James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love | Lex Fridman Podcast
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- čas přidán 30. 05. 2024
- James Sexton is a divorce attorney and author. Please support this podcast by checking out our sponsors:
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TRANSCRIPT:
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OUTLINE:
0:00 - Introduction
2:34 - Why marriages fail
24:05 - Sex and fetishes
33:22 - Breakups
59:09 - Johnny Depp and Amber Heard
1:19:09 - Complicated divorce cases
1:25:55 - Cheating with the nanny
1:28:12 - Relationship advice
1:36:54 - Cost of divorce
1:58:45 - Prenups
2:13:06 - Cheating
2:20:50 - Open marriages and threesomes
2:33:38 - Sex and fighting
2:58:33 - Kevin Costner's divorce
3:08:17 - Lying
3:15:45 - Productivity
3:23:39 - Jiu Jitsu
3:32:11 - Sex, love, and marriage
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Here are the timestamps. Please check out our sponsors to support this podcast.
Transcript: lexfridman.com/james-sexton-transcript
0:00 - Introduction & sponsor mentions:
- Eight Sleep: www.eightsleep.com/lex to get special savings
- InsideTracker: insidetracker.com/lex to get 20% off
- House of Macadamias: houseofmacadamias.com/lex and use code LEX to get 20% off first order
- MasterClass: masterclass.com/lexpod to get 15% off
- AG1: drinkag1.com/lex to get 1 month supply of fish oil
2:34 - Why marriages fail
24:05 - Sex and fetishes
33:22 - Breakups
59:09 - Johnny Depp and Amber Heard
1:19:09 - Complicated divorce cases
1:25:55 - Cheating with the nanny
1:28:12 - Relationship advice
1:36:54 - Cost of divorce
1:58:45 - Prenups
2:13:06 - Cheating
2:20:50 - Open marriages and threesomes
2:33:38 - Sex and fighting
2:58:33 - Kevin Costner's divorce
3:08:17 - Lying
3:15:45 - Productivity
3:23:39 - Jiu Jitsu
3:32:11 - Sex, love, and marriage
❤ have your partners back, always
🐟 27. MARRIAGE & THE FAMILY:
Matrimony is the contractual union of a man with one or more women, primarily for the purpose of PROCREATION and child-rearing.
The couple should be brought together by their respective parents, and if practical, some sort of nuptial ceremony performed. Once a couple has been engaged to be married, they should not break the agreement, unless one party has been proven to have lost his or her virginity with a third party. OBVIOUSLY, after the wedding, the marriage contract cannot be broken, unless one or both parties has committed adultery, or one party has chosen to no longer carry out his or her marital duties (for instance, if the husband refuses to materially-support his wife/wives, or the wife refuses to perform domestic chores for her master, both of which are legitimate grounds for divorce).
A RESPONSIBLE father will objectively evaluate the unique characteristics, virtues, idiosyncrasies, and shortcomings of his child from a relatively early age, and thereafter, seek a compatible spouse from the available pool of persons in his social circles. Unless his nation faces extinction, the potential match should not be any closer to his child than a cousin. If a prospective couple do not belong to the same clan (and thereby do not share the same family name), it is probable that their genetic code is sufficiently divergent to create healthy offspring. As implied above, incestuous marriage should only be condoned if the human race is in danger of extermination, or possibly in the instance where an entire race or nation is on the verge of annihilation.
If one’s parents fail in their duty to select a suitable mate, one should very carefully choose a COMPATIBLE spouse. The recommended criteria used to evaluate marital compatibility are as follows: physical characteristics (such as relative height and sexual attractiveness), personality type, intelligence, emotional temperament, diet, cultural similarities, political ideology, religious affiliation, and life goals.
One of the major causes of conjugal breakdown in recent decades has been due to the couple selecting each other based solely (or at least predominantly) on sexual attraction and/or amorous attachments, with little consideration given to the other guiding principles, listed above.
Romance rarely lasts more than a couple of years. Marriage is an institution based largely on PRACTICAL considerations, not on lustful feelings or on fleeting sentimentality. Without firm, practical reasons for a couple remaining conjugally-bound, they are susceptible to marital divorce.
Generally speaking, women have the potent desire to raise children, and require a man with which to mate, and then protect and support her and the offspring, during the fifteen-plus years (for EACH child) of child-rearing. Most men also desire to have a family, and additionally, possess a very powerful libido, which, if not channelled in a legitimate fashion, can cause a great deal of social misbehaviour (e.g. rape, etc.).
There is no such thing as a nun in the eyes of God. Therefore, unless a woman is seriously disabled, either physically or psychologically, or else a lesbian, she is lawfully OBLIGATED to marry the man preselected by her parents (or if her parents are deceased, by her extant master, whether that be her grandfather, an uncle, or an adult nephew). Ideally, women ought to be betrothed as soon as they reach adulthood, to avoid a childless existence. Quite understandably, very few men have aspirations to mate with a post-menopausal female.
Marriage is mandatory for men too, apart from missionary priests, those unfortunate males who are unable to support a family for reasons of mental or physical incapacity, men who are simply passed-over by hypergamous females due to being perceived as low-value suitors, homosexuals (meaning, men who are not at all attracted to the opposite gender. Bisexuals are not exempt from marriage), and men who reside in jurisdictions where ILLEGITIMATE feministic governments enact so-called “laws” which abrogate the lawful rights of married men.
In my particular case, despite being a model husband and father, my first wife, with the support of the dirty, demonic, democratic Australian government, literally kidnapped my three precious children, whilst my second wife, with the assistance of the equally-wicked, violent, corrupt, murderous Filipino government, stole my presbytery (the house of a priest).
The recent exodus of men in Western countries from the dating pool (or at least from formal marriage) is more than understandable.
The man should be approximately ten to twenty years OLDER than his wife/wives. Some of the reasons for this are:
It is natural for women to be attracted to older men and for men to be attracted to younger women. There is a good evolutionary reason why women reach their sexual peak between the ages of about fifteen to twenty-five and why a man's sexual market value peaks in his thirties to fifties. The female matures earlier (physically and socially), so if she mates with a man of similar age, she may find her spouse to be emotionally immature. The husband is almost a substitute for the woman's father figure, so the husband’s age gives him added authority as head of the family. Also, it gives the man extra time to establish his career, a house and home for his wife and forthcoming progeny.
The main duties of the HUSBAND are to teach his wife/wives and sons whatever beneficial lessons he has learnt from his own masters, protect his family from harm, and supply their necessities of life (that is, food, clothing, and shelter) as well as desired luxuries, if practicable. The English noun “husband” comes from the Old Norse word “hûsbôndi”, meaning “master of the house”.
Marriage is not a democracy. Any so-called man who compromises with his subordinates, whether they be his wife/wives or his offspring, is surely doomed to failure. Feminized western men, in particular, are guilty of such uxoriousness. Such emasculated “men” are not true men, and desperately need to regain their dignity as the head of their homes.
The main daily duties of the WIFE are to execute domestic chores such as to cook, clean, sew, take care of the children, and to keep the husband sexually satisfied so he doesn't look at other women.
The wife should submit to the will of her husband. She should fully respect him as her master, and should address him accordingly.
Whilst conversing, the wife should focus her attention completely on her husband. She should listen carefully to what he says, learn what he is saying, answer him, and obey his instructions. A man should never be alone with any female, apart from his wife, of course.
POLYGAMY has been taught by all the major religions. Unfortunately, the “westernized” religious cults seem to have done away with the practice for unbeknown reasons. The reason for polygamy is simply due to the fact that every woman needs a husband. Also, a certain proportion of men are destined to die as bachelors due to female hypergamy, which is a natural trait of women (even if it may seem unfair).
When a woman marries, she LITERALLY joins the family of her husband.
She takes her master's family name, and the husband's parents become her parents, which is why they are called “father/mother-in-law”, that is, “father/mother according to the law” (the one and only law of God, or more accurately, the Universal Law, as propounded in Chapter 12).
Cont...
@@wildwebposts, good and bad are RELATIVE. 😉
Incidentally, are you VEGAN? 🌱
2:30:30 - Rickroll
@@scotchbarrel4429, plenty of SIMP nuggets. 🤡
Divorce lawyers make better marriage counselors than actual marriage counselors.
even than shrinks :)
Yup, probably because they have way more data/actual insight to work with.
Because therapists rarely push you to the line of no return like a Lawyer does. Cheaper though!
Before listening to this I would have only had a guess, but after this you are absolutely correct.
Who thought a divorce lawyer would be so entertaining? He’s brilliant.
😒
Yeah - a lot of them are thoroughly miserable.
This guy looks like Gavin Newsom’s cousin
Yes
Oh believe me.. thwy are truly entertaining ... especially in court...its all a big joke to them... total scroundals.!!!
This is the first Divorce Lawyer that I've seen that was so positive about marriage.
Duh....more clients for him. Noone is dumb enough to get married anymore....he sees it.
Love is hard to fully explain. But to me it's feeling that someone has become the other half of you, and you of them. It's such a crazy feeling once you find it. I've found and then lost it 6 years later but I'm still appreciative that I experienced that. Also YES communication is definitely key, but so it humor. I'll never find someone like that again but the respect I have for her still to this day speaks volumes of how much we respected each other. I was a heroin addict, got clean but then a Suboxone addict "illegally" and she just got sick of me having to go every other few days to get it and once she saw me without it a few times she started looking elsewhere. Either way thank you for the experiences you gave me Karryna.
He is AGAINST marriage he told that in all other interviews
Partnership is what he is for. If you can get a good partnership via marriage despite all its shortcomings, he celebrates it. But yeah, he doesn’t hide these shortcomings at all, very vocal about them.
As someone who is divorced and has a great relationship with my ex - I agree with so much of what James says. There are so many ways my ex and I could have done better in our marriage, so many ways to take time to take stock in where we were heading - but we waited for the big thing, like he said. My husband cheated and left for the other woman. BUT when he said the way you end it is how you remember the whole thing - so true. I was angry, hurt - all the things, at first. But then I decided to forgive him his humanity, and her. I stopped arguing with reality. Stopped criticizing him for how he handled everything. I just let it go. And our divorce was a breeze. It was cooperative, kind and compassionate. Her and I have a very nice relationship (they stayed together). We are really great co-parents (all three of us) and our two young kids are better for it. Marriages fail and it hurts. That quote from Poe - "Years of love have been forgot in the hatred of a minute." Unfortunately, that is the painful truth for so many couples.
Yeah, I think that you made the right choice. We shouldn't excuse such behaviour, but we do have to move forward. That's how I treat people, who have wronged me. It's not like I can afford to pay back the people that I wronged.
It's easiest to see this in the work place. If companies fired every worker for every mistake, then there would be no long term employees.
The same goes for every customer. It's harder to make mistakes as a customer, but imagine restaurants getting of any customers who made mistakes.
My ex cheated on me too, for months, he had a virtual girlfriend and a virtual family in a virtual house. The big deal is that we were renovating his house to be our dream house. He lied and gaslighted me. I had to discover everything alone. And he denied till the end when I had to throw in his face. I changed my country for him. We had cats that were my dream. In 5 years I had to leave the house in 1 day. I lost my cats, the house I cared and dreamed for so long, and had to accept the person I loved just substituted me for someone else. 1 year it has been since everything went down. 1 year surviving alone in this new country, doing therapy ever since, trying to have a taste for life again. But most of the time my mind is at the moment I was 100% sure he was cheating me, my whole world broke at that moment, and I felt like I was falling into an abyss, I was sweating cold, shaking and the floor was the only surface that could hold my body weight.
How did you found strength to go on and forgive him after he cheated on you?
I hold on to so much angry thoughts everyday that I feel I was consumed. But it feels that I can’t put my pieces together.
How did you got free of all the rage?
@@cRyS112 First, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't want to pretend to know what your situation is like coming from another country and not having support. I have my kids, family, friends. Trust me, it took a good year plus for me to make the decision to stop being so angry. First it was realizing that anger is just pain magnified. I was so hurt, and I wanted him to hurt too. But eventually, It really came down to one question for me - if I knew how it would end when I got married, would I do it all over again - and that answer is different for everyone. For me it was a resounding yes. Even knowing how it would end, how much pain I would endure, I would do it again because it was with him and because of him that I have my two beautiful kids. And it was for them, not just myself, that I had to forgive him for being human and flawed. Because if I didn't, I would end up putting my kids between me and my hurt by making things harder in anything that involved their father. I made the choice that I wouldn't do that. Often times people think my forgiveness of him and her means I'm saying that I think what they did was okay. I don't. Acceptance isn't the same as approval. I don't pardon that sort of behavior just because I accept that it happens. It was part of the reason I was able to get to the point I did. Because I also knew that even if he wanted to come back, I wouldn't want him. I wouldn't want someone back who could so callously betray our marriage. But I could forgive him for not being able to live up to his promises. It happens. Sadly, too often. People cheat all the time. All I can say to you is, move at your own pace. Know that anger only keeps you stuck. You don't have to hold on to it. Carrying it causes more pain. Putting down the anger allows you to move forward again. Also, forgive yourself too. Sometimes when we are cheated on, we are so angry with ourselves for being so foolish - for not knowing - for falling for it...all the reasons. But really all we did is allow ourselves to fall in love with a hope for a shared future with someone and that wasn't to be. We can't control other people and the choices they make or the person they reveal themselves to be. But we can choose a better future for ourselves. To find peace for ourselves. To see beauty in the world and other people again. Don't let your heart close off and grow tight with anger. Keep it open - even if it means getting hurt again. One thing going through all that pain taught me, is that I can survive it. You have survived it - now you need to let yourself start thriving and really start living life again. Much love and peace to you as you work through this. ❤
@@cRyS112 I can relate to your situation in a big way . Not that it matched to all your points but I have trouble moving ahead, as I keep seeing all the negatives at every turn. I keep thinking the end is not only near but the only way out. I think in your case time will slowly release you from those psychological chains.Yes time is a healer....as long as you don't become a mass murderer. I'm kidding with you of course.
I've come to learn recently that forgiveness lets you off the hook, not the other person. It's more for yourself than anyone else really. It's like mercy for the soul.
Fellow divorce lawyer here. I love that we now have a platform to educate people about life, relationships, marriage, and divorce.
The more divorce lawyers understand & communicate with their clients the better.
I just saw you on Rich Cooper's channel. Thank you for your insight.
@@forgottenpygmy you are welcome.
The platform called "family" you mean? :D
There's something deeply troubling to me to hear a lawyer say his job is to weaponize information against people. Anyhow, I'm going thru a divorce but happen to be married in a country where there is no family law (China) so it will be much easier than in the USA. Just go to the gov't building and sign a paper and the divorce is legal in China. I'm not sure family law is good for family at this point, given the authoritarian agenda in the USA.
"Disconnection happens very slowly, and then all at once." Man, this hit home and brought me to tears. This guy gets it.
My mother has been married five times and my dad three...and i currently live with my half-brother from the third one...i did't realize how much resentment I had and this interview really hit on several things that feel like breakthroughs. He's really fascinating.
I never understand how listening to a random conversation can bring one to tears.
@@coreywilder1564 I think that’s ok, but it may also be a lack of ability to empathize? No judgement. But I have friends who admit they cannot empathize, and I don’t fault them for it, but it is another flavor of person.
@@coreywilder1564 You really can't deduce, since he put it in direct quotations, how something someone said reminded this person of a very emotional moment in their life? People can relive painful memories. I don't understand how you don't understand.
@@coreywilder1564some people can feel it by engaging in the story and getting captivated by it like a sad movie, and some people can relate from personal experience wich the story takes them back thru memory lane
One of the refreshing things about Mr. Sexton is he experiences the full range of emotions without shame. Reminds of Jimmy V’s ESPY award speech where he said, “If you laugh, spend some time in thought, and have your emotions moved to tears each day, that is a full day.”
This video could act as pre-marriage counseling for sooo many couples...
Yeah like don't do it
This guy was on the Soft White Underbelly. It was a great episode.
Regurgitated talking points
Great and lowly are RELATIVE. 😉
Incidentally, Slave, are you VEGAN? 🌱
Interesting. Thanks, I'll check it out
Thanks. 😊
Yes! I recognized the name and for sure knew it was him when it said ' divorce lawyer ' . Thanks Lex! ❤
James Sexton is responsible for one of the best Soft White Underbelly interviews to date.
watched a few of those. curious content. almost like the Fog o'WHore docu, eh
or is that War? text is just a fog mil deploys in 2023 innitt ;)
So crazy I just watched it and I was hooked. This guy has a wealth of knowledge
unless you're Lex-ai, the lad may wish to 'encounter' you. @@gisellej182 It's weird that elites controlling socialmedia have opt'd against optimising Dating. imho
Yea this was excellent!
35:25 “An empath in the sheets and a sociopath in the streets.” - Lex, you are a legend for that. 💯💯🌱
This is a great interview.
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Lex is creepy weird..almost like he's a psychopath with no understanding of human experience.
@@kmarie7051not at all. His caln low key voice is the same as hungarian canadian therapist Gabor Mate. Follow Gabor. Plus, this is the only 3 hours plus podcast on Internet. Great of him.this not editing
@@AnavonRebeur Yes I guess my uncanny valley alarm just goes a bit awol sometimes.
Hmm the lawyer guy has a bunch of tattoos and he’s squirmy. Nothing wrong with tattoos it’s just a little hmm on the guy. I think this was a great deductive one liner about him like Sherlock level, and not a compliment at all. Divorce lawyers need people to get married so they can get divorced. Not a fan.
Someone who I was seeing was going thru something difficult. I was listening to something on CZcams, the autoplay feature was on, and Lex’ podcast scrolls on with this brilliant attorney talking about love and divorce. Something struck a chord with me, #1 bc I’m divorced w 2 kids, #2 bc I knew that this conversation could help the girl I was seeing…. So I listened intently thru the night to the entire awesome conversation and got something out of each question and response all the way to the end. I shared the podcast with my lady-friend and she is now an insightful fan too. After she listened to it, she immediately thanked me for sending and we discussed some of the topics. So kudos to both men on the honest and very deep thinking conversation about we humans who all struggle in the same way in and thru love. 👏👏👏👏
I first saw James on Soft White Under Belly and was captivated by his words and perspective. So glad you got him on here, Lex!
same here
Same :)
I saw that episode on soft white underbelly as well thought it was fantastic and sent it to all my married friends
Lex is a punk ass, so he just jumps on whatever the popular podcast bandwagon flavor of the month is.
me too :)
He should teach a course on emotional intelligence. I couldn’t figure out what it was about this guy that was so captivating - his charisma? His stories? No. It was the fact that I’m learning a ton about the dynamics of my own relationships by listening to him.
seems a bit of a waste to me that you're focusing on the person more than the message. sure, some of his appeal might be that he's highly socially intelligent. but maybe most of the appeal is simply his story, not so much him. big minds discuss ideas, small minds discuss people. its not the guy you find interesting, it's what he's saying. would that be so strange to you?
😮
Mannnnnnn for real
Emotional intelligence. Right. With those stupid inks which he wants the world to see. He needs emotional help. Strong man doesn't have tattoos. Self-absorbed clown.
Poppy pop pppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
What a great conversation. These guys have massive hearts and they're not afraid to get them out and show them to the world. Great job you two! All the best.
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This mans speaking ability is truly remarkable. Most lawyers have that ability but he seems especially skilled
I literally teared up for the entire 3 hours of this interview
There is more practical wisdom here than in an entire library of relationship books.
Listen, learn, be brave and get weird. Do it.
Same bro
Me too! It’s nice to get these insights and validation. Listen to the soft white underbelly episode if you haven’t yet. A lot of the same stories and examples but really hits different. ❤
I listened over four lunch breaks, and each time had me in my car in tears!
Y’all are so sensitive. I think you probably enjoy life more than most. Good for you!
It was brilliant
I can't believe I watched a 1 hour and 15 minute interview with this man and it was so knee-slapping good, that I threw out my plans and am watching a 3:44:36 interview and not being the least bit bored or even guilty about what I'm not doing. Brilliant.
Knee slapping aye?
PLONKER
SIMP
I’m reading comments… I paused the video at the exact same time as you just said. Not even knowing! How weird.
Same. And looks like several others. The SWU link to this one is brilliant, because I wouldn't have clicked on this one without having watched that one.....😮😅
I wish this amazing guest would have his podcast!
You just popped up in a stream of videos and I was too lazy to change over to something I would normally watch. I’m so glad I didn’t. This is possibly some of the most real insight I’ve ever heard on relationships. Saving to rewatch.
The small things add up to everything. When my life partner comes home with my favorite drink, my favorite chips, or my favorite Girl Scout treats (which is only annually) it immediately hits me in the feels. ❤ It's so nice of him to do so. I do little things for him too and I hope that the little things I do add up to all the little things he does for me. ❤ I love him so much and it's been 17 beautiful years.
It works and how can it be any different... here is to another 17 years and beyond 🥂
Awwww!!!❤
When i grew up i saw all the adults treating their friends better than their spouses so i married my best friend. Marriage feels like a 15 year sleepover so far
We can’t all be gay though
@@Witnessmoo i honestly don't understand what "gay" has to do with anything?
@@shadesofpurple7283 💯
They just trollin in here …
I thought your comment was excellent, and it made me think. Some people just lonely I guess
“F the naysayers cuz they don’t mean a thing …”
- N. Hexum
it was a dumb joke, but you missed it @@shadesofpurple7283
My mother spent years enduring jokes about what a prude/stick in the mud she was. But not one soul has ever doubted her loyalty to my father. You can't buy that kind of reputation. You have to earn it. I looked. They don't sell it at any store anywhere. They still call each other their boyfriend/girlfriend. He propositions her in front of the whole family all the time. I didn't realize growing up how difficult and rare what they had was. I thought everyone's parents were like that.
'An empath in the sheets and a sociopath in the streets'. --What an amazing quality for a lawyer to have
🤣🤣🤣
CREEPY
😂
Incredible episode. I didn't watch it at first, thinking this one wasn't applicable to me. I was so wrong. I love that listeners mentioned they were tearing up and crying while watching it. It touched me too. I'm a widow and it reminded me of what made our marriage and relationship so special. Is that what made me tear up? Nope. It was laughing too hard when I caught the Lex-on-a-horse moment. Lol, brilliant. Thanks for that.
I know James has a very emotionally challenging job, but he comes across as a very romantic, emotionally intelligent man. Can you imagine being in a relationship with him ? Awesome.
🤢
“There is no opportunity without vulnerability” what a bar. The jj analogy was killer.
May u please mention in which section is this ?
@@haya4895 jj analogy starts around 31:45
Thank you very much
Right on.
Yeah that hit
Didn't expect this much poetry from a divorce lawyer! Beautiful conversation.
Cc on Screen shots galore. Even went to the transcript
I think it’s part of being good with words.
This man is such a badass. and exudes such an awareness, wears his heart on his sleeve - you can see his love, kindness and empathy right in his eyes. You see the pain, the lust, the deep caring for both the suffering and joy of the human experience. And a divorse attourney.. What a fascinating and enigmatic character. Love Jimmy Sex! lol.
I've watched this 10 times and will continue to watch it over and over again.
Props to James. He's giving people advice on how not to require his services, going against his own personal financial interests to make the world a better place.
This man is helping save more marriages than he can imagine. Some people live out their purpose, he definitely is one of them. Thank you sir
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This is a topic I thought I had minimal benefit from watching. At 45 and realising in my 20s I'm not cut out for this thing called love, continue to ride solo. But this guy has fabulous insights on emotional intelligence, what a delight
What??
What do you mean you are not cut out for this thing called love?
You came from love because God made you.
Also, you have love in you since you’re made in His image & are a part of Him.
You could share that with someone else if you really wanted to. It’s your choice.
There are a lot of resources to help.
There must be tons of people who are in your same boat and there are answers if you keep turning over every rock.
Don’t give up on yourself!
💕
Disconnection happens when ppl listen to people outside their marriage more than the person they are married to, to determine how to interact with their partner.
Love this guy. An honest lawyer being candid about the real dynamics of divorce.
The words "honest" and "lawyer" in the same sentence does not compute, I'm sorry!
@@muddymaker3721Almost an oxymoron
@@muddymaker3721 there's nothing more brutally honest than divorce. Divorce lawyers are arguably the most "honest" of all lawyers.
@@muddymaker3721I concur!
@@jt8251 The word “honest” would not be my go to word I’m afraid! I mean James Sexton himself outlined the debauchery that’s involved in proceedings involving divorce, all based on who’s side you’re battling. I think the word you’re looking for is integral, not honest. Todays misuse of language is half the problem this world is currently in, people are speaking past each other, instead of TO each other! Rant over!
As a lawyer, I see this man as one of the sharpest, most entertaining and most self aware persons I’ve ever met in (virtually or in person) in my life!
I don’t do relationships anymore because of the 70% chance of divorce. Hearing this guy reinforces that belief. I enjoy peace in my life.
You're missing out on the chaos
Same, I believe we need community but I have no interest in long term romance.
That’s where I am too. I’m very content to be single right now.
This dude has got charisma up the wazoo. Literally listened the whole 3 hours and wasn't bored once.
I agree
James Sexton once said he loves to hear himself talk but doesn’t really listen so well to other people.
I feel bad for whoever he is in a relationship with.
Absolutely love how he describes all the intricacies of relationships, sex, and marriage. Anyone that wants to get married should watch his interviews
Agreed. Listen extremely closely to everything he said. Observe how obviously emotionally and intellectually intelligent he is, and then realize that despite those traits and being a lawyer with a prestigious career and lucrative earnings, he still got divorced exactly the same as all others before him.
I was completely surprised about all that he said about prenuptial contracts. Those things, when done properly, can probably save the marriage.
I've watched like a half dozen interviews with James Sexton. Long ones. He's seen everything and has such a wonderfully philosophical way of talking about these subjects. Thanks for a fantastic and far reaching conversation...
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I stumbled on this unintentionally when I had my youtube just play in the background and found myself listening to all of it. James has a captivating way about him and makes you really listen to what he says.
Same for me, it woke me up from my slumber..I was enthralled.
Same. He’s really charismatic.
I found my soulmate. We went through, hell, marriage counseling ,parenting and climbed mountains. But 15 years together and 13 years next month of marriage, we are still standing stronger then ever! Honestly, communicating and compromise is the 3 main keys.
The end of a relationship is not necessarily always failure - it is often simply the completion of something that has run its course... Nothing is forever.
I wish I could be so mature to see it that way. But how many people go into a relationship thinking "lets have fun while it lasts"? How many people commit to a relationship knowing full well its not forever and its going to end? I think the premise of, lets say, marriage is that it lasts forever. And this guy compares it to having dogs, like one dog dies, Im in pain but I'll have another one. Why do the oaths then? Its like you're admitting "yeah its supposed to be forever, whatever, nobody takes that seriously anyway"
I can’t be the only one who teared up when he spoke about his dog? Incredible guest, and conversation.
Lost our old GSD a week ago. Those parts were spot on what I'm feeling. Dragging the dog bed to the closet.........
im crying soooooo hard right now
Me too 😭
I'm more heartbroken from losing my pet Rat than I am from any of the dogs I've lost over the years.
I did too…
Wow! I am an ER physician, empath with ADD, and still recovering from my parents’ divorce. Thank you for this!
❤
This overall is one of Your best Guests. More in touch with reality than a Physicist. Also James I just want to say Your experience with Your Mother very much mirrors My experience with Father. I appreciate Your candor and I hope You continue to put Yourself out there. Thank You Both for Your time.
"Success is not where you are.. its where you are in relationship to where you started." BRILLIANT 👏
Saw this guy on SWU, was absolutely blown away. Glad you had him on Lex
Yeah he’s one of my favorite interviews from SWU.
My thoughts exactly!!!
Wish Lex would bring Mark Laita someday too...
Yeah, you and thousands of other people. Who cares?
@@lllllllllIIIIIIIIIIl How did my sentence and a half comment thanking the host for having on the guest manage to offend you?
James is a gift for humanity.
We’re all learning about the ins and outs of marriage and relationships through the lens from a the wisdom he’s gained from his experience and practice.
Thank you!
I‘m a lawyer from Germany.
After i went through a painful divorce from my cheating wife I wish I had listened to James Sexton 20years ago…
This interview woke me from my sleep last night after dozing off with my headphones on. James was saying something that literally spoke to me. He is so eloquent. And Lex, omgosh, is tender and intelligent. I listen contented because he asks the right questions. Great interviewer. Thank you both for all this information.
Lol. Same just happened to me. I'm laying here at 4am listening now.
Yep, exactly same thing.
There should be a warning label when they are too interesting to sleep to. I’m now wide awake.
Woke me up at about 5:00am this morning. Got up and had to start it from the beginning. So much wisdom and insight.
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I'm a single dad and I'm so glad to see Sexton making the rounds to speak on well known podcasts and shows. His insights and experience should be heard by all men
Women too!
By all men!
And there’s the women that are not treated equally as men in the first place and then you make a comment like that.
It's a beautiful thing when BOTH people feel that deep genuine connection mutually
This is the best interview that Lex has ever done. This guy is such an insightful, considerate and empathic guest I have ever heard on any podcast. What a superb episode. It’s made me think seriously about what I want from a relationship and what I can bring to a relationship and the effort required to make one work. 10/10 🖖🤓👍❤️
My folks have been together 40 years, very happily. The one thing they always told me about what makes them work so well together is teamwork. They ALWAYS have each other's backs, always. There's never been a moment of doubt about the fact that they have each other's backs, like anything else is unthinkable, it just doesn't compute.
Gotta have each other's back.
its good that they reached that point, but how did they achieve it to begin with?
both parties must give a little & meet in the middle 💯 (easier said than done long term)
100% !@@John_Connor556
I’ve been married to my husband 44 years this past August. This guy hits the nail on the head when he says having each other’s back is essential! NO one is allowed to diss on my husband in front of me. It’s smth that happens naturally - no thought given.
My opinion as to what is necessary for a long and happy marriage is 1. RESPECT - there are boundaries that must never be crossed. Respect is basis for ALL human interactions. 2. COMMITMENT- by BOTH parties- meaning that for whatever reason (doesn’t have to be specified or make sense), we belong together. Therefore, we WILL make the best of it.
These 2 things must happen 100% of the time by BOTH partners.
If either is missing or not complete, relationship will fall apart.
I'm in love with him. This talk felt like a free therapy section and made me aware of why I'm still in love with my husband. However, it made me want to dedicate more quality time to him. Thanks for an incredible interview!
Well said
Aw! Best wishes
this gentleman is possibly the most articulate person I’ve ever heard on this show and that’s saying a lot because there are a lot of articulate people on the show. He can take complicated emotional subjects and make it into something that is really easy to process.
James Sexton is a very-very good speaker. I listened to this while doing other tasks and he is really simple to listen to and captivates attention. Great voice, humor and whatnot. Perfect!
I teared up when they spoke about dogs passing away. The love from a dog is something else.
Man’s best friend
Do you know a rough timestamp? Want to send a clip of that segment to a friend
@@johnmahan921:34 to 22:15
You are not alone in tearing up. hit home for me too. Like why put yourself thu it... because they can teach us to love again. RIP Snowden 🐩
Almost skipped this episode, but what a gem! The guest was articulate and full of wisdom. Lex's laid-back interview style really showcased his depth. Don't miss this compelling episode!
Did you watch him on SWU? That's also a great one!
Is Lex's style laid back or lethargic?
I have never heard a discussion about love and relationships and marriage that is more important and enlightening than this one.
I would like to thank you for getting myself and my ex back together. He has asked me to move in together and I am extremely excited for it! You done the impossible and did what others claimed they could do. Your service on gave me the best communication I basically needed. You where always available when I needed your attention. I appreciate everything from the bottom of my heart, thanks for the service
This man reminds me of my dad. He is stating all the obvious and fundamental things about the most human of all traits, deeply loving a person minus all the bullshit. Glad to have encountered him through this wonderful interview. Thank you. I was starting to fear that my dad was the last of his kind.
James nailed it! Thank you Lex and James for this conversation. I truly appreciated the listen. I got married just after turning 21 years old to the first guy I ever dated (16 years old). Three kids and 27 years later, we are still together. A bumpy and beautiful ride for sure! Communication, pay attention…and yes, the sticky notes and quick text messages to each other everyday moves mountains!! Respect. Honor. Appreciate each other everyday.
Quite possibly the BEST podcast I have ever listened to.
Amazing interview. It randomly popped up for me and I was sucked in. As a divorced mom of two kids, I loved all of his stories and experiences. I have so many family and friends that have gone through it and no ones story is the same. Super win at the end for psilocybin therapy.
Having the biggest heart break ever and the feeling of accountability that’s hitting listening to this is tremendous.
I’m sorry to my partner ❤
I hear ya ya bro. All the best.
It’s been 4 years and I feel this comment!
Use it as a learning tool. I’ve been there, man.
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Go get him/her back bruh!!
I read his book. He is modest, even replied to me when I wrote on social media about the book. Nice to hear the message again.
Hows the book?
I bet its pretty great eh? 🤔
This man is pure GOLD! His understanding of the topics is brilliant!
This is my all time favorite podcast. I’ve listened to it 4 times and it has so much wisdom and truth and pain and reality. It just is real on so many levels on the most important decisions of our lives.
Seen this dude on SWU and when Mark said "Well thanks for coming out" I was pissed. This dude had so much more to say. Such an easy interview. He has so much to tell people. Glad Lex got him on here.
I just assembled a queen size canopy bed frame listening to this at 2 am. I’m bruised and battered but feel enlightened just the same, lol. Brilliant as always Lex; James Sexton is incredibly insightful.
Not daily choice. Minute by minute choice. As a marriage coach with an incredibly connected, passionate marriage this podcast will become a tool I use with my couples.. When James pointed out the low-bar of a successful marriage (we stayed married for 50 years, miserable for most) I absolutely cheered. Marriage isn't something to endure.and can be the very foundation of courage, vision, and joy that launches all the rest of the parts of the individual's lives. Can't wait to read the book!!
Lois and Hal from Malcolm in the Middle are the epitome of a healthy marriage relationship portrayed on an entertainment medium. Those two LOVE each other and have each other’s back. Not to mention they have sex like they’re in their first year of dating lol.
Lol
Should I call 911 just for well check.....with his thought and all
That show is so good. Love Malcolm in the Middle.
@@flynnoflenniken7402If all shows were half as good, I’d still have a tv.
Facts tho!!!!
Never been so captivated watching a podcast before. James is insanely intelligent and entertaining
BOT.😳
Absolutely love him
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I came straight here after watching his interview on softwhiteunderbelly.
In 5 hours of conversation, there wasn't a single dull moment. And I definitely need to go and watch True Romance
I’m so glad I stumbled on this podcast. I’m divorced and have found a new person since then and this podcast is helping me think on my situation and to hopefully not make the same mistakes. Thank you, this is so deep and brilliant.
Nice kitty picture.
Didn’t realize how much I would enjoy and grow from this brilliant conversation. Thank you Lex and James for speaking straight from the brutally honest heart!
I love his thoughts on "Pitching your Partner".. building each other up..! Not trashing one another ever..! This is a great Podcast on Marriage and Love Relationships..! Thank you Lex Friedman
I have 41 years in. He still gives me butterflies and says the same of me. We both smile when we pull into the driveway. Mutual Respect is the biggest secret.
You think ! Really. Be nice to your ex.... You didn't know that. Damn.
Oh my goodness, this is one of my favorite conversations and I almost passed over it because I thought a divorce lawyer was likely to be dull. James Sexton is delightful and the chemistry of this conversation is wonderful. Thanks for a sharing such an enlightening and entertain podcast!
Could listen to these 2 gentlemen talk for days. Both highly attractive. Two soulful, fit, articulate, intelligent men.
Wow, randomly found my way onto this video while falling asleep and I resonated so much with everything he said. Incredible work, Lex.
Wow, this hit home for me and helped shed some much needed light on issues in my marriage and on my parents bad marriage and messy divorce. On a lighter note, I laughed when Lex said that James is "an empath in the sheets and a sociopath in the streets." Thank you both for a humorous, honest, and thoughtful conversation about important life topics!
All lawyers are sociopaths or psychopaths.
Actually I think this is a worrying comment.
I stuck in a relationship for years that was constant argue/laugh/bad mouth/love. It finally ended when I found out at Christmas, a few months after buying a house together, she was sleeping with two other guys (her manager and company Directors son). I was both sad and relieved. Eventually met someone so special and have been married for 17 years so far. She married the Directors son, got rich and is apparently miserable.
All sounds so believable
Two other guys? Damn...
.. rich & apparently miserable?😮
@@pchezzwallace8509yes. Money doesn't buy happiness but it let's you worry and be sad about other shit instead of worrying about bills or being sad about not being able to afford something
@@pchezzwallace8509😂😂😂
I can’t believe I stayed w this. Almost 4 hours. And did rewinds when I was interrupted. Wow. Fascinating discussion
I really love how they have a conversation full of compassion, like they do handle the entire conversation so delicately. Great conversations and refined gentlemen.
Him talking about losing his first dog really hit home w me. He nailed it, really.
I'm a divorce lawyer. Great interview. Spot on for all of it! I wish there was more about how it impacts children, and then flow down the generations. I always say "children don't fuck themselves up; parents do." So I agree with him on "how it ends" definitely is correct! We all need to love better and decide to suffer for the other. Wonderful episode!!!
If it is one great thing I learned in my therapy course at the university, is that even the most civilized divorces adversely effects children. This is why even when underwent some of the lowest points in my marriage, I chose to tough it out and engage in communicative strategies.
@@sylviaowega3839I agree, I wish there were more conversation around couples who go through miserable episodes in their marriages and decide to grind it out and salvage their marriage for the benefit of their children. I think it's extremely commendable and shows an enormous amount of selflessness and maturity
@@skdjirrrdjdm3926Agreed there!
Do you agree where he talked about parental alienation and said the alienated parent was a bad spouse, because that part is wrong.
@@heidiclacy6761 do you have a time stamp?
What an intellectual interview. This is the first time meeting both of you and I'm now a fan. 👏🏽
I woke up and this interview was playing on my phone, and I am really enjoying it.
A most excellent exchange of ideas, very humorous and informative.
So glad he came on!!! I’ve been binge listening to every interview he has done and I’m in the middle of his book… never been married but glad now I have the strategies to keep it together
its nice to hear that the small day-to-day kindness matters a lot in a relationship
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I've come back to this several times over the last few months and I think this is one of the greatest, funniest, and most profound perspectives of relationship advice ever posted on the internet. I am so, so appreciative of this James and Lex. Thank you for sharing.
Sexton has grown into a true renaissance man. I enjoyed immensely his perspective, stories, and wisdom.
I am not in a good place in my life right now. This helps me tremendously as it offers some sort of greater perspective. Like an „it’s gonna be OK“ vibe
I hope things get better. Eventually they do. It's all about how you maintain your values and self respect. Be kind to yourself.
Wish you the best in life and hope you get better.
Hang in there
The only Lex Fridman podcast where i sat with an empty notepad and it was filled by end of 3.5 hrs..EPIC🎉👌👍
What i need to do but ive been listening when diving for work
@@netbirth bookmark and relisten important parts😄🤙
Wow!...I just ran into this accidentally & i'm blown away & have to listen everything. As a married woman this sis like schooling.😊
One of your best podcasts for me at this time. Very clear and deep understanding of the complicated discovery that is a divorce proceeding. Timeless. Thank you for your work, very special work in bringing individuals with sufficient command in their respective disciplines. Peace.
One of the best podcasts , this guy is so honest.. it’s like listening to two friends chatting!
I laughed. I cried. This episode was much better than CATS!
I lost my first dog about a month ago. James talking about the heart's infinite ability to love had tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks while I was driving.
Everything in this episode was just the hug my heart needed right now.
Experiencing the full range of emotions makes for a full day and a day well lived
James is beyond brilliant, his candour, openness and honesty. The truth hurts but also guides us. Well done Lex too, his endless stream of work. Go easy on the granola!