What Do I Do When I Don't Love My Spouse Anymore? | Ask the Briscoes
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2016
- Stuart answers the question...
"I have fallen out of love with my spouse. Everyone tells me it's God's plan to stay with my spouse, but focus on God to fill the void. I can't bring myself to holistically believe that will work. I pray for guidance and peace all the time. I'm getting depressed. What should I do?"
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Very true...So even though no honeymoon, no dates, no vacations, no communication, lies and deception, never working with me, leaving me alone as if I'm a single parent, keeping me basically feeling like a maid and nanny more than a housewife and mother... but I'm supposed to keep trying? Shipwreck after shipwreck? 😭😭😭😭😭
Same here
I completely relate
Pray for your marriage. I’ve heard so MANY testimonies about women who were so unhappy with their marriages. Their husbands were watching porn etc. They’d get so frustrated with their spouses but God always brought it back to what they can do. You can’t fix anyone else, only yourself. So, that’s what God asks of you. Whatever you feel like you’re lacking, you be that for him and just pray. God works on their hearts and brings conviction. It may take a while but they eventually change. Everyone wants quick fixes but some things are worth fighting for over time.
Those women that did that, fell in love all over again with their husbands. Their husbands started being convicted by the Holy Spirit and began to make an effort. One of those couples has been married for almost 40 years now.
@@audriemelyn2034 one can work on themselves until the Lord calls us home, but if the other doesn't do their part to change or get help...it makes for a very miserable marriage with devastating consequences.
@@audriemelyn2034 i get so angry about you cannot fix him only yourself. You try going through one crisis after another going through counseling session after counseling session trying to change yourself, but he does nothing. All the balls in his court, but he does nothing but shipwreck you and your children time and time again. Plus leaves you trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces, leaving your children to suffer the consequences of his inaction as you grieve over your own part of the wreck. Are you doomed to just sit on the floor and cry as you try to manage it all because he doesn't? You long for him to lead, but find he isn't really a believer. He just did it to marry you?! Not an evil man, but something has him spiritually blinded. I'm praying as I'm staying...
Well I Love God.
I think teaching people to make real life ,complicated ,relationship decisions ,based on an interpretation of a religious book is extremely dangerous.
There is a difference between unconditional love and conditional love between two people....💕.
People spend their entire lives hoping and searching for unconditional love with someone else and most never truly learn to love themselves unconditionally because of a flawed childhood upbringing.
The infinite problems that come up over time in relationships is truly ,,,,that one or both people have hidden conditions on there love .
When the conditions are broke to many times ,it is a survival signal in the gut , that it might be safer& healthier to discreetly move on from this situation.
I would recommend to teach people how to love themselves unconditionally and to love others unconditionally up to the healthy boundaries that should be set.
I have seen people get destroyed, emotionally, abused,suicides and almost murdered by staying in relationships that they should have abandoned.
Just my opinion, thanks for posting your views on this complex subject matter.
🙏🏻
Well i disnt read ur story but whats dangerous is calling the Bible some religois book. Now if you are not a believer thats on you
The Bible teaches to love your neighbor as yourself. So yes, definitely we have to love ourselves. God's definition of love is distorted by a few people and in no way you have to take abuse.
On the other hand, one of society's main problems is that now a lot of people do only care about them and are not willing to compromise, looking for an easy way out of every situation, not only relationship, when things don't go their way. That is why our definition of love is not that great either. And in every relationship there are moments of great discontent and that can open the way to greater communication between spouses. If marriage is only about self satisfaction, it will definitely fail because no one can fullfill others totally. And they shouldn't. That is too big of a responsability to carry and it tells a lot about the co-dependency in a relationship.
Love's definition in the Bible has helped victims heal by loving and forgiving the abusers, killers of loved ones, etc and that doesn't mean that they play happy family and that they don't keep a security distance.
And last, but not least, loving someone undeserving of your love in a specific time (again, without compromising your security), can heal the other person because they too carry hurt in their heart.
If you ever have time, watch this video to a more profound definition of love by christian standards. Thank you for reading.
czcams.com/video/T_t-qzJylbM/video.html
This was informative thank you
Brilliant. Love is the FRUIT of Adoption. Christ Jesus never commands without guaranteeing our ability to obey. He doeth the work. Amen.
Amen
What are the requirements for maintaining a physical relationship with someone who only touches me for their own benefit? Am I supposed to play the part of toy?
Why would you want a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to?
None. It's disrespecting your body to let someone use you. Selfish "love" that is not love at all. *Set Boundaries with him & keep them.* Dont let him say you're overreacting, if he doesn't know how to treat you with respect you-re going to have to teach him. It sucks, but you'll be doing the right thing and you will het thru it love. *DO NOT participate in his misbehaviour.* 💯
Is this in marriage?
Exactly
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
It is hard sometimes..... love in marriage. Specially when you find yourself growing in the Lord. And your spouse might be at another level, saved or unsaved. The point is, God knows all this! Remember this, it is not you that made a decision to grow in Christ. It is God. The Scripture talks about God taking us out of a terrible situation, our sin and saving us by His grace. He start this process before you even think about the need of beeing saved. He took me! And therefore I am alive today! And He suddenly gave me a spouse. If I were not married I would look at God as my spouse. For the past 13 years He taught me, that He is able, and there for me, when my spouse somehow are not. So in that sense I am always loved. (Maybe my spouse sometimes are jaloux about me beeing more in love with Jesus than with my spouses! He might not have not mentioned it, but it is a possibility. Another possibility is that they feel this love, from us to Jesus - all the work of the ruach - and are hit by it. ) I think that the love God meets us with, and we are loving Him back with, are radiating around us in a manner, that affects our spouses. (Even if they are not aware of it!) So do not loose HOPE, but tell Jesus that He is worthy loving, and ask Him for help to love your spouse when that is needed. (And it is sometimes also a needed prayer concerning our kiddos!). Walking to your prayercloset and asking Jesus for more love to give to the family, when getting angry or frustrated, is time well spend. God will not be surprised to hear this, and He will surely help us out. (I can not count how many times I have been in that situation, and experienced Gods help and answer to this prayer!) He did love us when we were still His enemies.....
@@theblessedhopeinthewordofy8248 Thank you! 🙏❤ My issue has been sheer exhaustion over the course of several years. The alertness it requires of me to steer clear of "traps" the enemy uses are just sometimes too much.. In this way my spouse ends up making me stumple again and again, because he is unaware, does not know the truth yet and can't fully understand even if I try to explain it to him - this can be in hindering me to rest on Shabbat/celebrating the yearly feasts, giving the children electronic devices when what they need quality time with a parent instead, buying sugary items and handing them out when we least need/want them ect - I have adhd-type symptoms and don't tolerate the breaking of habits, constant stimuli or sugar very well - our "lifestyles" collide head on in this way and I am the one suffering under it, because I am weaker.. Maybe my only problem is setting proper boundaries for myself, but I struggle with finding the balance between respecting him and allowing him to lead and protecting myself from the things that are the opposite of what I need, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
It has come to a point where I feel completely worn down. I don't have "more to give" and can just watch our household fall into chaos, unholiness (electronic devices constantly) and unhealthy habits (bedtimes, eating/nutrition, activities and so forth)...
By God's grace he is coming to faith, reads a little in the Bible and does not reject God or what he reads - but he is very immature still and can not lead yet, which has left me with feeling like I carry the burden of not only our household but also in leading him and encurraging him in his own walk until he can pick up the reins himself... If I don't sit us down to read the scriptures together, it doesn't happen (and this way, with everything else) - and so with the increase of my exhaustion, things are just falling apart before my eyes, and I can't change it, because I litterally have been emptied now 😭 I see his frustration levels rising, stress rising and it is sometimes taken out on the children 🥺 And ofc he is stressed and frustrated when the one that used to cover him in every way, suddenly can't - can't step in the middle, direct, plan, divert, fill up and so forth...
So, here I am on CZcams, crying my eyes out, looking for a way to deal with this.. Maybe God is teaching me, as I said before, to draw more clear boundaries, regardless of how nervous I might feel about that.. If I understand that something is dangerous, isn't it my responsability to warn and make sure we steer clear ? But isn't that so "leading", where my husband should be?... Have I misunderstood my position as wife?
I'm sorry for this long confusing rant, I really am... I just don't know what to do 😭
@@thegirl555 I read your message and I understand how you feel. The relationship between a husband and a wife needs to be symbiotic. In this manner, both of you compliment each other and each of you have a role to play in the relationship. I understand you think of your husband as the leader and the one being in control, and while this may be true, you leading him and explaining what he should and should not do does not take away from his authority.
@@thegirl555 as for his Faith you must continue to show him the way by example, trust that God is on your side and He will come and help you both