Our world has minimized this issue so much it’s disturbing. Victims are told they’re insecure, jealous, crazy, that they should get mental help, they should be ashamed that the victim betrayed the betrayer (went through the betrayers phone, tablet or family computer etc.) It is unreal.
When a partner minimizes the impact of betrayal trauma, that really can affect the person as well. Especially if they believe what they did wasn't full-blown "cheating" or damaging. Makes it very hard to heal with that person...
I’ll never forget how the marriage counselor told me I had a part to play in the betrayal! WHAT A LIE!!! It’s like telling a murder victim “Well you had a part to play in your murder.” 🤦 It’s unbelievable!
It takes thousands of lies to have an affair. From little white lies to big ones. It changed my life to learn that someone so "close" to someone else could do that. Everyone lies at times, but not like that. It shook me to my core when I found out.
I still struggle horribly with complex betrayal trauma that was left unhealed from 25 years ago. No apologies, I was blamed, gaslighted. Descended into a hell on earth that led to alcoholism. My spouse told me just “to get over it”. “It” was 15 long years of intermittent disclosure (constant re-traumatization) and continued contact my husband never thought would come to light. I stayed to raise young children; that was a mistake. I’m a 66 year old highly educated woman who found the courage to leave and live separate and apart (since 2019). This has destroyed me; I will never be the lively, courageous, outgoing, passionate lady with such shine ever again. I feel so broken, so hollow and I do think about ending my life.
I found out 3 days after my husband passed away that he had a girlfriend 25 years younger, and that she may have been pregnant. 6 months later I found out everything he told me about his life was a lie (second marriage for both of us), and about 6 months after that I found out he had been having sexual relations with men since he was in his early 20s. It's been 2.5 years and I'm just starting to come out of this now. The manipulation was off the charts. Thank you for posting this video. Very informative.
I have been to war in iraq, i have lost all of my friends with the last one taking his own life last june but out of everything in my life that has hurt all of the pain of 53 years doesn't come close to how much finding out what my spouse of 17 years has done and continues to do to my heart and mind. Its torture nothing less
It’s clear to me this is what I’m going through. I knew the change in me was because of the betrayal, but I didn’t know it was an actual thing. I’ve never struggled like this before and it sucks because I feel I have no control over it, though I try my best to. I actually had a seizure in my sleep a month ago- never had a seizure before in my life. I honestly feel it came from the stress and constant worry
My betrayal trauma is from my mother. She was a good supportive mother most of my life. There were hints of her narcissism but they were few and far between. Then after she retired from working and lost feeling important and status and I got a chronic illness that made me physically less available to her, her narcissism became full blown. 13 years ago at the age of 76 she began to have vicious rages at me, gaslighting, crying and turning it around that she was the victim, all classic narcissistic behaviors. I had a nervous breakdown and went no contact 3 months ago. My pain is the pain of being betrayed by a mother I felt safe with and trusted all my life and she crushed my soul. There was no way to stand up for myself or have her hear me. I tried and was met with “I never said that. I don’t get enraged at you.”
My ex friend co conspired with my sons dad so that I would lose custody. It humiliated me to the core because I found out during the court hearing. If you think parents can’t lose custody based on lies they can. I’m so beyond grief. I have done nothing wrong and made out to be unfit. The justice system has winners and losers whoever has the most money wins.
This guy cheated on me for 5 years. It didn't even know betrayal trauma was a thing. 20 years later I am sorting through the damage. Thanks for spotlighting this.
Our world has minimized this issue so much it’s disturbing. Victims are told they’re insecure, jealous, crazy, that they should get mental help, they should be ashamed that the victim betrayed the betrayer (went through the betrayers phone, tablet or family computer etc.) It is unreal.
When a partner minimizes the impact of betrayal trauma, that really can affect the person as well. Especially if they believe what they did wasn't full-blown "cheating" or damaging. Makes it very hard to heal with that person...
I’ll never forget how the marriage counselor told me I had a part to play in the betrayal! WHAT A LIE!!! It’s like telling a murder victim “Well you had a part to play in your murder.” 🤦 It’s unbelievable!
It's been 30 years after the betrayal. And I still feel it.
Why is infidelity worse than murder? With infidelity, you leave your victim alive
It takes thousands of lies to have an affair. From little white lies to big ones. It changed my life to learn that someone so "close" to someone else could do that. Everyone lies at times, but not like that. It shook me to my core when I found out.
From someone that is dealing with this immense problem that almost cost me my life, thank you.
My behavior has severly went from normal to psychosis after dealing with this. I am out of trust at this point.
when your spouse betrays you after 11 years when you find out you literally die your soul is mortally wounded
I understand why in some countries they stone cheaters to death. I think anyone involved in the process should be punished
I still struggle horribly with complex betrayal trauma that was left unhealed from 25 years ago. No apologies, I was blamed, gaslighted. Descended into a hell on earth that led to alcoholism. My spouse told me just “to get over it”. “It” was 15 long years of intermittent disclosure (constant re-traumatization) and continued contact my husband never thought would come to light. I stayed to raise young children; that was a mistake. I’m a 66 year old highly educated woman who found the courage to leave and live separate and apart (since 2019). This has destroyed me; I will never be the lively, courageous, outgoing, passionate lady with such shine ever again. I feel so broken, so hollow and I do think about ending my life.
Still feel it 36 years after, unbelievable pain
It's soul destroying. It's ruining me.
I found out 3 days after my husband passed away that he had a girlfriend 25 years younger, and that she may have been pregnant. 6 months later I found out everything he told me about his life was a lie (second marriage for both of us), and about 6 months after that I found out he had been having sexual relations with men since he was in his early 20s. It's been 2.5 years and I'm just starting to come out of this now. The manipulation was off the charts. Thank you for posting this video. Very informative.
I have been to war in iraq, i have lost all of my friends with the last one taking his own life last june but out of everything in my life that has hurt all of the pain of 53 years doesn't come close to how much finding out what my spouse of 17 years has done and continues to do to my heart and mind. Its torture nothing less
CW: trauma dumping
It’s clear to me this is what I’m going through. I knew the change in me was because of the betrayal, but I didn’t know it was an actual thing. I’ve never struggled like this before and it sucks because I feel I have no control over it, though I try my best to. I actually had a seizure in my sleep a month ago- never had a seizure before in my life. I honestly feel it came from the stress and constant worry
My betrayal trauma is from my mother. She was a good supportive mother most of my life. There were hints of her narcissism but they were few and far between. Then after she retired from working and lost feeling important and status and I got a chronic illness that made me physically less available to her, her narcissism became full blown. 13 years ago at the age of 76 she began to have vicious rages at me, gaslighting, crying and turning it around that she was the victim, all classic narcissistic behaviors. I had a nervous breakdown and went no contact 3 months ago. My pain is the pain of being betrayed by a mother I felt safe with and trusted all my life and she crushed my soul. There was no way to stand up for myself or have her hear me. I tried and was met with “I never said that. I don’t get enraged at you.”
My ex friend co conspired with my sons dad so that I would lose custody. It humiliated me to the core because I found out during the court hearing. If you think parents can’t lose custody based on lies they can. I’m so beyond grief. I have done nothing wrong and made out to be unfit. The justice system has winners and losers whoever has the most money wins.
This guy cheated on me for 5 years. It didn't even know betrayal trauma was a thing. 20 years later I am sorting through the damage. Thanks for spotlighting this.