I wish I’d known this sooner!!! I’ve spent the last 4 years defending myself and trying to be friendly and accommodating and it’s backfired every single time
You started talking about putting your kids in his car and I started crying. I know that exact feeling. Its horrible and it takes more strength than anyone can realize to watch them drive away knowing what likely could happen.
Hi Tina, thank you for your courage, I'm so glad you put out this video. I'm a mental health counselor and have worked with many clients struggling in custody battles with controlling and/or narcissistic partners. This is a great practical strategy/modification that you offer. Thank you!
The narcissist in my life is my mum. I’m 54 and she’s 85 and this year through therapy I realise why I utterly crashed last Christmas after a lifetime of emotional abuse. I found your videos on Yellow Rock thanks to Dr Ramani and I’m glad I did as I struggle with how to engage in my low contact meetings with her. No Contact for me is not an option. Thank you Tina.
I used your reply "your attempt to protray me in a negative light is noted however, I do kot agree with your Interpretation of events", his reply. "Your actions will be obvious"
This is outstanding advice. Thank you. I read your books during my divorce from a narc. And they helped me so much. I'm happily divorced now. Thank you.
This was incredibly helpful! I have been using the gray rock technique for some time now and never really thought in advance what it would look like from another perspective that does not know the entire situation. I plan to slowly modify my technique so that it is not taken the wrong way in court.
Dad here. Listening! Dealing with a manipulative narcissist and losing my mind. I will disagree on the court monitoring conversations and communication honestly They Don't really Care. I brought in logs of communications. They didn't even look at it. There's no reason it should take years but then again that's nothing we can change here and now that's a systemic issue. One they deal with after the money is gone if I'm being frank and honest
Great video. My STBXW was diagnosed as a Narcissist, Sociopath, Borderline, and Bipolar Type 2. You are spot on in the best way to communicate with her. Thank you for sharing your one mom's battle with one dad's battle
I’ve been teaching myself this for years but to have a name for this and knowing I’m not alone and that I can protect myself and give my son what he needs has really been a balancing act over the years.
This method is how u survived ten years in the call center business. Spoke with a handful of narcissistic customers per day, yellow rocking was the only way through those conversations.
Yellow rock is 7:30s into the video,Largely this video is about personal anecdotes rather than the technique itself…I’m not sure I’m being fair putting it this way because these illustrations show why yellow rock is necessary. I wanted more about yellow rock itself… However is said is So important it’s worth listening to and discussing. Thank you so much for the video.
Excellent - thank you! My friend's in different situation, but dealing with passive-aggressive abuse from someone who she thinks may be a narcissist. This totally applied. You are a strong woman 👍🏼.
Oh wow what you went through sounds so difficult. I have just figured out to become a yellow rock out of fear of going full grey rock (with a very close member of my community who just shower his true npd colours but has a lot of power to ruin my life). Someone mentioned it's called yellow rock and its how i found you. Even tho i have no kids it's still helpful
100% reliable accurate information. I had one comment out of 317 pages of positive ones used in court after gaslighting conversation from Narc X where I became annoyed. X’s lawyer grabbed ahold of it, blasted it at me in court and plumped it up in front of her. Judge latched onto it and used it as an entire platform for our case. No consideration for the abuse or previous court ruling that supported my situation or our child. Narc X also studies Narc-defensive lingo and uses it in communication. In a way that is highly manipulative.
While we have different beliefs of resolution to the issue I love this video. I do the exact same thing with what you call the "modified gray rock" and it works.
OMG. Imagine wondering all weekend if your children had been murdered ! This lady deserves a medal for fortitude, I can't praise you highly enough. I was fortunate. Because my diagnosed psychopath was an illegal, I got him deported. He'd have killed us both if I hadn't. He's now a successful businessman in another country. Speaks volumes.
Check "Observe don't Absorb" too, in conjunction with Yellow Rock it will Rock! :-) I think the professional who coined Gray Rock term and concept is Doctor Ramani, who has been a specialist of the Narcissism field for ages.
Hi, I am new to the world of narcissistic abuse however I have suffered it in my family of origin and my husband is a narcissist. (It still is quite terrifying but I know that’s what he wants to create... terror) He has now served court papers on me for divorce and my behaviour!! He also wants way too much custody and I know in my heart from his previous children that this is fake. He has no concern for them only his self. Please any positive comments, guidance, outcomes etc appreciated
Hi @Fiona M are you still with him? My 2 cents is be boring as possible to him. When he talks about taking the kids from you, just know this too shall pass. You said yourself, you know he's not that interested in the kids. He's looking to get a reaction out of you. Don't give him one. Instead just instruct your lawyer not to let it happen. That's their job. Get a fighter on your side. Instead get really busy with any free time you have & have fun! He'll see you dressed for life, when he's picking up the kids or bringing them home & soon he'll be forgetting his turn with the kids, just to keep you from having free time or fun.
@@idid138 hey thank you for your reply. In the end he only wanted the kids one day a fortnight and surprise surprise regularly cancels. He pays zero maintenance and doesn’t want to give me a divorce at the same time as being the pursuer. They do the opposite of what they say a lot of the time. Very confusing to deal with and very underhanded. Still acting like the victim. I’ve had my eyes open and shudder at the thought of people like him existing and pulling the wool over peoples eyes
What about when your ex texts you things like "I called for (kid) and you didn't answer. If I don't hear back in 1 hour I will call the police" or something like that basically every single day? Or when they also call and text your parents as if there is some emergency also almost every day?
The whole system needs to change not the victims who’s behaviour is constantly scrutinised under the microscope, unfortunately we are where we are and therefore need this advice thank you . Gaslighting betrayal and injustice on a global scale by the very system supposed to help victims /targets / survivors. It’s a system designed by and for narcissists
Wow I'm dealing with a woman like that! She has threatened to put my daughter out in the freezing cold because I couldn't come pick her up on one of our visitation I truly believe she would harm her out of spite. Shes not a narcissist she's a MALIGNANT narcissist it's a bit more than rocs with her help 😮
What do you do if the Narcissist husband is told by his sympathetic, but manipulated family members to use grey rock on you, his victim, and normal communication becomes strained at home? The silence of two people using grey rock becomes deafening. But you have nowhere to go to get away from it.
what about when you need to communicate regarding a serious issue, like the narc making unilateral decisions? i want my messages to be clear and not long-winded but also cover the important points
Hi! Just found you! I would add links to your books and whatnot to your CZcams description. Also use hashtags like #narcissism #narcissticabuse #covertnarcissism #custody #coparenting
What about advice for someone who is fighting for custody without it being a part of a divorce? My ex and I were not married when our child was born. He has filed for custody or something called a hearing to compel our daughter back to the state of CA w/ mediation..... (I escaped the abuse with our daughter and the only place I had to go to live was with family in another state, we've been here 2 months). What advice do you have for those of us who are not married and just starting the hearing process. How to respond to their emails or comments on social media posts. When I got to this other state I was legally advised not to respond to his emails and to file an RO as soon as I could. Unfortunately this took me 3 weeks to do in trying to find legal advise and DV assistance from a shelter. Then after I filed for a TRO I was legally binded not to talk to him. It seems from his emails he sent and from what he stated in the court hearing that he's going to claim alienation. So how do I defend myself from those accusations and would you suggest I write an email to him since my TRO was denied/declined??
Please, can you make a video about what’s “reasonable “ to share or comply with the other parent in the eyes of the court? (General and before it’s finalized)
The minimum possible. Coincise, clinical. Child focused. As if you were writing and the Judge would observe you. If there are safeguarding issues you need to bring things on another level.
Ah man, life hits you fast. First you're saying I love you everyday, and now you're just trying to remember to smile in public.
I wish I’d known this sooner!!! I’ve spent the last 4 years defending myself and trying to be friendly and accommodating and it’s backfired every single time
You started talking about putting your kids in his car and I started crying. I know that exact feeling. Its horrible and it takes more strength than anyone can realize to watch them drive away knowing what likely could happen.
Not just moms (tho I realize that's the norm) I have a male friend who's dealing with the awful mother of his child. Stay strong, everyone!
I always say it’s like speaking to someone who speaks a foreign language!! Wow. So insightful!!
Hi Tina, thank you for your courage, I'm so glad you put out this video. I'm a mental health counselor and have worked with many clients struggling in custody battles with controlling and/or narcissistic partners. This is a great practical strategy/modification that you offer. Thank you!
I failed communication so many times because I would take the bait and end up looking like the unstable one
Me too
Until we knew better, that's what a lot of us did. But now we can control ourselves because we know they are baiting us. We have become stronger!!
Trust me stay patient they feel the grey rock. They just act like they don't
So me
Same here. I just didn't know. I feel really ashamed about it, but it's good to know it's not just me.
The narcissist in my life is my mum. I’m 54 and she’s 85 and this year through therapy I realise why I utterly crashed last Christmas after a lifetime of emotional abuse. I found your videos on Yellow Rock thanks to Dr Ramani and I’m glad I did as I struggle with how to engage in my low contact meetings with her. No Contact for me is not an option. Thank you Tina.
I used your reply "your attempt to protray me in a negative light is noted however, I do kot agree with your Interpretation of events", his reply. "Your actions will be obvious"
This is outstanding advice. Thank you. I read your books during my divorce from a narc. And they helped me so much. I'm happily divorced now. Thank you.
Poor woman. I hope she got full custody.
This was incredibly helpful! I have been using the gray rock technique for some time now and never really thought in advance what it would look like from another perspective that does not know the entire situation. I plan to slowly modify my technique so that it is not taken the wrong way in court.
Dad here. Listening! Dealing with a manipulative narcissist and losing my mind. I will disagree on the court monitoring conversations and communication honestly They Don't really Care. I brought in logs of communications. They didn't even look at it. There's no reason it should take years but then again that's nothing we can change here and now that's a systemic issue. One they deal with after the money is gone if I'm being frank and honest
Feel the same
Great video. My STBXW was diagnosed as a Narcissist, Sociopath, Borderline, and Bipolar Type 2. You are spot on in the best way to communicate with her. Thank you for sharing your one mom's battle with one dad's battle
I’ve been teaching myself this for years but to have a name for this and knowing I’m not alone and that I can protect myself and give my son what he needs has really been a balancing act over the years.
Going through this right now!
Much needed advice.🙏🏽
How are you doing now?
This method is how u survived ten years in the call center business. Spoke with a handful of narcissistic customers per day, yellow rocking was the only way through those conversations.
I called it "Grey Rock with a Smile"
That's what I was picturing too. Like be a nice little pet rock. : ) still boring but not cold. Please and thank you. Professional grace.
Yellow rock is 7:30s into the video,Largely this video is about personal anecdotes rather than the technique itself…I’m not sure I’m being fair putting it this way because these illustrations show why yellow rock is necessary. I wanted more about yellow rock itself… However is said is So important it’s worth listening to and discussing. Thank you so much for the video.
Pochodzę z innego kraju, mam jeszcze więcej trudności w dotarciu do wartościowych treści 😢
Excellent - thank you! My friend's in different situation, but dealing with passive-aggressive abuse from someone who she thinks may be a narcissist. This totally applied. You are a strong woman 👍🏼.
Oh wow what you went through sounds so difficult. I have just figured out to become a yellow rock out of fear of going full grey rock (with a very close member of my community who just shower his true npd colours but has a lot of power to ruin my life). Someone mentioned it's called yellow rock and its how i found you. Even tho i have no kids it's still helpful
100% reliable accurate information. I had one comment out of 317 pages of positive ones used in court after gaslighting conversation from Narc X where I became annoyed. X’s lawyer grabbed ahold of it, blasted it at me in court and plumped it up in front of her. Judge latched onto it and used it as an entire platform for our case. No consideration for the abuse or previous court ruling that supported my situation or our child. Narc X also studies Narc-defensive lingo and uses it in communication. In a way that is highly manipulative.
While we have different beliefs of resolution to the issue I love this video. I do the exact same thing with what you call the "modified gray rock" and it works.
OMG. Imagine wondering all weekend if your children had been murdered !
This lady deserves a medal for fortitude, I can't praise you highly enough.
I was fortunate. Because my diagnosed psychopath was an illegal, I got him deported. He'd have killed us both if I hadn't.
He's now a successful businessman in another country. Speaks volumes.
Very helpful thank you
Check "Observe don't Absorb" too, in conjunction with Yellow Rock it will Rock! :-)
I think the professional who coined Gray Rock term and concept is Doctor Ramani, who has been a specialist of the Narcissism field for ages.
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed. So helpful.
Thank you for validating my experience ❤
This method is necessary with extended family as well because of the smear campaign constantly going on.
💚Powerful, life-saving technique.
Always invaluable information 🎉💪🏽👏🏾🎊
Hi, I am new to the world of narcissistic abuse however I have suffered it in my family of origin and my husband is a narcissist. (It still is quite terrifying but I know that’s what he wants to create... terror) He has now served court papers on me for divorce and my behaviour!! He also wants way too much custody and I know in my heart from his previous children that this is fake. He has no concern for them only his self. Please any positive comments, guidance, outcomes etc appreciated
Hi @Fiona M are you still with him? My 2 cents is be boring as possible to him. When he talks about taking the kids from you, just know this too shall pass. You said yourself, you know he's not that interested in the kids. He's looking to get a reaction out of you. Don't give him one. Instead just instruct your lawyer not to let it happen. That's their job. Get a fighter on your side. Instead get really busy with any free time you have & have fun! He'll see you dressed for life, when he's picking up the kids or bringing them home & soon he'll be forgetting his turn with the kids, just to keep you from having free time or fun.
@@idid138 hey thank you for your reply. In the end he only wanted the kids one day a fortnight and surprise surprise regularly cancels. He pays zero maintenance and doesn’t want to give me a divorce at the same time as being the pursuer. They do the opposite of what they say a lot of the time. Very confusing to deal with and very underhanded. Still acting like the victim. I’ve had my eyes open and shudder at the thought of people like him existing and pulling the wool over peoples eyes
This is perfect!
Thanks for the good advice! I would like to know some examples of what you could say when they are accusing you falsely?
Go to the OMB Instagram page ( @onemomsbatttle) and download our free "canned responses" for help with responses
One Mom's Battle free canned responses
super helpful, thank you
What about when your ex texts you things like "I called for (kid) and you didn't answer. If I don't hear back in 1 hour I will call the police" or something like that basically every single day? Or when they also call and text your parents as if there is some emergency also almost every day?
Ja odpisałam, żeby przestał i że go blokuję (ale tego nie zrobiłam) Oskarżył mnie o blokowanie kontaktu w sądzie.
Show the calls, texts and emails to the court. There should be language about not allowing to harass you and your family through communication
The whole system needs to change not the victims who’s behaviour is constantly scrutinised under the microscope, unfortunately we are where we are and therefore need this advice thank you . Gaslighting betrayal and injustice on a global scale by the very system supposed to help victims /targets / survivors. It’s a system designed by and for narcissists
Wow I'm dealing with a woman like that! She has threatened to put my daughter out in the freezing cold because I couldn't come pick her up on one of our visitation I truly believe she would harm her out of spite. Shes not a narcissist she's a MALIGNANT narcissist it's a bit more than rocs with her help 😮
I love this video. Do you have any Yellow Rock canned responses like you do in LET’S TALK
CANNED RESPONSES FOR
A NARCISSIST
CANNED RESPONSES?
Can you post the canned responses?
No.
What do you do if the Narcissist husband is told by his sympathetic, but manipulated family members to use grey rock on you, his victim, and normal communication becomes strained at home? The silence of two people using grey rock becomes deafening. But you have nowhere to go to get away from it.
Thank you so much! This is so helpfull!
You rock !!
what about when you need to communicate regarding a serious issue, like the narc making unilateral decisions? i want my messages to be clear and not long-winded but also cover the important points
Hi! Just found you! I would add links to your books and whatnot to your CZcams description. Also use hashtags like #narcissism #narcissticabuse #covertnarcissism #custody #coparenting
What about advice for someone who is fighting for custody without it being a part of a divorce?
My ex and I were not married when our child was born. He has filed for custody or something called a hearing to compel our daughter back to the state of CA w/ mediation.....
(I escaped the abuse with our daughter and the only place I had to go to live was with family in another state, we've been here 2 months).
What advice do you have for those of us who are not married and just starting the hearing process. How to respond to their emails or comments on social media posts.
When I got to this other state I was legally advised not to respond to his emails and to file an RO as soon as I could. Unfortunately this took me 3 weeks to do in trying to find legal advise and DV assistance from a shelter. Then after I filed for a TRO I was legally binded not to talk to him. It seems from his emails he sent and from what he stated in the court hearing that he's going to claim alienation. So how do I defend myself from those accusations and would you suggest I write an email to him since my TRO was denied/declined??
Same information applies
The courts favor whoever better fosters the parent-child relationship of the other parent.
That sounds about right. And really is the best for the kids involved.
I can't do that with a protection order for myself. I feel like up until now the protection order has just worked against me
Tina which book is best to communicate with my older son narc so I can see my 20 month old grandson in peace
💛
Wow, youtube threw in a commercial one min into the video.
What do you say when they say “what exactly do you disagree with?”
Hi where can I get a copy of your same cut and paste cookie you would send to your ex?
I need your help... is there a way to get in touch to speak privately?
Is there a PDF on this? The yellow to k method
Does anyone know if you do no eye contact with yellow rock method as you would do with grey rock
Good question. I don't know...
So glad I never had kids.
I was do that too😪
Please, can you make a video about what’s “reasonable “ to share or comply with the other parent in the eyes of the court? (General and before it’s finalized)
The minimum possible. Coincise, clinical. Child focused. As if you were writing and the Judge would observe you. If there are safeguarding issues you need to bring things on another level.
0:55 Or spend decades in a country and don't even learn the basic words.
Sam valkin coined grey rock
👌🙏🔝
What is your email? Please
You can get on my calendar here: www.onemomsbattle.com/consulting/