When you're doing ERP and removing compulsions, it's important to follow a structured plan: cutting out the easiest compulsions first and working up to the biggest. You don't eliminate them all at once. So if you're on week one, removing the first compulsion, you're free to engage in compulsions 2 through 52. You'll get to them. Give yourself a break. You can't lift a 100lb weight until you can lift it. Always put your safety first so you can get back in the game tomorrow.
When I first started doing ERP, the very first compulsion my psychologist and I picked to begin with turned out to cause a huge amount of anxiety and physical pain and all sorts of symptoms when I stopped doing it. It was too heavy of a weight. So at the next session we planned out new ways to approach it and did the same compulsion the next week, but now more prepared to handle it.
Whenever there's something getting in the way of doing the the things you know you want to do, then that's definitely something you should deal with. There's great treatment out there for tackling these types of compulsions so it is something you can get help with and learn how to not waste your time on trying to get things "right".
They always feel like exceptions! Deeply entrenched religious beliefs/fears are very common hurdles to overcome on the path to recovery from anxiety issues. Recovery rarely comes without some kind of restructuring and relearning our relationship with religion/God/spirituality etc along with all of our other beliefs. It's the anxiety disorder that's telling you it's an exception and you can't get help with it. Prove it wrong. Talk with some professionals experienced in recovery.
Weightlifting is a great analogy bcs it's helpful to get somebody to spot you when you're bench pressing heavy weights, physical or mental. Another good example to look at is rehab--when people go to rehab, they cut out the toughest compulsion first. That's why they get those other supports around them. It definitely is possible, but it's important to gather supports and make adjustments in your life. When somebody is cutting a big compulsion, I often tell them to plan not to cook that week.
Mark, your video series has literally changed my life. I am still in the process of overcoming harm OCD, but starting small has given me the confidence and understanding of finally overcoming poor mental fitness. My biggest issue now is feeling terrified that I will be harmed in my sleep. I dreamed/hallucinated and woke up screaming that someone was standing over me and strangling me (after having watched "Great Expectations" on Netflix) so I avoided watching any violent movies. Watching cage fighting, for example, is really scary for me right now, but I'm starting small. Haha! Your videos on ERP and ACT are helping me separate those thoughts from who I am and the values and beliefs I cherish. Thank you for your work!!!!
That's awesome you're tackling this! I'm glad the videos have helped. One way you can also explore how to start small with this fear is by not only focusing on something violent or scary. It can help to look at the consequences of those experiences that you might be terrified of. Why would it be bad to be harmed in your sleep? Exploring that question can help point you to other areas that might be useful to work on. They also might be easier to tackle. For example, many people have fears of harming others. So they might practice accepting that they could harm somebody and they might expose themselves to that fear, but it's likely that the real issue is that they're afraid of people hating them. Hurting somebody just happens to be the way their brain is currently worried they'll do something that would make people hate them. There's likely many things they do throughout the day as attempts to control what others think about them because they're afraid of being disliked. Those are compulsions, too, and they're fuelling the harm obsessions that bother them. Every time they do anything as a reaction to being judged by others, they send this big signal to the brain: WE MUST AVOID BEING JUDGED BY OTHERS. So then the brain very helpful looks for the worst possible thing they could do that others would hate them for. Unless they cut out those other compulsions related to the fear of what others think, they'll continually find that their brain looks for new ways to worry about doing things that others might judge harshly. Have fun as the adventure continues!
I even realized that some compulsions can be broken down into smaller components. For example, I check the stove before I go to sleep. But I 1. look at the indicator lights, 2. look at the knobs, and 3. touch the stovetop to make sure it isn't hot. I realized that I could just start with not touching the stovetop anymore. It's a small start, but builds my confidence I can work up to eliminating more compulsions. Its great to start to get some control over my compulsions! Gathering as much information on OCD and ERP and understanding compulsions has been very helpful.
+Sonya Henson Yeah, breaking compulsions down into components is especially useful with really tough ones. Keep building those skills! And enjoy going to bed without the compulsions!
I needed this information so much, couse after some of your videos i felt so good ! It was an amazing feeling, i just felt like im done with all this struggles, and that is all with my ocd, but the next day i had a panic attack, and i even didnt know why? I thought they will never come back, and watching this video i understand that my brain got used to it, so i need to do step by step,)) thank u so much😊
To be honest, starting small doesnt work for me. My ocd makes its way through it by making excuses. In februari I had two days where I did 80% less ocd by taking a big step. The first hours it was hell but then I felt peace. But thats just my ocd
Hi Mark, thanks...so the 100-pound barbell is the main concern that is causing distress: it may not be a simple matter to "get out of the situation" i.e. find help to lift it...Lifting it could take several weeks or months. It's not a recurring issue; it's one specific big, distressing event (BDE) that happened. And then you have to struggle with the aftermath. And it feels like an exception - because it has to do with deeply entrenched religious beliefs/fears...How to get help with this?
You're definitely not the only one. The National Institute for Mental Health estimates 56.81 million Americans have an anxiety disorder in any given year. That's 1.2 billion people worldwide. But every one of those one billion people has probably thought they were alone at some point.
Hey Mark, another question relating to one I previously asked. You said not to purposefully bring up thoughts that scare me in an effort to expose myself and I’ve begun to do this, but the only thing that I’m wondering about now is I know it is a compulsion to try to avoid thoughts, and I was just curious how this is different because although I realized how checking on these thoughts is unhealthy, it also seems like avoiding these thoughts may not be the best in the long run either. But I do know that this may possibly just be my brain throwing this at me in an attempt to have me jump back into this compulsion lol. This illness is so simple yet can be so complicated at times as well haha.
This is a common challenge that comes up! In YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, I explained this by giving the example of a boy who goes to the zoo and ends up in the tiger cage, confronted by a tiger. But he heard that you're not supposed to avoid your fears, so he didn't run. SPOILER ALERT: He gets eaten by the tiger. :D Your last sentence there about the illness being complicated touches on something I found useful: yeah, the illness seems complicated but mental health is very simple. Mental health is just about I want to spend my time and energy in life. In any moment, that's the only choice I have to make. So I actually don't want to put mental illness or fear at the center of that because that's just going to keep me trapped in the tiger's cage. You have an opportunity to leave the cage, but that'll be about putting your values in charge of how you make decisions. If fear of the illness is in charge of your goals, then you'll find it always keeps you trapped, and then it eats you!
No matter how bad and high anxiety is , it won’t kills anyone , but it’s bothersome , feeling like you knocked down by young mike tyson in my experience .
To use a better analogy. You have a general fear of heights. "Taking small steps" might mean riding a glass elevator to higher and higher floors. INSTEAD, however, on Wednesday you find yourself suddenly teleported - not by choice - to the top of a mountain. *Not by choice and for reasons beyond your control.* Even here, are you supposed to remember to NOT do rituals/compulsions even though you're blinded with fear and compulsions seem most natural? Or, should you ask for help?
I think I have ocd Whenever I put a thing I make sure it is nice and in the "right"position and my brain just kept on telling me that I should put it again just to make sure and then I just kept doing the same action just to calm my mind Sometimes it takes me a month to forget the importance of "putting the thing in the right place" But really don't want to waste my time but this is really a big headache for me
Hi Mark...What if you are *forced* to start "big"? What if 'something' happens that causes you so much anxiety that it's the equivalent of suddenly finding yourself on a bench press with a 100-pound barbell pinned across your chest that you simply haven't built up the strength to lift yet? You can't "start small" here because you suddenly find yourself in a not-small situation. How do you get the 100-pound barbell off your chest when you were barely lifting 10-pound weights??
I don't have any mental ilnesses, but for me everything has to be organized, clean, and stuff has to be exactly at it's own right corner. Even everything on my PC has to be organized or phone/tablet
It can help not to get caught up too much in mental illness labels. Instead, we can just look at whether something we like is interfering in our lives or holding us back from our goals.
Also, my mother, and grand mother have this thing, and they always tell me they have the same thing, so it kinda comes from them. This was never a thing I was lazy, never cleaned up, but as I grew into the teenage years it completely changed. Also, when puberty started anxiety grew with it, and I feel sick all the time, but never actually throw up, and while I'm in school (Some days) I feel tired, sick. Some days I feel fresh, and good. This anxiety had basically locked me into the house, I just don't want to go out as I have the fear I will get very sick. But while I'm at home, I feel really good and comfortable.
It can help to recognize that avoiding things because of anxiety is a compulsion that only creates more anxiety. That's what I mean about things that interfere with our lives. You can work with a therapist on overcoming challenges like that.
davido marko It can help to approach all compulsions as the same, whether they're in your head or outside of your head. ERP is still about cutting out the compulsion sand living your life. Do you have a specific example of a mental compulsion you want to cut out?
Hi mark, i'm stuck. I had a period of a month where i didn't engage in compulsions (mentally and physically), but I had a thought and quickly analyzed it and then i got in that loop. The thing is that i got treated with replacing negative thoughts for good ones, and 'helping thoughts' when i got a bad one. So therapy back then fueled ocd i think. How did i get rid of it then for a month, well, i got learned a thing: recognize that it is a thought you are going to ruminate about and then leave it. Isn't this a compulsion? The recognizing of such thoughts? Thanks mark, you are really helping me often. I want to let you know that i appreciate that.
During the day I keep pacing around in circles like Daffy Duck all the time and I'm wondering if that's related to all this .. also I have nightmares all the time, and they are completely random most of the time. Just yesterday I dreamt of a lizard I know from a video game that attacked me. Maybe it's a more general thing of being uneasy. Did you have that =? Do you have nightmares?
It's a bit more complex than that. You can't lift the barbell. So you can't lift it. You have to get help to make sure you don't get injured. Your safety comes first. Once you get out of the situation, you can stop and figure out a way to learn skills and build up strength to better handle the 100-pound barbell the next time it's on your chest. I'll add a personal example to your other comment below.
It helped me to understand that ERP is about cutting out compulsions, so it's useful not to get caught up on the "theme". Typically, trying to "do ERP for X" can easily get wrapped up in compulsions trying to avoid or solve or get rid of a fear. So, for example, I wasn't using knives because I'd feel myself slicing my fingers off. Because of that, I avoided cooking with foods I'd need to cut. Just thinking about making a salad would give me also sorts of images and physical sensations. Doing ERP wasn't about doing anything with that stuff in my head, it was about changing what I was cooking. I needed to start cooking things that involved me using knives. I even took cooking classes and had to buy big knives and carry them on transit back and forth for classes. That was great because I was adding skills into my life--skills that I still get to use and develop. Instead of putting the theme of the fear in charge, I'd start by asking what skills you can add into your life? On the way to adding in those skills, you'll have opportunities to practice ERP as you cut out compulsions so you can put your time and energy into those skills you actually care about :)
Mark Freeman really appreciate it man! I’ve been doing much better since I’ve began to watch your videos and have cut out a lot of compulsions for things lower on my anxiety scale, but this is definitely the toughest area for me. I will absolutely look to build skills in these areas that worry me. And one more question I had is should I try to not focus on those thoughts that bother me, because sometimes I feel like I purposefully bring on those thoughts I don’t like in order to show myself I can handle them, which feels like I’m exposing myself, yet I feel it may be a compulsion.
It's great you're noticing that! It helped me to recognize that I'd basically gotten myself hooked on feeling bad. I had come to rely on anxiety and intrusive thoughts because solving them or getting rid of them made me feel good, just like you trying to show yourself you can handle them. So it can really help to orient mental health skills around where we want to go and what we want to build. Somebody could say they're exposing themselves to the fear of being eaten by tigers, so they climb in the tiger enclosure at the zoo. And... the tigers eat them. When we put the fear in charge of our actions, we're just chasing the same relief and certainty again AND we've handed over control of our lives to the fears/thoughts. The goal isn't to solve fear or anxiety or thoughts. The goal is to live our lives and do the things we want to do in life. That will often mean your brain wants you to check that you can handle something and you can choose to instead put your time and energy into living your life. You don't need to chase certainty about handling that. Whatever comes up, you're going to choose to live your life. You can trust yourself to do that without any checking.
Thank you so much! You really are such a help and I’m looking forward to continuing to get better every day. Final question i would ask is do you think for meditation it is better to start with some type of guided thing or just by yourself?
It's just like with physical fitness--go with whatever will help you be consistent and develop a practice. At first, that probably involves exercising with some assistance.
Okay, Mark! I hate to keep asking so many questions but I still have so much to learn. My question is, is it best to tackle your OCD by compulsion or by obsession? A lot of books and research that I have read say to expose yourself to one thought, don't engage in ANY compulsions until your anxiety goes down, then next time move to the next thought. You seem to suggest listing compulsions, then expose yourself to a thought/thoughts and just cut out one compulsion at a time. I guess my problem is that I am at that lovely point where I have a lot of anxious thoughts, but use basically the same compulsions. Needless to say, I'm having a hard time even making my list.
Questions are great! Your brain can think of many different things to be anxious about--it's a very powerful imagination machine. So if you're going to try to make a list of all of the thoughts you could possibly have that would make you anxious, you would spend an incredible amount of time and energy listing them all and you would never be done because your brain can always imagine new things. So why not just cut out the compulsions? It sounds a lot simpler.
Okay. Another follow-up question is what should I do when my obsessions start to center on obsessing. Like for example, things like talking. My brain has started asking me questions like "did I just talk because I wanted to or because it was a compulsion?" And then "oh no! I'm obsessing over talking. What if I never talk normally again and I'm always obsessing over what I should say or what I shouldn't?" This kills me because I am a social person. I love talking to others and having conversations. I don't want to scrutinize them. So why does my brain do it? What is the compulsion here? Should I not talk because it's a compulsion or should I talk because I know I want to? And will it cause me to go crazy? I know you can't give me the answers to these questions, but what should I focus on here? What should I work on? I feel like the more I try to accept, expose, and get better, my brain makes it harder and harder for me to do so.
Lindsay Pritchard You might be getting caught up in the superficial characteristics of the obsessions. Trying to be certain is the problem. So it's not about talking or not talking in reaction to the questions your brain throws at you. Trying to answer the question is the problem. The more you chase the questions your brain throws at you, the more questions it will throw at you. Obsessions are often about uncertainty and trying to be certain. I find it helpful to not see them as having jumped from one thing to another. Before, there was something you were uncertain about and you were trying to be certain, and now there's something you're uncertain about and you're trying to be certain. The superficial topic of the questions might have changed, but the basic patterns are the same. It can help to recognize that your brain is hooked on trying to be certain, so to break the cycle, what worked for me, was learning not to answer the questions. You don't have to react to your brain. It's going to throw questions at you. That's fine. You can answer them with a maybe, or maybe not, and carry on doing the things that align with your values. You enjoy having conversations with people, so enjoy having conversations with people. While you're doing that, your brain might shout things at you. That's fine, let it. You can't control that, but you can control how you react to it.
I didn't read any books about mental health while going through therapy or before. I thought everything I was doing was totally rational so I didn't go searching for solutions until things really hit rock bottom. After therapy, I dove into textbooks for therapists, like "Anxiety and its Disorders" by David Barlow, a 600+ page reference guide on research and treatment for anxiety/panic-related issues. Now I would say that Thich Nhat Hanh's "Peace is Every Step" is the book I think is most useful in terms of providing guidance on how to prevent and overcome mental health challenges.
psychology is such a huge field with so many approaches and statistics that something inside me would feel guilty not to know it all and read it all. On the other hand I know I had the greatest freedom when I remembered very simple things, for example that there are 3 parties ever present in my mind : a fresh, light awareness unaffected by anything (1), the inner child (emotional sadness, terror, fear) (2), Thoughts (some of which are anxiety concepts that stir up the inner child) (3). By remembering that I am Number one, being there for number 2 and seeing number3 as what it is. An old vinyl record, I sometimes feel it's all I need. Anyway thanks. I can recommend anything by pema chodron and even Eckart Tolle.
+1Kilili That's useful to have a simple tool like that! Psychology and neuroscience are vast fields, but they're just as vast as kinesiology and biology, and when we go to exercise at the gym, we don't need to know the name of every muscle. It can be interesting to learn about all of the mechanisms underlying our exercise practices, but that's not necessary to learn how to exercise well to meet your goals.
Ok I'm not sure I understand the answer to my specific question: You're saying that if someone is suddenly teleported beneath a 100-pound barbell that they can't lift, then they shouldn't do any compulsions no matter how distressed they are - and that it's time to find help right then? FYI: In my example, this wasn't a "choice" to cut out a tough compulsion: a situation happened on a specific day that turned out to be a tough compulsion. (Just want to make sure I"m clear about my question.)
Cut out the compulsions! It'll also help to see that OCD is more than just a specific topic. There will be many more changes to make than just stuff around religion.
When you're doing ERP and removing compulsions, it's important to follow a structured plan: cutting out the easiest compulsions first and working up to the biggest. You don't eliminate them all at once. So if you're on week one, removing the first compulsion, you're free to engage in compulsions 2 through 52. You'll get to them. Give yourself a break. You can't lift a 100lb weight until you can lift it. Always put your safety first so you can get back in the game tomorrow.
Mark, thank you for sharing all of this. You are inspiring and have inspired me to ‘continue’ and ‘restart’ on my journey of getting through OCD!
You have wise and beautiful eyes, thank you for the ocd videos. Ive suffered with severe ocd my whole life and hope oneday to win. ☺
When I first started doing ERP, the very first compulsion my psychologist and I picked to begin with turned out to cause a huge amount of anxiety and physical pain and all sorts of symptoms when I stopped doing it. It was too heavy of a weight. So at the next session we planned out new ways to approach it and did the same compulsion the next week, but now more prepared to handle it.
Whenever there's something getting in the way of doing the the things you know you want to do, then that's definitely something you should deal with. There's great treatment out there for tackling these types of compulsions so it is something you can get help with and learn how to not waste your time on trying to get things "right".
Thanks! Glad I could help the quest.
Great bit of advise! Thank you
They always feel like exceptions! Deeply entrenched religious beliefs/fears are very common hurdles to overcome on the path to recovery from anxiety issues. Recovery rarely comes without some kind of restructuring and relearning our relationship with religion/God/spirituality etc along with all of our other beliefs. It's the anxiety disorder that's telling you it's an exception and you can't get help with it. Prove it wrong. Talk with some professionals experienced in recovery.
Weightlifting is a great analogy bcs it's helpful to get somebody to spot you when you're bench pressing heavy weights, physical or mental. Another good example to look at is rehab--when people go to rehab, they cut out the toughest compulsion first. That's why they get those other supports around them. It definitely is possible, but it's important to gather supports and make adjustments in your life. When somebody is cutting a big compulsion, I often tell them to plan not to cook that week.
fantastic stuff
Mark, your video series has literally changed my life. I am still in the process of overcoming harm OCD, but starting small has given me the confidence and understanding of finally overcoming poor mental fitness. My biggest issue now is feeling terrified that I will be harmed in my sleep. I dreamed/hallucinated and woke up screaming that someone was standing over me and strangling me (after having watched "Great Expectations" on Netflix) so I avoided watching any violent movies. Watching cage fighting, for example, is really scary for me right now, but I'm starting small. Haha! Your videos on ERP and ACT are helping me separate those thoughts from who I am and the values and beliefs I cherish. Thank you for your work!!!!
That's awesome you're tackling this! I'm glad the videos have helped. One way you can also explore how to start small with this fear is by not only focusing on something violent or scary. It can help to look at the consequences of those experiences that you might be terrified of. Why would it be bad to be harmed in your sleep? Exploring that question can help point you to other areas that might be useful to work on. They also might be easier to tackle. For example, many people have fears of harming others. So they might practice accepting that they could harm somebody and they might expose themselves to that fear, but it's likely that the real issue is that they're afraid of people hating them. Hurting somebody just happens to be the way their brain is currently worried they'll do something that would make people hate them. There's likely many things they do throughout the day as attempts to control what others think about them because they're afraid of being disliked. Those are compulsions, too, and they're fuelling the harm obsessions that bother them. Every time they do anything as a reaction to being judged by others, they send this big signal to the brain: WE MUST AVOID BEING JUDGED BY OTHERS. So then the brain very helpful looks for the worst possible thing they could do that others would hate them for. Unless they cut out those other compulsions related to the fear of what others think, they'll continually find that their brain looks for new ways to worry about doing things that others might judge harshly.
Have fun as the adventure continues!
I even realized that some compulsions can be broken down into smaller components. For example, I check the stove before I go to sleep. But I 1. look at the indicator lights, 2. look at the knobs, and 3. touch the stovetop to make sure it isn't hot. I realized that I could just start with not touching the stovetop anymore. It's a small start, but builds my confidence I can work up to eliminating more compulsions. Its great to start to get some control over my compulsions! Gathering as much information on OCD and ERP and understanding compulsions has been very helpful.
+Sonya Henson Yeah, breaking compulsions down into components is especially useful with really tough ones. Keep building those skills! And enjoy going to bed without the compulsions!
Tank u so much bro💯👈
You're welcome!
When I look at you my brain goes like ;no you cant completely overcome your intrusive horror thoughts. But I would like to believe we can.
I needed this information so much, couse after some of your videos i felt so good ! It was an amazing feeling, i just felt like im done with all this struggles, and that is all with my ocd, but the next day i had a panic attack, and i even didnt know why? I thought they will never come back, and watching this video i understand that my brain got used to it, so i need to do step by step,)) thank u so much😊
Enjoy the steps!
i am glad i am not the only 1 with this i feel crazy sometimes
To be honest, starting small doesnt work for me. My ocd makes its way through it by making excuses. In februari I had two days where I did 80% less ocd by taking a big step. The first hours it was hell but then I felt peace. But thats just my ocd
Wimsem - Tekenen & Knutselen If you're completely over it by taking that approach and you're sustaining those changes, then that's great!
Hi Mark, thanks...so the 100-pound barbell is the main concern that is causing distress: it may not be a simple matter to "get out of the situation" i.e. find help to lift it...Lifting it could take several weeks or months. It's not a recurring issue; it's one specific big, distressing event (BDE) that happened. And then you have to struggle with the aftermath. And it feels like an exception - because it has to do with deeply entrenched religious beliefs/fears...How to get help with this?
You're definitely not the only one. The National Institute for Mental Health estimates 56.81 million Americans have an anxiety disorder in any given year. That's 1.2 billion people worldwide. But every one of those one billion people has probably thought they were alone at some point.
Hey Mark, another question relating to one I previously asked. You said not to purposefully bring up thoughts that scare me in an effort to expose myself and I’ve begun to do this, but the only thing that I’m wondering about now is I know it is a compulsion to try to avoid thoughts, and I was just curious how this is different because although I realized how checking on these thoughts is unhealthy, it also seems like avoiding these thoughts may not be the best in the long run either. But I do know that this may possibly just be my brain throwing this at me in an attempt to have me jump back into this compulsion lol. This illness is so simple yet can be so complicated at times as well haha.
This is a common challenge that comes up! In YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, I explained this by giving the example of a boy who goes to the zoo and ends up in the tiger cage, confronted by a tiger. But he heard that you're not supposed to avoid your fears, so he didn't run. SPOILER ALERT: He gets eaten by the tiger. :D Your last sentence there about the illness being complicated touches on something I found useful: yeah, the illness seems complicated but mental health is very simple. Mental health is just about I want to spend my time and energy in life. In any moment, that's the only choice I have to make. So I actually don't want to put mental illness or fear at the center of that because that's just going to keep me trapped in the tiger's cage. You have an opportunity to leave the cage, but that'll be about putting your values in charge of how you make decisions. If fear of the illness is in charge of your goals, then you'll find it always keeps you trapped, and then it eats you!
No matter how bad and high anxiety is , it won’t kills anyone , but it’s bothersome , feeling like you knocked down by young mike tyson in my experience .
To use a better analogy. You have a general fear of heights. "Taking small steps" might mean riding a glass elevator to higher and higher floors. INSTEAD, however, on Wednesday you find yourself suddenly teleported - not by choice - to the top of a mountain. *Not by choice and for reasons beyond your control.* Even here, are you supposed to remember to NOT do rituals/compulsions even though you're blinded with fear and compulsions seem most natural? Or, should you ask for help?
I think I have ocd
Whenever I put a thing
I make sure it is nice and in the "right"position
and my brain just kept on telling me that I should put it again just to make sure and then I just kept doing the same action just to calm my mind
Sometimes it takes me a month to forget the importance of "putting the thing in the right place"
But really don't want to waste my time but this is really a big headache for me
Hi Mark...What if you are *forced* to start "big"? What if 'something' happens that causes you so much anxiety that it's the equivalent of suddenly finding yourself on a bench press with a 100-pound barbell pinned across your chest that you simply haven't built up the strength to lift yet? You can't "start small" here because you suddenly find yourself in a not-small situation. How do you get the 100-pound barbell off your chest when you were barely lifting 10-pound weights??
I don't have any mental ilnesses, but for me everything has to be organized, clean, and stuff has to be exactly at it's own right corner. Even everything on my PC has to be organized or phone/tablet
It can help not to get caught up too much in mental illness labels. Instead, we can just look at whether something we like is interfering in our lives or holding us back from our goals.
Also, my mother, and grand mother have this thing, and they always tell me they have the same thing, so it kinda comes from them. This was never a thing I was lazy, never cleaned up, but as I grew into the teenage years it completely changed. Also, when puberty started anxiety grew with it, and I feel sick all the time, but never actually throw up, and while I'm in school (Some days) I feel tired, sick. Some days I feel fresh, and good. This anxiety had basically locked me into the house, I just don't want to go out as I have the fear I will get very sick. But while I'm at home, I feel really good and comfortable.
It can help to recognize that avoiding things because of anxiety is a compulsion that only creates more anxiety. That's what I mean about things that interfere with our lives. You can work with a therapist on overcoming challenges like that.
How do you do ERP for 'pure O'? Meaning there's no overt compulsions to tackle like hiding stuffs in ur house in your case
davido marko It can help to approach all compulsions as the same, whether they're in your head or outside of your head. ERP is still about cutting out the compulsion sand living your life. Do you have a specific example of a mental compulsion you want to cut out?
Hi mark, i'm stuck. I had a period of a month where i didn't engage in compulsions (mentally and physically), but I had a thought and quickly analyzed it and then i got in that loop.
The thing is that i got treated with replacing negative thoughts for good ones, and 'helping thoughts' when i got a bad one. So therapy back then fueled ocd i think.
How did i get rid of it then for a month, well, i got learned a thing: recognize that it is a thought you are going to ruminate about and then leave it.
Isn't this a compulsion? The recognizing of such thoughts?
Thanks mark, you are really helping me often. I want to let you know that i appreciate that.
I'm sorry, I don't understand. Why do you want to spend time chasing certainty about this?
@@everybodyhasabrain i don't want to but I feel like I need too
During the day I keep pacing around in circles like Daffy Duck all the time and I'm wondering if that's related to all this .. also I have nightmares all the time, and they are completely random most of the time. Just yesterday I dreamt of a lizard I know from a video game that attacked me.
Maybe it's a more general thing of being uneasy. Did you have that =? Do you have nightmares?
Everybody has stuff in their head, including nightmares. How does an intrusive thought become scary? It's the same with dreams.
It's a bit more complex than that. You can't lift the barbell. So you can't lift it. You have to get help to make sure you don't get injured. Your safety comes first. Once you get out of the situation, you can stop and figure out a way to learn skills and build up strength to better handle the 100-pound barbell the next time it's on your chest. I'll add a personal example to your other comment below.
Hey mark just curious what would be some good examples of ERP for harm ocd, specifically suicidal / self harm ocd
It helped me to understand that ERP is about cutting out compulsions, so it's useful not to get caught up on the "theme". Typically, trying to "do ERP for X" can easily get wrapped up in compulsions trying to avoid or solve or get rid of a fear. So, for example, I wasn't using knives because I'd feel myself slicing my fingers off. Because of that, I avoided cooking with foods I'd need to cut. Just thinking about making a salad would give me also sorts of images and physical sensations. Doing ERP wasn't about doing anything with that stuff in my head, it was about changing what I was cooking. I needed to start cooking things that involved me using knives. I even took cooking classes and had to buy big knives and carry them on transit back and forth for classes. That was great because I was adding skills into my life--skills that I still get to use and develop. Instead of putting the theme of the fear in charge, I'd start by asking what skills you can add into your life? On the way to adding in those skills, you'll have opportunities to practice ERP as you cut out compulsions so you can put your time and energy into those skills you actually care about :)
Mark Freeman really appreciate it man! I’ve been doing much better since I’ve began to watch your videos and have cut out a lot of compulsions for things lower on my anxiety scale, but this is definitely the toughest area for me. I will absolutely look to build skills in these areas that worry me. And one more question I had is should I try to not focus on those thoughts that bother me, because sometimes I feel like I purposefully bring on those thoughts I don’t like in order to show myself I can handle them, which feels like I’m exposing myself, yet I feel it may be a compulsion.
It's great you're noticing that! It helped me to recognize that I'd basically gotten myself hooked on feeling bad. I had come to rely on anxiety and intrusive thoughts because solving them or getting rid of them made me feel good, just like you trying to show yourself you can handle them. So it can really help to orient mental health skills around where we want to go and what we want to build. Somebody could say they're exposing themselves to the fear of being eaten by tigers, so they climb in the tiger enclosure at the zoo. And... the tigers eat them. When we put the fear in charge of our actions, we're just chasing the same relief and certainty again AND we've handed over control of our lives to the fears/thoughts. The goal isn't to solve fear or anxiety or thoughts. The goal is to live our lives and do the things we want to do in life. That will often mean your brain wants you to check that you can handle something and you can choose to instead put your time and energy into living your life. You don't need to chase certainty about handling that. Whatever comes up, you're going to choose to live your life. You can trust yourself to do that without any checking.
Thank you so much! You really are such a help and I’m looking forward to continuing to get better every day. Final question i would ask is do you think for meditation it is better to start with some type of guided thing or just by yourself?
It's just like with physical fitness--go with whatever will help you be consistent and develop a practice. At first, that probably involves exercising with some assistance.
Okay, Mark! I hate to keep asking so many questions but I still have so much to learn. My question is, is it best to tackle your OCD by compulsion or by obsession? A lot of books and research that I have read say to expose yourself to one thought, don't engage in ANY compulsions until your anxiety goes down, then next time move to the next thought. You seem to suggest listing compulsions, then expose yourself to a thought/thoughts and just cut out one compulsion at a time. I guess my problem is that I am at that lovely point where I have a lot of anxious thoughts, but use basically the same compulsions. Needless to say, I'm having a hard time even making my list.
Questions are great! Your brain can think of many different things to be anxious about--it's a very powerful imagination machine. So if you're going to try to make a list of all of the thoughts you could possibly have that would make you anxious, you would spend an incredible amount of time and energy listing them all and you would never be done because your brain can always imagine new things. So why not just cut out the compulsions? It sounds a lot simpler.
Okay. Another follow-up question is what should I do when my obsessions start to center on obsessing. Like for example, things like talking. My brain has started asking me questions like "did I just talk because I wanted to or because it was a compulsion?" And then "oh no! I'm obsessing over talking. What if I never talk normally again and I'm always obsessing over what I should say or what I shouldn't?" This kills me because I am a social person. I love talking to others and having conversations. I don't want to scrutinize them. So why does my brain do it? What is the compulsion here? Should I not talk because it's a compulsion or should I talk because I know I want to? And will it cause me to go crazy? I know you can't give me the answers to these questions, but what should I focus on here? What should I work on? I feel like the more I try to accept, expose, and get better, my brain makes it harder and harder for me to do so.
Lindsay Pritchard You might be getting caught up in the superficial characteristics of the obsessions. Trying to be certain is the problem. So it's not about talking or not talking in reaction to the questions your brain throws at you. Trying to answer the question is the problem. The more you chase the questions your brain throws at you, the more questions it will throw at you.
Obsessions are often about uncertainty and trying to be certain. I find it helpful to not see them as having jumped from one thing to another. Before, there was something you were uncertain about and you were trying to be certain, and now there's something you're uncertain about and you're trying to be certain. The superficial topic of the questions might have changed, but the basic patterns are the same.
It can help to recognize that your brain is hooked on trying to be certain, so to break the cycle, what worked for me, was learning not to answer the questions. You don't have to react to your brain. It's going to throw questions at you. That's fine. You can answer them with a maybe, or maybe not, and carry on doing the things that align with your values. You enjoy having conversations with people, so enjoy having conversations with people. While you're doing that, your brain might shout things at you. That's fine, let it. You can't control that, but you can control how you react to it.
What's the specific book that helped you most (or the DVD) ?
I didn't read any books about mental health while going through therapy or before. I thought everything I was doing was totally rational so I didn't go searching for solutions until things really hit rock bottom. After therapy, I dove into textbooks for therapists, like "Anxiety and its Disorders" by David Barlow, a 600+ page reference guide on research and treatment for anxiety/panic-related issues. Now I would say that Thich Nhat Hanh's "Peace is Every Step" is the book I think is most useful in terms of providing guidance on how to prevent and overcome mental health challenges.
I have peace is every step :) Thanks ! Would you recommend getting the 600 plus page book ?
What do you need the other book for? If you have "Peace is Every Step", what's missing?
psychology is such a huge field with so many approaches and statistics that something inside me would feel guilty not to know it all and read it all. On the other hand I know I had the greatest freedom when I remembered very simple things, for example that there are 3 parties ever present in my mind : a fresh, light awareness unaffected by anything (1), the inner child (emotional sadness, terror, fear) (2), Thoughts (some of which are anxiety concepts that stir up the inner child) (3). By remembering that I am Number one, being there for number 2 and seeing number3 as what it is. An old vinyl record, I sometimes feel it's all I need. Anyway thanks. I can recommend anything by pema chodron and even Eckart Tolle.
+1Kilili That's useful to have a simple tool like that! Psychology and neuroscience are vast fields, but they're just as vast as kinesiology and biology, and when we go to exercise at the gym, we don't need to know the name of every muscle. It can be interesting to learn about all of the mechanisms underlying our exercise practices, but that's not necessary to learn how to exercise well to meet your goals.
Ok I'm not sure I understand the answer to my specific question: You're saying that if someone is suddenly teleported beneath a 100-pound barbell that they can't lift, then they shouldn't do any compulsions no matter how distressed they are - and that it's time to find help right then? FYI: In my example, this wasn't a "choice" to cut out a tough compulsion: a situation happened on a specific day that turned out to be a tough compulsion. (Just want to make sure I"m clear about my question.)
I have religious OCD..😓😭 what should i do?
Cut out the compulsions! It'll also help to see that OCD is more than just a specific topic. There will be many more changes to make than just stuff around religion.