We need to talk about bad therapists.
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- čas přidán 30. 05. 2024
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If you or someone you know has been in therapy before, there's a deceent chance that you have a story about a "bad therapist". But how can you tell? And what can you do about it? Therapy is a complex process that combines the professional with the deeply personal, which can sometimes make it difficult to differentiate between discomfort that arises from the therapy process and discomfort that results from a bad therapist. Sometiems it's quite clear-cut. We need to talk about bad therapists, especially the difference between therapists who are the wrong fit versus therapists who are wrongdoers. And if you ever have an encounter with an unethical therapist, I'll tell you what to do to respond.
This video focuses on a lot of negative aspects that might be seen in a therapy setting, but it is worth reiterating that the vast majority of therapists do a good job and act in a legal and ethical manner.
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There is a wide range of bad behaviors that a therapist can engage in, but here is an (incomplete) list of signs that you're seeing a bad therapist:
- They do not ask relevant questions or appear disorganized in their thoughts
- They fall asleep in session
- They fail to develop and enact a plan for therapy that aligns with your goals
- They frequently miss, cancel, or show up late to appointments
- They make frequent errors in scheduling or billing
- Their personal problems interfere with their ability to provide proper treatment
- They downplay or avoid exploring any of your emotional or vulnerable feelings
- They act as though they have all the answers and tell you what to do to fix things
- They are frequently contentious or confrontational
- They encourage you to blame your friends, family, or partner for your problems
- They talk excessively about their personal issues without any therapeutic purpose
- They’re not sensitive to beliefs or background
- They misdiagnose you or overdiagnose you
- They involve authorities when not necessary or do not when needed
- They keep pushing a particular therapeutic approach that you aren’t interested in
- They judge or criticize your behavior, lifestyle, or problems
- They shame you for your mental illness
- They force you to talk about something you’re not prepared to talk about
- They impose their religious, spiritual, political, or social beliefs on you
- They get angry or defensive with you if you try to challenge them or give feedback
- They don’t tell you they’re a trainee or don’t have a proper license
- They try to keep you in therapy against your will
- They try to provide a service they’re not qualified or trained to provide
- They break confidentiality and share your information or the info of other clients
- They’re trying to be your friend
- They abandon you by stopping service without giving you any time to find a new therapist
- They try to convince you to get involved in another venture or business of theirs that isn’t related to therapy
- They say things or take actions towards you that are clearly racist, homophobic, sexist, or otherwise overtly discriminatory
- They’re trying to have a sexual relationship with you
- They try to involve you in illegal behavior or engage in illegal behavior in front of you, such as insurance fraud
- They are practicing without a license
- They provide services that aren’t therapy or that are experimental, harmful, or dangerous
- They sexually harass or assault you
Timestamps:
0:00 My last therapy session
2:41 We need to talk about bad therapists
4:28 The two kinds of "bad therapists"
7:07 "Wrong fit" Therapists
10:16 Signs that your therapist is the wrong fit
11:36 What to do if your therapist is the wrong fit
13:19 "Wrongdoer" Therapists
14:38 The First Circle of Bad Therapist Hell
15:46 Brilliant Ad
17:26 The Second Circle of Bad Therapist Hell
19:13 The Third Circle of Bad Therapist Hell
20:06 What bad stuff can therapists do?
21:02 What can you do if you have a bad therapist
25:28 In conclusion
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I have schizoaffective disorder. My therapist at the time basically inferred that I would never graduate college or amount to anything. I’m graduating next summer with a bachelor’s in neuroscience, then I’m pursuing a phd in neuroscience. She was wrong, I will amount to something.
That's great to hear! Sometimes having issues we're trying to resolve in our own lives works as a great motivator to better understand the "why" a lot more than those who simply never had an issue to begin with. I've definitely seen this with my own ADHD and anxiety issues.
For school, curiosity is more important than having an easy-to-deal-with mental state. It's important to prepare yourself for what you will do after school though as the workforce can be less forgiving. I'm not sure about schizoaffective disorder, but I find that meditation and exercise have done wonders for me by leveling out my neurotransmitters.
Omg thanks for sharing and congratulations! I had an extremely abuse therapist when I was a teenager who told my parents I’d never graduate from college. I’m now a ucla graduate.
Awesome job! We might have some issues... but we get to choose how to define ourselves. I'm so proud of you!!
Good for you. I've had a similar experience where I was outright told that something I wanna do will be too difficult to achieve. Nevermind that I've got 2 postgraduate cum laude qualifications.
Sounds like you actually had a good therapist. They did some reverse psychology on you and said you won’t amount to anything so that you could do the opposite and prove that you can. I would go back and thank that therapist.
One of my biggest difficulties in seeking therapy is that I'm totally broke. I can barely afford food and transportation. I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars testing out relationships with different therapists until one fits. I can't afford it.
Yeah, I totally hear you. I know that, even with insurance, copays of $10 or $20 a week can be cost prohibitive. If therapy simply isn't in the budget, there are still a few options that may be available to you:
1. If you're employed, your company may offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which is free
2. If you're a student, your institution likely offers free therapy through their psychological services department.
3. You could look into support groups, either online or locally. Group therapy is quite effective and often local nonprofit organizations will offer free support groups, though some of them are directed at particular issues like grief or addiction.
4. Contact clinics and ask about what financial accommodations they offer. At the place I work, we have a program that clients can apply to that, if they qualify, pays their copay. Many other institutions have similar kinds of programs.
I hope that helps. I've been thinking about access to mental health services a lot lately and may make a video in the future about this topic. It's a huge issue and we really need a more robust system in place to make treatment accessible to those who can't afford it. Anyway, thanks for your comment!
@@neurotransmissions hi! thanks for the reply! I had not considered support groups before, especially with local nonprofits. I'll look into that.
Copays of $10 or $20. Or $60. But also ignores the accelerating trend of therapists not taking insurance.
They only care when their getting paid. Talk to a friend, it's much better. See how you just said you have to pay. Think about what you just said.
@@heisenberg1898 I agree that its icky that we need to pay to get the help we need. I agree that talking to a friend is necessary, and will help you in ways that therapy will not.
But there are techniques that professionals could be trained in, which you are unlikely to get with just your friends, even if they are really into psychology. CBT and other therapies come to mind. Medication is also a big one you need a professional to get (a psychiatrist). I think you are basically having your mental health held hostage until you pay up, keeping those who can't from having a fulfilling life. And though I WANT to change this system, I gotta accept that as it is right now professional help is very useful, and professional help costs money.
This system is even more infuriating when I consider that you are right. There are many mediocre psychologists that only care about taking money from you. And you will have to spend time and money to rule those people out, one appointment at a time.
It's pretty sad when you go to a therapist and they turn out to be more screwed up than anyone can imagine .
There's a reason it's not taken seriously as science. There's too many people who are incompetent or trying to justify thier jobs and so it's hard to take them seriously. It's also apperent that a lot of them have 0 idea on how deal with kids. But this is a lot of fields. Also him not asking questions is also a huge issue with kids because kids might sometimes not be upfront. So you need to ask them questions. Like "Hey, how you feeling? Are they upsetting you? Why did you do this?"
@@dazzlingdexter5060 Exactly!
hahahaha! You made me laugh, because it is beyond true!
@ngdexter5060 My child lies to their therapist about everything. That is one of my child's biggest problems and the reason they will never ever be able to be helped. So sad. Another sad thing is that the therapists totally believe what they are being told.
@@KeepMoving4wrdAre they actual lies of fact or does your kid just feel and think differently about things than you do? A difference of opinion is not a lie. Also, it's better for a therapist to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe what they're told rather than potentially falsely accuse someone of lying without evidence.
One thing that stuck in my mind was the therapist asking "Do you want children?" and I replied "I don't know yet".
And she replied "Shouldn't you know that at your age?"
I was 24 years old.
Bruh
That's super gross
@@Stettafire And inappropriate.😡
Yoooo.... That's disgusting. I'm sorry.
Why at age 24 should anyone know if they want children or not ?
24 is still pretty young .
I still don't know if i want kids and I'm 50 and i have some ! ..🤣😂🤣
Second session: My therapist just met me 2nd time and told me “you don’t want to change, because if you did then you would have changed already.” Ummm what? Fired.
Must have been a misunderstanding. I think the quote goes more like, the biggest problem is seeing or acknowledging that you have a problem. Accepting the truth. Then you can begin the road to fixing it. 😃
I can see why that angered you - but perhaps s/he was saying that you have an emotional conflict that you're not yet aware of. Part of you is blocking your conscious intention.
Ooh, she must fire a lot of clients at that rate.
"Most therapists are good"
Hard disagree. If you just need someone to talk to, sure, most people are fine, but if you're looking for someone to help you through deep emotional introspection or healing, most therapists don't even know how to begin.
I’m sorry that’s been your experience, but it is true! Most people find their therapist to be good. Perhaps you haven’t found the right fit yet?
@@neurotransmissions maybe it's just reports. for example, I've had bad experience with therapist 5 times. 5 different therapists. I didn't write a single negative review or comment or even leave a bad rating, cause I saw no point in doing it, and thought it might even harm me in the future, if therapist decides to disclose some sensitive info about me in revenge. It's much psychologically easier to write a positive review.
@@wilhelmu I’ll reiterate this just because I think it’s important: if a therapist reveals information about you without your approval, that is illegal. It is a HIPAA violation and would likely result in the loss of their license if it was done in a way that was intended to hurt you. If there is a therapist that would do that because of a bad review, then they shouldn’t be in the field.
@@neurotransmissions yes, but information revealed are still revealed. I have nothing to gain and something to lose. I bet a lot of people thought the same
and what if therapist respond to the negative review or comment, not in a way that is breaking the law, but in a way that prompts an argument? so we have this stressed, depressed, whatever individual, do you think someone with such psychological profile is more likley to seek arguments, or avoid them? for me it was the latter. I just had too much stuff going on with my life to bother writing negative reviews, then having to argue them in a beat around the bush not reveal anything sorta way.
all my bad therapy experiences left a bad aftertaste in my mouth, but didn't make me feel like arguing further or seek revenge. they made me feel tired and burned out. hence I never wrote a negative review or left a rating. I doubt im alone in that.
on the other hand, if you leave a positive rating, chances are the therapist will tell you something like "thank you, you're such a sweetheart!". it will make you feel good. so people are more inclined to leave good reviews.
@@wilhelmu Not to mention all the people who straight up don't know that they have a bad therapist. Traumatized people, the primary clientele of therapists, are more likely to go along with things and not stand up for themselves, so they likely wouldn't even question whether or not their therapist is good or not. The lack of overtly negative experience does not mean the therapist is good.
There is no part of therapy training that helps the therapist figure themselves out, so if a therapist is a screwed up person, unless they're working on themselves on the side before their training or alongside it, they're going to be bringing their own screwed up perspective into the therapy relationship. And the sad fact of it is, no one had perfect parents, we all have screwed up perspectives, values, and compensations for their inadequacies that we inherited from them and those will always affect relationships with big power differentials like a therapy relationship. And the vast majority of people, clients and clinicians, rarely even consider these factors when judging the quality of their therapy relationship. From what I've seen, people I've spoken to, people I've known who have engaged in therapy, the clients are more likely to say that therapy in general doesn't work rather than placing blame on a therapist. So using a poll to judge this kind of data is flawed to say the least.
On a side note, insurance companies force therapists to break confidentiality all the time, so to say that they never do or that it's illegal to do so is just inaccurate.
My last therapist basically cracked one day. She started going on about planetary consciousness and opening your pineal gland to receive the sun and how something big is gonna happen in a few weeks, something big to humanity. I cried during session hearing all that because I felt like she was going crazy on me. Once I hung up I told her to never contact me again.
Woah, that's...out there. On the first day of my counseling graduate program, my mom called me and said, "just remember that some people who go into the helping profession are the ones who need the most help themselves". It sounds like your therapist needed her own therapy!
@@neurotransmissions do u think therpaists should go to their own therapy before dealing w/people? i do
I laughed at this... I'm going to hell...
@@neurotransmissions I agree. Many therapists and social workers especially have a superhero mentality and its very dangerous. Therapist from an objective practice separate from the college or university should be required by the program.
I like your therapist. I’m very science driven, but I love me a new age hippie crackpot theory about utopian aquarians every now and then.
"you aren't responsible for their emotions." Right. I had a therapist become upset with me because I had calmly said I disagreed with a general statement they had made about where mental illnesses come from. A few minutes later, the person said "when you step on someone's toes expect them to retaliate." I honestly didn't know what they meant at first. They thought my disagreement with the *idea* was personally directed at THEM, even though I assured them that what bothered me about the idea had nothing to do with them. That was the beginning of the end of the session.
Yes
Thank you
Same happened to me, I was offensive to her because I said in my prior treatment I was made to feel that my diagnosis negated my opinions or thoughts about my own treatment...and its kind of frustrating that I can neither be upset or calmly express my frustration to someone ...like what am i supposed to do 🫠
I would assume it's because this is "their area of expertise"
They had to get a bunch of degrees to become a therapist, and now you're here telling them they're wrong about what they studied.
BUT it's entirely possible what they said was a personal idea or hypothesis, making the questioning of their knowledge and expertise all the more personal
But even if the therapist felt like they were being told they were wrong about what they studied, it's still thier issue and ego. Of course they are human but they shouldn't be teaching skills to show others how to handle their emotions unless they use the skills themselves. @@FIRING_BLIND
being offended by what you say or do, is a problem all by itself. Your therapist needs therapy for allowing herself to become offended. First rule: Be offended by nothing.
This is pretty much what interacting with most of my therapists have felt like. With some gaslighting involved. This has led me to give up on therapy altogether. I have a psychiatrist that I lie to so I don't have to hear his empty platitudes just to get the meds that help me get up in the morning.
I do hope you'll try it again sometime. It sounds like you've had some pretty bad experiences, but I can assure you that there is a therapist out there that will match you and your needs!
@@neurotransmissions Not worth repeatedly going back, repeating the same painful things, to another person who will more than likely stare at you with that glassy eyed vacant smile. By the way, have you noticed they're almost visibly repulsed by suggestions that you might need real, practical help? All they want to do is breathing exercises and talk about affirmations, anxiety exercises, but they never want to talk about making a real life plan to deal with problems you can't see your way out of.
@@llIlIlllII maybe try a different modality. I don’t do any of that stuff!
I went to a downright bad one, but then found one that is very knowledgeable about the field, very empathic, good at both listening and at intervening. I guess it goes similar to other relationships, we test the waters first before fully engaging with people, anyone.
Gaslighting is a huge problem in therapy. So many of them treat abuse victims like their distress is "imaginary" or "deluded" especially if there are no police convictions. People need more empathy, but I swear half of psychologists are psychopathic themselves
My ex-husband and I went to a therapist for marriage counseling several years ago. By the end of the first session, she told me I needed to attend her Overeaters Anonymous group (she billed for it of course). I didn't say a word about having a problem with overeating. She just assumed because I was overweight (incorrectly, I have PCOS) I had an issue with food. She didn't even suggest it, she told me I needed it! When my ex called her the next day to cancel our next appointment, she freaked out on him and told him we had to see her! As someone who has worked as a counselor for many years, I was appalled at her behavior. I did report her. I also had a psychiatrist tell me I was experiencing depression because I'm an atheist. It's a shame there are people like that practicing. I appreciate you making this video. Thanks!
Thank you!!! I am heartened to hear that you reported this inappropriate behavior. We don't need folks like that in the helping profession!
Yes, there are many therapists who just don't have the common sense to allow clients to make their own choices. I don't necessarily think it's a complaint issue but definitely needs to be addressed directly with the therapist so they will understand why you don't want to see them anymore. Some honestly think they are being helpful in making those types of statements. If complaints are made every time a therapist is demonstrating their humanity nothing will ever get done. Abuse and neglect and unethical behavior do happen and those are the complaints, I believe, that need attention from licensing boards and legal resources.
@@Christ_Is_Life10-10We don't need your demonstration of humanity in form of your biases. I am studying the subject myself
You keep on gaslighting under multiple comments. Not asking people to sign up for unrelated stuff, not shaming them for their appearances through concerns, not discussing religion unless they want it is pretty basic. You want to tell me you need your client to tell you that? Why did you go to school then?
@@Christ_Is_Life10-10 "Demonstrating their humanity?" What are you talking about? Therapy is not time for the therapist, they are being paid. They are there to provide a service, not use it as a session to disgorge their own psychopathologies
@@edwalker2169 I wasn’t implying that they use self disclosure but rather show up as their authentic selves always in the boundaries of the ethical code which is inherently a part of their value system. I’m merely asking about what is perceived as “professional “ behavior? Competency AND a buttoned up type clinical approach or being down to earth viewing the client as an expert in context of how they experience life.
I just stopped seeing my therapist, I asked him to move slow around SA and twice in a role he pushed so hard into trauma and said I need to stop trying to control others. As if SA was MY fault. “How could I know you have triggers?” He was more worried about being right while I was hyperventilating in a flashback. Thank you for this.
This is horrible to hear. You told him exactly what you needed. I do intensive trauma treatment and it’s a myth that the treatment I do retraumatises people. The reason why is therapists like you had.
I told my therapist that I discovered my doctor, who performed a pelvic exam on me, was arrested and jailed for battery and had an active malpractice lawsuit against him. Her response: "What caused you to do all of *that* digging?"
She then launched into some commentary where she told me that I "think too deeply" about things and then "use the internet to confirm my thoughts."
😒
May be cause she is afraid for her own as$
omg!🤨
Believe it or not she was right there is information you are not entitled to...
@@kingbeelzebubshe was entitled to it
@@zah936 the person edited the original comment to seem more in the right.
My last therapist committed insurance fraud by claiming we met 3-4 times a week, for months. I had Medicaid and he knew it, I wasn't paying attention to statements because if my addiction and mental health and Medicaid made it all free for me so it went on for a long time. It really burned me and haven't seen a therapist since. He didn't ever help and just kept me around to take advantage.
Oh wow, that's terrible! I don't know how long ago this happened, but that's definitely illegal and reportable. Those kinds of illegal actions can be pretty easy to prove, too, if you have evidence that you were elsewhere at the times when they were supposedly meeting with you. I'm so sorry you had that experience. I hope you try therapy again because this is not normal behavior!
I hope my therapist is not trying this!! Because my mental health center is very neglectful to the point of my hopelessness & unmotivated to get what i need.
I’ve had a therapist abandon me when i had a mental break down & got super upset. Instead of working on those problems she decided to weaponize my exact problems against me to manipulate me now that i look back on it. She walked upstairs and started to pay full attention to my narcissistic mother who gets all the attention even on my birthdays. Some people are so crappy we have every right to be as rude as we feel hurt and betrayed
I was burned by a Medicaid-mill-psycho clinic. Got me medically misdiagnosed so now the State govt illegally abuses my civil rights (ie: hiring privacy) 2 this day decades later!!. Got me ignored when I needed some emotional support in my life. Got me illegally incarcerated after being a Dom violence target. Got me homeless like I'd been before all that. Took oodles of money. Never apologized after I got destroyed by that mob, later I'd see key figures on the street (including the civil rights lawyer I wanted to hire afterwards) and they would just turn their backs. I deserved it I suppose. Its a real-life kind of thing.
@@averayugen7802 So sorry. God needs to take all of that off your plate. I wish I could tell you how to pray correctly in a nutshell. If done correctly, God CAN take all of that and serve (you) justice, but it's too much information to put in a text.
As a kid (like 11-13 years old) I was made to see a psychiatrist. I absolutely hated seeing her from the beginning. She was probably old enough to be my grandparent and I felt like she could not relate to me at all. I spent most of the sessions crying the entire time while she asked me ridiculous questions ("How would you feel if your dad was alive but your parents were divorced?"), had me in the room while she talked to my mom about what my parent's marriage was like while he was alive and put me on all sorts of antidepressants that did nothing for me.
Big contrast from today when I have a wonderful therapist that I am comfortable with. I have finally been diagnosed as autistic and ADHD am understanding more about myself and why my life has been the way it is.
I'm so happy you've found a therapist that fits you now. That first experience sounds painful and I'm sorry you were forced into that situation.
That's similar to my experience. Such questions included "what colour do you think happiness looks like" Like, wanted to punch the patronising hag in the jaw
It's interesting you mention that, as there is a widespread problem of autistic people being over-medicated and over-pathologized by psychiatrists, especially historically. Therapists often mistook normal autistic behavior as signs of depression or even schizophrenia.
@nyaamix138 how long did it take you to find a good therapist? i also have been diagnosed with autism/adhd semi-recently but i can't seem to find a therapist i click with. two of them (from separate companies) even told me that i'm just lazy and unfixable. i don't know how many more therapists i have to "try" before i'll find one who isn't just like he said in the video, an empty receptacle that isn't really *giving* me anything
@@digitaldritten Hey, I'm sorry that you've had a hard time finding someone who works for you! I was really lucky that the first place I looked worked out. Definitely look for neurodivergent therapists. Everyone that works at the place I found is neurodivergent so they kind of just get it. I hope that helps ♥
Thanks for this fam. Been searching for a couples therapist and we finally found one but I started seeing red flags immediately. Would have to hound them down just to honour their appointment, unprofessionalism and just lack of interest. I know therapists are ppl too but damn, when is it unacceptable
Yeesh, that sounds awful! Sure, therapists are people, but they're also responsible for like...not neglecting their clients. I hope you find someone better.
On a related note, I've had one person tell me that seeing a bad couples counselor was the best thing for their marriage because they commiserated witih each other about how bad the therapist was lmao
@neurotransmissions is there an official way to report and reprimand bad therapist?
Or a site like the one for college teachers where others can warn when a therapist is a red flag?
I guess one thing I struggle with about the "bad fit" conversation is that bad fit therapists can cause real harm, too. Being misunderstood by someone you've been excruciatingly honest with can be its own kind of trauma, or retraumatizing, if it's an issue you've already had. I had a "bad fit" therapist who struggled so badly to understand me that she suggested (and for a while had me believing) that I had experienced CSA, when I had never brought up anything of the sort. I think what really happened is that her interventions kept not working and she didn't understand why, so she came up with a "reason" I was so non-responsive. The truth is that I tried several times to tell her when the things she was saying weren't helpful, and tried to steer things in a direction that would be more satisfactory for both of us, but each time she refused to listen. I really should have left, but I was in a bad spot and extremely socially isolated, and even cutting off a bad relationship like that one would have felt like a severe loss. (I did finally do it... and then she told me she had been thinking "for a while" that the relationship wasn't working. Because she wouldn't try to make it work!!! And then she tried to get me to say that it hadn't been a huge waste of time and money.) Now, I know that I can't see a therapist until I have a stronger support network around me. I know that sounds backwards, but clearly I get too invested and can't back out, even if the relationship is bad. It doesn't help that therapists in my country aren't required to provide referrals like in the US. Once the relationship is over, you're essentially on your own. But even aside from that, I feel like there's something fundamentally lacking about a service that you can't use until you start needing it less. Maybe my perspective is skewed, though.
I don't think your perspective is skewed. I think it's very reasonable and deeply thought out. I understand very well what you're saying but if I hadn't had an experience similar to yours where I was socially isolated and too afraid to severe my connection with a therapist who was somewhere between incompetent and malicious, I wouldn't get it. The reason why so many people get painfully disappointed or deeply wounded by therapists is because they're to a lesser or greater extent vulnerable and it's so easy to harm a person who opens up with their vulnerability trusting in the basic goodness and competence of a professional sitting in front of them. Well, goodness and competence unfortunately cannot always be guaranteed.
I've had two really bad experiences with therapy and a few experiences when I just felt like I achieved nothing as a result.
You are spot on!!! Especially when you say, "Now, I know that I can't see a therapist until I have a stronger support network around me." That's very wise and that is the way I have and feel many people can protect themselves. We are caring for ourselves. Thank you for your good and helpful words!
The only real therapy is when you change with the support of real people and without that any therapy will probably be a waste
I think that sounds more like incompetence rather than bad fit. At least, when I had a therapist who ignored what I told him, that's how I felt about it.
I also had a few therapists who I felt were bad fits. When I brought up how unhelpful they were after a few sessions, they responded with they figured they were a bad fit for me. Most of them referred me to someone else. The last of those, I was moving in a couple months, so I would've needed a new therapist anyway and they didn't have contacts where I was going.
I do not know if their referrals were poorly motivated, but those bad fit therapists were a chain. The first referred the second referred the third. I don't know if they really thought their friends/colleagues were going to be more helpful or not. Their styles were very similarly unhelpful to me.
My experience trying to file a complaint was completely negative. Everyone from the therapist's supervisor to the state authorities responded with evasion, stonewalling, gaslighting or bullying. Nothing was done.
That is typical from my own experience, nobody cares that why there's so much abuse in the first place
They protect their own. Just like cops. I had to seek therapy to get over a very traumatic therapy experience (the irony). The second therapist called what the first one did to me “malpractice” and claimed she showed “traits of psychopathy”. She then offered to write me a letter of support and encouraged me to file a formal complaint against the incompetent and abusive therapist.
When I began the process to actually file that complaint, the new therapist suddenly reneged on her own offer, citing fear for her “livelihood”. I was then terminated by her in an email for calling out her lack of integrity with her word and for her presenting herself publicly as an advocate for survivors when she is anything but. She has written several books on narcissistic abuse, hosts a podcast and publishes articles regularly.
In her termination email, she went on and on about how I had apparently victimized her by daring to call out her hypocrisy. I was gaslighted and blamed for the termination. She refused to ever meet with me again or address anything in any kind of fair or ethical manner. If even the “good” ones are really just disguised “bad” ones, what is the point in continuing to search? I never did.
At the end of the day, they see their clients as a means to a financial end. Nothing more. They do not care if they traumatize, betray, or abandon you. They do not care about protecting the public at large from harm by their abusive and incompetent colleagues. Their only concern is for themselves. There are zero consequences for such behavior.
I am not the same person I once was before these experiences. I no longer recommend therapy to others or see it as an effective means of healing. It can be extremely dangerous and re-traumatizing, especially for those with long histories of previous abuse or neglect.
@@EMVelez I'll go you one better. I don't believe those people are actually trained in any skills. Next to religion it's the biggest scam going.
what did you want to happen?
@@takarataylor2819 I wanted an investigation.
Saw a new therapist yesterday. There was a moment when she tried to tell me that I'd said I drink alcohol because of my mother. Those words never left my mouth. It turned out she'd misunderstood something I said, but she seemed determined to hear what she wanted to hear, and she had even smirked when she told me that I'd said what I very much did not say. She gave the disbelieving "ahhh" when I corrected her. Definitely not going back to her.
yep
I'm filing a complaint against my therapist and it's nerve-racking. Currently his response to my negative feedback has been to inexplicably reduce our time together in half and stop taking my calls or messages. He also implied that I was selfish for needing 2 appointments a week. This is right after my psychiatrist moved to a new state and I am left without two medications until a new one is lined up. It gets worse, but as someone who is usually too scared to do something like actually file a complaint, you've helped me realize that my therapist might be more than incompetent, he may actually be malicious. Well, wish me luck. Thank you for the high quality and informative video. Great work.
Good for you! I did the same thing….lodged a complaint. Good luck!
Keep in mind the majority of complaints gets dismissed. You're complaint will more than likely get dismissed if it isn't borderline criminal. It's the truth and I want you to be prepared because it's traumatizing. You'll wait for several months and the licensing board will just send you a letter no violation found with no explanation. You are just supposed to trust they investigated your complaint. In reality what I think happens is they wait for the therapist response and close the case. They are government run agency and they don't have the time or resources to investigate every single complaint. Filing complaints is insuring job security for them. Even if a therapist gets a reprimand on their license they usually are forced to take a class. It's not punishment. Also the majority of the public don't know they can look up a therapist to see if they have been in trouble. The whole process of filing the complaint and waiting is not worth the agony. You will think about 24/7. And when they side with your therapist you'll burn with resentment because you knew you should have stopped seeing the therapist before it got that bad. So now they only hurt you in therapy but they got to hurt you again after. It is better to educate clients about boundaries and to trust their self instead of the therapist.
@@maggie0285 I wouldn't even waste my time anymore, because through personal experience have come to the realization that filing those grievance complaints are not only a bunch of BS and a huge waste of time, but deceptive propaganda in order to give the appearance that they actually even care or intend on doing anything about your complaints.
There are often reasons for a therapist reducing session times. Also when and if a client needs multiple sessions per week and a therapist is unable to accommodate that, it may be time to simply explore other options. There are intensive outpatient programs designed to accommodate patients needing to be seen more frequently. Some of the programs meet 3 to 4 times per week for more than an hour each scheduled day. Many may meet for 3 to sometimes 6 hours 3 to four times per week. There are groups and sometimes individual sessions implemented with each session. I was just offering an example of what intensive outpatient could look like. Also, there are therapist who will see a patient twice a week if they deem it appropriate. Sometimes a patient may want to be seen more than once a week but the therapist may not feel it will benefit the specific patient. If a patient does not agree and definitely would like to see someone multiple times per week , they could consider more intensive treatment options or locate a therapist who will accommodate. Given what you stated, it definitely appears that there was a possible breakdown in communication.
Why are you still seeing the therapist you've complained about? He is almost certainly going to use your sessions to punish you for reporting him. Find someone else. And talk through what this therapist has done to you so it doesn't eat up your life.
Thank you for this. I recently broke up with my therapist because I didn’t feel heard. I shared some journal entries with her in which I shared some of my thoughts and feelings (that I hadn’t shared with anyone) and she chided me like a child, saying I shouldn’t feel that way. I was “wrong” for feeling the way I did. Thank you for this.
My mom says that I shouldn’t say that and so on, I feel like many therapists are used to being treated a certain way so they expect you to accept those type of comments or suggestions without saying anything back
I say most therapists are very BAD PARENTS so they use those habits on their patients@@neidacabreragarcia6353
I've found the best therapists tend to be those that I am comfortable crying in front of. But I once had a therapist who I just couldn't get on with. I saw him about 6 times. He told me I wasn't trying hard enough. Trouble was I never knew what I was supposed to be trying to do.
Thanks for teh funny comment. Exactly. How are you suppose to try harder if you don't even know WHAT you are trying harder to do? !
That's their go to "oh I don't feel your giving everything" when of course your are nothing but bad experience with these people stay away
One of my therapists violated the code of ethics so badly that it led to PTSD that I'm now having to work on with a different psychiatrist. But it's still really hard for me to talk to the new one even though he's been nothing but professional.
When a therapist makes people need more therapy🤦
i had something like this happen as well, and after all these years i'm still not ready to step back into a therapists office due to the terror of the same thing happening again. i am genuinely so glad to see someone like you, who is able to overcome that barrier of fear. i hope that your new therapist has been of help to you
This is such a helpful and validating video. I’d seen a handful of therapists who were… okay? Nothing specifically wrong with them and they did a great job of holding space for me. I just didn’t get a ton of “work” done. And then I met “Super Therapist”, who we will call “ST”. ST was great, engaged, active. I experienced tremendous growth. I liked and more importantly, I trusted ST. And then after about 15 months of working together, I began to notice a shift. It was gradual at first, slight warning flags here and there. We continued to meet for the next 18 months until our time together had ceased to have any value at all. I tried to approach ST with my concerns with all the openness, honesty, and compassion I could muster. I trusted that she’d know how to have this conversation. I was wrong.
I wound up filing a complaint. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly by any stretch. I made the complaint out of concerns for other clients who she could be harming.
Time has passed and I am just now gaining an understanding of the harm she did to me. I realized now that she committed multiple ethical violations in her treatment of me. This video really helped me in the process of understanding that I’m not to blame here.
And for those who would poo-poo all therapists, that experience isn’t how it is supposed to be. I now have a new therapist who knows she is up against it in earning my trust. I think she’s up to the task. :-)
The problem is I think with a lot of therapists is that they were thought to be just a blank page and let the people getting therapy fill it, I heard a lot of a bit older therapist saying that the best session they give is when they actually have a personality of their own
I think you're right. The less-is-more approach can be helpful or even the best option for some clients, but the therapist should be agile enough to meet the needs of the person sitting in front of them. And regardless of the approach, the therapist needs to be an active listener, not a blank page, as you put it. Therapy is more than just nodding your head and saying "mmmm".
I personally hate the blank slate therapists style. It creates an imbalance that really makes me feel highly vulnerable. I am supposed to trust them enough to bear my soul, but based on what? Once I had a therapist that would deflect every question I had to get a feeling about what I was getting into. My questions weren't intrusive or highly personal either--more toward training and approach. But also, I highly agree with Amadiaoh The Last. By that I am mean therapists shouldn't underestimate getting a little skin in the game by, for example using an story from their own life to illustrate a point. It is really be more memorable and instructive . . . and it levels the playing field just a tad so that the client is not the only that is expected to be real and disclose. If it is on topic and not overly hogging the time, I think it can be a real plus to show that life has written a little on their slate.
@@MsAmber10100 I completely agree with you. If I go back to therapy, I will most likely look for a therapist who has a *Relational style* of working with clients, not blank screen. Also one who understands how not responding can be bad for a fearfully attached client.
@@MsAmber10100 It's a very obsolete style of therapy. Most people need some relational therapy to progress. And for that you need your therapist to have personality.
Most mental health professionals I've met are horrible people that seem to only want this career so they can manipulate people.
Therapy is important and can save people's lives. There is no room for error. They should be scrutinized constantly.
I'm very suspicious of people who work in mental health.
You are right
I am too. But our State Licensing Board is in bed with them. All a person can do is have good friends so you never need a therapist in the first place. Tall order I know. But there's also not much EDUCATION in this country anymore.
You're overgeneralizing, there are plenty of good therapists out there.
My life was DESTROYED by batshit crazy, evil, horrible therapists. When I finally found a competent one he told me that I didn't need therapy to begin with and had been abused. All I'd had was a little OCD when my mom was dying and just wanted someone to tell me what it was called. Instead I was abused, hit on, gaslit, lied to and drained for money. Just look at Freud and his miserable life. Pure EVIL.
I remember my first therapist in high school, after I’d finally gotten the courage to talk to my parents about the suffering mental health I’d had. She didn’t seem like a bad person, and she seemed to want to help, but it honestly wasn’t a fit for me, and because of that I became rather closed off (even more so than before) for a while. Not only did all the advice (which she INSISTED I try even when I wasn’t interested) almost never work, but she made me feel bad for feeling things. The first problem I came to her for was dismissed within 5 minutes of talking alone, and it took her ages to circle back to it because she realized she was uninformed. It felt like every time I tried to express a complex problem to her she’d act like it was “normal” and direct to another excuse. She assumed automatically that my problems were being overblown and that all I needed were meditation apps and journals. It was like getting the most basic advice to manage anxiety you can find in the mental health community from someone who was clearly trained in a field that has nothing to do with your problems.
There's another word that comes to mind when I think of my past troubles with therapists, in addition to "arrogant." And that is: "uninsightful" (about themselves, I mean).
Thank you. That observation and your apology feel very validating.
Found this channel and watched the video on Nebula. Also an ADHD therapist that's quit therapy because of a bad therapist. Thanks for sharing your story. We do need to have these conversations.
Patients deserve more than being heard and feeling safe. They deserve effective treatments that significantly improve their mental health problems, or, if that isn't possible, then they deserve honest counsel about treatment options that might provide real help, such as medication. But that would mean turning off the money spigot, so in my experience most therapists just passively let things drift on into oblivion. Ultimately, I think that psychotherapy as currently practiced is fundamentally broken and needs to be scrapped.
It needs to be burned at the STAKE
I couldn’t agree more.
The best therapy is getting out of the house, enjoy cafes and bars, see life around you, people moving, talking, arguing, chirping … I see in America a big return to cafe culture; people opt to live in small condos instead of depressing houses in suburbs and they are retaking the life!
I'm so glad that I found this video.
Six years ago, my brother sadly passed away in a case of unintentional vehicular manslaughter. My parents had signed me up with a therapist in the neighboring town. I immediately got terrible vibes from that place straight from the get-go.
It looked more like a renovated house than a professional institution. The floors creaked with every step and you could tell that the building definitely wasn't up to code.
The poor state of the building also reflected on my therapist. I found myself butting heads with them alot. I just didn't want to go there at all, by my parents still forced me to go. One of the worst peices of advice they ever gave me was to come out to my parents when I felt extremely anxious and uncomfortable doing so. They claimed it would help relieve the stress and anxiety.
It in fact did not. In fact it only made it worse, and left me with a lingering feeling of regret for ever telling my parents in the first place. I really wish I hadn't.
Things got worse in 2020 and when Covid hit. They forced our appointments to be virtual. This didn't help because now I was scared to share anything because I didn't want my parents to overhear. On the topic of which, it was here that they got even stricter on me going. It got so bad that when I asked them if we could quit the appointments because they weren't helping me, they basically responded with something along the lines of, "our payment plan doesn't end till next month. You gotta keep going until then because we aren't gonna waste money"
They also said that if I missed any appointments then they wouldn't cancel the subscription. Easier said than done, because my therapist was never on time, and if you were too early or too late, sorry! Appointment canceled!
It wasn't until I begged to my parents to quit that they finally had. When I signed off on that last appointment, it was like a massive weight had been lifted. Like a pair of handcuffs had been unlocked.
I had been with that therapist for five years and I hated every second of it. I never once felt like I had developed a close relationship with them and the appointments eventually began to feel like they were more of a hassle than a help.
Despite many of my friends saying that I probably should see a therapist in recent times, I've been hesitant to because I'm worried that I'll have to go through that same five years of hell again, or that my parents will blow up in my face about it or try to use my previous experience against me. It's made me worried to see a therapist at all.
I apologize for the length of this comment, but thank you for listening anyway.
RullianTheSkunk, I’m so sorry you had a bad experience with your therapist. As a therapist, I have seen “the good, the bad, and the ugly” as far as therapists are concerned. Lol I also have adhd and depression; I have been in therapy myself a couple of times. Some have been good experiences and some have not. Please know we are not all like your therapist! Just like any personal or professional relationship, there are some people you connect with and some you don’t. But no therapist should ever force you to come out to your parents when you do not feel ready to do it. If you told the therapist you don’t feel comfortable doing it, then he/she should not have forced it. But please please seek out a different therapist if you need help. Research them online before you go. Remember, a therapist works for you; you do not work for them. It’s ok to interview and if you connect, great; if you don’t, go on to the next one. Maybe ask your friends if they go to counseling and if they do, who do they see and do they like them? There are some good ones out there.
Thank you for sharing, and I feel for you. I am sorry you had to live through that.
In my elementary school throughout the years 0-9, we had someone that was basically a therapist for students (im sorry idk any of the terms) and I used to go to him every week at least once or twice for the last 3 years and just talk and cry out about my little teen troubles (I felt really bad mentally during this time) and he offered so much to me and I'm so grateful for him. He is the reason why I think therapists are good. He even offered me to go to a "Guy group" where he put a few select students in an out of school environment to play around and have a good time with new people to get some social interaction in our lives. He even offered to give us free food, free trips such as laser tag or go to some aqua arena or do LANs. Really the best guy I have ever met in my whole life. Idk if he still does that type of stuff, but it really helped me and I'm super grateful for his advice and care and inspiration to become the best man I can ever dream of being :,)
Last month, my therapist essentially told me I'd never get any better and this is just how my life is going to be. I wasn't suicidal before, but I very quickly spiraled there.
Everyone can get better. My father was depressed and suicidal for almost 10 years and the experts doubted that he would ever get better, but he did.
He was bipolar and that disorder accompanied him for all his life, but he very much had many many good years.
I’m sure you can get better.
The therapist couldn't even suggest the use of reminders on your phone? Shoot, I'm no therapist, but even I can say that people are busy and we get inattentive when our attention is pulled 20 different ways all the time.
It's all about the context:
Counselling or life coaching - "set a reminder" seems like a fair suggestion.
Psychotherapy - suggesting you set a reminder but not helping the client understand their behaviour is not going to help you heal.
I remember talking to my physiatrist and her periodic response, "hmm mmm", about every minute.
I was watching her clock and decided to stop talking. For 2 minutes, "hmm mm" continued.
:D
I have ADHD pretty badly, and I have heard all those comments from everyone(doctors, teachers, parents, etc). The whole stick brought up all those feelings of anger and hate. It is annoying that people are in positions to help, but dont care.
Ayyy, ADHD gang! I think he cared, but honestly didn't fit my needs. That's okay! I''ll find another therapist who does. 🙂
@@neurotransmissions did you ever figure out how to start and finish tasks?
@@kells9660 He started this video and finished. :) Maybe a topic for another video would be more details about anything you found that worked.
@@neurotransmissions I wasn't really talking about your situation, but situations that I have found my self. I have some down right horrific experiences with mental health providers.
@@neurotransmissions After many therapists over many years, I've found a counselor that is more helpful than any therapist I've seen before but it's still not quite what I need. I haven't found someone that knows how to help me with my combination of ADHD, anxiety and OCD. I've given up for now because I just don't know where else I can look to find someone that knows about counseling for ADHD.
My stepmother has engaged in unethical practices with patients. She has shown me and my wife text messages between them where she and the patient are saying “I love you” to each other. It was even crazier than that. People like her should lose their licenses.
Damn watching that interaction made me feel so grateful for my therapist. I went through about 4 terrible ones as a teenager and was tentative about this new one. I waited a year on a wait-list before seeing her.
Greatest decision of my life was waiting that year. A terrible therapist is a nightmare as described here, but a great one is worth searching for in my opinion. Even if it takes a greater amount of time than you wanted.
im so jealous, i've been through so many therapists i've lost count, (maybe ten?) and i've heard people say that a tharepist really helped them but all i've experienced is the type like in this video an "empty receptacle" and two separate ones even told me i'm a lost cause, that if i wasn't "willing to try" their strategies then no one can help me, but it's not that i'm not willing to try it's just im so tired and i can go make plans with a therapist to do this or that but when it actually comes down to it i just don't have the energy to do the thing...
One more reason for leaving a therapist is just that you've used up what they can do-- they're telling you the same stories and you used to make progress with them but you aren't any more.
A bad therapist set me back years. She forced me into a shitty job and back to school way before I was ready and that added an extra 3 or 4 years onto becoming a functional adult. She did literally 1 good thing and that was having me get a DNA test to see what anti depressants would work on me
So it sounds like she didn't do anything good for you, that shit is poison.
@@SantaFeSuperChief1 to be fair that can vary from person to person as the effects these drugs can have on your mental state honestly can vary a lot from individual to individual
@@androx6769 They don't FIX anyone. They emotionally numb you, and for some people, being numb is preferable to suffering, but feeling your feelings is how you grow and heal from the source of your suffering.
I like your pfp tho.
When therapy is good, it can be great, but when it's not so good, it can be awful.
Years ago, when I wasn't coping too well, I went and saw a psychologist. One of my issues was that I was under a lot of pressure with study at university and I was at a point where I couldn't even read two sentences without forgetting the first. In my very first session of therapy, the psychologist handed me a book and several pamphlets to read and put into practice by the next session. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last. Fortunately, I was able to find someone else who was far more understanding and willing to meet me where I was at, rather than expect me to catch up to their pace immediately.
Unfortunately, since then we've had a huge decline in the availablity of mental health services locally and my daughter has been on a waiting list to see a psychologist for over a year now. We're managing with some less intense therapy through social workers, but it's been a struggle.
Man, thatMs tough for your daughter. I hope she gets in somewhere soon. I’m glad you’ve found a good fit though! I think you’re right about that first psychologist. They wanted you to meet them where *they* were at, which is silly.
@@neurotransmissions yeah, it's hard enough seeing her struggling every day. I can only imagine how tough it is for her. I just hope that when she does come off the waitlist it's with somebody she likes. I can imagine things getting far worse if she's paired with someone who isn't the right fit and we have wait all over again.
I used to struggle with self harm a lot. I made an appointment with a mental health care professional. I can't remember if he was a therapist or a psychiatrist. My father had given me a ride to my appointment and was going to pick me up when it was done. Toward the end of my appointment, I told him that I was experiencing a compulsion to hurt myself and I didn't feel safe. He didn't give any response to what I'd just told him. I told that I had my tranquilizers with me, that I could take one and that it could take 30 minutes to start working. I sat in his office while he ignored me and did paperwork. After a half hour, told him that my anxiety level was rising and would he please call my dad. I felt so frozen with fear that I couldn't make the call myself. He said that I could use his office phone to but refused to call my dad for me. Shortly after that, he told me that if I didn't leave his office, that he was going to call the police. He instructed me to leave out the back door, which opened into a parking lot for employees. I ended up cutting myself deeply enough to need sutures. When I was reunited with my father, he told me that he had been waiting for me in the front parking lot.
I had another therapist who I only saw once. She told me that I was choosing to harm myself and judged me for it. When I told her about sexual abuse that I'd experienced in my childhood, she panicked and demanded to know if this person had access to children. She didn't address how the abuse was effecting me.
During the first few years that I struggled with self harm, I was going to the emergency room for sutures on a regular basis. The deepest laceration needed 40 sutures to repair it. I had been treated for a self inflicted 3rd degree burn that required professional wound care for 2 months.
During that time, I involuntarily committed to a locked psychiatric ward regularly. The staff in the facility didn't interact with the patients and became annoyed when approached. The psychiatrist who discharged me was the same person every time. He didn't look up from his paperwork, when he asked if I planned on hurting myself again. He prescribed a 30 day supply of tranquilizers. I asked him how many it would take to kill me. He told me that I could take the whole bottle at once and I would still be fine. He never recommend therapy. The doctors who treated me in the ER were often angry with me and were unusually rough with me while repairing the damage that I had caused. The last time he asked if I was going to hurt myself, I told him "Not until this wound has healed". He still let me go. I always felt worse after being locked up in that facility. The next time that I hurt myself, I stole a lot of suture materials while I was left alone in the treatment room. After that, I repaired myself instead of going to emergency room for treatment. I struggled with self harm for 12 years before meeting a therapist who told me compassionately that it was a compulsion that was beyond my control and that it wasn't my fault.
This sound very troubling. I hope your therapist is able to provide some help.
@@MsAmber10100I have learned how to recognize when a therapist isn't a good match for me or just plain toxic and advocate for myself. I cut off contact with the people who were abusing me and I haven't felt a compulsion to self harm, since 2019. Thank you very much for your kind words
@@leosullivan9228 I have learned how to help others with out sacrificing my mental health. I am able to enjoy small acts of kindness for others. I am occasionally in a position to help a homeless person out with some food. I want to volunteer in an animal shelter, but I have to wait until I am able to wake up at 5:am and walk to the train station with out sacrificing my healing. I am going to get there eventually. I miss taking care of sick, injured and orphaned animals.
I think that of a few things that I wish that people understood about self. I didn't self harm, because I wanted to suffer. I was self harming, because I was suffering so intensely from frustration, anger and pain and self harming was the only way that I was allowed to express it. I was suffering because I had suffered a lot of abuse at the hands of my caregivers while I was growing up and at the hands of abusive partners. Doctors reacting in anger made my mental health a lot worse. I think that this is something that even a lot of people who struggle with self harm don't have words for. Even though I have recovered, I am in support groups on Facebook so that I can hopefully help other people. No one who is struggling with that, should be made to feel ashamed of the only coping mechanism that they have. I want to make the world a better place, even if it is only on a small scale. Thank you so much for your comment
I’ve had 5-6 therapists and every single one was in the wrongdoer category (maybe one wasn’t, but they would have been in the bad fit category)
Every single one had really good reviews and one of them did a ted/tedx talk
I don’t want to touch one with a 10 foot pole
Also, given that shopping around is given to be part of the therapist finding experience, therapists should openly talk about what will make a best fit, and having a list of other therapists to recommend when it emerges that the relationship is no longer working. Should not helping the patient continue receiving care even when they decide not to see you anymore be a part of the therapeutic service?
Yes but they don't because they don't like their work and it seems NO ONE does. Nothing is done right except by sheer accident. NO therapist I ever met cared what would happen if it didn't work out with them and its a huge sample trust me. And NO therapist I ever met ever imagined they could hurt ANYONE. It just was understood. They ALL acted that way...
I saw a therapist as a teenager, she was free through our healthcare in canada. My mother was emotionally abusive and she completely glossed over that it was impacting my mental health. She made all my appointments about my boyfriend at the time because my mother wanted us to breakup. We had a very healthy relationship for teenagers it was a waste of time. He was not the problem, she was. I saw her again after I left an abusive relationship with my child's father (different boyfriend) because it was free. I had ptsd and she made it so much worse. She would just add more fear around the situation and let me spiral for an hour and provided no skills. I told her I think I might have BPD and she told me i didnt and there was nothing else anyone could do if I had it anyway so it didn't matter. Apparently dbt is just "worksheets" I saw a psychiatrist, got diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. I Did DBT and EMDR with a qualified therapist. I'm now thriving. If I had listened to her advice I'd probably be dead.
I have tried 14 therapists and they all have done unethical stuff to me (repeated canceling sessions right before they start without telling me why she needs to cancel it or apologizing, gaslighting, discontinuing client-therapist relationship for no good reason and telling me that I asked for it when I clearly haven’t, racism, ghosting, and so on.) But, I terribly need help. And, yet, I feel so reluctant to trying a new one. How many therapists do people try to find the right one? Have I just not tried enough therapists?
Everyone puts therapists on this pedestal and forget that they're imperfect human beings like the rest of us. Some of them are absolute monsters.
It's a search for sure!
I chose my first therapist because she was the first one available in my vicinity. She only let me talk about my week, the same way as I would talk to friends. Giving no insight, letting me take tests without discussing what they were for or sharing the results. I paid to get the same thing I could get from friends... And thus, felt the same despite therapy.
The second therapist was someone who was more specialised in burn-out/depression and was familiar with working with young people. She always gave me homework and tests that I had to fill in online after the session, again, not wanting to tell what they were for. She wanted me to undertake big changes, that at that point were unreachable for me (both mentally and financially). When I told her that was not possible at this time, she literally said "Well, I can combine this job with running a household, studying for a degree at uni and having a social life!!" Um, good for you, but I literally have to drag my ass out of bed everyday and it feels as if I'm climbing Mt Everest? I felt worse and worse every session.
I thought, if every therapist is like this, giving me tests and vague exercises that have nothing to do with the root of the problem, but they think it'll 'cure' me... Then it isn't for me. I resigned in the fact that I'd just always be depressed...
Until I had a mental health crisis and came into contact with a psychiatrist who referred me to someone he worked with. She was the first one to look at the broader picture. We set up goals and she helped me get there, paying attention to what I could and could not handle. In the beginning she would ask for feedback, ask if she wasn't pushing too hard, ask to tell me if ever there was anything I didn't like about how she'd acted in a session. She believed me and took me seriously, encouraging me to go to a hospital when I was really suicidal and helping me arrange it, instead of being like 'bye, see you next week!'. She even told me numerous times to call her, even on weekends, if I was in crisis. She's available through WhatsApp inbetween sessions. She goes above and beyond for her clients, does so much more than she needs to... And I'm so grateful for that, because I'm at a much better place than I was 2 years ago. And I know, whenever I'm confused or feeling bad, there's someone I can ask for advice, who's got my best interest at heart. And that means a lot!
You have found a good therapist! Congratulations! In my experience, such therapists comprise roughly 5% of the total therapist population. In other words, you have a 1 in 20 chance of setting up a meeting with a good therapist, like you've found.
Is she in Oklahoma?
@@averayugen7802 I'm Belgian so no 🙈😬
😆@@EM-fi6yq
My last experience with my therapist left me feeling helpless and desperate. Basically, she works according to the book - how to heal the inner child. At the first visit, she claimed that even if I don't get to read any chapter before the session, it's okay, we will continue to talk according to the plan (which I still don't know). The last few weeks have been very busy and I haven't had much time to read this book. And instead of her asking questions or creating a narrative to guide the session - she told me that she didn't need me and that I should have been prepared myself because now it turns out that we have nothing to talk about. When I started to tell her about the case that bothered me, she started scolding me for the fact that I myself am to blame for the fact that I feel bad, that I have these strong emotions, and that I don't want to change at all. She stressed out that I only blame others and don't want to work on myself at all. When I tried to explain to her that the fact that I mention other people does not mean that I blame them, I mention them as examples/situations that made me feel some strong emotions. And I don't want to feel that way anymore - I just don't know why I worry so much about seemingly small things. To which, she replied that it is my choice to feel this way, it is my fault, and that I myself am to blame - there is no need to feel this way and then it will be fine.
I cried for half of the session because I felt pushed into a corner, nothing I tried to explain was good enough, and the therapist didn't ask any additional questions - she just continued to assert in a very aggressive tone that I don't want to change anything in myself and that I'm basically lazy and she now has to listen to my experiences stories that include other people. I felt devastated and after the session, I went into the worst episode of depression I have ever had - my trust was broken, I was judged for everything I said and all the information I had told her was turned against me. I have more visits booked but I really don't want to go there. The thought of having to speak with someone who has previously used all given information to humiliate me, makes me want to cry. I don't know what to do...
Is everything really my fault? It was soo horrible.
It has been 10 months since your post and I am sorry no one has written to you. I hope you are feeling better. No, everything is NOT your fault. A poor therapist can, however, make you feel that way. Please believe in yourself and your perceptions. Best wishes!
Learn about narcissism and you'll understand that it's not you doing anything wrong. It's your therapist who's WICKED. Some people has no soul and they'll turn everything against YOU. They make their problem your problem.
I admire you greatly for this but im not sure you comprehend that we pay everytime to check if there is a good fit and theres a cost to opening up to some of these people. Some of these people do really strange, harmful things and the fact we payed them to abuse us is SO disturbing. Right now im realising as i heal independently after finally finding some tools that actually help my neurodivergent brain i am so weirded out by how inappropriate and abusive some of these common behaviours are.
I asked an online "therapist" about the cost of his sessions, as they were not stated on his site. He said that if my main concern was money I wasn't the client he could work with.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet!
Tell me he'd never been poor
Evil people only care about M O N E Y
"he's an empty receptacle that I'm pouring into, but then nothing happens". This is exactly my experience with almost all therapists, aside of the episodic component of it, in which every meeting is an episode that is not related to the previous one OR, if any follow up, the preparation work can't take more than 5 minutes before the session (personally, I wouldn't mind taking shorter sessions, if the therapist took half of the session to analyze some of the stuff in depth). After 12 years, I just prefer keep doing my own stuff and keep researching on solving my issues. I have learned so much from reading books, meta analysis and things like that, that I have managed to move forward by myself. I don't advice anyone to avoid seeing a therapist, but I strongly believe that it is not for everyone. I would rather recommend people to thoroughly go and see many therapist before making your mind. I've been trying for over a decade and nothing, so I tried many times before saying that I will keep working by my own. Don't give up after trying many times.
I never feel safe in therapy anymore
It's been too long to submit a complaint about either case, but my first therapist (I was 13/14 at the time) told me "it's okay if no one loves you because god loves you!" after i told her i wasnt Christian. At another therapist, I'd cried and finally told her in detail about something traumatic that happened to me (first time I'd talked about it ever), and she said "look me in the eyes! Why are you upset? You got out of it!"
Ive grown, I've seen more therapists, and even if a bad experience happens I understand it's not all like that. But bad therapists have put me in positions in my life that were worse than when I'd started therapy. Clients should never go through that.
As a therapist (and a client) I really appreciate your perspective! So many people have negative experiences with therapists and it's helpful to explain and describe why/how this happens, and what to do about it. Glad to find your channel
Tell your therapist friends! & tutors!
So many people's lives were destroyed by therapists encouraging parental estrangement. In my support group some parents even try to comit suicide. These were not abusive parents. Is there anyone who will hold these therapists accountable for dividing and destroying families?
Finding a good therapist is indeed like dating. One of my first therapists told me that I have no reason to be depressed because my life is going fine. I was living with severe depression and anxiety and a very severe addiction. She told me I need to snap out of it!! Like wtf seriously!? You think I haven't thought of that? I wish I had known all of this info before going into therapy. I wasted so much time and money on therapists early on. After getting clean 5 years ago, I found 2 fantastic therapists who engaged with me and really tried to help me solve my problems. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD. I can't believe none of the therapists I saw before that noticed I was addicted and had very clear signs of ADHD even after I was totally honest. The great therapists I have had actually TAUGHT ME a lot of skills, especially about how to manage my emotions and take a minute to pause and notice what was going on in my body. There are great therapists out there, and you also need to find a good fit. It can take a little time but you know a good fit when you meet them, and its totally worth it in the end!
I do want to add that all the therapists I didn't get anything from were older than 60, when I was in my 20s, and both of the therapists I loved were in their early 30s. I don't know but it seems like the old way of therapy is just sitting there listening and asking silly questions, and the new way of therapy is teaching skills. Maybe training has improved in the last 30 years and the younger therapists learned that new way. I also think I could relate to the young ones better. Funnily enough, I actually far prefer my therapists to be recovered addicts or alcoholics like me, because they can actually understand what its like. People who haven't gone through addiction can know what happens in addiction, but never really feel what its like to walk in an addicts shoes. Same goes for mental health struggles. So if you've gone through something hard, you might make a great therapist!
Exact same to me too. Lady said "you have a great job, so what's wrong?" I told her I felt chronically lonely, her response was "well maybe you have BPD then" I was like, WTF
Lol I hear you. My therapist thinks just because I'm married to a lawyer I should be thankful and she acts like I have no real problems and I should just please him and shut up. That's all I hear when I'm in therapy. I'm done with her
Im having a terrible experience right now with a therapist. Ive felt a long time like it wasnt right. Shes got to many problems herself i think, that she wont deal with. But theres alot more. Anyway im wanting to leave her. So how do l know if its a good fit with a therapist or not. Especially in the early days. How do i know
@@sparrowbarnesmusic5864If she’s telling you her problems, that’s not good. She should be listening to you.
Oof, yeah, that first scene really captures the typical therapy experience. Those are the "good" experiences imo. My most recent experience was talking to a provider about the help I could receive for suicidal thoughts. The answer is of course that immediate hospitalization is necessary, despite me having a recording of the conversation saying "But I don't want to die today." Cops were called. I was hauled off in an ambulance. Boss left a few voicemails asking why I wasn't at work. I didn't know they could do that before you even started services with them. I hope I never reach out again.
I am so lucky that I can see the same therapist I saw in college. I love her and feel so comfortable with her. And she reduced her fee because she knows that I wouldn't be able to see her multiple times a month otherwise.
And it sucks that so many therapists don't understand how adults struggle with ADHD. We are told by everyone that we're lazy, inattentive, and that we don't care, we don't need a mental health professional to do it too.
I told a therapist I couldn't feel comfortable with anyone other than my then-boyfriend touching me, even hugs. She brushed it off and said, "oh, that's just boy-girl love." I later learned I'm touch sensitive due to autism. Oh, and I'm 99% gay, and was just playing a role with that boyfriend. She once responded to a complaint about how my parents punished me growing up with "well, what will you do when you have kids?" When I said "I don't want kids" she had nothing to add. I've had other therapists that just listen to me talk and say "good insight, you're very intelligent," but add nothing. Another told me "I won't see you if you don't go on antidepressants," which makes sense on its own but was traumatizing considering at that point, every medication I'd been on had made me suicidal and I told her that. She didn’t say maybe a future one would work, just brushed it off and implied she'd rather I be suicidal as long as I was on meds. Not to mention the psychiatrists who tried to talk to me about God. Now, I'm unwilling to do therapy that isn't focused. My last therapist was a neurodivergence specialist and my current one focuses on PTSD and other trauma. Those have been useful to m
You forget one more category, good therapists having bad days. I tried to stay centered in my interactions with clients, and when I did, which was most of the time, it felt like dancing, words that were helpful to my clients poured out automatically, before I knew I was going to say them. But if some stressor disrupted that flow, I felt like a rocky boat, and that’s when I sometimes said things that made me later shake my head, and I had to correct myself later. Clients who knew me took it in stride, but new clients weren’t always impressed.
I did try to take action. No-one believed me, I had no proof (SA), it went nowhere. I was also told that having a mental illness means I'm not credible, while being a licensed professional meant the abuser was credible
...."just give therapy another chance" is WILD advice given my above comment
I do have a vivid memory of my first ever therapist from high school. I had seen her for a few things, but this one time my parents essentially dragged me in because my mom found out I had been smoking weed. This lady kept repeating over and over how weed is illegal and that is why it is bad, as I tried to explain that I do not base my personal morality around the US legal system. This was a concept she seemingly was unable to grasp, which blew my mind because I had figured out the distinction between amoral and illegal in middle school. This put me off therapy as a concept for years.
One of the only benefits I found from a therapist was that they helped me set goals in life. I learn so much more from reading books and watching videos online about psychological advice than I have ever had from just one person. Very few therapists know enough to be able to change your life. They have no life experience and just go off what they read on textbooks and questionnaires. But that being said, having someone there to hold you accountable to pursue the goals that they helped you set yourself is actually probably the most important part of going to see one. Having goals in life gives your life meaning and purpose. It's hard to come up with a purpose in life by yourself when you're drowning in negative self talk, so it's good to have someone there to encourage you and keep you going and to remind you that life is fun and worth living.
It took me years to admit I’ve had a series of mediocre to harmful experiences with therapists. One literally told me to dump my partner, lose weight and I’d find a better partner. (What she should have done was help me get through a difficult phase by focusing on my physical health and stop obsessing over fixing my partner.) She compared my situation to her first marriage. Yikes.
Mostly though they’re burned out, tired, barely engaged or ineffective. Asking open ended questions without useful follow up, guidance or advice is awful. I can have better interactions with close friends and family.
I can’t remember having a breakthrough or aha moment with the last 5 mental health professionals I’ve seen. I’m done trying to find a competent therapist, psychologist or couples counselor.
My therapist got mad at me one day because I confronted her about something. She immediately attacked me by saying my deceased dad F'd me. Then when she saw my shock she asked me how much longer I was keeping it a secret. This therapist was also aware I missed my dad's funeral and didn't get to say goodbye to him. I made a complaint to the licensing board and they said she didn't commit a violation. Same therapist mocked me and made nasty faces at me to supposedly show me how I was to her. She accused me of being hostile, said I was "high risk" because of suicide attempts and in our final session she said the way I answered questions was becoming a problem and asked if I could feel the tension between us. Also there is no fit in therapy. The therapist is trained to help with mental illness. If the therapist can't do it then it's on THEM AND NOT THE CLIENT. "We aren't the right fit" is only an excuse the therapist makes.
"Also there is no fit in therapy. The therapist is trained to help with mental illness. If the therapist can't do it then it's on THEM AND NOT THE CLIENT. "We aren't the right fit" is only an excuse the therapist makes." preach
And that simply means there should not be this weird "relationship" thingy going on.
I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad that someone else has experienced stuff like the lying and the passive aggressiveness. Most therapists are pretentious at best, malicious devils at worse.
How can you say there is "no fit" in therapists? If you don't like them, they are not a good fit. If you don't think they understand you, they are not a good fit.
A previous commenter said we should find a therapist that has something in common with us. I tend to agree.
If you are terribly smart, you should find a smart therapist. If you are spiritual, you should find a spiritual therapist. If you don't yet know what you are, you should decide what kind of therapist you might need and go from there. One thing for sure is that not every therapist is good for everyone. That's just my opinion, but it makes sense.
Thank you for making this video. I'm an MHC grad student not professional but have lived experience from 3 children with psych/neuro issues (spectrum, SAD, epilepsy, ADHD, MDD & ED (AN)). I wanted to add scope to your list. For example, even though states don't mandate special credentials or require a special license for treating ED, clinicians who don't screen/question/probe, readily identify, or know effective interventions eating disorders, especially anorexia and bulimia should self-disclose. These are extremely dangerous disorders and like other difficult-to-treat conditions (like BPD) require in-depth knowledge & expertise. Ineffective therapy esp. in these cases has a terrible impact-- bc the longer adolescents have ED, the less likely their recovery. Therapists on Psychology Today who include severe illnesses on a large checklist of disorders they treat may be misleading the public.
Had a therapist who'd say the same things about bad therapists and ethics, meaning how he's not one of them. And then a chain of events happened that makes me believe now that the whole "therapeutic relationship" thing is a lie
Or rhather is built on a lie. Because you'll never know who that person is irl, unless by an exident (like I did). And I was disgusted and hurt to the core, becauseat this point I was seeing him for about a year. It wouldn't happen if I knew who he was beforehand.
A great big thank you! Out of over two dozen therapists, I have only had two good ones. The last one was literally a sociopath or a psychopath. Very mean spirited. I had three like that. Then, there were several who wanted to be my friends. We did absolutely no work on my issues. They just talked about anything they found of interest in their lives or in mine. The third type were those who told me that they got into therapy work to try to fix themselves. It didn't work. They definitely still needed help. It is very difficult to find a good therapist.
The same goes for psychiatrists. They have studied all of the psychiatry books but they have no idea how to actually interact with their fellow human beings. They don't ever seem to experience real life.
Thanks for this video. The section on "wrong fit" therapists helped me realize that where I'm at right now isn't bad but just isn't a good fit. It feels like they don't really relate to me at all and nothing they say ever feels like it comes from a place of mutual understanding.
I had many bad therapists, but did not stick with them long. The worst experience was Freudian mirror therapy of simply repeating everything back to me which was unhelpful.
I had chronic PTSD plus a bipolar 2 and later bipolar 1 diagnosis. I desperately needed to get out of distress, and stabilize not be in an echo chamber.
The therapist that was effective said my bipolar symptoms were likely caused from trauma, so therefore likely not genetic and I could recover from it, so work on trauma issues. Which was the best path for me.
The main issues I found is that many therapists have a myopic perspective of the human condition, and I was researching psychology to try to find information on my condition to find clues as to what to do.
But the therapist that worked encouraged me to do as much research that I wanted to and to find my own path.
At one point I tried to self diagnosed, he would actually question me and prove my self diagnosis wrong, and get me on the path to just attend to symptoms.
And said, „I am training you to become a good self psychologist.“
Had a therapist that I got through Better Help tell me that she was actually a member of the Mormon church which I left years ago. I asked her if she thought being in a gay relationship was the best thing for me and she said "I don't think that it's what god wants." I'm not an expert in therapy but that seemed like a really unethical thing to say. It certainly felt horrible to hear. I eventually did find a therapist that was really good for me and wasn't putting their religious beliefs above their job but it did teach me a lesson about putting unquestioned trust in any professional.
I've been to about ten BAD therapists in a row before giving up on therapy. I've been too traumatized by narcissistic therapists who only know how to do CBT and DBT, and one who, after 12 years, committed a malicious act, and I had NO rights with him because he works with the police department & as an 'expert witness' in court & personally KNEW every lawyer in town. So after six months, he finally ADMITTED what he'd done wrong, and I had no recourse, and I'd been through six months of inexplicable rejections by every lawyer in town, ALL of whom told me I had a case but THEY couldn't take it because of a 'conflict of interest with one of your likely adversaries,' as one of the more honest lawyers put it, but there were time limits, so I'd better find a lawyer fast. It was only after six months of calling lawyer after lawyer & being rejected & telling everyone I knew what had happened to me that my massage therapist was the one who told me that his secretary had committed a HIPAA violation. That was TWO WEEKS past the deadline for me to have filed a report to the government for the HIPAA violation AND Medicare fraud, and when I went back to the therapist, he admitted that he'd know it the whole time, which was why he wasn't letting me talk about the incident, particularly his secretary, & kept gaslighting me. He was running out the clock for me to DO anything about it.
Then I was psychologically abused by the narcissistic and/or lazy therapists I went to to try to fix the PTSD he had caused me. Because it turns out that good trauma therapists do NOT accept Medicare, and THAT was what I needed. Someone who'd even HEARD of Complex PTSD & didn't just mechanically interrupt me every time I tried to tell them what had happened to me because 'that's in the past' and give me 'homework' assignments they refused to help me with in the office because all the questions were DESIGNED to FORCE a wrong answer. And then I looked up what DBT actually WAS, and it's designed to -get rid of- process a client within 10-20 weeks by convincing them of their erroneous thoughts. Well, if that technique WORKED, I wouldn't HAVE Complex PTSD caused by narcissistic abuse in the FIRST place.
By the time I quit therapy for the LAST time, I was SO traumatized, I was having NIGHTMARES about my therapist having moved in across the street from me (siding with my narcissistic father next door against me since he kept contacting them & turning them against me, convincing them HE was the victim of MY abuse!), and that they were chasing me around with unsolvable homework assignments demanding to know why I hadn't done them!
There were other ones from the 3rd circle of hell, but if you want to know what the therapy experience is like in Rochester, NY, when you're on Medicare, watch the video by Daniel Mackler, 'Why I Quit Being a Therapist' in which he gives six reasons from the therapist's point of view that PERFECTLY align with my experience of the way they ALL treated me as a client.
YOU find me someone who's licensed to practice in NY state who accepts Medicare and can help someone with PTSD & C-PTSD caused by narcissistic abuse, PLUS autism and ADHD, and maybe I'll give it a shot. But I guarantee you will NOT find one! Daniel Mackler is 100% right about therapy & therapists. If you're not a millionnaire, they don't want to get emotionally invested in you, and CBT & DBT (i.e., repackaged Buddhism, a religious practice that's automatically forced on EVERYONE who presents as 'emotionally dysregulated' regardless of the reason, taking an INSTANT dislike to us because they automatically associate emotional dysregulation and want to diagnose everyone with Borderline Personality Disosrder, which is a stigmatizing, toxic Type B personality disorder that NOBODY wants to work with, especially if you insist you DO NOT HAVE IT (since they have to pick from the options in the DSM, and C-PTSD isn't in there, and they completely miss the autism & ADHD & that THEY cause incurable emotional dysregulation due to the hard-wiring in the brain), and their DISLIKE is palpable, if not audible in the form of outright SCOFFING at what we say as if we're making it up to manipulate them! Like we're paying for therapy for fun in order to manipulate the therapist! Therapists need to get OVER themselves. But there's a local shortage, so they take advantage of your lack of options. NO THANKS. I'd rather just spend the rest of my life happily traumatized and miserable than be abused by ONE more BAD THERAPIST!
I know the Maclker material and you are SPOT ON. This is a TERMINALLY TOXIC RACKET, its not a profession, that stopped happening when the few PHD Psychologists were suddenly crowded around with every pseudo counselor and addictions expert on the planet asking almost as much money, and not providing any competent help at all. Even Frieda Fromm Reichmann failed half the time. Helping someone back to sanity is the work of angels but there are too many imposters for terrible reasons. You know what they are and so do I. So my advice to everyone is have quality friends any way you can make them. I never succeeded at that either but I know YOU can. Make real friends too, never rely on the Big Machine and all its phony promise.... or they will leave you with nothing when u need them the most.
WORDS OF WIDDOM. There is no problem-solution in healing, only COMPASSION. The rest is life itself.
When I was a child I went to several different therapists who always made things worse. By the time I became an adult I noticed no one considered that maybe my feelings were influenced by growing up in a chaotic household with an alcoholic father and a mother with severe anger issues.
I can rarely connect with a therapist, because I haven't felt like they ever really cared. Plus, my only insurance has been medicaid, which limited my choices. I saw therapists since age 7 until recently, and I'm 30 now. For a time, they worked, and then I got real with myself and realized I wasn't getting anything out of it anymore but a few simple "uh-huh, that must be hard". I'd prefer just good friends and a real authentic support system of loved ones - I need that emotional connections, especially when a great deal of my depression and anxiety comes from feeling "lonely and disconnected" from others and WANTING more of a social life... so it seemed silly to sit and talk to some stoic figure in a room about how I'm sad and lonely when instead I figured I'd just save myself the energy drain and keep working on building better, more authentic friendships and relationships and getting out there, pursuing more of what I love in life. Therapy can really help when you're in a bind or lack that self-awareness but after a while, once I'd picked up on the methods and learned enough about myself - I felt I had to make drastic changes to the way I looked at things and approached things in order to really make progress that mattered to me.
After years of not being “heard” and the misdiagnosis of no less than three disorders, I finally was tested and found to have ADHD. I’m not forgetful, I’m just processing too much. I actually have an above normal IQ. After that, I feel like I’m on my own in treatment of my anxiety and depression. The beginning session of this video was me. Over and over. Not saying you are adhd, but maybe go to a therapist that has a background in treatment. They might hear you better and offer life changing solutions.
Harmful and traumatic experiences in therapy almost drove me to suicide. I saw about a dozen of them, and every single one caused my mental health to decline further and further. I used to be pro-therapy, even wanted to be a therapist at one point. Now, I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I think the whole mental health industry should be torn down. They don't care who they destroy in the process of "helping." The therapeutic relationship itself isn't even a healthy relationship. It's not a relationship that you would ever want to duplicate out in the real world.
Dude, I subscribe to your every word
The very foundation of this "relationship" is unethical, and almost no one seems to understand that. I didn't understand that, until I got hit by it so hard, it took me months to recover and I am still not fully though it.
some of it needs to be turned down like gender identity things but why exactly should therapy for things like anxiety or deppression go away
Same.
@@ningyding Dang, I'm really sorry to hear that you had a similar experience. If you don't mind me asking, where are you at in that journey?
Unfortunately the vast majority of americans can't afford therapists with private practices or therapists who work for a private organization, which means we're stuck with therapista who work for the government. Once you've had 2 bad matches and one gaslighting therapist and spoken to a psychiatrist who verbally abused you and everyone else working there defended them, possibly because they were already understaffed and didn't want to add 1/3rd to everyone's workload, you're now out of options.
I've been to a therapist about 3 years ago and there were a few problems, from never "getting" me, to bringing up subjects that were irrelevant to me and my situation (mostly homosexuality. Neither of us are homosexual, or bisexual, but I guess that's because of something else I told her), to interrupting me to ask too many questions that I wasn't able to answer properly, then weaving a distorted story from tidbits of what I said; to comparing my life to that of other clients of hers ("Your life is not so bad, I have one client whose son is an addict". Well... I _live_ with an addict too, I just told her that a few sessions before), to shaming me for having low motivation (even though I was going through a hard situation), to putting words on my mouth, inducing certain responses, claiming I said things I never said, to citing creepypasta as an indication of... I don't even really know what she was thinking, sincerely (and that is when I finally quit), to denying psychiatric/psychological knowledge I have ("People with Bipolar Disorder _don't_ [experience psychotic symptoms]", and stuff I know about Jungian cognitive types), to invalidating my feelings in general, to raging because I was late (which, I understand she was upset I was late, and I had been consistently a few minutes late for the past couple sessions, then I was _very_ late for that one, but she got particularly mad at me), to me showing her a diagram and the response being "Yeah, but in Psychology we study [term for the way people draw and write] and those straight lines mean you are a rigid person", to "giving me an extra therapy session" over whatsapp out of the blue, then claiming _I_ was breaching _her_ boundaries; to confusingly flirting with me, to implying I was wrong in situations other people wronged me (somebody asked me for help to do their stuff, I waited for their command, they didn't do anything, then I asked them about it because I actually wanted to help, then they told me it was my fault for not showing up, her reply was, "But what could _YOU_ have done?", and my reply was "I did exactly what I _should_ have done, I was there to _assist_ them, it was not my _obligation_ to do it for them"), to saying I was dependent on some people who wronged me, then when I asked for clarification she replied "Dependency is not only about mirroring other people's feelings, it is also about financial dependency", but... I'm not financially dependent on _those_ people, I _am_ barely financially dependent on my parents, but just because they pay the bills and I live in their house, but I don't ask them for anything, so that argument goes nowhere; to trying to convince me I had problems I have never have! "Remember I told you you get lost on the street? That you have spatial-temporal reasoning problems?", I thought to myself "Yeah, I remember _you_ told me that, but... based on what?" She never told me, I don't have those problems on a daily basis, or even on a "sometimes-basis", and nobody else ever complained to me about that, so... ???, "I think you have a real neurological-based memory problem", but then the neurologist found nothing, "Well, see, I'm not a doctor", "You have a problem with women, see, you don't look me in the eyes" (she was very insistent on that one, even though I usually relate better to women than to men - though I am a straight cis male - so that was contradictory; but I _did_ relate bad to her, though I guess she wans't open to considering I had a problem with her specifically, so it must have been a problem with all women), "Are you sure if I were a male therapist you wouldn't be more comfortable?" I just replied "Yes", while thinking to myself "If it were a man, I'd be more uncomfortable, I always hanged around my sisters-in-law, my female cousins, my aunts, my grandma, mom, and mostly girls at school, I have always been more distant from boys in average".
I'm still considering what I can do about it in my country, because as much as I was able to just give up and process my problems (including the ones brought by her "therapy") on my own, and I've been getting proper therapy now (from a woman, roflol), there may be other people being harmed, assuming she treats other clients like this (and that's pretty fair to assume, so...).
I'm sorry for the long post, I guess a few lines would've made my point, it is just that it all started coming back to me as I was typing, so I went with it.
The sketch in the beginning hit me really hard. When I was in high school I went to therapy for a few weeks one winter. My sport of choice was cross country, but I struggled to find motivation to run during the cold winters, whether it was due to snow and ice and the cold conditions outside or the grim feeling of running on a treadmill. Their response was to tell me "It sounds like you don't actually like running then" which just infuriated me to no end. I didn't come back.
I left my therapist 2 days ago. I am in a domestic abuse situation. I have major depressive disorder and my self-esteem is destroyed. I didn't understand that it was abuse for a really long time. There are still things that I don't realize and I'm learning all the time. Fortunately, I am one of those "weird" people who like to learn, even if it's about being messed up or being wrong. My spouse is choosing to voluntarily enter an intervention program. I had early reservations about my therapist, whom I just started seeing this past spring. She would talk about other clients. Never by name, so she was within the bounds of confidentiality but it still felt questionable. I had to wonder what she was saying about me to other clients. And sometimes I think I know more about her personal life than she does about mine. She confused me with another client in 3 different ways in the same session. I'm the one saying I can't change him, he has to make those decisions, it has to be important to him, yet she said I'm in denial about those very things. I had to wonder if she'd confused me with someone else again. But then she interrupted me (which is something my husband does, which she is aware, so you'd think she'd know better...) and began talking about something that I did not want to talk about. I told her no, I am not going to discuss this. She ignored that and continued. She pressures me to make the decisions she wants me to make, to handle this how she thinks I should, and this was more of the same. I left the session and I am not going back. She emailed me later and apologized, which I appreciate. On the other hand, I find I'm not in a forgiving mood any more. I AM going to find a new therapist. I know I need to be in therapy. But right now, the thought of it is upsetting.
Thank you for this video. Also, thank you or your editor for the amazing job setting up/separating the segments.
I came to a therapist stressed out of my mind.
I was at Uni, and couldn't keep up with the stress and lack of sleep.
So, I talked to her, and after 15 minutes, I realized, that she is a person, who couldn't possibly understand a single sentence comming out of my mouth. She literally believed in Tabula Rasa FFS.
So, I lost hope after a mere 2 sessions.
This one of the best videos I have ever watched about therapy. Period. I will definitely be sharing it with others who are starting therapy for the first time, and hopefully some who are just switching providers or restarting treatment after a hiatus. It's also incredibly comforting to know that private practitioners have to answer to licensing boards, even when they can't be reported to a particular practice. I'll also be using it in my future, to look out for unethical practices with many types of health clinicians, and to reflect on ones I've worked with in the past.
One thing I would add to your awesome list is that therapists should give as accurate of a picture as possible of how they work with clients. For example, if they learned psychoanalysis in grad school but haven't used it in ten years, it shouldn't be listed in the first sentence of their bio. Also, if they plan to still offer/integrate it, but have lost touch, they should be updating their knowledge on how to use it if they've forgotten.
Thanks again!
Mentioning how many strategies you were utilizing to help you remember (first example), showed how strongly you were trying to problem solve on your own. Clearly trying to find solutions, even trying therapy, showed that you were not irresponsible at all, but very pro-active. Patient blaming out of sheer ignorance, and obviously not valuing you or respecting you in any way, is just sheer laziness, ineptitude and negligence.
Oh. my. god. Dude.
I'm so sorry you met a therapist like that.
I feel like half the views on this is therapists checking to see if they are bad and it must be so relieving for them to see HOW TERRIBLE your therapist was. CHRIST.
I guess it's bringing up my stuff because I have ADHD and I run a mile from these therapists who suggest that I am unconsciously fucking up my life on purpose. I'd much rather learn to accept myself for who I am and learn coping strategies than invent this story about an inner me called "my unconscious" who hates me and hates my life and wants me and everyone around me to suffer. How is that helpful or realistic?
I notice *some* of the "not a good fit" things aren't to do with *fit* per-se and could be corrected if the therapist used the c-nip
There has been a lot of research showing trainee therapists do not get worse outcomes for clients than experienced therapists and some studies even found they were better (I guess because there aren't many trainees who have decided "I know best and I'm going to do this thing that I made up" )
The psychologist I have now fits me very well, she's very friendly, soft and shows she cares. Previous therapists I had were more distant, so felt like they didn't really care.
Immediately I'm saying, the therapist isn't recognizing the guy's ADHD.
Also, I've had this same experience in other contexts. The therapist just saying, "well, get it together!" I've also had tremendous harm come from bad EMDR, and therapists re-enacting my parental dynamics with me. Psychotherapy is inherently flawed. We need PEER TO PEER counseling.
the one therapist that fit me basically abandoned me as a patient. I guess it wasn't her fault, she said it was due to some non-competitive order as she was going into private practice. But that really just reinforced in my mind that I am nothing but a paycheck to them. That preventing competition is prioritized over a teenager getting help.
I quit my psychotherapist today, and then stumbled upon this video. Thank you, I've been questioning my own judgement about the issue, despite being a certified art-therapist and mental health first aider myself, it helped me sort through and list the questionable behaviours he's been displaying. Sadly, I've had more bad therapists than good ones through my life, and yet I still recommend psychotherapy and will look for a new one that will be a better fit and that I can actually trust.
I probably should have quit sooner or at least when, a few months ago, he gaslit me when I told him I was going to have to miss a couple of sessions because I was getting knee surgery and neither his office nor the station to get there were equipped with an elevator and it would be too hard to come (lots of stairs). His response was "it never stopped anyone from coming to their session.". I was taken aback and already on my way to leave, so I didn't say anything. I'm under 40 and have chronic migraines, joints pains and fatigue (with other medical issues for which I'm seeing a multitude of specialists), I've been seeing this particular psychiatrist for a year and despite him insisting that all my pains are psychosomatic and my fatigue is a sign of my depressed mood , he has never offered a real plan beside talking to address it or manage the pain. And while I will admit my mental health is influencing the way I perceive pain, it doesn't negate the very real physical issues I'm dealing with (herniations, hypermobility, congenital dysplasia of several joints resulting in injuries, etc), but when I brought up the fact that I thought something more systemic was going on and that I wanted to investigate, he flip flopped on me. He agreed during one session and the next one, gaslit me again and even said that genetic disorders were invented and what's the point of a diagnosis? That was the last straw. The one good thing the experience brought me is the fact that I was proud of my response and how I managed to advocate for myself and keep relatively calm and articulate as I told him "I'm not telling you how to do your job, but as therapists, we all have to go to Continued Education and I suggest you pick a course on the subject next time." I'm still not really sure it's in the category of malicious or just incompetence.
Great topic to talk about, thanks for making this video. I've had many therapist through my life and a few of them were terrible. Nowadays I still go to therapy but it is hard to really trust the person in front of me after those experiences, I never feel fully comfortable anymore around them and I've lost a lot of trust in the psychotherapeutic process as a whole.
In the past, one therapist tried to give me pseudoscience BS like ""family constellations". Another threatened me to not treat me anymore if I didn't take clozapine (a drug with serious side effects, anti-psychotic, and I'm not psychotic, btw) while this person wasn't a doctor, she was trying to force me to take a drug without knowing a single thing about medicine just because my psychiatrist suggested it as an option (and he told me it was fine if I didn't want to try it, as it was a serious decision). She also brought up religion to the session and got angry because I wasn't christian (keep in mind I never disrespected her religion).
The worst case was a therapist who wanted to continue our sessions via webcam while she was traveling Europe, when I politely declined and told her I didn't feel comfortable talking about my issues from my own home with my family around, she started screaming at me and kicked me out of her office. I was utterly confused by her reaction. That person also used to tell stories about herself that went nowhere and also made sexual comments about other women more than once...
And the last case: I had a therapist who at some point I suppose got bored of me because the process was going nowhere and she systematically started coming 20min late to the sessions, groggy like she was about to fall asleep at any time. When I pointed that out she got confrontational. She also blamed me when the implemented strategies didn't work out, to the point of calling my parents to "check if I wasn't lying" about things like doing exercise... and I am an adult. Very degrading experiences.
So many comments I reading so called "Christians" belittle and have a "holier-than-thou" attitude and it just gives people a horrid idea of Christians. As a Christian myself, we are not supposed to act that way, nor are we perfect, nor should we push our religion on someone else. I'm sorry about your experience.
my last therapist claimed to be trauma informed on her psychologytoday page. when i asked her about trauma therapy, she laughed and said that i didn't need trauma therapy. i have ptsd.
Seriously, thank you. I’ve been bouncing from psychologist to psychiatrist and back again for a while now. None ever seem to “get it”. It’s just clever proverbs that are somehow supposed to help me fundamentally change my way of life ? And when I explain this disconnect to my family it feels like they just gaslight me into thinking that I’m simply “not trying hard enough”. Luckily, I’ve found a couple medications (both licit and illicit) that get me through the day. But I’d much prefer to find other ways of handling things… Thanks for starting this conversation though, a lot of people could benefit from these ideas.
A friend of mine shared an experience of seeing a therapist who traumatized them and left them hanging and suffering without helping them re stabilize from a session. My friend has been looking for help with re stabilizing and getting back to their normal self.
I recently switched therapists. I was doing okay was seeing her a year. I felt like I was doing so well, but it all came to a head when I started dating someone and I completely fell apart and I didn't know why. My therapist wasn't helping me at all. She was just letting me vent and all she ever did was ask what I was going to do for the rest of the day after our sessions. I switched to someone with 30+ years of experience as a psychologist. She had me pegged in 10 minutes in our first session and has given me so much more insight in ONE 45 minutes meeting than my other one did for a year.
The first therapist I saw for disabling depression when I was in college was a perfect example of a "bad fit." At our very first session, she literally prescribed (like, I had to go get it from the pharmacy) me the book "Feeling Good" by Robert Burns, and told me to come back when I had read it. I read it. It's terrible. Needless to say, I never went back. It was several years before I found a good therapist who was on the same page with me, and he was able to help me tremendously.
My last therapist would complain to me about her boss and tell me (in her words) everything that was going on. She was let go after only a month. Our final session was while she was a starbucks picking up her lunch with me on the phone because she was busy training for her new job. And of course she made sure to tell me how much of a pill her new supervisor was that was training her. That was just unbelievable. I have been in therapy off and on for over 20+ yrs and I have never experienced that before. It was bad.
Oh man, what a nightmare! That's the kind of person I don't want as a coworker, much less as a therapist!
What happens when you finally get an awesome fit for a therapist and then all of a sudden they quit their job or they get reassigned caseloads or they don't take your insurance. That's a big thing for me is finding someone who takes my insurance and isn't just there to collect a paycheck and isn't a good fit. The few awesome fitting councilors I've had were few and far between. I really should have therapy right now but can't find one so I guess It'll end up like "normal" for me, end up in the hospital for a couple of weeks and then finally maybe be directed to one who may be a good fit for me. Thanks so much for these videos because I'm finally realizing I'm not alone with some of the issues I have.
I didn't know this could be a thing, thanks for the video.
I feel like both people who are both professionally therapists and non therapists can sometimes want to feel so close to another person and safe, that we try to feel like we are sharing the same exact reality and perception, where as everyone has different perspectives and experiences that shape them, and everyone is truly individual, so many mistakes and unintentional abuses can happen in the name of subconsciously trying to share the same reality of being afraid of differing perspectives
Thank you for talking about this. It's a very important topic to talk about, especially since the public discourse is nowadays often praising therapy and simply sharing concerns, (constructive) criticism or personal experiences that aren't positive can make a lot of people very angry and defensive and I believe that many of us keep our experiences to/for ourselves as a result. And I applaud you even more for talking about this since/as you're a therapist yourself, because most therapists seem to be extremely dismissive and defensive, defending other therapists and dodging this topic of unhelpful and harmful therapy experiences as if their lives depended on it.
After many, many experiences with therapy that started since I was a child and if I remember it correctly, my age wasn't even in double digits yet when I saw therapists and psychologists and other mental health professional for the first time... I can now look back and realize how harmful it all was to me. Some things were surely unethical and I don't even want to talk about it. And overall, therapy and therapy culture created many mental health issues in me that I didn't have before and I'm sure I wouldn't develop them without therapy and mental health professionals in general. To give an example, I basically have very similar (if not the exactly same) issues as victims of gaslighting, because therapists were "teaching" me that none of my issues are real and it's all in my head (what a surprise it was to me when I was finally tested and diagnosed with a physical disability!). I learned how to overthink, how to doubt myself, how to assume the worst of myself, how to question and mull over every single thing, how to question my senses and reality, how to over-extert myself and constantly push my limits in an unhealthy way, how to dismiss my needs,... many things that I would be way better off without. And when I look at the context of my whole life, I actually think that my biggest trauma is the one caused by doctors and therapists. The "special things" on it are the fact that you don't expect to be harmed in a place where you go for help plus the fact how much people overlook, ignore, dismiss and mock these kinds of traumas - often times even those who claim to be supportive of people who struggle with trauma.
As a therapist in training, I appreciate you sharing your experience. It is truly helpful to keep your experience in mind while in training.
Very glad you're covering this. I live in British Columbia, Canada, and the legal situation here is that professional psychologists have right to title, not right to practice. This means that you need to be a certified professional in psychology to call yourself a psychologist. You can, however, operate similar practices without the oversight of a professional organization and its ethics board using another title, such as therapist.
I learned this while reading a news article about a lady who was living with her "therapist," who had convinced her that what she needed for her mental illness was regular supervision and a nice, safe, enclosed environment, like, for example, the "therapist's" own home. Which she was not allowed to leave. And which had eventually developed into a situation wherein the "therapist" had manipulated her patient into being her live-in sex slave. (For anyone lost in pronouns because of assumed genders, both patient and abuser-posing-as-therapist were female.)
Yeah...I'm good sorting out my moderate depression and anxiety issues on my own. This one's in jail now, or at least charges had been brought at the time of the news article, but holy shit, guys, we need to have the psychology ethics board doing oversight for all therapists, not just the ones calling themselves psychologists! Like...yes, I'm fully aware that part of why this freaks me out so much is the mild paranoia that is part of what's wrong with me, and that this one case is almost certainly isolated in its extremity, but...I have a degree in mining engineering. I'm not an engineer, and I should not be allowed to design mines for people, even though I have the degree. Professional organizations exist for a reason. The continuing education requirements are critical in providing up to date execution of their duties, even in a field like engineering where the core science was worked out when our grandparents' grandparents were kids. The ethical oversight is critically important, even in a field like engineering where we don't even talk to the vast majority of the people whose lives we help by doing our job. (When's the last time you called up your car manufacturer's engineering team? The guy who signed off on the design for your apartment complex? Etc.) I feel like my concern is not just the paranoia here!