Red Flags In Therapy: 5 Reasons To Stop Trusting Your Therapist - Inner Work Library [114/500]
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- How to spot a bad therapist or bad therapy? In this episode of Inner Work Library Q&A we explore five red flags in therapy and red flags for therapists with a focus on five specific reasons to question the quality of therapeutic space and likewise learn how to choose a good therapist.
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⏱️ TIMESTAMPS ⏱️
00:00 Do You Have A Bad Therapist?
01:19 1. They Never Agree
02:32 2. They Always Agree
05:53 3. The Intelligence Gap
09:57 4. Therapy Never Ends
12:39 5. Are They The Real Deal?
17:14 Bonus Advice
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Topics explored: inner work; shadow psychology; therapy; therapist; therapy trauma; trauma in therapy; bad therapist; therapist red flags; red flag therapist; is my therapist good; is my therapist bad; is my therapist right for me; kati morton; childhood trauma; how to choose a therapist; how to choose your therapist; how to find a therapist; therapist standards; therapist trust; dont trust your therapist; male therapy; mens therapist; male therapist; mens therapy; transference in therapy; bad therapy; fire my therapist;
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The downside of modern therapy seems to be affirming an identity in the patient rather than healing. The eodipal mother archetype continues unabated in education.
That’s a great observation - I agree with some of this
Totally! They are too busy trying to fit us in a concept and a trait, and they never talk to us, i had some that even used me to see them as a reflection on me, so all they would say to me like “u shouldnt want to change people” it was them talking to themselves, it was very weird and it took me so long to see i was always there to follow their concepts, not to empower into being more natural, i never tried to change anyone, but accusations like that stick on us.
@@zipleyfear of being sued or making a mistake plays into it a think. There’s a low key paranoia in academia at the moment I’ve noticed from my time there, because things have become so divisive.
I once had a therapist who couldn't remember the things I had previously said. And that really pushed my buttons because I never felt like anyone listened to me or my concerns. She also had a lot of her own personal problems which really took away from her being there for me.
That’s another excellent one which I failed to mention here - thanks for sharing this, not good and I’m sorry.
"Many people who are going to watch this are above average in intelligence" That made me laugh. You are right. Your confidence and honesty is refreshing, because in the end this is not only about us the viewers, but also about you the creator. Good job on not diminishing yourself for the sake of socially accepted false modesty.
I know my audience 😂 Wishing you well with your big brain 🧠
@@jordanthornton hahah
For me, your red flags really highlight a major underlying issue inside of almost all health models (allopathic and holistic), which is 3rd party interference. Insurance, associations, licensing boards etc., remove responsibility and accountability from both the practitioner and patient. Illusions of competency and trust get created without necessarily being earned. Most physicans/practitoners cannot comprehend or explain the depth of what they have agreed to inside of those contracts, which means patients don’t actually know what they’re agreeing to when they enter into relationship with them.
In my experience, people who are willing to directly assume full financial, moral, and ethical, responsibility for their work, are worth their weight in gold.
Great points - what do you see as a really actionable shifting point from the 3rd party hindering & interference? 🤔
@@jordanthornton Such a complex question because the answer is multi-dimensional. From what I’ve experienced in my Self and with those I’ve mentored, a fundamental paradigm shift begins with agreements. The agreements we have with our Self inform the contracts we sign. Licensing, associations, insurance are all just agreements, and if you are making concessions to sign them, the effects of that misalignment distort your client relationships.
We have the power to work through private agreement structures, and this process creates extreme levels of responsibility and accountability for both the practitioner and client. Agreements are both screening devices and therapeutic tools, so the healing to claim and stand in that power needs to happen with the practitioner first.
Learning how to draft your own agreements is a deeply spiritual and liberating process because it is a crash course in Capacity (who am I / who are they), Jurisdiction (where does everyone stand) and Contracts (what agreements bind us based on who we are and where we stand) - from soul to civil. It is also knowledge that permeates all areas of your life once you embody it.
"Cowardly therapist" is such a great phrase. This is a really touchy topic and I like this idea of framing the problem more of a problem of cowardice rather than a problem of professional skill.
Yes, there are institutional issues for sure!
I am currently applying to Master programs for clinical mental health counseling and I agree with you 100%. I hope the things I learn don’t restrict our abilities to truly connect with our future clients in a healing process. I always felt that if my intention is to help the other person, so long as I do the work at educating myself and applying the knowledge of different but related subjects to psychology then I felt safe and confident that positive change was inevitable. I will question anything we learn that is not conducive to the healing process and see the answers that I am given during the duration of my program.
I wish you the best in your education, and likewise encourage you to start building up coaching / therapeutic session experience as an online business as soon as you can. I've had many conversations with people who finish their studies and weren't given the tools needed to make money and make an impact, which is very soul crushing. Content creation / social media can't be avoided these days.
Both the education itself, and also the practical business skills, are questionable from my perspective in most master's programmes, but I hope you find the right one and continue to be aware of the pitfalls in most curriculum!
I’m a 42 year old male and my therapist is a female in her late 20’s and she’s incredible. Quite the dynamic.
I can imagine, wishing you the best 🌲
Incredibly synchronistic. Just yesterday I posted a video on the same topic of cvasi-healers using their psychology diploma and practicing all sorts of technics though which they attract people into a long term sham, using them as cash-cows and feeding their minds with negative thoughts and perpetuating the fear to tie them indefinetly in “sessions”. And the prices they have aren’t visible. They make people not trust the true healers and the true therapists out there.
Many uncomfortable discussions to be had - thanks for this!
We have a lot of therapy trauma... unfortunately with a Borderline diagnosis, it still happens a ton to be treated very disrespectfully.
Most therapists we've had during the 12 years before receiving the trauma & DID diagnosis were very punitive and using a lot of blaming/shaming.
With the trauma diagnosis, we've experienced way better treatment, much more kindness and respect
You’re beautiful voice is therapeutic to me. Thank you so much for your videos. They’re very helpful and calming and soothing.❤
Happy to help, and likewise wishing you the best with your week ahead. Thanks for letting me know 🌲
Thank you, Jordan.
You’re welcome!
Jordan, great message and charged presence⚡️
Thank you - it’s a great topic for assertion 🌲
Excellent content, thank you
My pleasure!
Great and essential observations here! Loving your work Jordan, thank you for sharing your findings and experience with us. 🙏🏽✨♥️ You’ve been very helpful in my work with people (holistic healer, writer and etc), huzzah to the ripple effect! 🙌🏽✨✊🏽
Am also thankful you were gifted such voice and face to share the wisdom, and I honor how this is so through the deep healings you‘ve accomplished. You are heralding in the evolution of consciousness in mental health and our human family. I am doing same, tho still surmounting huge mountain, still largely living under rock. Finally learning to bless the rock, this current salamander existence, under a rock is a great place for shadow work! But as my time to come out from under a rock nears, I soooo appreciate seeing the light you shine! 🦎🌕☀️🌏 Your expression gives me all kinds of validation, allowance, courage, loving care 🙏🏽♥️✨
Powerful words, thank you!
@@jordanthornton 🙏🏽 thank you for thinking and saying so 🙏🏽
Wow the most honest discussion about therapy and therapists! So much respect for you and what u do. I have been through therapy and studied psychodynamic counselling. Everything you say is true! The therapeutic process is a mind field. The client is confused looking for containment, some therapist are looking for quick and long term cash. How u start and how you finish is vital!
It’s sad how twisted some of the therapy space can get - I know what you mean, and likewise wish you the best with your work!
I felt like I was smarter than them ! That hit me hard.
One of the hard ones to work around!
"Cowardly therapist" = a nodding dog. Pettiness is a red flag for me. "Oh we've gone over time", when it's been 3 minutes over the hour. I'm pretty sure she had that she doesnt provide drinks on her profile too. I could write a book about bad therapists & I will one day. There are so many charlatans out there.
That’s bizarre. I’m sorry.
So much truth in this video💚✨
Hard talk, but important! Thanks for dropping in 🌲
Hey Jordan,
Really appreciate your work. Thanks for what you do.
Here are a few red flags I have experienced & wanted to add to the discussion;
- therapist talks about themselves and their own life, experiences, issues a lot
- therapist flirting with and siding with my partner while in couples therapy 🤦♀️
- therapist having a dysregulated nervous system. They are not healthy to co- regulate with.
- therapist is not trauma informed...they invalidate, minimise, judge, dismiss.. I don't feel seen, heard, understood. Does not believe my lived experience and so tries to reframe it in a way that fits their own personal beliefs and perspective.
- therapist has black & white thinking so does not accept I have a different perspective.
The one that really hurts is when therapist is uncomfortable with what I am sharing about myself, and pretends not to be. I can sense the shift in them, and feel judged, ashamed, more shut down, harder to trust this kind of help as a result.
Have had so much bad therapy where therapists can't hold the space for my experiences, despite claiming they are trauma informed, or specialise in certain areas. They don't have true understanding or compassion.
This is why I gave up on talk therapy as it tends to be re- traumatising for the above reasons. These days I have trauma informed somatic inquiry sessions which helps to heal and unwind things safely and compassionately.
Thanks for bringing this up. I spent many years and $$$ feeling stuck in bad talk therapy. Hopefully this video will help others realise they have options and agency to choose 🙏🤍
Thanks for this list here, some great ones which I didn't get time to explore in only one video. Wishing you absolute best in your future healing and next steps.
Thank you for giving insights about this main important topic!
This needs to be discussed especially in the United States.
It involves to depend on medication and therapy constant everyday rather seeing once to a lifetime.
Health care and mental health system has really impacted Individuals for decades.
Many issues with the system, that’s for sure. Thanks for dropping in and frequently adding to the discussion in the comments! 🌲
Also want to acknowledge the beauty of the template of your work, with a time limit. I follow a similar model, this helps determine early on who is truly interested in transformation. There’s already plenty therapists to serve those who are not ready to get in the trenches and make the changes it takes to transform.
Time limited is the way forwards, I believe it. Healing doesn’t need to be a permanent focus and I think it’s far more empowering. Thanks for the work you do too!
@@jordanthornton Precisely! Healing is a journey, close up is part of it but wide lens is most of it.
Our therapist now is challenging us very gently 😅 and when she does, she usually has a really good point and we end up thinking about it for a long time.
Oof on the intelligence...it's something that feels indeed extremely arrogant to worry about, but you're absolutely right. It does make a big difference.
Gotta have somebody on our level, this is true!
Hey i love your videos
Thanks for letting me know - happy to help!
I got the notification for this JUST as I was walking in to see my therapist 😂
The timing 😂
Omg! Thats very real! I tried 7 and i heard the most terrible things, one saying that medicines cut the spiritual contact like? I was about to start the psiquiatrist, she literally affected all my experience by that, the medicines never worked bc of this seeds in my mind, so i would take it in as if it was a poison, so it would make me scared, and some said having a mature adult talk with parents was my inner spoiled child, emphasis on spoiled, trying to steal the attention for myself, me at 28 yo at the time, after leaving a drug environment, going thru a break up, and all i asked her was to help me develop socially again, bc i felt the drugs left side effects on me. I needed just someone to push me forward. But wow, they made me suffer a lot. i noticed i was just a illusion for them, they never saw me as human, and it leaves marks bc we blame us as we are not cooperating. Thanks for the video.
I’m sorry to hear this, and appreciate you sharing. Happy to have helped with this video.
I'm struck by what you say about certain regulatory bodies requiring therapists not to push back or disagree with their clients' perspectives, and if that was your experience, I can see why you didn't pursue this line of work. I'm currently training to be a therapist (in Canada) and healthy, respectful challenging and probing is considered essential to good practice in everything I'm learning.
Yes, it’s a massive challenge when it comes to issues around poor lifestyle choices and identity issues. The word malpractice might get thrown around even though you could be offering very sensible or grounded guidance. It’s a shame.
Overall I would agree, but I am not convinced there is always "a share" when it comes to broken relationships. Some people really do harm without the victim participating. No matter who the abuser is, and yes, sometimes these are our parents.
The majority of therapists are young neurotics with lots of college debt that figured out they could make money while trying to heal themselves.
Interesting take 🌲
❤
🌲🌲