When Judges, Lawyers and Parenting Coordinators ignore Post Separation Abuse
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2022
- This week’s topic: What do you do when the legal team, including judges, lawyers and parenting coordinators, turn a blind eye to post separation abuse?
For those of you who are not familiar with our post separation abuse wheel, you can go to www.postseparationabuse.com. This wheel is truly the playbook of the abuser, whether you were married to this person or not. Regardless of whether you left one month ago or 10 years ago, the threads and the patterns are predictable and mostly all the same - with some variations.
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I have a court ordered attorney and so lucky . She looks at alllllllll my documents and calms me down. Having faith she will show how bad this is. I want my kids happy and I want a LIFE.
I don't know that I've ever heard of a court ordered attorney in family court - what state?
A court ordered attorney in Family Court?
Supreme Court sorry.
@FamiliaCamilia It was suprem court. I emailed the court clerk to the judge on my case and asked. He sent me an application , I completed it and they also asked me for proof of my income so I emailed my current tax report
@@tinamarzullo8868 wait, still , Supreme Court, even Supreme Court - would just be the court of appeals or higher court to the district civil and state court so, how did this help? Is it bc at the higher level,’there are more resources? Or bc the nature of procedure being mostly written documentation vs oral arguments? So confused
My first attorney I paid to represent me was a male and he was basically representing my ex. He was telling me what he would've done to me if he was representing her. He was in the conference room joking with my ex and her lawyer while I sat in waiting room. Needless to say I went with another attorney the second go round
I wish my daughter knew about you in 2016. She went through hell and ultimately her teenage daughter was alienated and her son almost broke down as he didn’t want to stop loving her. Tragically she died of cancer and her children are lost to our family. Thank you a million times for this good advice. I know that you can help many people.
I'm sorry about your daughter, may she rest in peace and may God pay her back many fold for all her grief.
I'm new to the divorce side but have found many on the internet and in person who have gone through many similar things.
In particular, a fellow high school graduate of mine went through this. He had a teenage son who died of cancer after what from what I heard sounds like an alienation by the mom. She would block my classmate from visiting his dying son and allow a very minimal time to even be in the room after he would spend a lot of time waiting.
A System that re-abuses abuse survivors needs to be abolished. Plain and simple period
When I first read Tina‘s story I was like.... I could’ve written that. I mean horrifying to know that we are just one of so many going through the same thing and it’s like how long are we going to keep doing this?
Our family court system is so completely ineffective.
This is my eight years of nonstop court...second round with a new set of court evaluators , minor counsel reunification therapists. Ugh!
I need help guys. I just can’t take it anymore I need guidance and a great Orange County, California attorney or paralegal.
I’m a single mom recovering from cancer and my daughter’s father is just able to hire these attorneys that just really....I just can’t handle it !
I should be able to bury this narc six ways to Sunday if I could just get out of my own PTSD to figure out how to make all of my evidence... all of my years of documented everything and I mean everything!
Can ANYONE to help me? I’m begging, I’m exhaused so tired so freaking close to fully exposing him and I’m just So afraid I’m not gonna make it to the finish line.
I am so sorry to read about what you are up against in addition to health issues. Make sure you join the California chapter of One Mom’s Battle, there are lots of wonderful people in the group and it's very supportive. www.ombchapters.com
How are you doing today, a year later?
I feel they're all narcs, including some counselors. The first attorney I had worked for the ex (narc). I had to keep reminding him that I was his client. He made so many unbelievable mistakes that benefited the ex. Ridiculous! The process kept going and going for years due to his mistakes. It's been four exhausting, draining and stressful years, and still counting! I decided to hire a different attorney who did nothing and was extremely pricey for me to afford. Now that I don't have any attorney and I'm completely fed up and burned out, the judge is rushing to finish with the case. I can't beleive they don't see it. It's not about the best interest of the children, it's about their own benefit!!! We can't even mention the word narcissism in court! We can't even address the issue.
Hi, family law attorney here. Just find your channel, I'm finding it very useful and informative. Family law practitioners work with clients in crisis, and I'm getting a valuable perspective from these videos, and they seem to be a great resource I can provide to my clients.
Thank you.
I appreciate your message, thank you. I have lots of resources that would probably be helpful to your clients at www.onemomsbattle.com.
Great points about attorneys. I learned the hard way that I’m not paying someone to be my friend. Part of the reason so many things were missed in my divorce was because there was too much confusion and he often told me what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to hear.
The lawyer I have now post divorce is not warm and fuzzy, very direct and tells me the facts of what can and can’t be done and why. He can come across as a jerk, but it’s bc he tells me things I need to hear. I couldn’t have handled him when I first filed four and a half years ago… but if I had him represent me from the beginning, I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in post divorce now.
YES!!!! Your attorney handles the "business transaction" of divorce -- that's not an easy concept to grasp but its important
What happens when you don’t have any money left and you don’t qualify for the legal aid and need a lawyer ?
Oh yeah also a restraining order due to criminal charges that are not pure truths.
This entire video is so my life! I left him in November 2009 and it is still stuck in the courts and it seems now I am possible going to loose it all! If I can get some guidance I would appreciate it! thanks
I hired a high profile lawyer in my city, but last minute she ditched out on me and said she was too busy and handed me off to her intern who was actually practicing as a defense lawyer for the State and not a divorce attorney. He was very young and naive and I regret not walking away and demanding my money back.
:( you shouldn’t have to pay that much if he was a intern!
Great video! Thank you so much. I was told to document everything, early on by a friend of my ex-partner's. This friend clearly knew what I was up against before I fully recognized it myself.
Oh my gosh_ every single spoke of the wheel- this after more than 10 years !!!!😢😮
Wow! This is textbook on what I'm going through with my daughter mom
Ignoring of abuse, pre-separation, post separation and post divorce is driven by power, money, image control and agenda.
I feel so lucky to have found your story. I was experiencing post separation (post divorce of 8 years!) abuse.
When we finally stopped just following his demands due to my child's becoming suicidal, court was the only option.
I was already 'prepared' from reading your books.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and advocating for us all!
I have always been authentic. He thinks he's so amazing and should have the kids. But I've always said they need us both. Even though my idealized hopes for him likely hurt them, it did allow them to see for themselves that I never wanted to devalue their relationship. I've always been supportive, no matter what.
And that shows very much in our communications.
So, your point of authenticity, though feels like fueling their narcissism, really does prove your nature is cooperative and decent.
Thank you Tina 💜
Oh my goodness. Thank you, so much 🥺
It’s just like bitter woman warring to keep the only thing men want, THEIR CHILDREN! The family courts are ruined. Incentives are money and constant work. Same for therapists. What a complete scam.
My daughter is going through this now. Acutuall 2 1/2 years. The father very abusive and trying to have Linda Gottlieb to take them to her reunification camp My grandson will be 18 this month and grand daughter will be 16 next month. They have been through approximately 12 counsellors because he gets a court order. He took every single penny they have and she was left pennyless. I'm beyond understanding the court system.
I really need help with organizing years'' worth of legal documents.
I share my own personal documentation system with others, I truly credit this with protecting my children. Here is the link if you are interested: www.onemomsbattle.com/documentation-workshop-1
Wow. All of this was done to me. None if my attirneys teiresented ME. None of the judges knew what they were doing. One lawyer said "maybe you should stay married '. And let him kill me?
We barely know what is happening and they expect us to do the case for them
There is no way out because we don't even know what is happening.. we need legal advice but we don't get it. They don't give us the information that we need.
I would like to know if these men you're talking about have been diagnosed by a qualified psychiatrist with narcissism? Which type? Experts work with five main types of narcissism: overt, covert, communal, antagonistic, and malignant narcissism. They can all affect how you see yourself and interact with others. The reason I ask is because the word has been used to an enormous degrees for the past several years by mostly women. I've only met what I would consider a covert antagonist narcissist once in my life. She was my boss in the office I worked in.
Facts of narcissism: first of all it exists on a scale. Everyone, *everyone* has narcissistic traits, what makes the difference is the presence of empathic traits or in the case of an actual narcissist, lack thereof. People can be highly narcissistic yet not a narcissist. Narcissism goes widely undiagnosed because the narcissist does not believe they have a problem and therefore will not seek help. When a person has high narcissistic traits and little empathic traits to balance them out, is where things become fuzzy. Can we say for certain these men have no empathic traits? Probably not, but it doesn't need to be certain for the purpose of the videos; to help women who are suffering at the hands of an individual who employs abusive tactics for the purpose of control, I'd say maybe let's not mince words.
You really wanna know about narcissism just look at at your display photo
I’m not in a divorce and someone is cyberstalking me and putting this kind of irrelevant content in my account.
I’m 2.5 years post divorce and I’m STILL fighting with my ex bc he didn’t pay taxes and the government drained my bank account last year to pay his debt. I filed for contempt of court and won- but he no showed, sold his primary home, closed down a P.O. Box he’d had for 25 years. Even though I won the contempt case, he still hasn’t complied and wasn’t disciplined by the court as I was told he’d be. I had to file for a show of cause hearing that forces me to prove he can comply and is choosing not to. But- he’s on the run, nobody can find him and I can’t get the show of cause hearing date because he legally has to be served with the affidavit for it to move forward. I don’t have the money he has and my mother is going into debt along with me trying to get my money back from him.
I found out he hid millions of dollars worth of assets and companies during the divorce and I can’t afford to go back and ask for my divorce to be revised. I’m continuing to be abused by him and it doesn’t seem to matter to anyone.
i am so sorry.
There is no Calvary coming to save us. We are our own Calvary. No one can tell us what to do. We have to show others how to do our case for us. We have to be the leader of our life through action. A divorce is like a diamond and a fingerprint. No such one divorce is the same as another, EVER! If you have a will, you’ll find a way. The days you can’t do your will anymore, give it to god. And then go back to your will if you must. It’s a vicious cycle of fighting and advocating for yourself. Quitting isn’t an option, when you do, you always find yourself going back to try again, another vicious cycle. Find the right support person(s)/groups.
@@OneMomsBattle thank you. I can’t tell you how helpful your story has helped me not feel so alone. It’s beyond shocking to me that my story isn’t as unique as I thought. 😢
file a missing person report on him. If he doesn’t surface after a specific period if time you can proceed.
So my daughter just turned 2 in August. For the first year of her life it was just me and her. Her dad was too busy doing God knows what. And his own family didn't want anything to do with him until I reached out to his mom and sister when I was pregnant with my 1st daughter (fun plot twist im 7 going on 8 months on daughter 2 for me with him. And child number 3 for him, he isn't allowed to see his son and yes he knows about next daughter and yes we both know she is his.) But he let his mom kick me out for not being a good enough house keep and they kept my daughter from me, since April 29th I have been seriously alienated from my daughter's life and his mom took over raising my daughter, while he is running around and doing whatever he wants. Enable him to keep my daughter withheld from me 2-3 weeks at a time, no calls no pics no video calls, still have her birthday presents wrapped from August the day before mine. And no didn't see her either day. Seriously feels like I have been cut away like the golden compass movie. Removed like Sweeny Todd. And what exactly would the proper term be because idk if it's even got one
YAY
Tina, I am 6+ years into fighting for custody. I have had representation in the past, but I now represent myself and am headed to an appeal in Cicuit Court.
It's taken years, but after my ex raised his voice and argued with the GAL for almost an hour after a recent pretrial, I think others are finally starting to shift their views a bit. It has been suggested that he and I need a VERY specific court order to deal with the "toxic communication".
Can you recommend any resources to help draft a very specific parenting plan that would address alot of these coersive control/ post abuse techniques? I've experienced so many over the years and see that there is an opportunity to potentially see a specific order to curb several of these.
Thank you for all you do!
Hi!!! I suggest joining your state chapter of OMB (www.ombchapters.com) to see what language others have used -- and also investigate whether you have CC laws in your state. I know Hawaii, CT, CA and Washington have them.
Gosh, good luck to you girl! Seems like you got this. 🙏💪
npdandlaw santa clara study on high conflict personalities in family court is down online
Best video I've watched in a while. Not in US but similar unfairness seems to exist in family courts in Europe too.
It is a worldwide crisis, it absolutely is.
❤️
I have been going through this for 10 years. My ex has taken me to court 6 times, and is threatening to take me the 7th time.
I have an audio recording of incidents of DV, I have 5000 texts, I filed a police report, and a restraining order…
The judge wouldn’t look at any of it. She said to me in open court, “You are exaggerating”.
Ugh.
Traumatized surbovors are Doubly Traumatized watching how the $ystem treats and affects their children and by how the $ystem treats them. We Learn, Never to Trust AnyOne Ever again sidestepping emotional situational Landmines.
Hi, did you think about translating your packages and have it sent to other countries? Like, Spanish, for example?
We used to send it internationally, but we have needed to scale back
This video regarding parental alienation, spreads sexist propaganda against men. Im a dad. Im being alienated. Im not the abuser. My ex teaches our two year old songs like “A b c d daddy die”. A song referencing “daddys a dirty dog”. A boyfriend my ex has known for two weeks is “daddy matt”. My daughter repeats “daddy makes mommy so sad. Daddy matt makes momma happyyyy”. My daughter is suddenly afraid of me when im changing her diapers. Im an NP, i know what my patient looks like when they are afraid. There is so much more. So how dare this poster spread the false garbage that parental alienation isnt real when a woman does this. Tell me, as a man, if i was the abuser who accuses my spouse, would i voluntarily install cameras INSIDE my home to prove and protect how damn good of a father I am? Your bias ruins your credibility and puts children in harms way. Statistics prove women are the more likely to be alienating parent. Regardless, keep this gender neutral and seek help to undo the trauma that caused your bias, that you hold on to.
🅿🆁🅾🅼🅾🆂🅼
Hum… I always admired you a lot. But now that you’re “in the system” you are taking a very similar approach as the rest. Very disappointed. I understand that we need “radical acceptance” but we still have to address that the system need change. You’re basically saying whatever everyone else is saying now.
Until the system changes, we don't have any options. I work every day to amplify messages of system change, I testified in front of the Montana and Colorado Senate this month. I hope you are also working to make changes in the system. And for your information, I have always said this - as tragic as it is, those who cannot embrace radical acceptance go down a very bad path in court and the ones who suffer in these situations are the children.
What does the father’s rights movement have to do with this discussion. So in general you assume men are always the narc! It’s clear what your true message is here.
What about a woman who uses manipulation, false allegations, and other tactics to control a father’s love and freedom to parent.
Father’s rights are human rights! A father’s love is just as great as a mother’s. Time for true equality.
No one should be abused but the fact remains men and woman both deal with toxic x partners.
All the fathers I associate are good healthy men.
Please explain what your issues are with father’s rights?
You think men haven’t been through the wringer in this system.
What are your credentials?
I wish you the best
A legal strategy? It’s clear you aren’t a professional in the field. You’re profiling a certain gender and that’s NOT ok. There ARE women who ARE BITTER and DO withhold and DO intentionally ruin any relationship the other parent attempts to have with the child. You not clarifying is terrifying for whomever watches you.
Well… Research says otherwise. My dad raised me and he was the healthier of my two parents, but there are some realities and this is a gendered issue. I would counter and say that in my decade of advocacy, what I see is women protecting their children. Protection is not "alienation."
Sexist comments like that make me sick
@@OneMomsBattle Alienation is very real. Ive experienced it first hand and ive had to hang on a cross financially and emotionally to stay in my daughters life with the courts in full support of the abusive parent who happens to be mom.
I listen to everyone because its important to understand where everyone is coming from. If we're talking about Gender specific behaviour. Which gender holds onto hatred and scorn longer ? This is the abusive revenge channel
@@digdeepentertainment if “real“ means pseudoscience concocted by a pedophile sympathizer… Absolutely