot touch you, hurt you or threaten you in any way. If they get out of line, ask for the bailiff come in and arrest them for it!
I know how you must have felt confronting evil as a gentle person. Our little narcissist is military trained and once expressed he thought passing a lie detector would be possible for him.
Even Flow - I am military trained. I can pass a lie detector because I dont Lie. Also, who cares if he is military trained. Is he a good father? If not why not and if he is then how?
I approach Mediation here in Illinois as just another hurdle to trial. When dealing with a narcissistic ex-wife, it serves little purpose to spin wheels in $360/hour mediation where there is very little middle-ground to be found. Get in, get out, and move onto the filings. It's a necessary evil here in Illinois otherwise I would skip it altogether. Funny your ex tries to sell your mediators when they aren't judges. Silliness.
What if the other parent was scored.. unscorable on the psych evaluation? Psychiatrist wrote that is extremely rare, even among people undergoing litigation.
I'm going through the same thing that you went through. I am a shelter, but without my son. my husband just wouldn't let me see my 9 month old baby for 41 days. He and his family (who have a lot of money) handled everything and I lost everything even my visa to stay in the country.
I am sorry for your situation. I have turned to God for help and it’s helped me to manage my current state with the father of my kids. It’s been 3 years since this comment, I hope things have changed in a better direction for you.
Im going thru that at the moment only that im not only dealing with my narc ex but with his whole narc family who are harrassing me and are angry at me for defending myself from my abuser one of their family members.he was abusived to me and my child who he always neglected.
1. She should stop "momsplaining" its unbecoming and makes her look like a fool. 2. She should somehow realize that she is NOT automatically the best parent. Kids need both fit, loving parents, equally. 3. She should accept that a child's new half-siblings can absolutely be the child's new best friends. Thus, a father's home with four immediate family members should at least get equal time as mom's house; especially when homes are eight minutes apart. 4. Changing your child's last night to a hyphenated last name when the child has never once asked for it, is the definition of a narcissistic action. 5. Stop blocking equal time with dad because 'you' will miss the child too much. Why are your feelings of missing the child more important than the father's and your child's immediate family member's at dads? Spoiler, they are not...you're a narcissist. 6. I could go on and on with this list. It's really sad dealing with a mom that thinks her stuff don't stink.
Hahahahhaha yes they do that, but I didnt look at him at all,hole Mediation, I didnt whant sit next to him, that make him totall crezy, I just say psychoterapist I am not over with talking but its realy hard to talk when someone talk over you hahahahhaha he was so craizy, he almoust leave the place haahahhahaa dont give them eny emotion, just say true 👌💪😁
You have to really grow some, life’s not easy, no disrespect intended, you knew what you were going into you should’ve asked a million questions beforehand.
Two minutes away from my mediation and I’m watching this again to remind myself, I can do this.
makayla holcomb hey, this video has almost no relevance in real court. This is super emotionally charged with little to no advice. Sorry. No offense. It court you need to prove your a good parent, food, water shelter, love. Keep your dating life separate. Keep your relationship with him separate and be a bigger person by not cAusing conflict. Be a bigger person by not getting sucked into conflict. In mediation have a parenting plan. Do not attack other party personally. Just say facts that you can back up. As soon as you start embellishments you are at a disadvantage. Put your child first and not your feelings. It’s super super hard and no ones perfect but you can do it. This video is good motivation I guesS.
I‘m family law lawyer. We‘re a recommending county here, but your video is excellent. Don‘t ever give in to manipulative nut cases, like your ex-husband.
Thanks so many guys I know are dealing with narcissistic women .. this was really helpful
I wish I had seen this when everything first went down! So happy to know I’m not alone in this experience.
I am a happy that you had the courage, and I am studying mediation and this was a great example for my learning.
Absolutely agree! This was the only setting that the mask slipped in all my experiences where someone with authority was present.
I have a lot of anxiety especially after years of physical, emotional, verbal and mental abuse. I find myself physically ill when having to deal with my ex-husband for any length of time in a confined space like a doctors office or mediation. So far we have been to mediation three times and each time he fools the mediator into thinking his concerns are only for our four year old. I am really struggling with taking the emotion out of it. All I do is sit there and cry listening to lie after lie about me and my children. My heading is spinning after leaving mediation with him. Wouldn't a separate mediation be better?
Athena Lokelani I have to deal with that now, currently. I get physically sick when I have to deal with the mother. It’s crazy cause I swallow so much just to go to court over anxiously trying to get my evidence across. I’m a nice dude so I get ticked easily. My fault. Crazy experience, all of it
Advice that worked for me. Also realize that you might be the one starting or escalating conflict. Start worrying about yourself and your life, forget about what he is doing. Identify what the problem is, and learn to combat it with logic. And ration.
@@floresgt3 I understand it I have passed out because I fear him so much.
I am so grateful to find someone with so much knowledge on the mediation system at this point in my life. I am in Victoria, Australia & I am only at the beginning of the mediation battle for parental responsibilty. I am blessed to have found a new partner who is by my side through this & am supported by a domestic violence team but I still feel so isolated, anxious & overwhelmed at what awaits me. I have met with our mediator once & she has already shown concern at my worries about confrontation & the welfare of my children in his care, despite meeting with him first as HE put the first report in about me. Our next appointment is tomorrow. Thank you. So much. I will be referring to more of your material.
Madalyn Josephs I am in NSW Australia. How are things going for you.
Madalyn Josephs hi there I’m in Australia too and am facing mediation in 5 weeks, I’m nervous because I know his aim is to bleed me dry, how did you go...
This was very helpful. I have mediation next week and I feel more relaxed about it.
Wow, my first mediator felt so much empathy for his victim performance and had to excuse herself because her chin was quivering. I wish I'd had your mediator. My situation was also in the 90's. He's still a narc.
So him paying for the private mediation has me feeling that I won't get heard. The last 3 have been from the government, all have said no due to DFV. But this round has me frightened
Yes it’s shocking how cold these individuals are....after years of marriage and towards the mother of their own children. He’s also turned his entire whole family against me. All the while I have incurable cancer...no one seems to care. It’s like they’re not human. It’s hard for me to understand how they can live with themselves.
lovemagicandroad ok I am coming from a place of love because It saddens me that you have cancer, I am also someone you can talk to. Look up gregg braden cancer cured in three minutes and PLEASE please do not take me for arrogant I am simply trying to help. I’m not saying magic is real, but if I’ve ever seen magic...
I am so sorry for what you are facing healthwise. HUGE hugs and lots of prayers.
Thankyou for this video I am going through this process in Hawaii we have a court date then get sent to mediation. We had court yesterday and my ex has violated a court order in three times in less then 24 hours. I have contacted the police and will be filing and emergency ex parte for emergency custody until we go to mediation and our next court date in March. I was so relived yesterday because finally we had boundaries. Boy was I wrong I spent the day crying and shaking because of his has triggered flashbacks of his abuse
I am so sorry - keep fighting through this.
one mom's battle. I have watched several of your videos and it is uncanny how we have had almost the exact same experiences with our ex-husbands. Was totally blown away by how nasty him and his family were towards me after 25 years of marriage. How can a father put the mother of his children through so much pain? My children are still trying to get over it ten years later. Now my daughter has two little ones and she cannot say no to her dad. I never got over the financial part of it. I finally told her that I would not be around him so that means holidays are difficult sometimes. We had a spousal support agreement which he did not uphold. My time in court was so horrible that I have not gone back. The lawyer I had made several errors and lost me money. Women need support legally and emotionally in these situations. It is amazing to me still that he turned on me so spitefully and with so much hate.
God bless you sweetheart, my heart is with you 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you sooo much for your advice really helpful
One of our family court mediators was finally relieved of his position for abusing women. He once cussed me out for sitting in the wrong chair in his office. He also told me to file contempt one time and it made a mess of my case. He was a HUGE man too. He had apparently lost custody of his own son for being abusive.
I took the course in my county to do early mediation and nowhere is there a time to learn best interest of children, morals, or ethics. There's a formula with steps to follow for the mediation, and the real learning is through mediating. The morals, ethics, true care for what's just or unjust, is within the person not from the course that teaches the process. So if there's a clash in what you see or feel and what you know to be right, please request another mediator. Keep requesting new ones until you're being treated fairly, and quickly report abuse or disrespect to the judge's office and clerk of court. The mediators are arms of the court and they're responsible to be accountable to (at the highest level) the Supreme court.
Narcissist stare is what I call it. It's so freaking scary. I thought he would lurch forward and choke me to death. Then he started saying, NO! NO! NO! STOP! STOP! It was crazy.
Gosh I feel sorry for you. I represent mom in a case just like yours, where the husband is a narcissist lunatic and who has an aggressive lawyer, naturally. Just don‘t be intimidated by either the dad or his lawyer. Fear is the ONLY power they have over you. Stay cool no matter how nutty the dad and/or lawyer is.
Looks like my narc ex will attend mediation via zoom/phone call since he lives out of state. He will attend the hearing.
But I wish he’d be in person so they could see him.
I have zoom meeting as well tomorrow. Pray for me. Because my ex is gonna play victim with baseless info to smear me.
I had my mediation in the UK. The first session was great. She wasn't listening to any of his excuses. Session 2 total reversal. He had clearly had communication with her before that session. All of a sudden she was protecting him about why he had never paid child support in 5 years. She told me that I didn't need as nice a car as I had while looking at the fact that he had 2 homes, a car and a boat. Meanwhile I was living in a 2 bedroom flat with 2 children. And the mediator said that we should share the sale of the family house so that he could lessen his monthly costs. Not once did she say maybe you don't need a boat or 2 residences. In fact the mediator said to me, the only reason he has 2 homes is so that the children are exposed to different ways of life. Dear God. I almost became alcoholic at that point. I left the country as I saw it as the only way to get some peace from his never ending attacks on me and the kids.
I have a question. Would a judge see the narcissistic behaviors for what they are during the custody proceedings? I'm taking my son in law to court for full guardianship over my granddaughters. Neither of us can hire an atty so we will both be pleading our own cases. This will be great for me because he's a narcissist liar who manipulates by playing innocent victim about everything. That will be very evident as soon as he opens his mouth. My pitfall would be, if I have any, is my lack of shrewdness in being able to counteract his accusations.
I shake uncontrollably when I have to hear an update from my attorney. There was a recent situation where his attorney had wanted to hire a private mediator, it was going to cost each of us a lot of money, which apparently he didn't have and the person they looked for said it was voluntary for either party to be there. I felt upset that my attorney wanted to agree, so I stepped up and said I wouldn't go through with that considering that I would like to be there in person instead of a zoom call, I don't want to have to pay an arm and a leg out of pocket and I don't want this to be voluntary because I want them to see what kind of person he is. So we'll see what happens next.
All I can say is keep your chin up against these goofy dads and their lawyers! Don‘t ever give them the power they want! They cannot touch you, hurt you or threaten you in any way. If they get out of line, ask for the bailiff come in and arrest them for it!
Great name! Thats my child's name too.
I know how you must have felt confronting evil as a gentle person. Our little narcissist is military trained and once expressed he thought passing a lie detector would be possible for him.
Even Flow - I am military trained. I can pass a lie detector because I dont Lie. Also, who cares if he is military trained. Is he a good father? If not why not and if he is then how?
I approach Mediation here in Illinois as just another hurdle to trial. When dealing with a narcissistic ex-wife, it serves little purpose to spin wheels in $360/hour mediation where there is very little middle-ground to be found. Get in, get out, and move onto the filings. It's a necessary evil here in Illinois otherwise I would skip it altogether. Funny your ex tries to sell your mediators when they aren't judges. Silliness.
7:50 - Awesome advice thanks
What if the other parent was scored.. unscorable on the psych evaluation? Psychiatrist wrote that is extremely rare, even among people undergoing litigation.
Great content 👍 keep it up, I subscribed....
Wow... 😳
I'm going through the same thing that you went through. I am a shelter, but without my son. my husband just wouldn't let me see my 9 month old baby for 41 days. He and his family (who have a lot of money) handled everything and I lost everything even my visa to stay in the country.
So sorry to hear that.
I am sorry for your situation. I have turned to God for help and it’s helped me to manage my current state with the father of my kids. It’s been 3 years since this comment, I hope things have changed in a better direction for you.
I know the same feeling.
I would really like to speak with you, the case I am in is extremely difficult
Same here.
Im going thru that at the moment only that im not only dealing with my narc ex but with his whole narc family who are harrassing me and are angry at me for defending myself from my abuser one of their family members.he was abusived to me and my child who he always neglected.
👍❤️
Any advice for a woman that is a narcissist?
1. She should stop "momsplaining" its unbecoming and makes her look like a fool. 2. She should somehow realize that she is NOT automatically the best parent. Kids need both fit, loving parents, equally. 3. She should accept that a child's new half-siblings can absolutely be the child's new best friends. Thus, a father's home with four immediate family members should at least get equal time as mom's house; especially when homes are eight minutes apart. 4. Changing your child's last night to a hyphenated last name when the child has never once asked for it, is the definition of a narcissistic action. 5. Stop blocking equal time with dad because 'you' will miss the child too much. Why are your feelings of missing the child more important than the father's and your child's immediate family member's at dads? Spoiler, they are not...you're a narcissist. 6. I could go on and on with this list. It's really sad dealing with a mom that thinks her stuff don't stink.
That assumes the mediator is a neutral 3rd party, which wasn't my situation.
Wha
Fathers go through this too for sure.
Why are people coming in here throwing mud?
I am going through custody mediation with a NPD who is in Law enforcement, its NOT EASY.
Thank you! 🙏
Ugh do you have social media??? I need to talk to you! Im going through this now. Im so scared
www.tinaswithin.com (click "consults") - to schedule a one-on-one appointment or, go to One Mom's Battle Facebook page and Instagram.
@@onemomsbattle8094 This is amazing. Thank you
Hahahahhaha yes they do that, but I didnt look at him at all,hole Mediation, I didnt whant sit next to him, that make him totall crezy, I just say psychoterapist I am not over with talking but its realy hard to talk when someone talk over you hahahahhaha he was so craizy, he almoust leave the place haahahhahaa dont give them eny emotion, just say true 👌💪😁
You have to really grow some, life’s not easy, no disrespect intended, you knew what you were going into you should’ve asked a million questions beforehand.
Right....because he would have absolutely answered questions honestly. Gosh, why didn't I think of that...
Funny how women always say narcissist. Wonder what they would say about you
Statistically, more men are NPD and more women are borderline.